Tales From The Blue Sea
by Tarhish
Summary: Following the Poneglyphs led Gold Roger to an island lost to the world for a thousand years. Inspired as a child by Roger, Itachi makes a different choice that results in an early friendship between Naruto and Sasuke. Years later, the boys take an unsanctioned mission to chase Akatsuki out into the ocean on the only ship available. (Naruto/OP Fusion)
1. Prologue

The Stranger pulled back his hand, and Madara's heart came out with it. That heart was a withered thing, he noted, having shriveled from disuse. Its absence was no great loss; it had stopped beating many years ago.

No, the loss of his heart was merely a sentimental concern at this point. The lower half of his torso that had been ripped apart and tossed aside into a dark corner of the immense cavern bothered him more. Now, the half that he had left lay slumped and ragged in his crude stone throne.

Fighting had been fierce at first. The Rinnegan possessed many powers, including absolute control of attractive and repulsive forces. Unfortunately, it did not easily pierce the smoke bombs the invader had brought with him, and Madara's muscles had long since withered away to nothing. He had been forced to rely on two of his helpers instead, and they had not been sufficient defense. Not against this man.

The red-coated Stranger stroked his luxurious black mustache, looking ludicrously out-of-place in the smoky, dimly-lit cavern. It really was an outfit meant for the sea, after all.

"You're pretty tough for a mummy," said the Stranger, "Normally this kind of brutality is beneath me, but you just don't seem to want to die."

" _Then stop,"_ said the Old Man, the noise raspy and dry as he fought not to cough. " _You have nothing to gain... from my death... What about... a trade? You must be looking for something... if you've broken through the barrier placed... by the Sage of Six Paths... I can help you find it."_

The Stranger chuckled. "You're of no help to anyone now, wretched ghost. Look at you- wasted, broken, too scared to die properly. So you hang on, and for _what?!_ Whatever it was, old man, the world doesn't need you anymore. I bet you would have been a real terror fifty years ago, but now? Now is your last chance to smile as you go to your death."

With a single swipe of his sword the Stranger cut the cables that had kept Madara functioning even when his body had ceased to truly live. Despite everything, Madara couldn't quite manage to feel angry. He had once been a man consumed with rage, but those emotions had broken down long ago, the responsible chemicals in his brain decaying away as the unnatural decades passed.

The black form of Zetsu, his most trustworthy servant and his will made manifest, lay crumpled and shredded upon the ground, dissolving into dust even as they spoke. How he had died the Old Man couldn't say. Black Zetsu had taken far more severe damage in the past to no effect. The other, lesser, White Zetsu had been even more thoroughly obliterated. Only one other of his helpers remained now.

Would it have made the difference? Would Tobi's presence have saved him? He doubted it. This fight was over from the moment the Stranger had discovered his hiding place. He could have fought the red-coated Stranger himself, if he had been anything more than an old, withered husk, but now…

The cables cut, Uchiha Madara died quietly, the foreign chakra that had sustained him leaving his body.

Still, he resolved one day to return.

The Stranger left the cavernous hall the way he had come, picking his way across the rocky remains of the shattered boulder that had once blocked the entrance. He traveled swiftly back to camp, his vibrant coat contrasting with the earthen colors of the forest.

The Confidante met him before he got there, stepping alongside the Stranger to match his pace.

"Roger?" asked the Confidante, the question clear.

The Stranger in the red coat grinned from ear to ear. "The Poneglyph was right- we're on the right track. 'The Sage of Six Paths.' We know what we're looking for now, Rayleigh."

* * *

Later, a twisted creature with pure-white skin returned to Madara's lair carrying the body of a young boy from Konoha. He was shocked speechless by the carnage that had been wrought before him. He had only been gone for twenty minutes at most.

Now his master and his brothers lay dead. He could have helped fight, but instead he had been busy saving a useless child. The boy that Tobi had brought with him, Uchiha Obito, had been partially crushed by a tremendous boulder and would surely die without his aid, but it all seemed so unimportant now.

Dropping the boy, Tobi collapsed to his knees, kicking up the dust of decades.

He couldn't even cry. It was just one of the many bodily functions that he was incapable of performing. He was nothing but a lump of functional pseudo-flesh that existed to carry out his master's whims- how could he have any hope of fulfilling Madara's plans without the help of his brothers?

Unless...

After a minute, Tobi turned to regard the young Uchiha child. Unconscious. With great effort, Tobi poured himself into the task of healing the boy, using his unique cells based on the stock of the legendary First Hokage of Konoha. It hadn't really been explained to him just why that man's cells worked the way they did, but he'd always sort of pictured the ancient Hokage as a sort of weird, blobby, meat-monster.

The young boy's flesh, bone, and brain were rebuilt before Tobi's very eyes as his own body filled in the pieces- repairing, reconnecting, and extrapolating. Pulse recovered, breathing restarted, blood pressure climbing, everything was looking good. But then everything went wrong. Tobi felt it with a strange certainty, as if the child's body were speaking to him. With skillful hands he unwrapped the child's flesh and bone to expose the material underneath, and he could see that the brain was dead. He had waited too long, and now too much of it had unraveled from lack of blood flow.

Again, he wanted to cry. The plan that Lord Madara and big-brother Zetsu had concocted was tremendous in scope- far too much for Tobi to handle alone. The kid could have helped see the plan through to completion, if he had survived...

But, maybe…

Tobi stared at the form of the brain-dead child. He stared at the brain, and at the wrinkles, and twists, and folds of his cortex. The boy's brain really looked a lot like Tobi's own body, he considered. Swirly, and lumpy, and… and...

Wait...

Wait a minute…

With a rising, bewildered hope, Tobi uncoiled the white pseudo-flesh of his own hands and merged with the brain once more, tendrils reaching out to encompass and meld with each cell. He invaded, overwrote, and assimilated. As he reached the brain-stem, he felt it.

It was a distinct sense of... _**Yeeeurgghh**_...

Tobi had never felt _**Yeeeurgghh**_ before.

Tobi had never been more excited in his life.

* * *

 **-Two Years Later-**

 **-Cavern Underneath The Land of Earth-**

Silence reigned in the underground cavern. There was no movement of air. Even noise was alien to this place. In nearly a thousand years, the sanctity of its isolation had only been breached once. No water, fungus, or even bacteria lived in the perfect, sterile dust of the cave. There was no light, after all- none whatsoever. In its center sat a dark, stone tablet, etched with numerous strange and indecipherable glyphs.

Then, suddenly, there was a man in the room. The dust, long settled into a motionless retirement, shook itself awake and danced around the room, the air pressure increasing from the sudden arrival of extra matter in the sealed cavern. That air was stale, as if only begrudgingly allowing itself to be breathed. It had had a nice gig, sitting peacefully in the cavern for a thousand years, not being respired by all sorts of organic creatures.

Tobi didn't care for the plight of the air. He breathed grandly and with great fulfillment. In fact, he let out a small fart just because he finally could.

The immense stone slab in the center of the room remained unmoved by these antics.

Tobi, robed in black, approached the stone. He wore a wooden mask that looked like driftwood, warped and twisted on one side, bleached almost white by the sun and salt. A tribute to a departed brother.

After a time, Tobi removed the mask. Though it was completely dark, Tobi's eyes now saw much more than mere light. He could view the etchings on the stone with perfect clarity.

His face was that of the child he had stolen it from. Not only his face was childlike, but the expressions it wore were still filled with innocent and unfiltered emotions. Tobi had discovered early on that the mask he wore was necessary to prevent people from reading him like an open book. A real face was so _expressive,_ and he just hadn't had enough practice yet at concealing his feelings _._ Besides, the eyes tended to startle people.

Both of his eyes showed the concentric circle pattern of Madara's Rinnegan.

His chakra flowed out from his body, washing in waves over the room, and his eyes picked up all of its reflections, tracing the contours of each surface, and the carvings of the rough stone slab before him. Despite the perfect darkness, he saw the room painted in shades of his own energy.

Tobi scanned the tablet in the center of the room very carefully. There was no doubt that this was what the Stranger had been searching for. It certainly wasn't in any language he was familiar with, but he felt a sort of itching sensation behind his eyeballs as he read it. When he let that feeling go, the Rinnegan started pulsing with chakra and interpreting the tablet on its own, shoving the data back down the optic nerve.

This was almost certainly what Lord Madara had meant when he had spoken of the legendary eyes deciphering the stone tablets of the Uchiha Clan. That meant that this was another, similar relic. Madara and big-brother Black Zetsu had felt these tablets were terribly important, but unfortunately they'd rarely involved him in their plotting.

Tobi read the stone carefully. And read. And read. And continued reading. There really was a lot there.

On the stone was written a strange, almost unbelievable story. It spoke of a Divine Tree, which he knew about already. It spoke of a fruit borne every thousand years, which he had also known about. He had paid _some_ attention, after all!

It was just… the _rest_ of it that seemed a bit strange.

Tobi stood transfixed by the story for what seemed like hours.

One thing was for certain. Lord Madara hadn't known about _any_ of this. The plan, as it was, had been as such: Gather power, and then use that power to seal away the nine Tailed Beasts inside the Gedo Statue, one-by-one, in the proper order. Once all nine had been captured, use the Rinnegan to resurrect Madara, allowing him to become the Jinchuuriki for the combined being of the Ten-Tails. In doing so, the Ten-Tails would take a form like the legendary Divine Tree. Madara would recover his eyes, and, with the aid of that tree, bind the world in an Eternal Tsukuyomi, an unending illusion that would grant peace and a true heaven to every living being.

Honestly, it had all seemed a little complicated.

This tablet suggested that all of that planning had been a waste. According to this, the _real_ tree was still out there, which was so incredibly strange. Black Zetsu had been _absolutely clear_ that the only way to do this was to hunt down the Tailed-Beasts. If Madara had known that the original Divine Tree was still around, surely he would have tried to find it and use it to implement the Eye of the Moon strategy?

In fact, if he worked the numbers on the tablet a bit, it looked like it had been almost exactly a thousand years since the last time the Divine Tree had bloomed.

This was really heartening. Tobi had _really_ been stressed about getting that whole Tailed-Beast thing worked out. Tobi had already _tried_ to follow the plan, but had gotten a bit confused and gone after the Nine-Tails first, which had been _totally_ the wrong order! People were still pretty angry about that. Doesn't everyone make mistakes? Also, he still wasn't exactly certain why Lord Madara hadn't wanted to be revived from the dead until his plan was nearing completion.

Well, whatever. This new plan seemed like a much better option to him anyway. There was just one problem.

Tobi sighed, his face deepening into an exaggerated frown of sheer sorrow.

He really didn't know where that tree was. The tablet didn't say. He only knew that it _wasn't_ in the Elemental Kingdoms. Since it wasn't here, even searching for it would be nigh impossible. Everyone knew there was no way to leave the island chain that contained the entirety of ninja culture.

"It's not _fair!_ " Tobi shouted, echoing in the cavern. The air, which had been souring rapidly as the visitor overstayed his welcome, vibrated indignantly from the disturbance. "Every time I think I have a good plan there's always some stupid reason it won't work!"

Then he saw it. There was something else carved into the floor beside the tablet. It was so shallow he almost hadn't seen it at all, like the writer had struggled to chisel into the tough-seeming stone.

 _ **I knew it was true. The Tree is the source of it all, and the Celestial Dragons keep it safe at their throne of power.**_

 _ **I have come so far for this fragment of the truth, and I will carry this passage with me to the island at the very end of the world.**_

 _ **-Gol D. Roger**_

What an unusual name, thought Tobi.

* * *

A/N:

Thank you for starting this story. As befits Naruto and One Piece there are going to be lots of explosive and sometimes goofy battles, strange adventures, and unusual characters. Despite this first chapter, the story largely takes place from the perspectives of Naruto, Sasuke, and any others on the Going Merry.

On the Naruto side, it contains Troll-Tobi, Akatsuki on a boat, mid-timeskip Team-7, Sasuke with a past that made him a little kinder, and more focus on mid-level battles.

On the One Piece side there are no character changes from canon. For them, it takes place immediately after leaving Alabasta.

For all parties, teamwork will be absolutely crucial.

Action-wise, I am skipping all 'which universe would win' arguments and just balancing the characters under the same power-system. The combat is intended to be satisfying and intense, not a power-fantasy curb-stomp unless that's the only way it makes sense in-universe.


	2. Last Words

**-Many Years Later-**

 **-The Uchiha Clan Compound-**

Uchiha Itachi sat with his back to a tree, feeling his blood trickle down to the ground. He'd failed, and now his death was certain. Worse still, he couldn't even say for sure that he had made the right decision. The Uchiha clan had been contemplating rebellion after a century of mistreatment and mistrust by the village at large. Danzou, Elder of Konoha, had offered the dutiful Itachi a choice. Either he could silently assassinate the entirety of the Uchiha Clan and take the burden of their dishonor upon himself, or Konoha's forces would eradicate the clan and the Uchiha would be known far and wide as traitors.

Danzou, head of the shadowy Root division of Konoha's secret police, had always been a hard negotiator.

In the end it had come down to a careful balance. If he agreed to do the village's dirty work, he could bargain for his brother's life. If he fought, there were no guarantees.

Still, he had fought. Was that right? Would things have been better if had made another choice?

The carnage was almost over now. Itachi had wounded Danzou in their confrontation, and the leader's bodyguards had pulled him back to the safety of Root's headquarters. Unfortunately, Itachi had not escaped unscathed. He knew, too, that his mother and father had been killed. Itachi couldn't call any of this a victory.

Well, maybe there was one small victory. As he watched, young Sasuke crept tentatively out from the house basement's secondary exit. His brother had survived. Mother had shielded him from a blast, but Sasuke was peppered with burns. His face was a bloody mess, his left eye destroyed by shrapnel.

Now, Sasuke approached, almost unable to believe what he saw.

"Sasuke," Itachi spoke, slowly and painfully, "I need you to come here... I need you to listen to me."

Sasuke nodded, tears running down his face, and approached.

"Listen, my little brother... I'm so glad you're safe… I have something I need from you… Consider this your first mission as a shinobi... I know you haven't yet graduated from the Academy but... agree to do this for me, and in my eyes you'll already be... a fully-fledged ninja."

"W-Wha- I- Yes, I'll do it, I'll do anything! Just promise to stay alive!"

"Good. Good... I need you to do what I couldn't, to keep you safe... This is a high-rank, deep-cover assignment... You know how important that is, right?"

Sasuke nodded fiercely, eyes wide.

This would be messy. There was no way around. The village elders had wanted a clean break with the Uchiha Clan, something that would have saved face for the village. The reputation of both Konoha and the Uchiha clan would remain the pristine, pure-white of funereal robes, and young Sasuke would live a pitied, but treasured, existence as the last of the glorious Uchiha.

He twitched with a spasm of pain and guilt. He had ruined that. Konoha would certainly lose face for this open infighting, but it would be the Uchiha as a whole who would bear the resentment of the villagers. The Hokage would have no choice now but to disclose the Uchiha plans of rebellion to justify this botched assault to the other noble clans, such as the Hyuuga and the Aburame. To do otherwise would tear the village apart at the seams.

Sasuke would live life being doubted and mistrusted every step of the way. This could only end in his younger brother's death. Itachi took a deep, shuddering breath before he spoke.

"These are the principles you must follow… Graduate from the Academy. Train hard. Learn well. Become strong. Be the loyal Konoha ninja that everyone will want to see. Do not disobey orders..."

"Yes! I was going to do that anyway!"

"There's more..." another deep breath, wracked with pain. "When you are ready, leave. Leave the village. Go far away. Erase your presence. When Lord Hokage dies, so too will your protection... The village will be glad to seal away the final memories of the Uchiha clan." Itachi became quiet for a moment, a genuine smile seeming to cross his face.

"There was a man who I looked up to. I don't know why I even remember him now. He was just passing through and I must have been two or three years old at the time, but I remember it as clearly as if it were yesterday. His name was… Roger… and he told me things that seemed like an impossible dream." Itachi paused, lost in thought for a moment. "Sasuke, the world is so much larger than this. So much larger than this village, and you'd never even know it. Even if they send you on missions outside the country, the only thing you'll learn about the people there is how to kill and deceive them. I wanted to see the world... and I thought I might meet that man again some day, but... " Itachi began coughing painfully, before silencing his younger brother's cries of horror with a raised hand.

"Sasuke... see the world. Do it in my place. Promise me that you'll get away from this before you get hurt."

"Big brother! Don't talk like that! I can't live without help! I won't! Don't make me do this!" Sasuke slammed his fists into the ground as he screamed.

Itachi fixed his eyes upon Sasuke who was now so distraught that he no longer clutched at his ruined eye. "Help? Yes, I can help you... I want to give you something. Consider it an early graduation present. Or... an apology."

"Just- stop! Stay with me!"

"No, little brother." Suddenly, Itachi moved as if he were uninjured, sitting up quickly and grabbing Sasuke firmly with one hand. "I'm so sorry. I love you. Please, find something else worth living for."

With two fingers extended, blood dripping down his hand, Itachi tapped his little brother right between the eyes.

Then everything went black for the youngest Uchiha.

* * *

The Third Hokage arrived to a scene of utter devastation. This was a catastrophe. He had not expected Danzou to launch an attack prematurely. Hiruzen and some of his most loyal agents had been delayed in a final closed meeting to make one last case for an alternative solution to the Uchiha problem that did not rely on genocide; he saw now that this attack had been timed perfectly to ensure he received the news of the assault too late to change the course of events.

Disgraceful. It was clear that Danzou could no longer be trusted to work within the system. This was monstrous, but Hiruzen knew he should have seen this coming.

The evidence of his abject failure to do so lay bare before him.

The overwhelming majority of the dead and dying around him weren't even ninja. Just civilians.

He didn't care what that devious wolf had to say in his own defense. Danzou would not be able to hide in the shadows and have others shoulder the blame this time.

Turning to the two dozen Anbu operatives standing by, he spoke. "Spread out. Three-man teams. Stop this immediately. You have my full authority to use lethal force. Signal for medical attention as necessary... End this." His face hardened as he turned to look towards his agents and took a deep breath.

"Disperse!"

Wordlessly, the masked operatives flickered away, a storm of leaves the only mark of their departure.

* * *

Too much had been lost this night. Hiruzen felt as though he had just had to amputate a limb.

He moved further into the village, walking alone. He had verified that Danzou and the majority of Root had already vacated the area, and there was no one left with both the ability and inclination to attack him. Moving in silence, he approached the residence of Clan Head, Uchiha Fugaku.

His face fell as he approached the clan head's house. Hiruzen saw a young child, smeared in blood, heaving deep sobs while holding a body that was so bloody as to be almost unidentifiable. Moving closer, he saw the body had once been Uchiha Itachi. His eyes were closed, and his slack face betrayed the remnants of a mysterious smile. What a waste to see that the promising young man was now clearly just another casualty among many. Hiruzen had never been one to shed tears when others were clearly in greater pain around him. Nevertheless, he knew they would come later.

"We were supposed to protect the village," he murmured, "We were supposed to protect Konoha... but how can anything be said to protect the village if it sacrifices so many of its people... Danzou, was the danger that you saw really so great as to be worth this cost?"

Hearing his voice, the young, sobbing Uchiha Sasuke opened his eyes and looked up in shock, still taking deep, gasping gulps of air. What Hiruzen saw in that child's eyes caused his jaw to drop and his wrinkled face to contort in astonishment. The child's face was red and swollen from tears, the left side caked with blood.

Within his right eye-socket, the child's deep, black eye was filled with the irreconcilable sadness of one who has just lost everything.

Within the left glowed the dark red kaleidoscope pattern of a Mangekyou Sharingan fading slowly away into nothingness.

The boy collapsed, completely drained of chakra just from the effort of opening his new eye.

Hiruzen gulped down his initial shock and stilled himself. This was without precedence.

This information must not be allowed to leave his most trusted circles.

* * *

Hiruzen returned to the staging area outside the Uchiha compound, leaving the worst of the smell of blood and smoke behind him. ANBU operatives had returned and were serving as guards to medic-nin or standing watch. Several surviving Uchiha clan members and one unfortunate ANBU ninja were receiving urgent treatment before being sent back to the hospital.

Sarutobi Asuma saw his father approach, carrying an unconscious young child. One look at his father told him that something unusual had happened.

"Get this child cared for by someone we can trust," his father said. "Check his eye and assume acute- possibly dangerous- chakra exhaustion. He should remain under guard until the situation stabilizes. I need you back at my office as soon as you can return."

Asuma nodded silently, knowing better than to press for more information. One look told him everything he needed to know.

"What next, Lord Hokage?"

Hiruzen looked at his son with a grave expression. "Next? We light the signal-fire for our counter-attack."

* * *

A/N: Since there had been some confusion, little kid Sasuke had so little chakra at this point that he couldn't awaken his own Sharingan or evolve Itachi's eye into the Eternal Mangekyou. Frankly, I think this will work out better for him.


	3. Meetings and Other Unforgivable Acts

It was a time to Gain the Advantage. It was a time for Action. It was a time to Wage War.

But the Third Hokage knew better. Danzou was a shadow- an illusion. Nothing more. Most people in Konoha would not even know his name. Hiruzen knew what people call those who wage war on shadows.

They call them fools.

So it was _not_ a time for War. It was _not_ a time for Action. It was a time for something _far, far_ worse.

It was a time for Meetings.

And so the once-retired Third Hokage of the village of Konoha gathered his weapons and prepared to wage _peace_ upon his foes.

The Hokage donned his armor for this battle: his robe and hat of office. It would be made clear to all that he spoke as leader of the village. He gathered his most trusted allies and enacted a plan made years before, one that he had often hoped to never have the opportunity to use.

Perhaps, if everything had gone smoothly for Root- Perhaps, if Danzou had succeeded in forcing poor Itachi to betray his clan- Perhaps then, this might not have worked.

But that was not the world they lived in.

Danzou had stepped out of line in acting alone, but Hiruzen knew that the elders would forgive a success, only pretending at disapproval. Doing what needed to be done, even if he was hated for it, was ever Danzou's idiom, after all. But he hadn't succeeded, had he? At least, not cleanly.

Hiruzen sighed to himself. If he had learned one thing during all his time as leader of Konoha it was this: When it came to effecting social change, not even the most dreaded of Uchiha mind-altering illusions could ever hope to compare with the raw might of several powerful people coming together to _complain_ in the middle of the night.

Hiruzen stood up from his desk and stretched his old bones. On the writing desk before him lay several scrolls.

Now it was time to give them all the same thing to complain about.

* * *

Hawks flew through the night. Midnight messengers knocked at gates. By this point anyone important had heard _something_ and was already dressed and prepared for the worst. The prospect of civil war tends to make people rest uneasily.

The village elders, minus Danzou, were interrupted in the act of calling an emergency council meeting by an urgent messenger who informed them all that the Third Hokage had just summoned them to an emergency council meeting.

Throughout the village, numerous clan heads received long-expected messengers carrying unexpected messages. Group after group left clan compounds with scowls on their faces. If they were going to be up in the middle of the night, the least they could do was yell at someone about it.

So it was that the emergency council-meeting was interrupted as the doors to the council chamber crashed open. The village elders sat, exchanging nervous glances with one another as the Hyuuga Clan Head entered. The Hokage sat, stone-faced.

"This is an _outrage!_ " roared Hyuuga Hiashi, blood pounding through his veins. "Is _this_ how Konoha wishes to treat its bloodline clans? Are the Hyuuga next in line?!"

One elder managed to get her thoughts together swiftly enough to respond. "Unfortunately, we had information to suggest that the Uchiha were planning an uprising or rebellion against-"

" _And so you slaughtered them?!"_ The head of the Hyuuga clan had now clearly activated his Byakugan, the treasured White Eyes that gave them a supreme edge in combat and reconnaissance. "I may not have always agreed with the Uchiha, and in fact I might have occasionally despised them, but we both have the honor of being founding members of Konoha! Uprising? Rebellion against the village?! _Ridiculous_! Our families _are_ the village!"

Several Hyuuga clan-members stood behind him, stoic and motionless. Though they did not seem to be staring at any council-member in particular, the Byakugan meant you never could quite tell.

"And now, by all my information they are essentially _gone._ Never to recover their strength! How many remain? Ten? Twenty? _Please_ inform me what I must do for my family to avoid a visit from ANBU in the middle of the night, because I would regret the _inconvenience_ of having to pile the corpses of your trained assassins outside my gate in the morning. Or does this too count as talk of rebellion?"

The elders watched, wide-eyed. The Hokage was next to speak. "I apologize to you as well as to the entire village. A specific ANBU leader took action against my explicit orders. This was my failure, and my first priority will be erasing this problem, even if I must dig it out by its... Roots."

"Oh, I expect that you will. I know _all_ about this. Danzou's gone too far this time. He should make sure he doesn't give me cause to deal with him myself. I expect this matter to be resolved by the end of the day tomorrow." Shooting a final glance to certain elders, Hiashi escorted himself out of the building. The doors slammed shut behind him.

Taking a deep breath, the elders exchanged a weary glance. The Hokage did not move a single inch. After a time, the one of the elders spoke up.

"Well, that was certainly-"

He was frozen in mid-sentence by blood-curdling canine howls coming from outside, just before the doors slammed open once again. Again they were interrupted by a clan leader with demands.

And again. And again. And again.

Behind his steepled fingers, the Third Hokage allowed the smallest of smiles to flicker across his deeply wrinkled face.

* * *

Root had faced a much harder fight than expected. In isolating the entire population of the Uchiha clan for the attack, they had neglected something crucial. Blood, loss, and death were, in a way, the crucible in which Uchiha power was forged. It was the fan to their flame. That night, every link of love was a trap. Every person inside that compound an upset waiting to happen. The truth was, though many of the Uchiha managed to earn their Sharingan during their careers as ninja, the heart-rending personal loss and desperation that led to its further evolution was usually a blessedly rare occurrence.

That night, no fewer than ten pairs of Mangekyou Sharingan activated from those who failed to protect those closest to them. Each one brought new powers to the fray, untested, random, and furious.

All-in-all, it had been a terrible night for everyone involved.

It was less than three hours after the council meeting had ended before a drastically weakened Root was dug out of its hole. Despite everything, Danzou had escaped.

As night turned into morning, Danzou was caught in an underground laboratory, spattered with blood, scavenging from the corpses of several Uchiha. He disappeared before he could be pinned down, and no one knew what would come of it all.

The next step came swiftly afterward. Hiruzen knew that everything Danzou did was what he believed to be good for the village. Danzou and his Root had seemed like necessary evils, but his actions were no longer even predictable. Root must be dissolved, its members and functions carefully incorporated into ANBU. A kill order for Danzou was signed shortly thereafter.

It would be quite a few years before Konoha got any intel at all on Danzou's whereabouts.

* * *

The Uchiha had been crushed. Fewer than twenty individuals had survived the chaos of that night. Every single capable combatant had been killed protecting- or avenging- their families.

Though the other clans were quite willing to help punish those who had been responsible for this slaughter, their sense of responsibility did not extend to fighting for the Uchiha's well-being. The rebellious clan was quietly separated and watched carefully for further signs of collaboration.

Young Sasuke was not given to any distant relation, fostered, or abandoned to an orphanage. A week after the massacre, he found himself desperately alone, curled up on a mat inside a sparsely furnished apartment in a run-down building he'd never seen before in his life. The tears still came from time to time, but he had been surprised to find that you really could only cry for so long before it all started to run out. It was all just the same after a while. One thing was new though. He'd discovered it was possible to both feel immense loneliness and not want to see any other person at all at the same time. His emotions were both wild and dull, as well as being wholly unpredictable.

This time it was rage that boiled up inside of him when he heard the raucous knocking at his door. It demanded attention. Sasuke ignored it nonetheless. The people who had been watching him would just open the door if they wanted to come in.

The wild knocking continued, seemingly without pattern or rhythm, as the seconds lengthened into minutes.

Seriously, what the hell was up with this person? Sasuke had not yet even taken a single music lesson, but he felt certain you could only pound on a door for so long before developing a pattern or _something_. He was pretty sure his brother had told him that high-level shinobi have to train for years just to prevent themselves from falling into even the slightest of patterns.

Well, maybe the Intelligence and Interrogation people would like to come down and try to decode this, because he sure as hell couldn't.

The knocking continued. Now there was whistling to go along with it. The knocker was clearly settling in for the long haul. Eyes wide, brow furrowed, still curled up on the floor, Sasuke ground his teeth together.

Maybe this _was_ torture? Or some Genjutsu? He doubted his brother had ever had to train to resist people knocking off-beat (he had), or whistling off-key (basic Genjutsu training), or making stupid noises _really_ loudly (saved his life twice already).

Finally, Sasuke got up and answered the door.

" _WHAT! Do you WANT?!"_

The grin that stared back at him was not _actually_ more irritating than anything he had experienced in the last week, but he could, perhaps, be forgiven for not making a distinction at that moment. The new child adjusted a pair of goggles that were stuck awkwardly in a pile of messy blond hair, and he seemed extremely satisfied with himself. He began shouting immediately.

"Heya new neighbor! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm gonna become the Hokage someday! Nice to meetcha!"

If this scene had occurred five years later, Naruto would have watched, dumbfounded, as he witnessed the birth of Sasuke's Sharingan. Unfortunately, today Sasuke really only had one option.

In Naruto's mind, it seemed just a bit of an overreaction when Sasuke screamed right in his face and bull-rushed him back into the hallway. Crashing straight through the open window opposite his door seemed unwarranted too, but, hey, whatever. Being punched repeatedly on the way down to the street was just the icing on top of an already complete surprise-attack.

From his perch on a nearby building, Sarutobi Asuma winced as he watched the two screaming children come hurtling through the second story window to land in a pile of packing material down below.

Asuma _really_ hoped his father knew what he was doing with this one.

Years later, neither Sasuke nor Naruto would remember this day very accurately, due to a haze of bloodlust and head-trauma, respectively. They would, however, agree that they couldn't really imagine where things would have gone without it. Both were, in a certain way, outcasts.

Now, they were outcasts together.


	4. Training Ninjas

-Four Years Later-

Hatake Kakashi looked up from the dossiers in front of him, one eye covered by his customary forehead protector. Despite a face that was more hidden than not, his skepticism was plain to see.

"Sir... This is what you wanted me for?"

The Hokage grinned to see his reaction. Hiruzen had aged a fair bit in just the last four years, but the amusement filled his wrinkled face with life. "Yes, I rather think you'll like this bunch, Kakashi."

"Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, and… Uzumaki Naruto…" He frowned for a moment, "Sir, this is really quite the suspicious assignment."

"Oh? Why would you think that?"

"The two boys?" queried Kakashi.

"Hmmm? Is something wrong with them?" The Hokage asked, sounding pleasantly puzzled.

 _So,_ though Kakashi, _it was going to be like that, was it?_

"Weren't they the ones who convinced those two Chuunin that one of the Inuzuka family hounds was actually an agent from Hidden Stone wearing a 'clever disguise?'"

"Yes, well. That was very good practice for the discernment of our teams."

"But they were also the ones who made a habit of sneaking bird-shit onto the robes of visiting dignitaries, right?"

"Children's games being what they are..." The Hokage chuckled and waved a dismissive hand, "Surely you know they stopped when we asked them?"

Their game had not actually ended, as such; the two had just started a business charging other kids for the pleasure of participating and awarding money out of the pot for successful runs. One look at the Hokage's unwavering smile told him he wasn't going to get anywhere pushing on that front, though. Kakashi launched another desperate attack.

"They were the ones who diverted the Daimyo's biennial inspection tour into the red-light district."

"Oh, you know that was never proven!" Hiruzen's smile seemed rather strained, suddenly.

"Naruto burst into the Academy offices and admitted it himself."

"Why, young boys will admit to anything if they think it makes them seem on top of the world." The Hokage gently shook his head.

"I know for a fact they told all those girls that everyone with a Byakugan or Sharingan can see through their clothes," Kakashi added, more as a forlorn hope than anything.

The Hokage sighed loudly. "Kakashi, I-" he paused to rub his wrinkled forehead, "Look, I trust you; you know that."

Kakashi nodded. Nothing more needed to be said. In a world where trust was normally a tiny and tenuous thing, the Third had every reason to trust him implicitly. "I assume that this is about the Nine-Tails?" he asked, warily.

"Yes, and no. True, that's part of it, but… well, to be frank, we do manage to keep a _few_ secrets around here, and I've been sitting on a couple of good ones. Long story very short is that the boy Naruto is the child of your mentor, Minato. I believe that this is unknown even to the boy himself."

Kakashi raised his eyebrows. Honestly, once it had been said it seemed almost obvious. It had just never really come to his attention before now.

"Kakashi, I hardly need to tell you that as the son of the Fourth and the newest Jinchuriki for the Nine-Tails Fox it is _crucial_ that he learns the skills he needs to help the village."

"And the Uchiha boy?" he glanced down, "Is he just there as a friend?"

The Hokage chuckled bitterly to himself for a moment. "No, not quite, though there is that as well. The truth is that young Sasuke has inherited a rather troublesome item from his older brother, and would benefit from your unique experiences."

It was a moment before Kakashi made the connection. Uchiha Itachi. The rest was easy to figure out.

"He got his brother's eye? Really?"

"Yes, and it's a very special one indeed. The Mangekyou, famed kaleidoscope of the Uchiha. Not that I need to tell _you_ that. Happened the night of the attack- what a tragedy it was..."

With a small grunt, he stood up from his desk and walked over to his window before he continued talking.

"Now, I've tried to make life easier for the boys, but it's rather difficult to cure pig-headedness, what with all of the anti-Uchiha sentiment in the council. It's just not my jurisdiction. I'm a ninja, not a nurse-maid, after all. Still, now that they're graduating the Academy, it becomes my jurisdiction rather neatly, doesn't it?" He grinned, looking back over his shoulder. "You know, young Sasuke is named after my father?"

"I didn't know that, sir."

"I have high hopes that he will bring honor to the name."

This gave Kakashi pause. That kind of statement was fairly difficult to ignore in this context. He probably had to at least _try_ with this group. Still, he had to know.

"The girl? Sakura?"

The Hokage shook his head. "Just a normal girl for her age. Good grades."

"Just a normal girl?"

"Just a normal girl… Good grades."

Kakashi looked down at the dossier again. The Hokage spoke.

"I can see you're already thinking. Good. I won't keep you here any longer, but please give this your best effort."

Kakashi left the office with a grimace.

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke. Excellent student, at least in the practicals. Not anywhere near what his older brother had been at his age, but that probably wasn't a fair comparison. Not top of the class, but close. His teachers were of the opinion that his association with Naruto was dragging him down, but he should be an asset to any team. He'd acquired a few of the Uchiha signature fire-element jutsu, which was promising. He was also developing a bit of a following from some of the girls who liked the appeal of the 'bad boy', but Kakashi didn't think he was taking advantage of it. Speaking of...

Haruno Sakura. Good grades, true, but lacking in physical skill. Honestly, Kakashi wasn't sure what to think about her. Normal girl. Might be tricky. Kakashi had never had any experience with being a normal... well, _anything,_ really. Given his own upbringing, it was difficult to even think of her as a young kunoichi, though that too was probably unfair. Still, it was hard to imagine a ninja more unlike him.

Though, then there was Uzumaki Naruto. Kakashi took a look at the dossier picture that showed the young kid posing in kabuki makeup, for whatever reason. Known troublemaker and loudmouth with a lack of respect for authority. Other than that, it was hard to look at his actual evaluation and think anything other than 'bland'. No special jutsu or trained fighting style. Physically, he seemed competent enough, but even his mediocre grades were probably only a result of Sasuke's good influence. Put the two of them together, he thought, and the result might turn out just a bit like his old teammate, Obito. At that thought, he brought his hand up to his covered eye.

Hatake Kakashi considered the most important virtue for potential students to be teamwork. More specifically, the ability to stick together with your team no matter what. Oh, he'd once thought that a ninja needed to be able to throw away an ally to complete the mission if necessary, but some rather serious losses had made him realize that that kind of thinking just wasn't workable.

It was amazing how many ways there were to escape from impossible situations when you stopped thinking of them as impossible. Not to mention that it was so rare that succeeding in a mission was _actually_ worth the cost to the village of losing a skilled shinobi with decades of work put into raising them. No, it was lack of trust that your comrades were looking out for your best interests that tended to break up teams faster than even the most dangerous of missions.

Sasuke and Naruto were already friends. It wouldn't do any good to try and test that teamwork. Still, he needed ninja that would fight for their fellows because they were _teammates_ , not because they were friends.

Well, in that case, the answer was obvious.

* * *

-Two days later-

It was a beautiful day to be outside in Training Area Number 5. The warm air was dry, and the breeze was cool, carrying the varied scents of a village that was gearing up for lunch. Some parts of the training grounds would have made excellent places for an outdoor meal away from the Academy where one could think in solitude. Well, except for the possibility of explosions, anyway. All in all, it was a wonderful day for Konoha.

Not for the potential members of Team 7, though. Oh no, not for them. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were being put through hell on earth, and Kakashi thought it was _hilarious._ Oh, they had performed well enough so far, but the main event was just now starting.

Naruto and Sasuke had just returned to the main clearing to see their missing partner, Sakura, who was gagged and tied to a wooden pole. As they approached, the earth shook and heaved, launching the two boys into the air without warning. Sasuke barely managed to land on his feet, though Naruto hit the ground in a tumbling impact that he tried and failed to pass off as a roll. It would have gone a bit better if he hadn't slammed into the pole that Sakura was currently pinned to.

As Naruto climbed to his feet, spitting out dirt and muttering something about splinters, Kakashi appeared before them in a cloud of smoke. He looked upon his scowling charges and began his prepared speech.

"Well, I think congratulations are in order. That actually wasn't half-bad. You've got good teamwork. I've almost seen enough. Another few months of training and you two might actually be trusted to hold a kunai the right way around on the first try."

Naruto's grimace intensified, and he spat out a wet blob of dirt. Sasuke blinked, puzzled by what he had heard. After a moment, Sakura's eyes widened in understanding.

"Yes, I said 'you two' for a reason. Sakura, I'm afraid that your showing was pathetic. A shinobi can always build on strengths and compensate for weaknesses, but all of that becomes impossible if a student can't bring herself to take even basic offensive action. You were clearly out of your element out there. I'm taking you out of the test. I'm sorry, but I strongly recommend that you reconsider becoming a ninja altogether."

Sakura let out a pitiful muffled moan around the gag currently keeping her from speaking. Before long, her eyes were filling with tears of frustration and shame. It wasn't fair to expect her to work well with two boys who were already friends, Sakura thought. She didn't even _know_ them!

Kakashi turned to regard Naruto and Sasuke. "You two. I'm out. I will be back in twenty minutes for one more try. Use that time to put together a final plan of attack. Impress me." Kakashi turned, as if to leave, then paused. "Oh, and if you're thinking of helping your failed partner there, I'd advise against it. An unprepared teammate will just get you killed. It's too late for the three of you together, but I might be able to grab a third member from another instructor. So, to be clear, if you include her in your planning then I'm failing both of you. Sometimes, the mission requires you to leave people behind. This is one of those times."

With that, Kakashi disappeared, too fast for their eyes to follow.

Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other, jaws clenched. Naruto was the first to say what they were both thinking.

"Man, screw that guy."

"Asshole," Sasuke agreed, then scanned the horizon for signs of their instructor. Seeing nothing, he joined Naruto at the post. In moments they had begun cutting the tough ropes binding their teammate. Sakura's eyes were wide and worried, and Sasuke quickly undid the knot on the gag.

"No, y-you can't do this!" she said, "You heard Kakashi-sensei. I can't- I mean, I'm not- I'm not on the team any more. If you help me then you'll both fail!"

Naruto grinned, wickedly. "What's that, Sakura? It's a little weird that you want us to keep you tied up, don'cha think?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Naruto, I know for a _fact_ that you don't know what you're talking about, so why don't you stop bothering her."

"Hey! You don't know whether I know what I'm talking about or not, so why don't _you_ quit pretending!"

"Oh yeah?" Sasuke grit out, working his kunai through the ropes near her feet, "Well, _explain_ it then, if you think you're so cool."

Naruto was silent for a moment. "No way, I'm not gonna explain it in front of a girl."

"Naruto, you were _just_ making a joke about it at her expense."

"Well, she's blushing now, so I don't wanna be mean. I can be a gentleman, too, ya know."

"Excuse me-" Sakura interrupted, "but if I'm _blushing,_ it's because I've just had the worst day of my _life_ , and now I'm probably going to be expelled!" She had no idea what the other two were talking about, but it sounded like they didn't either, so that was alright. "Why are you doing this? I was practically _useless_ back there, and the teacher said I'd just get you both killed!"

"Look," said Sasuke, "I don't know what his deal is, but I've heard things about him. He's never passed a team before, and I think he set this up to be unwinnable."

"And there's no way I'm about to listen to a guy that just dumped me in a hole and had his _dog_ piss on me!" growled Naruto.

"Yeah, you stink, by the way."

"Oh, shut up. You didn't do much better after he stuck his _hand_ up your ass."

Sasuke was silent. This time, Sakura really felt awkward for listening in.

After a moment, Sasuke finished cutting through the last rope, and Sakura fell to the ground, landing unsteadily. When she stood back up, Sasuke continued.

"If he really wants to fail us then he's going to do it either way. And, sorry, but if he thinks you're useless, then maybe we can use that against him. I don't really have a plan that I expect to work here, but we've got another fifteen minutes to figure one out. Everyone okay with that?"

Naruto nodded. Sakura, her face screwed up in frustration, tears still sliding down her cheeks, joined in a moment later. Together, as a team, they huddled together for one last planning session.

Their deliberation was short-lived.

With a roar of thunder, the sky darkened and the earth shook. Everywhere around them, nature expressed its fury. Half a mile away in the city, shopkeepers serving lunch shook their heads in exasperation. Ninja business. With a bucking of the earth around the terrified trio, their teacher erupted from the shattered ground.

"YOU LITTLE SHITS!" he roared at the top of his lungs.

The children looked like they'd just seen a powerful ninja that can call the thunder and break the earth in his wrath appear just fifteen feet in front of them. Exactly like that, actually. The look of sheer terror was unmistakable, and was one of Kakashi's favorite parts of being who he was.

"Did you think I wasn't _paying attention_?! Did you think I wouldn't _NOTICE?!_ I told you explicitly that I would fail you all if you helped her, and you don't even wait a _minute_ before defying me?!"

Eyes wide and stance low, for once the two boys looked completely speechless. Surprisingly, it was Sakura that stepped forward.

"No, you can't punish them!"

" _I CAN'T?!"_ he shrieked, incredulous.

"Y-yes! Because, I- I wouldn't slow them down. I mean, I know I was useless, and I couldn't help them as- as a team member, but if this was a real mission, I'd... " she paused, swallowing, "I'd make sure they had to leave me behind. Like- like I'm doing now. You can't punish them because of me, because I forfeit!"

Naruto shot her a panicked look and opened his mouth, but it was Sasuke who spoke first.

"No, I won't accept this. We did well. You never gave us the chance to learn to work together as a team, and now you're interrupting us when we're trying."

Naruto literally growled his assent. "We all graduated the Academy already. We've got what it takes. If you're just going to fail us then you'd better just do it."

"Oh, really?" asked Kakashi, his face darkening. If anything, he looked even angrier than before. "You all think you can just take this on yourselves? You think that just because you're willing to sacrifice for the team, that this is all going to turn out alright? That a little bit of sticking up for your _buddies_ is going to make things better? Do you know what I think about that?!"

Thunder and lightning crashed again, as Kakashi's scowl deepened further.

"I think… that all of you… Pass!" his voice immediately lightened, filling with cheer, "Congratulations! No, really, I mean it! No more tests- You're alright with me. We'll work on the basics, alright?"

As Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura struggled with the emotional whiplash, Kakashi gave them a perfunctory, barely-comprehensible speech about teamwork and people who left their comrades behind being worse than trash. Then, he offered to buy them lunch and disappeared in another puff of smoke, which was excellent timing, because Naruto was about two seconds from attacking him and attempting to claw his eyes out.


	5. A Series of Critical Failures

The years passed by in a blur of activity. Team 7, through unusual luck and misfortune, managed to get itself embroiled in some of the strangest conflicts imaginable. A quirk of fate, perhaps. After each ridiculous mission, Kakashi would tell his young, but growing, charges, "This really isn't normal for three Genin your ages," but eventually even he seemed to find it too silly to keep repeating it. Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke, however, kept it as a sort of mantra. It was proof that they had seen it all.

Three years passed, and the village knew peace of a sort that was unheard of in living memory. But peace was always a fragile thing. Unnoticed, the enemies of that peace prepared to make their moves.

Tobi was, by this point, frothing with impatience. He had planned and prepared for nearly a decade, and now it was time.

One day, with little fanfare, Tobi brought one of his allies, Sasori of the Desert, to a strange cavern hidden deep within a mountain inside the Land of Earth. Sasori possessed a skill that was crucial to his plans. No one else in the world had the control of magnetism that the old puppeteer had through the virtue of owning the puppeted corpse of the previous Kazekage, a man who had last owned that unique ability.

With a surge of power, ancient and venerable devices were coerced into performing their ancient and venerable functions. With no announcement at all, the game moved into its next phase.

* * *

-Present-

-Grand Line-

The red-haired navigator was sitting at her desk, buried in the bowels of the caravel known as the Going Merry, when she saw it. There was a twitch of movement from the device strapped to her wrist. That was frightening. The Log Pose was supposed to be their lifeline, the only way to reliably find an island in the Grand Line. It was under no circumstances that she was aware of supposed to change heading while out at sea.

With nothing but a tiny rustling noise from inside the glass orb, their course had changed roughly a hundred and thirty-four degrees.

Her first thoughts were contemplations on incompetence. Obviously, the idiots she called crew-members had somehow managed to get wildly off-course. Zoro was probably following the clouds again. Really, this was her fault for expecting anything better of them when it came to having a sense of direction.

Except, hold on. That wasn't right, was it? The pose needle had jumped by a hundred and thirty-four degrees in an instant, but she hadn't felt the ship move at all.

Nami knew that their official first-mate, Zoro, had a catastrophically bad sense of direction, but surely it only _seemed_ like it could warp space, right? Being unable to tell forward from backward wasn't _contagious,_ was it?

She stood, cursing her luck, then made her way up the steep stairs into the gunnery room. Opening the lower door to the deck, she saw that everything was fairly normal. Zoro was sleeping in the corner, Usopp and Luffy were arguing about something above-deck, Chopper was probably up in the crow's nest, and Sanji was gone, presumably in his kitchen. Their newest 'passenger,' if she could be called that, was sitting on the foredeck, and was the only one who had turned to watch Nami as she came through the door.

Robin scared her, to be honest, and it had only been a day since they had left Alabasta behind them. Only a day since Robin had been a presumed enemy. Well, the rest of the crew might have no attention spans to speak of, but Nami, for one, would keep an eye on their mysterious black-haired observer.

For now, she had to get everyone's attention.

"Everyone, listen up! We've got a problem!"

There, now she just had to wait for the dust to settle. With a scream, Usopp abandoned his argument on the starboard side, threw up his hands and ran, shrieking, toward the port side. In the process he tripped their captain, Luffy, who went sprawling to the deck. Half a second later, their cook, Sanji, burst through the upper-deck door smashing into Usopp as he ran past, sending their gunner flying head over heels out over the railing to land on the lower deck directly in front of Nami. As he fell, Usopp let out an ear-piercing shriek. This startled Chopper up above who toppled over the side to tumble screaming from the crow's nest, landing in a heap directly on top of Usopp.

Sanji ignored all of this. With a shout of "Nami! What's wrong?!" he strode forward, stepping on Luffy's head in the process. He probably ground his shoes in a little bit more than he had to. Hearing Sanji's voice, Zoro stopped snoring and blearily opened his eyes, already scowling at his hated rival.

That just left their mystery crewmember, Robin. A glance showed that she was watching the debacle with her mouth slightly open, brow furrowed, as if she couldn't believe what she had just seen. Nami rolled her eyes in understanding, then continued.

"We're off-course, and I don't know why. It happened suddenly, just a second ago. Did anyone see anything odd?" she called out, "-and somebody please help Usopp get his nose out from between those floorboards."

"Hey, you jerk," shouted Sanji, pointing at Zoro, "-you were supposed to keep an eye out!"

Zoro blearily scanned the featureless, blue horizon on both sides before offering his opinion, "Still looks fine to me."

Nami shook her head. Zoro wasn't any use, Sanji had been indoors, Usopp was stuck face-down gathering nose-splinters, Chopper was helping him, and she'd never get a usable answer out of Luffy, anyway.

That only left…

"We didn't move at all from our heading- or not any time recently." Robin said, descending to the lower deck to join her. Nami eyed the approaching woman cautiously, but right now she really needed the input.

"The Log Pose jumped a hundred and thirty-four degrees."

"Jumped? It wasn't gradual?" The dark haired woman asked.

"No, it flicked off-course suddenly, like we had just spun in place and I don't know why it would do that."

"There's a number of possibilities," Robin suggested, "Though none are likely to be good news."

Nami grit her teeth. "Wonderful. How so?"

"The Log Pose connects us from one island to another by attuning itself to each island's individual magnetic field. From that point it tries to pull itself to the next node located along the line of force it attuned to."

Nami nodded. Knowing a few things about magnets and compasses, something had always bothered her about that explanation, but it did have the benefit of being an explanation that worked. She let Robin continue.

"Outside of the strong field of an island, a Log Pose should have an incredible resistance to being changed. It certainly isn't normal for this to happen. This disturbance could be either natural or artificial, and I suppose it's important we find out which it is."

See, this is why Nami had been so glad to have Robin come aboard. She couldn't understand why the others had been so afraid of her. Finally, someone sane on this ship!

"Artificial?" Nami asked, worry etched in her face, "You think someone might have done this to us?"

"Perhaps. I don't know of any ways to disrupt the magnetic routes between the islands, but that doesn't mean there aren't any."

"But it could be natural? A new island rising in our route? Or an island from a different route changing lanes through the Grand Line somehow?"

Robin shrugged, smiling. "It would be a once-in-a-lifetime event, certainly. Still, it doesn't really matter for our next course of action, does it?"

Nami sighed. "You're right."

They didn't have any choice, after all. No one on board had an Eternal Pose that would be guaranteed to bring them to the safety of a particular island.

The only options were following the Log Pose, or dying out at sea.

* * *

-Present-

-Konoha-

Sarutobi Hiruzen, Third Hokage of Konoha, stared at the scroll unfurled in front of him, brow furrowed. This unusual missive had arrived from Iwagakure just this morning. Sharing intelligence was a rare sign of goodwill, but this time Hiruzen guessed that the old Tsuchikage just hadn't known what to do with it.

If so, he was in good company there. Hiruzen massaged his forehead, feeling the beginnings of a headache. That old badger had never been very welcoming to outsiders, and it was just as possible he'd sent this along to give Hiruzen a hard time. It read:

 _Magnetic field of the island dramatically adjusted._

 _Relic of the Sage facilitated shift._

 _Outcome/Purpose Unclear._

 _Akatsuki sighted in area, suspect involvement._

 _Have fun - They're headed your way._

The last line was written with a different handwriting. Hiruzen had a very bad feeling about this. A terrible premonition, indeed. Though he couldn't imagine what the purpose of initiating such an event would be, this was, quite simply, not something anyone just did on a whim. This struck him as the opening move in a game he wasn't even aware he was supposed to be playing. Or, worse yet, a closing move to a game that had already been decided.

Konoha had no one that was nearly as sensitive to such disturbances as certain individuals in Earth, but his agents had already confirmed that something had definitely changed. The strength of the background magnetic field had increased drastically, and instruments were still recording significant changes around the clock.

Akatsuki involvement was also never a good sign. Once, Akatsuki had been a reasonably effective paramilitary group inside the Country of Rain for some years, but had been totally crushed by Hanzo the Salamander. Then, mysteriously, they rose again with a different modus operandi. Intelligence on this revived group was still light, but his impression was that the group of deadly S-rank missing-nin were completely unrelated to the original band of fighters that had fought in the Country of Rain many years back. It was an odd choice, but for some unknown reason this group had taken their name and attire. He supposed it had deflected suspicion for some time, though, so if that was the objective then it had worked.

Now Akatsuki's motives were nebulous at best.

The Hokage sighed, leaning back and resting his old bones. He really was getting too old for this. He had _already_ been getting too old for this when he'd retired for the first time nearly two decades ago. He was more than seventy years old now, after all. Still, the new generation was growing so promising, and might be ready if he just held on for a little bit longer.

Hiruzen stood up, creaking slightly. Besides raising the alert level in the area toward Earth he could deal with this issue in the morning. For now, he had an appointment with the medical teams. It really was crucial to keep himself in top shape at such a critical time.

The Third Hokage of Konoha walked through the door and locked it shut behind him.


	6. Partings and Reunions

-One Week Later-

It should have been raining. It had been a week, and most of the village had expected the weather to match the mood at least once; instead, it was sunny and fair. The village mood, meanwhile, was melancholy, uncertain, and confused.

Assassination.

Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Third Hokage of Konoha, had been killed during what should have been a routine medical examination. The culprit had been a freakishly capable young medic-nin named Yakushi Kabuto. Former connections to Root under Danzou had disqualified him from service in the Hokage's private retinue, but that had not stopped him from cutting down and replacing one of them in secret.

The ruins of the medical office suggested that the assassin had used poison needles, gas, explosive tags, and other assorted traps, but by the time the Hokage had noticed the first injected poison it was already too late. After rushing to the scene, his security detail found the assassin impaled against the wall, a metal bedpost through his heart, the Hokage collapsed at his feet.

Most of the village had never known a time without Sarutobi as their Hokage. The Fourth, Minato Namikaze, had lasted barely a year before his sudden death fighting the Nine-Tails Demon Fox, and it hadn't been enough time to get used to the change. Now, the edifice of their village had been destroyed, and confusion was running rampant.

The intelligence corps suspected Danzou's involvement based on the Root connection. The chakra specialists noted a barely detectable chakra signature in Kabuto's brain that resembled certain techniques found in the Sand. Despite this, many of the village's citizens still suspected the Uchiha remnants. They had all heard rumors of what the Sharingan could make a person do. In short, everyone was angry, but nobody knew what was going on.

Team Seven had been off the normal mission structure for the past year. It had been a time for training, for learning from masters, and for turning skills hastily thrown together in the heat of the moment into practiced technique. Now, all available shinobi were being recalled to Konoha and placed on stand by. The activation of a sleeper agent, if that is truly what this was, was usually the opening gambit in a greater scheme, not an end unto itself.

Sasuke had returned immediately to his apartment. He had been training with Kakashi and his hounds close to the village.

Naruto's master, Jiraiya, had reached his charge immediately on Mount Myoboku, performing a reverse summoning to return them to the exact spot where Naruto had left the village one year previously.

Sakura was quite some distance away, working with an acquaintance of the Toad Sage. Sasuke didn't know the details, but their last contact with her suggested it was rough-going. Still, in their time together Sakura had gained a fearsome drive and a sort of stubbornness that was quite hard to ignore. He trusted that she was doing well, though she might not yet have even received the message to return, much less be able to make it in time.

Sasuke looked around his dark apartment. Tidy and well-organized, it was also a bit dusty. Even though he had been nearby, it hadn't seen much use in the last year. He had no particular attachment to the place.

In truth, Sasuke was also hurt by the loss of the Hokage. Maturity had allowed him to recognize that the old man had helped him a great deal through his life, though it hadn't always been obvious at the time. Unfortunately, Sasuke now had a larger problem.

 _Go far away. Erase your presence. When Lord Hokage dies, so too will your protection. The village will be glad to seal away the final memories of the Uchiha clan._

Sasuke looked to the north wall, seeing the scroll hanging there for the thousandth time. It was a veiled reminder of the first mission he had ever received.

 **Enter The Academy**

 **Train Hard**

 **Learn Well**

 **Grow in Strength**

 **Exercise Loyalty**

 **Follow Orders**

 **Acquire Skills**

 **Erase Your Presence**

It had never quite left his thoughts, but he had still let himself believe that the day he would have to leave the village would somehow not come.

Still, he had imagined it many times. The Hokage would die, the successor would take a less friendly stance toward the remainder of his clan, and this would embolden those among the populace that mistrusted them already. Before long, some enemy nation would reach the conclusion that capturing one of the Uchiha for their treasured eyes would no longer mean immediate retaliation. Once that happened, his lifespan would be measured in months, at best.

That was if he wasn't dealt with by sources inside the village first.

It wasn't that he was unsure of what he should do. He _knew_ he would be leaving, and leaving shortly. He'd already figured out some places to lay low for a while, even if he needed to dodge tracking hounds. The problem was much simpler. He didn't want to leave his friends. His home for a long time had been with Naruto and Sakura. Even this training period away from them all had been rough, though he'd been closest to the village out of all of them.

Admittedly, the results of his training had been spectacular. He turned to the mirror hanging at eye-level. Naruto had laughed at his vanity, but the reality was that an Uchiha's eyes were a weapon and needed as much maintenance and attention as the straight-bladed sword he carried with him.

With a surge of chakra, he could see the fruits of his labor. The Sharingan could only be grown and evolved through pain and loss, but it could be developed through sufficient training. Now, in both of his eyes the triple tomoe pattern of fully developed Sharingan bloomed. Through sheer effort and persistence, his right eye now finally matched his left. The two were nearly indistinguishable, though he could tell the difference between his eye and his brother's. At that thought he felt a twinge in his left eye, which wasn't terribly uncommon.

But something was odd this time. He tried to blink away the discomfort, only to find that his left eye, his brother's eye, wouldn't close. He couldn't look away. Suddenly, an unexpected surge of chakra threatened to send him to his knees, though when he stumbled it seemed to be in slow-motion. He didn't even have time to cry out.

In the mirror, the tomoe in his left eye swirled about, transforming into a different configuration.

Time stopped.

...

* * *

...

-?-

-UNKNOWN AREA-

When Sasuke regained awareness, he was standing on the surface of a lake, nearly as reflective as a mirror. At the edges of the clear water, dragonflies played in the reeds and rushes. The sky was bright, and the cool wind's breeze brought the scents of spring.

He spun in place, reaching for his weapons, though it was only on his second pass that he saw a figure standing before him, dressed in dark colors.

The familiar face smirked back at him and Sasuke stopped breathing, frozen in place.

"Wow, you really grew up, didn't you? Not quite as tall as me, but you're doing something right, huh. It's good to see you, little brother."

Sasuke's jaw dropped open.

…

* * *

...

-Seven Years Earlier-

-Uchiha Compound-

" _No, little brother." Suddenly, Itachi moved as if he were uninjured, sitting up quickly and grabbing Sasuke firmly with one hand. "I'm so sorry. I love you. Please, find something else worth living for."_

 _With two fingers extended, blood dripping down his hand, Itachi tapped his little brother right between the eyes._

 _Then everything went black for the young Uchiha._

With that, Itachi slumped backward, exhausted by the sudden exertion. He had a choice to make, now. At the least, he would give Sasuke an eye to replace the one he had lost. Itachi had three in his possession. Two of his own, and one from his best friend.

Amaterasu, with the power to create unending black flames.

Kotoamatsukami, with the ability to perfectly manipulate any opponent.

Tsukuyomi, with the strength to take a single second of illusion and stretch it into three days time.

Amaterasu didn't seem to suit his kind-hearted brother. Kotoamatsukami could only be used once every ten years, and Sasuke would need more protection than that.

The choice was clear.

But first, Itachi had a problem. He was bleeding out rapidly, with only minutes to live, at best. Before even that, he would become dulled by blood loss, which he could hardly afford. His brother would need so much help to survive what might be arrayed against him in the future, and Itachi could only spare him just a couple of minutes.

Well, he supposed he had just the answer for that.

In the combat-capable lifetime of an Uchiha ninja, it was likely that he or she would learn hundreds of various techniques, simply by watching them being cast. The hand signs, the subtle motions, the flow of chakra, to the Sharingan they were all as easy to read as a children's book. But a person couldn't sustain the infinite variety required to use each of those techniques regularly. As a result, most Uchiha tended to assemble a repertoire of favorites and simply let others fall into disuse, forgetting them as time went on.

Itachi had never gotten the hang of forgetting a good trick.

For this, he needed a source of water. Ah, the pool of his own blood would do. Once again, he pulled himself upright, bringing himself nearer. With a puff of his own humid, chakra-infused breath, the pool of thick blood turned perfectly reflective, like a smooth, red mirror. A ninja from Mist had once tried to get the upper hand on him by hiding beneath the surface of a lake and bombarding him with long-range water techniques, hoping to force him to come down to his element.

Unfortunately for the now-deceased older man, the Sharingan could see through many tricks when he wanted it to.

For now, Itachi brought himself over to the mirror. His face looked haggard and gruesome in the red reflection. Right now, his worst enemy was the steady march of Time, with his few remaining minutes bleeding quickly away from him. Itachi made a point of never letting his enemies keep the upper hand. When your enemy had you on the ropes, you either take the initiative or die immediately.

Well, if Time itself was his enemy, then he would just have to launch a surprise attack.

With a pulse of chakra, his Mangekyou Sharingan activated, swirling into place.

 **[TSUKUYOMI]**

In that moment, one second stretched out into three days, reflected endlessly in Itachi's own mind. In those three days, he planned his next moves very carefully. The newest genius of the Uchiha Clan put more effort into this plan than he had ever put into any mission before.

When the illusion finally ended, he moved swiftly and surely. Though he would face his death in the next few minutes, he smiled. It all seemed so simple with enough time to think.

...

* * *

...

-?-

-THE MIND'S EYE-

"How- How are you here?" Sasuke asked. The question was miniscule compared to the confusion it was meant to resolve. Maybe it was just unchecked hope, but he couldn't dismiss this as a mere meaningless illusion.

His elder brother smiled. "Chakra is a wondrous thing. The energy of mind and body united in harmony. I can't say for sure whether I'm really 'here' or not, but it certainly feels real." He chuckled, flexing his hand, and the scenery shifted around him. "Well, real enough. I had the eye I gave you set to trigger when it looked upon your fully realized Sharingan. I knew that you would then be certain to have the chakra needed to use it. This genjutsu will give us three days together. I think you and I have a lot to talk about."

"Yeah," said Sasuke, face softening. "Yeah, we do."

Then, there was a time of no time.

* * *

-Sasuke's apartment-

Sasuke caught himself mid-stumble as the illusion ended and time crawled back to its normal pace. The drain on his chakra had been shocking, but not severe, and he recovered quickly. He raised one hand to his eye, examining it in the mirror, finding that a few drops of blood had escaped from the eye's socket. The Mangekyou Sharingan was a powerful tool, but each use stole, ever so slightly, from the light of the Uchiha's flame. The difference between his previously perfect eyesight and his current condition was almost imperceptible, but it was there.

The eye was truly his now, though, and he could control its power as his own.

The smear of blood on his hand was a sobering reminder of its cost.

* * *

A/N: Sorry about this. Also, there is some new information in my profile.


	7. I'm Surrounded By Idiots

Naruto trudged down the streets of Konoha. It was too lively, in his opinion. Sasuke was silent beside him.

"It just feels wrong, ya know?" Naruto said, continuing a rant he had ended a minute earlier, "Like, it's only been a week and everyone's talking more about successors than about the old man himself." He scowled, but his heart wasn't even in it. He had taken the death terribly hard.

Naruto had always dreamed of becoming the Hokage himself one day, and whenever he had imagined it, he had thought it would be the old man himself who handed the hat down to him personally. The Third would retire peacefully, and Naruto would become the Fifth Hokage. That was that. Well, not any more.

Sasuke spoke up, seeming distracted. "Yeah, I know. We need to get out of the village for a while. This place is stifling."

Naruto nodded glumly. He had spent the last year stuck outside the village on the slopes of Mount Myoboku with a bunch of toads, and this wasn't the return he had hoped for. Actually, the village had been pretty good to him recently. He had the whole 'child of a hero' thing to thank for the sudden shift in treatment, he supposed. A couple of years back, Sakura had finally got fed up with hearing him make up stories about the past Hokage whose ranks he wished someday to join and had made him spend a day in the library actually learning something about them. Really, it shouldn't have taken so long, but due to his upbringing Naruto was barely literate.

Seeing the name 'Uzumaki Kushina' as the wife of the Fourth Hokage had sparked a couple questions, which had soon spread like sparks catching fire when answers were suspiciously lacking. Soon, coincidences had mounted and, when certain people had refused to talk, Naruto had resorted to spreading made-up stories about himself in an effort to provoke a response. Around the time when the village was abuzz with worry that Naruto was literally the child of the Nine Tails Demon Fox, the Hokage had stepped in to set the record straight.

Since then, his life had gotten a lot smoother. He just wished he could say the same for Sasuke.

They continued walking down the street, and Naruto kept catching people scowling when they saw the young Uchiha Chuunin. Naruto cursed under his breath and felt like spitting.

"Yeah, I can see why you'd wanna get out of here, too," he said.

"What? You can?" asked Sasuke, bewildered. Naruto wasn't sure why his friend was acting like such a spaz all of a sudden.

"Yeah, doofus. Everyone's giving you the cold shoulder. I've already had to threaten some jerks with beatdowns for talking shit about your family, you know."

"Oh, right. Yeah, all these armchair intelligence experts are convinced they know who's behind this all... If you ask me, they're just scared. It's not a big deal. But thanks."

"Whatever, man. Let's get out of here if we can."

 _'Although_ ,' he thought to himself, as he caught sight of a girl coming down the street, ' _there's something to be said for not being around a bunch of wrinkly old toads any more.'_ The person in question was the cute Hyuuga girl whom he had seen from time to time over the years. Hinata. And, boy, time had _really_ been good to her. Wow. Gotta play this cool.

Naruto gave her a wave and a greeting as they approached, and her white eyes widened in shock. With a high-pitched squeak, she sort of stumbled in place then stammered out a response.

"N-Naruto! You're back! I- oh- Sorry!"

Then she covered her face and rushed past in a hurry, disappearing down a nearby alley.

Naruto sighed. Some things hadn't changed.

"Man, how's a guy supposed to get a girl's attention when she won't even give me the time of day, huh?" Naruto grumbled.

"What? Wait, what are you talking about?" Sasuke asked, sounding confused.

"Girls, man! Come on, didn't you see that?"

Sasuke frowned, staring at Naruto. "I saw _something,_ yeah, but what do _you_ think just happened?"

"It's the same thing that always happens when I try to talk to her; she finds some excuse to run off, or says she's feeling bad. It's enough to get a guy down, ya know?"

"You're serious." Sasuke's voice was flat, without inflection. "You're actually serious and not just kidding me here."

"Yeah, what's your problem?"

"Oh, no, nothing. I just- I mean... You really don't-" Sasuke paused, before adding, "Huh. I can't believe you hung out with that foul old man for a year and still..."

"What? Still what? What the hell are you talking about?"

Sasuke shook his head. "No, you know what? I'll tell you when you're older."

Naruto glared at his friend, but it didn't illuminate the matter. Eventually, he gave up. Together, they moved onward until they reached the Academy.

* * *

In an organization like Konoha's Shinobi administration there are really only two methods of management: Order through fiat, and order through paperwork. A good leader could either keep things working smoothly through attentive focus and delegation to deservedly trusted underlings, or through administration of a good system that could function on its own through well-understood and well-documented rules.

The Hokage's unexpected death had revealed an unusual problem, which was that all of the employed ninja, bureaucrats, and ninja-bureacrats had different opinions on how the village had _actually_ been run, when you got right down to it.

Some people had come into work every day and listened to the first competent person who had a job for them all the way up the line to the Hokage. Others had relied on systems and procedures that had been in place for decades, sending reports and requests to the appropriate individuals and receiving orders and mandates by the book.

Apparently, the Third Hokage had never gotten around to making the rogues play by the rules. Either that, or he had never gotten around to fully dismantling the bureaucracy. Or, and this opinion was growing in popularity, he just liked being a dick to certain people.

So it was that Naruto and Sasuke proceeded through the hallways of the Academy's Administration buildings, dodging a stream of bureaucrat-nin herding a stampede of filing cabinets on wheels down the corridors like their lives depended on it.

The Academy was a madhouse.

As they passed a very loud room on their left, both of the young men were forced to dodge suddenly as a storm of shuriken whirled out of the open doorway and embedded themselves into the opposite wall. The inside of the room was filled with people arguing vigorously about qualifications, and skills, and ages, and management style, and it had evidently grown heated enough to descend into random outbursts of violence.

Interestingly enough, Sasuke was certain that none of the people he saw inside that room were important enough to make any decisions on the matter whatsoever.

"Choosing a new Hokage isn't going to be easy, that's for sure. There's no one who can hope to do everything he did." Sasuke paused, then added, "At least not without a couple decades of practice."

Naruto was uncharacteristically silent, but nodded his agreement.

"Kakashi told me that they're already hounding him about the position."

Naruto snorted. "Yeah, sure. He's an amazing shinobi and all, but they don't know him like we do. He'd hate it."

"True enough."

Together, they moved on until they reached the office they were looking for. Despite the general recall, the village couldn't just stop taking on missions, or maintaining control over its territory entirely, and maybe, just maybe, there'd be something that could get them out of the village for a while.

They knocked on the door, then stepped inside before Sasuke introduced them.

"Uchiha Sasuke and Uzumaki Naruto reporting for assignment!"

His cry went unanswered, as the thirty or so chuunin and jounin in the room completely failed to pay attention to him. That's not to say that the room was quiet, oh no. The shouting began, or rather continued, immediately.

"The team that just came back from Mist- Where's the data on their mission?!" bellowed one jounin.

"If it's a recent one then it's probably in Cabinet 1, Row A!" responded another.

"I just checked '1-A' and it wasn't in there!"

"There are two '1-A's now. Did you check both of them?"

"Yeah! Checked both!"

"Well if it's not in there then it was probably on the Hokage's desk when we did the recall!" shouted another.

" _Fantastic_! Where is that, then?" asked the first.

"Everything on the Hokage's desk got dumped into the 'Immediate Attention' box and shoved over there in the corner," a fourth pointed. "It's the one with 'IA' on the front."

"Wait, the 'I-A' box? Didn't Sakumo from Internal Affairs just wheel that one out of here an hour ago?" asked another.

"No, you're thinking of Hakusho from Interrogation! He grabbed the 'Intelligence Assets' box and brought it down for examination!"

"W-Wait, so does Interrogation have the 'Immediate Attention' box or the "Intelligence Assets' box?"

"It's the one that said 'I-A' on the front. Go down and ask them about it, will you?"

Sasuke looked like he was being physically wounded by this continuing conversation. Naruto, meanwhile, was twitching with barely restrained fury. He started to shout and grab attention, but was interrupted as the door behind them slammed open and a hugely muscled man walked into the room bellowing twice as loudly as they had.

"Got an incoming one! Weird ships seen on the eastern coast! Possibly some unaffiliated fighters or ninja causing trouble in the port towns! There's a request to go check it out!"

One of the jounin waved a hand dismissively, "Got it. Probably won't take priority for a while. Toss it in the 'Incoming Assignments' bin right there, okay?"

"Got it!" responded the huge man. Then he paused, "That's the one labeled 'I-A,' right?"

That was it. Naruto screamed. "Holy Shit! What is _Wrong_ with all of you?!"

There was a brief moment of silence, and Sasuke snapped out of his stupor in time to call out to the jounin that had accepted the receipt of the mission.

"No, wait, let us take care of that!"

The bureaucrat-nin gave them a confused look, before finally settling on exuding aggravated superiority. "Oh, it's _you_ two. What do you want? "

Sasuke noted the man's face seemed vaguely familiar. The man was so generic he hardly warranted a second glance, but Sasuke had the feeling that he and Naruto may have once stink-bombed him or something. He smirked, feeling back on familiar ground. "We're here to help with the work-load. Let us take that mission."

The bureaucrat-nin frowned. "We're not just sending people out willy-nilly at a time like this. We're _certainly_ not going to let _you_ two go without supervision."

Sasuke sighed, rubbing at his neck. "That's a shame. I mean, a real shame. We've been stuck here for a while and we're starting to get… restless. We were interrupted in training, and it's hard to keep ourselves occupied without driving everyone else crazy."

Behind Sasuke, Naruto took the cue from his teammate and picked up a piece of paper off a messy pile that looked somewhat more important than the other nearby messy piles and began to industriously fold it into a paper airplane.

"Is- is that supposed to be a threat?" the man asked, uncertainly, "Hey, quit it!"

Naruto sent the airplane shooting through a nearby window, then began working on another one. Sasuke immediately went for the kill. "No, no, certainly not! It just seems a waste to leave us here without a job, but if you want us to stick around then I can figure something out. Maybe Naruto and I could help out with the paperwork or something?"

Naruto flicked another glider out of the open window before the bureaucrat-nin stomped over and slammed it shut. "No, no there will be _none_ of that. I won't have you getting in the way. If you two want to make yourselves useful for a change and beat up a few drunk fishermen then be my guest."

Suppressing smirks, the two young shinobi of Team Seven were swiftly sent off to Dispatch for their mission details. They were ready to leave in record time.

...

* * *

...

A/N:

The adjusted Naruto timeline currently is not quite as far along as the start of Shippuden. Age-wise they are somewhere in the middle of the time skip. Their development also proceeded very differently than in canon, as will become clear.

Sasuke is rather weaker than he was at this point in canon, having no curse seal and not being driven by the same hatred that fueled him before. That said, both of the boys are far more well-rounded, since they haven't been rushed into crisis after crisis. Sasuke uses a varied ninjutsu-based fighting style much more reminiscent of Kakashi or his brother, and combos well with Naruto and Sakura.

Naruto is actually further along than he was in canon and far less specialized. He has more wind element jutsu, combining them with Sasuke's fire techniques, and uses summons the way Jiraiya might. He knows the Rasengan but hasn't upgraded it to a real wind element technique yet. Similarly, he didn't learn the Shadow Clone technique until Kakashi thought to teach it to him and Jiraiya began pushing him to exploit it.

Most notably, because Itachi didn't join Akatsuki, Orochimaru wasn't pushed out of the group and has remained more restrained. Because Orochimaru didn't attack Konoha, Naruto's seal wasn't disrupted, which means Jiraiya didn't have to do his hasty repair job. As such, Naruto has used bits of the Kyuubi chakra several times when in dire straits and has begun training with Jiraiya to call upon it in an orderly manner, but he has never gone total berserk bonkers or had to meet the Kyuubi face to face in his internal prison.

Sakura will have an important place in this story, but she's not currently available. She was driven to improve from the very beginning due to her very different early group dynamic, and is significantly more capable than she had been at this point in the timeline. She kept pace with the two boys throughout their missions.


	8. Strangers in a Strange Land

Naruto and Sasuke crossed the great forests east of Konoha, moving quickly through the ancient trees. After a time, the terrain began to open up, settling into more civilized roads and vegetation that they crossed on foot. Eventually, the trees thinned to a degree that the two ninja had never really found normal. They'd spent their entire lives surrounded by the giant forests of Konoha.

They crossed the open terrain at a reasonable pace, stopping to camp just once before reaching the coast in the afternoon of the next day. During that time, they got caught up with the events of the last year.

"So you were only gone for a year with some toads," mused Sasuke, "How the _hell_ do you get crowned as the child of some prophecy?"

Naruto's face assumed a familiar grimace as he continued setting the leisurely pace through the increasingly civilized terrain. "Well, it kinda boils down to how the Old Pervert's student is supposed to save the world or something, and he hasn't taught anyone jackshit besides me. Not that he bothered warning me or anything. Look, you gotta promise me you're not gonna tell anyone about this. I'm not even supposed to tell _you_ , alright?"

"Sure, sure, you're a terrible ninja, I already knew that-"

"Hey, screw you!" Naruto interrupted, grinning.

"-but, what is that all supposed to mean? You're supposed to save the world? Do you have some new responsibilities to go along with it?"

"Not… really? I was supposed to keep training, but that's kinda out the window for right now. They just told me there was a lot riding on me and kept talking about right and wrong, and peace, and… well, you know."

"I really _don't_ know."

Naruto shrugged. "Just a lot more secrets being kept. I mean, I guess I've already got a demon in me, so what's one more big surprise?" He paused. "But, hey, on the plus side, they pretty much all agreed to help me, so I can get all the toads I need, whenever I want!"

"That sounds… great?" Sasuke looked doubtful.

Naruto sighed. "Yeah, they're cool people, but there's only so much toad a guy can manage, ya know?"

Sasuke wasn't sure where to go with all this. It was great talking to his friend again, but acting like everything was just normal was getting tougher and tougher. He really should be leaving the village for good during this trip, when security and organization was scattered, but…

He glanced at Naruto, who had stopped talking, lost in his thoughts. How do you tell your best friend you're leaving forever? Especially one who was so terrible at keeping his mouth shut.

They reached the port town of Urasoe an hour later, and Sasuke still hadn't come up with anything.

* * *

-Urasoe no machi-

-Fire Eastern Territories-

It was well past midday, but Naruto and Sasuke still had plenty of time to begin their investigations. First, though, they had to prepare. It didn't do to just barge in and start asking questions while still wearing a name-tag that read "HELLO! I AM A NINJA!" They had to be a little more circumspect.

Luckily, they had plans for these sorts of missions, even if one of their teammates was currently absent. Subterfuge, that was the key.

Naruto and Sasuke split up before reaching the town after agreeing on their rough destinations. Each of them was capable of using a Henge technique to change their form into something less suspicious, but each of them also brought a different strength to the table.

Sasuke had almost perfect control over his transformations, and could choose a form for any specific situation. Naruto, lacking Sasuke's finer chakra control due to the interference of the Nine-Tails' energy, was limited to a few well-practiced forms when mimicking other humans, but made up for that disadvantage with the enormous chakra well that allowed him to engage in other forms of espionage. Thus, Sasuke would target a couple of the most likely places to find information and craft a disguise specifically for the job, while Naruto would spread out a dozen or so shadow clones and cover a wide area.

Sasuke moved through the noisy streets looking short, surly, and red-skinned. He liked this disguise well enough, since in reality he was still fairly small for an adult and being in a disguise that was similar in height to your natural stature was more convincing. Besides, the short, angry sailor look was pretty easy to sell.

The town was lively, but not overly-crowded. If anything, the people here just seemed noisier than those in Konoha or the outlying towns. It was a warm day, but the sea breeze carried cool, salty air along with the distressing smell of fish. It seemed like everything was just normal, but how could he really tell? Regardless of his target, he needed to spend some time acclimating to the town if he wanted to understand what was going on, so he meandered through the market streets, glaring nonchalantly in no specific direction. There were definitely people talking about the unknown arrivals causing trouble, but he didn't hear much usable information to go after.

He hadn't expected to get his first real hint so soon.

A man standing at a market stall that sold a variety of simple weaponry was arguing with the harried shopkeeper about the wares. From the three swords carried in his waist-wrap, Sasuke could only assume the swordsman wasn't pleased with the selection. A town like this wouldn't carry much, being nowhere near a ninja village, nor any source of Samurai power.

Actually, he would have guessed the man _was_ a Samurai, but it didn't seem to fit. For one thing, he didn't move as if he was accustomed to armor. The swordsman had hair that was short, spiky and weirdly… green, and had an odd sort of outfit, even for here. No, Samurai didn't seem right.

Then, the man drew one of his swords, showing the blade to the shopkeep as part of his argument. Was he threatening him? Sasuke was moving slowly down the street and was growing closer to the two by the second.

As he drew near, he began to hear what they were saying.

"No, like I said, I'm looking for a shop with specialty cleaning supplies. Anywhere with swords that look like this should be fine."

"Nosir, Nosir, ain't got anything like that here. It's real good work alright, but we're just knives and a few throwing stars- you know, so the kids can play pretend, gods bless 'em. Don't think our main shop's got anything of the quality of that piece of work either."

As the shopkeep yammered on nervously, Sasuke had closed the distance to the swordsman. Fifty feet, thirty feet, fifteen feet-

The swordsman froze, and the world slowed down.

Pressure. A sense of menacing pressure that stretched out time to unbearable lengths. Sasuke had paid too much attention to the man, and somehow he'd made him wary. A murderous sort of energy was bubbling up from the swordsman's skin.

If Sasuke reacted poorly, he would have to defend himself.

Step by step, he moved closer, and he knew he had to do something. Moving in a straight line, he'd pass within striking distance, and the swordsman might make a move. Oh well, time to take a chance.

"Hey! Don't just swing that thing around, ya bum!" Sasuke called out, in his assumed voice, made rough and slurred from years of hard drink, "Damned tourists think ya can just do whatever ya please…" he growled, almost to himself, as he passed.

The swordsman relaxed quickly, and the pressure abated. He shook his head slightly, as if confused, then responded, "Yeah… sorry…"

Sasuke continued on until he could round a corner and disappear. That had been close to breaking out into some sort of confrontation, which was rarely a good idea when collecting intel. One thing was for certain though, every instinct he had was telling him he'd just found a lead.

Now, it was time to capitalize on it.

After a while spent laying low, Sasuke leapt up to the rooftops to scan for his mark. It wasn't hard. The guy was asking somebody else for directions to a store that sold some odd-sounding oils for weapon maintenance. Nothing that Sasuke had ever heard of, and that was strange in and of itself.

Sasuke examined his own sword, now unhidden, removing it slightly from its sheath. 'Kagerou,' or 'Heat Haze', was a treasure of the Uchiha Clan smiths. His straight-blade had been appropriated from clan storage, since it was unlikely anyone else would ever get any use out of it. One of the benefits to being scion of a dead clan, he supposed. Regardless, the sword was a masterpiece, and was guaranteed to get the attention of any sharp-eyed swordsman.

Leaping lightly from roof to roof, he made his way quickly to the path that the swordsman had been directed to. Left, straight for two blocks, take a right, and you can't miss it.

Cutting ahead, he descended to the streets in an alley and emerged transformed as a scarred old man, clearly a retired samurai relaxing in the sun and cleaning his weapon on a stone bench. There he waited.

Ten minutes later, he realized he had somehow missed the swordsman. Perhaps the green-haired man had made a wrong turn?

Another round of spying- the swordsman was asking for directions again- another dash ahead, another disguise. Nothing.

Sasuke tried this one more time before he got nervous, pausing in a corner of a shaded warehouse rooftop. He'd been made? The swordsman had somehow known he was being followed and was dodging him? It didn't make sense!

He hunted the swordsman down one more time, still in disguise. Finally, he saw his target three blocks away and moved to shadow him from above. The green-haired man was staring intently at a fenced off alleyway, his arms crossed. It sounded like he was talking to himself.

"Didn't that old hag say it was right past the first alley? This is the first alley on my right, but I can't pass through here with this fence in the way. Was she just senile, or what…?" he muttered.

Sasuke was stunned. Was the guy just lost? Should he approach? This seemed way too suspicious.

His decision was made for him a moment later when the swordsman climbed quickly up to the rooftop Sasuke was on and blinked, surprise evident in his face.

"Huh, I thought that old hag was lying to me when she told me to go this way, but I guess people here must use it after all," he said to himself, before continuing, "Hey! Do you know where the harbor is? I'm a bit lost, and want to get back to my ship."

Sasuke stared at him blankly for a few moments, then turned his head slowly to look at the ocean water and varied assortment of fishing boats that were visible about a quarter mile away. In fact, the harbor was clearly visible from any of the main streets he'd been on in this area. Sasuke opened his mouth and tried his luck.

"You… wanna know where the harbor is?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's what I said. I asked a couple of old grandmas, but they clearly didn't have a clue."

Sasuke paused, weighing his options. Finally…

"Yeah, ya know what? The old women here? They're all crazy. They gave ya bad directions. Think the sea air does somethin' to their heads, ya know? Why don't ya come with me and I'll take ya right there."

"Huh, yeah, thanks, that'd help a lot."

Sasuke bit back a sigh. What had he gotten himself into?

* * *

-Urasoe no Machi-

-Late Afternoon-

Sasuke had guided the swordsman (Zoro, it seemed, was his name) to the harbor in terrible time. Sasuke was certain he had never before committed such severe crimes against navigation. He'd taken a path about five times longer than was necessary once he'd discovered Zoro didn't notice anything unusual about it. In the process he'd learned three things.

One, the swordsman was a crewmember of a pirate ship down in the harbor. Two, they hadn't expected to land here, though where he was from was still a mystery. Three, Zoro didn't know anything about any plans they might have.

Of course, Sasuke didn't believe that last bit for one single second. The idea of a ship's crew that would enter enemy territory and have literally no idea what they were doing, well… it was ridiculous. Soon, he reached the ship, and bade farewell to his brief travelling companion, catching a glimpse of a few odd people on board as he left.

Then, Sasuke disappeared into the crowd and returned to survey the harbor from a distance, which had been his original goal, anyway. Looking out at it all, it was obvious that something strange was going on.

Sasuke scanned the assorted ships. Fishing boats, trawlers, small-scale transport, nothing at all that was meant to get out of sight of shore. He didn't really know why, but it was common knowledge that leaving sight of the shore could mean a death sentence. Stories abounded of people showing up weeks later, half-starved, because they'd gone just a bit too far and been unable to find their way back.

Sasuke had never understood that part, really. It seemed like it shouldn't be that hard to come up with some navigational aids like the ones they used on land, but he was no expert and he'd long since learned the hazards of looking down on a subject you knew little about.

By contrast, there were a few ships like the one Zoro had come ashore on. Big things that looked like people were meant to live in them, with odd shapes and powerful sails. The port wasn't really built for traffic like this, and there were one or two even larger ships anchored off in the distance that couldn't have fit in the port proper.

What was strangest of all were the flags. Skulls, and bones, and all sorts of lurid imagery. The one that Zoro came in on had a skull, crossed bones, and a straw-hat. Sasuke's eagle eyes saw a flag far off in the distance that looked like… bones crossed behind red lips and a lolling tongue?

What in the world was the _point_ of it all?

Hidden in an alleyway behind a nearby warehouse, Sasuke transformed into the body of a down-on-his-luck dockworker. Unbeknownst to him, a single eye watched him from the darkness, sprouting from the wall as if by magic. Stepping out of the alleyway, he gradually moved along the stone pier toward his target. He made a show of inspecting each ship along the way, taking his time to avoid seeming suspicious. Finally, it was the moment he had been waiting for. He approached the ship with the straw-hat flag, the deck towering at least four meters above him.

Something was clearly odd up above. He heard screeching, hammering, arguments, and the occasional small explosion. Looking closer, he saw that the ship itself wasn't even in very good shape. It had pieces torn out and replaced, or even just tacked back on with haphazard nails and rivets. The thing was a wreck, really. Somehow he got the feeling a normal dockworker would just move right along, no matter how much work he was looking for, but he wasn't about to back off now.

"Ooiii~! You alright up there?! Sounds kinda dangerous!" he called out.

More screaming. A few seconds later, someone stepped up to the railing. It was a beautiful woman with striking black hair and an unusual nose. Sasuke was sure she was older than him, but he couldn't guess by how much.

"Oh, hello miss, how do ya do?" he called out, genially.

"Why hello there, curious one," she said in a rich and musical voice.

"Just checkin' to see if you needed any cargo moved, ya know. I've got some guys I can round up if ya need the help?" he asked, trying to put just the right amount of hopefulness into his voice.

"Cargo? Oh my, no. Wouldn't last long with this group," she said, pleasantly. Saying that, she leaned forward, resting her head on her hands as she looked down at him.

Well that ruled out some of the more peaceful reasons for a pirate to visit this port. Not looking good. As she said that, there was another shriek from above, followed by surprised shouting, followed by another explosion. Sasuke winced, visibly.

"Er, miss, are you sure you're alright up there?"

"Oh yes, everything's perfectly fine. Why would you ask?" Her face was completely innocent.

At that moment, a figure ran past on deck, only visible to Sasuke below because of the cloud of smoke following him, shouting, "Put it out! Put it out! Put it out! Put it out!" Then there was a loud * _THUD*,_ followed by silence. Sasuke really began to wish he could see what was going on up there.

The woman didn't react in the slightest, still smiling down at him.

"Oh, ah, well, alright then, if'n you say so…" he said, uncertain.

Suddenly, there was another scream from on deck. A very high-pitched shout that almost sounded like a child.

"Ahhh! Usopp! Hang on! Doctor! We need a doctor! Ohh-oh wait that's me… Robin! Can you get me my bag from inside the storeroom?!"

The woman, who was presumably 'Robin,' responded without taking her eyes off of Sasuke. "Certainly, Mr. Doctor." Then, there was a series of odd, almost musical sounds and, seconds later...

"Thanks, Robin!"

"Not a problem."

She hadn't moved even one finger the entire time, nor had she broken her gaze that was still locked on his eyes. Suddenly, Sasuke realized he'd made a mistake. He felt it deep in his bones. This woman was dangerous in a way he only rarely encountered, even on missions. It was the same feeling you have when you suddenly realize someone's in a darkened room with you. He had no idea how or when it had happened, but he'd been unmasked. Robin's eyes now reminded him of the focused stare of a cat or a bird of prey.

Quickly, he excused himself and left the premises. As he left, he heard her call out after him.

"See you later, oh Curious One…"

* * *

A/N: For some commonly asked questions, check my profile. Including things like, "Who the hell is Tobi?" or "Where is Nagato?" or "Wouldn't Sasuke's eye have become an Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan?"


	9. A Food Fight Without Honor or Humanity

-Urasoe no Machi-

-Evening-

Naruto grabbed his rumbling stomach, grimacing. The sun was starting to set, and he had been at this for too long already. Lights were flickering on throughout the town, and certain stores set torches alight near their sign, which seemed to be something of a tradition here. It was still bright out, but the alleys were falling into deep shadow, which just helped him move about more easily.

Spreading his clones through the city for information, Naruto had heard an awful lot of griping, but that was about it. A few random thugs which he'd beaten into submission, but, hey, that was certainly nothing new. The problem was that, whoever these weirdos they were looking for were, they blended in reasonably well. It was a fairly large town. He still wasn't sure what he should be hunting for, exactly.

Naruto's use of the Shadow Clone technique afforded him a few benefits. One of them was that he wouldn't have to feel bad for grabbing a bite to eat, since his clones could still be out and about, covering the town. He was _starving._

Luckily, salvation was in sight. Naruto's spirits soared as he saw it. A ramen booth, the curtain obscuring its inside was decorated with an octopus tentacle stuffed into a bowl of delicious, salty broth. Smoke and steam were billowing from the rear of the booth, and it smelled absolutely divine.

He needed no further prompting. He dashed to the booth and shouldered his way inside.

He was in heaven. As he pushed through the curtain, he was blasted in the face with a solid wall of hot, savory air, each breath hinting at a different ingredient just waiting for him to come and get it.

Naruto needed very much to be on the outside of as much ramen as he could be as quickly as possible.

Stepping through the cloud of steam, he finally got a good look at the inside of the place. Five stools at a high counter that separated the customers from the cook. There was only one other customer in the place, stuffing his face and slurping noisily. He already had a few empty bowls in front of him.

The cook was a weathered-looking older guy with a round, bulbous nose, wearing a headband to keep the sweat out of his eyes in the hot, humid air. Judging by the look of it, that headband was dying a hero's death, day by day, in execution of its duty.

Naruto stepped up and grabbed a seat three down from the other customer at the end, smacked a hefty wad of money onto the counter, and called out, "Heya! I want one of anything you can give me! I'm starving, so just keep 'em coming, alright?"

The old cook gave him a weird look. If Naruto didn't know better, he might have confused it with the way people used to look at him back when everyone in Konoha hated him, but that didn't make sense. One of the nice things about going out on missions far away was that absolutely no one in a town like this knew who he was.

Still, the guy looked a bit worried about something, nodding glumly before grabbing the empty bowls from in front of the other customer and returning to work.

Naruto waited, reminiscing on recent events. It had been a long, long year, and honestly he wasn't sure where things stood right now. Team Seven were great friends, even though Sakura couldn't be here with them now, but the death of the Hokage felt like it sort of signified the end of all the normal stuff. All three of them were Chuunin now, and Kakashi himself was being pushed around by people wanting him to be Hokage. He'd heard they were even hunting his master, _Jiraiya_ , of all people.

Naruto smirked. What a joke that would be.

Then his smile dropped from his face. After all this was over, would Team Seven even take missions with each other any more?

Thoughts wandering, a minute or so passed, with only the noises of the shop to fill the air. Pans sizzling, water boiling, knives hitting wood, and the slurping and chomping from his right. Eventually, though, his thoughts were interrupted as the cook plopped a bowl in front of him. Naruto looked up.

"Thanks, man! Smells great!" he said.

The cook just gave him that worried look again, glancing down at the table before rushing back to his tools. When Naruto looked down at his bowl, it was nowhere to be found.

Admittedly, he had been distracted, but he had been _sure_ he'd been given a bowl. Weird. Another minute passed before the cook returned carrying a replacement.

"Awright, yer food's ready, kid," he began, voice a bit strained and thick with an unfamiliar accent, "Just be careful, 'cause-"

"Hey, thanks a lot! I got it, it's cool!" Naruto interrupted. Oh, steamy, wonderful, salty ramen. "Yep, you _gotta_ start with seafood in a town like this!"

Naruto clapped both hands together and closed his eyes in a quick prayer of thanks. "Itadakimasu!"

When he opened his eyes again, the bowl was gone.

"Wha- what?! Hey, what's the big deal?!" he shouted.

The cook just gave him another odd look, his nervousness seeming to intensify, then disappeared back to the kitchen without another word.

Naruto was bewildered by this exchange. His bowl had been taken in just a second, and he hadn't seen or heard anything. It couldn't have been the cook, because he hadn't had the bowl with him afterwards. It couldn't have been the other customer, because he was sitting at least six feet away and hadn't stopped slurping and chewing for a single moment in that time. In fact, it was even louder now, if anything. Struck by a sudden suspicion, Naruto examined the other occupant of the shop carefully.

At least, he tried to. Naruto's eyes went wide when he looked at the guy. The diner was young, not much older than himself, if that, with black hair and wearing a tattered straw hat. That was hardly all that unusual.

What _was_ unusual was that Straw-Hat's cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk's, each one stretched out to at least the size of his own head, so large that Naruto couldn't make out the guy's eyes.

Naruto cursed, mentally. This was what he got for letting his guard down. He'd been in a fight since the moment he stepped into this shop, and he hadn't even known it until just a second ago.

This dork wanted to take his dinner and just keep on eating like nothing had happened? Well, screw that.

Let's get dangerous.

Naruto sat in an almost meditative silence as the next bowl arrived, his cold, hard gaze tracking it as it came. Hot, salty noodles heaped with fish would be his battleground today. Eyes still locked on the bowl he gave a slow, small nod to the cook, releasing the man back towards safety.

It was just him and the slurping diner now.

"Aaahhh, I dunno what happened to those other bowls," Naruto said in a carefully measured voice, his salty menace matched only by the soup that he had been denied, "but I can't wait to dig into this one." He paused for a beat, waiting. "Whoops! Almost forgot. Gotta say my thanks."

Naruto clapped his hands in a solemn prayer, the ominous noise ringing out inside the cramped confines of the stall. This time, he kept his eyes open. " _Itadakima-_ "

There! An arm shot past like a speeding arrow, and Naruto's hand darted down with reflexes honed from a year of catching flies for training, snatching the arm mid-flight by the wrist just inches from his bowl.

"AH-HAH! Caught you, you son of a bitch! Thought you could get away with- _Holy Shit!"_

Straw-hat's arm was stretched out like some sort of tentacle, bridging the six or so feet between them as if it were nothing. The guy turned to face Naruto, his cheeks still stuffed to bursting.

"Ah, showwy, mah han' shliffed." He apologized.

"You- what? Your _hand slipped_?" Naruto asked in disbelief. Straw-Hat's fingers were still wriggling desperately towards his bowl of ramen. "Bullshit! You're still going after my food, man!"

"It'sh shtill shliffing."

" _STILL SLIPPING?!_ Oh that is _it_! You asked for this, asshole."

Naruto stood, still holding the arm, and advanced on Straw-hat, who also stood in a hurry while desperately finishing his remaining noodles.

Naruto stepped forward, leg shooting out in a roundhouse kick, causing Straw-hat to duck awkwardly, stumbling underneath the attack. As Straw-hat staggered backward, Naruto was tugged off-balance by his grip on the surprisingly strong mystery diner, causing him to lurch forward.

No matter. He'd pulled his punch, so to speak, so he wouldn't accidentally kill the man. Straightening up, he attacked again, letting himself get a bit faster. It was only after another couple of more enthusiastic jabs at close range failed to land that Naruto revised his opinion and began to get serious.

At that moment, Straw-hat twisted in a way that looked accidental, and his overstuffed cheek knocked into Naruto's face, sending him reeling. The two combatants stepped back for a moment, hampered by the close quarters.

Naruto was pissed.

"You son of a bitch. We're taking this outside! You're not getting away from me!"

Straw-Hat somehow took a deep lungful of breath, and that was when it all went wrong for the poor ninja.

" **NOODLE BEAM!"**

Without further ado, Straw-Hat sprayed an intense stream of pressurized soup from his impressive cheek-reserves. The attack was an absurd parody of other water-element jutsu Naruto had been forced to deal with on a couple of occasions. Luckily, his practice allowed him to dodge the worst of the attack.

Well, at least he managed to avoid swallowing any.

Well, mostly.

 _"Hrghptthhbth-GAH-glck-aaghpthbbt!"_ Naruto spluttered, helpless in the face of the full-force ramen bombardment. There just wasn't enough space to dodge! Eventually, though, the spray relented.

"Aw man!" said Straw-Hat, "What a waste. Sorry about that!" Then, he dashed from the stall, bursting through the curtains into the night.

Naruto immediately scrambled back to his feet and set off after the man, noodles in his hair and murder on his mind.

"HEY! GET BACK HERE, YOU ASSHOLE!" he shouted, bursting out of the shop.

"Hey, I said sorry! I'm not actually supposed to fight while I'm here," Straw-Hat called back. "Thanks for the meal, by the way! I don't really have any cash that they'll accept here."

"Any cash that they- wait, no!"

A quick glance behind him showed the cook dashing off into the back-alleyways, and he sure as hell had Naruto's money, too. Cursing his luck, Naruto hesitated, then turned to dash after Straw-Hat.

"Damnit! That was my dinner!"

"Yeah, it was pretty good, huh?" Straw-Hat called back without a hint of irony.

"Screw you, jackass!" Naruto responded.

"I'm Luffy, by the way. Hey, it was nice meeting you, and all, but I really hafta go. See you some other time!"

"No, I already told you you're not getting away from me, you- AH!"

Luffy's arm shot out, stretching to absurd lengths into the distance. With a strange snapping sort of noise he grabbed onto a far-off building in the direction of the harbor.

"Bye!"

Then he was gone, rocketing off towards the horizon. Naruto slowed to a stop, jaw hanging open in astonishment.

What the hell?

He had to tell Sasuke about this.

Maybe he'd leave that one part out.

Well, first he needed to wipe the soup out of his eyes.


	10. And Then There Was One

-Urasoe no machi-

-Late Evening-

Naruto and Sasuke met soon thereafter to exchange notes. It didn't take much to connect the straw-hatted man Naruto had engaged to the ship with the straw-hat flag, but they were going to have to work together if they wanted to get anywhere with this group.

As the sun set, they tracked their targets to a port tavern in a lively part of town. Once again, it was clear something was wrong even before they arrived. Broken glass and braying laughter were paired with people rushing out of the tavern's entrance, seeking safety in the street. Naruto and Sasuke entered through an upper floor window, moving like shadows as they scouted the scene.

Surprisingly, it wasn't their targets that were causing the problem.

"This is so pathetic I can hardly even laugh," said a hyena of a man at the largest table, "Sure, if you wanna get out of here so bad, you can go right ahead and fuck off. The Log Pose sets in just a day and a half. The island's field is so strong now that travel is an easy affair. Ours already set, but we've got a bit more… hah- _business_ to attend to in this town before we move on. Don't need pissy-pants children getting in the way, anyway. "

"Hah, you tell 'em Bellamy!" yelled the blue haired man beside him. Bellamy's nine followers laughed heartily at this.

The three Straw-hat pirates were just standing there, the center of attention for a larger group of miscreants. Luffy was dripping with some sort of drink that had apparently been emptied over his head, and Zoro was scuffed and a bit cut up, food staining his shirt. To the side, a buxom, short-haired redhead stood by nervously, watching the two. The two men, meanwhile, were wearing utterly blank faces, devoid of all emotion.

Naruto and Sasuke exchanged a few wordless glances, then got to work.

The scene that followed was a strange one. Bellamy had an immense torso and arms, but a tiny head and lower body. He really did look like a hyena. He carried the conversation like it was a performance, pretending his victims had a choice in how to proceed, but using his henchmen to keep things moving the way he wanted it to. All the while, he laughed, and his followers behind him laughed along.

"You know, I was actually testing you lot to see if you had what it takes to be a part of my crew in the New Era, but now I just feel like laughing!" he said.

Bellamy's eight henchmen laughed cacophonously.

"You start talking about the One Piece? Seriously?! Oh man, that really gets me going. I mean, not even _kids_ are talking about that shit any more!"

Bellamy's seven henchmen laughed uproariously.

"The era of the 'dreaming pirate' is long over! You're just rushing forward so fast you're tripping over your own bibs. Look at this place! These people haven't ever even _heard_ of a Devil Fruit! It's new, and ripe for the taking. As a future leader in Warlord Doflamingo's army, this island will be perfect for us!"

Bellamy's six henchmen laughed raucously.

"And that's what really bugs me about trash like you... You pathetic dreamers are so busy chasing after your rainbows and fairy gold that you can't even focus on taking what's in front of you. What a fucking _Joke_!" At this, Bellamy hurled a mug of beer at the straw-hatted captain. It bounced off, drenching him and forcing him a step back.

Bellamy's five henchmen laughed boisterously

"When I see idiots like you just 'living your dreams,' or whatever it makes me sick to my stomach."

Bellamy's four henchmen laughed somewhat awkwardly.

Zoro, Luffy, and the young woman were now looking rather puzzled as they watched Bellamy and the henchmen behind him. Bellamy, however, sneered, enjoying having an audience for his abuse of these captive victims.

"Wimps like you give us pirates a bad reputation, you know? Because of people like you, people like me have to kick twice as much ass to get taken seriously."

Bellamy's three henchmen chuckled nervously, starting to feel like something was wrong. Bellamy himself, however, pressed on without a care, dropping his voice to a menacing growl.

"So, here's my suggestion. Why don't you babies get the hell out of town before we kick you out ourselves?"

Bellamy's two henchmen started looking around, confused.

"Okay, seriously, are you guys even paying attention back there? What the hell do I pay you for?" Bellamy asked, taking a swig of his drink and turning to his followers to see what the problem was. Behind him, his last henchman, the blue-haired guy with the odd sword, fell to the ground unconscious, hands tied behind his back. All the others were in a similar position. Whoever had attacked them had disappeared without a trace.

Bellamy immediately spat out what he was drinking, a mist of ale coating the mound of fallen henchmen.

Luffy and Zoro looked at each other, shrugged, then turned to Nami.

"Nami," said Luffy, "I know we said no fighting while we're here, but this isn't gonna be a fight any more, so…"

"Luffy," said the woman, clenching her teeth, "Forget the promise. We got what we came for. Kick his ass."

"Yeah, sounds good," said Luffy, cracking his knuckles with a blithe expression on his face.

"Whoa, wait, what the hell?!" shouted Bellamy, backing away from the other man.

But it was too late.

* * *

-Urasoe no machi-

-Night-

Naruto had been pissed about helping the jackass who had borrowed his food earlier, but it was the logical choice. The Straw-Hat crew had been outnumbered and outmatched, so it was clearly a better choice to kick that hyena's ass first and go after the weaker group later. They'd managed to abscond with one of the unfortunate henchmen and had gotten some more information, which helped somewhat. Still, they were missing perhaps the most important piece of information, which was a way to gauge the combat strength of their remaining unknown visitors.

So it was that the two shinobi stalked down to the harbor in the middle of the night, their movement hidden in the flickering of torches and the brushing of shadows against the cobbled streets. They should have gone completely unnoticed, but two separate parties witnessed their passage. Hidden in the shadows of the eaves of a nearby warehouse, a single eyeball watched, blinking once, then disappeared, leaving only the blank wall as it faded away. Inside the Going Merry, Robin opened her eyes.

Back in the streets, unseen even by Robin, a cloaked figure melted into existence and began to follow the two boys.

The Straw-Hat's ship was anchored parallel to the dock, and the nearly full moon sat high in the air behind it, illuminating the landscape. By the time Naruto and Sasuke arrived, three foes stood ready for them. The green-haired swordsman from earlier, Zoro, was waiting on the dock in front of the ship with his arms crossed over his chest. Above, Luffy was grinning down at them from the deck as they approached. Visible standing at the stern of the ship, a blonde-haired man in some sort of strange, black, tailored outfit leaned against the railing, smoking a glowing cigarette in the shadows of the night sky. He seemed almost totally disinterested in current events, and neither of the ninja had ever seen him before.

This changed some things. Somehow their surprise attack had been uncovered, and, to make matters worse, there were even more potential combatants. The 'proper' response would be to retreat and wait for a more opportune moment. Naruto fidgeted, lips twitching with suppressed annoyance. Sasuke was going to say just that; he knew it.

But his partner remained silent.

The two ninja stopped out in the open quite a fair distance away, and their presence was swiftly answered by Luffy, watching them from above.

"Hey! It's you guys again! I guess I owe you, huh? You really beat those guys senseless back there! And thanks again for dinner!" he called out, cheerfully.

Naruto immediately started growling and grumbling, though Sasuke wasn't sure what the full story was there. Still, he saw an opening.

"Mind answering a few questions for us, then?" Sasuke asked. When Luffy didn't object, he continued, "Where are you from? Is it true you people came from across the sea?"

"We're pirates from East Blue, and that's a loooong way away from here." Luffy said.

"East Blue? I don't know where that is." Sasuke responded.

"Eh? Well it's gotta be East of here, right? East Blue?" Luffy asked, seeming uncertain. "Zoro, it's East of here, right?"

"Makes sense to me," said Zoro, sounding bored.

Above deck, the man in the black suit pressed his hand to his forehead, groaning.

Beside Sasuke, Naruto muttered, "Totally lying to us." Sasuke nodded slightly.

"How'd you get here, then?" Sasuke asked. "Up until recently, no one could sail to this island at all."

"Eh, I let our navigator answer those questions. She knows more about it than me. That's her job."

"We'd like to talk to her then."

"Nah, she's asleep."

Naruto frowned and glanced at Sasuke, who nodded back. Then, Naruto said, "If you really wanna pay us back, you could go and wake her up. Otherwise, we're gonna have to beat the tar outta you."

Suddenly, Zoro smirked, and Luffy's grin reached his ears. "Yeah, that sounds more like it! It wouldn't be an adventure on a mystery island without a good fight!"

"Shit," Naruto muttered, "they're just mocking us. I'm ready to show 'em who's boss, how about you?"

"Yeah," agreed Sasuke, "but be ready to retreat. All we need from this is to find out how powerful these guys are."

With that, Zoro drew two of his swords, and Luffy began stretching to warm up.

Naruto and Sasuke moved. Naruto covered the distance in a hurry in an attempt to leap up to the ship itself, and with a swift motion Sasuke let loose a storm of shuriken to cover Naruto's advance and prevent the swordsman from engaging him. Swordplay was much more Sasuke's field of expertise. Then he advanced as well, meeting the swordsman in a flash. Their blades met with the resounding clash of steel on steel, and the fight was on.

It was interrupted only moments later.

The only warning they had was a hissing noise in the night. It was the kind of warning that slithered through their hind brains, making them want to both freeze in place and start running at the same time. A veritable bouquet of serpents came shooting out of the darkness as if they were arrows fired from a bow, forcing Sasuke and Zoro to scramble away from each other, desperately avoiding the opening strike of their mystery opponent. Naruto paused before reaching the ship, backing away hurriedly from the source of the attack.

A man stepped out of the shadows, chuckling in a raspy voice. He wore a long black robe with no adornment save for a number of red, stylized clouds with white borders. His black hair was lank, reaching past his shoulders and covered a fair bit of his face, but his inhuman bone structure and pale skin were quite visible. He was so pale that his skin might have been described as alabaster, but that word didn't fit the deathly pallor they saw advancing on them now. Naruto and Sasuke stared in shock. They had never met the man, but they both recognized him.

Orochimaru, former legend of Konoha, now an S-rank missing-nin belonging to the fugitive organization known as Akatsuki, was smirking at them from his position in a patch of moonlight.

"So sorry to interrupt, but it looks like you kids were about to start without me. I'm afraid I'll be taking your ship and navigational devices from you, outlanders," he said in a croaking, breathy voice. "You and the two Konoha children should probably pay attention to me instead of fighting each other."


	11. Inappropriate Challenge Ratings

As the Akatsuki member called out his challenge, Naruto couldn't help but feel a certain trepidation. When he had trained with Jiraiya, he had had years to try his luck at fighting the legendary Toad Sage, and he knew that if his master were ever to fight him seriously then Naruto would swiftly become a corpse. He knew it in his bones, no matter how hard he egged the man on.

From everything he had heard, this Orochimaru was as good as, or better than, Jiraiya, with none of the redeeming character traits. This was a fight no sane person wanted a piece of.

Luffy dashed to the ship's railing, shouting, "You wanna take our ship?! Hell if I'm gonna let you do that, you snake bastard!" Then, with no further warm-up, he leapt some fifty feet into the air, heading straight towards the man, fists raised.

Whatever he was planning, Luffy didn't get the chance to do it. From the shadows of the dock, a second voice spoke.

 **[FUUTON: DAITOPPA] -** **[WIND RELEASE: GREAT BREAKTHROUGH]**

Silhouetted by the moon, Luffy felt rather than saw the disrupted air coming at him. A strong headwind struck him head-on as if he had been impacted by a boulder, pushing him backwards as his grunts of effort turned into a shout of rage. Somehow, the wind itself began to cut at his skin. A second after impact he saw a glint and thrust his hand into the swirling vortex of air to a tiny patch of calm, snatching a thrown kunai that had been directly on course to hit his face.

"Argh! You jerk!" he screamed.

Then the explosive tag attached to the kunai ignited, the blast catching Luffy directly in the face, sending him sailing out into the dark waters of the open ocean.

Sanji was the first to react. "Shit!" he cursed, tossing his cigarette over the edge as he dashed to the other side of the ship, "Why does the guy who can't swim keep getting knocked into the ocean!" With that, he leapt overboard. Naruto wasn't sure whether his being able to swim or not was his biggest problem, though. Taking an explosion like that at a single arm's length wasn't an experience people generally survived.

The man who had cast the powerful wind element jutsu emerged from the shadows of the dock warehouses, moving and speaking calmly.

"Orochimaru," he said in a deep, well-practiced voice that wasn't even trying to hide his disdain, "Don't fool around. There are only a few of these visitors in port. You can kill them after taking care of the mission."

The man was old, with short black hair that was late in going to gray and a thoroughly scarred face with a heavy black eyepatch over his right eye. Other than that, his standard Akatsuki cloud-print robes hid most of his body. Regardless, he moved out of the shadows like he owned the darkness, and there was no hint of infirmity in his calm stride.

Zoro had seen enough. Two swords drawn, he gripped the third between his teeth and then he moved, dashing straight for the snake-man who had interrupted the initial clash. One of the good things about dealing with assassins, Zoro considered, was that once they showed themselves everything got nice and simple. There was no need to worry about going easy on idiots who bluffed or postured as they threatened murder, because a real killer showed their true intentions in every line of their body.

Zoro ate up the distance between him and his target, feeling the intense aura of the monster before him like a mist of acid prickling at his skin. He would be striking to kill immediately.

Orochimaru chuckled again, horrible and raspy, before slicing the nail of one hand across the palm of the other, and bringing the bloody hand straight down to the ground.

 **[NINPO: KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU] -** **[SUMMONING TECHNIQUE]**

Zoro was only fifty feet away when there was a sound like a polite thunderclap and Orochimaru disappeared in a cloud of sudden smoke. Not to be deterred, Zoro dashed right in, swiping his swords to clear a path as if physically cutting through the air. Charging like a stampeding bull, Zoro crossed his arms and raised two of his blades to form two impaling horns.

 **[SANTOURYU: USHI-BARI]** **[BULL NEEDLES]**

It was over in a flash. Orochimaru staggered backwards, a wet noise coming from his gaping mouth as both swords impaled him where he stood, unable to even fall over without being torn apart and trampled underneath. Zoro scowled. That had been almost too easy. Orochimaru's mouth opened wide in pain, then wider and wider, a sickening popping noise signaling the moment when his jaw detached from its natural location. Zoro's scowl turned into a disbelieving grimace.

Then he heard the hissing.

Zoro had heard of a school of fencing that specialized in quick stabs directed at your opponent's face. By necessity an opponent could not advance or extend their reach while keeping their head back, and such attacks were almost impossible to ignore, which made this strategy difficult to deal with. Attacks coming at your face were unnerving, no matter who you were.

The glint of saliva-drenched scales in the moonlight was the only hint he had that the attack was coming. With the same speed as a lunging fencer, another damned serpent erupted from Orochimaru's gaping maw. From the snake's mouth, as if it were just a horrifying sheath, the point of a sword shot toward his face. Grunting with surprise, Zoro lifted his chin, barely catching the attack on the hilt of the sword he held between his teeth, then kicked out with a foot to push Orochimaru backwards, pulling his blades out of the snake-man's body.

Zoro took stock, controlling his breathing as the smoke around him began to clear. A thick cloud of it obscured his vision of the snake-man for a single moment and then Orochimaru was standing there, apparently in perfect health, now holding the straight-bladed sword that had just been unsheathed from its snake. Despite a life of strange encounters, Zoro had never seen anything like it.

"You a devil-fruit user?" He asked. Orochimaru just smirked in response, cocking his head slightly to the side.

As the smoke passed, something else became clear, as well.

The ocean heaved, a shape disturbing the waves, and with no further warning an immense serpent erupted from beneath the water beside the Merry, quickly coiling itself around it. Its diamond-patterned grey and aquamarine scales made it difficult to see in the failing light, but the ship's hull began creaking as it gained purchase. As soon as it got a grip, it began to move. Orochimaru turned to his partner further down the docks.

"As you can see, Danzou, I have the situation well in hand. Feel free to take care of the ones on the ship while I sample the entertainment here."

An opportunity. Zoro didn't often see foes who would take their eyes off of him in a fight, but he would gladly take advantage of any openings he was given. Driving inwards once more he sliced, swords biting deep into the man. No defense, no parry, just the resistance of steel cutting through muscle and bone.

No. Something was different.

Orochimaru turned that smirk back towards him, and then everything went wrong. Zoro was an expert, able to read volumes from instantaneous glimmers of movement, and he could still barely see the flicker that marked the point when the smirking monster of a man in front of him turned into a pile of angry snakes. The instant it happened, each serpent was already lunging. Zoro jumped back, cutting rapidly to behead several of the thick serpents before they could bite.

"Shit! Yeah, _definitely_ a fruit-user. This guy's nothing but snakes!" he bit out around the hilt of the sword. Then, he cursed to himself. With no further word, Orochimaru's partner leapt onto the moving ship. Nami, Usopp, Chopper, and Robin were still on there. That dumbass cook was busy fishing their captain out of the ocean, and the only people on the docks were himself, the two kids that had attacked them, and this ridiculous snake monster.

This was not his lucky day.

* * *

Sasuke had been beside himself with shock and fury from the instant the second attacker appeared. This hardly even seemed real. It had only been this morning that Itachi had warned him about Danzou, and now here he was. This was the man who had ordered his family slaughtered. The man that Itachi had warned him above all else to stay hidden from.

He should be grabbing Naruto and leaving immediately. He shouldn't fight this man.

Danzou turned toward him and smiled, his eyes lidded.

Well screw that then. There were only a hundred feet between them, and Sasuke was determined to cover the distance in a flash. Danzou, however, moved first. With a dash and a leap he boarded the ensnared ship that was now leaving the dock.

Zoro cursed. "Damn it, you shitty cook, get your ass back here already!" With that, Zoro dove back into the fray, attacking the Orochimaru with renewed fervor.

Sasuke took quick stock of his surroundings. Orochimaru had raised his sword and was now dueling the other swordsman. The blond pirate who had jumped into the ocean was just now hauling his friend back towards the dock. Naruto, meanwhile, was looking towards Sasuke with concerned eyes.

"Naruto, I'm going after him!" Sasuke called out.

"What? Why?"

"He's the one that killed my brother." To his own ears that sentence sounded somehow flat; like he didn't even care. He tried it again. "He killed my whole family." Sasuke couldn't understand how he could feel so angry and yet sound so half-hearted. Funny how that works. Naruto looked as if he wanted to say something, but Sasuke didn't want to hear anything more. He began running.

He needed to get on that ship before it got too far away, since there was no telling how fast that snake might go once it got out of the harbor. Dashing toward the sea, he leapt toward the water's edge, but he didn't get far. Two long snakes shot out from Orochimaru's loose sleeve, covering nearly forty feet in moments. Sasuke was so focused that they encircled him easily as he jumped, knocking his breath from him as they whipped him violently into the ground.

"You're not getting away from me so easily, child," called Orochimaru, still locked in combat. "We still have lots of time to play."

Sasuke groaned from the impact. Suddenly forced to grapple with the hissing snakes, untangling himself was a problem. Of all the times to stop paying attention!

Then, both snakes died instantaneously. Naruto had arrived, severing their bodies and allowing Sasuke to escape. Helping him to his feet, Naruto locked eyes with him.

"Sasuke, do what you gotta do. I'll kick this scaly bastard's ass and follow after you." Naruto punctuated his words with a confident thump of his chest, then turned to charge into the melee, adding a barrage of clones to the mix.

Sasuke grinned; Naruto always made for an amazing distraction.

The ship was already moving faster than he could swim, which was clearly a problem for the two pirates that had just pulled themselves from the water. Not a problem for him, though. He resumed his dash toward the ocean. On the way, he saw the blond pirate delivering a series of brutal axe-kicks to his waterlogged companion. While screaming. This crew must be less cohesive than he had thought.

Sasuke leapt into the night and landed, still running, on the surface of the water.

* * *

Sanji had finally pulled their dumbass of a captain out of the ocean when he realized the ship was already leaving. It was, in fact, moving too fast and too far away to catch up with by swimming, even for him. So now he was stuck on land, 'helping' Luffy get the water out of his lungs by means of his heel, each kick forcing out more and more.

"You asshole!" _Kick_. "The Ladies are on that ship with one of those crazies!" _Kick._ "-and you have to get your rubber ass-" _Kick_. "-knocked out to sea like an idiot," _Kick. "_ You sorry excuse for a waterlogged whoopee cushion!" _Kick. "_ Hell, it's not even fun to kick you!"

 _Kick._

 _"Shit._ How the hell are we supposed to catch up with a sea serpent?"

That was when one of the two kids who had come out to fight them earlier ran past him, eyes focused on their ship like he was possessed.

"Hey, it's no good, kid," he growled, "It's moving too fast for you to catch by-"

The black-haired kid leapt off the dock and landed, running, on the surface of the water. He didn't even slow down.

"-swimming." Sanji finished thoughtfully. Well that was odd.

There would be time to consider that afterward. Seconds later, Luffy finished coughing up the water, and Sanji left him to rush into the melee. Luffy would follow soon enough.


	12. Tipping the Scales

_Orochimaru danced through the battlefield, dodging and parrying blow after blow. Each move was easy, graceful, but his thoughts were also divided._

These opponents were wonderful, though he'd forgotten to ask for introductions. He supposed it was too late for that now. Still, the two outlanders had been obligingly communicative with each other. If what he was hearing was correct, then besides the ever-obvious Naruto, the swordsman was named 'Mossball' and the leg-fighter was named 'Dumbass'. This would also make the third outlander who had not yet joined the fight 'Luffy'. Well, they _were_ outlanders, so he supposed it might be possible.

 _Dumbass and Mossball wove in and out of combat, neither one willing to attack at the same time, but both very comfortable with taking turns. That appeared to be the limit to their teamwork. Honestly, they were a bit too predictable. Orochimaru's blade, the Kusanagi-no-tsurugi, licked out and trimmed the end of Dumbass' lit cigarette. With a curse, the man spat it out and returned seconds later. Hopefully he would pay a bit more attention this time._

All things considered, it was a wonderful time to be Orochimaru. Being a member of Akatsuki had always been a bit stifling, only worth it for the security it had afforded him, and in recent months he had seriously considered leaving the group behind entirely. When their new objective had been revealed, Orochimaru had laughed at their mysterious leader in derision. Tobi's power might be unquestionable, but the man's plans seemed positively ludicrous even by Orochimaru's warped standards of ambition.

 _Naruto clapped both hands together in a familiar gesture, and Orochimaru melted into the ground, becoming one with the cobblestones of the harbor. Moments later, a tremendously stout toad in stone armor smashed into the ground where he had been standing. Jiraiya's pupil was foolish indeed to think he could catch him with a technique he had seen used dozens of times before. The toad disappeared a moment later in a cloud of smoke._

That was before last week, when he had finally gotten his hands on someone from the outside world, one of the most interesting test subjects that he had ever seen. A woman who could possess the properties of glass. She could harden, change her shape, turn nearly invisible, or even use refraction to create deadly beams of light when exposed to the sun. The path of her chakra was truly extraordinary. The clincher, though, was that it had all happened because she had eaten a single fruit.

Just a fruit.

 _Orochimaru flowed out of the stones, slashing in a fluid motion. Naruto's shadow clone disappeared in a puff of smoke. Pity. He'd thought that had been the real one._

Though the woman hadn't survived the testing processes, his investigations being somewhat more vigorous than usual, he had learned oh so much. But now he had even more questions. Apparently they lost the ability to swim? Why should that be? Surely designing these powers so that they all resulted in the ability to sink in seawater would be more, not less, difficult? It was frustrating. Finding more test subjects, and especially one of those Devil Fruits, was now his top priority, and for that they needed to find their way to the outside world. To accomplish that, he would stay with Akatsuki.

 _Without a pause, Dumbass launched a kick of meteoritic speed. Orochimaru barely dodged to the side before letting loose more snakes to distract the boy. Honestly, these two strangely-named outlanders were frighteningly powerful given their obvious lack of proper training._

It was well known to those who paid attention (though so few really did) that the Elemental Kingdoms consisted of just a couple of large islands in the middle of an immense ocean. Fewer still knew about the weather patterns and magnetic disturbances that made travel to the outside world a deadly prospect. Finally, almost no one knew about the extremely unusual permanent genjutsu that made travel and navigation to the outside world literally impossible, even for those who could command storms and seas alike. Once one left the coast, you could no longer trust your eyes when it came to the sun or stars. Navigation was simply impossible.

 _Mossball was panting and bleeding from numerous slashes and bites, but he had been very impressive, actually landing a couple small strikes even as he fought alone. His skill was incredible, though the young man seemed completely unused to dealing with even the most basic of tricks. He would never have a chance at winning until he could learn to track the location of Orochimaru's true body at all times._

In the space of just three weeks, the ever-bubbly Tobi had solved all of these problems. Who would have guessed that the magnetism and weather effects that shrouded their islands were being generated by an ancient jutsu just waiting to be switched off by someone with the right advanced bloodline?

No, seriously, how had Tobi guessed that? The entire affair was infuriatingly unlikely. The man was holding something back. He knew things he shouldn't about the outside world. It had turned out that navigators outside their island just so happened to possess devices that let them move freely from island to island, sailing along 'roads' of magnetic fields, and those roads were something that the Elemental Kingdoms had lacked until last week.

 _The missing fighter, Luffy, was now charging into combat, screaming with quite a lot less subtlety than was elegant. Orochimaru turned to regard him for a moment. Actually, this was becoming a bit dangerous. Swordplay had never really been his specialty. Orochimaru could escape and continue the fight at range at any time of course, but if this 'Luffy' was as strong as Mossball and Dumbass were then he wouldn't be able to stay in the melee._

All they needed now was a ship and navigation device to use to reach the outside world. He didn't trust any of their number to guess their way through building a ship that could survive the external seas, so they needed a ship that had been proven to work. Luckily, ships were coming to them like mice entering a serpent's nest.

 _He flung out one arm and threw half a dozen of his most venomous serpents at Luffy, promptly binding him around his limbs and torso. The new arrival fell to the ground. With Luffy taken care of, he turned to focus on the other combatants._

Honestly, the tiny ship he had just stolen was probably not large enough to fit such a... touchy group as Akatsuki, but finding two small ships might work out even better than a single larger one. It was just that the owners of these ships seemed so protective.

 _Orochimaru's_ _palm slammed into the ground and a burst of chakra sent spires of earth as sharp as spears shooting up from the ground around him. The other combatants dodged desperately, managing to avoid all but superficial wounds. So impressive!_

It was for this reason that he was so excited right now. He had always taken an intensely personal interest in the development of young warriors and now he was being violently assailed by no less than four promising ones. Three outlanders and a Konoha shinobi of special note.

 _Suddenly, Orochimaru was struck by the distinct impression that he had made a mistake. Then, a fist impacted into his side. Ribs fracturing, breath violently pushed from his lungs, he was lifted into the air and sent flying, spinning like a rifled bullet across the docks before he crashed into the splintering remains of what had just recently been a warehouse._

How exciting!

After that hit, Orochimaru decided to stop dividing his attention. A mass of snakes disguised in his form rose jerkily to its feet from the wreckage, while his real body had already slipped off to the side, watching the young ones carefully.

Mossball and Dumbass had relaxed somewhat, more than would be expected after seeing him stand up from a hit like that. They weren't worried any more. How unusual.

The strangest thing was the mysterious Luffy, who was now adjusting his straw-hat. Three oddities to note there. One, the punch had come from his direction, but he had been quite a bit too far away to have done it. Two, he had escaped from the snake bind nearly instantaneously. Three, Orochimaru had been sure that Luffy was incompetent given his previous showing, but the idea that an incompetent could land a hit on him, much less an overwhelming strike, was ludicrous.

After a moment, Orochimaru found a fourth oddity: Luffy alone among them had barely glanced at his snake-clone before scanning the dust for, and finding, his real hidden form. Interesting.

The clone dissolved and slithered off, returning to him as he stepped from the shadows.

"Hey you snake-bastard! What's the big deal attacking us?" Luffy shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Because it amused me," Orochimaru responded, off-hand. "Ah, I see it now. You're the leader, I suppose." Orochimaru looked the pirate leader over. Smaller and scrawnier than the other two, it felt unusual to see them deferring to him. "How surprising."

Dumbass was the next to speak. "Luffy! What are you doing here while Nami and Robin are in trouble?! Let us handle this shitty snake-man and you go after the Merry!"

Orochimaru was amused at the thought. This said to the child who couldn't even swim or run on the waves. "You're not going anywhere quickly, child. Those snakes were my venomous ones, and their poison is now flowing through your veins."

"Hah! Poison isn't going to work on me. I'm made of rubber!" Luffy stated confidently.

"Dammit, Luffy," growled Dumbass, "that's not how it works!" then he paused, turning to Mossball "Is it? That's not how it works, right?"

"Why are you asking me?"

Orochimaru wasn't quite sure what to make of all this. "My venom won't work because you're 'rubber?' Are you, perhaps, mocking me?"

"No way. I'm always serious." said Luffy, a hard expression on his face. To his side, Mossball grimaced, probably from his wounds. Dumbass, too, wore a pained look. Naruto, meanwhile, had removed a small notebook and was hurriedly leafing through it.

"Luffy!" shouted Dumbass, "Get your _ass_ on that ship and take out that guy who blasted you into the ocean or I swear I'll make you skip meat for a week!"

"Ehhhh?! He's the one that took the Merry?! Yeah, I've got a bone to pick with that bastard!"

With that, Luffy turned in place and dashed to the water's edge. Was this Luffy the leader, or wasn't he? What in the world did he think he was doing? The ship and his sea-serpent, Rangyoku, were more than a kilometer out by now, and picking up speed as the water deepened.

Then Luffy stretched, and Orochimaru felt a shiver run down his spine. The young man's arm shot out over the ocean like a lance, covering the distance in almost no time at all, until it became clear he had just grasped onto something stable. Orochimaru was so mesmerized by the sight of it that he reacted too late to catch the fruit-user. With a hand-seal, he summoned a pair of grasping stone jaws from the ground beneath Luffy, but they emerged too slowly. Roaring his defiance, Luffy flew off into the distance.

Incredible!

He turned to his targets once again. "Well, I'd say it's time to end this, don't you? I'd like to follow after that young man before my partner kills them all."

Then, he furrowed his brow. Something in the air had changed.

Mossball had finished tying a scarf over his head and was emanating enough bloodlust for four trained killers. His three blades were at the ready.

Dumbass had lit another cigarette and was watching Orochimaru as if he were wondering how best to catch and cook him.

Interesting.

Naruto stuffed the notebook back in his pocket and clapped both hands together. He disappeared in a puff of smoke, and, a moment later, was standing beside the most grizzled-looking toad that Orochimaru had ever seen. It was grey and green, but only a fraction of its original coloring was visible. What skin wasn't covered in leather armor was marred by deep, warped scars from slashes and numerous puncture wounds that raised into hard, puckered ridges. Looking closer, he saw that the toad's armor wasn't just any leather; it was snake-leather. At the toad's side was an earthen clay jar.

Also interesting.

Orochimaru took a deep breath.

 **[NINPO: DOKUGIRI] - [Poison Mist]**

From his mouth erupted a great, billowing cloud of poisonous gas. Before anyone else could move, the grizzled toad leapt into the thick of it, throat expanding as it activated a wind-element jutsu, sucking in every bit of the cloud of poison into its vacuum of a maw. Once all the poison was removed, it spat the inhaled air into the jar beside it, sealing it with a massive cork.

Then, all the others advanced, closing the distance. Teamwork was a wonderful thing to witness in young ones.

Orochimaru smiled. This was going to be fun, wasn't it?

* * *

Out at sea, Sasuke was hanging on to the side of the ship, readying to attack. Beside him, the serpent undulated its sinuous body, swimming further out to sea. Thankfully, the serpent's head was beneath the water, or it likely would have smelled him out, even over the scent of gunpowder from above deck. The problem was that Danzou was almost certainly far more skilled than he was. S-rank ninja were not to be trifled with. He needed to level the playing field, and he had the perfect method of attack.

The problem was landing it. The chaos, explosions, and lightning strikes up on deck told him that a fight was still ongoing, but he'd need a distraction he could rely on to make this work.

That was when the hand came rocketing into view directly above him. Someone from the shore had just reached out and grabbed on to the wooden railing on deck. Sasuke glanced toward shore and gulped. He hadn't seen body manipulation like that outside the Akimichi Clan.

He smiled, and it was completely without mirth. Looks like he had his distraction.

It was two seconds before Danzou noticed the unexpected arm. A leap forward and a single swipe of his sword threatened amputation, but at the last instant the stretching man let go, his hand snapping back away from the ship. Danzou hadn't come near enough to the edge. Sasuke had missed his chance.

Then the unexpected happened. A familiar-sounding woman from on deck shouted, "Luffy!" and a chain of arms, lithe and feminine, sprouted from the planks of the ship just several feet away from him. Musical tones chimed out as they blossomed, reaching out like lightning to tightly grasp the rubber-man's hand. A second later, Danzou noticed this as well.

He dashed to the side of the ship and looked over to see just what had happened. In that instant, Sasuke caught his eyes.

Gotcha.

The tomoe in Sasuke's eyes unfolded into the kaleidoscope pattern that had been his brother's unique signature.

 **[TSUKUYOMI]**

Time slowed to a crawl.


	13. The Hannibal Lecture

**-The Mind's Eye-**

 **-Uchiha Compound-**

The Uchiha regarded genjutsu-based illusions as useful for a variety of reasons. When used delicately, they provided a wide breadth of utility in espionage or social manipulation. When used in combat, high-powered genjutsu could render opponents helpless, and, with enough exposure, could keep an opponent dazed and off-balance even after the effect had ended. The problem with other, lesser techniques was that their use usually required dedicated, focused attention, and that the most powerful genjutsu tended to affect a wide area, which could limit their usefulness in the team-battles that ninja so often operated in.

The Uchiha Clan had a response to that. The Sharingan provided a vehicle for delivery of disproportionately powerful, precisely targeted genjutsu that could be used quickly in combat. It was not difficult for a skilled user of the Sharingan to throw opponents into a daze just by meeting their eyes. It was for this reason that the Uchiha, while not nearly the most prominent genjutsu-wielders around, were certainly well-known for their skill. They had been feared to the point that those wishing to face Konoha in battle would, of necessity, train to avoid eye-contact of any sort.

The Tsukuyomi was something else entirely.

Compressing three days into a single second, it could be used in a myriad of ways. Merely by meeting someone's eye across an open street you could kidnap and interrogate them for ages, their bodyguards helpless to stop you. Used mid-battle and a cruel person could inflict torturous pain on their victim for the entire duration, leaving them crippled from the mental exhaustion after the illusion ended. Used innocently, as Itachi had, and it could even fight time itself. On the surface it was an unbeatable technique.

Sasuke had had Danzou at his mercy for the past five hours, and somehow nothing was going right at all.

"This is it?" the man gasped, not even bothering to hide the pain he was feeling, "This is the revenge you were planning?"

"Shut up." growled Sasuke, twisting the sword that was impaling Danzou who was chained to a tilted table. They were in a basement room of the old Uchiha compound as he remembered it, which he had hoped would give him some of the resolve he needed to face this man. This murderer.

Danzou breathed heavily for a moment, then resumed laughing. "Your brother turned traitor, and I know it was for your sake. He gave you the eye, and now you want to waste it like this? What a joke!"

"Traitor?!" Sasuke grit out, his teeth clenching, "That's rich, coming from you."

"You think _I'm_ the traitor?" asked Danzou.

"What kind of freak do you have to be to think you're working for the good of the village while you're with a monster like Orochimaru?"

"Worthless child. If you want information you actually have to succeed with the interrogation first. Your _opinion_ of me changes nothing. Did your treacherous brother not teach you anything?"

"My brother wasn't a traitor. He didn't owe you or anyone else."

"Oh, you think I mean that he betrayed me? That he betrayed his superiors? No. In the end, he was a piece of trash that betrayed the village itself."

Sasuke shouted and stabbed Danzou once again, piercing his arm. "Betrayed the village?! He saved everyone he could! You don't get to decide who counts as a member of the village, you arrogant prick!"

Danzou winced from the pain, but resumed smiling. "He saved _nothing_. You can't even see it, either, even though he gave you his eye. His sacrifice as I had planned it was meant to bring unity to the village. Certainly he would have been branded a traitor to the public just as I am now, but everyone in the village would have been safer. Instead, he is remembered by some as a hero, but the village fractures and grows weaker. You can't see it because you have a child's perspective, but it's true." He smirked. "Especially now."

"What are you talking about? The Hokage's assassination? You know about that?"

" _Know_ about it? Naive. I was the one who brought it about."

Sasuke stared at Danzou as he continued to speak.

"-I laid the agent, I gained Akatsuki's aid, and I convinced them to use this particular distraction over several other possibilities. It keeps Konoha from responding to our actions here, among other considerations. What, did you think that-"

Sasuke exploded with a sudden and unexpected fury. Even though the Third Hokage hadn't ever been particularly important to him like he had been for Naruto, something inside him had just snapped in that moment.

With a scream of rage, Sasuke drew out his sword again and stabbed Danzou through the heart, killing him instantly.

Suddenly exhausted, Sasuke collapsed to the ground, desperately trying to compose himself. The man was trying to get him too worked up to focus, he had to be. Ten seconds later, Danzou reappeared in perfect health.

"Worthless," was his first word. At this point, Sasuke had nothing to say in response. He just glared silently until Danzou continued.

"Your entire family wasted their potential. Itachi had a heart that could embrace the darkness and thrive, but that he thought you could do the same? Clearly he grew insane in the end." At that, Danzou leaned forward, straining slightly against his bonds. "Do you want to know what it is that you lack?"

Sasuke grit his teeth at the condescending question. With another flash of rage, he drove his sword into the man's side, causing another gasp of pain.

"It's _irritating_ that you think you can buy yourself a reprieve by insulting the Uchiha name," Sasuke said, face contorted in anger, "but by all means feel free to continue to try."

"Oh, but you and your family were doing all too good a job of that yourself. The Uchiha clan stayed steeped in darkness for hundreds of years. You wallowed in it, you see, like a pig in the mud. No other clan managed to pass so much _madness_ down from generation to generation. It kept you dangerous, kept you strong, but it also made you unpredictable enough that the village had no choice but to end you all."

"Shut up. Stop smiling, you asshole." Sasuke drove the blade deeper, but this time Danzou didn't even flinch. Now they were close. Eye to eye. Danzou spoke in a low and menacing tone, each word slowly growing in intensity.

"-And then they produced you. You worthless reject. The runt of the litter. Only protected by your big brother, even now. I know your plan. You want to hurt me, break me, here, inside this illusion, so you can kill me for real when it all ends, but I can tell you that you don't have what it takes, you little _worm_. This nightmare will eventually end, and then I will stand up and kill you. I will _take_ that eye from your skull, and Itachi's gift will finally go to someone who _deserves it._ "

"You-" Danzou pronounced, speaking calmly once more, "lack hatred."

Sasuke stumbled back, unable to stop his face from betraying his wild emotions. Danzou just sat there, smirking. Then, he began to laugh. It was the cruel laugh of a man who found genuine humor in a joke, knowing that the joke was, in fact, the person standing right in front of him.

Sasuke knew he had failed. Faced with this phantom from his childhood, tears of shame came unbidden to his eyes, which was something he hadn't felt in many years.

Then, his rage came erupting from him once more. With a roar, Sasuke brought the sword arcing through the air and cut off Danzou's head.

Gulping down air, Sasuke left the room, willing himself instantly to appear back in his old bedroom. Danzou would be returning in a moment, but Sasuke needed time to get his head together. With visible difficulty, he began working through breathing exercises.

He had to get back control somehow. It was humiliating, but every time Danzou spoke Sasuke ended up feeling like he'd lost. Maybe he could gag the man?

Then he felt a change. Like something in his mind had just shifted. Had Danzou done something? With a panicked thought, Sasuke willed himself back into the basement room.

Nothing happened.

He moved to the door and found it wouldn't budge. Forcing it accomplished nothing. How could this be happening? The Tsukuyomi was supposed to give him full control of this world inside his own mind!

Then he heard the voice. Danzou's voice, coming to him as if from some distance.

"Pathetic," he said, sounding almost bored, "You think you can scare me like that? It doesn't matter what form you wear; it doesn't change the fact that underneath you're still the same worthless child."

What was he talking about?

A moment later, another voice responded. It was deeper, and very familiar.

"Not worthless. Not at all. I always knew my little brother wasn't cut out for ANBU," Itachi said, his voice bringing a lump to Sasuke's throat. "Unlike me he has a truly kind heart. But, you see, I'm proud of him for that."

Danzou snorted derisively, but said nothing.

"In truth, I don't want him involved in this twisted world at all any more. A world made by people like you, who want to paint every living soul with darkness. That's not a world for him. And neither is this. Because of you, he was forced to make the world inside our eye into a world of pain." Itachi paused for a moment, before adding, "It's not where he belongs."

"One who can't walk in a world of pain has no place in a village of ninja, you fool," said Danzou.

Itachi sighed, then spoke quietly, as if to himself. "Sometimes I wish that Roger had just opened up our world completely instead of leaving us as we were."

"What are you _talking_ about? You're clearly delusional, _boy,_ if you think I'm going to be intimidated by nonsense words spoken by the image of a dead man."

"Indeed," said Itachi. "They say that one should prove one's self with actions, not words. I don't need to prove myself by speaking with you. We have quite a bit of time together for me to demonstrate my identity through my actions instead. When I am done, I hope that you will learn the wisdom of leaving my brother be."

The screams began shortly thereafter.

* * *

 **-The Mind's Eye-**

 **-Sasuke's Bedroom-**

Sasuke had been inside the world of the Tsukuyomi for just over one full day when he felt it. There was a flickering at the edge of his vision, as if he were seeing more images overlaid upon the first. As the minutes passed, the effect grew more pronounced.

The Tsukuyomi was supposed to last for three days, but it seemed as though it was ending early. That was concerning.

Soon, the door to his room opened, and Itachi stepped over the threshold, closing it behind him.

"Apologies for keeping you in here. Honestly, I'd rather you never have to participate in that kind of thing. Unfortunately, I can't appear at full strength to help you in this way again."

Sasuke shook his head. "What's going on?"

Itachi paused, his eyes evasive for a moment. "The technique was improperly activated. Time in here runs differently, but it still only alters our perceptions. In the fraction of a second since you forced eye-contact with Danzou, something has started to block your line-of-sight." He paused for a moment, frowning, as if he wanted to say more.

"You mean I screwed up." Sasuke stated, already certain of the answer. "It's going to keep getting worse in here until I lose eye-contact completely."

Itachi nodded. "We have another few minutes at most before it all ends. What's worse is that Danzou knows it, too. I don't think he's been broken enough to give you the advantage you need, so you'll need to run the instant the technique ends."

Sasuke nodded, glumly.

For a moment, Itachi's face seemed dead, completely emotionless, before returning to normal.

"I have some things I need to tell you. Danzou wasn't as tight-lipped as he could have been, but his body's image of itself was even more revealing than what he said."

"I'm… listening. What was it?" asked Sasuke.

"Even though this is an illusion, the Tsukuyomi takes place as much in the target's mind as it does in yours. He has an image of his self that controls the shape his body takes in here. That's why I looked at his eye. Behind the bandages on his eye was one of ours. A Mangekyou Sharingan."

Sasuke blinked in confusion. "Last time we talked, you said Danzou had taken a special eye from your friend, Shisui. It's that one?"

Itachi shook his head. "Did we? Oh, yes… I have a hard time remembering anything from other instances I may have appeared to you. You refer to the Kotoamatsukami. Still- no, I don't recognize it. I've never seen that pattern before, not even in the books, and I didn't have time to get the secret out of him."

"That's… bad," said Sasuke.

"That's not all. Something very strange was on his shoulder. A face, warped and twisted, as if it were growing underneath his flesh."

"Bleh," Sasuke said, then added, "Nothing in its eyes?"

"I couldn't tell. They were closed, and I couldn't do anything to affect it. It was as if there was one part of his body that remained impervious, even in here. The Kotoamatsukami that he took from Shisui gives him a powerful and undetectable mind-altering genjutsu, and I can't rule out that he's hiding it inside that mask of flesh to keep it safe."

The flickering in his vision was growing quite pronounced now, and Sasuke could clearly make out bits and pieces of the real world starting to intrude. Sasuke took a deep breath, let it out, then nodded reluctant agreement, before Itachi continued.

"When this is over, get out, quickly. I can't say what that unknown Sharingan is capable of, but one thing is for certain." He met Sasuke's gaze. "Danzou is _confident._ I don't know what he has up his sleeve, but he feels as though he has the entirety of Akatsuki handled. He honestly thinks this will result in a change for the better for Konoha, and I believe he plans to somehow return as Hokage. The only good thing about all of this is that you don't have to be anywhere near him when he does it."

Suddenly, Itachi smiled, his face full of warmth. Sasuke blinked back a moment's confusion.

"Sasuke. I'm jealous, you know. I wanted to go out to sea, but I knew I would never get that chance. I can tell that it's happening now. The world's opening up, just like Roger said it would. You can see it all in my place. I know it." Then, as quickly as before, Itachi's eyes grew serious. "Don't get involved in something that's not your responsibility."

Sasuke swallowed reflexively, then nodded again.

With that, Itachi turned to leave.

"I have one last chance to throw Danzou off-balance before this ends. Goodbye, little brother."

The door closed, and Sasuke stood alone once more.

"Goodbye, big brother."

* * *

 **\- Urasoe no machi -**

 **\- Port -**

 **-At That Exact Second-**

Luffy flew through the night, fueled by rage. He'd had a worried moment when the man on the ship had tried to cut his hand off, but he'd been saved by Robin. Now, Luffy drew nearer and nearer, and his target was trying to stop him again. Then, at the last second, the man seemed to freeze in place.

 **[GOMU-GOMU ROCKET]**

Luffy shot toward the man like a cannonball with a bone to pick. An instant before impact the man seemed to snap out of whatever daze he'd been in and start moving. But it was too late.

For Sasuke, the illusion ended the moment Luffy's body broke his line of sight, time slowly resuming its march up to its rightful speed. Danzou did not collapse to his knees. He was far too busy for that.

Sasuke got to watch the whole thing in slow-motion.

As Danzou desperately pulled himself back over the railing of the ship, the pirate-captain's head impacted him square in the chest. For one glorious moment, Sasuke watched Danzou's face distort in pain and shock as all the air left his lungs, and then he was lifted off his feet. Time suddenly snapped back into place, and like one steel ball transferring all of its momentum to another, Luffy came to a dead stop on the ship as Danzou went spinning off into the sea.

Sasuke was stunned. From his perch on the side of the ship, he climbed quickly to the deck.

With a glance around the ship, Luffy turned to the rest of the crew.

"Hey! You guys alright?" he said.

"Yeah," responded a long-nosed man, sounding weak and shaky, "-peachy keen and ready to go, yep. Don't mind the blood."

"Good!"

With that, Luffy turned to the coils of the iridescent serpent wrapped around the Merry. He wound up a fist and gave their abductor a wicked stretched-out punch that seemed to rock the ship itself. A moment later, the sea serpent's head lifted from the waves to see what the source of her distress was, which was when Luffy leapt into the air and brought his heel down on her snout in a monstrous axe-kick. The serpent went crashing down into the water, but rose back up, wobbling somewhat from the impact. As it turned its gaze back to Luffy, he shouted in its face before jabbing it once more in the snout, sending it reeling.

The serpent's tongue flickered out once, twice, and then it loosened its coils, slinking off into the night waters.

Sasuke wasn't entirely certain what he should be doing about all this. Eventually, he settled on addressing the crew, "Hey! That man from earlier will be back soon. He won't have been finished off by that attack, so we need to get out of here, fast!"

"Wait, which man from earlier?" asked a friendly-sounding, but unfamiliar voice from inside the cabin of the ship. Sasuke was confused. There were _more_ people on-board? He looked around on deck. There was the long-nosed guy, the dangerous woman from before, the captain, a red-headed woman, and a strange little animal. Apparently someone else was still below deck.

"The one who _just_ got blasted off the ship? You know?" Sasuke craned his head to see inside the cabin. Everyone else looked, too, and they seemed just as uncertain as he did.

Then, he saw him. A man in Akatsuki robes strolled out of the cabin. He was wearing a warped and bleached driftwood mask, his only visible features being his hands and his short, black hair.

Everyone besides the new arrival returned to combat readiness. Somewhere, someone, or a couple someones, screamed.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" said the new man, raising both hands, "Easy! Just looking for someone! You guys didn't happen to see my friend here, did you? Old guy? About my size? Looked like he wanted to just punch everything in the world?"

"Heh, he's not here anymore," Sasuke said, summoning up his reserves of energy, "He and the captain here had a disagreement."

"Oh! That's too bad!" offered the masked man, who put one hand up to his head in an awkward sort of gesture. "Look, if you see him, could you let him know we don't need this ship any more? We found a much bigger one that was trying to get away from the island, and it looks great! It's got everything we needed- plus a crew! Well, it _had_ a crew, anyway. Well, I mean, I guess it still kinda does, but… well, it's complicated!" he finished his statement with cheerful exuberance. "Oh! I almost forgot. Before I leave, I had a quick question for you."

There was a stressed sort of silence.

"Okay, okay, here goes. Do any of you know anything about the 'Celestial Dragons?'"

Behind him, Robin tensed up. No one spoke.

"No? No one? Oh well. Anyway, it was nice meeting you!" he shouted. Then, he leapt to the edge of the ship and hopped down to the water below, hitting the surface of the waves. The ship rocked violently as the dark depths of the water underneath his feet disgorged a massive shark covered with strange piercings. With a mighty sound, it swam away. Its roar was almost too low to be heard, and instead resonated through everyone's bodies, shaking their bones.

A short time later, he was gone.

* * *

A/N:

This turned out darker than anywhere else in the story. Itachi's also not kidding about his limitations. There are a couple of seals and chakra triggers left in Sasuke as a result of Itachi's planning (and I think it might be possible to roughly guess what most of them are) but stepping in for any significant length of time was a one-time-only deal.

I hope some of the more serious changes between canon Sasuke and this one are becoming clear now. Canon Itachi was right, in a way; the hate he instilled in Sasuke definitely made him a stronger fighter, but at the cost of completely destroying the brother he knew as a child.

In case Danzou seemed a bit too glib this chapter, his strategy was to keep Sasuke off-balance and emotional by being deliberately inflammatory. He has trained thoroughly to resist torture, and he believed he could handle being stabbed in anger and killed from bursts of rage all day if he has to. Isolated from all help, Sasuke would have been killed the moment he ended the technique.

Also, to confirm another point of change: Danzou possesses an unknown Sharingan in his hidden eye that, like Kakashi, he can't turn off. He holds a mask of the First Hokage placed there with Orochimaru's aid that may or may not possess other secrets. However, he does NOT have an arm covered in random Sharingan to use as Izanagi cannon-fodder. Pointing that out in-chapter is fairly difficult, since there really is no graceful way to say, "Surprisingly, both of his arms weren't covered in horrible eyeballs."


	14. Isn't There Someone Else We Can Talk To?

With little argument, the two Konoha ninja returned to an out of the way inn, which Sasuke deemed necessary since they were both exhausted and just passing out in the middle of the street might arouse suspicion. Naruto had been shocked that his partner hadn't planned on reporting the encounter to their village immediately, since Sakura and Sasuke both had drilled that particular habit into his head after years of effort. Not that he minded this exception.

After waking up the next morning, Sasuke began the lengthy process of smacking himself in the face for each mistake he had made last night.

There was pushing to go off on this mission in the first place so he could disappear, then getting discovered by that pirate woman, then running off after an S-rank ninja without backup, then using the Tsukuyomi on a whim. It was still slight, but he could tell that his eyesight in that eye was just a bit blurrier than it had been. This was the one heirloom he had left from his brother, and he was wasting it on half-baked plans.

He was so stupid. He even _knew_ what the problem was. He'd seen it so many times before. When a ninja acquires a one-shot-kills-all technique, they throw themselves into situations they would have backed down from before because suddenly every problem seems like it can be solved with their new trick. They say that when all you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail, but there was still no reason to go around looking for more nails to smash flat. Sasuke had already decided not to use the Tsukuyomi unless the danger was dire, but now he also resolved to avoid using it if running away was a more reasonable option.

Speaking of running away, to put the cap on all of his failures he had wasted his best chance to leave the village in the chaos because of poor planning. He just plain shouldn't have gotten involved in that fight at all.

 _Actually_ , his traitorous brain reminded him, _fighting a dangerous member of Akatsuki all alone would have been the perfect opportunity to fake my death._

*SMACK*

The problem was that, while Sasuke was well aware that a _good_ friend would tell his team that he was leaving forever, he was an Uchiha. One of ANBU's secondary duties was hunting down the bodies of any Konoha ninja who possessed abnormal characteristics, whether natural or artificial. One man's trash, so to speak, was another man's treasure, and the body of an Uchiha, Hyuuga, Inuzuka, or Aburame clan member that was left to rot was paydirt for any enemy nation. Danzou's actions were proof enough of that.

ANBU took their job _very_ seriously. They wouldn't just trust any first-hand reports of his body's destruction; they would verify it for themselves, and Sasuke could be sure that if his eyes were unaccounted for then they would keep watch for decades at least. Naruto, and even Sakura, wouldn't hold up to that level of scrutiny if they knew the truth.

He couldn't say anything to his friends before he left, but he couldn't leave without saying goodbye, either. He could tell Naruto he was leaving to hunt down Danzou, even though he had decided to avoid the man as much as was possible, but Naruto would come with him in a heartbeat.

He felt rather guilty about that.

Eventually, he decided on his course. Now was the time. He'd leave a note and stow away on one of these ships. Writing at his desk, he said his goodbyes and discouraged Naruto in the strongest terms from coming after him. He'd hunt down Danzou and return when he had succeeded, or so he wrote.

He felt even more guilty about that.

Setting it on his bed, Sasuke slipped out in the morning, saying his silent goodbyes. If all went well, he'd never see any of his friends again.

* * *

-Urasoe no machi-

-Ten Minutes Later-

Naruto met him at the port, flagging him down urgently, as if he had been impatiently waiting for his arrival.

"Yo, Sasuke! You finally got here! Also, dude, what the hell are you looking at me like that for?"

"Wha-you- I- No, no reason."

"Alright, if you say so. You ready to go?"

"Go? Why do you- Oh, you mean back to the village," Sasuke said, as Naruto gave him a strange look. Looks like he'd have to delay his departure a bit. "No, I can't call this mission over yet, Naruto. We've got to find out some more information about what Akatsuki was doing here. I think you should return immediately to report everything that happened here while I finish up the investigation."

Now Naruto was looking at him with a deeply furrowed brow and slack-jawed mouth.

"The _village_? Who the hell cares about reporting to the village right now?! We're going after them, right?"

"After Akatsuki?" Sasuke asked, in disbelief, "I mean, sure I want Danzou dead, but that's a personal matter. I can't drag you into this kind of family business."

"You think this isn't personal for me?"

"He didn't _kill_ your family, Na-"

Before he had even finished that sentence, Naruto had stepped in and hit him with a right hook straight in the jaw. Sasuke shouted in pain, landing on the stones of the dock. A few nearby workers stopped what they were doing and looked over in concern. Naruto waved them off, then turned and kicked Sasuke again in the side.

"Ah! What the hell was that for, you asshole?!" Sasuke shouted, though he was certain he deserved that and a whole lot more.

"The _first_ one was for saying that me helping you isn't _personal_ , you dick. Sakura and I already kicked your ass for trying that line before."

"Yeah, I'll take you on any time," Sasuke replied, getting to his feet and spitting out a bit of blood. "Still, I'll bite. What's the second one for?"

"The _second_ one," Naruto continued, as if Sasuke hadn't said anything, "is because you think everything revolves around _you_."

Sasuke glared at his partner. Something about the way Naruto glared back told him he had more to say.

"You saw him, too, right? That Akatsuki guy with the driftwood mask?"

"Yeah, I saw him," Sasuke said, "Came out of nowhere on the ship, started talking like he didn't even care that we might attack him, and left riding a huge shark."

Naruto nodded, still glaring at Sasuke and working his mouth in anger.

"He interrupted the fight we were having and told Orochimaru to back off. The snake-bastard _listened_ to him, too, which was crazy, but not as crazy as what he said next." Naruto paused again, literally growling with frustration. "AHH, this _pisses_ me off just _thinking_ about it!"

"What did he say?"

"He said he recognized me! He said that he was the one that killed my Mom and Dad."

"Oh, shit."

"Yeah, 'oh, shit' is right, you ass."

"Is that true? I thought your parents... died when the Nine-Tails broke out?"

"Yeah, he said he was behind _that,_ too. When I asked why the hell he'd done such a crazy-ass thing, he just said that he didn't even _fucking_ remember, but it had seemed like a _good idea at the time_!"

Sasuke backed away in a hurry. Naruto looked like he was ready to start hitting people again.

"So, yeah, like I said, we're going after them, right?" Naruto asked again, slowly regaining control.

Without even thinking about it, Sasuke had already given up on his previous plan. He'd go out to sea and help Naruto. Slowly, he began to laugh at the reversal of fate.

"You know," Sasuke chuckled, "I hear it's really not normal for a couple of Chuunin our ages to run into these kinds of problems."

Naruto snorted at Team Seven's unofficial motto, then began chuckling as well. Sasuke continued speaking when he saw his friend's spirits lift.

"Alright, then we'll hunt them down. What the hell, they're just guarded by a group of mass-murdering S-Rank missing-nin. But first, here's what we have to do..."

As the day wore on, the two of them gathered supplies. Sasuke surreptitiously destroyed the note he had written. Eventually, they made their way to a center that cared for messenger birds, including a few paid for by Konoha. Together, they composed an update for the village.

Naruto preferred to follow his teacher, Jiraiya, in his habit of not really reporting in at all until he was satisfied no one could order him to stop doing whatever he wanted to be doing. When it came to redefining missions on a whim, Naruto had learned from the very best.

Their message read as follows:

 **Mission encountered unexpected difficulties. Three members of Akatsuki attacked mystery ships. Unknown wooden-masked man confirmed, as well as Sannin Orochimaru and** **Shimura Danzou** **. Repeat. Former Konoha Elder verbally confirmed Akatsuki membership as well as assassination of the Third.**

 **Other Akatsuki inferred from statements. Uzumaki Naruto and Uchiha Sasuke will proceed with new mission parameters to follow them out to sea and identify Akatsuki presence.**

 **First Mission Transmittal Code: DA-RU-JI-94601**

There. No reason to get Naruto branded as a runaway, too. Now they just needed to get off the island.

Naruto was the first one to break down and make the inevitable suggestion.

* * *

-Urasoe no machi-

-Port-

-Morning-

Was it a good thing or a bad thing that they were leaving this godforsaken island? Usopp wasn't at all sure. On the one hand they would be leaving the place where those robed freaks had come from. Scary-ass snake-men, guys who spat cutting wind, weird masked dudes who control sharks, those were all just par for the course in his life these days, but usually they ran into these sorts of guys at the _end_ of some heart-pulverizing adventure, not immediately after landing. Those monsters had almost taken the Going Merry, and he hadn't been able to do a thing to stop them!

So that was a good thing. On the other hand, they had only waited in port for one more day for the Log Pose to set before casting off. The Going Merry was now headed in the same direction those freaks had left.

The. Same. Direction.

Explaining the problem to the captain was proving to be somewhat difficult.

"Usopp! They tried to take the Merry! If we don't hurry up, they'll get away! It's been a day already." Luffy was relentlessly focused. He hadn't even taken them miles inland on some crazy adventure to get them all killed. He'd just waited, tapping his feet, gnashing his teeth, and occasionally shouting at Nami to find out if their Log Pose had set.

If Usopp wanted this handled correctly, he'd have to take a different approach.

"Hey, Luffy, you know, _they_ ran away from _us_ , right?" he said, sloshing buckets of fake confidence over his quaking voice, "So they knew we'd get used to their tricks pretty soon, and wanted to get away from us!" He paused as further false bravado came crashing into him, unbidden, like a mighty wave hitting his hull, "I mean, it's easy to see why they would run away! They caught me off-guard but I was about to grab the weapons I devised for just such an occasion, and then I would have set them on fire and blasted them right into the sea!"

A high-pitched squeal of excitement came from their ship's doctor, who had been listening in, "Ehhh?! Really?! That's incredible! Your knees were shaking, and I thought we were doomed!"

Oh, that impressionable young reindeer. He really was the perfect side-kick.

"No! They were trembling… with _excitement!_ " Usopp shouted, arm thrust out imperiously before him.

Doctor Chopper screamed with delight, and even Luffy was turning his head, eyes wide. Now was the time to exploit this opening.

"The point is that we're ready for them now, and they won't stand a chance next time! Soooo," Usopp said, drawing out the word, "We should take pity on them and give them a head-start!"

Nami had apparently been listening from the deck above. Their navigator had certainly taken longer than was strictly necessary to inform the Captain once the Log Pose had set. Now, she jumped in as support. "Yes. Yes! Luffy, another day or two and we can chase after them. You know, give them a sporting chance? It'll be more of a fight that way!"

Thank the seas for Nami. She could be scary, but she also knew the value of being scared, which made her his greatest ally on the ship. _Okay, well it's out there. Come on, Luffy, take the bait, hook, line and-_

"No!" Luffy shouted, growling, "They already got a head start. It's been a full day and it's time to go after them."

 _-Stinker,_ thought Usopp.

That was that. The captain's orders were absolute, except in cases of mutiny. Actually, if you defined 'mutiny' as attacking the captain and then doing the exact opposite of his orders, then they mutinied pretty frequently on the Merry. It was practically an every-day occurrence. Usually it was Nami smacking him over the head, but she seemed unwilling to press the issue now.

So they set sail, for real this time. Normally, Usopp would go hide in his workshop and start tinkering, but he wasn't too excited about the possibility of gigantic sea snakes piercing the hull at any second. Instead, he scurried up to the crow's nest, intending to begin a protracted campaign of cowering, chanting prayers, and muttering to himself. That usually helped.

He was halfway up when he saw two figures standing on the surface of the water ahead of them. His heart started dancing double-time, and he scrambled up the rope webbing, catapulting himself into the crow's nest. You needed stability for a good scream.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH-! THEY'RE BAAACK!" Usopp grabbed the binoculars from their perch and hurriedly focused them. "THEY'RE RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE- oh, no- wait a second, that's not them."

Phew!

The sound of someone face-planting down below was vaguely audible, but that was hardly important right now.

It was two of the jerks who had attacked them, alright, but it was the two who had helped against those weirdos in the cool robes. They were just standing on the surface of the water, about a quarter-mile in front of the ship.

Soon, the ship approached to within shouting distance. Nami and Robin were on deck, staring down at the approaching pair. Chopper was hiding in the corner. Luffy was sitting in his favorite perch, straddling the Merry's vaguely ram-ish figurehead, staring at the two kids. Usopp couldn't see Luffy's face from this angle, but he presumed Luffy was staring wide-eyed.

"That's so damn cool! How are you standing on the water like that?!" Luffy shouted.

Usopp had to interrupt. He'd seen this sort of thing once before, back on the approach to Drum Island. "Hey! Luffy! Don't be fooled," he shouted, "They're standing on a submarine or something. It's a trick!"

Luffy gave a disappointed groan. The two kids on the water exchanged glances. Then, the blond one spoke up.

"Hey! Stop the boat! Let us on so we can speak with you! And what's a submarine?" he shouted.

Nami spoke up next, ignoring the last question, "It's a ship, not a boat. And you can't just 'stop' it; we're at sea. We're not going to furl the sails and weigh anchor just to say hello."

 _Yeah, you tell 'em, Nami. I don't know what these villains want, but I vote we don't stick around to find out._

The two kids shared another glance before they broke into a run, dancing across the waves to get out of the ship's path. In a moment they were jogging parallel to the Merry, matching the ship's speed on the port side.

Usopp muttered to himself, "Oh, okay, so not a submarine then."

Robin spoke next, which surprised him. "Is that you, curious one? The one asking the questions at the harbor?"

"Yes, that was me," responded the black-haired guy.

"We seem to be in the same position as last time, though I would have regarded you as quite a bit more suspicious had you approached me on the water like this," she said, laughing softly.

"I'm sorry," he called back, "I didn't introduce myself properly and now I'd like to correct that. My name is Uchiha Sasuke. This is my friend and teammate, Uzumaki Naruto. As he said, we'd like to come on-board."

"My, how polite. But you're talking to the wrong person, I think," she said, inclining her head towards Luffy.

Luffy interrupted, speaking with the suspicion of the thoroughly perplexed. "So… how are you running on the ocean? Can I do that?"

Sasuke looked confused for a moment, then said, "It's… a kind of training we get in our village. It's not too uncommon. You seemed pretty powerful, so I thought you would have seen it before."

Usopp could only see the top of Luffy's head, but it looked like he just kept staring blankly at the pair. It was a familiar expression.

Sasuke seemed a little unnerved as he continued, "Well... Have you ever heard of chakra?" Silence. "Uhh- it's a kind of energy produced by living things. Through training and meditation you can focus it and use it in battle, or for- well, other things." Silence. "Like, running on the ocean?"

The silence continued, but Usopp refocused his binoculars. Naruto and Sasuke had deeply confused expressions, and Luffy now seemed to be nodding slightly in agreement.

Wait a minute.

Swiftly, and without a noise, Luffy slipped from his perch and toppled bonelessly into the waves.

"AHH! IT'S A SONIC ATTACK! THEY'VE PUT LUFFY TO SLEEP!" Usopp bellowed at the top of his lungs. "RESCUE SQUAD, SAVE HIM, HE CAN'T SWIM!"

Nami dashed to the stern, shouting for Sanji. Robin and Chopper were just out of the question, being Fruit-users themselves, and Usopp was stuck up in the crow's nest.

Naruto's mouth was hanging open in shock, and Sasuke had recovered enough to slap his forehead with one palm, before dragging it slowly down his face. Then, he stuck one fist out towards Naruto. A second later…

"Seriously?" said Naruto.

"Yep," responded Sasuke.

"Rock-Paper-Scissors! Rock-Paper-Scissors! Rock-Paper-Scissors!"

"Aw, Dammit!" shouted Naruto, who immediately leapt off the surface of the water, then dove in, breaking the waves as he disappeared.

Before long, the two strangers had Luffy laid out on the deck. During the commotion, Sanji had arrived from the kitchen and was cautiously smoking, watching over the two kids with a focused expression. Naruto and Sasuke, however, were far too busy staring flabbergasted at the sight before them. Luffy was now roughly spherical, having somehow breathed in a bathtub full of seawater, and was now sputtering and leaking helplessly on the deck. Chopper quickly approached, his medical training overcoming his fear of the strangers.

"Oh no! Luffy, how did you even _do_ this? He'll never be able to breathe out this much water in time!" exclaimed their reindeer doctor. Off to the side, Robin watched with an amused smile, then summoned a line of hands from the deck door, passing her an umbrella from inside.

 _Wonder what she thinks she needs that for?_ Usopp thought.

Naruto, meanwhile, looked horrified. "Uhhh- what's... Umm-is he gonna be okay? I mean- just- _Wow._ "

Chopper continued, focused entirely on the patient. "We have to get it out of you quickly! Only one thing for it! Waa **Aaaarrrgh!** " He roared as he transformed into his Brute form, an eight foot tall reindeer man, and slammed Luffy in the solar plexus with two humongous fists.

A veritable geyser erupted from Luffy's lungs, prompting screams from the two bewildered ninja who were watching this. Unfortunately for Usopp, who was climbing down the ropes from the crow's nest, the catastrophic blast of water hit him straight in the face, sending him flying off into the ocean.

* * *

Naruto couldn't help himself. He started cackling, guffawing, and even raucously roaring when Luffy blasted the long-nosed guy off the deck. It just wouldn't stop! He kept laughing until the sodden mess crawled, scowling, back onto the deck. Pointing and wheezing, Naruto rolled on the ground.

"BAHAHAH! Serves you all right! Hahahah! Does he do this to _everyone_?! Even by my standards, these guys are CRAZY!"

The red-headed woman who'd yelled at him before frowned. "Wait, 'everyone?' What are you talking about?"

"Nami, don't talk to them," interrupted the sodden long-nosed fellow, muttering as he wiped himself off, "That was an assassination attempt, and it took out Luffy and me in one attack." He paused to wipe more water from his eyes. "They're too dangerous to keep on the ship. Besides, nobody gets away with laughing at the captain except us."

Naruto kept laughing, only barely suppressing it. "Oh man! Oh damn! That's great! What a mess! Man, nose-dude I gotta tell you- that was _hilarious._ "

"Glad to see someone found it funny," grumbled Usopp.

Sasuke nudged him in the side, and Naruto forced himself to calm down.

"No, nose-dude, no you've got it wrong. Your- heh, _captain_ ," *snort* "-got me the same way, but with _soup_ , so don't feel so bad."

"He spilled soup on you?" Nami asked.

"No, the jerk spat, like, a bucket full of soup at my face then ran away." Naruto stuck out a hand, offering to help the other guy up. "Guess that makes us partners in misery, huh?"

The long-nosed guy gave the hand a suspicious squinty glare, then took it, standing up and stepping quickly away from the two.

The rest of the assembled group was looking at Naruto now with disgust, Sasuke included.

"What?"

"Soup?" Sasuke asked, clearly incredulous.

"Yeah, he stole my soup, and sucked down a bucket of it, then spat it all out at me when I tried to catch him."

Multiple people made a face at that. Sasuke turned to look at the ship captain, now coughing up more water with the doctor's assistance. Naruto took the silence as leave to continue speaking, resting both hands on the back of his head in a relaxed pose.

"So, listen, we both need to follow those guys from the other night, okay? Nobody who's left here besides you has a ship that can follow them, so will ya please let us hitch a ride till you get to another town?"

"Hey, now," said Nami, "We're going to do everything we can to _avoid_ creeps like that."

"-And don't think we trust _you_ , either," said the long-nosed guy.

The blond man in the odd suit who had been smoking nearby ground out his cigarette in his tiny cigarette case before he added in a cool, calm voice, "There's no guarantee the next island will even have a port to stop off at. We might be stuck with two more shitty guys for who knows how long. It might be different if you were bringing a lady along, but…"

Naruto snorted. Right, he'd dealt with this kind of thing before. Quickly, his fingers came together in the sign of the Ram.

 **[SEXY TECHNIQUE]**

A puff of smoke brought scattered surprise, but when it cleared it revealed a blonde bombshell who stood completely naked except for a few strangely persistent wisps of smoke.

"If it's a _lady_ you're interested in…" said Naruko, her voice dripping with tones of barely-controlled teenage fantasies.

The man staggered back, stunned. His eyes bugged out, filling with pulsing pink heart-shapes. "N-NO OBJECTIONS!" he shouted, before toppling backward to the deck.

Naruto transformed back in another puff of smoke, grinning proudly over at his teammate. Sasuke smirked, shaking his head, then accepted a victorious fist-bump. Time to toss the ball.

"So," interjected Sasuke, "I'm sorry for earlier, but would it be possible to get some introductions?"

They got them fairly easily. Nami gave out everyone's names without question.

' _There's something really weird about this group,'_ Naruto thought, ' _like, they're both really paranoid and really resigned at the same time._ _Well, except for that one guy.'_

Usopp had been edging further and further away as this had gone on. "No- no way, you can't possibly stay on the ship with us. There's- there's no room, first of all. Second, we're already full on our quota of 'mysterious magic-users who've tried to kill us recently'. No offense, Robin."

"None taken," she said, cheerfully.

"Besides," said Nami, "There's the matter of payment. We couldn't exactly spend Beli at your port, so I'm guessing you don't even have any cash."

Naruto contemplated the messy wad of bills and coins stuffed into his froggy change-pouch. Probably wouldn't do any good here. That was depressing.

Sasuke, though, had a suggestion. "You must believe that we're hunting those rogue ninja. If you're attacked, we would be more fighters to defend the ship. Plus, we can give you intel on their abilities."

That was one thing Naruto had always appreciated about Sasuke; at any time, no matter how bad a fight got, he always had an idea of all the assets they had available to them. Once, during preparation for a group mission, he'd seen Sasuke make a beeline straight for some girl who kept spares of these really awesome modified explosive seals, just because he'd talked to her once during the Chuunin exam, two years prior. Just once! It was a shame he hadn't talked to her more, 'cause she had been _super_ cute.

Nami looked conflicted, but she didn't get to speak, as Luffy had finally recovered, shouting from behind them.

"HEY! Did you say 'Ninja?!'" Luffy roared.

Sasuke blinked a few times in confusion. "Y-yeah. They're part of a dangerous group of rogue ninja from around the Elemental Kingdoms. Together, they're known as 'Akatsuki.'"

"Usopp! Chopper! They said, 'Ninja!' ' _Ninja_!'"

"Wait..." said Usopp, suspiciously, "Are you both ninjas too?"

"Yeah," said Naruto.

Luffy, Chopper, and Usopp all began screaming with excitement.

"I... thought you all didn't know about ninja?" asked Naruto, "The other ships at the dock sure didn't."

"Hey, do you think I'm stupid," exclaimed Luffy, "Everybody knows about ninjas and samurai!" Usopp and Chopper nodded along, brimming with glee.

Nami shook her head and sighed. "Guys, ninjas are mostly make-believe. Don't assume you know what these people can do just because they might share the same names."

Naruto and Sasuke glanced at each other uncertainly. Something was a bit weird here.

"Well, what do _you_ think ninja are?" asked Naruto, determined to get to the bottom of this.

"They wear masks, and have cool hair, and throw knives!" shouted Usopp enthusiastically.

"And they do kung-fu, and jump around, and know all sorts of poisons!" continued Chopper.

"And they breathe fire, and fly, and can teleport, and blow up mountains, and become invisible, and turn into crazy animals, and cut you in half without you even knowing!" finished Luffy in a single breath.

"Luffy, you're thinking of _wizards_ ," said Nami, "-Or dragons, or something. I don't know what boy's adventure book you guys are getting this stuff from, but it definitely wasn't talking about ninjas," Nami was entirely incorrect. Naruto had never even heard of a 'wizard' before. Luffy and the others, on the other hand, were spot on. Something was definitely weird here. Sasuke was on the ball immediately.

"How do you know what a ninja is if you've never seen one before?" he asked.

There was a moment of intense confusion before all three of their faces settled into puzzled frowns. Nami turned and left, muttering about being 'surrounded by idiots.' She nearly made it to the lower deck door before the green-haired swordsman from the previous night opened it first, stepping out onto the deck as he finished a yawn.

"Nami, what's going on?" he asked.

"Oh nothing, just gained another two dangerous passengers, that's all. Judging by the way Luffy was screaming earlier, they'll be full crew-members by the end of the week."

"Oh, you mean those two ninjas from the other night?"

"God! You stupid _boys!_ You're all children!" she growled, before slamming the door behind her.

Zoro, shook his head, frowning. "What the hell was that for? And why's that dumbass cook bleeding all over the deck?"

Off to the side, Robin stood by, and she just couldn't stop grinning.

* * *

END OF PART 1


	15. Part 2 - Fish Out of Water

**PART 2**

The sea, it is said, is a truly fickle friend.

This is a truth held in almost universal regard throughout the multiverse, except in one area where the sea has a tendency to sort of lurk in the background and is seen as an overly desperate acquaintance. In most parts, however, the wild and unpredictable passions of the ocean become the inspiration for innumerable superstitions that shape and define the course of nautical history. Those superstitions and traditions are a necessity borne out of a desperate urge to learn how one can go out to sea and expect to come home again safely. Eventually, sailors of all sorts reach a mutual understanding with the ocean, and life can proceed with care.

This is not the case for the Grand Line. Oh no. The Grand Line is not just any ocean. The Grand Line, it is said, is a murderous lunatic. Ice storms, followed by Summer lightning, followed by three-hundred foot tall crabs, followed by pirate attacks, followed by twenty-four hours with no sun in the sky... It is unthinkable to enter the Grand Line without knowledge, skill at sailing, resources, and a resolute heart.

The crew of the now unnamed ship that had just left the Elemental Kingdoms had not only set off without most of those things, but they had also just entered unknown territory without even having a tradition of long-distance seafaring to fall back on. It was a dark and deeply clouded day, and for the last half an hour Akatsuki had been rotating slowly in circles, dragged around by a lazy, unhurried, and entirely mysterious whirlpool.

Each and every one of the members of Akatsuki had a suggestion on how to deal with this whirlpool, but Tobi was undeterred. Tobi was determined to find out more about the sea they now sailed on, and mysterious whirlpools were right up there. Still, the crew was restless and morale was low. Considering his comrades and their circumstances, Tobi carefully ran through his mental list.

Kisame was underwater, investigating the state of this whirlpool to see if he needed to do something about it.

Deidara was up in the largest crow's nest, playing with his clay birdy dolls, though he didn't like it when Tobi called them that.

Kakuzu was taking inventory of the loot they had acquired along with the ship. The aged ninja was an angry man, and Tobi hoped he wouldn't blow any more holes in the ship, but they were easily repaired by Tobi's own mastery of Wood-element ninjutsu.

Orochimaru was in his new makeshift lab/infirmary, examining the body of that big springy fellow they had captured earlier. He seemed to be having the most fun of all of them.

Danzou was off sulking in a room somewhere, all the while trying to pretend that he wasn't a part of the rest of them, as usual. Like that fooled Tobi for even a second.

Sasori was up by the helm, crumpled into a heap with a far-off look in his eyes. He had chakra threads connected out to mechanisms across the entire ship and had effectively taken over the position of helmsman and, indeed, the entire crew. Really, Tobi thought, he knew Sasori liked his multi-tasking, but he could stand to leave a little bit for everyone else to do.

Hidan was acting the most strange of all of them. He had stopped his prayer-'n-swear 'religious ceremony', which he had called 'traditional', but Tobi called 'rude', when the ship had entered the whirlpool, and he was now dashing back and forth between various parts of the deck. Tobi couldn't help but notice that as far as he could tell Hidan was always facing the same direction each time he stopped, which was impressive considering how long they'd been rotating around this whirlpool. Looking down at a spare Log Pose it seemed like Hidan matched up perfectly with the needle that pointed the way to the next island.

Weird!

Tobi's thoughts were interrupted when Kisame leapt out of the ocean in a spray of water, landing lightly on the deck. Kisame was smiling, Tobi noticed, which made him smile in return. He looked like he was really enjoying himself.

"What's the news from underwater, sharky?"

Kisame blinked and shook his head before speaking, his voice nasal and tremulous from his unusual shark-like head structure. "The water's deeper than anything I've ever seen before. I didn't want to go any further down for now, but I might have to eventually. I've got no idea what's causing this. The currents don't make any sense."

"Ah," said Tobi, "But maybe they _do_ make perfect sense, and it's just _us_ that are the weird ones, huh?"

"No, these are pretty strange."

"No, you're missing the point. Everything you know about the water - no, everything we know about the _world,_ even, is based on what we saw back at the Elemental Kingdoms! We're the first people to leave this island in, oh, _ages_ , so we should be prepared be the weird ones out here."

Kisame frowned at Tobi dubiously, before looking back and forth around the ship for moment. Kakuzu and Orochimaru had arrived from below-deck to check on their status. Hidan was still muttering to himself. Kisame pointed at his own face, his beady eyes highlighted against his scaly, blue skin. "You really think _we_ need to get used to being the odd ones?"

Tobi waved him off. "You know what I mean! Maybe huge, sucking whirlpools are normal for this ocean, huh?"

"You think this is normal, then?" asked Orochimaru. "All the more important for us to learn how best to escape them quickly, don't you think?"

"I agree with that," grumbled the massive, stitched form of Kakuzu, "-Standing around like this is hardly conducive to future profits. I can tolerate only so much of your deviancies, Tobi. We need results."

Tobi shook his head. "Man, you guys are no fun. This is a great opportunity to learn something, and all you wanna do is just zip right off."

"I'd rather learn from the unusual than the normal," said Orochimaru, "This is mere water."

"FUCK!" swore Hidan from the port side of the ship. Everyone looked his way curiously, but it was Deidara who shouted from up above.

"Hey! The whirlpool just stopped spinning! Looks like we can get moving now, _un_!"

Tobi was ecstatic. "See, that's great news! I bet that whirlpools that appear and disappear are a perfectly normal part of this ocean. You guys were all worked up over nothing!"

All the other members of Akatsuki frowned for a moment. Kisame said, "You said we needed to learn from this so we knew what to do next time. So, what, we just wait until it goes away? Isn't it a little strange that the whirlpool stopped but we're still below sea-level? Trust me, that's not supposed to happen." Indeed, a sloping hill of water surrounded their currently nameless ship as if they were sitting near the bottom of an immense bowl of seawater.

" _Normally_ not supposed to happen," stressed Tobi as, in the background, Hidan swore loudly before running frantically into the nearest cabin and slamming the door behind him. "And, yeah, I know I said all that, but it all turned out alright in the end. Guys, guys, guys… Relax! We're through our first major challenge of the mission, and we're in great shape!"

"What," Tobi asked, cheerfully, "could _possibly_ go wrong?"

Three seconds later, the Knock-Up Stream erupted from the ocean's depths. The solid column of torrential seawater was like the god of the sea himself delivering a furious uppercut to the unprepared ship. In an instant, the crew was slammed into the deck, and their ship was sent rocketing violently into the stratosphere.

Then, eventually, there was silence. Over the course of the following day, unbelievable rainfall would occur in the nearby areas as a large lake's worth of water fell gradually back to earth.

The ship and its crew did not return nearly so quickly.

* * *

 **-Grand Line-**

 **-City of Water-7-**

Water-7. Ocean paradise city and home to the greatest center of commercial shipwrights in the world. People from thousands of miles away came to make use of its services, and the city owed much of its success to the utterly unique Sea Train that had revitalized its industry more than a decade ago. Given the intense difficulties with navigation in the Grand Line, the miraculous train that linked numerous nearby islands together in a stable and dependable fashion ensured that Water-7 would become a trade hub, tourist destination, and industrial powerhouse all in one.

Every visitor to the island looked on in awe at the city's multiple tiers of locks, waterfalls, and aqueducts that culminated in a massive fountain at its peak. It was a wonder that seemed beyond the scope of what humans could accomplish. It was an unconquerable mountain of water that sprayed endlessly into the sunny day from some unknowable source. In another week, the Aqua Laguna storm system would pass through and herald the beginning of the rainy season, but for now the weather was perfect. Hurried people poured through the streets occupied with an unending variety of business, but to each and every one finance was of utmost importance.

The Saito & McGillavry bank's main branch, situated conveniently next to Blue Station, was the perfect location for arrivals on the Sea Train. Its marbled halls drew thousands upon thousands of visitors each day, and its numerous respectful employees saw to each of them with impeccable professionalism.

At a teller's window, a solidly-built man by the name of Percival Flounders was currently taking tentative advantage of those services.

The first thing people would notice about Percival was that he was exceptionally well-dressed. An immaculately tailored sage-green suit sat buttoned over a charcoal colored vest and clean white shirt. To anyone with an eye for it, the quality of the materials was clearly top-notch, and the man knew how to wear it, despite his rough features.

The second thing they would notice was that he seemed somehow nervous, his stance uncertain, looking like he was ready to bolt or punch someone at any moment. At least, you might think that until you looked more closely at his eyes. People who knew the signs stayed away from eyes like that. They were the eyes of a man whose boundaries were breaking down. If he were really pressed into a corner, he'd probably stab you before resorting to his fists.

It was Percival's day off, and he had a very important job to do here, but he tried so hard to stay away from banks in recent years. Too risky. Still, one had to go eventually even if Percival did tend to make trips to the bank rather... Eventful. Still, here he was, and he had placed a briefcase full of money on the polished stone counter before him. The teller watched with understanding eyes.

"So, let me get this straight..." Percival said, sounding desperate and confused, "I give you this money..."

"Of course, Mr. Flounders," inserted the attentive teller.

"... And then you'll keep it... _safe_..." he suggested, rolling the word around as if it had personally offended him.

"Of _course_ , Mr. Flounders."

"... And then you'll give it back later, when I ask?" he said, as if the concept of a normal business transaction had never once occurred to him in his entire life.

"Well-managed and with interest, Mr. Flounders. I dare say that our managers will make a _special_ effort for you, Sir."

Percival frowned, shifting uncomfortably on the spot. "But how safe _is_ safe, really? What have you got protecting all of it? The doors, the alarms, the guards, the vaults... I don't want to be unreasonable, but I think I have the right to know."

Now it was the teller's turn to look uncomfortable. "I'm so terribly sorry, sir, but I know that I'm not allowed to discuss that with customers... Though, Security might be willing to make an exception for _you_. "

"Ahhh... Hmmm... Well, in that case I think-"

Whatever he was going to say was interrupted. In broad daylight, five masked individuals, four men and a woman, interrupted all business as they burst through the doors of the bank. The shouting began immediately.

" _All right, you stinkin' lot of losers! Hands in the air, cause this is a robbery!"_ shouted the lead man, a greasy, lanky fellow with a wide smirk.

Percival froze in place, his face twitching in some odd expression between a smirk and a grimace. Strangely, the bank teller's panicked attention remained on his client rather than the new intruders.

" _Now that you got yer hands in the air-"_ shouted the woman of the group as all five arrived in the center of the bank floor, " _get yer butts on the ground! Then put your hands there, too, if you know what's good fer ya!_ "

There was a brief period of confusion as the patrons attempted to comply with this order, some of them uncertainly placing both hands on their own rear-end. Two of the other intruders walked quickly toward the tellers, brandishing a pair of wicked-looking guns in every direction. As the barrels passed over them, people cowered in fright. Shortly thereafter, bank guards began pouring in from the back of the establishment.

"Look's like it's my turn," snickered the last robber, still standing with the center group. Stepping up slightly, he raised both palms toward the two largest groups of guards.

 **[LAZY-LAZY WAVE]**

In seconds, both sections of the bank were overwhelmed with a flood of energy that crashed and flowed across the marble floor like a transparent blue tsunami. As soon as each guard was touched they looked to one another, shrugged, and turned back to the break room.

The man who had used the strange Devil Fruit power cackled, his snorting laughter resonating through the hall. "Serves you all right! With the power of my Lazy-Lazy Wave, no fighting force can hope to stand up to us!"

All five of the intruders laughed as they went to work, with the Fruit-User joining his two comrades as they started shaking down the tellers and patrons alike while the two leaders watched over it all, motioning with their guns as necessary.

It soon became clear that something was odd. Far from being cowed into silence, a lot of people were muttering to each other.

 _"What are they doing?"_ one voice asked.

 _"Don't they see how inconsiderate they're being to Mr. Flounders?"_ said another.

 _"Robbing a bank while he's around... Despicable."_

"HEY!" shouted the female leader, fingering a knife at her side, "Shut the _hell_ up or I'll come over there and widen your mouth a bit!"

Then, the patrolling group of three came to Percival. He still stood at the teller's window, head bowed low, shoulders tight, shaking as if in fear. The group motioned to the well-dressed man, but got no response.

"Hey, you scared little shit. Cough up what you had with you and maybe, just _maybe_ I'll let ya see daylight again, huh? _Hey_ , look at me when I'm talking to you, you quivering piece of work!"

That was when Percival raised his eyes, tears streaming down his cheeks, and each of the three men standing around him took a step back in shock.

Violence was written on every line of his face.

" _You goddamn pieces of trash!_ " he screamed, voice trembling, right into their shocked faces. Behind him, the teller he had been talking to was shaking his head in sadness. " _I was so close!"_

The men were spooked. Suddenly, one of them braced his weapon, ready to fire.

It was over in an instant. No one there saw him move. In the space between one moment and the next, Percival was suddenly standing right in the middle of all three of them. First, their guns fell to pieces, sliced to ribbons as if they were prepared vegetables. A moment later, each of the three men fell to the ground, unconscious.

The two leaders were horrified, but they moved quickly. They were over a hundred feet away, and it only took them a couple seconds to adjust their aim.

With gritted teeth, Percival moved, kicking off the ground like a jackrabbit, literally flying across the intervening space without touching the ground. Both robbers stood shocked by the sudden burst of speed. Then, when he was only thirty feet from them, right before both were about to pull the trigger and shoot him out of the air, he vanished.

There was silence.

The man and the woman looked around, hesitantly. To their credit, they quickly moved back-to-back, and it was only three or four seconds before they thought to look above them. Nothing.

Their mysterious attacker was gone.

" _You know-_ " uttered a voice without a source, sounding scratchy, high-pitched, and _wrong_ , like a deep-voiced man who had just inhaled a helium balloon, " _What_ REALLY _gets me mad about this is that you're not even_ doing _it right!_ "

The voice sounded quite nearby indeed. In response, the woman trained her gun on the nearest group of cowering bank patrons.

"Come out where we can see you or I'll blow these miserable losers straight to- AHHH!" she shouted, suddenly flinching as she felt something along her arm, and then her trigger finger suddenly and quite unexpectedly broke. As the other robber whirled around, there was a blur of motion, and suddenly the barrel of his gun was pierced by the addition of a wickedly sharp dagger. As he goggled at this unexpected and unwelcome modification there was another blur, and then Percival was behind him, slamming a blackjack into the base of his head. The man folded up with a sigh.

As the woman turned in shock, Percival grabbed her from behind with one arm, bringing another dagger to her throat. She slumped in defeat. She was beaten and she knew it.

It was just what happened next that was unexpected.

"ALRIGHT EVERYONE, THIS IS A STICK UP!" yelled Percival, his rough voice projecting throughout the bank, "Nobody moves or the lady here gets it! You're all already on the ground, so that's a great start, and if everybody stays put then you'll all get home safe and sound. Nice and easy! You, you, and you! Quit fidgeting!"

Percival stood tall and confident, now looking completely unconcerned by the situation. Several people around the room dabbed at moist eyes with their handkerchiefs.

"Alright! Here's how this is going to go! I don't want much here! You there," he said, pointing to the teller from before, "Bring me the money! And hurry- I don't have all day!"

The man quickly rushed to the center of the room, placing the briefcase that Percival had brought in with him on the ground and shoving it across the intervening distance, saying, "I'm so terribly sorry about this, sir. The next time you come I'd be more than happy to assist you myself."

"That's great! Just like that!" he said, as if the teller hadn't even spoken. Then, he barked an order to his hostage, who bent down slowly and picked up the briefcase, before he returned his knife to her throat. "Alright everyone! I've got what I came for, so now's the time to relax. No need for heroes here. Take a deep breath and it'll all be over soon. I'm gonna take the hostage with me, so no funny business, alright?"

Together, the two of them left the building.

Outside, the bright sun and salty sea air hit his face. Leaving the bank this way he was suddenly struck with a deep sense of nostalgia. He'd regret all this in a little while, but right now it didn't matter.

Right now, Percival Flounders was riding high.

Looking around, ignoring the struggling of his prisoner, he noticed the presence of a few local police officers who were sighing with relief. Good.

"Listen up! I have three demands!" Percival shouted, "There are four more hostages inside the bank who were caught in the act of committing robbery! I demand first of all that all of these criminals be remanded into the custody of the local authorities! Second, I demand to speak to a Navy officer immediately! Third, I require the use of a Navy ship to transport myself from the island!"

Seconds later, a man with dark skin, a slight smile, and a refined face stepped forward from the other side of the police blockade, carrying two cups of coffee and a white jacket draped over his arm.

"As a representative of the Navy, we immediately agree to all of your demands," he said, coolly sipping from one warm cup before nodding to the assembled police force and gesturing to the bank.

In a couple of minutes, all of the criminals had been taken into custody, and people were streaming out of the bank in an orderly fashion. Percival stood beside the man from the Navy, watching the patrons pass by. A small child shouted her thanks, and he nodded in response.

"Sebastian, I just want control of my life back," Percival said. The words would have seemed like a non-sequitor to anyone else.

The other man, Sebastian, handed Percival one of the cups of coffee. "Control is overrated, Boss. I'm sure there are plenty of people who can't help but think of robbing a bank any time they're in one."

"But how many actually try and go through with it? I'm supposed to be out of that business."

"We were both there, Boss. Every one of us that followed you here was. We all know what it was like."

"You adjusted pretty well," Percival said, an accusatory edge to his words.

"Yes, that's true. But, then, I'm good at everything," said Sebastian evenly, still sipping his coffee. "You're the Boss. This is what you are. No one cares if you can't let it go. By the way, you left your coat back at the restaurant."

"Oh, yes. Thank you," he said, taking the proffered coat. "What with everything, I suppose it just slipped my mind."

"That's why you hired me, Boss. The details. Which reminds me," Sebastian reached into his pocket and removed a small Den-Den Mushi, "We received a message. The Big Boss wants to speak with you."

Percival's eyes lit up at the news. All of a sudden he was back on fire. "Of course. You're right. All too easy to focus on the past when I've got a job to do for the man who secured me my future."

He took the communication snail, which was currently sleeping. He fiddled with the shell for a moment and the snail's eyes opened, ready for connection. With another motion, the snail began the process of dialing.

 **[BURU-** _ **BURU-BURU-BURU... ]**_

 **[BURU-** _ **BURU-BURU-BURU... ]**_

 _ **[BURU-BURU-BURU-GACHA**_ **-]**

A moment later, it had adopted an almost ridiculously wide smile, grey facial hair, and a scar that ran around the outside of its left eye. This, of course, signified that a connection had been made.

"Flounders! Is that you?" spoke the snail, in a gruff and mighty voice.

"Yeah, Boss- er, Yes, Sir!" he said, correcting himself immediately.

"Good! I've got a mission for you. There's some sort of trouble brewing in the area between Alabasta and Water-7. I've been hearing reports that make it sound like a new island popped up out of nowhere. If our territory's changing then I need to know what's going on from someone I trust in the area. I hate to cut your leave a bit short, but it has to be you."

"Absolutely, sir! We'll look into it immediately!"

"Good! Our Intel guys will talk to yours. Keep up the good work." CLICK. The snail closed its eyes.

He turned to Sebastian. "We've got a job- Uh, a mission."

"Interrupting leave? The big man must have a bad feeling about it."

Percival nodded, eyes resolute, then whipped the jacket over his shoulders in a single motion. Heavy, white, with ornamented silver epaulets. On its back was emblazoned the kanji for [JUSTICE].

"If Vice Admiral Garp wants it done then that's good enough for me. Come on, Captain Weber. Let's gather the others."

"Yes Sir, Commodore Flounders. They'll understand. After all, this is what we were saved for."

* * *

A/N:

Don't worry, this is not a story about an OC. There's a specific hole in the upcoming story that only a mid-to-high-ranking Marine that isn't Smoker can fill. I refused to not give him some personality, and this very One-Piece-ish character came out of it.

Yes, the world outside the Elemental Kingdoms is pretty much just as weird as it is depicted in One Piece. The sea air must do something to people.


	16. Scum and Villainy

**-Grand Line-**

 **-Going Merry-**

The sea air was warm and getting warmer as they grew closer to their destination. By now, they had learned to feel the signs of an approaching island. So far, this route had been pretty uneventful, and everyone on board the Going Merry was doing their best to pass the time. Luffy was at the stern of the ship, trailing a fishing rod into the water and humming some stupid song to himself. Sanji, Robin, and Chopper were indoors. Naruto and Sasuke were sitting on the lower deck. Zoro was asleep, and Usopp and Nami were near the bow.

Usopp stood in shock, the delivery from the News Coo bird clenched in his trembling hand. Having already seen the incoming delivery-bird, Nami was there with him a moment later. When she saw what he held, she froze in terror.

"Oh, no," she breathed out, reading the papers before him.

"Oh, yes," Usopp replied.

Clutched in one hand were two freshly printed wanted posters, straight from World Government authorities.

 **MONKEY D. LUFFY**

 **B100,000,000**

 **WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE**

* * *

 **RORONOA ZORO**

 **B60,000,000**

 **WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE**

"What is this?" Nami asked. "Why raise their bounties now?"

"I think this explains it," said Usopp, his voice bitter as he handed the newspaper to Nami, rolled it open and jabbed his finger repeatedly at the front story.

"Kingdom of Alabasta…" she read, "Rebellion… Shichibukai Crocodile… Interference from _rogue pirate crew_?! Wait, they've totally rewritten what happened!"

"Yeah, they did, and now they'll want to 'rewrite' us out of the picture completely if you get my drift," said Usopp.

"If people see this we're going to be swamped with bounty hunters and assassins!" she responded. "This is horrible news!"

"Well- Well, it's simple!" Usopp rallied, calling upon his meagre reserves of hope, "If we just make Luffy and Zoro go everywhere in disguise, we'll be perfectly fine! As long as we keep any bounty hunters or assassins off the ship, nobody will even know we're here! We'll just sort of hide the flag a little bit, and-"

"Wait," interrupted Nami. Her eyes were wide, and her voice was shaking, "What did you just say?"

"Uhhh, we've just got to keep any bounty hunters or... assassins… off the… ship…" Usopp tried, suddenly sounding very concerned.

There was a moment of silence. Slowly, their eyes wandered to the lower deck, where Naruto and Sasuke were having an animated conversation. Nami and Usopp turned back to each other.

"Shit," they both said, with feeling.

"I _told_ you we shouldn't have let them on-board!" Nami hissed, trying to keep her voice down.

"Hey! I didn't want them on-board either!"

"Bullshit! That's not what you were saying when they started wow-ing you with those fancy ninja tricks yesterday!"

"They-they-they must have used some sort of hypnosis or something!"

"No, you just couldn't stop yelling about how cool it was when Naruto started dancing around with his talking frogs!"

"He put the chopsticks up his _nose,_ Nami! That's practically a tradition!"

"Yeah, well I didn't find it very funny," she lied.

"Look, that's not important right now," said Usopp, "Right now, we survive." He looked at her, determination burning in his eyes. "The same way we always have."

Nami nodded. "Dispose of the evidence."

With his newfound resolution, Usopp grabbed both of the damning papers and flung them as hard as he could off the ship's starboard side. A gust of wind immediately sent them flying back into his face, Luffy's poster wrapping itself around his long nose. With a grunt of frustration, he grabbed them again, shoving them down and out. Moments later, they had plastered themselves to the rods of the wooden railing.

"What are you doing, Usopp?!" groaned Nami, "Crumple them up or something!"

"Sorry, it just kinda felt wrong," he muttered, dashing over to grab the papers. He crumpled both of them together into a ball and tossed it over the side. In moments, the water had carried them away.

"Good riddance to that," said Usopp.

Nami and Usopp turned to each other and nodded in unison. Someone had to protect the peace of this ship, because no one else would.

A moment later, Luffy called out in surprise. "Oh-ho! Lucky! Caught something!" Continuing to hum, he quickly pulled his catch out of the water. "Hey, wait a minute. This isn't a fish at all! It's got my picture on it!"

Nami and Usopp's jaws dropped to the floor as they turned in horror toward the stern of the ship. In Luffy's hand was a soggy wad of crumpled paper.

Usopp summoned all of his training and talent as a professional liar, screaming, "Luffy! Throw it overboard! That thing's a bomb!"

Naruto and Sasuke immediately dove to the ground for cover. Luffy, however, just blinked and continued examining the paper.

"Whoa! New wanted posters! One Hundred Million Beli? Wow, mine went up by a lot, huh! Zoro! Hey, Zoro! You're here too!"

"Wha? I'm where?" he asked, groggy, slowly waking up.

"Wanted posters! I'm a hundred million! You're sixty million!"

Zoro started chuckling wickedly. As a former bounty hunter himself, large bounties always made him smile. "Well isn't that something? Still, just sixty million makes me feel a little bit embarrassed."

Seeing the two ninja still huddled in the corner, Zoro raised a curious eyebrow. "What the hell's up with you two?"

Naruto and Sasuke slowly rose back to their feet. Naruto in particular looked rather sheepish. "You guys don't have exploding paper where you come from?"

The look he got back was answer enough for his question.

Nami was soon among the two wanted pirates. "Listen, you two. Until recently I'd never even _seen_ anyone with bounty numbers this high, so you have to be careful now. Especially around any bounty hunters... or _assassins_ ," she said, her last word laden with meaning.

Luffy stared back, face utterly blank. Nami tried again.

"Especially if any of them get on this ship..."

"Oh, you mean like Zoro?" said Luffy.

"What?"

"He was a bounty hunter."

"No, no, I'm not talking about Zoro-"

"You mean Robin, then?" interrupted Zoro, "Wasn't she an assassin or something?"

"No! Not Robin! Well, I mean, sure, I guess Robin, but that's not the point."

"You probably shouldn't say things like that if you don't know who you're talking about," said Luffy, his tone dripping with disapproval.

As Nami fumed, Sasuke and Naruto grew increasingly puzzled. This answered a few questions they had had about various members of the crew, but it did so in a very confusing manner. Honestly, as they found out more, it seemed as though every single member of this crew had ridiculously checkered pasts. 'Pirates' out here seemed to be wildly different from the coast-bound types they were used to, but they were still clearly at odds with the law. As a bunch of rogue outlaws from many different countries banded together under a single flag, it should have been easy to draw parallels with Akatsuki, but in practice they seemed to be as different as night and day.

Just what laws had these people broken to have earned bounties like this?

What, _exactly_ , did these people _do?_

Naruto let curiosity get the better of him. "So, those bounties. Is that, like, a lot of money out here, or what?"

"It sure is!" answered Luffy, "With that kind of money, I could eat more meat than I could even eat!"

"...Wait, what? What the hell does that mean?" asked Naruto, thoroughly perplexed.

Nami interrupted them, jabbing a finger at the two bemused ninja. "Don't you listen to him, and don't even think about those bounties. It's really not that much in the big picture, so if you two are looking for a way to pay off your fare then you'd better look somewhere else. There are other ways to get cash."

"Like what?" Sasuke asked.

"Like, it's not my problem, that's what. Besides, people are rich in the Grand Line. I could get that much without too much trouble."

"Oh? Just you? Not all of you together? What is it that you all do, exactly?"

"It's none of your business how we make money. And yes, I was quite the successful thief before joining this crew. I still am, if you must know."

Sasuke paused, then grinned. So that's what this was. Not what he was expecting from the young lady who had been full of nerves since they had arrived on the ship.

"Okay," he said, eyes glittering, "We're coming up on the next island, so why don't you show me."

* * *

 **-Two Days Later-**

 **-Grand Line - Island of Jaya-**

 **\- Remaining time for Log Pose to set: Two Days -**

 **-Mock Town-**

"You don't think you can do it?" asked Sasuke. The two of them were resting in the shadow of an alleyway, watching the rough and tumble populace stream through the town's main streets.

"It's not that I can't do it," responded Nami, "I just have a bad feeling - completely natural, by the way - about hanging around a town like this with bounties like ours. It's been too quiet. After two whole days on an island with nothing happening I feel like the sky is going to fall on our heads or something."

"It's not like the bounty is on you. Luffy and Zoro aren't even with us."

"Don't remind me. I should be there keeping them out of trouble.

"Naruto can help keep an eye on them. He's actually got a lot of experience making big boneheaded decisions, so he's pretty good at recognizing when other people are about to do something stupid."

"You know, that really doesn't make me feel any better."

"I trust him. He's earned it." Sasuke took another glance out of the entrance to the alleyway, watching another fight break out. "So, anyway, I was wondering. You've been one of the most nervous people on the crew, but suddenly we land in the middle of a nest of almost comically violent thugs and you're only worried about everyone else. You didn't even really try to stop me from tagging along today. Why?"

"You think I should be worried about _this_ place?" she scoffed. "Trust me, this is practically how I grew up." Nami smiled, though it didn't reach her eyes. "I could spin half this place around my finger in an instant if I wanted. It only looks like chaos. It's all about understanding the signs."

Then, she sighed. "Well, none of that matters if Luffy ends up running through here like a wild bull. That's when things would get really scary."

"Huh. I guess that's something for me to keep in mind. Anyway, you were going to show me how you do what you do so I can help out. Ready to get started?"

"Fine. But I'll warn you. If I were easy enough to follow that you could just watch and see it happening, then I wouldn't be so successful. Keep your eyes peeled if you want, but you're not going to see anything."

"I have very good eyes," Sasuke said, dead serious. Nami snorted, turning his way to laugh in his face, and then she saw his eyes. Where they had been nearly black before, now his irises were deep crimson with strange markings.

"Hey! What the hell is that?" she asked.

"Family tradition. It's a ninja thing. I'll show you what they do if you give me something to work with."

Despite herself, Nami was intrigued. After a bit of grousing she went to work, diving into the marketplace like she owned it. She brushed smoothly through the crowds, stopping here and there, once seeming to get distracted and stumbling into a nasty looking man who swore back and forth at her. The man didn't notice what she had taken from him.

Throughout it all, Sasuke watched from the shadow of the alley, red eyes gleaming.

Eventually, Nami returned. She opened a small pack slung over her shoulder to reveal more than a dozen pouches and a fistful of various currencies and valuables. He was impressed.

"Well," she asked, palming a coin and then twirling it between her fingers, "You said you could keep up. If you're going to pay your way, now's the time to show your stuff, _ninja_."

"No problem. I like having someone good to learn from."

With a hand seal, Sasuke transformed himself into a dark-haired female beauty, causing Nami to squawk in surprise. Then, he stepped down the street in a different direction, slinking through the crowds just as she had before. Frowning, Nami watched over it all.

Ten minutes later, she was growing intensely suspicious. He moved like a natural alright, though as she watched he made a pass at a dangerous-looking thug who she wouldn't have risked pissing off. When the thug noticed something odd he whirled on Sasuke, who immediately clobbered him over the head with an empty jug before retreating into a side street.

Moments later, he approached her, once again looking like his original male self. She gave him a Look.

"So you and your partner both make a habit of going around looking like women?"

Sasuke shrugged, then showed his catch. Not as good as what she had made off with, but, then, she'd never seen someone even come close to being as skilled as she was.

"I copied what I saw you do," he said. "That's what these eyes can do for me. You take advantage of being a good-looking woman, so if I tried doing the same thing without changing my appearance, I wouldn't get anywhere."

Like all others, the compliment slid right off Nami without acknowledgement. "Wait, you copied me? Didn't you say you already had a lot of experience?"

"I have a lot of experience with stealth and trickery in general, sure, but I knew I'd do a lot better with a good pickpocket to copy from."

"You really hadn't practiced this before today? This is more ninja nonsense, isn't it?" she said. Then she paused, something puzzling her. Understanding began to creep in along the edges, followed immediately by outrage. "Wait a minute!" she said, "You have no idea how hard I worked to get this good!"

Sasuke picked out a gold coin and started twirling it in his hand using the same motions Nami had earlier. "That's these eyes for you. The Sharingan lets me copy pretty much anything."

Nami was furious. Then-

"Well hold on! If you wanted lessons, you needed to pay for them! A hundred million- that's how much it cost to learn all this. I had to fight and scrape for each and every Beli of it, and I'm gonna throw that on your tab!"

Sasuke looked horrified, as if no one else had ever tried this on him before. Which was odd, because it was the very first thing that had occurred to her.

Whatever he planned to say in his defense didn't get said, as panicked footsteps charged past the alley they stood in. Soon, some of assembled pirates began shouting a warning.

"Hey! Trouble coming this way! Three Marine ships about half an hour from land!"

Suddenly there was a great amount of ruckus, hullabaloo, and generalised chaos in the streets. Shop owners hurried to finish up business, natives rushed into their houses, and a large number of pirates muttered dire imprecations before hurrying off toward the port.

An even larger number of pirates laughed and stayed put, raising their bravado with drink.

Nami had a pained look in her eyes. The two quickly headed back towards the port, dodging fights as they broke out. As they passed house after house, windows were slammed shut by terrified-looking natives. Sasuke looked at all of this with a curious frown.

"Who are the Marines?" he asked.

Nami stared at him for a moment like he had just grown two extra heads, then sighed. "Right. Isolated island. Well- The Marines are a military force controlled by the World Government. They're the most powerful organized force in the world, and they're the ones who collect and issue bounties. That's what's important for us right now."

"These natives look pretty frightened. I take it they're not well-liked. Corrupt?"

Nami worked her mouth for a moment before responding. "They can be pretty damn corrupt, alright. I certainly don't owe them any thanks for all the bad times in my life, that's for sure."

She paused for a moment, still walking beside him. Sasuke waited, silently.

"But, no. It could be that they have a bad reputation here, but in most places only pirates have any real problem with the Marines. That's not what I think is happening."

"Then, what?" he asked, curious.

Nami pointed toward a group of drunken pirates brawling in the street.

"If you want my opinion, the natives are scared because they know there'll be a fight. Or more like a hundred of them. If they came all the way out here then the Marines will certainly be expecting all of this. This is a dangerous island, and they're only going to land here if they're armed to the teeth." Nami laughed, a bitter sound. "No one living here wants to be caught in the crossfire."

Sasuke said nothing, thinking about her words.

Eventually, they reached the ship. Well, not so much 'reached', per se.

"The ship's gone," stated Sasuke, as if speaking about the weather.

Nami stared at the spot where their ship wasn't, as if willing it back into being. Then, she scanned the port back and forth, then a second and third time, dread written across her face. She was feeling a sensation familiar to most humans at some point in their life that for some reason had no word to distinguish it. It was the feeling, upon realizing something is missing, of the pure and fervent hope that it's not really missing at all, but it's just that you have gone so completely, thoroughly, and suddenly insane that you simply cannot find it until you've searched the empty spot for the tenth or thirtieth time. The crushing despair that comes afterward is similarly nameless.

"Don't look so upset," Sasuke said, "They must be off dodging the Marines."

Nami moaned, placing her face in her hands.

"Well," she said after a moment, "It could be worse. Sorry if I don't include your friend in this list, but there's still Sanji, Chopper, Robin, and Usopp to make sure Luffy doesn't do anything stupid."

"You didn't include Zoro in that list either."

"No. No I didn't." Nami paused, then added, "Actually I really only trust Sanji to be both able and willing to hold him down if it comes to it."

"Sanji? Really?"

"Yeah… despite how he might act from time to time, he's really got the best balance between ability and common-sense among the guys. He'll keep them out of trouble."

"Oh," said Sasuke, "Speak of the devil, here he is now."

Waving, smiling, and occasionally trampling those in his path, Sanji approached like a whirlwind from the former location of their ship.

Some days, Nami just felt like crying.

* * *

A/N:

First, I'd like to give a special shout out and thank you to Kerriss-Singer-of-Light (link in profile), who has been an excellent beta reader, as well as an excellent wife. If you like Avatar: TLA, and like Toph/Zuko, check out "A Great Team."

Now, it's time for a canon refresher. This will be a recurring segment.

From this point on, events will be happening that are either kind of close to canon, _or_ so _wildly_ _different_ that most people may want a refresher on what the hell was actually happening at this point in the story.

In canon, after Alabasta, the Straw Hats were interrupted after meeting Robin by a ship falling from the sky. To their surprise, the Log Pose pointed upward to what they knew as "Sky Island."

Instead of being stranded with no way to get to the next island, they met a crew of Salvage Monkeys, who just so happened to have an Eternal Pose that was permanently set to Jaya, a nearby island.

Upon reaching Jaya, the Straw Hats tried to find their way to Sky Island, but came to a confrontation with Bellamy, who thought they were a bunch of idiots.

Some differences between canon and this story:

Bellamy is dead at the hands of Akatsuki.

The Straw-Hats have never heard of Sky Island.

They're a few days slower than in canon, so Blackbeard already left Jaya before the Straw-Hats arrived.

Their bounties arrived before landing on Jaya, rather than right before they left the island.

There are two goddamn ninja on-board the Merry.


	17. Gravity Always Wins An Argument

**-Grand Line - Jaya-**

 **-Remaining Time For Log Pose to Set: Two Days-**

 **-Outskirts of Mock Town-**

Sanji, as it turned out, had helped pack up the others to the opposite side of the island, but not before valiantly agreeing to stay behind to keep Nami from becoming lost. This had seemed reasonable enough to Sasuke at first. Then Sanji had started talking to him.

"So, when you left the ship I didn't realize you were going to be spending some alone time with Nami," Sanji said, agreeably, as he hung back to talk to the ninja, letting their navigator lead the way. "Did you have fun?"

"Fun? I suppose. She taught me some moves, and I shouldn't have any trouble paying our way now," said Sasuke.

"That's good! Really good." Sanji looked at him, and his expression darkened. "But if you don't watch yourself around her I'll make sure you _really_ pay, you piece of shit. I'll take you and your friend and I'll stick my feet up _both_ your asses, then wear you around like a pair of fuzzy slippers, _capiche_?"

"I don't... know what that last word means," said Sasuke. The language must have diverged somewhat since they had last had contact with the outside world.

"It means watch your back, smart-ass."

"I'll keep that in mind," replied Sasuke, carefully.

Sanji, Sasuke decided, was stark raving mad.

They followed the coast, approaching their destination a few hours later. The weather was darkening, and deep clouds covered the sky. In the distance they could barely hear the sound of thunder, but there was no rain yet. Occasionally, Sasuke would leap onto the larger trees in the area and survey the landscape, listening to the very strange birdsong of the very strange jungle.

Finally, his scouting revealed the location of their ship, and it was docked beside... something.

"What the hell is that?" asked Sasuke.

"It's some sort of castle!" exclaimed Nami, as the trees thinned out.

"What's a huge-ass castle like that doing in a place like this?" Sanji mused.

"That's not a castle," said Sasuke, gesturing with his right arm. "It's all wrong-looking. It's a fake or something." The 'castle' was tremendous, almost ridiculously fancy, and totally out of place with the rest of the buildings on the island.

"How the hell can you say it's fake from here?" grumbled Sanji, "It's more than a mile away."

Nami cast a sidelong glare at Sasuke as they continued walking. "Don't tell me. It's your eyes again?"

"What can I say? They're my eyes. I'm not going to stop using them."

"Wait, what's that about?" asked Sanji.

As Sasuke opened his mouth, Nami interrupted whatever his explanation would have been. "He's got some crazy ninja eyes. They let him copy things he sees and are apparently great at spotting fake real estate."

"Oh, ninja stuff, huh," said Sanji, accepting this. "That reminds me. How the hell were you walking around on water? I'm assuming it's another ninja thing?"

"I'm pretty sure I already explained it the other day…"

"Yeah, you did, but I wasn't paying any attention then. Now I am."

Sasuke shook his head. "Whatever. It's basic chakra training. They expect twelve-year-olds to learn it."

Sanji blinked at that, then said, "Huh. But you have to have this chakra stuff to do it?"

"Everyone has it. Even you."

"I'm pretty sure I'd notice something like that."

Sasuke shook his head, "Trust me. I can see chakra and every one of you has it. It looks a little strange when I watch you or Zoro, but it's there, and nearly as bright as a trained shinobi. Luffy, Chopper, and Robin look really weird, but I assume that's from their Devil Fruits."

"Huh. So I've got this ninja stuff in me, too. Well, if this water walking trick is supposed to be so easy a child can do it, then how does it work?"

"It's all about taking your chakra- that is, the energy linking your mind and body- and then extending it through the soles of your feet and manipulating the water. It's sort of like both solidifying the water and at the same time extending the size of your feet to spread out your weight. Then you bind the two together so you can get some traction and you sort of grip on to the surface, just like that."

"Just like that, huh?"

"Don't get your hopes too far up," said Sasuke, brushing aside a tremendous jungle fern, "I said that they make twelve year olds learn it, but I was training since before I was six."

As Sasuke talked, Sanji had pulled out a cigarette, exhaling a puff of smoke before responding. "Could you do that business in the air?"

"What? What do you mean, 'in the air'?"

Sanji waved his cigarette back and forth above him. "You know, do the chakra thing to the air, make your foot like a sail and kick off of it or something."

Sasuke stopped in place, scratched his head for a moment, then continued walking. Moments passed, until finally he said, "That sounds really, truly, impossibly difficult."

Sanji scoffed. "Maybe for a shitty ninja."

"You don't even know where to start!" Sasuke exclaimed. "You're less capable than a twelve-year-old!"

The argument continued for a minute, until-

"Guys, guys!" Nami interrupted, "Knock it off! We're almost there."

The two of them settled down quickly. It was good to have a third person around to break up bickering. Sasuke couldn't help but think back to Sakura, left behind back in the Elemental Kingdoms. Then he frowned. It really hadn't sunk in yet that he'd never see her again, and that really didn't feel good to think about.

They arrived at the faux-castle and it was soon apparent that it was indeed just a facade. The immense, painted wooden cutout of a palatial estate was hiding what looked like half of a small set of stone ruins. The whole thing was nestled right up against the edge of a cliff that dropped straight down into the ocean. Strangest of all was the far end of the house, which seemed to sit open to the air, as if someone had taken a knife blade to the cliff it had been resting upon.

No, thought Sasuke, the _strangest_ thing was the sound that came from inside of four people bawling at the tops of their lungs.

* * *

 **-Jaya-**

 **-Residence of Montblanc Cricket-**

"-and that's why I can't leave this place. From now until the day I die, this is a battle between me and my ancestor," said Montblanc Cricket, his voice rough and rugged. "At the end of all of this, either I find that great golden bell down in the ocean, or my bones will join it and search the ocean floor when I'm gone."

Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper continued their loud wailing interspersed with sounds of encouragement, and goddammit, Naruto was right there along with them. He couldn't help himself; he was moved to tears. Zoro was just watching, looking bored.

"So this is about proving your ancestor's good name?" asked Robin.

"What?" asked Cricket, caught off guard by the question. "No, the name is nothing but a curse! One I've tried to escape my whole life. I don't give two shits about my ancestor Noland's name or any of that. This is just about putting an end to all the words and wondering that have followed me my whole life. It's a fight between me and him. At the end of all of this either his words will be proven true, or I'll be dead, and that's that."

"I suppose I can understand that," Robin replied, her tone enigmatic. Then, "It looks like the rest of our crew has arrived."

Nami, Sanji, and Sasuke stepped in over the threshold of the entryway.

"You lot gonna cause any trouble?" growled Cricket.

"Who's asking?" questioned Sanji. Nami smacked him on the back of the head.

"Montblanc Cricket, and I'm still not sure why I haven't kicked you all off of my property."

It was Luffy that spoke next, still sniffling, his voice breaking. "Hey, Old Guy! I've got it! I understand! I'm gonna help you find that golden bell!"

Naruto, Chopper, and Usopp all nodded enthusiastically. Cricket glared back in consternation.

"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?" asked Sasuke, concerned for his friend's mental health.

"I just kinda got pulled into the story, ya know?" Naruto choked out, "Have you heard this guy? People out here are crazy! They're crazy!"

"Wait, wait, a golden _what_?" asked Nami. "A bell? We're finding a bell? Luffy, we'll be ready to leave in a day and a half! Where is this bell supposed to be?"

"Supposedly it's underwater somewhere near here," murmured Robin, her eyes lidded, "A great golden bell, lost to history except by the words of an ancient story..."

"Luffy," said Nami, with the patience of a saint, "I really, _really_ shouldn't have to tell you this any more, but _you_ _can't swim_!"

"But Nami-"

"No! Look- sir- Cricket, I'm sorry for intruding like this, but my captain's kind of an idiot sometimes. He goes by his instincts and sometimes that gets him in trouble. How long have you been searching for this bell?"

"Years. Day in, day out." Cricket just seemed intensely confused by the entire exchange

" _Years,_ Luffy. You can't even swim."

Luffy had a hard look in his eye.

"Nami, we're gonna find this Old Guy's bell, and that's that," Luffy said. "It can't be that tough!"

"Now, listen up, you little-" started Cricket, before Nami began shouting over him.

" _Luffy!_ What about becoming the Pirate King?! What about your dreams?! You're just giving up on all of that? We can't afford to spend years here, and that bell isn't going to just fall out of the sky!"

* * *

 **-That Very Moment-**

 **-The Sky-**

The object plummeted like a meteorite to the earth it had left so long ago. It had been falling for more than three minutes now, but it took that opportunity to impact the ground.

 **KRAAAAAKOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGG!**

The titanic impact shook the island, it shook the air, and it shook their bones. If an explosion could be said to have a 'rich' and 'deep' sound, then that is exactly what it sounded like. Stones shattered, the cliff shifted dangerously, and the wooden facade that covered the front of the house was ripped and torn away; the mighty castle broken and besieged. All the inhabitants of the stone house behind it ducked for cover, hitting the ground and desperately protecting their ears.

When the dust settled and the ringing stopped, Luffy took a look outside. Soon, others joined him.

"Hey, Old Guy!" shouted Luffy, "I found your bell for you!"

Beside him, Montblanc Cricket began hyperventilating, made a few choked gasps, and then fell over on the spot.

"Isn't that great?"

* * *

Elsewhere, in an abstract and entirely metaphysical place, the figures of Fate and Lady Luck shared an uneasy glance before shuffling uncomfortably away from each other.


	18. Crash Landing

**-Jaya-**

 **-Montblanc Cricket's Residence-**

 **-Late Afternoon-**

 **-Time for Log Pose to Set: 1.5 Days-**

The bell had landed about half a mile off. Presented with a tremendous golden bell falling from the sky for no discernable reason, the Straw-Hats were united in their desire to have wildly differing opinions on the matter.

Nami, briefly entertaining the idea that she had summoned the bell from empty air just by expressing her skepticism on the subject, also entertained ideas of summoning other such objects. She was vaguely aware that it was traditional to wish for half-naked men to fall from the sky, but… in the end she decided that an unclaimed golden bell was just about as good a gift as it got. Her eyes were filled with two pulsating Beli symbols, something that caused Naruto and Sasuke no end of concern, before she dashed off towards the crater. The rest of the crew was unmoved by Nami's ocular antics. In the last month Robin had had to fish pink floating hearts out of her tea twice after Sanji had emitted them while serving her breakfast. Such was life on the Grand Line.

Robin followed their navigator shortly thereafter. The chance for a revolutionary discovery was palpable.

Sanji, seeing that both of the ladies had gone, decided to follow them.

Luffy paused just long enough to try and wake up Cricket, then forgot what he had been doing and dashed off in search of adventure.

Naruto and Sasuke felt compelled to check out the disturbance, but were interrupted by Usopp. If one giant golden bell could fall from the sky, the sniper reasoned, then two could as well, and no sane person wanted to be anywhere near that place. In fact, he screeched this at them while huddled in a ball inside the stone house. This seemed like good enough logic for the two young ninja, and Chopper as well, so they stayed back.

Zoro, sensing that they wouldn't be going anywhere else for a while, fell back asleep.

Chopper stood by the unconscious Montblanc Cricket. The man seemed to have just fainted from shock, but he was currently sleeping off extreme chronic exhaustion. Cricket seemed to have been pushing his body to the absolute limit, day after day, repeatedly diving and resurfacing. The ship's doctor decided to pass the time by grabbing his medical equipment and creating a medication regimen for the man to follow in the near future.

He hoped it would work. Cricket had the look of a man who didn't listen to doctors. Doctorine had always been good at clobbering patients until they took their medicine, but that was all still a bit hard for him.

He had just finished preparations when his ears pricked up from a very odd sound. It was so faint as to be almost inaudible.

"What's that noise?" he asked.

Naruto stuck his head out from inside Cricket's house, swallowing a bite of stolen jerky. "I don't hear anything," he said.

Sometimes Chopper forgot that humans couldn't smell or hear nearly as well as he could. The noise was getting closer now. "Someone shouting? It sounds like it's coming from up above?" He looked up into the sky, straining his eyes to see.

"Yeah, now that you mention it… It does sound like someone shouting. But, I can't see anything."

"Something else IS falling! Up there!" shouted Usopp, pointing from the window of the house. Something- no, _someone_ was falling from the sky some distance away. They didn't sound very happy with their current lot in life.

"Shit-Shit-Shit-Shit-ShitShitShitShitShitSHIT! FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUU-"

The unidentified figure landed at roughly the same spot the bell had, striking the ground at a little under 120 miles per hour. The impact was fairly quiet from this distance.

Everyone stood in shock.

"What's wrong with this place?!" yelled Naruto, distinctly worried by recent events. "First it's raining bells, and now people?!"

"Do-Do you think I should go over there?" asked Chopper, confusion filling his voice.

"A fall like that? He's dead, no doubt about it," stated Zoro, yawning.

"I gotta go help him! There might be something I can do!"

"Suit yourself," he yawned, then rolled back over.

Leaving his friends behind, Chopper transformed, assuming a four-legged form much more like the one he had grown up in. The wind blew through his thick fur as he went, and he was surprised to suddenly find himself distracted by the simple act of running. No matter how much time he spent in his compact and comfortable two-legged form, it was nice to get back to four hooves hitting the ground. He just didn't have the room to move on the Merry.

Maybe he could convince Naruto to teach him how to run on the water like they did? Naruto seemed nice. Sasuke did, too, he guessed, but he was also a little scary.

Grinning at the thought of leaping over ocean waves, and then growing nervous at the thought of suddenly falling into the ocean, Chopper arrived at the edge of the crater quickly. He scurried down the deeply-pitted dirt walls with well-placed hooves. As he did so, he got his first good look at what had landed. Most of what he had thought was the bell was actually more like a structure, or an altar of some type. An immense, tiered platform nestled the gantry that supported the bell itself. The altar had cracked on impact, coming apart into three major pieces. The gantry had shattered into tiny fragments, the golden supports wrenched off of the platform. Miraculously, impossibly, the bell itself was still intact. Cracked, but intact.

All-in-all, it was hard to tell whether the bell or the ground had had the worst of the encounter.

Robin was standing in front of the bell, examining a dark stone tablet that was different from the rest of the structure, a reverent expression on her face. Chopper normally had some trouble interpreting human faces, but she was clearly awestruck by what she was seeing. She hadn't even stopped to examine the man who had fallen from the sky.

The others, Nami, Sanji, and Luffy, were clustered around a still-settling cloud of dust at the impact-site. Nami looked distinctly uncomfortable. Chopper arrived in time to hear her speak.

"But where did he come from?!" she asked, "The same place as this bell? There's nothing but clouds up there!"

"You think he fell from the _clouds?_ " asked Sanji, in disbelief.

"How should I know? Where else could he have fallen from? Bells, and - ugh- half-naked men shouldn't just fall from the skies."

Chopper interrupted their conversation as soon as he was near. "I came right away! Is- Is he in there?"

"Whoa, don't look at me-" said Nami, "I'm not going to go check."

Sanji shook his head, then blew a cloud of cigarette smoke. "A sight like that, women and children shouldn't try and see it."

"W-well, I'm a child. But I'm also a doctor," said Chopper, a nervous energy in his eyes, "-and even if he's dead we need to know what happened to him."

"Oh no," moaned Nami, "You mean something or someone might be taking people up into the sky and throwing them off of clouds?"

"W-WHAT?!" shrieked Chopper, "That's really scary! W-What if it comes down here?!"

"So, what I don't understand-" started Luffy, interrupting their dialogue as he stared into the rapidly settling dust-cloud, "-is, if he's supposed to be dead, then why is he moving?"

There was silence. Then, as the dust began to clear a pained voice uttered, "Fuck this up and down, both ways. Next time our Supreme fucking Leader wants to toss someone off a damn cloud he can choose someone else. I'm not doing that again."

From the shifting clouds of dust, a figure emerged. A man, half-naked from the waist up, the tatters of torn, burnt, and blood-stained clothing falling away from his body. He had grayish hair that was wild and unruly from the long fall, but his face and body looked like a young adult.

"It's- it's a ghost?!" cried Chopper.

"A ghost?" asked Sanji, "I kinda doubt that..."

The dust cleared entirely before their eyes, and something else became apparent.

"S-sir, y-your arms- do-do you need help?" asked Chopper, pointing.

Sure enough, the man's right arm was broken and hilariously dislocated. The left was missing entirely, torn off at the shoulder joint.

"What the hell's going on with you?" asked Sanji.

"Aw, shut the hell up! I'm trying to look for something," the man growled.

As the man walked, scanning the ground, something unusual was happening. Before their eyes the breaks in his arm began to correct themselves, straightening without complaint, the only sign of distress being a disgusting, wet noise as bone, muscle, and tendon moved beneath the skin. After a moment, only his dislocation and missing limb remained.

"Hey, Chopper," asked Luffy, face blank, "how's he doing that?"

"What? I don't know what's going on!"

"You're the doctor."

"Yeah, but I've never seen anything like that!" As Chopper spoke, the man fell to the ground, performing a vicious elbow-drop to the earth beneath his feet. With a sickening noise, the arm righted itself in its socket.

"Fuck, that hurt!" the man said, cheerfully. As he stood, he grabbed a thick metal cable from the ground that had been trailing from his waist. Coiling it around him as he pulled, he soon retrieved the object it was attached to: a wicked-looking red scythe with three blades set at the end, each one larger than the one before it.

"Hey, let's get the fucking pleasantries out of the way first. I'm Hidan. Anyone seen an arm around here? And don't say anything smart-ass like, 'where's the last place you saw it?' 'cause I killed the last guy who tried that shit. I had it with me on the way down, alright?"

Several of the assembled onlookers shared wary glances.

"Did you fall from the clouds?" asked Nami, just to be sure, "You were screaming like a madman. Why were you up there in the first place?

"I _know_ , right?! I had no goddamn business being up there. And, yeah, no need to rub it in. It's my first time with this sort of thing."

"Well, yeah, I'd hope so," she said, "but that doesn't really answer the question..."

"N-Nami, you're not supposed to talk with ghosts!" called Chopper, who was now quaking in place and hiding behind a nearby rock, all thought of lending medical aid banished.

"Watch your mouth you goddamn heathen. I'm pretty sure ghosts are an abomination unto the Lord Jashin."

"Pretty sure?" asked Sanji, eyes narrowed.

"Yeah, he doesn't exactly make himself very fucking clear, alright? Also, has anyone seen a huge-ass bell around here?"

Without a word, Luffy pointed behind the man. The bell loomed behind him, twisted and broken. Hidan followed his finger and turned to regard the immense structure. "Huh. Well at least the kooky shitlord has good aim, I'll give him that. It's all busted up and shit, but hell if I'm gonna take the blame for that."

"'Kooky shitlord' meaning the guy that threw you down here?" asked Sanji, "Your so-called 'Supreme Leader'? Is that the guy you were calling 'Lord Jashin'?"

Hidan whirled on him, eyes burning. "Like I said, watch your mouths, heathens. You don't get to say that name. And no, he's not the guy, but you wouldn't know who I'm talking about anyway. Real asshole, our so-called leader."

"Well I don't really give a damn about whoever it is you're talking about, but despite my better judgement I _am_ damn curious about where you came from."

"What, the _sky_? You wanna know why I was up in the fucking sky? Tell you what. Help me find my arm, and then we'll talk."

This seemed a reasonable thing to do, but out of all of them only Hidan seemed to have his heart in it. A few minutes later, Chopper wandered past Luffy. "Luffy? Are you okay? You've been pretty quiet…"

Luffy glanced at the young doctor, then looked over his shoulder at Hidan, who was tossing aside small rocks in his search. "I don't like him. He's dangerous."

"Eh?! You think he might attack us?"

"Dunno. Don't think he's planning on anything right now. It just doesn't feel right. But…" Luffy trailed off, uncomfortably.

"But…?"

They searched in silence for another few seconds, Chopper no longer sniffing the air for signs of the wayward arm. Eventually, Chopper looked back at Luffy, who was grinding his teeth together, fists clenched and eyes wide.

" _I wanna know what's up there!"_ he said.

Chopper swallowed, nervously. He trusted their captain more than he trusted himself, but all of a sudden he wasn't feeling good about their luck.

Despite her best effort, it wasn't long before Nami found the arm. She hadn't actually had any interest in hunting for this object, but had discovered the errant limb by tripping over it while gathering spare gold fragments into a pile. "Eurgh! Arm!" she shouted.

"Ah, sweet. I'll be right over."

Nami watched as the smiling, wild-haired man approached her. Something about him gave her the creeps, and she wasted no time in scrambling away from the arm nestled between the fallen rocks. Ignoring her antics, Hidan grabbed his limb and gave it a frustrated glare. When just shoving the disconnected arm onto its stump proved unproductive, he became lost in thought. Soon, he started thwacking his own limb against his shoulder like a baseball batter might do with a bat. His limbless shoulder made an odd motion, then stopped, and he looked puzzled for a moment. Then, Hidan used his lost limb to scratch his nose. After another distracted moment, he reached down and used it to adjust his crotchal region.

When he finally snapped out of his thoughts, the nearby crew, Nami in particular, were all giving him odd looks.

"Oh, shit," Hidan said, "I hate to be so fucking lewd, but what the hell else am I gonna do with it?" he asked, in his version of an apology.

Chopper had returned from his search and now moved hesitantly forward. Dangerous or not, there were some things he had to do. "Umm… Sir, are you going to be fine healing yourself, or…" He was lost for words for a moment, his training under Doctorine not having hinted at the procedure for such things, "-can I assist you in re-attaching it?"

For the first time, Hidan seemed to actually notice him. "What the fuck? A talking Tanuki?"

"I'M NOT A TANUKI! I'M A REINDEER! GET IT RIGHT, ASSHOLE!"

"Whoa, whoa whoa! The hell are you getting all angry for? Sheesh, I don't give a shit, whatever. Not the weirdest thing I've seen anyway." Hidan seemed to consider this for a moment. "You're a doctor or whatever? Cause- like- I can reattach this myself, but I've gotta hold it in place for- like- an HOUR or something. It'd be a big fucking help."

After Chopper wound down slightly, he retrieved his bag and got to work. Chopper instructed his patient to sit down on one of the largest smooth fragments of gold.

"Sit down?" snorted Hidan, "I'm not gonna fucking faint on you or anything. Can't I just stand?"

With a frown, Chopper hopped up onto the makeshift golden stool. With the added height, he barely made it up to the taller man's chest. Hidan took one look at the tiny, scowling reindeer-boy and shook his head before sitting down as requested.

Chopper went to work stitching the arm back onto its intended location, and as he worked Hidan talked.

"Yeah, so we were out at sea, right? And I'm starting to feel like my God's telling me to do something, right? But we're just getting the hang of things, then all of a sudden we get blasted into the sky by a giant fucking whirlpool cannon." As he spoke, he added several entirely unhelpful one-handed gestures that made it look like he was carefully planting a sapling.

Chopper muttered an irritated, "Please stop moving."

"Whirlpool cannon?" asked Luffy, eyes wide, "That sounds _so cool!_ "

"Yeah, sure, kid. So we land in these fluffy clouds, right?"

"Eh? It really was clouds!"

"Shut the fuck up, alright? Yeah, clouds. Or something, I dunno, whatever. Anyway, some dudes came by-"

"EH?! There are _people_ up there?!"

"Shut the fuck up! Yeah, of course there were people, asshat. Some dudes came by and tried to pull some shit or something, so we kicked their asses. Then we went up some swirly cloud thing and some old bag tried to mess with us, so we kicked her ass too. There was a whole city up there and they got all uptight about something, then a giant cloud crab took our ship off to some island-"

Sanji stopped smoking for just long enough to interrupt, "Bullshit."

"What the fuck is wrong with you people? Can't just listen to a goddamn story for one fucking second? Anyway, we kicked the _crab's_ ass and then went off to where it was trying to take us, just 'cause. Big-ass island with big-ass ruins and bigger-ass trees."

"Ruins?" interrupted Robin from behind him, having returned from her examination of the Poneglyph, "Please, did those ruins look similar to the architecture of this bell? The same writing, or inscriptions?"

Hidan gazed over his good shoulder, giving her a quick look up and down that made Sanji bristle. The injured man sighed and cast another glance at the bell, then turned back around. "Yeah, sure. No gold, but sure, close enough."

"Robin?" asked Nami, "What are you thinking?" However, she got no response. When it became clear no-one was going to keep talking, Hidan continued.

"Bunch of assholes on that island. There were some sheep guys, and some natives who thought they were _real_ badasses, and some priest dickheads who must have been on something big-time, I don't even know. And trust me, I tried asking 'em what they were taking, but they played dumb. And I do mean that. _Dumb._ Like, unbelievably, _ball-shatteringly_ dumb."

"Okay… They were all teaming up to kick you off the island?" asked Nami, "Were they all on the same side?"

"Who the hell's telling this story, lady? And I don't have any fucking idea, alright? We killed the shit out of most of them the instant we saw them, what do you want from me?"

Nami paled and backed away quickly.

"Where the hell was I? So we started talking to a giant snake, and-"

"Whoa, whoa, hold up," said Sanji, "Snake?"

"Aw, shit. Alright. So we were going along and then we ran into this snake that was, like, ten miles long or some shit-"

Sanji and Nami just shook their heads, not even bothering to interrupt.

"-then right when it was starting to get angry it got flash-fried by a lightning bolt that came outta fucking _nowhere_!"

"A lightning bolt killed the giant snake?!" cried Luffy, jaw hanging open.

"Fuck yeah it did!" grinned Hidan. "Then some crazy-eared dude zapped into being right in front of us, saying he was a fucking god or some shit. And, man, good thing he did, cause things were getting boring. I was like, ' _Finally,_ we've got a badass heretic to smite!', am I right?"

Luffy nodded in full agreement, clearly engrossed by the story. By Hidan's side, Chopper was putting in some of the final stitches.

"So, we started fighting him, you know, really getting into it. And he kept throwing lightning bolts and shit, right? It was great! I got really crispy a few times, but then things got weird. Creepy weird. We were just getting started with a kickass battle and he started _freaking the fuck out_ about something and screaming at us to just die. Like he'd never had a spanking as a kid or something, I dunno. I was embarrassed for him. I mean, I've _never_ seen anyone throw around lightning like he did, that's for fucking sure, but after we started getting the hang of him he just flipped his shit and left. Just ZZZAAP and he was gone. Fucking 'poof!'" Hidan made a 'vanishing' sort of gesture with both hands, then looked down at the newly attached arm. "Hey, thanks, whatever the hell you are. You do good work. It'll feel like new in a bit."

"You're welcome, I suppose…" replied Chopper, hopping down from his perch.

"So, wait-" asked Sanji, brow furrowed, "That's not the whole story, right?"

"No, but I'm just about fed up with telling it. Long story short, after he left we found that bell thing and our so-called Leader, Tobi, got real excited all of a sudden. But then Mister Thunder-Wimp showed up again riding a huge… I dunno what you'd call it. It was like a ship, but in the air. Like an air-ship? Whatever. He shot a big lightning bolt at us and it blew up one of the big vines supporting the bell so it just fucking fell out of the sky. That's when Tobi told me to stick with the bell and make sure it didn't go anywhere -whatever that means- then he grabbed me and hurled me off the fucking cloud!"

"And then you fell down to the ground," said Sanji. "Great. So, what was his plan? How does he expect you to get back up there?"

"Oh, who even _fucking_ knows. I don't care. I can't ever tell what the hell he's thinking. I'm here with the bell and that's all I'm sticking my neck out for. He'll send me a ride before long though, I bet you anything."

A moment later, there was the sound of a large explosion off in the distance. The Straw-Hats looked around, confused.

"That sounded like it was back at the ship," said Nami, worry entering her tone.

"Yeah, I'll bet it was," suggested Hidan, grinning. He lifted his scythe with one hand. "Perfect timing on the story, too. Anyway, thanks for the help passing the time, but I guess that means my ride's here, so it's time for all of you to die."

There was no transition in the man's tone or manner of speech. Hidan was off the ground in an instant. Sanji barely had any time to jump back, reacting solely to the word and the wild look in the man's eyes, then the wicked scythe spun forward. It caught Sanji across the side, slashing shallowly into his chest. Blood slid down the blade, and Hidan smiled.

"Hey, nice dodge! That normally just kills people."

Chopper and Nami were stunned. Robin was tense, but seemed unsurprised. Sanji pulled back, nursing the wound, and Luffy growled as he stepped forward. "That was a dirty trick, you asshole! If you wanted a fight, I would have given you one any time."

Hidan shrugged, slowing unwinding the thick wire from around his waist. With a lazy smirk, he let go of the three-bladed scythe, spinning it above his head at the end of the cable, each rotation bringing the blade's arc wider and wider. "Whatever, don't blame me for your expectations, shitheads. You knew I was after this thing. I gotta take you all to pieces before my so-called teammate gets finished with your friends. So let's have some fun."


	19. Forecast: Brainstorm

The scythe spun lazily over Hidan's head, each arc extending as the man let out handful after handful of cable.

"So, I gotta admit," he said, "I'm not expecting much out of this, but if you keep me entertained I might not just kill your yellow-haired friend there right away. How about that as thanks for the arm, huh?"

"Oh, you smug piece of shit," growled Sanji, already being tended to by Chopper, "Just give me one second."

Not waiting, Luffy charged, ducking under the spinning scythe to Hidan in the chest. The rib-cracking strike sent the man flying backward through the air several dozen feet, but the man somehow managed to keep his balance as he flew backwards, letting the cable out until he had landed once again. It appeared that Luffy's punch had only succeeded in giving the regenerator some room to work with.

Not to be deterred, Luffy immediately began closing the distance once more. Still smiling, Hidan whipped the scythe around in a curving trajectory that met the rubber-man half-way. With ease, Luffy leapt off the ground, this time catapulting above it. The attack missed.

Then the blade seemed to speed up, completing its next rotation twice as quickly as before. Before Luffy could even reach the height of his jump, Hidan wrenched the weapon upwards directly on course for the airborne man. With a cry of alarm, Luffy tucked himself in, barely vaulting over the attack and then slamming both fists into the flat of the blade as he passed. This time he flew higher and higher, at least fifty feet up.

Hidan hauled in the cable, the scythe spinning rapidly inward.

"Hey! You lot!" the man shouted, looking to the rest of them, "You just gonna watch? Your friend can't change direction in air! He's gonna get sliced to pieces when he-"

 **[GOMU-GOMU SPEAR]**

Hidan's words were interrupted when Luffy shot both of his legs down in a stamping kick. It struck the man dead on, slamming him violently into the ground and sending spiderweb cracks in all directions. Suddenly uncontrolled, the scythe sliced apart several small boulders before it buried itself in the ground.

Sanji, who was just about done being bandaged by Chopper, muttered, "Yeah, like we didn't all see that coming, you shitty zombie." Then, he shouted, "Hey Luffy! Hit him again for me, will you?"

Luffy landed with sure footing beside the impact crater, a small cloud of dust obscuring the ground. Hidan was plastered face first into the dirt, his back bent awkwardly by the blow. Luffy prodded the body with one foot.

"Hey. Hey. You okay? Wait- you're not-" Luffy interrupted his own words, twisting around before he even knew what had happened. At that moment, the body disappeared, revealing a boulder in its place, and the real Hidan lunged from the ground behind him. In his grip, he held a small hand-held spear and he thrust it straight for Luffy's heart.

Luffy leapt backwards hoping to dodge the deadly strike, when two feminine arms sprouted from Hidan's side and pulled, throwing his aim off-course.

Several hundred feet away, Robin stood with her arms crossed over her chest, watching him carefully. Taking advantage of the opening, Luffy launched off the rocky ground and struck Hidan in the chest with a spinning punch.

 **[GOMU GOMU RIFLE]**

Hidan flew backwards, spiraling through the air. Seeing his chance, Sanji dashed forward, intercepting the flying ninja with a stabbing kick that shot the man back into the air like an artillery shell.

 **[POITRINE SHOOT]**

Arcing through the sky, Hidan tumbled toward the golden bell, then turned his wild aerial spin into something controlled. His scythe's cable was suddenly pulled taut and it began to circle him vertically. He was a hundred feet up and each spin of the scythe nearly touched the ground in a different place. It seemed uneven, uncontrolled, but strangely beautiful.

Then, the scythe struck at Sanji, moving almost too fast to follow. The cook was ready for it this time, dodging with no room to spare. Next, it spun around at Luffy, slicing a gouge out of the earth where he had been standing. Twice more it struck, and both attacks were barely avoided.

Turning his spin into a graceful landing, Hidan kept the momentum of the scythe going, the widening vertical slashes transforming into a horizontal sweep with a monumental heave. The cable let out, and it arced across the landscape like the knife of a vengeful god. Ready to dodge, Sanji and Luffy realized too late that it had changed course for Robin.

She was unperturbed, still staring impassively back at her opponent. With musical chiming, several pairs of Robin's arms sprouted from the wire controlling the scythe, each arm just a couple of feet away from the next. In a sequence, each pair reached out and clasped hands with its partner, then pulled against each other, dragging the rope up and off course. The attack missed by a wide margin. Still, Robin watched him.

If Hidan looked shocked by that display, it was nothing compared to how he looked when a similar pair of legs shot out of both of his ankles, kicking him off-balance, and he fell to the dirt. Pulled by the momentum of his own spinning scythe, he tumbled across the rocks, all of the extra limbs disappearing as he rolled. Quickly leaping back into the air, he landed some distance away on one corner of the golden belfry.

The Akatsuki member looked _pissed._

"Okay, seriously, what the fuck is going on here?" he growled, spitting out a bit of dirt and his own blood to the ground below him. "I'm no stranger to weird jutsu, but no one felt like mentioning I was attacking the Freaky Motherfuckers Anonymous Meeting or something?"

Rather than speak, Luffy cracked his knuckles. Robin continued watching carefully. "That technique you performed," she said, "-switching out with the boulder after you were hit. You would be a ninja, then? One of the Akatsuki?"

Hidan turned and gave her an odd look. "The fuck? How the hell do you know who we are? Pretty sure I'd remember some freak-ass arm-witch if I saw you before. That _was_ you doing that, right? 'Cause if so, you just moved up to target number one. I gotta make sure so I know who to torture slowly."

Robin said nothing.

Each of the Straw Hats were spread out around the regenerator at long range. Luffy watched, ready to attack at a moment's notice. Nami had retrieved her Clima-Tact and had begun generating a cloud using the staff's atmospheric manipulation abilities, watching the fight nervously as she did so. Chopper stood in his Brute form, desperately hoping he wouldn't have to try dodging one of those scythe strikes.

As the foul-mouthed man spoke, Sanji stepped up. "Oh? You wanna try saying that one more time, you piece of trash? It's bad enough trying to attack a lady... but threatening her like that… _is absolutely unforgivable!_ "

Off to the side, Chopper's eyes widened, "Eh?! It's worse?! Really?!"

"Don't listen to him, Chopper," said Nami.

With a manly cry, Sanji leapt into action, rushing in alone to engage the regenerator at close range. As he did so, Hidan made a strange twisting motion with his scythe and separated the lowest, smallest blade of the weapon, leaving him with his cord-tethered double-blade and a much smaller handheld kama. This done, Hidan dodged back behind the bell before Sanji had covered even half the distance between them.

"Lady, I'll bet you're the type that needs line of sight to aim those arms of yours, aren't you?" he shouted to Robin, disappearing behind the bell's golden curves. A moment and a few musical tones later, "FUCK! YOU CAN MAKE EYES, TOO?!" This was followed by a hollow *bong* noise and the bell shook slightly.

"Mr. Cook!" shouted Robin, "Please get him away from the bell, if you can! Even ruined like this, it is an important artifact!"

"Anything you say!" Taking advantage of the distraction, Sanji attacked, delivering a boulder-shattering kick that sent Hidan smashing to the ground beside the bell like a meteorite.

As Hidan recovered from the impact, Sanji leapt down after him to deliver a vicious spinning kick, which Hidan blocked with the haft of his double blade, and then moved to counterattack with his kama. This time Hidan was ready for Robin's attempt on his freedom. Just as the limbs started to unfold from his body he abandoned his attack, twisting himself over with the kind of flexibility only constant regeneration can give and biting down hard on the offending arm until he drew blood. Back on the other side of the bell, Robin winced as her phantom limb exploded into a small shower of flower petals.

Without any defense from Sanji's strikes, Hidan took the bone-cracking kick undefended, but the man just laughed as he swung his large scythe back around to knock Sanji away with the wide flat side of the weapon. He licked his blood-stained lips. "Alright! I didn't think that'd work! Let's call it a miracle from the Lord! Serves you right, bitch!"

Hidan spun in a circle, letting out a long trail of the metal scythe's cabling, then whipping it up into the air. With a *CRACK* it snapped out, smacking Sanji aside as if he'd been kicked away.

Hidan was now free and unhampered. Bringing both scythes down to dig into the dirt, he spun repeatedly, using the blades themselves to kick up a cloud that completely obscured the vision of everyone watching.

Sanji cursed. Luffy and the others started moving into better positions, but as the cloud settled it seemed as though Hidan was content to stay inside the dust for now. Unable to see her target, Robin continued to watch carefully from an extreme distance.

When the dust finally settled, something had changed. Hidan looked different. His body was covered with patterns of pure black and pure white. Still naked from the waist up, it looked as though he had painted himself with a stylistic representation of a skeleton. Even his face was covered with a depiction of a grim, jawless skull. He had dropped the massive double-bladed scythe and now held only the smaller kama.

"You think you can try shutting me down and just get away with it, bitch?!" he shouted, a high-pitched snarl of madness entering his words, "A heathen like you deserves to die judged by the fires of Lord Jashin, but this time he has allowed _me_ to be his arbiter!"

Seeing an opening, Luffy advanced. He had been looking for a good opportunity to get a hit in for a while, and now he brought one arm back. As the mad Akatsuki regenerator laughed, Luffy threw a punch a hundred feet long, striking him in the side.

There was a crunch as one of Hidan's ribs cracked again, and Robin cried out and fell to the ground. Her hands went to her side before she realized what was happening. It felt like she'd been shot with a pistol, but she saw that there was no damage to her clothes. The rest of the Straw-Hats whirled toward her, shouting to see if she was okay.

Even as shocked as she was, she made the connection. He had done this to her, somehow. There wasn't really any other explanation. It had happened at exactly the same time. Breathing heavily, she looked up, fixing the Akatsuki member with her gaze. In the background, the sounds of rapid-fire explosions were clearly audible from back towards the ship.

Hidan sneered, his skull-face warped from the effort. "That's right! I love this part. All of you standing around wondering what the fuck just happened. She's a _much_ better target than blondie over there. You all look like you care what happens to her, don't you? Why don't you just try and kick my ass, huh?" He raised the small scythe to his own shoulder. "Or maybe I should help you?"

"No!" cried Robin. Eight different arms sprouted from Hidan's limbs and back, placing him in a thorough submission hold. Bent backwards, he started to laugh. Then, slowly fighting against his almost total lack of leverage with a titanic strength, he began to un-bend, Robin's arms straining to hold him back.

"Sorry, lady," he said, "but you'll need a lot more than that to keep me pinned down for real."

Gasping with effort, Robin called out for help, "He's linked his body to mine somehow! When he takes a wound, it hurts me in return!"

"LUFFY! YOU HURT HER!" shouted Sanji.

"I didn't mean to! Robin, I'm sorry!"

"He heals!" she cried out, "He'll gladly wound himself to hurt me!"

Chopper watched in horror as she fought the man's grip on his scythe. What could he do about this? He had hung back so far away from the fight that he wasn't even nearby. Could he even help? He had to try something, or Robin would… she'd…

Luffy ran straight at man, still too far away to do anything other than punch him.

"Shit!" cursed Sanji, "The hell are we supposed to do to stop something like this?! Hey, isn't this the part where you start telling us your weakpoints, or something?!"

' _Weakpoints?'_ thought Chopper. ' _I can help with that, can't I?'_

Hidan just laughed, then drew the scythe slowly across his shoulder. Fighting him every step of the way, Robin gasped in pain as blood began to stain her clothing.

Galvanized into action, Chopper reached into a side pocket of his pack and pulled out a small yellow ball between his two opposable hooves. Without further thought, he broke it between his teeth.

 **[RUMBLE]**

The Rumble Ball was his unique creation. A medicine that disrupted his Zoan-type fruit's morphic field and allowed him to transform freely outside the normal limits of his original three types of Animal/Human/Hybrid. Through practice, he had discovered several additional forms. The Rumble Ball came with certain limitations and he wouldn't be able to use it again for the next several hours, but for the next five minutes he would have access to the full potential of his Devil Fruit.

But his was no ordinary fruit. Where a normal Zoan-type focused on enhancing a human's physical traits, he was not a human. As a reindeer who had eaten the Human-Human Fruit, his greatest gains had been in the creation of an unparalleled mind that had enabled him to become a fully-trained doctor at such a young age. Now, he focused that to its limits.

 **[BRAIN POINT]**

Raising his hooves, he focused in on his target. His processing capabilities began ramping up as his thoughts sharpened. His opponent's technique had a weakness, and his actions would make it clear. Chopper just had to trust in his new family to buy some time.

 _[Technique creates a link between two people. Certain limitations or requirements exist. Last words before he revealed this ability were "I didn't think that'd work." That represents the point that he succeeded in fulfilling those requirements.]_

Chopper whimpered a bit as Robin lost a grip on the man's arm, and the tip of the scythe cut once more into the flesh of her side. He had to focus. He couldn't waste time worrying.

 _[He focuses on the religious symbolism of the technique. From his glee, he sees this as a ritual. Delusional, perhaps, but he appears to believe it.]_

Then, Luffy arrived. Hidan watched him, grinning in a way only a person filled with confidence in their own invincibility can. His cruel smile changed into open-mouthed disbelief as Luffy jumped spread-eagle straight at him, stretching out all four limbs as he flew. Looking like the angry half of an octopus, Luffy struck the man, arms and legs wrapping bonelessly around his body. Off in the distance, Robin collapsed from the effort of holding the scythes back, and now Hidan fought with Luffy's full-body submission hold. He stumbled backward several steps from the impact.

 _[He had a condition to fulfill before activating the ritual. The last interaction he had with Robin was biting her hand. Physical contact? No, he touched her hands earlier in the fight. Blood? He cut Sanji earlier in the fight, but didn't transform. He indicated that Sanji could have been an appropriate target as well at the moment he drew his blood. He licked his lips. Consume the blood of an opponent? Highest probability.]_

"Aw balls! Get off me, you stretchy freak!" Hidan said, straining against his bonds. Taking a few steps forward, he returned to his original position, then squirmed and fought until he had a few inches of freedom to move. Twisting his wrist backward, he struck, bringing the scythe's blade around to stab into Luffy's side.

"Gah! Dammit! I won't let you hurt Robin!" shouted Luffy.

The strikes were shallow, Hidan having almost no freedom to move, but he struck again and again, stabbing into Luffy all along his side. Luffy shouted his rage and pain right into his opponent's grimacing face.

 _[The blood isn't important right now. He stepped forward when Luffy pushed him back. Was he about to lose balance? No…]_

Chopper adjusted his gaze downward. There! At his feet was a series of marks and circles that looked like they had been drawn in blood. Judging by the amount used, it would have had to have been his own. Luffy's attack had pushed him nearly to the edge, but the man had walked right back to its center.

 _[Weakpoint Identified]_

"Luffy! Sanji!" Chopper shouted, "He's standing in a blood circle! Get him out of it and the effect should end!"

"Aw, you tanuki mother _fucker_ ," cursed Hidan.

Sanji didn't say anything, he just charged, bullrushing the both of them out of the circle until Luffy and Hidan tumbled across the ground. The black-and-white patterned man squirmed to get free from Luffy, slowly forcing himself back onto his feet, but doing very little to dislodge his hanger-on.

"Okay, now you're really pissing me off," Hidan grunted, pushing himself step by step back towards the circle.

"He's not going back to normal!" Sanji shouted, sounding deeply worried.

What was wrong? The technique hadn't ended?

 _[He is returning to the site of the circle.]_

Chopper hurried to share his thoughts. "Don't let him get back to the circle! I think you can hit him again now!"

"Shit, you sure about that?"

"No! I don't know for sure!"

"Hell if I'm gonna hit him if we aren't sure!"

"Maybe breaking the circle would help!"

"You sure about _that?_ "

"NO! I don't know!"

Cursing, Sanji dashed to the circle and broke the ground it was inscribed upon with a smashing heel-strike. In moments, Hidan's disturbing skin coloration had begun to fade away.

"Oh, that is _it,_ " said the psychopath, slowly grabbing another one of his extending hand-spears from the remains of his robe, "You guys are so dead."

Sensing an imminent attack, Luffy disconnected, unwrapping himself from the man. With a growl, Hidan stabbed out, narrowly missing, and then kicked, sending Luffy flying.

Robin was safe. Chopper wanted to cry out with relief, but something was bugging him.

 _[Remaining assets: Sanji's blood on the largest scythe blade. Luffy's blood on the smallest.]_

"Everyone!" shouted Chopper, "He's still got Sanji and Luffy's blood! We have to get that away from him!"

Nami, who had so far remained out of the fight, suddenly reacted to this statement. "I think I can do something about that!" Adjusting her Clima-tact staff with hurried motions, she glanced up to the dark cloud she had created that was now covering much of the opening to the crater. As she did so, Sanji and Luffy resumed the offensive, driving multiple hits home to occupy the regenerator. The melee was fierce and furious, neither side willing to give ground.

Arranging her three-part staff into a triangle-shaped formation, she spun in place and hurled it up into the heart of the cloud.

 **[THUNDERSTORM TEMPO]**

A bolt of lightning speared down from the sky, arcing straight to the best conductor around: the golden bell. The sight was spectacular in the gloom. Then, rain began to fall. It poured in torrents from the unnaturally dense cloud, soaking the battlefield, their clothing, and Hidan's discarded weaponry in particular.

In moments, the muddy blood was unusable.

Hidan just shook his head, water pouring down his skin and washing away all the accumulated grime. All of a sudden he seemed much calmer than he had been before. "Man, you guys just have to make this harder on yourselves, don't you?"

"Speak for yourself," said Sanji, pointing at the regenerator with threatening disdain, "We've got your number now. We've been pretty much kicking your ass this whole time."

Hidan grinned. "Really? I mean, if you want to look at it like that, then go ahead. But the way I see it? You're wounded, tentacle-boy over here is bleeding pretty badly, the arm-witch is just about out of this fight, and I'm still in perfect health. You really want to keep this up?"

Sure enough, now that the blood was gone, Hidan was showing no signs of injury.

Nami was the first to call it. "Everyone! We need to get out of here! Robin needs help! We need to get her back to the ship!"

Hidan laughed, and began to charge, only to be interrupted by another pair of legs sprouting from his ankles. This time he was ready for it, turning his face-first sprawl into the start of an acrobatic handspring.

"Nice try, bitch, but it's not gonna- Wha?!" Hidan's smug words were interrupted when Luffy's outstretched arms suddenly grasped onto both of his ankles. Caught mid-leap, Hidan was suspended horizontally for just a moment before the straw-hatted man began to pull him around. Understanding came to him in an instant.

"Oh, _balls-deep,"_ said Hidan.

Roaring, Luffy began to spin, whirling the man in a circle. Faster and faster he spun, rubber limbs stretching further and further out on each revolution.

 **[GOMU-GOMU PINWHEEL]**

This didn't please Hidan.

"FfffuuuUUUUUUuuuuuUUUUUUUuuuuuUUUUUUuuuuu-!"

Finally, Chopper saw an opening. "Luffy! Throw him at the bell!"

With a rising scream, Luffy let Hidan loose like a rock leaving a sling. The ringing impact resonated throughout the crater. Wounded and broken, at least for a moment, Hidan began to slide down the side.

Then, lightning struck.

Flesh scorching, electricity arcing through his nerves, the regenerator found his muscles clenching against his will, his supernaturally strong fingers digging into the warm gold. When the shocks finally stopped, Hidan fell to the ground in a smoking heap. In seconds he was on his feet again, then he collapsed as his abused nerves continued to randomly fire.

Nami was ready with her orders. "We're getting out of here! Chopper, grab Robin! Luffy and Sanji, come here and bring these bags back to the ship!"

"What? What's in the bags?" asked Sanji, already moving.

Nami's grin was as sudden as it was unexpected. All she said was one word. "Gold!"

Chopper had barely half a minute remaining on his Rumble Ball, and he decided to make it work as best he could. Transforming into a high-speed running form he dashed to Robin then shifted to his Jumping Point. As soon as she had a firm grip on his back, he was into the air and out of the crater. Leaving the rogue regenerator behind, the Straw-Hats made quick progress back toward the ship.

Then they heard the sound of a warning gunshot pass over their heads.

Behind them, Marines were pouring out of the tree-line near the crater.


	20. Bombs Fall, Everyone Dies

**-Island of Jaya-**

 **-Sky-**

 **-Fifteen Minutes Earlier-**

Deidara had been circling down to the ground for quite some time now, but the monotony really didn't bother him. It was certainly much better than the alternative he had just avoided. He tried not to let it be known, but he had a serious problem with lightning. Not that he was afraid of it, or anything like that; it was for entirely practical reasons. His fighting technique had developed to revolve entirely around the use of chakra-infused explosive clay, and that clay was fundamentally Earth-Element in its nature. Because of this, all of his creations and bombs had an unfortunate tendency to malfunction when exposed to lightning-element chakra.

After Sky-High Thunderboy up in fairy-land decided to start taking offense to their presence, Deidara had been the first to volunteer to go down after the stone tablet that had been blasted off the clouds and down to the earth below. Granted, Tobi hadn't _asked_ for volunteers- he'd just grabbed Hidan and lobbed him off a cloud- and _maybe_ if Deidara had been just a few seconds faster to speak up then that wouldn't have happened, but, hey, why take all the joy out of life?

Regardless, no way was he going to hang around while some power-crazy 'Thunder God' was going on a bender like that. Seriously, he'd seen the Raikage throw ninjutsu around, and even the greatest lightning-user in the ninja world had nothing on this guy. It was ridiculous. The man had drilled a hole through something like fifty feet of stone and dirt like it hadn't even bothered him. Add onto that teleportation, a perfect defense, some sort of precognition, a seemingly unlimited chakra reserve, limited omniscience for miles around...

Deidara gave a silent salute to the other members of Akatsuki still fighting up above. Have fun up there, assholes. Have fun.

The massive clay bird continued its circling descent. His clay, when infused with his chakra, could be made to expand without gaining mass, and he knew that the unbelievably large avian form he had created from that clay weighed even less than he did. With his long blond hair kept back by the wind, Deidara focused the scope mounted over his left eye and began to hunt for his target. There was a wonky-looking island far below him. Zoom... Zoom... There was a crater and a glint of gold.

He grinned. The bell had landed on an island, which certainly made his job easier. He was still pretty far up, but if he strained the magnification and steadied himself, he could almost make out…

"SQUAWK!"

"Holy hellfire!" he shouted, scrambling backward in shock. Some sort of fat seagull had snuck up on him and was now flying alongside. What the hell was it doing here? It was strange enough that a bird like this would approach him at all, but what was stranger still was the fact that it was wearing some sort of hat and a full carrying bag was slung over its back. Deidara stared at the bird in confusion, but when no attack seemed imminent, he recalled a few of the explosive jumping bugs that had crawled around from his mount's stomach.

"SQUAWK!" the bird reiterated.

"What the hell do you want, _un_?"

"SQUAWK!" it leaned in closer and opened its large beak, making an odd sort of dipping motion with its head and waving a wing in his direction. Deidara had always had a sort of affinity for birds, but this was a little ridiculous.

"I don't… What the hell is that supposed to mean, birdbrain?"

"SQUAWK!" it clarified.

"Ah man, I really don't understand this place. It just gets weirder and weirder, _un_. What, do you want some food or something? Is that it?"

"SQUAWK!" it agreed.

"Okay, okay, hang on a second." Deidara reached into a pouch beneath his robes and pulled out one of the spare fish dumplings they had been experimenting with as rations. Bemusedly, he weighed it in one hand and then tossed it over to the hungry bird, who snatched it out of the air with a snap of its beak, devouring it in moments.

"SQUAWK!" it thanked him.

"Yeah, alright, sounds good. Goodbye, get out of here, _un._ "

"SQUAWK!" it insisted. Deidara watched with fascination as, with an astonishingly dexterous twist of its wing, it reached into the pouch on its back and retrieved a rolled up fold of paper, all the while wobbling wildly from the wing adjustments. It reached out and proffered the paper to him. Unable to help himself, he took it.

"What in the world…? This is some kind of newspaper? You deliver newspapers?!"

"SQUAWK!" it said, and bade him farewell by raising its hat to him with one wing. Then it was off.

Deidara just sat and took that in for a while. Was it possible that the Elemental Kingdoms were the only sane place in the entire world? That was concerning, if so. Eventually, he stuffed the newspaper into a pouch and shook his head to clear it. Right now he had a job to do.

He was descending lower and lower now, and he could finally start making out details of the ground below. The bell had made a huge crater, and it had some natives investigating it- oh, there was Hidan. Good to know he wouldn't have to go hunting for body parts in the ocean again. Idly, Deidara scanned the surrounding landscape. A few more natives scattered about here and there, some ships, and… wait… Zoom... Zoom...

"Oh my, my, my. What a coincidence. I spy, with my little eye, two Konoha headbands! And their owners are just sitting around without a care in the world, _un_. Oh, you little ants, are you _following_ us?"

This was exciting. He hadn't had a chance to go crazy in a while, and the only other Akatsuki member around was already occupied. With one hand he reached into his pouch of specially prepared clay, feeling the biological creation that inhabited his arm open its mouth and begin to feed. As it chewed the white clay, Deidara infused it with his chakra. In mere moments it had formed into a myriad of tiny, birdlike creatures.

It looked like Hidan was just sitting around talking to his group, but why should Deidara waste a perfectly good surprise attack? Increasing his speed, he let a few of his creations soar away into the wide blue sky.

Let's see how they appreciate my art.

* * *

Chopper had been gone for more than ten minutes when Usopp spotted something unusual. The cowardly sniper had been glaring suspiciously at the thick clouds for nearly that entire time, half-expecting a giant golden gong or pair of cymbals to hurtle down after the bell. As he watched, the birds of the island were finally starting to settle back in after the immense impact that had startled them.

Though, he could swear that big white bird hadn't been there at all just a little while ago. It was circling around and around like it was looking for something. Kind of an oddly-shaped bird, come to think of it. Curiosity piqued, he grabbed his goggles, lowering them and adjusting his home-made zoom.

Screw you, Sasuke. Yeah, there isn't anything you can do that can't be reproduced by a little good-old-fashioned human ingenuity, and he had that in bucket-loads. So what if he wasn't a ninja? With a little work, Usopp was sure he could walk on water or breathe fire, too. He just hadn't needed to yet.

Yeah.

Carefully he zoomed in on his target. Then he fiddled with the focus. Then he pulled off his goggles and rubbed his eyes. Then he replaced his goggles and looked again. Then he removed his goggles completely and glared with just his Mark One eyeballs, which were pretty darn good all things considered.

Subduing his pride for a moment, he wandered over to where the two ninjas were chatting by the side of the house. "Hey, you two. What does that look like up there?"

"Wha-?" asked Naruto, peering up into the sky, "The clouds?"

"That's… Huh," said Sasuke. "That looks to me like a guy riding on top of some sort of dumpy-looking lizard-bird thing. Where did he come from?"

"That's just it. I think he came out of the clouds."

"The clouds?" asked Naruto again. "You think he came looking for the guy that fell down here? Or the bell?"

"Wait-" muttered Sasuke, "No… That's an Akatsuki robe!"

"EH?!" cried the sniper, "IT'S THEM?! Shit! We need to get out of here! Quick! Go warn the others! I'll get the Merry ready!"

Beside them, Zoro yawned. Then, he adjusted his position and continued sleeping.

"He's dropped something," said Sasuke. "Something's coming this way. Take cover!"

* * *

Anyone who's seen a bird in flight, such as, for example, everyone, can attest to how quickly a bird can move through the air. They glide and then dive unpredictably, dropping like stones only to let out their wings and leap upward with dozens of quick wingbeats. These bombs moved just like that. One could almost believe that the bomber had simply studied the examples in nature for ages, faithfully replicating them until he had an accurate reproduction of a bird in flight. This is because that is exactly what Deidara had done.

None of that mattered to the Straw-Hats. They saw the birds coming their way and dashed for the cover of Cricket's stone house. The clay birds arrowed down, exploding on contact with the ground in immense blasts of flame. Two struck the stone house, and six more scattered themselves across the nearby earth, sending Usopp, Naruto, and Sasuke crashing to the dirt.

Zoro was tossed off the cliff like a ragdoll. No one present could actually tell whether he had woken up or not.

Sasuke recovered first, coming out of his roll with a storm of shuriken. Flying straight up, they were scattered and harmless by the time they reached the bomber, who barely bothered to dodge. The others watched the air carefully, on the lookout for more of the explosive weapons. Soon, the bomber called down from above, his voice faint.

"Well, if it isn't a couple of Konoha lapdogs caught out in the open! Are you the two that Danzou couldn't handle? I'll have to laugh in his face for that later, _un_." The man paused, cackling, then tossed another handful of the small white pellets from his hands. "I hope you have fun in my open-air exhibition! Welcome to my _gallery_!"

Sasuke cursed, watching as the bombs began their slow, unpredictable descent. "He's not going to come down here, is he? We need something to fight him at long range. Naruto, I hope you've been doing something really special for the last year."

"Won't know unless I try, huh?" Naruto took a deep breath.

 **[FUUTON: REPPUU-DAN] - [WIND RELEASE: GALE BULLET]**

From his mouth he spat a series of compressed-air bullets contained by a core of his chakra. They shot up towards the bomber at nearly the speed of sound. The Akatsuki madman weaved and spun, wheeling to get higher so that the bullets would slow down by the time they reached him. Still, only a few caused him any danger.

After a moment, Naruto stopped the technique. "Shit! I can get him, I know it, just let me have another shot once we take out those bombs!"

Suddenly, Sasuke remembered something. He turned to Usopp, who was quite some distance away at this point. "Usopp! Didn't they say you were a marksman?"

Usopp looked aghast. "What? Whoa-whoa-whoa! He said he's after you two! I'm not getting in the middle of this!"

"What?! You really think he's going to leave you out?!"

Sasuke's cries were interrupted as Montblanc Cricket stalked out of his still mostly-intact house. He was covered in rock dust and there was a second red lump forming on his bald head. He didn't look pleased.

"What the hell is this, you louse-ridden cur? You _really_ want to get on my bad side?"

Grabbing a piece of rubble, Cricket chucked it skyward, his immensely muscled physique trained by years of diving and rock-climbing sending the rock after rock up into the air like a trebuchet. They weren't hitting, but they were more things for the bomber to dodge.

Then then bombs arrived. Almost all of them were aiming directly for Sasuke and Naruto. The two ninja slipped back-to-back, Sasuke performing a few quick seals and Naruto clapping both hands together.

 **[RAITON: DENKO-HODEN] - [LIGHTNING RELEASE: ARC-FLASH]**

 **[FUUTON: REPPUUSHO] - [WIND RELEASE: GALE PALM]**

The air above them become a mess. The hemisphere above Naruto filled with lashing blades of wind that tore anything that entered its area apart. Sasuke's half of the sky simply exploded, the air filling with a blinding white light and a release of sound and pressure that threatened to damage all nearby ears. When it all cleared, it became apparent that several of the explosives had hit ground, but none had managed to hurt the two young ninja.

With a growl of frustration, Cricket stopped tossing rocks and ran into his house, grabbing a large stick wrapped in red paper. As soon as he was in the open, he tore the wrapping apart with his teeth and pulled down hard on something inside. A flare shot far up into the sky, expanding into a powerful red light that could be seen easily even in the daytime.

"Hey!" shouted Usopp, still watching from the sidelines, "What are you doing?! You're gonna call the Marines here!"

Cricket paused to spit out some of the flare's red packaging. "I think they already know something's up after that bell landed! I'm calling my friends for help, cause it looks like we'll need it."

Off in the distance, Zoro had finally woken up and climbed back up the cliffside. Taking a stance, he maneuvered one sword into position before slashing the empty air above him.

 **[36-POUND PHOENIX]**

Even cutting through nothing but air the slash sounded like cannonfire. A swirling blade of wind flew up into the sky, but the bomber dodged, narrowly avoiding the unexpected attack.

"Shit. Missed," said Zoro.

Naruto, as the other wind-user in the group, stopped looking around for a moment to stare open-mouthed at the swordsman. "What the hell, man? I thought you guys didn't use jutsu and chakra out here?!"

"What?" responded Zoro, "I don't know what you're talking about. I figured this thing out like two weeks ago. I just cut really hard until the slash energy or whatever starts flying at him like a cannon."

As Naruto boggled at the cavalier explanation, Sasuke added his input. "Hey, I don't care what you call it, but I can see chakra, and that was definitely chakra. Now, come on and start paying attention! This guy's gonna get the drop on us!"

Nodding, Naruto made another hand seal. "Alright, let's see how you like my attacks this time, you psychotic asshole." With a rapid-fire explosions of smoke, roughly two dozen shadow clones popped into existence. All of them began immediately performing identical hand seals.

 **[FUUTON: TAJUU REPPUU-DAN] - [WIND RELEASE: MASS GALE BULLET]**

With inhaled breaths, the assorted Narutos filled the air with windy death. Here and there, bombs began to explode as they were ripped to pieces from travelling too close to the myriad waves of wind bullets. The small clone army oriented itself to box the bomber in as best as they could, hoping to push him into making a mistake, but after a while it became clear that his attacks weren't doing much good. The man simply had too much time to dodge incoming jutsu, which let him bob and weave unpredictably. All it was doing was occupying his attention.

Even for a beast like Naruto, sustaining more than twenty wind jutsu simultaneously was a considerable drain on his chakra levels. They'd need something more to take out the flying foe, and they just didn't seem to have it.

* * *

With the mad bomber distracted, Usopp saw his chance and bolted. Those two ninjas could clearly handle themselves, and he _really_ didn't want to be anywhere near this fight. Dashing towards the ship, he tried his best to outrun the flying creations, but he didn't have much success. As if they were sensing weakness, the nearest one spiraled into a dive, slamming into the ground and erupting in a ball of fire.

Usopp went flying head over heels, tumbling into the dirt. Scrabbling to his feet, he continued to run as if his life depended on it. With a look over his shoulder, he saw more of the strange birds now following him.

"Dammit! _NOW_ you start coming after me?!" he shouted, "Can't you tell I don't want to fight you?! Just leave me alone!"

The birds continued to gain on him. Finally, grabbing his slingshot and a handful of ammunition, he fired a pellet. The nearest bird exploded in a gout of flame.

Huh. That was easy. The other birds immediately started evading to dodge the unexpected attack, but Usopp began firing as quickly as he could reload. Many more of the tiny bird-bombs exploded, blazing a trail of fire as he shot down bombs all the way back toward the bomber himself.

"Usopp!" shouted Sasuke, "Great shots! Take him down and we'll cover for you!"

Whoa, what? _Take him down_? He wanted to get _away_ from this as soon as possible! In fact, he was right now wasting valuable time that could instead be spent running. Spinning in place, he ignored the black-haired ninja and continued his earlier retreat. At least, until the bomber shouted threats down after him.

"That's right, you little worm!" he yelled, "Run! Run and hide! It's not going to change anything! I'll blast all the dirt off of this rock until I get to you, _un_!"

Usopp spun in place, readying his slingshot in his best attempt at a defiant pose. "W-well said, Sasuke! Just keep me safe and I, The Great Usopp, mightiest sniper in all the land, will handle the air!" The effect was somewhat ruined by his knees knocking together.

There was laughter from up above followed by another wave of bombs on the wind. Usopp readied his weapon. Beside him, Naruto and Sasuke tried another combination attack that sent two streams of flame and wind shooting up into the sky, engulfing some of the incoming weapons.

Usopp saw his chance, grabbing a round of his _special_ ammunition.

 **[HISSATSU - GUNPOWDER STAR]**

He released the shot and it soared true, flying hundreds of feet up to strike the evading bomber dead on. With an explosion that spat acrid, black smoke, the bomber dropped from his mount. The man in the Akatsuki robe fell toward the ground for several seconds before the gigantic white bird swooped down to catch him.

"Careful!" shouted Sasuke, "He dropped something else again! Keep your eyes peeled!"

Soon, the man was back on top of his bird, whirling around to face them. "Oh, you cheeky little ant! You wanna try fighting with explosives?!" He flung out both arms and another wave of the birds scattered in the wind. "Have fun!"

Usopp laughed, filled with a surprising wave of confidence as the bombs flew his way. This time the weapons spiraled from the beginning, each one moving in an unpredictable barrel-roll as they arced toward him. More pellets flew from his slingshot, and then the explosions began to fill the air once more.

When about half of the flying explosives were left, they suddenly changed directions. Usopp blinked in surprise as his shots missed their mark. It looked like the psychopath had decided to go after the rest of the team after all. Naruto, Sasuke, Cricket, and Zoro readied themselves, but then the bombs changed direction yet again. Half of them made a beeline straight for the Going Merry, and half headed straight for Cricket's house.

"Let's see which one's important to you!" yelled the bomber.

With a curse, Usopp adjusted his aim. The bird-bombs were flying away from him now, but he could still make the shot. He wouldn't let this screwball hurt the Merry! One, two, three, four bombs detonated mid-air before he heard an odd sound behind him. There was a rustling in the grass.

" _Usopp!"_ shouted Sasuke, " _Capiche!_ "

"Capiche?! What the hell's that supposed to mean?" He looked over his shoulder and saw a small white grasshopper-looking bug of the same style as the other bombs, peeking its head out of the grass. There was only the slightest moment to dodge, and then the world went white. He felt the fire and hit the ground in a heap, blacking out. He wasn't sure how much time had passed before someone shook him awake.

"Usopp! Usopp! Are you okay?" asked Sasuke.

" _I'm fine, thanks… how are you today?"_ Usopp responded. You had to be polite, after all.

With both hands, Sasuke hauled him back to his feet and shook him to his senses. Everything in his body ached.

" _Are you okay_?" the ninja repeated, "We need you to take him down, Usopp. We can't reach him!"

The sniper blinked back uncertainly, then he remembered something important.

"'Capiche?!'" Usopp shouted, "What the hell was that?!"

"What? Sanji said it meant 'watch your back!'"

" _CAPICHE?!"_

"Look, I'm sorry, but-"

There was a motion in the grass behind Sasuke.

" _CAPICHE_! _CAPICHE!"_ the sniper screamed.

Ducking out of Sasuke's grip, Usopp made the quickest quick-draw he had ever performed in his life, catching the grasshopper creature mid-leap. Another blast of fire shook the air, singeing them both.

" _Shit,_ " cursed Sasuke, whirling in place. Now his eyes were everywhere, searching the grass for more of the hidden bombs.

The Straw-Hats were in trouble. By staggering his waves of bombs, the Akatsuki member had finally reached full saturation of the area. Each of the people stuck on the ground was forced to see everywhere around them, and wounds were mounting fast. Hemmed in by the hopping insect-creations, Naruto, Cricket, and Zoro soon joined Sasuke and Usopp. On the plus side, it meant they had more eyes to watch all sides. On the minus side, it meant that the bomber had finally succeeded in forcing them into one place.

Bringing his hands together in the seal of the Tiger, Sasuke released a wave of flame from his mouth.

 **[KATON: HIBASHIRI] - [FIRE RELEASE: RUNNING FLAMES]**

The fire danced around them as if someone had poured a barrel of oil in a circle fifty feet wide. From there it began to spread outwards. Before long, they were all at the center of a raging inferno. The grasshopper bugs backed off at first, and a few that tried to proceed through the flames were baked before reaching their targets inside. Some, though, were managing to leap over the fire circle intact. Like magic, a fan of shuriken appeared in the ninja's off-hand, and he began knocking the incoming bugs out of the air.

"Zoro, you and I should handle the ground! The rest of you- take the sky!"

Nodding, the defenders readied their weapons, the light of the flames dancing across their eyes. Usopp readied his slingshot.

He didn't want to look at the Merry. He knew he hadn't destroyed all of the bombs that had been heading its way. He could take a hit or two, but by all that was good in this world he hoped his ship was okay.

Slowly, Usopp tuned the world out. He became nothing more than an automated reload and aiming function for his slingshot. He fired pellets with no regard for conserving ammunition, destroying every flying bomb he could manage to take out. _He would not let them hurt the Merry_. The evasion patterns of the bombs grew wilder and wilder as their numbers thinned.

Vaguely, he was aware that the others were fighting too. A couple of big toads appeared out of nowhere and started jumping into the air, trying to attack the bomber. Things blew up around him, but he hardly noticed. Finally he had a moment of safety- a chance to take a clear shot at the bomber. He aimed his weapon, and then saw another bomb headed for the Merry. He readjusted and fired, protecting the ship.

Something tapped him on the foot. Then it tapped harder. Who was doing that? Sasuke and Zoro were still destroying every bomb that attempted to leap through the fire. Naruto was nearby, looking back and forth for something. Cricket was in front of him, flinging rocks. There was no one left. Shocked out of his daze, Usopp looked down.

A small, white burrowing insect was kicking him repeatedly in his shoe. A second later, a couple more burrowed their way from underneath the ground. Usopp had just an instant of shocked realization before the bug looked up at him, a cartoonish smiley face inscribed on its otherwise featureless clay head.

Above him, Deidara crowed in triumph.

" **ART IS A BLAST!"**

The last thing Usopp felt before blacking out was Naruto tackling him to the side. Then, the bombs exploded.


	21. Exeunt, Pursued By Everybody

The world was on fire, and Usopp sat watching it burn.

What was going on? His ears were ringing, and he wasn't sure when exactly he had sat up, but he was quite certain that falling over again would be too painful to imagine. His whole body was going to be a bruise if he survived this, and it felt like his legs were broken, but it was just too hard to tell with all the other injuries covering him.

Beside him, a burnt and battered Naruto was face first in the dirt. Sasuke was standing over the both of them, tossing shuriken, strengthening the flames, and slicing things out of the air as quickly as he could. The others were there, too. This was a familiar scene, Usopp realized. He congratulated himself for realizing that he had seen it all just a little bit ago. Except... The last time he had seen it this way, he had blown up.

Was he going to blow up again? What would help him not blow up again? He needed to get that bomber guy, right? Then the explosions would stop?

He reached into his pouch, pulling out a random piece of ammunition. Raising it to his slingshot, he took aim and fired.

 _*SHOOOOP* *CRACK* *SPLAT*_ The bomber screamed in pain, and then he kept screaming. "AHHH! FUCK! WHAT IS THIS?! HOT SAUCE?! GODDAMMIT! MY EYE!"

"Heh… can't see now, can you," muttered Usopp, delirious with pain, "That's right. That's my Tabasco Star..."

"Usopp!" shouted Sasuke, "Usopp! Pay attention! He's got one eye in a goggle. Once he cleans the lens he'll be able to see! Hit him again, fast!"

Dammit… couldn't be easy, could it? The bomber was climbing rapidly now, still too blind to dodge, so Usopp took another shot, and this one exploded as it hit the bird's moving wing.

One more. Just one more shot and it'd be fine. He'd be fine. No more exploding.

Another piece of ammunition to the slingshot. He fired.

* _SHOOOOOP* *CRACK* *SPLAT*_ The bomber screamed again, but it was an entirely different sound this time. "OH, HOLY HELL! WHAT'S _WRONG_ WITH YOU?!" _*gack* *bluh*_ He gagged, suddenly fighting to hold down his stomach. *guh* "Ugh! It's in my mouth! Shit!"

"Heh. Rotten eggs... Serves you right... That's the power of my Egg Star, apparently... Gets you coming _and_ going..."

Then, Usopp passed out.

* * *

Stinging, nauseous, and in pain, Deidara wished to share his displeasure with the world.

"You little worm!" he shouted, "I will _destroy_ you! You and everything you hold dear! I'm coming back around for you- no, _first_ I'll blow up your ship!"

Something was seriously wrong with these people. He hadn't expected the non-ninja fighters to put up anything like a serious fight, but that sharpshooter was ridiculous. His aim was perfect, and when it came to tracking Deidara's birds it was as if he was literally seeing the future. Still, the bastard was out cold now, and the rest of them had nothing that could stop his bombs.

Just as he was thinking that, there was motion from the treeline. Several dozen white-and-blue uniformed soldiers poured out into the clearing and took aim, each and every one of them with a rifle at the ready.

In the Elemental Kingdoms guns were a rarity, being inaccurate and inelegant things, but Deidara had at least a passing familiarity with them as weapons of war. Guns just weren't scary to him. They took forever to reload, used inferior explosives, and even a group of them couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. Franky, he doubted they could even reach him up here.

With a crack, a bullet whizzed right past his head. What the hell?

At the front of the group of soldiers, a man with dark skin and an ornamented jacket pulled out a megaphone.

"ATTENTION ALL COMBATANTS! THIS IS CAPTAIN SEBASTIAN WEBER OF VICE ADMIRAL GARP'S THIRD FLEET! LAY DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND SURRENDER PEACEFULLY OR WE WILL SHOOT YOU DOWN!"

"Aw, hell," cursed Deidara. This was annoying.

* * *

There was a saying: 'It never rains, but it pours.'

Captain Sebastian Weber also considered another idiom: "One in the hand is worth two in the bush." Right now they had just encountered the Straw-Hat Pirates along with the internationally wanted criminal, Nico Robin. What's more, the Straw-Hats were wounded and divided by a dangerous group of unknowns. In addition, his brave men and women were holding off a wave of pirate treasure hunters drawn here by the gold. Finally, a Poneglyph had just fallen right into their laps.

Any other day and any one of these challenges would have been easily handled and earned them a feather in their cap. But there was a problem. Commodore Flounders was quick to put it into words, his voice high-pitched and scratchy.

" _Are they fighting over the gold or the Poneglyph, do you think? It's never pretty when two crews start going after the same heist."_

Sebastian didn't bother looking beside him. He wouldn't see anything. The Commodore was very stealthy when he wanted to be, a fact that had benefited their group, _Flounders' Fishermen_ , greatly during their former life of crime.

"My guess would be that Nico Robin has convinced the Straw-Hats to fight for the gold so that she can read the forbidden words. She's the only one who can, after all. The other group, that black-cloaked duo, must be after the gold itself."

" _Do you think she had time to decipher the stone? She does appear to be wounded."_

"Who can say."

Commodore Flounders made a noise of reserved agreement. Shifted up in tone, it sounded like a long squeak. " _The Straw-Hats are slippery. We must be realistic. Our priority has to be as follows. First, separating Nico Robin from the stone. Second, the capture of Nico Robin. Third, the capture of the Straw-Hats. Fourth, the capture of these unknown pirates. I will position myself to ambush the Straw Hats and disable them at sea, so we should focus our efforts here on isolating the stone._

Sebastian nodded. It was a sound assessment. He raised the Den-Den Mushi and made a connection to the one of their three ships that they still had at sea.

"Captain Saldicci, we've had a situation. The Straw-Hats will be escaping the island and we aren't likely to catch them. The Commodore will sneak on board and disable their ship, but we need you to be at the westward side of the island and ready to board them once the Commodore is done."

"Understood and acknowledged" pronounced the rumbling voice on the other end, the snail's face square and surly.

Turning to the men and women under his command, Sebastian gave the order.

"Well, we warned them. Open fire!"

* * *

Deidara began dodging wildly, attempting to shield himself from the incoming hail of surprisingly fast and accurate gunfire using the body of his bird.

"Shit!" he cursed, "This day just keeps getting better and better, _un_! Who the _hell_ brings so many guns to this kind of party?"

Soaring high out of range until he could survey the entire battlefield, he dove back down like a meteor into the bell's deep impact crater, unfurling his wings to halt his fall right in front of the Poneglyph. With a smooth motion, he made the clay bird creation grab onto the belfry with its wings, pressing its belly into the surface of the stone tablet and rolling back and forth. When it pulled back, the bird's clay underbelly was imprinted with an exact replica of its complex markings.

* * *

" _The priorities have changed,"_ said Commodore Flounders, and then there was a rustling in the grass. Flounders was gone. There was no point in trying to follow him with his eyes.

Sebastian cursed his luck. "It never rains, but it pours, hmm?"

* * *

"Hey, Altar-boy!" Deidara shouted at Hidan, who was retrieving his weapons with sullen menace, "If you're planning on coming back up with me then now's the time! Get the hell on the bird and let's go!"

Hidan scowled, clearly upset by the results of his fight, but leapt up to the clay creation, grabbing a steady perch before both shinobi rose up into the air.

Unnoticed by everyone present, there was a rustling in the grass at the edge of the crater and then a blur of motion that collided with Deidara's mount. The bird didn't shake in the slightest from the tiny impact, and continued to rise with no one else the wiser.

Right before the two Akatsuki members crested the top of the crater, a massive series of explosions detonated across the surrounding landscape, sending Marines ducking and covering to shield themselves from flying debris. By the time the gunfire began again in earnest, the two shinobi had ascended almost out of reach.

* * *

The Straw-Hats, meanwhile, were making good on their escape. The bell group had made it to the stone house without further injury. Usopp, Naruto, and Robin were out of the fight, being carried by Zoro, Sasuke, and Chopper, respectively.

"Oh, no!" cried Chopper as they approached the ship, "What happened to the Merry?"

The Merry was a mess. As everyone boarded the ship, they could finally see the extent of the damage. There was a ragged gash in the side of the hull and a number of burnt holes had been punched in the deck, forcing the crew to put out a few small fires before they could spread further. Luckily, the sails were mostly intact and there was no serious damage below the waterline.

They could fix the Merry later. Right now, they had to leave, because the Marines were going to be right on their tail. There was just one problem.

"Listen to me! Everyone, listen to me!" shouted Nami, "If we leave the island before the Log Pose is set, we'll have to come right back! We've still got a day and half to go!"

Cricket cursed until the air was blue. "You can't _seriously_ be arguing this now! Look!" Pointing off into the ocean, they saw two ships. One was a strange ship with some sort of monkey theme. Another one off in the distance around the island was clearly a Marine ship.

"I called for help. That ship's owned by some friends of mine that have an Eternal Pose set to this island. They're very familiar with dodging the Marines, and they can get us away from here safely if we make it to them, no problem. But that won't matter at all if that Marine ship catches up to us before they get here! I can't be here either, I've got a bounty on my head same as you. You're good luck charms, kids, and I want to see you succeed, but we need to leave _now_. Come back to set the Log Pose later!"

"There won't be any later!" said Nami, "After word of that bell spreads, this island will be swarming with pirates and Marines alike! Four days here will be suicide!"

As the argument was set to continue, Naruto, still nursing his wounds with Chopper's help, interrupted them with a question. "Wait, all you need is to keep that Log Pose thing on the island for another day and a half, right?"

Nami nodded, uncertain of where he was going with this. Naruto held out his hand.

"Don't worry about it! Give that thing to Sasuke and me and we'll hide out here for a while. No way are a couple of badass ninja like us gonna be caught out by some mook soldiers. We'll signal you when it's set."

Sasuke turned to Naruto in surprise, then nodded his agreement.

Cricket nodded as well, quick to support this plan. "It'll work. My friends' Eternal Pose means we can make it back here any time. We'll stick with them at sea until you're ready to come back. I hope you like bananas."

Sanji, however, seemed uncertain. "How the hell are we supposed to know you two won't just take off with the Log Pose the instant we leave sight of shore, huh?"

Sasuke shook his head, "You've still got our stuff, don't you?"

"Nami, give it to them," said Luffy, still bleeding from a number of wounds. "We don't have time to argue."

That was the end of it. Naruto grabbed the Log Pose, and then both of the ninja disappeared in an explosion of smoke. When the smoke cleared, both Naruto and Sasuke were still standing there.

"Umm," started Chopper, "Weren't you two going to leave?"

"Shh!" hissed Naruto, "We're two shadow clones. We're fake! It's just me, Naruto, twice! We're hoping to throw off anyone who might be watching. Come on, we need to get going!"

The crew muttered something about ninja bullshit, but they listened anyway, moving to set sail.

And so the wounded Going Merry sailed off into a retreat.

* * *

Sebastian considered the situation. When the Commodore had switched targets, they had realistically lost any hope of catching the Straw-Hats. Even now, ruffians from the town were starting to approach the area as word of an unclaimed golden treasure reached them. He called immediately for a cease-fire. His soldiers obeyed quickly.

"That's enough! Let the Commodore handle those two rogues! Secure the area and cordon off that crater! Don't let anyone near that bell!" Then, using his portable Den-Den-Mushi, he communicated the Commodore's orders back to the one of their three ships that was still at sea. "Captain Saldicci, the Commodore's changed targets. Follow the Straw-Hats. Sink them if you can, but your priority is to get them away from the island and return here."

"Away From The Island?"

"That's the plan. And we will follow the plan. Captain Weber out."

Sebastian disconnected, sighing. The Navy had thought that the only person with the capability to decipher those stones was the wanted fugitive, Nico Robin. Clearly, that had been wishful thinking. No one would recover a clay impression of the stone if they didn't think they could use it. So now they had two targets to chase, but little freedom to move. Was Nico Robin the more important target, or the unknown group?

Nico Robin tended to jump from group to group, crew to crew, and had enjoyed very limited success convincing others to aid her with her personal quest.

This new group of pirates were complete unknowns, as far as he was aware. An unknown and unmonitored group with both the ability and inclination to hunt the Poneglyphs was severely frightening.

Given Nico Robin's normal patterns, the choice was clear. Having been wounded, she might not even have read the stone, so the Commodore's priority had to be on the new pirate crew. They couldn't let them escape without a single lead for Intelligence to work on.

Sebastian took a moment to look up toward the black-cloaked duo that was already shrinking from visibility.

Hidden in the moving folds of the clay bird, a single grey mouse clung on with grim determination, his ears flapping in the evening wind.


	22. The Mysteries of Chakra

**-Grand Line-**

 **-Going Merry-**

 **-Two Days Later-**

Once the night after next had fallen it was clear that Naruto and Sasuke's sneaking mission had gone off without a hitch. The two young ninja spent the next day and a half resting and healing while hidden away from the current conflicts centered around the bell. Their Log Pose set just a little bit later than advertised and shortly after that, Naruto was alerted to the approach of the Going Merry after one of his clones disincorporated, sending the memories that that clone had experienced back to the original Naruto on the island.

Even late at night, Sasuke easily spotted the tentatively approaching Merry and signaled them using a simple jutsu designed to produce focused light. The two shinobi were retrieved with no trouble at all. Montblanc Cricket and his Salvagers bid their new acquaintances a fond farewell and left to do some long-term planning about a life that didn't involve golden bells of any kind.

The days after this passed fairly quickly, with a lot of work to do repairing the damage done by the Akatsuki bomber as well as the damage to themselves.

As time moved on, the crew began hearing strange noises across the ship. Sometimes, when Usopp was hammering, it would sound like two people were working instead of one, or there would be odd pounding noises at unusual times of day. At first, Usopp blamed Naruto and his clones, who had been helping out with the repairs. Then, one morning, a newly-healed Usopp woke everyone up to tell them that he had seen a strange figure working with some of his discarded tools at night, but it was soon dismissed as dreams. When all was said and done, the repairs to the ship were completed in excellent time, though the scars of the battle remained quite evident.

After the harrowing experience they had shared, Usopp and Naruto fell into a comfortable friendship. Naruto's self-sacrificial dive to push Usopp out of the way of the explosion, as well as keeping his word when they brought back the Log Pose, did a lot to ease the sniper's earlier mistrust. Strangely enough, it was his shadow clone that had performed a great deal of the initial dialogue between the two of them, so the original Naruto was left with the odd experience of suddenly being aware he had a new friend at the very moment the old shadow clones disappeared.

So it was that four days after leaving the island, Naruto and Usopp sat together working over a single problem: Nami's Clima-Tact.

"She really created a thunderstorm with this thing?" asked Naruto, wonder in his eyes, "How? It doesn't have anything in it that actually _does_ anything, does it?"

Having built the device himself, Usopp had to interject on a point of order. "Ah, but there _are_ parts that do things in here. Look, here's the heat pump that makes hot and cool air from either end. Here's a water reservoir. This device right here generates static-electricity, and then-"

"Yeah, but this is all, you know, really weak, right? No offense, but no seals, or anything to store chakra… how the hell does it work?"

"Well, you see… uhhh… Okay, I'm going to be honest here: I have no idea how she does half of the things she does with this. I mean, I didn't build it to make _thunderstorms_. Most of this was just for distractions, and then I got a bit carried away and started putting party tricks in there too."

"Party tricks don't summon lightning bolts, man." Naruto turned to look at the distant navigator. "So how's she doing it?"

Waving Nami over, the two guys found that she was quite willing to explain her methods. The only problem was their own lack of understanding. Eventually giving in to frustration, Nami simplified matters. "Basically it boils down to this: hot and cold air can be used to manipulate air pressure and humidity. With that, you can affect the weather. That's it."

Naruto spun the staff in a single, quick motion. From one end came a ball of vaguely warm-ish air. "You really do all of that with just… you know, _this?_ "

"Yes. It's just an extension of what I do as a navigator. I know no one else here seems to feel the weather like I do, but it's very straightforward, alright?" Nami crossed her arms and shifted her hips, "You can do a lot with just small differences in temperature and electrical charge."

Naruto scratched his head. "Alright, if you say so."

Satisfied, Nami turned to leave. Then, Naruto spoke again. "What if you could do more?"

She stopped. "More?"

"Yeah. If you can do that much with just those little farts of hot air, I kinda wonder what you could do with some actual muscle behind it."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," interrupted Usopp, "Is this some more ninja bullshit?"

"I guess so," mused Naruto, "I mean, I'm not good with devices like you are, Usopp, but if you had access to a bit of elemental chakra then we might be able to beef this thing up…"

"You want to make me shoot wind and lightning?" asked Nami, raw disbelief dripping from her face, "No way. I don't believe it."

They were interrupted by Sasuke, who had been napping in the corner. "Sorry, but I wouldn't get your hopes up too high, Nami. Naruto, you're reliable in a pinch and all, but scholar of chakra you are not. Frankly, you're a bit of a bonehead."

Naruto tossed a nearby screw, which bounced harmlessly off of his friend's reclining form. "First of all, screw you. Second of all, just watch me."

So Sasuke did watch him. First he was amused, then confusion set in. Eventually, it turned into shock. With a smug expression, Naruto grabbed some small folds of paper from his pack. As he slowly drew his finger across one of them it was if he were drawing a picture in ink, symbols appearing from his careful motions as if by magic. Activating his Sharingan, Sasuke watched the chakra pulse outward through his friend's hand.

"Jiraiya taught you this?" Sasuke asked, fascinated by the display of technical skill from his friend.

"Kinda… More like he pointed me in the right direction."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Naruto spoke as he continued to work. "So, I'm an Uzumaki, right? Apparently the Uzumaki Clan used to be really, freakishly good at seals of all sorts. That's where the seal on my chest comes from. Jiraiya had the bright idea of hunting down some of the old Uzumaki techniques, which was pretty hard, ya know…" he grinned. "Apparently I'm a natural at it!"

Sasuke was stunned. "I- I don't know what to say. You didn't know that until last year? Wow, finding that out must have been…"

"Huh? Must have been what?"

"I mean, I'm trying to imagine what it would be like if no one had ever been around to explain why the Sharingan was so important for me, or what it means to be an Uchiha fire user. It's just… strange to think about."

Naruto was silent, seeming to take that in. Eventually, he finished his work. With one hand placed on the seal, Sasuke watched him transform his chakra into wind-natured energy and pour it into the seal.

"Alright, it's finished!"

Nami, Usopp, and Sasuke watched with uncertainty as Naruto placed the paper seal on the deck. The blond ninja picked up a small craft hammer and sat down beside it. "This seal is kinda based off of some of the physically-activated varieties you might see in generic traps and stuff, ya know? If you give it a tap, like this-"

Naruto smacked the hammer into the seal, dead center, and a blast of the unusual cutting wind came spraying out of the seal. It expended itself in one violent burst of energy, about four or five seconds long, then went out.

Everyone else's jaws dropped. Naruto grinned, happy at the reaction.

"Hell yes! See?! See what I mean? That's just the start, too. I can tune it to whatever we want."

Usopp examined the seal with great interest. "Huhhhhh…. Well isn't that something… Even if we just stuck with the hammer idea, we could take a few of these on a roll and make a sort of popgun wind-cannon… Just press a button and ' _kablooie!'"_

"It's not anywhere near as powerful as what Sasuke and I can do with our jutsu," said Naruto, "but I figure if you can make thunderstorms with just hot and cold air then who knows what you can do with this, right?"

Nami considered this carefully. "That's one hell of an upgrade. I'd sure feel a lot safer with something that could do that in reserve... Can you use this 'chakra' stuff to make the heat, cold, and electricity functions any stronger?"

Naruto paused for a moment, then looked to Sasuke. "Well, I can do it as long as we have the right elements…"

When the others looked puzzled, Sasuke stepped in. "What he means is that we only have so much available to us. Every person has a natural affinity with a specific element of chakra. With some training, some people can get two or maybe three. Any more is impossible for anyone except really legendary figures. Naruto's, obviously, is wind. I can use fire and lightning, and can fake certain other elements weakly if I've watched someone perform them, but can't control them naturally. So we've got heat and electricity covered."

"Wind, fire, lightning, but you can't do cold?"

"Cold's not really an element..." said Naruto. "Well, it kinda is, but..."

"Let's just stick with that," agreed Sasuke, "Cold isn't an element we can use, no."

Nami looked a bit disappointed.

Still staring with fascination between the staff and the experimental seal, Usopp offered his opinion. "I don't think that has to be a problem, actually. The limiting factor of the heat pump was power, which is why you have to spin it so fast. If there's a little bit of lightning to work with as power, then I bet I could make something that handles the cold well enough... We'll have to dial down your crazy fire a fair bit to match, though..."

Usopp was in his element. As he worked, someone else started to express interest.

"Umm… Pardon me," came a voice from the upper deck. Chopper was peeking uncertainly over the side. "I've been watching for a little while… When you said 'every person' has chakra, do you mean just you ninja?"

Naruto grinned back at the curious reindeer. "Nope! I mean everyone! You too!"

"Really? How can you tell?"

"Well, for example…" Naruto poked the top of his head and twirled it in his blond hair. "You can tell what direction your chakra swirls around inside you by looking at the way your hair swirls on your head! And that means…"

Suddenly, a second grinning Naruto ambushed the reindeer from behind, grabbing his pink hat with both hands. As Chopper screamed and squirmed, Naruto pulled the hat off from around his antlers with a *POP*.

"Look at that! If I mess up your fuzz then your chakra's gonna go all over the place!"

"AHH! STOP IT! STOP IT YOU JERK!" Chopper squealed, trying desperately to wrest away from Naruto's fuzzing grip. Finally, he transformed, growing nearly six feet in a single instant. " **I SAID STOP IT!"** The Naruto clone was tossed into the air, hitting the lower deck in a heap before exploding into a puff of smoke. Before anyone could say anything, Chopper ran off.

There was lots of laughter from the lower deck, Naruto's loudest of all.

As Sasuke stopped chuckling, he decided to give the little guy what he wanted. He called out, "To answer your question, Chopper, we have a test we give to people to see what kind of chakra they have. We use a certain type of paper that's made from trees that are fed chakra as they grow up, but I'm sorry to say that we didn't bring any along with us."

"Nah, it's okay," said Naruto, tearing bits off of a piece of the paper he had used to write the seals, "'cause all the best paper that's used for sealing is made of the same stuff. And the Uzumaki Clan only uses the best." Smiling, Naruto held out a fan of several roughly torn patches of paper. "I'm thinking we should try it out."

Naruto's enthusiasm was perhaps a little bit hasty. Chopper was watching them suspiciously from behind one of Nami's tangerine trees and refused to come out, so only Nami and Usopp were nearby, and both of them failed to generate any response. Sasuke assured them that this was normal for anyone that hadn't trained to control their chakra. Still, a bit of searching the ship led them to bring Zoro, Sanji, and Luffy back to the deck.

"What is this? What do I do?" asked Luffy, holding the paper in one hand.

"Well, you just focus your chakra-" started Naruto, before frowning uncertainly, "Uh, that is, you… just concentrate on the paper… and think about the energy you… Hmm… I don't know how to explain this to you. Focus on it, and do what seems natural."

"Oh, so it's mystery paper. Got it." said Luffy.

Luffy stared at the paper for a moment, then gripped it while clenching his teeth and making odd grunting noises. Eventually, he popped the crumpled up paper in his mouth.

"What the hell?" asked Naruto.

"I don't think your paper works," said Luffy, before wandering off, bored out of his mind.

Zoro proved a bit more cooperative. His chaotic-looking chakra, as well as Sanji's, actually reminded Sasuke a bit of an older Chuunin in their village named Rock Lee, but it was hard to tell if that was a coincidence or not. After holding the paper and concentrating thoughtfully for a moment, Zoro shook his head. "Don't think so," he said.

Sanji laughed. "Yeah, I thought not. If that chakra stuff needs strength of mind as well as just plain strength, then you're screwed."

Naruto was undeterred. "Try… I dunno. Try imagining like that paper's one of your swords and you're about to swing- Whoa!"

In the middle of his sentence, the scrap of paper in Zoro's hand cut in half and fell to the ground.

"Nice!" shouted Naruto, as Sanji groused, "That means you're wind element, like me." He held up his fist, and Zoro solemnly fist-bumped it.

"I suppose we kind of guessed that already," said Sasuke, "What with you shooting sword wind-blasts and everything. Sanji? Want to try?"

Desperate to show up his rival, Sanji stepped up immediately, grabbing the proffered slip of paper. Focusing with all of his might, the paper was not affected in the slightest. Grumbling and grunting, he pushed harder, before Zoro started to chuckle.

"Too much for you, you dumbass cook?"

Sanji let out a heavy breath, relaxing for a moment. After another try failed to generate a response, he cursed. "Dammit. This chakra stuff, I thought you use it to walk on water, right? Why am I using my hands for this?"

Naruto shrugged. "It's just generally the easiest way to do it, you know?" he said. "But most ninja can use their feet too, obviously. Only someone like a Hyuuga can shoot a lot of chakra out of anywhere else, though."

"Well, hell if I'm gonna stick to my hands, then," Sanji grumbled. Slipping out of his reinforced dress shoes, he dropped the slip of paper on the ground. Stepping on it with one bare foot, he laughed as the paper suddenly burst into flames.

"HAH! In your FACE!" he cried out, triumphant. "Okay, so I guess that means I'm fire?"

"Yeah," said Sasuke, "Just like me. I still don't know what you'll be able to _do_ with it, but knowing that is a start.

"Umm…" spoke another voice from the upper deck. Chopper was once again peeking over the side. "If you don't try and grab me again, I'll try it…"

Naruto grinned. Before long, they coaxed him down.

"Alright," said Naruto, "You're smart, so I bet you'll understand this. Look deep inside yourself, right inside your fuzzy little belly, and imagine the energy that fills you. Imagine it travelling up through your body and down into your arms. When it gets down to your hands- er, hooves- push it out into the paper."

As Naruto spoke, Chopper concentrated with every fiber of his being. He _could_ feel what Naruto was saying. It was a little bit like how his body felt when he was using the Rumble Ball. Now that he tried it, it was like he could move that energy about just by thinking about it. Up into his chest, down his arms, and into the…

The scrap of paper in Chopper's hooves shook gently and sprouted a tiny greenish-white shoot. As he watched, a single leaf popped out from the growth with a cute little *POIT* sound. Chopper's eyes went wide, and his jaw dropped open.

"I- I did it! I made it grow! I made it _grow!_ That's incredible!" He laughed and hopped excitedly in place, then turned to the two ninja boys. "What does that mean? What am I?"

Naruto was just frowning and blinking at him. "Uhh… I don't… what?"

Sasuke looked like he'd just seen a ghost. His jaw was hanging wide open and he had stopped breathing or blinking.

"Oh no!" cried Chopper, "It's bad?!"

Sasuke shook himself, glanced at Naruto, and then shook his head again. "No… it's not… It's fine… just… Naruto, could we have that last piece of paper?"

Calmly, Sasuke handed the paper to Chopper. "Chopper, if you don't mind, I'd like to watch you with my special eyes when you do that. Is that alright?"

When Chopper had no objections, Sasuke activated his Sharingan, red eyes swirling into place. He could see the path of Chopper's chakra, burning and pulsating inside him. The chakra coils in his abdomen were filling the young reindeer with energy. It looked hungry and excited, like a beast just waking up from a long hibernation.

When Chopper made the paper sprout again, Sasuke was certain. Something incredible had just happened.

"Chopper, you're amazing! Your energy is _unbelievable_. I hardly ever see anyone with physical energy as strong as yours. You might even have more than… well, _Naruto_. It's practically inhuman."

Chopper wasn't sure whether to blush or frown at the odd compliment. "Well, I'm not a human," he said.

"What?" asked Sasuke, looking up in surprise.

"I'm not a human! I'm a reindeer. I just ate a Devil Fruit that made me partly into a human."

Sasuke blinked, swallowing down a surprised lump in his throat. "I… see… I guess that makes sense. I had thought it was the other way around… That means your baseline body is an animal, so of course you'd have the incredible physical energy of a beast. All you'd need is mental energy..."

Soon, Sasuke started tracing the lines of Chopper's chakra. All of the paths were exquisitely perfect, as if they had been sculpted from an ideal. There was almost no resistance at all. It was surprising he wasn't shooting chakra out of his pores at all times of the day. Sasuke could see tiny trickles of Earth chakra and Water chakra both flowing through the boy at the same time, but he doubted that _any_ element would be out of the reindeer's reach with proper training. The ability to use wood-element ninjutsu had been lost to humanity since the First Hokage had died, but apparently Mother Nature had decided that reindeer needed it more than humans did.

Still, there was something weird about it all, beyond even the incredibly perfect chakra system. There was a hint of something else. Soon, he realized what it was. It was as if there was a second source dumping energy directly into Chopper's system at each one of his chakra points.

Each of them looked almost like Naruto's seal that drew energy from the Kyuubi, to be honest.

"The other component of chakra is mental energy…" Sasuke mused. "If you don't have enough of that, you can't take advantage of your body's natural physical energy. I would have guessed that as an animal your mental energy would be weak, but…"

"Hey! I heard that!" shouted Chopper.

"Chopper, pardon me for a moment. I'd like to take a closer look, but I need to look into your eyes for a little bit to do it. Is that okay?"

After a moment, Chopper relented, nodding his assent.

Over the course of his training, Kakashi had given Sasuke some tips on controlling the chakra of the tailed beasts using the Sharingan. It was a purely theoretical exercise, as Kakashi knew that it was only a possibility if he were to use his brother's Mangekyou Sharingan, which at that time he hadn't had access to.

When Itachi had met with Sasuke inside the Tsukuyomi, his brother had been quick to offer Sasuke even more information on that subject, once he had learned that Sasuke was best friends with the Kyuubi's host. According to Itachi and Kakashi both, the Mangekyou Sharingan was known to have some minor ability to suppress and control malicious energies, like Naruto's Kyuubi. That was, in fact, the reason that the village mistrust of the Uchiha had spiked after the Kyuubi had attacked the village all those years ago.

He had also been warned that attempting to suppress the Kyuubi in actual combat would be a fatal mistake; it was something to be attempted only if the need was truly dire.

He focused his chakra, the Mangekyou Sharingan blossoming in his eye. He wouldn't use the Tsukuyomi; He'd just use Itachi's Mangekyou to make a connection the same way he might start any other ocular genjutsu. If there was something dangerous about these Devil Fruits, his eye might protect him.

Staring into the nervous young reindeer's eyes, his awareness of Chopper disappeared. Moving into his chakra system through the brain, it was clear that his mental energy was nearly as well developed as his physical energy. Or perhaps it was more.. potential? He had great potential in both areas, which was highly unusual. Perhaps the Devil Fruit that had given him a human brain had also given him an idealized system of mental pathways?

Sasuke dove deeper and deeper into the well of the boy's energy, finding one of the tiny portals that were generating the mystery-chakra and watching it as he grew closer. It really was different from a normal person's, and also different from Naruto's. This wasn't a seal; it was more like a... symbiosis? He looked closer and closer, the flow of the chakra changing color in his sight as he stepped inside...

* * *

 _A human stood before him, built entirely of green fire. The human's black, empty eyes gazed back at him, filling him with an existential dread. How could something with no eyes even see? It was_ wrong. _The creature's proportions were off, its limbs slightly too long. He could feel its chakra washing over him, and every drop of it was written with a deep intelligence that made him feel so unbearably small. It was so old, and this creature knew exactly how young the child that had wandered into its lair really was. It knew everything about him. It knew everything he was, and everything he could ever be. Slowly, it opened its dark, abyssal mouth and began to speak._

* * *

"AH!" shouted Sasuke, falling backward in shock as he broke the link.

Having been staring right into Sasuke's eyes for the last minute, Chopper screamed as well, falling over backwards and scrambling away to safety.

Naruto was with them both in a second. "What the hell, man? What was that?"

Sasuke took a moment to calm down.

"I guess I learned two things," said Sasuke. "First, Chopper, you've got Wood-element chakra, so congratulations on being one hell of a reindeer. Second, I think I just saw your Devil Fruit-" He turned to Naruto, "-and I think it's just like a tiny version of the Kyuubi."

* * *

A/N:No, this is not a story where all the pirates become ninjas and all the ninjas become pirates. In general, learning ninjutsu takes many years of practice. Still, Nami needed something to replace the Dials, and I am going somewhere with this, so trust me if you can.

I have pushed back the date of the Void Century a little bit to facilitate the story. I don't think this will present a problem.

Nami has acquired the MEGA PERFECT ULTIMATE SUPER CLIMA-TACT, though she refuses to call it that. It's capable of more variety, but the short version is that it's now also capable of upgraded weather functions as in canon, as well as the addition of an extremely limited number of short-ranged wind and fire attacks. Usopp later changed his mind and decided to just power the heat pump with a tiny trickle of tuned lightning to get the hot and cold air functions working in equal proportion. Of course, she cannot recharge the device without the aid of both Naruto and Sasuke.


	23. Tobi's a Good Boy

**-Meanwhile-**

 **-Ten Kilometers Above The Grand Line-**

Percival pulled at his whiskers as he considered the opponent that had slithered out of a shadowed corner of the dark and disused cabin. He was annoyed. Oh, not because he was in any danger from this foe, even though the snake that was currently uncoiling itself in front of him was wider around than he was tall. No, he was _annoyed_ because the snake was so smug about his current prey's predicament that Percival couldn't help but cringe in sympathetic embarrassment. In his life, he had stared death in the face many times, but nothing made him more uncomfortable than being threatened by an amateur.

His opponent tasted the air with its tongue. If it had been smarter it might have wondered why the mouse it had found seemed irritated, at best. Alas, evolution hadn't given the snake that good sense. Hungry for a snack, it lunged, and Percival leapt over the strike, slamming his tiny mouse feet into the serpent's skull. There was a crack, then a thump, and then he dragged the snake's body away before dumping it unceremoniously out of a nearby gun-port. The corpse fell away unnoticed into the soft white clouds below the ship.

Percival shook his head. Hell of a place he'd ended up in. Stuck way up high in a bunch of clouds that were too dumb to know how to act properly, hiding in a ship filled with dangerous criminals. He'd been dodging traps that had been set in completely empty rooms for no apparent reason other than paranoia. To make matters worse, someone had filled the ship with _snakes_. None of the snakes he'd met were a threat, of course, but ever since he'd eaten the Vermin Vermin Fruit, Model Mouse, he'd felt a strong dislike for the scaly things. That was the third one he'd had to dispose of. Hopefully, someone wasn't keeping too close a count of these things.

If only his portable Den-Den-Mushi weren't completely out of range of the nearest repeater he could have reported in, but instead he was on his own. He would have to be very careful. Someone on this ship wanted the text of the Poneglyph, and he knew that discovering the identity of this unknown party trumped any other orders he had been given. Skittering quietly through the deeper parts of the ship, he dodged traps and snakes alike until he heard quick fragments of voices in argument as the two enemy agents he had followed reunited with their compatriots. He needed to get closer to hear that conversation.

Most Zoan-type fruit-users relied mostly upon their 'hybrid' forms, a beast-state that merged the best qualities of human and animal, granting incredible physical abilities. He, however, found his fully transformed animal-form to be most useful of all. People used the phrase "quiet as a mouse," but a normal mouse had nothing on him.

Sensing another snake slithering about in the unused room ahead, Percival moved up the walls. Using his abnormal strength to grip with his claws, he slid in between the gaps and seams of the planks themselves until he was crawling invisibly along the ceiling. Nothing at all sensed him as he slipped through the doorway.

He moved into a tight hallway, hearing an odd noise becoming audible over the murmur of voices and gentle groaning of the ship. It was a sharp, almost electrical sound, and it was repeating itself every few seconds. Percival turned his wide, round ears back and forth, tilting them up and down, and determined it was coming from a nearby cabin. Curious, he crawled across the ceiling and slipped in through a crack above the door.

Inside, the room was well-lit by the light of numerous ghostly bluish-white flames that flickered without a candle, lantern, or bulb. The lights seemed to be stuck to the walls, burning without spreading or consuming the wood. They provided uniform lighting to an operating table that was being busily worked over by a deathly-pale man with long, black hair that fell past his shoulders.

There was something very wrong with this man. Never before upon seeing a person had Percival been filled with more revulsion. That was before he even got a good look at what was on the table itself.

A yellow-haired man, stripped bare from the waist up, was set upon the table, his body propped up awkwardly by a circular golden apparatus that jutted from his back. The man was dead. Or, he should have been. He definitely should be dead. His chest was opened up, his rib cage pried apart by a wicked-looking wooden tool until his heart was exposed. The strange shocking noise he had been hearing was the man's heart convulsing every couple of seconds as an electrical pulse that seemed to come from nowhere at all forced the organ to continue beating. Wires and tubes led from the man's head and body to strange devices surrounded by stranger lettering and mystic circles.

The repulsive, pale man stood above his prisoner, muttering, examining, and tracing invisible lines down the other's body.

Percival left the room, disgusted. This wasn't his mission, no matter how unsavoury it seemed. He moved back down the hall, checking room after room.

Eventually, the indistinct voices grew louder. He was getting close. Passing through a sleeping cabin that hadn't housed anyone in some time, he found himself inside a storeroom filled with crates and barrels. The voices were right above him, and there was faint light sneaking through cracks and tiny holes in the ceiling. Poking his head through, he could see the room above him. He listened.

* * *

In the well-lit room above, Tobi sat at what served as the official Akatsuki dining room table eating a late lunch while reading the newspaper that Deidara had recovered. Several of the Akatsuki members had gathered when Tobi had called for a meeting. The meal was fish-broth noodle soup made by Kisame, who had slowly emerged as the best cook and fisherman in the group.

Slowly, Tobi remembered that the others were staring at him. That's right! He'd been so engrossed by what he was reading that he'd forgotten he'd been in the middle of a conversation! Deidara and Hidan had just returned from the ground below, but what exactly had they been talking about…?

"So, Hidan," said Tobi around a bite of noodles, "Remind me again why you jumped all the way down off the clouds?"

A wordless scream of rage filled the room. Tobi didn't react to this outburst except to stuff another bite of his meal into his mouth. He watched, unmasked, with an innocently curious expression that showed the warped and twisted flesh of the left side of his face and the two Rinnegan in his eyes.

"SCREW YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL ASS!" shouted Hidan, "You throw me off a cloud and tell me to go after that goddamn stone and you don't even _remember_ it?! Do you even know what I had to go through down there? What the hell did I do to _you_ , huh?! Tell me!"

Tobi looked shocked, surprise and indignation filling his overly-expressive face. "Oh! You helped with the Stone Tablet? Geez, all you had to say was that you wanted to help Deidara- you don't have to bite my head off."

Hidan's death grip on the table in front of him tore a thick chunk of oak from the surface. With another roar, he chucked the weighty piece of debris straight at Akatsuki's leader. It got to within a few inches of Tobi's face before his Rinnegan flared with power. The projectile stopped in mid-air, vibrated for a moment, then shot back at Hidan at three times the speed he had thrown it. Struck square in the chest, Hidan shot out of the room like a rocket, crashing onto the deck and skipping over the side of the bulwarks out into the liquid cloud below.

Tobi looked around the room in confusion. His child-like eyes met those of Deidara, Kisame, and Danzou who were watching with something like impatience. All of the other members of Akatsuki were quite aware of Tobi's overwhelming power, but Hidan seemed to need a reminder from time-to-time.

"Wha- Why was he so angry?" Tobi asked, "He broke the dining room table!"

"Don't waste any time on that foul-mouthed brute," growled Danzou, "Did you find what we need or not?"

"Yeah," agreed Deidara, "I need one hell of a shower to get this crap outta my hair, but I'm not leaving until you tell me whether my trip down there was worth a damn."

"You'll have to tell me what happened to you both," chuckled Kisame. "It sounds like the natives were quite spirited."

"No. I really don't have to tell you anything," Deidara responded, then pointed at Tobi, "-And you, stop eating for one damn second and answer the question, _un_!"

Tobi, already having forgotten about the earlier altercation, slurped down the last of the soup and considered the question carefully. "Kinda?" he said.

"I will not settle for a 'maybe,' Tobi," said Danzou. "We still have much to learn about the Divine Tree if we're going to fulfill our objective."

Tobi looked sheepish for a moment. "Well, I mean, it wasn't _exactly_ related…"

Deidara closed his eyes and rested his head in both palms.

"...but I wouldn't say it wasn't interesting. It was talking about some ancient superweapon called Poseidon that supposedly has the power to sink entire islands and control the forces of the sea itself."

The room was silent for a moment. Danzou rubbed his scarred chin thoughtfully, then asked, "And you now know where this is located? That weapon would be an interesting backup plan if we can't get what we came for…"

"Yeah, it's supposedly located below the Red Line mountain range. It had directions for where it is and everything. And look!" he cried, pointing to his newspaper with glee, "According to this, that's right where we're heading!"

"Interesting," mused Danzou, "Would this 'Poseidon' be some kind of machine, or ancient jutsu, then?"

"Well, it's really pretty vague, but I kind of got the feeling the superweapon might be, like, an Advanced Bloodline or something. Something that's passed down through some kind of 'mermaid.'"

More silence. Carefully, Kisame spoke up next. "A… Mer-Maid? What is that supposed to be?"

Deidara laughed, perking up right away. "Oh, that's great! Our resident freaky fish-guy doesn't know what a mermaid is?" When Kisame shook his head, Deidara continued. "It's a legend about a beautiful woman who's got the lower-half of a fish. You know, your perfect dream-girl!"

Kisame frowned, his beady fish-eyes drilling a hole into the blond Akatsuki demolitions expert. Bemusedly, he stretched his imagination to dream up what such a woman might look like. Eventually, his scowl deepened. "That sounds _disgusting_."

"Hey, well there's no accounting for taste, but you might have to learn to settle, man. Lower your standards a bit. You're not exactly a looker yourself, you know." Deidara laughed raucously. "Unless you're looking for the other way around, _un_? Fish head and lady body!"

"Mmm… Neither of those things sound particularly appealing."

Tobi piped up, "I'm cheering for you, Sharky! One day you'll find someone! I know it!"

Danzou grit his teeth at this frivolous banter, but someone else beat him to the punch. A gruff, rumbling voice emitted from one of the speaking tubes nearby. " _The repairs to the ship are completed,"_ said Sasori, speaking from the helm, " _The navigation device has set, and we appear to be over our target. We are ready to depart, so I suggest we stop wasting our time here. Don't make me wait."_

Now, Danzou added his opinion. "I've already talked to some of the inhabitants of this Sky Island, and they are willing to help us return to the surface safely as well as finance our expedition out of gratitude for our actions. I agree that there's nothing left for us up here."

"Umm… Yes. Yes, that sounds like a good idea," said Tobi. "Well, I mean, if we're all ready. Kakuzu is bringing along a whole bunch of gold from the air-ship… I think he's upset about losing those hearts to that lightning guy. When he's done I'm ready to leave! It was a fun adventure, but no one up here knows about any more of those Stone Tablets, so we're done! Err, this concludes Sky Island Mission Meeting number seven! Good job, everyone!"

The few members scattered, leaving Tobi alone. Well, not exactly _alone_. There _was_ someone else here that he wanted to talk to. Akatsuki were wonderful friends, but they were a tough group to open up to and sometimes he just needed to vent a bit. Standing up, Tobi paused for a moment, then melted into the wood of the deck, startling a very concerned mouse who had been on the ceiling of the room below. As he passed through the deck, moving into the wood like it was a part of himself, Tobi's hand slid down and snatched the tiny rodent before dropping to the floor. The mouse struggled briefly, startled by the sudden movement, before Tobi spoke.

"Hey, hey, hey, hold on, little guy! I'm not gonna hurt you! I'm a friend! I just want to talk, okay?"

Slowly, the mouse stopped struggling. One of the lesser-known benefits of the Rinnegan was the ability to speak to and understand all manner of animals. The mouse gave him an odd glance, then said, " _Squeak._ "

"Err, huh?"

"... _Squeak._ "

Tobi was baffled. "Wow, that's really funny! I can talk to all sorts of animals, but for some reason it just sounds like you're saying 'Squeak.' Like you're just a guy pretending to make funny mouse noises! I've never heard that before. Are you alright, little guy?"

The mouse stared back at him, still trapped in his hand. A moment passed, then it spoke in a high-pitched voice that he could actually understand. " _Erm… that's… That's my name... Squeak."_

"Well, hello there, Squeak! I'm Tobi! Sorry for surprising you like that, but I could use a chance to talk with someone, and the snakes aren't very good conversationalists." Tobi walked over and gently placed the mouse down on top of a nearby crate that smelled like weapon oil. Then, Tobi leaned over conspiratorially and whispered, "Besides, Orochimaru watches all the snakes around here and I think they tell him everything they hear."

" _Huh… is that so?"_ said Squeak carefully. " _I didn't know that. I kicked a few of their asses when they tried to mess with me. I hope he won't be angry with me for it."_

Tobi laughed, his amusement displayed clearly on his face. "Wow! You're kind of a badass, aren't you, Squeak? That's okay, I'll cover for you."

" _Thanks a lot, pal,"_ said Squeak, clearly warming up to him right away, " _That's a big help. I hate snakes, ya know? So... you said you wanted to talk about something?"_

This is why Tobi loved animals. So easy to talk to!

"Yeah! I mean, it's just the usual, I guess. You know how it is, leading a group of people with wildly different personalities, where each one of them has their own goals, and they're all pretty good at killing people."

Squeak slowly nodded his head and began pacing on top of the crate, his tiny claws making little ticking noises each step he took. " _Surprisingly, I do know how it is, yes. You've gotta make sure all their goals coincide with yours."_

"Exactly! But the problem is that we don't know even the slightest thing about the world out here, which makes it tough to know what to tell them."

" _So you're from an out-of-contact island, huh...? What about lying to them? You know, promise them something they wouldn't get."_

Tobi gasped, his mouth making a round 'o' shape. "Bringing them all out here on a lie would be wrong!"

Squeak stopped his pacing for a moment. " _Err, right. And you wouldn't want to do that."_

"Tobi's a good boy!"

" _Yeah, yeah, of course,"_ said Squeak. " _But your plans seem so important. Whatever it is that you're reading on those stones of yours that you were talking about up there. That is you, right? The one who's reading them?"_

Tobi waggled his eyebrows, pride filling his expression. "Well, that's a secret! You can't get me to talk about that! And don't ask me about what's in them either!"

" _Well alright then, what DO you want to talk about?"_

"Hmm… Sometimes it's just nice to sort of be able to speak to someone else, you know? Just get the thoughts out there and hear how they sound."

" _By all means, go ahead."_

The two of them talked. Tobi had a laundry list of general complaints, but Squeak seemed especially curious about things like where they had come from, as well as how ninja worked in general. Ten minutes later, Orochimaru peered through the door, spattered with blood, causing Squeak to bristle in surprise. Orochimaru just stared impassively at the two of them for a moment, man and mouse standing alone in the dusty room.

"Were you talking to that mouse just now?" he asked.

"No," said Tobi.

" _Squeak!"_ said Squeak.

"Yeah, he's not 'that mouse,' geez! His name is Squeak!"

"...I see…" replied the ship's doctor. The fact that the mouse had just clearly said the word 'squeak' in a scratchy, high-pitched voice hardly even qualified as an unusual occurrence around Tobi at this point, so he decided to ignore it. "Well… the experiment was a partial success. We can preserve the Fruit's strength until it is needed, though I'm hoping for better results next time. However, I've noticed a few snakes missing."

"Oh, I'm sorry, that was me. They were bothering Mister Squeak here, so I had to remove them. I hope that's not a problem!" Tobi turned to the mouse on top of the crate and gave him a tremendously exaggerated wink. He was using the wrong eyeball, so it was still clearly visible to the man in the doorway.

Orochimaru shook his head and walked out the door.

After a moment, Squeak spoke again. " _That was 'Orochimaru,' huh? What's his 'experiment' he was talking about?"_

"Oh, it's so incredibly amazing. Orochimaru's really super smart, you know. See, when it comes to our grand plan, we've got a backup, just in case. 'Cause one of the things we're looking for? It takes a looooong time to get ready, and if it's not ready when we get there then we'll need to feed it so it gets ready right away! Sorry if this is kind of complicated. I'm trying to speak so a mouse can understand, but-"

" _No need to worry. I'm a genius among my kind. Please continue."_

"Okay! But really there's not much to it. To make it ready we want a powerful Devil-Fruit user- the stronger the better. We just found a really strong one, so Orochimaru's just made some good progress to figuring out the whole process, that's all. But, back to what we were talking about. Like, this problem I'm having with Danzou…"

They talked and talked. Eventually it was time for Akatsuki to set sail, and Tobi decided that Squeak should be set free to enjoy his life in the sky. It would be sad, but his new friend deserved to live someplace wonderful. He sent him off among the clouds with tears in his eyes.

Percival sprung back onto the ship when it was time to leave, of course. This time he kept to the depths of the ship, not wanting to be discovered again. He wasn't about to miss his only ride home. When they finally reached the ground he would sneak off and make some very important calls to some very important people.

Hours later, when the ship had landed safely on the ocean below and then made landfall at a nearby island, Percival slipped away. His exit did not go unnoticed. By sheer coincidence, the ship's security systems had been disabled during repairs and it had only been re-enabled once they were about to land back on the ocean below. When Percival left, a single invisible thread attached to the gun-port he had used to make his escape twinged an almost imperceptible amount. By his position at the helm, Sasori of the Red Sands opened his eyes.

There had been an intruder on-board.

* * *

A/N:

Tobi's security breach wasn't as bad as it could have been. Flounders now knows that Tobi is the one that reads the Poneglyphs, some frustratingly vague information on Akatsuki's plans, and a smattering of things that could be expected from any non-ninja living in a ninja village. Things like, 'ninja use chakra' or 'ninja use strange skills called jutsu that can do almost anything,' or 'ninja generally have to use hand-seals to cast jutsu.'

He did NOT learn in-depth information about any of Akatsuki's special abilities or weaknesses, except that which was obvious, such as Orochimaru's whole snake theme and medical skill, and the fact that Tobi's eyes have some special traits.

Next up, some more down-time from the crew, and then following that there will be some camaraderie as everyone gets to know everyone else. Enjoy it if you can, because after these chapters things are going to be crazy for a long time.


	24. Care Package

**-Grand Line-**

 **-Going Merry-**

What did it mean that the Devil Fruits contained a literal devil? What did it mean for them that Chopper had a long-forgotten type of ninjutsu? What did Sasuke's fundamental discoveries actually lead him to understand about the world? He was disappointed to find that the answer was, at first, "Not Much."

Sasuke was quite willing to try and teach Chopper what he knew about chakra, but the control over Earth and Water that would be necessary to teach him any elemental ninjutsu was really more Sakura's purview, to be honest. He had no _idea_ how to begin teaching someone the art of Wood, and he obviously had no copied techniques to even start from.

For now, this led him to focus on the other question. What had he learned about the Devil Fruits? That the Tailed Beasts and the Devil Fruits were somehow related, that seemed obvious enough. But where, exactly, did either of these things come from? Why did the Tailed Beasts only appear in the Elemental Kingdoms? Why did the Devil Fruits appear only on the outside? Sasuke could remember being taught that the Sage of Six Paths had eaten a fruit from the Tree of Life and granted chakra to all the people of the world, but he didn't remember anything in that story about the Sage turning into a rubber-man or a crazy animal-person.

Sasuke attempted to ponder this matter with Naruto, but then changed his mind. Naruto was only barely interested in the subject, despite the fact that it concerned his own powers. The rest of the crew was out for similar reasons. Normally he could rely on Sakura to provide a second intellectually invested voice to a mystery, but she wasn't here, was she?

No… wait, maybe there _was_ someone else he could talk to.

He found Robin reading in the ladies' bedroom. A knock at the door caused her to open it without getting up from her seat, a single hand blossoming and disappearing without effort.

"What is it, Curious One?" she asked, not looking up from her current book.

"I found an odd mystery that relates to the Devil Fruits, and I'm having trouble de-mystifying it. I understand you're a historian? Can you answer some questions about the world out here?"

Robin paused, blinking for a moment, as if she had finally begun paying attention, then closed her book with a snap. "Certainly. I'd be more than willing."

Soon, they were sitting by the tangerine trees on the upper deck, with Robin taking a chair and Sasuke sitting in the grass. She was bandaged in a number of places, but if she was still truly hurting then she hid it well. Sasuke decided he might as well just start talking.

"I discovered that consuming a Devil Fruit creates a small demon that resides in a space connected to one's chakra pathways," he said, as Robin stared at him, "This is similar to certain things we see in the Elemental Kingdoms, but I can't figure out if the two are actually related."

The beautiful woman continued to stare directly at him, not saying a word. Eventually, he felt a blush rising up, so he coughed to clear his throat. Before he could say anything else, she spoke up.

"How certain of this are you?" she asked.

"Very. I saw the one inside Chopper with my own eyes. It was a human-shaped demon of black and green fire. It tried to speak to me, but I broke the connection before it did so."

She closed her eyes, then looked off toward the ocean. "I see… Am I correct in assuming that there are no Devil Fruits in the land you came from?"

"You assume correctly."

"There is a common rumor among the credulous that the Devil Fruits contain a literal demon that gives us our powers," she said, holding out one arm that blossomed into a spread of other delicate limbs like a paper fan unfolding, before they all faded away. "I had assumed that in time a more mundane explanation would surface. It's very interesting that I would hear otherwise."

Sasuke turned to gaze out at the ocean as well, but there was nothing there except sea and clouds. "The thing is," he said, "We have something like these demons as well. They're extremely rare- only nine of them exist- but Naruto himself had one sealed inside of him as an infant."

"Oh?" she asked, turning his way, "He's displayed no strange abilities so far, at least when compared to you."

"No, they don't normally manifest that way. They're sealed with techniques that allow its holder to draw upon the demon's power directly. Naruto has access to tens, or even hundreds of times as much chakra as a normal ninja of his age and training, but the only effects on his body are the facial markings you see as well as increased ability to heal from wounds."

"Interesting. Perhaps less useful to those of us without access to your… techniques to draw upon," she said.

"True… But, while the creatures seem to be similar, the demon inside Naruto, the Kyuubi, is on a completely different level from the demons inside the Devil Fruits. Looking at the two of them is like comparing a lit match to a bonfire. It makes me wonder if they're actually connected at all."

Robin shook her head, then turned back to fix him with her sharp gaze. "Don't be mistaken. Some Devil Fruits, and their owners, are fundamentally incomparable. If you assume all of these fruits are on the same level as the three aboard this ship, you would be terribly wrong."

Sasuke closed his eyes and nodded. "I see. I suppose that makes sense." He paused. "But that leads me to my next question. Where do these Devil Fruits ultimately come from?"

Now, Robin showed some actual emotion, laughing that musical laugh of hers. "Answer that question, Curious One, and you will have earned a place at any center of learning in the world."

Sasuke sighed, letting his head fall backward to hit the earth. "I was afraid you'd say that. I suppose the only thing I have to go on is the legend of the Sage, then."

"Pardon?"

"Hmmm… I don't suppose they teach you about the Sage of Six Paths out here, do they?"

Robin shook her head, now looking curiously back at him, so he continued. "We have a legend that says that nearly one thousand years ago a man known only as the Sage of Six Paths consumed a fruit from the Divine Tree. With the power of that fruit, he saved the world from some unspecified destruction and at the same time granted the power of chakra to everyone across the entire planet. He stayed behind with us and taught the foundations of what would later become ninjutsu and bushido."

There was silence. Eventually, Sasuke sat up again and looked back her way. She was staring at him intently, just like she had the first time they had met.

"What?" he asked, distinctly uncomfortable.

When she spoke, she did so carefully. "How long ago, exactly, did you say this occurred?"

"Ah, I'm afraid no one knows. It was a chaotic time, apparently, but everything I've heard suggests it was somewhere between nine hundred and a thousand years ago."

Robin breathed in sharply, then let out her breath in a sigh. "That's very interesting to me. We have a similar period in our history. A period of one-hundred years, called the Void Century, that began roughly one thousand years ago, during which there exist no records. Nothing at all, save for the stones that I study. Everything else has been obliterated by the World Government." She paused. "Except, apparently, an unusual legend passed down on an unknown island…"

"That's… interesting."

"Isn't it just… Do you know anything else about that time period?"

"I'm sorry, I don't. The history of our land was very fragmented after that time."

Robin sighed, then resumed looking away. "I suppose I may have to visit this mysterious island of yours one day." Then, she stood up. "I'm sorry, but I have to think about this."

Without a further word, she left, leaving Sasuke alone.

* * *

Somewhat unnerved by this strange conversation, Sasuke went down to the other deck to speak with Naruto.

"Heya, Sasuke! How's it going? Enjoying hanging out with your girlfriend?"

"She's not my-" Sasuke was interrupted when Naruto broke out into laughter. "Okay, sure, fine, go ahead and laugh," Sasuke said. Clearly, a year of not being around Naruto had made him rusty. He tried searching for a change of subject. Ah, yeah, he had a good one.

"Naruto, we have to talk about the supply situation. I don't know about you, but I used up pretty much every piece of ranged weaponry I had during that last fight."

"Oh, hey, yeah, thanks for reminding me!" Far from sounding concerned, Naruto actually sounded excited. "Yeah, I was gonna do something about that, but I got side-tracked by the whole staff business."

"You were going to… do what, exactly?"

Naruto looked extremely proud at his friend's confusion. "I've got everything handled, man! The toads have a lot of extra stuff stored for me, and I can get them to bring anything basic as a favor, ya know?"

"Really? That's very helpful. I'd hate to be a shinobi with no tools."

"Yeah. Here, let me show you! Jiraiya-sensei taught me a few tricks that are pretty much only for people like me who've got super chakra. Like summoning without blood!"

Naruto clapped both hands together and, in a puff of smoke, a sturdy looking toad appeared, loaded down with packs. It was hard to tell, but the blue toad looked… female somehow. She had packs strapped to her back, waist, chest, head, limbs, and, in a few places she even had packs tied on to other packs.

"Naaaruto!" the toad shouted, "It's so good to see ya! Glad you're still doing alright out here!"

"Thanks! You're looking healthy, too, Auntie Yuma. Good to see you again!" He turned to Sasuke, beginning introductions. "Sasuke, this is Yumagama, who helped me out during my training. Yuma, this is my best friend, Uchiha Sasuke."

Both bowed in greeting, though the toad's efforts were hampered somewhat by all the packs. Quickly, she began unloading some of them with a practiced ease.

"Now, Naruto-boy, I've got exactly what ya need ready right here. I knew it wouldn't be long till ya called for help, all lost out at sea, so I've got all the comforts and weapons of home fer ya. Don't hesitate to call anytime ya need something special, alright?"

"Thanks a lot, Yuma! That really saves my butt, ya know?"

"No problem, but that reminds me, there's somethin' else I need to give ya before I go." Saying this, Yumagama rummaged around in a waterproof pack that hung behind her head where a human might have had hair, pulling out a delicately-wrapped scroll. "Here ya go, hun."

Naruto took the scroll with a puzzled frown. "What's this for?"

"Not fer me to say, hun. Now I've gotta get goin' so I don't miss the daytime specials, ya hear? Good luck to ya!"

That said, she disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The scroll they had been handed was wrapped in a red and gold design. Since it was hand-delivered by the toads it was, presumably, safe. Still, there was no indication of its sender. Puzzled, Naruto and Sasuke opened the scroll and began to read.

The message began:

* * *

 _Dearest Naruto and Sasuke,_

 _You must have a deathwish, because after what you've done I'm going to literally rip both of your heads off and leave them for the birds._

* * *

"Oh!" shouted Naruto, "This must be from Sakura!"

Sasuke grimaced, but they continued.

* * *

 _I hope you think very,_ _very_ _carefully about that promise, because I'm coming for you. Team 7 never leaves anyone behind, and apparently it's going to be my job to come to the rescue this time. I assume that this will be necessary because the only reason I can imagine that you two would hare off and leave across the ocean without me is that you were kidnapped by rogue agents while_ _ON FIRE_ _._

 _Anyway._

 _Since Jiraiya was so pleased to help me send you this message by toad-mail, I don't have to be quite so circumspect about current events. Everyone's worried about these ships from the outside world, and opinion is split on whether we should isolate ourselves or not. Kakashi thinks we should be sending scouting parties out there so that we know what's what when the Daimyou finally decides he wants to start trading missions. Still, the Hokage still hasn't been chosen, and I don't like the look of things here. There are some real creeps crawling out of the woodwork, and no one I'd trust is exactly itching for the job._

 _That said, I may or may not have convinced my teacher, Tsunade of the Sannin, to return to the village, and she's great. It was really tough just getting her to train me, but I think all the lying, cheating, and blackmail was worth it. You both would like her. She's an amazing healer, which might come in handy after I'm through with you. Still, I wasn't supposed to leave, and she's already on the warpath because I ran away without permission and then sprinted back to the village for two days without rest because certain 'team-members' of mine had just walked right off into the ocean, so she might kill me first._

 _Anyway._

 _Watch yourselves. No one's happy that you took it upon your own authority to chase after Akatsuki, and I wouldn't put it past some of the current crop of contenders to send a squad your way just to prove they mean business. But, really, that's not all that important, since I'm going to get to you first._

 _Again, I'm coming for you._

 _Be careful, you assholes._

 _Love, Haruno Sakura._

* * *

 _P.S._

 _Looks like I might have some help after all._

* * *

"That's worrying..." said Sasuke.

"Yeah… wonder what all that means…"

"Oh? Naruto, there's more."

Sure enough, below the letter's end, there was another bit of writing.

* * *

 _P.P.S._

* * *

"P.P.S.?" said Naruto, "Did she make a mistake? There's nothing after it. It's just blank."

"Keep going? Maybe there's more."

Naruto began rapidly unrolling the remainder of the scroll. "I'm telling you, man, it's all blank. There's nothing here- except-"

At that moment, Naruto's rapid unfurling revealed a paper tag hidden inside that was covered in ink and symbols. Both boys had just enough time to cry out in shock and dive for cover when the explosive tag did what it did best- it exploded. A small concussive blast sent Naruto crashing into the mast, and Sasuke went flying out into the open ocean.

Battered and lightly singed, Naruto raised his head briefly, then passed out.

On the upper deck, Sanji turned his head to the offending noise, tapping out his cigarette over the waters.

"Lady troubles, huh? Yeah, it's a tough world…"


	25. The Winter Lights

**-Going Merry-**

It was the dead of night when something woke the crew up. Arms that tapped, poked, prodded, or shoved everyone that had been sleeping. Groggy eyes opened wide in surprise, and startled shouts were muffled by a hand that drifted gently over their mouths. Once the crew had had a chance to look around them, the hands pointed the way to the deck. Then, with a musical sound and a puff of flower petals, the arms disappeared.

It seemed as though Robin wanted them to see something.

The night was crystal clear without a single cloud, and every bit of its blackness was stuffed full to bursting with stars. As the Straw-Hats- Naruto and Sasuke included- stepped out into the cool night air, they saw those stars paint for them. The sky was alive with fire in every color of the rainbow that stretched and shimmered about as they watched. The pigments danced, twisting around each other in a brilliant light-show.

As a group, the crew seemed the lose their breath, puffs of air showing up in the chill. Chopper was the first to make a noise, squealing with delight.

"It's the _aurora_! The _aurora hibernis_! I haven't seen it since I left home!"

"This is amazing!" said Nami, "I've read about this in my books, but I've never…"

Usopp's jaw dropped. "What is this?! What causes it?"

Sanji flicked his lighter on to light one of his ever-present cigarettes, then looked dismally at the shadows his light was casting about him. With a click, he flicked the lighter closed, and put his cigarette away.

Zoro just stood alone, watching the sky silently with his arms crossed as the lights reflected in his eyes.

Sasuke's mouth hung open in an amused smile, a silent chuckle escaping his lips.

Naruto's grin reached his ears. "I've never seen anything like this in my life! You say these happen at your home island, little guy? I might have to visit sometime."

"Okay!" said Chopper, "Doctorine said that I had to ask permission to bring home girls, but boys were always fine with her!"

Throughout all of this, Luffy had just stared at it all, an expression of wonder on his face. Then he stretched, grabbing onto the top spar of the ship above the main sail. With one hand stretched out to the top of the mast for balance he steadied himself up there, watching all of the lightshow from just that little bit closer to the sky.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" said Robin's voice from beside him. "It happens sometimes around Winter islands. We must be passing one by." When Luffy turned to look, he saw her tucked away inside the crow's nest. She sat there above it all with a blanket, a cooling mug of tea, a couple of books, and an enigmatic smile.

"Robin!" called Nami from below, "You woke us up for this? Thank you!"

Robin didn't move, except to smile a bit wider. A single arm sprouted from the mast below, waving her acknowledgement.

A return to sleep was on no one's agenda for now. At Usopp's suggestion, an official crew campfire meeting was called to order - at least until Sanji reminded him that wood and pitch were extremely flammable, at which point all the blankets were retrieved from the beds and storage instead.

Sanji prepared hot, spiced beverages that warmed them in other suspicious ways as well. Luffy called for music, then when no one volunteered he began whining about their lack of a musician. The ship rocked gently along in the waters and they all simply talked, sitting together under the glowing night sky. The night went on and on, and Naruto and Sasuke couldn't help themselves. They felt at home.

"See, this is what a pirate's life should be all about!" said Usopp, spirits bolstered by the general cheer as well as the drink, "Don't you think so? Hey, Naruto - Sasuke! How are you liking being pirates for a change?"

"Honestly? Pretty nice," said Naruto.

"We're not really pirates, though," said Sasuke.

"You think not? You might as well be," said Sanji, pointing a finger in their direction, "You're spending all your day on a ship, hanging out with wanted criminals. If you're waiting for us to go raid a port for rum or go keelhaul some poor bastard, then sure, you're out of luck, but out here that definition's pretty wide."

"You're both pirates," agreed Luffy, "I knew it from the moment I saw you."

"Luffy, that doesn't make sense," said Nami, bundled up in the corner alongside the ever-fuzzy Chopper, "They said they hadn't been on a sailing ship at all until ours came along. How could they have been pirates?"

"Nami, this and that are two completely different things. They're off on an adventure just like the rest of us," said Luffy.

Nami sighed, but she didn't press the issue.

Naruto laughed. "Okay, so, Sasuke and me, we've been trying to figure out why you're all out here, you know? We were waiting for the other shoe to drop. So, an adventure? What's the deal with you guys?"

"That's right!" shouted Usopp, raising one hand to the glowing sky, "It's all about the dream! You've got to have a dream if you want to be on-board - That's the rules!"

"A dream?" asked Sasuke.

"Yes! Mine is to become a great warrior of the sea! My legend grows larger with each retelling!"

Sasuke shook his head at the sniper's drunkenness. A smile on his face, he asked, "Is that true for each of you?"

"In the order we joined!" called Luffy, "I'm going to become the Pirate King! I'll be as great as Gold Roger! Zoro!"

"Greatest swordsman in the world. It's that or nothing."

Usopp glanced at Nami, who hesitated before continuing the chain, "I'm making the first truly accurate map of the ocean."

"Greatest sniper in the world!" shouted Usopp.

"I'm gonna find All Blue, a sea that holds all the fish and ingredients in the world," said Sanji. "Of course, preparing it all for lovely ladies is crucial as well."

"I- I want to become a doctor that can cure any illness," stammered Chopper.

There was silence for a moment.

"Hey, Robin!" shouted Luffy, "What about you?"

More silence greeted them as they looked expectantly up at the crow's nest. Finally-

"I can't say I have one, really," responded Robin, from up above.

Usopp expressed his slightly inebriated disbelief by accidentally spilling some of his drink on himself. "Whaddaya mean you don't have one? Everyone's got one, right? What about those big stones you were looking at? You know, archaeology?"

A long pause. "That never really was a dream, as I think you all would call it. It was just the only thing I had left. Though, I suppose it's funny you should mention Gold Roger, Luffy. He wrote a message in the golden bell back on Jaya. Wherever that bell came from up in the sky, he visited there as well."

"Eh?!" shouted Luffy, easily distracted by her change of subject, "Gold Roger?! What did it say?"

"It said, 'I have come so far, and I will carry this passage with me to the farthest ends of the world.' It seems as though he could read the Poneglyphs as well. It's a strange thing, don't you think?"

"But, what about your dream?" asked Chopper, up into the starry night.

No one could see Robin as she sat above them all. "It's alright, Mr. Doctor," she said, "Not everyone is driven by such things." There was another pause. "Though, I do wonder about our newer recruits?"

"What, us?" asked Naruto. "Heh, well, I guess mine's easy, if you wanna call it that. I'm gonna be the Hokage of Konoha someday, just like my father. That's kind of like the leader, or the strongest ninja in the village. As for Sasuke…"

"Yeah, I don't really have a dream either," Sasuke interjected.

"No!" cried Usopp, "No more chickening out! You have to say it!"

Slowly, Naruto began laughing. It grew louder and louder in the silent night until he was clutching his sides and falling over himself.

"What is it now, Naruto?" asked Sasuke, fearing the worst.

"You're right! He's just an embarrassed chicken! Oh man!" Naruto continued wheezing.

"Well, okay, now I _have_ to know," muttered Nami, "If dressing like a girl doesn't do it, then what's going to embarrass our little mister cool-guy over here?"

Naruto struggled to calm down. "Okay, okay, so, when our three-person team formed, back when we were, like, twelve, our teacher tried the same thing, you know? Like, 'What is your dream for the future?'"

"Oh no… Please don't bring this up..." winced Sasuke.

"And he goes-" now Naruto put on a serious face, dropping into his best impression of his friend's more careful speech patterns, "'I don't have a dream for the future. But my ambition is to kill a certain man…'" Suddenly, Naruto's face split and he resumed cackling.

Sasuke had his face in his hands. "Oh, hell… kill me now… I was such a _child_..."

For some reason, this set the whole crew off. Even Robin could be heard laughing from up above.

"He was just trying to show off in front of the new girl, too!" laughed Naruto, "He thought he was so cool!"

"Okay, yeah, that's great. Thanks, Naruto."

Nami wiped a tear from her eyes, grinning as she spoke, "Yeah, I could tell he's a big showoff. No surprises there after he was putting the moves on me back at Jaya."

As Sanji's face darkened, Sasuke's eyes shot open. "Whoa! That wasn't me 'putting the moves on you,' I was just-"

"Watch yourself," interrupted Sanji, "Foot up ass. Fuzzy slippers. Remember that."

Sasuke just groaned and shook his head. After things calmed down again, Naruto gave an ultimatum. "Come on, man, you have to give them something, or else I'll keep digging this stuff up."

"You know I have even more dirt on you, right?" said Sasuke with mortified exasperation.

"Yeah, but the difference is that I'm shameless. Come on, you know I'm right."

Sasuke sighed. After a moment, he came to a conclusion. "Well, if it will put this to rest, then I guess there is something. I kind of always wanted to see the world. My brother and I talked about it, before he died."

"Your brother died?" asked Chopper, "How did it happen?"

"My family was killed when I was very young. We used to be part of a big clan, but almost every one of us was killed on the same night. My brother died fighting off the attackers. The man we saw on your ship the night we met was their leader. That's who I was talking about wanting to kill."

"That's terrible!" said the young reindeer. In the night, the others watched Sasuke with greater or lesser degrees of sympathy.

"My brother was a great ninja. Well-known and extremely powerful. A genius - That's what they called him. I looked up to him so much, but in the end this eye is all I have left of him." Sasuke pointed to his left eye.

"Whoa, what?" asked Usopp, "You took his _eye_?"

"He gave it to me. It's kind of like a weapon that he passed down to me to replace one I lost that night."

"Huh," remarked Zoro. "Hell of a way to remember someone. But I kept my friend's sword after they died, so I guess it's not too weird."

"What?" asked Nami, "No, _first_ of all, that's _very_ weird, and second of all you never told us that before!"

"Pretty sure I did," said Zoro.

"No! You didn't!"

"Whatever."

"So," continued Sasuke, "My eyes are both mine and my brother's. It's a bit silly, but it kind of makes me feel like everything I see with them is for both of us, you know? Of course, the world is a lot bigger than I thought it was... That reminds me- I've heard the name Gold Roger passed around just now. Are you talking about Gol D. Roger?"

"How do you know that name?" asked Sanji.

"My brother… sort of left me a message where he talked to me about a man with that name. Apparently Roger visited our country when my brother was very young, and he got to meet him."

"What?!" exclaimed Luffy, "Your brother met Gold Roger?! And you have his eye! So that eye saw Gold Roger!"

"Luffy, calm down," said Nami, "Yes, he was the most famous man in the world. He was executed by the World Government a number of years back, but not before he set the world on fire with talk of his legendary treasure trove that he left in some unknown location." She pointed at Luffy, "That's what made _this_ oddball set out to sea and start collecting all of us."

Luffy nodded with excitement.

Despite the upbeat tone, Sasuke couldn't help but feel somewhat disappointed. "Oh, so he's dead, then… My brother, Itachi, said that Roger had invited him to join the crew when he grew up. Said that he'd make a great pirate one day, if he wanted to be. From the message Itachi left me, I think my brother hoped that I'd…" Sasuke glanced over to Naruto. He'd almost said 'join up with him in his place.' "Well- that I'd get a chance to meet him myself some day."

"That's fine!" exclaimed Luffy, "I'm aiming to become King of the Pirates, and I'll be the next Gold Roger! Being part of this crew's the next best thing!"

Sasuke laughed, surprising himself. "Hah! No, I… I don't think that will work. We don't get much freedom as ninja, and I'm already part of a team." He looked to Naruto.

"Yeah," said Naruto, "As ninja, we have a lot of restrictions that we're kind of bending pretty far right now to be out here. Usually, going pretty much anywhere outside of our country could get us killed."

"For an Uchiha like myself, it's even worse. There are plenty of people who'd kill me to take my eyes. Not to mention all the people in my village who'd sooner kill me than look at me. I have to admit; this trip out here has been amazing. No one even _knows_ me."

"Wait, people don't like you in your village?" asked Usopp, still rather drunk, "But you've got such a lovable personality!" He burst into a fit of laughter.

Sasuke chuckled, his smile bitter. "No, my clan was killed because people thought we were going to betray them. I'm one of the very last survivors of a cursed bloodline."

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment, filled only with the creaking of wood and the gentle sounds of the waves, then Robin surprised them all by speaking from up above. "That must have been difficult. No family, no safety… Where would you be, I wonder, if it weren't for your friends?"

"Robin," chided Nami, "Don't be so morbid all the time."

"No, it's alright," said Sasuke, "I'm grateful for Naruto and Sakura. Without them I don't know where I'd be. Dead, or lost to hatred, or worse. Or maybe I would have run away from the village." He glanced at Naruto again as he said this.

"Yeah, well, we both made the best of what we had, you know?" said Naruto, before he perked up. "Speaking of leaving the village, I was having the weirdest dream while I was sleeping just now. You'd run off, Sasuke, so Sakura and I were trying to find you. So we got this special beetle from whatshisname, you know, the bug guy? Anyway, the beetle could track you by your scent. So we got some of your stuff to give to it, but right before it started sniffing around I ended up farting on it, so it just flew around stuck to my butt the whole time. That's when I woke up."

Usopp and Luffy both laughed out loud at this, but Sasuke just looked vaguely disturbed by the story. Naruto continued talking. "Anyway," he said, "the point is that we're family, even when we're not together, and even if we both lost our first families."

"Well, you're in good company here, I guess," said Nami. "I think most of us here have grown up alone in some way."

There was nodding all around the circle and a chorus of agreement. After a moment, Nami frowned and started looking around at everyone. "Wait- I said 'most of us' but did anyone here actually have a normal home-life? I know about Usopp, Sasuke, and Chopper, but what about the rest of you?"

Sanji shook his head. "Kitchen rat since I was six years old, then I started working for the shitty old man."

"Don't look at me," said Naruto, "My parents died the day I was born."

"No parents," said Zoro, "Didn't need 'em."

"I have a brother," said Luffy.

"You have a _brother?!_ " exclaimed Naruto and Sasuke.

"No, we're not doing that gag right now," interrupted Nami. "Robin? What about you?"

"I suppose I'm in the same situation as all of you," she said.

"Every one of us, huh?" mused Nami. "Guess that might explain why we're all so odd. Maybe that's why everyone on this ship starts to feel like family after a while."

"To friends and family!" called Usopp, raising his glass, "And to the Merry as our home!"

Everyone seemed willing to drink to this. As the night moved on, they slowly passed out of the winter area. The cool air began to warm and the night's lights began to fade. Bit by bit, the crew either moved back to bed or simply passed out where they were laying. Robin was the last to sleep, secretly smiling, but filled with a nameless worry that refused to leave her.

* * *

A:N: This chapter's setting inspired by One Piece Ending #9.

Down-time over. For those keeping track, the Log Pose's next scheduled stop is Long Ring Long Land island. Surely I wouldn't make you read through the Davy Back Fight.


	26. The Navy Blues

Sasori of the Red Sands stalked across the strange island that he found himself on, his puppet's immense wooden shell lumbering along as he investigated his current target.

Someone else had been on-board their ship when they had descended from the sky.

Whether the rest of their group liked it or not, he felt a certain personal responsibility for their ship's condition. In many ways, the wooden vessel they had acquired had become very much like another puppet to him. Perhaps it was his largest one yet, but it was just one more shell between him and the outside world. It could even be said that he felt a bit possessive towards it.

That someone had snuck inside his new vessel- without even announcing themselves- in the one period that he had slackened his security to focus on repairs… it _irked_ him. Whoever it was would pay for their presumption.

Taking advantage of the opportunity that this affront afforded him to avoid the ridiculous antics that Tobi was getting the rest of their group involved in, he had informed their leader of his thoughts and then left to hunt down this mysterious interloper.

Tobi had been difficult to read, as usual. Unlike the others, Sasori was convinced there was more behind Tobi's guileless expression than was immediately apparent. Just because he respected Tobi's power and knowledge didn't mean he trusted his goals. People always put on masks, after all.

So, now he was following a trail so faint that even a veteran tracker would have called it an impossible feat. Things had grown a bit easier once he realized that his target hadn't actually been bothering to hide his tracks at all; he simply appeared to be using a proxy to do his infiltration for him. An animal, a puppet, a creation of chakra, Sasori wasn't quite certain which it was yet, but whatever manner of creature had just left their ship it was so tiny that it felt little need to hide its tracks. It didn't matter. He would find it, and then he would use every trick of chakra in his arsenal to find the infiltrator's owner.

The island he was on was sparsely vegetated, with very long- or tall- trees and animals. The… odd proportions of these creatures were unusual, but hardly so unusual as to unnerve a veteran like him. Regardless, the open ground left his target very little opportunity to evade him. Having extended numerous whisker-thin tools from underneath his tremendous scorpion-like Hiruko puppet, his new appendages brushed and flicked their way across the earth in search of every mark that his target left behind.

There. There was a disturbance in the ground. Carefully, he traced the surface with one of his fine instruments, feeling the delicate feedback through the chakra strings that vibrated with almost painful clarity.

Sasori only bothered smiling when someone was there to observe it. Nevertheless, he felt a surge of satisfaction pulse through his remaining organic parts. A man had been here. Moments before, that man had been something like a mouse. Not a creation at all, then, but a transformative ability so powerful that it could significantly reduce its user's size and yet retain full mobility. Interesting.

Sasori considered this carefully. A man who could transform into something the size of a rodent should have been a difficult opponent to track, but it appears that his target had made a mistake. Returning to human form while Akatsuki was still on the island was a truly absurd error- the height of overconfidence- and now Sasori had a solid trail to follow.

Chakra strings still reaching out to connect his nervous system to the numerous artificial eyes he had implanted along the Hiruko-puppet's body, he continued to track his prey, carefully watching the landscape.

About an hour later he felt confident he was growing close. The man had stopped and waited for unknown reasons on a number of occasions, but now all of a sudden the mouse-man had made a connection with another person. A newcomer.

There was another set of footprints that had arrived from the south, walking alongside… a bicycle? Sasori spared a glance around at the uninhabited landscape. Strange environment for such a device. The newcomer's footprints showed smooth, impractical soles, but they had very large feet. Sasori wanted to say that from the depths of the imprints left behind the newcomer would be a thoroughly-muscled male, or perhaps merely obese, but he had seen enough strangely-shaped people out here that he was by no means confident of this assessment. Going only by footprint depth alone, the newcomer could, for example, also be a ten-foot tall man who was thin but athletically built. There was very little way to tell. The man was walking a bicycle, so his stride would be altered beyond its natural patterns.

After a moment, Sasori noticed something else. The ground was damp. There hadn't been rain recently, but it was as if the newcomer had been dripping wet at one point.

Two unknowns on the island, then. His target and the newcomer. After this point the two had split up, with the target leaving the area straight ahead and the other man…

The other man had left at a lazy walking pace back in the general direction that Sasori had come from, wheeling his bicycle alongside. Sasori tensed. Assuming that his target had informed the newcomer about Akatsuki's presence, that meant that the newcomer was aware that he was walking towards certain death.

Almost unconsciously, he readied his vast assortment of weapons. He hadn't seen anyone else while tracking his target, but if the newcomer had stayed hidden at a considerable distance then it was possible that Sasori's movement had been spotted on the way here. The tracker might have become the tracked.

Underneath the vast bulk of his robed Hiruko puppet body, Sasori himself dug into the earth with precise implements. Hiding a smaller body inside a larger puppet gave him certain advantages when it came to subterfuge, but the young-looking, red-haired doll that served as his 'true' body was really only a container for the small metal canister that contained the remainder of his brain and organs necessary for chakra production.

Silently, unobserved, he put his 'true' puppet body beneath the earth, leaving only his connections to the Hiruko doll and a couple of artificial eyes that he left partially embedded in the ground above him. Once that had been completed, he let his chakra strings continue to puppeteer the Hiruko doll remotely. In the end, his 'true' body was left buried beneath seemingly undisturbed earth, and the Hiruko body that any observer would have seen remained up above.

Apparently satisfied with what it had found, the red-and-black-robed Hiruko doll got back up and resumed lumbering along after its target.

As the doll continued its slow trudge out of sight, Sasori waited, letting some of his smaller puppets and mechanical devices dig away from his earthen cocoon. Each one was a deadly weapon in its own right, extending a network of controlled territory out from his hidden lair. After a few minutes of this effort, the entire landscape around him became like an extension of his own self. He sat like an antlion in its nest, and anyone entering his zone of control would be in his power.

Eventually, a man, tall and lanky, appeared on the horizon, having followed Sasori as he had been focused on tracking his target. There was no point to making his puppet smirk, so he didn't. Still, it always paid to be prepared, didn't it?

The instant the lanky man stepped in range, Sasori detonated the explosives.

Multiple explosive seals erupted from the ground underneath the man, and his environs turned into a firestorm that belched smoke and debris. Sasori could feel the patter of dirt and gravel hitting the ground all across the landscape he controlled. When the smoke finally cleared, the man had been disintegrated from the powerful blast, only a few chunks of his body remaining.

It was always better to be safe rather than sorry when you found out you had made a mistake that an opponent could capitalize on.

No… wait… the man wasn't dead… he wasn't dead at all… He was just-

* * *

 **-Grand Line-**

 **-Going Merry-**

The crew first became aware that their day was going to be unusual sometime after they were attacked by a gaggle of gigantic, mischievous sea-monkeys. Now, that kind of thing was really par for the course these days, but after they had been fended off Usopp noticed smoke billowing up from the distant horizon ahead of them. After a bit of worry and confusion, someone thought to ask Robin, who had been up in the crow's nest at the time, if there was something happening.

"Why, yes," she said, "We've been nearing an island for quite some time now."

This prompted a crew resolution to have either Usopp or Sasuke be the official lookouts for the near future, instead. All that aside, a new island meant new challenges. Since it was impossible for them to leave each island without the guidance of a Log Pose, it was also impossible to completely bypass that island, no matter how dangerous it might be. Regardless of what trouble lay ahead they would need to face it head on, or at the very least slink around until the Log Pose said they could leave.

So it was that the Going Merry weighed anchor at hell on earth.

The devastation was astounding. Bodies- some unconscious, some barely living, and some dead- littered the ground, and the water was dominated by the ruins of a tremendous ship. Flotsam obscured the ocean's surface, and debris caked the nearby shore. It looked like an entire festival had been torn violently to pieces, and its various huts and stands were still smoking. To make matters even less pleasant, it was terribly chilly and snow was beginning to fall all across the island.

"Whatever happened here," mused Zoro, watching a still-smoldering pile of debris, "it happened recently." The rest of the crew could only agree. Everyone was on edge, and some were especially eager to find another spot to land.

Eventually, they found a clue hidden among the charred wreckage of what looked to be a makeshift stadium, of sorts. It was a toppled billboard that must have once been thirty feet tall covered in hastily painted letters and markings. It read:

* * *

 **DAVY-BACK FIGHT: CMXXI**

 **GRAND SLAM EDITION**

 **FOXY PIRATES VS. AKATSUKI PIRATES**

 **DONUT RACE**

Porsche - Capote - Monda

VS.

Kisame - Tobi - Deidara

 **GROGGY RING**

Pickles - Hamburg - Big Pan

VS.

Hidan - Orochimaru - Danzou

 **COMBAT ROUND**

Kakuzu

VS.

Foxy The Great!

* * *

"Shit," muttered Sanji, as Usopp turned suddenly pale, "Well, now we know what happened here."

"I guess this was Akatsuki," said Nami, "But what in the world is a 'Davy-Back Fight?'"

"You mean you don't know?" replied Usopp.

"No, I don't. What's going on?"

It soon became clear that out of all those present only Sanji, Usopp, and Robin knew the particulars.

"According to legends," Robin lectured, "The Davy-Back Fight originated on an island known only as Pirate's Paradise, and it is a method of competing over human resources. Those who compete- and most pirates consider it mandatory- are forced into games, combat, and other competitions to 'steal' crew-members from another ship."

"Ugh," said Nami, "That's quite possibly the most useless thing I've ever heard of. Especially for a crew like us. You'd have to be a real bozo to agree to something like that." Frowning for a moment, she turned to Luffy, adding, "Luffy, if you ever enter us in one of those matches, I will make you pay."

"But, Nami! It sounds fun!"

"I hate to interrupt," said Sasuke, "but what if you don't want anyone the other team has? You can't just decline?"

Usopp spoke up next, "No, that's just it. There's always something to play for. If you lose a match and no one wants to steal any of your crew, they take your _flag_ away from you. You can't ever use it again! If you refuse then everyone will think you're cowards. It's nothing but a cruel game played by stupid jerks!"

" _That's… right!_ " interjected a wheezing, pained voice from a nearby pile of rubble, " _-and we were the best at it..."_

There was a person buried underneath piles of scattered timber. Skin blackened from smoke, bleeding from numerous small wounds, and with several broken bones, the oddly-shaped man had clearly had a rough day. At first glance it even looked as though his head itself had been split in two, but it soon became clear that it was actually a combination of a strangely-shaped skull and an even stranger haircut. As Chopper worked quickly to tend his wounds, the man told his story.

"The name's… Foxy… Captain of the Foxy Pirates… I've lost everything… Who knew that after only... nine-hundred and twenty measly Davy-Back challenges… I'd finally pick the wrong opponents?" He paused, taking a tortured breath, "They told me... that the man I fought... was their _accountant_!"

"Split-head! Split-head!" shouted Luffy, apparently in great distress, "Don't talk! You've got to conserve your strength!"

"I'm going to pretend… I didn't hear that comment about my head… *cough*... I survived by slowing my heart and lungs... so they thought I had died, but... now..." his arm shot up, and, with a gasp of agony he cried out, "You must avenge me! Kill Akatsuki, then get back my money, and then return it right here! To - uh- bury with me!" Then, Foxy's eyes closed, and his arm dropped lifelessly to his side, "Snow… why is it so cold now…? So cold… _Blehhhhhh_..."

"Split-head! Don't die! Split-head! SPLIT-HEAD!" Each time Luffy called his name, Foxy jerked on the ground, which was making Chopper's job as medic somewhat difficult.

"Luffy! He needs to stay still! He'll be fine! Just because he went 'bleh' doesn't mean he's dead!"

Naruto and Sasuke were watching this scene with puzzled expressions. "I've never seen anyone who looks that weird before…" Naruto muttered to his friend, "Do you think he's a mutant or something?"

"I guess… there sure are a lot of weird-looking people out here, though…"

"Damnit!" shouted Luffy, "I'm gonna beat the crap out of those jerks for what they did to him!"

Eventually, Chopper had helped the most wounded victims to his satisfaction and it came time for the Straw-Hats to make a decision. Wherever they were, Akatsuki was gone. Should they search the island to find them? Though the discussion went back and forth, eventually Sasuke made his position clear.

"It's not going to be pretty if we find them, true," he said, "But there are two things that I think are certain. First, this island is small, so if they _are_ still here after all then we _will_ run into them. Second, if they're the ones who find _us_ rather than the other way around, it'll be painful to say the least. Still- I don't think they're here at all any more. We should have seen their ship if they were."

So, now they traveled in a group across the snow-dusted island, examining the strange flora and fauna with its rather unusual adaptations as they went. Despite the danger, the feeling of excitement from this new island permeated the air.

"Usopp! Chopper! Look at that stretched out goat! It must be fifteen feet long!" shouted Luffy.

"Whoa! You're right," shouted Usopp, "Look over there! Is that a deer? Its antlers are twice as tall as it is! Chopper, will yours get that big?"

"What? I don't know that! And I'm a reindeer, not a plain deer!" Frowning, Chopper paused to look around. Everything on this island seemed long or tall, somehow. The trees themselves were sparse, but extremely tall. Wasn't that strange? He'd thought trees grew tall to compete and get more sunlight.

Wait, something else was strange.

"Hey, everyone…" he asked, his voice tentative, "I know I'm not really the right person to ask about trees that aren't evergreens, but didn't you say most trees lose their leaves during the winter? Why are these all still green?"

The crew pondered this. "Sudden snow?" suggested Usopp. No one had a better answer.

As they walked, the landscape grew stranger. It was as though winter had intensified, the temperature slowly dropping as they moved further inland. Here and there ice formations made strange and unnatural shapes that hemmed in their movements. Chopper soon relaxed from his earlier nervousness. He was always more comfortable in cooler climates, and after a long adventure spent in the desert country of Alabasta he was grateful for the change. But the mood wasn't all cheerful. Robin walked beside him, eyes scanning everywhere for danger.

"Robin?" the small reindeer asked, his hooves making cute little noises as he trotted across the terrain, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

Robin looked back at him, blinking confusedly, before returning a nervous smile, "Yes… I'm fine. I'm just thinking about something."

"Okay, if you're alright then that's fine."

Before long, they encountered more bodies, bloodless but torn to pieces. It appeared as though another especially vicious battle had been fought here. Broken ice was scattered everywhere, and the earth was torn and burnt in numerous areas.

"Wait," said Sanji, kicking one of the many disembodied limbs that littered the landscape, which rolled off with a clattering sound, "Are these things dolls or something? Look, they're made of wood."

Sasuke frowned, then activated his Sharingan. Out of habit, he scanned each visible body for any signs of chakra. Here and there he recognized the telltale signs of a fading seal that had expended its energy, or a static seal that had never had the chance to be used. One body in particular, bigger than the others, lay collapsed in the middle of a clearing. It was adorned with Akatsuki's now-familiar patterned robe of dark red clouds.

"Puppets," he stated. "Apparently Akatsuki has someone skilled in the ninja art of puppetry. Or had someone, at least. It's hard to tell."

Usopp, who after some tentative prodding had begun examining some of the intricate mechanisms of the scattered dolls, looked up in surprise. "Puppets? You use puppets for fighting?"

"No, not me, but I know of a couple of people that do."

"But… I don't see any strings. How can these be puppets?"

"They make strings out of their chakra," Sasuke said, making a spidery motion with his fingers. "Don't ask me how."

Usopp returned to his examinations, grumbling all the while. As he worked, Sasuke tried to piece together what had happened as best as was possible. It was difficult; this place had been visited by a whirlwind of destruction. Besides that, someone capable of controlling this many puppets could have devices to do just about anything… For example, was that scorch mark over there a fire jutsu or a flamethrower?

Carefully, he smelled the air. Ah, that was a familiar scent. The bombs that had been thrown their way on Jaya had left smoke that smelled like this. At the very least, that bomber had been here too. Slowly, other patterns began to emerge. It appeared as though a fight had started between the puppeteer and this mystery assailant, and then other Akatsuki members had joined in afterwards. His thoughts were interrupted by Usopp, who continued their earlier conversation as if there had been no interruption.

"Still, the mechanisms in this stuff are _amazing_ , even though it relies on crazy magic strings… Hey, Naruto! I hate to ask a favor of you like this, but do you think you could get some of your shadow guys to cart some of this stuff back to the ship? I'll make it up to you, I promise!"

Naruto looked around at the scattered debris and shrugged. "Sure, no skin off my nose. Oh, hey, Usopp! Be careful with that stuff! Sometimes ninja put traps on their gear."

Usopp dropped the puppet piece he was examining like it was on fire, jumping backwards in a hurry.

"Don't worry about it, man," said Naruto, "I'll bring 'em back to the ship and we'll see what's in 'em later, okay?" After a quick check with Sasuke to scan for chakra signatures and rule out any extremely violent traps in the remains, Naruto summoned about twenty shadow clones to help him move the more intact pieces of puppetry back to the ship. As his clones worked, Sasuke and Naruto were approached by Robin.

"Mr. Ninja? Curious One?" Robin asked, sounding somewhat more nervous than usual, "Sorry to interrupt, but I have a question. Is it possible for ninjas like yourselves to control... ice?"

Sasuke and Naruto both looked up, then shared an uncomfortable glance. "Ohhhh, yeah it sure as hell is," said Naruto, as if reliving a painful memory. "We kinda got our asses handed to us by an ice-user on our first real mission out, ya know? Real pain in the butt."

At this, Robin took a deep breath, then let it out. "I see. That's interesting to hear. So it's fairly common, then?"

"No," said Sasuke, "Actually, I think we killed the last known user of it that day. Akatsuki might have another, but I've certainly never heard of them if they do."

Robin looked visibly nervous once again, causing Naruto to frown. They hadn't known her long, but this was as flustered as they had ever seen her. He had just opened his mouth to ask her a question when Luffy interrupted them, crying out from where he had been examining a boulder-sized spire of ice set in a crater in the earth.

"Hey! I found something!"

Luffy's discovery was set all alone from the other debris, and it looked as though there had been a violent explosion of earth when a massive spire of ice had erupted from underneath the ground, sending showers of dirt in every direction around the crater. Inside, frozen in the ice, a young man with Akatsuki robes and vibrant red hair was visible, his eyes wide open.

"Oh no! How long has he been in there?!" asked Chopper.

"Hey, I hope you're not thinking about helping him," said Sanji, pointing a finger, "Last time we tried that with Akatsuki they nearly killed us."

"It's alright," sighed Sasuke, releasing the Sharingan, "I know it looks more like a person than any of the others, but it's just another puppet. The workmanship is so fine that the seams are hard to see through the ice, but it's not living, and there's no chakra inside it."

Sasuke shook his head, exhaling a tense breath as he did so, "Well, I don't know who they ran into, or if this was just internal fighting, or what, but there's too much equipment here to just leave behind on a whim. It looks like Akatsuki finally ran into some actual competition and I can't say whether this new threat is still on the island or not."

As if this was what she had been waiting for, Robin called for attention. "Everyone, listen! I know that I haven't been with you for long, and you don't have any real reason to trust me. Still, I don't make many requests, so I need you to listen to me with that in mind."

"Robin? We trust you. Why, what's wrong?" asked Nami.

"We need to get off of this island _immediately_. There's only one person I know of capable of causing this early winter. Someone far more powerful than all of us here put together. More powerful than anything we've yet seen from Akatsuki. He..."

Robin froze, shivering in sudden terror.

"Robin," Luffy said, his voice now calm and cool, "Who are you talking about?"

The sudden appearance of this new, serious Luffy caused Naruto and Sasuke some considerable degree of confusion.

"He's a Marine," she continued, her voice imploring and passionate, "If he sees us our lives will be forfeit. You don't know what he's done- the things he's capable of. Luffy, I know that you defeated Crocodile, but this man is in an entirely different league."

"Robin, I'm gonna need you to tell me who this is," insisted Luffy.

Sanji, ever unnecessarily chivalrous, quickly stepped up to her defense. "Luffy, if she doesn't want to talk about it, she doesn't have to. We can get back to the ship and wait this out if we need to."

"No, none of you understand!" she pleaded, "There's no point to any of this tiptoeing around right now! We need to get away from here as fast as we can, even if it means leaving the island before the Log Pose has set. He wants me _dead_ , and if he finds out that I…" Robin paused, unwilling to continue.

"I'm not going to leave anywhere until you tell us what's going on," repeated Luffy.

" _I agree,"_ said a deep voice that seemed to resonate from nowhere and everywhere at the same time, " _It would save me a lot of trouble if you went ahead and finished that sentence, Nico Robin._ "

The crew was shocked into action.

"Who's there?!" Luffy shouted.

"Oh my, excuse me." The voice lost its omnipresent quality as a man leaned forward out of a nearby wall of jagged ice. Seeing the man move through the ice as if it were a part of his own body, Naruto and Sasuke had flashbacks to their past confrontation with Haku. He towered over them, though it was difficult to tell if that was because he was really ten feet tall or if it was because he was high up inside the wall itself. The older man had curly black hair and tanned skin that was scuffed and scraped in one or two places. A white vest with a couple of missing buttons sat over a deep blue dress shirt that was singed along the cuffs. All over his exposed body, frost crackled and moved like a living organism.

Robin gasped, taking a step back and tripping over a chunk of ice.

"I'm sorry for eavesdropping like this," he said, "It's been a rather difficult day. I'm in the area investigating a series of unusual disturbances when all of a sudden I get a call bringing me here, and I run into a rather stubborn set of malcontents. I thought I'd ambush and interrogate one of them alone, but it seemed he had different plans. An unpleasant enough battle even before others joined in. It's not every month I'm forced to back down from a fight. Who would have thought I'd run into Nico Robin right on their heels?"

"You're the one Robin was talking about, aren't you?" growled Luffy, taking an aggressive step forward, "Tell me what you did to her, or I'll clean your clock!"

"No! Luffy! Don't attack him! Please!" Breathing heavily, the normally unflappable Robin struggled to compose herself. "This man is a Marine Admiral. His name is Aokiji. We can't risk a fight here."

"No way…" muttered Sanji, backing off slightly, "The Marine Admiralty is known as the Navy's greatest military asset, right? He got into a fight with Akatsuki?"

"Hey, you jerk!" shouted Usopp, suddenly cowering behind Zoro, "There are other, scarier pirates around for you to go after! Like Akatsuki! If you hurry, you can catch 'em! Shoo! Shoo!"

"Oh my… Scarier pirates for me to go after, hmm?" Aokiji said, pretending to contemplate the concept with a hard look in his eyes. "But I think you're quite scary enough already. It all has to do with that woman, Nico Robin."

"Hey! Robin's not scary. You take that back, or I'll make you regret it!" shouted Luffy.

Aokiji shifted, spreading his arms wide as he stepped out of his icy wall. He really was as tall as he had appeared. He also appeared to be wounded, a red spot having stained through his white vest shirt on the right side of his abdomen.

Robin's wary glare intensified as the Admiral turned the conversation back to her. Aokiji had the expression of a man who already had all the answers, and was just going through the conversation as a formality. His next words, however, seemed to cast some doubt on that.

"Nico Robin," the man pronounced the name like a judge passing down a sentence, "What is your relationship with Akatsuki? I need to know everything you told them. Think about what you're going to say very carefully, because your answer today will determine whether or not your friends live to see the inside of a cell."

* * *

A/N: Welp, I managed to avoid most vs. debates so far, but I have a feeling I'm in for a mountain of salt for this one. For what it's worth, Sasori is my favorite member of Akatsuki, even though he did die first in canon. Also, to head off the inevitable question: No, Aokiji did not fight all of Akatsuki at the same time.

Canon Refresh:

In canon, the Straw-Hats arrived on this island and helped an old man named Tonjit and his horse get to safety (Both of them are fine; Tobi is always quite pleased to help the elderly.)

In the process, they got involved in the Davy-Back Fight. Afterwards, depending on whether you read the manga or watched the anime, they either met Admiral Aokiji right away or they had a buttload of filler and _then_ they met Aokiji on a completely different island.


	27. Unwavering Justice

"Nico Robin," said the man looming over them all, "What is your relationship with Akatsuki? I need to know everything you told them. Think about what you're going to say very carefully, because your answer today will determine whether or not your friends live to see the inside of a cell."

Robin's earlier fear was augmented by a sudden bewilderment. "What?! What are you talking about? I have no relationship with them, unless you count antagonism!"

"Really? You're practically following in their footsteps, though. We've already seen both of your groups at the Poneglyph found on Jaya. I'm supposed to believe that it's not a coincidence, when Akatsuki also has a man who is capable of reading the Poneglyphs?"

"W-What?!" shouted Robin, mouth agape and her face a portrait of shock. "But- they shouldn't have any connection to such things! They've only just left the sealed island!"

The rest of the crew was left puzzled, muttering their confusion. Half of them had never even heard the word Poneglyph before, and the odd bits and pieces of cryptic lore dispensed by Robin during her scholarly musings hardly qualified the others to understand the significance of this conversation.

Aokiji, for his part, gave a puzzled frown and scratched his head.

"Oh, my… Huh… That's an interesting response... So you really didn't know that, did you? Even after the Commodore's report I had half expected he was a second survivor from Ohara, but if there's no connection on your part, then… well… you know… it's just that… well, never mind, it's not important."

"FINISH YOUR GODDAMN STATEMENT!" shouted half the crew in unison. Naruto and Sasuke shared a perplexed glance at the uncharacteristic unity. It was as if they had all rehearsed it beforehand.

"Hey, come on, now," the Admiral said, raising a placating hand out in front of him, "It's not like it matters, right? Sure, there might not be a connection now, but you'll be trying to join Akatsuki soon enough. Won't you, Nico Robin?"

Robin still looked stunned, barely able to respond. Nami was the first one to speak.

"What are you talking about? Joining Akatsuki, that's outrageous! They've done nothing except to try and kill us! They nearly killed _her_ back on Jaya!"

"I'm afraid you just don't know enough about who this woman is, and you definitely don't know what she'll do in pursuit of those stones. She's the last survivor of a cursed clan. She's been in and out of numerous pirate organizations throughout the last two decades, and one thing has remained a constant." Aokiji's face was now cold and impassive. "Every single group she's in falls, and she remains the only one still standing at the end."

The others remained focused on Aokiji, but Sasuke turned his head to regard her with a new eye. Her earlier statements to him on the ship made more sense now. The combination of shame, pride, frustration, and righteous anger twisted together in her expression was very familiar to him.

"Still," the Admiral said, crossing his frosted arms over his chest, "even though you are all sure to be taken to pieces by her treachery, I can't really just let this situation go. How can I be sure that this woman didn't get a chance to read the Jaya Poneglyph? You might all have to die. It's a shame, particularly for you, Straw-Hat. You really remind me of your Grandfather."

"Eh?! You know Gramps?!" shouted Luffy, suddenly shaking in terror.

"Wait!" interjected Naruto, before things could get silly, "Okay, while I really, really can't imagine this guy having a Grandfather, what the hell did you mean about us all having to die?"

"Oh, she hadn't told you?"

Naruto growled out his response, grinding his teeth together, "No, you smug asshole. _She_ doesn't have to explain. I'm asking _you._ "

"Oh my, my, that's something of a long story. The World Government has forbidden all knowledge and study of the Poneglyph stones. They can, and have, destroyed entire islands to keep them away from prying eyes. Just like we destroyed her home. The scholars of Ohara didn't know when to leave well-enough alone. They grew _obsessed_ with it, you see, and she inherited their will. Oh, she tries to hide this obsession from the people that she associates with, but the fact is that she'll betray anyone if it gets her one step closer to that forbidden knowledge."

Robin was shaking now, and the mood was darkening rapidly. The Straw-Hats looked like they were ready to kill the man as he continued to speak, his voice low.

"You certainly won't be the first who die because of her, but hopefully after I'm done here you'll be the last."

"Why are you doing this?!" Robin shrieked, "If you're really so set on instigating matters, then I don't have a choice but to fight you!"

Robin crossed both of her arms, and numerous copies of her limbs sprouted all over Aokiji's ten-foot-tall frame, pulling the lanky man's head back and bending him almost in half.

"Oh my! I'm disappointed in you, Nico Robin. But, in the end, I suppose neither of us really did have a choice in the matter, did we?"

Then, Aokiji shattered, his body breaking into fragments of ice that fell to the ground in shards and lumps. There was no sign of blood.

"AHHHHHHH!" screamed Usopp, "YOU KILLED HIM! YOU KILLED AN ADMIRAL! QUICK! GET TO THE SHIP! NINJAS, HIDE THE BODY!"

Robin backed up casting her eyes from side to side. "Everyone!" she called, "We need to get away from here! This might be the only chance we have to run! Please-"

Screams of warning interrupted her as, with a quiet cracking noise, Aokiji rose up from the ground behind her, forming out of frost and ice. Robin had only a moment to take one look back at him before he wrapped both arms around her as if in an embrace. His breath fogged in the air.

 **[ICE TIME]**

In an instant, Robin was enveloped by a cocoon of frost, her features still caught in the act of calling out in surprise.

The Straw-Hats began screaming her name.

"Relax, everyone," Aokiji said, tapping her frozen head with one finger, "I've got excellent control, and she's still alive under all that. If you were to get her some help right away, she'd be fine." Then, he raised his foot, bringing it above the frozen young woman. "Unless, of course, someone were to hit her like this, which would be pretty bad for her condition."

Sanji pushed off the ground, leaping into melee, already spinning as he landed at the Admiral's feet. With a twist and pivot, he kicked the man right behind his knee, halting his execution strike. Grinning, the Admiral reached out to touch Sanji, which is when Zoro arrived, aiming for an amputating blow. His sword struck an icy arm yet somehow failed to cut through. Frost shot down the sword, freezing Zoro's hand to his blade. Meanwhile, Sanji yelped and retracted his leg, his shin encased in ice where it had made contact with the Admiral's body.

Then, Luffy was there with them. Ducking between his two comrades, he moved to strike the Admiral's unprotected torso. Aokiji moved his remaining arm to intercept, but a thrown kunai shot through the smallest of openings between the fighters, heading straight for the Admiral's wounded abdomen. Apparently, the thought of being hit with the kunai bothered him, and his last free limb darted down to catch the knife, letting Luffy strike his chest with both fists.

 **[GOMU-GOMU BAZOOKA]**

The impact drove Aokiji back half a meter, then Luffy screamed and pulled back his arms. Both hands were red and covered with frost.

The giant man in front of them seemed completely unharmed by the attacks. Sanji, Zoro, and Luffy took a step back. During the confusion, Usopp had charged in and grabbed Robin's body, carrying her out of the immediate combat area. Now carrying their injured friend, he made a headlong dash back toward the ship, with Chopper and Nami following behind.

"Oh my," said the Admiral, "I thought so. You all really _are_ willing to go to bat for her. That's dangerous, see, because the only reason I've been able to leave her alone so long is that she's been so _unsuccessful_ at keeping a team."

Breath fogging, Aokiji turned to look at Naruto, who was now leafing through his little black book. "You there. I recognize that weapon you use. The last time someone threw one of those at me, it exploded. I suppose you must be another one of those ninjas. From the looks of it, I'd guess your friend there is, too." He nodded at Sasuke. "Your bad luck for getting involved with the Straw Hats, though it's actually quite convenient for me. Stick around after I deal with the rest of these pirates, will you?"

"HEY!" shouted Luffy at the top of his lungs as he stepped forward aggressively, "YOU WANNA HURT MY CREW?! YOU AND ME! ONE-ON-ONE! NOBODY ELSE!"

The Admiral frowned. "I refuse," he stated simply. "Sorry, kid, I admire your guts, but I'm not going to restrict myself when there's this much at stake."

Naruto shut his tiny book with a loud clapping noise, then brought both hands together. Behind him, a rotund toad that was about twice as tall as the young ninja appeared in a puff of smoke. With wrinkled skin and a faded red coloring, the toad had an immense wooden barrel strapped to its back that was emitting steam and a fragrant smell.

Aokiji watched with interest as Naruto spoke to the new arrival.

"Mister Furogama! My friend went that way," he said, pointing, "She's frozen and she'll need some warm water."

"Ey-Yes!" shouted the toad in a thickly layered accent, "Nothin' like a warm bath in the winter! But first I gotta think of you, Naruto-boy! Two hot baths, comin' right up!"

Hopping up and down, the frozen earth under the old toad's feet caved in with magical swiftness. Slapping both wrinkled hands together, a thick stream of hot water poured from his mouth, filling the basin in seconds. Finally, he tipped some of his barrel into the newly created pond, covering the surface of the water with fragrant medicinal herbs. Job done, the toad leapt off to intercept the medical team on their return to the ship.

That should give Chopper something to work with.

"Oh my," said the Admiral, "You ninjas really _are_ full of tricks, aren't you? I'm kind of curious to observe them now that I don't have most of Akatsuki breathing down my neck. But, you know, it's dangerous to just toss someone hurting like that into hot water."

Naruto smirked. "Hey, there's a pretty smart reindeer who knows a lot about frostbite working on the problem, you know? I think he'll figure it out."

Aokiji lowered his stance slightly. "But it's all meaningless if I don't let anyone else leave."

Naruto made a hand seal, and then the area was littered with shadow clones, the cloud of smoke obscuring the location of Naruto's real body.

"One distraction, coming right up!" shouted one of the Narutos. "Guys, if you wanna warm up, now's the time!"

The swarm of clones attacked, roughly half of them jumping in to engage the Admiral in close range, with the others hanging back to attack with thrown kunai.

"Oh my! Some sort of duplicator?" Aokiji said, amiably dispatching clone after clone, "I'm pretty sure we have a fruit like that under our control! Maybe you do have something to show me after all. You ninjas have the strangest variety of abilities!"

Initially, the Admiral seemed curious, but it didn't take long for being bullrushed by clones to grate on the man. As Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji warmed their frozen limbs, Sasuke watched from the sidelines, his Sharingan carefully analyzing their opponent's movements. What he saw concerned him deeply. Before he could speak, one of the Narutos nearby muttered something.

"This guy's ridiculous... He can see me from every angle, even when he's not looking- and it's like he's not even trying!"

Sasuke decided to test this, waiting until the man turned his back to throw a kunai straight at his head. The Admiral swatted it out of the air without looking.

"Shit," cursed Sasuke, beginning to scan the landscape, "He's got some way to see attacks coming, and he hasn't taken any damage from any of our hits so far. That has to be a fake body- some sort of ice-clone. He's watching us from somewhere."

"I hate to break it to you," said Sanji, rubbing his legs frantically, "But that's just what a Logia type fruit user is. They're pretty much invulnerable. They don't need your fancy ninja misdirection."

"What- even the blind-sight? How does ice control give him something like that?"

"Don't ask me! Luffy was the one who fought Crocodile!"

Sasuke turned to Luffy. "What weaknesses do these guys have? How did you beat the other one?"

Luffy was gnashing his teeth as he dunked his frozen arms in the hot water, blood dripping from the broken skin. "That sand bastard couldn't handle getting wet. That let me beat him up."

Nodding, Sasuke spoke to a nearby Naruto, who was probably a clone.

"Naruto, how about we heat things up a bit?" He asked.

Naruto grinned and tapped his black book. "Hells yes. I've got just the thing, too! We'll make this a three-part attack."

"Let's make it four," said Sasuke. "Zoro! Give us that wind move of yours!"

Once more, Naruto clapped his hands to summon a toad out of thin air, this one with dull-yellow skin. Naruto, Sasuke, and the toad, Gamatatsu, huddled together for a moment. Then, Gamatatsu stepped forward and vomited an intense stream of dark fluid into the melee.

 **[GAMA-YUDAN] - [TOAD OIL BULLET]**

At the same time, the two Konoha teens flickered their fingers through a number of seals, before leaning back and taking mighty breaths.

 **[KATON: GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSU] - [FIRE RELEASE: GRAND FIREBALL TECHNIQUE]**

 **[FUUTON: KIRYU HOU] - [WIND RELEASE: AIRSTREAM CANNON]**

Lunging forward, Sasuke shot an immense jet of flame from his open mouth, meeting the stream of toad oil on its way to the target. The blaze leaving Sasuke's lips intensified upon setting the oil alight. An instant later, Naruto joined in, blowing a tightly controlled maelstrom of swirling wind into the mix. Seeing the attack begin, Zoro added his strength, sending a triple-helix of wind chakra straight into the flames.

 **[HYAKU-HACHI PONDO HOU] - [108-POUND PHOENIX]**

When the four attacks met, the storm of fire began to burn white hot, quickly expanding and covering the distance between them and the preoccupied Admiral. Aokiji's eyes widened for just a moment, seeing at least a dozen of Naruto's clones smirk before vanishing under the rolling cloud of flames that now covered an area almost two hundred feet wide. The man pivoted on the spot to deal with the incoming blaze.

"Oh my, what's with all the fire-users today? Let's see if you're as hot as the last guy who tried to make me melt! Wait, let me rephrase th-"

Then, the world was engulfed in a hellstorm. The non-ninja component of the Going Merry watched in horror as the three shinobi fighters plus Zoro covered most of the battlefield in fatal flames.

"That's so awesome!" said Luffy, eyes alight in the reflected fire.

"Holy hell," muttered Sanji, mouth agape as as he finished warming his leg. "Remind me not to ask them for a light. That guy's gotta be in bad shape after something like that..."

"No, I don't think so," murmured Zoro.

Sure enough, as the flames began to recede, the form of the Admiral remained, reforming from solid ice, thick droplets of meltwater the only sign of the intense heat he had just endured. Well, that, and the fact that he was now grabbing his already wounded side.

"Okay, I'll admit," he said, wincing, "-that was better than I had expected. Not as good as what that other fire and wind guy tried, but I didn't enjoy-" Aokiji's words were interrupted as several Narutos behind him whipped kunai in his direction, aiming for his bloody abdomen. He knocked them out of the air, then flicked shards of ice like bullets to disperse the clones. In moments, even more Naruto clones had swarmed him. Naruto's summoned toad disappeared amidst the mayhem, disappointed by the failure.

Sasuke watched the aftermath of this with a growing terror. The man was _invincible_. That was literally the most powerful fire attack he had, and if that wasn't enough to hurt Aokiji then he only had the Tsukuyomi left.

Would it even matter? Sasuke had never really considered the Tsukuyomi to have a weakness before, but now one was staring him straight in the face. Use of the technique in combat assumed that you were capable of killing your opponent after they were thrown off-balance, and Sasuke wasn't sure he could kill this man even if he were to lay down and take his attacks without fighting back. That assumed that he could even handle torturing a stranger in the first place, which… he wasn't sure about.

Despite his earlier words, the man seemed to be holding back, and the one thing Sasuke _was_ certain of was that if he tortured this man for three days inside the Tsukuyomi then when he came out he would be mad enough to kill them for real.

No, more importantly, why was he considering wasting Itachi's eye if running away was a better option?

"Luffy, do we run?" he asked.

The captain answered with a fierce nod. "Everyone! Let's scram!"

"Oh, no you don't," chastised the Admiral, stomping his foot. When his foot impacted the ground, numerous spears of ice shot up, stabbing through each and every one of the Naruto clones that remained in close combat.

Sasuke winced, never being completely sure which clone was going to turn out to be Naruto's real body, but they all exploded in puffs of smoke. There were only a few clones left by Sasuke now.

Suddenly free, the man bent over, and a line of crackling ice shot out in the direction of their ship, miles away. As the ice moved it forked once, sending another line straight to the the hot-spring that Zoro, Sanji, and Luffy had just been using to heat up. At the same time, far out of sight, the Going Merry stopped rocking in the waves as a bridge of ice froze it to the shore.

The Admiral stood back up before them, looming over the battlefield. His breath froze the air, and he now looked no worse off than when they had started.

"Ahhh…." he moaned, "My motto is Lazy Justice, and I'm tired of this already. Look, I just froze your ship in place, so take a hint and stop running around for a second, alright? No, on second thought, you know what?" Aokiji interrupted his own sentence by disappearing, and Sasuke whipped his head to the side, barely able to track him with the Sharingan. In an instant, Sanji, Zoro, and Luffy were all frozen over.

It was only Sasuke and about a dozen assorted Narutos left standing now. Looking bored, the Admiral waved them over.

"Hey, you can take your friends off to the other bath now, alright? I left that one unfrozen, so just get them out of here and I'll let them live. They're out of this fight either way, and there's a convoy of Marines ready to land in just a few minutes. Let's just chill for a moment."

The assorted Narutos shared a glance, and three of them darted off to carry away the frozen trio. As they did, the Admiral rubbed the back of his neck.

"Ugh... This is such a pain. Look, I don't think you two ninjas have anything more to show me that Akatsuki didn't already try, so it's about time we ended this. I'm quite capable of freezing this entire island from the ground up, you know? I highly suggest you surrender now."

Sasuke clenched his teeth as he glared back at the other man. "If you're this powerful," he asked, "then why didn't you stop Akatsuki from leaving the island like you did us?!"

The man sighed, scratching his head. "Because I still don't know how they managed to hurt me, that's why. I'm hoping that you two can shed some light on that. I was skirmishing with several of them quite handily until the man in the driftwood mask arrived, and then all of a sudden… well… you know… it's like he was… You know what- never mind, it's not important."

This guy, Sasuke decided, was _really_ pissing him off. Time to try something. The Tsukuyomi was a king among genjutsu for its power, but the Sharingan could generate other illusions as well. Ironically, it might be a lesser genjutsu that saved them this time. Concentrating, he began to prepare an illusion. First, he turned to the few remaining Naruto clones near him. "Naruto, I need to know which one of you is the real one."

Each of the assembled Narutos looked apologetic for a moment. "Uhh, yeah, about that…"

"I'm not playing around, Naruto!" yelled Sasuke, still forming his illusion in his mind.

"I'm not playing around either," said the tall man across from them. "In fact, I'm seriously about to start hurting you two. You have five seconds to surrender."

Well, it was now or never. Taking a moment to concentrate on the illusion, he looked Aokiji in the eye and established a link with his chakra. It was easy. The man didn't even know he wasn't supposed to meet the eyes of an Uchiha. A second later Sasuke felt a disruption in the man's chakra system and then Aokiji blinked, a haze of confusion glazing over his eyes as he began to see what Sasuke wanted him to see. It wouldn't last long without Sasuke staying to reinforce the illusion, but they had an opening.

Slowly, Aokiji began to crackle and snap as his body turned to ice piece by piece, some automatic reflex still protecting him.

Sasuke turned to a surprised Naruto. "Let's go! We're leaving!"

"The real one's not here, dude! I'll tell him we're ready to go!" Swiftly, the clone moved to disperse itself and return the information it had learned to the original body, but it was too late.

The ground beneath the Admiral exploded, disgorging a screaming blond ninja. In his hand, he carried an enormous swirling ball of air that tore a ragged hole through the earth as it seemed to pull him upwards all on its own.

 **[NINPO: OODAMA RASENGAN]**

It was like seeing ice-cubes being fed into a shaved-ice machine. The ball of wickedly-spinning chakra tore the Admiral to pieces, shards of frost scattering everywhere in the chaotic windstorm. When it was done, the real Naruto gave Sasuke a thumbs up and started running his way.

Sasuke saw the attack incoming, but didn't even have time to open his mouth. Two hands emerged from the rapidly-freezing ground, grabbing Naruto's legs.

 **[ICE-TIME]**

In an instant, Naruto's body was frozen over, both legs frozen to the ground. His body didn't disappear like the other clones' had.

Aokiji straightened up gingerly, still favoring his side, ice crystals fogging from his mouth.

"I told you both how this was going to go..." he murmured, brushing scattered dust off of his jacket.

* * *

Deep in a chamber of abyssal darkness, a slumbering beast stirred and opened one malevolent eye.


	28. Breaking the Ice

**.**

 **Brat.**

Naruto floated in the darkness, his awareness closing down around him. His vision was going ragged around the edges. Vaguely, in the background, he heard screams and the sound of fighting but drowning it all out was a sense of permeating cold that took his breath away.

 **Brat!**

Something was beating on his consciousness like a migraine headache, demanding to be noticed.

 **BRAT!**

"Whoa, what the hell-"

All of a sudden his feet touched the ground, splashing into shockingly cold water. Jolted to full awareness, he spun around, trying to get his bearings.

He stood in a shadowed room before an immense cage. The sound of water resonated throughout the area, slowly dripping from some unknown location. The walls of the jail in front of him were vast, but behind him was what appeared to be a dome of abyssal blackness. There was just nothing at all back there.

That same blackness filled the inside of the cage in front of him, and Naruto felt a moment of raw panic. He knew, somehow, that this cage was meant to hold something truly dangerous, but all of a sudden he was uncertain whether he was outside the cell looking in or on the inside with whatever was trapped there.

This was a very, _very_ crucial distinction.

Just as his panic reached a crescendo, there was movement on the other side of the bars. A lip twitched aside to reveal mottled gums and the tip of a monstrous fang. An eyelid lifted, revealing the baleful red gaze underneath. Like a veil being pushed back, a slight motion from the titanic beast caused the shadows to recede just enough to reveal orange-red fur and the barest hints of a predator as large as a mountain. As Naruto's eyes widened in shock, an inhumanly deep voice resonated throughout this nowhere-space.

 **Curb your uselessness and stop gawking.**

"Holy shit! What is… You're the Kyuubi! You've gotta be!" Naruto exclaimed. "Oh god, is this a dream?! Is this real?! Is this where you break free and kill everyone? What the hell's going-"

 **SILENCE!**

The great beast roared, its mouth opening in a snarl that made the hall shake, waves cresting on the thin layer of water that covered the floor.

 **This is no dream, brat. Do not test my patience. This is the cell where you humans have condemned me to rot. I will not tolerate any inane prattle from you when we both know how this meeting will go.**

Somehow, when the demon spoke, it did so without making sound or moving its mouth, the words arriving directly in his head as if by magic. Its deep voice sounded superior, insulting, intelligent, and murderous. Reacting automatically to the smug attitude, Naruto scowled and stepped forward, returning the monster's horrific stare with one of his own.

"What makes you think you know anything about how this is going to go, huh?"

 **I know enough. Your friends are in danger, and I can feel in your heart just how much that pains you. You're far away from both home and from help. You're going to die frozen like a little insect caught outside in the winter.** _ **Pathetic**_ **.**

"Okay," admitted Naruto, "Maybe I do need help, but not like this. I know what you want. I'm not stupid."

The demon growled slightly, indicating its feelings on the matter.

"You're not gonna convince me to let you out and kill everyone around me just because I might be dying!"

 **Ignorant whelp! I said I had no time for prattle.** _**I**_ **already know how this is going to go, but it seems I overestimated your meagre intelligence. Your friends are out there right now fighting the menace that defeated you. I can lend you my power as I have done before, but without my help they will die, and then so will you.**

Naruto winced. "Yeah, sure. I know that. But that guy said he wasn't going to kill everyone."

The demon scoffed, the noise sounding like a bomb exploding.

 **You should feel truly foolish for believing that. Humans never amass such power by refusing to kill and control those around them. No, you must take my power or leave yourself at the mercy of a killer. In the end, what choice is there?**

"What the hell do you care about it? You got a crush on someone out there or something?"

Again, the Nine-Tails roared, shaking the room and shattering flakes of ice down from unseen heights.

"Hoo, boy. Did I hit the mark?"

 **A mortal like yourself can have no understanding of my motivations. I could speak to you of the cycle of disincarnation and reincarnation that would occur upon the death of your body, but it would have no meaning. I could teach you pain beyond your comprehension but you could fathom only a miniscule fraction of it. Suffice it to say that I would find your death unpleasant.**

"Okay, yeah talking about that does sound like a waste of time. Then why don't we just get this over with. You wanna give me more power like we've done before? Sure, I can take whatever you've got."

Now, the Fox rose slightly from his languid rest.

 **Then we shall keep this simple. I shall grant you a fraction of my immortal power that would make even a god tremble, and you will not waste my time further. Drink deep, young one, and show this new world the weight of my miracles.**

* * *

Sasuke stared across the distance at the stern figure of the Admiral. After Naruto had been frozen, every attack he had launched had been rebuffed and the only thing Sasuke had to show for it was frost-burn and bruised limbs. Nothing he had done had convinced the man to move from his spot beside his best friend's form.

The last clone that Naruto had left on the battlefield stood beside Sasuke as the standoff continued. With an uncomfortable grimace, the clone spoke to him. "Look, Sasuke, in case this doesn't turn out well for me, I... I wanna make sure you get out of this alright, ya know? Just surrender if it comes down to it. This guy's a monster, and you shouldn't-"

Sasuke interrupted him, "Yeah, I get it, okay? I'm not done yet!"

One last attempt, then it was time to try the Tsukuyomi. The Admiral was even now trying to avoid eye-contact, something he clearly wasn't used to, but Sasuke was convinced he could get enough of a glimpse to use that technique. He had no illusions that he'd be able to defeat this monster of a man even with the advantage the Mangekyou would afford him, but maybe with three days to talk things over he could at least convince him to let Naruto live. Sasuke was livid at the thought of being toyed with like this, but he could bow his head and plead if it was for his best friend.

The young Uchiha opened his mouth one last time, preparing to shoot a jet of flame to melt the ice, praying that Naruto's preternatural toughness and healing would let him survive the experience. With a disapproving click of his tongue, Aokiji disappeared, crossing the fifty or so feet between them in between breaths. He slapped one hand over the Uchiha's mouth, and when he removed it Sasuke's lips were sealed by a patch of solid ice. Grunting, Sasuke quickly stopped gathering his chakra, not wanting flames to shoot out of his nose.

With the same hand, Aokiji grabbed Sasuke by the throat, lifting him up into the air. An instant later, his other fist shot out, erasing the last remaining Naruto clone without effort.

Sasuke, who had already been breathing heavily, gasped and took a panicked breath through his nose. This man was ridiculous. The lanky Admiral was so incredibly long-limbed that even being held in one outstretched arm he was still almost four feet away- far enough that he wouldn't even be invading his personal space. Except for the whole choking thing.

Aokiji nodded, apparently to no one, still avoiding eye-contact. "Relax, kid, I know what I said about killing you guys, but I'm not out to exterminate you two in particular unless I have to. In a way, you and the Straw-Hats are lucky. I've actually got some backup arriving who'll make sure you all get taken into custody alive." He paused for a moment, and Sasuke choked down some more air.

"Though, I'm sorry to say that we're not letting you go. We absolutely need to know more about this Akatsuki group, and you two are the only ones around who might have anything more to offer than speculation. Like I said, your bad luck for getting involved with the Straw-Hats, I suppose."

Sasuke's eyes flicked over the man's shoulder to glance at Naruto. Streams of red, malevolent chakra were twisting and coiling about him. That was both worrying and relieving. Naruto drawing on his inner demon didn't happen often, but when it did things got dangerous rather quickly.

At least Naruto was alive.

Aokiji took Sasuke's worried glance as one of concern for his friend. "He'll be fine, kid. At least, he'll be fine if I help melt him out of there. And I guess that depends on if you're ready to talk or not. What do you say- will you come with us?" The Admiral's grip loosened a fraction, but in the next moment things changed.

In an instant, all of the ice surrounding Naruto flashed to steam. He was _pissed_. Naruto's eyes were red, his facial markings were more pronounced, and he was surrounded by a thin red cloud of mist. Roaring, he launched himself straight at the Admiral, covering the distance in a single leap. Aokiji barely had enough time to drop Sasuke and start to twist in place before the enraged boy swung his clawed hand, striking the man's wound with titanic force.

From the brief look of shock on Aokiji's face, it was clear that he had expected to turn into ice at the moment of impact. That didn't happen.

Letting out a strangled scream, the tall man shot across the terrain, bouncing and tumbling along the ground until he came to rest among a thin patch of snow-covered trees hundreds of feet away.

"Naruto," winced Sasuke, once he had ripped the ice from his raw and bleeding mouth, "Good to see you, man. We need to get out of here, _now_."

" _No way,"_ growled Naruto, " _Not while he's still around to follow us."_

Dammit. It was impossible to deal with him when he got like this. Before he could be stopped, Naruto dashed off to chase the fallen form of the Marine Admiral. Far in the distance, Aokiji was already getting to his feet, grimacing in pain. The strike that would have disemboweled an ordinary man had torn his jacket apart and exposed the wound, which had reopened and widened considerably from the assault.

"Oh my, that's going to leave a mark," he muttered, then his face hardened. Naruto arrived, lunging in at superhuman speeds. With a quick pivot, Aokiji dodged the attack and snatched the boy out of the air as if he were a misbehaving cat, grabbing him by the collar of his jacket. Naruto had one moment to panic before the man had him in his grasp.

 **[DEEP FREEZE]**

Sasuke could only scream as Naruto froze solid and dropped to the ground with a final, heavy thump.

* * *

 _ **BRAT!**_

"Aw, shit," cursed Naruto. The sinister surroundings of his inner prison were now breathtakingly cold, frost creeping in down along the walls. Icicles were forming before his eyes, somehow defying gravity and growing upwards like stalagmites. That couldn't be good. He found himself shivering almost immediately.

 **You're back here in record time. Are you really so useless? You're supposed to take better care of our body.**

Naruto glared at the demon fox inside its cage. "Well, gee, I dunno, jackass, but despite receiving 'immortal power that makes even the gods tremble' or whatever, it didn't actually seem to help me one goddamn bit, now did it?"

The fox roared, the vibrations cracking ice and sending Naruto to his knees.

 **BRAT! Stop being WORTHLESS and listen! You are dying. Your heart is being frozen at this very instant. Any normal human, no matter how tough they were, would be dead right now. Remember how I said that I didn't want to get caught in a dying body just a few moments ago? That is still true.**

Naruto gradually uncovered his ears. "Okay, so give me more of that energy. If your power isn't enough to beat him then I'll use it to run instead."

 **MY POWER IS ENOUGH TO REDUCE HIM TO ASH, HUMAN. Listen to me! This is not a problem that can be solved with just a little more chakra fed to a human worm. YOU. ARE. DYING.**

"I'm not gonna let you out even if I am dying, you nine-tailed pain-in-the-ass, so shove it. What else can we do about this?"

 **Such small-mindedness. No compromise. Even the last Jinchuuriki drew upon my power more often than you.**

"You... You remember my mom?"

Now something else entered the demon's voice. Not fondness, or nostalgia, or familiarity, nor even the tone of recollection. If anything, it just sounded like someone shrewdly grasping an opportunity that had been handed them.

 **Remember her? Hmm... I was inside her for barely an instant in the grand scheme of things. I'm sure I couldn't possibly recall her name...**

Naruto winced at the demon's phrasing, but decided against bringing that part up. "You don't even remember her name? Like, really? It was Kushina."

 **And why should I have cared about something like that?**

Now the demon shifted, lifting one claw to point to Naruto.

 **You have far more pressing concerns than names to worry about, human. Your kin at least knew the wisdom of drawing upon my power when in need, and now is as dire a need as you have ever faced.**

"Hey, can you blame me for being careful? My teacher told me that until I was fully trained, drawing on too much of your power would make me go crazy and start killing my friends."

 **Then I shall make it simple for you. If you do not let out my power, then you will freeze to death. Accept, and you** _ **risk**_ **harming your friends. Refuse, and you will all** _ **certainly**_ **die.**

The Kyuubi focused his gaze on Naruto again.

 **Make your choice.**

Naruto closed his eyes and gave this some thought as the room grew colder and colder. Soon, it became too difficult to think through the cold, his teeth chattering against his will.

"Alright, let's do it," he said, reaching out to the cell. All of a sudden he stopped.

 **What is wrong?**

"Wait- I told you my mother's name, but what's _your_ name? Is it just Kyuubi, or…?"

The demon growled in irritation.

 **STOP DELAYING! Now is not the time for your delusions!**

"Sheesh, alright, alright..."

* * *

Sasuke screamed as he saw his friend fall once more, his life force fading away in his sight.

"NARUTO!"

Aokiji watched the frozen boy with a wary gaze. Concentrating for a moment, he turned the wounded part of his abdomen to ice. Fighting with a frozen side would limit his mobility, but it was better than bleeding out. The child's brutal assault had definitely forced open his wound further, and there were very few people in the world who could say that they had done that to an Admiral.

Naruto was now frozen down to his very core, but it was worth being cautious. He took a step back before turning to the other ninja.

"So," he called out to the distant boy, "You want to explain to me what just happened there, or...?"

"FUCK YOU, YOU COLD-HEARTED BASTARD!"

"Yeah, I thought not. Sorry, kid, but that's what happens when you push the authorities too far… Hmm?"

Sensing a disturbance beside him, the Admiral turned to look at Naruto's body. Eyes opening wide in shock, he leapt backwards hundreds of feet, immediately putting some distance between him and the mysterious transforming teenager.

His worries were well-founded. Just as swiftly as Naruto's life had faded, Sasuke saw the pathways of his chakra flare up as the Kyuubi began dumping more and more energy into his frozen body.

The chakra ripped out of Naruto's form, a primal scream echoing through the air. Ice flashed once again to steam, but this time it was happening so quickly that the deep freeze wasn't melting evenly. In seconds, the ice began breaking off of his body taking frozen chunks of his skin with it.

Soon, Naruto was surrounded by the aura of chakra that had sustained him earlier, forming a thick shroud that now also sprouted a single tail of energy from his back. His face was being even more strongly affected now, his lips turning black and his whisker-like markings growing more and more pronounced.

Naruto roared, slamming the earth over and over with a power that shook their bones.

Aokiji watched with awe in his eyes. "Oh my, my, my... What is it with you ninjas and your tricks? Though, I suppose this is a bit much to call it just a trick..."

Ripping a tremendous chunk of the frozen ground from the earth itself, Naruto flung the massive projectile and immediately charged in after it. Before it could strike home, a wicked fang of ice the size of a small ship speared forward from the ground, impaling the thrown object in mid-air. With another motion, the Admiral summoned a series of winged ice birds that accelerated to nearly sonic speeds, each one soaring straight for Naruto like a living missile.

Naruto dodged wildly back and forth to avoid several of them, but when the first one struck him it melted and then re-froze on contact, slowing his limbs as it wrapped itself around his body. Once slowed, a dozen more added their mass to his bindings until he resembled something more like a frozen, spiky boulder.

Vibrating and screaming, the ice cracked and steamed from the acidic heat emanated from his body until he finally broke free. Seeing this, the Admiral altered his tactics, summoning different birds to continue the attack. These ones didn't melt, but instead drove into him as solid, unyielding ice that slammed the young man back with each sonic impact and tore deep into his body. Each gash and slash began healing right before their eyes, the blood mixing with the cloud of chakra around him until it seemed to thicken and turn a darker red.

"What the hell is with you people?!" exclaimed Aokiji as he continued his artillery bombardment, "Are you all just free to make up whatever powers you want?! Give it up, kid! I don't want to hurt you!"

Naruto roared his frustration as the cloak of bloody energy slowly thickened from the continued onslaught, and soon a second tail of energy began to emerge to join the first. Aokiji watched this with an exasperated sigh, then he raised both hands to the sky. Four walls of thick ice erupted from the ground around Naruto, topping off with an immense frozen boulder that crushed Naruto down into the dirt.

 **[ICE LOCKER]**

The scream from the inside this makeshift prison was now almost completely inhuman. As the sound washed over the island, the walls that restrained him shook and rattled, and then the ground cracked as everything within a hundred feet of it suddenly collapsed, freeing the demon as the cage caved in.

The two-tailed beast screamed again and then shot forward on all fours, finally reaching its target with claws bared. It attacked with incredible ferocity, but its mindless, bestial attacks were finding the battle-hardened Admiral a tough opponent to land a hit on. Still, it's very difficult to fight a berserker when you're trying not to kill them.

"Hey! Quit it! Goddamnit kid! Stop fighting! Wha-?!" Aokiji ducked and dodged to avoid the beast in close range, and then a third arm of red energy formed from its back, forcing him to block the unexpected slash. The Admiral's skin burned and blistered where the attack made contact.

Sasuke could only watch in horror as the superhuman battle continued. Was that really Naruto? He could barely imagine his best friend as this kind of horrific monster. The Admiral and the Kyuubi were fighting at ridiculous speeds, the wide landscape shattering, freezing, and burning in their wake.

Entranced, it was a moment before Sasuke noticed someone approaching from behind. A heavy impact accompanied Luffy's arrival as he landed from a long jump. The captain was clearly wounded, his skin cracked, red, and bleeding in numerous places from the onslaught of cold he had sustained. It looked like he'd just jumped into the hot water and let it burn the ice off of him.

Still, he was there, standing beside Sasuke as they watched this horrifying fight. Sasuke looked at him in shock. He had already seen Luffy risk his life for his crew, but he couldn't _fathom_ what had brought the man back to fight the Admiral when he and Naruto were the only ones left out here.

"That's him?" asked Luffy. "That red beast thing?"

"Luffy, why are you here?! Get back to the ship! You can't just fight everything you see and hope to get away with it- your crew needs you!"

When the bloody captain turned his way, Sasuke took a step back in surprise. Luffy's eyes were burning, his face grim. Sasuke had certainly seen more frightening displays of emotion before, but never one so surprising as finally glimpsing the core of steel beneath this man's whimsical and quixotic exterior.

In the background, Aokiji erected a tremendous wall to gain some breathing room. The Kyuubi's claws struck the ice like cannonfire, tearing the wall into broken pieces with a series of horrendous impacts that shook the entire island.

Luffy didn't even blink at the carnage. "I know my crew needs me," he said, "That's why I'm here. We don't leave our crew behind, Sasuke."

"You... What?!" Sasuke could barely believe what he was hearing. "Luffy, this isn't the time for jokes! We've barely been with you for two weeks- Is this just about you wanting ninjas on your crew? Is that it?"

"You're already part of us- you just don't know it yet."

"No! Naruto and I are members of Konoha's Team Seven, and-" Sasuke stopped. That wasn't true, was it? He wouldn't be going back to Konoha ever again.

But the instant he accepted becoming a part of another team, Naruto would _know_ that his best friend wouldn't be coming back with him.

Was this really going to be his great disappearance strategy? _This_ would be how he'd evade ANBU? He'd just wander around with a bunch of notorious pirates wanted by the World Government? What would Itachi think of this?

Somehow, he was reminded of his brother's smile.

"You're leaving home, aren't you?" asked Luffy, interrupting his thoughts. "I saw it in your eyes. I can tell Naruto doesn't know yet, and I'm about ready to kick your ass for not telling him. But all that doesn't matter right now, cause you're both with us, and that means we're gonna get him out of there. End of story."

Off in the distance, Aokiji continued retreating from the fight, erecting a series of walls between him and the rampaging beast. "What a pain," he said, "I'm not going to put up with this shit any more! My motto is 'Lazy Justice,' not 'Fight Demons For Fun!' You two! Straw-Hat and whoever you are! You'd better get this boy to stop fighting me, or else I'll kill him for real and damn the consequences! I'll destroy this entire island if I have to in order to beat him- you and your crew included! Consider this your final warning!" With those words, he melted back into a nearby ice formation, disappearing from view entirely. The Kyuubi raged as it looked around for its missing opponent.

Sasuke swallowed a lump in his throat. "Luffy, I don't-"

"Usopp's the Sniper," interrupted Luffy, speaking with complete certainty, "Sanji's the Cook. Chopper's the Doctor. Robin's the Archaeologist. Nami's the Navigator. Zoro's the Swordsman. Naruto's the Entertainer. And Sasuke, you're the Lookout. The Straw-Hat Pirates won't leave a single member behind, no matter what."

Sasuke had no words. Gazing off towards the two-tailed demon, Luffy cracked his bleeding knuckles.

"Come on, Sasuke. We have to get our crew member back."

Ahead, the Kyuubi started slicing every ice formation larger than a boulder into tiny pieces.

"Damn you!" shouted Sasuke, confusion suddenly replaced with anger, "What's _wrong_ with you?! What can we even do to stop that thing?! What can _we_ do that that monster of a man couldn't? We-"

Then Sasuke remembered.

* * *

 **-Weeks Earlier-**

 **-The Mind's Eye-**

In the evening the cicadas played their song, and two brothers watched the setting sun with their feet dangling in the still waters of the pond.

"So you're friends with the Nine-Tails brat?" asked Itachi, smiling an unusual smile. "That's kind of surprising."

"I wish you wouldn't call him a brat," chuckled Sasuke, moving his feet idly through the water, "That feels weird. He's as old as me, for one thing. For that matter, I think we're both just a bit older than you were when you died."

Itachi laughed softly. "I hope you never become as old as me, Sasuke. Still- Uzumaki Naruto, huh? All I knew about him was that he was an annoying little kid who couldn't stand not being the center of attention-"

"Yes, that's right," agreed Sasuke.

"I see," he chuckled, "So nothing's changed, then. Good."

"Sorry?"

"I imagine he's made life fun for you."

Sasuke couldn't stop himself from laughing. "You could say that." He paused, thinking for a moment. "I remember one time we were on a mission to spy on some shinobi from Sand. We were supposed to uncover some weapon caches they were storing at the border, so we'd tracked some of these shinobi down to a tavern and wanted to listen in on their conversations."

Sasuke paused, and Itachi nodded for him to continue.

"Sakura and I just transformed into some bland-looking people in the corner where I could read their lips, but Naruto had the bright idea to switch himself out with a village tanuki statue that had been standing nearby their table so that he could get himself set up right behind them. Then, a bunch of their friends came in and started drinking, so our targets decided to stick around for a lot longer than we thought they would."

"Alright, so?" asked Itachi.

"Well, half an hour later I look over and Naruto's starting to lose control of the transformation. It's kind of his weakest skill, which is why he normally goes for non-human things if he can." Sasuke paused, suddenly uncomfortably aware of both where this story was going as well as that he was telling it to his stoic brother. "Tanuki have these huge... Well, you know, they're known for their..."

"Balls," said Itachi.

Sasuke choked a little bit on his next words, then laughed. "Uh, yeah. Balls. So, I look over and the wooden statue's balls are twice the size they started at. Over the next ten minutes they just kept growing and growing."

"No," said Itachi, a slight grin on his lips.

"Suddenly everyone starts making a fuss and a couple of ladies start screaming. They're all pointing and gasping, and his balls just keep growing larger and larger! Then some old men start talking about it being a sign of an ill omen, so they start _praying_ to it!"

Now, Itachi was snorting, resting his head in one palm.

"Finally the Sand shinobi got spooked and decided to check up on the hidden cache, so Sakura and I followed them right to it. To this day Naruto still insists it was all part of his plan."

Itachi burst out into laughter, and Sasuke joined in.

Maybe he hadn't known his brother all that well, after all.

As things calmed down, Itachi tried to get things back on track. "Okay, so I was right. I'm glad you have him around, but there's something I should help you with. I know you'll be leaving the village, but the Kyuubi is a dangerous creature and you should be able to use my eye to help you suppress it in case of an emergency. You never know."

"Actually, Kakashi also tried to teach me something like this, but he admitted he really wasn't sure if it would work."

"Neither am I, to be honest. Or rather, I know it will work, but there's a difference between suppressing a tailed beast's chakra in theory and in actual combat. Here, let me show you..."

* * *

Remembering those three days with his brother made Sasuke freeze in place for a moment, the breath hitching in his throat. In the distance, the Kyuubi continued to shatter ice around it, a third nub of energy signalling the very beginnings of a third tail.

Sasuke turned to Luffy.

"You're right," said Sasuke, as he clenched his fists, "I'm never going back to Konoha. I don't know what I want to do with my life yet, and I'm not going to just join up with you guys just because you said so, but I'm _done_ with doing missions for a village that wants me dead. Despite all of that, I'm _not_ done with my friends."

Luffy nodded. "That's good, 'cause I'd hate your guts otherwise."

Ahead, the Kyuubi finally turned their way. Lowering its head, it began to snarl, the noise thrumming across their nerves.

"There is something we can do. If you're willing." Sasuke met the other man's eyes, and when the captain's hard gaze didn't waver, he continued, "I can get him back to normal. I just need him distracted for a minute."

Luffy's grin was nearly as feral and anticipatory as the beast that was now staring back at them. "I bet I can help with that," he said.

The Kyuubi roared, and Luffy roared back, then repeated the beast's earlier feat by slamming both fists into the ground, ripping out a massive chunk of frozen earth that was the size of a small hill and lobbing it straight at the demon. It was a display of physical strength unlike any other Sasuke had seen before.

Slicing the air with its claws, the Kyuubi cut the projectile into six pieces and shattered the parts that came his way, but by then Luffy was already into medium range.

He stuck with tremendous force over and over, each punch driving the beast back. Far from holding back to keep Naruto safe, Luffy was moving faster and attacking harder than Sasuke had ever seen him. Whenever his fists struck flesh Luffy's skin smoked and burned, but the man didn't waver. When the Kyuubi launched him away he bounced right back moments later, bleeding even more than before. Defying all logic, Luffy seemed to only be getting stronger and faster the more damage he took.

Sasuke knew what he had to do, and he hadn't wasted a single moment of Luffy's attack. Closing his eyes, he breathed deep, connecting to the well of his chakra. Then, he opened his eyes, his irises swirling from their normal blackness into the patterns of the Sharingan, finally ending when his left eye blossomed into the pattern of the Mangekyou.

Fixing his gaze on the beast, he winced as its horrifying chakra washed over him. It was like staring into a biting snowstorm, or smoke on the wind. As Luffy dodged and struck, the earth breaking from the fury of their clash, Sasuke focused on the creature's eyes. As it whirled around to catch up with the wildly evading rubber man, the Kyuubi made eye contact for the briefest of moments.

Sasuke gasped from the fiery impact of energy, forcing himself to keep it together. Even just an instant steeped in its power was enough to hurt him. Well, at least he knew what he had to be ready for now. Filled with resolution, he brought both hands together and focused his gaze once more on the beast, gathering chakra for one momentous effort.

With an overwhelming strike, the Kyuubi smacked Luffy out of mid air, sending him crashing into the earth to dig a trough a hundred feet long. Screaming in rage, it prepared to follow up the attack.

It was now or never.

"HEY! DEMON!" Sasuke shouted, half expecting to need to say something wittier- or at least more annoying- to get it's attention. His worry was unnecessary. The Kyuubi- still wearing Naruto's barely-visible form- turned to him with a quick twitch of its head. Sasuke locked eyes with the beast, and then the world became a tunnel of fire.

* * *

A/N: Man, my chapters have been getting gradually longer recently.

Anyway, in a week or so I will be changing the title of this story. The title was changed to this one on a whim when thinking of thematic elements that I eventually decided to edit out, and it's been annoying me for months now.


	29. Know When To Hold Fast

Normally, when using the base-line Sharingan to create an illusion, it works like this:

First, you gather chakra. Then you imagine a series of images and other sensory information, the more vivid the better. You don't need much; the Sharingan induces a dream-like state in its target, and from there most people will smoothly fill in the scene with missing pieces from their own subconscious. Then, you make eye contact to establish a connection with the target's chakra system. After that, the hard work is done, and you are technically able to leave the target alone to dream.

Realistically, of course, it needs much more effort to convince a strong-willed person to stay wrapped in illusion. It's likely that anyone so weak-willed that they could be left alone with something crafted in a few seconds is someone for whom it was pointless to catch in that illusion in the first place. Shinobi had far more important matters to attend to than fooling simpletons, after all. This was what separated the Tsukuyomi from normal Sharingan-based genjutsu.

Even though Sasuke wasn't creating an illusion, some of the same principles applied to any sort of connection using the Sharingan. The instant the target realizes that they are being attacked, they can exert their will and chakra to clear their systems. This is a direct contest of their chakra against the chakra that the caster used to strengthen the link, which becomes like a shield that protects the caster's jutsu from destruction. In extreme cases it protects the caster's own mind from a counterattack.

Sasuke had spent the minute that Luffy had been fighting building up that shield of chakra brick by metaphorical brick, and now he got to watch his hard work be torn apart in an instant.

A vortex of flame swirled about him, and the Kyuubi was at its center. Now that he was connecting directly to the target's chakra system, he no longer saw Naruto, but an entirely different beast that was built of black and red fire, staring at him with deep eyes of abyssal void.

The Kyuubi knew what he was doing right away, and it began attacking his connection the instant he made it. It tore into the jutsu like a murderous whirlwind, and Sasuke's shocked breath came in a gasp that made him feel as though he were sucking flames into his lungs. The Kyuubi's energy rebounded across his shielding, cracking the walls he had made as he desperately fought to shore up his defenses. It wasn't good enough. He was losing ground.

Just when he was sure things were slipping from his grasp, Sasuke felt a warm hand on his shoulder. There was a moment of clarity, and suddenly it was as though all every exertion of his chakra was going exactly where it needed to be, patching the holes as quickly as they appeared.

"Brother?" he whispered, but there was no response.

With a feeling as though the world had dropped out from under him, the connection completed and the young ninja fell into a deep darkness.

* * *

Sasuke landed in a dark cavern. Around him, melting ice-water cascaded from the ceiling, the sound echoing and splashing throughout the darkness. He stood before an immense cage- inside it was the unmistakable form of the Kyuubi. It lay in relaxation inside the cell, one claw idly reaching through the bars to pick and scrape against the paper seal that represented the true form of its imprisonment. Sasuke noted that the seal was beginning to fray at the edges.

Before the bars of the cell, an unconscious Naruto was suspended inside a raggedly-cut boulder of red ice that rose out of the layer of water coating the floor.

Slowly, the demon stopped its idle toil and turned a burning eye in his direction.

 **Ohh… This is a chakra I have not felt in some time. An Uchiha… Things always become so interesting when one of your hateful clan appears…**

Taking a deep breath, Sasuke stepped forward. "Yes, that's right. I am Uchiha Sasuke, Naruto's best friend. I wish to speak with you."

 **You've put so much effort into knocking at my door, it would be rude to turn you away now, wouldn't it? Hmmm, but when an Uchiha comes to me, they are always looking to control my power. What makes you think I shouldn't fight you with everything I have, child?**

This was strange. Having seen Naruto's struggles to control himself when under the thrall of the Kyuubi, Sasuke had assumed he would be meeting a snarling, rabid beast. Instead, the Kyuubi seemed patient, composed, and intelligent. Was that really the Kyuubi controlling Naruto's body out there, or was it some sort of instinctual physical response to this animalistic energy? If the Kyuubi itself were personally in control, would it really just attack blindly without tactics or strategy?

He couldn't help but feel like that was important somehow, but he didn't have time to consider it further.

"I may be an Uchiha," said Sasuke, taking another step forward through the slush that coated the floor of this chamber, "-but I'm not here for your power. All I want is for Naruto to live."

 **Hmm-hmm-hmm-hmm… A boy come to plead for the life of his friend… How _touching_. But while you are hardly the first of your clan to come to me under false pretenses, you would be the very first to mean it, and that seems truly unlikely to me.**

The Demon shifted, bringing his predatory gaze closer to the bars of the cell.

 **Another Uchiha liar, then... But isn't that** _ **curious**_ **... When compared to the other Uchiha I have felt, your chakra is as clear and pure as water.**

Sasuke shielded his face as a wave of burning energy washed over him without warning, roiling the slushy water around him into a turbulent foam. All around him, the foam began to bubble and crest until it resembled the Kyuubi's eyes, fangs, and grasping claws.

 **Why is that, do you think? Are you weak? A defective child of a powerful clan? You come here looking to control me and you couldn't even frighten a rabbit!**

His eye itched, and Sasuke stilled the foam with a focused gaze, the Mangekyou projecting its power all about him. The Kyuubi's energy fell away and dissolved into nothingness.

 **Ah, but there is some strength in you after all.**

Sasuke turned back to the beast. Suppressing that fragment of its chakra hasn't been too difficult, but the more he felt this creature's energy, the more certain he became that with only one Mangekyou he wouldn't be able to win this with force alone. He'd need to at least convince it not to fight him.

Why couldn't things be easy for once?

"I'm not here to control you!" he repeated, calling into the prison, "I'm not trying to take your power! I'm here for my best friend! I only want you to stop!"

The demon rumbled as it chuckled slightly.

 **And why should I do that?**

Stretching its long arm out once more to reach a claw around the bars, the Kyuubi indicated the fraying seal.

 **As the young boy draws upon my power, his seal weakens, slowly but surely. This is the greatest progress I've made during his entire life, and you want me to stop** _ **now**_ **? Why, exactly, should I care?**

Sasuke had been afraid of this. When it came right down to it, he had no idea what it was that the Kyuubi wanted. It sounded as though the demon wasn't exactly aware of what was going on outside in the real world, except in the vaguest possible terms. That would fit with the idea that it wasn't controlling Naruto's body directly.

Did it not know that Naruto was actually in danger? Sasuke wasn't even certain that the demon could experience death, but he knew that it would eventually reappear in the world if its host died. Would Naruto's death help it or harm it? Did it want Naruto to live or die? He took a chance.

"Because Naruto's going to die," he said, simply.

Now, the beast shifted again.

 **Do tell.**

"That man that Naruto is fighting out there is one of the greatest powers in this world. He has access to a demon similar to you, one that grants him power over ice."

The Kyuubi stretched out, slowly testing the limits of the cage. Bored, it closed its eyes.

 **I know this already... I have never seen a demon like the one whose power touched mine, but I am not worried. It already ran from me, which is, of course, natural. There are no demons comparable to me, not even among the other Tailed-Beasts.**

It _ran_ from him? This demon must really not be able to directly sense things happening on the outside, instead relying on impressions gleaned from feeling Naruto's senses, like a blind puppeteer orchestrating a puppet-show.

"Are you aware that he's been trying to take Naruto and I alive?" Sasuke asked, pleading that the answer was no.

Now, the demon opened an eye.

"It's true," Sasuke insisted, "He gave me one final chance to convince Naruto to stop fighting him, and then said he would destroy the entire island if we refused."

 **You're not lying, are you…**

This was not stated like a question, but as a certainty.

 **The brat said something similar, but his naivete is astounding. I care nothing for this man's promises of leniency, but power is a language unto its own. Destroying an island or ten is by no means outside the limits of my power, but it is true that I have concerns that the boy's weak body could survive the damage such attacks would create.**

Sasuke kept quiet, somehow feeling as though this was not a time for him to speak. Soon, the Kyuubi seemed to reach a decision.

 **Very well, Uchiha child. Unlike a human, I do not grow unreasonably stubborn. I've gained enough from this exercise of my power. If this man challenges my might once more then my next appearance will be far more destructive. See that he understands that. I will retract my chakra from the boy as carefully as I can to spare his body, though he will likely remain hurt and unconscious for quite some time.**

The demon's arm retreated back through the cell bars, and it closed its eyes.

 **Ensure he returns to safety, or else you will be seeing me again.**

Sasuke backed away, and then broke the link with relief, feeling the world intrude on his consciousness once more.

As soon as he returned to the blasted and frozen landscape that had once been so idyllic, he pushed his wounded body to get himself away from the battlefield. Naruto had suddenly collapsed, and Luffy was busily exploring new boundaries in the field of being extremely wounded, but somehow Sasuke doubted Aokiji would let him apply his limited knowledge of first-aid to help them. There was nothing else he could do here.

But he might just have a plan to get them all out of this.

* * *

A minute after the battle had ended, Aokiji returned to clean up the mess. Emerging from the ice, he watched Sasuke stagger off the field and disappear into the mess of rubble and warren of craters that now covered this part of the island. No matter. The boy wouldn't be getting too far like that, and Aokiji had seen people lose too much trying to chase after everything at the same time. Keeping the two in his hand was definitely preferable to chasing one in the bush. Lazy Justice, that was the key. That's what he had subordinates for, after all.

Instead, Aokiji checked on the two other combatants. Naruto was now completely unconscious, his clothing torn and bloody. Though the boy was bleeding from wounds all across his body, the Admiral noted that none of them were as deep as they should have been. When that red energy had dissipated, the boy had stopped regenerating, but it seemed likely he would now live.

Checking in on Straw-Hat Luffy, Aokiji winced. The pirate was fighting and struggling to breathe, his arms and legs charred from the vicious melee with the burning beast. What little of his skin that hadn't suffered burns was covered in blood. Straw-Hat's eyes turned to him for just a moment before they began to close.

The lad really did remind Aokiji of his old friend and mentor, Vice-Admiral Garp.

"You fought well, kid," he said, as Luffy fell into unconsciousness, "But it's over now."

It was true. The battle was over. Time to bring in the cavalry.

Concentrating for a moment, he extended his senses along his ice and found his bicycle embedded where he had left it about a mile off. Raising an incline and frozen path for it, he waited patiently as it rolled his way. Anticipating combat, he had kept his sensitive supplies in one of its carrying compartments, including a portable Den-Den-Mushi. Taking it out and establishing a connection, he spoke into the line.

"Yes, Commodore Flounders, it's safe to approach the island now. I have Straw-Hat in my custody. The rest of them should be wounded, so I want them rounded them up and then taken to your ships. Meet me at the eastern side of the island where we discussed earlier. Out."

Orders given, he returned to watching the two wounded young men. Though the battle was over, he was not at all worried about any of the Straw-Hats escaping. The Log Pose for this island was abnormally quick, taking barely eight hours to set, but it had been only two hours since the Straw-Hats had arrived. Nothing that this incapacitated group could do would delay matters by that long. Even in the worst-case scenario of their improbable evasion, nothing could stop him from freezing the sea to keep them land-locked.

Admiral Aokiji- the man known as Kuzan in a past life- was one of the most powerful and experienced figures in the world, and he had a terrible premonition. Akatsuki, this new island of ninjas, the Poneglyphs, this mysterious young man that had undergone the terrifying transformation, they were all connected in a horrible manner. In his long career in the Navy, he had seen world-threatening conspiracies surface and sink numerous times, and this set off his warning bells like none other.

In particular... something was odd about those tails the young boy had displayed. There was something familiar about it that lurked at the corners of his memories.

Something that Fleet Admiral Sengoku had once said…?

He couldn't recall. Taking a pained breath, Aokiji tested his wounded side. No good. He couldn't unfreeze it without slowly bleeding to death, which meant no bicycling until he got treated.

The prisoners would be taken to Enies Lobby and processed for full interrogation. He himself would have to report this incident to World Government HQ as soon as he was healed enough to make the return trip. He had a lot of questions to ask when he got there.

In the meantime, getting a ride on Commodore Flounders' ships would have to do.

He hoped the Commodore's battleship had a bike rack.

* * *

In minutes, the Marines from the Third Fleet battleship and its two escort cruisers swarmed the island. Foxy and his surviving crew had already departed at the first sign of more trouble, but the Straw-Hats were not so lucky. Everyone besides Nami, Usopp, and Chopper was either unconscious or so thoroughly wounded that they could barely move, and the advance medical post was overrun as soon as the Marines arrived.

Presiding over the entire operation was Admiral Aokiji, who made resistance unthinkable. The Straw-Hats were captured alive, and the most grievous of their wounds were given emergency treatment.

Commodore Percival Flounders watched his subordinates work with real satisfaction. The capture of an actual ninja meant that perhaps some progress could be made in the investigation of Akatsuki.

"Commodore Flounders, sir!" interrupted a woman's voice. One of Saldicci's lieutenant commanders.

"Yes?" he asked, turning to face her and waving down her salute.

"The squads searched the pirate vessel and found no one on-board!"

"Is the ship fit to sail?"

"Lieutenant Park says it's barely fit to float, sir. It's a hunk of junk, but the Admiral froze it to the island during the fight."

Flounders nodded. "Leave it, then. We need to be off this island as soon as we find everyone. Are we still missing one of them?"

"Yes, sir! One person as described during the escape from Jaya is currently missing!"

Percival scanned the prisoners that had not yet been loaded onto the ships. "That would be the other so-called 'ninja', yes? The black-haired one?"

"Yes, sir!"

"If he can't be found then we should bring Captain Saldicci's cruiser around to destroy their ship. Not that he could escape alone anyway, but..." Flounders' face assumed an odd expression for a moment. "A caravel like this isn't bad as a getaway vehicle, but one person can't properly handle it alone. Besides, a getaway vehicle's no good if you don't keep a crew ready to get it sailing the instant you're on-board. I mean, can you imagine carrying the loot while being chased down by the Navy back to your ship and then running through twenty minutes of working the ropes and sails so that you-"

Someone interrupted him from behind by loudly clearing his throat. Percival blinked, and looked over his shoulder. Captain Weber was glaring at him again. Chastised, Percival turned back to the woman he had been speaking to.

"Right, yes... Well- you can assume that the remaining ninja will be difficult to capture. In addition to the seastone cuffs for the Fruit-Users, make absolutely sure the restraints for each of the ninjas prevent them from bringing their hands together."

His subordinate nodded, saluted, and marched off. Captain Sebastian Weber was at his side momentarily.

"It's good to see you again, sir. We came as soon as we got your call. I trust you made some discoveries on the matter of this mystery organization."

"Mm… yes. The short of it is that this group called Akatsuki- and all of these ninjas as well- are natives of the unknown new island we've been hoping to monitor. I'm afraid the situation is just as bad as we feared."

Sebastian nodded, seeming unruffled by the news. "You know something about these 'ninjas,' then? The restraints you specified?" he asked.

"Yes, it appears that the overwhelming majority of their techniques require the ability to use both hands together in unison. We'll want extra security regardless, but those restraints should be a reasonable precaution against breakout attempts."

Sebastian adjusted his glasses, and the sun glinted in their reflection. "I can do extra security," he said, an edge of malicious glee sneaking into his voice, "I'll just ready the… _special_ traps…"

Percival nodded uncomfortably at his subordinate's enthusiasm, but let him continue speaking.

"Speaking of the Admiral," said Captain Weber, "He was hurt. Surely the Straw-Hats didn't manage that?"

"No!" Percival let the word escape as if surprised. "No, I don't think it was the Straw-Hats- it must have been Akatsuki. The Admiral ordered me away from the fight for my safety, so I didn't see it.

"Probably for the best, if they managed to wound him. If they were capable of fighting with the Admiral as well as deciphering those stones, then I suppose it truly is a worst-case scenario," mused Sebastian.

Percival nodded, frowning at the thought. "Well, yes… Though I'm still a bit confused by the matter of their supposed leader, Tobi..." sighing, Percival straightened up and turned to his friend.

"Orders from the Admiral. We're heading to Enies Lobby. The priority targets for this convoy mission are as follows: First, Nico Robin. Second, the yellow-haired ninja, Naruto. Third, the currently missing ninja of unknown name. Fourth, Straw-Hat Luffy. Fifth, the remainder of the Straw-Hat Pirates. Nico Robin and the two ninjas will be convoyed by our lead ship to be guarded by the Admiral and myself. The remainder of the Straw-Hats will be split up between your ship and Captain Saldicci's."

"Yes, sir," said Captain Weber, "But is it wise to keep those two ninjas together?"

"The Admiral has concerns about the unknown transformative ability displayed by this Naruto child. Apparently, he attacked indiscriminately during the transformation and we're working under the assumption that he will be unwilling to transform where he could harm a friend."

"Then we'll handle the preparations and necessary medical attention immediately."

"Good. Now, all that's left is to find our missing ninja."

* * *

It was surprisingly easy. Signs of their quarry were discovered barely ten minutes later. An elite force was quickly assembled to section off the area, and eventually they had success.

Breathing hard, and clearly injured- limping from various harms suffered in the battle- Sasuke looked at the guns being leveled at him. Letting a long sigh escape him, he knelt to the ground and placed both hands on the back of his head.

"I surrender!" he called out, "I'll go with you peacefully! I'm the only one who can restrain him. Please. I won't fight you."

* * *

A/N: Title changed to the one I used while writing, and I'm much happier with it.

We're going off the rails for a bit. Anyone who figures out Sasuke's plan gets a cookie. Well, I won't actually give you a cookie, but you should take the nearest one and say that I said it was okay.


	30. He Who Rules From the Shadows

**-Ten Days Earlier-**

 **-Skypiea-**

"You presumptuous insects…" proclaimed the man known as Lightning-God as he stood atop the mighty airship hovering above them, "You invade my holy land, defile my Vearth, profane against my priests, and now you seek to desecrate my relics…"

Most of Akatsuki had gathered together in readiness for a continuation of their earlier battle, which Enel had abandoned in a snit half-way through. Now, though, it seemed he was ready to give it another shot. The airship's enormous motors and propellers roared and whirred as it kept the gold-coated ship afloat, solving the weight-to-propulsion problem by channeling Enel's unlimited power. Lightning shook the air as the atmosphere ripped apart from his rage. He turned an imperious finger towards Akatsuki's leader.

" _Are you even listening to me?!"_ Enel screamed.

A couple hundred feet away, Tobi waved him off, busily bent over in front of the Poneglyph embedded in the side of a tremendous golden bell.

"Yeah, yeah," said Tobi, clearly distracted, "Sounds great- I'll be _right_ there, just gimme a second…"

Almost laughing with rage, Enel thrust out his palm, his body crackling with lightning.

 **[KAMI NO SABAKI: EL THOR]**

Every member of Akatsuki- save for the one currently reading- shielded their eyes from the god-like lightshow as a two-hundred-million volt hammer of lightning as wide as a house crashed out from Enel's hand. It turned the air around it into an expanding wave of energetic plasma that singed hairs and burnt robes. The bolt struck Tobi dead on, covering the distance between them in less than a millisecond, at which point it immediately disappeared with a noise that sounded vaguely like a *vroop!*

Tobi grunted in annoyance.

"Quit it! I said I'm trying to read! I'll fight you in a minute, okay?!"

It was times like these that Danzou remembered why it was, exactly, that most of Akatsuki tolerated Tobi being in something like a leadership role. Each of these people respected power, and Tobi had it like few others he had ever seen before. Names like Hashirama and Madara came to mind, and that was no faint praise.

Enel began hyperventilating again, and for a moment Danzou felt sure he was about to witness a repeat of their opponent's earlier temper tantrum. Unfortunately, the man composed himself moments later.

"Very well," he said, breathing deeply to steady himself, "I know not what tricks you are using to escape my vengeance, but it means nothing in the end when I can rip the clouds from under your feet."

Immediately, Orochimaru and Kakuzu began preparing long-ranged wind-jutsu, but Enel needed no such preparation.

 **[SANGO]**

Another titanic bolt of lightning appeared as if from nowhere, striking upwards from underneath Tobi. In a flash of light and fire it obliterated the tremendous cloud-wrapped vines that the golden belfry rested on before being absorbed into Tobi's defensive technique. The bell fell, smashing through several layers of cloud below before breaking through to the open air.

"Hey!" Tobi shouted, as he began free-falling, "I was reading that, you meanie!"

A series of white tentacles whipped out from his ears, grasping and clinging onto the remnants of one vine to halt his fall, and his Rinnegan flared with power. The incalculably heavy golden bell halted in mid-air, then began to climb upward once more.

Not to be outdone, Enel dodged the incoming wind attacks with an instantaneous teleportation, appearing next to Tobi with a vengeful cry, already swinging his heavy golden staff. Tobi attempted to dodge, but the attack landed unerringly, breaking his bones and sending Tobi shooting sideways into a nearby bank of clouds. The bell resumed plummeting to the earth below, but Enel paid it no heed. He landed on the clouds and then turned to the gathered members of Akatsuki, laughing with a god's nobility.

"Even with your tricks, see how easily your leader was bested! The rest of you cannot possibly stand against me, but I offer you one hope. Having defeated my priests, I am willing to offer you all a position at my side on my journey to Fairy Vearth! The moon holds a treasure of incalculable value, and together we can claim it!" Enel smiled, bestowing this wonderful favor upon them with divine mercy. "You only need to kneel before me."

Danzou glanced around. He didn't think that a single member of Akatsuki- with the possible exception of Deidara, who was trying to look like he wasn't involved- was phased by this man's threats. But, then, Danzou was well aware of their bomber's elemental weaknesses by this point. This so-called lightning-god just didn't appear all that worrying. He possessed a marginally competent teleportation and a perfect defense that relied upon his transformation abilities, but he was over-reliant on the sheer power of his lightning techniques. Danzou had seen little from this man to indicate he was a skilled fighter. Hurting Tobi was the first success he had had against them during these encounters, but…

No sooner had Danzou thought this than Tobi emerged from a nearby bank of clouds, scrabbling up to the surface with grunts of effort. He wasn't even hurt any more.

Danzou nodded to himself. He'd suspected for nearly a year now that Tobi had some method of self-regeneration, but it was normally so hard to hurt the man that it had taken ages to get confirmation. He'd add that to the list of Tobi's known powers.

The tentacles were odd, too. He hadn't seen those before.

"Aw shucks! My stone!" Tobi cried out in frustration. "I needed to see what was on that!"

Tobi pointed to Hidan, pulling the robed regenerator off his feet with a pulse of telekinetic power and eliciting a great deal of swearing. He grabbed Hidan by both shoulders and began shouting in his face.

"Go after that bell and make sure it doesn't go anywhere, okay?!"

"Wha- what the shit are you-"

Wasting no more words, Tobi picked Hidan up over his head and chucked him into the hole the bell had made. His screams faded away as he disappeared out of sight. Seeing this, Deidara spoke up.

"Hey, I'd better go down after him. You know- make sure he can get back up here, _un._ "

"What?" Tobi asked, "Oh! Oh, yes, you're right! Okay!"

In seconds, Deidara leapt down after the falling regenerator. That left only Tobi, Orochimaru, Kisame, Kakuzu, and Danzou up above, with Sasori still busy repairing the ship from the damage it had sustained during their abrupt ascension. Tobi had offered to do it himself using his command of Wood-element ninjutsu, but after he bungled the first attempt Sasori had refused him further access.

Enel, meanwhile, was watching them all with a furious expression. Tobi turned back to him with pride in his eyes.

"Well!" Tobi stated with grandiose flair, "I hereby declare that since you made us fight _your_ four priests, we get to subject you to our own trials!"

"Tobi, what are you doing?" asked Orochimaru.

"I have my four priests right here!" continued Tobi, showcasing the four Akatsuki members, "First up is… the Trial of… Sharks!

Enel narrowed his eyes, but said nothing.

" _Psst_ , Kisame, that's supposed to be you…" Tobi hissed.

Kisame raised a hand and took a step back. "Mmmm… lightning and water don't mix very favorably, I'm afraid. You pass the Trial of Sharks. Congratulations."

Enel blinked. Tobi turned and ripped off his mask, betrayal filling his face. "WHAT?! COME ON! You can't just give up like that! What about adventure?! What about fun?! What about-"

Interrupting Tobi, Kakuzu leapt to the foreground, exploding into a thick cloud of black thread that coalesced into four figures. This was his Earth Grudge Fear technique that used the hearts of four powerful shinobi to create independent bodies. The four heart-creations wore white masks with green, yellow, blue, and red markings- each figure controlling master-level ninjutsu in wind, lightning, water, and fire respectively.

Now, the Wind Heart poured chakra into its attack.

 **[FUUTON: ATSUGAI] - [WIND RELEASE: PRESSURE DAMAGE]**

A blast of intensely compressed wind-chakra shot from the Wind Heart and stampeded towards Enel at half the speed of sound. The clouds in its path began shredding and flying apart from the slicing wind chakra, and then the attack explosively expanded, engulfing Enel in a pressure dome of compressed air.

"Ah! Kakuzu! You jumped in too early!" cried Tobi, rushing to keep up with his commentary, "Err- You now must face the Trial of Strings! No- _shit_! Strings was one of the Priest's trials, wasn't it?!"

Enel shook his head as the attack covered him, paying no heed. Weak insects never learned the true meaning of power- it didn't matter what they did to him. The slicing attacks cut into his skin, seeming to tingle as they did so, but it would do no damage before he automatically transformed into lightning.

Lightning, as any mortal should know, was _invincible_.

He barely registered the stinging sensations worsening, looking down to see what the problem was. His eyes widened in shock as he watched a blade of wind cut a quarter inch into his skin before his lightning transformation finally responded. Other cuts were already welling up with blood.

Having felt pain for the first time in ages, Enel screamed in surprise, then covered his face. The vortex still surrounded him, refusing to relent, and he tried to transform into lightning to escape, only to find that his power refused him. Reflexively, he fell back on the power of Mantra, feeling the motions of the air before they happened and dodging the worst of the wind attacks.

Outside, Kakuzu's Fire Heart decided to add its attack to the maelstrom.

 **[KATON: ZUKOKKU] - [FIRE RELEASE: INTELLIGENT HARD WORK]**

Enel's connection to the Mantra collapsed as he watched the incoming firestorm with the first true fear he had ever felt in his life. If that attack hit him when his defenses were malfunctioning, he could easily die. He pushed his lightning transformation harder and harder inside the slicing chamber of wind until, just before the world exploded in fire, Enel finally switched into his lightning form, teleporting to fall into a bloody heap in an area outside the erupting inferno.

With wild eyes, Enel snapped his head up to look at the Wind Heart, which was just now reorienting to face him. A flick of his wrist verified his lightning was now working properly, and he sent another bolt of landscape-shattering energy at the creature that had attacked him.

Silently, Kakuzu's Lightning Heart slid into the path of the bolt, sticking out both of its black, wriggling limbs to intercept.

Lightning struck.

For the first second it seemed to absorb the attack without problem. Then, rapidly overloading, a fan of lightning discharged wildly into the air behind its back. A second later, the Lightning Heart exploded in a cataclysmic blast of energy that sent the Wind Heart flying back from the battlefield, a stray bolt arcing to the nearby Water Heart and vaporizing it in a single instant.

Kakuzu watched this display of power in disbelief, shock hindering his motions as Enel fired a second blast to obliterate him. Saving the day, Tobi dropped into place in front of him, raising both hands. Once again, the blast of lightning disappeared with a *vroop* noise, and Enel screamed in anger.

"Okay! I guess that's the Trial of Hearts over for now!" Tobi said, cheerfully. "Next up, the Trial of Snakes! Orochimaru, that's you, in case you were wondering."

"Danzou," said Orochimaru, looking his way. Silently, Danzou nodded and ripped off his eyepatch, revealing the Sharingan underneath. Together, the two Konoha missing-nin sprinted towards the Lightning-God who was just now standing back up.

"Whoa!" shouted Tobi, "Danzou, you can't join in yet! I don't have a trial name for you! Hey, wait!"

Breathing deep, Enel connected once again to his Mantra. As long as he kept it together, he could predict every move these strange foreigners made. Even if they could somehow hurt him, it meant nothing if he dodged every strike. Feeling the future solidify in his mind, everything on the island began move according to its pattern. Smiling, he raised his hand to smite the two approaching heretics.

Then, with no warning at all, fate shattered.

Danzou's eye transformed into the Mangekyou Sharingan.

 **[YATAGARASU] - [EIGHT-SPAN CROW]**

Enel felt his connection to the future fracture into a thousand different possibilities in an instant. Screaming, he collapsed to his knees and struggled to ready himself again, but Orochimaru had already launched an attack that sent a storm-front of wind chakra approaching him. Desperately, he transformed into lightning, darting out of the path of the attack and retreating from the battlefield. Unfortunately for him, his retreat was halted an instant later when another wall of wind blocked his path. Kakuzu's Wind Heart had returned and was watching the battle from a distance.

Pinned between both fields of wind, Enel was brought to the ground just in time to see Danzou in front of him, his sword glowing with a green energy that coated and extended his blade. Enel raised his staff, determined to block the first strike.

Danzou's blade struck true without even being hindered by Enel's attempt to parry, impaling the Lightning God through the chest on his right side.

Enel collapsed with a bloody sigh, and Danzou removed his blade, the Mangekyou fading away.

* * *

 **-Present-**

 **-Approach to Water-7-**

 **-Ship's Clinic-**

Shimura Danzou saw the light being shone into his stolen eyeball with painful clarity and precision. He couldn't help it. Only an Uchiha could deactivate the Sharingan at will, which is why he normally kept his eye hidden behind an eyepatch.

"The deterioration of this eye is proceeding faster than expected," said Orochimaru, flicking off the light he had used to measure the cloudiness of the lens, "Assuming it continues to decline at this rate, I estimate you have another half an hour of operation at most before it becomes completely blind."

That was unfortunate, thought Danzou. Taking from the bodies of the Uchiha warriors that had gained a Mangekyou on the night of the massacre, he had recovered very few eyes before he had been forced to escape Konoha, and this was one of the last remaining ones that was useful for him in combat. Yatagarasu was the three-legged bird that represented the hand of the divine in mortal affairs, and it was intimately connected with fate. It was a fitting name, given that the three-pronged pinwheel shape in Danzou's Mangekyou could be used to view the future of whatever he was looking at. Three-second precognition was extremely useful for a technical fighter like himself, even if he couldn't bring out its full potential as an Uchiha might have.

As Orochimaru began replacing tools, the snake continued to pry. "Has the eye been acting strangely, Danzou?"

"Yes," he admitted. "Yatagarasu behaved oddly during the fights with both Enel and Aokiji."

The snake-man paused. "How so?"

"Normally, it shows me a single path for their fate, but against those two I saw numerous paths that converged into one as I watched."

Orochimaru nodded. "Hmm, that explains it."

"What, exactly, does that explain?"

"Both of those powerful fighters exhibited a similar trait. As we noted when we fought the lightning-user, Enel, he seemed to possess some ability to identify a person's location at all times, even at extreme range or when otherwise unable to see. I have since confirmed he possesses no special Doujutsu to explain this phenomenon. The so-called Admiral relied upon that same ability."

"I don't see what that has to do with the Yatagarasu."

"There was another aspect to it, I believe. Enel professed to be able to see our moves before we made them—"

"Yes, I'm aware of his empty boasting. We were the ones who fought him in close-range both times, and unlike the others claimed I found him to be an utterly incompetent fighter. I thought you had decided it was just that he boosted his reflexes through control of lightning, and then his control failed after the wind attack phased him."

Orochimaru shook his head, still stowing his tools. "No. I've since confirmed that wasn't the case. In fact, the only thing I can see that is the same in both cases is that Enel and the Admiral's fighting performance degraded immediately after you entered combat."

Narrowing his eyes, Danzou considered what he knew. "You think that they did, in fact, possess precognition."

"I also think that the Mangekyou Sharingan overpowered it. Like a master of Shogi thinking twelve steps ahead of a novice, when two predictions of the future clash only one can be true in the end. Whatever form of precognition those two used was no longer giving them accurate information—"

"Which would mean that the multiple paths I saw was the Yatagarasu fighting and winning a battle for supremacy," finished Danzou, nodding to himself. "It makes sense."

"Yes," agreed the snake-man, "-and it also means that it's more stressful on the eye itself. We only brought this one eye on this mission, so you would be wise to be careful with it, Danzou."

"Of course you are correct," he lied.

In truth, it still amused him that Orochimaru wasn't aware that he had brought the Kotoamatsukami with him on this journey, hidden away inside the First Hokage's mask of flesh on his shoulder.

After all, it had been Orochimaru himself who had implanted the eye there.

Years ago Danzou had taken Uchiha Shisui's incredible eye, the Kotoamatsukami, and though it had cost him, that cost had been worth it. For someone who wished for true power, it was a most glorious tool.

What a strange twist of fate that it had been born to one as unambitious as Shisui.

The Kotoamatsukami could be used to subtly and invisibly alter a target's personality and desires, even without eye-contact. The only problem— besides the normal Mangekyou's weaknesses of gradual blindness—was that it was limited to being used roughly once in a decade. So, cast out from Konoha with little in the way of resources, Danzou had known to use it wisely.

He had gone to Orochimaru.

Once Orochimaru had come under the Kotoamatsukami's thrall, the man had become convinced that Danzou's ascendancy would create the most wonderful cycle of destruction and rebirth in the country's history. With Orochimaru's aid, they had partially overcome the limitations of the Mangekyou by implanting the First Hokage's cells so that the eye could draw upon the natural energy that flowed from the Senju DNA. Now, instead of being useful once a decade, it was possible for him to use it once a week.

It was a pity they hadn't fixed the gradual blindness problem; the Kotoamatsukami was almost dead after barely ten uses. It was also a pity that he had never discovered where Itachi had hidden Shisui's other eye.

Also unfortunate was the fact that the eye hadn't worked as expected on Tobi. Or rather, after Danzou had enthralled him once, Tobi had followed his orders for more than a day, but the jutsu had weakened every time Tobi had used his damnable chakra-nullification technique, until eventually he had returned to normal. If he was going to manipulate Tobi he just had to wait for the right moment.

So the eye would rest safely in his shoulder until that moment arrived.

"While we lost a member to this threat," said Orochimaru, interrupting his thoughts, "I believe we may have learned enough to make up for the loss."

"Oh?"

"While the Admiral we fought was indeed powerful, if he represents the utmost powers of this world then I believe we've already won. All that remains is choosing the appropriate strategy." He turned to face Danzou, curiosity in his eyes, "Tell me what you would do, Danzou. I wish to see how you would stir the world into motion and ensure our control of the Fruit of the Divine Tree."

Danzou paused to consider this. Two separate uses of the Kotoamatsukami on the man over the years had meant that his control over Orochimaru was very thorough, but giving his thrall the answer he wished to hear would make it less likely to cause conflict in the long run. In this case, however, he felt that his honest opinion would work best.

"We do what we did with Konoha. Cut off a head and strike for the tree during the confusion. If these Admirals are the strategic power that they were implied to be, then killing one of the three would throw the world itself out of balance."

"Three? Strategic Power?" asked Orochimaru, not following. "Where are you getting this information from?"

"Oh, that's right," muttered Danzou, "You weren't up above when Tobi played us for fools again..."

* * *

 **-Hours Earlier-**

Tobi, Kakuzu, Kisame and Hidan were above deck, and Danzou watched their ongoing argument from his position at the helm.

Kakuzu slammed his fist through a nearby railing, splinters flying into the ocean. With a barely-restrained growl, he bit out, "Of COURSE we need a smaller ship! Have you forgotten that Sasori _died_ back there, Tobi? Without his mechanisms we're stuck sailing this massive thing ourselves. All because you wouldn't let me replace my heart!"

"Well that's not fair!" started Tobi, "He went off on his own! It was too late to help when we got there!"

"When _you_ got there, Tobi," growled Kakuzu, "Some of us were fighting that man for five minutes before you thought to stop wandering about and join us!"

"That hardly sounds like my problem. Sounds like you guys couldn't handle him."

" _Of course I couldn't handle him! I lost two of my hearts following after your worthless scheme up in the sky-"_

"Now, now-" said Kisame, seeking to calm the situation, "Tobi, he really was a challenge. Honestly, I'm probably the only one among us who's used to fighting against an ice-user. There's a reason we in Mist exterminated the Yuki clan, after all."

"Don't think I've forgotten about _you_ ," snarled Kakuzu, pointing at Kisame. "What happened to the plan? In case of another powerful Fruit-User, we were supposed to trap them inside a force-field and fill it with water. Did you just forget about that without my water heart around to help you?!"

Kisame's jaw fell open, "You can't be serious! I don't care _what_ kind of weaknesses these people have- you never give an ice-user more water to work with!"

"And so you conveniently spent your time fighting defensively rather than going for the kill? Fantastic."

"I expected Tobi to show up sooner! If we run into a fire-user you won't see me playing it safe, let me assure you. Tobi, what _were_ you doing when the rest of us were fighting?"

"Hmm?" asked Tobi, pausing to sip from a nearby drink. "Oh! Well, I stole the soul of one of the pirates we beat in the games!"

There was a pregnant pause as Danzou, Kisame, and Kakuzu took this in. Sighing, Danzou abandoned the helm and stepped down to join the conversation he had so far stayed out of. He made it his personal mission to acquire a list of all of Akatsuki's strengths and weaknesses for when he finally betrayed them, and Tobi's list found a way to grow every day.

"Pardon me?" Danzou asked, hoping for some clarification.

"I ripped his soul from his head," reiterated Tobi, pointing to his own skull, "-so now I know everything he knew."

The earlier argument ceased for the moment, and Danzou felt like choking the man to death. Given the wide variety of mind-bending abilities Tobi had displayed or alluded to so far, it was never clear whether any given expression of his power was something real or just a symptom of his delusions. Honestly, soul-stealing sounded pretty worrying, as these things went.

"You... take someone's… soul… and then you learn everything they know…?" asked Kisame.

"Yep!"

"Tobi," asked Danzou, "could you have done that to the crew of this ship when we first captured it?"

"Well, _duh_ ," said Tobi, rolling his eyes.

"-and you could have saved us good bit of confusion and wasted time?"

As Danzou sought to uncover this mystery, Kakuzu began twitching with barely-restrained rage. Tobi just sipped again from his drink.

"What, and miss out on the adventure?" he asked, clearly put off by the idea, "You have to experience this stuff for yourself, you know! Besides, even if I knew it, you guys wouldn't have known it!"

" _You are nothing but a worthless sack of refuse, you insufferable LUNATIC!"_ yelled Kakuzu.

"Man, I can't believe you guys are all against me," whined Tobi. "Some friends you are. Hey Hidan, aren't you going to say anything?"

A muffled scream and some thumping was vaguely audible from Hidan's direction. The solid lump of ice that he was encased in vibrated slightly in indignation.

"Oh, right, he got caught by that Admiral fellow."

"Tobi," asked Danzou, "Please tell me that you know something about this man that attacked us."

"Sure! I'll tell you all about him and the others!"

Before he could speak, Kakuzu growled out a threat. " _Don't_ think that I've forgotten about my earlier demand. I won't take no for an answer this time, Tobi. I _need_ a new heart, and we _need_ a new ship that we can control without the puppeteer. If you want my help and my resources in acquiring a new ship, you _will_ give me the lightning-user's heart."

* * *

Back in the ship's clinic, Orochimaru frowned as Danzou told the slightly disturbing story. Closing his eyes, he considered it all carefully.

"So… the world powers exist in a balance. The Four Emperors, the Revolutionary Army, the Shichibukai, the Celestial Dragons, the Pirates, and finally the Marines, headed by the three Admirals that represent their strategic might..."

Danzou nodded. "A Marine Admiral represents a perfect target once we have acquired some intelligence on their strengths and weaknesses. Taking an Admiral's head will force a fundamental shift of power away from the Marine Strongholds to cover their losses."

"It is also guaranteed to be a source of a powerful fruit-user to fuel the sacrifice needed by the Divine Tree," mused Orochimaru, and then he stepped over to a sealed cabinet. From inside he removed the jar that contained the Lightning-God Enel's heart.

Danzou watched the heart with interest. It continued to spark and convulse in the nutrient bath that sustained it, the excess electricity being absorbed by a complicated series of seals.

"That's it?" he asked, "The Fruit's power remains inside that heart? Can it be given to Kakuzu and still remain of use as a sacrifice when the time comes?"

"That depends on him, but I believe so. The Lightning-God's power may be extremely beneficial for meeting an Admiral's power with our own. If you ask my opinion, I believe it is likely that this fruit and the Admiral's were equals in terms of strength. It just goes to show the value of proper fighting experience. I believe that Kakuzu could make better use of it than that man ever could have."

Danzou smirked. "It would be quite dangerous to have Kakuzu turn this fruit against us. How confident are you that this heart can be sabotaged without detection?"

"There is no need to worry about that," assured Orochimaru, stroking the glass with a pale finger, "He is welcome to test his mastery of jutsu against mine any day. If he fights us before we reach the tree then he will find that his heart gives out quite unexpectedly."

"Excellent. Let it be so."

"Speaking of problems in the ranks," Orochimaru said as he began to prepare the heart for removal, "Kisame has been acting strangely since we returned from the island."

"Oh, yes… I had noticed that as well…"

* * *

 **-Hours Earlier-**

Kisame shifted uncomfortably as he considered the events of the past day.

At Tobi's insistence they had gone along with the game called a "Davy-Back Fight" proposed by the other pirate crew in an effort to learn something about the outside world, and the first match had been an aquatic race. Kisame, of course, had been absolutely certain that that was where he would end up, and he hadn't been disappointed. He just hadn't expected to run into an opponent that would interest him.

Idly, Kisame brushed his hand along the rough surface of his shark-skin arm. One of the opposing team members, a man named Capote, had been a creature very similar to him. Greenish-blue skin, barely-visible scales, adapted to water, a nose like a billfish… Kisame had never seen another person like him in his entire life. Even more disturbing, Capote had seemed to know exactly what he was. He had called him a 'Fish-man'.

Of course, it was hardly Kisame's first time being called a 'Fish-man,' but somehow it seemed a bit more meaningful coming from this man of unknown species.

He had never known his true parents or his lineage. He had washed up as a baby on the shore of the Land of Water, and as he had grown into a body that possessed an immense physical strength he had been forcibly taken by Mist's roving recruitment squads. The intent had probably been for him to serve as fodder for the murderous ritual that was their initiation into training as Mist Ninja- they just hadn't expected him to kill every other one of the children and emerge as the victor.

Kisame was loyal to the mission. He had his duty and he would fulfill it. Mist didn't raise people who would quit their tasks on a whim, after all. So he had killed Capote with little in the way of thought.

But he found himself hoping that he would run into more of these strange 'Fish-men' on their journey...

* * *

Back in the present, Danzou shook his head. "I don't know what is causing his change in attitude, but I'm not concerned. Everything in his profile says he will continue to work to reach the tree." Unspoken was that they would then have to kill him.

Nodding, Orochimaru returned to his work, recovering the fruit and leaving the room with little else said. Danzou followed suit.

Many legends speak of a divine fruit that grows from a mystical tree, but what is generally unknown is that many of those legends were originally talking about a pomegranate. In other words, a single fruit with many other fruits inside of it.

When Danzou had learned that Akatsuki planned to fight their way to the Divine Tree, take the Millennial Fruit, and then split the power of the gods between themselves, he had been willing to do whatever it took to ensure they failed. But now he saw it as an opportunity. Tobi would reach the tree, and then, under the power of the Kotoamatsukami, the owner of the Rinnegan would happily kill every other member of Akatsuki and ensure that Danzou received the Fruit himself.

And under Danzou's careful watch, the world would finally know peace.

* * *

A/N: There will be a mini-update on Thursday.


	31. More Than Meets the Eye

**-Water-7-**

 **-Blueno's Bar-**

Blueno stood behind the counter of the establishment that was named after him, contentedly cleaning his mugs. It was a busy day, but everyone here knew the routine- not to mention that many of the clientele policed each other- which made things very easy on him. His bar in the middle tier served the salt of the earth, mainly catering to the many shipwrights and dockworkers that made Water-7 the industrial capital that it was.

The bartender was a tall, solidly-built man with a strange hair-style that resembled a bull's horns. Everyone in the bar knew his name was Blueno, and it seemed as though everyone in town knew that he'd been here for years. Now, if you were a stranger, you might look at the massive man and and think, 'this guy looks like a bull about to stampede,' but that impression would melt away when you saw him look up with meek, unassuming eyes when someone enters the bar.

"Meeeeeh," he bleated, sounding far more like a goat than a bull, "Lucci! Good to see you."

Rob Lucci, head shipwright at the Galley-La Shipbuilding Company, walked up to the bar and sat down wearing a sullen expression. This wasn't unusual. He came dressed in worker's clothes and a black top hat. This wasn't unusual. There was a white pigeon wearing a tie sitting on his shoulder. This also wasn't unusual.

"Well, Lucci, what'll it be? How are you doing?" the barkeep asked.

Lucci's face didn't move from his normal stoic look, but the pigeon responded for him, raising a wing and speaking in a high falsetto voice. " _Hey, you dumb bull, gimme the usual and shut up! I'm not in the mood today! Coo!"_

This was only slightly unusual. Everyone knew that the mysterious Rob Lucci didn't talk, but his pigeon made up for his deficit. Or perhaps it wasn't the pigeon speaking at all- perhaps it was him speaking for the pigeon as a ventriloquist, and the pigeon was just a naturally talented actor. No one really knew for sure. Even worse was that- as natives of the Grand Line- no one was really sure which possibility was more likely.

Well, Blueno knew the truth. Blueno knew everything about Lucci, which was a fact that would surprise just about anyone.

As Blueno set a beer down for Lucci- and a thimble of straight whiskey for the pigeon- he seemed to remember something. "Oh, Lucci, that reminds me! I have something to tell you."

 _"Well, what is it?"_ said the pigeon, or possibly Lucci, as it indicated impatience using tiny wing-gestures.

"Old Man Peters- you know, the Barber? He said he saw you working the other day and he told me to tell you that you really need a haircut. He said he has openings on the eleventh, and if you don't get to it soon then no-one will be able to see your head at all."

 _"Why don't you tell him to stuff it!_ " said Lucci, or perhaps the pigeon. Either way, that was all that was said.

Blueno indicated his displeasure by bleating like a goat. "Meeehh, Lucci, you should really learn to be a bit more personable."

Lucci and the pigeon both said nothing, and eventually Blueno left them to drink in peace.

* * *

 **-Later That Night: Eleven PM-**

 **-Water-7-**

 **-Dock Warehouse Section P-**

Rob Lucci was walking home after leaving the bar when he turned down a dark alley and suddenly disappeared.

Kicking off the ground a dozen times in the blink of an eye, he shot forward and upward, flying above the rooftops.

 **[SORU] - [SHAVE]**

Then, redirecting himself with an inhumanly strong kick, he jumped off of the air itself, darting several streets over, before finally repeating the technique to jump straight downward to the ground, landing silently.

 **[GEPPOU] - [MOON-STEP]**

He had just traveled three hundred feet in less than a second, and anyone following him would have been completely in the dark.

Not that anyone had ever been so stupid as to try and follow him, but it was the principle of the thing.

Rob Lucci stalked through the night with both the confidence as well as the disappointment of one who knew that he was the most dangerous thing in it.

Eventually, he arrived at the lower docks. The entire area had been devastated when this year's Aqua Laguna storm system had passed through just a couple of days prior. Littered with trash and almost devoid of people and business, it was the perfect place for a clandestine meeting, which is why Blueno had asked him to come here in the simple coded message he had received at the bar. That was hardly unusual, but the reference to his head meant that this was a top priority order from headquarters.

His boss irritated him.

He stepped into an abandoned warehouse that smelled of urine. No. It didn't just smell of urine; there was someone there inside it. Two drunks who were passed out in puddles of their own filth at opposite ends of the building. They would have to go. Reaching down, he pulled one of them to his feet, and the tattoo-ridden man stirred, swearing right away. Startled, the drunk's hand flashed to a knife at his side, stabbing before he had even grasped the situation. The knife struck Lucci's chest and shattered.

 **[TEKKAI] - [IRON BODY]**

The drunk's eyes widened for just a second before Lucci stabbed a single finger into the man's body. Far from bending, his finger moved as fast as a bullet and remained as rigid as a steel rod.

 **[SHIGAN] - [FINGER PISTOL]**

With no resistance he penetrated the man's chest, slipping beneath the rib-cage and piercing the heart. The man died not knowing what had happened.

"AH!" screamed the other drunk from the other side of the room, having woken in time to witness the murder. "Ya killed 'im! Screw you!"

Whipping out a gun from beneath his coat, the second drunk fired as quickly as he could. Gunshots rang out through the night, and Lucci watched the bullets leave the barrel. He whipped his body to the side like paper in the wind, every part of him flexing with unnatural ease as the bullets passed harmlessly by.

 **[KAMI-E] - [PAPER PORTRAIT]**

*CLICK* *CLICK* *CLICK* The gun protested due to its lack of bullets as the man kept frantically pulling the trigger. Spinning in place, Lucci brought his leg around in a roundhouse kick, the attack reaching such incredible speed that the force transmitted through the air itself. On the other side of the warehouse, the gun fell to pieces, sliced in half.

A moment later, the drunk fell to pieces as well.

 **[RANKYAKU] - [STORM LEG]**

These six arts formed the basis of CP9's unbeatable combat style: The Six Techniques.

Finally, the warehouse smelled more like blood than like urine. His enhanced predatory senses rated this a definite improvement. The noise of the gunshots might be a problem, but this part of the island was practically a no-go area at this time of year anyway. So he waited.

Eventually, there was a noise like a door opening. A portal opened in mid air and a hooded figure pushed his way out, the mid-air door swinging on its non-existent 'hinge' and somehow making a creaking sound as it did so. The hooded figure stepped down to the floor and the door swung shut, the air making a heavy clunking noise as it closed.

"Lucci," said the figure.

"Blueno," said Lucci, and just Lucci, the pigeon remaining silent.

"I see you've taken liberties with our meeting place," said Blueno, his voice now deep and rich, no longer the friendly nasal tones he used at the bar.

"This is not my problem. You're late."

Blueno shook his horned head. "I am only late because I had to ensure no one heard those gun-shots."

"Surely you didn't call me here for this boring conversation," said Lucci. "What business is there?"

"There's a message for us from headquarters," said Blueno, "It's time."

There was a pause.

"That's ridiculous," said Lucci, annoyance reaching his face, "Let me see the message."

"You don't trust me?"

"If our operation is about to be ruined by impatience, then I want to know the depths of that stupidity for myself. Let me see the message."

Blueno had the message already in hand, clearly not upset by the request. Frowning, Lucci read it thoroughly. As he read, Blueno summarized.

"They've caught the Devil of Ohara, Nico Robin, and she is being transported to Enies Lobby along with the Straw-Hat pirates. The Admiral, however, has been asked to stop here on his way back to headquarters, which means the fleet will be here as well. Chief Spandam's father was the one who failed to capture Nico Robin twenty years ago, and so now the Chief wants CP9 to help escort her to her final destination. All, supposedly, so that the Admiral can 'return with expedience.'" He paused.

"So the Chief pulled strings to replace the Admiral, and now he's calling in our mission early," finished Lucci, looking up from the paper. "I'm certain he's been told that we're not sure where the plans for Pluton are. That imbecile wants to waste years of our effort in approaching Iceburg on a whim."

Blueno smiled, though it didn't show on his face in any noticeable way. "I think he believes we were stalling."

"I'm aware of what he thinks." Lucci paused, standing stock still, lost in thought. After a moment, he said, "Blueno, you are to stay here."

Now something showed in Blueno's expression. His scowl deepened until scowl was all there was on his face. "Chief Spandam ordered a full court press."

"I'm aware of what he ordered. When we move on Iceburg, you are the only one who stands a chance of keeping your cover. If we fail to capture the plans to Pluton, he may expose something in the process of evading us. In that case, we'll need you to stay behind and make one last attempt."

"But-"

"I will take full responsibility for this. Despite how he may act, Spandam does not have authority to dictate our actions in the field. From this moment on, I want you to have no contact whatsoever with the rest of us."

"Hmmm... I understand."

The two of them parted ways. As they left, Lucci considered the night's events. While he hated a job done imperfectly, at the very least they would finally be leaving this accursed town. Rob Lucci smiled, and it was a good thing indeed that no one was around to see its feral menace.

They would move on Iceburg tonight.


	32. Know When To Break Loose

**-Grand Line-**

 **-Third Fleet Convoy-**

 **-Lead Battleship-**

After being captured, Sasuke had been loaded onto the ship without argument. He cooperated at every turn. When the Marines asked him to kneel, he knelt. When they placed shackles on his wrists, he accepted them without complaint. They were altered handcuffs, the chain between the two wrist restraints replaced with an iron rod that prevented him from bringing both hands together. Like this, he would be unable to use all but the simplest of jutsu. Still, he didn't put up a fight.

In short, Sasuke behaved. In return, they treated him with courtesy. They helped treat his wounds, and they didn't strike him as they stored him in the prison cell across from the unconscious form of his best friend, Naruto. He was told that it was because he had demonstrated an ability to restrain him if Naruto should transform again.

Sasuke assumed that they also wanted Naruto to know that if he transformed then he would attack his friend first.

He saw no other Straw-Hats during his stay. Most likely, they had been split up among the three ships in the Navy convoy. From what he had heard, he, Naruto, and Robin were being kept in the lead ship where the Admiral and Commodore could keep an eye on them, but if so, Robin wasn't in the brig with them. He wondered what that meant.

Once he had established the basics, Sasuke fell into a deep sleep. When roused, he claimed that the effort of subduing the Kyuubi had nearly killed him, and he would be helpless for the next few days. This wasn't exactly true, but they didn't need to know that.

He ate, he drank, and he conserved his energy. About a day into the journey, the Admiral visited him, and Sasuke slowly answered a few questions about the Elemental Kingdoms, shinobi politics, as well as gladly sharing everything he knew about Akatsuki. He told them a great deal about Orochimaru, Danzou, Deidara, and what little they knew about Akatsuki's mysterious leader, Tobi. As far as Sasuke was concerned, any enemy of Akatsuki was, if not a friend, then at least a weapon to be used against them. He only regretted not learning more about what had happened with Hidan during the rest of the crew's fight with him on Jaya, but he did remember learning that the man was a regenerator who used a chained scythe. Aokiji agreed, having witnessed as much himself.

After answering these questions, Sasuke fell back into a stupor. This was apparently sufficient, and the Admiral left, satisfied for now.

About a day and a half into their incarceration, Sasuke learned that they had changed destinations without him realizing it, docking at a place called Water-7. For some unknown reason, the Admiral had gotten off at that stop on his way back to the World Government Headquarters at Mariejois, which was something the guards couldn't help chatting about. The fleet had stayed barely a few hours more before they were off again. As they left, someone else was brought down to the brig, yelling and grumbling in a nasal voice.

"OW! Quit it, you goons! I've seen the inside of a cell before! I can damn well walk myself there!"

The Marines unceremoniously deposited a giant of a man into a reinforced cell just a bit further down the hall. The blue-haired man in the row opposite his was clearly another one of the strange mutants that lived out here. He was in excellent shape- which was clear since he was wearing only a bright-red floral shirt and a tiny pair of underwear- but his legs were scrawny compared to his muscled upper-body, and his forearms were at least twice the size of his upper arms. He had what looked like a metallic nose, but strangest of all was his chin, which was pointed in three places.

Sasuke almost felt like engaging the man in conversation just to find out what was up with that chin, but he changed his mind quickly. He had to conserve every last bit of energy.

It wasn't long before the other man started pacing the confines of his cell. Grumbling and cursing under his breath, he continued like that for nearly an hour before he began whistling. Sasuke twitched in annoyance, but said nothing. Then the man started singing.

"Ohhh~! I got the blues~! The prison blues~! I got the 'they took my goddamn guitar so I can't play any prison music blues~!'"

Sasuke clenched his teeth and seriously considered plugging his ears.

"Oh, hey, I guess they didn't take this thing away," said the other man. There was a strange clonking sort of noise, and then when Sasuke turned to look the man had produced a harmonica as if by magic. He immediately began playing it, and the ninja moaned in frustration when he turned out to be even worse at the harmonica than he was at singing.

Eventually, the playing stopped. "Shit, I never was any good with this anyway," he said. "Don't know why I even installed it. Hey, kid! What are you in for?"

Suddenly being addressed as 'hey kid' from out of nowhere, Sasuke considered saying nothing, but the answer came to him without effort.

"Tried to set fire to an Admiral," he said, sounding bored and tired.

The man raised an eyebrow. "Shit, man, and I thought _I_ was stupid." He grinned, showing off a set of brilliant white teeth. "But at least you're alive, huh? Name's Franky. Call me a deviant- call me a cyborg- but I'm always Franky."

"Sasuke," he stated, simply, "Sorry, but I'm still recovering. If you're looking for a lively conversation partner, I'm not your guy."

"Psh, whatever, kid. I don't need your company anyway."

That said, Franky settled in to occupy himself and time continued to pass just as slowly as it had before. Eventually, food was delivered, and Sasuke carefully and politely took it, thanking the marine guard and not making a fuss. This was in stark contrast to Franky, who was a one-man prison riot even with his heavily reinforced restraints.

Afterwards, the other man had nothing but disdain for his quiet acceptance of this situation.

"Shit, kid, you're useless. Got no spirit. You're just a no-balls punk brat. I'm supposed to believe _you_ got involved with an Admiral? Don't make me laugh."

Sasuke said nothing. He just conserved his energy and watched for Naruto's awakening.

* * *

En-route to Enies Lobby, mere hours after their departure from Water-7, Flounders received an update from Captain Weber. They were being followed.

Of course, they had been suspecting this was the case for some time now, but it was good to finally be sure. Their pursuer had been getting sloppy, and they'd glimpsed another hint of a sail when Captain Saldicci's ship had dropped some leagues behind the rest of them to take a look. Somehow, their pursuer had managed to stay over the horizon from them for however long they had been chasing behind.

Captain Weber, of course, had been coolly furious at the thought that he had missed some important hidden variable, but the more important question was their identity. If it was Akatsuki following them then that was one thing, but if Akatsuki wanted to follow them right into Enies Lobby then Flounders would be happy to oblige them. After all, the majority of CP9 was on-board and ready to respond to any disturbances from the prisoners, which made him almost- _almost-_ wish that the rogue ninja group would try something.

No matter. They were only five hours out from Enies Lobby. Time was running out for whoever their mysterious pursuers were.

* * *

 **-Grand Line-**

 **-Five Hours From Enies Lobby-**

 **-Third Fleet Battleship-**

Sasuke was trying to fall asleep when Naruto finally awoke. Stirring for the first time in days, Naruto tried to sit up and then hit his head on the metal plate suspended right over his bed.

"Ow!" he shouted, his voice hoarse, but still startling Sasuke out of his fitful nap, "What the hell is this?"

Once he realized what was happening, Sasuke returned to full consciousness.

"Naruto! You're awake!"

"Yeah, yeah I know. Why the hell are they keeping me in this shitty little box?"

Naruto's cell had a modified bunk with its own set of bars and reinforced plating to prevent him from leaving his bed.

"You impressed them so much with your Shadow Clone tricks that they decided not to give you enough room for two people. I think someone up there had the bright idea of making sure your clones couldn't help you even if you could summon then." He raised his shackled hands, and Naruto examined his own restraints with disgust.

"Shit! Wait, we're in prison?! Oh man… The Kyuubi… What the hell did I do when I was out?!"

"You kicked our asses, Naruto, that's what." Sasuke grinned. "Don't worry about it."

Naruto rearranged himself so his head was pressed against the bars of the cell.

"Oh man, you're still hurt… Did I do that to you? I'm sorry- I knew it was a bad idea to listen to that thing, but-"

"No way," interrupted Sasuke, "You left me alone. It's Luffy you should be apologizing to. When the Admiral gave up, he fought the Kyuubi single-handed until I got you calmed down."

"Shit!" Naruto now looked puzzled in addition to worried. "Wait, he fought me like that?! I didn't think that Luffy guy was all that tough—I didn't kill him, did I?!"

All of a sudden, Sasuke laughed out loud, feeling a wave of relief that his friend was alive and well. "Don't worry- I think he's still alive. Apparently he's not just a goofball after all. He did a better job duking it out with you than I would have—it was like two beasts battling."

"Oh man… that's a relief…" Naruto sat back. "But, come on! _Prison?!_ I mean, I guess it's better than dying or killing everyone, but-"

"I said don't worry about it. I'm just glad you're still alive."

Hearing the commotion, Franky decided to interrupt them. "Hey, little dude! You're finally awake, huh? Your friend there is trying to play this all cool, but the fact is he's been _super_ useless this whole time. Just sits there playing nice and barking when they pat his head like a good little doggy."

Naruto stuck a thumb out past the bars, pointing in Franky's general direction.

"Who's this guy?" he asked.

"The name's Franky, kid."

"You sound pretty weird, but I can't see you from here," replied Naruto, smooshing his face through the bars in an effort to get a look at the other man.

"Hah! Kids these days and their goddamn manners, I tell you. I'm not weird—I'm a cyborg, and don't you forget it."

"Sounds pretty weird to me," said Naruto. "What the hell's a cyborg?"

Inside his massive cell, Franky posed, visible only to Sasuke. "OW! A cyborg is a man who's half-machine, and I'm the greatest one alive."

"You still got caught though," said Sasuke.

"Yeah, don't remind me. It doesn't matter. I'll be getting out of this pickle one way or another."

"How do you figure that?"

Franky grinned. "My gang is gonna be right on my heels, and you'd better believe it. Besides, I'm about ready to kick the ass of some of the traitors who stabbed me in the back myself."

Naruto decided to continue his earlier line of questioning. "So you're half-machine? What's that about? Which half is the machine?"

"Naruto," started Sasuke, "That's not what he means when he says 'half-machine'. It's more like-"

"No, he's right," stated Franky with no small measure of pride. "I'm half-machine- the front half, actually. But that half is really something else, let me tell you!"

"Wait, so I'm gonna hate myself for asking this, but the 'front half?'"asked Naruto, "If you replaced everything does that include your...you know?"

Franky laughed, slapping his sides as he did so. "I've got one word for you, kiddo! 'Hydraulics!'"

"Hydraulics? What the hell does that even mean?"

Franky switched to an incredulous expression. "What kind of guy doesn't know the greatness of hydraulics?! Shit, whatever, kid. I'll tell you when you're older."

" _Why the hell does everyone keep saying that to me?!_ "

Sasuke laughed, surprising himself after two days of self-enforced restraint. Franky continued talking like he hadn't heard a thing.

"Even if you don't know about hydraulics, I've got guns, armor, rocket fists… Shoot, I can even fly!"

"Bull. Shit! No way can you fly," said Naruto, but now he was really trying to squeeze his head through the bars to take a look.

"I'm not pulling your leg, kid. It's true! Push me off a cliff if you don't believe me!"

"Yeah, I'm not seeing any cliffs around to test that on, old guy."

Franky grinned, "Does that look like my problem to you?"

There was a voice from the end of the hall. "Hey! Get the Commodore on the comms! It sounds like the prisoner's awake!"

Naruto sat up again and turned his head to listen, then looked back to Sasuke. "What's that about?"

Sasuke frowned. "They want to talk to you so they can compare what you have to tell them to the information I gave them, but you've been out this whole time. Listen, Naruto, I have something you need to know-"

Suddenly, Naruto's eyes widened and he assumed a far-off gaze, as if lost in a memory. His head dropped back down to his cot for a moment. Sasuke was very familiar with this expression- he often saw it when Naruto was absorbing a lot of new information.

It usually meant that a shadow clone had just vanished.

That wasn't part of the plan, but it was actually more convenient. When Naruto sat back up again, the blond boy grinned at him in astonishment.

"Sasuke! You _magnificent_ son of a-"

"Shh!" he hissed, before Naruto could say anything else. "Not the time!"

Naruto chuckled, almost making it a cackle. "Okay, okay, but he's ready to go whenever you are!"

From down the hall, the guard shouted at them to keep quiet. Sasuke sighed, filled with an intense rush of relief. He had spent all this time waiting, conserving his energy, and playing nice until he could be sure Naruto was awake, but he hadn't been certain that stage two would be successful until just now.

"Naruto," he asked, "Are you ready? Can you do this?"

From the boy's cramped quarters, Naruto flashed him a thumbs up.

And just like that, their plan could advance.

To the side, Franky was looking on with curiosity. "You two little screwballs aren't gonna let me in on this, are you?"

Naruto laughed. "Nope! That would spoil the surprise!"

From down the hall, the guard shouted, "Hey! Quiet down!"

Sasuke wasted no further time. With a moment of meditation he drew upon his training, summoning lightning chakra to his cuffed hands. Doing this without performing hand seals made the technique too slow and inefficient to use in battle, but sometimes it was handy in a pinch.

Abruptly, he worried that he had made a mistake. He had known going into this that he wouldn't be able to regenerate any of his chakra, and after two days' incarceration he was down to almost nothing remaining. Even this relatively minor application of lightning had nearly run him completely dry.

Still, he kept it together, and as his hands became wreathed in lightning his metal cuffs tore themselves to pieces. The slagged scrap clattered as it fell to the floor.

"HEY!" shouted the guard, stalking down the hallway, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!"

As the lightning subdued, Sasuke flashed his fingers through the seals of one of the many basic cantrip jutsu he had copied from Kakashi, then grabbed a chunk of scrap metal in his palm.

The iron began to glow a very soft red in his hand as fire-element chakra convinced the metal to reshape itself without the need for intense heat. Sasuke gently pressed the scrap piece into the remains of the cuff locking mechanism, concentrating as it flowed inside the lock. When it finished, he removed a crude but functional key.

Sasuke hid the key just as the guard approached. When the surly young marine looked in and saw the wreckage of the ninja's handcuffs, his jaw dropped open. He shouted to alert the other guards standing outside the door and then raised his rifle. Sasuke interrupted him by darting forward and grabbing the man's gun, pulling the marine to slam him against the cell. What followed was a half-hearted, one-armed effort to wrest the rifle from the Marine's grip. Reaching his other hand out past the guard's line of sight, he tossed the makeshift key to Naruto, who caught it and quickly stuffed it into his mouth.

The struggle for control of the rifle ended just as five more guards rushed into the corridor. Sasuke let go, causing the young marine to stumble backward.

Franky watched the spectacle with a furrowed brow. The key was useless to him, as his massive cuffs were entirely custom-made, but this was very interesting nonetheless. Why was the little wimp acting so tough all of a sudden?

Swiftly, the guards surrounded Sasuke's cell. The black-haired ninja stepped back from the bars with a smug sneer and hands raised in mock supplication.

"Hey! Maggot!" shouted one of the guards, "You think just because you've been on good behavior you're gonna get away without a beating for this?"

"Sorry, man," said Sasuke, dripping with insincerity, "I guess my hand just slipped, huh?"

Naruto snickered, and the guard turned to one of the Marines still hanging back in the hall. "Hey, you there! Grab another pair of cuffs, and go get the Lieutenant-Commander to authorize the seastone ones. I'd like to see him break out of those." Turning back, he smiled. "Alright, asshole. We've been nice to you so far, but that's all over now. It's clobbering time!"

"Oh, I'm _trembling_ ," smirked Sasuke, "You think you pansies can hit like an Admiral? You don't have the balls to come in here with me."

In the background, Franky laughed raucously, slapping his metal thighs with clanking noises. "Bahahah! I take it back, kid! You're _super_ alright with me!"

With red faces, each of the Marines did their best to regain control of the situation as Franky continued guffawing. Three of them stood in the cell corridor, rifles at the ready, while two more dropped their rifles outside and opened the door They approached Sasuke with clubs raised, careful not to block their friends' lines of fire.

In his cell, Naruto was stifling a laugh as Sasuke backed up until he was at the wall. Finally, the beefiest among them stepped forward and yelled, bringing his club around to begin the beatdown. Sasuke saw the attack coming a mile away.

He didn't dodge.

Sasuke took the hit without flinching, and then he disappeared with a gentle _poof._ All that was left of the young ninja's shadow clone was a small cloud of white smoke that dispersed harmlessly in moments. The guards were left staring at the wall of his empty cell, dumbstruck.

Franky raised his eyebrows. Had the escape attempt just failed or succeeded?

Naruto began openly laughing. "Ahhh, man, you've done it now! Didn't your boss tell you to be careful with the prisoners? You went and blew him up!"

* * *

 **-Going Merry-**

Naruto was alive.

Sasuke breathed a sigh of relief as the rush of his clone's memories and the barest scraps of its remaining chakra filled him. His real body was standing in the crow's nest of the Going Merry, and the sun was slowly setting on the sea. Taking one last look up at the jury-rigged kite and mirror contraption that he had been using to follow after the Navy convoy, he began reeling it in. The kite was carrying a mirror that had let him see over the horizon to follow the Marine convoy while remaining out of sight himself. It was a technique that required the pinpoint binocular vision of a Sharingan user matched with incredibly fine wire-control skills.

Sasuke chuckled to himself. Guess he really was doing the job of a ship's Lookout.

Yawning, he rubbed the bags under his eyes. He hadn't had much chance to sleep during the last three days, but had managed a bit of shut-eye while the convoy had remained docked at the place he now knew was called Water-7. Judicious use of his limited supply of mission-stimulants had seen him through the rest of the long nights. He'd had no other choice. He had no Log Pose, so losing track of the Marine convoy even once would mean being stranded and dying at sea.

The Shadow Clone technique really was a marvelous skill. Kakashi had taught Naruto a number of techniques designed to take advantage of his pupil's immense amount of chakra, and the Shadow Clone was certainly no exception.

The technique worked by evenly splitting one's chakra between yourself and any number of constructed chakra-bodies, which were then completely indistinguishable from the real thing, even using the Sharingan. Once the clone destabilized, it returned all the chakra it had left. The real trick, though, and the one that very few people knew about, was that when a clone destabilized, its memories transferred back to its creator as well.

Sasuke was lucky to keep just one or two going and still remain useful, but Naruto's endless reserves let him perform truly unusual feats that most shinobi could never replicate. After all, Naruto still had a number of clones active. As a team, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura had already discussed the benefits of leaving some of Naruto's clones out of combat, but this time it was a complete accident that twenty clones had been busy lugging puppet parts back to the ship when Aokiji had attacked. When the Marines had arrived, the clones had hidden the crews' valuables and transformed into pieces of furniture.

Seven had exploded when Naruto began growing his third tail, the Demon's energy infecting the strange link they all shared. One more had been lost at sea when it had overexerted itself fighting a stray sea-monster. Finally, three more had exploded over the next two days when their wells of chakra had run dry, but that still left nine Naruto clones up and running.

Stowing the kite device, Sasuke leapt down to the deck below, dodging rigging as he fell, and several ragged-looking copies of his blond teammate stopped their duties to look his way. He hurried to fill them in.

"My shadow clone finally ended! Naruto's okay!"

The assembled Narutos shared excited glances and cheers. "Awesome! Not gonna kick the bucket after all!" one shouted.

Another Naruto added, "Good timing, too. We're running on empty over here. I mean, sometimes it seems like the ship is sailing itself, but we lost one guy just a little bit ago from overwork."

"Yeah," grinned Sasuke, "He noticed when it happened. I had to keep him quiet."

"So what's the plan, man? What are we dealing with?"

Sasuke paused to consider. His clone had thought up a number of possible breakout plans during his enforced downtime and had committed several possibilities to memory, but there was still a lot of information for the real Sasuke to sort through. He rarely had to deal with shadow-clone downloads at all, much less one of this size.

Finally, he gave his answer, "Naruto and Robin, along with another prisoner who seems like a cool enough guy, are on the lead ship with the bigwigs. Robin's not in the same prison area with him, but she's on-board somewhere. The rest of the crew are split on the two other ships."

"Shit, that ice-man's on the lead ship too?"

"No, looks like the Admiral got off at the nearest island. A place called Water-7. I don't know why, but it works out well for us. Without him on board, we'll be able to take them on, no problem.

Sasuke regarded the clones of his best friend. "What do you think? The original Naruto's trapped in a tiny cage with a handcuff key and no tools. There are maybe five-hundred Marines on-board. Can he make a safe getaway?"

Each of the Narutos laughed. One said, "Man, I can think of- like- six different ways to get out even from here. Remind me to tell you how I did it."

"Good. Okay, so here's what I'm thinking…"

Together, Sasuke and the Naruto clones worked out a plan, of sorts. In the cover of the approaching darkness, Sasuke would approach from the rear, catching up with the convoy by running along the waves. He'd already tested their relative speeds and found he could make good time compared to a Navy ship, though he couldn't keep it up for long. Meanwhile, the real Naruto would escape from his cell and either rescue Robin or get off the ship, depending on his situation. Then, Naruto would infiltrate one of the other ships to rescue the imprisoned crew.

Naruto would jam a kunai into or otherwise mark the rear of ship he had called dibs on, and if there was no such mark present then Sasuke would assume that he was still imprisoned in the lead ship. If he _had_ marked one, Sasuke would take the other ship. If Naruto finished first, he was to swarm that ship with clones, destroying it or disabling it for as long as possible, then carry the crew across to Sasuke's ship, thus reuniting the Straw-Hats. With that done, they could all launch a rescue to save Robin if she still needed it.

The clones would do their best to follow along and maneuver the ship to safety if they ran out of chakra. If they lasted, they would wait for his signal flare and then bring the ship in to rescue them.

Not Sasuke's best work, but Naruto would get frustrated with anything more complicated. The chosen clone was already glaring at him to get on with it.

With a smirk, Sasuke raised his hand, and the two of them bumped fists. Then, Sasuke brought his other arm around and slugged the clone in the face. There was a POOF, a cloud of smoke, and then the clone was gone.


	33. Attack of the Clones

Naruto opened his eyes as the flood of information from his ship-board clone came to him. Since he had just received a clone download fifteen minutes ago not much was new aside from the plan, which meant he was ready to go. Grabbing the key from his mouth, he maneuvered it in place, the cuffs unlocking with a quiet *snik*. Naruto placed the key back in a pocket, but kept the cuffs on for now. He might still be stuck without even enough room to sit up properly, but at least now he could free his hands at a moment's notice.

Now he just had to decide whether he should escape on his own or try for a daring rescue of Robin. These guards were a bunch of chumps, so it was really tempting to just go for it. Franky, who was busy tapping his feet to some imagined tune, seemed tough enough to include in the breakout. With his help, it should be a cinch to take this place by storm.

Naruto's musings were interrupted by noises from the corridor. A door opening and closing. Footsteps on the deck. A few voices raised in acknowledgement. The snap of salutes. Naruto smirked. Sounds like the big guy himself was coming to visit.

Naruto waited patiently as the man stepped into view. He was a sturdy-looking fellow in impeccably tailored clothes and a Marine officer's coat of rank. The officer had a hard face that watched the young prisoner carefully, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

As a ninja, you had to develop a certain talent- almost a sixth sense- for estimating foes. Chakra meant that even a relatively unassuming opponent could be inappropriately dangerous, so you had to pay attention to other signs. The Marine officer made him think of a run-of-the-mill Jounin-level ninja- the kind someone like Kakashi could defeat without any real trouble. In other words, someone Naruto would do his best to avoid, but not an opponent for whom escape- or even victory- was out of the question if he had to fight. That in mind, he decided to delay the rampage for the moment. As a Chuunin, fighting this guy would just take way too much time. He'd get through this conversation, then start wreaking some well-deserved havoc afterwards.

When a second man arrived from down the hall, Naruto revised his decision again. This second arrival was tall, thin, and dressed almost entirely in shades of black. He wore a top-hat and an artistically-sculpted black beard that matched his dark hair. In a rather incongruous addition there was a pigeon wearing a tie perched calmly on his shoulder. The man moved as if he wasn't even paying attention to anything in the room, but when the his cold gaze slid across Naruto's cell, Naruto shuddered.

The man in black felt like the worst opponent he had ever met. Naruto had never seen someone that made him more nervous in his life, and everything from his face, to his posture, to his measured and restrained movements made Naruto want to break out into a sweat. He was a killer, and he probably did it for fun.

Before he even realized it, Naruto had decided his path. If there were more guys like this on the ship, then he needed to get out of here _right away_.

As the Marine officer approached Naruto, the killer approached Franky's cell. Naruto grabbed control of himself and met the officer's eyes as he began to speak.

"Naruto, I see you're finally awake. I suppose I should have come down to see you sooner, but I felt it would have been unproductive given that you were out cold. Also, totally unrelated, but jail makes me nervous. I'm Commodore Percival Flounders of Vice Admiral Garp's Third Fleet. This man here is Rob Lucci, an outside talent brought in to help with the heist."

Lucci glanced toward the Commodore for a brief moment.

"I mean, help with security," Flounders corrected himself.

"Security, my _ass_ ," exclaimed Franky, "Rob Lucci, huh? Buncha traitors kissing butt until you get what you need. And after _all_ those years getting in good with Iceburg, you finally turn around and decide you've got the wrong guy after all? That's _super_ rich, buddy, real-"

Lucci moved to the cell in a split-second, his hand wrapping itself around Franky's throat before he could react. The cyborg slammed a fist into Lucci's outstretched arm, and the impact resounded through the hall like a cannonball striking a steel beam. Lucci's grip didn't waver in the slightest.

' _Welp,'_ thought Naruto _, 'Time to get the hell outta here.'_

When the Commodore's gaze turned to Lucci for a moment, Naruto brought his hand to his mouth, biting down on his thumb until he drew blood. When Flounders looked back his way, Naruto resumed his normal look of irreverent boredom and began idly drawing his thumb across the metal ceiling of his cot. Unseen to his jailors, a very particular seal of summoning began to take shape.

Flounders cleared his throat. "We have a problem now, young ninja. Two, really. First, your friend seems to have escaped us, and he was really the only assurance we had that you wouldn't just transform into the monster we saw on Long Ring Long Land Island. Lucci here seems confident you could be taken down if necessary, but I must remind you that Nico Robin is still on board this ship. If we sink, she goes down with us, and I'm sure I don't need to remind you that she cannot swim."

Naruto snorted, amused by their misunderstanding. Though, actually, he _had_ forgot that Robin couldn't swim. Still, it's not like he was just gonna call on the Nine-Tails on a whim.

"Second, we need to know how your friend escaped us. We haven't seen so much as a hint of him since he slipped out. We can only assume that you can't do the same, or you would already be gone from here."

Flounders shook his head as Lucci dropped his hold on the recalcitrant cyborg and walked over to Naruto's cell. Flounders continued to speak.

"Unfortunately, we can't be sure if your friend is still with us or not, and with who we're transporting we can't afford the possibility of a rescue. Rob Lucci has been ordered by Intelligence to find out what you know, one way or another."

Naruto, still sketching the seal, brought his eyes down to meet the Commodore's. Though the man seemed uncomfortable, there was no evasion or weakness in his face.

"And I'm sorry, kid. It'd be better to cough up what you know right away. This guy knows how to get his screws into you."

Naruto worked his jaw, mulling the offer over. He had only a few sigils remaining to complete his seal. He spoke up. "Well, you're right. I can't do what Sasuke did. Or at least, not right now. And yeah, he's still somewhere on the ship, but you'll never find him with just _your_ Navy chumps."

Lucci turned to him and frowned, narrowing his eyes, making Naruto concerned his lie had been seen through. Flounders, however, simply nodded.

"We thought so. We'll need to know enough to find him. I want to make sure you're aware that as it currently stands you and your friend have no bounty and no warrants out for your arrest. The Admiral held no grudges. Lots of very important people are very curious about the island you both came from. As such, if you cooperate with us then we can make sure you get out of here without any trouble. You won't be heading for any prison after interrogation."

Flounders suddenly acquired an odd, fixed sort of expression. "Then you'll want to lay low for a while. A couple months is generally good- it gives time for things to cool down, and you'll be able to get somewhere where your face isn't known. Now, young guys like you generally can't wait to fence the loot and get back into the action, but you'll have better luck-"

"Commodore," interjected Lucci, "He's bleeding. I can smell it."

"What?" Percival looked shocked for a moment, then sniffed the air, his nose twitching like a mouse. He turned back down the hall, calling, "You! Get this door open right now!" He looked back to Naruto. "Kid, whatever you're doing, I'd advise against it. This guy's teammates are cold-blooded killers, just like him. If you don't help us find your friend, they'll find him and kill him, and I really mean that."

"Hey, I'm not worried," said Naruto, finishing the last stroke of the seal, "Sasuke can take care of himself. Besides, what are you so scared about? I told you I can't escape the way he did."

"What are you doing?" asked Lucci, stepping forward.

With one smooth motion, Naruto released his unlocked cuffs and brought both hands together. "But I can do _this!_ "

 **[NINPO: GYAKU-KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU: KAI] - [REVERSE SUMMONING TECHNIQUE: MODIFIED]**

In the time it took Naruto to move his hands, Lucci had torn through the steel bars of the cell and lunged for the now-free ninja. The last thing Naruto saw was fingers like grasping claws just inches from his face.

Then he disappeared.

Naruto reappeared in a familiar landscape, splatting on his back into a wet patch of mud. Now he was surrounded by oddly-colored soil, mushrooms larger than he was, and enormous plants with colorful leaves. This was Mount Myoboku, mystical home to the Ninja Toads. As always, he was struck by the distinct impression that he had been shrunk down- which, honestly, could be the case. He wasn't really sure where, exactly, this mountain was, and Jiraiya had been evasive when he had asked, but right now all that mattered was that it was freedom.

Naruto got up, standing freely for the first time in days, blinking in the evening sunlight as he looked around him.

The Reverse Summoning Technique was normally used for the Toads to summon a contracted human as help if they were in trouble, bringing the target to Mount Myoboku in a reversal of the normal pattern. When the toad who summoned him ended the jutsu, Naruto would be teleported back to the exact location he had left from. But, as with all of the summoning techniques he'd seen, all of the blood, and seals, and ritual conditions were really only there to make the technique less horrendously inefficient. Teleporting a creature across entire countries in an instant was prohibitively costly in terms of chakra, which set odd limitations and forced most users to offer blood in its place.

Jiraiya had thought about this for a little while and offered Naruto his usual advice, which was to have him draw upon his enormous chakra reserves and just pump in more chakra, then keep pumping it in until something fundamental in the framework of the technique broke. Long story short, it turned out two new things were possible with this 'modified technique'. First was that summoning toads was doable in combat without the use of any blood or seals. Second was that he could force a reverse summoning without a caster on the other side. Still, he had to hurry.

After all, he'd return to the exact spot where he left from, but a Marine battleship wasn't a stationary object.

Dashing through the shaded paths, he made his way to a large bent stalk that looked like a fat caterpillar. It was dotted with decorations and small windows. Raising one hand, he knocked hurriedly on the side. A high-pitched, elderly voice called out from inside the stalk.

"Hold yer horses! Don't ya know yer not supposed to interrupt me while my shows are on? Yer lucky we're on commercials!"

Naruto had never known what, exactly, the lady toads in this village meant when they talked about their 'shows,' and they refused to elaborate. Soon, a sour face with a warty purple head and similarly purple toad-lips poked her head through a window near his head.

"Naruto-boy! What in the heavens are ya doin' here?!" exclaimed Granny Shima, the elderly illusion expert who had helped him through his training, "Everyone's in an all-fired uproar lookin' fer ya!"

"Hey Granny! Sorry, I really don't have time to explain. I need to cancel the summon in three minutes, tops, or my friends will be in bad shape. I need your help!"

Granny Shima frowned. Just like any other youngster, Naruto always moved too quickly for her. "Alright, we'll do it yer way. Yer lucky yer so cute, boy. Whaddaya need?"

"I need some spare supplies and tools right away. And some of my spare clothes. They took everything off of me!"

Shima grumbled but started to move. "Got yer storage scrolls in the back. Three minutes, huh? Well, that's just enough time fer commercials anyway. When all this is over, you come back and explain yerself properly, ya hear?"

* * *

Just a little over three minutes later, Naruto popped back into existence exactly where he had left, now about seventy feet over the open ocean. He fell, then landed on the surface of the waves. Quickly scanning about in the sunset gloom, he could just barely make out the glimmer of lights in the distance. He burst into a run, reversing his black and orange jacket as he did so to expose the dark inner lining. Feet slapping against the water, he caught up to the ships after several minutes of sprinting.

Three ships then. The lead was a battleship and was swarming with Lucci and his friends. The two at its heels were cruisers, and would be where the rest of the crew was being held. He'd have to take one of the cruisers and hope that the lead ship would be too busy looking for their recent escapees to respond to any disturbances in time.

With that in mind, Naruto approached the ship on the right, whipping a kunai deep into its rear end to mark his target to Sasuke. Time to be a big damn hero. Naruto leapt off the waves and slipped into the ship through an open gun-port.

For the love of everything good in this world, he hoped his new friends were alright.

* * *

 **-Meanwhile-**

 **-Third Fleet Convoy-**

" _For the love of everything good in this world,_ " screamed Usopp, " _Will you two stop fighting everything in sight?!"_

Sanji and Zoro ignored him, each one determined to outdo the other. After two days spent recovering from their wounds, their breakout had been horrific in its violence. Now, they moved through the halls randomly, obliterating both any opposition as well as any chance of stealth in their rampage. Unfortunately, the quantity of said opposition was increasing rapidly, and Usopp was being forced to dodge frequent hails of gunfire that the others failed to deal with.

Zoro's unpredictable meanderings through the ship appeared to be the only things keeping them from being swarmed to death by goons. Sure enough, a sudden dash through a ventilation room brought them running down an unoccupied hallway just a minute later.

Without warning, a door right behind Usopp opened up, revealing a blond Marine that seemed surprised to see them.

"Oh! There you are!" he said. Before Usopp could retreat, the Marine grabbed him and pulled him inside.

"HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED!" Usopp shouted.

Cursing their luck, Sanji and Zoro retreated, rushing in after their crewmate. The Marine dropped his captive, ducking and jumping under a series of strikes from the violent duo.

"Whoa! Whoa-Whoa! Guys, it's me! Naruto! Stop it, will ya?!"

"What the-? Naruto?! You're okay? How the hell did you get here?" asked Sanji.

"Not important right now. Look, we've got two more ships out there. Robin's on the lead ship, and everyone else is on the other escort.

"Shit," cursed Zoro, "They're not even on the same ship, huh? This place is crawling with guards, and we've barely made any progress to the deck."

"THAT'S BECAUSE YOU TWO MEAT-BRAINS KEEP SLICING AND KICKING EVERYTHING YOU SEE!" shouted Usopp.

"What do you want from us," asked Sanji, "We've got to fight our way to the deck, and whoever staffed this cruiser seems to have been recruiting exclusively from Knuckleheads Incorporated."

Naruto took one look one look around the room, his eyes falling on a nearby pile of uniforms. Suddenly, he was struck by an idea. He turned to Usopp and grinned.

"Hey, I think I have a way for us to stealthily get past the guards..."

* * *

 **-Three Seconds Later-**

"What? No, no, you can't just cut off like that!" hissed Usopp, "You think this is some play or something where you can just cut away from the setup and leave the details for the next scene? I know what you're thinking- we put on the uniforms and just walk on by them, right?"

"Wha- I didn't-" started Naruto.

"Shit, _that_ was your plan?" asked Sanji, "Can't say that sounds very smart."

"I'd rather just keep fighting my way through 'em," said Zoro.

Naruto was wounded. "What? No, that wasn't the plan," he lied, "Do you think I'm stupid?"

The others looked at him skeptically for a moment.

"Well, what _was_ the plan then?" asked Usopp sarcastically, "Just throw a bunch of _clones_ at the problem?" Naruto went to open his mouth, but was immediately interrupted, "Wait… wait, that might not actually be a bad idea…" Whirling in place, Usopp cast his gaze across the entire room, taking in even larger piles of unused uniforms. "Yeah… not a bad idea at all…"

Naruto glared at him. "Seriously? After all that about cutting sentences off mid-thought, you're just going to say _that_ and not-"

* * *

 **-Five Minutes Later-**

"Okay," muttered Sanji as they marched past hordes of alert marines, "I still can't tell whether this is genius or stupidity."

Naruto, Sanji, Zoro, and Usopp were moving in formation, hustling down corridor after corridor two abreast, all the while hidden among twenty other uniformed Naruto clones, each one with its hat pulled down to obscure his face. Usopp led the group, having stolen the most impressive looking uniform that had been available. _Boy_ , was it impressive. A peacock would have looked at it and thought, 'well, maybe just for _really_ special occasions.' As a group, they made for an imposing sight, and other marines frequently moved to the side as they passed, some even throwing confused salutes their way.

" _Right... FACE!"_ called Usopp, directing them down a nearby T-junction as a group, two of the clones carefully shouldering Zoro into the correct orientation. Orders given, Usopp was quick to defend his plan to the rest of them. "Well, it's brilliant, isn't it? They're looking for _three_ escaped fugitives on this ship right now, and maybe they'll be paying attention to people in groups of one or two, but what kind of _nincompoop_ is going to be second-guessing a squadron of _twenty-four_ Marines who look like they're going somewhere important? I gotta say, I truly am amazing! _Left... FACE!"_

The column turned once again.

"So do you actually know where we're going?" asked Sanji.

"Of-of course I do! We're going up to the deck, right? Right?" As Usopp spoke, the clones stopped Zoro from turning right. Usopp continued, "It's simple! We see stairs, we go up them! Then Naruto gets us over to where Luffy, Nami, and Chopper are."

"What's the plan to do that again?" asked Sanji, looking around for the original Naruto, then giving up and glaring at the nearest clone instead.

The Narutos all suddenly looked a little uncomfortable. "Well, I can run on water, so I thought I'd just make a bunch of clones and carry you across. None of you have Devil Fruits, so it should be pretty safe."

Sanji looked like he'd just kissed a goat. Zoro seemed more unpleasant than usual.

"Hey, I'm not thrilled with the idea either, alright?" Naruto said.

Sanji cursed. "Shit, I don't suppose there's any chance you can teach me to run on water in the next ten minutes, is there? What, you're gonna pick me up, bridal style and just- no, you know what? I'll just swim."

"Me too," added Zoro.

Usopp shook his head. "I'm fine with being carried, thank you very much. I'll be counting on you, Naruto," he said, then shouted, " _Up... STAIRS!_ "

As one, the assembled group turned and marched up a nearby set of stairs, flattening more Marines to the walls as they went.

"'Up Stairs?'" muttered Sanji, seeming skeptical, "You sure that's real Marine lingo?"

"Hey, sue me, I'm doing my best."

The crew passed by hall after hall in the labyrinthian Marine vessel. Their random wanderings may or may not have been getting them closer to their destination, but they were at least getting higher up. Eventually, they shoved their way into a muster room and out through another exit, running them directly into a man whose muscles were stretching his uniform to problematic proportions. He filled the hallway like a plug, his arms pinned uncomfortably against his sides by the walls and his head bent slightly down as it scraped along the ceiling.

"Hey," the mountain of a man grumbled, "Do You Not Know You Are Supposed To Make Way?"

Usopp hadn't actually had to speak to anyone else so far, so this was something of a wrench in his plans. Never deterred, he drew upon his uniform's incredible gaudiness and assumed an imperious sneer. "Don't you get in our way, you horrible, _wretched_ man. Do you have any idea who you're speaking to? Major Brigadier Triple Lieutenant Schtolteheim Reinbach IV on a surprise inspection tour, and I'll be dashed _\- dashed,_ I say- if I'm spoken down to like _that_! Now stand aside!"

The man stared at them stone-faced, pronouncing his words slowly and carefully, enunciating every consonant. He had a gruff voice, and his careful speech seemed to be holding back a rather nasty-sounding slur. It put one in mind of a ham-fisted man painstakingly assembling a house of cards.

"Why Do All Of Those Fellows With You Look The Same?"

"How DARE you ask _me_ questions, you miserable _worm_ , you! And as if you don't know the answer right away! Everyone knows that the people from Nin-Nin Island are the product of _vicious_ _inbreeding_!"

All of the Naruto clones turned to glare at him in unison.

Meanwhile, a muffled voice wormed its way from behind the human-shaped hallway obstacle, and the man in front of them slowly rotated his head to listen to whoever was behind him. "Captain! They've just discovered a laundry room in D-section that's been raided!"

"Oh, Really?" grumbled the man. Slowly, he swiveled his massive neck back around, his neck clicking and his beady eyes fixing them with his shining stare.

" _Shit!_ They're onto us! Cheese it!" shouted Usopp, confidence switching to cowardice in one moment, then he scrambled back into the muster room at high speed, clambering over several clones in his haste. Backing away, the Straw-Hats followed, only to find that each exit to the room was being rapidly covered by swarming Marines.

"Told you we should have just fought our way here," muttered Zoro.

The captain of the ship advanced into the room, each step shaking the bulkheads. Unfolding his massive frame, he spoke to them.

"Greetings, My Fine Prisoners. I Would Like To Thank You For Taking Such Good Care Of My Subordinates In And Around The Brig. In Fact, I Would Like To Convey The Fathomless Depths Of My Appreciation Personally." After he spoke, the man removed his coat, revealing a buttoned shirt and a chest and shoulders that were far wider across than most men were tall.

Zoro smirked. "You the boss of this ship?"

"Boss?" the man rumbled, "There Is Only One Boss Around, And He Is Not Currently Present. Besides, We Are Not Supposed To Call Him 'Boss'-" he added, using finger quotes with his meaty hands, "-Since We Had Our Change Of Circumstances. He Is The Commodore, And I Am A Captain. Speaking Of Which, Allow Me To Introduce Myself."

The Marine widened his stance, arms at his side in a gesture of supreme confidence.

"My Name Is Antonio Calamari Saldicci, Former 'Muscle' Of Flounders' Fishermen And Captain Of This Vessel." Finally, he smirked, something other than anger reaching his face, "You Can Call Me 'Tony The Sardine.'"

The Straw-Hats paused to take this in. Finally, Sanji spoke up.

"'The Sardine?' Not that I care to get all personal, but… with a name like 'Calamari' wouldn't 'The Squid' be a better choice?"

The atmosphere changed in one horrible instant. Tony's brows furrowed, casting his eyes in shadow. His teeth ground together and his neck strained so hard that his throbbing blood vessels stood out on his skin. One by one, his knuckles popped, the noise sounding like firecrackers.

"Sanji!" whispered Usopp, "Don't antagonize him! He's probably sensitive about his name or something!"

"Shit, I didn't know he'd get all worked up about it…"

Heavy breathing filled the room, and the Straw-Hats watched in horror as the man looked back up at them, murder in his bloodshot eyes and a slur on his words.

" _Allow me to reiterate… 'dat is, I'm gonna say it once more for you's… My name's Antonio Calamari Saldicci, former Muscle of Flounders' Fishermen and Captain of 'dis vessel. You's guys can call me 'Tony the Squid.'"_

"HE CHANGED IT?!" shouted Usopp.

"Wait, he likes my idea better? This guy's a loony," muttered Sanji.

" _Now, my soon-to-be recaptured prisoners, it's time to begin da pummelin'."_

The crew moved into combat positions, ready for when Tony would make the first move. But the man just stood there, a mountain of muscle blocking their path. With a sigh of impatience, Zoro moved to attack. His swords drawn, he dashed toward the man, only to dodge wildly to the side as Tony suddenly flexed his chest muscles, the shirt he was wearing tearing violently apart in a single instant. The abused buttons that had been holding his shirt together popped off with a sound more reminiscent of gunfire than of tailoring, and Zoro just barely avoided two of them, blocking the third with his sword. His grip shuddered from the impact, and he felt the vibrations all throughout his body.

Usopp looked behind them and saw that the flying buttons had torn holes through the bulkheads and were now completely out of sight. He gulped, then returned his eyes to the action.

With a small nod of respect, Tony the Squid rushed them, and the fight began for real.

* * *

 **-Ten Minutes Later-**

 **-Above Deck-**

"Wow, what a fight!" exclaimed Naruto as the Straw-Hats ran across the deck of the cruiser. "I don't think I've ever beaten up so many goons before! And when he was picking up my clones and chucking them back at us- like, _holy shit_!"

"Yeah, thanks for that, by the way," grumbled Sanji, "It was bad enough dealing with him and his Marines without having copies of your shitty ass flying around all over the place."

"Aw, he was nothing," boasted Usopp, "He wasn't anyone important. I bet he was, like, a side character or something. You know- just filler."

"Usopp, what the hell's gotten into you, recently?" asked Sanji. "You're freaking me out a bit."

"Hey, you know what I mean! If this was a story, I bet that fight wouldn't even have warranted any screen-time. Maybe their boss would, but _him_? No way!"

Shaking his head, Sanji dashed over to the side of the ship, scanning the night sky. "Look, there's the ship where Nami and the others have got to be! It's not so far. No problem for us to swim."

"I'll stick high and dry, if that's all the same to you two," said Usopp. He turned to Naruto. "Ready?"

"Yeah, just wait a sec," said Naruto, "I've got something I need to do."

Without any warning, Zoro jumped overboard.

"Shit!" cursed the long-nosed sniper, "Sanji! Make sure he doesn't get lost and end up back at Ninja Island or something!"

Muttering dire imprecations under his breath, Sanji jumped in after their swordsman.

"Naruto, whatever you're doing, make it quick!" called Usopp, nervously watching as several Marines on deck took notice of them.

Stepping out into an open area of the deck, Naruto focused, then brought both of his hands together.

 **[TAJUU KAGE-BUNSHIN NO JUTSU] - [MASS SHADOW CLONE TECHNIQUE]**

The deck was now littered with hordes of Naruto clones. Usopp tried and failed to count them.

"Everyone!" shouted the original, "Man, you know how much I hate ending up as the real body sometimes..."

As Usopp watched the speech in disbelief, the clones laughed as one. Naruto continued.

"You guys always get to do the real fun stuff and I have to experience it second-hand. It's just not fair! Alright, guys, you know what we gotta do!"

The clone army shouted, raising their fists and cheering.

"Tear this place to pieces!" *cheer* "Kick 'em in the balls!" *cheer* "Make them regret _ever_ taking me on!" *cheer*

"In short- Go! Wreck! Shit!"

" **GOT IT, BOSS!"** chorused the deck full of clones, already skirmishing with the scattered marines pouring in from the lower decks.

He turned back to Usopp, who was staring with his mouth hanging open.

"What?" asked Naruto.

"You guys are _Bull...Shit_. You know that, right?"

Naruto laughed. "I know, and I love it. Come on, let's get out of here."

Naruto ducked down, allowing Usopp to clamber on top, piggyback. Together, the two of them jumped off the deck, landing on the water below. The other ship was lit up in the night waters. They would be fighting from the moment they reached the other side.


	34. Doubt and Trust

**-Third Fleet Naval Convoy-**

Luffy, Nami, and Chopper were finding escape hard going. It had been only a couple days since their incarceration, but with Chopper's aid Luffy had finally healed enough to be up and useful. Unfortunately, neither of those two would be of much use in a breakout attempt; any Devil-Fruit user was kept docile and weak by using Seastone restraints. Nami had been the only person that hadn't shared that weakness.

Unfortunately for the Marines, Nami had a long history of escaping prisons. A couple whispered words, a picked pocket or three, a flash of cleavage, some minor concussions, and they had gotten free and retrieved their gear no problem. Her Log Pose had been shattered during the capture, but it hardly mattered; it would still be configured to get them back to the island they had just left. Still, Luffy and Chopper were unshackled successfully, and it was only afterwards that they started running into trouble.

" _Welcome, Pirate Scum!"_ shouted the PA system, as bulkheads slammed shut around them _, "Welcome to your demise. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm the captain of this ship, Sebastian Weber, former Mastermind of Flounders' Fishermen. Just Sebastian! That's it! No fish-themed moniker or anything like that, I assure you!"_

"What in the world have we wandered into?" muttered Nami.

" _I'm sure you're wondering right now just what kind of trap you've wandered into, yes? Of course you are. I've accounted for every last one of the details of your group, and made a plan for each of you in your turn."_

Growing impatient, Luffy struck the nearby bulkhead with a fist, crumpling the wall outward, but only to a certain point.

" _For example, the reinforced walls. If you think you can outwit my layers upon layers of traps, then you're welcome to try. I assure you, I have prepared for every contingency."_

"Nami…" asked Chopper. "What do we do?"

Instead of Nami, it was Luffy that spoke. "We're getting out of here, and then we're going to find everyone else! That's what! No stupid Marine is gonna stop me!"

* * *

 **-Fifteen Minutes Later-**

Luffy, Nami, and Chopper spent the next fifteen minutes testing that boast to its limits. Dodging pit traps, sea-water chambers, spiked walls, springboards, and exploding mechanical target dummies was dangerous and tricky business, until all of a sudden everything stopped. The traps stopped, the PA announcements stopped... It all just _stopped_. There didn't actually seem to be all that many Marines on board this ship, or at least not down in the trap-filled bowels, so the three of them made their way to the deck fairly unscathed. As they did so, they passed by the bridge, which had been turned into some sort of elaborate control room filled with mechanisms and gizmos.

It also contained a shouting man standing before a control panel that showed videos of room after trap-filled room.

"I bet you're wondering how we trained those sharks, aren't you? How and _why?_ Oh, but once the ceiling descends upon your heads, I think you'll find jumping into the shark-filled pit a bit more... _enticing_."

The dark-skinned man wasn't speaking to anyone in particular, and the PA system was clearly non-functional. Instead of the microphone, the man was shouting into a cup of coffee. The three Straw-Hats looked around in confusion for some enlightenment, and found Sasuke lounging in the corner. His crimson eyes had deep bags underneath them, but the young ninja wore a genuine smile.

"Yo," he said, waving a lazy hand. "I've had a long day, so I'm just gonna keep sitting down if you don't mind."

"...Oh, but who would be so _cruel_ as to grease the chute?" asked the Marine Captain to his coffee mug, "Why, since you've fallen down that way, you may find the room you're in now to be rather _familiar._ That's right. Back to square one!"

The man began laughing with genuine pleasure. Luffy, Nami, and Chopper just stared in confusion.

"What's up with him?" asked Luffy. "Does he have the sea madness?"

"Sea madness?!" cried Chopper.

"No, no, he's fine," reassured Sasuke, "I've been feeding him an illusion for a while. Nothing too complex- it just shows him what he wants to see. I think he's used to things going according to plan, so it's pretty easy to keep going."

Nami shook her head and muttered a quiet, "Bullshit…" causing Sasuke to grin widely at the woman's praise.

"Surely you won't have to deal with the rushing seawater a _second_ time, right?" asked the Captain, "Oh, but let me tell you of the ingenious series of pumps we set up for just this occasion!"

"Is he going to shut up?" asked Nami, pointing to the enthralled Captain. "Do the rest of the crew know he's not all there?"

"Well, they don't really know yet- I let him give a real order every now and again- but I bet they'll figure it out soon... And, yeah, I guess we can shut him up now that you three are here."

As Sasuke stood up and prepared to gag the man, the window from the outside shattered, and Naruto blasted through the opening.

" **DYNAMIC ENTRY!"** he shouted, drop-kicking Captain Weber in the face. The man flew into the opposite wall and collapsed to the floor, unconscious.

Still wearing the same tired expression, Sasuke tossed the gag over his shoulder. It fluttered uselessly to the ground.

"Hello, Naruto," he said, dripping with sarcasm, "We had the situation well in hand, as you can see."

Naruto got up from the ground and shook the glass off of his jacket. "Yeah, but I always wanted to do that. How many times am I gonna get that chance, you know?"

"You said it, man!" shouted Usopp, stepping in from the open window. "That was AWESOME!"

Chopper and Luffy screamed in agreement.

"See? _Someone_ appreciates me around here!" laughed Naruto.

Sasuke chuckled. Walking over, he wrapped his arms around Naruto in a hug.

"Good to see you're alive, dork" he said, as Naruto returned the gesture.

"Right back at you."

* * *

Eventually, a sodden Sanji and Zoro joined them on the ship, and they could begin the process of properly capturing this ship. With the help of Naruto's clones, the relatively few Marines were driven off the automated ship and into the ocean, forcing the other cruiser to abandon its limping pursuit to retrieve the castaways. The Straw-Hats kept the captain tied up below-deck, however, in case they needed a hostage.

Reunited, the crew began getting themselves in order, retrieving gear and replenishing ammunition as necessary. Nami quickly had them on course to follow the lead battleship at full speed. The cruiser was both fairly automated and more nimble, and they soon began to catch up.

"We're getting close alright," said Sasuke, twenty minutes later. "Maybe close enough for Luffy to get over there."

"Everyone ready?" asked Nami. "I'll help keep the ship on course, but once we get up there you'll need to grab Robin and get out quick."

Everybody nodded, voicing their assent. Luffy stepped up to the prow without any more prompting.

"I'm going in right now," he said, pulling one arm back in preparation to reach out to the Navy battleship.

"Hey, wait! We're not-" shouted Naruto.

Luffy's arm shot out, only to be stopped when a wall of grasping, feminine hands rose up from the deck. Startled, he pulled back his stretch, falling to the floor in the effort of avoiding a harmful collision with the wall of arms.

Each hand linked with another, each wrist sprouting a duplicate. A fence of arms several feet tall was created before their eyes, each sprout marked with a musical tone.

"What the hell?" said Usopp, eyes wide at the unexpected spectacle.

"Oh, thank goodness. She's okay." Nami sighed with relief.

"Robin!" called Chopper. "It's Robin! She's alright!"

"Yeah. Yeah, she is," agreed Sasuke. Unlike the others, he was frowning, staring off into the darkness with his enhanced vision. "She's on the deck. She's alone, and she's not handcuffed. I see binoculars."

Suddenly there was laughter from behind them. Turning around, they saw a single mouth on the forward mast, quirked in an unfamiliar sneer. Bit by bit, more mouths began to sprout from every available surface.

" _That's cute,"_ they said as one, " _It's really quite adorable that you would pull back out of concern for my safety, Mr. Captain. But, as you can see, I'm quite safe already."_ More quiet laughter, each mouth now slightly out of sync.

" _I'm sorry, since I've become well aware of how dense you all are, I think I should make things more clear."_

" _This is the part where I betray you."_

* * *

 **-The Part Where I Betray You-**

The ship around them was a nightmarish hellscape. Mouths and arms sprouted from every surface, smiling, laughing, or waving. The limbs moved and twisted in every direction like some strange sea-creature. There were hundreds of arms across the deck, but worse by far to the Straw-Hats were the words that each mouth said, each one sliding in and out of synchronization with the others.

" _You knew how this had to go, didn't you? I joined you as an enemy. I never participated in your laughter. I always stayed apart. I gathered information, all the while smirking behind your backs. I was never really a member of your crew."_

With a pathetic noise, Chopper cried out in confusion, unable to voice his dismay.

" _You were all fools to trust me. Not since I was a child did I find a group of people so utterly gullible. To think I'd even be kept well-fed and comfortable as I worked. It was like a vacation. I almost had you all bundled up and given straight to the Marines, too. Your actions in Alabasta earned you quite the bounty, and the Marines were willing to pay more for even fragmented information on the ninja clans and their powers."_

Sasuke cursed, thumping the railing at the prow. Beside him, a sprouting hand touched his own, then reached out to his face. He struck out, knocking it away, and it disappeared in a puff of flowers. There was more laughter.

" _Oh, Curious One? Did it really not occur to you? The truth? Even when an Admiral said it straight to your faces? Mr. Uzumaki, did you still not realize it when I wasn't even kept imprisoned with the rest of you?"_

Swallowing a lump, Sasuke looked over to Naruto. His friend was staring off into the distance with a concerned expression.

 _"Goodbye, everyone. You at least made it easy for me to betray you. Don't embarrass yourselves by coming after me."_

One by one, each phantom limb disappeared, exploding into a shower of petals that grew and grew into a cloud that drifted away on the night wind.

* * *

Robin turned around and walked away from the stern of the ship. As she stepped below-deck on her trip back to CP9's quarters, she felt a presence behind her. Rob Lucci watched her from just a few feet away. She was an instant from a violent death.

It didn't matter.

"Well?" she asked, "Was that sufficient? Do you need me to tell you what was said?"

"No," he said, "I heard it all, Nico Robin. I'm glad that you can at least see the wisdom in working with us. Though, I must say, I am also somewhat disappointed in you."

"Oh?" she asked, not really caring one way or another.

"To think that after all these years you'd finally be tripped up by getting attached to people weaker than yourself." With that, Lucci turned and walked the other way, adding only, "Disgraceful."

She didn't know what to think about that.

* * *

 **-Fifteen Minutes Later-**

Nami soon had the ship turned around. Their cruiser would get them back to the Merry before too long. Of course, there were some objections from the crew.

"No! They were making her say that!" yelled Chopper, tears in his eyes. "She wouldn't have done that! She just wouldn't!"

"Sorry, little guy," said Sasuke, "There wasn't anyone else around her. She was free. If she had wanted to, then she could have just let Luffy here grab her. She would have been back with us in seconds."

Luffy was silent. He had sat down on the deck and was facing off into the distance back toward the departing Marine Battleship.

"All those things she said were right," said Zoro, leaning against a nearby wall, "She betrayed us."

"Shit," added Sanji, grinding out a cigarette, "Not the first time I've been betrayed by a lady, but I really didn't see this one coming."

"No offense, Sanji, but if you didn't see _this_ coming then you're kind of dumb," suggested Usopp. "Nami and I have had our eye on her from the beginning. Isn't that right, Nami?"

"I… guess so, yeah…" muttered Nami, her voice uncertain, "I mean, I told myself to expect this, but still, somehow… It just seems weird. I mean, what does she really gain from this?"

"The bounty?" said Zoro, "Whatever deals the Navy offered her? She's a wanted criminal, after all."

"Yeah, I know," she said, "That's just it. Are they really gonna pay _her_ , of all people? Didn't that Admiral say she was wanted dead? That they didn't trust her? So, what, they just sort of played along with her scheme?" Nami shook her head. "I just don't understand _why_."

Sasuke sighed, slumping down against the railing until he reached the polished floor of the deck. "Sometimes people have their own reasons for cutting ties. She's in a tough spot, too."

Sasuke suddenly became aware that Naruto was staring at him. He looked back, then broke eye-contact. What with being captured, he still hadn't had time for that talk about leaving the village.

"Who can really say what her reasons were," said Usopp, "But the fact is that she tried to hang us out to dry. We're certainly not gonna go after that Marine battleship with who knows what on it."

"Ears," said Luffy, his voice uncharacteristically somber. This was the first time he had spoken since the message had ended, and despite their heated feelings everyone stopped to listen.

"Ears and eyes," he continued.

"Yeah, well, we're watching and we're listening," said Usopp, "What do you want?"

"She didn't make any," he stated with finality.

Several of the crew looked around in surprise, as if trying to remember the positions of everything they had seen.

"What about it?" asked Zoro.

"You think her not wanting to hear or see us is related to this?" said Nami. "I don't know. There are a lot of reasons she might not have listened in."

"She had binoculars," added Usopp, bringing his hands up to his eyes and pretending to focus them.

Luffy said nothing.

Around the circle, a few of them shook their heads. It was Naruto who broke the silence.

"Sasuke, do you remember the day we became Team Seven?"

"Yeah. Of course I do. Where are you going with this?"

"Well…" Naruto rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly. "I keep thinking it's kind of important here, you know? What, you don't think so?"

Sasuke looked back, confusion in his eyes. The others looked even more puzzled.

"What do you mean?" asked Chopper, looking at Naruto.

"Well... so… it's like this. Sasuke and I are actually part of a three-person team. Our other friend's name is Sakura. She's apparently coming after us, so you might get to see her sometime, but I guess we only got her message a few days ago... Anyway, she's the same age as us, you know, and when we started getting trained to go out on missions we got given over as a group to a real hard-ass named Kakashi. He had his _own_ final test that we had to pass before he'd take anyone on as part of his team."

Naruto paused, glancing over at Sasuke.

"Is this about what he told us?" Sasuke asked, "People who leave their teammates behind being worse than trash?"

Luffy stared back, unblinking. Several of the others looked uncomfortable, but Naruto shook his head. "No... Well, kinda." He looked back to the others. "See, the thing is, he wanted to make sure everyone would stick up for each other and not give up on their teammates. So he gave us a test where he kicked our asses and told us to impress him, but the _real_ test was something else. When it was all over, he failed Sakura in front of us and said she would hold us back or get us killed because she couldn't hack it. If we argued, he'd fail us both along with her."

Naruto chuckled bitterly. "I mean, Sasuke and I didn't even need to think about it. I guess that was just us, you know? We were always fighting with people who thought they knew better. So we told him to screw off."

Naruto paused, gathering his words, but this time no one said anything. After a moment, he continued.

"So he said we all failed, just like he said we would. But Sakura stood up and said that if it really was true that she'd just hold us back or get us killed, then she'd make sure we couldn't come back for her if it were a real mission. Then she forfeited."

Suddenly, Sasuke looked ill. Naruto continued.

"I didn't really get it at the time, you know, but now that I think about it I think she kinda meant she'd kill herself. I mean, that is what ninja do sometimes if a serious mission goes bad. Like, we were just kids, so maybe she didn't really mean it in her head or whatever, but that's what she was thinking?"

Sanji turned away slightly and took another drag on his ubiquitous cigarette. Nami brought a hand to her mouth. Chopper looked very worried indeed. Luffy continued to stare, focusing completely on Naruto.

Surprising everyone, it was Zoro that spoke next. "You think she's planning on killing herself?"

"I think… I mean, I was on that ship with Robin, you know? I wasn't near her, but I met some of the people the Marines brought to escort her to wherever they're going. I can't be sure, but this guy seemed bad. Real bad. He nearly killed me in a couple of seconds, and apparently he had friends. I wouldn't be surprised if she tried to get us away from them so we wouldn't get killed."

"Shit," murmured Sanji.

"Nami," said Luffy, standing up and walking to the prow, "Get us back on course."

"That's enough for you?" asked Sasuke, sitting back up and facing Luffy, "That conjecture? It's just a story! You don't want to know more?"

Luffy continued walking. "No."

Nami looked off-balance for a moment, then nodded and stormed off toward the helm.

Sasuke spoke again, calling to Nami as she left. "Is this normal for him? He doesn't even want to _know_?"

Nami froze mid-step, then clenched her fists. She was looking away from him, silhouetted against the moonlight. "Yeah. That's Luffy. He's-" voice breaking, she swallowed a lump in her throat. "That's just him." She paused again, and when she spoke her voice was filled with anger. "But it's not enough for me. Sanji!"

"Yes, Nami?"

"Go get the captain of this ship. I think we have some questions for him."

* * *

Captain Weber was quite willing to tell them what they were looking for.

Nico Robin was the scion of a clan of researchers on an island known as Ohara. Unknown to the world at large, those scholars possessed knowledge forbidden by the World Government. Having lived without parents since she was two years old, Robin taught herself all that she could to follow in the footsteps of her mother, an internationally wanted criminal known to possess the knowledge required to decipher forbidden artifacts.

When she was eight years old, the island she lived on was visited by Cipher Pol 9, a secret police organization that Rob Lucci would later became a part of. Having found the rogue scholars and proved their crimes, CP9 ordered that the island be cleansed by a concentrated Naval bombardment designed to sterilize it of any and all life. The attack was known as a Buster Call. Due to traitorous actions undertaken by a rogue Vice-Admiral, the young Robin survived, but she was the only one to leave that island alive.

From the age of eight, she was given a bounty of B79,000,000, due solely to the danger that she posed to world stability, and she spent the next twenty years hiding, cheating, betraying, and being betrayed by the various people and organizations that took her in.

"Hold on," growled Nami, clenching her teeth. " _Eight years old?!_ She had a bounty since she was _eight years old_ and you expect me to believe this story of her being some sort of treacherous devil-child?"

"Oh, no, don't misunderstand me," said Captain Weber, trying and failing to adjust his shattered glasses while tied up, "The official story is a load of codswallop."

"Excuse me?" asked Nami.

"With a bounty that high and such an… absolute term of justice, it's miraculous she survived at all. There was never any other option for her besides death. Trust me, as a former criminal I can certainly see that much."

"If you're former criminals too," started Sasuke, "then how did you get recruited while she gets the short end of the stick?"

"We kept our identities completely unknown for years until Vice Admiral Garp caught us. He's far more forgiving than most, and he decided to give us another chance. We'll never forget what he did for us."

Off by the bow, Luffy twitched, but no one else noticed it.

"So you just stand there and follow these orders?" asked Sanji, "Just because people know about who she is, you're gonna participate in pushing Robin into this?"

"I don't see what else I'm supposed to do," he said, "Nothing I've said changes the fact that she's dangerous to the world. By the way, would you happen to have a cup of coffee, or some tea…?"

Nami slapped him, his ruined glasses skittering across the floor. " _Dangerous_?! Because she knows something she shouldn't? That sounds like _your_ problem, not hers."

Sebastian cradled his cheek against his shoulder for a moment. "How painful. Listen. No one knows for sure what's on those Poneglyphs- Or rather, only those highest in the chain of command could. But some information has slipped. One thousand years ago began a period of one century that was lost to history entirely. Some of the Poneglyphs detail information on that time period that could presumably destabilize the current world order completely. Some have information on weapons that would engulf the entire world in war."

"You're saying," said Sasuke, "that her knowing your government's dirty laundry means she needs to be assassinated? Huh. I guess I should feel naive for thinking things might be _different_ out here."

"'Your government'? What an odd phrase. It's your government as well."

"What? _Our_ government?" asked Sasuke.

"Yes. Of course. It is the _World_ Government. It's the government that holds the entire world and its order together. Even for islands in rebellion, or those that have fallen out of contact for a time. Even your island is just a part of something much greater, and it will eventually be reclaimed for the greater good of the world."

Sasuke burst out into laughter. Surprising even himself, he didn't stop laughing. As the others stared at him, he walked off, still cackling, until he was out of sight.

"Sasuke…" said Chopper, sounding very worried. "Should we go after him?"

"No," said Naruto. "No, he'll be fine."

Nami interrupted, still focusing on Sebastian. "Don't think I've forgotten you. There's still something you have to answer. If Robin turned us in to save herself, would they take the deal? Would they let her live if it let them capture us?"

Sebastian looked stunned. "I don't know what you heard out here, but that's the most preposterous thing I've ever heard of. There's no way a woman like Nico Robin would believe something like that after all those years of evading the Navy. Maybe a pirate might think in terms of 'bargains' and 'looking the other way,' but the Navy wouldn't compromise on such an issue in her situation."

"So, she's…"

"She'll be headed for Enies Lobby."

When understanding didn't dawn on any of their faces, Sebastian sighed and continued.

"Enies Lobby is the penultimate destination for criminals on the Grand Line. It is an unbreachable fortress filled with thousands of marine soldiers, and criminals will be brought before the judges there for their trials. When they are found guilty-"

"You mean ' _if_ they are found guilty,' right?" interrupted Sanji.

Sebastian's eyes were evasive for a moment. "Yes, of course. If and when they are found guilty, they will pass through the Grand Courthouse to the Tower of Justice, which is owned by the Cipher Pol organization, and then sent across the Bridge of Hesitation. From there, the great sea gates will open and let the prisoner through to the unconquered vortex that connects Enies Lobby to the bastion of Marine power, Marineford. But she will be going directly to that vortex's third destination: the inescapable prison, Impel Down. Located under the sea, being sent there is a death sentence."

As the crew absorbed this terrible statement, he added one more on top of it. "After you turned this ship around, they have an insurmountable lead. They'll arrive at Enies Lobby before you possibly could. Guarded by Cipher Pol 9 and nearly ten-thousand Marines, I'm afraid that she's already as good as dead."

* * *

Captain Weber was summarily stuffed back below-deck, since no one wished to talk to him any more.

In the aftermath of his declaration, there was a great deal of confusion among the crew. Could they rescue Robin? Could they convince her to return? How could they break into a Marine Fortress?

"Guys!" called Nami, waiting until she had the attention of everyone still present, "Don't you see it? She did this for us. Robin sacrificed herself to save us!"

When it was time to decide, the Straw-Hats' show of hands was just that- only for show. They would be taking Enies Lobby by storm. There was no point to holding back. The Marines knew all of their faces now, so they would all be getting bounties either way.

The crew spent the last few hours before reaching the island preparing.

Nami's staff was recharged as she got the ship back on-course. Chopper gave everyone a check-up after the recent ordeals. Sanji prepared the first decent meal they had had in days. Usopp began tinkering on a new slingshot using the mechanical parts in the store-rooms. Sasuke took a well-earned nap. Naruto helped out here and there with his clones, ensuring they had enough hands to pilot the ship. Zoro, sensing they were heading into a storm, meditated on the trials ahead.

Luffy sat at the ship's prow and stared forward while unwrapping his bandaged limbs, his gaze never wavering. When one of Naruto's clones passed by, he could swear that he saw the young captain steaming, the air above his skin shimmering slightly as if from an intense heat. Naruto shook his head, and then it was gone.

They arrived at Enies Lobby three hours later.

* * *

END OF PART 2


	35. Part 3 - Taking the World By Storm

**Part 3**

There were those that called Enies Lobby a Bastion of Justice. There were those that called it a Symbol of Oppression. The one fact that everyone could agree on was that Enies Lobby was impressive.

It was also a mockery of everything that Naruto and Sasuke had thought to be true about the world they lived in.

Simply put, the island itself was a city-sized slab of rock suspended in the air over an immense hole in the ocean. It defied common sense and natural law equally. The island had only one natural connection to the outside world- a single slim finger of rocky land that supported the far larger central island, serving as its one and only anchor to the sea shelf. Ships, as well as the great Sea Train, could dock at the point where that finger of rock submerged beneath the ocean, but sailing anywhere else meant crashing into the great defensive fence that surrounded the island, or falling into the endless waterfall.

Sasuke tried to ask why the waterfall basin didn't just fill up with the ocean, but no one had any explanation that didn't leave him scowling in irritation.

For that matter, the Straw-Hats knew when they were approaching Enies Lobby because the sun, which had just finished setting, suddenly rose again. When Sasuke had started asking bewildered questions about how this could be possible, the rest of the crew had shrugged and said something about 'Afternoon Islands' and how on some islands in the Grand Line it was just always day-time.

Eventually, Sasuke gave up on his naive attempts to argue the concept of a round planet rotating underneath the sun, but on the inside he just felt like swearing.

So it was that the Straw-Hats came to land at the docks just half-a-mile away from the Marine Battleship that they had been following so fruitlessly before. Despite their expectations, the Navy ship did not fire or move to engage them. Numerous soldiers glared at them from a distance, but nothing more happened, even when Naruto began taunting them. Bolstered by this sudden display of good luck, the Straw-Hats immediately advanced along the approach to the city of Enies Lobby, only to find that combat had already begun. They had been beaten to the punch by the arrival of a small army of thugs known as the Franky Family, who were here with two enormous sea-monsters in an attempt to retrieve their imprisoned boss.

Luffy ignored all of this, charging in at maximum speed and scattering all resistance.

None of this was truly important to Naruto and Sasuke, however. While the rest of the Straw-Hats began their assault on the gates, the two ninjas would have a very different job to do.

* * *

 **-Enies Lobby-**

 **-Marine Battleship-**

It was several minutes after the Straw-Hats had departed the docks that Commodore Flounders boarded his subordinate's captured ship and rescued Captain Weber. The man was bruised, but had survived his encounter with the notorious pirates more or less intact.

When Weber asked why, exactly, the Commodore had refused to engage either set of invaders as they had landed, Flounders had responded by slamming one gloved hand into a bulwark. His veins were displayed against the muscles of his neck as he restrained himself from any further display of violence.

"Captain Weber…" he said, biting back his words, "We are currently under the jurisdiction of Naval Intelligence, and we have direct orders from CP9's Chief Spandam that we are in _no circumstances_ to interfere or offer aid. It seems he 'lacks confidence' in us after the recent breakout, and he wants credit for this incarceration to lay solely on his shoulders. He actually _said_ that last part."

Sebastian chuckled. "I see… Well, then. Are we to retreat and rendezvous with our missing ship?"

"No," grumbled the Commodore.

"We're staying here? Why?"

Flounders stared off into the distance at the far-off view of the Tower of Justice, mighty and regal, as it presided over the city. Slowly, he shook his head.

"Because we need to be ready for when he screws this up," he said.

* * *

 **-Enies Lobby-**

 **-Tower of Justice-**

 **-CP9 Director's Office-**

Cipher Pol 9 was a fearsome institution with both a prestigious history and an undeniably incompetent leader. CP9's Chief, Spandam, was a man whom no one could love except for himself. He was an ugly, weak, selfish, narcissistic, megalomaniacal, cowardly sociopath who not only lacked any positive character traits at all, but to whom any such traits were completely alien. Surely even his own mother had filed for emancipation as soon as he had clawed his way from the womb.

So, of course, Spandam had rapidly and efficiently climbed the ranks of power in World Government politics. Those same character traits made it the most natural thing in the world for him.

Now, Spandam looked over the assembled members of his legendary force of assassins, grinning without reservation.

"My faithful subordinates," he said, his scratchy voice aggravating the nerves of everyone present, "We stand at the end of a long and successful mission. Thanks in part to all of you, I am sure to be promoted! Rejoice! Rejoice in my promotion! Now, I know it has been many years since CP9 has all gathered together, so why don't we all reintroduce ourselves?"

"First of all," started a weaselly-looking bald man in a gaudy red-plumed hat, "My apologies for interrupting, but I'd just like to thank all of my wonderful seniors here. It's an honor to finally be part of this group."

" **Sea-Weasel" Nero**

 **Occupation: CP9 Intern**

 **Power Level: 215**

* * *

"Who is this man and what is he doing in our briefing room?" asked Rob Lucci, "I don't recall seeing his face before."

" **Manslayer" Rob Lucci**

 **Occupation: CP9 Assassin**

 **Power Level: 4,000**

* * *

"Don't mind him, Lucci," said the repulsive man wearing a leather corrective mask, "He's here as a favor to a powerful friend! Treat him kindly, will you?"

" **Waste of Skin" Spandam**

 **Occupation: CP9 Chief**

 **Power Level: 9**

* * *

"Hey, should we really be sitting here chewing the fat?" asked a well-tanned young man with a right-angled face, "All those young'ns are assaulting the island as we speak, you know?"

" **The Killing Breeze" Kaku**

 **Occupation: CP9 Assassin**

 **Power Level: 2,200**

* * *

 _"YOYOI!"_ yodeled a massive man with white kabuki face-paint and a mane of wild, light-pink hair, _"Don't underestimate the power- AH! I say, the_ POWER _of this fortress! If those despicable pirates truly wish to walk the Path of Blossoms to the stage, then with my Dear Mother's blessing they shall be swept away as if by a divine wind!"_

" **Leonine Sage" Kumadori**

 **Occupation: CP9 Assassin**

 **Power Level: 810**

* * *

"God! Shut your damn warbling face, you freak of nature!" cursed the man with the Fu-Manchu mustache and long, black, queued hair, "I don't need you reminding me that I won't get to sink my teeth into their bodies today."

" **Hunting Wolf" Jabra**

 **Occupation: CP9 Assassin**

 **Power Level: 2,180**

* * *

"How dare you talk about my body in the workplace," chastised a woman with honey-blonde hair and a black fishnet dress, adjusting her glasses with one hand, "That's sexual harassment."

" **Queen of Calamity" Kalifa**

 **Occupation: CP9 Assassin**

 **Power Level: 630**

* * *

"CHAPAPA!" the high-pitched laughter came from a horribly rotund creature with lank green hair and a yellowed zipper for his teeth, "The joke is funny 'cause he wasn't even talking about your sexy body! But now I am! CHAPAPA!"

"' **Silent' Owl" Fukuro**

 **Occupation: CP9 Assassin**

 **Power Level: 800**

* * *

Spandam cried out in surprise as a phone rang right behind his head, his coffee flying everywhere around him. Lucci's pigeon, seeing a blob of coffee approaching its master, launched itself from its perch on his shoulder, deflecting the mid-air drink with one flap of a mighty wing. "Coo!" it called.

" **Eagle-Hunter" Hattori**

 **Occupation: Pigeon**

 **Power Level: 22**

* * *

Sputtering, Spandam got up from his seat, grabbing the Den-Den-Mushi. "Yes? Hello? Report!"

 _*kssshh* "Sir! This is the Island Gates! We-" *ksshh* "-the giants are-" *ksshhh* "We've got eyes on Straw-Hat Luffy! He's taken out more than five hun- AGH!"_

" **Ensign" Marine Soldier**

 **Occupation: Cannon Fodder**

 **Power Level: 10**

* * *

"What? Five hunagh?! What are you talking about?! Five? He's taken out five soldiers? Don't waste my time!" Spandam slammed the receiver down, but failed to end the connection. "Useless! Why the hell are they worrying? We're as good as invincible here!"

"Sir," said Lucci, "Perhaps we should move on with the prisoners? Surely we're done here."

"No, wait, I have something else for you all. Now that we're all here..." Spandam paused and looked around the room. "Wait, isn't someone missing?"

"No, it's your imagination. Get on with it."

Spandam shook his head, grabbing two inlaid boxes from a nearby table. "Right. Kalifa. Kaku. I have a gift for you two in celebration of a job well done..."

As the two assassins watched, Spandam opened the lids, revealing the two strange and mysterious fruits inside.

"AH! SHIT!" screamed Jabra, jumping away in fear, "That's a Devil Fruit! The hell are you bringing 'em in here for?! Don't get it near me!"

"Jabra," asked Kaku, picking up one of the fruits, "What's the gosh-darned ruckus about?"

Jabra raised his sunglasses, his scarred eye now clearly visible in his fear-stricken face. "IDIOTS! Don't you know there's a devil in these fruits?! I've already got one! You get that thing near me and they'll start fighting! Everyone knows that!"

Kaku looked around in confusion. "You think so? I haven't heard anything like that before."

"Jabra, don't be fooled," said Lucci, shaking his head in exasperation. "That's only a problem if you eat two of them. That's been proven a long time ago. For that matter, you should know better than to believe in such frivolous superstitions. There's no such thing as demons- it's just a name."

As Jabra sputtered and sweated, the two agents with the Devil Fruits nervously eyed their new prizes. These Fruits could change their lives, and even Spandam didn't know what was in them. Which, admittedly, was probably just a result of Spandam's staggering incompetence, given that there were books with almost every Devil Fruit listed by its appearance.

Nevertheless, it wasn't like it would make them weaker.

Picking up a knife and fork, Kalifa and Kaku ate the Fruits.

* * *

The events of the Straw-Hat's advance to the roof of the Grand Courthouse hardly need to be restated, and they will in any event later come to be retold in numerous stage-adaptations by subversive Revolutionary theatre companies throughout the known world. Events like the dramatic conversion of the two Giant Gatekeepers, Oimo and Kashi, or the rampage of Straw-Hat Luffy, or the destruction of the Grand Courthouse's Judge and Jury will all become well-known in the future as symbols of the vulnerability of the apparently invincible World Government.

And, of course, regardless of one's pro-government or revolutionary sentiments, in a couple years' time it was difficult if not impossible to find someone who didn't know how this particular assault ended, even if they knew nothing else about it.

But that comes at the end, which would make no sense without the beginning. For now, the Straw-Hats and the Franky Family drove in like a spear straight for the vitals of the Judicial Island, overturning every defender that stood in their path, just like it happened in the stories.

This isn't a story that attempts to re-hash that legendary advance. This tale has a slightly different focus.

* * *

 **-Meanwhile-**

 **-Enies Lobby-**

"Sasuke?" asked Naruto. All around them the two boys could hear the deafening roar of falling water. The ground beneath their feet was solid, featureless rock, that was only adorned by the occasional patch of slippery moss.

"Yeah, Naruto?" replied Sasuke, stepping carefully as he tried to avoid looking at what was looming above them.

"This place is _weird_ ," said Naruto.

"Yeah… Yeah it is..."

A careless step by Naruto kicked loose a small fragment of rock below his feet. In defiance of common decency, the rock fell _upward_ , disappearing from their view. Unable to help himself, Naruto followed its path with his eyes. Everywhere on the horizon a gargantuan, all-encompassing waterfall poured what seemed to be the entire ocean into its basin.

That wasn't the problem. Waterfalls and ninjas went together like kunai and explosive seals; they were a perfect match! Both of the boys were _fine_ with waterfalls!

It's just that they generally preferred their waterfalls to be pouring _downward_ rather than, say, _upward_.

The two young ninjas were suspended underneath the island of Enies Lobby, moving upside-down along the rocky under-belly. With gravity no longer their friend, they relied solely upon their chakra to keep them stuck onto the 'ground' beneath their feet. If they lost concentration for even a second they would find themselves plummeting into the swirling tempest of ocean water that roared above their heads.

As it turned out, despite being one of the most well-guarded fortresses in the world, Enies Lobby had never been built to protect against ninjas.

"So, like, where does all this water _go,_ anyway?" asked Naruto, rehashing Sasuke's earlier arguments, "I mean, I know what I'm seeing, but can you even _have_ a waterfall in the ocean? Like, in real life?"

Sasuke grit his teeth. "Naruto, I really wish you wouldn't bring this up right now."

"Yeah, but, _really_! Normally a hole in the ocean gets filled in by water and it just becomes, you know, like, more _ocean,_ right? Where's the water going?"

"Gee, I don't know, Naruto. Maybe it goes off to fairy-land, or the clouds, or maybe the world's really a big _turtle_ or something and it drinks all the water, or whatever other ridiculous explanation the people out here have for how their world works!"

Naruto laughed. "Man, this is really bothering you, isn't it? You were the one who suggested we try going underneath, you know."

"You don't worry about me," muttered Sasuke. "Worry about yourself."

"Me? I'm fine, man. I can run upside-down all day!"

"Yeah, but the last time you said that you ended up falling off the cliffside half-an-hour into the stake-out. Do you see that whirlpool? Do that here and you'll drown."

"Hey, that was a _sneeze,_ man! Cut me some slack, I'm a lot better now."

"Come on," said Sasuke, "We need to pick up the pace. Everyone's counting on us to get ahead of Robin's jailors."

Slowly acclimating to the upside-down terrain, the two ninjas increased their speed. It wouldn't be long before they reached the other side of the island where the Tower of Justice lay, and then the really tricky stuff would begin.

With grim determination, the two young men readied their ropes.

* * *

 **-Tower of Justice-**

 **-Director's Office-**

Robin had been beaten, slapped, and dragged across the floor by her seastone handcuffs, but the thing that hurt the most was the reminder of what she had done. What she was. At every turn she had been forced to relive how the Straw-Hats had abandoned her.

Of course, she herself had prayed that the group would avoid death by abandoning her, but it still devastated her to know just how quickly she had been able to crush the last seeds of her silly friendships. It had only taken a few words, and now she had to deal with the consequences of having that hope torn from her grasp. She has finally reached the lowest point in her life.

Then the CP9 briefing room had shaken from an impact, and she realized it could go just a bit lower.

"ROOOOOOBIN!" screamed a very familiar voice.

Luffy was here, bringing her face-to-face with the consequences of her failure. In her weakness, she hadn't pushed them away hard enough, and now they were going to die right in front of her.

"What the hell?!" screeched Spandam, rushing over to the windows, "Straw-Hat?! He got past the soldiers! Did he just dash straight here without fighting anyone?! Lucci, do something about this!"

Lucci let out a sigh. "We have an intern. Let him take care of it."

Nero was already up, a confident smile on his face. "I'll be back in a minute."

Saying this, he dashed to the balcony and leapt off toward the Grand Courthouse. Five seconds later, Nero came crashing back through a window, slamming into the wall in a shower of glass and then sliding bonelessly to the floor.

Lucci closed his eyes. "How very prompt of you."

"ROOOOOOBIN!" screamed Luffy again, still from the roof of the Grand Courthouse.

"Bu-wha?!" cried Spandam, "How the- What-?! But he was a super-human!"

"He was nothing," said Lucci, contempt dripping from his voice.

While Spandam dealt with a mild panic attack, Franky turned to Robin. Though she was restrained with just a pair of seastone cuffs, Franky's entire torso was wrapped in thick chains.

"Hey… lady… I don't know what kind of deal you think you made with the government, but it should be pretty damn obvious by now that he's not gonna honor it."

Robin clenched her teeth, her nails digging into her palms.

"Why the hell're you looking so damn depressed?" he continued. "No offense, but you're being a worthless piece of crap here. You afraid they're gonna die or something? That ship's already sailed, lady. Time to shit or get outta the kitchen."

Robin swallowed, still saying nothing.

"Okay then, fine. I, at least, am gonna get the hell out of here, and if I can drag you to your friends by force, then all the better, huh?"

Finally reaching a decision, Spandam concluded his freak-out session. "Alright! We're getting out of here! Let's go right to the Gates of-"

"Chief Spandam, sir!" shouted a nameless henchman nearby, "Franky's ass! It's enormous!"

"What the hell are you- GYAH?!"

Franky's rear-end was ballooning to ridiculous proportions- now at least ten-feet wide and still growing.

"Hey, Spandaman," said the cyborg, looking over at the CP9 Chief with the eyes of a man who had nothing left to lose, "I've come to a decision. A life in prison is a life not worth living, so I've chosen self-destruction instead."

"AHH! NO! WHAT?!" screamed Spandam.

"Sorry, but it's no use talking me out of it," said Franky, rocking gently back and forth on his expanding keister, "It's far too late for that. I'm afraid everyone in a three-kilometer radius is already in range of my ass-blast."

Spandam continued his horrified search for safety as Franky counted down from three. Rolling over, the cyborg grasped Robin between his legs. Then, he exploded.

 **[COUP-DE-BOO]**

A catastrophe of vented air blasted Spandam and every one of the henchmen away, and Franky and Robin rode the aftermath straight out of the building. They crashed out onto the balcony in a heap, Franky's chains shattering from the force of the explosion. Ahead of them they could see the several-hundred foot gap that separated the Tower of Justice from the mainland. In between the Tower of Justice and the Grand Courthouse roof was nothing but a drop into the ocean.

"Hah!" crowed Franky, standing up and helping Robin to her feet. "Awesome! I've still got just enough cola to get us to the other side. You ready for this, lady?"

"ROOOOOBIN!" shouted Luffy, "I see you! I'm coming over there right now!"

"NO!" screamed Robin, carefully staggering over to the edge of the balcony. "GET OUT OF HERE! YOU'RE WORTHLESS TO ME! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACES AGAIN!"

Franky's jaw dropped. "Lady, what the hell are you smoking?! Don't you-"

Whatever he would have said was interrupted. The square-nosed Kaku shot like an arrow out from the briefing room, slamming Franky into the stonework with a flying knee to the small of his unarmored back. Crying out in pain, Franky went down to the ground.

"LEAVE!" Robin shouted down across the empty void that separated the Tower of Justice from the mainland.

"GO AWAY! LET ME DIE! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS!"

* * *

As Robin cursed and screamed down at the young man, she could feel everything slipping away from her. Her cries were falling on deaf ears. Luffy didn't move an inch.

Beside her, CP9 assembled to look down on the intruder. Spandam strutted about- finally recovered from the nearly-fatal ass-blast- screeching about this and that. Occasionally he would hit her, or grab her hair and shove her to the floor. Far from retreating, the Straw-Hats arrived one-by-one, lining up below. Eventually, only Naruto and Sasuke were missing- not that she could blame them.

Now, Robin stood at the edge of a chasm. On one side, all of CP9 were arrayed on the balcony of the Tower of Justice. On the other, the Straw-Hats stood defiantly upon the rooftop of the conquered Grand Courthouse.

In between was a three-hundred-foot wide and one thousand-foot deep drop that represented the very last barrier in place between her friends and certain death.

"What the hell are they even thinking?" asked Spandam. "They came after this pathetic shit of a woman? Do they _wanna_ die? That's hilarious!"

Though Luffy had remained completely silent during her plaintive pleas for sanity, now he decided to speak. "Robin!" said Luffy, as the Straw-Hats stood beside him, "You really wanna die?! Really? Well, that's fine with me!

For a moment, her heart twisted in an unfamiliar direction.

"But here's the thing. We're gonna rescue you anyway! You can't make that choice up there! Dying or living, you're only gonna get to make that choice once you're back with _us_!"

As she twisted her hands in her clothes, tearing at the fabric, Spandam laughed to see this interplay. "You bastards think you stand a chance at rescuing her? You think she even _wants_ to be rescued? You might as well just jump off this cliff right now!"

From the side, Jabra could be heard muttering, "Hey, I got an idea… Why don't we just go over there and kill 'em?"

Spandam ignored this. He had selective hearing when it came to suggestions that would leave him less safe. "You dumbasses have no idea how idiotic you look down there! We've got the entirety of CP9 here, the elite of the elite! We stand before the mighty Gates of Justice that connect us straight to Marineford! Moreover…"

Reaching into a pocket, he held aloft his treasure. A gold-plated Den-Den-Mushi adorned with a single red button placed in its shell.

"Behold! This was granted to me by the Admiral himself! Do you see it?! Look damn close, you filthy scum, because with a single press of this button, I can summon down a Buster Call, bringing a dispatch straight from every nearby Marine base to wipe your little band of misfits straight from the map!"

He turned to Robin, lovingly stroking the red button. "You see it? It's the same thing that obliterated your home island twenty years ago, isn't it? Why yes, I believe it is!"

"STOP THAT!" she yelled, "Do you even know what will happen if you press that thing?! We'll all die! Twenty years ago, everything in my life- everyone I had ever met- was annihilated. Every person killed just to be sure that everything they knew was gone from the world. That was the Buster Call. If you press that button, you'll die too!"

Spandam grinned like a loon, stepping down from his perch on the balcony and advancing on her with malice.

"Huh?!" shouted Spandam, winding up and slugging her in the face. She fell to the ground, being barely strong enough to stand.

"This is a weapon that the World Government entrusted with me! They're not so incompetent that they'd fire on me as well, you ignorant woman!"

Robin shook her head, climbing slowly back to her feet as she spoke.

"That's what you don't understand, Spandam. It's not _meant_ to be a weapon! It's meant to be the last line of defense in an information war that was started long before anyone here was born. It's a _sterilization_ technique. They teach their ranking officers just enough to recognize the presence of heretical information, and give them just enough ruthlessness to make the call."

Now she was trembling. "Then, everything is erased in fire... They won't hold back those flames for you or anyone else!"

"YOU RETARD!" he screamed, raising the golden Den-Den-Mushi above his head, "This is a symbol of STATUS! It's the proof that I've made it in this world! The Admiral wouldn't have given it to me if he didn't trust my discretion!"

Robin laughed, weeping bitter tears, "Don't you see? It wasn't given to you because of your status. It was given to you because of _me._ Because they trust you'll press it if things go wrong. If you press that button, they'll assume I'm getting loose, and who _knows_ what I might have said."

Robin looked out across the distance to the roof of the Grand Courthouse where her former friends stood arrayed in a line.

"That calamity is now… being aimed at my friends… my family that I've finally found… But it's just more of the same. No matter where I go, the threat of who I am will always loom over me… and everyone near me..."

Robin hadn't ever complained about her lot in life before. Who would have listened? More importantly, who would have listened without betraying her? Now she turned to the Straw-Hats, addressing them directly, honestly, perhaps for the first time ever.

Why were tears coming to her eyes now, after all these years of endurance?

"Do you see this?! My enemy is the world! There's nowhere safe for me, because my enemies lurk in every shadow! I _know_ that's too heavy of a burden for anyone to bear! How many times can you see this happen before you throw me away as well?!"

"I just want my life to end before you tire of me, just like all the others. Just let me die now, while I still have something good to remember," she finished.

"Bahahahah!" laughed Spandam, "Of course! Of course! I mean, who _wouldn't_ feel that way?! No one sane would keep something like _you_ around if they had the choice, huh?!"

Spandam pointed up, up, and up, to the fluttering flag that adorned the top of the tower. Five black circles marked the symbol of the World Government.

"You see that, Pirate scum?! That mark represents the union of more than one hundred and seventy nations across all five oceans! This is the mark of the World! You lot never stood a chance! Do you get that?!"

Slowly, Luffy nodded. "Yeah, I get it. I really do. Usopp."

"Yeah, captain?"

"Shoot down that flag."

Swallowing a lump of fear, Usopp raised his staff-sling, readying the massive new weapon. He loaded a large pellet and took aim.

 **[HISSATSU: FIREBIRD STAR]**

The incendiary chemicals he had gathered on the Marine ship ignited in a sudden blaze, transforming the attack into a winged jet of intense flames. It was a rising phoenix that swept upwards, crossing the gap in a second and striking the World Government flag flying proudly over the Tower of Justice. The flag was consumed in a second, burning with surprising ease.

War had been declared.

* * *

A/N: The intro to Enies Lobby - speedrun version. Everyone remembers Nero, right?

This chapter's mostly an abridged version of canon with but a few changes. On the plus side, there will be a lot of things that are very different from here on out.

Also: The-power-levels-presented-in-this-chapter-are-internal-to-CP9-and-should-not-be-construed-to-represent-real-world-performance-data-except-in-cases-representative-of-the-artificial-performance-measurement-solution-used-to-obtain-this-data.-These-numbers-should-not-be-used-to-assign-power-level-data-to-any-other-entities-based-on-fighting-performance-or-any-other-competitive-results.


	36. The Enemy's Gate is Down

"I can't believe anyone would be so stupid…" Kaku muttered to himself, watching as the burning projectile flew to the flag. For just a moment he considered that he might be able to intercept the attack, but in the end he chose not to try. Was it not human nature to gawk at tragedies? Burning _that_ flag on _this_ island was a response that the World Government would not and could not ignore. Their deaths would be a matter of pride now- the Straw-Hats would be wiped out by whatever means were necessary.

Most likely, those means would be CP9.

"ARE YOU BASTARDS CRAZY?!" yelled Spandam across the gap, "You think you'll survive having the World itself as your enemy?!"

"I WOULDN'T HAVE IT ANY OTHER WAY!" roared Straw-Hat Luffy.

There was a choked gasp from Kaku's side, and he glanced over at Nico Robin. Her face betrayed an unfathomable confusion, as if she were a lost child.

This was making him fairly uncomfortable now. It's not like Kaku couldn't empathize with this woman's plight, but there were _limits_. This had all been so _avoidable_. If she had laid low, changed her name, and never again gotten involved with all this forbidden knowledge stuff then they probably wouldn't be in this mess now, but instead it seemed as though she'd burnt that bridge a long time ago.

What was she going to do now? If she turned her friends away once more then they might conceivably escape. If not...

"Robin!" called Luffy, "I need to hear it from you! Say you wanna live _!_ "

Robin's face was a tableau of confusion, sadness, and hope. She had been thirsting in the desert and had found an oasis; she had been starving and had found a feast laid for her; she was bone-weary and a bed had been made without question.

Her mouth slowly dropped open, forming words without breath as tears streamed down her cheeks and mucus ran from her nose. She was beyond the concerns of the world; beyond anything anyone else might think of her. She now believed in the words of the man across at her as firmly as if they had been chiseled in stone by the finger of a god.

Robin took a deep breath.

" **I WANNA LIVE! PLEASE TAKE ME BACK WITH YOU! TO THE OCEAN!"**

Despite his expectations, Kaku sighed. Just like that, she had condemned her friends to death.

Now the cyborg, Cutty Flam, was bawling his lungs out, too. "OHHH, GODDAMNIT! I LOVE YOU GUYS! DAMN IT!"

Well, that was that. Kaku saw when the point of no return was passed as the Straw-Hats moved into positions of readiness, and he automatically began assessing their strengths and weaknesses. Years spent as a humble shipwright had only strengthened that skill, rather than dulling it.

He looked and he looked, but he didn't see it.

He didn't see a way for the Straw-Hats to engage them. Not just with what they had. They were separated by an enormous gap over a deadly chasm, and only Straw-Hat Luffy himself had a way to cross that distance. Perhaps he could bring one other person with him, but...

Surely they didn't intend for Luffy and Zoro to fight them alone with only their sniper as backup? Or would they try to use the drawbridge? If so, Kaku was ready to destroy the mechanisms at a moment's notice. He or Lucci wouldn't even need to go over there to hit it with a Rankyaku.

Surely he didn't think he could just _grab_ her from there? Hmm… a pirate like that might _just_ be that stupid...

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his rotund compatriot, Fukuro, unzipping the yellowed zipper that served as his teeth. The man's disturbingly high-pitched voice offered his observations as he pointed into the abyss below the Tower of Justice.

"Hey, hey! CHAPAPA! Not that all that talking isn't neat, but what's that stuff down there?"

Kaku looked downward into the depths of the great waterfall. After a moment, he saw what his teammate had pointed out. "Two ropes?" he asked, puzzled by the new information, "They're connecting the two islands? But how would-"

He didn't get to finish that thought.

An explosive sound from out of nowhere blossomed around them into a cloud of acrid smoke. Just as it covered the balcony to the point where Kaku could barely keep his eyes open, a dark figure clad in black and blue darted in straight for Nico Robin. When Kaku struck out to stop him, an orange-jacketed arm thrust inward from the cloud, stabbing a knife at his face and forcing him to block. The dark-haired figure swept past unchallenged, grabbing Nico Robin like a passing breeze.

The last things that Kaku saw were a victorious smirk and two red eyes gleaming, and then she was carried straight over the edge of the balcony.

Those cheeky bastards!

Kaku cursed, preparing to jump after them, when an unexpected sound rose up from behind them. It sounded like ten voices all saying the same thing in unison.

 **[FUUTON: TAJUU KIRYU-HOU] - [WIND RELEASE: MASS AIRSTREAM CANNON]**

Each CP9 member spun to meet the incoming attack, and then the smoke parted for a blast of wind that was so strong it felt like they were trying to stare into an impacting waterfall. Ten blond youngsters were the cause, each one blowing a hurricane from their lips.

Rob Lucci and the massive Kumadori weathered the storm magnificently, but everyone else was blasted off the side of the tower and into the open sky beyond.

Kaku had just a moment before falling to consider the amazing attack. If CP9 hadn't possessed the Six Techniques, then every single one of them might have died right then and there. Luckily for Kaku, the sky was exactly where he wanted to be.

The others immediately righted themselves, using their Geppou to kick off of the air itself, but Kaku let himself fall.

"AHHH!" screamed Spandam, plummeting down to the ocean below as he called for his two nearest rescuers, "KALIFA, KAKU, GRAB ME!"

Kalifa, jumping from leg to leg, spared a disdainful glance downward and said, "That's sexual harassment."

"IF YOU DON'T GRAB ME, YOU'RE _FIRED_!"

Kalifa narrowed her eyes. "That's _especially_ sexual harassment."

Kaku ignored the interplay as he felt the wind in his ears. CP9 had never been big on teamwork, and he was used to solving his problems as best as he could with whatever backup happened to come his way as an added bonus. So, he analyzed the situation at hand. Three must-rescue targets. Cutty Flam, Nico Robin, and Spandam.

Cutty Flam was falling into the ocean, but Fukuro was already dashing through the air on his way to recapture the errant cyborg. As he watched, the cyborg's arm shot out on a heavy chain, grabbing onto a lower parapet of the tower and pulling himself towards it. No worries. He'd be captured soon enough.

Nico Robin was… hmmm…. Kaku glanced around for the young rescuer, and found him disconnecting from some wire-work on the side of the tower. To his surprise, the boy started running down the side of the Tower of Justice as if gravity simply didn't apply to him, holding Nico Robin on his back. Kaku nodded to himself. Since it seemed as though she would be safe for now, that left his boss, Spandam, who was falling helplessly through the air. Gathering his energy, Kaku pushed off the sky with a mighty kick.

 **[GEPPOU]**

The young man carrying Nico Robin watched him as he went, his red gaze drinking in the scene with the fierce intensity of a hawk.

Whatever, probably not important.

Quickly, Kaku caught his superior, who was screaming about something unimportant. Now, though, his arms were full, which was a serious drag on his mobility.

"Hey, Sasuke!" shouted Sanji from on top of the Courthouse, "Be careful with Robin, you hear me?! These guys can jump off the air! How _about_ that, by the way?! Eat a dick, loser!"

The young rescuer, Sasuke, laughed as he carried Nico Robin further down the tower. "Yeah, yeah, I was wrong, alright! Hey, Naruto! Looks like these guys can fly! Wanna help do something about that?"

Do something? What exactly did they think they could do about it?

 **[TAJUU KAGE-BUNSHIN NO JUTSU] - [MASS SHADOW CLONE TECHNIQUE]**

Kaku had just halted his descent when a horde of several hundred identical black-and-orange-jacketed hooligans poured off the balcony of the tower. Lucci and Kumadori dispatched dozens of them as they passed, but it was nothing compared to the immense tide pouring by, leaping into the air like a cloud of locusts that blotted out the sun itself. Then they split up, each group diving towards a different target with a massed battle-cry.

A duplicator? He'd thought for sure the Marines had control of that fruit!

Now, what had originally been a mid-air rescue operation had turned into a mid-air brawl. Spandam's high-pitched screaming increased in volume as the clones collided with them and Kaku began spinning, kicking, and elbowing as best as he could, every other strike seeming to connect with a clone, dispersing it into a cloud of smoke. It just didn't seem to matter- he was surrounded on literally every side by this kid. Eventually, one of the cackling clones grabbed onto him, slapping both hands onto his shoulders and coming to meet him face-to-face. Kaku felt the added weight like a lead jacket.

"Heya, Square-Nose!" the blond hooligan shouted over the whipping winds, "My name's Naruto! Nice to meetcha!"

"My name's Kaku, young'n! Charmed I'm sure!" he responded, then sharply headbutted the clone into a puff of smoke. That was when two other clones used the distraction to grab onto his feet. Unable to kick off of the air, he plummeted right back down towards the bottom, causing Spandam's screeches of terror to take on a more urgent tone, mixing with the excited laughter of the clones.

Below, the water churned as it plumbed unknown depths at the bottom of this unusual ocean waterfall. They were now only a few hundred feet above the surface, and he'd drown if he touched it. After he and Kalifa had received a fruit, the only non-Devil-Fruit users among their number were Fukuro and Kumadori, and Kaku trusted neither of them enough to save them should he fall.

With a still-unfamiliar motion that felt like stretching a muscle inside his brain, he began the transformation into his Devil-Fruit hybrid form. He grew in size rapidly, his skin covering itself in the yellow fur and brown patches of a beautiful giraffe. In defiance of all commonly held knowledge on giraffes, he also began to grow more angular features and squared limbs, finishing with a tremendous rectangular snout.

" _Holy shit!_ " shouted the Naruto grappled onto his left foot, "What the hell kind of monster are you supposed to be?!"

" _The Majestic Giraffe,_ " he grunted, now several times larger than he had been before. " _And the Majestic Giraffe is an expert in mid-air combat in the wild!_ "

"Bullshit! Don't just make up animals that aren't even-"

 **[BIGAN] - [NOSE GUN]**

Interrupting him, Kaku's long neck bent, his nose shooting downward like a bullet to bludgeon the two hangers-on at his feet, both of whom disappeared in poofs of smoke. Spandam may have been uncomfortably smooshed into the giraffe's mighty chest in the process, but that probably wasn't all that important.

Now, though, he was free to move again. Using his newfound strength, he halted their free-fall with a giraffe-enhanced Geppou that kicked up a spray of water from the vortex just ten feet below, then began lifting them back up toward the island, kick by kick. The smell of salt and the sea was strong down here, but slowly it began to recede.

Well, that was exhilarating! That was the second time the young man had almost killed him, but now the shoe was on the other hoof!

Kaku climbed rapidly, carrying the screaming Spandam in his arms. When he looked up, he finally saw what was going on.

It was an aerial disaster area. The clones had finally stopped pouring off the tower- which was probably Lucci's doing- though roughly a hundred still remained, most engaged on the tower or disrupting other recovery attempts. The air was filled with dashing assassins and wild long-ranged attacks.

Let's see… targets and strength assessment...

Cutty Flam was hanging precariously from one of the lower parapets on the Tower of Justice, firing shot after shot at his pursuer, Fukuro, who was in turn being pelted from the main island with explosions, long-ranged fists, what looked like slicing air currents, and, strangely enough, small lightning bolts. Kumadori and Lucci were presumably still inside dealing with the blond duplicator, and Kalifa and Jabra were attempting to cross the gap and attack the Straw-Hats directly, but were being stymied at every opportunity.

As he watched, Jabra landed but was immediately attacked by Luffy, Roronoa Zoro, and Sanji, sending him flying off the rooftop. As Jabra fell, several of the laughing clones jumped after him, two of them holding a swirling ball of blue-ish air. At the same time, Kalifa darted in for a landing, but was blocked by Chopper and then blasted away by a burst of wind from the Straw-Hat's female member.

Shortly thereafter, Kaku turned as a series of explosions rocked the Tower of Justice. Hmmm… that wasn't caused by Lucci or Kumadori, so that meant…

* * *

 **-Meanwhile-**

Inside the Tower of Justice, Lucci shook off a shower of rubble from yet another of the so-far undetectable traps that they had just activated. The two young men who had attacked them on the balcony had spent their time riddling the place with trip-wires, strange sigils, and explosives, and Lucci was growing increasingly annoyed with his choice to pursue the duplicator that had evaded him at sea. Making everything worse, a more or less constant supply of clones was making tracking him through the halls infuriatingly difficult. Whatever power this person had, their duplicates were completely indistinguishable from the real thing- even down to the most minute of scents.

He caught yet another glimpse of a black-and-orange jacketed young man fiddling with something on the wall, and Kumadori moved to pursue, but Lucci paused.

All of a sudden their scents were no longer identical. Something was finally changing.

He smiled. One of these bodies was _nervous_ , and that nervousness was just now reaching his sweat. The duplicates weren't feeling the fear of a mortal threat in the same way as the original.

He started moving faster, bulling through a number of explosive traps with a speed that surprised the various clones littering the Tower. Eventually, he saw the one he was looking for dodge out of sight down a hallway.

Rob Lucci blasted through two walls in the blink of an eye, thrusting a steely arm through a third. He felt the meaty sensation of connecting with flesh, then the satisfying snap of a broken bone. On the other side of the wall, the boy cried out in pain.

Losing his grip on the boy, Lucci tore through the rest of the wall with both arms, stepping out into the corridor.

No one was there.

Lucci scanned the halls, seeing a drop of blood in the distance.

"Kumadori," he called out.

" _Yoi?!"_ came the distant response.

"He's wounded. Hunt down the real one while I return outside."

* * *

Outside, Kaku watched the ongoing battle with a professional shame.

This was disgraceful! Forced to fight like puppets on strings, CP9 was being endlessly sniped and nettled by the Straw-Hats, their strongest assets being distracted by recovery efforts.

Finally, Kaku had risen enough to gain the sniper's attention. From the Straw-Hat's positions, three small balls came flying his way. He dodged the first shot, but his mobility was so limited while carrying his goddamn boss that the other two homed in unerringly, one exploding in his face in a blast of stinging pain and burnt fur. Not wanting to take another hit, he managed to block the next attack by using his boss' body to absorb the blow.

Again, some more screaming from his boss, whatshisname, but it probably wasn't important.

"Hah! Eat it, you big dumb giraffe!" crowed the beaming sniper from above, "Oh, man! This is like a shooting gallery! You know what, guys? I think _all_ our fights should have you keeping the villains off me while I shoot 'em down! I feel like I need a _theme song_ or something!"

When the next shot came his way, Kaku cut it out of the air with a slicing Rankyaku, but the ball exploded into a cloud of red liquid that splattered over one side of his face. Instantly his eye began burning where it made contact, his depth perception ruined.

"YEAH! Bit too _spicy_ for you, huh?!" laughed the sniper. "Oh, dammit, that's Sanji's line."

This wasn't going to work out. Kaku focused his attention on his still-whining boss.

" _Boss, sorry, but I need my hands free. This might hurt a bit!"_

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MIGHT HURT A BIT?! GET ME TO THE GROUND, RIGHT- AGH!"

Tossing his boss into the air, he drew his two swords then he leapt upwards to dodge incoming fire from the sniper.

"AHHH!" screamed Spandam, already falling back towards the pit below. Kaku responded by kicking him straight back up into the air.

"GUH-BLEHH!" cried Spandam, as he soared to new heights.

There. Like this, Kaku could retain freedom of movement and yet still lift his boss back up to the island.

It was the perfect plan.

Jump, dodge, kick, "HOR-BLUH!"

Slice, jump, kick, "DOOF!"

Rankyaku, jump, kick, "DO-GYEH!"

Now he was making _excellent_ progress upwards!

He sliced an explosive out of the air and then fired one more aerial Rankyaku at the Courthouse that was intercepted by a slicing blast of wind from Zoro. As he did so, he had the strangest feeling that he was being watched.

Glancing over his shoulder, Sasuke was staring at him again with those irritating red eyes.

Oh well, probably not important.

Wait. What was important was that this Sasuke fellow had started to run across the ropes connecting the two islands. Despite being a nearly impossible feat of acrobatics, the young man was managing it at a sprint while carrying Nico Robin on his back.

What terrible timing! It was a pity they needed Nico Robin alive, or else any one of them could have directed a Rankyaku to sever the rope.

"Hey!" shouted Kaku, kicking Spandam upward once more, "We're losing Nico Robin over here!"

Hearing this, Fukuro suddenly gave up on his attempts to capture Cutty Flam. The rotund man took a long-ranged punch from Straw-Hat Luffy and used the impact to rebound off the cliff-side, leaping straight for the two escapees.

That was when Cutty Flam dropped off of his uneasy perch, and with an immense swelling of his nether regions he erupted in another horrendous blast of air.

 **[COUP-DE-BOO]**

Suddenly accelerating like a rocket, Cutty Flam headed straight towards the fat, flying form of Fukuro.

"No one messes with Franky and gets away with it, shit-for-brains! _SUPERRRRR FRRRRANKY IMPACT!_ " He slammed into Fukurou like the wrath of god, sending the CP9 member flying far away in a wild spin that skipped him off across the ocean surrounding the island. Then, the cyborg redirected his posterior and resumed his flight toward the main island, shouting, "Eat my farts, _losers_!"

Now, no one was there to stop the escaping fugitives. Just as it seemed Sasuke and Nico Robin were about to reach the other side unchallenged, something truly foolish happened. Nero, who had long been thought completely irrelevant, leapt back into the battle. Desperate to redeem himself, the weaselly man swept down through the air like a scythe, slicing through the rope as he passed.

Now at gravity's mercy, Sasuke and Nico Robin began to fall.

Then something happened that made Kaku's jaw drop.

* * *

Sasuke and Robin were just moments away from safety when their rope was sliced. Still about thirty feet from the island, they clearly weren't going to make it.

As free-fall began, Robin made a choking gasp of a noise, and then time seemed to freeze.

Sasuke had seen two _very_ interesting things by watching the CP9 member in his mid-air battle. His Sharingan was even now desperately feeding him information on the movement of muscles and physical-reinforcement chakra involved in two of the most ridiculous feats of Taijutsu he had ever seen in his life. Some of it felt like it would be too hard for even him to manage, but...

Well, this was a bit earlier than he had planned to try this out, but it was do or die time.

Flaring his chakra and shoving with every bit of strength his training had granted him, Sasuke copied the CP9 member's muscle and chakra movements with exacting precision. His chakra shifted like crashing water, and his legs kicked down hard enough to painfully wrench them.

 **[GEPPOU]**

It was just barely enough. He kicked off the air to clear the gap, then went sprawling onto the surface of the main island, wincing from a leg cramp as Robin collapsed to his side. In moments he had staggered to his feet, helping Robin back up into a piggy-back carry, and then he carried her off into the city streets.

* * *

Incredible! How in the world had he done that?! Kaku couldn't imagine being more astonished. Knowledge of the Six-Techniques training was strictly limited to a few exclusive World Government trainers, which made anyone able to perform Geppou a member of an extremely exclusive club, even if the boy was clearly inexperienced with it.

Still, he must have practiced for years to do that, and Kaku had never even heard of him.

All of a sudden, he realized that the bombardment he had been dodging had slackened, and he looked up to find what had been going on. Some of Cutty Flam's hench-persons had finally relocated one of the Grand Courthouse's high-caliber cannons to an accessible part of the roof, and the Straw-Hat's sniper was now aiming it directly at him.

Shit.

"Special delivery!" the sniper shouted, igniting the fuse.

This deserved Kaku's full attention. A full-body giraffe-enhanced Tekkai.

 **[TEKKAI: GOU] - [FIERCE IRON BODY]**

The cannonball hit him and exploded, covering him in a cloud of smoke and iron, but dealing only minor damage to his hardened skin and muscles. The sniper, however, seemed satisfied by his view of the impenetrable cloud.

"HOW'DYA LIKE THAT, YOU FREAKIN' GIRAFFE ASSHOLE! NOW YOU'RE FIRED! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CHALLENGING USOPP THE GREAT! GREATEST SNIPER IN THE GODDAMN WORLD! YOU GOT WHAT'S COMING TO YOU, YOU- EEP!"

The smoke cleared, and Usopp could now see him clearly. Kaku roared his defiance at his opponent.

" _You think to harm the Majestic Giraffe with explosives?! Your attack is meaningless! No giraffe has ever been killed by explosives in its natural habitat!"_

Executing a mighty jump, Kaku leapt up into a forward spin, then brought his leg down into a thunderous Axe-Rankyaku that sent a blade of compressed wind straight at the tower. Usopp screamed and dove for cover, and the cannon was split vertically in two. The tower, however, remained intact.

Kaku cursed. It was damn impossible to get any leverage for a good kick while jumping around in the air like this.

" _Come back out and fight me, fellow long-nosed one! Surely that can't have been all you've got!"_

A voice called out from above. Roronoa Zoro was speaking to him.

"Hey! Giraffe-man! Your boss gonna be okay?"

" _Boss? What boss? What do you mean- oh-"_ In a flash, Kaku realized he hadn't kicked anything for quite some time. Looking down, he saw their purple-haired superior plummeting and screaming into the depths of the sinkhole.

He didn't think, he just dove, dove at maximum speed. He kicked the air above him, each jump downwards pushing himself briefly above terminal velocity. He was a peregrine falcon. He was a giraffe in flight. He was a beautiful, yellow, spotted bullet, aimed straight for the man he was supposed to save. Closer, closer, closer he fell, seeing Spandam reaching up to his outstretched hand.

It was a pity he didn't make it.

Spandam belly-flopped into the swirling maelstrom that covered the bottom of the Enies Lobby sinkhole.

"GLUB-BLUB-GACK-BLUH-SPPTPSSHT-AARGH!" he screamed, flailing wildly in the violent waters.

Kaku pulled up out of his dive with a powerful kick that sent a spray of water in a curtain all around him. His boss was spinning closer and closer to the heart of the whirlpool, but he took a moment to consider the issue, idly jumping from one foot to the other.

"ARRRGH! KAKU- *SPHPHT* -HELP ME!"

Kaku crossed his massive arms, frowning. " _Sorry, boss, but I don't think I can. You gave me this fruit, and now if I get in that water then I won't be able to jump any more. Even a giraffe has limits, you know."_

"YOU'RE FIRED! *ARGH-BARBLR* FIRED!"

Kaku nodded solemnly, his long neck ducking far forward. " _Your sacrifice will be remembered, Chief."_

With one last sputtering noise, Spandam was pulled beneath the waves.

" _Rest in peace, Spandley. We hardly knew ye."_

* * *

Kaku retreated to the balcony of the Tower of Justice, landing heavily as he canceled his transformation, wishing he could sit down and massage his legs for a moment. Unfortunately, Lucci was glaring at him from the corners of his eyes, which wasn't a pleasant feeling. He knew how Lucci felt about people who failed and showed weakness, but Kaku also knew he had a bit of forgiveness stockpiled with the strongest CP9 member.

"My apologies, but Spandex drowned. Not much I could do," Kaku said, by way of an update.

"Who?" said Lucci.

The square-nosed man furrowed his brow, trying desperately to remember the name of their former boss. "...Spandham?" he suggested.

"Ah, I see," Lucci seemed to accept this. "A pity. Then I suppose that makes me acting commander. Now we can start doing this my way."

"I suppose that makes sense," Kaku paused, remembering something, "Ah, I forgot to mention, but apparently I've been fired."

"I don't recall giving any such order," Lucci said, with no trace of irony.

Kaku nodded, satisfied by this. That was when Nero returned from his earlier attack, panting from the exertion as he landed back on solid ground.

"Sorry guys… I almost got her, but I lost track of Nico Robin after she-"

Even Kaku found it difficult to follow Lucci's movement. One instant he was standing, arms crossed, by the balcony, and the next he was removing his finger from Nero's chest. Nero collapsed, dead in an instant.

"You're fired," said Lucci, blood dripping from his hand. He spared a meaningful glance back towards Kaku, then stepped back to the balcony.

Kaku nodded again as the members of CP9 gradually returned to the Tower. He wasn't at all surprised by Lucci's actions. He'd known Lucci for years, after all. He knew how he operated when he was displeased, and this time he was clearly infuriated. After all, in this skirmish CP9 had clearly lost on their home territory. The Straw-Hats were all on the main island, and the Franky Family was even now pouring off of the roof in pursuit of their escaping boss.

Not that it really mattered much in the end, since none of them would be getting off this island alive, but the only victory CP9 had had so far was that the rogue duplicator was still trapped in the Tower of Justice.

Moments later, Kumadori burst out of the Tower like an artillery explosion, and then he tried to act natural when he saw Lucci standing there.

A shape passed by overhead, and they tracked the red blur with their eyes. Seconds later, the leaping figure completed its arc, and a tremendous red toad landed on the Grand Courthouse roof with a tooth-rattling thump. The duplicator hooligan from earlier dismounted the toad, exchanged a few words with it- which Kaku thought was quite unusual- and then the toad disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Well, scratch that. The only thing they'd gained out of this was that Naruto's arm looked like it was broken, the sleeve of his jacket torn and bloody.

Lucci, however, had finally lost his patience. With a mighty spinning Rankyaku, he sent a humming blade of compressed air at the Grand Courthouse that cut straight through the top-part of the building. Everyone there stumbled as the building rumbled and shook before the severed rooftop settled down a few feet off-center.

Now, Lucci had everyone's attention.

"Straw Hat," the man's voice boomed, "What, exactly, do you hope to accomplish here? You must know you won't make it off the island, which makes all of this resistance utterly meaningless!"

Standing at the head of his gathered crew, Straw-Hat Luffy responded with a smirk, "I don't give a damn about how meaningless you think this all is. All I know is that we're going to get her off this island, get back to our ship, and continue doing whatever we want."

"So much effort over a professional traitor... You realize that the handcuffs she is wearing are Seastone? They are absolutely unbreakable, the lock is of the highest class, and only we have the key. With those sapping her strength, she's hardly able to walk, let alone fight. You really think you can protect yourselves with her dragging you down?"

Now, Luffy laughed, his grin wide. "I dunno! But one thing's for sure- You'll have to come after us to find out!"

Luffy yelled to his crew, and the Straw-Hats broke into a run. As they reached the rear edge of the Grand Courthouse roof, Luffy stretched out his arms, grabbing each of them in a fierce rubber bear-hug, then leapt off of the collapsing roof accompanied by a great deal of screaming. Then they were gone.

The rest of CP9 moved to follow, but Lucci stopped them with a word.

"No. They've made themselves very clear. The Straw-Hats aren't leaving without Nico Robin, and the Franky Family isn't leaving without Cutty Flam. Capture those two and we can force them to fight." He smiled. "They're not leaving the island alive."

"CHAPAPA! That sounds good. I can't wait to pay them back for the way they treated me. He farted in my mouth!"

" _AH! Fukuro! I agree!"_ yodeled Kumadori, " _When I think about my Deeeeeaaar Mother who watches over me from Heaven, I can't possibly make her cry in shame! YOYOI!"_

"Silence," responded Lucci, "Fukuro. Do you still have a set of signal flares? Everyone take one and spread out around the edges of the island. Work your way in from the outside. When you see either of our two targets, fire off the flare. We also need to make sure those rats aren't scurrying around underneath the island like before. Kalifa, I want you to take a look down below-"

"That's sexual harassment," she said reflexively, then her eyes widened.

Lucci was watching her like a barely-restrained beast, his pupils constricted and filled with violence. Despite that, his voice was still cool. "I won't say it a second time. Don't test my patience any further. When you're done with your mission, join in the search."

Kalifa nodded, swallowing a lump in her throat, then disappeared, leaping into the void below the tower.

"Kaku, first make your way to the docks and destroy anything that they could use to escape."

Kaku nodded and disappeared.

"And where the hell will you be, huh?" interrupted Jabra.

"I'll be waiting to go after Nico Robin, of course. Find them and then start the slaughter. Now GO."

With a flicker of movement, CP9 disappeared, leaving Lucci alone to survey the entire island. It was time for the hunt to begin.

Several minutes passed without incident. Then, in the now silent air, a flare went up from the left side of the island. Lucci smirked and leapt into action, kicking off the tower and accelerating quickly across the gap. It was while he was passing over the Grand Courthouse that he saw the second flare from the opposite side of the island. Then a third. Then a fourth. A minute later, a fifth.

Lucci bared his teeth in a very, very unfriendly smile. Looks like they _were_ planning to make things interesting for him after all.


	37. All the World's a Stage

As the crew reunited, they decided they should split up into small groups to ensure that the assassins couldn't discover Robin's real location. The groups not guarding Robin would have more freedom to evade and escape pursuit through the alleys and buildings- or at least that was the theory- while making it more difficult for anyone who didn't have a keen sense of smell to find her. Meanwhile the first group to the docks would steal a ship, and then they would defend it against attackers.

Unfortunately, this decision was unilaterally ratified in a split-second committee by a majority consisting of just Luffy, so the party groupings mostly depended on who each person had landed next to after being lobbed off of the top of the Grand Courthouse and bouncing off of a Luffy-balloon.

Naruto went with Usopp. Zoro went with Chopper. Sanji went with Nami. Franky was alone, having left before any of them. Finally, Robin was the person they were sure Lucci would be going after, so Sasuke would continue to carry the incapacitated woman back to the docks while Luffy leapt ahead to find and guard them both.

With Naruto providing his own personal last-minute addition to the plan, the crew separated, darting through the city streets as they made their way back to the docks.

* * *

 **-Enies Lobby-**

 **-Usopp and Naruto Group-**

Usopp, Naruto and Sasuke ran through the streets of the Island of Justice, with Sasuke carrying Robin by piggy-back. At least, that was what they had hoped it would look like.

"Shit, they saw us," muttered Robin(?), her normally refined voice turned coarse, "They popped a flare."

"Eh?!" shouted Usopp as they turned a street corner, dodging through twisting alleyways to evade notice. "That's really bad, isn't it?!"

"No, dumbass," said Sasuke(?), "-we made these decoys 'cause we _wanted_ them to be followed, you know?"

Before they had split apart, Naruto had distributed a Sasuke clone- Narusuke- and a Robin clone- Narobin- to each of the groups, and now they were reaping the benefits of their distraction ploy. The Sasuke clone was well-practiced and perfectly-made, but the Robin clone had to keep her head down lest it be made clear how lumpy and horrible she looked. Improvised transformation was really not his best skill.

"I don't know what I have to do to get you bozos to understand this, Naruto, but _I don't want to be followed!_ " cried Usopp.

"Look," stated the true Naruto, "We're fine. If someone's coming after us then we just gotta fight or evade to keep the heat off of Robin."

"Evade! Evade!" cried Usopp, "I vote evade! Who found us?!"

"It's that guy who looks like a weird kabuki actor," muttered Narobin, glancing back over her shoulder.

"What the hell's a 'kabuki?!'"

"Seriously?" asked Naruto in disbelief, "Wait, if you guys don't have kabuki where you come from, then how come this guy _looks_ like a kabuki actor?" he shook his head. "Whatever, it's that white-faced guy with the crazy hair, and he's coming this way."

"Shit! Hide in here!" Usopp cried out, pulling the real Naruto inside a side door on the next building they came to. Narusuke and Narobin followed on their heels.

They had made it into the side entrance of some sort of managerial building. Papers were scattered as thoroughly as the furniture was, likely the result of the marauding Franky Family some time in the recent past.

"Ah! Goddamnit, be careful where you grab me, man!" Naruto winced in pain from the sudden rough treatment, realigning the makeshift sling his broken right arm was resting in.

"Geez, you're bleeding! When the hell did that happen?!"

"Hey, I was up against two of those guys when you all were hanging out on the other side, thank you very much. Figures that after all I said about avoiding Rob Lucci, I end up getting into a no-holds-barred knockout brawl with him."

"Aw, shit, shit, shit, we can't fight them like this!" Usopp looked around the room in a panic. Together, the four of them hurried onwards into the next room, coming to a wide staircase leading up to another level.

At that moment, the door they had entered through was thrown open violently, and the four of them ducked into cover behind the banisters. Their pursuer's voice rang out- a high, awkwardly pitched shout, sliding up and down the scale in a forced and affected singsong voice.

" _I have found you- Ah! I say, I have FOUND you now, Evildoers! Today, your luck has ended, for_ _you see, now you must face me! Kumadori! YOYOI-! He who has trained on the mountain, and become a Sage! Pure of Heart, and Pure of Body!"_

Now they had a good look at the guy. Probably ten feet tall, with white-painted skin, wild light-pink hair, and wearing a black dress-suit, the man carried a metal temple staff adorned with loose rings.

"Can you distract him with some clones?" Usopp whispered.

"Yeah, but… I fought him for a little bit up in the tower, and I don't think the clones will last very long. He's got this hair thing he does... _Dammit_ , I could kick his ass if I could use my arm. I mean, I might be able to beat him anyway, but if I'm wrong he'll kill us..." Naruto blinked as an idea came to him. "Still, he's a Sage, huh…?"

Narusuke piped up next, "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?"

"Damn straight… If he's a Sage, then we've got his number. I'll make some clones, and when he goes after 'em, we make a break up these stairs." Everyone nodded. Naruto flashed a seal.

 **[HAREM NO JUTSU]**

With a blast of chakra, eight naked blonde women exploded into being, causing Usopp to stifle a squeak as his eyes literally popped out of his head. The clones dashed around the corner to engage their opponent at close-range, while Naruto, Narobin, Narusuke, and Usopp rushed up the stairs and then down a nearby dark hallway, looking to put some distance between them and the CP9 assassin. Hopefully they'd be able to duck out of a window, or at least knock down a wall.

They had just barely made it past the halfway point in the long, dusty hallway when Naruto's eyes widened and he tackled Usopp into the next room on his right. As all four of them tumbled to a stop, Usopp started to yell a complaint to the young ninja, but Naruto slapped his hand over the sniper's mouth. Slowly, he peered around the door back into the hallway he had just left.

Struggling noises and yelps announced the arrival of their pursuer. The sexy clones didn't appear to have slowed him down in the slightest. In fact, three of Naruto's clones were still caught up in the curls of his wildly thrashing hair, disappearing one by one as they were crushed.

"Dammit," muttered Naruto. "I think I got a defective Sage."

"What?!" hissed Usopp.

"Tell you later. Looks like we've gotta find a way out of this that doesn't rely on lechery."

Looking around, they spied a window letting some amount of light into their darkened store-room, but the window was built firmly into the wall with no means of opening it short of breaking it and alerting their pursuer to their presence.

Usopp scurried quietly around the room, looking for anything to help them. Finally, lifting a dust-sheet that covered a large piece of old furniture, he turned to the others with a grim expression.

"I think I might have an idea."

Each Naruto stared blankly at the object beneath the curtain for a moment before the real one whispered back.

"Awesome. This will be the dumbest thing I've ever done."

* * *

Kumadori stalked down the hallway, his well-honed predator's sense telling him that his prey was still near. As he moved, the metal rings of his staff jingled in the silence.

" _Yoyoi! I see- Ah! I say, I SEE that you have learned some clever tricks, oh young ones! Your duplicity, immorality, and –nay! Dare I say it?! DECEIT -knows no bounds! I am a Sage! I am a Lion! And though the Buddha may forgive you, I, Kumadori, cannot!"_

Sticking his head into room after room revealed nothing except darkness and musty scents. This section of the building had clearly been turned over to aging furniture long ago.

" _Ah! You may run, and you may- I say- you maaaay hide! But my Deeeear Mother up in heaven is even now looking down upon me. She will guide me to your hiding place, you deplorable, miserable- ah!- DESPICABLE- Wretches!"_

Another room down, only a few more to go. Then, a rustling of cloth made Kumadori turn his head. Something was moving further down the hall. A moment later there was a POOF of smoke, and then a croaky voice as if from a very crotchety old lady.

Actually, it sounded a lot like the voice of his dear mother.

"Gosh-dernit, boy! You had ta go 'n summon me up now?! I was in the middle-a makin' lunch fer the hubby!"

Like a stampeding bull, Kumadori burst out of the room he had been searching and wheeled into the room three doors down. The room beyond was dark, just like the others, and filled with furniture covered in black cloth to protect it from dust. A single sturdy window illuminated the inside, casting light down across dancing dust motes.

In the center of the room sat a toad. A tiny, very angry-looking toad with a purple head and purple lips.

Actually, it looked a lot like the face of his dear mother.

Kumadori stared at the toad. " _Yo…yoi?"_ he asked, tentatively.

The toad glared at him. It said, "Croak."

Kumadori blinked. Was a toad supposed to actually _say_ 'croak', or… For that matter, what was it doing here? After a moment of fruitless consideration, Kumadori resolved to ignore it completely. Who was he to speak on matters of toads? He resumed looking around the room.

" _I knooooowww that you're in here, -ah!- criminals! You cannot run from me, Kumadori!"_

After a moment, he saw what he was looking for- a rustling behind an immensely tall piece of covered furniture. With a single stride, Kumadori grabbed the sheet and yanked it away.

" _Ah-HAH! I've found you now, you- Oh!"_

When the sheet was removed, Kumadori could finally see what it had been covering. Standing before him was the empty frame of a tremendous floor-length mirror that had long since lost its glass. Inside, a figure stared back at him.

Naruto, Usopp, Narusuke, and Narobin had found the largest black cloth in the room and wrapped themselves up in it. Usopp was currently staggering under the weight of all three of the Narutos. With Usopp as the legs, Naruto as the head, and the clones clinging onto their sides as the arms and extra padding for the bulky torso, they looked like they were the most promising contender for the title of 'World's Lumpiest Body-Builder'.

Naruto had transformed the long, white hair he used when he wanted to impersonate Jiraiya, and had even pulled out a tin of white face-paint from god-knows-where to make the entirely unconvincing illusion complete. They now looked like an abominable parody of the man that had chased them inside.

Kumadori glared at the figure inside the mirror, and the misshapen monstrosity glared back.

A long moment passed.

"Yoyoi…" Kumadori muttered, dejectedly patting his sides as the lumpy duplicate in front of him carefully mimicked the action, "I've really let myself go... I wonder why no one said anything… I mean, I wish they had at least cared enough to tell me..."

After a few seconds he appeared to regain his vigor. " _Still, reshaping my body is no problem for one who has mastered transcendence and become a Sage!"_

 **[SEIMEI-KIKAN] - [LIFE-RETURN]**

In an instant, Kumadori's massive body twisted and contorted, changing to several different forms. Thin, to fat, to muscular, to athletic, then back to his normal bulky size. With quiet grunts and curses the figure in the mirror squished and squeezed and teetered to match him, until a muffled voice could almost barely be heard saying, " _Agh, get your fake boobs outta my face, you dick."_

Kumadori frowned and narrowed his eyes. Something odd was happening here, but he couldn't _quite_ put his finger on it...

 **[SENPO: GAMA-SAIMIN] - [SAGE ART: TOAD-HYPNOSIS]**

His thoughts were interrupted as he realized he was hearing something very unusual. It sounded like a frog's song, or a chorus of toads, but he couldn't really be sure which. What did he know about amphibians, anyway? Were toads amphibians? He had spent all that time up in the mountains, so he wasn't sure. He tried to focus, but it seemed to slip from his mind as soon as his attention slackened for even a moment. Shaking his head in confusion, he staggered backward, then immediately forgot all about it.

Was he in a dream? It sure felt like he was. Everything around him seemed both real and unreal. Was it really that odd to hear your reflection talk at you? Really?

There was that frog-song again. Again, he forgot about it.

All of a sudden, a voice spoke up. It sounded like an old woman talking from a point very nearby.

Actually, it sounded exactly like his dear mother.

"Kumadori-boy. Listen to me carefully, ya hear? Open the window, so you can see outside."

Dazed, the CP9 member looked around. No one was present except for him and his reflection. For a moment his gaze fell back upon the toad who was now holding her face with her tiny hand, as if in exasperation. He looked away. The toad wasn't important.

Kumadori walked over to the window and pushed at it. It wouldn't budge. It was a sturdy wooden affair built into the wall itself, and was not designed to be opened.

" _The window is closed!"_ he warbled. " _It can't be opened!"_

"Kumadori-boy, I don't want none of yer excuses! Open the window!"

Responding to the voice of unassailable elderly authority, Kumadori immediately kicked the window in, knocking the entire frame out of the wall in a blast of abused rubble.

" _The door is oooopen!"_ he shouted, though he wasn't sure why.

"Good," said the ancient voice, "Now turn around, you, and step out into the hall."

Kumadori did so. As he walked, he contemplated matters, though his mind still seemed fuzzy. Was this really his mother speaking to him? Was she in the room with him? Why had she wanted the window opened? Was she outside the window even now?

Kumadori looked over his shoulder. His lumpy, misshapen reflection had stepped out of the mirror and was climbing carefully over the edge of the ragged hole where the window used to be. He looked at the reflection in shock, and it looked back with a similar expression.

They stood there for a long moment, frozen in place.

" _Ahhh! I see, I see how it is! I have been fooled! I say, I have been FOOLED!"_ Bringing his hand up to his face, Kumadori began to weep.

Unnoticed by Kumadori, Naruto and the others began readying themselves for combat.

" _I have been fooling- ah! FOOLING myself this whole time! Yes! It's so clear now! This reflection is my Soul, and this mirror is my Body! This building- is the Cycle of Rebirth! It is the Great Wheel of Heaven that turns and attends to each and every soul in its time! My reflection- my soul- desires to be set free! By breaking the window and stepping out of the building, it shows me that I must leave the cycle and transcend that fateful Wheel of Heaven by letting go of my earthly desires!"_

As Kumadori continued his weeping monologue, the four figures wrapped up in the black cloth held a furiously whispered conversation, then continued the awkward effort of maneuvering themselves through the broken window-hole.

" _That was what my Deeaaarr Mother wished to tell me! Now that I have achieved Enlightenment, I am finally able to step beyond the mortal world. I am ready! I am ready! Ah~! Mother! Now, I shall commit- Seppuku!"_ Kumadori brought his metal staff up to point to his abdomen then drove it into his own stomach at fatal speed.

 **[SHIGAN-CUE]**

 **[TEKKAI]**

The staff impacted with a force that would have torn through any normal flesh like a hot steel rod through butter, but was stopped as he reflexively hardened his own body through the mystical Six-Techniques Iron-Body Training. The noise of the impact sounded more like he had attempted to fire a cannonball through a metal wall. Sobbing, he collapsed to the ground.

" _Mother! Still, you protect me with your divine mercy? Is it too soon? Mother!"_ He could see her. He could see his mother before him, wrinkled toad-like face and all. He reached out and gently grasped her. " _Mother! I see you! Why do you protect me still? What is it that I must learn?!"_

His mother scowled at him with a familiar expression, twisting and writhing in his grip.

"GET YER HANDS OFF ME YA CRAZY LOON! I AIN'T YER MOTHER!" the toad shouted right in his face.

His jaw dropped open three feet wide, only stopping when it collided with the floor. Dumbstruck, he dropped the toad to the ground, and it disappeared an instant later. Slowly returning to his senses, he spun around. His reflection was escaping from the rooftops, preparing to leap down to the street-level below.

 **[SORU]**

In a flash, Kumadori was through the window with a flurry of Six-Techniques Soru Kicks, leaping in front of his wayward reflection. With a kick off of the air, he redirected his momentum and came right back at the escaping figure.

" _RETURN TO THE CYCLE OF REBIRTH, WAYWARD SOUL!"_ he roared, doing credit to the lions that he adored. In a wide sweep, Kumadori's staff struck the black-clad figure like a ping-pong paddle, smashing it back into the lower floors of the same building it had just left. The two Naruto clones cushioned the impact before disappearing, and Naruto and Usopp blasted through the wooden walls of a lower courtyard. Finally, rolling and tumbling head over heels, they came to a stop inside a well-furnished lobby of some sort.

* * *

Above the action, Rob Lucci leapt back and forth through the sky, observing Kumadori and the Straw-Hats. Taking a deep breath, he sniffed the air and then shook his head, dashing away from the battlefield in search of a different target.

* * *

Cursing and groaning, with Naruto cradling his aggravated arm, the two stood up and stumbled away down a nearby hallway that was wide and well-lit. The floor was an ornately-decorated rich-blue carpet, and portraits lined the walls on one side while spacious windows to the street lined the other.

"Oh, man, oh man, oh man, this is really bad…" moaned Usopp, "Gotta get out of here, gotta get out of here…"

Slowly finding their feet, Usopp rushed over to one of the windows, moving to unlatch it and escape. No sooner had he started than the light from outside began to dim.

 **[SEIMEI KIKAN: SHISHIGAMI] - [LIFE RETURN: LION'S MANE]**

Quickly, like slithering snakes, a curtain of pale-pink hair slid across the panes of glass. Up and down the hall, the same thing was happening. From the direction of the entrance they heard the booming voice of their pursuer chase them through the hole they had made in the wall.

" _ **LISTEN AND FEAR, -AH!-**_ **EVILDOERS** _ **! NO LONGER SHALL I BE FOOLED BY YOUR TRICKERY- I SAY-**_ **TRICKERY** _ **THAT WOULD MAKE EVEN A DEMON WEEP TEARS OF SHAME! NOW, THERE IS NO ESCAPE! MY HAIR, TEMPERED BY MY BODY'S ENERGY, IS HARDER THAN STEEL!"**_

"Aw, shit!" cursed Usopp, scrabbling down the hall, looking for an exit, "He's gonna come in any moment now! Quick, in here!" He passed by a set of grand double-doors and ducked into a smaller side-entrance about twenty feet down. Naruto watched him with an odd expression, then followed him inside.

Through the door, a narrow passageway up a small flight of stairs led to an immense, ornate room. Usopp and Naruto stood on a raised wooden platform with a lectern set in front of the largest chalkboard they had ever seen. On the other side of the room, tiered rows of seating platforms were arrayed, each one lined with small pillows. The walls were adorned with decorations, weapons, and masks. All-in-all, it looked like a strange cross between a lecture hall and a theatre stage, but it was probably used for making presentations to Marine officials.

The two had arrived through an entrance meant for an instructor or presenter, and had had to pass through a hidden alcove where a person could collect themselves before stepping out onto the platform.

What was distinctly lacking was a way to escape their current predicament.

"Aw, crap-crap-crap!" shouted Usopp. With panic in his eyes, he whirled on Naruto. "Quick, you seemed to guess a lot about him- do you know any more weaknesses we can use? Anything to get us out of here?!"

Naruto frowned, squinting his eyes in thought. "Man, I dunno. Like, in some ways he's kinda like the guy who taught me a lot of what I know. All the toads and stuff, they're all from him. This guy's got the same wild hair he can turn to steel, the sort-of kabuki theme, the whole 'Sage' thing, and the kind of warped world-view… but in other ways they're really different, you know?"

"No, I don't know! You don't have ANYTHING we can use?"

"Well, I didn't say that…" he said, scratching at his cheek.

"What about that kabuki thing? What's that about?"

"It's a sort of really weird, stylized play that gets put on for hours and hours. I don't really get it, but some people get really involved…" Then Naruto opened his eyes wide and focused on Usopp again. "Anyway, listen. Forget that for a sec. Don't you think you're acting weird?"

Usopp goggled his eyes at the other teenager. "What?! What the hell is this about?! Is it weird to want to get out of here alive?!"

"No, man, not like that… It's like… You know, you're always saying you wanna be a big hero, right? A Warrior of the Sea, or whatever? But every time you move you're always trying to run, or hide, or something?"

Usopp glared at him. "Oh, yeah, thanks. Thanks a lot, buddy. That's really what we need right now- a comprehensive list of my personal failings."

Naruto shook his head wildly, "No, no-nonono! Aw man, see, Sasuke's usually better at putting this stuff into words than I am… I don't mean I think you need to get better at all that, but… Look, if you look at me, I'm kind of a head-on sort of fighter, but that's not really how we ninja do things. Or, at least, that's not how we try to do things. I know our team gets in a lot of big, flashy fights… But any ninja needs to be like- what's the word… you know, like clever but with plans and subtlety, and all that stuff?"

"Crafty? Devious?"

"Yeah, devious! That's what I'm saying! See, you know what I'm talking about, you just don't know it, yet."

"Know it, b-but don't… wait, we really don't have time for this heart-to-heart, Naruto. That guy's gonna come bursting in here in a few minutes and we're gonna get shish-kabob'd quick unless we find a way to escape."

"No, no, wait, that's what I'm _saying_ ," said Naruto, stepping up and poking the other guy in the chest, "Are you sure you're not trying to be something you're not? Look, I'm injured, and he's not a good opponent for a sniper even on the best of days."

Naruto grinned, looking at Usopp expectantly. "As long as he's keeping us in here we might get beaten in a straight up fight, but we don't _have_ to choose between just fighting him and running away."

Usopp continued to glare back at Naruto. "You want us to lay a trap for him or something?"

"Yeah! Or something! Look, Sasuke and me, we spent all our childhood pranking people who could have kicked our asses, making them look like idiots, and I loved it. I mean I've got a few ideas that might work here myself, and I might even be able to beat him just like this, but I'm thinking about you here."

"Usopp, when I look at you all I can see is when everyone's telling you to fight, you wanna evade. When everyone wants you to play fair, you wanna shoot paint in their eyes. When everyone wants you to come out and fight, you wanna hide. Yelling at that Marine Captain on the ship? Shooting rotten eggs in that bomber's mouth? What you did with the mirror just now? All that's _hilarious!_ And just a minute ago when you saw we were trapped in here, you went _right_ to asking me about his weaknesses, trying to get an unfair advantage. And that's _awesome_!"

Usopp's glare dropped into a puzzled expression, but he didn't say anything, letting Naruto continue.

"So why do you wanna be a big stand-up warrior like those other chumps? It _hurts_ me to see you trying to play their game, ya know? Try being a ninja for a change. If you wanna be like a ninja instead of a warrior, we're gonna need to hide, run, sneak, cheat, and lie to get out of this."

Usopp swallowed a nervous knot in his throat and took deep breath.

About ten seconds passed before, finally, "You need me to lie to him?"

The Straw-Hat's professional liar paused again. "Yeah… yeah, I think I can manage that."

* * *

 **-Five Minutes Later-**

"Hey you're a surprisingly good artist, ya know?" admired Naruto, looking at the design coming alive on the back wall.

"Heh, I'll have you know that I painted the design on our flag. That skull and crossbones is one-hundred percent my work."

"Awesome. But why do the Marines even have multiple colors of chalk here, anyway?"

"What, you think an Admiral is gonna settle for just _white_ chalk? Pshh! _Come on!_ Anyway, you've got more stuff to do. Ready to lure him in here?"

* * *

Ten minutes later, Kumadori was carefully searching this part of the building. The rooms in this wing were surprisingly large, which made it difficult to search while also making sure no one slipped by him. Eventually he settled for creating a wall with his hair every time he looked into a room, then slowly advancing the wall whenever he was done searching an area. A lesser man might have become tangled in his own hair, but as a Sage he was capable of growing his hair as fast as he could run.

There weren't many places left to hide, but still his instincts told him his prey was nearby.

Then he saw what he was looking for. A side-entrance to one of the large conference rooms had peeked open, then carefully closed again.

Gotcha.

Kumadori dashed forward and kicked down the door protecting his adversaries. Running through the passage and leaping up the stairs, he burst through the waiting area and onto the stage.

 _"Ah-hah! I've caught you now, you wild vagabonds- Oh!"_

The stage he stood upon was well-lit from above, and the seating area was dim, but he could just make out several dozen figures sitting seiza gazing down upon him from the audience seating. He was now standing center-stage, and his presence was met by a smattering of restrained applause and _kakegoe_.

He turned, hair still pouring back to the entryway, and saw what appeared to be a richly-drawn backdrop of a sun-dappled castle behind him. Kumadori was just processing this when someone called out to him in a stage-whisper from the entryway he had just left.

"Hey! Big guy! Over here!"

A figure in a long-nosed black Tengu mask was beckoning him over from behind the ropes of Kumadori's long hair. Kumadori approached hesitantly, casting an apologetic glance to the disappointed audience as he left the stage.

 _"I'm so sorry, sir, I didn't mean to interrupt your performance, only I've been searching for some escaped fugitives and-"_

"Sorry?!" exclaimed the figure in the black Tengu outfit, "This guy is our savior, arrived from the heavens to make sure the show goes on and he's saying sorry _."_ He shook his head. "Condoriano, are you hearing this guy?"

From further back in the alcove, a male voice groaned in pain. Most groans are fairly low-key affairs, being an entry-to-mid-level position on the scale of crippling pain, but this was a herculean moan. Normally, people who are in a certain amount of pain begin to progress onward into more experimental methods of letting the world know just how unpleasant life is for them, but not this man.

It sounded like his liver was being devoured by squirrels, but he was too proud to move on to screaming.

Kumadori raised his eyebrows in alarm. _"Is that man okay?"_

"What, _Condoriano_?!" the masked man paused to laugh, loud and jovial as if spreading a wonderful joke, before suddenly sobering so seriously that it sounded as if he were speaking of a death in the family, "No. No, it's quite bad. See for yourself, but don't say I didn't warn you."

Without pause, Tengu pulled back a privacy curtain, showing the man behind it writhing in pain on a few hastily-arranged cushions.

" _Ah! You didn't warn me!"_

Naruto had gone with the transformation he used when he wanted to impersonate his master, Jiraiya. The figure on the bed had a deathly pallor and he was wailing, moaning, and grasping his hands in the air as if fending off invisible spectres. Even though the man was twisted by intense pain, Kumadori could make out someone who was a kindred spirit.

" _Ohhhhhhhhh!_ " moaned Condoriano, in Jiraiya's voice. " _OHHHHHHHH!_ "

Tengu clicked his tongue. "Our star performer, Condoriano, laid low by an illness just _minutes_ before the start of our performance… what a sad, sad story..."

" _Ohhhhhhhhh!_ Who would have thought that I'd catch four cases of syphilis at the same time! In addition to my other _numerous_ diseases! _OHHHHHHHH!_ "

Again, Tengu clicked his tongue and shook his head in sorrow. "And four is an unlucky number, to boot. Today we were supposed to be raising donations for the International Order of Buddhist Enlightenment, but now we have no one to go on stage in his place."

" _Ohhhhhhhhh!_ If only my apprentice, Naruto, were here now! I'm so old and horribly decrepit, and he's already so much better than me in every way! _OHHHHHHH!_ "

"Well, your apprentice has a tendency to _overact_ a bit, but that's okay!" said Tengu, "We'd take anyone! Anyone with even a basic grounding in the art of kabuki! But, alas-"

Again, Tengu clicked his tongue and shook his head in sorrow, but now there were tears in his eyes.

"Alas… There is no such person..."

" _Ohhhhhhhhh!_ What the hell kind of name is Condoriano, anyway?! It's so _laaaame_! _OHHHHHHHH!_ "

Kumadori had to interrupt, " _Did he just say his own name was 'lame?'"_

"Don't listen to him, he's delirious. But yes, he is terribly lame."

" _Ohhhhhhhhh!_ Screw youuuu! Wait-wait, you there!" Condoriano reached out with one trembling hand to point at Kumadori.

Kumadori's eyes widened, he looked around hurriedly, then pointed to himself. " _Ah- M-Me?"_

"Yeeessss! I can see it! I can see the soul of the lion inside you! You could play this part in my place!"

 _"Wha-?"_

"Yes!" shouted Tengu, "Yes! I agree! You're perfect for it! Oh, I'm so glad that you're here to help us!"

" _ME?!"_ cried Kumadori, " _But I don't even know the script!"_

Pretending to inspect the man, Tengu carefully walked around the large, black-clad assassin, briefly ducking underneath the long river of hair still connecting him to the hallway outside. As he moved behind, Tengu gave a quick signal off into the darkness.

Suddenly, Kumadori heard a frog's song. Then he forgot about it.

Tengu was quick to reassure the immense man. "No, no, no, for one as perfect as you, this will be _incredibly_ simple. Why, you could practically wing it! Otherwise, think of those poor, starving monks!"

" _W-wing it?! But kabuki is a- it's an incredibly refined-"_ Kumadori frowned, uncertain of what he had been planning to say. He tried again, " _For that matter, aren't Buddhist monks sworn to poverty… and- and fasting..."_ He paused again. " _Well, could you at least tell me what the play is about?"_

Tengu stepped in close, clapping one hand on the man's shoulder. Due to the difference in height, he had to jump quite high for this. "That's the spirit! Oh, before I give you the run-down… do you think you'd mind…?" Tengu jerked a thumb down the entrance hallway towards a pair of stage-hands, clad completely in black sheets, who were stuck in the grip of the sage's voluminous hair. They struggled helplessly but could not escape.

" _Oh! Oh, I'm so terribly sorry. I don't even remember why that's there…"_ With that, the hair flexed and twisted, releasing the stage-hands. It poured into the room, quickly reabsorbing itself into his head over the course of the next minute as Tengu explained the plot.

"Thanks-thanks. Alright, so here's the story. You are the reincarnation of a lion who was hunted to death after seducing the beautiful lady Okonomiyaki-hime."

" _Ohhhhhhhh!_ Such a _laaaame_ name! _OHHHHHHHH!_ "

" _Quiet_ , _Condoriano_! So- now you are the leader of a group of forty-seven samurai who stole a magic flute and are using it to get through a guarded checkpoint so you can assassinate the evil Daimyou. Then you meet up with the granddaughter of the same woman you met in your previous life, but you can't ever be together."

" _W-why not?"_

"Hey, I don't make the rules, buddy. Anyway, on the way there you recall your past as an orphan along with your two blood brothers, who are also lions, when you had been wrongfully imprisoned for stealing a loaf of bread to feed another orphan. But the orphan was actually secretly the god of thunder who granted you a wish, and that's where you got the magic flute. Long story short, all forty-seven of you commit suicide."

" _Oh-oh-Okay, that seems fairly straightforward to me, I suppose. But I have a question. Am I a lion, or a human now?"_

"Yeah yeah yeah, that's the spirit, good questions, good questions. Alright, get out there!"

" _But I- but you didn't-"_

Just then, the musical, percussive noises of a kotsuzumi erupted from somewhere off-stage, and they were quickly joined by further musical accompaniment.

"You hear that? You've got no time! You'll be fine! Just GO!" Tengu got up a running start and shoved the man as hard as he could out onto the stage. Caught off-balance, Kumadori stumbled into view of the audience, catching himself on one foot and hopping out onto the stage on one wooden sandal.

*TACK-TACK-TACK-TACK-TACK-TACK-TACK...TACK*

He stopped, glaring out at the audience. The familiar noises of shamisen, biwa, and kotsuzumi swelled up to meet him. From the audience, he was met with traditional kakegoe. Someone shouted, "MATTEMASHITA!"

He took a deep breath. He could feel it coming back to him. He'd never wanted to be an assassin! He'd only done that to please his mother! The music, the atmosphere, the expectation filled him, sustained him, invigorated him! The cry erupted from his soul in response.

" _ **YO-YOI!"**_

* * *

Elsewhere, Usopp and Naruto burst through the front door of the building, gathering speed to make it to the docks in time. Usopp still wore his Tengu mask and cloak, while Naruto still wore his white face-paint. Both were silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of explosive battles in the distance. Then, Naruto spoke.

"Okay, so we gotta get our story straight, right?"

"Right," agreed Usopp, "so here's how it went down- he came after us swinging his staff, and I was like, 'No way am I gonna let you get Robin. Not in a million years, dirtbag!'"

Naruto nodded eagerly. "So then I jumped in and started fighting him, and even though I had a broken arm, he knew he didn't stand a chance…"

* * *

A/N: This episode brought to you by Looney Tunes. I'm not apologizing.

If you're wondering where the music came from, it came from the same place Jiraiya gets his.


	38. Search and Destroy

**-City-**

 **-Sanji and Nami Group-**

Sanji was furious. Running down the main thoroughfares along the right side of the island, he felt like smashing every goddamn cart, storage container, or government official he saw into pieces. Oh, he had tried to calm himself down, but every time he did his eyes would wander to the wrong place and then his blood would boil.

It was like picking at a scab. He knew what he would see, but he did it anyway. He looked.

Narobin was making stupid faces at him again.

Sanji grit his teeth and shouted, "GODDAMMIT NARUTO, stop desecrating Robin's pristine image or I swear to god that I will kick your ass, watch you explode, catch your clone-smoke in a jar, and fill that jar with dogshit soup! I'll do it! You know I will!"

Narobin just laughed, and Narusuke chuckled along with him.

The Robin clone didn't even LOOK right. He was lumpy in ways he wasn't supposed to be lumpy, his face was _dumb_ , and he still sounded like Naruto doing a falsetto voice. For some reason, the clone had quickly realized that his very existence pissed Sanji off like nothing else and couldn't resist the chance to keep jabbing and needling him.

"Sanji! Focus!" admonished Nami, who was running beside them, "Keep checking the sky and the road or we're going to be ambushed!"

"Of course! I'm ready for anything!"

Even though the combined assault forces had made a clean sweep of most of the city on their rush to the Grand Courthouse, there was still the occasional Marine intelligence soldier in the road from time to time. Nami had her new and improved Clima-Tact staff at the ready, and between her and Sanji smashing people out of the way while Narusuke whipped shuriken at any windows where people started pulling out rifles, they had been more or less unchallenged so far. They had made it about half-way through the city when they finally ran into a serious problem.

Ahead, lounging in a small bit of green-space at the foot of a well-manicured tree, sat one of the CP9 members. He was so still that they almost hadn't noticed him. The CP9 assassin, Jabra, was dressed in a loose, black getup that looked like a cross between a formal suit and a martial-artist's outfit. The shirt was left unfastened to expose his chest, and he had queued hair, a long mustache, and a pair of ridiculous sunglasses. He stirred as they approached, standing up with a yawn and a stretch.

The crew had just enough time to register that their attackers had somehow made it here ahead of them when the man spun in place and sent a Rankyaku kick flying through the air. Narusuke barely dodged the fatal blade of cutting wind and went tumbling ass over teakettle to the ground, spilling Narobin as he fell.

The black-clad CP9 member pulled out a flare, fumbled with it for a moment before sending it up into the air, then waved amiably at Sanji and Nami, saying, "Hey. 'sup?"

Nami responded first. "What the hell?! Aren't you supposed to be taking her alive?"

Jabra laughed, genuinely amused by her reaction. "Lady, there's no point in fooling me. I knew those two weren't the real thing since before I got here." He pointed to his nose. "It's this sense of smell of mine, you see? Your kid over there doesn't smell like the real lady."

Sanji quietly cursed their shitty excuse for a ninja, then asked, "Alright, smartass, but if you knew he wasn't really Robin, why the hell did you even come here, anyway? Why send up a flare?"

Jabra kept laughing. "Heh, the flare's just for pissing off Lucci. He's an ass and three-quarters, but his nose is about as good as mine. He'll keep hunting until he finds the real one, and I'm not interested in fighting for scraps when there's something much more amusing running about."

With no more prelude Jabra dashed towards Sanji, his thin-soled shoes slapping against the rough pavement. At the last second, he completely changed his heading, redirecting all of his momentum to head straight for Nami. Sanji, however, was ready, jumping forward and intercepting the assassin with a fierce kick that sent Jabra sliding backward, hands raised in a block.

Jabra raised his head, baring his teeth in a predatory grin.

"Nami! I'll be fine!" shouted Sanji, "Just get yourself to safety and let me handle this guy!"

When there was no response, Sanji turned to glance at the empty space where she and the clones weren't. "-oh, you're gone already."

Jabra chuckled. "What a shame, looks like little Red Riding Hood's off to grandmother's house."

Sanji scowled across at his opponent. "Red Riding Hood, huh? I figured you'd make a try for her; you've got that sort of look in your eyes. So you think you're the Big Bad Wolf, do you?"

"Buddy, you don't know the half of it." Sneering, his body began to transform until the man grew to monstrous size, his nose protruding into a snout, fur covering his body, and nails lengthening into claws.

Sanji shook his head and cursed.

"Shit… goddamn Devil Fruits, huh? Well, looks like it's my turn to play the part of the Huntsman, after all..."

* * *

Soon after the fighting had started below, Rob Lucci arrived on a nearby rooftop and glared down at Jabra. Shaking his head, he moved on.

* * *

 **-Enies Lobby-**

 **-Docks-**

Kaku flew through the air, easily outpacing the land-bound pirates below him. He didn't engage them in combat, because he had a mission. Destroy all of the ships the Franky Family and the Straw-Hats might use to leave the island.

He considered their assets. Currently there were four ships docked at the city outskirts: one was Navy Intelligence, one was Cipher Pol, one was the battleship owned by Commodore Flounders that had brought CP9 and the prisoners to the island, and the last was the cruiser that had been commandeered by the Straw-Hats. The Franky Family's ship was nowhere to be seen, which he supposed meant that they had left it out at sea and come here riding their pets. Come to think of it, he couldn't see either of the tremendous sea bulls that the Franky Family had used to get to the island. Last he had heard they were being shielded by the two traitorous giants. Oh well, something to remedy later. It wasn't like two Sea Bulls could slip past him if he was guarding the gates.

The way Enies Lobby was laid out, the docks were situated on the opppsite side of the island from the Grand Courthouse. Passing through the entire citywould bring you to the City Gates. Then it was through the City Gates and then across the thin pillar of rock that supported the island itself, at which point you would arrive at the Main Gates. After that, you'd reach the Sea Train's Day Station and the Docks, which was the only way for visitors to enter the island.

Unfortunately for them, it wasn't safe for the Sea Train or any ships to dock today. Kaku would see to that.

Kaku savored the sea breeze in his face, descending from the blue sky toward the nearby ship owned by Intelligence. A single Rankyaku sheared off the central mast, much to the chagrin of the crew. He followed by destroying their emergency paddlewheel at the rear.

Kaku wasn't going to sink their ships, though Lucci probably had intended that as his order. No need to cause more damage than was necessary. Efficiency. That was his watchword.

Making the rounds, he similarly crippled the Cipher Pol ship formerly owned by Spandam, then moved to the Navy ships. A few sailors working to reclaim the Straw-Hat's stolen ship took potshots at him as he tore its masts to pieces, but he was too small a target and moving too fast for them to hit. Targeting the cruiser first, he split the mast and paddlewheel with two mighty attacks.

The last ship on his list was Commodore Flounders' battleship, and he felt a bit sorry as he approached it, still leaping off of the air two-hundred feet up.

"Sorry sir, but we did warn you," he muttered. "If it makes any difference, I'll help put your ship back together once this is all over. I rather liked being a shipwright."

Kaku began spinning in place, building up momentum for a spinning Rankyaku, when a squeaky voice from thin air answered him.

" _That's great and all, spook, but I'll do you one better."_

As Kaku snapped out his ship-destroying kick, he saw a mouse on his pant-leg. At the very last moment it leapt off, raised one tiny leg up high, and then Commodore Flounders un-transformed, bringing his leg down in an axe-kick that drove Kaku's leg wildly off-course. The blade of cutting wind carved a gash into the rocky surface of the docks.

Flounders, taking advantage of Kaku's disorientation, punched the other man down to the earth. The impact raised a cloud of dust, but when it cleared, the CP9 member was unscathed, rising coolly from his three point landing. Flounders landed moments later, dagger drawn.

Kaku began brushing dust off of his black outfit. "Goodness gracious, what a pain. What's the meaning of this? I believe that we established the pecking order in our jurisdiction earlier?"

Flounders, expressing a similar feigned disinterest, began using his dagger to clean under his nails. "Hmmm... sorry, maybe I didn't recognize you. Mice are good at a lot of things, but faces aren't one of 'em."

"You called me 'spook' up there. Seems like hogwash to me."

"I said 'maybe' I didn't recognize you, didn't I? That's kind of an important distinction, spook. There are plenty of spies on this island, after all. Besides, you might have jurisdiction over the island, but my ship isn't on the island, is it?"

"Don't be stupid. You know as well as I do that our control extends to the port and the ships in it. That's basic Marine Law."

"Doesn't apply to the impoundment of a Navy ship currently pursuing a critical mission objective," insisted Flounders.

Kaku raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I'm sorry, I hadn't heard. What mission is that?"

Percival examined his handiwork, then continued cleaning. "I'm sure Garp will give me something important if I ask him to back-date one."

"How petty of you," drawled Kaku. "This is an order from the current head of CP9 concerning criminals of crucial importance," Kaku said, turning his head to face the city walls. "Commodore, this is just disgraceful conduct-"

His words were interrupted by a wooden *THOCK* as a dagger embedded itself deeply in a dock post just a few feet behind his head. With a concerned expression, Kaku turned back to face the man he should have kept an eye on.

"-What in the world was that about?"

Flounders just stared back at him, shrugging. "Dunno. Must have been the wind."

Kaku carefully considered his current opponent. Percival Flounders. Navy Commodore. Owner of the Vermin-Vermin Fruit: Model Mouse. Kaku always kept note of Naval officers operating in the area near Water-7, and it was clear that this man had some skill in one of the Six Techniques: Geppou.

There were also rumors that the man had been a wanted criminal in the days before Garp had made him appear out of thin air, but nothing about those rumors was concrete.

If Kaku had to guess his chances in a fight against this man, he would say he had good odds, and that was even before he had received his own Devil Fruit. The gigantic giraffe seemed a good match-up against the modest mouse.

But this was a fight he didn't have time for. Sighing, Kaku raised his hands.

"Alright, alright. You win for now. Keep out of our way and make sure no one makes it on-board your ship. This lot is slippery, and if we end up with reason to suspect they're hiding underneath your noses then nothing will save your ship _or_ your command. Not from Lucci."

With that, Kaku turned and left, returning to guard the City Gates and await the Straw-Hats' arrival.

* * *

 **-City-**

 **-Zoro and Chopper Group-**

Zoro, Chopper, and their allotted Naruto clones ran through the city streets. They were having more problems than any other group.

"Alright," said Narusuke, "Zoro, I want you to listen to me carefully. Up at the next building, we're turning LEFT!"

Zoro immediately turned left to face the nearest building and then leapt up to the rooftops. Once there, he turned left again and began heading back the way they had just come.

"No, Zoro, why are you going that way?!" yelled Narusuke, as they all struggled to follow behind him, "I said turn at the _next_ building! You have to wait until we get there, you idiot!"

Zoro was unimpressed by his reasoning. "Like you said, I turned up the building and then turned left, what's the big deal?"

Even Chopper was getting frustrated by this point. "Zoro, if you jump up to the building to our left then turn left again, then we're going backwards!"

"Whatever," said Zoro, growing impatient with their indecisiveness, "If we wanna go straight, let's just go straight without turning." Swords flashing from their scabbards, the swordsman cut a hole through a taller building nearby and leapt through. Stunned, his companions took a moment to realize what had just happened, then began to follow him.

Despite what he had said, he did not go straight. Suddenly having lost sight of Zoro, Chopper and the two clones were forced to follow him by tracing the rubble left in the wake of his destruction, ducking through a hole in an office, barracks, or warehouse, then desperately searching for the next hole again and again. They went left, right, leapt from floor to floor and, at one point, even followed Zoro's trail up a spiral staircase. Before entering the sixth such carved hole they had already thoroughly lost their position.

Panting and bewildered, Chopper and the clones burst out of the final hole into the daylight and blinked to clear the dust from their eyes. Zoro was in front of them, and he had stopped.

"What the hell, man?" said Narusuke, "Give us a chance to follow you, maybe? I've never seen someone with such a twisted sense of direction in my life!" Then, he boggled, his eyes nearly coming out of their sockets. "Wait, where the hell are we?! Is this the entrance to the city?! We're the first ones here! What the actual hell is going on?!"

Sure enough, they were now at the gates that led out of the city. Somehow they had been led exactly where they wanted to be, and in record time no less.

"Not my fault if you can't keep track of where we're going, man," said Zoro.

"Umm… so, if we're the first one's here," began Chopper, "does that mean we're safe? Where's Robin?"

Once again, Zoro readied his swords. "No... We're not safe. Everyone, get back. We've got company."

A black-clad figure emerged from the gates ahead of them, walking with a confident and long-limbed stride.

"Well!" exclaimed a smiling Kaku, "I'm pleased that it was you who made it here first, 'Pirate-Hunter' Roronoa Zoro. You truly are as sharp as they say."

Behind the rest of them, the Naruto clones started muttering angrily to themselves. Ignoring this, Kaku continued to talk. "Out of all of the Straw-Hats, you're the one I wanted to engage the most. I understand you pride yourself on your swordsmanship, yes?"

"That's right," said Zoro, a sword in each hand.

"Wahahaha-!" laughed the CP9 assassin. "Wonderful! You're already prepared! Excellent. You see, I know a thing or two about the art myself."

"Hey… Chopper…" muttered Zoro. "I need you to stay out of this battle. When the others arrive, go with them and help get Robin to the docks. They'll need help capturing a ship, alright?" Chopper nodded, and then Zoro seemed to remember something. "Oh, and make sure those two ninjas don't get lost."

Narusuke and Narobin continued grumbling until the battle had begun.

* * *

 **-City-**

 **-Nami Group-**

"Nami, I hate to say it, but that was cold leaving Sanji behind like that," said Narusuke, running alongside their navigator through the city streets.

Nami shook her head and reminded herself yet again that despite the fact that the guy next to her looked and sounded exactly like Sasuke, she was actually speaking to Naruto.

"Oh no, _trust_ me," she said, emphatically sure of her words, "You don't know him the way I do. For one thing, he can handle himself, and for another, leaving him behind is the best thing I can do for him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You haven't seen the way he fights when a lady is around. That's what."

Narusuke laughed. "Oh, okay, I think I get the picture."

"By the way Naruto," she said, "Not that I don't appreciate the need to pull the heat off of Robin, but I don't think it's a good idea for you two to keep following me any more."

"Huh? Why not?" asked Narobin, peering quizzically her way.

Nami sighed. "You really can't figure it out? Look, I'm not really a fighter. If someone from CP9 finds me alone then you'll have to come rescuing me next, and nobody wants that. Least of all me."

"So what do you want us to do about it? If we're here then at least the real me will know if you get in trouble," asked Narusuke.

"Hey, we could run off in another direction without her," suggested Narobin, before Nami could say anything.

"But wouldn't it be suspicious if we're not being escorted?" questioned Narusuke, "They'll figure it out for sure."

"Well it's simple, then! We'll make a copy of Nami and we'll all go together!"

"Dude, have you _seen_ yourself? You barely look human! You wanna try improvising _now?_ "

Nami had to interrupt at this point. "Wow, I cannot understate how _weird_ it is that you can have a complete conversation with yourself. You want to try making a copy of me? Really?"

"Well sure!" exclaimed Narobin. "I bet I can guess your sizes, and if we really concentrate then we can-"

"Okay, _no_. No thank you. Seriously, what the hell?"

Still bickering, the three of them were finally nearing the gates when a nearby ornamental fountain began bubbling over into a frothing cloud of white suds. The thin film of bubbles quickly flowed over the lip and began spreading along the ground. Nami was furthest away, dashing back from the unknown threat before it could catch her, but Narusuke slipped on a suddenly wet spot and fell, spilling Narobin into the cloud. In a moment he had leapt away, not even bothering to retrieve his clone partner before Narobin was pulled beneath the suds.

"What's going on?" asked Nami, backing away from the gently expanding wave.

"No clue," said Narusuke. "Hey! You okay in there?!"

"Shit!" said Narobin, poking his head out of the bubbles. "Stay out of this crap! I mean it! Something's wrong with me!"

He was right. There was something very wrong with Narobin's face. And arms. And body. Nami and Narusuke both screamed as they got a look at the goddamn horrifying spectacle. Narobin's body had been smoothed, flattened, and polished until the result looked like some shiny tube-creature.

"Holy crap! You look even shittier than you did before!" yelled Narusuke.

Struggling to support himself, Narobin's frictionless hand slipped on the ground, dropping him to the floor. A moment later the clone exploded, even though nothing had touched it.

"Damn…" muttered Narusuke, "Something in those bubbles breaks down my clones, huh?"

From inside the cloud of bubbles that was pouring from the fountain, a flare came screeching up into the air.

After that, Narusuke watched intently as a woman emerged from inside the center of the bubble cloud. She had long honey-blonde hair, a pair of slim glasses that highlighted her cold eyes, and a black fish-net dress that showed off her amazing figure. Slowly, she parted her luscious pink lips.

"That's sexual harassment," she stated.

Narusuke shook his head and grabbed control of his eyes, while Nami watched with an incredulous glare.

"Not that I mind it so much from a guy like you," the woman continued, smiling as she stepped forward through the carpet of bubbles. "You're very much my type. My name's Kalifa, and I'm rather fond of handsome younger men... It's a pity you're on the wrong side of the law, or we could really have some fun."

Suddenly faced with this aggravatingly familiar situation while in Sasuke's body, Narusuke did the only thing that made any sense. He jammed his finger straight up his nose. Beside him, Nami began laughing openly.

"Oh my god, Naruto, why do I get the feeling this isn't the first time this has happened to you?" she said, still giggling. "Geez, that guy must really be swimming in it, huh?"

"Yeah, you don't even know," confirmed Narusuke, finger still stuck up his nose.

Kalifa blinked in shock, mouth hanging open from the unexpected rejoinder.

"How disappointing," she said, after a pause. "I see how it is. You're not the real one either, and this is a complete ruse. Very clever."

Kalifa sighed, tossing her hair back over her shoulder. "Well then, I suppose I'll just be going."

As Nami breathed a sigh of relief, Naruto ruined it by opening his mouth.

"Hold it, lady! If you think you're gonna be able to find Robin through my cloud of decoys then think again. We're the only ones who know where the real one was planning to go."

Nami turned a shocked glare on Naruto as Kalifa stopped and fixed her eyes on Nami.

"Hmm, I suppose you're right," the assassin mused. "Well then, let's see if I can drag the answer out of you."

" _Naruto!"_ Nami hissed, staff at the ready as she kept her eyes on the other woman. " _What the hell are you doing?!"_

"Hey, don't worry, you got this," whispered Naruto, "Trust me. Just keep her busy for a little bit and I'll be right back."

Stifling a startled yelp, Nami whipped her head to the side, but Naruto was already gone. The assassin watched this, a smile turning the edges of her lips.

"How sad," she said, "Oh well… This will be over quickly, and then I'll make sure to punish your friend there for jilting you."

" _Damn it, Naruto!"_ Nami shouted, already spinning her staff to produce bubbles of hot and cold air, "I will haunt you till the day you die!"

* * *

 **-City-**

 **-Franky Group-**

"Goddammit you two, for the last time, where did you come from and why the heck are you following me?" Franky shouted as they rushed along the right side of the island, heading toward the docks through circuitous back-routes.

Narusuke and Narobin had hunted down Franky after separating from the rest of the group, introducing themselves to the cyborg as the blond guy from prison in disguise. To their surprise, Franky had immediately tried to backhand them with an armored fist. The two clones had evaded the attack and were now following, undeterred, at some distance.

"Look, old man," said Narusuke, "I already told you the plan! They're going after Robin, so we gotta distract 'em as a group, you know?"

"Look, _kid_ , I already heard your so-called 'plan,' but it was so _super_ stupid I decided to ignore it. You think I wanna help you just for kicks?! Shit, you even knocked me off a cliff."

"Hey! You told me to! You said you could fly! You should be thanking me for getting you free, you know?!"

"Sure, thanks _bunches_ , kid. But now you're causing me trouble. You know that those goons are after me too, right? All you're doing is making my life harder."

The clones continued running after him. "...Yeah, I'm really not seeing how this is my problem," said Narobin.

Franky looked backward for a moment, tossing a glare his way. "Watch it, kid. I said I liked you, but you're pissin' me off more than I usually forgive. Why don't you get lost and go take a- SHIT!" Seeing Narusuke's shocked expression and sensing an incoming attack, Franky turned forward and brought both armored hands up in defense of his face. Without a sound, the spherical member of CP9, Fukuro, had dropped out of the sky and thrown a punch with ridiculous speed. Franky's steel defense was blown away in a single strike, and he stumbled backwards from the attack.

The assassin's entire body was round, from his torso to his broad, neck-less head. He had a frighteningly wide face, tiny eyes, and greasy green hair. What was most unusual of all was the yellowing zipper that resided where his lips should have been. The man hadn't made a sound until the strike, and now he reached up to unzip his mouth. His voice when it spoke was unsettlingly high-pitched.

" _CHAPAPA_! You did pretty well to evade death there! They call me Fukuro- The Silent Owl- and you just looked so vulnerable that I had to attack you!"

"Dammit," cursed Narusuke, turning to Franky, "Sorry dude, but we're just two shadow clones. One hit and we're toast. You think you can take him on yourself?"

Franky growled in response. "Well, since you were so kind to mention that, no I'm _not_ sure. All of my _super-_ powered strength comes from cola, and I'm damn close to empty after blasting my butt back off that balcony."

"Totally awesome, by the way. Also, 'cola?' What the hell's cola? Can you get more?"

Franky reached into his chest cavity with one massive arm, grabbing an empty bottle and tossing it to the two Naruto clones. "I've got no time in my schedule this week to argue with primitive screw-heads who don't know the joys of cola, but if you wanna make yourselves useful then I could use a refill."

Both clones separated, abandoning their decoy ploy. "Gotcha, man." said Narusuke. "One order of a 'cola' comin' right up!"

The two Narutos brought their hands together and summoned a set of ten original-style Naruto duplicates. With their chakra split even further than usual they would be completely useless in a fight, but it should suffice for a scavenger hunt.

Disappearing in twenty-two different directions, the clones dispersed through the nearby buildings.

" _Chapa…"_ hissed the assassin. "That wasn't Nico Robin after all, huh… Oh well, I still found our other objective! If I capture you, then everything will be alright!" With a kick that cratered the ground beneath his feet, the immense man leapt skyward, dashing back and forth as Franky readied his fists.

Franky grinned. Man what he wouldn't do for a fresh bottle right now.

* * *

As the fight began, Rob Lucci landed lightly on a nearby barracks. The cyborg was clearly losing this battle, which meant that at least one thing was going well. He paused for just a moment to watch the fight before leaping back into the search. Fukuro had this well in hand.

* * *

It was only a few minutes before a Naruto clone returned with a bottle he had found stuffed into a refrigerator in a nearby building.

Despite the quick turnaround, Franky was dented, bleeding, and panting for breath, his hair flopped down to the side like a sad blue drape. Before Fukuro could make another attack, a smoke bomb exploded on the battlefield, and Naruto slipped in during the confusion, slapping the frosty ammunition into Franky's massive hand.

When the smoke cleared, Franky straightened up with a wild smile. His hair flipped up into its normal 'do' all on its own.

"Alright, you crazy kid," said Franky, "You've earned yourself a favor. Don't go blowing it all in one place, ya hear?"

"Great, gramps," said Naruto, dispersing all but one clone, "So are you gonna show me what being a cyborg is all about, or what?"

Franky smiled, cracking his knuckles as he kept his eye on the CP9 member staring at him from the other end of the street. "Alright, but lemme warn ya… This might get a little intense for brats just outta diapers. Especially for someone who doesn't even know about _hydraulics_. You see, I _changed_ when I became a new person. Before, I was just a man, but when I altered my organic bits and pieces I became something different… something new… something beautiful..."

"Wait, what? What are you-" Naruto's eyes flicked reflexively down towards the cyborg's speedo, then he immediately regretted it.

"Every bit of my flesh that used to define me as a man has evolved. What was once an ugly caterpillar has transformed into a butterfly, and now you'll get to see the results of my journey."

"Whoa, whoa, dude- uh- I mean, well- is this really the time for that now?"

Ignoring Naruto, Franky grabbed his hips and thrust his pelvis forward.

" **TRANS-"**

"Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god!"

" **-FORM!"**

 **[BATTLE-FRANKY 36: KENTAURUS]**

With ratcheting noises, gouts of steam, and a number of explosive jolts of movement, Franky's body came apart at the seams. His legs and rear half split mechanically down the middle then extended forward. His torso hadn't moved, but now his lower half jutted forward impudently, looking like a laughably incompetent child had been told to play pin the head on the centaur and then pinned it on the wrong end.

Still, Naruto was relieved.

"Oh man, that's totally not what I thought you were going to do. I thought you were gonna drop your pants or something."

Franky reached into a hidden compartment in his chest and pulled out a spare pair of sunglasses. Replacing them on his face, he then turned back to Naruto and lifted them, revealing his eyeballs in a skeptical glare. "Kid, did anyone ever tell you you're a bit of a nutball?"

Naruto gawked at the centauroid cyborg in front of him. "I'M THE NUTBALL?! But- but you- but-"

He stopped sputtering and sighed, "-just finish your transformation, already!"

"I already have!" exclaimed Franky, grinning hugely.

"That's… Whatever man, you're so damn screwed."

Even the off-putting CP9 member looked vaguely concerned for Franky's mental health. Then he ruined it by opening his mouth. " _Chapa_ … that transformation… that wasn't in the report… I think I need to call for backup..."

"OH COME ON!" yelled Naruto.

Franky just smirked. "I'm afraid I can't let you do that, compadre. You're _super_ going down, and this time it's happening Franky-style, right here, right now." With an abominable motion that looked like a cross between an inchworm's crawl and a horse's gallop, Franky charged, meeting the assassin head on.

* * *

A/N: This one's mostly setup. We'll be coming back to these encounters, but some of them can't be finished in one go due to continuity issues from the intersecting timelines. Still, there will be two more chapters in the next week as I push through this section.

Also, total side-note, but I have had a lot of people ask me questions in guest reviews over the last month which makes it difficult to respond to questions I don't want to answer for everyone at the same time, since I can't reply to those.


	39. Cat and Mouse

**-Enies Lobby-**

 **-Sasuke, Robin, and Luffy Group-**

"I'm so sorry…" mumbled Robin, holding onto Sasuke's back with all of her strength, "I didn't believe it… I didn't think anyone could ever…"

Sasuke, Luffy, and Robin charged through the streets of the Marine Fortress on their way to the docks. Moving through the main streets they passed skirmishing Marines and rogue Franky Family members, but with Luffy on point any potential threat was absolutely obliterated as soon as it was identified.

Feeling the slowly drying damp patch on his shoulder where Robin's tears had fallen throughout their trip, Sasuke struggled to come up with the words to comfort her.

"I don't think anyone blames you for doubting it," he said, his feet striking the ground at a sprint. "The Straw-Hats defy common-sense, after all."

He felt her seastone-weakened fingers grip his shoulder tighter, "You were there too."

"Yeah, I guess I was, wasn't I?" Then he winced, "But don't thank me. Naruto's the one who believed in you."

"No… that's not what I meant," she said, "You said 'the Straw-Hats' just now."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I'm actually a part of the team, blah blah, blah. I already got enough of that from Luffy."

Robin laughed, but in her state it came out like a small snort right next to his ear. "Sasuke… Don't make the same mistake I did."

Sasuke frowned, but said nothing. Luckily he was saved the trouble of extending this conversation when one of Naruto's giant toads saw them and came hopping.

Sasuke didn't recognize this one, but that was hardly unusual. He hadn't met most of the toads Naruto could call upon. It had brown, warty skin, very little in the way of clothing, and- oddly enough- a mane of unruly curly black hair. It's belly was covered with terrible scarring.

"Hey, how's Naruto doing?" asked Sasuke as soon as it approached, falling in alongside them in a hopping run.

"Gero Gero!" said the toad.

"I'm... sorry?"

"Gero Gero!"

"Why're you talking to that frog, Sasuke?" asked Luffy.

"It's not a frog. It's a toad." Now he eyed the massive battle-scarred creature carefully. "At least, I _think_ it is. Anyway, whatever it is, Naruto sent it."

"You think so?"

Sasuke exhaled hard and rolled his eyes, as Robin gently laughed on his shoulder. Sometimes Luffy could be a bit dense.

"You think there's some other giant toad running around for no reason? Look at him- he's a friend. I just need to figure out how to talk to him so we can learn what Naruto sent him for."

" _Gero_!" shouted the frog/toad, now irritated.

The young ninja sighed. "Naruto, this had better not be your idea of a joke…"

"I think he's looking for someone," said Luffy.

"Gero! Gero-Gero!" agreed the creature, who then began waving his arms and gesticulating wildly.

"Great," said Sasuke, "But unless you can understand toad semaphore then we're out of luck."

Luffy, however, just nodded back to the frog-toad with complete understanding. "Oh, I get it. You're looking for the blue-haired old guy." When the creature jumped eagerly up and down, Luffy pointed off to the right. "He was going that way."

"Gero!" exclaimed the frog, who then hopped off.

As Sasuke continued cursing the outside world and all of its oddities, Robin began laughing wholeheartedly, barely able to control herself. She laughed until she couldn't breathe, shaking and gasping. When Sasuke turned his head, he felt her tears dampen his cheeks.

"You okay?" he asked, but Robin just kept laughing.

He chuckled. This display of intense emotion was unusual for the woman he had come to know, but she _was_ basically still in shock. Even if she had been out of her handcuffs he wasn't at all sure she would be up for a fight. Not that he hadn't tried to free her- he'd spent a minute looking over the lock once they had gotten away from pursuit, but this thing was high-quality work. He was still sure he'd be able to pick it, but he'd need to set her down and work at it for a while.

So, they continued to run through the streets, hearing the Franky Family's thugs yelling to spread the word that their boss had been broken out. Luffy and Sasuke didn't stop to engage them, continuing to run through to the City Gates. Finally, they arrived in the square before the walls where they saw Zoro dueling the giraffe-man from earlier.

"What the hell?" asked Sasuke, "How did Zoro get ahead of us? We pretty much made a straight run for it. Could this day get any weirder?!"

"Zoro!" yelled Luffy, "You're gonna win, right?! Kick his ass and come after us!"

Zoro stood before the mighty giraffe, covered in cuts and breathing heavily, then he looked back to Luffy. "Damn straight I will."

Kaku moved. "Don't take your eyes off the battle, Roronoa Zoro!"

 **[SORU]**

The giraffe-man moved so fast he seemed to disappear, kicking off the ground several times in an instant. The Sharingan caught the high-speed movement in perfect fidelity, but what was even more startling was the speed with which Zoro reacted, his bleeding limbs flicking out like lightning to intercept the oncoming strikes. He counter-attacked immediately, slipping his third sword underneath the giraffe's blades to strike its body.

Instead of biting deep, the blade sounded as though it had struck steel.

 **[TEKKAI]**

Sasuke analyzed this technique as well as Kaku broke the deadlock and knocked Zoro away. Still facing the green-haired swordsman, Kaku nonetheless glanced over at Sasuke and saw him staring.

"Dammit, you whippersnapper! Stop staring at me already! It's creeping me out!"

Sasuke didn't respond, absorbing the interesting techniques as they moved to the City Gates.

"Luffy," said Sasuke, "He's not looking too good. Shouldn't we stop and help him?"

" _Help_ _Zoro?!_ " exclaimed Luffy, "Why?! He said he was gonna win!"

"But what if he's wrong?"

"Man, you just don't get it, do you?"

Sasuke frowned as Robin continued heaving with quiet laughter on his back, but he wasn't about to drop her and help fight unless Luffy was on-board. Instead, he continued analyzing the techniques he had seen.

The Sharingan was capable of memorizing every shift in chakra and every flex of even the tiniest of muscles, updating muscle-memory until it could be reproduced perfectly. So far he had seen four of these strange techniques in use, and each one seemed to be a combination of brutal body-training, rigorously-practiced muscle memory, and unconscious chakra control. His eyes could reproduce everything except for the strength and endurance, but his Taijutsu training counted for a lot. Even now his legs itched to try out what he had just learned.

Soru he could probably manage right away, even though his legs were still a bit stiff from the first Geppou he had attempted. A couple weeks of practice and he'd have both of them pretty well down. Rankyaku seemed like it would take a similar amount of training; the Sharingan told him how he could replicate the movements right now, but it was a useless technique unless you could get it strong enough to harm things at a distance, and he wasn't sure he was exactly ready for that.

Tekkai was probably no good for the time being- his instinctual feel for the technique seemed to indicate that aside from the endless beatings he would have to endure as practice, something was odd about the chakra control method that those assassins had been using. He wasn't sure, but when he thought hard about replicating it he got the feeling that flushing his system with the chaotic and swirling chakra they were using to reinforce their skin would make it impossible for him to use Ninjutsu for a short time afterwards, and he wasn't quite ready to experiment with that yet.

Still, Sasuke smiled. There were so many _fantastic_ Taijutsu arts to steal out here. These people were ridiculously specialized in their own areas of expertise, and it showed in the incredible depths of skill they could display. It was as if they had produced a entire world full of Maito Guys, each one developing their own style.

Actually, that thought made him want to shudder.

Anyway, it was a shame he hadn't been able to steal these assassination techniques earlier in his life.

His thoughts were interrupted as they passed underneath the walls. Ahead of them, just outside the immense City Gates, Chopper was doing his best to stay hidden from the climactic duel between the two swordsmen. Behind him, two Naruto clones who had abandoned their disguises were waving them down. "Hey! Over here!"

As Luffy, Sasuke, and Robin dashed through the gates, Chopper abandoned his hiding place and rushed after them.

"LUFFY!" cried Chopper, tears matting his fur, "Waaahhhh! Help me! He said we had to capture a ship, but I can't do that by myself, and if Naruto's clones blow up then I'd be alone! What do I do?!"

"Come with us! We're gonna take a ship by storm!" said Luffy.

"We might not have to," reminded Sasuke. "Naruto still had a bunch of clones on the Merry, and if I can fire off a signal then they'll bring her around to meet us."

"The Merry's here?!" asked Chopper.

"I don't know. Naruto? You two are clones, right?"

The two Naruto clones nodded, running alongside them. One said, "Sorry, man. I'm a clone from about half-an-hour ago, but when I was made it wasn't looking good. They were already low on chakra when we started this whole invasion, and it's only gotten worse since then. The last information I got from the Merry was that there were five clones left and they were thinking of weighing anchor so the ship wouldn't drift all over the place when they were gone. They put a seal on the ship so the real me can triangulate its direction, but I dunno if it'll be sailing to the rescue today or not."

"Okay," said Sasuke, "Still worth giving a signal, just in case, but let's assume we need to capture a ship. That sound good, Luffy?"

"Yeah," he said, "Keep Robin safe. When we get past the next set of gates, I'm going in."

Determined not to be left out, one of the Narutos spoke next, "We'll head in right now to start scouting for a ship, alright? See you when you get there!"

The Narutos leapt off, leaving Robin's guards behind.

It wasn't long before they had reached the half-way point between the City Gates that protected the city itself and the Main Gates that guarded the Docks. This meant that they were now at the narrowest point of the rock pillar that supported the island proper. Thinking about it made Sasuke shudder. He obviously wasn't afraid of heights, but he still didn't understand how anyone could live somewhere that seemed like it was going to fall into the ocean at any moment. As soon as they got past the Island Gates they would be off of this ridiculous deathtrap of an island and surrounded by the sea again.

"SASUKE!" shouted Luffy.

Sasuke didn't need to process the sudden call for information. Every ninja worth their salt knew not to dither when someone shouted like that. He moved, letting his upgraded muscle memory kick off the ground several times in an instant as he turned himself around.

Rob Lucci had made no sound until he crashed down from the sky with a surgical strike, his finger extended for a blow that Sasuke and Robin narrowly avoided.

 **[SHIGAN]**

There was a noise of rock shattering as Lucci landed, then he extracted his hand from the earth leaving a single drilled hole behind. Sasuke watched the man stand up with interest. That was the fifth technique he'd seen so far. By hardening the muscles and tendons in one's hand, you could punch at full strength using the surface area of just one finger. It seemed to be a refinement of the Tekkai he had seen earlier, which meant it was similarly outside of his ability to perform it for now. Whatever. If he really needed to stab people he had knives and a sword for that.

Luffy, immediately sensing that Sasuke couldn't fight effectively while protecting Robin, charged the assassin and began a fierce melee. Fists and feet collided, with Lucci largely taking the hits on his iron body and Luffy dodging everything he could. Sasuke watched, unable to help.

Actually, this was ridiculous. Now that they had other helpers, Sasuke should really be free to fight if necessary.

"Chopper, I have an important job for you," he said, glancing at the young reindeer. "I need you to carry Robin for me."

Chopper nodded, taking her as he shifted into a much larger form to cradle the weakened woman in his arms, carefully avoiding coming into contact with her seastone shackles. As soon as that was done, Sasuke drew his sword.

"Straw-Hat," said Lucci, blocking blow after blow, "I believe I told you that we would find you no matter what you did. Your game was amusing, but this ends here!"

He struck like lightning, and Sasuke knew a fatal blow when he saw it. His fist hit Luffy in the chest with the kind of force that shattered boulders, much less sternums, but Luffy took the attack without injury, rebounding off the terrain into a flurry of punches with his rubber-enhanced body.

 **[GOMU-GOMU NO GATLING]**

Lucci continued walking calmly towards Luffy, evading every single one of the blows by bending his body in every direction.

 **[KAMI-E]**

Sasuke took that technique in as well. Good grief—that was six different techniques from the same school, each one something that pushed the limits of Taijutsu in ways that he'd never seen before. How many more did they have? He could feel his muscles eagerly requesting the chance to try out this newly-coordinated movement.

The fight changed in an instant as Lucci dodged a strike from the captain and then kicked him back towards the city like a soccer ball. Suddenly free of the fight, Sasuke's eyes saw the moment that the assassin's center of gravity shifted towards them, and then Lucci blurred. He all but teleported straight to Robin and Chopper, but stopped dead as Sasuke appeared bringing his sword around for a decapitating strike.

 **[TEKKAI]**

As the sword swung in, Lucci's muscles shifted in preparation to use the defensive technique. The sword struck the man's neck with a *clang*, but Sasuke was already hurling a kunai at Lucci's eye.

The man's body control was incredible, shifting from rigid iron to flowing water in an instant as he slipped to the side of the knife. In retaliation, Lucci struck out again and again with a single finger.

 **[SHIGAN]**

Sasuke's body melted to the side as well, whipping left and right as he dodged a series of the scowling man's stabbing attacks.

 **[KAMI-E]**

Lucci's eyes widened as he realized what he was seeing. Knowledge of the Six Techniques training style was restricted to Marines, and for it to be used right in front of him by a no-name pirate was absolutely unheard of.

Using something wider-ranged, Lucci kicked, hardening his body when Sasuke blocked the leg with his sword, both combatants being pushed apart from the force of the strike. Then there was a momentary pause in the battle.

"You. Where did you learn that technique," growled Lucci.

Sasuke smirked. "That? That's nothing. Watch this," he said, holding his sword in both hands. With a breath, lightning chakra cascaded down the blade, and Lucci had one moment to register further surprise before Sasuke's feet struck the ground multiple times in an instant.

 **[CHIDORI HAYABUSA]**

 **[THOUSAND BIRDS - PEREGRINE]**

Lightning screamed and chirped as Sasuke used his newly-stolen Soru to shoot forward like a crossbow bolt, the Sharingan keeping his blade true as he flew, faster than he had ever before moved. Like this, the greatest weakness of the Chidori- it's need to get into close-range- was solved in a single impossible flash of speed.

Lucci's eyes widened further and further in the moment of slowed perceptions, but then it was Sasuke's turn to be surprised. With no warning, Lucci's movement sped up, his feet moving with a swiftness that the younger man couldn't match. The sword moved to follow him, cutting shallowly into his side before Lucci evaded, and Sasuke skidded to a halt fifty feet away.

Shit. Maybe the middle of combat wasn't the right time to try out a new technique after all. He'd need a lot of practice before he would be able to move the way this man could.

He spun, looking for Lucci, but the man was gone. Unsure of where his opponent was, the ninja dashed wildly forward, flicking his eyes in every direction.

He wasn't there. He just wasn't anywhere at all in the area. Even though the hit with the Chidori had been glancing, the coursing lightning should have made it at least a little difficult to control his muscles for the next couple of seconds, which meant this was the best time to grasp victory, but Lucci was just _gone_.

He couldn't possibly be dodging Sasuke's eyes, so where was he? The only place Sasuke hadn't looked was... underneath the island. Could he have leapt off the edge of the pillar here?

Sasuke looked down, trying to see the man's chakra through the earth, but it was too late.

 **DEATH**

He felt it coming from behind him. Adrenaline flooded his veins and he spun, already powering up the Tsukuyomi for the one chance he had to stop this man.

It was going to be be too slow.

Lucci had slipped around underneath and was now descending from above like the Reaper, the edge of his hand scything in for a decapitating strike that would kill Sasuke in one blow. By the time he saw the man, Lucci was only six feet away.

In that moment, Sasuke felt more certain of his own death than he had in years. Then, at the same instant as he felt the Tsukuyomi powering up, there was a sensation of a second chakra bubbling up from inside him- one that he hadn't summoned.

That was when Luffy collided with Lucci from the side like a cannonball, knocking him away from the battle.

Suddenly flooded with relief, Sasuke deactivated the Tsukuyomi, feeling the second chakra dissipate as well.

Whatever that had been, there would be time for thinking about it later.

"Sasuke!" shouted Luffy, leaping back to his feet and focusing on the unharmed form of Lucci rising from the dirt off in the distance, "Get to the ship! I'll take this guy!"

Sasuke turned on the other man, glaring. "Luffy, are you serious? You can't fight this guy alone- what the...?"

Luffy's skin had turned red, and he was now so hot that he was literally steaming. Abruptly the Sharingan began twitching. It automatically analyzed the subtle motions of chakra and muscles for later mimicry, and right now it was telling him very clearly that he could replicate Luffy's current state by simply forcing open all of his own blood vessels and then pumping his blood using his leg muscles. This was, of course, impossible. Just watching it made his heart tense and his leg feel like cramping up.

Or maybe that was just him using these new techniques without a warm-up. It was hard to say.

"Luffy, what the hell are you-"

"JUST GO! We need that ship!"

He felt it this time. Some power, intangible but overwhelming, emanated from Luffy and washed over him. For the very first time he knew- he truly understood- what drove the crew's complete trust in this man.

"Goddamn you!" he shouted, turning towards Chopper and running to catch up, "Stay safe! We never leave anyone behind, right?!"

"You're damn right we don't!" yelled Luffy, "That means you have to keep Robin alive!"

Shit. Maybe it _was_ better to let the man who was immune to melee attacks deal with this Taijutsu monster, but that didn't mean he had to feel good about it. Gritting his teeth, Sasuke ran for the distant figures of Robin and Chopper. As he had expected, Lucci moved to intercept. Sasuke made ready to defend himself, only to see something truly unexpected when Luffy kicked off the ground multiple times, performing a textbook reproduction of the Soru technique Sasuke had just copied.

 **[GOMU-GOMU NO - JET RIFLE]**

He struck the assassin at point blank range with a punch far stronger than anything Sasuke had seen from him before, even against the Kyuubi, and Lucci shot away off the edge of the rock-pillar.

How the hell had Luffy done that? Whatever. Hopefully it meant that their captain stood a chance at surviving this fight. Sasuke turned and resumed his dash away from the city. Fixing his sights ahead, he focused on the mission: Robin, Chopper, and the ships at the docks.

* * *

-Main Gates-

Leaving Luffy behind to fight Lucci on the tiny finger of land that supported Enies Lobby, Sasuke, Chopper, and Robin were the first ones to arrive at the Main Gates. Those gates loomed ahead of them, torn open from the earlier assault, but once the three of them were through they would be able to take and defend a ship while waiting for the others to arrive.

There was only one problem. The wide Main Gates that led to the docks were thrown open, showing a view of the Marine Battleship, and every other ship in the harbor was missing its masts. That left only one option and one hope. He'd have to signal for the Merry and then try his luck capturing the sole intact ship.

Well, make that two problems. They were stuck on a simple road meandering down a thin piece of grassy land with no cover in sight. Terrain that might have been used for the defenders of Enies Lobby to spot an approaching raid also allowed those on the docks to spot him coming a mile away. Maybe a mouse could have made it by undetected, but not three people.

Actually, as he watched, a mouse did scurry by from the docks, likely fleeing one of the broken ships.

Also, where the hell had Naruto's clones gone?

"Well," said Sasuke, "Since we're not going to make it by unseen, I'm firing off the flare now."

Chopper looked nervous, but he nodded. Summoning chakra for one of the many cantrips he had copied from Kakashi, Sasuke sent a flare of fire into the air that exploded into a bright light over the Main Gates, and then the two of them passed underneath their shadow.

He was never sure what made him wary all of a sudden. Maybe it was the fact that this was an excellent site for an ambush, or maybe it was just the adrenaline from being attacked by Lucci, but he felt, rather than heard, the incoming attack from behind him. Sasuke dropped down as fast as he could, and a strike from some sort of cosh or blackjack went whistling right over his head.

He spun in place, sweeping his leg around to catch his mystery assailant off-guard, but his foot struck nothing. There was a tiny tug at his back, and then a large hand grabbed the back of his neck. A knife swept in from his side, but Sasuke grabbed the attacker's arm and stabbed backwards with his sword.

The grasping hand and knife both disappeared, and his sword connected with nothing.

There was a moment of silence as he spun around. His eyes roamed the landscape, flicking here and there with his perfect vision and chakra sight. Chopper and Robin had stopped, turning back to watch him in concern, but Sasuke could tell in an instant they hadn't seen anything.

"Chopper! Stay back! In fact, get her to the top of the gates for now, alright? You should be safe there."

He didn't see Chopper's response, still keeping his eyes everywhere. Was his attacker invisible? No, he'd caught a glimpse of an arm out of the corner of his eye. He was fast, then, and very stealthy…

No, if this assailant was really fast enough to avoid being seen in this terrain, he'd be quicker than Lucci. Sasuke couldn't see any chakra signatures from underneath him, either. There was something else to it.

Well, let's test how fast he is, then.

He burst into a sprint, priming his reflexes for the moment the assailant attacked. Dashing towards the ships in the distance, he heard a man's feet hit the ground behind him, and then he sped up.

 **[SORU]**

Leaping fifty feet ahead into the sunlight, Sasuke skidded to a halt and turned.

No one there.

"Sasuke!" shouted Chopper, standing at the entrance to the gatehouse "It's a mouse! He's on your back!"

A mouse? Hiding on his clothes? For just a moment Sasuke blanked out, not actually sure what to do about this. Finally, he brought his fingers together.

 **[KAGE BUNSHIN NO JUTSU]**

A Sasuke clone appeared behind him, lunging forward to grab at the mouse, and he felt the moment it dropped from his clothes. Leaping away, he grabbed a kunai and whipped it straight at the falling mouse. The knife homed in unerringly until the mouse moved, kicking off the air to avoid the attack.

 **[GEPPOU]**

It dashed through the air in wide circles around him- a tiny grey blur that Sasuke could only follow with his Sharingan. As it moved, he saw the animal's eyes focusing on him with a human intelligence.

" _Pretty good, kid,"_ squeaked the mouse, and then it shot forward. Halfway to him, the mouse changed into an adult human male, two daggers in his grip. Sasuke pivoted to the side to avoid the attack and his clone struck out with a sword, but the man transformed again, dodging the attack by changing sizes and hitting the ground. The mouse rebounded with its tiny feet, transforming back into human form and slashing the clone as he passed, destroying it with a puff of smoke before returning to mouse size.

This time, though, he didn't get away clean. Sasuke predicted the attack, darting in at superior speeds to intercept the mouse with a slicing arc of his blade. Surprised, the mouse flipped in air and transformed again, blocking the attack with both daggers. The force of the strike brought the man to the ground, rolling in the dirt before springing back up to his feet, watching Sasuke's torso while avoiding eye-contact, daggers at the ready.

"Like I said. Pretty good, kid."

"Pretty good yourself," said Sasuke, glancing at the man's insignia of rank that adorned his well-tailored attire. He couldn't tell, but the guy seemed like a big-shot. "You're the strongest Marine I've run into so far at the very least. And you know to avoid my eyes, which is something really special. I have to ask- are you stalking me?"

The man chuckled, his deep and gruff voice contrasting with the squeakiness of his mouse-form. "I suppose you could say that. I've been following you for quite some time now, but you probably know me by my title instead."

"Allow me to introduce myself. Commodore Percival Flounders, former Boss of the Flounders' Fishermen. I'd ask you your name, but I believe that's unnecessary at this point."

"Ahh," mused Sasuke, "You're the one who imprisoned us. How'd that work out for you, by the way?"

The man's lip twitched. "Heh… Watch your mouth, kid. It's just you and me now, and unlike anyone else you've fought out here, I actually took the trouble to learn all I could about your ninja tricks. You're not getting past me now."

"Really?" Sasuke's mouth split in a wide grin. "Since I already took all your other henchmen to pieces, I guess that means if you go down then we'll be free to take your ship from you, huh? I wonder how often it is that a group of less than ten prisoners takes down an entire Marine convoy?"

A vein popped on the man's forehead, so Sasuke pushed a little further.

"How far do you think everyone here will be demoted after we get off this island with everything you own?"

Flounders disappeared, scything inward in between heartbeats to appear at the location Sasuke had just vacated. He looked up. The young ninja was standing upside-down on the underside arch of the Main Gates, cloaked in shadows and chuckling to himself.

"Alright," said Flounders. "You got me. I gotta admit that the Admiral didn't say you were this fast."

Sasuke continued chuckling in the shadows a hundred feet up, his tone turning cruel and smug.

"What's so funny?" asked the Commodore, frowning as he tried to figure how the ninja had jumped that high.

Sasuke shook his head, shrugging his shoulders upside-down. "Well, it's just that he wouldn't have said anything of the sort. I wasn't anywhere near as fast as this before I came here. Heheh.., I'm so much stronger than I was even yesterday that I'm just amused. I came here for a rescue mission, not a training exercise, but it seems like I got both."

"Really?" asked Flounders, seeming disinterested but still holding his two daggers at the ready, stance low and prepared to dodge. "Sorry to say this, kid, but it doesn't work like that. Improvement comes through steady effort and experience, even if a good fight or two might make you feel on top of the world. I'll give you points for the creepy laugh, though. It's pretty good material for a bluff."

Now, the ninja's arrogant grin widened. He didn't say anything, just sheathed his sword and drew two kunai from inside his clothing. As Flounders watched warily, Sasuke moved into the same ready stance as his opponent, two knives matching him while hanging from the ceiling.

The Marine frowned to see this obvious mimicry. "That's just _insulting_ , kid. You wanna try taking me on like that? It's your prison cell." Then he started moving, getting up to his normal speed and preparing to resume his aerial attacks.

While he was still shifting his weight, Sasuke appeared right in front of him, appearing to teleport down across the intervening distance. He slashed outward from his center, and Flounders barely managed to turn his shift forward into a duck underneath the attack.

Knives cut out fast and furious, with Sasuke pressing the offensive using unbelievable speed and flexibility, his eyes locked on the older man as they danced across the battlefield. Eventually, Flounders began switching back and forth between mouse form to dodge attacks, instantaneously appearing behind or above him to continue combination strikes that relied on moves Sasuke couldn't replicate. It didn't matter much- now that Sasuke had his eyes on the man he could see the fluctuations of his chakra system and the twitches of his muscles as if they were a step-by-step guide to his fighting style. Every time that Flounders disappeared, Sasuke was ready to counter-attack.

The Marine dashed away, looking to separate from the combat, but Sasuke moved faster, lunging in and slicing the man across the chest.

There was an explosive noise in the distance and Sasuke paused, glancing up at the Commodore who stood in the shadows while silhouetted against the sunlight from the docks. Staggering backwards, the well-dressed man smirked and then shrunk, darting into an almost invisible hole in the ground.

The battleship had just fired its main cannons, and the tremendous cannonballs were aimed directly at him.

Sasuke jumped, kicking off the air again and again to gain height as the incoming cannonfire struck the ground. As it exploded, Sasuke poured energetic chakra into his system, once again relying on an untested technique.

 **[TEKKAI]**

The explosive rounds knocked him away in a blast of hot air and shrapnel that cut into his skin, but the sharp pieces of iron that might otherwise have gored him were instead mostly deflected by the technique.

Sasuke hit the ground and stumbled, readying for another attack to come through the cloud of smoke, feeling woozy and off-balance. He had been right about the Ninjutsu limitation- he could feel his normally well-ordered chakra struggling to stop swirling about. If he was attacked again, he might be in trouble.

No more cannonfire seemed to be incoming, but he could make out the silhouette of the Commodore's chakra through the cloud of smoke, twisting and changing before his eyes. When the man spoke, his voice was scratchy, but deeper than his normal high-pitched mouse-squeak.

" _You…"_ he began, " _I know for a fact you would have had no chance to train in the Six Techniques. I've followed you every step of the way from your island, and I also know you're among the first people to leave it…"_

The smoke cleared, and Sasuke saw that the man had transformed into a very odd creature. Slim and gray, the Commodore had become half-man, half-mouse. He was still dressed in his fine clothing, but either some strange Fruit-related magic or some ingenious feats of tailoring had kept it from falling apart. From a well-hidden hole in the back of his dress pants, a prehensile mousey tail slipped out.

From the looks of it he had actually become a little more slim and streamlined as a result of his transformation, and his whiskered nose twitched left and right in the smoky sea-breeze.

" _For that matter, you're already fighting with my style, and you hadn't even seen me before today. How have you done such a thing?"_

Sasuke waited, feeling his chakra slowly settle down. If his opponent wanted to be cautious for now, then that was fine with him. He took a deep breath.

"You guessed it," he said, "I can copy anything I see."

" _Ah… so you're some kind of 'Copy Ninja,' then?"_

Sasuke blinked. Being called a 'copy ninja' was really weird, considering that was Kakashi's nickname.

"Well, actually that's not really-"

" _Whatever, kid. Now you're going to be fighting me for real, and one thing you can't copy is being a mouse."_

Well, it didn't really matter what this man wanted to call him. He was going to win, and then there would be nothing stopping them. The Straw-Hats could win this. They just had to finish the fight.

* * *

A/N: Sasuke has access to all six techniques, but currently only four of them are usable. All of them need a great deal of training before his body catches up to where it needs to be.

Next chapter we finish the fight. Expect it on Friday or Saturday.


	40. Falling Justice

**-Enies Lobby Support Bridge-**

 **-Luffy-**

Two men faced each other at the halfway-point between the docks and the city. One was a massive twelve-foot tall leopard-man who was built more like an ox, panting from exertion but clearly in a superior position. The other was Luffy, who was bleeding from claw wounds all over his body, swaying on his feet from the exertion of sustaining the overwhelming force of his Gear Second transformation.

Fighting had been fierce, but now, finally, Lucci felt as though they were reaching an end.

" _You've fought admirably just to get this far,"_ he said, " _and I applaud your effort, but you must know this is all meaningless. What were you even thinking? You split yourselves up- and for what? Scattering and escaping is a strategy meant so that even if some must die, some must also slip through the cracks."_

He chuckled, an odd growl echoing in his throat.

" _But that's not why you did it. I can see you for what you are now. You don't even have the resolve to sacrifice a single one of your comrades here. So what, exactly, was the point? Were you hoping every single one of them would make it through the city unscathed?"_

"I trust them!" shouted Luffy. "Each and every one!"

" _Then you're a failure as a captain. That's what's truly pathetic about this. I witnessed each and every one of your comrades on my way to find you, and do you know what I saw? They were losing. Every one of them failed to stand up to our assassins."_

Luffy's eyes darkened, his teeth grinding together.

" _For that matter, while it's admirable that you stayed to fight me alone, you've led me straight to here- the one place that any escapee must pass to leave the island. Straw-Hat, you've doomed all of them. The only battle that matters now is this one."_

"No," said Luffy. "You're wrong. Every single battle matters today, and I believe that each of them will win..."

* * *

 **-City-**

 **-Sanji-**

"You know…" Sanji said, taking a last drag on his cigarette and then flicking the remnant aside, "As a chef, one of the things I despise is an over-cooked meal. I can't keep track of the number of times someone asked me for steak well-done, and I had to go out there and give them a piece of my mind…"

The two combatants stared down at each other from the tops of two buildings, and though Sanji's clothes were torn and sporting the telltale signs of blood and scattered impacts, the wolf-man's body seemed more or less unharmed. His powerful iron body was the most specialized in all of CP9. As Sanji spoke, Jabra laughed across at him. " _Sounds like you're a pretty terrible cook, then! Don't get me wrong- I'm a raw and bleeding kind of guy myself, but even I know the customer's always right."_

"No, you're right," said Sanji, tapping his shoes on the ground as if testing their fit. "The customer's wishes always come first. That's a fundamental rule."

Then, Sanji smirked. "Of course, sometimes you gotta make sure the customer knows what wishes to avoid if they wanna go home with all their teeth."

Jabra barked with laughter, starting to circle around the other man. " _Man, you really are a terrible cook, aren't you?"_

Apparently satisfied with the state of his shoes, Sanji nodded to himself. "See… but sometimes you gotta work with what you've got. A real chef doesn't always get the grade-A meat or grade-A customers. Sometimes you just gotta turn up the heat and go with it."

" _Alright, man. I'm done hearing about your kitchen stories. If you wanted to calm me down, talking to the wolf about meat wasn't the right way to do it."_

"Alright, alright," said Sanji, looking up with an unfriendly grin, "See, the point is- I learned something from a couple of special friends recently. All that heat and passion I have in my heart? It's real, and I can let it out whenever I want."

Kicking the ground, Sanji spun in place on one leg, twisting faster and faster at each kick. The world became a blur. He had always known there was a fire inside him, and he also knew he hadn't really needed the help of two shitty ninjas to teach him how to burn, but now he knew exactly what he was looking for. The heat of the friction served as the seed of flame and then he felt his energy transform inside of him. As the speed increased an intense flame blossomed from around his leg.

 **[DIABLE JAMBE]**

Stopping, he controlled his dizziness and turned to stare back at the shocked wolf-man.

"It's been awhile since I've had to serve such a shitty customer, much less cook such a shitty a wolf," said Sanji, feeling warmed by the heat that somehow didn't burn him. "And you? You've got the look of an _infested_ animal. Gotta make sure we cook you deep."

" _How the hell did you do that?"_ asked Jabra, frowning in consternation at the man who was suddenly wreathed in flames.

Sanji ignored him. "So, my esteemed shitty customer. How would you like your meat done today?"

Battle started immediately as Jabra dashed to the left, but stopped dead as Sanji spun, a wave of flame licking out from his kick and flying across the intervening distance.

 **[DIABLE JAMBE: ARROSER]**

Changing directions, the wolf tried again, only to be boxed in by another wall of fire. Sanji danced forward step-by-step, each kick washing the battlefield in front of him with waves of fire. Jabra's attempts to attack from the side were stymied, and then he gave up as he took the first hit from the flame whips, burning his fur and skin. Instead, he switched to offense, dashing straight into the maelstrom.

" _I already told you my Iron Body technique is the greatest in CP9!"_ he roared, silhouetted by the fire. " _If your damn kicks couldn't hurt me before, they can't hurt me now!"_

Jabra burst through a flame barrier with the smell of burnt fur, eyes screwed shut but claws bared, and Sanji dropped to the ground right in front of him, pivoting on his free foot. As the wolf swung his claws, the burning leg shot upwards like a spear, striking directly in the assassin's chest. For a moment, flames were visible shooting up from the wolf's back.

 **[DIABLE JAMBE: RÔTI BIEN-CUITE]**

The kick struck the wolf's chest and the claws raked into Sanji's side before both combatants disengaged. For a moment it looked like the flaming leg had done just as little as his earlier attacks.

Then, with a gasp and widened eyes, the wolf-man opened his mouth, belching a cloud of smoke and steam. He hit the ground in a smoking pile, his insides roasting from the stored heat as his transformation ended.

The battle won, Sanji turned, beginning to walk away as he favored his bleeding side. Solemnly he lit a cigarette, taking a long drag before saying anything.

"Should have listened to the chef's advice, Monsieur Bad Wolf."

* * *

 **-City-**

 **-Franky-**

The fighting between Franky and Fukuro had been furiously stupid, and Naruto was still kicking himself for watching all of it. As time had passed, more and more people had poured into the street where the two warriors were duking it out, and it appeared the majority of them were gang-members allied with Franky. Cheering and jeering swelled as the size of the crowd grew, the Franky Family eager to show their support for their beloved boss who was still dueling in horror-horse form.

Then, just when things couldn't get any weirder, a tremendous toad landed in the street with them. It had brown skin, black hair, and a scarred belly.

Naruto frowned at it, not recognizing the unfamiliar creature that was barely even paying attention to him.

"Hey, do I know you?" he asked.

"Gero!" replied the toad, focusing instead on the battle.

"What the- wait, are you even one of the ninja toads at all? Which one of me summoned you, anyway?"

The frog turned an annoyed glance his way before saying, "Gero-Gero!" and hopping further away, studiously ignoring him after that.

"Well screw you too, then!"

This was ridiculous. In fact, as the two fighters clashed again, Naruto finally realized that he just couldn't stand any of this any more.

"Holy shit!" he shouted, "This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen! I keep expecting to get used to that dumbass centaur form of yours, but it's no good! It still makes me wanna puke! How the hell are you still alive?"

Both fighters were breathing heavily as they separated once more, sporting bruises and dents from the vicious attacks. Franky, however, seemed to be firmly on the losing side.

"You're an idiot, Cutty Flam," squeaked the monstrous, green-haired CP9 assassin. "You might have gotten stronger and faster somehow, but that centaur form is no good in a fight. You'd be much better off if you cancelled the transformation right now. SHIT! I said that out loud!"

Panting, Franky removed his newly-shattered pair of sunglasses, replacing them with a spare. Unlike the concern that the situation seemed to warrant, he didn't look upset at all. In fact, he was wearing an open-mouthed grin.

"Well, don't get your speedos in a twist, buckaroo! You can't talk shit about this transformation until you've seen its Final Form!"

"...Final form?" asked Naruto.

" _FINAL FORM?!"_ cried most of the Franky Family, in unison.

"Gero-Gero?!" croaked Yokozuna.

"F-Final Form?!" exclaimed Fukuro, backing up uncertainly from the confident declaration. "No! No, that can't be right! You're just bluffing! CHAPAPA!"

"Oh, it's no bluff, buddy. In fact, you're gonna get a personal ride on the pain train right now!"

As Franky began emitting steam from his joints, terror entered Fukuro's expression, and then he shouted his battle-cry.

"NOT IF I STOP YOU FIRST!"

Fukuro shot forward with the superhuman speed of his training, but it was too late to stop the transformation.

 **[BATTLE FRANKY 36: KENTAURUS: BI-PED]**

Clanking and clunking, Franky's centauroid form latched closed just in time for him to dodge the flying CP9 member's attack. Suddenly using only two legs for an incredible increase in mobility, he nimbly side-stepped the attack, allowing Fukuro to blast past him. In the moment Fukuro flew by, Franky grabbed him by the leg.

Pulled along by the CP9 member's momentum, both fighters soared into the distance and collided with a building, bringing it tumbling to the ground in a shower of rubble.

Naruto watched this in stupefied silence. All the cyborg had done was de-transform.

When the dust cleared, Franky had both of his fists buried deep in the other man's enormous mouth, and he was grinning from ear to ear. Meanwhile, Fukuro's eyes were wide, his arms flailing back and forth uncontrollably.

"Whoa there!" exclaimed Franky. "Don't move, skippy, or I might just go off!"

"Whayyou 'hink yer 'oing?!" shouted the suddenly-sweating Fukuro, forced to talk around the metal fists.

"Told you my Final Form would turn this around. You see, with two legs I'm much faster, aren't I? It's a true evolution in fighting technology!"

"atsh 'ot 'rue! 'atsh ihposhiful!"

"Oh, it's _very_ possible. And you know what?" Franky brought his wide grin in closer, staring the fat man straight in the eyes as his voice lowered to a threatening rumble. "I've never let anyone live who's seen my Final Form..."

Naruto honestly began leaking tears at this point. He couldn't help it. This world was just too stupid.

"'o! 'on't kill 'e!" Fukuro pleaded.

At this, Franky burst into open laughter. "Bahahahah! I'm just kidding. I'm not gonna kill you, pal!"

As soon as Fukuro looked relieved, Franky continued. "We're just gonna go on a nice, romantic, balloon-ride together- that's all!"

"...What?" asked Naruto.

" _WHAT?!"_ asked the Franky Family.

"Gero?!" asked Yokuzuna.

"...'ut?" asked Fukuro.

"-and you're the balloon!" finished Franky. His arms expanded to several times their normal size, jamming the assassin's mouth wide open in the process, and then all hell broke loose.

 **[COUP-DE-VENT]**

Franky's Coup-de-Vent was a blast of air capable of sinking ships, and now he funnelled it directly into Fukuro's open mouth.

"AGAGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" he screamed, instantly expanding to three times his normal size, his cheeks and round torso bulging and warping from the titanic intake. Then the air escaped in one long, horrible burp that sent Fukuro flying up over the buildings, and a cackling cyborg rode the man off into the distance.

Everyone left behind could only watch in shock. A long moment passed.

Then, Naruto turned to the assorted figures of the Franky Family who were watching with popped eyes and dropped jaws. He brought one hand up in a wave. "Well guys, have fun with that."

Then he brought his hands together and disappeared.

* * *

 **-City-**

 **-Nami-**

Nami knew she was in a bad spot. The battlefield before her was covered with patches of bubbles, and the attacks she had already sustained had smoothed away parts of her features. In particular, part of her chest and one of her forearms were now flat, shiny, and useless, which was making the use of her Clima-Tact rather difficult.

Still, she thought, looking across at the haughty woman who stood before her, she wasn't out of this fight yet. Now was the time to turn this around. She had finally figured out this woman's weaknesses, and all she needed now was a distraction.

As if in response to her thoughts, a cloud of smoke burst into existence behind the assassin, who turned in shock to face the unexpected arrival.

"Hello, my ladies," said a smooth voice from inside the cloud. "We're so sorry for keeping you both waiting, but it took a short while to finish our preparations."

The smoke cleared in a suspicious gust of wind, revealing what lay underneath. As they watched, Kalifa's eyes went wide, her jaw dropping. A second later, Nami's followed.

 **[NINPO: GYAKU-HAREM NO JUTSU]**

 **[NINJA ART: REVERSE-HAREM TECHNIQUE]**

From inside the cloud stalked a bevy of young men, each one of them with a fit build, a devilishly handsome face, and sporting a confident smile. Some were clothed in fashion that could have come out of magazines while some were half-naked, but each one of them was focusing their deadly gaze directly on the black-clad assassin.

"I take it we meet your approval?" asked another one, a blond boy who was beaming an innocent and defenseless grin towards the woman. "It would be a shame if we failed to meet the desires of such a beautiful lady."

Nami watched with an amazement that turned to horror as the small army of handsome young men descended upon the baffled Kalifa until they had her completely surrounded.

Then, Nami shook her head, realizing that she was supposed to be doing something about this. Instead of gawking, she moved to complete her plan as the clones distracted the other woman.

Meanwhile, the assassin had made no move to attack, spinning in place from one beautiful boy to the other, her mouth wide open in shock. Finally, she managed to settle her beating heart long enough to speak, haltingly gasping the words in a breathy voice.

 _"That's... sexual... harassment..."_ she said.

The clone that looked the most like Sasuke stepped in, clasping her hand in his and using the other to lift her gently resisting chin. In a sultry voice he murmured. "Yeah... yeah it is..."

As he looked deep into her eyes, a mist of rain began to fall around them, wetting their hair and trickling beads of moisture down their faces.

Kalifa had just a moment to remember that it never rained on Enies Lobby before the entirely inappropriate grips of several of the young men tightened around her.

"Okay, Nami! I got her!"

Head spinning in shock, Kalifa looked up to see Nami standing at the top of the fountain, firing a continuous jet of high-pressure wind straight into the output nozzle. Up and down the street, the ground was buckling as pipes burst from the strain, causing sprays of water to cover the whole area in a drizzle that broke down all of the woman's supernatural bubbles. In moments all of the bubbles were gone, and as the water covered her as well, the patches of Nami's skin that had earlier been smoothed away gradually expanded to their normal contours.

Returned to fighting form, Nami smiled down upon them.

Kalifa boggled as she struggled to escape from the firm grips of the clone harem. "What? What is this? Playing with an innocent maiden's heart?! You _scum_! You won't get away with this!"

"Yeah, I'll tell you how this is going to go," started Nami, descending from the fountain one step after another. "See, _I'm_ going to pretend that none of this ever happened, and _you're_ going to pay for trying to kill me and my friends."

One of the clones who hadn't glomped over the assassin approached Nami to offer her a hand down from the rim of the fountain, which Nami ignored as she leapt down and then kicked him in the crotch. The clone disappeared with a pained expression that was soon shared by the other watching clones.

"Naruto, if you try that shit on me, I'll do that to your _real_ balls, alright?"

The next-nearest clone just laughed. "You'll have to catch me, first, lady. So, what's it gonna be? Thump on the head? Lightning bolt?"

Nami shook her head as she stepped up in front of the wide-eyed woman who was now on her knees, two clones on each limb to prevent her from using her strength.

"No… _No…_ See, I might not look it, but I think I'm the least kind among our little group. Even Zoro and Sanji don't care what they do to you so long as it gets you out of their face, but I think this situation calls for a little more than that. So, we're gonna keep this simple."

In one smooth motion, Nami spun her staff down to point the end straight at the female assassin. The clones got just a moment to go wide-eyed before Nami depressed a button and a blast of flame shot from the end of the device.

"HOLY SHI—"

Everyone in front of her screamed as the fire washed over them, Nami continuing to hold down the button until each of the clones had evaporated. When the flames finally extinguished, Kalifa crashed limply to the ground, her hair burnt off, her skin steaming, and her clothes ruined.

Suddenly alone, Nami smiled, straightening her outfit and resuming her run to the City Gates.

* * *

 **-City Gates-**

 **-Usopp and Naruto Group-**

"RASENGAN!" shouted Naruto, running along while miming punching with a ball of wind in his palm. "-and then he went, 'AHH! UGG! ARG! KABLAMZO!'"

"Wait, Naruto, what? What are you doing?" asked Usopp, still wearing his black Tengu mask as they continued their run to the gates.

"Huh? I'm doing the voices and sound effects, dude."

"No, with the hand thing, what was that?"

"The Rasengan? I make this swirly ball of wind and hit people with it, like *KABOOM*!"

It was hard to tell behind the mask, but Usopp's skepticism shone through nonetheless. "You really think people are gonna buy that? Wind doesn't go 'kablamzo!'"

"Hey, come on, dude! It's like my ultimate attack! I even used it back at the tower! Everyone else saw it! It's super cool!"

Usopp rolled his eyes. " _Sure_ it is, Naruto. Well, we're making up a story anyway, so you might as well say whatever you-"

"Screw you!"

Usopp laughed in response. It was even harder to stay serious since Naruto had decided to upgrade his white face-paint with some red streaks. There hadn't been any particular reason for this- it had just been something that Naruto had wanted to do.

"Anyway, aren't you gonna take off that mask now?" asked Naruto, still sulking.

"What, this thing?" Usopp paused, fingering its black-lacquered wood surface that was adorned with red streaks, its long nose, and its evil, grinning mouth. "No… no, you know what? I think I'll keep it."

"Okay, man, suit yourself."

"Hey, listen, Naruto. Is everyone else alright? We don't need to get help for anyone, do we? Can you do the clone thing and look around a bit?"

Smiling, Naruto shook his head. "No need, man. I learn everything my clones know when they disappear. The only ones still in the city are us, Nami, Zoro, and Sanji. Nami… uhh… she just won her fight, more or less, so she's coming after us. Zoro's up ahead at the gates. Sanji... I dunno about him, but I'm sure he's fine. Everyone else is out of the city and on their way to the docks."

Then Naruto looked up. "Oh, and there's Franky."

"Franky?" asked Usopp, "That big guy from back at the tower? Where is he, and why should I care about him?"

"No, I mean, _there's Franky_!" he responded, pointing into the air.

Off in the distance, a cackling cyborg rode a rapidly-deflating assassin like a rocket off towards the docks. Usopp watched with fascination.

"Wow!" he exclaimed.

"Yeah, he's cool. Oh, and speak of the devil, we're almost at the gates now."

Usopp looked down and pointed far off towards the City Gates. "Hey! It's Zoro! He's fighting the giraffe!"

There was a moment's pause as a gust of wind blew through the streets, and then both of the young men screamed.

* * *

 **-City Gates-**

 **-Zoro-**

If there was one thing that Zoro thought would never define his life it would be dueling a giraffe to the death. Surely his path to becoming the greatest swordsman in the world wouldn't lead him to stand, bleeding from numerous wounds, before a dual-bladed were-giraffe. And yet, here he was. Funny how life worked sometimes.

"Look at you," said Kaku, looking down upon his opponent from his giraffe-granted height, "I know they talk about the vitality of youth, but there are limits. You're bleeding all over, Roronoa Zoro."

Zoro said nothing, eyes closed, and his three swords at the ready as he steadied his breathing.

"You know, you need to start thinking about giving up. You're not getting Nico Robin out of here alive. I should know. I cut down every ship out there personally."

"You did what?" asked Zoro, frowning at the new information.

"Oh, it's just something us old-timers are used to thinking about, that's all," said the young CP9 giraffe. "See, we go on and on about 'super-humans,' or 'martial-arts techniques,' or 'Devil-Fruits,' but really the greatest assassination technique out there is painfully simple."

He smiled, the grin wrapping itself around his oblong snout, "All you have to do is destroy the ships! Pirates can only survive in this world by running, after all. Just running away whenever the authorities come. Kill any chance they had of running and they'll die, sure as eggs is eggs!"

Zoro's expression darkened, annoyance replacing his earlier intense focus. Just what Kaku wanted.

"It's the same for Nico Robin, you know? She scurried about like a rat for years and years, running onto a ship every time they had her cornered. Now that we've stopped all of you from running, this infestation is going to stop right here... 'Course, she never left anywhere without sticking a knife in someone's back, did she? She left with your captain, correct? Boy, I sure hope he knows to be careful."

Zoro's grip tightened, teeth clenched around his sword.

"Yep," said Kaku, "The world's gonna be a better place after she's rotting in prison."

A blast of wind washed over him and down the streets, ruffling his short fur, and he blinked, his ears flicking back and forth in confusion. Something was happening to Roronoa Zoro.

For a moment, Kaku perceived a sense of both intense rage and intense calm from the man in front of him. Zoro's head was down, his eyes hidden by his green bandana, but a wicked wind was shaking the air around his body, permeated throughout with a dark green energy.

Blinking, Kaku tried to clear his eyes of a hallucination. It almost looked like the man had three heads and six arms, each holding a sword, but that was just ridiculous. Only after a few seconds of focus passed did he realize that it wouldn't go away.

"What… what is this?!"

 **[KIKI KYUUTOURYUU: ASURA]**

 **[DEMON SOUL NINE-SWORD-STYLE: ASURA]**

This… this was no illusion! Before his eyes, the hallucination solidified, waves of darkness-tinged green wind pouring down over a man with three heads and six arms. In moments, Zoro began to spin, clearly preparing for some ridiculous attack.

Kaku had to do something about this. Falling to the side and landing on one arm, he himself began to spin in the opposite direction, his massive neck serving as a counterweight to the most powerful spinning attack he could perform. His Rankyaku had already been a source of pride, and now with his giraffe strength it would be unbreakable.

It was a pity that much of the city would likely suffer the consequences of this attack, but weakness or hesitation were luxuries that all of a sudden he could not afford.

 **[RANKYAKU: AMANE-DACHI]**

 **[STORM LEG: CIRCUMFERENCE SEVER]**

He kicked, and the world in front of him exploded in a wall of white that rushed forward to engulf the other swordsman.

An instant later, the unbreakable Rankyaku broke, parting for the spinning three-headed demon's nine blades. Kaku stumbled in place as his attack was cancelled, and that moment of defenselessness was enough.

 **[ASURA: SHIN TATSUMAKI-SENPUU-KEN ]**

 **[ASURA: TRUE DRAGON WHIRLWIND BLADE]**

Before Kaku could parse what he was seeing, Zoro became the center of a roaring cyclone of energy, writhing and clawing outwards faster and faster. Barely able to get his balance in time, Kaku jumped backwards, only just keeping ahead of its rapid expansion. Suddenly with his back to the city walks, he leapt into the sky, cresting the tops of the ramparts and kicking off of the incoming wall of air to avoid the attack.

In a moment of stomach-churning surprise, the evil winds refused to support him, and then he was pulled inside.

The winds whipped him about, cutting at his skin, his clothes, and his face as Kaku struggled to escape. The roaring hurricane was a turbulent hell, with eddies of intense pressure forming directly next to sudden vacuums, and he just couldn't get out. It was actively resisting his escape. Flying around and around, the attack seemed to be covering a not-insignificant section of the city, tearing buildings into rubble that slammed against his hardened body.

He winced, fighting to regain control or even to orient himself upwards. He couldn't take this much longer. Gathering his will for one intense effort, he performed a giraffe-powered Geppou straight inwards, aiming for the eye of the storm.

He broke through the wall with surprising ease, and there was peace at the heart of it all. All except for in one place. Zoro was waiting for him balanced on the point of a toppled boulder, all six eyes closed. Then his eyes opened, each head turning upward to stare at the intruder as he breached the wall.

His body was covered in an aura of black and viridian, each of his nine swords warping from the distortion of strange winds that were coiling about him.

Kaku drew his blades, summoning his energy to defend himself as he turned his fall into an attack, kicking off the air to dive straight into the chaotic storm of energy around the other swordsman.

For a moment even that chaos was calm. Everything became as silence.

Zoro leapt into the sky without a single noise. Not from the windstorm, or the drawn blades, or the beating of blood in their ears.

Both swordsmen struck, the steel refusing to ring as their blades clashed in the deathly quiet.

They passed.

Kaku landed.

Time seemed to stand still as Kaku took stock of their shared stroke. He had bled Roronoa Zoro, sneaking a blade between the man's nine swords, but none of Zoro's attacks had hurt him in return.

He had won.

Kaku turned with a sneer, seeing the bleeding form of Zoro step down to the ground. The giraffe released his Tekkai, preparing to finish the job.

The windstorm walls collapsed around them.

Then, Zoro sheathed his blades, one after another, as the sounds of the storm and combat returned in one crashing wave of wind and steel.

 **[ASURA: KUROUDAI]**

 **[ASURA: NINE GREAT ELDERS]**

In unison with the sounds of the crashing storm, Kaku was struck nine times in quick succession, overwhelming his attempts to regain his iron form. Each strike cut deep into his hide, arriving in time with a blast of wind that crushed him in one direction after another. Flying back and forth, he finally returned to human form as the last blade was sheathed, collapsing in a bleeding heap.

Aside from sheathing his swords, Zoro had remained motionless.

A demon stood among the falling rubble. One blink and then a man stood in his place, blood dripping to the ground.

Without a word, Zoro turned to the ruins of the formerly great City Gates, which had been torn completely from their place to fall in pieces to the ocean below. Placing one tired foot after the other, the man passed over the threshold to find his friends.

* * *

Off in the distance, Usopp and Naruto emerged from a pile of rubble, spitting out the large quantities of brick-dust they had captured in their open-mouthed staring.

So it was that the Enies Lobby invasion force returned to the City Gates.

* * *

 **-Enies Lobby Support Bridge-**

 **-Luffy-**

In the distance, a crowd gathered. As each of the warriors assaulting Enies Lobby finished their fights, they returned here, and now every one of them was cheering Luffy or jeering his opponent. Of course, none of them would dare try to cross the thin finger of land that supported the island while Luffy and Lucci were engaged in their superhuman duel, so instead they watched and waited.

"LUFFY!" shouted the high and reedy voice of Usopp, face still hidden by his Tengu mask, "BEAT HIM! THEN WE'RE ALL GOING HOME!"

Luffy smiled, still panting and out of breath, but Lucci just laughed.

" _Look at them, Straw-Hat. They think they've won. They've fought through Enies Lobby, and now they think they're in the home stretch. But you and I know better… don't we?"_

As Luffy's stare focused, Lucci's lips twitched upward, exposing his teeth. " _I'll say it again. This is the only battle that really mattered. None of that lot can stop me, not even working together, so the conclusion should be clear."_

" _When this battle is over,"_ he said, his eyes filled with a murderous lust, " _I will go over there and slaughter every single one of them."_

Summoning new reserves of strength, Luffy screamed to the sky, his body once again entering the high-powered state of Gear Second. He attacked, and even a hundred feet away his sweeping foot arrived in the blink of an eye.

 **[GOMU GOMU NO JET WHIP]**

Lucci leapt over the attack and prepared to close the distance between them once again, but then Luffy appeared above him, his face a mask of rage. Suddenly face-to-face, both fighters struck at the same time.

At the sidelines, the observers felt the shockwave wash over them. Lucci fell like a meteorite, making a crater in the earth of the rock pillar, while Luffy flew far up into the sky. Then, Luffy screamed, and this time everyone heard it.

All across the island, fighting stopped.

The Franky Family, Galley-La workers, and the assembled Straw-Hats looked up, mouths open. At the docks, Flounders and Sasuke turned in surprise. On a stage inside a conference building, Kumadori faltered in the performance of his seventeenth consecutive suicide scene, unsure of what had distracted him.

Far in the air, Luffy took a deep breath, blood streaming from his wounds. The whipping winds filled his lungs, and then he bit down into his thumb-joint.

 **[GEAR THIRD]**

Blowing fiercely into his own body, the bones and muscles in his arm expanded to gargantuan size. Whereas normally the addition of air would lower the density of his body, the magic of the Fruit scaled up his limb's mass to reflect its increased volume, allowing him to expand his muscles and bones in all directions at the same time. As he shouted wordlessly at the world below, Luffy's silhouette expanded to fifty times that of its original size.

Below, many of the assembled onlookers turned and ran, now beginning to worry about things such as 'minimum safe distance' from the impact of what looked like a very dangerous attack.

High above, Luffy stretched, his left leg shooting straight up to the clouds. With a constriction of muscles, the air passed into his torso, inflating him like a balloon. Finally, tearing his clothes, the air traveled into his foot. As his sandals exploded, his right leg became the size of a house- and just as massive.

Roaring his attack, he brought his cloud-touched foot down towards the rock isthmus below him.

 **[GOMU-GOMU NO GIGANT PILE DRIVER]**

The foot descended, and Rob Lucci snarled, whipping his head upwards, his leopard fur matted with blood and dirt. He stood at the thinnest part of the great rock-bridge that supported Enies Lobby itself, and there was limited room to move. Seeing the giant's foot approaching, he stood up and raised both hands, solidifying his body with his most powerful defense.

 **[TEKKAI: GOU]**

 **[FIERCE IRON BODY]**

He took the stamping strike on both hands, his teeth slamming together from the force of the impact. Then, abruptly, the ground gave way beneath him and Rob Lucci was driven like a steel rivet down into the rock below him. Luffy's foot dug a deep crater, but Lucci dug in even deeper. His remaining clothes tore themselves to shreds on the rocks, but his body refused to give out, cutting further and further into the bedrock.

Finally he came to rest a hundred feet below ground-level, surrounded by rock on all sides.

At the moment he released his Tekkai, he immediately coughed up a bit of blood, his bones shaking to recover from the immense compression they had just been forced into.

Doing a quick inventory of his physical state, he found that his legs had been broken. More importantly, the rock around him was crushingly tight, trapping him in place. Struggling, he fought to move, buried deep in the earth with absolutely no leverage. Above him, he could hear the stomping and cheering that signified that every one of the pirates and thugs trapped at the City Gates were now thundering past, as well as a few larger crashes that must have been the giants. As the rumbling vibration continued, dirt showered down the cracks in the earth, pouring over him until it was packed in tighter and tighter.

He couldn't breathe.

After the exhausting fight, he could only struggle for a breath that wouldn't come. With desperation he thrust his arms an inch or two from side to side, shattering the stone around him, but this only allowed even more dirt to pour in to replace it.

His lungs were bursting. _He could not breathe_.

Was this how the story of the greatest fighter in the history of CP9 would end? He was going to die of suffocation, being trampled to death by _ants_? With little freedom to move, none of the Six-Techniques were suited to getting him out of this before he fell unconscious.

No. Wait. There was one.

Slowly, he reformed his fists, bringing them slightly forward through the cascading dirt.

 **[ROKUSHIKI OUGI: ROKUOUGAN - SAIDAIRIN]**

 **[SIX TECHNIQUES ULTIMATE: SIX KINGS GUN - GREATEST RING]**

Lucci's leopard fists shot forward, needing only an inch to accelerate to the proper speed, the force of his attack travelling in a supreme wave up and outward, shattering rock all around him. The king technique of his arsenal obliterated a tremendous arc of stone, converting it to dust and freeing him from its prison.

This may have been a mistake.

Aboveground, the island shook again, and a fountain of rock and dirt exploded from the impact crater. Shockwaves spread all around as the mountain-shattering strike spread its devastation.

To describe the noise that echoed across the island at that moment as a 'snapping' would be entirely misleading.

Pencils snap. Bones snap. Trees snap.

Islands aren't supposed to snap.

Lucci felt the moment when the rock to one side of him shifted, and then the island of Enies Lobby slipped a few inches off-kilter. A moment later, the rock pillar that supported the island gave way completely. As the rock opened up to air behind him, Lucci scrabbled in the falling dirt, lacking anything to grab hold of.

He gasped, finally able to breathe, and it had been the most destructive breath ever taken by a human being.

Screaming in rage, the final defender of CP9 fell, and the island fell with him.

* * *

As the Judicial Island plummeted into the ocean, anything that didn't involve staring in shocked horror at the spectacle stopped dead. Jaws were dropped, screams were voiced, and- especially on the island itself- pants were wet.

Then it hit bottom.

The noise of a mountain-sized boulder striking the rocky, hole-riddled sea-floor was deafening. A titanic cracking sound signalled the breaking of some of the complicated structures underneath the island, followed by a cresting splash of water that erupted in a ring some two miles wide and more than a mile into the air, coming down as a rain that shrouded the ever-day island in its first darkness in ages.

From her position at the Island Gates, Robin watched the mighty fortress literally fall into the ocean with her mouth open in confusion. Above all of the destruction loomed the barely-visible shadow of the Gates of Justice that covered the horizon, barely visible through the clouds and blue sky. It was a monument to the power of the World Government even now.

But, in the end, the Straw-Hats had gone up against the world for her, and the world had lost.

In the distance, every one of the invaders was charging back down the path on the way to the docks. Usopp had picked up Luffy as they ran back, their young captain being completely immobilized after the stress of his attack. Despite him being unable to move, Robin could still make out his voice all the way from here as he screamed at the top of his lungs.

"ROOOOOBIIIN! WE'RE GOING HOME!"

* * *

 **Omake:**

CP9 Chief Spandam exploded from underneath the churning waters of the ocean pit, grasping and clinging onto one of the immense pieces of driftwood that littered the waters. Miraculously, he had managed to survive. Gagging, he coughed up seawater until he could breathe once more.

"Those idiots! I'll have them all executed!" he shouted, gasping and coughing. "I know people! I'll make sure those incompetent assassins get bounties! They'll be hunted till the day they die! No… wait, I still have the Golden Den-Den-Mushi! I can make them all pay!"

Startled out of his enraged trance, Spandam noticed the sky darkening. Funny, it wasn't ever supposed to be night-time on this island. He looked up.

Spandam had three seconds to scream as the entire island of Enies Lobby crashed down on top of his head, and he used all of them to their fullest.

* * *

A/N: Phew. All the input I got pushed me really hard to make this better than I originally thought I could. I can officially say this is giving me exactly the sort of experience I wanted from all this writing. I have more ideas to fix some things earlier now, but I'm more focused on moving further.

Also, this is what the chakra stuff much earlier was leading to. Zoro and Sanji upgraded their elemental power greatly compared to canon simply by knowing the depths of what was possible. They can develop that further as well. They'll never use ninjutsu, but now they can feel their chakra.

Today's Zoro food-pun was Kuroudai, corrupting Kurodai, which is a Black Sea-bream that is very popular in Japan. For the kanji I used "KU" for the number nine, "ROU" for aged or old, and "DAI" for great. Pretty straightforward compared to his normal puns, but there you go.

Sanji's techniques were a term for a well-done roast, and 'arroser,' a word in french cuisine for basting meat with hot oil or butter by pouring it on top. He now has a mid-ranged fire attack to complement his melee attacks, and while it's not precise, it is effective. Especially since ninjas often fight at mid-range.

Oh, but we're not actually done with this arc, yet.


	41. Battle Scars

**-Earlier-**

 **-Main Gates-**

Knives flashed in all directions as the fighting between Sasuke and Flounders continued in the shadows of the Main Gates. Altering his fighting style, the Commodore had slowed his more-or-less constant transformations in favor of his new hybrid form, and Sasuke got his first real taste of what a Zoan-type Devil Fruit was supposed to do.

While most other Zoan Fruits seemed to focus on boosting the user's size and power, this one seemed to push his efficiency and flexibility, increasing his strength while keeping him more or less the same size. This allowed him to perform his aerial maneuvers and attack with knives in the same form, something he had been forced to transform back and forth to accomplish before. The mouse-man was darting here and there, constantly leaping off the air, the gates, the ground, and anything else that let him circle around to get behind his opponent.

After surviving the cannon bombardment from the Marine Battleship, Sasuke was only now recovering from the aftermath of using Tekkai for the first time. Still bleeding from a number of light wounds, he regained his stride just in time for Flounders to finish warming up.

Sasuke was now regretting his idea to mimic his opponent's fighting-style. The Commodore's technique had evolved when he transformed, but the Sharingan was helpless to copy the Devil-Fruit-enhanced changes.

All of a sudden Sasuke missed a step in the constant dance and the mouse-man shot past him like a bullet, blades spinning. A quick parry was enough to see that he only got nicked by one of the knives.

Okay, that was enough. He had to switch back to the sword. It hurt the young ninja's pride after he'd made such a big show of it, but this just wasn't working. Dropping his kunai to the ground, he unsheathed his own well-trained weapon.

" _Well,"_ said the scratchy-voiced man as he continued to circle at high-speed. " _Progress at last."_

With that, the mouse-man flickered into existence on the underside of the great archway where Sasuke had earlier stood and jumped straight down to land directly next to Sasuke. The ninja struck out with the sword, his superior reach forcing the man to parry, but that appeared to be just what the Marine had wanted. Flounders' long, wrinkled tail snaked out and wrapped itself around Sasuke's leg, pulling him off his feet.

He hit the ground in a roll, narrowly dodging the stabbing daggers that punched holes in the dirt before leaping back up into a combat-ready position.

Now it was the Commodore's turn to push the offensive, stepping in and slicing with greater speed than he had used before. Steel struck steel, and Sasuke struggled to regain some control of the fight.

This man was just plain more experienced than he was. It reminded him of the few occasions where Kakashi just couldn't be bothered to go easy in combat training and had instead arranged for him to spar with the first random Konoha Jounin who passed by the training area.

His new skills had let him overwhelm the Commodore at the beginning of this fight, but now _he_ was exhausted and the Marine was more powerful than ever. Time to switch this up.

Pushing himself to his limits, Sasuke attacked fiercely, forcing the mouse-man to go on the defensive for a moment. Right when his opponent switched stances, Sasuke leapt back, using the momentary advantage to instead gain some space. His fingers flashed through several seals.

 **[KATON: GOUKAKYUU NO JUTSU]**

 **[FIRE RELEASE: GRAND FIREBALL TECHNIQUE]**

Flounders had already resumed his earlier advance, but now his eyes widened as a great blossoming explosion formed between them. Skidding to a halt, he leapt backwards in a desperate attempt to avoid the clawing flames

When they cleared, Flounders' clothes, fur, and whiskers were singed, but he had managed to avoid a fiery death. Not wasting any time, he dashed straight back into the fight.

That was when they heard Luffy scream.

Startled by the odd presence that washed over them, they both turned to see the pirate captain shooting up to the clouds. As he called out his attack at the top of his lungs, Luffy's limb expanded greatly in size. Still shouting, he brought his massive foot down in a monstrous axe-kick.

The noise was startling, even this far away. An immense impact that shook the island, and then Flounders turned back to the battle. Sasuke was still watching the scene in disbelief.

Lips twitching in amusement, the Commodore dashed forward, slamming the young ninja in the base of the skull with the pommel of one dagger. Sasuke looked briefly surprised for just a moment as he passed into unconsciousness, and then he disappeared in a puff of smoke. What fell to the ground instead was a large chunk of masonry.

Cursing, Flounders looked around in confusion at the unexpected disappearance, and the mystery was soon compounded as a dark chuckle echoed from the shadows in a way that seemed to be coming from nowhere at all.

 _"Well now, that was a mistake... It's pretty dangerous to take your eyes off of a ninja..."_

The Marine eyed the shadows, whiskers twitching up and down but not saying a word.

" _While it is a little surprising that he can do that, people making their limbs giant isn't all that new to me…"_

Yeah, keep talking, kid... As the boy slowly continued his monologue, Flounders began to sniff using the heightened senses he had been given as a beast. If there weren't any Zoan-type Fruit-users when he came from, the kid wouldn't be used to dealing with scent-trackers.

Another chuckle echoed from nowhere. " _Of course, I suppose that means things are looking pretty bad for those assassins, doesn't it? Everyone's still fighting up there, but even Rob Lucci hasn't been able to put that rubber moron down for the count…"_

One last twitch, and he found it. Sasuke was hidden in the stones of the inner gates, somehow adjusting his coloring to match the shaded stonework. He didn't pause, launching immediately into the attack, leaping and spinning with both knives aimed for his target. Flying in like an arrow, he stabbed, pinning both of the young man's shoulders to the stonework. Once again, he heard a gasp of pain, and then the boy exploded.

As smooth as silk, a second, unseen Sasuke fell from the stones above to land directly behind him.

Flounders had been ready for something like this, already spinning in place to engage the newcomer, when a tremendous cracking and crushing noise echoed across the island. He stumbled for just a moment before slashing out with both daggers and Sasuke took advantage of the distraction to duck underneath.

Flounders had overextended himself, so Sasuke kicked upwards, striking him in the chest hard enough to send him flying.

Wincing from what felt like a cracked rib, the mouse-man spun in mid-air to look down at his opponent.

Sasuke was gone.

He barely had time to react to this before the ninja flew in from the side, bouncing off the gate to deliver a spinning kick to his unprotected soft vitals. The pain drove his breath from his lungs, but Sasuke wasn't done, dashing forward in mid-air to attack again.

The Commodore slashed outwards half by reflex, but Sasuke struck first, knocking the dagger from his hand with a vicious chop. Then the ninja took a deep breath.

 **[KATON]**

Flounders' eyes widened, seeing the preparation of the point blank fireball as a sign of his approaching death. Abandoning the battle he jumped away, desperate to reach the safety of the ground before the flames came.

His dash came up short as Sasuke grabbed his tail and pulled him close.

Flounders had one startled moment of fear before he remembered that ninjas need both hands to use their techniques. Unfortunately, by that point it was too late. As the Commodore was pulled violently by his tail, Sasuke spun, his foot lashing out with techniques refined by watching Sanji to strike directly at the man's kidney.

 **[TAKA NO TSUME]**

 **[EAGLE TALON]**

Flounders hit the ground coughing up blood. Convulsing from the pain of the brutal strikes to his side, it was only moments before his mouse transformation ended. Before even that, Sasuke was by his side, sword now pricking at the man's throat.

He just tried to keep the trembling weakness in his legs from showing.

Outside, the shuddering reverberations of the island's crash-landing settled just in time for a torrential spray of water to darken the skies. Underneath the gate they were dry, but all around their shelter it was as if a sudden and unexpected rainstorm had sprung up from nowhere.

Half a minute later, the man had recovered enough to breathe normally, and Sasuke kept a careful eye on him, watching for the slight changes in chakra that signified a transformation. Slowly, weapons discarded, the Commodore sat up, his formerly neat clothes covered in cuts, dirt, and spattered blood.

Eventually, the island's rumbling stopped entirely, and the rainstorm ended as quickly as it had begun.

"Well," said Flounders, still breathing painfully, "I thought that idiot Spandam might screw this up somehow, but never in a million years would I have imagined Straw-Hat would blow up the island. Absolutely unbelievable. You've signed on with one monster of a captain."

"Yeah, I'm honestly not sure how he managed that, myself," said Sasuke, sword still held to the other man's neck.

"So," said Flounders, turning his head to stare back at the man who would decide his fate, "Pretty damn incredible moves there. You didn't kill me, so I suppose that means I'm safe, huh?"

Sasuke raised one dark eyebrow. "I haven't killed you _yet_. I think there's still something you can do for me." There was a pause as he watched the Marine's confused face. "Wait, you think I can't go through with it?"

The Commodore blinked in surprise. "What? You sound pretty certain there... The Admiral said you seemed like a good kid when it all came down to it, but you've killed before?"

 _An enemy Chuunin's eyes widened for just a moment before he disappeared beneath an incoming wall of fire._

Sasuke exhaled a short, sharp breath through his nose. "Yeah. We're ninjas. I've been on more than a dozen high-ranked life or death missions already. Of course I've killed before."

At this, the older man actually looked up into the sky, sighing openly. "You know what? That's just so _damn_ sad. Even I never had to kill someone till I was nearly thirty and it still tears me apart to this very day. Barely three months into my service as a Marine and some dumbass pirate who couldn't have been any older than you pulls a gun during a raid on a merchant ship. The kid's so scared that we caught him that he's on a hair-trigger, and then some civilian gets up and tries to be a hero... I had to put a knife into that kid's temple from thirty paces..."

Now he looked back into Sasuke's eyes, even knowing of the dangers involved in eye-contact. "And that's normal for you? What the hell kind of country do you come from that trains _kids_ to do something like that?"

Sasuke wasn't impressed. "You learn to stop being a child pretty quickly, I suppose. Look, you seem alright as far as the Marines I've seen, but I don't think you have a leg to stand on here. If you want to talk about children, then what the hell kind of country puts a bounty on an eight year old girl?"

The older man shook his head. "I'm not trying to be holier than thou. I'm just trying to make sense of a shitty world. The World Government isn't a monolith, and I'll be the first to admit it has problems. Thing is, this is the kind of world where a person's gotta work hard just to protect as many people as they can, even if it means stepping in, taking responsibility and doing something where both choices are so terrible you know that either one is gonna leave you covered in blood."

The young ninja's eyes narrowed at this, and his sword pressed closer against the man's throat. "I don't think you want to start preaching about the 'greater good' to me. That's the kind of thinking that got my entire family killed right before my eyes."

"Fucking _fantastic…_ " swore the Commodore with a heavy slump that brought wrinkles to his face. "What the hell kind of mess are we gonna find on your island anyway? So your family was murdered and then they train you to kill? _Please_ tell me you did it with your fancy ninja magic and not like this, standing right next to them where you can see it all happen?"

 _Danzou coughed up blood as Sasuke drew the blade against his throat, and Sasuke realized his own hands were trembling._

Suddenly drawn back into the memory of his time in the Tsukuyomi, a shiver ran down his spine and his mood soured. "I don't appreciate you treating me like a child," he said, "and frankly I don't really see the difference. Whether you get your hands dirty or even order other people to do it- it's all the same in the end, isn't it? They're dead either way."

Flounders looked deeply sad as Sasuke continued speaking. He had caught the younger man's hesitation during that response. "Sure it's the same to _them,_ but it's not the same to _you_. No… no, it's not the same at all… It changes you- being right there. It really does. Maybe you had no choice, or maybe they even deserved it, but there's something base and biological about the act, and in the end it either comes down to whether you're going to live thinking about it for the rest of your life…" Pausing, the former criminal looked back into Sasuke's eyes. "...or, maybe even worse- that you _don't_. I bet you know some people like that, don't you?"

 _He sat in his room inside the illusion, crying as his brother tortured his own killer, doing what Sasuke hadn't been able to manage. It should have been so easy to take revenge for his family. Was he really so weak? Danzou_ thoroughly _deserved this. Why had torturing his family's murderer caused Sasuke more grief than killing a nameless, forgotten footsoldier during a mission?_

Sasuke's hand twitched, causing the Marine to flinch slightly as the sword pressed into his neck, but then the blade was pulled back.

"How foolish is this," asked Sasuke, pulling his sword to the side in a halting motion. "I'm being moralized to by a criminal who only started killing people _after_ he entered law-enforcement. I'm done talking about this, which means you are too. There's no point to tying you up only to have you shrink to escape it, so give me a good reason you won't interfere with us and I'll let you go. That's it."

"I can think of three," responded the man, something like resolve returning to his features. "First is that I'm already wounded and you could beat me again."

"Give me another one. I can't rule out you trying something against Robin before I could stop you."

"Second is that once I return I can convince my ship not to fire on you and yours."

Sasuke glanced at the battleship looming in the distance. The current commander had ordered it out to sea once it had become clear that Enies Lobby had lost, but it was still in range of cannonfire, as they had seen earlier.

As he focused his perfect vision further he could see something else. Though it was still far out at sea, there was a much smaller ship heading their way bearing a flag with a straw-hatted skull.

He smiled. Looks like Naruto had pulled through for them after all.

He turned back to the Marine.

"As appealing as that is right now, I really have no reason to think you won't change your mind as soon as you're out of sight. I hope you saved the best for last."

"I think I did. Truth is, I don't really care much about this whole 'information war' or whatever, but I do care about my subordinates. This whole collapsing island business is the biggest clusterfuck I've ever seen. Right now there's only one way out of this situation that ends up with us still holding our jobs at the end of it."

"Oh?"

Now Flounders allowed just a bit of a smile to reach his face. "Pretend we stayed out of this mess entirely, that's what. We were ordered not to interfere no matter what, and if someone says they saw a mouse skittering around on the island, well... somehow I doubt that you'll decide to illuminate matters for them."

As the man spoke, Sasuke watched him with the Sharingan. Though he'd never been properly trained, it analyzed all the movements and micro-expressions of the man's face. While he was far from a human lie-detector he felt as though he had become pretty good at reading people.

Smirking, Sasuke sheathed his sword and turned to the docks, passing out of the shadows of the gates and into the everlasting light of day.

"Sasuke," said Flounders.

The young ninja paused.

"Enjoy the life of a young outlaw while you can. Take it from me. It can't last forever."

* * *

As Flounders began the long, wounded walk back to the docks, Sasuke decided to go guide in the Merry. A quick check revealed it would still be several minutes before the main group arrived, so he might as well use his time productively. Robin and Chopper would be safest inside the gates.

Dashing to the right side of the docks, he made it all the way to the pier only to be accosted by none other than Franky.

"Yo! Disappearing boy!" he called out, causing Sasuke to stop and look past a dockside refreshment stand.

The cyborg was battered and dented, but he was lounging on a deck chair, sunning himself without a care in the world. With his colorful shirt, speedo, and dark sunglasses, he looked very much like he belonged in the seaside scene. Where exactly he had gotten the chair, Sasuke wasn't sure, since there didn't appear to be any others around.

"My name's Sasuke, and I'm officially through with being talked down to today," he said, idly fingering the sword at his side. "Just for your information."

Franky gave him a thumbs up, then levered himself out of the deck chair, standing up and stretching himself. "No problem, Sasuke. Couldn't agree more. So, we gonna get going, or what?"

Sasuke frowned. "I really have a number of questions for you. I'll leave out how you got here before me or why you didn't help in that fight right now and move straight to why you're leaving your friends behind."

Franky raised his eyebrows behind the sunglasses.

"Hey, don't get unreasonable on me. My guys and gals can handle themselves. 'Cause all these soldiers and assassins? They don't give two shits about the rest of my gang. They're after me and your pal Robin over there, and no one else. The sooner us two get away from this island, the sooner everyone else stops being in danger."

"Fair enough," said Sasuke. "It's the Captain's decision, but I think he'll say yes. I'm going out there to bring the ship in."

Sprinting forward, he broke away from the cyborg and the pier, leaping onto the surface of the water. The water here was more turbulent than usual given its proximity to the ocean waterfall, but it wasn't a problem for him. He was soon on his way to meet the Merry. Despite being banged up and hurt, she was a sight for sore eyes.

* * *

 **-Meanwhile-**

The invaders swarmed through the Main Gates on their approach to the docks.

The Marine Battleship loomed in the distance, having launched from the port and settled in a holding position. Slowly, its main guns swiveled to reorient on the incoming form of the Going Merry.

Back near the gates, Usopp stopped for just a moment, taking aim with his sling-staff and then releasing a shot. It soared unerringly out into the ocean to land directly inside one of the cannons' barrels, exploding on impact. An instant after that, the entire array of guns detonated, showering the ocean with shrapnel and sending Marines diving to the deck.

Usopp was beside himself. "LOOOOCK! OOOOONNNN!" he screamed, singing along to some unheard tune.

* * *

On the bridge of the battleship, Captain Weber cursed as the explosion washed over the deck. Vaguely thinking about taking another shot with a battery that wasn't covered by the sniper, he was surprised by a sudden ringing of the Commodore's personal Den-Den-Mushi line.

As Weber lifted the receiver, the snail transformed to reflect the caller, taking on a serious expression to go along with its suit and vest

" _Captain Weber,"_ said the snail, mouthing along to the words, " _Cease firing on the invaders and give them room to leave."_

"Cease firing, sir?" Weber asked. There were a number of reasons he might want to stop, but…

" _That's right. You heard me. Right now our top priority is to preserve our command and offer rescue operations to save the lives of as many people still on the island as possible before it is engulfed by the waters. Get to a safe distance and don't let them board you."_

Weber paused for a moment. Then, uncertainly, he said, "Sir… pardon me for asking this, but how do I know this isn't just what we talked about earlier? The boy's unknown hypnosis ability?"

The snail said nothing, just taking a deep, deep breath, and then letting out a long, drawn-out, and very tired sigh.

Weber nodded. "Understood, sir. It's a good plan anyway."

Replacing the receiver, he began giving out orders.

* * *

Sasuke made it on-board the Merry, ready to throw out a cloud of steam to cover his advance if Flounders went back on his word, but the ship stood down and began backing away. That settled, he gave the caravel a look over. It was more or less exactly the way he had left it when he went to break everyone out of prison half a day ago.

"Hey!" he called out, walking across the empty deck. "Naruto! You here?"

No response. A quick scan with the Sharingan indicated no humanoid chakra signatures on-board.

Funny, the clones must have really been on their last legs if they let go the instant they saw him.

A moment later, something else caught his eye. A note was pinned to the main mast, held in place by a kunai. Sasuke picked it up and read the barely-legible handwriting.

 _Hey, Naruto here._ _I guess you found the ship alright since you're reading this. I weighed anchor and did up the sails and everything, cause I didn't have anything left. I'll probably make it back just fine, but just in case I didn't, Sasuke knows where the stuff is hidden._

 _Here's hoping we kicked some ass!_

Sasuke frowned. The reference to the hidden stuff was almost certainly referring to the gold and other valuables Naruto had hidden in some of the storage seals as a precaution against searching Marines, but what about the other part of the message?

He looked around. Anchor up. Sails unfurled. The ship that had until just now been arcing unerringly towards the island was now drifting rather aimlessly.

So… what?

He did another scan for any other life in or around the ship, but found nothing.

What the hell?

* * *

Rather bemusedly, Sasuke piloted the ship back into port. The Straw-Hats had made it there faster than everyone else, so now everyone was gathered and ready to carefully load Luffy on-board. Franky joined them as well, tossing a final wave to his still-distant compatriots with their two King Sea-Bulls being carried by the two immense giants of Enies Lobby.

Together, the Straw-Hats plus Franky piled onto the Going Merry and sailed off into the blue sea, following the rails of the Sea-Train.

As they left, they soon noticed a new arrival. Chugging dutifully down the tracks was the Sea Train.

Approaching it on the port side, Franky was quick to call out to the conductor, a blonde woman with a face straight out of everyone's nightmares, who was leaning out the window.

"Hey! Granny Kokoro!" shouted Franky, waving his massive arms. "You mind giving some of our boys a lift back there?!"

"Franky! You're safe?!" the woman called back.

As the train passed them, he tossed her a wild smile.

"Granny, I haven't felt more SUPER in my whole damn life!"

* * *

 **-Half an Hour Later-**

 **-Going Merry-**

They had escaped. The Marine battleship would be busy performing rescue operations for the foreseeable future, which meant there was no one free to even look for them. Now it was time for the victors to lick their wounds.

Chopper was in excellent condition, having avoided fighting entirely, but he had his hooves full with the crew's many injuries.

Luffy was half-dead, having barely survived his climactic clash with Rob Lucci. Despite being almost completely unable to move, he was laughing and joking with everyone else on deck.

Zoro was bandaged all over his body and sitting in deep meditation. It seemed as though he had discovered something unusual during his fight with Kaku.

Naruto was still nursing his broken arm, although a combination of Chopper's attentions and his own regeneration was already working wonders.

Sanji was being treated for some chest wounds and was favoring one leg, but had otherwise survived his encounter rather intact.

Usopp was in good health, unless you were worried about how he was now muttering to himself in the corner while bent over his new mask with an assortment of tools.

Nami was relatively unscathed, having handily defeated her opponent with very few injuries, though she still wouldn't say how, only tossing the occasional glare Naruto's way.

Sasuke was aching all over and somewhat low on chakra. Still, even though his legs were twitching from the over-exertion, he had survived far worse. He had gone below-deck to the womens' cabin to help Robin.

Robin was exhausted. After the emotional turmoil of the past several days she had gone nearly comatose from the relief. Still restrained with the Sea-Stone cuffs she had been kept in, she was now being aided by Sasuke, who knew a thing or two about even such complicated locking mechanisms. These ones were a great deal more complex than the cuffs he had been restrained in, but he was confident that it shouldn't take too long to release her.

Finally, there was Franky. He had run out of Naruto's scavenged cola- his normally super blue hairstyle flopping lifelessly down in front of his face- and he watched everyone on-deck with a strange expression.

"So... anyone gonna tell me how this ship got out here?" he asked. "I'm not seeing any extra crew on this thing."

Everyone else on the ship looked equally uncertain. Naruto in particular looked a little freaked out.

"Thought not..." mused Franky. "Listen, I wanna thank you guys for saving my keister back there. You people have guts and you've got something special to go along with it. You guys can let me know any time you're in Water-7." He grimaced, flipping his hair out of his eyes. "Anyway, now that all the mushy stuff is done with, do you all actually know where you're going?"

This startled Nami into motion. She stood up from her spot in the corner in a panic. "Oh no! The Log Pose! It broke when we got captured!"

"Yeah, I didn't think so," said Franky, as the rest of the crew looked up in shock.

Nami collapsed with a moan, "Even if we did have it, it'd just be pointing all the way back to that island where we were captured... We never stayed anywhere long enough for it to set!"

Franky was quick to reassure her.

"Hey, I didn't say it was a problem, lady. I just wanted to know what we were working with." Franky grinned beneath his sunglasses, pointing one of his massive thumbs to his chest. "I can get you out of this."

"You can?" asked Sanji. "What's the deal? Got a spare or something?"

"No, man. My very own Franky Family came to pick me up with two giant Sea Bulls, and they can navigate back to home just fine. Beasts like that can hear underwater from _super_ far away. They'll hear our wake and come to meet up with us, no problem. Let's call this a partial repayment, huh?"

Nami, who had just finished being relieved, suddenly launched right back into a panic. With a sharp intake of breath she stood up and dashed below deck. The others shared confused glances until she returned a few moments later.

"GOLD! THEY TOOK THE GOLD!"

Naruto was quick to raise his hands. "Whoa, Nami, hold on, no, they didn't."

"Explain," she ordered, spinning to stare him down.

"Look, when everyone got captured back on that island, the Marines started looking like they were gonna search the ship, right? So all of my shadow-clones that were gathering parts from those puppets went and grabbed the gold and stuffed it in one of my sealing scrolls, then we all just transformed into random junk until the Marines were done."

"So it's all still here?"

"Yeah," he said, picking a scroll out of his jacket, "First thing I did when I got on-board was grab the scroll. I was kinda worried about the Marines taking your maps and stuff, so I threw pretty much everything that looked valuable in here. Sasuke or I can get it out, no problem." With one hand he hefted the scroll. "Until then, it's a hell of a lot lighter that way."

Nami frowned. Even though the two ninjas were now officially Straw-Hats, it still made her nervous to rely on anyone else to retrieve her possessions, loot included.

Meanwhile, Franky, who was craving some cola, stepped uninvited into the ship's kitchen, intending to check the refrigerator. Irritatingly enough, after some searching it looked like these savages didn't keep any cola in stock, a state of affairs that Franky could hardly conceive of. He gazed around the room in frustration, and gradually took in the multitude of patches and haphazard woodwork that had been done on the ship. Eventually, morbid curiosity set in and he descended below, investigating further.

"What the shit?!" he cried out several minutes later, his shipwright's blood howling in pain as he burst back out onto the deck. "Who the _hell_ did these repairs- _VANDALS?!_ What have you people been _doing_ to this ship?"

There were some uncomfortable, tired glances. Eventually, Usopp spoke up. "Look, buddy, it was mostly me and Naruto here doing the best we could after we ran into this crazy bomber-man, alright? We're not trained shipwrights, or anything like that. There's no one on board who has that kind of talent."

"You want to talk about _talent?_ It takes SUPER talent to screw up so reliably! Most newbies have the occasional fit of competence, but you managed to bend _every single nail_ I've seen! What, did you have the shakes or something when you were working?"

"Hey! Lay off of me, alright?! You think it doesn't hurt me to see the Merry look like this? I've been wanting to get her fixed up properly for ages now, but we've been busy running from one horrible encounter to another!"

"He's right," added Naruto, "I've only been with these people for a little while now, but I know they love this ship."

Now, Franky turned to look at Naruto. "Well, if he's the one with no talent, I suppose it was _you_ who fixed up the gash in the ship's port forequarter? That was one of the only places I saw that looked like someone had done anything right."

Naruto looked confused for a moment. "Uhh… port… what?" He glanced around. "Which way's 'port' again?"

Rolling his eyes, Franky faced the front of the ship then pointed left.

"No…" said Naruto, "That was Usopp."

"What?" asked Usopp, "No, I thought that was you!"

"No, man, it wasn't me."

Franky turned his gaze on the rest of the crew, but received only blank gazes in response. Finally, Usopp freaked out and stood up.

"Ah-HAH! I knew it! I told you all! It was that ghost I saw working with my tools after we left from Jaya! I heard it hammering and when I went to check it was hanging around that area!"

"Usopp, you were on painkillers then," said Nami, "We already told you it was a hallucination."

"But it wasn't!"

The argument continued as Franky glared at them in silence. Finally, he asked, "This 'ghost' or whatever. What did it look like?"

"Like I already told everyone else, it looked like a little kid in a raincoat," insisted Usopp.

Suddenly somber, Franky walked over to the nearby bulwark and ran his huge hands along the side. Looking over the edge, he cast a critical eye here and there. "Klabautermann," he said.

"Kla... wha?"

"That's its name. There are a lot of legends, but what I've heard is that it's a sort of spirit that takes up residence in a well-loved ship. You usually only hear about them when a ship's been hurt."

"What?!" asked Chopper, immediately shivering in fear, "The Merry's haunted?"

"Maybe, maybe not. The legends are confused as to whether they're supposed to be helpful or mischievous, but if this one was helping fix the ship, then I guess I take back what I said. You may be utterly useless at carpentry, but you must have been trying super hard to keep her in good shape." He stopped looking around, turning to face them again. "Congratulations. This is the first time I've seen something about it I could believe. The good news is that the ship's still seaworthy. Look me up when we get to Water-7 and I'll fix you up for real, on the house."

"You're a real shipwright?" asked Luffy, looking at him intently.

Franky grinned. "Damn straight I am. And this week I'm feeling SUPER good about getting my hands on a ship that really needs it. If ever there was a lady who really deserved a Franky makeover, this is the one."

"Why don't you just join us?" asked Luffy.

Franky blinked, then started laughing. "Hahahahah! Ah, man, kid! No way, HELL no! In case you didn't notice, I've got my own gang to take care of. Besides, I said I'd fix your ship for you, but this lady isn't mine. I'm not going out to sea again, but if I WERE it'd be on a ship I SUPER constructed with my own two beautiful arms."

Then he flexed, giving each one of his massive forearms a kiss.

Luffy continued to pester him to join the crew, but really no one else wanted to disturb the little bit of normalcy they had earned. They really had been jumping from one encounter to another for days now.

Usopp put the feeling into words.

"Hell, we've been either fighting or in prison for what feels like the last month, and I can hardly keep track of what's what," said Usopp. "I'm really looking forward to some down-time."

"Yeah, there's so much we have to replace," agreed Nami. "I'm still nervous about not having a Log Pose right now."

Soon, everyone was rushing to put in their own two cents.

"I want a good meal!" said Luffy.

"Yeah, I'm with you on that," said Zoro.

"I want a bath," laughed Nami.

"I just want to go one week without getting a rib cracked," said Sanji, nursing his side.

"Or being blown up," said Usopp.

"Geez, stop saying things like that!" chided Nami, "You _know_ complaining about it is going to make it happen!"

"Yeah, that would really suck, _un._ "

"You said it, man," said Naruto.

"I wonder if they'll have cotton candy when we get there?" asked Chopper.

"Oh, totally, _un._ They just got done with a big festival over on Water-7 and it's still party time in the streets."

"Wait," said Usopp, "Who's talking right now?"

Everyone on deck looked around, and then they looked up.

The mad bomber from Jaya was standing in the crow's nest. By the time they realized what was happening, there was already a sizable clay-creation falling to the deck.

" _SURPRISE, DICK-HEADS!"_ he screamed, and then the main mast exploded.

* * *

A/N: I'm sorry about this. Just one last time. The real final chapter of Enies Lobby comes tomorrow.

Also, the morals expressed by the traumatized teenage ninja and the former criminal working for the oppressive government are not necessarily those shared by the author of this story. For that matter, if it was confusing, the Commodore was NOT trying to tell the ninja that killing is just bad, because that's a really stupid thing to tell a ninja. It was just an older man worried about the fate of a teen who maybe reminded him just a little bit of himself.


	42. Mono no Aware

The bomb detonated directly next to the mast. As everyone dove for cover, the explosion sent a fine scattering of burning splinters and shrapnel out into the sea. Narrowly avoiding serious injuries, the Straw-Hats pulled themselves together for one more battle.

Laughing, the bomber leapt off the toppling mast and through torn rigging, raising a hand to grab onto his gigantic white bird as it flew past. With a nimble feat of acrobatics, he spun himself around the bird's trunk to land on top, soaring back up into the sky.

Even wounded, Luffy reacted without delay, stretching out both arms to grab onto the bird as it flew away. Each of his movements seemed significantly more sluggish than they normally did, but he still pulled himself up, getting his balance and punching at the blond bomber from close range. The bomber swiftly evaded the attack, spinning in place like a dancer and then tossing a small explosive directly into Luffy's face.

As the concussive blast stuck, Luffy went flying off of the bird to the ocean below, completely unconscious.

Not hesitating, Franky detached half of his right arm on a chain system that sent his fist shooting out like a rocket. Grabbing Luffy before he could fall into the blue sea, the cyborg reeled the man in.

"Shit, man, you just kicked Rob Lucci's ass. Take a goddamn break for a second, will you?" said Franky, as he dropped Luffy to the deck. "Geez, who the hell is this guy? Of all the frickin' times to be out of cola!"

Laughing, the bomber wheeled through the air, Usopp already taking aim with his new staff. Before he could fire, a swarm of the clay bird bombs they had seen earlier detached from the belly of the mount-bird, opening their wings in unison with a snapping noise that was audible even from the ship below. Whereas before the bomber had used waves of a couple dozen, this time there were more than a hundred.

Each of the birds split up, arcing downward like a murderous cloud that swarmed the Merry from every direction. Recalling long and painful days spent repairing the ship and himself after the last bombing run, Usopp began firing. He fired until his hand was a blur, sometimes stuffing two or three pellets into the sling at a time, each of them splitting to hit a separate target. The dawn light came alive with explosions that cast their shadows down upon the ship below in a sick parody of a fireworks display, leaving tremendous clouds of acrid smoke in their wake.

The bomber was now hidden from sight by the clouds, but his laughter was still clearly audible. It sounded nearby, as though he had approached closer to the ship.

"Hey! So, right now I'm _really_ glad I volunteered go out scouting the area around Enies Lobby, and I'm even more glad I found you shitheads for a rematch. But let's not mix business and pleasure, huh? I'm looking for a lady named Nico Robin who I'm told was with you chumps. Anyone with that name on this ship?"

* * *

Below-deck, Sasuke continued frantically working to unlock the bed-ridden Robin's unbreakable seastone handcuffs. Hearing the explosions, both of them knew that the bomber had returned to finish what he had started weeks ago.

"If Nico Robin's here," the bomber continued, barely audible through the port hole, "Then she should know that our group has a job offer for her, _un_! Come help us understand the context of the stone tablets, and you'll have pay, safety, and _everything_ we know about what's on them. That includes the one hidden on our island, and apparently it was a doozy!"

Sasuke glanced up into Robin's eyes.

"Got anything to say about that?" he asked.

Even through the dirt and bruises of her long escape, Robin was softly smiling.

"I'd like to tell him that there's no one here by that name," she said.

Sasuke grinned then returned to work. He almost had it.

* * *

 **-Outside-**

"No? Nothing? Okay, no problem with me, _un!"_ called down the bomber. "I don't really give a shit!"

Something was different from the last time they had fought this Akatsuki member. Before, his bombs had exploded relatively cleanly, leaving very little smoke behind. Now, each of the bombs from the first wave had left behind a thick and pervasive cloud of smoke. Even with the sea-breeze and the motion of the currents, the smoke was still spreading around and refusing to disperse. Everyone, Usopp included, was trying and failing to locate the bomber, or even their friends who were more than fifteen feet away.

"Hmm-hmm-hmm… I've been looking forward to meeting you again in particular, sniper. I see you've constructed a new slingshot, _un,_ " chuckled the bomber as his voice spun invisibly around the ship, "-but you're not the only one with a new weapon. True art comes from adversity, and I'm thankful that I got to meet an opponent that was so well-specialized for taking on my beautiful, fleeting creations."

There was a wingbeat from the port side and Usopp whirled in place, firing a shot. The ball whistled through the smoke but hit nothing.

The bomber continued to speak. "It's a pity that the answer was so simple! Smoke bombs have been a shinobi favorite for ages untold, but _no one_ can construct a bomb like me!"

The seven fighters still standing on deck looked back and forth with increasing desperation. Every one of them was hurt, exhausted or both. Then, without warning, a tremendous shape soared straight across the deck right over Usopp's head, dropping a single clay bomb as it passed. Reflexes sharpened by terror, Usopp spun in place and shot it down, face burning from the short-range explosion.

As the laughing madman flew away, Franky tried to grab out for him with another chain-link punch, but he caught nothing but smoke.

"Nami! Naruto!" Usopp cried out, "We need some help with this cloud!"

Nami nodded, flipping out her Clima-Tact and beginning to spin. The chakra wind-function was too short-ranged to be of use here, but if she could create a cloud above the smoke then she could probably disperse all of it.

Naruto, however, flicked his fingers through a number of seals and then clapped his hands together.

 **[FUUTON: REPPUUSHOU]**

 **[WIND RELEASE: GALE PALM]**

With intense focus, Naruto became something like an air broom, sweeping left and right to tear the smoke from the air around the mast-less ship in an area of around fifty feet. Unfortunately, that only cleared up some of the smoke, and as soon as the technique ended bombs began arcing inward from every direction, forcing Usopp to spin wildly about and snipe them from point-blank range. Even more unfortunately, some of the bombs were approaching from just above the water, and soon one of them impacted on the hull of the Merry itself.

"Shit," cursed Sanji, grinding his teeth at his inability to help, "This is just goddamn unfair. I can't see a thing! He can't see through the smoke either, right?!"

"Yeah, but we're standing still!" called out Nami, spinning her staff. Before long she would have a windstorm formed that could disperse this mess.

Or, at least, that had been the plan, until there was an explosion from above where the cloud had been forming.

"No thank you, lady," said the invisible bomber, "I saw what you did the last time we gave you time to work on those clouds of yours. You wanna mess with hot air? I _guarantee_ I can do it better than you."

Nami frowned, lost in frustration. This guy was just playing with them!

* * *

All of a sudden, Franky grabbed Sanji by his shoulders. "Hey! Cook! I can get rid of this smoke no problem, but I need some cola!"

"Cola?" asked Sanji, "What the hell?"

"I've got no time in my schedule this week either for nonsense or explaining myself, man," said Franky, opening his chest cavity to remove an empty bottle, "Cola! I'm out of it! Do you have any in storage? 'Cola-Yes' means no more cloud! 'Cola-No' means I can't do shit!"

Sanji shook his head, looking down at the empty bottle with a thoughtful expression. Seeming to reach a decision, he grabbed it from Franky's giant fists and dashed off to the kitchen.

"No, we don't carry any of that unhealthy stuff in my kitchen, but I always serve what the customer needs. If cola's what you need, cola's what you'll get!"

Looking inside the semi-transparent bottle, Sanji saw there was still one single drop of cola hiding at the bottom. Upending the bottle, he smacked it until the tiny droplet splashed onto his outstretched tongue. Immediately, his taste buds began analyzing every one of its ingredients.

With a single motion, Sanji threw open the ship's pantry, exposing the wealth of carefully-hoarded materials and devices inside. Franky watched the man get to work with demonic speed.

* * *

Outside, more and more explosions shook the air, and not all of them were missing the mark. With less than a second to react to a bird darting through the smoke and colliding with its target, Usopp was barely able to keep up. The ship shook from impact after impact.

After a quick conversation, Naruto and Zoro began their attack. Naruto and a small group of clones spat bullets of wind, and Zoro shot columns and ribbons of slicing air out into the smoky clouds. Every one of their attacks punched holes in the smoke, occasionally letting Usopp catch just a glimpse of a bomb or the black-cloaked bomber himself.

That was when Sasuke burst from the lower-deck hatch with a newly-freed Robin climbing up after him.

"What's happening?" he asked. "We're taking on water!"

"HE WON'T STOP BLOWING US UP!" screamed Usopp, tears streaming down his face. "I CAN'T MAKE HIM STOP BLOWING US UP!"

Robin closed her eyes so that she could summon a number of her duplicate eyes all across the ship. When she had finished, her expression was grim.

"We've got at least six holes below the water-line already," she said, "I'd give us five minutes at best before we have to abandon ship."

"I won't abandon the Merry!" shouted Usopp, still shooting down bomb after bomb. "I JUST WON'T!"

Robin nodded. "If I can get a good look at him then I can lock him down."

Suddenly, an explosion sent a spray of water up from below the waves.

"Shit!" cursed Zoro, sending another slice of wind up into the sky, "He's got bombs under the water now!"

"I can do something about that," said Sasuke, darting over to the side of the ship and leaping onto the ocean waves. He noted with dismay that the Going Merry was definitely sinking beneath the waves, and any more bombs would certainly accelerate the process. Hopefully he could put a stop to that.

Placing one hand into the ocean, lightning chakra flashed through the conductive seawater. Moments later, several of the low-density bombs floated to the surface. A few seconds later each one of them detonated, but it was significantly weaker than he had expected. His eyes widened.

"His explosives are weak against lightning!" he shouted back to the ship.

"Aw, thanks a lot, man," muttered Zoro, as he cut another hole in the cloud that surrounded them, "I'll get right on that."

This wasn't working. They weren't making any progress, and the bomber's laughter echoed from above as a constant reminder of their weakness.

* * *

Chopper had watched most of this battle feeling relatively helpless. After attending to the unconscious Luffy, he hadn't really had much to do. For that matter, he didn't have any long-range attacks or any ability to deal with the cloud hovering around them.

ll he could do was watch helplessly as this terrible man blew up the Merry.

His hooves went to the pack that held his Rumble Balls. He hadn't used that medicine at all during the fight on Enies Lobby, so he could do something with it now… but how would it help? It sounded like Sasuke had already found out the bomber's weakness, and everyone else was trying so hard…

He had to try something, and it was now, or never. He pulled out a Rumble Ball and broke it in his teeth.

 **[RUMBLE]**

 **[BRAIN POINT]**

Chopper felt his processing power heighten rapidly as his mental faculties sharpened. The bomber had them on the ropes, and was simultaneously denying them any means to engage him. They had to find a way around this problem or they'd keep sinking.

Wait… As he focused on the problem, something else rose to his attention. Just like he had felt when Naruto had taught him about his chakra element, now he could feel that energy flowing through him. He'd always felt it when he used the Rumble Ball, but now he could feel it for what it was- chakra rushing through his body far more powerfully than blood. It throbbed in his brain, asking to be used.

The Rumble Ball unlocked new potentiality from his Fruit and gave him access to levels of control that no other Zoan-type possessed. Now that he had deepened his connection, was his Fruit guiding him somehow?

As if in response to that thought, Chopper felt a connection to the deck underneath his hooves. A wave of energy flowed out from him, and he could feel every inch of the wooden ship light up in his mind.

It was torn and broken, open to the sea in at least eight great holes. His power seemed to be asking him to do more, so, tentatively, he brought his hooves together, completing the circuit. He pushed, and one of the deckboards sprouted a bifurcating branch that grew leaves right before his eyes.

Oops. Hopefully no one saw that.

Focusing on one of the wounded areas that was taking on water he pushed again, and the holes began to twist and warp as numerous tendrils of flowing wood joined together. In just ten seconds, the hole had closed. Unfortunately, branches were sprouting from everywhere around the wound, and the patch itself didn't look anything like how a ship was supposed to look.

Chopper felt like crying. Sorry, Merry!

After a moment, his enhanced brain started piecing together a plan. Wood floats, so the method of keeping them afloat that would cause the least permanent damage to the ship would be to grow large amounts of wood underwater so that they would stop sinking. They could cut off his additions and patch the holes later.

Path decided, he went to work, a network of wooden branches growing out into the water like a wide root-system. He'd need to go very wide if he wanted them to avoid tipping over. Despite his wishes, the wood seemed to have a mind of its own, and it kept wanting to spread upwards, shooting branches and leaves up and out of the water.

Chopper had four more minutes before the Rumble Ball ran out and whatever skill he had gained with controlling chakra went with it, so he had to make it count.

* * *

Sasuke looked around him as a small forest began to grow in the environs of the ship. Clearly, Chopper was experimenting with something, but Sasuke knew just enough about the history of Wood-element ninjutsu to know that the greatest thing about the First Hokage wasn't that he could make a forest grow—it was that he could make it grow according to his wishes. Without incredibly precise chakra control, years of training, and an iron-clad will, the wood would grow according to its own natural inclinations instead of following orders.

Still, it might just keep them afloat until they could finish this fight.

Actually, the bombs were slacking off a bit, but he could see that was only to prepare for the next wave. Having temporarily destroyed the explosives in the water, he decided to return to the ship to aid Naruto and Zoro. He had an idea.

The two of them were still peppering the sky with long-ranged wind attacks, supported by Naruto's anti-aircraft clones. Up in the sky, the Sharingan could track the chakra signature of the bomber as a burning silhouette dancing through the smoke.

"Hey," he spoke, low enough to not be heard by the bomber, "I can see him through that cloud. Follow my lead and I'll point out where he's going."

The wind team hurried to follow along, changing their aim in a single moment to focus on Sasuke's directions. Seven attackers reoriented in a moment to cover a shifting cone in the sky, blasting the smoke in a small area into pieces.

It also revealed the slightest glimpse of their target. Hair blown back from the narrowly-avoided wind attack, the bomber looked surprised, caught in the middle of extruding another bomb from his left hand.

This was what Usopp had been waiting for. He fired the shot.

Riding the turbulent air currents perfectly, the gunpowder ball struck the explosive that had just emerged and it detonated in a storm of fire. The clay went with it, engulfing the man's arm in the explosion.

"AHHH! FUCK!" screamed the bomber, suddenly obscured again.

"Did we get him?" asked a Naruto. "Is he dead?"

"YOU PIECES OF SHIT! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THAT!"

Sasuke shook his head. "No, but watch out. There are a lot of bombs out there, and I think- Shit, here they come! I've got the starboard side! Naruto, you've got the stern! Usopp, try to cover the rest!"

While the bombing had slackened, the Akatsuki member had been busily at work. From all directions at once a cloud of birds burst through the smoke.

Sasuke exploded with the wide-ranged lightning technique that had worked back at Jaya. Naruto filled the air with wind. Usopp shot down everything he could in front of him. Zoro and Nami helped knock out some of the ones that made it through, and all the while Chopper kept both hooves together, focusing on keeping them afloat. Detonations responded around the ship, but still some explosives made it through.

Just in time to save the day, Franky and Sanji burst from the tattered remnants of the kitchen.

"Alright screwballs, I'm supercharged and ready to go! Watch and learn!" called Franky, raising both fists into the sky. A moment later they swelled to great size.

 **[COUP-DE-VENT]**

From Franky's palm blasted a gale of wind that roared like an explosion. The ship rocked from the force of the recoil, but the cloud of smoke fared far worse. It ripped the obscuring cloud from a wide section of the sky, revealing the bomber, who was hurriedly bandaging his own amputated arm.

This was more than enough of a look for Robin. She crossed her arms, summoning phantom limbs to wrap the bomber in a submission hold, binding the wings of the bird at the same time. A single one of her arms reached out and pushed the struggling man off his mount, and the psychopath fell through the obscuring clouds. Below, there was a splashing noise as the he hit the waves.

"Robin, did you get him?" asked Nami.

"I don't… know…" she said, eyes closed, "Something's... weird in there and my eyes can't see…"

That was enough for Sasuke. He jumped off the deck and sprinted out into the cloud, using the Sharingan to hunt down the bomber. The man's energy was unusual, pooling in odd places that didn't make much sense, but that was probably a result of the body modifications he had received. Sasuke would get close and then attack with lightning, hopefully preventing him from using more explosive techniques.

The area around the ship was beginning to look like a mangrove forest, with numerous trees sprouting from the ocean for hundreds of feet around. As Sasuke watched, chakra continued to pulse through the wood, filling it with the energy it needed to absorb mass from the air around it, growing the sea-forest even further.

As Sasuke's feet slapped against the water, he noticed something else. The trees weren't just pulling in air to add to their mass—they were pulling in the smoke as well. As the trees thickened, the smoke cloud near the water's surface was lessening.

It didn't matter much to _him_ , but…

Behind him, Sanji leapt from the ship as well, landing on the water with a firm kick and a hard splash that actually kept him from falling. Instead of sinking, Sanji kept running, each footstep crashing into the waves with a hammerblow and a blast of chaotic chakra, burning energy like wildfire just to keep above water. But it was working, and Sanji followed him into the cloud with a scream of rage and a curtain of splashing water, glaring at Sasuke as if daring him to speak.

A moment later, Naruto joined in the attack as well, giving the quick signal that Sasuke knew meant he was the real body.

The three of them actually saw the bomber through the smoke at the same moment he saw them. The blond man in the Akatsuki robes was bloated, slowly expanding like a balloon, even as Robin's arms struggled to restrain him. Finally, what Sasuke saw in the Sharingan made sense, and he realized that they'd been had.

This was a clone. An explosive suicide-clone. His clay-clone was so lifelike, and the bomber's chakra so odd that it had taken him a while to pierce its illusion, but now they were running headlong into a bomb.

He yelled back to Robin. "Get rid of your arms!"

She didn't question him, and the arms immediately disappeared as Sasuke drew his sword and assumed a low stance. Holding the blade in both hands for a second, lightning began dancing down the surface. Then, he kicked hard off of the water several times, sending up a spray behind him.

 **[CHIDORI HAYABUSA]**

 **[THOUSAND BIRDS: PEREGRINE]**

He might not be as fast on the water as he might have been on land, but Sasuke still shot past Sanji, closing with the bomber clone in the blink of an eye. The blade ran it through, lightning dancing across the thing's skin as the clay clone began losing detail and definition.

"Sanji!" called Sasuke, removing his blade.

Still screaming his war-cry, Sanji approached in a hail of sea-rain, kicking the clone between its bloated legs as hard as he could. It soared up, up, up into the air, and then the dancing lightning finally wore off.

The bomb exploded, and for a moment it was brighter than the sun. As the two closest to it, Naruto, Sanji and Sasuke all dove for cover under the water. Back at the ship, everyone covered their ears and opened their mouths as the shockwave washed over them, the Merry itself rocking and groaning as wind rushed through its now-numerous branches.

As the shockwaves died down, the three of them resurfaced, looking around.

"Damn straight!" said Sanji, "We got him!"

"No… No, that was a clone," said Sasuke, breathing heavily from the exertion. "The real body's still around somewhere... I was watching him from the moment until the bombs came in and then again after he hit the water, so he must have split off some time in the middle there."

"Shit," cursed Naruto, "Where the hell is he, then?"

Sasuke was finally hitting his limit. The final lightning technique had drained him almost entirely of chakra, and his legs felt like they were dead. He honestly didn't think he could manage another use of any of the superhuman techniques.

Still, he scanned the waters, looking all around the ship, which the two of them were now fairly distant from. Eventually, the bomber answered their question for them by emerging from the water just eighty feet behind the ship. Sasuke's eyes widened.

This one wasn't a clone, but his chakra was distributed in the same fashion, his body bloated and still expanding. There were a scattering of trees between them, but the three Straw-Hats had a clear line of sight.

Cursing, Sasuke pulled himself above the water with his hands, preparing himself for another run at the man, when the bomber called out to them.

"Oh no you don't! Don't any of you take another step towards me, or I'll detonate myself right now. You know what that'll do at this range, don't you?"

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. Even assuming this suicide-attack was no stronger than the one they had just seen, an explosion at that range would certainly destroy the Merry and everyone on it. Knowing at least a few things about the weaponization of water himself, it also seemed unlikely the three of them could avoid fatal shockwave pressures by hiding under the water.

Beside him, Naruto muttered something. "Sasuke, Sanji... My clones on the ship have a plan to get him but we need to keep him mostly focused over here."

"What are you up to? How long?" asked Sasuke.

"Don't worry about it, and just a minute or two."

The other two nodded, neither of them looking back to the ship.

The Akatsuki bomber laughed, desperation and madness infecting his voice. "You see, no one ever really gets the upper hand on me! I've always got a trick in my back-pocket. My art is explosive, ephemeral, and beautiful in its sublime impermanence, _un!"_

Still treading water, Sanji spoke first. "Art, huh? So, what, you're calling your bombs art? Your bird? I'm trying to figure out what the hell you're talking about, cause after you've blown it all up there won't be anything left."

"Oh, so ignorant! That's the _point_ , you see? Cherry blossoms, falling snow, a flash of lightning in a summer rainstorm... True beauty lasts for but a moment, leaving behind only the bittersweet memories of its passing! I've built my life around such things!"

Sanji shook his head, muttering, "Holy hell, that's the most stupid thing I've ever-"

"Sanji," said Sasuke, "Say that to _him,_ not us."

Now he rolled his eyes, raising his voice. "I said that's the most stupid thing I've ever heard of! Did your brain not develop properly or something? There aren't gonna _be_ any bittersweet memories if everyone's _dead_ you ignoramus!"

The bomber chuckled to himself, still expanding into a spherical shape. "Heheheh… I know better than to rely on ignorant swine to appreciate true art. I do this for myself! And once I'm dead I won't give a damn what anyone else thinks!"

Now Sasuke stepped into the conversation. "Now hold on a second. I was always told that art is something that sends a message, and the greatest art is that which can still send the same message even if it's viewed a hundred years from now."

The bomber's face twitched angrily for a moment, and Sasuke continued.

"Besides, there's a tree that grew in our family compound that was three hundred years old, and it still blooms every spring, again and again. It'll keep doing that after I'm dead, won't it? Isn't the tree more valuable than a single bloom?"

"Alright, asshole, enough trying to be clever," growled the now-spherical bomber. "I see what you're doing. If you wanna postpone the inevitable then I can understand that, but it was a goddamn figure of speech. You there, guy in the orange, I suppose you have some smart-ass thing to say too?"

With a poof of smoke, Naruto transformed into a horrible rendition of the spherical bomber that floated on top of the water. His face was fat and deformed, his eyes wide and idiotic, and the red clouds on his robes looked more like piles of dog poop than anything else.

" _Durrr! My name's so-and-so! We don't even know cause no one ever cared enough to ask! I'm a crazy man who's into super lame stuff! I blow up my own farts!"_

"Okay, yeah, thanks, you can stop now. You're only embarrassing yourself, kid."

" _Durrr! I have the same hairstyle as this one girl from Konoha! I think it looks_ super _cute!"_

The bomber snapped. "ALRIGHT! THAT'S IT! WE'RE DOING THIS NOW!"

Interrupting him, there was a noise like crackling lightning as a Naruto clone on the Going Merry finished his final task, overloading the elemental seal inside Nami's Clima-Tact that regulated its lightning output.

The bomber turned in surprise to see several of the Straw-Hats set up at the stern of the ship. Though Luffy was still unable to move, Zoro and Franky each held one of Luffy's legs as Usopp pulled the rubber-man back by his waist. Nestled in Luffy's arms like a spear, the Clima-Tact sparked and coursed with electricity that failed to harm him.

The bomber's bloated jaw dropped just as Usopp made his final aiming adjustments to his impromptu ballista. Deidara triggered the detonation at the same instant that Usopp fired.

 **[GOMU-GOMU-NO-RAILGUN]**

The bomber began to glow with a deadly light as the rubber man with the lightning spear shot across the ocean like a siege weapon, striking the gigantic balloon-bomb dead-on. The electrified weapon pierced through the bomber's skin as if it wasn't even there, stabbing straight into his heart. He gasped in pain, blood gushing from his lips.

Slowly, the glow began to recede as the bomber deflated bit-by-bit, his mouth opening and closing as his muscles convulsed.

 _"You... little... fuckers...!"_ he bit out.

Face cast in anger, Luffy was pulled away as Franky grabbed him with a chain-link fist. As the captain disappeared, he left the staff behind.

Then the bomber was left alone among the trees, lightning still dancing across his body as he sank below the surface of the sea.

 _"Art... is... a..."_

Then he was gone.

* * *

 **-Ten Minutes Later-**

The Going Merry was broken. The hull was shattered and rent, and you had to look quite hard to see the shape of the ship at all through the branches and roots warping the planks and deckboards. The new growths flowed out from the ship, spreading out into the seawater and sprouting leaves where they came back above the surface.

Luffy, Usopp, and Chopper were frantic and in tears, running over to Franky and falling to their knees. Chopper couldn't stop crying long enough to speak.

"Can you fix her?!" cried Luffy.

Franky's jaw dropped at the sudden request. "Wha- You want me to fix _this?!_ "

"Please! We've got lots of gold! We'll pay whatever you need!" shouted Usopp.

"I… geez! What the hell are you… I mean, _look_ at her! Are we seeing the same thing here?!"

"It's okay," said Usopp, brandishing a heavy-duty saw, "We can take off the branches and then we can just replace the planks, right?"

"Kid, I…" for a moment, Franky was lost for words. "Guys… There's no 'ship' left- the tree-parts are the only things keeping us afloat."

Chopper finally stopped sobbing for long enough to get a sentence out, frantically searching through his packs. "I-it's okay! I- I can fix it! I can fix it! I just gotta take another pill!"

Taking out a second Rumble Ball, the young reindeer broke it between his teeth and swallowed. In seconds he had begun transforming randomly, changing sizes uncontrollably each and every second, all the while crying with frustration. One thing that was sorely lacking was any effect at all on the wood.

"Why won't you help me?!" asked Chopper, apparently to no one, "You're my fruit! You helped me grow the wood! Why won't you help me now?!"

Naruto quickly grabbed hold of the kid, trying desperately to keep him from knocking himself into the sea with his frenzied struggles and transformations.

Chopper's Rumble Ball couldn't be used more than once in a six-hour period without serious consequences.

"I'M SO SORRY, MERRY! MERRY! I'M SORRY I DID THIS TO YOU!" he cried as the others watched with worried eyes.

Everyone looked over the ruined ship that had served as their home for so long with different reactions. Some had tears in their eyes, while some looked on stoically, watching in silence at what they knew could no longer be salvaged. Usopp and Luffy held on to Franky as they continued crying, punching his metal body with clanging noises. Thankfully, Luffy was wounded enough not to seriously harm the man.

Eventually, Franky reached his limit. He raised his head to regard the crew.

"I'm sorry to make you face facts… but your ship is dead. She's beyond any hope of repair, not just by me, but by any shipwright in the world. I think you all know that deep down, not that I blame all of you for grieving..." Gingerly he grabbed Usopp by his head and moved him to the side. When he spoke again, his voice was serious. "You need to give her a funeral pyre. She worked hard for you, and she deserves that much."

This set the still-transforming Chopper into new pangs of anguish, screaming about how he had killed the Going Merry.

Naruto wrangled the young boy until his transformations subsided. Then he set him forward and grabbed him by both shoulders. "Hey! HEY! Little dude!" he said, staring directly into the boy's puffy eyes. "You didn't kill her, 'cause she isn't dead."

" _No_ , no she's-"

"HEY! Listen to me! Look around you." With that, he picked up the tiny Chopper and carried him to the broken side of the ship, facing out to the ocean. Before them they could see a small forest of new-growth trees that had sprouted leaves, popping up here and there through the seawater. The forest spread for a hundred feet in every direction around the ship. Somehow whatever magic had created the trees in the first place had allowed them to absorb the salt-water and thrive.

"You see that?" asked Naruto as he looked out over the sea-forest. "All that's from the Merry, you know? It all grew right from here. If this ship really wanted to keep you all alive, then what it wanted most of all was a way to stop us all from sinking. And _you_ gave that to her. We'd all be dead without your help."

Chopper didn't say anything, still sniffling as he looked out over the water.

Naruto turned to Franky and regarded the rest of the crew with an iron gaze. "We can't burn this ship. It's still alive." His voice was sure and confident.

Franky looked back like he thought Naruto was crazy and opened his mouth to say something, but Naruto shot him a glare and cocked his head back towards the young reindeer. Sighing, Franky shook his head and walked away.

Usopp and Luffy's eyes were red as they took in Naruto's words.

"Y-yeah!" said Usopp, struggling to control himself, "T-That's right! I'm glad Chopper saved us!"

"It's that damn bomber's fault!" yelled a still-sniffling Luffy. "If I see Akatsuki again I'm gonna rip 'em to shreds! But the Merry's still alive!"

As others hurried to offer their own opinions, the crew's minds became set. No one was sure if the ship was still alive, or if she had ever been alive at all in the first place...

But at least it was better to believe.

Franky watched all of this with a scowl from his position on the sidelines, unable to stop himself from understanding the two things that were going to happen next.

First, he was going to build these wonderful people a new ship.

And then he was going to have to try to convince himself not to come along with them when they left.

* * *

The Franky Family Sea-Bulls eventually arrived at the location of the Merry's forest grave, having reunited with the boxy ship that Franky and his thugs used as conveyance. The crew's valuables and all the personal belongings that remained were recovered, and all of a sudden Nami was very glad that Naruto had stored her gold and maps safely. She also bullied a few shipwrights that had tagged along from Water-7 into helping her recover the surviving tangerine trees for later replanting on a new ship.

As they worked, the sun began to set. Or, as Nami was able to correct them, the truth was that the sun was actually rising. The ocean currents had carried them far enough from Enies Lobby that they were resuming the normal passage of day and night, and they had fought through the night and into dawn.

Eventually it became time to leave, and most of the crew couldn't bear to watch as they left the small forested patch behind in the falling dawn. However, several minutes later, Robin spoke up, saying just a single word.

"Look."

* * *

The Going Merry had changed. In just the few minutes it had taken them to set off, the newly-formed trees had blossomed, every tree and every branch adorning itself with pink flowers. They caught the dawning sunset light reflected off the water, dyeing them a brilliant red.

Everyone, related to the Straw-Hats or not, stopped and stared at the sight. Chopper began crying again to see the trees that his mentor had dreamed of.

Sasuke watched the beautiful scene as well, keeping both his eye and his brother's wide open.

As the great sea-bulls drifted slowly back towards the living island, Robin looked down, seeing something in the water. A hand sprouted from the side of the creatures' hide, and she carefully plucked a small round item from the ocean waters, a number of other arms bringing it back to her position on the ship. She examined it carefully, then smiled a sad smile.

Walking over to Chopper, she knelt down beside him and placed the object in between his tiny hooves, clasping them together.

Sniffling, Chopper looked down to see a single small cherry, red and bright- the seed of a new tree.


	43. Need to Know Information

**-Holy City Mariejois-**

 **-Top of the Red Line-**

 **-World Government Headquarters-**

Sometimes you just had a bad day. Some days there was just nothing you could do about it.

There were bad days, and then there was today.

"Say that again, please," asked Fleet Admiral Sengoku, highest-ranking official in the Marines, into the Den-Den-Mushi on his desk. "Mmm-hmm… Yes… No, the connection's clear, I just need you to say it again." A pause. "Mm-hmm… Enies Lobby… Uh-huh… it fell off. Enies Lobby broke and fell off. Mmm-hmm… The Straw-Hats... Yes... Yes, alright. Yes, thank you. Goodbye."

Replacing the Den-Den-Mushi in its receiver, Fleet Admiral Sengoku removed his thick-rimmed glasses, rubbed his brow, then dropped his head to his desk with a loud *THUD*.

"Damn you, Garp. Will you and your line ever stop causing me grief?" he growled, his voice muffled by the rich mahogany.

There was a knock at his door, and his assistant stepped in without waiting.

"Sir?" asked the middle-aged woman, "I heard your face hit the desk and I thought I should investigate."

"Is the noise really that recognizable?" he asked, lifting his head to reveal the reddened spot.

"Yes, sir. What is the problem?"

Sengoku sighed. "Enies Lobby has been lost. It fell into the sea and it's too early to say if it's going to be a lost cause or not."

She blinked. "That's... But the only event of any significance on the island was… oh, the Straw-Hats."

He nodded. "Reports were mixed on who was to blame, but I have my suspicions. It seems as though CP9 was completely defeated. Chief Spandam has perished in the attack, too, which is a small blessing."

"I see… Well, that's something. Though, I suppose there is at least some other small silver lining in this."

"Oh?"

She smiled, grabbing a folder from the desk, "The idea of CP9 being defeated by the Straw-Hats is so ludicrous that almost any other cover-story would be believable by comparison."

"No…" groaned Sengoku, collapsing to the desk once again, "No, we can't sweep this one under the rug, I think. There's too much tied in with it to spin it any other way than the truth."

"I see," she said, nodding to herself. "Well then, I assume you'll want the bounty material for today's meeting on threat level updates?"

"Yes, please…" he sighed, taking a breath as she turned to leave.

* * *

Five minutes later his assistant returned with the information he had requested: bounty pictures taken during incarceration of the Straw-Hats, along with public relations material and assessments from Intelligence. The assessments were harsh, including some of the most rapid rises in bounties he had ever seen cross his desk.

"Really?" asked Sengoku, staring in disbelief down at some of the pictures. One of the photos in front of him was of a blond young man running through the streets of Enies Lobby, his face covered in white and red grease paint. " _This_ is the best we could do?"

The assistant cleared her throat. "I'm sorry sir, but it was impossible to get a good bounty photo of Uzumaki Naruto while he was unconscious in his cell. This was the only picture of him to come out of the Enies Lobby incident."

Sengoku pinched the bridge of his nose, then pointed down to another picture. "No, not that one, though that's bad enough. This one- of 'Black Leg,' Sanji. He was in lockup with the rest of them- How the _hell_ did his photo end up so damn blurry?!"

Now she coughed. "It… appears that his negatives were somehow damaged during the clone-rampage that occurred after their escape. Don't worry sir, we have our best sketch-artist working from descriptions to create a composite."

"You don't mean Blindy McSightless, do you?"

"Yes, sir, of course."

Sengoku sighed. "Alright, give them here..."

* * *

It was extremely unusual for any single pirate group to earn a high-level meeting like this for the sole purpose of deciding bounties. In the last month, the Straw-Hats had somehow managed to get themselves involved in almost every event of importance to occur in the first half of the Grand Line, Paradise, and they were showing no signs of stopping.

Eventually, the Straw-Hat's bounties were hammered out in meetings. Uzumaki Naruto's bounty in particular caused a great deal of fuss- it was completely unheard of for a pirate who wasn't a captain to jump so high in one go, regardless of what they had done. However, at Sengoku's request the details of Naruto's transformation ability had been strictly classified until Aokiji could be debriefed in detail. The rest of the officials might not like it, but there were dangers that even they weren't cleared to know about.

After the first meeting, Sengoku sat in a closed session for the truly important task of the day: debriefing the Admiralty, each of whom was sitting at the enormous table in a luxuriously-appointed conference room.

Admiral Sakazuki, AKA the Red Dog Akainu, sat with his arms crossed in his well-tailored red suit. He had been nearest to home and recalling him for this meeting had not been difficult. Still, he didn't seem particularly happy to be here.

Admiral Kuzan, AKA the Blue Pheasant Aokiji, had finally removed the sleeping mask from his face. The previous meeting hadn't interested him at all, but he was now ready to give the briefing that he had returned to HQ for.

Finally, Admiral Borsalino, AKA the Yellow Monkey Kizaru, sat with one leg resting on the other, reclining lazily as he balanced a pencil on his unshaven lip. Unlike the others, he had been nowhere near Headquarters, busy skirmishing with Whitebeard far off in the New World. However, he had managed to take an hour out of his schedule for this meeting, teleporting back to headquarters at the speed of light.

Sengoku watched all of them carefully, knowing that any response the Marines fielded to the problem of Akatsuki was likely to involve at least one of them personally.

"I'll be direct," said Sengoku, "I've called this meeting because I have special concerns related to Akatsuki and believe them to be a far greater danger than any other rookie group. I'd like Kuzan here to brief us on his experiences with them as well as the threats we may be likely to see from the Elemental Kingdoms in general."

Admiral Aokiji nodded, his face set and unusually serious. "I'd actually like to start with the general overview. First, my information comes from three sources. Commodore Flounders, who was able to speak with their leader face-to-face. Uchiha Sasuke, a mid-level ninja from the Elemental Kingdoms who is highly antagonistic to Akatsuki. Finally, my own skirmish with the group themselves. Given what we've learned, I think the most concerning thing is this- in addition to being highly competent in the normal fighting arts, these ninjas each possess multiple abilities that would normally only be possible to explain with Devil Fruits."

"How terrible…" said Borsalino, though his face and posture was anything but concerned as the pencil wobbled on his lip. "You sure you didn't just get it wrong? Don't you think they might have just eaten a Fruit and lied about it?"

"What I want to know," interrupted the red-suited Sakazuki, "-is why we're here discussing a single group of Pirates at all. This Akatsuki nonsense? I have better things to do with my time than focus on six or seven people dicking around in Paradise. Put a bounty on them and I'll start caring when they make it to the New World. On the other hand, if you want to talk about a new island that's churning out powerful fighters, let's talk about that."

As Sakazuki spoke, Aokiji calmly began undoing his shirt and vest. Standing up from the tall chair built to accommodate him, he pulled back his clothes, revealing a deep and ragged wound that was still red around the numerous stitches and grafts that covered the left side of his muscular and tanned abdomen.

The other men looked on in the first hint of concern they had displayed so far.

"They're strong alright," said Aokiji, closing his shirt once again, "Moreover, each and every one of them had a wider array of surprises than I would expect even from a veteran Paramecia-type Fruit-User, and I could tell I was only scratching the surface. I didn't engage them long enough to be sure, but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that each of them would fit in somewhere among the ranks of the Shichibukai."

He finished buttoning up his vest and then met their eyes. "Their leader, Tobi, did this to me using an ability that bypassed my defenses."

"So they can use Haki, then," grumbled Sakazuki as he exhaled a hot puff of sulfurous breath, "I'm surprised you let them get the drop on you like that."

"No, it wasn't Haki. The man in the driftwood mask had something that allowed him to absorb ice as I produced it. Not only could he strike me through my defenses, he could prevent me from attacking him with my Fruit at all. He also had an ability to pull me off my feet and get me to close range, but he didn't use them at the same time, which I feel might be a limitation. I can't say for sure."

"Wait," interrupted Sengoku, "Isn't that… whatshisname… Teach? Marshall D. Teach, one of Whitebeard's former men. He made off with the Yami-Yami no Mi, didn't he? Absorption and attraction, just like that. You said they're gathering Fruit-users for some sort of experiment, so how sure are we that Teach is still around?"

Aokiji frowned, scratching his head. "I can confirm that it definitely was not Teach underneath that mask and that he possessed other powers as well. Beyond that I can't say."

Borsalino spoke next, his nasal, humming voice making it sound as though he were deeply unconcerned. "Mmm-hmmm…. I can say that Whitebeard is still in a right tizzy about young Mister Teach… As far as they know the man's still up and sucking in breath."

"Alright, alright," grumbled Sakazuki, "So they're strong, and they caught you off-guard with an unexpected ability. Now that we know what they can do it should make things much more even. What are they looking for that's got your panties in such a twist?"

"We're not sure," said Aokiji. "Commodore Flounders, who was the source of much of this information, says that they are searching for the Poneglyphs, and they have already discovered at least one of them- probably two."

"Wait, they can read those things?" asked Borsalino, uncrossing his legs and sitting up, his pencil falling to the floor with a clatter. "Isn't that kind of out of nowhere?"

Sengoku cleared his throat. "That's one of the things I needed to ask you in person, Kuzan. Do you think we're dealing with another Ohara here? We're already gearing up for first-contact, but if they know how to decipher the Poneglyphs then we may be required to send a Buster Call rather than an ambassador."

The other Admirals' eyes hardened, but Aokiji raised a placating hand. "Oh my, no I don't think so. In fact, it sounds as though it was this Akatsuki group that opened up the island on their own using information that their leader ferreted out of the stone. This would, of course, mean that no one else has been reading these things, or we would have seen them all earlier."

"No, it doesn't mean that," said Sakazuki, pointing an accusing finger at his colleague. "There are plenty of reasons they might know more than they should but not have used it until now. You were always far too soft when it comes to this business."

"Oh my… there are other reasons to believe this is not a widespread problem. First, when I queried one of our captives about the issue he was adamant that no one knew anything at all about the outside world until it opened. They were all completely and totally unprepared for contact. Akatsuki, on the other hand, was thoroughly ready, and in fact claimed responsibility. The more I look at it, the more I'm sure that they're the only ones who know what's really going on here."

"Well?" asked Fleet Admiral Sengoku, flicking his gaze back to Kuzan. "What else do we know about what they wanted?"

Aokiji leaned back in his chair. "Well, let's see… Flounders mentioned that they had something in mind around the Red Line… and… that he was… uhh... well, never mind- it's not important."

Sengoku slammed his fist into the table. "IT'S DAMNED IMPORTANT, SO FINISH YOUR STATEMENT!"

Aokiji raised his hands. "Whoa, I _can't_ be more specific. They mentioned getting a fruit and gathering powerful fruit-users as being critical, but they didn't say which ones. They also said they had something in mind around the Red Line, but they didn't say where."

"Hmmmm..." hummed Admiral Borsalino, "Think they're looking to strengthen their forces with Devil Fruits? That's not very interesting to me, but I do have one question for you. That wound you showed us wasn't the work of just one person, was it?"

Sakazuki nodded, tapping a finger on the table. "I was thinking that myself. What exactly are you trying to hide?"

Now Aokiji rubbed the back of his head. "Oh my, I wouldn't say I was hiding anything. Just more ninja surprises, that's all. The extra damage was from the transformer, Naruto. I froze him solid, but was caught off-guard when he broke out."

"Alright," started Sengoku, staring with a sudden intensity. "I need to know more about this, Kuzan. Tell me what you saw."

"Hmm… Alright, if you say so…" Aokiji paused, thinking back. "Uzumaki Naruto... He was terribly skilled for his age, but that might just be the case with all these ninjas. At the time I believed his only notable abilities were wind manipulation and mass-duplication, a skill that seemed at least as strong as I recall the only other duplication fruit being. During what I thought would be the final part of the battle, I froze him in a shell in order to force his friend to cooperate."

The others nodded, and he continued. "He broke out a minute later, attacked from behind and struck me in the same place as where I was wounded. He hurt me even through the ice. I'd guess he was at least twenty times as strong as he had been before… Still, it wasn't enough to save him when he tried following up later and I froze him solid. At the time I thought I'd killed him, having frozen him down to his heart, but… a minute after that he was back, stronger than ever."

"What did he look like?" asked Sengoku, still with that oddly intense glare.

To Aokiji this seemed like an unusually curious question, but he answered it anyway. "He was covered in a red cloud. He moved like a beast, he growled rather than speaking, and it honestly looked like he was beginning a Devil-Fruit transformation."

"What else? You mentioned more in your initial report."

Aokiji shrugged. "The red cloud formed into a tail. As he fought he grew another one, becoming more and more powerful until I was having real trouble holding him down. When I stopped the fight it seemed as though he was growing a third."

Sengoku took a deep breath, sat back in his chair, and nodded. The others looked at him with suspicious glares.

"Alright," said Sengoku, "That's fine then. If any of you run into this Naruto, I would advise you to refrain from half-measures. Ideally you should keep him restrained or isolated from the fight, but if it _is_ necessary to fight him seriously then you should strike to kill immediately and with overwhelming force. Please try to avoid that, though. This goes the same for any other ninjas that you might run into that show these traits."

"Any others?" asked Sakazuki, who had been warily watching.

"Where one exists there may be more," said Sengoku, an odd glint in his eyes before he changed the subject. "Regardless, I believe you will be running into Akatsuki in the near-future, so I want Kuzan to share threat intel."

After that, the meeting devolved into a listing of what they knew about Akatsuki's strengths and powers. Unfortunately, the answer was 'not enough'. While a normal pirate's abilities could be largely known from identifying their Devil Fruit, these ninjas had far too many surprises.

Orochimaru was known to be a highly-intelligent man with a snake theme who served as ship's doctor. He was seen conducting successful experimentation on the removal and transplantation of Devil Fruits.

Kakuzu had been seen using extremely powerful wind and fire attacks. He had a violent and brutal temper that sometimes flared out of control.

Hidan was a regenerator who was presumably very skilled in melee combat. It was hard to say, since Aokiji had frozen him in a block of ice as soon as he realized his attacks weren't sticking.

Danzou was an enigma, apparently being a technical fighter who had some unknown ability to neutralize Observational Haki. A bit of questioning had been enough to link his normally-covered red eye to the eyes being used by Uchiha Sasuke. He appeared to be a source of some internal strife in the group.

Deidara was a remote-control bomber who could fly freely on his own creations. He would be difficult to engage for anyone not specialized for the task, and could likely take down fleets of Marine ships if it came to a naval engagement.

Kisame was a Fish-man who seemed to possess a strange bandaged weapon along with powerful water abilities above and beyond the sort normally employed by Fish-man warriors. It would be important to ensure that none of his techniques fell into the hands of his brethren.

Finally, Tobi, who possessed absorption and attraction abilities, some manner of increased senses, and seemed to be a very skilled melee-fighter as well. It was believed he had many other skills, and it was he who was translating the Poneglyphs. He could also talk to animals.

That was all that they knew.

The fact of the matter was that aside from fighting back against an Admiral, Akatsuki hadn't actually _done_ anything that would normally earn them a bounty. Their threat assessment was based solely on two things. First, that Tobi was actively hunting the Poneglyphs. Second, that they were possibly the most dangerous and well-informed group in the first half of the Grand Line, which meant they actually stood a chance of finding the forbidden stones.

Aside from Tobi, they would be assigned basic bounties that fitted a relatively unknown group such as theirs. It was unfortunate that there were zero pictures of them in existence. More work for Blindy McSightless.

Afterwards, when the others had left, Kuzan cornered Sengoku in his office.

"So. What's the deal with that Naruto boy? Why were you so focused on the tails he had? I recall you asking the same question a couple years ago when we ran into trouble with that one Mythical Zoan fighter, but nothing came of that. What's got you worried now?"

Sengoku just shook his head. "I'm sorry, Admiral, but there are some things even you aren't cleared to know."

* * *

The posters went out the very next day, soaring across the Grand Line on the wings of the News Coos.

 **STRAW-HAT PIRATES**

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Straw-Hat" Luffy: B350,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Pirate Hunter" Roronoa Zoro: B150,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Copy Ninja" Uchiha Sasuke: B100,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"One Man Army" Uzumaki Naruto: B200,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Devil Child" Nico Robin: B90,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Black Leg" Sanji: B100,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Cat Burglar" Nami: B30,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Sniper Crow" Usopp: B50,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Tanuki Bandit" Tony Tony Chopper: B17,000,000

* * *

 **AKATSUKI PIRATES**

WANTED: DEAD

"Good-Boy" Tobi: B400,000,000

WANTED: DEAD

"The Undying" Hidan: B75,000,000

WANTED: DEAD

"Soaring Death" Deidara: B89,000,000

WANTED: DEAD

"Dead-Eye" Danzou: B73,000,000

WANTED: DEAD

"Undertaker" Orochimaru: B95,000,000

WANTED: DEAD

"Burning Devil" Kakuzu: B110,000,000

WANTED: DEAD

"Slicing Rain" Kisame: B60,000,000

* * *

 **-Halfway up the Red Line Mountain Range-**

Later, from the Fleet Admiral's desk, a message was sent to one of the palaces of Mariejois where its classification-level brought it straight to one of the Celestial Dragon ruling heads. After being reviewed, it triggered several hurried meetings. Later, a different message was brought to a secret location deep in the underbelly of the Holy City that lay atop the Red Line.

The Red Line was the incredible mountain range that cut the world into two hemispheres. At its very peak, at one of the two places it met the Grand Line, stood the Holy City of Mariejois, home to the World Government for most of the previous millennium. Ruled over by the families of kings known as the Celestial Dragons, the capital stood above the entire world.

And, of course, if you were like almost anyone you would assume that the Holy City's placement was simply an extension of the Celestial Dragons' unimpeachable arrogance. The nobility saw themselves as gods reigning over a world of sheep, after all.

There were fewer than a thousand people in the world who knew the true reason for the Holy City's placement.

The Red Line was unspeakably enormous, and even after descending two or three miles below the peaks of the Holy City you would still find yourself above the ever-present and impermeable cloud-cover that shrouded the rocky cliffs. If one were to traverse along those impassable heights for fifty miles to the south of Mariejois, though, you would find something truly unusual.

The National Treasure of Mariejois.

Hidden in a vast crevasse in the mountain, like a shielded bay in the clouded mountain sky, grew an enormous tree that was itself nearly half a mile tall. Thick, gnarled, and vast, with leaves the size of houses, it sprouted from the side of the mountain itself, stretching out to the sunlight like a centuries-old bonsai that had been carefully teased and nurtured to grow from the rock wall.

Now, this tree had been here far longer than mere centuries. It had existed since before humanity had descended from apes. It was beyond the care of humanity. Or rather, it should have been.

One thousand years ago, mankind had been taught the unshakable power of the Divine Tree when the messenger of the gods, Otsutsuki Kaguya, had descended upon the Earth and eaten of its Fruit. She had brought an end to warfare for ages until eventually her overwhelming power led the world into chaos. One day, her sons had risen up to depose her, splitting her power between heavens and the earth.

The records and remnants of that time had been thoroughly scrubbed from the history of every place in the world, all so that the descendants of the great kings of old could replicate her achievement once another millennium had passed. The Celestial Dragon Temple that wound between the mountains and the lowest branches of the Divine Tree stood as its lonely caretaker.

The existence of the Divine Tree was the most highly classified secret in the entire world, and no message to the temple guardians could be trusted to the Den-Den-Mushi in the face of such secrecy. The message from the World Government council was placed in a capsule and shot through the ingenious pneumatic tube system that followed secret tunnels through the mountains built centuries before.

Of course, there were such things as point-to-point landline snail connections, but it had been fifty years since even the tube system had been installed, and it might be another hundred before the Celestial Dragons would be willing to risk anyone else installing a new communications line.

Not that any of this would matter in a hundred years time. The monks who tended the tree estimated at most another forty years before the new Fruit was ready.

At the northern face of the mountain shelter, the one place where communication could be received from Mariejois, a monk fearfully retrieved an incredibly rare message from the delivery system, noting the blood-red trim that denoted dire news. Grasping it in his hands, the bald man set off across the Bridge of Soaring Clouds at a run, his sandaled feet echoing on the stones.

He had quite a while to go. Half-a-mile later he passed underneath the lowest leaves of the Tree, as large as mainsails, and then made it into the Outer Temple.

"Abbot! Abbot!" cried the man as his sandaled feet slapped against well-worn stone halls. "Terrible news!"

Flying through the temple, robes fluttering as he went, he burst through an archway into the Stone Garden of Roaring Tranquility, looking left and right until he saw a terrifically elderly man with a deeply wrinkled forehead and long white eyebrows that reached to the floor. Surprised by the sudden commotion, the elder straightened up somewhat from where he had been carefully watering one of the central garden stones with a tiny, broad-headed can.

Relieved, the younger monk dashed over to meet the man. "Abbot! Terrible news! Abbot Tenryuujikyoufushirazu Shikatsuzaemon!"

"THAT'S TOO LONG!" shouted the Abbot in a quaky, high-pitched voice. "I've been telling you for years to use my nickname!"

"I- I'm terribly sorry, Abbot Freddy!" corrected the flustered man. "Terrible news!"

"Alright, alright, give it here."

Trembling, the monk handed the message over to the old master, who took it with wrinkled hands. As he slowly read over the official missive, a dark terror passed over his face that slowly came to be replaced by firm resolve. Once he had finished reading, he wrapped it up once more and placed it in the pocket of his robes. Slowly turning, he looked above him to the branches of the Divine Tree.

"So…" he said, "It's finally happening. The Sage's barrier has been undone, and at the worst possible time, too… More than that, one of the Nine has been spotted outside its home…"

Turning to the now silent younger man who had delivered the news, the Abbot made his declaration. "Have everyone gather in the medium meditation room in one hour!"

"Y-Yes Abbot T- Freddy!"

Then the young monk disappeared, bowing and retreating back out into the outer temple.

As quickly as he was able, the Abbot shuffled his way through the winding stone gardens, deeper and deeper into the temple. The branches of the tree wound all the way through this part, and as he proceeded inward they grew thicker and thicker. From experience, the Abbot knew that the Divine Tree's unbreakable branches had not grown or even changed at all in the eighty years he had been living at this temple, which was a fact that had let the endless series of caretakers build the temple around them as they expanded it stone-by-stone.

Slowly he passed through the long Hall of Reflection that held pools of purest rainwater, then the multi-tiered Pagoda of Eight Spirits that flickered with eight-hundred candles. Finally, he stood before the great gilded doors of the Chamber of the Divine Fruit.

To pass through there was utterly forbidden except for the Abbot himself. For decades he had carefully exercised his duties to safeguard the Fruit as it slowly grew, as that duty had been passed down to him by his predecessors. Eventually his successor would be painstakingly chosen from a tiny pool of loyal and highly-trained individuals, and one day the Fruit would be given over to the Celestial Dragons to share amongst each other.

The world was a mess. It had no gods, but it needed them desperately. When they ate of the Divine Fruit, the rulers of the world would finally have the power to put things in order again. Perhaps they could even return the Grand Line to the way it had once been. The Celestial Dragons would be good for the world.

Some days, though, when the Abbot's faith wavered just a bit, he wished that he had been allowed to actually meet the Celestial Dragons just once before being isolated in this temple. Alas, as he had been repeatedly told, it was terribly important that he maintain total neutrality between the many rulers of the world.

Standing before the doors, Abbot Freddy breathed deep, gathering his chakra inside him and then bringing both hands together to form a seal.

 **[KAI]**

 **[RELEASE]**

A pulse of his tuned energy broke the seal and the doors swung ponderously open.

He shuffled inside, and the doors swung shut.

His meanderings had finally brought him to the highest point in the temple, the thickly-walled chamber that nestled the lower branches and sealed in the most important item in existence. Unlike the rest of the temple, this had been built more than a thousand years ago, supposedly by Kaguya herself, and it was made of solid, unbreakable stone that was anchored deep into the otherwise untouchable Divine Tree.

Abbot Freddy spared a single glance to the thick branch that held the Millennial Fruit, surrounded by its impenetrable shell, but his real goal was elsewhere.

At the rear of the chamber stood another, smaller door that was framed by two statues. The stern gazes of Otsutsuki Hamura and Otsutsuki Hagoromo watched him as he approached. He bowed deeply to each one in turn, then stepped forward to open the door.

Inside the musty store-room was stuffed the detritus of ages. Unusual objects littered the corners or were stuffed onto shelves, with oddly-shaped fans or gourds, or seemingly unopenable chests sharing the space with rows and rows of scrolls.

Unfortunately, as the Abbot had been made aware, the objects in this room were just about a fifty-fifty mix of 'wildly dangerous' and 'utterly useless,' with many stuck firmly in both categories at the same time.

Looming above him in the dim room was a statue of the most horrifying beast he had ever seen in his life. Two grasping hands reached out for the doorway, framed by a twisted body adorned by ten undulating tails. A single red eye gazed down above a fanged mouth unlike any other creature in nature. The Ten-Tails. This is what the world had to look forward to if the Nine began to run rampant. He was sure of it. That the seal had been broken now of all times could only mean that Kaguya's will had re-awakened and was seeking the Fruit.

Grabbing several ancient scrolls from the shelves, the Abbot backed away, unwilling to turn his back on the unnatural creature that gazed down on him. The doors closed by themselves as he left.

It was sad. The Sage had left them here as the final defense against the horrors of the beast, but they had forgotten so much. But there were some things they had not forgotten, and now one thing was for certain. If the Nine came here seeking the Fruit, they would have to go through him and his monks to do it.

* * *

 _A/N: And there you have a plot point to replace the one we just lost. I apologize, but this chapter was mostly setup Also, when Hagoromo and Hamura were still around the Temple was still isolated and Mariejois had not yet even been built. I don't want to insinuate for a moment that they ever had any interaction with the people we now know as the Celestial Dragons. There's a lot more to this that we can't get to for a while._

 _On the subject of bounties… bounties are not power-levels. For that matter, the Marines seem very reluctant to give large bounties out to newcomers. Sasuke and Naruto are both powerful fighters, but it's difficult to read much into their bounties at this point._

 _The Abbot's name translates to Heavenly-Dragon-Temple-Knows-No-Fear Life-Or-Death-Guardian-of-the-Left-Gate. No one needs to remember that._

 _Next chapter we get to see some of what Sakura had been doing._


	44. Blossom Chronicles

**-Three Weeks Earlier-**

 **-Land of Fire: Western Territories-**

Haruno Sakura's breath came in deep, shuddering gasps. She had pushed herself far too hard for far too long, and she had never been sure if she was going to survive this. Never before in her life had she clung so close to death. Now she stood by a precipice that was at least three hundred feet deep and twice as wide. At the bottom of the chasm were razor-sharp rocks and roaring white-water rapids. There were no bridges for miles around.

Still breathing heavily, she smiled. Perfect.

Her thoughts were interrupted as a voice called from the treeline fifty feet behind her.

"Well, now… Sakura…" said the woman, her tone only barely remaining civil, "Looks like this is the end."

As the woman spoke, Sakura twitched in a sudden and entirely reasonable fear. She'd known she was being outpaced by her pursuer but she'd hoped it hadn't been _that_ bad. Pulling herself together, she slapped herself hard on both cheeks then turned to face her opponent.

"Master Tsunade," said Sakura, trying not to show her gasping weakness as she struggled to get her breath, "What a surprise… to see you here… so _quickly_."

"Oh, don't mind me," said the deceptively young-looking blonde woman leaning against a tree. "Feel free to keep piling on the pain. We already established that for every ache, bruise, and broken bone you get while running from me, I'm going to heal it and give it back to you again five times over."

Tsunade, one of the legendary Sannin of Konoha, peer to Orochimaru and Jiraiya, laughed breezily as she spoke of torture. "Then I'm going to kill you!"

Sakura gulped, her throat thick from fear and overexertion. Sometime during the chase her teacher had sobered up. It wasn't yet clear if that would be a good thing or a bad thing.

Several days ago, Sakura had been travelling back to the village with Tsunade to pay their respects to her fallen teacher, the Third Hokage, when one of Kakashi's hounds had delivered news that Naruto and Sasuke had run off. Tsunade, however, had refused to be hastened on that account. She would proceed home at her own pace, and her pupil would continue taking lessons whether she wanted to or not.

At the time it had seemed reasonable to Sakura disappear into the night when her master was drunk. Unfortunately, all that had come of this was being chased by a drunken Tsunade. Even more unfortunately, she was a _violent_ drunk.

"You know, you really do have some guts," the lady said, not even out of breath from matching Sakura's desperate attempt to outpace her. "You approach me on false pretenses, you argue with me, you cajole me, you bribe me, and finally _blackmail_ of all things, all so you can get me to train you. I told you I didn't want a student. I told you I _couldn't_ take a student, but you forced the issue. And now you duck out on that training because you've got something more _important_ to do!"

Tsunade stepped forward, cracking her elegant knuckles. "There are some people who would kill to be taught by me, but I suppose we can try for the other way around, hmm?"

Slowly, Sakura backed away to the edge of the cliffside. She had just about gained her breath back, which meant it was time for a daring escape.

"You're right, Master," she said, bowing her head slightly while not taking her eyes off of the dangerous woman. "Your training was invaluable. It changed my life, and I know I've hardly even begun. I hope you'll consider teaching me again, but even if you don't I'm afraid you won't be catching me here today."

Tsunade was so irate that her emotions wrapped around to the other side, and she caught herself smiling again. "You really think you can pull one over on me? I've taught you everything you know, you presumptuous little _bitch_."

"You've taught me so much, yes. But I can teach myself as well... and you didn't teach me this." Taking a wide stance, Sakura slammed one gloved fist into the earth.

 **[DOTON: SEKIHA JINYOU]**

 **[EARTH RELEASE: STONE SHATTER BATTLE FORMATION]**

Using the shockwave from her rock-pulverizing strike as a carrier for her chakra, the stone beneath her fist was instantly liberated from the surrounding earth. Like iron filings aligning with a magnetic field, the stones assembled in formation, jumping to do her bidding. In less time than it took to blink an eye a column of rock ten-feet wide erupted from the earth beneath her, sending Sakura shooting into the air. The only thing that kept her knees from breaking immediately was an impeccably-timed surge of physical reinforcement chakra.

She flew across the six-hundred foot gap at incredible speed. The wind whipped at her eyes, but she couldn't shut them. She needed to be ready for the exact moment when she hit the ground. The roaring, spike-filled river could make for a fatal fall if she didn't clear the gap, but successfully landing the jump unprotected could be just as dangerous. A roll wouldn't help her here- she'd have to reinforce her legs with everything she had at the split-second she hit the ground.

If only she had had any time to practice this move before using it in combat. She was well aware she would definitely have yelled at Naruto or Sasuke for trying something this stupid untested.

Sakura hit the ground like a one-woman rockslide, tearing a trough into the earth. Her teeth rattled from the impact, and before she had completely stuck the landing she fell over, skidding and rolling across the ground.

Getting up, she spat out blood. With another surge of chakra she slammed her fist into the rocks on the other side of the cliff. This time nothing seemed to happen, but Sakura knew better. Satisfied, she spared one glance backward towards her far-off teacher then began running, activating the tiny fragment of chakra reserves she had stored in the seal on her forehead. Her legs would be almost useless in moments without it, and if there was ever a time to put some distance between her and danger then that time was now.

Healing her wounds and fatigue at a rapid pace, Haruno Sakura advanced through the forests toward Konoha.

* * *

Meanwhile, Tsunade had watched her petulant student's escape with an amused open-mouthed expression.

"That cocky little _bitch_ ," she said, impressed despite her anger, "She's been holding back on me..."

Still back behind the tree line, her previous apprentice Shizune spoke up, "Are we going to follow her? I'm sure you can cross that gap..."

Tsunade shook her head. "Yeah, but she's rigged that cliff to collapse, so I'd have to run below or go a ways away to cross now- not that it'd save her in the end. Still, I'm actually surprised- that Earth technique came out faster than anything I've ever seen out of a Chuunin, and I'm not sure how she did it. Besides all that, that jump was a perfect display of everything I taught her outside of the medical training, all at the same time."

Suddenly she laughed, genuine amusement reaching her voice, "I would have called it perfect training if I hadn't only been trying to tear her to pieces! It was everything I'd want out of a final exam!"

Shizune was shocked. "You want to recommend her for Jounin rank because she jumped across a chasm?!"

"I'm not gonna help her become a Jounin," Tsunade laughed. "I'm gonna kill her! But _first_ I'm gonna get drunk and take a bath. Come on, Shizune, I saw another town a few miles back."

* * *

Slowly realizing her teacher had given up the chase, Sakura still made it back to Konoha in record time. She had a lot to do to get ready if she was going to go after Naruto and Sasuke. First things first, she returned to her family's home to a welcome reunion, a warm shower, and her first decent meal in ages. Then, hair still drying, she sat down in her old room to write a letter.

" _Dearest Naruto and Sasuke,"_ it started, " _You must have a deathwish, because after what you've done I'm going to literally rip both of your heads off and leave them for the birds…"_

* * *

In the end she only got about half-way through her letter before her anger forced a break, so she slipped into the routine and well-practiced art of gathering supplies for a long mission. She was naturally a well-organized person, but it didn't hurt that the Academy had taught classes on the subject.

It was when she was in the middle of this process that she ran right into her on-again-off-again best friend, Ino. In the blink of an eye they were eating lunch at a place that offered light fare.

"Oh my _god_ , you cannot _believe_ what a relief it is to not have to escort the guys to another goddamn meat hut!" the blonde girl exclaimed, once they had more or less finished.

Sakura laughed. "I'm just glad that I'm not cleaning up after my master's all-nighters again, or being chased through the wilderness for a few hundred miles, or being forced to-"

"Blah, blah, blah, I'm a big try-hard who got herself stuck with the worst bitch on the planet," mocked Ino.

"Well, she's coming here soon, so you'd better watch yourself or I'll point her in your direction," said Sakura, pointing a threatening finger.

Ino shrugged, still smiling, "Yeah, well, unlike a certain _someone_ here, I actually have a traditional style I'm learning from my family. I've got an excuse."

There was something about Ino's straightforward, light-hearted antagonism that made it really quite easy to fall back into the old patterns with her. Maybe that was why their friendship had been so successful even over long years spent apart.

Before Sakura could reply, Ino stepped up to the plate again. "Okay, so- Tell me what the big secret is. What's got you coming back in a hurry?"

"I really don't have to tell you that."

Ino flipped her hair back behind her. "Oh no, _Sakura_ , I thought we established the futility of trying to argue about this kind of thing years ago. I can harass you about this for ages, and unlike you _I_ actually have some free time, so spit it out girl!"

Sakura sighed. "It's about Naruto and Sasuke."

Ino just looked at her like she'd crawled out from under a rock somewhere. "Well, _bluh!_ Come _on!_ Unlike the others, _I_ actually pay attention around here, so did you really think I wouldn't know about them going missing? They're gone till they get back, and that's that. Too bad, so sad. Even if Sasuke is totally _gorgeous_ -"

Rolling her eyes, Sakura unwillingly dove right back into her friend's delusions. As young girls, she and Ino had always considered Sasuke as just one half of the horrible duo that had terrorized Konoha. The two girls had both gone to great lengths to make it clear just how disgusting they found the two boys- a tune that had changed slightly when Sasuke had started to grow into his confident good-looks. Shortly after that, however, Sakura had had the misfortune of spending years with the two of them in close-quarters.

"Ino! He's like a brother to me. A stupid dickhead of a brother. I mean, he's been getting a little better recently, but do I have to remind you _again_ about what complete and total ass-clowns he and Naruto are on a regular basis?"

"Fine, ruin my dreams, what do I care. What I wanna know is this- what are _you_ going to be doing while they're gone?"

She shook her head. "I'm not waiting around, Ino. I'm going after them."

Ino stood up in shock for a moment, though Sakura was convinced it was just part of her friend's constant act. "Say what?! From what I've heard, they went off on a ship into the _ocean_ of all things. You think you're going to be able to find them just like that?"

"Well, I have to, don't I? What would you do if Shikamaru or Chouji-" Ino made a pained face, so Sakura quickly abandoned that line of conversation, "-okay, bad example. But those two are going to get themselves _killed_ without me. You know it's true."

All of a sudden, Ino looked serious. "Sakura, listen to me. You haven't been here, so you don't know what's going on. It's been two weeks since the Third died, and no one's any closer to picking a successor, but that doesn't mean some things aren't being decided in the mean-time. The one thing everyone's sure of is that these ships coming from the outside world are _bad news._ Some of them wanna lock down the island so they avoid leaking any information on us, but some of them are saying the Daimyou is going to start looking to trade with everyone out there and we should start scouting missions right away. Either way, right now going after Naruto and Sasuke is _absolutely forbidden."_

Sakura eyed the girl across from her. "You going to stop me?"

"Hell no!"

"Then I don't see the problem. If no one's Hokage yet, then nothing's going to stick." She paused, taking a drink of her tea and relishing in her friend's frustration. "So, who's in the running?"

Apparently growing tired of her earlier dramatic stand, Ino sat down again and resumed sipping her drink as well. "Who _isn't_ in the running, that's the real question. Ignoring the no-names who think they're the reincarnation of the Fourth or something, there's really three options being considered seriously. First, your teacher, Kakashi. Most of the Jounin stand behind him, even if he doesn't like it."

Sakura nodded. It made sense that they'd push him into the race. "Who else?"

"Second is Jiraiya, who returned to help out during the chaos."

Sakura couldn't help it. She laughed out loud. "Wait, who's pushing for _Jiraiya_ of all people?"

"It's the village council," replied Ino, "Apparently he's threatening self-exile if they go through with it, but they still haven't taken it off the table. Now, I'm actually getting this info from my dad, but I get the feeling they don't want Jiraiya at all and they're just pushing for him 'cause they know he won't take the position, which lets them delay the nomination."

This caused no small amount of confusion for the pink-haired girl, brow furrowing as the noises of the restaurant continued around them.

"Wait… the only reason they would delay things is because they want to push a different candidate, right? But who else is there? I'm pretty sure there's nobody else who's as qualified as they are."

Ino grinned, revealing her juicy news as if she was personally responsible for it. "Okay, so, have you heard about the coastal raids? Well, I guess you wouldn't have if you just got back. So, for some reason, the eastern coasts of Fire are one of the places that ships from the outside are arriving, right? But Hidden Mist is attacking some of ships that would otherwise be reaching our ports, taking cargo, prisoners, and making us look kind of weak in the process."

"Okay… so they're not attacking us, but it's close… and no one's doing anything about it because we don't have a leader?" asked Sakura.

"No one's _doing_ anything about it because everyone's got a different idea on what we should be doing! Take away the Mist attacks and suddenly these outsiders are landing at our ports left and right. Kakashi and Jiraiya think it's inevitable, and they're assuming the Daimyou's going to push for scouting missions and trade with the outside."

As Ino spoke, Sakura took a deep breath and sighed. "Ah… so the council wants someone who'll be against that. So they're looking for… what, a hardliner? An isolationist? I don't think there's anyone like that left in the running, right? All the really powerful Jounin looked up to the Third… wait, you said there was a third choice, didn't you?"

Now even Ino seemed a little uncomfortable. "Yeah… the third choice isn't even really a Hokage at all. I don't even know what they're thinking. The elders keep bringing up the idea of electing a triumvirate of well-respected Jounin as interim rulers. Sort of a 'Hokage Council.'"

Sakura blinked. That was just about the strangest idea she'd ever heard. "They're that desperate to keep out foreign influences? Who would they choose? Kakashi's obviously going to be on there…"

"Yeah, that's just the thing. As soon as they started pushing it, the Hyuuga clan leader Hiashi suddenly jumped in out of nowhere and started getting interested."

"Wait… wait, the Hyuuga?" asked Sakura. "Dont they, like, _never_ get involved with politics outside of their clan?"

"I know, I know, I don't know why, but I'm just telling you what I heard. Frankly, I think Hiashi is exactly the kind of person the elders are looking for, but they also know no one would support him as Hokage without someone like Kakashi or Shikamaru's dad to work alongside him. Sakura, this place is _crazy_ right now, and there's no way you're going to get support to go after your two wayward boys." Ino looked right into her eyes. "You need help, girl. I'm _worried_ about you going out there on your own, alright?"

Sakura stared carefully across the table. "Is that you offering to come with me?"

"Honey, I'd _love_ to come with you on your fool's errand across the ocean, but I just signed a lease on my new apartment, and I can't walk away from something like that. Finally- away from my parents! Oh, yeah, _so sweet_!"

Sakura chuckled and shook her head as Ino's train of thought derailed the serious conversation. "Okay, fair enough, I didn't really expect-"

"Besides-" interrupted Ino, "I'm _kinda_ sort of maybe dating a couple guys right now, and…" she paused for just a tiny moment. "Come on! Aren't you going to ask me about it?!"

"No," said Sakura.

Ino flicked her hair back. "Psh… whatever…" she paused, then seemed to remember something. "OH! You should ask Hinata!"

Sakura was stunned by the sudden and unexpected suggestion. "What? The Hyuuga girl in Team Eight? I barely know her- why would she say yes?"

Now Ino was incensed, her gaze intense to the point that flames seemed to be leaping from her eyes. "Because she's totally got the hots for Naruto and it's super pathetic! And cute! _Patheticute_!"

Sakura just stared, mouth hanging open at the storm of Ino she'd just been subjected to.

"Wait, you really think that's a good enough reason to ask her to leave the country with me?"

"Hey, honey, don't diss the power of a woman's love, alright? Look, for what It's worth, I think she'll agree in a heartbeat. Not like anyone else would say yes. What with the Hokage situation being what it is and her normal family problems on top of that, I _know_ she needs a vacation. Whether _she_ knows it or not..."

As their conversation slowly wound to a close, Sakura agreed to give the idea of approaching Hinata some thought, which seemed to satisfy her friend's wishes. However, just before they parted, Ino turned around one last time with a twinkle in her eyes and a merry, musical tone to her voice.

"Oh! And Sakura! Don't forget that hot guys from out-of-town are perfect fling material!"

Sakura didn't know what to say to that, so she didn't say anything at all, just waving as she turned to leave.

* * *

Hyuuga Hinata sat in the forests of Konoha, watching the world change around her. Harnessing the power of the Byakugan, she could adjust her vision to see for miles in any direction, so long as she knew where to look. With a flick of her sight she could see to her family's compound, two miles away, where her younger sister, Hanabi, was training with Neji to become worthy of inheriting the clan.

With another adjustment of her sight, she could see her father heading in for another meeting at the Academy as he continued to push for a position on the Hokage Council. The meeting itself was being held in a room that was shielded from her sight, but she knew what would be happening in there. She had heard her father speak of it often enough.

" _We can no longer afford to stay removed from the politics of Konoha. After the destruction of the Uchiha, we must reinforce our legacy in a manner that makes it clear to all just how integral the Hyuuga have been to the history of Konoha. For that, we must have a place at the bargaining table, and that requires strength."_

 _He turned to her._

" _We require a strong heir to guarantee that strength. Other powerful forces must know that if something were to happen to me, then power will quickly transfer to someone ruthless enough to punish the transgressors. That is why you will be assisting your younger sister in her training."_

With another flick, she looked back to Neji and Hanabi. They had finished sparring, and her sister was breathing heavily, struggling to stand. Then, Neji turned, Byakugan active, to look at her. It wasn't actually necessary for him to turn, but clearly he wanted her to know that he could see her. Even two miles away, she felt a shiver run up her spine.

 _She had finally reached the zone. Every step was solid, every turn of her wrist perfect, and every one of Neji's feints were ignored. Finally, she created an opening in his defense. She had forced him to jump, and he would be landing just a half-second too late to stop her from taking advantage of the error. When his feet touched ground, she swept them out from under him, removing all leverage from the blow. He fell to the floor, and she was there, her palm flashing down to his-_

 _She hesitated, and his hand shot out, grabbing her outstretched palm and pulling, planting his foot in her solar plexus as he did so. With a roll and a kick he sent her flying across the dojo where she barely avoided collapsing to her knees, fighting for a breath that wouldn't come. He would be punishing her for her mistake with a fierce attack-_

 _Only, he hadn't. He had turned and was walking to the door._

" _I can no longer train you," he said, slipping back into his indoor shoes._

" _Wait!" she cried out, but she had no breath for anything else. Even that protest was weak._

 _Despite that, he did wait. He stopped, turning his head slightly._

" _I'll never understand you," he said. "You had a chance to avoid my fate, but you threw it away. Not for a person, nor a principle, nor even a love, but just because you were afraid to push further."_

 _For a moment, he seemed like he would say more, but then he shook his head and walked out the door._

In the forest, Hinata waited for Neji to adjust his gaze before she relaxed.

Neji didn't understand. Her father didn't understand. To hear them speak you would think she had never been out on a mission before. She'd been fighting for _years_. She'd hurt- and even killed- others in pursuit of victory and in defense of her teammates. Did they think she had just stayed out of every battle? Despite its name, the Gentle Fist style was anything but gentle to its victims, and its use could easily become fatal.

But how could she justify going all-out in fights against her friends and family?

As Hinata watched, something else came to her attention. Her gaze adjusted slightly. Naruto's team-member, Sakura, had returned to the village and was approaching the Hyuuga clan compound. The pink-haired girl had the look of almost unpleasant determination that meant she was on the war-path.

The two of them had never really interacted all that much, but it was always tough to talk around the other girl. Hinata even remembered a small period where she had been irrationally jealous of Sakura for being chosen as Naruto's team-mate.

Similarly, there had been a longer period when she had been angry at Sakura for being so demeaning to her team-mates, but maturity (and some time spent on the same team as Kiba) had made her realize that this was just Sakura's attempt to blend in with Naruto and Sasuke, becoming one of the guys. In reality, Sakura seemed to care pretty deeply about the two of them.

It was still tough to talk with her without stepping on conversational land-mines, though.

Sakura stopped a Hyuuga Chuunin outside the gates and had a hurried conversation with him. The other Hyuuga listened, seeming to consider her words, and then activated his Byakugan. Moments later he pointed in Hinata's direction out in the forests and Sakura thanked him, already turning her way.

Hmm…

Landing lightly from the trees, Hinata decided to see what was going on.

* * *

Shortly after meeting the girl, Hinata was already regretting her decision.

"I'll be blunt," said Sakura, "I need to know if you're interested in Naruto."

Oh. It was going to be one of _those_ conversations.

Meeting her eyes, Hinata fought to contain a rising blush, but she found she couldn't quite speak.

"Alright," said Sakura, "I'll take that as a yes."

The Hyuuga girl struggled to deny and demur in a way that wasn't insulting, but Sakura interrupted her first.

"Frankly, I think that's a mistake," she said.

Huh?

"What… what are you saying?" asked Hinata.

Sakura crossed her arms over her chest, frowning at the blue-haired girl. "I'm saying that Naruto is a bad choice for someone like you. He's crass, he's immature, he's tactless, and he's generally irresponsible. If someone like you gets involved with him then he'll walk right over you unless you're willing to stand up for yourself, which- from what I hear- you aren't. Not to mention, you clearly don't know anything about him. Neither of you would work out for each other."

As Sakura continued to speak, Hinata's embarrassment slowly transformed into a growing irritation until she could feel the blood pumping through her veins. This was it. This was the last straw. She finally couldn't take this anymore. Her fists clenching and unclenching, she spoke without hesitation.

"How _dare_ you! You come here and say these things without even knowing anything about me! I know what you've heard—I'm a fainting flower who backs down from any challenge, but that's wrong! You _know_ what it takes to survive as a ninja, and I've fought for every second of my life!"

"Hinata, I'm-"

"No! You're being _shallow_! People see me give up something that they would take in a second and they think I'm just being weak, but none of them ever stop to consider that I might just want a different life! You think it's easier to just give up on the things my father wanted from me? My life would have been a _hundred_ -times less painful if I had given in and become someone I didn't want to be!"

"Hinata, you don't-"

"And I'm sorry, but you're being unfair to your teammates as well! I _know_ they're boys! I _know_ they're immature and inconsiderate! But boys can grow into men, and there are things inside them that won't ever go away! I see something inside of Naruto and I think it's worth giving him a chance to nurture it! I won't tell you what to think of them, but I also won't stand for you coming up to me and-"

"HINATA! I'M SORRY!" shouted Sakura, breaking her out of her angry rant.

"You—what?"

Sakura had both hands raised in front of her, a grin on her face that very clearly said that she was trying not to laugh. Despite that, she bowed deeply, clapping her hands together in apology.

"I am _so_ sorry! I didn't think I'd be touching a nerve- I just didn't know what kind of person you were, and I needed to know if your thing for Naruto was just a silly crush, or if there was something more to it. It was just a dumb test- I don't know you, and I'm sorry for hitting on something that's clearly been bothering you in your life as well."

"So, then… you mean…?" The blush, which had earlier been replaced by irate fury, now began fighting back, her pale cheeks a battlefield rapidly filling with blood.

Sakura giggled, then stopped herself. "I'm-heh… I'm actually truly sorry about that. I went too far. I'll make it up to you, I swear! Naruto and Sasuke are really important to me, and I think I see some of the same things you do."

Now she laughed for real, failing to contain her amusement. "Though- apparently my eyes aren't as sharp as yours!"

Mentally reviewing what she had just said, Hinata suddenly felt like dying on the spot. Covering her face with her hands, she struggled to compose herself, irritation flooding back into her voice. "That's not _fair_! You can't just do that! I didn't even… " With a shocked breath, she removed her hands, staring right at the other girl, "You CAN'T tell him about this!"

Sakura collapsed back against a tree, laughing and laughing.

* * *

After things had calmed down a bit, Sakura was eager to explain what she wanted.

"When I talked to Naruto's master, Jiraiya, he said that the toads Naruto summons have been telling him some pretty disturbing things. I think Naruto and Sasuke are in danger out there, and I'm planning to go after them-"

"I'm going with you," interrupted Hinata, without thinking.

"I… I didn't actually invite you yet…"

Hinata shook her head, clearing it of all of the intrusive thoughts of responsibilities and consequences of her actions. Whatever happened to her, it would be happening to Team 7 as well. "I'm going with you."

"Alright then!" exclaimed Sakura, grinning at the sudden turn things had taken. "I guess that makes things simple! You'll be doing me a big favor here, so against my better judgement I'll help you with Naruto. Or maybe, help Naruto with you, I suppose."

"Wha- Really?"

"Of course I will," she said, a confident grin on her face. "There's just one condition."

"...Yes?"

Sakura chuckled. "I've seen how you act around him, and I can't afford to have you passing out from sparkling admiration whenever he speaks to you. I mean, can you imagine the two of you crammed into a boat or whatever for weeks at a time while we head back to the village? _I_ can, and it kind of pisses me off thinking about it. That means it's going to be story-time."

"...story time?" she asked, desperately fighting the imagery in her head as she looked back at the other girl with a wary gaze.

"Exactly," said Sakura, turning to walk back toward the village, "I guess I've become something like a big sister to those two, and I take my responsibilities very seriously. In this case, that means knocking your crush off that pedestal you've put him on. Let's see if you can stay in awe of him after hearing about the time he got his tongue frozen to the rear end of the golden Buddha in Aomori…"

* * *

A long walk and a couple of laughter-strewn hours later, Sakura returned to her room to retrieve her gear. As she did, she made a few additions to her letter, ending it with:

 _PS._

 _Looks like I might have some help after all._

Then, after another thought, she added on a little something else to remind them of her.

* * *

A/N: Reminder. Not a romance. They're coming along because I want them to kick some ass. Not saying _nothing's_ going to happen, but we're not doing a genre shift here, and I'm not growing any citrus trees except the mikan groves on the ship.

I may have taken some slight liberties with chakra reinforcement, adding explosive physical strengthening to go with explosive chakra fists, but I'm not sure. Regardless, it's a slight buff at the worst and I don't think it's a broken one so I'm just going to go with it. To round off her normal medical ninjutsu and chakra fist techniques she is also capable of using small-to-mid-scale earth jutsu, specializing in quick and precise applications.


	45. Crushing Rock and Flowing Water

**-Two Weeks Later-**

A tremendous ship bulled its way through the waves, and Haruno Sakura stood at its prow. A News Coo had just delivered the recent updates, and she was the first to intercept the delivery, the rest of the crew having long since learned the foolishness of trying to fight her for it. The news was for a nearby island known as 'Water-7' and it was filled with recent events from the island, both important and… less so.

Some place called Enies Lobby had fallen into the ocean, which sounded pretty bad. There had been a break-in at the Water-7 Naval History Museum's exhibit on Gold Roger, which was only amusing to her in that it was supposedly relevant to her current shipmates. Some big-shot in the service of some pirate named 'Whitebeard' had been spotted around Water-7, and this was apparently cause for concern. Finally, a World Noble was taking a sightseeing tour of the nearby islands, but was not expected to arrive at Water-7 at any time in the near future.

Oddly enough, this last piece of news seemed to be written with more worry and warning than the news of a potentially dangerous pirate being in the area. People must not be fond of the nobility here.

Lots of news, but up until now she had had little luck finding the information she was looking for.

This time, however, she got lucky.

Trembling, she gripped the newly-arrived bounty papers in her gloved hands, feeling a wistful rage pass through her like a summer rainstorm. Breathing deep, that was the key. Breathe in… Breathe out…

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"Copy Ninja" Uchiha Sasuke: B100,000,000

WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE

"One Man Army" Uzumaki Naruto: B200,000,000

How long had it been, thought Sakura. _Three WEEKS_?! She had always joked that she was the only person keeping those two from doing something so horrible that the village would finally have them killed, but this was _ridiculous_.

In Sasuke's portrait he looked grim and listless, his tired face set against a featureless grey background that might have been a prison wall. Naruto, however, had been caught out in the open, looking over his shoulder in an all-out sprint, his face still covered with the remnants of red and white grease-paint. Was that _seriously_ the best picture they could get of him? Why did he always manage to have that damn stuff on his face whenever someone wanted to take his picture?! And the _names_!

" _Copy Ninja?!_ " she grit out. "Who the hell does that arrogant prick think he is?!"

Cursing, Sakura wrung her fingers, barely restraining herself from tearing their bounty posters up into little pieces. As she did so, she uncovered another leaflet inserted with the recent bounties.

"The Straw-Hat Pirates," she read, "recently escaped Marine custody and were last seen in the vicinity of Water-7."

' _Well,'_ thought Sakura, ' _Sorry, all you potential bounty hunters... If you want their heads you'll have to beat me there first.'_

Her thoughts were interrupted by a shrill voice from behind her.

"What did you just say about the 'Straw-Hat Pirates?!'"

She winced. The blue-haired man's voice sounded like a hoarse screech even when he thought he was speaking conversationally. Slowly, Sakura turned around, not even bothering to remove the irritation on her face which made the man who was approaching her cringe back slightly.

"Why, Captain Buggy," she said, her voice deceptively pleasant, "I was just thinking I needed to speak to you. The new bounty postings arrived, and it looks like I finally found what I was looking for."

The gaudily-dressed clown looked at her nervously, his nose wrinkling underneath the round red ball that covered it. "Found what you were looking for, huh? Wait, lemme see those other postings."

Now smiling, Sakura handed the rest of them over, keeping the two for her friends. As the man leafed through the papers in his hands, he made grunts and squeaks of anger and indignation, his face twitching about as he did so. "THREE-HUNDRED-AND-FIFTY-MILLION BELI?! THAT'S OUTRAGEOUS! What did he even _do?!_ Steal the _moon?!"_

Against her better judgement, Sakura had to ask. "Who are you talking about?"

Buggy continued shuffling rapidly through the papers, seeming not to have heard her. "They have a _reindeer too?!_ Still making fun of my nose, are you?! SCREW YOU, RUDOLPH!"

"HEY!" shouted Sakura, slamming her shoe into the deck with a force that cracked the wood. "What do you know about the Straw-Hat Pirates?"

Buggy started, surprised by her sudden demand. "Wha- I- It's none of your damned business how they kicked me in the crotch, stuffed me in a ball, and blasted me off to an unknown island, so keep your nose to yourself, lady!"

If something that Buggy had said bothered him, he didn't show it. Sakura shook her head, growing more and more depressed at the state of sanity and reason outside her homeland.

"Well," she said, crossing her arms across her chest, "It just so happens that I'm looking for the Straw-Hats, too. Do you know of a place called Water-7?"

"Water-7?" asked Buggy, anger suddenly dropping from his face. "Huh… that brings me back… Yeah, I spent a while there waiting on a new ship. They're a bunch of shipbuilders, and Roger needed the very best. Anyone who knows anything about the Grand Line buys an Eternal Pose for there just in case, and I bet we're getting pretty close already. Why?"

Sakura held up the paper insert in front of her. "According to this, the Straw-Hats were last seen near Water-7. I want to go there."

Buggy suddenly looked nervous. "Lady, I really don't feel like running into the Straw-Hats right now—" he stopped himself when he saw Sakura's brow furrow, "Uh- that is- look, I've seen a lot of bounties, and I can tell you that the very first thing a guy's gonna do when his bounty gets jacked up to the clouds is disappear, alright? They're not gonna be anywhere near Water-7 any more."

Sakura's glare turned cold. Buggy hastened to continue damage control.

"Besides! The only reason someone'd go to Water-7 is if they needed their ship to be fixed! Ever since we signed you and your friend on as help, we've been breezing through the Grand Line, no problem." He gave the bulwark a hearty slap. "See? Ship-shape! No problems here! We even managed to make off with some pieces of that golden bell we heard about on Jaya, which means we're loaded! So, how about it? Stay on as crewmembers and I'll give you both a raise!"

The temperature dropped further.

"...Two raises?" he asked, holding up a pair of fingers.

Sakura closed her eyes. "You _know_ why we're out here, and you know what our terms were…"

Suddenly, Buggy seemed to find some confidence. "Despite what you may think, lady, the Grand Line will chew up and spit out anyone who isn't familiar with it. I practically grew up here, so like it or not you're stuck with us, and as captain of the Big Top _I_ say there's no way we're going to Water-7!"

Slowly, Sakura turned on her heel and walked away, gazing around at the carnival-themed ship they were sailing on. "That's a shame, Buggy. A damn shame. This ship of yours is so very… unique… and it would be so terrible if anything happened to it." As she spoke, she walked down a nearby ramp, step after step, from the upper decks of the tremendous vessel. "A ship's just a bunch of wood, after all. You've got a lion on-board, and people who breathe fire… It's really incredible you haven't suffered serious damages already. Oops."

At the final word, she brought her foot down heavily on the thick oaken timbers. With a terrible cracking and splintering, a chunk of the deck- bulwark included- tore from the side of the ship to topple into the waves on the starboard side.

Buggy's jaw dropped, and his eyeballs bugged out as he started stammering in shock. Sakura just stood at the edge of the devastation, surveying her work.

"Ah, sorry about that. I suppose I just tripped." With that, she turned back towards Buggy and gave him a beatific smile. "Guess we need to go to Water-7 to get this fixed, huh?"

Buggy screamed in rage. "You BITCH!" he shouted, storming past her to the below-deck entrances. "You're not going to get away with this! You think you're so smart—you think you've got _everything_ covered, but there's one thing you didn't think of!" Reaching the deckside door to the main animal pens, he grasped the handle and threw it wide open, "-and that's what my crew is going to think about this!"

Inside, Mohji the beast-tamer and his trained lion Richie were sitting with Hinata. Richie was lying down with his belly exposed to Hinata's attention as Mohji watched with a big smile on his face.

"Wow," exclaimed the blue-haired girl, "He _really_ likes his tummy-rubs, doesn't he? Don't you, Richie!"

Richie made a whining growl, stretching out even further on the floor as Mohji spoke up for him. "I think he likes you, too. He doesn't let just anyone touch his belly. It says really good things about you when an animal likes you, you know? Cause, like, they _know..._ you know?" he added meaningfully.

Buggy's mouth remained open, his face frozen in an expression of irate indignation, but he said nothing. He could just feel Sakura's presence looming behind him. Still, it wasn't Sakura who spoke next. A voice surprised him from the shadows just inside the doorway.

"Captain Buggy," said Kabaji, his most trusted staff-member, "Just what was that disturbance just now?"

Buggy collected himself. Kabaji would listen to him, surely. "Our new _doctor,_ Sakura, tore off a chunk of the ship and is demanding that we go to Water-7, that's what."

Kabaji leaned forward from his lounging position against the wall and glanced toward the doorway where Sakura was standing like a small, female fortress. "How presumptuous of her. I haven't yet had to engage her in combat, but I'd be more than happy to teach her to mind her manners…"

As Sakura adjusted her stance, Hinata spoke up. "You found them?" she asked, and Sakura nodded in response. Smiling, Hinata stood up and turned to Kabaji. He met her white, focused stare with difficulty. "Oh, mister Kabaji, _please?_ It's alright, isn't it? We're both so desperate to see our friends, and I'm sure she just got excited…?"

Blushing, Kabaji stammered out an uncomfortable response. "Th-th-that's perfectly understandable! I'm sure I'd-uh- I'd do something like that myself in her situation!"

Stepping just the slightest bit closer, Hinata looked up at the taller man as Sakura closed her eyes and stifled a snort of laughter.

"So... so it's alright?" asked the blue-haired girl.

"O-of course!" he replied.

Sometimes, Buggy wondered what he had done to deserve his life.

Sometimes, he feared that the answer was 'everything'.

* * *

 **-One Day Later-**

 **-Water-7-**

 **-Middle Tier-**

The parting with the Buggy Pirates had been… tearful, though for many different reasons. Although they had repairs to make, it appeared that Captain Buggy wasn't very eager to hang around an island that was soon going to be infested with bounty-hunters.

The two young kunoichi, however, had no such concerns. They had no bounties, and they wandered through the beautiful city underneath overcast skies, gradually finding their way to the middle tier of the fountain-shaped island. Finally they no longer had to deal with a circus-themed crew lurking all around them, which meant the two of them could talk freely.

"I swear I don't understand you sometimes," said Sakura, though she was grinning as she said it. "I mean, you're barely able to _talk_ around Naruto, but _that?_ That was shameless flirting if I've ever seen it."

Hinata blushed, the color easily reaching her pale cheeks that had gained some scattered freckles from the constant exposure to the ship-board sun. Early on in their trip, Hinata had demurred every time the topic of Naruto was brought up, but consistent pressure over the last couple of weeks had left the girl unable to even feign denial any longer.

"Well… when would you really have seen me except when you were with Naruto…?" asked Hinata. "I'm not exactly comfortable with it, but Kiba and Shino aren't really…"

"They never seemed very sociable, right. So, what, this is your teacher's influence?"

"Kurenai… she's amazing," said Hinata, dropping her eyes to the cobblestones as they crossed another of Water-7's numerous white bridges. "She's everything I'd want to be, and she really pushed me to learn to be better at the… social side of things. Even if I'm not too good at it."

Hinata paused for a moment as they continued to walk through the busy city streets, giving Sakura a chance to respond. "I don't know, that looked like a good job to me."

"Thank you. But… if Naruto and Sasuke are really such… boys, like you were saying, don't you have to cover that side of things as well? You're really pretty, so I thought…"

All of a sudden, Sakura choked on nothing, then pretended to clear her throat instead. Images of Naruto transforming into a busty blonde came unbidden to her mind. A surprisingly large number of the people they needed information from were men, so he was often the one distracting, luring, or just plain seducing their targets to aid the mission. Until this very moment she'd never once felt like his sexy shenanigans were something that she had even needed to compete with, but... Surely it wasn't her fault, right? Surely _no one_ could compete with Naruto's shamelessness, right?

"I- uh- I do handle a lot of the talking, it's true, but…" Sakura chuckled nervously. "I guess our team never really worked all that hard on that angle. Still," she said, raising a gloved fist that she clenched in front of her, "that's only one strength a woman can bring to the team, right?"

Hinata smiled, and it seemed to brighten up the overcast day. "Right!"

Despite her ambivalent feelings on the matter, this lifted her spirits as well. It was a good mood to be in at the start of their search. "Alright, we barely know what we're looking for here, so I'm thinking we check the first taverns we see."

Hinata nodded. "Let me find one." Forming a hand seal and focusing for a second, the veins around her eyes stood out as she activated her Byakugan. She could now see a fair bit of the island in a complete sphere around her, lit up in shades of grey and white, with a burning array of chakra from the thousands of people around her. She took a few seconds to sort out what she was seeing.

"You don't happen to see Naruto or Sasuke, do you?" asked Sakura.

Hinata shook her head. "Honestly, I'm not sure I'd be able to make them out like this. This city is really dense. There are just too many people in a small area, which makes it especially hard to make out a single person. Naruto has a powerful chakra system, which makes him easy to see, so I might be able to make out with him if he were around, but I don't- what's so funny?"

Sakura had stopped to lean against a railing, chest heaving with laughter.

"Wha-What is it? What's wrong? Sakura, are you okay?"

After a moment the pink-haired girl recovered from her fit of amusement, straightening back and avoiding eye-contact. "No- no, I'm fine. I'm fine, Hinata, don't worry. Just- just glad I brought you along, that's all." She stood up, still chuckling. "Come on, we've got to keep moving. Take us to the first tavern you found, alright?"

Hinata looked dubious, but she complied, dispelling the Byakugan and leading the two of them across a number of bridges and startling a number of gondola-riders as they darted over the surface of the water from time to time. Eventually they arrived at a well-kept establishment that seemed very much like the kind of place that respectable people went when they wanted to unwind.

* * *

 **-Water-7-**

 **-Blueno's Bar-**

Blueno stood behind his bar, seemingly bored by the slow day. In reality, he was growing terribly nervous. It was increasingly apparent to him that with Rob Lucci out of action and Spandam dead, no one had any clear idea what CP9's current objective should be. Everyone was being expected to act on their own initiative, and this was a cause of some particular concern for him given that he was the only person on their roster with both freedom to act and a still-functional cover.

If he waited to act then he would retain his cover for when a new leader was decided. That said, if he waited then he would also lose his only chance to capture Cutty Flam or Nico Robin.

Blueno was uncomfortably certain that his action or inaction would decide both his fate and that of CP9's remaining members.

Two young women covered by traveler's cloaks stepped into his bar on that slow and dreary day, and Blueno gave them an appraising eye as they approached. He could tell people that were coming in for information a mile away. Still, his persona as bar-owner was accommodating and a bit of a pushover, so he always made sure to act accordingly.

"Meeeeh," he bleated, "I don't know that I feel comfortable serving two young ladies. It's safe here, but you're a bit _too_ young for this place, I think."

The pink-haired one reached beside her, grabbing a pint of the local brew from the sturdy dockworker sitting there and against his half-hearted objections, proceeded to down the entire mug in just a few seconds before slamming it back down and tossing a few coins across the way to replace the drink. Blueno watched this with an inward surprise that, for once, matched the well-practiced look of shock he put on his face.

"Alright then, I can take a hint," he said, looking between the two of them. The blue-haired one looked a bit embarrassed at her friend's lack of delicacy, which was interesting. Her eyes were white and featureless, suggesting that she might be blind. "You're looking for something. What can I do for you?"

"Well, that makes things quicker," said the lead girl. She slapped two bounty posters onto the table.

Ah, so that's what this was about.

"We're looking for these two," she said, eyes locked on his.

Blueno held eye-contact for a moment, then let it drop. "Getting involved with criminals?" he asked, "Somehow I don't think you two pretty flowers are bounty hunter material..."

"The truth might surprise you," she responded, her smile fixing in place slightly as she did so. "Answer the question, or you'll find out a little more than you're bargaining for."

Blueno took a step backward, feigning fear. It was easy to pretend to humble yourself when you knew that you were the strongest person on the entire island, possibly barring a few of the Straw-Hats.

Now, the blue-haired girl interrupted, "Please, sir," she said, "We're very experienced with this sort of thing, and if we can learn what we're looking for here then we can avoid hunting in any seedier places. It'd be a great help to us."

The old good-cop, bad-cop routine, huh? It can be pretty effective, but it wasn't going to work on a government secret agent. Blueno pretended to think that over, then glanced down to the bounty sheets. Then he took another glance, eyes widening slightly. It was the two ninjas that had been part of Straw-Hat's entourage.

"So you _do_ know them," stated the pink-haired one.

"Meeeh, no, I'm just surprised to see you hunting such a large bounty. You think the Straw-Hats are still here? Why are you going after just these two?"

"Because I think I can kick their asses," she said, crossing her arms underneath her cloak, "Have you seen them or not?"

Blueno thought about this for a moment. The Straw-Hats were currently laying low in housing provided by the mayor, Iceburg, in thanks for their actions on Water-7. He knew this for certain, given that he'd been spying on them for the last couple of days.

"No, I'm afraid I haven't heard anything about these two," he said. After a moderate pause, during which the two girls looked to each other, Blueno amended his statement. "Actually, I did hear something about two kids wreaking havoc down in the lower ring near the junkyard. That area was hit hard by Aqua Laguna. Heard they were doing some crazy stuff down there, maybe Devil Fruits involved."

"When did you hear this, and how can we get there?" asked the blue-haired girl.

"Meeeh, just this morning, and I can give you directions if you really insist."

Before long, Blueno had given the ladies directions to one of the more isolated parts of the island. Once they had left, he turned to a hulking man who was covered with tattoos and scars sitting at one of the nearby tables. "Suzie! Could you keep an eye on the bar for half an hour? Some business came up!"

The unfortunately-named Suzie gave him a thumbs-up then downed his current glass in a huge gulp. Suzie could handle things. He'd take a couple of free drinks for himself, but he'd keep others away. Nobody who knew what was good for them messed with Suzie.

With that, Blueno stepped into the back, grabbing a thick coat and a full-faced mask from one of his secret stockpiles. Concealing himself, he stepped up in front of an open area. When he spoke, his voice was deep and confident.

 **[DOOR-DOOR: AIR-DOOR]**

A door opened in the air itself, and he stepped inside. Now that he was ensconced inside his own personal dimension, he stepped out of the building and began to jog to his destination. Passing vague outlines of the city and its purple around him as if they were smoke figurines, he had a completely uninterrupted trip to his destination.

Those two weren't just hunting another bounty, he was sure of it. They were related to the Straw-Hats somehow, and he would take that information from them, one way or another.

It wasn't until he had gotten half-way to his destination that he began to grow puzzled. Assuming the two girls hadn't deviated from the directions he had given, he should have caught up to them by now. By following them and silently observing he had hoped to get a read on their motives. His was one of the best spying tools in CP9's arsenal, after all. Inside this personal dimension he was completely invisible to his target.

Nevertheless, he didn't catch up to the two until the point he had given them directions for. Somehow they had matched or exceeded his speed.

Silently, he approached, stalking around the two of them as he watched them look around the nearly abandoned warehouse lot. They seemed ready for combat, but they were naive indeed if they had believed they would find the two bounties at the very place he had suggested they start looking.

The two were talking to each other, but he couldn't make out the words. The one downside to this technique was that he couldn't make out speech, and his visual fidelity was too low to read lips. Other than viewing them, he couldn't interact with the real world at all.

Oh? That was odd. The blue-haired girl had done something unusual to her eyes. He made another tentative circle around her before coming up to her face and then backing off. The girl simply stayed with her stance at the ready in the pose of a martial artist's. Her eyes remained focused on nothing at all, with no reaction to his approach other than to continue talking to her friend.

Satisfied, he slipped into a nearby warehouse and prepared to begin eavesdropping. Opening a door in the air, he stepped down into the real world. He closed the door without a sound and then the wall in front of him exploded as the pink-haired girl burst through the wall with a shower of debris and the sound of tearing metal. Shocked, he engaged his Tekkai, freezing in place as he became as hard as iron, and then the girl struck him in the chest with a gloved fist. To his surprise, he was sent hurtling backward through the opposite wall, feeling a sting where she had hit him.

Climbing out of a pile of masonry, he swiped his massive arm to clear the dust from the air around him. She had disappeared. Frowning, he opened another door and quickly stepped inside, just barely avoiding a devastating heel-strike from above that shattered the concrete below him.

Alright, he was safe again. Time to consider his options.

These two had detected him the instant he had left his personal dimension, so clearly they were more experienced than they had appeared. The element of surprise had been lost, but he still had some things he wanted to try.

Striding off through a series of walls, he walked back out into the open area until he was at least a hundred feet from the two. Then, he opened a door and called out to them, his deep voice obscured by his full-face bear mask.

"Good afternoon," he said, "I suppose you're wondering-"

"Take off the damn mask, barkeep! We know it's you!" the pink-haired girl called back in return, walking out from behind the warehouse she had nearly destroyed. "You're the first and only place we visited."

"Hmm… What strange fortune," he murmured, then removed the mask. "You can call me Blueno."

"Sakura and Hinata. I don't suppose you're here to show us to our destination."

"Correct. I have nothing else to add except to say that _when_ you decide you are willing to tell me everything you know about the Straw-Hats, I will let you live."

He was lying, of course. Letting them live would just be foolish at this point. Still, that said, he opened another door and stepped inside. As he did so, there was an explosion just outside his door, and a blast of hot air rushed past him through the closing hinge.

It was apparently dangerous to use his abilities in front of these two.

Once again, the world was enveloped in a muffled silence. Swimming down below the ground, he lurked underneath Sakura and prepared to open a pit-trap underneath her feet. At the last second she jumped away, and the door attack was evaded. Landing lightly to the side, Sakura slammed her fist into the earth, creating a crater that did absolutely no damage to him as he closed the door.

Still, Blueno was stunned. That couldn't possibly be a reaction to his appearance, or else she'd be one of the most alert people alive. Did that mean they had some way to watch him inside his door dimension? That made the technique almost entirely useless!

He turned to watch the other combatant who had stayed mostly out of the fight so far. It had to be her doing this. Hinata, the girl he had thought was blind, was watching him carefully, likely relaying information about his position.

Still inside his air door, he retreated until he was a block away from them, separated by several buildings. Stepping out into the real world again, he took a runner's sprinting position. Let's see how she deals with an attack that's too fast to see.

 **[SORU] - [GEPPOU] – [SHIGAN]**

Kicking off of the ground a dozen times in an instant, he flew across the sky and then kicked off of the air itself, landing directly behind Hinata. A single piercing strike with an extended finger drilled into her shoulder. The girl opened her mouth in shock from the pain, then disappeared to be replaced by a large sandbag that was leaking rapidly from the brutal attack.

What-?

Sakura was there an instant later, readying another one of her destructive punches, but Blueno declined to be hit.

 **[KAMI-E]**

Moving like paper in the wind, Blueno evaded her strike by whipping his torso to the side.

"ORA-ORA-ORA-ORA-ORA-ORA!" She roared, striking over and over with increasing speed as he continued to dodge. Barely noticed in the storm of attacks, she kicked the ground, the motion somehow sending a spire of stone erupting from underneath to slam straight into his crotch.

 **[TEKKAI]**

He took the below-the-belt hit with a wince, then retaliated.

 **[SHIGAN]**

He shot another deadly finger-strike at the over-extended young lady. The attack moved like lightning, but Sakura moved faster, catching his finger in one gloved fist.

"Nice try, barkeep, but I've seen that trick enough times from my teacher," she said, then she moved to break his finger with a twist of her powerful wrist. Blueno immobilized his entire hand, his finger becoming harder than a steel rod just in time for him to feel an unpleasant wrenching sensation. He'd feel a sprain from this later, he was sure.

One foot rose in a kick, slashing the entire area in front of him with a blade of force, and Sakura was forced to let go, somersaulting backward before she landed lightly thirty feet from him.

Momentarily separated, Blueno considered his opponents. These must be more of those 'ninjas,' and it looks as though they're just as tricky as his information suggested. Still, though the fight was much tougher than he had expected, he knew they'd run out of tricks soon enough. Then, his depth of experience in dealing with shocking new abilities would rapidly turn the tide against these much younger warriors.

Blueno scanned the area with flicks of his eyes, but he still couldn't see the other girl, Hinata.

"You're pretty tough," said Sakura, giving him an appraising eye, "But somehow I don't think you're that sturdy naturally."

Blueno kept scanning the area, looking for anything out of place. "I have trained in the Six Techniques. My specialty is in Tekkai, the superhuman art of muscle control to harden my skin and body to supernatural levels."

"Oh, really?" asked Sakura, and then she glanced over his shoulder, her eyes flickering to the side for just the time it took to blink.

He knew he shouldn't, but he spun around anyway. It was a feint- no one was behind him. Sensing the girl's incoming attack, he immediately kicked off the ground to jump directly away from melee range.

 **[SORU - TEKKAI]**

He hit the wall behind him at high speeds, trusting in his invincibility as he smashed through the stones into a different warehouse. Landing on his feet, he skidded backwards, twisting to face his earlier opponent.

Sakura hadn't followed him. She was standing at his previous location, feet firmly planted on the ground with her arms crossed as she stared at him through the Blueno-shaped hole in the wall.

Before he had even finished skidding backwards, Hinata landed as lightly as a feather from the ceiling beams behind him. He was ready for it, turning his twisting momentum into a devastating kick that cleaved the air before him. Hinata, however, ducked underneath the blow and assumed a martial-artist's stance.

 **[HAKKE: SAN-JUU-NI-SHOU]**

 **[EIGHT TRIGRAMS: THIRTY-TWO PALMS]**

She advanced like a breeze, striking him in the chest with two outstretched fingertips. Reflexively, he blocked the attack.

 **[TEKKAI]**

The attacks multiplied in speed and ferocity, striking his iron body with just enough force to halt his slide backwards. Still, even when the final sixteen attacks landed, it was like being pushed by an angry child.

Her pathetic combination strike finished and Blueno smirked, ready to counterattack.

Then he collapsed, all of his muscles seeming to turn to limp rubber.

Startled, he found he could barely breathe, a deep pain suffusing his entire body. He was as weak as a newborn. What had she done to him?

"Who… are… you…?" he ground out.

As Hinata watched over him, Sakura entered his field of vision to kneel down beside him.

"Oh, you don't need to know that," she said, now smiling. "Nighty-night, cowboy."

Sakura placed one glowing hand on his horned head, and then everything went black as he fell unconscious.

* * *

Sakura was finally washing her hands of this entire affair when Hinata turned to look in another direction, a sense of urgency in her stance.

"Someone was watching us during the fight," she said, having been aware of everything going on in the streets around them at all times.

Sure enough, their mystery observer approached from the shadows of a nearby street, clapping his hands together with an oddly heavy sound.

"Man, I tell ya," said the nasal-voiced man walking their way, "That was the best thing I've seen all week, and trust me, I've had a _SUPER_ week. The hardest part was not joining in to clobber him."

The voice belonged to a very large man with blue-hair, a colorful shirt that was hanging open, and a tiny pair of underpants. He was carrying a load of lumber on one shoulder balanced with various boxes of carpentry tools and materials. As Sakura watched the man's casual approach, Hinata leaned over and whispered to her.

"He's no ordinary person. He's filled with metal."

Sakura nodded, and then tilted her head to the unconscious figure beside her. "So, you know this guy?"

"Know him? Nah." The man stepped forward until he was standing across from them, but his eyes were fixed only on their fallen assailant. "In fact, the more I look at him, the more I realize he's a complete stranger to me. I mean, I sure as hell don't know any _scumbags_ who would lie in wait for years-" he kicked the bartender in the side, "-and pretend like everyone in town was their best _friend-_ " he kicked him again, "-all the while just waiting for the chance to jump out of the shadows and _betray_ everyone he knew." He walked around to the side and then planted his foot firmly in the other man's crotch before turning to face the girls once more. With one hand he raised his sunglasses- completely unnecessary in the dark- and said, "If I was friends with some loser like that my reputation would _super_ go straight down the toilet, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I think I get you," said Sakura. "So no-one needs to know if this guy goes missing, then?"

"Oh, no way," said Franky, picking up the massive man with one weirdly-shaped arm and hefting him over his unoccupied shoulder, "This fellow looks so tired that I bet he needs a looong break. In fact, even though he's a complete stranger to me, I'm feeling so _goddamn_ _generous_ this week that I think I'm gonna bring him down to meet the guys. Maybe we'll give him a nice vacation or something where no one will ever find him again, huh?"

As Franky started walking back toward the empty streets, Sakura and Hinata shared a glance and then followed along.

"So, what brings two young ladies like yourselves here to so utterly destroy one of the biggest badasses on the island?" he asked, tromping along down towards the sea-line, a load of wood on one shoulder and Blueno on the other.

"We're looking for the Straw-Hat Pirates," said Sakura, watching him carefully.

There was a momentary hitch in Franky's step, but his voice remained its usual bombastic self. "Oh? That's pretty amusing. I happen to know a few things about them. What are your names, by the way?"

"I'm Sakura, and this is Hinata."

"Oh, Sakura, huh? That's perfect. They said you might be showing up sometime soon."

"Oh, really? So they're expecting me, are they? Perfect."

* * *

The three of them proceeded to Scrap Island at a reasonable pace. Though Sakura offered to help carry either the cyborg's wooden burden or the traitorous assailant, he accepted no aid.

Eventually, they arrived at the shell of a great ship under construction that was about half-completed. Though it was still too early to tell much about what the final result would turn out to be, it was being worked over by a middle-aged man with purple hair along with a number of Naruto's clones.

Below, on the rocks by the sea, Naruto and Sasuke were sparring in an odd open-handed fighting-style, being looked over by a few assorted toads.

"Hey, guys!" shouted Franky to get everyone's attention, but Sakura was already running straight for them.

As the two boys turned to see their missing teammate, their eyes widened in shock. By the time she was halfway there, Sasuke had activated his Sharingan, and Naruto screamed in fear, forming a seal to summon a barrage of clones.

Then, Sakura was among them, colliding with the boys in a hug that brought them all to the ground.

"Ah! Holy crap!" shouted Naruto.

"Uhh, Sakura," began Sasuke, "You're kind of… crushing… my ribs!"

" _You assholes!"_ she got out, voice wavering and muffled as she spoke into the ground underneath them. " _Seriously, what the hell was that? You just leave without me and don't even say anything?! What's_ wrong _with you?!"_

Over her head, Naruto and Sasuke exchanged an awkward, guilty glance.

"Listen, Sakura," started Sasuke, "It was my idea. I… uh… I found Danzou and then I just... "

"He means we're sorry!" yelled Naruto. "It was _both_ our ideas. We just thought it was really important we go out here, you know? I'm sorry!"

" _We're_ sorry," agreed Sasuke. "It was wrong, and we'd do it differently next time."

" _You boneheads… Don't ever do that again."_

A moment passed and the two boys reached an uncertain hand around her shoulders, finally completing the embrace.

Several seconds later, Naruto chuckled from the nervous release. "Heheh… so, I guess this means you're not going to beat the crap out of us?"

" _Dammit, Naruto, don't ruin the moment. It's been more than a year. For now, just be glad to see me, alright...?"_

Both boys breathed a sigh of relief as the crushing grip slowly abated.

Then she added, " _Revenge will come when you least expect it."_


	46. Sage Wisdom

**-Two Days Earlier-**

 **-Day 1 on Water-7-**

Despite the need for a long rest, almost the very first thing that the crew had done upon arriving at Water-7 was related to business. A pirate crew couldn't stay in one place forever, even if they were still grieving their loss. Though the time it took for a Log Pose to set on Water-7 was seven days, they had managed to buy a replacement that was already pre-set. This time it wouldn't be their Log Pose that held them here.

They needed a ship finished right away, and Franky was insistent that they needed special materials first.

Franky had spent nearly a decade thinking up the kind of ship he would build if he had the chance, and in order to build his perfect creation he would need the best wood around. Treasure wood from the Treasure Tree, Adam. Resistant to flame, small-arms fire, and cannons alike, this legendary material was almost entirely controlled by the World Government.

"But here's the deal," said Franky, "There's way too much money to be made on the Black Market for this stuff, so you can always find a way _if_ you're willing to pay the price."

Franky was confident he could get them what they needed inside their budget. Nami was even more confident she could get it done for less. Usopp was feeling less and less confident about the whole business, but was determined to accompany them anyway. Usopp was wearing his black tengu mask to hide his identity while Nami had donned fashionable sunglasses, new clothes, and a different hairstyle. Franky, however, didn't actually have a bounty that anyone would recognize him under so he looked just as flamboyant as ever. The three pirates got on the train, and then the hellish conductor blew the whistle, setting them off into the blue ocean to reach a new island that Franky guaranteed them would have what they were looking for.

So it was that Naruto and Sasuke saw three of the Straw-Hats off at the Blue Station, watching as the train finished disgorging its new arrivals and took on the departing passengers. After the train had set off, Naruto started looking around the platform, restlessly pacing. "What the hell were we even here for, anyway?"

Sasuke paused, a little uncertain of where to go with this conversation. "Well, I said I needed to talk to you, and then you decided to rush after those three to see them off at the station."

"Oh, right…" Naruto frowned for a moment, then regained his composure, a shit-eating grin crawling onto his face. "Hey man, if you wanna complain about our bounties again then you can do it somewhere else, you know?"

Sasuke's eye twitched, and he bit back a curse. This whole bounty situation had been a fiasco in every way, made worse by the fact that Naruto had somehow attracted more attention than he had.

How the hell that had happened, he wasn't sure. Naruto hadn't even _done_ anything.

Regardless, Naruto had been absolutely insufferable for the last few hours. Unfortunately, it didn't change the fact that he needed to talk to his friend about leaving the village.

The arriving passengers were still thick in this area, making it a bit difficult to have a conversation. In fact, there was one big guy hanging around in a deeply-hooded cloak who seemed to be casting nervous glances their way, so it was probably best to get out of here. From now on they would need to be wary of bounty-hunters.

"Alright, have it your way," said Sasuke. "Let's go somewhere else."

They left, Naruto leading them in a direction that smelled of spices and roasting food, ducking into an alley to break notice. Once they were out the other side both of them glanced around without seeing anything suspicious, so they proceeded onwards.

"So," Sasuke said, once they had moved on, "Naruto, we need-"

"Hey, hold up a minute," Naruto interrupted, dashing into a nearby store that was selling festival memorabilia.

Sasuke sighed. It was like he was _trying_ to avoid this or something. Whatever- Naruto being difficult wasn't anything unusual. He'd stay outside the store for now. Stepping over to a bench, Sasuke sat down to consider a different question. What was that chakra he had felt during the fight with Rob Lucci?

He rubbed his neck, uncomfortably aware he had almost lost his head back there.

Really, there weren't many options when it came to the unfamiliar chakra inside him. It had to be Itachi, but it hadn't been the Tsukuyomi. So, what _had_ it been?

Actually, he had an idea right away. Maybe it was a fairly large leap of logic, but this was something he had suspected ever since he had spoken to Itachi a month ago. No one had ever found Itachi's other eye, and Sasuke could infer from the warnings he had given when they had met in the Tsukuyomi that Itachi had owned one more eye from his old friend, Shisui.

So where were the two missing eyes? Itachi had been evasive when asked, claiming that when his chakra shade had been created he hadn't yet decided what to do with them, but that had sounded suspicious even then. No, there was only one answer. The missing eyes were inside him somehow, and Itachi hadn't wanted him to know about it.

Sasuke suppressed a shudder at the thought. If people had known that he had three Mangekyou Sharingan inside of him as a child, then there was no doubt he would have been kidnapped, killed, and dissected long ago, protection of the village or not. Not destroying them had been a huge risk.

The logical answer, therefore, was that Itachi intended for the eyes to be used somehow, and it followed that he had implanted similar triggers to the ones that had already been activated.

But if that was truly what this was, then why hadn't his brother just told him what those rules were, or better yet just shown him how to access the eyes on his own? Did Itachi trust his younger brother so little that he was unwilling to give Sasuke that control even after three days of getting to know him as an adult? What, was Itachi afraid Sasuke would try to mind-control the Hokage or something?

Well, he could figure this out on his own with the information he had. Itachi had two other eyes. The Amaterasu burned its targets alive with an unending black flame, which was something that made him a little nervous, but it still sounded useful. Meanwhile, the Kotoamatsukami could be used for a more-or-less one-time-only perfect mind-control based on a given command.

Honestly, they both had their problems. Even his own fire Ninjutsu were more meant for area denial or wounding, often being survivable with medical attention, but the Amaterasu seemed like a very absolute sort of weapon. It might be useful against Akatsuki, but most opponents were best dealt with nonlethally. He couldn't imagine the hell that his life would have become if his only option had been killing every opponent with black hellfire. As for the Kotoamatsukami, it was best used on someone politically powerful, and he wasn't ever planning to return to Konoha, which meant it had been more or less useless in his life so far.

If what he had felt during Rob Lucci's attack was really a trap laid by Itachi, then that meant it was almost certainly Amaterasu, not the Kotoamatsukami. The eye would have emerged... _somehow..._ and burned the man to death if Luffy hadn't interrupted. Whether it would have happened in time to save Sasuke's life was another question entirely.

So what were the commonalities? So far he'd seen Itachi's power trigger four separate times. First, when he gained access to the eye by looking at his own fully-developed Sharingan in the mirror. Second, when he suffered from a breakdown while trying to torture Danzou inside the Tsukuyomi. Third, when he desperately wanted help while suppressing the Kyuubi. Fourth, when he had fought Lucci.

Looking back, it seemed as though these events were triggered by either things that he saw, emotions that he was feeling, or both. It was also clear that none of them had been set to activate before Sasuke had awoken the Tsukuyomi, which made some sense. Even a probable death by failing to use the Mangekyou was preferable to the certain death he'd have experienced if the truth of his eyes had been revealed as a child.

If Itachi had truly set these traps ahead of time, they had to be things he could have predicted, so he had stayed loose in his guesses. Sticking more to general threats or situations rather than specifics. He probably hadn't guessed that Sasuke would need to suppress a demon, but might have set it to help when Sasuke was desperate to control the eye. Similarly, it seemed as though the triggers couldn't recognize Sasuke's own knowledge, or subtleties such as 'Danzou as a respected Konoha leader' vs. 'Danzou as a missing-nin,' or else surely the Amaterasu would have activated when he came face-to-face with his family's murderer nearly a month ago. As far as Itachi knew, Danzou might have remained a powerful figure in Konoha, so he couldn't risk having Sasuke burn the man alive.

Okay, so that meant that the Amaterasu had probably been set to activate whenever he saw an opponent and he was sure that he was going to die.

That seemed straightforward enough. It also seemed like a fairly obvious order in retrospect.

Sasuke frowned. Something else was very clear from this, too. Whatever this was, there hadn't been a trigger set to save his best friend from death, or else he would have set that damn Admiral on fire when he had thought Naruto was dying.

Dammit, Itachi. While in hindsight he would be worse off now if he had killed the Admiral, things might not always turn out so nicely. He'd have to find a way to control the eye directly, rather than waiting for the moment when he was sure he was going to...

All of a sudden, Sasuke's eyes opened wide, a sharp intake of breath bringing in the seaside air. Wait... if it would only activate when he thought he was going to die, then would the trigger work at all if he thought that the Amaterasu would save him from death...?

Dammit, Itachi!

Bending over to put his head in his hands, Sasuke grimaced, well aware that he may have just screwed himself over with his well-intentioned reasoning.

Ugh. This was useless. He wasn't a child any more. He'd have to find a way to make the Amaterasu his own. Maybe he could ask Itachi about it next time they met...?

For that matter, what about the Kotoamatsukami? It was almost certainly too slow to use in combat, but it also hadn't been used on the Hokage, or Danzou, or anyone else important that Itachi would have known about, so it probably wasn't set for anything at all. Maybe it was too important to waste on an unknown guess. After all, how could Sasuke give the target an order if he wasn't even aware he had the eye in the first place?

Or maybe he was overthinking this. Maybe the eye wasn't with him at all. Itachi might have found something else to do with it before the night of the massacre.

"Hey! Doofus!"

Sasuke looked up. Naruto was standing over him wearing a grey wig, a dark bandana that covered the lower half of his face, and his forehead protector draped negligently over one eye. He was doing a very poor impression of their team leader, Kakashi.

 _"Hey guys, sorry I'm late. I tripped and fell down the stairs because I don't have any depth perception."_

Broken out of his earlier thoughts, Sasuke snorted. Not at the joke, but because Naruto thought it was worth doing.

"Naruto, you look like a tool."

"Heh, yeah I guess you're right," he replied, pulling down the mouth-covering. "But all the talk about bounties just got me thinking about disguises. You know, since my bounty is just so amazingly high and all."

"We won't need disguises. We can just transform any time someone spots us, dumbass."

Naruto ignored him, pulling off the wig as well. "No, you know what? This should really be _your_ disguise anyway. I'd hate for people to think I'm copying the copy of the copy ninja, you know?"

Sasuke winced at the thought then tried to avoid glaring at his friend, who he knew was smirking like an asshole. He wouldn't say anything. He wouldn't give him that satisfaction. The two of them resumed their walk on into the city.

It was another minute before they saw the cloaked man from the train station following them again, and he wasn't doing a very good job at it. The two young men exchanged a glance, before Naruto nodded.

"Heh, I got this," muttered Naruto.

Sasuke watched as his friend ducked into an alley for a moment, a clone appearing and swinging back into place at Sasuke's side a moment later. The pursuer would probably have noticed only a jump to the side to check out something interesting. Then, the clone turned back down the street as if he had forgotten something, rushing past the hooded figure as he went.

The instant the hooded figure turned to face the clone, Sasuke disappeared, joining Naruto in hiding. Just then, the cloak bulged and rippled, a mane of light-pink hair stabbing through the cloth all over to pierce the clone in several places. As the clone exploded in a cloud of smoke, the man screamed in rage.

" _A thousand curses be upon you, you villainous cur! Come out and face me or I will tear this place to pieces! Yoyoi!"_ shouted the now-recognizable voice of Kumadori.

Beside Sasuke, Naruto put his hands to his face, pulling his features downwards in misery as the familiar yodeling voice washed over him. Sasuke just looked confused.

"Wait, Naruto, isn't that one of the CP9 members? The one you lied about beating?"

" _You tricked me! You took advantage of my pure spirit, and now I shall make sure that you are punished for your deceit!"_

Slowly, the blond ninja recovered, taking a deep breath and turning to face Sasuke again. "Hey, Usopp and I beat him fair and square, alright? We convinced him to trap himself in an hours-long kabuki play. Luckily my clones figured out how to make some ear-plugs pretty early on."

Sasuke stared back, dumbfounded. "What? Wait, _that's_ what happened?! I was fighting for my life, _and_ Robin's life, and all the while you were playing _pranks?!_ That's… Shit, how the hell does that even work? He's an assassin! I don't care how weird those guys were- no way is he going to just _forget_ what he was doing!"

"Hey, my arm was broken, alright? I could have beaten him, but this way was so much better. And you're just jealous you couldn't do the same thing!" Naruto smirked. "Face it. The _old_ you would've thought of it. You've lost your touch _."_

" _What?"_ hissed Sasuke. "Bullshit, you don't get to say that kind of thing to me and expect me to take it sitting down. I think you're lying."

"No way!"

"Alright, so prove it," said Sasuke, grinning at his friend. "Beat him either way. If you can't trick him, then at least kick the crap out of him."

Nodding, Naruto stood up, and then he paused before stepping out into the street.

"No, you know what? The way I beat this guy was _awesome_ , and no one can tell me otherwise. I'm gonna do it again."

As the assassin stalked forward through the streets, glaring left and right as he did so, people were backing away from him in fear. Now was the time to attack, before anyone got hurt.

"Alright," grinned Naruto. "So, this guy is the stupidest person I've ever met. Watch and learn."

Naruto clapped both hands together. "Alright, Granny Shima... You're up!"

 **[NINPO: KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU]**

 **[SUMMONING TECHNIQUE]**

There was an explosion of smoke in the street before the assassin, but the kabuki-man was not impressed, turning his head to face the sudden arrival with a critical eye.

" _Ah, young one… Fool me once! AH! SHAME on you! But now- I won't be fooled- Oh?"_

As the familiar percussive noises of kabuki musical accompaniment rose to fill the air, the smoke parted to reveal an older man with long, wild, white hair. He wore a grey pair of pants, grey coat, and a red overcoat, smiling through the smoke in a classic kabuki _mie_ pose, both hands held out in front of him.

Sasuke watched with approval at the detail that had gone into replicating Naruto's master, Jiraiya. The transformation on that clone looked just like the real thing. Naruto might not be as skilled of an impersonator as he was, but the numbskull could really pull through if he practiced. Still, it was odd... That was the kind of transformation that might temporarily phase a ninja who knew of Jiraiya's fearsome reputation, but it was a strange choice out here. For that matter, where was the toad? The dark haired ninja looked around, not seeing any hint of one.

"Naruto, where's the toad?" he whispered.

Naruto just blinked, his expression completely blank. "Uhhh… I, umm… I _thought_ I summoned her..."

Bypassing his friend's stumbling confusion, Sasuke turned on the Sharingan, scanning the area. No toad, but…

That was interesting… the Sharingan couldn't tell the difference between a Kage Bunshin and the real body, but it could easily pick out when a clone was transformed into something else. No matter what, its chakra system still looked like Naruto's.

The Jiraiya in front of them didn't look like a Naruto transformation. It looked like the real thing.

Sasuke and Naruto gasped in shock, their eyes widening in sudden realization. A moment later, as the smoke cleared completely, Kumadori did the same thing.

" _CONDORIANO?! YOU'RE CURED?!"_ he screamed. " _What about your crippling syphilis?!"_

The rising percussion stopped dead and Jiraiya froze in place, interrupted in the middle of his dramatic entrance. Somewhat stunned, the man dropped his _mie_ pose and looked behind him, seeing Naruto and Sasuke huddling around the corner. Sasuke looked vaguely concerned, but Naruto was absolutely terrified.

Then, Jiraiya took a deep breath and slowly let it out.

"Naruto," he said, his voice as serious as the grave.

"Y-yeah?" asked Naruto.

"I can't bring myself to look. Are there girls watching?"

"Yeah… yeah, man, there are girls watching," responded Naruto, equally serious. Despite himself, Sasuke gulped. He didn't know that much about Jiraiya, but he knew enough.

Now, Kumadori assumed a pose to match the one that his counterpart had just dropped. " _Ah! Condoriano! Truly we are brothers in arms! I too am always watched over by the holy womanly spirit, as my Deeear Mother protects me from Heaven!"_

The Toad Sage took another deep breath, then let it out.

"Naruto."

"...Yeah...?"

"This is your fault, isn't it?"

"Y-yes… Yes, it is... sir."

"Who is this man?"

" _Condoriano, are you saying that you do not recognize me?! Kumadori?! I, who have trained on the mountain and become a Sage?! I am a Lion, AH! A LION who has mastered the Six Techniques! We are kindred spirits! I know that you too were merely a victim of their deceit, but even so you inspired me to return to my true calling! But first, ah, FIRST I must punish this vagabond who deceived me! He and the long-nosed one must pay for their sins!"_

The Toad Sage took another deep breath, then let it out.

"Naruto."

"...Yes?"

"Will anyone miss this man if he disappears?"

"No, no they won't," assured Naruto, shaking his head. "And he's actually pretty tough."

Kumadori sensed the attack coming far too late to stop it. He felt the murderous intent wash over him as if he were standing in front of a crashing wave, and he hurried to reinforce his Tekkai. When the blow came, though, it struck like a bolt of lightning. Jiraiya arrived with a spinning kick that smashed through Kumadori's defenses, knocking the breath from his body and sending him flying off above the rooftops in a wild spin.

Off in the distance, down city streets that sloped to the water, his body could barely be seen skipping like a stone across the waves. He bounced five times before finally coming to a burbling rest.

All around them, people scattered, eager to forget everything they had just seen and get as far away as possible. Jiraiya turned to the two young men, reserving a dark glower for Naruto.

"Boy," he said, his anger like a wreath of lightning around him. "You've got a lot of explaining to do."

* * *

Jiraiya, as it turned out, had actually not cared the slightest bit about disciplining Naruto and Sasuke for leaving the village. Public accusations of syphilis, however, were an entirely different story, and he quickly pulled Naruto aside to talk to him about the delicate social expectations he had for his pupil. For example, how terribly embarrassing it would be for a kid his age to have his intestines ripped out in front of his peers. Despite his complete and total lack of involvement, Sasuke was pulled into it too.

"Sasuke," lectured the sage, glaring at him with a stern eye. "I know better than to expect you to stop this dumbass apprentice of mine, but what about Sakura? Didn't she make it out here yet?"

"No, not yet. It actually takes a while to get anywhere on this ocean. There are all these time delays built in to navigation here."

"For that matter," started Naruto, "How did _you_ get here? I know I can't summon you normally."

"I hijacked the summon with Granny Shima's approval and assistance. She had an awful lot to say about what you've been getting up to out here. She told me that when she showed up the last time, you and three other men were playing monkey-see-monkey-do with a big Kabuki man in- oh, that was the guy I just kicked the crap out of, huh?"

Sasuke raised his eyebrows, but Naruto just nodded uncomfortably.

"And he hunted you down again? Well, my pupil, as archenemies go you could do a lot better than that clown."

"He's not my archenemy!" protested Naruto.

"Well, no, not any more," agreed Jiraiya.

Naruto sputtered angrily, and Sasuke decided to come to the rescue.

"So… I suppose you're here for a report on the situation with Akatsuki…?"

"Oh, all that can come later," responded Jiraiya, turning to watch as a pretty lady strolled down the street. "...I need to start by getting my own look at this place."

"Wait, _later_?!" shouted Naruto, suddenly regaining his vigor, "You're gonna be staying here for a while?! But, even if you messed with the summons, I'm still the one providing the chakra! Do you have any idea how much it takes to keep a summon running for even an hour?!"

Jiraiya chuckled, spinning to glare down at his student as the well-proportioned woman walked out of sight. "Oh, cry me a river, cupcake. You're the last person I want to hear complaining about chakra levels. Think of it as training! For that matter, think of the good of the village! Besides, I'm going to be here for _much_ longer than an hour..."

Naruto's hand shot out like an arrow to point accusingly at the old master. " _Bullshit!_ You're not thinking about training or the village at all! You just wanna find the brothels, you old pervert!"

Jiraiya laughed, clearly enjoying himself. "It's all research, boy! One way or another, it'll be research!"

"Oh, yeah?! What if I just cancel the summon, huh? Looks to me like I've got all the power here, you pervy old man."

"Oh, sure, sure… you could do that," admitted the sage, "but I don't think you'll like what happens the next time I see you." Once again his tone became deathly serious as his eyes grew cold and murderous. "Certainly not after the way you dragged my reputation through the mud…"

Naruto worked his jaw back and forth, clearly struggling with the decision. Eventually, Jiraiya walked up and clapped a hand on his pupil's shoulder.

"Don't worry, it's not like you'll be getting nothing out of it. You never finished your training, and that's a job I'm not going to leave half-done. You're going to make some time for this, and Sasuke, you're going to watch and copy it all so you can make sure he learned it properly later."

Sasuke blinked. "You're… going to just let me watch?" That was strange. Even though it didn't take any extra effort for the teacher, it was _very_ strange for a high-ranking Shinobi to let an Uchiha watch them for the purpose of learning techniques, especially with the clan's disgraced status. He had pushed his luck from time-to-time, but Kakashi had been the only one to openly allow that kind of information exchange. It wasn't likely he'd learn any Ninjutsu from this, what with Naruto not sharing any of his elemental affinities, but he could learn a lot just by watching the way different masters moved.

Jiraiya just shrugged. "It's not like you won't get most of this stuff from Naruto anyway."

That seemed reasonable enough, but then the sage added, "Besides, it looks like you might need it out here..."

As Sasuke pondered that odd addition, Naruto piped up. "Hey! So, I've been meaning to ask. Whenever I was talking to the toads, they said you had some super-secret technique that you use when you need to go crazy on someone, but they wouldn't tell me any more about it. I don't need more of the basics, I wanna learn whatever _that_ is."

"... Sage Mode?" Jiraiya asked, taken aback by his pupil's question. He paused to think about that for a moment, a displeased frown on his face. "...Naruto, I hate to tell you this, but nearly one in four people who've tried to learn it end up dead, just from the training alone."

"Yeah, but those guys were probably chumps! I've got the whole prophecy thing, right? That means I'm not gonna just die from something unimportant like that, you know?"

"I don't think it works that way…" mused the older man. "But it is true you might be more suited for learning it than most… What's the big hurry, though? It's not like the world's about to end right now."

"The big hurry is I've run into a whole bunch of super-powered lunatics out here and I'm probably gonna run into more! Look, come on, I'm sure I can handle it, alright? Gimme a shot!"

Jiraiya growled and scratched his head, deep in thought for a moment as he paced left and right. Finally, he said, "Alright, but I have two conditions. First, you need to impress me with the results of what you've learned so far. Second, we're gonna take this slow. No shortcuts. Either way, any pupil wishing to learn about Sage chakra _must_ start the training back at Mount Myoboku, so gimme a couple days to get things ready. You can learn the basics there and then practice elsewhere later, but I need a promise from you."

"Alright! What is it?"

"Until you're experienced with it, you could kill yourself by losing control for even a second, so you need a partner who can sense the chakra to break you out of it. Sasuke, will you be available to help?"

"I…" Sasuke paused, uncertain. He might not even be around Naruto at all after leaving this island, but…

"Yes, I'll help with whatever's needed. I don't really know what I'll be doing to help, but…"

"Don't worry about that," assured Jiraiya. "I'll handle that angle. I just need to know that someone's making sure this bonehead NEVER practices with absorbing natural energy without supervision.

So it was that with little fanfare Jiraiya resumed Naruto's training. Though Jiraiya would only be present for short periods here and there, Naruto had until the ship was completed and ready to go, which meant covering as much information as possible in a short period of time and relying on Naruto's self-motivated learning style in his teacher's absence.

Jiraiya's first period of evaluation was ending as of the third day on Water-7 when Sakura and Hinata arrived.

* * *

 **-Day 3 on Water-7-**

 **-Present-**

When Sakura had finally finished her embrace, Team-7's shared greetings became a bit more reserved. Naruto and Sasuke's enthusiasm had been slightly dampened by the death threat they had just received.

The toads that had been watching over Naruto quickly realized that training was over, disappearing in clouds of smoke. Franky deposited the tools and materials near the ship's hulk and brought Blueno's unconscious body over to his partner, Iceburg. As mayor of the city, Iceburg could not condone violently dealing with the traitorous assassin, but as head of the Galley-La shipwrights and former guardian of Pluton's blueprints he simply requested that the man never be found by the authorities.

Eventually, Hinata tentatively abandoned her distant observation to approach the three other ninjas who were getting caught up with each other.

Sakura hurried to introduce her, deciding that she'd wait until Naruto screwed up once to intervene in the meeting. She could at least give him a chance.

"Alright, you two. I'm pretty sure you already know her, but this is Hinata. She was kind enough to help me get out here safely, so I'm helping her in return."

Naruto gave an awkward and confused sort of wave and greeting. Sasuke was far more natural, but he raised a questioning eyebrow towards Sakura afterward. Nodding back, Sakura flicked her eyes in Naruto's direction. Sasuke returned the nod with a smirk. The exchange went right over Naruto's head.

"Uh, so, why the hell are you here, anyway?" asked Naruto, seeming genuinely curious.

Sakura instantly excused herself and pulled Hinata aside by the arm.

"Hinata," began Sakura, "I'm so sorry, but I need to talk to these two alone for a bit. I especially need to make sure Naruto doesn't do anything else to disgrace himself. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. I'll just... take a look around." After a pause, she added in a desperate whisper, " _Please_ don't make a fuss over me..."

"No promises," said Sakura, patting her shoulder and then turning back to the guys.

"Actually," interrupted Franky, who had been listening nearby, "I've got an idea. I need to talk to the Straw-Hats about something I found on their old ship. Why don't you come with me and I'll show you where they're all staying?"

Hinata blinked uncertainty, looking around to be sure the cyborg was talking to her. "Umm... I'm not really... I don't really know them..."

"Nah, don't sweat the small stuff, lady. You're gonna be sticking around for at least a little while, right? You'll be staying up with the rest of them then, so you might as well meet those goofballs now and get it over with. Just wanna make a small detour to the Franky house to drop this guy off."

As Hinata looked back to Sakura, the pink-haired girl shrugged. With one last glimpse back towards Naruto, Hinata accepted Franky's offer, and the two of them headed off.

Naruto watched them go a little uncertainly.

"So, uh, like I asked… what's she doing here?"

Letting out a resolute breath, Sakura stepped up to him. She placed both hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes, her face filled with a burning determination. "Naruto. I want you to listen to me. I want you to pay attention for just one moment and listen to me as if your life depended on it. Are you listening to me?"

Shocked and confused, Naruto nodded along.

"Good. This is very, very important. Hinata did me a _huge_ favor by coming along with me, and I've come to realize that she's a truly wonderful girl who doesn't deserve to put up with your shit. That said, this is what we're dealing with, so I'm taking some control here." She kept staring into his eyes, searching for some measure of understanding before she continued. "I advised Hinata that she should just be herself, because she's _fine_ the way she is. I know that normally I would be advising you to _also_ 'just be yourself,' but I'm not going to do that. We both know what a terrible mistake that would be, don't we? Instead, I'm asking you to _stop_ being yourself for just a little bit, alright? Stop being Naruto. At the very least when it comes to your normal oblivious, thoughtless shenanigans, be better than Naruto. Do you understand me?"

For one glorious moment she thought he was going to nod his head in meek agreement, but alas, it was not to be. His earlier confusion turned into out-and-out bewilderment.

"Wha-What are you talking about? Is this about why you brought her along? You make it sound like I'm gonna bite her head off or something, but I'm not, okay?! If she hates me so much that you just want me to stay away from her, then fine, I get the message!"

Naruto flinched as Sakura's expression went as cold as ice. She wasn't even watching his face any more; she was just looking _through_ him, as if he didn't even matter. Her gaze was starkly alienating, reducing him to the level of an insect, or some other utterly inconsequential life-form. Contrasting this was her iron grip on his shoulders, which slowly intensified until he felt his bones start to creak.

Sasuke walked up behind her and placed his hand on her back, breaking the spell. "Now, Sakura," he said, "I need you to let Naruto go for a moment. I have something very important to talk to him about."

Still staring through the blond young man, Sakura released her grip. Sasuke stepped forward and carefully turned Naruto around, placing one arm around his shoulder as they walked away from the scene of narrowly-avoided murder. When he spoke, his voice was careful and condescending, as if speaking down to a young child.

"Now, Naruto. You're getting to be a big boy now. Do you remember the day we left Konoha? That was a _long_ time ago, wasn't it? Almost a month ago now, _wow…_ Remember how you saw Hinata? You had certain... _feelings?_ On that day, I told you I'd tell you _all_ about this when you were older, and I guess that day is today. I think it's time we finally had The Talk."

Flamboozled, Naruto staggered along beside his best friend in a daze.

Their conversation was extremely illuminating.

* * *

 **-Water-7-**

 **-Early Evening-**

Later, after Naruto had wandered off into the city in a daze to contemplate his fortune, Sakura and Sasuke found themselves sitting across from each other in a dive restaurant, and they could only shake their heads in exasperation.

"I can't _believe_ he hung out with that foul old man for a _year_ and yet he didn't even figure out she was all over him!" she exclaimed.

"I _know!_ I said the same thing!" exclaimed Sasuke, openly laughing at the absurdity of it all. "It's like his fatal blind-spot or something. I really can't explain it, considering how easily he notices it in everyone else."

Sakura blinked. She hadn't seen him in a while, so maybe it was her imagination, but Sasuke seemed very animated all of a sudden. Over the last couple years of missions he'd started to become a little more moody and reserved than he'd been when they first met, but this seemed like a huge change in the opposite direction.

He'd come out here to hunt his family's killer, right? Why did he seem so… happy? Maybe that wasn't a good question to ask right out of the blue, though.

"So, okay," she said, "I really want to be done with talking about his antics for now, but I have to ask. What the hell did you two do to earn what looks like a sky-high bounty? What did _Naruto_ in particular do?"

She had really intended to be a bit more angry when she asked this question, but the general atmosphere was making that difficult. Her smile widened a bit as Sasuke's expression suddenly soured.

"I mean, I know what _I_ did, but as far as I can tell, _Naruto_ didn't really do much of anything," he said. "He just threw a whole bunch of clones around and made everything more confusing than it should have been."

There was always something satisfying to her about seeing his feathers get ruffled.

"Okay, so what did _you_ do then? Because what it sounds like to me is that you joined a pirate crew the same way I did, but you two got way too involved."

"Heh…" chuckled Sasuke, looking suspiciously wistful. "Yeah, maybe. You wouldn't believe these people… the Straw-Hats. I've never met anyone like them. Naruto fits right in, of course, but I…" he shook his head. "Anyway, the long and short of it is that while we were tailing Akatsuki we ran into a real powerhouse out here and got captured by the government. They wanted Naruto and me because we had intel on Akatsuki. At the same time, one of my new friends, Robin, turned herself in to save all of us from getting killed by a big group of assassins. That part's kind of a long story, but in the end we ended up kicking everyone's asses, blowing up a city, and destroying most of a Marine prison convoy."

Sakura blinked. Sasuke didn't seem to notice anything odd about what he'd said, but that had really gone downhill fast.

What if this place was rubbing off on him? Hell, what if it was rubbing off on _her_?

Sasuke continued. "So then I stole a bunch of good new techniques and ended up dueling a Marine Commodore who was half-mouse in front of his own battleship."

"Wait, wait, wait…" Okay, where to start? "You _blew up a city_?!"

"Ehhh… kind of. It was mostly an accident."

"An accident?!"

"Yeah, the island it was on was a deathtrap waiting to happen. The captain of the Straw-Hats, Luffy, he ended up drilling a leopard-man straight into the bedrock, and then it all went crashing into the ocean."

As Sakura struggled to tell how much of that was true, Sasuke hurried to elaborate.

"Oh, but don't worry too much about it. They were all assholes there anyway."

"You... Oh, hell, you're not kidding, are you? The captain did that? He's the one with the crazy bounty, right? God, what is up with these people?"

Suddenly, Sasuke's eyes widened, looking straight at her. "You should meet them."

"Alright, hold on," she interrupted, slowly massaging her forehead. "Sasuke, you might be laboring under a misconception here. I'm not planning on making friends out here, especially not with pirates. I'm here to make sure both of you get home safely."

Sasuke fidgeted for a moment, but said nothing.

"Look," she continued, "I know this thing with your family is important to you. I've never doubted that. But you _know_ how this is supposed to go- we get a team, gather intel on the target, and attack when he's weak. But this time you just run off without any preparation? It looks like you just did this by _accident._ Honestly, you're acting like a rookie here. Why didn't you ask us for help hunting Danzou down when he was back around home rather than waiting until he had left out into the ocean?"

"Sakura, he's an S-rank Missing-Nin. I was supposed to just make both of you go after him?"

"Yes!" she exclaimed. "It might have taken a while to find him, but you would have had my help, Naruto's help, and even Kakashi's help, no problem!"

Sasuke looked stunned, like he'd just been slapped in the face.

"But you know this is the worst time for it. He's just going to keep getting further and further away out here, and I know that you know you can't catch him like this. You can't just keep pushing forward and throwing yourself against all of Akatsuki until you're dead. Come on, Sasuke, tell me what you're thinking here."

"I…" he paused, seeming suspiciously nervous all of a sudden. "I… have something I need to tell you and Naruto about. It's something I've been putting off for a long time."

She sat back. The way he was speaking sounded as though he was preparing to share something very personal. It was _not_ a tone she was used to hearing from him. "Okay... That sounds serious. What do you need to say? I'm here, and I can help you."

"I'd rather wait until I can talk to you and Naruto together, actually," he said, averting his eyes for a moment.

Ahh… Now things began to make some sense. How long had he been delaying whatever this was? She pointed angrily across the table at him.

"Oh, no you don't. I may not be able to drag you back on my own, but I can at least make sure you stop procrastinating. If you haven't talked to your best buddy about it yet then it's clear you're just going to keep finding reasons to put it off."

"I don't think you realize how busy we've been recently..."

"Don't pull that crap with me. I saw you training alone with him just an hour ago. Somehow I doubt you're even trying."

His slight wince told her she was exactly correct, so she continued. "I'm here _now_ , so I want you to tell me about it _now_. Keeping you two honest appears to be all I'm good for after all."

He sighed, working his jaw for a moment before he appeared to come to a conclusion.

"Sakura… I won't be coming back," he said, his voice steady as he reached the point of no return. "When I went out to sea I was intending to leave forever. It was my brother's last wish, and the only way I can see to avoid my death in the future."

Her mouth dropped open, all the air leaving her chest in a moment.

Sasuke raised his eyes to meet hers with a sad expression.

"I'm sorry, but it's something I've been thinking about for years."

She stared back, then tried to find her words, her brow furrowing and her lips mouthing the start of several different sentences. She had taken off her gloves for the meal and now her training-toughened hands clenched and unclenched in front of her.

"Sasuke… you…"

She stopped. He'd been thinking about this for _years?_ If that had been his brother's last wish, then that would have been before he had met... any of them, really. From the very moment that Team-7 had been formed, he had already been planning to leave them? He'd been lying to them this whole time? He hadn't even asked them for help?

No. No, that wasn't right. That didn't fit with what she'd seen. He wasn't _that_ good of an actor, and there was no way he had been set on this path for all their time together. There was still a chance to figure this out.

"Alright," she said, still not quite able to process it, "I'm angry, and I don't really understand."

"I… don't blame you," he said.

"Well… you're right about one thing," she said, taking a steadying breath. "We're going to wait to continue this until we find Naruto, because I'm not going to have this argument without his help."

"I don't think we'll be able to find him right now... not without Hinata's eyes at least. We kind of let him wander off."

"That's fine," said Sakura, stilling holding back her anger. "I can be patient. In the meantime, there's something else you need to do for me."

"...Yeah?"

She looked at him, her eyes sharp. "You're going to show me the people who are trying to take you away from us. I want to meet the Straw-Hats, and I want to meet them now."

* * *

A/N: So much to cover after all those action arcs.

No, I'm not setting up a bunch of Deus ex Machina with the eyes. Not everything that Sasuke guessed was correct. That said, any rules on the triggers set would match his guesses pretty closely. They'd be based only on things he can see (including chakra), emotions he's feeling, and they'd have to be very simple. They'd also have to be predictable by Itachi at the moment of his death, and not likely to accidentally trigger in a poor situation (like burning Danzou alive at Academy graduation, for example).

Finally, Itachi has already confirmed he can't step in for an extended period of time like he did before.


	47. The Meaning of Friendship

**-Water-7-**

 **-Upper Tier-**

 **-Hinata and Franky-**

There's a feeling familiar to anyone who's ever been taken in by a huckster or fraud. It comes at the very moment that you realize that you had been so distracted by whatever story you were pulled into that you ended up agreeing to something really quite unusual. Not that the cyborg walking next to Hinata seemed like a con-man, but she was uncomfortably aware that the only reason she had agreed to accompany him to meet the Straw-Hats was that she hadn't wanted to be caught in the middle of whatever embarrassing thing Sakura had been planning.

She looked beside her to the towering blue-haired man, a large wooden crate balanced on one shoulder as if it weighed nothing at all. If she hadn't known better, she might have thought the man had pulled her away from it on purpose, but he really had no reason to know what had been going on. Maybe she should ask him about all this?

"So… the Straw-Hats…" she asked. "Should I be worried about them? If they're dangerous we can get a different lodging for our stay here- we've got some money."

Franky raised his head to the sky and laughed hard. "Don't worry about it! You guys'll get along great. Trust me! Besides, I'm going there anyway, so you might as well meet 'em now."

There was a very large difference between meeting them alongside Sakura and the others and meeting them alone, but she struggled a bit with expressing that thought. Franky seemed very confident, but she didn't really know him either.

Why had he went off to meet the Straw-Hats again? Oh, right… He'd said he had a question to ask them about something he'd found on their 'old ship.'

"What's the question you need to ask them, if you don't mind me asking? What does the box have to do with it?"

"Oh, this?" asked Franky, thumping the huge box with his hand and then reaching inside to pull out an object. "Here, see for yourself."

With a negligent throw he lobbed what turned out to be a disembodied arm at her. She caught it, turning a surprised expression his way.

"...This is a ninja puppet's arm," she said. "Why would these pirates have a box of spare limbs?"

"Hey, beats me. That's _my_ question. Thing is, the craftsmanship on that thing is stupendous. The mechanisms inside are out of this world, but I'm still not sure why they even have them. I'm hoping they'll let me take these things apart so I can see what's what. Might result in some nice surprises down the line, you dig?"

"Err... yes, I think I understand. I suppose you're into machinery, then?"

"Lady," he began, flashing her a grin as he thumped his metal chestplate, " _Machinery_ is into _me."_

"Oh, right. Of course."

Together, the kunoichi and the cyborg proceeded onwards through the city, with Franky idly pointing out features that only a true native would know. She couldn't help but notice that people would often go to great lengths to get out of Franky's way, sometimes crossing the street far ahead of them, or ducking into a shop, or in one memorable moment screaming and jumping straight into a canal.

She didn't know what the fuss was about. He seemed like a nice person.

Eventually they arrived at their destination in the upper tier- an entire compound surrounding a large, almost palatial estate.

"This place looks important," she said, looking over the sprawling multi-story government building in front of them.

"That's 'cause this is the mayor's estate," said Franky.

"The mayor? Are we going to see him…?"

Franky chuckled. "You already saw him. He was the guy working on the ship down at Scrap Island."

She blinked uncertainly, recalling a purple-haired man of middle-age sweating in the afternoon sun. "...I thought you said he was the head of the shipwrights here?"

"Same damn guy," clarified Franky.

"…Why is the mayor building a ship for wanted pirates?"

"You know, that's a super interesting question," said Franky, but his voice was getting further away. She looked away from the front doors and saw him heading off down another path.

"Nope, not that way. We're going over here," he called, beckoning over his shoulder.

She followed.

Eventually the winding paths led them to the other side of the estate, where a white building stood all on its own. There were three men arguing in front of the doors—two who seemed to be guarding the building, and one man with shifty eyes who was trying to get past.

"Come on, don't deny it," insisted the shifty-eyed man who was dressed in a wide-brimmed hat and leather cloak, "It took a while for me to figure it out, but it's clear the Straw-Hats are hiding here! You sure you want a bunch of dangerous bounties like that hanging around right under your noses? Why don't you let me and my men take care of 'em for you and we'll both make out like bandits?"

" **THERE'S NOBODY BY THOSE NAMES ON THE PREMISES!"** screamed the massively-muscled grey-bearded guard. He was carrying a tremendous log that looked to be composed of most of a large tree over one shoulder. " **WE'RE JUST HERE TO KEEP INNOCENT PEOPLE OUT OF THIS VERY DANGEROUS AREA!"**

"Tilestone here is right," insisted the other guard, a sunglasses-wearing man who was only slightly less buff than his partner. "You should leave the area immediately. There's been a breakout of a terrible disease."

Saying this, the man smoothed down a stubborn and unruly chunk of his hair, but it failed to make a difference, the hair error popping up in a different spot a moment later.

"Oh yeah?" asked the bounty-hunter. "I ain't heard of nothing like that. What's the disease?"

" **SUDDEN-ONSET SHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS SYNDROME!"**

"It's really been going around a lot recently," agreed the sunglasses-wearing guard, still attempting and failing to adjust his hair. "I'd say I'm surprised you haven't heard of it, but… well, with the symptoms being what they are…"

Interrupting the conversation, a loud crash alerted everyone to new arrivals as a reindeer burst out of a window around the side of the house, Luffy clinging desperately onto his back.

"Get offa me you asshole!" shouted the reindeer as he charged out into the yard, bucking furiously as he ran.

"Come on, Chopper! A reindeer ride's just the thing to cheer you up!" shouted Luffy as he was flailed wildly back and forth through the air.

"No it's not! You're just trying to cheer _yourself_ up!"

With those words, Chopper disappeared around the side of the house, carrying his boisterous load with him as he went.

There was a small moment of quiet as everyone processed that, and then Tilestone raised his tremendous log and bashed the bounty-hunter in the back of the head. He fell to the ground like a wet sack of bricks.

 **"OH NO!"** screamed Tilestone, **"ANOTHER VICTIM OF SUDDEN-ONSET SHORT-TERM MEMORY LOSS SYNDROME!"**

"Man, it's really spreading," said the man in sunglasses. "Might be more infectious than we thought. Better put him with the others."

Hinata watched this scene with the same sense of mild confusion that had become common for her since leaving her home. Thoughts such as 'What a loud person,' and 'Did that reindeer just talk?' passed through her mind, but what she settled on was...

"Wow, the Straw-Hats are kind of violent aren't they?"

"Huh?" asked Franky, as they continued their approach. "Nah, those guys aren't the Straw-Hats. They're the shipwrights up here. The Straw-Hats were those two guys that ran through just a second ago."

"...Two guys...?" she asked, wondering if she had missed someone.

Franky ignored it, instead calling out to the guards at the door.

"Hey guys! Got a visitor!"

The two shipwrights looked up in surprise, then the sunglasses-man nervously whispered something inaudible to his friend.

 **"YOU'RE RIGHT! IT'S FRANKY! WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE MONEY I OWE HIM!"**

In another moment, Franky and Hinata had reached the doors.

"Tilestone... Lulu..." Franky greeted them without even a nod. "You losers gonna get the door, or what? We've got a guest."

The two guards shared a glance.

"Alright, just be careful. They're kinda rambunctious today..." said Lulu, still fiddling with his hair.

Franky shrugged, but at this point Hinata had to interrupt. This was getting ridiculous. "I'm sorry, but I really should have asked this earlier. I honestly can't tell if these pirates are supposed to be safe or not. The way everyone's been talking about them makes them sound like wild beasts. What are we getting into here?"

The two guards shared another nervous look, but Franky just laughed. "Hey, yeah that's a _super_ great way to put it. They're a bunch of crazy animals, alright! But, you know, the cuddly kind. Just don't corner 'em and you'll be A-Okay!"

From inside the house came a great deal of crashing and trampling noises.

"C-cuddly?" asked Hinata. "How could you describe a bunch of wanted pirates as _cuddly?_ "

Abruptly she recalled her time with the Buggy Pirates' pet lion, but she quickly shook herself out of it. This and that were two entirely separate things.

The violent noises from inside suddenly increased in volume and urgency as they were joined by assorted screaming, and then the front doors blasted open, bowling over the two guards in an explosion of wood and bodies. Hinata had just a moment to register the reindeer and rider from earlier barrelling straight for her. Shouting in terror, the young man grabbed the doorframe to slow them down, and the reindeer scrabbled with all four hooves to avoid their collision course, but it was too late.

Not for her, of course. She leapt over the incoming freight-train with well-trained reflexes, allowing the reindeer and rider to pass harmlessly underneath.

It was just so terribly surprising when the young man's grip on the doorway lengthened and stretched, pulling the reindeer to a halt and then reversing the beast's direction with a rubbery twang. Caught in mid-air, Hinata's cry of surprise joined that of the the rider's as they were all shot like pellets in a sling back into the interior of the house. Luckily, before she could be crushed underneath a tumbling reindeer there was a musical *poik* noise, and the animal seemed to disappear.

They came to a skidding halt in a common area. Her head had struck the wooden floor, but not hard enough to hurt her. Beside her, the stretchy man had fared worse, his head somehow slamming so hard into the floor that he buried himself up to his neck in the floorboards.

Around her arose the admonishing yells that signified the displeasure of the rest of the Straw-Hats at the violent return of the rambunctious rider and his surprise extra passenger. Now she was inside potentially hostile territory, and she could only hope she didn't look like a bounty hunter. Her worries were interrupted when a child's voice came from very nearby.

"Umm, I'm so sorry! Are you alright?"

Gradually, she became aware of something very fuzzy on her chest. She looked down. There, resting atop her bosom and looking at her with a worried expression, was the most adorable creature she had ever seen. She couldn't help herself. She grabbed the little horned creature and snuggled him with all of her might.

"AHHH! GET HER OFF ME! NAMI! USOPP! ROBIN! HELP! MMPH! MMMMPH!"

His fuzzy struggles intensified until he exploded in size, throwing her arms wide as he was replaced by a much larger and muscular version of himself. He tossed a suspicious glare her way and then disappeared, leaving her where she lay.

Oh, dear. That was the reindeer from earlier, and it looked as though he really _could_ talk.

Ignoring the frantic struggles of the stretchy man, she cast a look around her. She had landed in a common area of an extremely… wooden building. The walls, ceiling, furniture, and everything else was almost exclusively plain wood, and the entire area smelled like finished carpentry and sawdust. Contrasting this was the truly fantastic scent of a multi-course dinner in mid-preparation that was wafting from the kitchen.

Her gaze halted as she saw what she had been looking for. Sitting on a man nearby was a straw-hat with a red ribbon. The bounty posters for the Straw-Hats had been taken before she had had the chance to look at them, so she wasn't exactly sure which pirate was which, but she was sure of one thing. The owner of the straw hat was the captain of these pirates- a feared man who had earned a truly astronomical bounty.

Their tumble through the main room appeared to have knocked over the owner of the hat, disturbing him from his sleep. Slowly, the green-haired man sat back up, the straw hat falling unheeded from his lap, and there was nothing friendly in his expression at all.

This man had a menacing aura to match his fearsome bounty, and she was quick to identify the thick hand-calluses of a swordsman.

This man was a killer. Though she was still on the floor, she readied herself to move at a moment's notice.

Slowly, he fixed her with his gaze.

"Who the hell are you?" he asked.

She was spared the effort of responding when a hard bread-roll flew out of the kitchen and smacked the green-haired man in the back of the head. A moment later it was followed by a blond man in a dress-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, who jumped into the room screaming, " _She's a Lady, that's who the hell she is, you ignorant mossball! We don't talk like that to Ladies in this house!"_

The green-haired man turned too late to catch the incoming berserker before the blond man delivered a spinning kick that sent his victim flying out of the broken front doors. Then, the berserker smoothly transitioned from the kick into an acrobatic flip to land gracefully before her, hand outstretched.

"Mademoiselle, please, allow me to help you to your feet," he said, taking her hand in his with a gentle yet confident smile.

She blinked in surprise. These social changes were coming a bit too fast for her. Luckily, her combat senses were still in working order, and she dropped the chivalrous man's hand just before a thick piece of lumber speared inward from the open door, knocking the blond off his feet with a cry of pain and sending him flying further into the building.

That was when Franky found the opportunity to intervene. He approached from the door, clapping his heavy hands together.

"Alright, alright, stop horsing around you guys, you're freaking her out. That's not how you're supposed to do introductions, you crazy kids."

Seconds later a red-headed woman was at her side, reaching down to help her in place of her earlier would-be rescuer. Unnecessary, but the gesture was appreciated regardless. Hinata smiled and accepted the offer, pulling herself to her feet with the proffered hand.

"Sorry about that," the woman said. "That greeting was a little more crazy than normal."

Before Hinata could respond, the woman gasped in surprise. "Whoa! Your eyes! Wait, you wouldn't be a ninja, would you? Are you Sakura?"

"...Oh, yes, I am. A ninja, that is, but I'm not Sakura, I'm just a... a friend of Naruto's. My name is Hinata."

Introducing herself that way felt a bit odd, and she hurried to brush off her clothing. Beside her, the young man still buried in the floorboards continued grunting and struggling to escape. The red-headed woman looked down at this with a flash of annoyance.

"Well, I'm sorry to impose on a guest, but could you help me with this dumbass here? I don't want him to suffocate or something. I'm Nami, by the way."

Nami moved to grab the stuck young man by one leg, and after a moment Hinata went along with it, grabbing the other one.

"Alright, just pull until the floor gives way," said Nami.

"...Won't that hurt him?" she asked.

"Don't worry about it."

They pulled, and pulled, and kept pulling as his legs stretched out, forcing them to walk backwards as they worked. With a crack of wood, the stretchy man burst free of the floorboards, snapping back towards them with a force that would have bowled them both over if Hinata hadn't been ready for it. This was still a little closer to a presumably dangerous pirate than she wanted to be, so they dumped him to the floor in a heap.

He got to his feet completely unharmed by the traumatic head-injury, dusting himself off and turning to face them.

"Hahahah! Thanks a lot for the help there! I'm sorry Chopper ran into you like that!"

Without any further provocation, Nami punched him in the head. "Don't blame other people for your mistakes! Apologize to Hinata properly!"

This was apparently enough to faze him. He bowed before her, uttering a contrite, "I'm very sorry for whatever I did." Then he raised his head with a guileless expression and added, "I'm Luffy! I don't know who the hell you are!"

All of a sudden, the name 'Luffy' brought a flash of recollection to her mind. That was when he walked over to grab the straw-hat from its discarded position on the floor. He placed it firmly on his head and grinned, as if he had been bothered by its temporary loss.

Oh.

* * *

 **-Water-7-**

 **-Top Tier-**

 **-Sakura and Sasuke-**

"Alright, so tell me about these pirates," Sakura asked, as she and her friend pushed their way through bustling streets. "Every pirate group I've seen on my way out here has been little more than a bunch of thugs trying and failing to work their way through a comedy routine. What's the difference here?"

"Maybe a little lighter on the thuggery…? They kind of have to be seen to be believed, I think," admitted Sasuke.

"I've seen a fair bit so far and I think at this point nothing would surprise me too much."

"Even still, I think it would be better to meet them rather than trying to put it into words..."

She frowned. "You know I'm kind of irritated with them, right? What's stopping this from turning into a fight if things go poorly?"

Sasuke just shook his head. "It won't come to that."

She sighed. She was trying to talk about anything other than her friend's planned self-exile from the village, but he was making it pretty hard. Sasuke could be pretty stubborn once his mind was set on something, but he also had a bad habit of lacking introspection. Despite this, he was very intelligent and once he decided to start thinking about a problem he could reason his way through it very well.

Therefore, when arguing with him about his decisions the key was to win the argument the first time around and not give him time to start coming up with post-hoc justifications. To this end, she would avoid the topic entirely until Naruto was with her so that she could bring overwhelming firepower against his rationalizations.

Still, it was hard to ignore the elephant in the room.

The two of them proceeded to the mayor's offices mostly in silence. She wasn't blind to the fact that the mayor of this bustling city seemed to owe a debt of some kind to the Straw-Hats, but it was really hard to say what that meant at the moment.

Following Sasuke through the estate, she knew they had found what they were looking for when she saw Franky repairing the front doors of a building at a rapid pace. When the cyborg saw them approach he gave them a tool-filled wave. Then, after a blur of motion and a cacophony of hammer strikes that were too fast to follow, the door stood fully repaired just in time for the cyborg to let them through.

This was it.

It was a noisy mess inside, and the first thing she noticed was Hinata at the center of it all. Several young men were bombarding her with questions, and one woman was presiding over the chaos as they sat on, under, and around the several wooden chairs and benches in the central meeting area. Despite the chaotic atmosphere, the blue-haired girl seemed to be enjoying herself, laughing as she tried to keep up with the increasingly unusual or confusing requests.

Sasuke pointed out various people that were involved in the conversation, though it was mostly unnecessary since she knew them from their bounties. Zoro and Robin were the only pieces of calm in the storm, given that Zoro was sleeping and Robin was off in the corner, reading quietly to herself. Despite Robin never having looked up to see them enter, she waved in their direction, and Sasuke waved back with a smile.

Before even a minute had passed, Sakura and Sasuke were approached by a blond man in a dress-shirt with rolled-up sleeves. The man was carrying a tray with a single drink on it. Sasuke gave the other man a Look, but it was completely ignored. The new arrival had eyes only for her.

"Mademoiselle. Would you do me the honor of requesting a drink?"

Sakura blinked in surprise. She didn't recognize him from the bounty posters, but this had to be one of the Straw-Hats. Did this notorious pirate seriously expect her to accept a drink from him?

"No, thank you," she said, coolly refusing the offer. "I just returned from dinner and I'm not interested in refreshments."

"Oh, but I could never leave a lady hanging in the lurch. I've already provided for everyone else here, even the _shitty-"_ he flicked a glare Sasuke's way that was over so fast she wasn't even positive of what she had seen, "-men here. Surely I can get you _something_ so that you aren't left out?"

"Hey," interrupted Sasuke. "I don't see anything for me."

"Oh, Sasuke, I didn't see you there," said the man, his earlier suave tone being replaced with a threatening growl. "Why don't you screw off and join the others? I'm sure they'll be doing impressions or something like that soon enough. Might as well get _some_ use out of those damn copy eyeballs, huh?"

Beside her, Sasuke's irritated expression intensified, and this time the other man deigned to notice, flicking his gaze to meet Sasuke's for just a second as something incomprehensible but very male happened between them. She shook her head, not wanting any part of this.

"Whatever," she said. "If it will make you happy, surprise me."

The man smiled.

"It appears I already have! I took the liberty of making something especially for you the very instant I saw you arrive."

With that, he took the drink he was carrying in one hand, tossing away the tray and landing it smoothly on a nearby table. Stepping up, he ignored her irritated expression, gently but firmly pressing the beverage upon her and then disappearing with a slight bow.

She eyed the glass with suspicion. Frosty and green, it smelled of melons and mint.

She wasn't impressed. She hated charmers just as much as she disliked fruity drinks, so that was two strikes against him right there. Sasuke just shook his head in disgust.

"You might as well drink it and get it over with," he sighed. "It'll be good. I can't argue with that."

"Sasuke, I'm not going to drink something a pirate gave me."

"What, Sanji? He's harmless. Just try it, or he'll up the ante."

Despite wanting to get to the meat of this meeting as soon as possible, if there was one thing this ocean had taught her it was that some people out here were insane and needed to be humored. She took a sip. Then she took another.

Slowly, her eyes widened. It was a fruity explosion in her mouth, but damned if it wasn't delicious! More than that, it felt like her new favorite thing in the world.

So... did she like these kind of drinks after all...? He'd made this in under a minute from seeing her?

She spared a surprised glance in Sanji's direction. He wasn't watching her, but a single pink heart floated up over his head to disappear somewhere in the rafters. Sasuke surprised her by interrupting her thoughts.

"You don't really want to read too much into that. That's just how he is."

She nodded, and returned to observing the room. She was here to observe the Straw-Hats, not play around with them. She did, however, continue sipping at her drink.

Oh? Apparently story-time had resumed while she'd been distracted, and Hinata had been badgered into sharing something.

"So our village is looked over by this tremendous rock that's the size of a small mountain-"

"Is everyone there a ninja?!" interrupted Usopp.

"Umm, uhh, no, but a lot of us are... didn't you ask Naruto or Sasuke about that already?"

"Don't listen to them, Hinata," said Nami, nodding back to the girl to encourage her. "They just want to hear it again because they're basically five years old. Guys, let her finish the story."

"Err… Right. So, carved into the mountain are the four heads of the previous leaders of our village-"

"Ehh? That's awesome!" cried Luffy.

"-and each of them is supposed to be a reminder of our history, and how each of these powerful leaders fought to protect us. People take it really seriously."

"Ehhhhhh, that's boring," groaned Luffy.

Without further ado, Nami chopped him in the throat with the edge of her hand. Hinata might have been a little more bothered by this if it hadn't already happened twice in the last half-hour.

"Umm... So, one day I'm at a family function. I'm supposed to be paying attention, but instead I'm looking around the village to see what trouble Naruto's getting into. Eventually I see him and Sasuke on top of the rock, acting like they're up to something."

Sakura looked to her side, watching Sasuke smirk. Hinata was clearly too absorbed by being the focus of attention to realize they had arrived. Still, despite the constant interruptions she looked comfortable enough to continue the story.

"Quickly, before anyone notices what they're doing, they finish a couple preparations and then they set it all off. There's a big noise that gets everyone's attention and then huge piles of leaves started shooting out of the ears of the First Hokage. I started laughing, and my father noticed and got angry, but then everyone else saw it, too. The Second Hokage had his eyes painted over with these big round eyeballs that were half the size of his head so it looked like he's freaking out about something. Next, when everyone was finally watching, fire started blowing out of the nostrils of the Third. The last one, the Fourth, had this big stream of water drooling out from his mouth."

Trying in vain to suppress her laughter, she pushed on to continue the story.

"I don't know if you can picture it, but there were fifty very serious people sitting around in shock as fire shot out of the nose of our current ruler! Father tried to get us to ignore it, but I started looking around for the Hokage himself. I wanted to see what he thought of it, and he was standing on top of the Academy roof just laughing and laughing! It was the best part of my _month_ , but I don't think Naruto and Sasuke even know I was watching."

Beside Sakura, Sasuke chuckled to himself, which didn't quite match up to the more raucous laughter coming from the center of the room. Then Franky stood up in front of everyone.

"Oh," he said, "Did it look a little something like _this?"_

Saying that, he leaned back with a deep breath, closed his mouth, and then two jets of flame spewed violently from his nostrils, soaring over everyone's heads. Screams of shock and cheers of approval met this performance.

"Sasuke!" shouted Luffy, "Can you do that, too?!"

Hinata looked behind her in surprise at the unexpected arrivals. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Hey, I was the one who made the fire in the first place, alright? I'll spit fire any day, but out of my _nose?_ The technique doesn't have the same protections on it."

"Come on, Sasuke! You can do it! Are you a copy ninja or aren't you?!"

"I'm not the damn Copy-Ninja, alright?" protested Sasuke.

"That's not what your bounty poster says, buddy," said Sanji.

Off to the side, Sakura saw the beautiful dark-haired woman, Robin, look up from her book to join in the laughter. Then, Sasuke stepped away from the door, bringing himself closer to the circle as he leveled an accusing finger at Sanji.

"Hey, don't you start on bounties with me, Fat-lips. I'm not going to take that sitting down after seeing _your_ poster."

"That's a low blow, man," growled the chef. "Hang-ups regarding the name aside, you got it way better than I did."

"What do they say? If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen?" asked Sasuke.

"Oh, copying my cooking lines now, are you? Sounds like copy ninja material to me, alright."

Sakura watched as the bickering continued, all thoughts of interrupting the pirate group on hold for the time being. She was quite willing to approach a dangerous pirate captain and ask him a few pointed questions, but she didn't really have any idea of what tactic to take when said captain was currently trying to practice blowing air out of his own ears. She had really been expecting something a bit more... confrontational, but instead it felt as though she had walked in on a birthday party.

As she was thinking this, there was a jumble of excited chattering among the crew, with Usopp rummaging in his bag of tricks. Quickly conferring with Hinata as to the order of the faces, they arranged themselves seated in a row.

First in line was Usopp, whose attempted stern expression looked more like he was struggling with constipation. With a popping noise, confetti shot out of two party poppers in his ears.

Second was Luffy, who had drawn huge googly eyes over his own while also stuffing chopsticks between his nose and lower lip in an entirely unauthorized addition to Hinata's story.

Third was Sasuke, who managed a carefully controlled jet of flame from his nose that lasted for at least three seconds before he had to rush for a glass of water.

Last, they propped Zoro up against a chair, letting the loudly snoring and somewhat drool-laden man complete the Straw-Hat rendition of Konoha's mountain.

Sakura watched this with amazement. Naruto wasn't even _here_ right now and this was still happening. Her shock was nothing compared to Hinata's, who was laughing so hard that she started crying, her breath struggling to come as she held in her sides. Sakura hadn't seen the other girl so animated since the time she had stood up for Naruto.

 _This_ was what those two had been dealing with all this time? From the Straw-Hat's bounties and the terror their names seemed to invoke she'd been half-expecting to see an extremely watered-down version of Akatsuki or something, but no. These people were crazier than Buggy!

So... was that a good thing, or a bad thing?

She looked to Sasuke, who was trying not to draw attention to the fact that he was dunking his abused nose in a glass of water. That dumbass would be smelling his own singed nose-hairs for days.

But he looked happy. Genuinely happy, as if he had completely forgotten the worries that had brought him here in the first place. As she watched, something the others had done or said caused him to snort out a surprised bubble into the water glass.

Bringing him back home... might be a bit harder than she had thought.

As if sensing her thoughts, Sasuke returned to her position near the door, red-nosed and looking a bit embarrassed by the whole situation.

"Well, that was something," she said. "A bit crazier than usual?"

He looked a little thoughtful for a moment but answered, "No, not really. It's pretty much always like this when they aren't fighting for their lives. Sorry for leaving you alone, but, well… these are the Straw-Hats."

She looked back at him for a while, gaze steady, before she gave up.

"Alright, come here and let me take a look at that nose of yours."

* * *

 **-Water-7-**

 **-Middle Tier-**

 **-Naruto-**

After the Talk, Naruto had disappeared into the city in a daze.

Water-7 was labyrinthian in its complexity, but the gondola-drivers made navigation a great deal simpler. Moving uncertainly through the streets, Naruto slumped into a nearby vehicle and asked the driver to just take him 'somewhere.' So he watched as they moved to the lock that would bring him to the middle tier of the city, not actually seeing anything go past him at all.

Inside him, confusion was rapidly mounting. Somehow, he'd actually managed to make a girl like him. How the hell had _that_ happened? Goodness knows he hadn't _tried._ For that matter, it wasn't just any girl, either- she seemed pretty much perfect. Now she was here 'cause she had hunted _him_ down, and what the hell was he supposed to do about that?

And then… there was the _other_ problem. The one he _really_ didn't want to think about.

It was too much. He needed stability. He needed predictability. He needed comfort. In short, he needed food.

Drawn by some unusual instinct, he meandered his way along the middle tier until he wandered into the nicest-smelling place around, clutching at the spending money he had acquired from when they had divided the remaining loot after paying for the Merry's replacement materials. The small-ish restaurant was set up so that outside there were tables and chairs for those who wished to take their time as a group, and a long counter on the inside for those just coming and going. Naruto slid up onto a counter stool a couple of seats down from the nearest patron, raising his hand to catch the attendant's attention. He slapped a wad of cash down on the counter.

"Hey. Gimme one of whatever you've got, will ya? Keep 'em coming, cause I'm beat."

His food arrived quickly, but it was so weird it caught him off guard. There was fish, but it wasn't _his_ type of fish. There were sauces, but they weren't _his_ type of sauces. There were vegetables, but they weren't _his_ type of vegetables. Everything out here was weird, and it just seemed to be getting weirder and weirder as time went on.

He was still going to wolf it down, of course. Konoha hadn't raised him as a picky eater.

In fact, it had barely raised him at all.

He clapped his hands together and closed his eyes, preparing to say his thanks for the meal, when all of a sudden he was struck by a strange sense of déjà vu. Eventually, he discovered the cause. The last time he had been in this situation a month prior, Luffy had stolen his food and spit noodles in his face. Nervously, he looked to his right, where the only other person at the counter was sitting.

Nope, the guy was just an ordinary dude. No worries on that account. Well, maybe he was a _little_ weird. The adult man had short black hair, colorful clothing, and thick sunglasses that fully obscured his eyes. It looked as though he had been there for a while, eating very slowly and vocally savoring every single bite of his meal

Still, Naruto sighed with relief. It was good to know that this meal, at least, was going to go normally.

As if sensing the attention, the other man turned to look at him.

"Oh!" the black-haired man exclaimed around a bite.

Naruto looked back at him. "What? You think you know me or something?"

"Errr… nope!" said the man before swallowing. "I-uhh… I guess you just reminded me of someone… That I met once?!" he finished with a rising inflection and a nervous laugh.

Oh great. A weirdo. Or a bounty hunter. Whatever.

"Cool," said Naruto without any enthusiasm at all.

"Yeah—yeah, I guess it is! It's nice to meet you. My name's To—Err… Tobington!"

"Huh, that's a strange name," muttered Naruto, "Can I just call you Tobi for short?"

"Sure!" said Tobi, "Yeah, people out here have really strange names, don't they?"

Naruto gave the man in the dark sunglasses an odd look. Now that he had a better view, it looked like the guy had been burned or something as a kid—the skin on the right side of his face was warped and twisted. Still couldn't see his eyes, though. Naruto took another bite of his meal as he spoke. "Wouldn' you shay... dat people-" he swallowed, "-that people out here have _normal_ names, though? I mean, my name's Naruto, so wouldn't you think that's weird? What do you mean by 'out here,' anyway?"

"Oh! I'm from somewhere foreign."

"What's the place called?" asked Naruto.

"For…reign…ia. Foreignia."

Naruto shook his head. "Goddammit but it's really sad that I can't tell if you're bullshitting me or not. It's so damn _weird_ out here.

"It's okay," said Tobi, "I'm sure you seem pretty weird to me too."

"Yeah, whatever, man. Wait, the name Tobi seems familiar… wasn't that on a bounty recently or something?"

"Uhh, maybe," admitted Tobi, improvising hurriedly, "-but Tobi is a really common name around these parts."

"I guess… not like I'd know, anyway," said Naruto, returning to despondency. "Anyway, I'm Naruto. Nice to meetcha."

"So... what's bothering you, Naruto?" asked Tobi, curiously.

"I'm not really in the mood to talk about it, man. Especially not with a stranger, sorry."

"But… I want to know? Why are you so depressed?"

Ugh, this was irritating.

"Ah man, I'm not _depressed_ , I'm just… I'm just kind of worried, you know? That's it. It's fine, really."

"Ah…" started Tobi, his tone knowing and understanding, "I know how it is… constipation!"

"What?! No, it's not constipation, you weirdo. It's girl trouble!"

"Oh! Well that's a bit harder, isn't it?"

Naruto sighed. "Yeah, you're damn right it is."

"Well, Naruto, I guess I'm not quite as familiar with girls as I am with pooping, but I can try to help!"

"That's a really weird thing to say, dude."

"Bartender!" exclaimed Tobi, "Two ales! One each for me and the young man here!"

The man behind the counter- who wasn't a bartender- blinked once. "I'm sorry, sir- I can get one for you, but we have a store policy against serving alcoholic drinks to someone of his age…"

Like lightning, Tobi reached over the counter, grabbing the man by his collar. The host's shocked face was brought just inches away from Tobi's manic grin, his eyes glinting behind the sunglasses.

"Bartender!" shouted Tobi, directly into the man's face, "Four ales! Two each for me and the young man here!"

Gulping at the sudden escalation, the host hurried to do as he was asked.

* * *

 **-Twenty Minutes Later-**

"So what I'm saying is," started Naruto, as he and Tobi sat- somewhat drunkenly- at an outside table in the early evening light, "It's not like I've been turned down or anything- far from it!"

"How far? Like ten million miles?" asked Tobi.

"Well… maybe not _that_ far, but pretty far, I guess. She _likes_ me!"

Tobi opened his mouth in a surprised grin. "Wow! That's pretty far!"

"So, like, what do I _do_ about it, right? The hell do I know about keeping a girlfriend? She could be my first one! You're supposed to get to- you know- practice on people you barely like beforehand so you don't mess it up when you get to the real thing, right?"

"Mess it up how?" asked Tobi.

"I dunno, like, barfing on her dad's shirt or something."

"Or pooping on her lawn!"

A few passersby looked at them oddly.

"Wha-?" asked Naruto, blinking back at him in confusion. "Wha- poo- what?!"

"Oh, no, ignore me, sorry. I said I don't know a lot about girls."

"Okay… if you say so…" Naruto was dubious, but after a moment he returned to the earlier conversation thread. "But that's what I'm saying, right? I didn't get practice- I spent the last year hanging out with a dirty old man and some toads- how do I know what to do to stop her from hating me once she _really_ gets to know me?"

"You didn't have anyone else to learn from?" asked Tobi.

"No… My mom and dad died when I was a baby, so-"

"Yeah, sorry about that by the way," Tobi apologized, looking somewhat uncomfortable.

"Wha-? What are you apologizing for? You didn't do it."

"Ahhh, yeah, right!" Tobi cleared his throat. "Well, anyway, you seem like a pretty likable guy, you know? Why don't you just try being yourself?"

Now, Naruto cast his gaze downward, muttering, "My other friend told me I wasn't allowed to be myself."

Tobi slapped both palms down on the table, leaning in with a fierce intensity. "That's horrible! You know what you should do? You should march _right_ back to your friend and tell them, 'I'm going to be myself, and if you don't like it then I'll poop all over your lawn!'"

"Wha-? Pooping again?! But-"

"Anyway, that can't be everything there is to this, can it? You're not just worried about a girl, you're _sad_ about something! Come on, you can tell me. What's going on?"

For a moment it looked like Naruto was going to continue his previous pooping-related protestations, but his earlier confusion melted away into nothing as his slightly drunken gaze went distant. Slowly, he became still.

"...I guess I'm just not having very good luck with people right now, huh… I think my best friend doesn't want to come back home."

"W-what?" asked Tobi. "Like, _ever_?"

"Yeah, 'like, _ever,'_ man. I don't think he wants to come home at all, and the more I think about it the more I think he might've been trying to run away for the last month and the only reason he didn't do it was 'cause I kept getting in his face. I think he's trying to get away, and he wouldn't even tell me the truth... Or maybe he wanted to, but he certainly wasn't trying very hard."

Gritting his teeth, Naruto turned his head to the side, but it wasn't hard to see that his eyes were shining. Tobi was quick to respond.

"Oh no! I'm pretty sure friends are really important! You need those for things! Wait, he's still with you, right? So… it might be fine! How do you know that's what's going on if he hasn't said anything yet?"

Naruto shook his head. "No, man, that's just it. I know because he _hasn't_ said anything about it. I mean, I know 'cause of what he hasn't said yet." He laughed bitterly, and it was followed by a little sniffle. "I bet he thinks he's being really subtle about it, too, but that's only 'cause he's a self-centered _asshole_ who can't put himself in other peoples' shoes."

"You… you know because of what he _hasn't_ said yet?" asked Tobi, brow furrowing in confusion above his sunglasses. "I don't get it."

"Yeah... we've been out here for a whole _month_ and you know what he hasn't said yet? Not even once? 'Hey, Naruto, we need to think about sending a message back to the village,' or, 'Hey, Naruto, we can't stay out here forever, you know!' This is the longest mission we've EVER been on, and not only do we not seem to be near the end, but I'm kinda doubting we can even do it. I mean, I know I said I was gonna go and kill the leader of this Akatsuki thing-"

"Eheheh… ahah-heheh..." chuckled Tobi, nervously.

"-but if he's even stronger than all the others we've run into then I mean, _come on!_ And the thing is, Sasuke would normally be the one telling me that! Instead he's always afraid of saying anything that would remind me of why we're not back at the village! It's really pissing me off!"

"...It sounds like you wanna… trust him, or something, right?" asked Tobi, uncertainty coloring his voice. "And… like… for some reason it bothers you that you feel you can't?

"Yeah, Tobi. I _can't_ trust him. Maybe I haven't been trying to listen as hard as I could've, but he sure as hell coulda tried harder too. I dunno, maybe that makes me a shitty person."

"What?" interrupted Tobi before Naruto could go any further in that line of thought, "No! Listen, we're getting along just fine, right?"

Naruto chuckled. "Yeah, man. I guess we're friends, you know?"

All of a sudden, Tobi shot back in his chair, the legs scraping angrily against the stone cobbles. The noise was like nails on a blackboard in the otherwise peaceful evening.

"What?! No way! We couldn't be friends!" exclaimed Tobi, a look of sheer horror on his face.

"Well, geez, you don't need to be so mean about it..."

"Seriously! Friends are always hanging around in dark lairs and plotting to kill other people, not to mention each other! They don't sit around drinking and eating peacefully! A real friend would kill you as soon as look at you, only hanging together with you due to promises of both mutual gain for victory and retributive violence for failure! That's what _you_ were talking about, right?"

Naruto boggled, trying to keep up in his inebriated state. "Man, I don't even know what you're talking about, dude, but that's not what friends are."

Now, Tobi's shock turned to smugness. "Oh, you _naive_ kid. _Trust_ me on this. I have a _lot_ of friends. I think I know what a little thing called friendship looks like, alright?"

" _No,"_ insisted Naruto, "You're _wrong_. What you're describing is, like, _enemies_ , or maybe some fancy word like 'conspirators' or something. Real friends sit around peacefully all the time."

"No! _You're_ wrong!"

"Whatever. Ask anyone here and they'd say the same thing."

"...Wait, _really?!"_ exclaimed Tobi. "Because I asked Danz- er- my friend Danny- if we were friends once, and he said 'of course' and then he laughed, but he's tried to kill me at least three times already! You're saying he was _lying_?!"

"Danny sounds like a dick _,"_ muttered Naruto. "You need to get some better friends."

Tobi paused to fiddle with his fingers.

"Well… maybe... I've already got one?"

Naruto grinned, his face lighting up, "Yeah, man. You got it!"

"Huh… wow… This is really illuminating to me. I thought it was weird how everybody else acted, but… _wow_."

Naruto sighed, leaning back in his seat, watching the sky as the sun began setting on the city. "Man, here I was talking about girl troubles and stuff and it sounds like you've got a way bigger problem to worry about. Makes me feel embarrassed…"

A moment passed, and Naruto gave a fierce nod, looking Tobi straight in the sunglasses. "Yeah! You know what? You're right! I can be myself _and_ get the girl! I'm good with people now! I can figure it out! And I can figure out my friend, too!"

Tobi beamed, an expression filled with genuine delight and joy for his new friend's resolution.

"That's great, Naruto," said Tobi, ordering another drink with a terribly confusing two-handed gesture to the host that made him look like he was milking an invisible cow. "I'm cheering for you, man. Anyway, I'll be leaving the island for good tomorrow morning, so I just wanted to say that I'm glad I met you. In fact, we'll probably see each other again, and I'm really hoping that you'll hear about what we did before that. We've got something super big planned, and you can bet we'll be making the news in the next few days."

As the drink arrived, Tobi raised his glass to the young man. "You go out and seize life by the throat, alright? Tonight, _I'm_ gonna enjoy myself and then I'm gonna start doing the same thing!"

Naruto grinned, waved goodbye, then darted away down the street.

At a table in the corner, a tremendous man with curly black hair and a broken grin watched Naruto leave as Tobi returned to deepening his inebriation. For a moment his gaze lingered on the departing young man, fingers twitching, but then he shook his head. Eyes set, he returned to watching over Tobi.

* * *

 **-Half an Hour Later-**

Naruto leapt from rooftop to rooftop in the evening air. The breeze smelled of fish and salt, and the sun was setting on a long day, but his work was just beginning.

So now he had two people he needed to have a heart-to-heart with. Maybe someone else might have agonized or angsted over which was more important or which needed to be done first, but he'd made up his mind when he left Tobi. He was gonna do this Naruto-style, and that meant doing things the way they made sense to him at the time and damn getting worked up over whether it'd been the best way to do it or not. He wasn't gonna go back on his word, and that meant fixing all of this stuff was just a matter of time.

He arrived at their lodgings faster than he had expected.

Hinata and Sakura were sitting out front and guarding the doors when Naruto approached, and Hinata was quick to stand up in surprise. Sakura gave him a menacing glare, but he wasn't scared of her. Even if he wasn't planning to threaten to 'poop on her lawn,' he was still going to do this his way.

Eyes set, he stepped up to the blue-haired girl and grasped her hand. She looked back up at him in open-mouthed shock.

"Hey, let's go for a walk, okay?"

Blinking rapidly, she was quick to nod her agreement, though she didn't seem quite able to say anything in response. Behind her, Sakura looked like she wanted to say something, but she too stayed quiet.

Then they were off.

A minute later, and he was already certain of one thing: this was a really weird experience. Her hand was hot in his, and he couldn't quite bring himself to even look over at her. It had all seemed so easy a little bit ago. Minutes seemed to stretch into hours. They just walked side-by-side in the darkening evening until, eventually, her voice surprised him.

"Is it true that you spent half an hour with your tongue frozen to that golden Buddha in front of all those pilgrims?" she asked.

Naruto almost tripped over the flat ground.

"Uhh, you… you heard about that, huh? Heheh… Guessing... Sakura told you about that one. Not my proudest moment, but Sasuke wouldn't warm it up cause he didn't feel like blowing hot air on my tongue."

He paused as she took that in. Now he was having trouble looking at her for an entirely different reason. After a moment she continued.

"...So you transformed into a dog until Sakura could come back with hot water?"

Oh, geez. Suddenly he wasn't feeling too hot about his chances here.

"Uhh… In my defense, the dog idea worked out really well, you know?" he added, desperate for damage-control. "Animals go over really well at worship-sites, even if they… er… no matter what they're doing."

There was a moment of silence in the quiet night, and then she said, "Sakura told me people were bringing you dog treats."

Naruto gulped. He'd never _actually_ been embarrassed about this before- In fact, he'd even told the story himself once or twice- but all of a sudden he really wished she'd stop talking about it.

"Well, heh, you know, it's like I said! People see a dog licking a holy thing and they think the dog's holy too! It was just, you know, impersonation practice!"

There was another pause, and then Hinata's voice broke into a giggle. "She also said that when she finally came back there was a little girl scratching behind your ears, and her parents were telling her to 'get away from the ugly mongrel.'"

He blinked in surprise and looked over at her. She was smiling brightly enough to raise the sun back over the horizon, and her hand squeezed his firmly. Apparently the story wasn't a deal-breaker after all. Though she wasn't looking directly at him, he grinned back down at her.

"Those old farts needed to get their eyes checked, 'cause I made for a damn beautiful mutt."

Just like that, the tension was gone.

Deciding to stop heading to his intended destination for a moment, he pulled them over to one of the many bridges that could see down into the city below. He needed to apologize for something, and if there was one thing that had stuck with him from what Sakura had said, it was that he could be _better_ than Naruto.

"Was this where we were going?" she asked, interrupting his preparations.

"Uh, no, we're gonna go somewhere else, but I just wanted to say sorry."

"...Sorry?"

"Yeah, sorry for… you know… being kind of dumb about this. I never really noticed… you know, all that, and I can't help but feel like a total idiot loser about it all."

Hinata was quick to shake her head, but slower to actually say anything.

"I… no, it wasn't your responsibility to figure it out on your own," she said. "I was weak. I know that- I've always known I was being weak, but… well… I was afraid."

He laughed. "Yeah, well, I guess we were both just dumb, weren't we?" Tugging her hand, he beckoned her further into the city. "Come on, we gotta keep moving."

"Where... where are we going...?"

He turned a grin her way, and her step faltered. After she recovered, Naruto picked up the pace.

"We're going someplace with a good view!"

Reflexively, she looked behind them to the bridge they had just left. He supposed it made sense that she'd be confused. Standing there they had had a view of most of the city, but that just wasn't good enough. If he knew anything about dating- which he didn't- right now she'd be wondering if they were actually going someplace special or not.

They sped up until they were no longer walking, slowly beginning to run as they learned how to fall into each other's rhythm.

"We're going that way!" he said, pointing off and up into the distance. Gradually, understanding dawned on her face with a smile that replaced her earlier confusion. He gestured upward as they approached a waterside warehouse, and up they went, leaping to the roofs and continuing their journey in the approved Konoha tradition- jumping from high places. It didn't take long before they were moving in unison, and he looked over at the lovely girl his stupid bullshit had earned him the attention of.

Well, he might not know everything about dating or whatever, but he knew something special when he saw it.

* * *

If you looked at it a certain way, the city of Water-7 wasn't just crested by a fountain, it _was_ a fountain. The entire city sloped downward from its peak as water flowed through its myriad canals, winding its way through the tiers of the city.

Naruto wasn't sure what other people would think if they were trying to come up with a special place to go on a date, but really there was only one option when he thought about it. He and Hinata climbed the immense three-tiered fountain, leaping across rushing water and running up white-brick walls. From the top-most tier spouted a unending torrential spray that would quite dampen the mood, so they solved the problem as true ninjas would.

They stood upside-down on the underside of the fountain, watching the rain fall across a city that spread out below them. The moon reflected off of endless waves out into the horizon, and the city was lit as if by ten thousand candles. Once they were there, Naruto turned with pride to see if the view had been well-received, but to his surprise he found that she wasn't looking at the city. She was looking at him and just smiling. He blinked with surprise, until it finally hit him.

"Oh, crap!" he cried out, surprising her with the sudden change in mood. "You've got those cool eyes that can see, like, everything anyway, right? This is probably really boring for you!"

Hinata opened her mouth, but he continued to apologize. This really had been a mistake. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, I didn't think about the way you'd see it. If I'd been paying attention I would have taken us somewhere else, but-"

"No!" she insisted, shaking her head with surprising vehemence. "No! No that's not true! This is wonderful! I- I can't explain it, but it just _is_ … I was just thinking that you're really good at this."

"W-what? I _am_?!" This was _truly_ shocking. Literally nothing in his life had prepared him for this.

"Yes, I mean I hope I'm not putting too much pressure on you. I kind of feel like I'm not really prepared, but you've been so good at..." Her blush intensified. "Well, whatever this is."

He gulped. "W-well that's good! You too! I mean, uhh, dammit. That is, argh, we haven't even done what I wanted to come up here for!"

Her mouth dropped open in surprise as he pulled out a small pack he had been carrying and pulled out his objective. A brush and jar of ink.

"Here we go! I figured you never got to deface any national monuments when you were growing up, so now's the perfect time! We can write our names down or something!"

She looked, in a word, confused. Like he had just said the very last thing she had expected.

"Uhh, you okay?" he asked.

"Oh! Oh, yes I'm fine! For a moment I thought you were going to..." Whatever she had been about to say was completely abandoned as she violently shook her head to clear it.

"... Are you okay _this_ time?" he asked, uncertainly.

"Yes! Yes! I'm fine! Just, uhh, writing our names- as in, together?"

"Sure!" he exclaimed, glad to be back on firmer ground, metaphorically speaking. Quickly he opened the jar of ink, only to have a great deal of it hit him in the face as the black liquid fell upwards towards him. He blinked in stunned surprise as she reacted too late to stop it, but it now covered his face in great splatters.

There was a moment frozen in time, and then they started laughing.

As it turned out, Naruto still had enough ink left to complete his dastardly plan, this time accounting for gravity. The two teens defaced the underside of the fountain with their names, written both in big messy strokes as well as some slightly more reserved ones. Until someone managed to get up this high to clean, the world would know that Hinata and Naruto had been here. It was while they were still flushed with accomplishment that a not insignificant section of the city below them went black, as if everyone there had turned off their lights at the same time. A moment later, a small rumbling reached them.

"Whoa, what the hell was that?" asked Naruto, peering down into the distance.

Hinata swiftly activated the Byakugan, scanning for the source of the disturbance.

"...Two people are fighting down there. Looks like the work of a Devil Fruit or something."

"Are the Straw-Hats involved?" asked Naruto. He didn't want to interrupt this, but if his friends were in trouble then it was a clear choice.

Hinata shook her head. "No… In fact…"

Slowly, bit-by-bit, the lights came back on.

"Was that it?" asked Naruto. "If it's just two pirates going at it then we can let them be for now."

Hinata looked a little unsure, but finally turned to smile at Naruto. "Yeah, I think so. At the very least they're not fighting any more."

There were no more disturbances for the two of them that night.

* * *

A/N: I'm not apologizing.


	48. The Heart of Darkness

**-Water-7-**

 **-Late Evening-**

Tobi tottered along the streets after dark, still working off his earlier drinking binge. Intoxication was just one of the many dubious pleasures of owning a human body that Tobi subscribed to from time to time. Of course, he could metabolize the alcohol by force if he wanted to, but somehow doing so never seemed like a good idea whenever he was drunk.

The late evening was still fairly busy here, and Tobi kept apologizing as he bumped into person after person, wandering and bonking his way through the streets until he got sick of all the obstacles. He meandered his way off the main thoroughfares and resumed his journey through nearly empty squares and alleyways to the house that he and his friends had rented for their stay on the island.

No… wait, that was the wrong word, wasn't it? Friends? If Naruto was right, then he had gotten that ALL wrong. But... maybe some of them were still his friends? Kisame still seemed to enjoy this trip, and he hadn't tried to kill him yet, so maybe that was something?

Oh well. Even if they weren't his friends, they were still his unwitting patsies. They'd help him get to the Divine Tree, and then they'd all die when he revived Madara using the power of the Rinnegan. Of course, reviving Madara meant that he'd have to sacrifice his own life in the process, but… Lord Madara would be so happy when he found out that Tobi had got him the real Fruit of the Divine Tree.

For some reason, this thought also made him feel a bit sad.

This was too much to be thinking about while heavily inebriated.

"Hey, you there…" spoke a deep voice from a dark alley to his side.

Blearily, Tobi looked around. No one else was visible in the gloom. Tobi pointed to himself and then glanced into the darkness. "Who, me?"

"Yeah, you…" said the menacing voice from the shadows, "I'm lookin' for someone."

That was strange. Despite the fact that the Rinnegan had no trouble seeing in low-light situations, the shadows around this man seemed a bit… darker than usual. He couldn't see whoever it was, but they seemed very large.

"Well, I guess I'm someone… but I dunno if I'm who you're lookin' for?" slurred Tobi.

"I heard you say your name was Tobington," continued the man. "Is that right?"

"Pshhh… _No!"_ scoffed Tobi, continuing to wobble drunkenly in place. "Oh, no, wait… yes! Yes, tha's right!"

The man stepped forward into the moonlight. Almost twelve feet tall, tanned skin, obese, and with a patchy black beard that matched his curly black hair. He was grinning, exposing a smile that was missing several teeth.

"Pretty odd that you're wearing sunglasses at night, Tobington," he said.

"Hey! They makes me look cool, I think!"

The man's hand wreathed itself in darkness, and suddenly the sunglasses whipped off of Tobi's face, flying into the outstretched hand with a clatter of metal.

"Hey! Wha- Give those back!" shouted Tobi, his distinctive eyes now exposed to the world.

"Oh… you're a naive fool, Tobi," laughed the man, his broken grin widening. "And here I thought the title of 'Good-boy' was a joke."

Tobi was flabbergasted. "Wha?! How'd you know my name?!"

A moment later, Tobi was pulled off of his feet by the same force that had taken his sunglasses. He flew across the street to slam into the man's meaty palm. The man grasped his entire chest entirely in just one hand, holding him more than six feet off the ground as if he weighed nothing at all.

"Oh, woooow," said Tobi, poking curiously at the man's hand and the tendrils of darkness that were coiling around him. "You can pull things too?! Tha's _amazing_! So can I!"

The man ignored him, pulling out a pistol with his other hand and pressing it to his temple.

"The name's Marshall D. Teach," he said, "but I think I'm gonna start going by the name Blackbeard after I get through with you, little guy. You need respect to pull off a name like that, but I'll have earned it once I'm done with you and Fire-fist Ace."

Tobi's head lolled slightly to the side as Blackbeard's grip increased. "Why would you… Ohhh, 'cause your beard is _black_ , _I get it_. What are we doing, huh?"

"You're coming with me, bucko, but you're not gonna be alive to see where we're going. The government wants you dead, and bringing in a big-shot like you will cement me as a real contender in the world. Sorry, it ain't nothing personal."

Tobi boggled. "Wha? Big-shot? Me? What're you talking about?! We haven't even done anything important yet!"

Blackbeard pressed the gun more firmly to his temple.

"That's funny," he chuckled. "The guy with the four-hundred-million bounty says he hasn't done anything important yet. What a laugh, huh? See, most people don't know the ins and outs of how the Marines issue bounties, but the truth is they never start you off with something huge right off the bat. No matter how horrible what you did was, there's always the chance you were just a fluke, and the bounty hunters will take you out for cut-price. From zero to four hundred big ones in one go? Hooo-whee! I ain't _never_ seen that before!"

Blackbeard brought his immense grin closer. "I ain't never heard about you in the news either, so that's even better. Whatever you did, they want you dead and they want it done real fast and _reaaal_ hush-hush. I reckon you're a better catch than anyone else this side of the Red-Line."

Blackbeard's hand continued oozing darkness, and as it curled around him Tobi could feel his strength draining away. For the first time in this conversation it occurred to him that he probably should be a bit worried about this.

"Ze-hahahahah!" The man laughed. "The rumors say you can do some pretty crazy stuff, Tobi, but all that means nothing in the face of the all-absorbing power of the Yami-Yami Fruit."

"Whoaaa…" exclaimed Tobi, circle-patterned eyes wide in shock, "Tha's so totally awesome! You can absorb stuff too?! I can do that! It's like we're brothers… or somethin'!"

Tobi's eyes began flaring with power, and suddenly the darkness began to recoil, fighting and tangling with the field that sprung up around him. Blackbeard's grin fell from his face.

"Huh… I dunno what you're doing, but I'm gonna stop that right now."

Blackbeard pulled the trigger, but it locked in place, stopped by a number of white fleshy tentacles that had stuffed themselves into the trigger-guard. Shouting in surprise as tentacles continued wiggling out of his victim's ears, Blackbeard ripped the gun away and tossed it aside.

"Okay, pal," he growled, scowling down at his captive, "It's nothing personal, but if it's any consolation you were gonna die anyway!"

Saying this, the twelve-foot tall man grabbed Tobi with both hands, raised him above his head, and snapped his spine like a twig.

"Hahah! Ow!" exclaimed Tobi, as more tentacles began wriggling their way from his ears. Disgusted, Blackbeard dropped him, and the instant Tobi left his grip the large man was shoved backwards by an unknown force that sent him crashing into the stones of a nearby building. The wall collapsed, revealing a family of five in the middle of dinner, eyes wide and forks to their mouths.

Blackbeard stood up, completely unharmed by the attack. Brushing himself off, he looked up and then he saw something he wished to never see again.

A demon. That's what it was. A demonic head rose up from the ground in front of Tobi, picking his body up with a grasping tongue and swallowing him into its gaping maw. Blackbeard's jaw dropped as the frightening creation stared him down from across the road, chewing and gnashing, as if daring him to interrupt its meal. There were a few wet clunking sounds, and then Tobi was spat out again, rolling along the ground to stop in a disgusting puddle of saliva.

Carefully, Tobi stood up, no longer paralyzed from his broken back.

"Huh," he remarked, suddenly much more lucid than he had been, "I didn't know Tonguey cured hangovers as well. Weird, huh?"

"What?! What in nine hells _is_ that thing?!" shouted Blackbeard.

"Oh, this?" Tobi asked, pointing to the demon. "This is Tonguey! Well, I think he's actually named the 'Demon Prince of Hell' or something like that, but this name suits him better, don't you think?"

Behind Tobi, the demon's mouth opened again, exposing its lolling tongue. Behind Blackbeard, the family evacuated the dinner table to run screaming into the night.

"Your Devil Fruit summons SATAN?!" Blackbeard yelled.

Tobi gasped. "What?! No! Noo-no-no-no! No… Well, maybe. I don't actually know who that is."

"This is impossible! I've looked at the records of every Devil Fruit in existence, and there _is_ no such Fruit! New Fruits stopped being created ages ago!"

"It's not a Devil Fruit, actually. It's just something my eyeballs can do. You know, like summoning sharks, or looking at things, or making a demon put my body back together..." After that, Tobi paused, processing what he had just heard Blackbeard say. "Also, what? What was that you just said now? About 'fruits not being created?' Could you say that part again, please?"

Breathing in, Blackbeard began covering himself in darkness. As he did, it spilled from his body, spreading along the ground like ink. If Tobi was going to give him the chance to monologue as his power expanded to cover the area, he would take it.

"Once a Devil Fruit appears," he said, "it will appear again and again from that day forth. I searched far and wide for information on all of them, and in my travels I found books thought long lost to the world. There are thousands of fruits out there including the one that I hunted down… but one thing the hidden books revealed to me was that there are Devil Fruits in existence today that weren't around two thousand years ago."

As Tobi took this in, Blackbeard laughed, forming a ball of consummate void in his left hand that pulled in all light around. "But all that stopped centuries ago! There's not a single Fruit in existence today that wasn't here _one_ thousand years ago. And that means I've still got a trump card. I fought and killed for this Fruit- the most powerful Devil Fruit in the world! Feel the might of pure darkness and gravity!"

 **[DARK MATTER]**

Winding up like a pitcher, Blackbeard hurled the black hole straight for his target, and Tobi reacted by preparing to absorb the attack, relying on the Rinnegan's unbeatable power to dispel whatever this was. At the last moment the spinning ball curved wildly to the right, shooting past Tobi's shoulder and impacting the demonic head straight in the nose. The ball expanded violently, warping and twisting the creature's features as it gnashed, screamed, and was sucked into the dark wormhole as if it had never been there in the first place.

Tobi looked back in shock at the disappearing demon, then he was lifted off his feet in an almighty pull as Blackbeard sought to bring his opponent back to short-range with one darkness-wreathed hand.

"Ze-hahaha!" laughed Blackbeard. "Even if we both nullify each other's powers, I can still break you into little pieces, Tobi! I'll shatter each bone in your body!"

Winding up for a massive strike, Blackbeard was ready for the moment Tobi came in range, but it never happened. At the last second a swarm of tangled roots burst from underneath the cobblestones, wrapping themselves around Tobi's lower half and suspending him sideways, stopping his wild fall. Whipping his head up towards Blackbeard, Tobi focused, and two spears of wood erupted from the ground, stabbing the massive man deep in the side. Blackbeard winced, then snapped the spears with a negligent swipe of his hand, dropping a swathe of darkness to coat the ground around him and absorb any wood before it arose.

The massive man laughed off the spear wound.

"Oh, Tobi, I don't care who you think you are. _Nobody's_ tougher than me! These are just pinpricks!"

Tobi took advantage of the distraction to free himself. He melted through the wood as if it wasn't even there, and then raised his hands to the sky. As the Rinnegan pulsed with power, a feeling of pressure filled the air followed by an immense cloud of white smoke. Moments later, several nearby buildings were crushed into rubble with a crashing roar. When the smoke cleared, a tremendous armored crab stood over the battlefield, brutally spiked and nearly a hundred feet wide.

Tobi laughed gleefully, pointing a vengeful finger towards his opponent.

"Go, Mister Crabby! Teach him the true meaning of fear!"

The crustacean swept a massive clawed limb down into the street below, tearing the roads and buildings alike into pieces. As the claw approached Tobi, he gave a yelp of surprise and melted into the ground, disappearing from sight completely before he could become collateral damage.

Now alone with the enemy crab, Blackbeard cursed. He raised both hands to stop the incoming beast, taking the multi-ton impact with a grunt of effort as the ground cracked beneath him. Finally, he and the claw skidded to a halt.

"Ah, goddamnit, what the hell's going on with this guy!" growled Blackbeard. "I wanted to play this quiet, but he has to summon a giant goddamn crab?!"

Roaring with effort, Blackbeard wrenched the claw with all his might, pulling until the exoskeleton cracked. With the horrible noise of ripping flesh, the limb tore from its socket. Despite the terrible wound, the crab didn't make a sound, just stumbling backward with neither a roar of anger nor scream of pain.

Blackbeard flung the arm to the side, and it landed on the stones with a sickening thump.

"Alright, come on you ugly monster, lets finish this!"

The crab reared up, foam developing at its mandibles. A moment later, it expelled a frothing torrent of bubbles that washed across the rubble-strewn battlefield. It hit him like a crashing wave, and to his surprise each of the bubbles exploded like miniature grenades all over his body.

"Son of a bitch!" cursed the man, guarding his face from the painful onslaught that would have killed a lesser man. Gathering his concentration, he summoned forth a cloud of darkness ahead of him, swallowing the bubbles as fast as they could be created. The crab continued to spew its attack until the wave stopped, seeming not to realize anything was wrong. At that moment, Blackbeard jumped forward, one fist raised to attack. The punch struck the beast like the end of the world, blasting a hole straight through its armored carapace to obliterate the flesh underneath.

The crab's legs collapsed underneath it, and then the beast disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

"Holy shit!" yelled Tobi, as his head emerged from the stones further down the street. "You killed Mister Crabby!"

Coating his hands in darkness to remove the blood and crab gore, Blackbeard wound up and pitched another ball of darkness Tobi's way. The crab summoner disappeared back into the ground with another surprised yelp.

Growling, Blackbeard placed both hands to the ground, spreading darkness across it.

"You had to make this hard," he said. "You _had_ to keep struggling until I pulled out the big guns, huh? Well, you asked for this one, Tobi..."

 **[BLACK HOLE]**

The shadows crawled wildly across the ground, swallowing rubble, carts, and the remains of houses alike as Blackbeard expanded his zone of control without care for damage to the city. The very sky around them darkened as his power flowed without end. He pushed and pushed, coating the entire block as he watched the landscape carefully. Off in the distance Tobi clawed hurriedly from the ground as the absorbing darkness began to interfere with his ground-melding technique, forcing him to use the Rinnegan to protect himself from the gravity attack.

Now, Tobi stood alone at the center of a twisting whirlpool of darkness, and Blackbeard grinned like a gambler about to reveal a royal flush.

"Game over, Good-Boy," he said, and then he released his stored power.

 **[LIBERATION]**

From all around his target, the darkness disgorged everything it had absorbed up to this point, starting with the stones of the many nearby buildings and followed up by every last one of the explosive bubbles that the crab had thrown at him. The explosions propelled the non-absorbable rubble like a claymore mine, and every angle of the landscape surrounding the Akatsuki leader became a weapon aimed directly inwards.

The stone-shattering assault was utterly unavoidable and the rumble was audible across the entire island. Seconds later, the screaming of people surprised by the sudden onslaught echoed in the distance.

Then, amazingly, a figure stood back up amidst the clearing dust, staggering forward as if on its last legs. Blackbeard wasted no time. He reached out his hand and pulled, tearing the wounded figure off its feet and bringing him in close to finish the job.

What arrived in his grip a moment later was little more than the remnants of a wooden sapling, branches grown out in every direction to resemble human appendages. It was broken and twisted by the attack, but it definitely wasn't Tobi. Blackbeard had just a moment to stare down at the wooden doll in shock before he felt a hand on his head.

"Sorry," said Tobi, having leapt down from a collapsed building to land on Blackbeard's shoulders, "I won this one, but don't think of it as dying. Think of it as living on inside me, okay?"

 **[NINGENDO: KYOKON NO JUTSU]**

 **[HUMAN PATH: ABSORPTION SOUL TECHNIQUE]**

Blackbeard didn't have time to scream. There was a horrible tugging sensation, and then the bounty-hunter's soul was ripped from his body in a single instant. Everything went black.

* * *

 **-Meanwhile-**

 **-Isle of Banaro-**

Barely fifty miles away from Water-7, Fire-Fist Ace sneezed.

"Huh," the man mused, sniffing to clear his nose. "Wonder if someone's talking about me."

Ace walked confidently down the main street of the single town on the Isle of Banaro. The natives here seemed overly fond of leather, spurs, and ten-gallon hats, and they gave him uneasy glares as he moved through. No one bothered him, though. His picture had been in the papers recently enough to make avoiding him the best option.

But he was disappointed. Everything he had learned on his hunt over the last week told him that Teach had been planning to come straight here. In fact, it was as if the man had been deliberately planting clues leading him to this place. Every instinct that Ace had told him that this was the island where Teach was planning to set a trap and make his stand.

Looks like it was just another trick to shake pursuit.

Ace shook his head and yawned. Well, time to move on and see if any news had sprung up elsewhere.

Let's see… where to next...

* * *

 **-Water-7-**

 **-Akatsuki Hideout-**

Their makeshift lab was silent as Orochimaru worked over the body of their newest victim. The rest of Akatsuki had been summoned to exterminate the darkness-generator's crew, but he had more important things to worry about. Though the body and chakra system of their target was still alive with power, he knew from recent experience that it wouldn't remain that way for long without its soul. Why in the world had Tobi gone out of the way to make his job more difficult, Orochimaru couldn't quite say. It meant he could waste no time before getting to work.

From what he had seen and heard of it so far, this fruit was fascinating. It seemed to generate wisps of 'darkness' that were fundamentally different from anything Orochimaru had ever seen regarding shadow-manipulation. For that matter, the so-called 'darkness' had apparently been called an expression of gravity by its wielder. This was, of course, ludicrous, but it was hardly Orochimaru's first time encountering a rube who wrongly claimed to understand the science behind chakra and ninjutsu. Darkness and gravity were not related at all except in the minds of simpletons who conflated everything mysterious. He was certain that this was some other effect that was simply being misinterpreted.

If only he had had time to properly experiment.

Orochimaru began the incisions using a shadow clone, letting a proxy do the work of the surgery while he watched from a makeshift observation bay. This would be the same procedure he had used for dissecting Enel, and he would continue to use it for any other dangerous Fruit-User lest he be harmed by an unexpected exertion of power. Still, compared to the last operation this would be simplicity itself. It was even better that he was performing the delicate task on land, away from rocking waves and an easily-damaged hull.

As his shadow clone cut into flesh, the tendrils of darkness poked and prodded curiously at the scalpel. His real body, meanwhile, was reviewing some of the books he had acquired on the Devil Fruits from the local archives. So many powers with such interesting possibilities. As he skimmed through the pages a word jumped out at him, causing him to turn back a page.

Oh?

Apparently the Ope-Ope Fruit granted one the power to make freeform surgical incisions and replacements to anything and anyone in areas designated by the Fruit's controller. Not only that, but apparently it could be exploited to give another person eternal life by sacrificing the life of the Fruit User.

Hmm…

Well, now, _that_ certainly dovetailed nicely with his interests.

He could already see it now. If he could acquire such a Fruit out here, he could use it until he returned to the Elemental Kingdoms, at which point he was certain he would have perfected the art of Devil Fruit surgery to the point he could transfer it to another. He was rather certain he already had half a dozen followers who would gladly volunteer to take the Fruit and use its power to grant him eternal life. Eternal youth would be something he would still need even if he were to acquire the power of a god. Danzou might be content to change the world to his whim and die with his life's work complete, but Orochimaru would play the long game. He never intended to die at all.

He shook his head. All this was nice to imagine, but the world was a very large place. It was ridiculously unlikely he'd ever meet the owner of this Fruit during their journey. Perhaps, though, an expedition of sorts would be in order after he'd attained godhood?

Smiling, he memorized every detail written on the subject then proceeded onward.

It was very nice to be back in civilization for a change. He really had acquired some interesting knowledge during their stay... not to mention the... _other_ treasure he had taken that he wished not to speak to the rest of the group about. Keeping secrets like the one he had just acquired gave him an atavistic thrill, and it always served handy to keep a few around as trump cards.

After a moment he returned to focus on the surgery. The more and more time he spent out here, the more certain he grew that no outlander understood even the basic theory of the Devil Fruits. The only hints he had seen of any serious experimentation was by a scientist known as Dr. 's real body chuckled as it lurked in the observation bay. This Vegapunk was unlikely to get very far without an understanding of the scientific principles of chakra. Still, he found himself wishing he could meet the man.

Swiftly yet carefully, the clone extracted an immense heart the size of a coconut, seals burning into existence on its muscle tissue that would lock it into a biological stasis. With this, they would have another Logia Fruit to sacrifice at the Divine Tree, which should be just enough for their purposes, even at his most conservative calculations of relative power levels and years remaining in the fruiting schedule.

Hold on a moment.

The real Orochimaru blinked in surprise as something odd happened in the surgery room. A cloud of darkness began seeping from the heart. The clone backed away from the body, making a few hand seals to suppress the unknown chakra, but a tendril of darkness shot out and expanded to engulf the clone. There was a brief struggle and then the clone disappeared, completely drained of its chakra. Orochimaru was surprised to note that not even the normal transfer of memories from the shadow clone took place.

He narrowed his eyes, watching the heart rest quietly on the operating table. Slowly, as if experimenting, the darkness expanded to coil itself around the still-beating heart. It covered the heart entirely, and when it finally receded every sigil and marking that had kept the heart alive had disappeared. Seconds later, the heart stopped beating entirely, and he could almost _feel_ the power leaving the room.

Hmmm...

Well, that was interesting.

The Fruit had killed its host, which would mean it would return to the normal cycle of rebirth that characterized these strange items. This behavior was starkly different from Enel's Fruit, which had fought to keep his heart alive regardless of the condition it had been kept in.

Did the Fruits have some manner of awareness or understanding? Or even personality? Perhaps it was related to how long its owner had possessed the Fruit, or perhaps it differed for each Fruit depending on its powers or preferences. He'd never heard of Fruits activating without their user's will, but was this a function of Blackbeard's lack of a soul, or was it because the Fruit had no interest in remaining in captivity?

That was concerning if so, and not only because it meant they would have to be careful with any new captures. Frowning, he gathered his materials and prepared to tell Tobi the bad news.

One thing was clear. Any new sacrifices would have to be kept well and truly alive until they reached their destination, lest this scenario repeat itself.

* * *

A/N: In case the theme isn't clear yet, comparing relative strength and power levels between these two universes is often meaningless because neither side really goes into fights with good intel. Most ninja battles are balanced around both sides having at least a passing familiarity with their opponent's fighting style, but if, for example, you were to run into Shikaku Nara in a dark alley and _you didn't know what he did_ your only option would be to get rekt. That's what happened to Asuma and Jiraiya, for that matter. Contrasting this, One Piece characters tend to tell you exactly what they can do right up front.

Tobi is not only powerful, but he has more tricks than most people, which means more deadly surprises. Blackbeard should have had an immense advantage against any Fruit-User in close-combat, being able to nullify all offensive and defensive abilities by touching them with his hand and use his hilarious strength as a grappler to destroy his opponents, but his fighting style is poorly adapted to someone that has the so-far completely unobserved ability to rip your soul out in melee range. That's the kind of thing you really want to know about _before_ you start trying to do command grabs. This is also why it was so important in canon that Fukusaku and Shima were able to bring back information on the Rinnegan's powers.

Sorry for the longer delays, by the way. I used up a lot of my buffer in Enies Lobby and am working to restore it. I'd rather slow down a bit here than get writer's block during a cliffhanger later.

Garp's arrival is still on the schedule, but Water-7 is almost done, and then everyone will be back on the road.


	49. A Long Overdue Discussion

When Naruto and Hinata returned for the night, Sasuke and Sakura were there waiting for them, sitting outside in the lamp-lit darkness. The hour had grown late indeed, and the lower parts of the city were now abuzz with activity as its citizens gawked over the unexpected destruction that had been visited upon it. Nevertheless, it was not late enough to delay what needed to be discussed any longer. Sakura spared just enough time to verify Naruto hadn't mentally scarred the other girl, and then she went right into it.

"Naruto, Sasuke. We need to talk."

"Yeah, I know," said Naruto, dropping Hinata's hand and approaching, leaving her behind.

Sasuke gave him an odd look, so Naruto clarified. "Yeah, I figured out what you're doing out here, okay? I even told Hinata before coming here. I just… I need to hear it from you."

Sasuke sighed and then nodded. "...Alright, then… To put it simply, I'm leaving the village for good. That was the plan. That was always the plan. And I'm so damn sorry for not telling you two."

"Okay," said Naruto, glaring at his friend. "I get that, but I don't get _why_ this is such a big deal for you. Why now? Why do this at all? Come on, man, you gotta admit this sounds crazy."

"I'm wondering the same thing myself," said Sakura.

Sasuke took a moment to gather his thoughts.

"...Okay… This might take a while… On the day that my family died, my brother had a warning for me. He told me something which has long been known to be the truth- the Sharingan is coveted, and if other countries found an opportunity to acquire even a single pair they would sacrifice entire teams to ensure it happened. It would be even better if I could be recruited permanently. As such, my life is an asset to Konoha as long as I am trusted, and a threat otherwise."

He paused and watched as their slightly incredulous expressions told him they were at least paying attention. When they said nothing, he moved on.

"The one thing that would save my life, Itachi said, was the protection of the Third Hokage. Given that the Uchiha clan is no longer trusted, he told me that the will to defend my life would end on the day that the Hokage died. It's politics, you see. Someone who distrusted me might even have me killed by Anbu, giving my eyes out to other Jounin in secret, instead of just hoping that I'll grow up loyal. Simply put, if I stay in Konoha I'll die, either from internal or external threats, and my brother estimated a few years before it happens at the very best."

"Wait, hold on," interrupted Sakura, brow furrowed in desperate concentration. "That must be an exaggeration, surely. It doesn't matter whether you're well-liked by everyone or not, no one's going to start a war over your eyes. Because that's what _would_ happen if someone attacked you in the village. I mean, I know I give you grief about your ego, but _come on!"_

"Besides," continued Naruto, "It's not like they're gonna just forget about what you can do for the village, right? I mean, you're Kakashi's disciple, and despite all the shit I give you about your bounty or whatever, everyone knows you're gonna be the next Copy Ninja some day. They're not gonna give up on that just 'cause they don't like you, man."

Sasuke let out a breath and frowned, scratching his head as he tried to put this into words, only to be surprised as Hinata interrupted them.

"I'm sorry, but you're wrong," she said, startling everyone present from her position far outside their circle.

"Excuse me?" asked Sakura, confused by the interruption from the last person she had expected to express an opinion here. "Who's wrong?"

Hinata looked deeply uncomfortable at her choice to butt into her friend's conversation. "You're wrong... about what other countries would be willing to do to get the Sharingan. If anything, Sasuke is understating the problem."

She paused for a moment, as if debating continuing, then pressed on. "When I was three years old, a kidnapping attempt was made to acquire a set of the Byakugan, and I was the target. Cloud was willing to sacrifice their head shinobi in the attempt, and my uncle lost his life in the aftermath. Not only were the stakes that high, but a war truly was almost started over it. The only reason I lived was because my clan was..." She faltered for a moment, casting another uncomfortable glance towards Sasuke. "Well, because they were alive and able to fight and die for me."

All three of the others looked shocked by this revelation, even Sasuke.

"Wait," said Sakura, "That actually _happened?_ Why haven't I ever heard about this?"

"Because... because I only learned it recently myself, and I'm not actually supposed to have told you," admitted the Hyuuga girl. "But this sounds like something you won't be able to tell anyone else about anyway, so..."

"You're right about that," said Sasuke. "I understand that Sakura and Naruto think you can be trusted, Hinata, but I have to remind everyone that if word got out that I was doing this then I would be dead. End of story. Make no mistake, I know of at least three powerful people inside Konoha who want me dead right now, and they were only quiet about it because the Third was alive. All they really need now is an excuse, and then that would be the end for me."

"But…" started Sakura, "But, the current Hokage contenders aren't like that. Kakashi is still the top choice and there's no _way_ he would allow something like that…" she paused, abruptly aware of something she had forgotten.

"It doesn't matter who they are," said Sasuke. "The Fifth won't have anywhere near the political power that the Third had. Anyway, Kakashi isn't the only one who'll be in the race, is he? You're thinking of someone else."

"My father," admitted Hinata, eyes downcast. "He's pushing for power in the new order, and I'm… sorry to say that he's both unforgiving and rather… focused on the issue of Bloodline eyes. He always thought it was foolish that the Uchiha clan never restricted the Sharingan the way we do."

The others were uncomfortably silent as Sasuke nodded, grimly spilling his long-held secret worries to his friends.

"This isn't even counting the danger that some enemy nation will ambush the three of us on a mission just to get me. I really don't want to be responsible for your deaths as well as mine." He sighed. "I just don't see a future for myself back at the village, and neither did my brother. He made me promise that when the Third Hokage died I would leave the village for good, hiding my identity and ensuring that no one would ever connect me with the Uchiha clan again. Heh… That hasn't exactly worked out so well so far, but..."

"He just wanted you to leave?" asked Naruto, aware that they were losing ground in this argument. "What about your friends? He just thought you should forget it all and start all over?"

Sasuke nodded. "Kind of. I get the feeling he didn't really see friendship exactly the same way as we do. For that matter, he saw his best friend die just days beforehand, and I think… well, I think it did something to him. But he didn't expect me to leave with nothing. Remember how I said that my brother met Gold Roger?"

"Wait, what?" interrupted Sakura. " _The_ Gold Roger? As far as I've been able to tell he's the most notorious person to have lived out here in the last hundred years. There was a break-in the other day at a Gold Roger exhibit here on the island, and that alone made the front page even though he's been dead for more than a decade. He made it to our island? _How?_ It was totally sealed off until just recently."

"Don't ask me," said Sasuke. "Apparently he made it up to the sky to discover some sort of country in the clouds, too, so it sounds like nothing was out of the question for that guy. But my brother was really quite impressed with Roger, and he got a promise that there would be a space for him in his crew when he grew up... but that never happened. I think Itachi was expecting more pirates to follow in Roger's footsteps and find a way through the barrier, but obviously that never happened either. He never said it outright, but I can tell he wanted me to find my way off the island and join Roger's crew in his place."

"And that also never happened," finished Sakura. "He died, and there's no crew for you to join... Wait, is _that_ was this is about? You joined up with these people because it's the next best thing?"

Sasuke was quick to deny this.

"No, that's not what's happening. He... no, _I_ want to see the world. I've already seen so much amazing stuff out here. It was Itachi's dream, and now... now I think it's my dream too. I don't want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder for the day some enemy assassin hunts me down, or some acquaintance betrays me. I just...want a chance to leave the name behind and do something different."

As he said those words, Sasuke was struck by the strangest sense of deja vu, but whatever it was that had triggered it just wouldn't come to him.

"Dude," started Naruto. "You've _seen_ the bounty posters. Hell, I'm planning on hanging mine up on the wall when I get back. They say, 'Wanted: Dead or Alive.' It's way too late to come out here and pretend no one wants to find you and kill you, you know?"

Sasuke laughed. "Naruto, I could spend the rest of my life transformed if I wanted to. These people out here don't know the signs, or what to look for. They don't even know they _should_ be trying to rip my eyes out. If I just left all that behind, no one would ever connect me to my bounty."

Sakura nodded, leaning back in her seat. It was a workable plan, and she even knew that her teacher had managed the art of long-term transformations. If he kept to the plan and never returned to a ninja village again it would be unlikely that anyone would ever find him out. Except...

"Except, you're not actually planning on doing that, are you?" she asked, staring straight into his eyes. "You're staying with this crew. This band of weirdos that got you into trouble in the first place."

"Well, I haven't decided-"

"No, I think you have. I think that whether you're aware of it or not, your only plan right now is to stick with these people until something makes you leave."

Sasuke frowned. "And I suppose that something is you?"

"No man," said Naruto. "We're gonna stay with you and make sure you don't get yourself killed."

Sakura was quick to agree. "I still think you're going way too far with this self-exile thing, Sasuke, but it doesn't matter. I'm not going to be able to live with myself if I see your bounty crossed out in the papers one day. I need to know if these guys are capable of having your back or not, and I'm not going to take either of your words for it."

"Wait, you mean..." said Sasuke, looking deeply concerned.

"Yep," she sighed. "I'm coming along with you, at least for a little while. For that matter, I think you're going to get sick of this place and want to come home before too long. Seriously, Sasuke, you're the absolute _last_ person I would have expected to like it out here. Everyone's totally nuts! Even Naruto's getting tired of it all, and he's the craziest one here."

"Yeah, dude," agreed Naruto. "It's a nice place to visit and all but I don't think I'd wanna spend my whole life out here. Look, man, about the village thing... I'm gonna help you, alright? I swear it. I'm gonna become the Hokage _anyway_ so I'll just do that and then I'll order everyone to think you're cool. I mean, you're a total toolbag so they'll all probably just humor me, but it'll keep you safe, you know?"

At this, Sasuke placed his face in both hands and moaned in misery, so Naruto continued. "In the meantime we'll keep you company till you get bored of this place. That's a promise."

As Sasuke processed this unexpected pronouncement, Sakura turned to Hinata. "Sorry about this, Hinata. I don't mean to speak for you here. Are you going to be okay with this?"

"Oh... yes! Yes, I'm... fine," she said, looking back over to Naruto. "Besides, I've found it quite interesting out here."

Sakura turned back to him. "That's that, then. Oh, and before you think everything's fine here, there's something else you need to wrap your thick skull around. Are you paying attention?"

Still holding his head in his hands, Sasuke found he was completely unsure of what to say. He did, however, return to meeting her gaze before she continued to speak.

"Don't think for one _goddamn_ second that we would have just given up if you had disappeared, dumbass. I don't expect you to be so stupid as to try and run after this, but since you honestly seemed to think just melting into the night was the smart thing to do the first time around anything's possible, I guess."

"Right," said Naruto. "I don't care if you end up deciding you have to live the rest of your life in a cave on the highest mountain in the world- you're never completely getting rid of us. You know it. I know it. We all know it, so just give it up already."

Once again he found himself speechless. He'd never exactly been comfortable with asking for help, and although he technically hadn't done so this time it certainly felt like he had. Finally, he said, "...Thank you. I'm... sorry it happened this way."

And that was that. Already past midnight, it didn't take long for the other three to retire for the night. Sasuke stayed awake a while longer, considering today's events. He felt… foolish, in a word. All of a sudden the reasons he had had for not telling his friends about this seemed far less valid. He'd told them _everything_ and… well, it hadn't been the end of the world. More than that, they'd agreed to help him. He could tell they didn't really believe what he was saying right now, but still...

Why had he been so afraid of this? What would his life have been like if he had left them forever without saying a word?

 _Robin laughed, but in her state it came out like a small snort right next to his ear. "Sasuke… don't make the same mistake I did."_

Would Naruto and Sakura have been forced to fight the world for him? _Could_ they have? He didn't have an answer, but the thought stayed with him for the entire night.

After everyone else had left for bed, a single ear, completely unnoticed by everyone present, disappeared from inside the nearby bushes. In her bed, Robin finally let herself fall asleep, secretly smiling.

* * *

 **-The Next Day-**

 **-Fourth Day on Water-7-**

The new day dawned with an unfortunate obligation. It was the day that Jiraiya had requested to be re-summoned, and Naruto's hopes were set on the possibility that his teacher would be spending most of the morning and early afternoon roaming the town rather than immediately proceeding into his training. One thing, however, was certain. Naruto had developed a sudden strong need to summon Jiraiya _away_ from Hinata and the others.

Though things weren't exactly normal between them right now, Sasuke was quick to agree with his assessment. "Yeah, I'd prefer if we didn't get him near the women here anyway," he said, looking uncomfortably towards Nami and Robin. "I fear for what might happen."

So Naruto did summon Jiraiya in an out-of-the-way area in the middle tier of the city. His master gave him a time limit of several hours and then disappeared, hopefully to do some _actual_ research on the outside, and not just run around chasing skirts.

Not that Naruto himself wasn't eager to get back so he could meet up with Hinata again, but that was _totally_ different. Still, thinking about who was waiting for him put a spring in his step as he returned. This time, he passed the area of devastation where the fight they had seen last night had broken out. Apparently, several people had been swallowed by some horrible black force, losing all sense of time until they had been regurgitated later, half-dead and fully disoriented.

Naruto hoped that Tobington was alright. The man had probably quit early for the night since he had been planning to set sail in the morning, but Naruto couldn't be sure. He just didn't have it in him to go hunting through the docks on a wild goose chase when there was someone wonderful waiting for him.

Naruto returned to the lodge in the full springtime of his youth.

* * *

 **-Later-**

Usopp roamed through the streets of Water-7, his mind set on his task. Stuffed into his pouches and packs were the materials that would make him a new man. Ever since his… 'encounter' with the CP9 member he and Naruto had… 'fought' on Enies Lobby, his mind had been abuzz with ideas. All of a sudden, no trap was too dangerous, and no trick too underhanded.

For a man set on wicked mechanical deeds, Water-7 was the perfect place to shop.

He had nearly reached the limits of his budget when he saw something very strange up ahead of him. Off in the distance, he could just make out the receding figure of Naruto turning down a particularly sordid street. That was only a little odd, to be honest—Usopp himself had accidentally wandered down that same street while exploring, not knowing what manner of services it offered. He had found himself in the awkward position of pressing onwards, hoping to pass by the extremely colorful shops and move into more normal territory, but no— after every 'café' there was a 'massage parlor, and after every 'massage parlor' there was another 'café', and that was completely ignoring the buildings that were just unabashedly brothels.

So, yeah, it _could_ have merely been an embarrassing mistake, except for one thing. Naruto was currently disguised as Condoriano, walking down the street as boldly as could be. The real Naruto was definitely back at the hideout, so this one _must_ be a clone.

He gulped. Deep in his heart, Usopp knew what this meant. His new friend was having a moment of truly shameful weakness, and it was coming at the worst possible time. He didn't want to believe it, but Naruto was betraying his new girlfriend after just one day!

Usopp didn't have a choice. He had to intervene. Darting through the scattered pedestrians meandering through the city streets, he ducked into the sordid street, watching as 'Condoriano' walked calmly into one delicately-labeled establishment. With a nervous laugh, Usopp slinked in after him, approaching his friend and calling out his name before placing one hand on his shoulder.

"Condoriano!" he cried out, dripping with merriment and then faltering slightly when he noticed the knife that had just appeared at his belly. But, hey, there was no way Naruto was going to hurt him, so he continued. "C-come, come with me, you lovable rascal, you. You don't want to go in here! You've got the wrong place entirely!"

Condoriano gave him a knowing glance and removed the knife, allowing himself to be redirected straight out the door, much to the disappointment of the greeter inside.

"Pardon me?" asked Condoriano. "I'm assuming you've got quite the discount arranged if you're so boldly marketing to me. And my name isn't… _that_. You've got the wrong person."

Usopp waited until they were outside to lay into him. He poked the larger man in the chest with one accusing finger, prodding him periodically to punctuate his words. "Now you listen here, bub. I'm just trying to save your reputation, you understand? I honestly can't _believe_ you'd do this, Naruto! She's such a sweet girl and you're just spitting in her face!"

The man's face darkened.

"Naruto?" he asked. "Oh, I see how this—"

"No! Don't you interrupt me, you horrible excuse for a friend! I'll have you know I'm putting myself out on a limb for you here! I've never been more disappointed with someone in my entire life, and let me tell you that I'm including my own father in that!"

Condoriano glared down at him. "This just gets better and better… You're part of this whole Condoriano thing too, are you? Look, I'm not Naruto, but you can tell him that when I see him he's in for a brutal payback."

As Condoriano moved to get around him, Usopp sighed dramatically and spread his arms wide. "I'm sorry, Naruto, but I'm doing this for your sake. Call this 'Lord Usopp's Tough Love!'"

With that, Usopp wound up and punched Condoriano with all of his might. His fist hit the man's chest with a faint *bof* noise, but the clone didn't explode into smoke. The man just continued glaring down at him as Usopp grew more and more puzzled. The moment stretched for an eternity. Finally, the man spoke.

"Well! Something tells me this isn't going the way you planned it, hmm?"

"Uhh… no," admitted Usopp. "Honestly, I was expecting you to explode just then. So, then, uhh… you're the real thing, huh?"

"That's right!" exclaimed Jiraiya, eye twitching with irritation.

"SMOKE BOMB!" screamed Usopp, as he pivoted in place and tried to sprint away at maximum velocity. Jiraiya simply grabbed his collar and lifted him off the ground while Usopp continued running fruitlessly in the air.

"You didn't actually throw anything down there, kid," critiqued the elder ninja.

Usopp gulped. "Yeah, I, uhh… I haven't had time to make any yet. So… exactly how screwed am I?"

"Only one way to find out!"

* * *

Unfortunately for Naruto and Hinata, the springtime of their youth was cut short when Jiraiya deposited the moaning body of the young sniper at the Straw-Hats' residence.

"Naruto, we're leaving."

"Wait, what?" asked Naruto, looking uncertainly between his girlfriend and his master. "Now?!"

"Yes, now," replied the Sage. "Don't give me that face- you asked for this. We're both on a time limit and my mood has been ruined, so we're doing this now. We're going to the mountain and we won't be back for three days. Don't worry about grabbing your things- you won't need them."

So it was that Naruto and Jiraiya disappeared, leaving Hinata suddenly alone. She was despondent, struck by the stark contrast between her newfound companionship and its sudden absence. Sakura did her best to help out, still stunned by the almost surreal awareness that Naruto hadn't yet screwed this up.

"Look on the bright side," she said, "This will give you both a chance to figure things out. When he gets back it should all be a little less overwhelming, and you'll both be happier for it."

"...You think so?" asked Hinata, automatically deferring to a voice of authority.

Sakura sensed this deference with an ironic wince. This would be a lot easier if she'd ever had the time to gain any first-hand experience on the matter herself. Nevertheless, she soldiered onward, putting her hand on the other girl's shoulder and saying, "I know so. It will be _fine_. Come on, we're going to be here for a while, so we might as well meet everyone else a bit more thoroughly."

"Meet everyone? But I already…"

"Well, I was too busy worrying about the whole Sasuke thing last night, so I didn't get a chance. Why don't you come along? We can see what everyone else is doing, alright?"

Together, the two of them moved out into the main room where they found Nami working on something. She looked up when they entered and gave them a small wave, somewhat restrained by the small tools she was holding.

Sakura smiled to see the other woman and approached the main area. It appeared as though she was repairing the group's famous straw hat.

"Where is everyone," Sakura asked.

"Don't know, and I don't really want to know," responded Nami, returning to her work, weaving a strand back into place. "Sasuke is keeping an eye on Luffy today, so I'm taking advantage of the chance to let my hair down, so to speak."

"Gotcha… So, I take it you're the sane one here, then?" asked Sakura, sitting down on one of the benches beside her as Hinata followed behind.

The other woman chuckled. "Funny, I was going to ask you two that. Well, that's not entirely fair to Sasuke, but he's got the whole superpowered teen male complex going so he might as well be as crazy as the rest of them."

Sakura laughed at this assessment, but then Nami continued with, "Besides, I've got Robin here to help, so that's something."

A gently waving hand appeared as if from nothing, directly beside them. Not quite startled, the two kunoichi were nonetheless a little put off by this. It took them a moment to find the slender black-haired woman curled up in a chair turned somewhat towards the window. She had made absolutely no impact on the room at all until she had decided to reveal herself, which was the very first time anyone had managed that since they had sailed from the Elemental Kingdoms.

"Oh, hello," said Hinata, determined to make the best of this. "I think we didn't really get an introduction before at the party. I'm Hyuuga Hinata."

"Haruno Sakura," added the other girl, nodding.

Robin looked mildly confused when she asked, "Party…? Oh, of course you mean last night. I'm afraid my sense of what constitutes a lively social gathering has gone right out the window recently."

She smiled, and there was something odd about it. It wasn't the happy and ritualized connection of meeting a new person, or even the forced cheer of someone putting up with something unexpected. She looked like she was happy with the world as a whole rather than being simply happy to meet them, saying, "Robin. Just Robin, I'm afraid. It's good to meet you, Miss Hyuuga. Miss Haruno, you would be the one who took good care of Sasuke and Naruto, correct? They've told us a fair bit about you."

Sakura snorted. "Yeah, I'll bet they have. Probably some bad stuff too. In fairness, Sasuke already told me a bit about you as well."

Robin raised a delicate eyebrow. "Did he? Well, there's quite enough things he could have said, both good and bad. I wonder what he chose to speak of."

Sakura and Hinata blinked in surprise at the odd not-quite-question. Though they had basically said the same things, the impact had been decidedly different.

"Regardless," continued Robin, "I'm dearly indebted to the two of them. They have saved my life more than once, despite barely knowing me. Please try not to be too hard on Sasuke- it's quite difficult to be in his position."

"I… I'll keep that in mind," said Sakura. "You know about… his situation, then?"

"Let's just say I can empathize with him more than most."

"I see…"

Smiling, Robin abruptly returned to her book, ending that odd conversation in a manner that made them feel off-balance. The two ninja girls shared a glance that seemed to pass unnoticed. The unusual woman was frustratingly hard to read, but it was pretty clear she was at least a fair bit older than them, even though her youthful features argued otherwise. The things she had said, though...

Wait, there wasn't anything between her and Sasuke, was there?

Sakura shook her head. No, it was hard for her to imagine him having anything in common with such a well-composed woman.

"Alright, finished," said Nami, holding up the hat. It was in much better condition than the last time they had seen it.

"You did that quite quickly," remarked Hinata.

"Yeah, well, despite it being precious to our captain, he has a habit of not taking very good care of it."

"Oh, so it's not just important because it's part of your emblem?" asked Sakura.

Nami nodded. "He inherited this from someone, but I don't know much more than that. Occasionally I've had to fix it up. Knives, bullets, fire, claws...You know. The usual."

"That reminds me," said Hinata. "I saw something odd earlier. Is Luffy aware that there is a small chakra signature inside the brim of that hat?"

Nami turned the hat this way and that, puzzled by the statement, until it hit her.

"Ohh, you're talking about the Vivre card," she said, working the brim until she could remove the small scrap of paper that had been sewn inside. "Does this look right?"

On her palm the scrap of paper jerked and twitched to the north-by-northeast. As they watched it with interest, Nami explained.

"It's attuned to a person's life force, and from that point on it will tell you both if that person is safe or not, as well as roughly where they are."

Sure enough, as she spoke the paper continued dancing happily to the north.

"That's amazing," said Hinata. "What a useful little technique. Who is this one attuned to?"

Nami made a face. "Luffy's brother."

"Luffy has a _brother?"_ blurted out Hinata.

Nami burst out into laughter. "Yeah, that's what everyone says! But compared to Luffy this guy is pretty normal. You can actually hold a conversation with him, more or less."

"Normal? So the card there is so Luffy knows if he needs to protect his brother?" asked Sakura.

Nami blinked and then shook her head. "Ah, sorry, when I said 'normal' I just meant in terms of sanity, and that's only relative to Luffy. He's still one of the most powerful and notorious pirates in the world."

"Oh. Wow, imagine what a time his family must have had trying to raise the two of them..."

Hinata, meanwhile, had continued to watch as the paper tugged its way in a north-by-northwest direction.

"How can you use it to tell where someone is, by the way?" she asked.

Realizing it was about to escape her hand, Nami moved to tuck the scrap away. "Ah, it's pretty straightforward. It always moves in the direction the person is located."

"But... that can't be right," said Hinata. "It was changing directions while we were talking."

"What?" asked Nami, looking back at the paper.

Some careful observation led them to the conclusion that, yes it was proceeding westward at a good pace, until it finally stopped. While it was true that Ace could more or less fly, Nami knew enough about angular velocity at great distance to realize that he was either far off and going much faster than a bullet, or…

The three girls left the building to investigate, hunting through the streets in the direction the card led them. Eventually they found their target in a street-side restaurant where he was wolfing down skewers of meat.

"There, that's him," said Nami, pointing to the man now sitting at the counter.

The dark-haired pirate was bare-chested, revealing a muscular tattooed torso and limbs with wide shoulders and an athletic waist. His face underneath his odd orange hat was dotted with scattered freckles, showing hints of a confident grin. Sakura was immediately floored by the difference in atmosphere between this man and what she had seen of his goofy younger brother. Then, upon further consideration, she found she was floored by something else.

"You didn't say he looked like _that!_ " hissed Sakura, eyes wide.

"I didn't think it would be important!" replied Nami.

"How is _that_ not important?"

"He wasn't supposed to be here at all, alright?!"

"...Wow," added Hinata.

"Come on, you two," said Nami, leading the others forward. "We're going to have to approach him anyway. What's the big deal?"

Sakura and Hinata shared another glance and then followed, catching up to the older girl moments later.

"So… he's your captain's brother?" asked Sakura. "So… you run around with this guy?"

Though the question seemed innocent enough, Nami seemed to read something else into it, raising her hands with an amused expression.

"Whoa, no thank you. I already have enough to do with that family, alright? The last thing I need to get in my life is another notorious pirate. Hinata is spoken for, so this one's all yours. Hey, Ace!"

"Wait, what-" began Sakura, and then Nami stepped up behind her and pushed, shoving her forward in an utterly unexpected move. She stumbled ahead of the others and spun around, but Nami had completely disappeared with a speed that would have put some ninjas to shame. Sakura turned back around to see the man looking at her in puzzlement.

"Oh, hey," said the man as he swallowed the last mouthful of his dinner. "What's up?"

She was so irritated that she started grinning. She couldn't help it. "Hi. I don't actually know you, but some total bitch decided it would be funny to drop me right into this without even getting so much as your name."

"Oh yeah? Cool. I'm Ace. I thought you called me that, which is why I turned around."

She laughed. Of course. Nami had called him Ace, but she had just assumed that was a nickname. Meanwhile, he craned his head to look past her and saw only Hinata, who flailed her arms in frantic negation and then pointed to a shop sign that was hiding the snickering form of Nami. When the pirate woman stood back up, recognition finally dawned in his eyes.

"I remember you! You're with my brother, right?"

Almost giggling, Nami nodded as she approached. "Sure, I guess that's all I'm known for these days. How's it going? After what you said last time we met I didn't expect to see you again so soon."

"So soon? Oh, yeah it's only been a couple months, hasn't it? I didn't expect to be in civilization any time soon either, but hey, I guess that's how things worked out. I saw the new bounties, by the way. Thank you very much for continuing to look out for my brother." Standing up from his seat, he gave a small bow, and then he turned to face Sakura and Hinata, who were trying not to stare. "I'm afraid the posters didn't mention you two, though. Might I get your names?"

Taken aback by the stark difference in politeness and consideration between Ace and his brother, they gave their introductions. Then, pleased to meet them, he beckoned them all onward.

"Come on, let's get out of here," he said, turning and walking off down the street.

As they walked along with him, Sakura was painfully aware of how stupid she had looked so far. Nami, meanwhile, continued her easy conversation completely unaffected.

"What brought you here, anyway?" she asked. "Weren't you still hunting that pirate last time we saw you?"

"Yeah, well, he threw me off the trail and I was hoping to get some more info here. I just got into town, so I haven't had the chance to poke around yet."

Abruptly, someone from behind them started screaming about an eat-and-run, then the restaurant-owner dashed out into the street and gesticulated wildly at them, flinging knives their way.

"Anyway, I've got to get going," said Ace, and then he broke into a run. Startled, all three of them ran after him, dodging the deadly storm of cutlery.

"You didn't pay?!" asked Sakura.

"Nah, that'd set a bad precedent," grinned the handsome man.

"Damn it, _warn_ us next time!" yelled Nami.

Ace merely tipped his hat and dashed down a different route, yelling, "It was very nice to meet you two! Maybe I'll see you around sometime, okay?"

Their pursuit distracted, the three girls eventually reached safer ground and returned home in peace.

"That was… interesting," mused Hinata. "There are so many strange people out here, don't you think?"

"You mean things are more normal where you come from?" asked Nami.

"Maybe? More serious, perhaps."

"Well, I guess that makes sense if everyone's hanging around assassins all day," suggested Nami, and then she laughed. "Sorry about hanging you out to dry there, Sakura. I just can't do this kind of thing with Robin, and you looked like you could handle it."

Sakura sighed. "No, it's great. That's just how I always like to meet new guys anyway- awkward and unprepared."

"Nah, you did fine. But you should have seen your face! Still, maybe now you see what I mean about going after pirate guys like him, huh?"

"...Yeah?"

Nami grinned. "Even when you think you've got an idea of what you're up against, there's always a surprise waiting for you."

* * *

A/N: Oh dear, still so much to do. Oddly, down-time like this is something I have a lot of fun doing, but posting it always makes me feel restless. Anyway, Garp got delayed by rescue operations, but next chapter he'll be here in force, and then they'll leave Water-7.

Since starting this I've had a number of unregistered guests express confusion over me calling Nami a red-head. I'm assuming this is mostly a non-English thing, but it's rather common in the US, UK, and Canada at least for 'red-head' to mean 'someone with orange hair.' I realize this might be a bit ambiguous in a world where some people have bright red hair, but it hasn't been important yet, so I haven't cared.

I hope the opinions shared by the for ninjas on the Sasuke situation make sense to you. None of them are completely correct, and none of them are completely wrong, but I would definitely call his fate 'uncertain' were he to return now.

As for the Ace thing… I am aware of the important role his character and his death played in canon. I am aware of his continuing impact on the world at large and on Luffy's character in particular. Aaaaand… that's really all I can say on that matter for right now. Just that I'm not changing things on a whim, heedless of how these things connect.

Still, it would be a pity if everything happened exactly the same way, hmm?


	50. Monkey Business

Two days passed before Franky brought news that the end was nigh. Their new ship was almost complete. The crew was bouncing off the walls from the wait, but their bounties meant that most of them were under house-arrest. Sasuke, Sakura, and Hinata had become the only ones able to come and go freely, both because of their disguising capabilities and because no one could stop them. Naruto was still gone, presumably deep in his special training, and Zoro had become an exception to their enforced isolation by getting lost on his way to the bathroom and disappearing in the middle of a blank, featureless hallway.

It was the middle of a sunny afternoon when the three ninjas burst into the common room and shouting, "The Marines are here!"

Then the rear wall exploded in a cloud of splintering wood to reveal a mighty grey-haired man with a fierce disposition.

"LUFFY, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE RIGHT NOW, DO YOU HEAR ME?!" the man roared.

The crew readied themselves for action, but the elder man moved more swiftly than they could react, jumping straight at Luffy and smashing him over the head with one meaty fist.

"OOWWWWW!"

"What the hell?" asked Nami. "That hurt him?!"

"Grandpa! What the hell are you doing here?!" shouted Luffy.

This unexpected outburst caused the defenders of the lodge to freeze in place, suddenly uncertain of everything.

"What?! I'm your beloved Grandpa! Don't you dare greet me like that!"

"Why shouldn't I?! All you've ever done is beat me!"

"Nonsense! Everything I've done was to make you a strong Marine, you little beansprout!"

As the two figures yelled back and forth at each other, including a comprehensive list of the creative abuses Luffy had been subjected to, everyone else in the room stopped and stared, jaws dropping further and further open as this went on. The effect was rather more pronounced among the non-shinobi section of the crew.

"That's Monkey D. Garp, Hero of the Marines!" stated Sanji, wowed into abject confusion.

"No, no that can't be right," said Usopp. "What's he doing here calling Luffy his grandson? I'm in a dream, I _must_ be. Someone please wake me from this nightmare!"

"This is it," muttered Nami, mostly to herself, "This is what going insane feels like. I always wondered…"

"I don't get what the big deal is," said Sasuke, gradually winding down from combat readiness. "Monkey D. Luffy. Monkey D. Garp. It sounds pretty obvious to me."

"Yes, but… the magnitude of the difference in status…" mumbled a wide-eyed Robin. "Vice-Admiral Garp is a legendary figure in his own right… The idea was so ridiculous that even the obvious must be discounted as simple coincidence…"

"He's a Vice-Admiral?" asked Sasuke, mentally reevaluating the new arrival. "That means he's just one rank below Aokiji? Okay, I'll admit, that is unexpected."

"But they even act the same way," said Sakura. "Look."

With one hand, Garp had grabbed Luffy by his shirt and raised him into the air.

"You damn fool!" shouted Garp, specks of spittle soaring straight into Luffy's face. "It's that damn Red-Hair Shanks that got you thinking this way! Now that he's not hanging around you any more you should become a Marine!"

"No! I'm not gonna! You can't make me! He gave me this hat and I'm gonna become the Pirate-"

Abruptly, right in the middle of their shouting match, both Luffy and Garp fell soundly and deeply asleep. Their snoring was audible even over the surprised din, though it couldn't drown out the incredulous shouts from the rest of the crew.

"Wait, Red-Hair Shanks?" asked Sanji. "Don't I know that name from somewhere?"

Franky's jaw had dropped so widely open that it was clear it had become unhinged.

"Y-yes," agreed Robin, a little confused by the next surprise to fall in her lap. "Shanks is one of the Yonko, the Four Emperors that rule over the second half of the Grand Line, the New World. They are one of the anchors that define the balance of power in this world, and many actions the Marines take can be traced back to their doorstep."

"And Luffy knows this guy? Why haven't we heard about this?"

Nami nodded. "Shanks is the one Luffy got that hat from... I just had no idea he was such an important figure…"

Abruptly, Garp woke up with a snort.

"*Snrk* Huh?! Ah! Shit, I fell asleep!" At this he looked over at Luffy, who he was still holding up in the air with one beefy arm. "What?! Don't you fall asleep on me, young man! I'm trying to talk to you here!"

"Excuse me," interjected Sakura as Garp looked her way with an irritated expression completely devoid of recognition. "Hi, sorry, I'm new to this, but are you actually here to capture Luffy? Like, are we supposed to be fighting or something…?"

Garp continued his puzzled stare while holding his sleeping grandson. The gathered pirates and Marines looked on with a nervous tension, waiting for the words that might start a fight. After about three seconds his head rolled backward and he fell asleep once more. Everyone gaped in amazement at this incredible achievement in empty-headedness, and Sakura shook her head.

"Hey, I tried. I honestly tried," she said.

"You're right, though. It's a very important question," agreed Sasuke, looking up to the assembled Marines. "How about the peanut gallery over there? What do you think?"

The Marines looked stunned, and it was clear none of them had been told to expect this. Sasuke tried something different and made a guess.

"Flounders?" he asked, going out on a limb "Got any opinions?"

No opinions were offered beyond a few quiet skittering noises as a mouse disappeared into deeper cover. Sasuke chuckled, then turned to Hinata to whisper into her ear.

"One of these guys is a mouse-man. Do you think you could keep an eye out for a mouse doing anything odd? He knows I'll see him if I look in his direction."

She nodded, activating the Byakugan. After a moment her lip twitched up.

"Aww… he's cute… He's inside the wall to our left. I think he's kind of freaking out."

"Heh… so he didn't know either, huh?"

Eventually, a hand sprouted from Garp's back and Robin broke the impasse by tapping him on the shoulder.

"×ggrsnk* Huh? Wha-?" asked a very confused Garp, snapping his head back around. "Oh! Huh? What'd you say? Am I gonna attack Luffy? Well, though I am terribly disappointed in him, I'm not about to fight him _here_. That'd be ridiculous! Besides, it's not like I could hold a grudge against my beloved grandson! Not even after he attacked my men and blew up an island so I've been stuck doing rescue operations for the whole last week I'M GONNA BEAT THE TAR OUTTA YOU YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE SHIT! I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR SKULL AND HURL IT ALL THE WAY TO THE RED LINE, YOU HEAR ME?!"

Screaming, he began shaking Luffy violently until he awoke, and then Luffy resumed screaming as well, pushing and shoving to stay away from Garp's enraged glare. For a moment, both grandfather and grandson were scrabbling at each other's faces.

Then, screaming began from outside the building as well.

"Sir! It's Pirate-Hunter Zoro! He's attacking from behind!" shouted a nameless Marine soldier.

Garp tossed his grandson aside with a contemptuous swing of his arm and then pointed to two flunkies who had been standing at attention during the entire fiasco.

"Hey, they wanna fight. Why don't you two show 'em what you've got."

"Yes, sir," said a sneering blond man with a black visor. Drawing two blades, he dashed outside to meet the pirate-hunter.

Luffy got to his feet, dashing to the front door, only to be interrupted when the other flunky, a young man with pinkish hair, leapt into a blur.

 **[SORU]**

The young man appeared directly below Luffy with superhuman speed, kicking him straight in the jaw. Shocked but unharmed, Luffy began to fight his designated opponent.

As the situation changed from discussion to combat, Sasuke activated the Sharingan and prepared for a fight, only to see Flounders in the corner. The mouse was shaking his tiny head and pointing a furry paw in the direction of the two fights.

It was over in moments, as Luffy and the newly-arrived Zoro brought the two challengers to the ground.

"Bahahaha!" laughed Garp. "Yep! They didn't stand a chance!"

The young man at Luffy's feet chuckled as well, pinned to the ground by the pirate's fist.

"Yes, you really are as strong as I remember, Luffy. Guess I can't quite measure up yet."

Confused by the Marine's friendly attitude, Luffy let him go and the pink-haired boy stood to his feet, dusting himself off and smiling back in Luffy's direction.

Luffy blinked. "Uhhhh… do I know you?"

"It's me, Coby!" said the boy.

"Coby? I know a Coby, but he's much smaller…"

"That's me! The former crybaby, Coby!"

"Wha-? COBY?! But you're so much bigger than you were!"

"Well of course! I've been training! We're not Marine Officers yet, but we worked really hard because of what you did for us!

"Because of what you did _to_ us," interrupted the blond man that had attacked Zoro, an arrogant sneer on his face as he stepped up beside Coby. At this point, Coby snapped a sharp salute and incidentally jabbed his elbow into his comrade's side.

"One thing led to another and now we're being trained by Vice-Admiral Garp! I, uhhh, didn't know he was your grandfather though…" He scratched his head. "Guess I finally get a picture of what you had to grow up with, huh…"

"Coby! Man, it's been a while!" laughed Luffy, completely ignoring the reference to his childhood abuse as he grabbed Coby and Zoro and ushered them further into the building. "Come on and let's have a feast!"

"Wait!" shouted the visored blond man. "Don't you remember who _I_ am? You don't, do you? Pirate-hunter Zoro?! Surely _you_ remember me?!"

"Huh?" asked Zoro. "Who the hell are you?"

The man removed his visor, revealing a set of beady eyes and severely arched eyebrows. "It's me! Helmeppo!"

Zoro's face was blank.

"I nearly got you sentenced to death! It was just a few months ago!"

Zoro's face was blank.

"My dad attacked you with an axe! And the axe was also his hand!"

Zoro's face was blank.

"I… was the ugly daddy's boy who was so spoiled that he tried to get you shot to death for insulting him!"

Recognition dawned in Zoro's face and Helmeppo tossed his visor to the floor with a clatter. "OH, COME ON!"

"Bahahaha!" laughed Garp. "Guys, give it up already! I know you're excited to see 'em, but there's no time for a feast. It's about time we got going."

"Ehhh? No way," groaned Luffy.

"Yes, way. And you? You just watch yourself, Luffy. I'm a Vice Admiral, so I can go after you any time I feel like it. My fleets have smaller fleets inside them. Hell, I can make all these guys here do whatever I want." He pointed over his shoulder to the massive hole in the wall. "You want that wall fixed? You're living in a dump here, and I can just order 'em to fix the wall and they have to do it. Should I? I'm gonna do it. Okay, soldiers. I order you to fix this wall."

Angry protests began immediately.

"Sir, you're the one that broke it in the first place!"

"There was a perfectly good door not fifteen feet away, you jerk!"

"You did the same thing when we went to that prison, just punched a hole straight in! Do you have any idea how much trouble that caused?"

"Don't make us clean up after your mess alone! You've gotta help, too!"

"Ehhhhh?!" shouted Garp. "But I don't wanna!"

"Oh no," said Nami, as the Marines continued to bicker in front of them. "Luffy's going to be just like he is now for the rest of his life, isn't he? He'll never ever grow out of it."

Amongst all of the Straw-Hats except for Luffy, despondency was the order of the day.

Soon, rather than having the work done for him, Vice Admiral Garp was hammering away, slowly replacing the boards on his own, aided only by a few relentless busybodies. The atmosphere had rapidly calmed down and the threat of being attacked seemed to be diminishing rapidly. Usopp and Chopper even started peeking their heads back into the room to see what was going on.

"So," began Garp, now much more sedate. "Luffy… I hear you met your father recently, huh?"

"WHAT?!" interrupted Nami. "Luffy, we met your _dad?! When?!"_

"Dad? I dunno what you're talking about. I have a dad? When did I meet dad?" asked Luffy.

"Haaah?" asked Garp, "You got into that scrap at Loguetown, didn't you? And the papers said Dragon showed up and everything. Monkey D. Dragon, your father. You getting this? Anybody even listening to me? Did you meet him or not?"

"No, I didn't see him or anything."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

Throughout the rest of the room there was another round of stunned silence as everyone in it stood absolutely gobsmacked. Then, as if it were the sound of a pistol starting off a race, Usopp's eyeballs popped out of their sockets to plop onto the floor, and then the screaming resumed.

"AHHHH! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! I'M DEAD! I'M DEAD!" shouted Usopp, as he scrabbled uselessly for his missing eyeballs with Chopper's help.

"Holy shit," said Franky, eyes wide. "What's up with you, man?"

"Monkey D. Dragon?!" asked Sanji, dumbstruck. "THE Dragon?! As in, leader of the Revolutionary Army?! As in, Most Wanted Man in the World?"

"No, I was wrong," muttered Nami. " _This_ is what it's like to go insane. I thought it was madness earlier, but really it was all so clear…"

"Luffy!" shouted Sasuke. "Is this true?! He's your father?!"

"What? Dad? Is he someone special?" asked Luffy.

"Luffy, we've been isolated from the outside world until this _month_ and even I know who Dragon is!"

Hinata and Sakura raised their hands and nodded with wide eyes to indicate that they too had heard of the man.

Robin was chuckling nervously to herself as she spoke. "Heheheh… Sasuke, I thought you said with a name like Monkey D. the resemblance should be obvious…"

"But I… But he…. I didn't know that was his _full_ name!"

"I don't get it," said Luffy, still blank-faced. "Who's the Revolutionary Army?"

"L-let me see," began Robin. "You understand that in general, pirates do not work openly against the World Government? Even such figures as Crocodile were forced to hide their actions so that the Marines would not take notice. That is because the Government is a force whose size and power defies description. The Revolutionary Army is the only fighting force in existence that openly engages the World Government at the international scale, toppling corrupt governments and leading revolution. They are active all over the world, and only Dragon's power, discernment, and authority can hold all of it together in the face of an overwhelming enemy."

She paused for just one second, and then added, "Details on Dragon's identity are hugely unknown. He is the Most Wanted Man in the World for a very good reason, and you, Luffy, are his s-... you're his so-... No, I am sorry, I can't process this."

"Oh…" said Garp, as he paused in his hammering. "You know what? Maybe… maybe I shouldn't have said that…"

There was utter silence as everyone stared at the man repairing the wall. The seconds seemed to crystallize in the air. Finally, Garp placed one hand on his head and laughed.

"Yeah, so… how about you... forget all that? Okay? Bahahaha!"

The tumultuous screaming, especially among the Marine contingent, was heard all over the island.

"Hey, it could be worse, right? I could have said something about- OOF!"

Whatever Garp had been about to say was cut short as Commodore Flounders leapt from the shadows in a flying full-body tackle that pushed the Vice-Admiral out of the house.

"ALRIGHT!" shouted Franky, regaining control and ushering the Marines in the direction of the hole-in-the-wall. "All of you are gonna get out of here _right now_ before you literally give someone a heart attack. I'LL fix the wall, okay?! You're doing it wrong anyway. Go! Go! Skedaddle!"

Desperate to get their commanding officer out of Luffy's presence before he spilled more state secrets, the Marines quickly escorted Garp away from the scene.

Shaking his head, Franky did his honest best to forget everything he had just heard and began his effort to fix the wall.

Meanwhile, the Marines hustled away from the compound. As they passed the Mayor's office, they met another man walking the other way.

"Hey, old man," said Ace.

"Hello," said Garp, blithely greeting Ace with a fixed expression as they passed each other.

The other Marines paused and looked back at the person who had just walked straight through them.

"Ah, Sir…" started Flounders, still gripping his commanding officer. "Wasn't that Fire-Fist Ace?"

"Hmm?"

"The man who just walked by. Fire-Fist Ace? Wasn't that him?"

"Oh, you mean my _other_ grandson? No, that wasn't him."

Once again, everyone's eyes leapt out of their sockets, each of the Marines choosing a different response to the madness.

"He's your grandson, too?!" yelled Flounders. "So he and Straw-Hat are brothers?!"

"We're just letting Fire-Fist Ace walk on by as if nothing's happening?!" yelled Coby.

"You _just_ told us to forget all this crap and now you do it _again?!"_ yelled Helmeppo. "AHHH! My brain can't take any more of this!"

"Hey, come on," pleaded Garp. "I just _said_ it wasn't him!"

"Bullshit!" yelled Helmeppo, "You expect us to believe that nonsense?!"

"No, look, I'm _ordering_ you- that wasn't him!"

"Sir, that's not a real order and you know it!" insisted Flounders. "We should be going back there and taking him down."

"But I don't wanna!"

Despite this bickering, the Marines were wisely unwilling to engage this pirate gathering without Garp's aid, and Garp was stubbornly refusing to even acknowledge reality. Eventually, finally, they made it away from the compound and hurried back to their ship where, hopefully, everything would make a bit more sense.

* * *

Completely ignoring the controversy outside, Ace escorted himself into the building as the universe conspired to continue this madness.

"Ace!" shouted Luffy, bounding forward.

"Oh, no, will it never stop?" muttered Sanji.

"Hello everyone," said Ace, waving to them. "It's good to see you all again."

"Guys…" said Franky, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that's Fire-Fist Ace who just walked in through the actual door just now."

"Yeah, it's alright," said Nami. "That's Luffy's brother."

" _That's_ _Luffy's brother?!"_ yelled Sasuke, Franky, and Robin.

"Oh, god," said Nami. "We're going to be doing this for a while aren't we?"

Luffy rushed to the foreground like an excited dog. "Ace! Did you see our bounties? I blew up an island! When are you gonna do that, huh?"

Ace laughed, pushing the over-excited Luffy away with one hand. "Whoa there, little brother. Calm down. Very impressive, but I'd leave the really big stuff to Whitebeard if something like that needed doing."

"Ehh? I bet you're just jealous cause I'm better than you."

"I'm half tempted to show you I can still kick your ass, but it looks like grandpa already gave you a beatdown for me," said Ace, and then he grinned. "Still, it's good to see you, little bro."

As the two brothers went back and forth, Sasuke stared at them with an odd expression. Ever since family had shown up, Luffy had been acting more like a kid than normal. People fall into old habits and old ways of interacting when surrounded with parents and siblings.

Would he and Itachi have been like that? It was possible, if he had lived. Watching the two of them was actually a little difficult, now that he thought about it. Naruto had basically become his replacement brother in all but name, but Sasuke doubted that he could ever have acted the same way with Itachi.

All of a sudden he was aware the conversation had shifted topics.

"Hey, I'm sorry to redirect what we're talking about," said Ace, "but there's something I need to ask you. Would you guys mind answering a few questions for me?"

"Sure!" agreed Luffy.

"No, not you, dummy. I know you aren't gonna know a damn thing about this. My question is for the rest of you, and especially _you_ , Sasuke."

Sasuke blinked in surprise at being addressed by a stranger. "Me? Alright, why me?"

"Because I need to ask a question of a ninja, and according to this, you're the Copy Ninja," he said, producing a copy of the bounty poster.

As Sasuke bit back a wince of annoyance, Luffy said, "Hey, he's not the only ninja we've got! We've got four! How many ninjas do you have, huh?"

As Ace guessed correctly and tossed an appraising glance toward Sakura and Hinata, Sakura glared at Luffy for his presumption. Sasuke decided to answer before there could be an argument.

"Alright, so I'm a ninja. What's the question?"

Ace nodded. "What do you know about the Akatsuki Pirates?"

"...Akatsuki? We know a fair bit about them. I came out here chasing them, and since then we've crossed paths with them several times."

"They're not actually pirates, though," interjected Sakura.

"I'm gonna beat the crap outta those jerks for what they did to the Merry!" growled Luffy. "They're why we're here in the first place."

"Oh, really?" said Ace. "That's more than I expected, actually. I was just thinking you might know some names or something. They took out your ship, huh?"

"Yes," said Sasuke. "One of them attacked us and died in the attempt, but he did quite a bit of damage before that. I believe there are five or six of them left, and I'm at least passingly familiar with all of them."

"We've been running into them from time-to-time for the last month," added Sanji. "Almost feels like they've been stalking us. Why do you need to know?"

Ace nodded. "Back in Alabasta, I told you I was looking for someone. A man named Marshall D. Teach, who used to be part of old man Whitebeard's crew. So I hunt him down to this area, and all of a sudden I start hearing Teach's gang got taken to pieces by some people called Akatsuki. There's even some rumors that the guy I'm looking for was taken down by their leader."

"Argh!" exclaimed Luffy, actually pronouncing the word in his anger, "First they blast the Merry to pieces and then they kill my brother's friends! I'm gonna pulverize 'em!"

"No, Luffy, we're not friends. I've been hunting the guy down to kill him."

"Damn them! Killing my brother's friends and then killing the people he's trying to kill!" continued Luffy.

"No, dumbass, _listen_ to me when I'm talking here. Ah geez. Alright, look, the thing is, I need to know if the deed is done or not. I can't go back home without knowing for sure if Teach paid for what he did, so I have to ask these Akatsuki fellows if the guy's actually dead."

"I wouldn't advise that," said Zoro. "They're a strictly no-conversation sort of group. If you run into them you should be fighting to kill immediately."

Ace grinned. "Alright, I'll be careful, don't you worry. There are ways of getting that info without a fight. But, here's what I want to ask Sasuke about. Are you gonna be able and willing to point me in their direction if you run into them? It'd be a huge favor, so I don't want to impose."

Sasuke furrowed his brow for a moment before sticking a thumb in Hinata's direction. "Ask her. As long as Hinata's around we should be able to get some warning before they get too close."

Hinata looked a bit startled at that, and Ace turned in her direction. "Oh, yeah?"

"I… when I want to I can see in a number of miles in every direction. They should be pretty easy to spot, even if we get to another city."

"Would you mind giving this place a once-over in a bit? I heard that they may have left the island already, but I can't be sure.

"Um, yes, I'll do what I can at least."

"Ehhhh?" said Luffy. "Sasuke, I thought _you_ were the Lookout."

"W-What?" asked Sasuke. "Well, I am, but-"

"Sounds like she's better at it than you."

Sasuke looked like someone had slapped him with a fish. Betrayal and disbelief warred for supremacy in his speechless gaze.

"Umm!" began Hinata. "I mean, I'll do what I can but… but, my eyes get really tired! I mean, and then there's this blind spot… I don't think I was supposed to say that…"

"Oh, really? That sucks!" said Luffy, and then he slapped Sasuke on the back. "Okay, looks like you gotta find 'em after all!"

"I… Of… of course," spoke Sasuke, distinctly off-balance.

Grinning, Ace thanked them both honestly, and then turned to Luffy. "How about you? Will you be okay if I pop in and out from time to time

"Why don't you just hang around with us, huh?" asked Luffy. "We'll have a new ship and everything."

Ace gave him a Look.

"Nah, you'd just cramp my style. Just cause I'm gonna be in the area doesn't mean I wanna babysit you the whole time. Come on, that's what those guys are for."

"Ehhh? You suck!"

"Alright, good enough for me." Turning to the rest of the still stunned crew, he bowed deeply. "It was wonderful to meet you all, some of you for the second time. Please continue to watch out for Luffy. And Hinata, Sasuke? I'd appreciate it greatly if would you keep an eye out for Akatsuki. I'd owe you a huge favor."

There were vague murmurs of reflexive acknowledgement and humble denial from the crew, which seemed good enough for him, so Ace straightened up, waved, and disappeared back out into the city as quickly as he'd come.

"Huh," asked Sakura. "Weird that he'd run off like that. Do he and Luffy not get along?"

Sasuke looked thoughtful as he shook his head. "I don't think that's it. I think that as the elder brother he's reluctant to get in Luffy's way. For that matter he's not about to take orders from Luffy, so sticking around would just erode the Captain's authority."

"...But, no one seems to listen to him anyway," added Sakura.

Sasuke sighed.

"You should see them when it really matters."

* * *

 **-The Next Day-**

The last day on Water-7 dawned and it was a welcome one for both the crew and the Mayor's staff. The Straw-Hats, mostly Luffy, had grown more and more rambunctious as the days had dragged on, and it was finally time to move on to whatever adventure awaited them next. Supplies had been procured and loaded onto the new ship, and she was ready to set sail.

She was called the Thousand Sunny, and she was a gaudy masterpiece of mechanical design.

Or, so they'd been told. Franky and Iceburg had been tight-lipped when it had come to explaining the new ship's capabilities, and Sasuke had assumed the man had wanted to show them off himself in the manner of recalcitrant craftsmen everywhere.

The others had already dashed off down to Scrap Island to see their new home, but the three shinobi had stayed behind, waiting patiently for their final member. There had been no discussion about them sailing with the Straw-Hats. Sakura and Hinata had expected there to be a contract, or a talk, or even just some acknowledgement that they were coming along for the ride, but instead it seemed as though it had been self-evident from the very first night.

Eventually, Naruto reappeared in a puff of smoke, exactly where he had disappeared three days earlier, looking significantly worse for wear.

"Holy crap, do I feel weird," he said.

"At least you're still alive," said Sasuke.

"I could say the same to you, man. The way things have been going I half-expected there wouldn't be an island here when I came back."

"It hasn't been _that_ bad."

Sakura gave Sasuke an incredulous glare. She'd heard all the stories and it really _had_ been that bad. They'd destroyed a quarter of the islands they'd landed on since leaving the Kingdoms, and that was only if you didn't count ones reduced to frozen and burnt wastelands.

Sasuke just avoided looking her way, saying, "You'll have tell me what you were doing in your training, since I'm apparently supposed to help you with it."

"Well, that's just it, see, cause I was doing some thinking-"

"Never a good move," said Sakura.

"Hey, shove it. Anyway, all I need is someone who can see chakra, right? So, like, Hinata can help me with it instead!" He turned to her and extended his hand. "That okay with you?"

"Yes! Of course!" She took his hand, and they began walking together, already chatting about what he'd done on the trip.

Sasuke watched them leave, once again feeling distinctly off-balance until Sakura put one hand on his shoulder.

"Feeling kind of useless, huh?"

He nodded. "...It's not something I'm used to feeling."

"It'll be fine."

So they pushed through the city, Sakura and Sasuke chatting as the other two lived in their own little world. The two lovebirds made each conversation a dangerous black hole that threatened to suck the topic back to horrendously sweet areas. It was enough to make Sakura toy with the idea of casual violence. However, she decided to look on the bright side of life.

"Well," said Sakura, "At least we managed to get through our days here without anything horrible happening."

Naruto and Sasuke immediately froze and began whipping their heads about. Naruto dropped Hinata's hand, and Sasuke's Sharingan swirled into place as he scanned the crowd for unseen dangers. Sakura and Hinata turned to watch them. While Hinata followed Naruto's lead and immediately moved to combat readiness, Sakura just looked on in exasperation.

"Okay," said Sakura, "What's wrong this time?"

"What's _wrong_ is that you just said the worst possible thing you could have said," growled Naruto.

Sasuke nodded. "Hinata, we need a scan of everything going on in the area, especially over where the ship is being loaded."

Hinata nodded nervously, but Sakura's face just dropped.

"Seriously? They've got you believing in _jinxes_ now? Is that a thing out here? Can I scare people off with bad luck charms?"

"Dammit, Sakura, you _don't_ get to joke about this," yelled Naruto. "If you knew about half of the stuff we had to deal with just seconds after saying or even _thinking_ something like that you'd be quaking in your boots right now!"

"I hate to say it," agreed Sasuke, "But he's right. The rules are different out here."

"But… we've already got a pretty good idea Akatsuki isn't on the island. The Marines in the area have already decided to leave us be for now. Anyone else targeting us wouldn't have waited until we had a ship to run off in. What, are you expecting a meteor, or a bolt of lightning, or a giant tidal wave, or-"

"Sakura, _please!_ Shut the hell up!" pleaded Sasuke. "You're just making it worse!"

Sighing, Sakura shook her head in disbelief. A moment later, Hinata's eyes went wide and she shut down the Byakugan with a gasp. "Oh, no. I… I can't…"

"Shit, where's it coming from?!" asked Naruto.

Wordlessly, the blue-haired girl pointed off down a side-street, and the others readied themselves. Sakura had just a moment to worry, and then the trouble arrived. Chopper dashed out of the side-street in four-legged mode, a pair of black swimming shorts gripped in his teeth as his hooves thundered across the stones. A moment later, Franky burst into view, cornering so hard that he clipped chunks out of the wall. He was also completely naked from the waist down, revealing his modified anatomy for the world to see.

"Dammit, you punks!" shouted the enraged Franky. "Gimme back my damn pants!"

Each ninja except Hinata couldn't avert their eyes in time.

"Ah! _Shit_!" cursed Sasuke, screwing his eyes shut and looking desperately away. "My eyes! I saw it with the Sharingan!"

"Oh, good," groaned Sakura. "I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you."

"Holy crap," said Naruto. " _That's_ what he meant by hydraulics?"

Just as it looked like the rampaging battle-cyborg was going to catch up to Chopper, the reindeer whipped his head and tossed the skimpy article of clothing in their direction. Naruto grabbed them reflexively, then immediately realized his mistake. _Then_ the cyborg turned his baleful glare in his direction.

"Naruto!" screamed Chopper. "Get those to the ship! Make sure he follows you! They're counting on us!"

"Ergh," grunted Naruto, as he held the pants at arm's length. "If you say so, little dude."

Then he rushed off, summoning a couple clones to act as wingmen on his dash to the ship. Roaring, Franky followed after him in hot pursuit.

There was a moment of silence, and then Sakura turned to the rest of them. Hinata looked a little disturbed, and Sasuke was futilely rubbing at his eyes.

"So," said Sakura, "What do you all think about turning around and getting some lunch?"

"No, we have to see what's going on," groaned Sasuke.

With no small amount of trepidation, they left, following the sound of screams in the distance until they reached the ship.

The Thousand Sunny was tremendous when compared to their old ship, but what stood out the most was how bright and colorful it was. Decorated as brightly as the sun, on its prow was mounted a bright yellow lion… or sunflower, or something. It was difficult to tell.

Franky stood proudly before it with everything laid bare, both hands at his side as he stared up at the crew of the Sunny. The Franky Family, as well as numerous bystanders, were all present to witness the spectacle, though many seemed to wish that they weren't. People of all ages were screaming and pointing in horror.

"Come on," said Sasuke, steadfastly avoiding looking in that direction. "Let's just get to the ship..."

The girls nodded and followed along, equally eager to avoid whatever was happening here.

"Franky!" shouted Luffy, boldly waving the pair of underwear in his direction. "If you want your pants back, you gotta join our crew!"

"...Wait, wasn't he already a member of the Straw-Hats?" asked Hinata as they approached.

"It sure looked that way to me," agreed Sakura.

Sasuke shook his head. "We only meet him last week, honestly, but I thought he was planning to come along. I guess he changed his mind?"

"Listen, you twerps," called Franky, "I'm gonna give you one last chance to change your mind, and then I'm gonna start rampaging for real. Capiche?"

"Not gonna do it!" shouted Luffy. "You gotta join the crew first!"

"Why the hell should I join the crew of a bunch of pirates? In case you haven't noticed, I've got things to do and people to care for here already. I don't need nor want to go out to sea with a bunch of crazy kids like you!"

The three ninjas leapt on-board, not bothering with the ladders or gang plank. They arrived to some conspiratorial muttering among the crew, joining Naruto who was looking askance at Nami, Luffy and Robin.

"What's happening?" asked Sasuke, looking to his best friend to illuminate matters.

Naruto frowned. "Apparently they had to trick Franky here or something. They're saying he actually wants to join us but he's got some obligations holding him back, so they gotta use force."

"Use force?" asked Hinata, looking worried.

Then, smiling, Robin stepped up. Raising both hands in front of her, two copies of her arms sprouted from Franky's bare thighs. Franky had just a moment to stare in horror down at his crotchal region, and then Robin clasped her hands together.

 **[GRAB]**

Everyone present tried their best not to think too hard about what happened next, the males in particular wincing as they screamed in sympathetic horror. Robin kept up the pressure as Franky roared and danced in place, at the mercy of an opponent that was truly beyond his capabilities.

As the four ninjas were busy processing the horrific sight, Robin glanced in their direction and winked, a bright smile on her lips.

Sakura's jaw dropped in astonishment before she caught herself. What was that wink supposed to mean, and to whom was it addressed?

"What the hell was _that_ about?" she asked.

When no one answered, she averted her eyes and looked around her. To her surprise, Naruto was staring in horror at _Sasuke,_ of all people. Sasuke, meanwhile, looked deeply, _terribly_ confused.

Okay, girls?" asked Naruto. "We need to know what that meant, and we need to know it _right now."_

"Wha- No! Don't ask me!" said Sakura.

"Don't you hold out on us! I know all you girls know this stuff! We can't afford for you to keep secrets here!"

"What?! Well, maybe it's different out here, because I sure as hell don't know what it means when some lady has a cyborg's balls in a vice grip and gives you a saucy wink! You didn't do anything bad to her, did you?"

"No! God, I hope not!"

"I think she was looking at Sasuke…" said a wide-eyed Hinata.

Sakura turned to face the open-mouthed Uchiha.

"Okay," she said. "What the hell's going on here?"

"Why should we relent, Franky?" asked Robin, interrupting their confusion as she called down to the bawling man below. "Surely you know that you'll have to be quite convincing if you want to make a pirate give up on something they want?"

"Whaddayou want then, you horrible woman?!"

"You gotta join the crew!" called Luffy.

"Anything but that- AAARGH! No! I'm staying on this island! Look, I'm thankful for everything you did for me. I even wish I could- Ah! Ah! AH! ... go with you, but I have way too much stuff to do here, alright?! I've got people who're counting on me!"

Franky paused to engage in more pained grunting and crying as everyone watched in discomfort.

"That's why I built my dream ship and gave her to you! It's the last ship I'm ever gonna make, and I know you'll love her and take care of her! I'm not a shipwright any more!"

As Franky continued yelling and crying naked up to the ship, he was approached by the only person courageous enough to get near him. Iceburg, Mayor of the city, stepped up to speak.

"Franky. There's one thing I know for sure. This isn't your dream ship. Not yet. It won't be complete unless you're on it to bring out its full potential. I've known that was your dream ever since we were children, living and working under Tom's wing. Why deny that now?"

"Dammit! I'm not the same guy I was before! I have different dreams now! Ask any of the guys and they'll tell you the same thing! The Franky Family was lost before I arrived, and I dunno if they can survive without me, much less be happy!"

"Franky, I know you. Atonement is no way to live a life. Regret and blame have turned you into a man that can't live for his own happiness, and so you work yourself to tears for everyone else who was lost. I've seen it, even if nobody else has. You brought this town together, keeping it safe from anyone else who wanted to take advantage of it, and giving a home to all those who didn't fit in anywhere else."

"Yeah, boss!" screamed someone from the Franky Family off in the distance. "He's right! You're super awesome!"

The cyborg collapsed to his knees, wincing and leaking tears.

"Franky," continued Iceburg, "I forgive you. Kokoro forgives you. Even Tom forgave you. But all that doesn't mean a damn thing… unless you can forgive yourself."

He stepped closer and put a hand on the cyborg's shoulder. "Stop living other people's dreams. It's time to let all that go and live for yourself."

As Franky continued to cry into the ground, his gang gathered around. One particularly nasty-looking ruffian saying, "Boss! We brought you your luggage for the trip!"

With a sudden burst of rage, Franky got to his feet.

"You're all a bunch of no-brain idiots! Leave the thinking to me, alright?! That's what you- *sob* That's what you always do anyway! Don't try and scheme to change my life, alright?"

"But Boss! Aren't we allowed to think about your happiness just this once?" yelled the ruffian. "We'll be fine! We'll succeed you as the kingpins of the criminal underworld! I know we can! All we want is for you to be happy!"

At this, Franky collapsed again, bawling on the ground and crying with pain.

"DAMMIT! I LOVE YOU GUYS! OW! OWWW!"

"Robin, let up on him," said Usopp. "He's trying to have a moment here!"

"Hmm?" said Robin, looking over her shoulder. "Oh, I haven't been doing that for a while now."

"You haven't? But why is he-"

"He's quite the shrewd fellow... He's using the pain as an excuse to disguise his tears."

So it was that Franky dried his tears and raised one hand in the air.

"Alright! I'll join you guys! I, Franky, will become your shipwright!"

The crew of the new Thousand Sunny cheered to meet their newest member, and Luffy tossed the man his missing pants.

For everyone except the ninjas, this seemed to make perfect sense. Among them there was a moment of silence before Naruto asked, "Okay, so, does anyone else get the feeling we missed something kind of important back there? What the hell was all that about?"

Shaking heads and confused mutterings were his only answer.

* * *

A/N: Argh. Stuff that's close to canon is difficult for me.

I should mention, just because I skip, kill, or replace a character doesn't mean I don't like them. It only means I either don't have a place for them in the plot, or their inclusion would require bringing in a significant amount of backstory, or I want Akatsuki to fill the role they had instead.

Normally they're not actually gone, as such. Since most of these chapters are done from a ninja's perspective, you can assume Luffy and the others are getting involved in other people's backstories off-screen. Much of One Piece makes next to no sense when viewed from a single character's perspective, which, incidentally, is just like real life.

I'm saying all this because Thriller Bark is going to be happening a… _little_ _bit_ _differently_ than people may or may not remember…

Well, it should be clear next chapter.


	51. Maniac Mansion

The Florian Triangle.

A dark and mysterious sea that lay in the area between Water-7 and the Red Line, the Triangle also frequently toes the boundaries between myth and reality. For every ship that goes missing in this fog-shadowed sea, a dozen more stories are told of ghost ships, monsters, sea-witches, traps, and enormous giants that blot out the sky. Any legitimate trade conducted in the region avoided the Triangle completely, using Eternal Poses to dance around the edges of the dangerous waters.

It was never a very safe place, and that was before Akatsuki guided their own sleek new ship into the dark and foreboding mists. Unlike most groups that enter this area, they went in looking for trouble.

They found it rather easily.

Barrels littered the water around a floating wreck, and when examined they proved to be signal flares of a sort, sending up tremendous lights that would attract all the wrong sorts of attention.

Of course, the wrong sort of attention was exactly what they were looking for.

* * *

 **-Florian Triangle-**

 **-Thriller Bark-**

Thriller Bark was originally a small island that had once resided in West Blue. Converted into a ship and conveyed into the Grand Line by unknown means, it was so large that it was actually difficult to believe it could move at all. Shrouded beneath the nearly-perpetual gloom of the Florian Triangle, it was home to one of the Shichibukai- Gecko Moria.

Normally, Moria laid traps and lures for his unsuspecting victims, bringing them to his island fortress and stealing their shadows to increase his own power, but today Akatsuki came under a white flag.

They came bearing gifts. Gold stolen from Skypiea as well as the numerous pirate crews that they had encountered along the way. In return they were greeted by row after row of what were either actual zombies or possibly wounded old men in very convincing costumes. Some of them, however, were in no way mistakable for geriatrics of any sort, such as the horrifying pink warthog standing on two legs while wearing a wedding dress.

None of Akatsuki had ever seen a warthog before, and none of them wanted to see one ever again.

"You think they're here to greet us?" asked Tobi, as they passed through the array of warriors.

"Don't be stupid," said Danzou, casting an irritated gaze down at a stitched-together snake with a monkey's face. "This is a show of force and nothing more. This so-called Shichibukai has a plan that requires us to be cowed into submission until the time is right."

They walked past a cow-human hybrid that was holding a halberd and giving them a bovine stare.

"And should we be? Cowed, I mean," asked Tobi.

"You tell us. You're the lynchpin of this operation. From everything we've heard, this Moria has a ghost Devil-Fruit user in his employ that is unbeatable, no matter how powerful a warrior you are. Still, I feel confident your ability should trump anything they can throw at us… provided you aren't frightened."

"Oh, I'm not afraid of anything here," said Tobi. "...Except maybe that guy."

He pointed to an eight-limbed monkey with a snake's face. The creature's eyes were sewn shut, but it had replacement eyeballs on the palm of each hand. It peered open-handed at them, blinking occasionally by flapping its fingers together with a wet, gummy noise.

"...That guy creeps me out…" whispered Tobi.

"We don't have the freedom to entertain your fears, Tobi. You will deal with these things whether you want to or not."

"Hey, I'm cool. I can handle it."

Danzou smirked. "I never doubted it for an instant, Tobi."

"Hey, Orochimaru!" said Tobi. "What do you think?"

The snake-man paused from his assessment of the zombies to glance his way. "Most of these are inelegant hack-jobs, but there are a few well-built pieces among them… If the intelligence was correct then this is an application of spiritual, or Yin chakra, using shadows to manipulate specially-prepared corpses… Nothing I couldn't replicate myself on a small scale, but it seems the Fruit's power allows him to command an army without his direct observation."

"See anything you want?"

"With the Fruit's power, perhaps, but without that I have far better ways to reanimate the dead."

"Gotcha. Kisame?

"I don't really see the point of this place," said Kisame. "Using corpses like this has gotta have a whole lot of drawbacks. Hey, at least the weather's alright."

The day was gloomy, cool, and humid, but every one of them knew the Fish-Man's preferences already. Tobi nodded and moved on.

"Kakuzu?"

"You had better not lose track of that gold," grumbled the man.

"Don't worry! It's safe with me! And Hidan, how about- _oh my word! It's a zombie walking alongside us!"_

"Screw you too, asshole," said Hidan. "I don't even know why I'm here in the first place."

"Oh, you! Don't worry about that. Just be your usual charming self!"

"You've got just one of those smartass remarks left before I start killing something. You really wanna take bets on who I'm going after?"

Tobi laughed.

Escorted by the small army of mutant zombies, the team was brought to a grand building constructed as part of the central mast of the island-ship, where zombie attendants brought them to zombie dining halls catered by zombie chefs that brought them thoroughly poisoned food. They touched none of this, but that was probably to be expected.

Eventually, they were led to a zombie parlor that was full of suspiciously cheap furniture.

"This room's kinda decrepit," mused Tobi. "Wait, can I use that word? Decrepit? I'd hate to be insensitive to the zombies."

"Of course it's decrepit," mumbled Kakuzu. "This is the room where he springs his trap. He doesn't want to have to replace good furniture every time he does it."

"Oh, hey, you might be right about that! You've really got him pegged, don't you?"

"This is amateur work," said Danzou. "If it weren't for the other madmen we met out here I'd think he was being deliberately insulting with such obvious ploys. Alas, I bet this plan works just fine for him."

They were made to wait for a full twenty minutes before a zombie butler announced that Moria would parley alone with the leader of Akatsuki.

"A blatant power play," muttered Danzou. "And he's certain not to be alone."

"That's what we're hoping for," grinned Tobi. "Alright, guys! I'm off! Try not to get eaten alive!"

He paused.

"Cause, seriously, that's a crucial part of this plan!"

"We know, Tobi," said Danzou.

Tobi was led through opulent halls lined with quivering suits of armor and portraits that watched you pass. Along the way they passed into a dungeon-themed hallway. When the zombie butler opened the door an immense cloud of bats exploded from the other side, flapping and shrieking as they flooded past him into the previous room.

"Wow, either this room hasn't been used in a very long time or someone stuffed a whole bunch of angry bats in here for no real reason, huh?"

The butler offered no opinion.

Honestly, this all might have seemed terribly cliche, except for the fact that Tobi had never seen anything like it before in his life. He was fascinated, rattling suits of armor, poking portraits in the eye, and sticking his tongue out at the ghosts he saw peeking out from the wall.

Eventually, however, they arrived at their destination, and it was time for Tobi to get serious. With great effort he even put on his Serious Face, though his mask made it not strictly necessary at this point.

The door opened onto an opulent old room that smelled of musty leather. In its center sat a long conference table done in rich mahogany and inlaid with jade and lapis lazuli. Far more normal art hung around the area, and the haunted house theme seemed to be more or less in abeyance, though there was still a regal portrait of a headless horseman dominating the opposite wall.

The master of the island reclined in a tremendous throne that clashed horribly with the decor. Warlord Moria, one of the Shichibukai, the seven government-sanctioned pirates that ruled various parts of the sea. The man himself was monstrous, barely even looking humanoid. Fat-bottomed with a tall, thin head, his skin was deathly pale, as if he hadn't seen the sun for many, many years. He looked down from his position on the throne with an inhumanly wide grin that exposed a number of sharp pearly-whites. The tremendously off-balance shape reminded Tobi of nothing less than-

"A fat shallot…" murmured Tobi.

"Excuse me?" said Moria, the grin falling from his face.

"Oh! No, nothing! I'm just admiring the room!"

"Yes, it is quite nice, isn't it? Please, take a seat."

This was starting off quite nicely. Tobi stepped up to the table, dodging a hidden pit-trap with unconscious ease as he took a comfortable seat. As he did so, he noticed an invisible man watching him quietly from the corner. Did Moria know there was somebody else in the room with them?

Tobi shrugged. Probably. He was probably one of Moria's underlings, though their intelligence hadn't mentioned the man. But, then, if he was invisible then that made sense.

"I'm sorry, Tobi, but I must first ask you to remove your mask."

"Err, what?"

The wide grin came back.

"Your mask. I won't allow it here. I'm afraid I must insist."

Tobi fingered his driftwood mask uncomfortably, but then decided it would be fine. He removed the mask with one hand, revealing his stolen Uchiha face to the world. Then he remembered that he'd let his Serious Face slip, so he put it back on, a very exaggerated scowl replacing his earlier grin.

"Hello, I'm Tobi," he said.

Moria laughed, the noise sounding high-pitched and weird. "Ki-shishishishi! Yes… the so-called 'Good Boy.' I am Moria, and I must admit that you've caused me a bit of trouble recently."

He peered down across the table.

"You're bringing a lot of unwanted attention to this area, you see. I'm always fond of acquiring the corpses of high-class bounty-hunters to create my zombies, but honestly this is getting ridiculous. I'm being woken up at all hours by people just _wandering_ in here. Still, I can be forgiving. What brings you here to parley with me?"

"We've come bearing gifts, as well as a proposal!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yep! And we think you'd better take it, if you know what's good for you."

The tremendous grin disappeared to be replaced by an equally-sized frown.

"Oh. Really."

Tobi cleared his throat and jumped into his semi-prepared speech.

"Correct! I represent a group of powerful ninjas from the newly-opened Elemental Kingdoms! We have come here to extend to you a very special invitation," said Tobi, spreading his arms wide. "As one of the so-called Shichibukai, you possess a great power and insight as to the nature of the world at large. We need someone of your skill and status to complete our plans, and we would like to extend to you the opportunity to gain the powers of a god. What say you?"

Moria stared at him, his deep frown slowly twitching upwards. "Ki-shishishishi…" he chuckled, the odd laugh bouncing around the room. "I'd say I don't recall being more insulted in… oh, say the last five years or so. Is this a joke? You come alone and try to _recruit_ me?! ME! Gecko Moria! One of the greatest pirates in the world?! The man who is going to kill Kaidou the Beastlord and become the Pirate King?!"

Moria made a gesture to one of the tiny ghosts that were watching from the walls. It nodded, laughed, and disappeared. Gradually, Moria stood up from his seat, his shadow slipping out from under him to sneak underneath the table. It rose up as a solid form behind Tobi, dancing silently over his shoulder.

"Well, Good-Boy, or whoever you think you are, I have some news for you! This conversation was never anything more than a trap! Right now, my strongest Fruit-user is already disabling your entire crew, and now you're trapped in here with me! I have such _wonderful_ plans for your shadow!"

* * *

 **-Main Ambush Chamber-**

"Stay inside the field, you fool," hissed Kakuzu.

"Screw you," growled Hidan, as he swiped his scythe at the swirling clouds of ghosts. "I already told you asshats, ghosts are an abomination unto the Lord Jashin!"

As Hidan continued antagonizing the laughing ghosts, the rest of Akatsuki was huddled inside a blurry, fog-like field. Orochimaru stood at its center, eyes closed as he muttered to himself, fingers occasionally moving from one hand seal to another. As they watched, one of the tiny round ghosts collided with the field and bounced off with a flare of energy.

"So, this is the ability we heard about, hmm?" asked Danzou, watching the ghosts warily. "A wide-ranged spirit-control technique."

"Yes," mumbled Orochimaru, concentrating intently on his task. "It was easy to deduce this was based on Yin chakra… but defending against it is easier said than done…"

They watched as Hidan finally cut straight through one of the ghosts only to gape as it did absolutely no damage. With a girlish titter, the ghost charged him at high speed, passing directly through his body and coming out the other side. Hidan collapsed to his knees, his face a picture of misery.

"Oh… I'm just a worthless pile of human garbage…" moaned the zealot. "I'd curl up in a trash can, but I can't even find one… Just one more way I'm totally fucking useless… I can't even kill myself anyway, but a quick death would be more than I deserve... Maybe I can dig a hole and just lie in it till I starve…"

The others watched this wordlessly as Hidan began openly crying, unable to muster any of the anger he had felt earlier. The ghosts laughed and resumed circling Orochimaru's protective barrier.

"That's… quite a powerful ability…" muttered Kisame.

"More than we expected," agreed Danzou. "Do you think counter-Genjutsu techniques would help?"

"I doubt it," said Kakuzu. "Not enough to get back to fighting shape, anyway. Anything strong enough to do that to you in under a second is going to be very hard to completely undo."

Abruptly, the ghosts converged, slamming into the edge of the barrier and pushing with all of their might. Lightning crackled across the fog as Orochimaru winced. Slowly, the ghosts pushed inwards, making headway through the field. Danzou backed away slightly, watching as the little white monsters wriggled in front of him.

"Will this shield hold?" asked Danzou.

"You try building a defense against pure Yin chakra," hissed Orochimaru. "This technique was meant to be a useless curiosity and nothing more. It was never refined and it's dreadfully inefficient. _Let me focus._ "

Flicking his fingers through another series of seals, the snake-man increased the chakra being sent to the field. An instant later the ghosts were sent bouncing away from the barrier. Orochimaru took a deep breath, burning through his reserves at a rapid rate.

Unfortunately, it appeared Devil Fruit users possessed largely unlimited amounts of chakra when it came to exercising their abilities. His power, however, was born of merely human efforts. They would be relying on Tobi to advance the plan before his chakra ran out.

That's when the zombies burst into the room, some of them leaping onto Hidan in an attempt to dismember the defenseless man.

"Handle those without stepping outside the field," ordered Orochimaru. "This is only meant to protect against the ghost technique or other Genjutsu. It won't stop zombies from entering this area."

Danzou, Kisame, and Kakuzu looked around at the tiny fifteen-foot wide area protected by the field and scowled. It went without saying that being hit by one of the ghosts while the zombies were in a frenzy would mean death.

Concentrating, Kakuzu's body unfolded, ripping apart at the seams to reveal a cloud of black thread. It squirmed and pulled as it separated into different figures. First emerged a figure wearing a red mask, then came a figure wearing a green mask. Finally, with another pulse of thread-

Danzou's hand snapped out and grabbed Kakuzu by one of his wrists.

" _Not that one._ Not here," he said, Sharingan visible in his uncovered eye.

" _Get your hand off me, Danzou,"_ growled Kakuzu.

Danzou removed his hand, but continued staring.

"I agree with Danzou," said Kisame, unstrapping his scaled sword. "I don't want that thing near me."

"Please refrain from unnecessary destruction," added Orochimaru. "I can't promise what would happen were I to lose focus."

Grudgingly, Kakuzu's body re-absorbed the third growth, and the two other heart-golems leapt out of the field to engage the zombies. The figures shuddered when the ghosts passed through them, but didn't waver in their charge. The four standing Akatsuki members remained inside the field.

This was going to be a very annoying battle until Tobi could complete his mission.

* * *

 **-Main Meeting Room-**

"I'm afraid by now your comrades will have already been torn limb from limb! Ki-Ki-shishishi!"

Moria laughed, and his shadow laughed silently along with him. Ignoring the large shadow-figure dancing behind him, Tobi's serious expression lightened somewhat to match Moria's sadistic amusement.

"Heheh, actually I have something to admit myself. The whole, 'you are invited to join us' speech was kind of fake, too. We actually came here to kill you! Oh, but if you wanna join us instead then that would be cool, too!"

Moria's ridiculously-wide mouth curved upwards into a crescent smile. "Oh, really?! You're going to kill me here in my home?! Surrounded by my legions of zombies and powerful servants?!"

Mood bolstered by the good cheer, Tobi began smiling as well. "Yeah! That's the plan, actually! Then we're gonna use your ship for our own nefarious purposes!"

As Moria's shadow-creature slowly brought its dark scissor-blade down to Tobi's throat, Moria smiled wider, his inhuman grin reaching from one side of his face to the other. "That's the plan, huh?! That's friggin' hilarious! I was gonna use your shadow to fill one of my zombies, but I'm not sure if even Oars has a big enough pair of _balls!_ "

Tobi stretched his grin to its limits, his face passing out of the realm of 'amusement' and moving into 'horror-show'. It was so wide it was affecting his speech. "No, my balls are pretty normal! It was one of the first things I checked when I got them! And yeah, we're gonna attack a Celestial Dragon and then we're gonna make it look like it's your fault!"

He paused, then added, "Also, I don't think I can smile any wider than this!"

Now, Moria's grin widened to its absolute limit, freezing into a rictus of rage, as his bloodshot eyes bulged. " _You think you're going to do WHAT?!"_ he yelled, twitching in fury. "PERONA! Shoot this man before I get REALLY pissed off!"

Several white ghosts erupted from the portrait of a headless horseman and shot straight towards Tobi. They struck him and disappeared with a *vroop* noise. Moria's jaw dropped. Then, grunting in annoyance, the shadow creature drew its scissor-blade against Tobi's throat. The shadow warped and twisted, its blade pulled violently into the invisible field that surrounded him.

Tobi, meanwhile, found a little more grin in reserve. Two white tentacles wriggled their way out of his ears, reaching around to his face and pulling his cheeks aside to widen his smile past its limits as he stared unblinkingly back at Moria.

The pale monster-man at the other side of the table dropped his smile, brow furrowing as he stood from his immense throne and backed away.

" _Change of plans! Kill them!"_ shouted Moria.

Noticing movement, Tobi turned to see the invisible man from earlier finally raise his hand. There was an explosion, and a bazooka shell shot straight at the Akatsuki leader, appearing out of thin air. With another flare of power from the Rinnegan, the explosive missile froze in mid-flight, shuddered, and flew right back in the direction it had come from. It struck the invisible assailant in the chest, revealing a patchwork cat-man who was engulfed in a wave of fire and sent crashing through the stone wall.

Tobi turned his head back to Moria, fixing him with his pulled-back grin. As zombies poured into the room, Tobi leapt over the mahogany table and grabbed the Warlord by his head.

"Sorry, but this is the part where I take your soul," he said.

Then things went quite poorly for Moria.

 **[NINGENDO: KYOKON NO JUTSU]**

 **[HUMAN PATH: SOUL ABSORPTION TECHNIQUE]**

A minute later, Tobi burst from the conference room in a hail of discarded undead body parts, their angry owners still chasing after him. He had half hoped that stealing Moria's soul would mean the zombies would obey Tobi, but it looked like it had just made them madder. Still, there was the chance that Orochimaru could make something useful with Moria's body afterwards.

It wasn't as if they had stolen Moria's soul to get his Fruit, after all. A non-Logia power wasn't as useful to them as a sacrifice. No, they had targeted the leader first for an entirely different reason.

Information on the island's defenders and layout filled his head, and he knew what to do next.

" _Oh, Peroooooonaaaa-!"_ he called, running lightly down the corridor and leaping nimbly around and over the legions of zombie defenders. " _I know how to fiiiiind yoooouuuu!"_

* * *

 **-Perona's Room-**

Perona jolted in the seat she'd been lounging in as she felt another wave of her ghosts being absorbed by the field surrounding the Akatsuki leader.

"What the hell?!" screamed the pink-haired ghost princess. "Did that guy just kill Moria?! No way! Screw this, I'm outta here!"

Wasting no time, she hurried to pack some bags. This was her private room, and she had almost everything she'd want for a quick getaway. She'd just have the zombies carry her luggage down to the emergency escape vehicles and…

Wait, if Moria was dead then the zombies wouldn't work any more-

" **GRRR, MISTRESS, LOOK!"**

" _Dammit, Bearsy, for the last time I've told you NEVER TO SPEAK!"_

Perona paused, looking over at her lead zombie, an immense stuffed bear wearing a hat and surgical mask.

"Wait, but if you're not dead… then…"

Moria must still be alive. He'd been disabled, but as long as his legions of zombies were still operating, they'd be able to take on these intruders.

Focusing for a moment, she connected back to her Ghost Network, feeling the presence of her scout-weapons all across the island. The rest of Akatsuki was still pinned down in the Main Ambush Chamber, though the only one of them she'd caught with her ghosts so far was proving annoyingly resilient to stabbing and biting.

Their leader, Tobi, was… he was running straight for her section of the mansion, currently on the other side of a large interior courtyard as he danced through lines of zombies like a murderous whirlwind. Oh, that was what Bearsy had been pointing out the window about earlier.

Wait, what?

That had to be a coincidence, right? He couldn't know where she was hiding without intimate knowledge of the maze-like mansion. She summoned more ghosts close to him and began listening in.

 _I know you can heeear me, Perona! I'm cooooming for yooouuuuu!_

Well that was weird. She turned to her pet bear.

"Bearsy, get all the Wild Zombies out there _right now!_ Stop him! Make him pay for what he did to us!"

Trying not to make a noise, the giant stuffed bear gave a nervous salute and then hurried to depart, grabbing its beastly comrades to join the assault on Tobi. They charged out of the doors and poured through the corridors on their way to the fight. Excellent. Tobi might be invulnerable to her negative hollows, but he probably wasn't invulnerable to a good old-fashioned monster mash!

 _Peeerrroooonaaa! You know what happened to the last person who sicced ghosts on me? Well, no one's actually done that yet, but the_ next _person who tries it is gonna hear, "I ripped out her soul!"_

She shivered. This guy was seriously creepy.

Maybe… maybe it was a good idea to pack that bag after all.

No, not yet. There wasn't a fighter in the world she couldn't beat, and there was no reason to think that would change now! She'd beat this entire invading force on her own, and she'd do it from the comfort of her own bedroom! His earlier immunity to her hollows must have been a fluke!

She sent more ghosts Tobi's way and the man jumped into the air, dodging the zombies and taking the ghost-collisions head on. They disappeared just as fruitlessly as the others, and her awareness of them shut down.

"Shit."

Okay then, not a fluke.

Still, her negative hollows weren't the only way she had of fighting. Focusing, more and more tiny ghosts spawned from around her, filling the air with laughing little cohorts.

 **[MINI-HOLLOW]**

Her Mini-Hollows weren't designed to make you depressed. They were designed to kill. Laughing, they disappeared into the walls and information flooded into her mind from the numerous viewpoints they gave her. As they burst out into a large interior waiting room, Tobi looked up excitement as he wrestled a zombie crocodile-woman with pink lipstick to the ground.

The smarter of her zombies jumped back, well aware of what the arrival of her weapons meant.

The Mini-Hollows swarmed in around Tobi and then detonated, a fireworks-display obliterating most of the furniture and stonework in the area. Numerous zombies disappeared under the wall of fire, but that was probably alright. They could be replaced and made even cuter than they had been before!

Finally, Bearsy arrived with his reinforcements, her personal guard charging into the diminishing firestorm to destroy anything that might be left. Without warning, Bearsy exploded backward at extreme speed, rocketing off into the distance from some invisible force. He hit the stone wall like a bullet and flattened as his mostly hollow insides collapsed from the intense collision.

Tobi emerged from the smoke with a light cough, mostly unharmed. Suddenly free of any gripping zombies, the ninja blurred into motion, disappearing into the next room as her ghosts hurried to follow.

 _Don't worry, Perona! It's actually going to be over pretty quickly! There's no pain! I promise it won't be unbearable- oh, geez, sorry, that must seem a bit insensitive at this point. I honestly didn't mean to make that pun._

Perona blanched.

"Okay! I was very wrong! I can't beat him after all!" she cried, and then ran out of the room.

She had to get out of here! What the hell had she done to deserve this?! Almost crying, she dashed out into the halls, the noise of her red platform heels on the stones echoing in every direction. She immediately realized her mistake when her ghosts saw Tobi pause in his zombie-slaying several rooms down and turn his head her way.

She gulped and ducked into one of her workshops. Nope, running wasn't gonna work very well either. This guy was way too fast for her.

Wait. Maybe… Maybe there was another way to sneak out of here?

But boy she did not like it.

Steeling herself for the only chance she had, Perona ducked into a closet and closed the door. Propping herself up against the wall, she subsumed herself in her power, losing focus and letting her spirit drift away.

 **[HOLLOW SOUL]**

Just like that, she stepped out of her own body. What stood up inside the closet was a perfect ghost replica of her own form. Though her real body would remain unconscious in the closet, she could use this technique to lead Tobi far enough away that she could escape in the confusion.

She tittered, once again filled with confidence. No one _ever_ expected the clone strategy.

She dashed out into the halls, letting Tobi catch a glimpse of her as she ran.

* * *

 **-Main Ambush Room-**

Though the room smelled of scorched zombie flesh, the Akatsuki defenders knew the moment that Perona became distracted. The ghosts lost all sense of cohesion in their assault on the field, wandering about and investigating whatever looked interesting.

"That's… it... for me…" muttered Orochimaru, letting the field collapse and slumping to the ground.

The others surveyed the wreckage of the former room.

"Alright," said Danzou. "You all know what to do. Kisame, you're with me. There are still ghosts about, so watch your step."

Like that, everyone disappeared except for Hidan- who was bleeding in a heap in the corner- and Orochimaru- who was completely out of energy. It was time to find and crush the major centers of resistance.

* * *

Two minutes later, Perona was freaking out. In her ghost form she had rapidly outpaced her zombie guardians, but Tobi had followed with intense speed, sometimes even making it ahead of her. If she didn't know better she might think he knew the castle better than she did. The only hints she had of his presence were occasional glimpses she got from her ghosts and his singsong voice echoing through the halls.

 _Are we having fun yet, Perona? I've got a mission to do, though, so I can't play for long!_

The voice came from ahead, and she ducked through a wall to put more distance between them. Perona ran and ran, until, all of a sudden, she couldn't hear him any more.

She stopped.

She hadn't… lost him, had she? He'd been way too good at tracking her so far, and she really wanted to keep leading him away from her real body. She retraced her steps, ghosts fruitlessly scouring the halls. At any moment she was ready to come face to face with her pursuer.

But nothing happened. He was gone.

"Tobi...? Are you there?"

No response.

She... she'd feel a lot better about this if she knew where he was.

She searched for another minute before a terrible feeling crept up her spine. She needed to leave _now_. Quickly, she had her ghosts scan the escape route from her workshop to her getaway ship. Nothing there except stray zombie parts.

Okay. Now was the time. She let go of the technique and returned to her body.

Tobi was in the closet with her, grinning from just inches away.

" _I found you,"_ he whispered.

* * *

 **-Twenty Minutes Later-**

"Welp…" said Tobi, looking over the smoking wreckage and scattered zombie parts that littered the inside of the mansion's main room. "I think that went pretty well, all things considered."

With the defeat of Moria, Akatsuki had a lot to do to prepare for the next stage of their plans. All of the intelligence they had spent a week on Water-7 gathering had led them to this moment. Orochimaru was even now experimenting with the body to see if its Fruit would be willing to aid them. The Kage-Kage no Mi was expendable, but capturing it would be a coup nonetheless.

The rest of Akatsuki would stay here and prepare the battlefield for the real challenge that lay ahead of them. This had been only Part One of their plan, after all. In many ways it was the least important task.

Advancing to the docks, Tobi summoned his personal steed, a tremendous dire-shark that was studded with strange metallic piercings. This was the only animal he had ever had the patience to alter so that he had complete control over it. The others, like Mister Crabby, obeyed him unquestioningly but were… unpredictable. It was like the difference between trying to order around your loyal but only half-trained dog, versus implanting chakra receivers into its nervous system and controlling its body directly.

Exactly like that, Tobi mused.

Still, even untrained they would be perfect for what he planned next. Swimming out of the island-ship's harbour, he moved into open waters, summoning more and more marine animals as he went, each one spreading out to search a wide area as he angled toward his destination, following the Log Pose to the Red Line. Not that he intended to go to the mountain itself just yet. His destination was directly beneath that mountain.

The Sabaody Archipelago.

As Tobi left the island, a large figure watched him from a hidden part of the port. He was a bear of a man dressed in black clothing and holding an odd Bible. Ten minutes later, he had disappeared from the island entirely.

After nearly a full day of searching, Tobi's sea-creatures finally found their target just a hundred miles off the coast.

* * *

 **-Paradise End-**

 **-Sabaody Archipelago-**

Celestial Dragon. World Noble. Descendant of Kings. These were the names that Saint Charloss took esteem in. His authority was unquestionable, and he would one day rule as a god. As he had known from birth, his was one of the generations of nobility that could truly inherit this world. A thousand years of iron-fisted rule would finally culminate within the next twenty to forty years, and then the World Nobles would become omnipotent.

All this was both completely obvious and completely right, of course.

But all that was so _tiring._ It was time to take a break from the burden of having so much _responsibility_ and just enjoy himself for a change. Yes, a shopping trip to the Sabaody Archipelago was just what he deserved right now. He had always loved seeing what the little people got up to in their little lives, and Sabaody always had the most interesting slaves.

First, however, came dinner. Saint Charloss sat at a luxuriously-appointed dining table covered with delicacies from all across the world, and he was just now finishing his dessert. Though there was enough food for twenty people, no one else shared his meal with him. Of course this was the case- how could they? The cleaning staff was only allowed to enter the room in thickly insulated suits, to avoid sullying the air with their presence, and even the master-chef prepared his dishes in isolation. The very idea that someone who wasn't a member of the Nobility would enter his room without protection and… _open their lowly mouths…_

It made him shudder.

One of his slaves in particular came to mind, and Saint Charloss had more than half a mind to have him beaten for the affront of entering his thoughts without permission.

He'd sailed across the ocean in the sleekest and most expensive ship that money could buy. Not that the ship had been purchased with anything so crass as 'money' in the first place. This ship was not purchased with Beli, but by processes of wealth so esoteric that they were difficult to describe. This also meant that it was literally priceless, a fact that bothered him somewhat, as it made ostentatious displays of his wealth a bit more difficult.

As he finished dining, he looked out from the crowning glory of his ship- the immense glass bubble that held his entire living suite. It dominated the deck, and it had its own entirely isolated air and life-support system containing only air stored and recycled from the Holy Land, Mariejois itself.

Of course, this meant that anyone on the deck would be able to see him, but that was why the entire crew was absolutely forbidden from setting foot on the deck under any circumstances. Simple solutions to simple problems.

Hmm… actually, it seemed as though something else might be about to soil the air. His guts were rumbling. Perhaps the seventh course had been a bit too much, after all. Standing, he quickly made his way to the bathroom facilities.

It was when he was finally starting to feel relieved that a man stepped out of his toiletry closet, causing him to scream as his bowels tightened in fear.

"Oh!" exclaimed the man in the driftwood mask, "I'm _so_ sorry! I wasn't paying attention and got the timing wrong. I didn't think you would still be pooping!"

Saint Charloss quickly fumbled for the device around his neck that would summon the guards, but before he could press it the strap exploded as the device flew out of his hands, landing firmly in the grip of his mystery-assailant. The man continued introducing himself as if nothing had happened.

"Hi! I'm Tobi!" he said, walking across the enormous bathroom, "I don't want to interrupt, but I am sort of busy. I'm here to kill you, but I'm not so heartless that I'd stop you from what you're doing, so just relax and… you know- do what comes naturally!"

"What are you doing here?!" screamed Saint Charloss, "Don't you know that attacking a Celestial Dragon will provoke a military response from the Admiralty?! They'll know when I go missing! My schedule is on file with the monitors!"

Stunned by this sudden invasion, Charloss tried to fumble with his pants and stand from the toilet, but the instant he rose he was pushed back into the seat by some oppressive force. The man in the driftwood mask was looking directly at him with his strange eyes.

"I know what it all means," said Tobi. "In fact, that's what we're hoping for! And you're going to help us!"

The force pressing him to the toilet made it difficult to even breath. " _Me… help you?! Not even... if I die! You're beyond help now… you horrible commoner!"_

Now Tobi stood beside him, looking down with concern and placing one hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, big guy. You can die and still help us. Don't worry about that right now! Just finish your business, alright?"

" _Why… me…?"_ he choked out, losing his breath.

"Shh-shh-shh-sh-shhhh…" Tobi cooed and brushed Saint Charloss' coiffed hair almost affectionately as he shushed him. "No talking… only pooping now... then the sweet embrace of death… Are you done...? No? You don't want to go after all...? Oh well… your loss."

 **[NINGENDO: KYOKON NO JUTSU]**

 **[HUMAN PATH: ABSORPTION SOUL TECHNIQUE]**

Tobi's eyes flared with power. The last thing Saint Charloss felt was his soul being ripped from his body.

It was a distinct experience.

* * *

Moments later, Tobi straightened up. The Absorption Soul technique took every last memory from its target, and now he was finally possessed of the knowledge of a Celestial Dragon who had intimate facility with Mariejois and the Divine Tree. It took a few minutes to work through it all, but he was now certain.

He had absolutely everything he needed to enact his master plan successfully. They could move on the Tree as soon as the final step of this operation was complete.

Well, that is, only if this was successful, and he'd just found a problem.

It appeared that his plan of calling on an Admiral to respond to the assault had a small snag. While the Admiralty were legally obligated to respond personally to any assault on the nobility, Akatsuki's larger plan would run into long-term complications unless he could impersonate Saint Charloss. Apparently, a Celestial Dragon had a device in their body designed to identify them as a true World Noble and prevent just such a subterfuge. Scanning the body, Tobi soon found it- a tiny little chip hidden at the base of the skull.

No sooner than he had discovered the chip than the Asura Path of the Rinnegan began whispering to him. It analyzed the chip, speaking of circuits, digital logic, and cryptographic encoding techniques.

Tobi didn't like that part of the Rinnegan. It kept telling him to do things like, ' _replace your arm with a laser cannon,'_ or ' _consider the benefits of manly hydraulics'_ , or ' _can you really be satisfied without possessing robotic tentacles,'_ and Tobi was quite happy to keep the body he had, thank you very much. He'd worked hard to get a real organic body with all sorts of human biological functions and he wasn't about to give it up.

He let his eyes roam over the chip until he was satisfied. The Asura Path helpfully informed him that this was easily the most advanced piece of technology he had ever seen before, and the person who had designed it was a true genius.

But, hey, who needs genius when you have eyes like _these,_ huh?

He could deal with this, no problem. It sang to him, just like every other piece of machinery out there.

Part Two completed. Now it was time for Part Three of his four-part plan.

It was time to take the world by storm.

* * *

 _A/N: Tobi's driving us straight off the rails here._

 _Don't think for a second that this is going to make things easier._


	52. Burning Blood

What was it like to be one of the most personally powerful people in the world? As a younger man there had been numerous places he couldn't go, numerous boundaries he couldn't cross, but now, Admiral Aokiji lived life knowing that there was very little in the world that could stop him.

The novelty had worn off years ago. Once upon a time he had felt a thrill when he stepped into the hallowed halls of Mariejois, or perhaps even some personal pride at having come so far with his life. Even a sense of danger. One mistake on his part could be enough to earn the ire of the Nobility, and then it would be his death sentence.

You'd think that would have made him feel wary, but all he felt now was exhaustion.

The man known as Kuzan in a past life sat in a windowed alcove in a sitting room of the World Government Headquarters- his long limbs making him look like an adult sitting at a children's table. He looked out the window over the miles of empty air that separated them from the ocean below, here at the peak of the world.

He'd never been more restless.

It wasn't like he'd die if the government tried to kill him anyway. What could they do to him? At any moment he could just jump off a cliff and leave. He could go anywhere in the world, and there were very few people in it that could fight him and expect to live.

There were even fewer who could stop him from running.

Yeah… leaving this gig was always an option if things went bad. He'd known that from the beginning, but somehow there had always been something more important riding on his shoulders.

The creak of an opening door signified that the previous meeting was over, and Kuzan stood, stretching his limbs and favoring his still-healing wounded side. Old men poured from the regally-appointed conference room, leaving only the Fleet Admiral inside.

Well, one thing would always stay the same no matter how powerful he became. Meetings.

Aokiji walked into the room, and Fleet Admiral Sengoku rose to meet him.

"Oh, good," said Sengoku, "You're on time. I didn't expect that!"

"It was this or paperwork. Still a tough choice."

Sengoku nodded, as if this were an undeniable fact.

"How's the wound?" he asked.

Aokiji shrugged. "They say I'm already good to go, but they recommend giving it another week so it doesn't reopen. Frankly, I think a little time off is just what I needed."

Sengoku gave him a chilling glare. "Not to sound insensitive, but it would be best if your next time off was on the schedule. Not due to injuries or general laziness."

"Hey, it is what it is."

"True enough… That reminds me, though, we wanted to get your opinion on a couple things we've heard on Water-7 recently. I know you've heard the report on Teach, but-"

He was interrupted by a loud and raucous ringing that froze him mid-sentence. By this time in his career he had grown quite good at speaking over incoming calls, but this was different. This came from the emergency line, a bright red snail mounted near a display in the corner of the room. They both looked up in surprise, and a moment later his secretary dashed up to the door, clearly having run all the way from the office.

Sengoku stood up, rushing over to the phone with a horrible mix of displeasure and reluctant determination, muttering a mantra under his breath.

"Don't be Garp- Don't be Garp- Don't be Garp…"

The display identified the caller immediately. Saint Charloss, one of the World's Nobility. With pained resignation he picked up the snail, and a voice began screaming at him mid-sentence.

" _-completely overrun! Useless guards! I'll sell every last one of them in the auction!"_

"Your Holiness, this is Fleet Admiral Sengoku. What's the situation?"

" _We're under_ attack _, you useless worm! Aren't the Marines supposed to be stopping this kind of thing?! Useless, useless, useless!"_

He beckoned his secretary over to work the display, and she hurried to pull up information being sent across the secure link. Soon, they'd have the location his Snail ID was broadcasting from.

"Your Holiness, we will be sending assistance immediately. Who is attacking you?"

" _Are you_ blind _?!"_ shouted the nobleman. " _There are_ zombies _swarming over the bulwark! Pay attention for once in your damned life! Before that, come save me!"_

Sengoku paused for a moment to glance over at the screen. The nobleman's ship had gone off its planned route and had ventured closer to the Florian Triangle than was good for him. As Sengoku processed this, the nobleman continued.

" _Wait_ … _WAIT! They're clawing at the doors! Oh! Oh no! They're getting inside! They're getting their rotten flesh on my carpets! No! NOOOO! I DON'T DESERVE THIS! AAAAHHH! AHHH! AAAAIIIEEEEEAAARRRRGGGHHH-_ *CLICK*"

Sengoku stared down uselessly at the receiver, a deep feeling of dread filling him. Not out of concern for the victim- no, certainly not that- but out of concern for his free time.

This was, quite possibly, one of the absolute worst things that could have happened. The nobility would be out for blood, and the Shichibukai would be the target of their wrath.

As he stood frozen, his assistant recorded all the necessary information. Moments passed, and then Aokiji stepped up behind him.

"Moria? Attacking a Celestial Dragon? Why would he do this? That's not his style, not by a long shot."

"No," grunted Sengoku. "But it doesn't matter to us right now. We have to respond either way. A second member of the Shichibukai betraying the World Government in less than two months? And killing a nobleman, no less…"

Aokiji shook his head and sighed. "I don't know what will come of this, but I guess that means you'll have to send me out there."

"No," interrupted a rumbling voice from the room's entrance. "You'll send me instead."

They looked up and saw Admiral Akainu standing in the doorway. He had a determined flame in his eyes.

"What?" asked Aokiji. "You hate getting involved with the Celestial Dragons. You've never made that a secret."

"No secret needed. You're wounded. It should be me that goes."

Aokiji patted his side. "What, this? I appreciate the offer to take the lead here but something like this is hardly going to stop me from taking down Moria. Unless… you think this is fishy too?"

"I do," grumbled Akainu. "You know that Akatsuki was seen leaving Water-7 for the Florian Triangle just days ago."

Sengoku peered suspiciously at his subordinate. "Akatsuki? What would they have to do with a zombie attack? Sakazuki, I thought you didn't think they were anything special?"

"That was before I smelled blood in the water," said Akainu. "Now I do. Call it a hunch. If it is them then they'll be ready for Kuzan. They won't be ready for me."

Sengoku sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Need I _remind_ the two of you that this transmission had a valid ID signal from Saint Charloss' chip? Dr. Vegapunk has assured us that faking it is absolutely impossible. That means someone _did_ attack him with zombies."

"Like I said. A hunch."

Sengoku continued thinking. A moment passed, and then-

"Alright, maybe it is best to keep Kuzan out of this if he's wounded. Get out there as soon as possible, and get your ships to follow you. But remember, the Nobility received that transmission as well, and Saint Roswald is going to be believing his son shouting about zombies before he listens to any 'hunch'. If it wasn't Moria after all, then find proof, or else."

He paused.

"And please, even if it looks like it _was_ him, please try to find proof that it wasn't."

Then Sengoku turned to his secretary. "I didn't say that."

"Of course not, sir," agreed the woman.

Akainu turned on his heels and walked away, saying only, "Don't tell me how to do my job."

* * *

 **-Two Days Later-**

They'd been chasing the Nobleman's nimble ship for two days, and it had barely kept ahead of them the entire way into the Florian Triangle. There it had disappeared, a feat that only lent further credence to the idea that Moria was behind this.

If this _was_ Moria's plan, that is. It was highly unlikely Moria would have attacked the Celestial Dragon's ship by mistake, but if he had then he certainly knew by now the gravity of what he had done.

It didn't matter. There would be no chance of leniency.

"Admiral Sakazuki! We're approaching Thriller Bark's last known location!"

"Understood," said the Admiral, leaving the task of finding the damn place to his captains.

The difficult part of searching for something inside the Florian Triangle was the weather. If it weren't for the fact that Moria was a notorious figure residing on a ship the size of an island, finding Thriller Bark would be next to impossible.

There was no point to keeping an eye out himself, so he didn't. He stayed indoors, letting his Marines do their jobs. They knew how to do this, and they didn't need him taking that experience away from them. By Naval tradition, even his flagship had its own Captain, a necessity given the need for the Admiralty to engage opponents personally. This meant that Sakazuki's only responsibilities were to give orders to the fleet as a whole and fight as the living weapon that he was. And so he waited, looking distinctly bored as he did so.

Sometimes he had to feign boredom to keep Marines from panicking in difficult situations, but he didn't have to feign anything here. This place was dreary.

Hours passed in the search before the communication snails reported Captain Threeweather had sighted land. That's when his officers looked to him.

"We're ready right now. All ships proceed as planned. Be ready to fire on the island, but hold your fire until I give the word."

They advanced.

"Sir, I don't like this," growled his flagship Captain. "There's been no sign of Perona's ghosts so far. Normally we would have seen them by now."

"That's alright. That's not a surprise to me," responded the Admiral.

"Sir?"

"Don't worry. Just thinking to myself."

* * *

It was just minutes before the mile-high mast of Thriller Bark came into sight through the fog, followed shortly thereafter by the island's massive exterior walls. This island-ship was a monstrosity, but it gave Moria certain advantages.

"Sir! Incoming fire from the island!"

The sight of incoming cannonfire was soon followed by the noise of the tremendous artillery pieces mounted on the outer wall firing from extreme long-range. Unfortunately, no matter how large of a fleet he had brought with him, Thriller Bark was miles wide, and it could afford to mount much longer-ranged cannons than his ships could.

"I'll be out on deck," ordered the Admiral, standing from his seat. "Keep us together."

Stepping out onto the deck, he passed ratings and officers dashing here and there. At this range, almost every shot was missing, but as a cannonball struck a nearby battleship several greenhorns covered their heads in surprise. They changed their behavior as the towering figure of Sakazuki walked past, finding new reserves of courage.

Good. He wouldn't have any weakness among his men and women.

It'd be another few minutes of suffering the bombardment before their fleet came in range of their own guns, but he could fix that. He walked to the prow of his flagship and took a deep breath, stretching his red suit wide. Then he jumped into the air.

 **[RYUSEI KAZAN]**

 **[METEOR VOLCANO]**

A storm of punches lashed out, each strike transforming into a burning lump of magma that soared ahead of the ships. Hundreds of them appeared, covering the entire frontal arc of the fleet for a mile ahead. Where the fists landed the ocean exploded in great gouts of steam, instantly transforming the skyline into an impenetrable fog.

He landed lightly back on deck, a few brave ratings using the plentiful firefighting tools to douse the droplets of magma that had returned with their Admiral.

Immediately, Thriller Bark's guns lost their accuracy, and the fleet proceeded onwards into the mist.

Well, at least whoever was on that island knew the seriousness of the situation. Would Akatsuki have been able to man those guns alone? Perhaps, but perhaps not.

In moments his flagship captain was at his shoulder, waiting for the orders he knew would be coming. Sakazuki turned to face him.

"All ships will advance at maximum speed," he said. "Take out those guns and make landfall as soon as practical. Make a beachhead, but beyond that don't push in further until I contact you. I'll be moving in beforehand."

His captain saluted, and then Admiral Sakazuki stepped overboard.

* * *

Sakazuki emerged from the cloud of steam absolutely unscathed. From his feet poured an endless stream of magma floating upon a thin cloud of energetic steam. He folded air inside himself to reduce his density, and the trail of pumice and black smoke grew with each step he took toward the island. The cannonfire turned his way, and he let it strike him, each hit splattering more and more of the burning material around him until the sea itself seemed to turn black.

Thriller Bark's intense artillery might have never been intended to turn itself on one person, but the Admiral wasn't even bothering to dodge. He continued to walk until he wad being hit almost once a second, his form becoming more and more distorted until 'walking' was no longer even appropriate to describe his movement. A malevolent monster made of crawling magma advanced on the island-ship surrounded by a cloud of steam, smoke, and chipped obsidian.

He had no doubt that this wasn't all his opponents had to offer, but the fact that they had even bothered to attempt such an attack was insulting.

The bombardment slackened as he approached the outer walls of the island-ship itself, the massive wooden gates disintegrating to ash as he walked through without effort. Once inside the inner walls, he continued towards the island, the cannonfire resuming as the inward-mounted weaponry began firing. Sakazuki paid it no heed, continuing to move and flow across the calm inner-sea until he passed out of range of the weaponry.

Finally, he stepped onto land, the withered grass burning from his arrival. Bare trees and crumbling gravestones extended in every direction. Everything was quiet.

Thriller Bark was a place that had been thoroughly corrupted by Moria's influence, being gloomy by nature and guarded by his legions of shadow-zombies. For each zombie, however, there was a corresponding living person that lacked a shadow, and Sakazuki knew that most of them lived on this island. There wasn't a hint of either group's presence.

It was looking more and more like his hunch might be right.

Sakazuki moved onward across the island, past crumbling walls, mouldering crypts, and decrepit cemeteries until he entered the mansion built into the ship's enormous mast. He passed through gothic architecture and stone halls lit with torches. Throughout all of it he hadn't seen or sensed a single figure, living or dead. Observation Haki wasn't his strongest skill, but his range was still more than a hundred feet in most directions.

Wait. He had a signal at the end of a long hallway. He turned his head, and the signal vanished, flitting out of range.

Sakazuki closed his eyes, instantly regretting his mistake. An amateur might not have even thought twice about it, but he had just made an error. Someone had attempted to discern the range of his Haki, and he'd given them just what they wanted. This wasn't Moria's style. It was definitely Akatsuki.

Well, that was fine. Compared to when Admiral Aokiji had fought them, he was both stronger and he had an abundance of intelligence as to their powers. There was no point to this lurking about any further.

"Come on out," he said, his voice projecting through the gloomy corridors, "I'm not interested in playing games here."

There was a pause, and then a rumbling noise.

A torrential flood of high-pressure water poured forth from three different hallways as if the entire area had been connected directly to the ocean depths. Akainu watched the oncoming flood in annoyance. Flesh bubbling, he sprayed magma in each direction, forming three burning walls of stone that completely blocked the water from floor to ceiling.

The torrent struck the walls with a sizzling crash. Then each wall shook again and again from some unknown impact. Sparing a glance to the cracking walls, Sakazuki exploded upwards like a rocket, disintegrating the ceiling with his incandescent passage just before the three magma walls below him shattered, filling the area with water.

Akainu erupted into the Main Ballroom, a large open hall that probably covered the entire width of the massive mast. He'd also arrived directly in the middle of a tremendous cubic force field that was just now flickering into place around him.

He grinned. Playing right into their hand so far, huh?

He sealed the hole he had come through and decided to test the field's strength. A blast of magma that should have torn a hole through a battleship instead rebounded with a crackling crash.

In a single instant, the floor was pierced in several places by high pressure water jets, and water resumed rushing in through the newly-formed gaps. Getting above the rising waters, Akainu resumed his earlier ascent, pouring magma downward to shoot into the air on a pillar of burning rock that unfolded into a stone flower.

He raised his hands to the sky, his body transforming completely as he gathered his power.

 **[BAKURETSU: HANABIRA JIGOKU]**

 **[EXPLOSION: HELL OF FLOWER PETALS]**

Magma popped and hissed from his raised hands, scattering in great clouds all throughout the inside of the shield like stone petals. In seconds there wasn't an inch of space that hadn't seen waves of burning petals pass through it. The petals sizzled as they struck the water and exploded in tremendous gouts of steam. Soon, the noise was as deafening as being in the center of a roomful of bursting grenades.

His burning rain outpaced the rising waters, converting everything inside to a hell of steam that raised the heat and air pressure to unsurvivable levels. That was just the start, and he continued pouring his assault into the air.

Five seconds after beginning the attack the floor began to cave in and the shield began to develop cracks.

Five seconds after that, the shield exploded from the devastating air pressure. The noise was less of a sound and more of a murderous wave that ripped through the ballroom. Fragments of cooling volcanic rock blasted like shrapnel from a bomb, and the entire ballroom area disintegrated, parts of the thick stone walls ripped apart like confetti and tossed far away across the island.

Slowly losing its support, the grand central mast, more than a mile tall, cracked and listed slightly to its side. There it stopped.

It was several minutes before the aftermath settled down enough for the Admiral to evaluate the situation. He was still alone amidst the wreckage, and no one from Akatsuki had followed up the attack.

He smirked. It was truly the mark of an inexperienced newcomer to the world stage that they would try water on him. He'd grown a hundred times as powerful since he'd first obtained his fruit, and water only grew easier to deal with. The weakness only kicked in when submerged in unbroken water, and at this point he could step into a pool and turn it to steam before even a single drop touched his skin.

This had been an impressive showing, but if this was an assassination attempt then it had failed. If it had instead been meant to test his power, then it had been moderately effective, but he had a great deal more in reserve. It hadn't even made him sweat.

Still, this evasive treatment was growing irksome. He didn't sense any of the members of Akatsuki, either. Time to report this.

Sighing, he reached into his jacket and pulled out his portable Den-Den Mushi. He lifted the receiver, and then the tiny creature imploded, smashed into pulp from a force that shoved his hand away.

His head shot up, but no one was around.

Damn, these bastards were sneaky. Tobi had gotten a bead on him, and he still wasn't even sure where the man had been watching from.

Alright then. Though they were out of his normal Haki range, they were definitely nearby. Perhaps he could do something about that. Taking a breath, he focused, extending his awareness of the world to its limit. Like this, he could get another ten or twenty percent out of his Haki.

He felt a bright silhouette duck just out of range at the mid-point of a series of what felt like deep tunnels. This time, Sakazuki gave no notice that he had discovered them, opening his eyes and walking off in that general direction.

Eventually stopping over the location of the hidden tunnels, he dissolved into magma, melting into the floor and hitting the lower level in a pile of burning slag.

There. He had surprised one of them, and they were still rushing out of his range. The Admiral pursued his target like the hound he was named for, running down the halls and advancing towards whatever unknown destination his target was retreating to. They descended further and further, and as he advanced the temperature dropped, ice crystals forming along the walls.

Finally, the hall ended in an ajar door from which glacial air poured in a wicked, biting wind. He paused, and his target disappeared into the distance.

He smiled. Oh, so predictable. First water, and now ice.

He stepped inside, and suddenly he knew that he had found the true largest room in the island.

He'd also found one of the largest creatures he had ever seen.

The room was a cavernous freezer, with multiple levels of thick iron catwalks that surrounded a ridiculously huge red-skinned giant covered in stitches. It was frozen down to the bone from its long stay in this cold-room, but Sakazuki could still sense the faintest signature of power from inside it, as if some tiny fragment of its indomitable life force was even now still preserved.

Wait. He recognized this creature. One of Whitebeard's subordinates, Oars Jr., was an odd giant variety very much like this. Then again, if he was the Junior, then this creature might very well be the daddy. Oars itself was at least two hundred and fifty feet tall.

Just what in the _world_ had Moria been working on in here? Clearly, Moria was _not_ in control of this ambush, or Sakazuki would never have been led this way.

He laughed. Still, a _freezer?_ Really. _This_ was Akatsuki's plan?

"I'm disappointed," said Akainu, projecting his gruff voice to be heard throughout the immense freezer, "Is this your strategy? Fight fire with ice? I'm not a slab of meat- I'm a volcano. I don't even feel the cold. Why don't you just come out already."

No response. His voice echoed throughout the room.

Once again, he extended his senses. Slowly, he made out another figure on a floor far above him, glowing brightly in his sight. The figure's aura brought its hands together.

 **[SUITON: DAI BAKUSUI SHOUHA]**

 **[WATER RELEASE: GREAT EXPLODING WATER COLLIDING WAVE]**

Once again, a stupendous amount of water appeared as if from nowhere, spilling out from above as intensely as some of the great waterfalls he'd seen in his life.

What, were they planning to fill up the freezer and drown him?

Scoffing, the Admiral exploded into motion, leaping off of his platform and passing through the curtain of falling water to the frozen figure of Oars, then rebounding off of the giant's frozen flesh straight for the man who was summoning the water. It was a Fish-Man wearing Akatsuki robes, and the water was being created directly in front of his body as if by magic.

Ah, the same technique as before, only larger.

Flying towards Kisame, Akainu speared straight into the jet of water, heat on full-blast as a river's worth of it flashed to steam. Still keeping most of his momentum, he punched out with a lance of hardening volcanic rock that pierced through the torrent of liquid, completely destroying Kisame's chest in a single strike.

Kisame wavered for a moment, then collapsed into a puddle of water.

Hmm… That would be one of their clone techniques, then. It seemed to be a more widespread ability than was originally hoped. Surely they couldn't _all_ do that? Either way, if these water techniques were ever to fall into the hands of the Fish-Men, they could pose a serious danger for land-dwellers everywhere. Yet another reason to thoroughly rein in the Elemental Kingdoms before they caused more trouble.

The room was now thick with steam. Still, one thing hadn't changed: no one was showing themselves.

"You think this is clever?" he asked of the warming air, "You must think you've got quite the effective weapon against Fruit-Users, being able to summon water out of thin air, but you've got _nothing_. Any high-level Fruit-User worth a damn has a dozen countermeasures for dealing with water."

Still nothing. No sound at all except for spilling water and the frantic whirring of overworked refrigeration machinery.

"Is this how we're going to spend today?!" he called out. "I have business to attend to besides your little group, and I'm not above moving to immediately sink this island!"

Still nothing. This was getting irritating.

Suddenly, a polite cough from directly behind him made him whirl in place. The man in the driftwood mask, Tobi, was just sixty feet away. He had appeared so suddenly that Akainu hadn't even noticed him with his Haki.

"Hello! I'm Tobi! It's nice to finally meet-"

 **[DAIFUNKA]**

 **[GREAT ERUPTION]**

Not waiting for Tobi to finish, he pivoted and threw a fist of magma that burned the air like a sulfurous meteor. It should have blown a hole in the entire tower, but as soon as his magma reached Tobi it disappeared into the strange field that surrounded the man.

Of course, the field had absorbed ice just fine, but he'd wondered if it would have more trouble with something with a bit of mass to it, like molten rock. Didn't look that way.

"Err, like I was saying, it's nice to finally-"

 **[RYUSEI KAZAN]**

 **[METEOR VOLCANO]**

Akainu leapt into the air, and if his earlier attack had been a meteor then this was a meteor storm. Everything around Tobi was targeted by a crashing flurry of lava fists. The ones that came close to him disappeared just as completely as the other one had, but the rest dug deep molten pits into the thickly insulated wall.

It looked like Tobi's absorption range was about six feet or so. Pretend it's twelve just to be safe. If he allowed Tobi to get inside that range there would be only his hand-to-hand skills to stop the man from doing the same thing to him that the rumors had said he'd done to Teach. A single touch on the head had been all it had taken to put Teach down for good, and there was no assurance it could only be done on the head.

"Ummm… listen," started Tobi, walking forward to close the range, "If you could just stop shooting super-moves at me for a second-"

 **[YATSUKA NO TSURUGI]**

 **[EIGHT-HAND SWORD]**

Sakazuki sliced out with his arm, a blade of white-hot lava shearing through the catwalk Tobi was standing on and sending spattered streams of melted iron his way. Leaping backwards, Tobi dodged the burning spray by jumping all the way back to the wall.

"Well, geez!" exclaimed Tobi. "No wonder no one wanted to come out and talk to you! You're a big meanie!"

Tobi stretched out his hand and wrenched the Admiral off his feet. Abruptly, he was flying towards Tobi as if gravity had been turned sideways.

Before he could get in range of the Akatsuki leader's absorption technique, Sakazuki threw another magma fist then exploded, sending a thousand pieces of himself in numerous directions. Tobi dodged the fist, paused to absorb the spray, and then readjusted his pull, but he managed to catch only a few blobs here and there.

"Hey! No fair!" shouted Tobi petulantly, looking back and forth in confusion.

There was a pause in the battle as the Admiral watched his target from a number of vantage points. For the next few seconds he was a part of every blob of that magma and he would have some leeway when it came to which one would reform his body.

Kuzan's instincts had been right. Tobi couldn't or wouldn't use two of his techniques at the same time. Whenever he tried to push or pull, he also tried to dodge attacks rather than absorb them. Testing that further might be dangerous, but the risk might be worth it.

Tobi had also jumped back from the spray of molten iron even though he hadn't been using any other techniques at the time, which was even more interesting. There was apparently a difference between his magma and normal material that he had heated. Normal materials couldn't be absorbed.

Ah. Yes, then there was a way around this, wasn't there?

Sakazuki emerged from the underside of the catwalk above Tobi, spinning to wrap himself in an armor of molten iron. As it coated his skin, he sprayed a layer of viscous magma on the ceiling and fell next to Tobi with a tremendous thump. Though Akainu's head was completely covered in iron, his Haki was able to show him his opponent's bright aura.

He stood up, clad from head to toe in red-hot armor, and he advanced like a burning paladin.

Looking concerned at the crusader's advance, Tobi pushed out with his power. Akainu halted in place, and then the first rivulets of magma fell from the ceiling. Shouting in pained surprise, Tobi switched to absorption and the Admiral entered melee range.

His ironclad fists struck out with the skill of a world-class prize-fighter. Tobi was almost four feet shorter than him, and the difference in their reach was insurmountable.

The first right hook took Tobi by surprise, his blocking arm fracturing from the impact. Wincing in pain, Tobi danced backwards through the streams of lava, frantically deflecting blows, but Sakazuki's limbs were living rock coated in pig-iron and each attack was delivered with the force of a sledgehammer.

Tobi's absorption seemed to be able to ignore the heat from his blows, but it couldn't stop the bone-breaking force of his hits, and every strike was on-target. Every one of Tobi's movements sung out to him in the fever of his Haki, letting him predict every step the man would take and every hand he would raise. Every time the Akatsuki leader tried to leave the dripping shower of magma, Akainu was ready with a grab or kick, herding him back into place to continue the assault.

Abruptly, something changed. Tobi moved in a way he hadn't expected. He dodged two hits in a row, approaching the edge of the lava field and freedom. Focusing hard, Akainu regained control, stepping in and continuing the assault successfully.

The iron covering his mouth evaporated in an instant , allowing him to speak.

"What are you doing, Tobi?" he growled as he continued to press the attack.

Tobi stumbled sideways at just the right time to avoid a hit.

"I'm… _OW_! I'm _trying_ to fight you," said Tobi, "-but Danzou keeps throwing knives at me!"

The iron over Sakazuki's eyes disappeared next, and he saw a throwing knife fly over his shoulder, forcing Tobi to dodge in just the right way. Apparently, the knives were what was making his Haki give him bad data.

Akainu backed off, casting a glare backward off into the distance.

Deadeye Danzou was watching them intently from a higher level on the opposite side of the freezer, red eye uncovered to show a pupil shaped like a three-pronged pinwheel.

Was this the technique that Admiral Kuzan had said was used to disable his Haki? No, that had supposedly been painful. Since Danzou was outside the range of his Haki, he was using throwing knives to direct the battle as an influence immune to future sight.

He'd never seen anything quite like it, and he was a veteran of these kinds of fights.

But, how was Danzou predicting their movements so perfectly? Did he have Haki as well?

"Ugh," interrupted Tobi, cradling his wounded limbs as he backed out of the dripping lava. "Okay, hang on a moment... I've just got to fix this..."

Danzou was throwing a knife right now, actually. The distance between them meant that it took a second to arrive. What was that knife meant to interrupt?

Oh, of course. He would have attacked Tobi if he hadn't seen the knife. But any future sight was limited by the time difference between committing the action and its execution. That meant Sakazuki had a full second to change his mind after seeing the incoming projectile.

And there was always one cardinal rule among users of Observation Haki: it didn't matter if you could see _ten_ seconds into the future if you were too slow to stop what you saw coming.

Danzou saw the path of the future change immediately.

"TOBI!" shouted Danzou, but it was too late.

 **[SORU]**

The Admiral moved faster than a bullet, arriving at the very moment Tobi was distracted by the incoming knife. He grabbed the man by the throat with one molten hand, lifting Tobi into the air. Tobi choked, absorbing magma as fast as it was produced, but unable to do anything about the hand that held him there.

This was the true test. Could Tobi perform his kill technique while also absorbing the fatal magma? Sakazuki stood a razor's edge from death, and it was so rare these days that anyone could give him that thrill of uncertainty.

Three choking and gasping seconds passed as Tobi kicked and clawed at his throat with broken arms, and Sakazuki smiled.

"You're losing, Tobi… Drop that field for even an instant and your head will be a charred stump. I don't think your healing will let you recover from that... Why not try it anyway? Be a Good-Boy, and _die_ for me."

The drain from Tobi's field was noticeable, but not enough to inconvenience him in what little time this would take. This would be over so disappointingly quick… Unless…

A crashing torrent of water signalled the arrival of reinforcements as Kisame erupted from the frozen mouth of the giant, Oars.

 **[SUITON: BAKUSUI SHOUHA]**

 **[WATER RELEASE: GREAT EXPLODING WATER COLLIDING WAVE]**

The tidal wave poured forth until it stopped in mid-air, supporting Kisame as it formed a floating ball fifty feet wide. Then the Fish-Man roared, pushing both hands in front of him.

 **[SUITON: DAI BAKUFU NO JUTSU]**

 **[WATER RELEASE: GREAT WATERFALL TECHNIQUE]**

The ball of water exploded like a cannon, becoming a crushing wall that shot straight for Tobi and the Admiral, and the Fish-man rode the aerial wave as if it were his mount.

Clicking his tongue, Akainu gathered his power as the water approached, transforming his unoccupied fist into fire.

 **[DAIFUNKA]**

 **[GREAT ERUPTION]**

Shouting his attack, he punched, hurling a super-dense fist of flame that speared out at the incoming waterfall, punching a hole straight into the center and detonating the entire pillar. The wave exploded with an apocalyptic blast of steam, blunting the force of the attack.

As Kisame leapt away from the disintegrating pillar, the Undying Hidan jumped out from inside one of the larger blobs of remaining water, kicking off of the underside of a catwalk and lunging into battle. His skin was red and boiled, but his wicked scythe was raised for the attack as he descended with vengeful rage.

Hiding inside your comrade's attack, huh? Cute.

Hidan arrived, and Sakazuki whipped his arm about to cut into him with a blade of magma. The other man made little effort to dodge, ignoring defense to focus on the attack. Akainu widened his eyes in shock as the regenerator's left arm disintegrated, and Hidan struck, cleaving through the Admiral's molten arm and separating him from Tobi.

With another lightning-fast swipe, Hidan sliced through Sakazuki's torso, the mystically-forged blade sizzling as it parted his super-hot core. As it passed, Akainu noted the presence of several particularly vile poisons coating the blade, which disintegrated harmlessly from the intense heat of his body.

Reforming his other arm, the Admiral grabbed the regenerator and _burned_.

"AHHHHH! SHIT!" screamed Hidan, his remaining arm and a large portion of his torso melting from the absurd temperatures. His scythe clattered to the floor.

Sakazuki smiled as the screaming continued. That was the thing about people who could heal themselves. It always felt like they were asking for a double helping of pain.

A whirring blade announced Danzou's arrival at the very same instant his Haki shut down, completely overwhelmed. As Sakazuki winced from the pain, Danzou cleaved through his head and arm. The old ninja kicked out with one leg to send Hidan's wounded form flying into the corner, then backed off.

Regaining his senses as he regrew his head, Sakazuki turned to regard Danzou, taking care to avoid the man's eyes.

An old man, almost elderly, but still with dark gray hair. Danzou swung his katana to shake off the dripping magma, and then returned to combat readiness. Funny. Most swords melted when used against him. That blade must be a serious piece of…

Wait.

The blade itself was black steel with a red _hamon_ that cut across its length like a saw. He knew this sword. Anyone who spent significant amounts of time in the New World had heard of it.

"That blade," he said, "That's Shusui. The missing treasure of Wano Country. How'd you come across that out here?"

"I claimed it from a dead man," said Danzou, not moving an inch from his position.

To the side, a demonic head emerged from the ground, tongue licking out to grab at Tobi's coughing body.

Sakazuki smirked. "Sorry. Love to talk about it, but I need to interrupt that."

"Of course," said Danzou, and then he attacked.

 **[HIEN]**

 **[FLYING SWALLOW]**

Danzou's blade began to glow, and the Admiral dodged away, not sure what this attack would do. It didn't matter. Though he dodged out of range, the glowing aura around the blade cut him anyway, removing one of his legs and causing him to slump to the side.

The leg reformed nigh instantaneously, but it didn't matter. His stride was interrupted.

Sakazuki turned to face Danzou, and the fists began flying. At ten feet tall, his reach was nearly as great as Danzou's, even with the sword, but the old ninja fought at the very edge of his range. Danzou dodged and ducked every burning slash, repositioned around every kick, and struck out with the blade every time the Admiral was about to break away.

"So what is this?" asked Sakazuki. "Future sight? Mind-reading? Impressive stuff, even if you are only buying time for your boss to recover."

Danzou said nothing, deflecting a punch that should have melted a foot of solid steel. Shusui took the hit without complaint, not even visibly heating.

Alright then. The very instant before Sakazuki thought about exploding in a wave of magma, Danzou jumped far backwards. The burst of magma exploded outward, but Danzou was ready with a blast of wind that shielded him long enough to escape. Sakazuki's Haki returned a moment later.

Just in time, too. A second later, Tobi rolled out of the demon's open mouth, hitting the metal walkway with a *clong*. He stood up, wiping himself off with a cheerful expression that matched his perfect health.

The rest of Akatsuki backed off, having done their duty.

The Admiral watched all this with a skeptical scowl.

They were right back to where they had started, except Akatsuki was in worse shape. Hidan was down. Kisame had been unable to truly affect him. He had found a way around Tobi's defenses. Kakuzu wasn't even here, but he used wind and fire which was worse than worthless. He couldn't even _imagine_ how Orochimaru's snakes were supposed to hurt him. Danzou had been impressive, but the man was unable to either deal serous damage or stay in the fight. Akatsuki had to realize by now that they couldn't win, which meant the flow of this battle was about to change.

"So…" Sakazuki ground out, staring through the thick mist at the spit-sodden figure of the man in the driftwood mask, "Is this the part where you run away? You've chosen a bad place for it if so. There's only one door, and you'll have to get by me first."

Tobi looked startled for a moment, then whipped his head back and forth around the thickly-sealed room.

"Err… what?" asked Tobi. "Oh, right! Thanks so much for reminding me!"

Tobi flicked out a finger and the reinforced freezer door slammed shut, the noise ringing in the sealed chamber like a funeral bell. He'd shut them all in. Then he giggled.

"Sorry, I'd hate to have forgotten that part. And no, why would we run away? Everything's pretty much gone according to plan so far."

" _F… Fuck you…"_ gurgled Hidan from his lump in the corner.

The Admiral stared him down, then spat a blob of magma that ate a hole in the floor. "According to plan? They said you were delusional, but there are limits to the patience I'll show a madman."

Next, he raised his voice. "I'm going to make this easy for all of you to understand! In one minute I'm going to destroy everything inside this freezer! If you want a chance at victory, now's the one and only moment you'll have to fight. Try to run and you'll lose even that chance!"

Tobi coughed to grab attention.

"EXCUSE me! Don't just talk to them like I'm not even here! I'm the leader and they're my fr… my beloved subordinates! Even Hidan! Besides, _you're_ the one who should be thinking about running away!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah! I mean, we did everything on the list!" exclaimed Tobi, counting things off on his fingers. "We got you out here alone, we made you think we were weak and stupid, we got you to come into this room, and then we got you to fill it up with hot steam! Oh, and then we closed the door!"

Frowning, Sakazuki looked around him. He'd barely noticed what with his Haki helping him see, but after detonating several massive water techniques the inside of the freezer was now more like a steamy sauna.

Tobi looked like he was worried he was forgetting something, wiggling his fingers back and forth, but then he shook his head.

"Oh, hey, Kisame, could you do that thing we talked about?"

Though the Fish-Man wasn't visible, his voice rang out through the room.

 **[SUITON: KIRIGAKURE NO JUTSU]**

 **[WATER RELEASE: HIDDEN MIST TECHNIQUE]**

In moments the air changed. The floating steam clouds were instantaneously replaced by a thick veil of impenetrable mist. The temperature cooled slightly and with all ventilation sealed the pressure began to drop as well. He could _feel_ it happening. He scratched at his arm. This mist was tingling against his skin.

Moments after that, his Haki shut down. Unlike before when Danzou had overwhelmed it, now it was as if he was getting a reading from every inch of the room around him, completely hiding his targets.

He attacked, leaping forward with wings of fire to where Tobi had just been standing, but his opponent was already gone.

" _You know,"_ spoke Tobi's sourceless voice from the mist, " _It's a funny story how we came up with the plan for if you showed up. See, we shinobi study elemental chakra because it's really important to us. Fire beats Wind, beats Lightning, beats Earth, beats Water, beats Fire. We have some people where we come from who can use magma too, and it's really just Fire and Earth chakra mixed together! Really interesting, huh?"_

"I don't have time to keep track of every superstition and magical story from every backwater island, Tobi!" yelled the Admiral, straining his senses to find his opponents. "What's your point?"

" _I'm getting to that! See, Magma is, like, super-effective against Ice, which is just Wind and Water chakra. I bet you'd give that other Admiral a pretty hard time if you were to fight each other, huh?"_

In the impenetrable fog, Kisame spoke again, his voice completely untraceable.

 **[SUITON: YOKOBURI NO JUTSU]**

 **[WATER RELEASE: DRIVING RAIN]**

The air pressure dropped like a stone as the mist reformed into a supernatural downpour. The chilly rainstorm dropped the pressure even further, making the inside of the sealed chamber a deadly low-pressure typhoon that made him raise his arms to shield his face.

Something odd was going on with his skin… The rain was doing... something to him. The flames of his magma weren't exactly dimming, but it still felt _cold._ He could still summon all of his power, but he flexed a finger, and felt it move just a fraction too slow.

Clearly, this was as different from normal rain as Aokiji's ice was to normal ice.

Tobi's voice echoed through the downpour again, almost inaudible over the roar of water.

" _Orochimaru went on and on about the effects of air pressure and humidity on lightning, but we don't need to go over that. The big question that I'm sure you're asking right now is this: 'What's the chakra weakness of Magma?' Well, I'll tell you! Water and Lightning!"_

Before Tobi had even finished speaking, a crackling beast appeared in the rainstorm directly behind the Admiral, immediately followed by a blast of thunderous sound that crashed through the sealed room. He whirled in place.

A majestic phoenix, each feather a bolt of light, its beak and talons shuddering with power. On its back was mounted a golden halo that cut through the rain as if it weren't even there, nearly blinding him with its glittering brilliance until the lightning phoenix was the only thing visible at all. Just once it flapped its wings- and then it moved.

 **[GORO-GORO NO MI: SHICHI RAIJIN]**

 **[RUMBLE-RUMBLE FRUIT: SEVEN LIGHTNING GODS]**

The creature exploded, a fan of lightning arcing wildly through the rain as the bird transformed into a being of pure electrified plasma. Throughout the room, lightning jumped to the metal catwalks, sublimating spots of iron directly into vapor. One bolt arced to the metal reinforcements installed in the body of Oars, causing a titanic limb to twitch from a galvanic reaction.

The lightning phoenix jolted forward faster than the eye could follow, but Akainu was already transforming into magma.

It hit him like a spiked hammer, striking him in the chest and passing through him in the same heartbeat. Muscles convulsing in helpless agony, he was kicked out of his transformation against his will, but forced himself back a moment later, resetting his nervous system in an instant. Behind him, the bird swung about for another pass, screaming with a noise that raked across his ears like musical electricity.

This time, Sakazuki returned to humanoid form, leaping back to an area of the freezer shielded from the rain by the walls and catwalks. He set his eyes on the incoming bird and gathered his Haki around him.

 **[BUSOUSHOKU]**

 **[ARMAMENT]**

The phoenix struck again, but he met it head on, his fist striking through its lightning defenses and slamming it away with a titanic hammer blow that cratered it onto the opposite wall. Lightning arced and danced across the wall of the freezer, but the bird-form had stopped moving, slowly reverting to something that looked like a mass of black strings and a yellow-marked mask.

Looks like these greenhorns didn't even know about Armament Haki.

Admiral Sakazuki whirled in place, spitting out blood onto the ground as he sought to regain control of the situation. The red blood hissed and bubbled as it pooled on the catwalk below him, but it was what Akatsuki had earned for their efforts and he begrudged them none of it. A deep pain suffused his chest, and he could no longer afford to hold anything back.

Already, the rain was slacking.

Straining his Haki sense to the limit, he knew what to look for this time. During that lightning storm only Tobi would have stayed nearby, and he would have to be using his absorption. Sure enough, there was a void in the field of energy moving high above. Sakazuki jumped to the top of Oars' head and then he exploded, a wave of heat overpowering the slackening rain.

Tobi was on the ceiling, looking surprised to see him all of a sudden.

"Alright, scum!" shouted Admiral Akainu, "I am officially through with playing around here! You wanted this?! Congratulations! You've got my full attention!"

Taking a deep breath, he punched straight down into the skull of the giant. Like a volcanic eruption in reverse, magma bored a hole directly through the beast, continuing on through the freezer's base and then into the earth of the floating island below. In seconds, the room's temperature spiked and the giant zombie body exploded into a hailstorm of burning blood. The few Akatsuki members that hadn't already shielded themselves defended themselves as best as they could, then ran, disappearing to a lower level.

It didn't matter. Nothing would save them now. But Tobi… Tobi would burn more _personally. T_ he Admiral jumped off the expanding magma fountain straight up into the air, aiming directly for the Akatsuki leader.

As he jumped, he winced. His skin and insides _burned,_ like droplets of fire racing inside of him. It seemed the lightning had been more harmful than he had thought.

Tobi flickered from his position, running like a coward, and Akainu followed him. Time was now on his side, and he'd enjoy the final game of tag as the island itself sank.

Suddenly a stabbing pain shot down his side. He looked down. He was bleeding, and a new wound had opened in his flesh. That hadn't been lightning. Someone had attacked him, and his magma form hadn't prevented the damage.

Where had the attack come from?

Hidan was laughing at the top of his lungs, still back amidst the catwalks. Sakazuki couldn't quite see him through the rain from this position, but his voice sounded maddened with pain and anger, fragments of delirious ravings vaguely audible amidst the shouting.

They had one more trick up their sleeve, huh? A ranged attack that could go through his Logia defenses was a nasty trump card, but they should have opened with it as part of their general offensive rather than saving it until everyone else had run off.

Fighting through the pain, Sakazuki leapt off of the ceiling, ignoring Tobi to aim straight for the hidden figure of Hidan.

"No!" shouted Tobi. "Wait!"

But who in the world would listen to something like that?

Akainu leapt to the side, circling around his target. He flew through the mist on a curtain of hellfire. Volcanic fist raised, he approached from above and behind the man.

Hidan came into sight. What skin was visible through the laughing man's horribly burned-off flesh was black-and-white, as if ritualistically tattooed.

Admiral Akainu smiled. The man never saw it coming.

The burning fist of magma exploded directly through Hidan's back, blasting a hole through his chest that immolated his heart and everything in his torso.

Funny. He'd never before known what it was like to truly burn.

Akainu hit the ground in a heap as his body disintegrated from the inside out.

* * *

It was the end of the line. Realization of what had happened came to him in a frenzied moment of pain.

He had failed, and now he was dying. The Marines wouldn't know any of what had happened here. Nothing of what he'd learned. Nothing of their capabilities. The next man or woman to fight them would have to rediscover every weakness he'd worked so hard to uncover.

They wouldn't even know it had been Akatsuki who defeated him at all. Officially, it would be presumed that Perona had gotten in a series of lucky ghost hits until he had committed suicide. Of course it would. No one else on the island was capable of hurting him.

What a terrible end to his legacy.

Above him, a robed figure swept in and grabbed Hidan's charred form, disappearing just as quickly as he had arrived. Sakazuki was left behind.

Then he was alone.

Slowly, he transformed his body to magma. It wasn't enough. He was dying, and all this would do was delay things.

Was there anything he could do to send a message?

The mansion was falling apart around him. The ground supporting it was bubbling and warping. Everything would sink and burn as the island itself collapsed in the next few minutes.

Maybe… maybe there was something.

With the very last of his fading power, he formed sphere after sphere of volcanic rock, each one housing a beautiful hollowed out geode. He knew instinctively that what he had created would float. They contained no message, for no message could possibly survive inside, but maybe their existence itself could be his dying message.

It wouldn't be enough. Not enough... as proof… of anything…

As his life force drained away, his conscious thoughts disappeared along with it, until all that was left was geode after geode after geode after geode after geode...

Then he died.

* * *

The Marines evacuated the island amidst the smoke and burning sea, returning to their ships and waiting for the return of their hero.

Thriller Bark sank, taking almost all of its complement of zombies and many of the remaining shadowless people with it. Many of the shadowless had been recovered by the Marines, the pirates among them slapped in chains and stuffed into a gloomy brig, but when each zombie submerged beneath the burning waves, the sea water purified it, returning its shadow to its rightful owner.

They waited for an hour, any minute expecting the Admiral to come walking out of the disaster area.

He never returned.


	53. Treasured Hospitality

The Straw-Hats left Water-7 in a hurry, desperate to get out of town before Luffy's grandfather decided to give them all a taste of his unique form of punishment. Garp began lobbing cannonballs single-handed from the very moment he had come into sight, but it was Ace who stole their thunder, dashing through the Marine formation on his high-speed surf-ship and leading them in the opposite direction.

It was a move that Luffy and Franky both insisted was highly unnecessary, but it was welcomed by the more pragmatic members of the crew. It did, however, mean that Franky would have to wait to show off the Sunny's promised 'high-speed evasion technology,' whatever that was.

They left Water-7 behind them, and then days passed with barely an incident.

Though Sakura, Hinata, and Robin had gotten quite used to living in a large ship, the Thousand Sunny was a completely new experience for most of the Straw-Hats. Whereas the Merry had been stuffed almost to bursting by its crew, the Sunny had room to spare. It was now easy to disappear if privacy was needed, and even the deck was large enough to have its secluded spots.

Nami had been appreciating the isolation after weeks of close-quarters hijinx, working alone in a workshop to unpack her cartography equipment. She was almost done when she felt the weather change drastically.

The Grand Line would allow no delay in responding to such things, so she quickly hurried up to the deck, passing through the far more spacious rooms and corridors that smelled of strange, fragrant timber.

When she arrived on deck, she saw the world in front of them disappearing into a dark and foreboding mist. Though the weather had been slightly overcast before, there was an abrupt transition between the more natural weather and the deep fog that lay ahead. Still, they didn't look like storm-clouds...

She looked down to her wrist and found that the Log Pose was indeed pointing them straight ahead into the fog.

She sighed and went to get some more information from the best source she had. First she would have to find the woman.

Naruto and Sasuke had more or less returned to hanging out with the two newest ninja visitors down on the grassy lawn that covered the Sunny's lower deck. Not that she blamed them. The two girls were clearly good people- you know, for assassins- and Sakura seemed like a kindred spirit in several ways. Still, they hadn't really blended in yet, and Nami didn't have the heart to break the news that Luffy already thought they were going to be permanent members of the crew.

Speaking of Luffy, he, Chopper, and Usopp were crowding around the patch of dirt that housed the carefully-nurtured sprout that had grown from the Going Merry's cherry pit. Nami had been teaching Chopper how to care for fruit trees as part of her efforts to transplant her tangerines to the new ship, and Chopper was dutifully repeating her lessons.

Franky was still adding finishing touches to the ship, working on some odd machines deep inside the ship's bowels. Honestly, she was happy to leave him to it.

Zoro was almost certainly training up in the odd new crow's nest. She had no idea why Franky had decided they needed a large, spacious room up on top of the mast, but their stoic swordsman seemed to like it.

Sanji was working on the kitchen. Franky may have been many things, but culinary genius he was not, and that meant lots of preparation so that Sanji's workspace was organized to his exacting standards.

Finally, she found Robin inside the library, where she had accumulated a treasure trove of books, though where she had acquired them Nami was not at all certain.

"We've hit an odd patch of bad weather, and I'm hoping you know something about it," Nami asked.

Robin smiled that enigmatic smile of hers and nodded, as if she had expected this for ages now.

"The Florian Triangle? Of course. Yes, there are a number of important things you should know before we enter it."

So Robin told her. Nami, for her part, listened in horror as the bad news kept piling up, delivered cheerfully and without reservation.

"... You know, you really have a problem with holding back important information…" said Nami, once she had calmed down.

"I don't see what the problem is. Luffy wants mystery and adventure, and I'll gladly give it to him."

"Yeah, well… I think we need to take the mystery out of this particular adventure sooner rather than later. I'm getting everyone together, and I want you to tell them what you told me."

"I can certainly do that," agreed Robin.

So the crew gathered under the increasingly dim sky, watching sea-birds turn away from the accursed clouds before them in increasing numbers. The level of dread felt by each individual was wildly varying, from Chopper and Usopp, who were already looking on in wide-eyed horror, to Zoro, who had gotten bored and was falling asleep.

"Alright everyone," said Nami, "We're heading into a new part of the sea, and it sounds like it could be trouble. Robin has agreed to tell us about this area, which is apparently called the 'Florian Triangle.' Right, Robin?"

Robin nodded, still smiling as she became the center of attention.

"Correct. The Florian Triangle is a dangerous area of the Grand Line that has never been fully explored. Responsible for disappearances, hauntings, and sightings of monstrous creatures, the only thing that can be said to its benefit is that not even marauders operate in this godforsaken area of the sea. Everyone who travels these routes knows deep in their hearts that only a fate worse than death awaits trespassers, and those who venture into its overcast shadow do so fearfully, watching over their shoulders on sleepless nights and terror-fraught days as they curse whatever wretched instinct led them to pass this way."

There was a stunned silence as several members of the crew began the process of preparing to scream. Robin waited just enough before adding, "Well, that's what they say, anyway. It's true that people avoid this area, generally purchasing Eternal Poses to other lines if they must rely on the Log Pose at all, but all of that is just legend. I don't think we'll run into anything truly horrifying out here."

Unfortunately, it was too late for Usopp, who was busy retrieving his tongue from the floor after it had fallen from his mouth and wriggled away to hide in the corner.

"Robin…" said Nami, eyes wide as she took this in. "That is… _much worse_ than the speech you gave me earlier!"

Robin smiled wider. "After a little thought, I decided to improve it."

" _Please_ don't improve things like that in the future!"

And so, the Thousand Sunny moved on into the fog with great uncertainty, pushing onward despite the reservations of some of the crew. As the fog grew thicker, Usopp struggled between his instinct to curl up indoors and mutter fearfully to himself, and his desire to not crash into any unseen land-masses. He disappeared into his workshop, and when he emerged back on deck he had donned a dark cloak, black hat, and his Tengu mask, as if this change in appearance might protect him from unknown dangers.

Hours passed without incident, though that didn't stop Usopp from firing a few frightened pellets into the mist at threats that might have been real but were probably just imagined. Most of the rest of the crew found other things to do, returning to their routine of settling in.

Until something odd happened.

"D… does anyone else hear something?" asked Chopper, who had stuck with the others in his nervousness.

"Like what?" asked Naruto, who had stayed nearby.

"It sounds like… singing?"

A musical baritone voice became audible through the mists, muffled by distance and the noises of the waves. It drifted across the ship, sourceless and lost. Though the song seemed cheerful, it was sung with a wistful loneliness, as if thinking of missing friends.

 _Yo hohoho, yo hoho-ho... Yo hohoho, yo hoho-ho_

 _Gather up all of the crew, it's time to ship out Binks' brew.  
Sea wind blows, to where, who knows? The waves will be our guide.  
O'er across the ocean's tide. Rays of sunshine far and wide.  
Birds they sing, of cheerful things, in circles passing by._

There was a faint slamming noise, and then the song faded away into indistinct inaudibility.

The crew looked to each other with uncertainty, and then turned to Sasuke to solve this mystery. Gathering his power, the Sharingan pierced the mists.

"There's a ship out there in the distance," said Sasuke, peering through the fog. "I don't see anyone on it... except…"

He paused, rubbing at his eyes, and then looked again.

"... Hinata, could you take a look over there too? I'm not sure what I'm seeing."

These words failed to inspire confidence in the more frightened section of the crew, who began muttering about ghost ships. Hinata also looked concerned, but she activated the Byakugan and took a look herself. A tense moment passed, and then she frowned.

"I'm sorry, it's definitely something like a person, but…"

"Like they're blurred out by a big, hazy chakra cloud?" finished Sasuke.

She nodded.

The others didn't seem reassured by this, helplessly imagining a variety of nightmarish horrors from the depths of human legend.

"Hold on. Did you say 'something _like_ a person, except _blurred_ _out?'_ " asked Usopp, wanting to get the details straight so he knew what kind of freakout to muster.

"T-That sounds scary!" cried Chopper, understating the matter quite expertly.

"Well, that settles that," agreed Nami. "Let's get the hell away from here."

"You'll have to be quick," said Sasuke. "We're turning that way right now."

"W-what?!" cried Nami.

Sure enough, up at the prow of the ship, Luffy was manhandling the wheel in the right direction. Chants of 'Ad-ven-ture! Ad-ven-ture! Ad-ven-ture!' reached them even from where they stood.

"LUFFY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" screamed Usopp, sprinting across the large deck in an futile effort to prevent the inevitable. He grabbed Luffy by the head and pulled, stretching his neck several feet away from the wheel, but utterly failing to dislodge their captain's firm grip on the wheel.

"Come on, Usopp!" cajoled Luffy's errant head, "We're in a mystery ocean, and it's been _ages_ since we've had an adventure! We _gotta_ do this!"

"A _WEEK!_ It's been _one week!_ Pretty sure we can take a break!"

"Usopp, give it up!" yelled Sanji. "You know he's not gonna listen. All we can do is make sure we don't crash into anything!"

Letting Luffy's head snap back into place, Usopp turned back towards Sasuke. "Goddammit, you're the Lookout, so tell us what's coming already!"

"What? I already told you. There's a ship with some person-thing on it. It's in _that_ direction," said Sasuke, pointing off into the fog.

"STOP BEING TERRIBLE AND TELL US WHAT IT IS!" screamed Usopp.

Sasuke sighed.

"Alright. I suppose there's more than one way to scout this fog. I'll be right back."

With that, Sasuke ran to the side of the ship and jumped overboard. Instead of falling, he just kept jumping.

 **[GEPPOU]**

Sasuke disappeared, flying off into the mist with a series of muffled thumps as he kicked off the air. Sakura and Hinata's jaws dropped in shock.

"What…? Did he just fly away?" asked Sakura. "He couldn't do that before! ...Why is no one else surprised by this?"

"Oh, right, I guess you wouldn't know," said Naruto. "So, he saw one of those crazy assassins we were fighting flying, and he copied it with the Sharingan."

"I… I don't think the Sharingan works like that… does it?"

"Hey, don't look at me. I'm not gonna tell him how his eyes are supposed to work. Besides, he got flight outta the deal, so I'm not complaining."

"But if it's just some physical technique and chakra control or something… could someone like Gai learn to do that? That's just _ridiculous!"_

"So you _do_ think this is crazy," interrupted Nami, sounding distinctly relieved. "Oh, man, I'm glad it's not just me. He's been doing all this off-the-wall stuff all the time and Naruto here just takes it in stride like it's nothing special! I was beginning to think all you ninjas were like that!"

"No," insisted Hinata. "I mean… none of us can _fly!_ "

" _Hey! Over here!"_ shouted Sasuke's muffled voice through the mist. " _Pull away before you crash!"_

A burst of flame revealed Sasuke's position, and it was both startlingly close and also quite a bit above them. Luffy hurriedly wrenched the ship to starboard, narrowly avoiding a collision as they pulled alongside. Then, Franky stepped up to the helm and pressed a small button at the controls. A set of mechanical arms unfolded from the spars, pulling at rigging and furling the sails automatically.

"I call it, the Franky Puppet Show!" exclaimed Franky, though in this case no one was paying attention, because the mystery ship had just come into sight.

It was enormous. The ship towered over them, making even the Thousand Sunny look miniscule in comparison to the point that even the top spars wouldn't reach up to the other deck. Beyond that, it was a ghost ship right out of someone's dreams or nightmares. It looked as though it had been torn to pieces in a bloody battle, then left to weather storm after storm for a century, only clinging on to buoyancy by sheer chance.

There was no delay before Luffy stretched out his arms and launched himself over to the ghost ship, laughing all the way into the foggy dark. Sasuke called out again.

" _Naruto? Sakura? Don't get scared on me here."_

"Pshh, yeah right," said Naruto, and then all three other ninjas leapt up to the top sparring and jumped over to the ghost-ship, running straight up the hull to disappear after Luffy.

After that, Franky got up from his position at the helm, cracking his knuckles as he walked to the port side.

"Well, these crazy kids need an adult for supervision, and I wanna get a look at that ship. Time to go kick a ghost in the balls."

With that, Franky left as well, jumping onto the floating hulk and hauling himself hand over hand up the rigging.

Sanji quickly ran the numbers on ladies present versus ladies on the away team and came up with a tie. That crucial calculation done, he decided to stay with the Sunny, at least until Sasuke's voice echoed down again.

" _What, is that it? Come on over!"_

"What kind of idiot does he take us for?" muttered Sanji. "It's just a dumb ghost ship. It's just going to be a bunch of decaying skeletons and moldy floorboards."

Several seconds passed.

" _Man, after all that stuff we went through I didn't think you'd all be frightened of something like this…"_

"Oh, he did _not_ just say that," growled Sanji, jumping off the Sunny and climbing rapidly up the side of the ghost ship. In moments he was gone to join the others, leaving the rest of the crew to cower or ignore their current predicament as the case might be.

* * *

The ghost-ship was just as decrepit as its exterior had advertised. The rigging was frayed or non-existent, the sails were disintegrating, and the deck planks were warped and twisted from decades exposed to the elements.

"Good," said Sasuke. "I'm glad you all came over. It'd be a shame to miss out on whatever this is."

"Man, like I'd really miss a chance to see a ghost ship," said Naruto. "This is awesome! How long do you think this has been floating around out here?"

"At least forty years," said Franky, assessing the situation instantly with a ship-breaker's eye. "That's how long it's been since anyone was looking after this lady properly. She could have been sailing for long before that, too."

"A ship this size just floating around for decades?" asked Hinata, turning in every direction as she began walking along the deck. "Is this what happens when a crew abandons their ship?"

"What? No way," said Franky. " _Trust_ me. A ship this size you'd be lucky if it lasted a year without care. Even something this big gets little holes and leaks that'll build up and fill the bilges, and it just gets worse from there. Nah, someone… or _something_ is doing the bare minimum to keep this lady afloat."

"...Something?" asked Sakura, grinning under a skeptically raised eyebrow.

"Well, hey, it is a ghost-ship."

"Sure," said Sasuke, "And it looks like our ghost is that way."

He pointed off towards the stern of the ship, and Luffy was on the case immediately, dashing off while shouting excitedly about ghosts. Moments later a section of the deck collapsed under his weight and he disappeared into the depths with a scream.

"Okay, so, watch your step and don't fall in any holes, I guess," said Sasuke.

"Aren't you guys going to help him," asked Sakura.

"Huh? Why would we do that?" asked Naruto.

"Hold on," said Sanji. "You two are still newbies when it comes to watching Luffy. He might not need the help himself, but the longer he's out of sight the more likely it is he'll cause the rest of us trouble."

Sakura's grin intensified. "Sounds like someone just volunteered."

"Oh goddammit, I did, didn't I? Alright, I'm going after him. Try to find that ghost before he catches it and gets possessed or something."

With that, Sanji disappeared down the hole heading after their wayward captain and the rest of them proceeded onward, following Franky's lead as his shipbuilder's instincts guided them through corridors and halls that he'd never seen before.

"Alright, so I still don't get why everyone follows this Luffy guy," said Sakura, once the long-term crew-members were out of sight. "He's got no awareness, no restraint, and he acts thoughtlessly. If someone like him was a ninja he'd be dead in a week."

Naruto looked embarrassed at this, but a flash of irritation crossed Sasuke's face before melting away.

"Look," said Sasuke. "You know how the Academy always drilled stealth, trickery, and assassination into everyone, but it was always clear that there were really two types of shinobi out there in the village?"

"Sure. Assassins and warriors. They pretended like it wasn't a thing, but everyone knew it was true."

"Right, because someone like Naruto here might never make it on high-ranking stealth-missions, but he would be really valuable if a war broke out, or if there was an all-out assault on our team."

"Hey, screw you, man," said Naruto, grinning proudly. "Stop making me sound so damn awesome."

"So you're saying," began Hinata, "that Luffy is more of a 'warrior?'"

Sakura shook her head in disbelief. "Sasuke, the other day I saw him trip on his way to the kitchen and get stuck upside-down in a linen closet. What about that screams 'warrior' to you?"

"Yeah, well, you didn't see what I saw," said Sasuke, counting things off on his fingers. "First, he headbutted Danzou out into the ocean. Second, he fought the Kyuubi alone when it had two tails out for an entire minute, just to make sure we got Naruto out okay. Third, he sank an entire island by slamming a super-powered leopard-man into the bedrock with a foot the size of a house."

"And lemme tell you," interrupted Franky. "Rob Lucci was a _monster_. I really mean that. One of those guys that make you think the word 'unbeatable' was made especially for them. Luffy definitely doesn't have that kind of aura about him, but he's the one who was still standing in the end, not Lucci."

Still looking a bit uncomfortable, Naruto added his opinion.

"I think he broke one of Orochimaru's ribs, too, back before we left. It was hard to tell, but I think that's what happened right before he flew off to the ship. And, geez, when I went to thank him for saving my life by holding me back while the Kyuubi was going crazy, do you know what he said? He said, 'what the hell are you talking about? I don't remember anything like that.'"

"Wait, he _forgot_ he fought the Kyuubi?" asked Sakura.

"I dunno, alright? It's hard to talk to him sometimes."

"So, yeah," finished Sasuke. "He's got the muscle to back all this absent-mindedness up. And though he seems like he's never paying attention, somehow he's always bringing his A-game whenever it turns out we were in a shitty situation. He was the first one to notice Robin was lying to us to save our lives back when we were captured, even though he couldn't put it in words. He's larger than life, and he cares about everyone here, too."

As Sakura took this in, Sasuke added, "Hinata. Sakura. I'm just about completely certain he'd fight and die for you two as well, even though you just met him."

"W-what?" asked Hinata. "Just because we're your friends?"

"I don't know," said Sasuke. "I can't figure him out yet. That's just what I think would happen."

"Alright, hold on," interrupted Sakura. "I hate to put this on hold, but I hear something. Do you hear that singing again?"

Everyone went quiet, and then they heard the voice again along with an indistinct hissing noise coming from much closer than before. Sasuke quickly dashed ahead, not even causing the ancient floorboards to squeak as he advanced as a scout. A minute later, the singing had paused and Sasuke returned unharmed.

"Whoever it is," muttered Sasuke, "They're taking a shower. I didn't go inside yet, but I'm pretty sure it's not really a ghost."

"A shower?" asked Naruto.

Sure enough, as they approached, the earlier indistinct noises resolved into the familiar sounds of spraying water. Carefully, the ninjas plus Franky crept further through the musty halls, stopping just outside a door to a communal head and bathing area. They snuck inside, and then their mystery inhabitant resumed singing, the crooning sound resonating throughout the ship.

 _We three, we're all alone, living in a memory_

 _My echo, my shadow and me._

 _We three, we're not a crowd, we're not even company_

 _My echo, my shadow, and me._

 _What good is the moonlight, the silvery moonlight_

 _That shines above-_

 _I walk with my shadow, I talk with my echo_

 _But where is the one I-_

That was when a bare skeleton with a thick black afro walked out of the shower and saw everyone watching him in abject horror.

"KYAAAAAAAAA!" screamed the skeleton, leaping backwards in fright and covering its pelvis and chest with both bony hands.

"Oh, my word! Oh! OH! _Visitors_! I'm so sorry! This isn't a hallucination, is it? OH! There are _ladies_ present and here I am showing so much skin!"

After a moment's consideration, the hands came away and it added, "Oh, hmm… well, it's probably fine."

After another moment's consideration, the skeleton turned to the ladies and said, "On second thought, since I've shown you mine, perhaps you'd be so kind as to show me yours?"

Sakura whipped a kunai directly through a gap in the skeleton's pelvic bone. Solemnly, he looked down at his boney crotch, then back to the knife sticking out of the wall behind him.

"Ah, perhaps not then," said the skeleton.

* * *

The skeleton was unusually tall and it was clear that even if he had had flesh on his bones he would have been rail-thin.

Unfortunately, even for Franky, who had grown up on the Grand Line, there was simply no protocol for dealing with animated skeletons who were clearly friendly. While the skeleton-man excused himself to get dressed and 'do his hair,' the four shinobi and one cyborg took a moment to argue amongst themselves in the hallway.

"Like I was sayin'," began Franky, "-he can't be _naked._ He's a friggin' _skeleton!_ They don't wear clothes 'cause they don't have any skin!"

"He was sure as hell _acting_ naked," said Naruto.

"The hell is that supposed to mean?! 'Acting naked?' You're either naked or you're not! That's one of the fundamental truths of the world!"

Sakura had a thoroughly incredulous expression, and was looking more and more annoyed as time went on. "Is no one going to comment on the hair? Hair follicles are in the skin, not the bones."

From the inside of the echoing bathroom, the skeleton's voice called out, " _I have very deep roots! Bone-deep! Yo-hohohoho!"_

"Oh, he can hear us," muttered Sakura.

" _I have a very good set of ears, too! Though I don't actually have any ears to speak of!"_

Sakura and Sasuke groaned, and Hinata finally spoke up.

"I'm sorry, but isn't it weirder that there's a skeleton walking around at all? I know we've all gotten a bit too used to life out here, but how is he even moving?"

"Whatever," said Sasuke. "I'm assuming this is a Devil-Fruit thing."

" _Okay_ ," admitted Sakura, "but did he eat the Fruit himself or is there some other Devil-Fruit person out there who's turning people into skeletons against their will? Or raising an army of the dead?"

"The first one, thankfully," said the skeleton.

The door to the showers opened wide, revealing the figure of a formally-dressed skeleton. A tattered orange dress-shirt and blue cravat poked out from underneath a dusty black suit and pants. They say that clothes make the man, but in this case the effect of a gentleman who was extremely down on his luck was spoiled entirely by the grinning skull underneath a wild and bushy afro.

They couldn't help themselves. They started staring again. Not one of them was squeamish, but there are entire parts of human psychology that rely on the fact that you aren't likely to be speaking to a skeleton. Their instincts told them there was a person in front of them, and their brains were futilely trying to analyze body language, facial traits, and expressions that just weren't there.

Then, just as they were coming to terms with it, the skeleton blushed, completely defying their expectations.

"Oh, this is embarrassing. You're all staring at me so intently…"

When they blinked, whatever they had seen was gone, leading them to wonder if it had been just their imagination.

Naruto was the first one to apologize, or perhaps just the first one to come to terms with what had just happened. "Uhh, sorry about that. We just… haven't seen a skeleton walking around before, you know?"

"Oh, don't worry yourselves about that! I'm just so terribly excited to have visitors here! Why, it's been so many decades! So, is it just the five of you, then?"

"No," said Sasuke. "Actually we brought two-"

Sparing him the explanation, Luffy chose that moment to explode through the floorboards, scattering splinters as everyone present leapt backwards from the woodstorm.

"I FOUND IT!" screamed Luffy, fixing his mad grin on the skeleton.

"WAAAAAAAAHHH!" screamed the skeleton, skittering backward in fright and disappearing back into the bowels of the ship. Luffy dashed after him, laughing without restraint as he literally bounced down the corridors in his mad rush for adventure.

The five remaining crew stopped to consider this just long enough for Sanji to poke his irritated face out from the hole in the floor.

"Oh, there you are. Shit, did Luffy already run off?"

"You bet your sorry ass he did," said Franky. "He went chasing our so-called ghost. Guy's a living, breathing skeleton. Probably some Devil-Fruit thing."

"A living breathing _what?_ " asked Sanji, vaulting himself out of the hole. "You know that's an oxymoron, right? Shit, this damn ocean just gets weirder and weirder."

Sasuke had to interrupt this. They were losing focus.

"Come on," he said. "Let's go find them."

* * *

It was five minutes before they found Luffy pounding on the outside of a mouldering cabin door. From inside there was the sound of whimpering and rattling bones, so Sasuke punched Luffy in the head and let Franky restrain him. Eventually they coaxed the skeleton out from his confinement, letting him step nervously out into the hall as Luffy watched with sparkling eyes.

"Sorry," said Sasuke, speaking to the skeleton directly. "He's not normally this excitable. I think it would have been better if he'd gotten a good look at you first. Why don't you step out for a moment and we can greet you properly once he's calmed down?"

"Y-yes, of course. Just… just let me… I'll be right back, just give me a minute," agreed the skeleton, stumbling over to a wide door and disappearing inside.

After he left, the six other people did their best to beat some restraint into Luffy. A minute later, there were a number of clattering noises from the room, followed by a liquid gurgling. A minute after that there was a hissing noise, followed by a piercing shriek. Another round of clattering ensued, and then the tattered yet dapper skeleton stepped out of the room holding a cup of tea on a delicate saucer.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," said the skeleton. "I'm afraid I was just dying for a cup of tea, but now I feel revived! Though, of course, I'm already dead."

"You can drink tea?" asked Sanji. "You've got no stomach. Or tongue."

"Oh, yes I can," said the skeleton, ignoring the majority of the question as he somehow sipped the tea with his lipless mouth. "Well, it's not 'tea' exactly. It's just hot water. We actually ran out of tea about twenty years ago."

A thoughtful moment later, the skeleton added, "Oh, my _manners_. Could I get any of you wonderful ladies and gentlemen some tea?"

"You mean 'hot water,' right?" asked Sanji.

"I can get you that too, if you'd like!"

"You just said they're the same thing."

"Nonsense! Hot water comes in kettles. Tea comes in tea-cups. These are basic matters for any well-mannered gentleman!"

As Sanji's face twitched in irritation, the skeleton brought his fist to his chest and let out a large, horrible burp that echoed through the quiet ship.

"Ah. Excuse me. I've been practicing that- could you tell?"

" _How the hell did sipping hot water make you burp?!"_ yelled Sanji.

"Forget that. How do you burp without a stomach?" asked Naruto.

"Can you poop, too?!" asked Luffy.

"To answer your questions, first I already told you it's tea, second a gentleman _never_ talks about such foul things, and third yes, I do indeed poop."

Sanji gave up in disgust, but Luffy was on the case in a moment, eagerly following his earlier question with the most important matter of the day.

"Hey! Skeleton-guy!" he yelled. "Do you wanna join my crew?!"

The skeleton looked back at them with his empty eye-sockets, face expressionless in a way that only the fleshless can muster.

"Well!" he exclaimed, "Sounds good to me!"

Everyone was frozen, and Brook took another sip of tea.

*SLLLUUUUURRRPPP*

* * *

There was an odd sense of inevitability about this entire encounter. Absolutely everyone besides Luffy sensed just how strange it was to invite an animated skeleton onto their ship in a permanent fashion, but no one could stop him. The skeleton offered not even a token resistance to the idea, gladly being escorted over to their ship while making cheery conversation all the while. Eventually, they came face to face with the astounded crew that had remained behind, gathered on the grassy lawn on the Sunny's lower deck.

"Hello everyone! It's so nice to meet you all! It appears that as of today I'll be a member of your crew! My name's Brook, and no bones about it! Yohohohoho!"

Usopp and Nami had frozen in place, far too astounded even to run away. Chopper had preemptively hidden behind the main mast, whimpering in fear. Robin had actually stopped reading and was watching with both eyebrows raised.

"See?" asked Luffy, a proud glint in his eyes. "Isn't he great?!"

Zoro was the first to recover, glaring back and forth between the skeleton and the boarding party.

"What the hell is this?!" he exclaimed. "Didn't you go up there to make sure Luffy didn't do anything crazy?!"

"Y-yeah…" admitted Sanji. "I don't have any excuse here…"

Scowling, Zoro turned to Naruto and Sasuke.

"What about you two? Were you even trying?!"

"I don't see what the big deal is," said Sasuke. "He's a skeleton. Aren't you even a little curious about what he's doing here?"

"No!"

Usopp backed up uncertainly and muttered, "Chopper, I need you to listen to me... Back in the workshop there's a bottle of holy water and some crosses in the big red box... I need you to go and get that for me, alright?"

"Y-Yes Sir!" cried Chopper, disappearing below-deck in a blur of motion.

As the others bickered and quailed over the entity that had appeared on their ship, the four Konoha ninjas took this with a great deal more grace.

"Well," said Sasuke, "I think we've finally found the limits of what our foreign friends think is 'too weird.'"

"I just don't get it," said Naruto, "If they'd all just been like, 'oh, more walking and talking skeletons' then we'd have just been like 'whatever', you know? It wouldn't have been _that_ weird. I mean, if they weren't freaked out by that guy who said he was a 'giraffe-man' then I don't see what makes skeletons so scary."

"A what-man?" asked Sakura.

"Some animal Devil-Fruit," clarified Sasuke. "They called it a 'giraffe,' but these guys said they'd only ever seen giraffes in picture books before. Huge, hooved beast with yellow, spotted fur. It has this humongously long neck and it's all angular and cube-ish. Apparently an expert in mid-air combat too, but I don't know about that. I'm thinking it was made-up entirely, but the rest of the crew seemed pretty convinced it's a real thing."

"That sounds horrible," said Hinata. "I agree with Naruto. Brook doesn't seem scary at all compared to that."

"Thank you for saying so!" exclaimed Brook, cheerfully dipping into a bow. "And my goodness it's an excellent thing, too. I'm not very good with frightening things, especially things like ghosts."

"The hell? Have you looked in a mirror recently?" asked Zoro.

"Umm, no I haven't. Why would you ask?"

Seeing an opportunity, Usopp reached beneath his cloak and pulled out a mirror the size of a large dinner plate. When Brook turned to look in his direction, he leapt screaming straight up into the air.

"OH MY WORD! GET IT AWAY!" cried the skeleton, tangling himself amidst the upper rigging.

"The hell were you carrying that big mirror around for?" asked Naruto.

"Don't you dare question my methods!" growled Usopp.

They all watched in confusion as Brook worked to untangle himself from his high perch. "Oh… oh, I'm so sorry. That was just far too startling! It's really quite unexpected!"

It was the first words she had spoken so far, but this display of unwarranted fear seemed to spark Robin's curiosity. She spoke up into the the dimly-lit rigging.

"Wouldn't you have had many opportunities to see your reflection before now? Why was this so frightening?"

Brook untangled himself and dropped nimbly to the deck, barely making a sound as his knees bent to absorb the bone-light impact. As soon as he straightened up he was proper once more, tactfully ignoring the mirror that Usopp was brandishing like a torch in his direction.

"Actually, that's something of a long story. I haven't actually appeared in reflections of any sort for quite a few years now, so this was truly unexpected."

Robin looked puzzled for a moment, then seemed to reach enlightenment, drawing upon her vast understanding and then nodding as if this had explained everything. "Ah. That makes sense. I'm glad to see that everything's better for you now."

"Your kind consideration is greatly appreciated, my beautiful lady," said the skeleton, bowing deeply. "Would you mind showing me your panties?"

"No, I won't do that."

"Of course."

Nami watched this wide-eyed, still caught in a loop of terror and confusion until this last exchange pushed her over the edge.

"You- You're a _vampire_ too?!" she gasped.

Usopp whirled in place to point at Chopper who had just returned from the workshop with an armload of religious implements.

"CHOPPER! THE STAKES! GET THE STAKES! RED BOX!"

Chopper squeaked in fear and dropped everything with a rolling clatter, disappearing back below-deck one more.

"Usopp, it won't work!" yelled Nami, backing away from Brook. "He doesn't have a heart to pierce!"

" _HE'S INVINCIBLE! SKELETON-VAMPIRE! THE ULTIMATE CREATION!"_

Screaming this at the top of his lungs, Usopp threw a smoke bomb to the ground and disappeared under its thick cover. A moment later there was a splash of water from the starboard side. Everyone paused uncomfortably as the foul-smelling smoke dissipated, and then Chopper burst through the door with an armload of wooden stakes. He looked around hurriedly for Usopp before Robin pointed him in the right direction. Dashing over to the starboard side, Chopper squeaked in surprise, dropping most of the sharpened wooden implements overboard in his haste to throw Usopp a rope.

Throughout all of this, Brook had remained motionless.

"Hmm, not that I don't appreciate the admittedly excellent entertainment of this comedy routine, but perhaps you could extend your already wonderful kindness a bit further and offer me a meal? I'm afraid I'm a few decades past the point where I should have starved to death, if you get my meaning."

"You're right," said Sanji. "It's about that time anyway. Why don't I start by getting you some actual tea?"

"Oh, that would be so lovely. Thank you."

At this, Sanji nodded and headed off to the kitchens, until Nami intercepted him.

"Sanji, what the hell are you doing?!" hissed Nami as she pulled him aside. "If you make it feel at home it might stick around!"

Sanji really had two primary absolute motivators in life, and suddenly he found them at odds. He winced as pain coursed through his body, contradicting objectives warring for supremacy inside him until he gathered himself and denied Nami her wish.

"I'm sorry, but I can't turn a starving man away from a meal, no matter what. It doesn't matter that he doesn't have a stomach, I can tell this guy hasn't had a real bite to eat in decades. He _needs_ this, even if his body doesn't know it."

"So you're just going to prepare dinner like normal? With a _skeleton_ at the dining table?!"

"I'm sorry," said Sanji. "I have to do this."

* * *

So it was that a pot of real tea was made for everyone, though only a few of the crew seemed capable of enjoying it with the skeleton in the room. Brook, however, seemed completely unaffected by things such as fearful glances, brandished garlic, or Usopp's sodden entry into the dining room.

Usopp took one look at Brook sipping tea at the table and nodded resolutely as he stalked over to Nami.

"Alright, so it wasn't a dream, was it?" he asked.

"No, it wasn't," agreed Nami. "If we don't do something about this he's going to be a permanent member of the crew before we know it."

"Alright, so we need a reason to kick him out of here. Got it."

With a manic expression, he approached the table where much of the crew was gathered, feigning nonchalance as he searched for reasons to deny the creature a stay aboard the ship.

"Sooo... listen, mister…"

"Please, call me Brook."

"Yeah, Brook. So you're going to be on the crew then, huh? But… don't you have some complicated backstory or some terrible reason you can't join us that's connected to some death-filled ordeal... or something?"

"Nope, I'm free to go! No ordeals here!" exclaimed Brook.

"Look, there must be something, right? You sure you didn't piss off some ancient sea-witch who put you under a curse? Something like that?"

Brook tilted his skull, one finger-bone tapping at his chin. "Hmmm… Not that I can recall."

Luffy let out a tired, "Awww… That's boring."

Usopp moaned for an entirely different reason before Nami pulled him aside.

"Usopp," she hissed, "Stop trying to get this skeleton-man to remember something horrifying. You _know_ that if Luffy learns about a new adventure then he's going to drag us right into it! We've got to cut our losses where we can."

"But Nami! You agree we can't let him in, right? Are you fine with a skeleton hanging around in our closets? Huh?"

Suddenly, Brook clapped his hand-bones together. "Oh! I just remembered something!"

Nami and Usopp turned a panicked look his way, while Luffy perked up.

"Yes, there _was_ something horrible like that, wasn't there! My shadow was stolen by the Fruit-user who lived on a nearby ship that was the size of an island-"

Nami, Usopp, and Luffy's eyes widened.

"-and he used stolen souls to make an army of immortal zombies-"

Nami, Usopp, and Luffy's jaws dropped.

"-and he was one of the Shichibukai-"

Luffy eyes began sparkling, but Nami and Usopp began crying.

"-and without my shadow it's impossible for me to leave this part of the sea without dying!" Brook finished his whopper of a statement with a cheerful voice.

"ALRIGHT!" yelled Luffy, "IT'S ADVENTURE TIME!"

"NOOOOOOO!" cried Nami and Usopp.

"Oh! But I'm afraid that was all finished a while ago," said Brook. "My shadow was returned yesterday when all of the zombies on the island fell into the ocean."

The three Straw-Hats struggled to deal with this whip-lash of emotion in different ways. Luffy seemed deeply dejected, but Usopp and Nami weren't at all certain how to respond.

"Wait, wait, wait," started Usopp, still trying to unearth the hidden caveat that would doom them all, "Everyone on an entire island fell into the ocean on the same day? How?!"

"Oh that's because someone covered the island in a volcanic lightning-storm that burned it all to ashes. There's still stuff floating around right now. One minute island, next minute... _poof!_ " Carefully, Brook returned to sipping his cup of tea. "Whoever did all that is probably still nearby, actually."

Suddenly, and without warning, Usopp and Nami fell to the floor, out like a light.

* * *

As the crew recovered from Brook's proclamation, Sanji let them know that the first courses for dinner were almost ready. Rejecting his common sense, the chef had elected to cook as if their new guest had a stomach and working taste buds, and it had been an instant success. Though the skeleton would probably have been happy to eat plain rice, Sanji gave it his A-game, making something that everyone would enjoy.

Luckily, their new dining area was large enough for the more fearful members of the Straw-Hats to eat quite some distance away from Brook. It didn't seem to matter, though. The skeleton appeared to be completely unaware of the skeptical treatment he was being given. In fact, if anything, he seemed moved as if by an overwhelmingly cheerful spirit.

He ate, he laughed, and he devoured the conversation as ravenously as he devoured the meal, jumping from topic to topic far too quickly to elaborate on anything as he showered himself and others with relics of his poor table manners. Until, all of a sudden, his pace and spirit slowed, prompting concern from those watching over him. When pressed, he explained:

"Oh dear, I'm just… it's just so wonderful to be here like this! Do you know how long I've been adrift out here? All alone? These last fifty years have been so unbearable, and now in just one day I've regained not only my shadow but also found such beautiful people. You have fed me and spoken to me like a real person…"

Brook was crying. Tears were streaming out of his empty eye-sockets and falling to the table in great rivers, despite his complete lack of tear ducts.

"I haven't even eaten plain bread for decades, yet a masterful feast has been laid before me! I have had only myself for company, yet now I am surrounded by laughter! Fifty years watching my home fall to pieces around me, stuck with no escape, but now I have _hope!"_

Sanji chuckled, leaning back against a counter. "Makes me glad to know someone really appreciates the meal. This is what cooking was truly made for."

Brook raised both hands to the sky, tossing a shower of crumbs in every direction as his knife and fork expressed his emotions.

"Ah! Even though I'm already dead, _this_ is the greatest day of my life. Finally, the sea breeze has brought me angels! You are all so wonderful! Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart! It makes me want to burst out into song!"

"Burst into song?" asked Luffy. "You sing?"

"Why of course! The Rumbar Pirates were famed far and wide as musicians, and every night we would have song and dance! Oh, but… you wouldn't be interested in that."

"You're a Musician?!" yelled Luffy, looking around at the rest of the crew. "Hey, everyone! I found a Musician! I told you I'd find us one!"

Usopp and Nami nodded in numb agreement. Even they weren't immune to the depth of emotion that had come from their new guest.

"Why don't you sing something then," asked Naruto. "That was you singing something about the sea-breeze earlier, right?"

Brook looked distinctly shocked. "Oh, you heard that, did you…? That was… well, that's a special song to me. It was also the last song that my friends and I sang together… And… well, part of a promise."

He raised a bony hand to his skull and tapped his temple, the hollow clacking noise also revealing a slight rattle inside.

"Inside my skull is an item called a Tone Dial. It records sound and plays it back later, you see, and in this one is a record of my friends' last song together. We saved it… before they died."

"They… died?" asked Hinata. "What happened to your ship?"

"Oh, that's quite a long story, but… well, the short version is that we were attacked at sea when we entered the Triangle. We beat the attackers back, but they had poisoned their weapons, and I'm afraid our doctor had died during the attack. There was no hope for any of my friends, but with the Revival Fruit I had eaten, well… we all knew I would come back to life eventually. So it's up to me alone to fulfill our promise now… the one thing we had left undone."

He paused, and then sighed in the silence.

"...and I'm afraid that's why I can't join you wonderful people after all. I'd greatly appreciate a lift to a nearby island, but we made a promise to a friend, and if I do not keep that promise then I am a failure as a man."

It was everything that Usopp and Nami had wanted: a reason to keep the skeleton off of the crew... and yet somehow it rang hollow inside their hearts.

"What?!" exclaimed Luffy. "No way! What's the promise?!"

"Oh, it's a silly little thing to say out loud. Like so many things it is but a small and insignificant wish, only so important because of the dreams and hopes that got wrapped up around it. We left a friend behind when we entered the Grand Line, you see. A little whale, who followed us through thick and thin until the sea just grew too dangerous. He was such a little creature, that baby whale, but we cared for him so much. And then we told him… we told him… that it was too dangerous up ahead, but that we would definitely come back for him one day… just so long as he stayed there… and stayed safe."

Now Brook was crying again, his tears pooling in his eye sockets and falling down his skull.

"But then we all died! And I don't think he could ever understand, or even forgive us! Because we promised him that we would definitely return, and then we did not! I've been sitting here, stuck for fifty years, and each day I've thought about how there's nothing I can do to make it up to him! Praying… praying that he's alright! He wouldn't even recognize me if he saw me now! The only thing I have left is… well, my hair. This hair is the only part of my figure he could ever remember, but I don't even…"

He stopped speaking for a moment, sobbing openly as the shocked and worried figures of the Straw-Hats watched over him.

"You… you see? Just a little thing. I wouldn't blame you if you couldn't understand. Going that far over a promise to someone you might see as just a pet… but… but..."

"That whale," interrupted Nami. "Was his name… Laboon?"

Brook froze, then jolted upright to stare her straight in the eyes.

"W-what? I've never said his name before! How do you…"

"Laboon!" yelled Luffy, standing up from his seat in excitement. "We met him when we entered the Grand Line! He was being watched over by old man Croquette!"

"Crocus," corrected Sanji. "Come to think of it, he did say something about that whale waiting for an old group of pirates, didn't he? Of course, Laboon was the size of a mountain, not a little thing…"

"Fifty years!" exclaimed Brook. "Fifty years and he's still there?! Still alive?! Is he alright?"

"Well he was acting up a bit and giving Crocus a hard time," said Sanji. "The old guy didn't know how to tell him that you all were long-dead. But Luffy here kicked his ass and painted our flag on his nose, so now he's waiting for us to come around for him after we hit the end of the Grand Line. I guess we sort of took over your promise without realizing it."

Luffy laughed. "Now everyone who comes into the Grand Line is gonna see our flag! That whale was awesome! Put up a good fight, too. Not as good as me, though!"

Brook gaped at them open-mouthed, and although it was clearly impossible everyone present could swear they saw his eyes widen in growing shock.

"You… you people… you met Laboon? You gave him hope? You helped him… just like you helped me… This… this isn't a lie, is it?"

"It sure as hell isn't," said Sanji. "But if it helps it shouldn't be hard to find news of an ornery island-whale with a shittily-drawn flag painted on its nose sitting at the base of Reverse Mountain."

"This… this is… this isn't necessary!" cried Brook as his tears returned. "This was already the greatest day of my life! There was no need to make it better! Laboon! He's still alive! He still remembers! Can you wait for me?!"

"So are we going to be turning around?" asked Sasuke. "This sounds like he wants to go back the way we came."

Brook shook his head, surprising them all as he rose to his feet, towering over them all. He grabbed his old cane, separating the head from the shaft to reveal the glint of a hidden blade, then returned it to its sheath.

"No… no, no that's not necessary. We're on the opposite side of the Earth from Reverse Mountain. It's as far to go back as to go forward, and if you promised to go around then that's what we're going to do! And I, Humming Brook, will help you do it! My songs and my blade shall both be at your side!"

He paused as he stood before them.

"That is… if you'll have me."

* * *

They sang and danced into the night as the echoes washed over the Sunny and the floating wreck beside it. For another night the old ship knew the singing and music of a group once more, and then in the morning it was time to leave it behind. Pieces of floating debris were growing increasingly common as the aftermath of whatever violence had obliterated the nearby island spread out from its center, and they needed to be away as soon as possible.

Despite some of their earlier reservations, Brook was welcomed into the crew. Even Usopp had grudgingly accepted his presence, and barely flinched when Brook stepped up onto the deck.

"I'm sorry, but I have one last request for you all," said Brook, looking solemnly at his new friends.

"Alright, buddy, just as long as it's not too creepy," said Usopp.

"Oh, certainly not. It's just that all of my former crew-mates are skeletons as well, and they're still over on the other ship, waiting for me."

Everyone froze in place, helplessly imagining an entire ship filled with walking skeletons before Brook clarified.

"Coffins! Their coffins! Oh, my word, that didn't come out right, did it? It's just that… I'd _like_ to give them a proper burial, and… well, the ship, too, but... we don't have anywhere that would be…"

Brook went uncharacteristically silent as words seemed to fail him completely.

"That ship's been carrying you for fifty years, huh?" asked Franky, staring up at the dark and menacing hulk. "She's a tough old hag, I'll give her that, but you're right. She's earned a rest. Make sure everything you need is off the ship and I'll take care of her. For what it's worth, I think your friends would understand. For any sailor, and any ship, cremation is enough."

With a reserved solemnity, Brook nodded. Then he left for the ship, grabbing what few mementos he had- as well as an old grand piano- and saying his last goodbyes to what had been his home for decades.

The Sunny pulled away quite some distance before Usopp shot several incendiary pellets to land at each hole that Franky had opened up in the hull, setting a number of fires alight all across the ship so that it would burn evenly.

Brook watched his past burn with empty eyes and a full heart, holding the Tone Dial in his hands as he played and sang along to the song that his old friends had loved.

* * *

Yo-hohoho! Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Yo-hohoho! Yo-ho-ho-ho!

...

Gather up all of the crew

It's time to ship out Bink's brew

Sea-wind blows

To where? Who knows?

The waves will be our guide.

...

O'er across the ocean's tide,

Rays of sunshine far and wide.

Birds they sing

Of cheerful things

In circles passing by.

...

Bid farewell to weaver's town,

Say so long to port renowned,

Sing a song,

It won't be long,

Before we're casting off.

...

Cross the gold and silver seas,

A salty spray puts us at ease,

Day and night,

To our delight,

The voyage never ends.

...

Gather up all of the crew,

It's time to ship out Bink's brew,

Pirates we,

Eternally,

Are challenging the sea.

...

With the waves to rest our heads,

Ship beneath us as our beds,

Hoisted high,

Upon the mast,

Our Jolly Roger flies.

...

Somewhere in the endless sky

Stormy winds are blowing wide,

Waves are dancing,

Evening comes,

It's time to sound the drums.

...

But steady men, and never fear,

Tomorrow's skies are always clear,

So pound your feet,

And clap your hands,

Till sunny days return.

...

Yo-hohoho! Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Yo-hohoho! Yo-ho-ho-ho!

...

Gather up all of the crew,

It's time to ship out Bink's brew,

Wave good-bye,

But don't you cry,

Our memories remain.

...

Our days are but a passing dream,

Everlasting though they seem,

Beneath the moon,

We'll meet again,

The wind's our lullaby.

...

Gather up all of the crew,

It's time to ship out Bink's brew,

Sing a song,

And play along,

For all the ocean's wide.

...

After all is said and done,

You'll end up a skeleton,

So spread your tale,

From dawn till dusk,

Upon these foamy seas.

...

Yo-hohoho! Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Yo-hohoho! Yo-ho-ho-ho!


	54. Stranger and Stranger

A/N: My apologies for the late update. A combination of work, a sudden illness, and the fact that I thought these parts would be much smaller than they turned out to be delayed me severely. On the plus side, I now have a buffer of material to edit again. Also, apparently since I didn't watch most Naruto filler I wasn't aware that filler Naruto is supposed to be afraid of ghost ships. EH, whatever.

* * *

The hollow ball of volcanic rock went up and down in the air, smacking lightly into Aokiji's tanned and weathered hand as he reclined in Fleet Admiral Sengoku's office. He'd been tossing this one for nearly fifteen minutes, and he was no closer to figuring it out than he had before. He'd opened half-a-dozen of these things that the Marines had recovered from the wreck of Thriller Bark, and they were all identically boring.

Pretty, maybe, but boring nonetheless. Completely unremarkable, except that these were undoubtedly Admiral Sakazuki's dying messages.

You'd think something as significant as the death of an Admiral would have delayed some of the constant storm of tasks, duties, and meetings they had to deal with, but no… It only made things worse.

His thoughts were interrupted as Sengoku finally took the expected incoming call, the desk-mounted Den-Den Mushi clicking to signal its connection as it developed a ruff of wavy, black hair and a carefully-manicured beard.

"King Nefertari, my greetings to you," said Sengoku, as Aokiji perked up. "It's very unusual for you to call us directly, Your Majesty. What can we help you with? I have you on speaker-snail, and Admiral Aokiji is in the room as well."

Kuzan gave a hurried series of hand-signals to indicate that, no, he wasn't a part of this conversation, but his superior silenced him with a tired glare. Ever since the Marines' public failure to protect the sovereignty of Alabasta from the predations of former Shichibukai Crocodile, the famine-stricken desert country of Alabasta had become something of a public relations project.

" _Ah, excellent. I know you're extremely busy, so I don't want to take up much of your time,"_ spoke the friendly and carefully cultured voice on the other side of the line. " _That said, I'm afraid I am going to have to make a request of you. It's about the Elemental Kingdoms."_

Sengoku winced, but soldiered on. "...Yes? What have they done now?"

" _Oh, no, you misunderstand me. I'm calling about the diplomatic efforts. Specifically, the lack of them."_

"Yes… well, diplomatic enquiries have been rather dampened ever since the Diplomatic Division's ambassador was killed before even reaching the island. They're understandably very unwilling to proceed with talks until their safety can be guaranteed."

" _That's actually just what I wanted to speak about,"_ said the voice of Nefertari Cobra. " _You see, we want in on the next mission to meet with the 'Land of Fire,' and the protection of the Marines would be absolutely necessary for such a trip. I'm thinking of sending my daughter Vivi down there personally, and it would be a pity if something were to happen to her..."_

Sengoku's wince returned with a vengeance, and his fingers tapped against the wood of his desk one after another.

"Your Majesty, it's becoming rather difficult to free up ships at this time. You must know of the situation by now."

" _I know that my people are still dying as we speak. Though the rains are finally returning, it will be months before crops again grow. Years before cities swallowed by that scoundrel's sand return to life. Decades before children no longer grow up stunted by the famine. These are problems that can be greatly alleviated by trade with the Elemental Kingdoms. They are our new neighbors, and I think it's time we went to say hello."_

Aokiji scratched his head uncomfortably, as he watched Sengoku squirm. This wasn't the situation either of them wanted to be in, and though the King of Alabasta was clearly restraining himself, his true feelings were shining through.

"Yes… yes, of course," said Sengoku. "This is a terrible situation you are in, but I'm hesitant to say whether we can protect someone as important as your… daughter at this moment. Something as hazy as trade negotiations with a new kingdom are time-consuming enough, but here we don't even know whether or not they would be willing to go along with it at all… Perhaps you could wait until our scouts report in?"

" _I think we've learned enough about the situation to say we're confident negotiations would succeed,"_ insisted Cobra.

That was a very odd thing to say, but Kuzan was pretty sure what it meant. He raised a hand to interrupt whatever Sengoku had been about to say.

"Excuse me, Your Majesty. Pardon me for presuming here, but… am I right in thinking you've already talked to these people?"

Sengoku blinked owlishly his way, but his suspicions were proven moments later.

" _You are correct. My Royal Guardsman, Pell, flew to their island personally to meet with them. You are aware that most Log Pose traffic from AIabasta arrives at the Land of Fire, correct? These ninja villages appear to be subsidiaries to a larger kingdom that would be more… let's say… 'familiar' to us, and it appears as though the leader of that kingdom is quite interested in reaching out. The three leaders of the ninja village of Konoha have agreed to follow their 'Daimyou's' wishes and will assist with protection for any such missions, as well as interdicting the piratical activity of their eastern islands. However, given the difficulties of navigating at sea we would first need to meet them halfway, so to speak."_

Sengoku had been itching to get a word in, but no matter how tolerant Nefertari Cobra was known for being, interrupting a king was simply not done. When the moment came, he struck.

"You're saying your guardsman has first-hand aerial intelligence from the island? I think I'm supposed to express concern that you're bypassing the Diplomatic Division, but frankly, we're _dying_ for that kind of detail. What could you tell us?"

The snail smiled, completely without malice, but filled with accomplishment.

" _Well, I'm sure we would be more than happy to provide that information to the Marines. But there is- unfortunately- still the matter of my daughter to deal with."_

Sengoku sighed.

"Alright. I hope you realize how stretched we are at this moment, but we'll provide… two battleships as well as another contingent of official liaisons for the escort. If the ambassadors can reach an official arrangement, pulling ships away to protect trade convoys should be much more straightforward."

" _Excellent! Then I'll leave it at that! Thank you very much for speaking with me. It's wonderful to do humanitarian work for a change, isn't it? Farewell."_

"Wait, but you didn't-"

" _*CLICK*"_

Sengoku stared down at the snail with a sour expression.

"He didn't give us that information."

"Probably wants to make sure the ships don't fall through at the last minute," said Kuzan. "The man's a softy, but he's shrewd enough to make up for it."

"What a month this has been," muttered Sengoku. "I'm at my wit's end here, and everyone's only making my job harder. I swear, if I get _one_ more call about _one_ more complication…"

Kuzan was opening his mouth to speak when the Den-Den Mushi rang again.

"Son of a…" Sengoku picked up the receiver as it turned into the face of a gruff older Rear-Admiral. "Hello?"

" _Sir! Reports are in from Bartholomew Kuma! He says that he's found no trail of any of his targets."_

"What do you mean, he hasn't found anything?!" yelled Sengoku, face turning red. "We sent Kuma down there to flush out Fire-Fist Ace, Straw-Hat Luffy, or Akatsuki, and he's found _no one?!_ Make sure he understands that the Shichibukai are in a very tentative position here. This is the time to get results, not to play coy! Make sure he gets that message!"

The man hung up with a bit more force than was necessary, and Aokiji couldn't blame him.

"It won't work, you know," said Aokiji, tossing the geode into the air once more. "If Kuma's playing the kind of game I think he is, he's not going to give us what we want here. He might even have been the one who leaked Sakazuki's death."

Sengoku stalked around his desk towards the door, brow clenched together until it seemed his forehead was collapsing in on itself. In one smooth motion he smacked the airborne geode out of the air as he passed, cracking it against the wall and showering the floor with crystalline rock fragments.

Once he reached the door, the Fleet Admiral paused, hand raised as if he wanted to say something, but then he cursed and stomped out of the office.

Silently, Kuzan pulled another geode out of his pocket and resumed tossing it into the air. For now, he was alone.

Akainu was dead. Kuzan couldn't have cared less about the man personally, but professionally it affected him a great deal. The loss of one of the three Marine Admirals like this was a tremendous blow, and it'd be affecting his life one way or another for years to come.

Oh, there were certainly more people in the Marines with the strength to wear the mantle of Admiral-rank, but it wasn't exactly a gladiatorial title belt. There was a great deal of political maneuvering involved in choosing a new one, not to mention the approval of the Nobility. The Celestial Dragons would not tolerate a weakling, or someone they doubted would defend their interests, to reach this highest of ranks, and with the current emergency state every major house head had retreated to Mariejois and was playing hard-to-get. It might be a week before prospective candidates could return for vetting, and in the meantime each one of them would be unavailable to do their jobs out at sea.

Honestly, this had all been more simple when replacement candidates had been pre-evaluated in case of emergency, but for some reason this practice had gone out the window in the last decade. In the past, when he had asked Sengoku about this, he had been told it was because of how unusually invincible this group of Admirals were. Sengoku had elaborated only to say that Kuzan was forbidden from dying without prior approval.

When he'd asked Commander-in-Chief Kong the same question he'd received the same answer, except without the warmth. This hadn't exactly been pleasing, especially considering Kuzan wanted to retire some day. Honestly, he'd assumed this was a politics thing, and they really did have a successor lined up. Clearly, his superiors just hadn't wanted to tip their hand or cause early bickering.

Well, it looked as though he had been wrong. Everyone was stuck running around with their heads up their asses and there was no plan in sight. Meanwhile, whoever had killed Sakazuki was presumably still at large.

How in the world had this been allowed to happen?

Until there were three Admirals again, the Marines would seem weak, emboldening anti-government forces all throughout the world. Even just on the rumors of Akainu's death the Revolutionary Army was _seething_ with new recruitment, and it would only get worse. That meant Marine forces were being sent out in record numbers, suppressing rebellion as thoroughly as they could.

But Aokiji was being kept at Mariejois. Borsalino was the most mobile of the two of them, which meant that until this crisis was over the capital city would require Aokiji's personal protection, just in case someone else decided to attack the Celestial Dragons at their home.

Which was, of course, stupid. There were plenty of capable fighters here- especially if you included the private armies of the Nobility- enough to make any direct attack on Mariejois laughably suicidal, even for the most powerful of Pirate warlords.

Even for Akatsuki.

Why did he keep coming back to them? This was clearly a calculated political attack, and there was an abundance of reasons it couldn't be the work of that new ninja group. The biggest reason, of course, was that a group of isolated warriors wouldn't have any reason to launch a major, well-planned political assault on the World Government only a month after escaping isolation. They had no stake in world affairs, and even power-players like Doflamingo or the Yonko wouldn't trust _any_ group of unknowns with something like this.

And yet, here he was, holding his former peer's dying message. Because that's what it _was_ , even though there was nothing like a message inside it. Little more than a hollow crystalline globe, it was an example of delicate craftsmanship out of a man that had been known for anything but. To his eyes it meant one thing.

Surprise.

This wasn't something someone would do under Perona's influence, and nor was it something he would have done if he'd died to Moria's forces. Even Sengoku agreed with that, though the Nobility weren't impressed with this reasoning. There was the official story, and then there was the truth, and the truth was that this _wasn't_ Moria's handiwork.

So, if this was really Akatsuki, what had this been meant to accomplish?

They knew Tobi was going after powerful Fruit-users, but surely no sane person would commit the worst possible crime in the world just to get access to one Admiral. It was wasteful in the extreme, not to mention dangerous. There were plenty of other Logia Fruits out there.

He sighed.

He couldn't see it. The only target worth a damn in the area was Mariejois itself, and that was far too well protected. Impel Down would normally be a thought, but these ninjas wouldn't even _know_ anyone in prison. Besides, that was the one area that guards _weren't_ being transferred from.

But if it wasn't Akatsuki, then who was it? Most people capable of even standing up to an Admiral were tracked, and no one was in the area. The only pirates entering that area were Fire-Fist Ace, Akatsuki, and the Straw-Hats…

 _A burning beast, roaring with an energy that tore up the landscape itself. As a third tail began slowly forming, the demon fixed its malevolent gaze on him._

Come to think of it, he didn't really know how long that beast thing would have kept powering up. That Naruto kid had received an absolutely ridiculous bounty, even considering how scary that transformation had been, and the only piece of information Kuzan had been able to glean about it was that the bounty had been specifically ordered by one of the Nobility. What did they know that he didn't? Could Uzumaki Naruto have killed Admiral Sakazuki?

No. No, probably not. Sakazuki had gone in knowing that the boy's transformation grew in power, and he was ruthless enough to reduce the boy to ashes the moment he saw anything odd happening. Maybe, given a couple years...

Still, something to keep in mind…

He turned the geode over and over in his hand, thinking carefully through everything he knew about the power-players in the area, Akatsuki included.

Answers refused to come.

* * *

 **-Grand Line-**

 **-Thousand Sunny-**

"Ahh! The sun! Who would have thought it could feel so good against my skin! Finally, I can live in the light once more!"

The crew tossed a slightly worried glance in Brook's direction as he stood with arms outstretched at the stern of the ship, basking in the light of the beautiful day. Honestly, the poor man had been so deprived for so long that it was a wonder he was still sane. Though, sometimes you had to wonder.

When Chopper came up on deck, the skeleton saw him and approached.

"Excuse me," said Brook. "I seem to have developed a case of sunburn. Might I get some skin cream to help with the issue?"

Wide-eyed and still very nervous, Chopper glanced down to see the same pure-white bones as always. He didn't argue the matter. If Brook wanted skin cream he'd take the excuse to run back to the infirmary. The young reindeer nodded and dashed off.

"Ah, such a diligent young lad," remarked Brook, watching the departing doctor with fondness. "Reminds me of myself when I was his age. Only… perhaps a bit less fuzzy."

From her seat on the grass below, Nami was still struggling to understand the newest member of their crew, which had led her to ask numerous less-than-helpful questions. Nevertheless, she tried another one.

"How… how did you get sunburn if you don't have any skin? No, wait… How are you planning to put the lotion on in the first place?"

Brook blushed.

"Oh… oh _my_! That wouldn't be an offer to assist me, would it? Oh, so very forward of you. But, I accept!"

She reacted immediately.

"LIKE HELL! Get your mind out of the gutter!"

"Oh, how harsh!"

Chastised, the skeleton staggered backwards out of her view.

She sighed. Once again he had avoided answering a question in a helpful manner. She was already growing to accept the fact that she would never really understand the mechanics of what was driving Brook's not-quite-undeath.

Shaking her head, she turned back around, only to scream in shock.

In the clear, sunny day, there was a towering two-hundred foot wave bearing down on them. Usopp saw it at almost the same moment she had and began screaming for help.

"AHHH! It's a rogue wave! Quick! Hard to port! Err, wait a second…"

The wave was just standing there, taller by far than their ship and crested with white foam, but completely immobile. As the ship's sails pulled them forward in the breezy day the wave turned slightly in their direction. Most of the crew that was on deck was now glaring suspiciously at the tremendous wave.

"That's awesome!" yelled Luffy.

"That's scary!" cried Chopper, who had returned from the infirmary.

"It… It's not moving," murmured Nami.

"Anyone get the feeling it's watching us?" asked Franky.

"What's causing this?" asked Sasuke.

Robin looked up from her deck chair, finally noticing what was concerning them all.

"Oh, that?" she asked, completely unbothered. "That's a Standing Wave. It happens sometimes in this area of the sea. They're harmless. And yes, that's how it says hello."

Everyone on deck took this in with differing measures of skepticism. Awkwardly, several people moved to bow in their own versions of a greeting as Chopper mumbled, "It's nice to meet you," but everyone was halted as arms blossomed from their chests, stopping the bows before they could begin.

"Now now," chided Robin. "Don't bow to it, or it might bow back. I don't have to tell you how dangerous that would be. Give it a wave if you want to greet it."

The people on deck gave a hesitant wave, and the wave rocked violently back and forth in response, showering everyone with sea spray. Apparently satisfied, the wave turned around and left, zipping away and shrinking down until it had submerged.

"Whoa! Where did it go?!" asked Luffy.

"No one knows," said Robin.

"What happens when a wave goes underwater?" asked Chopper.

"Why, perhaps it falls asleep?" said Robin, smiling down at the young reindeer. "But, it's alright. You made an excellent first impression. I'm sure if it has any friends it will tell them about the polite young reindeer it saw up on the surface."

"Do… do you think so?"

Robin reached down to ruffle his fur.

"I know so. Be sure to practice your introductions in case you see more of them, alright?"

"Okay!"

The Thousand Sunny advanced further into the bright day.

* * *

 **-Hours Later-**

"Rocks ahead!" shouted Sasuke.

All around them, spires of rocks were creating a channel of safe passage and dangerous currents. Nami was on the job, directing them through the swirling waves with ease as they passed through this unexpected sea challenge. Hinata was at her side, using the Byakugan to point out any rocks that didn't quite pierce the surface of the water, but might pierce an unaware ship's hull.

Just as they thought they were through, another challenge arose before them. Sasuke called down from his position in the crow's nest.

"It's… uhhh…"

"What's going on up there?!" Nami yelled back.

"It's a bunch of jellyfish operating a tollbooth!" he yelled.

"... Repeat that, please?!"

"Giant jellyfish! A tollbooth!"

Though the creatures in question weren't yet visible, this prompted a wild discussion from the crew.

"Jellyfish?!" exclaimed Luffy. "Do you think they're tasty?"

"Jellyfish will kill you if you get the wrong ones, you know," chastised Sanji.

"I… I wonder if they wanna be paid in jelly?" asked Chopper, looking curious about this development.

Sanji started to shake his head. "Nah, that's just…"

Then he paused, turning to Robin, who was barely paying attention.

"Robin? Do you know what this is all about?"

"Hmm?" she asked, looking up. "Oh, yes, this isn't that unusual."

"…I hate to ask this, but do we need to pay them in jelly?" asked Sanji.

She smiled.

"Yes, that would be most expedient."

Sanji sighed, shaking his head in dismay. "Alright... I'll go whip up a batch… Goddamn Grand Line…"

Robin watched him go to the kitchens before turning to the others. "Did he think I was being serious? That was just a joke. Of course they accept normal currency, and their prices tend to be rather reasonable."

"Why didn't you stop him?" asked Chopper, looking up at the smiling dark-haired woman.

"Because this way you'll get some jelly out of the deal," she said, patting him on the head.

Chopper couldn't quite hide his excitement at that. Sometimes, it was the little things in life that mattered.

Soon, Sasuke gave them the prices and they were through the toll booth, passing the blobby translucent creatures without incident. It was only after they had made it out into the open ocean again that the crew relaxed. Hinata, however, was starting to have some questions about current events.

"So… this has been weird, even by the standards of what I've seen out here. Were we just lucky before, or is there something odd about this place?"

"Excellent observation," said Robin. "You are correct. This area of the sea is one of the most unusual in the world, and strange phenomena are reported regularly as one draws closer to the Red Line. Though many explanations have been posed, the truth is that no one knows why that is the case."

"Yeah, I really like the Grand Line," added Luffy. "It was so much more boring back where I came from."

Sasuke was soon down from the crow's nest.

"So, you're saying that outside the Grand Line things are a lot more normal?" he asked.

"Yeah," agreed Luffy. "Our sea-kings were a lot smaller, our mystery-animals were a lot less cool, and it hardly ever rained frogs."

"... Oh, okay then," said Sasuke, frowning.

* * *

 **-The Next Day-**

Naruto was sitting peacefully in the deck-grass, eyes closed and his body utterly still as Hinata watched over him. His chakra flowed and pulsed in her sight, mingling with a steady flow of natural energy that came from the world around him. The waves rocked them gently, the grass blew this way and that, and the sea breeze danced across the ship, but Naruto remained completely still, anchoring himself in his meditation. Slowly, the coloration of his face began to change as Sage chakra flowed out to his skin.

He was growing very good at this indeed, but Hinata's watchful eyes caught the momentary fluctuation of natural energy that crashed against Naruto's chakra. In a single second, the mounting energy multiplied until it threatened to go out of control, merging wildly with Naruto's energy like an infectious disease.

Hinata didn't wait. She clobbered him with the staff that had been provided by Jiraiya, knocking him to the grass in a moment and cleansing the natural energy from his system with the staff's power.

A moment later, Naruto got to his feet, wincing and rubbing his shoulder where she had hit him, then stopping as he saw her pained expression.

"Sorry," she said. "I thought I had missed it, so I struck a bit faster than normal..."

"No, no it's cool. Thanks a lot, even. I just forget sometimes that you're one of the only friends I've got who doesn't enjoy beating me with a stick."

"Umm… Well, uhh, you're really doing a lot better with this, Naruto. You almost had it, and that was the first time you've needed the staff in _hours!"_

Naruto grinned. "Hey, it's 'cause you've been keeping a good eye on me, you know? I wanted to push a little harder and see if I'd screw it up. I… uhh, I guess I did, so maybe I need a bit more practice…"

Hinata opened her mouth to respond, but was interrupted as Sasuke's voice called down from up above.

"Sea Serpent coming up! Starboard side, quarter mile!"

Luffy perked up, dashing to the starboard side and getting a good look at the tremendous sea-king that was cresting the waters. Moment later he slumped to the ground in disappointment.

"Aww, just a sea serpent. I was expecting something weird. Hey, Sasuke! Find us something weird!"

"What? I found you a sea serpent, didn't I?" he called down.

"Yeah, but I've already eaten… like, a _bunch_ of sea serpents!"

There was silence from up above in response to this. Hinata looked to Naruto uncertainly, but if Naruto noticed anything odd about that statement then he didn't show it.

The conversation looked to be over when the sea creature opened wide its titanic maw and let out a squeaky roar.

" _AHHHHHH! HELP ME! HELP ME BEFORE I-"_

Then the serpent closed its jaws, and the noise stopped as swiftly as it had started.

Luffy perked up.

"Well that was kinda cool," he remarked, as Naruto and Hinata stood up and looked out at the sea serpent in confusion.

The serpent roared again. The voice was feminine, and it sounded quite frightened.

" _ANYONE! IT'S STINKY AND HORRIBLE IN-"_

The jaws closed once more.

"That… couldn't be a person in there, could it?" asked Hinata, checking her equipment in preparation for a possible rescue.

As Hinata began to activate her Byakugan, Luffy shrugged and looked to the side.

"Hey Robin!" he yelled.

"Hmmm?" asked the bikini-clad woman sunning herself on the deck.

"Are there any Sea-Kings that scream like people?"

"Hmm? Oh, yes, quite a few. They lure people in by pretending to be sailors in distress. I'm afraid they're quite normal," she said. "Why do you ask?"

Hinata and Naruto looked a little uncertain at this, and then the sea serpent opened its jaws again.

" _I'M SERIOUSLY TRAPPED IN HERE! HELP ME OUT BEFORE I'M DIGESTED!"_

"Awww," groaned Luffy. "I thought we found something cool, but it's just a dumb trick, huh? You think it'll talk to me if I say hello?"

Robin, meanwhile, had closed her book and stood up from her chair.

"Hmm, actually, that doesn't sound like anything I recall. Either this is an undiscovered species, or someone's really trapped inside that sea-king. If you'll hold on a moment I'm pretty sure I have a reference guide down in the library."

Hinata met Naruto's eyes, and then they were off, leaping off of the ship to the water below in a headlong rush to take on the sea-king. Their feet struck the waves in unison, and then Sanji jumped down after them, kicking up a spray of water with each step as he joined the assault force.

 **[WAVE DASH]**

Naruto laughed as he looked over his shoulder. Sanji's progress was uncomfortably reminiscent of his own overly enthusiastic attempts to learn water-walking, but he was keeping up with them through the application of excessive force.

"Hey, calm it down!" said Naruto. "It's not a super-move, you know?! You gotta let it flow."

Sanji gave him a nasty look as he continued his assault on the waves.

"Ah, give me a break. I don't have your goddamn ninja magic, alright?"

"But you're doing a great job!" exclaimed Hinata. "It's hard to learn that!"

As Sanji started to preen under the female attention, Naruto tossed an exasperated glance her way.

"You know, one of the things you're gonna have to learn here is not to feed the chef. He eats up compliments from cute girls, and it makes him go absolutely crazy."

"C-cute?! W-well… I mean, it's not right to pretend someone's not good at something when they really are…"

Naruto was taken aback by this comment, looking shocked and then a little bit guilty in turns before he nodded along.

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that. I sure coulda used more of that type of thinking in my own childhood… But, if you've got something nice to say to him try to let one of us guys say it instead."

Sanji gave Naruto a scowl so foul it seemed to darken the day around it, growling out, "Compliments that come from shitty guys are like someone trying to butter me up by smearing fish guts on a strawberry sorbet."

"There, you see?" said Naruto. "I don't even know what that _meant_ , but he only gets like this when cute girls are involved."

Hinata nodded, blush rising furiously against her pale, sun-freckled skin. "I- umm… O-okay…"

"Come to think of it," said Naruto, oblivious to the girl's happy discomfort, "We really are attracting a lotta showoffs recently, aren't we?"

"Naruto! Sanji! Look out behind you!" interrupted Hinata.

Naruto whipped his head around, and that was when Brook skittered right through their formation, dancing across the waves as if he weighed nothing at all, his sword-cane at his side. He zipped past at high-speed, outpacing even the ninjas as he simply refused to sink.

" _Yo-hohohohohoho! Now you shall see the true power of a gentleman! I shall be the one to rescue that damsel in distress!"_

Naruto's jaw dropped, and his eyes boggled, and for just a second he missed his step, tripping over a wave and flipping ass over teakettle as he skidded to a halt along the surface of the water. This turned out to be a lucky break, as he narrowly avoided being clobbered by Luffy's extending arms as he latched on to the distant sea serpent and rocketed away from the ship.

"YAAA-HOOOOO!"

Luffy covered the distance in no time at all, slamming into the sinuous behemoth. It let out a double-throated roar of pain and surprise as the female voice from inside clashed with the rumbling bellow of a sea-king.

Brook arrived a moment later, dancing across the waves and slicing across the monster's chest with his cane-sword. It reared into the air, exposing its belly.

Hinata was next, scanning the serpent's organs until she found the trapped woman. Gaining Sanji's attention, she pointed to indicate the victim's location, and Sanji rushed in on a spray of disturbed water, kicking the serpent in the gullet so hard it was lifted up and out of the water.

Looking further at the now-uncovered creature, Hinata found the next thing she was looking for and thrust out a glowing palm. Her chakra crashed through the creature's body, damaging its stomach and triggering a wave of nausea.

Naruto arrived last, forming the great swirling sphere of the Rasengan that struck the creature in the gut like a spiraling hammer. The serpent was ripped completely from the water with a noise like thunder striking. Then, its maw gaping open, two figures were expelled to soar into the air and plummet to the ocean below.

Sanji's speed increased to superhuman levels, nearly duplicating Sasuke's stolen Soru technique as he dashed to the feminine figure's location, catching her in a bridal carry and burning energy as he bolted back to the ship. The other, smaller, ejectee plopped unceremoniously into the water, left for Naruto and Hinata to rescue as Luffy and Brook returned, laughing, to the ship.

It was a few moments before Naruto emerged from the waves with a very unusual squirming creature held at arm's length.

"Uhhh, is this what we're looking for?"

The creature was bright orange with short, stubby limbs and bumpy skin. It might have been impossible to tell which way was up, except that one side of its body was decorated with a brightly-colored hat. Abruptly the creature spat out a stream of seawater and started screaming in a hoarse, high-pitched voice.

"AHH! Keimi! What the- Where the- WHO THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?!"

"What the hell?! You're a person?!"

Naruto was so shocked he dropped the odd little creature. It disappeared until it popped above the surface, spraying a jet of seawater in his direction that was easily dodged.

" _Rude_! I'm not a person, I'm a starfish! Wait, I mean, _yes I'm a person!"_

"What? But, starfish don't… they can't…"

" _Stop mumbling and tell me where Keimi is!"_

Naruto and Hinata both boggled at the enraged orange starfish, but she recovered first.

"Are you talking about the other person who was inside the sea serpent? She was taken back to the ship."

" _What?! Kidnappers?! Slavers?!"_

"N-no…? Look, why don't we go after her? I'm sure she's being taken care of."

* * *

Back at the ship, Sanji had arrived in a blur of speed, and the confused young woman in his arms found herself in a shaded deck chair with a refreshing iced drink before she could even process what had happened. The chef moved even faster than he had during combat as he tended to their new arrival.

The reason for this became clear as soon as everyone's eyes stopped spinning.

A rather dazed-looking mermaid sat in her chair, looking around at them as if she had no idea what she was doing there. She had short green hair and was wearing a rather stylish cropped shirt that looked as though it had just seen the inside of a sea-serpent. Aside from a few scrapes and cuts, she seemed mostly unharmed.

Since a new woman had just stepped aboard the ship, everyone spared a glance towards Sanji, expecting him to lead the welcome by force if necessary. He, however, was staring, wide-eyed and blank-faced, as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing.

But no, Brook was the first one to approach her, and everyone knew the question he was going to ask. He bent down over her, taking her delicate hand in his, and popped the question.

"Excuse me, miss. Might I borrow some money?"

The mermaid's eyes bugged out and her mouth shot open in horrified shock Moments later, Sanji tackled the skeleton from the side, sending him to the deck in a rolling, clattering heap.

The crew quickly moved in to support her, insisting that the horrible skeleton she had seen was merely a result of fatigue. Eventually she calmed down enough to feel safe.

"Oh, wow!" she exclaimed. "You all saved me, didn't you! Thank you all so much! My name's Keimi! Sorry, I have a really bad habit of getting caught by slavers, or eaten by sea monsters, or getting horribly lost, but I rarely run into friendly people! You saved my life! Just in time, too, because I was almost about to *bleh*"

The mermaid collapsed mid-sentence so suddenly that for a moment it wasn't clear if she had just been acting out that part of her statement. She flopped bonelessly to the deck, out like a light.

At this point, the strange starfish creature that had returned moments ago with Naruto and Hinata leapt onto the deck and rushed to the mermaid's side, shouting vague snatches of sentences as he stared helplessly down at her.

By this time, Sakura had also arrived on deck, curious about the fuss. She was just about to step in to help the young lady, but Chopper acted first, dashing to the mermaid's side and pulling the struggling starfish away from her.

"Everyone, give us room! She doesn't have any serious injuries, but she needs our help. Sanji, grab the stretcher from the infirmary and help me get her down there. Everyone else, stay away!"

Chopper had chosen the right man for the job. Sanji rushed off so fast he blurred, making it back to the deck in no time flat. In seconds they had the young woman up onto the stretcher, then they were off to the infirmary.

Sakura couldn't help herself. She followed them through the halls, keeping the starfish out of the way as she dodged his frenzied attacks without even registering them. Moments later, Sanji left back down the hallway, floating pink hearts emitting from his body.

Shaking her head in exasperation, she continued on. As she stopped outside the infirmary, the starfish leapt for the door and she snatched him out of the air with barely a thought.

"LET ME GO, YOU DUMB HUMAN!" screamed the starfish.

This actually got Sakura's attention.

"What…? You can talk? What _are_ you?"

"I'm a starfish, for crying out loud! Are you blind?! Let me in to see Keimi!"

"I'm not going to let you get in the way of the doctor… whatever you are."

"I JUST TOLD YOU I'M A STARFISH! The name's Pappug!"

"Yeah, well, starfish don't speak," insisted Sakura, quite reasonably. "What is this, a Devil Fruit thing?"

"I'll have you know I learned to speak human because I grew up thinking I was human, _human!"_

Sakura glared at him and the temperature dropped. It took only a moment before he felt her icy gaze chilling him deep down to his hydrostatic skeleton. Pappug gulped, growing more and more certain slavers were involved after all.

"W-whaddayou want…?" he asked.

Sakura ignored his question, saying, "So… since starfish actually _can't speak_ no matter _how_ you were raised, I'm guessing this is really a Devil-Fruit thing, _right?"_

"No way! If I ate a Devil Fruit then I couldn't swim, you hag!"

The temperature dropped again.

"So, then, 'starfish'... How can you speak without vocal chords?" she asked.

Pappug sneered, seeing an opening.

"Well, you see, the answer to that question is- HNNGG!"

Kicking out with all his might, the starfish attempted a daring escape from Sakura's grip, but all he managed to do was slam himself into the doorway.

Distracted by the noise, Chopper yelled out into the hall.

"Luffy, I already told you to stay out of here when I'm working! I know she's interesting, but you can't be in the way!"

"Sorry," said Sakura, leaning inside. "It's me, not Luffy. Not about to get in your way, but I'm training to become a doctor myself, which makes me interested in how you do things out here."

"Oh, umm, alright then?" said Chopper, looking around uncertainly as he busied himself over the unconscious mermaid. "She's not actually in any danger, so… if you wanna watch quietly then go right ahead?"

Sakura smiled and nodded, stepping inside and tossing the struggling starfish right out the door. She closed it a moment later, after nudging the squirming creature back with one foot. His plaintive cries came muffled through the door, but she paid it no attention, looking around at the well-stocked room with some amount of professional interest. She had known that doctors out here were very reliant on herbs and medicine, but this setup was far superior to what she'd seen on Buggy's ship.

Her attention was broken by the tentative voice of the young reindeer boy.

"Umm, what do you think?" asked Chopper.

Sakura looked over and smiled. He didn't sound very sure of himself, but she could tell when an expert wanted to evaluate a student from a mile away. Of course, Tsunade had always included implied threats of violence if she had failed...

Sakura stepped over to look at the mermaid. The young lady had the lower half of a fish, but that was hardly surprising at this point. Her short green hair framed a face that was quite cute, in a fat-lipped sort of way.

More importantly, she looked to be in good enough health, barring a few minor problems. Sakura stepped up and ran a glowing hand across the woman's torso, looking for signs of internal injury. Nothing. She could begin disinfecting and closing the few cuts and abrasions right away, except...

Wait… there was a little more to this, wasn't there?

She gave her assessment.

"No signs of internal injury or trauma. Her brief period of consciousness upon arrival suggests she succumbed to acute exhaustion, exacerbated by a mild dose of some venomous compound which probably entered her bloodstream from the shallow cuts on her side. I'd guess it's something to do with the Sea-King's digestive enzymes, but it seems to possess a sedative effect rather than anything else. I'm supposing you know something about this?"

Chopper smiled, and it was difficult for Sakura to avoid responding the same way she might to a cute kitten or puppy.

"Yes, that's right," he said, walking over to his medicine cabinet. "Sea-Kings tend to be large enough to ingest prey without chewing, and some species secrete a sedative to make their food more agreeable. She was very small compared to its normal prey, so it was probably quite diluted by the excess seawater that it swallowed at the same time."

Soon he had what he was looking for, and Sakura watched as he quickly prepared a compound to counteract the poison. He treated the young woman's wounds with speed and care, and Sakura couldn't help but notice he hadn't referred to a book at all.

"So, this is a fairly common treatment out here?" she asked, once he was mostly done.

"Umm… no, not exactly. I've never seen this toxin in person before."

She blinked. "Really? I have something of a specialty in antivenom myself, and I'm well aware of the number of compounds that you have to memorize. You must have had excellent training or an excellent memory. Or both."

The reindeer's reaction was something wonderful to behold. Completely gone was his nervousness from speaking to a relative stranger. Instead, he practically twirled on his hooves, a tremendous smile covering his face as he squealed with delight. His words, however, told a different story.

"S-shut up, you asshole! That doesn't make me happy or anything! Y-you're an idiot! But- but I'll show you what I know if I have to!"

Sakura chuckled, watching skeptically as Chopper eagerly pulled a seat out for her. Together, she and the young reindeer talked about everything that interested them until Keimi recovered.

* * *

When Sanji returned to the deck, he was uncontrollably ecstatic.

"I can't believe it! A real live mermaid! I'd heard the stories, but they pale in comparison to the real thing! My dreams have finally come true!"

Naruto laughed. "Really? I thought your dreams were all about cooking things. You didn't say anything about mermaids last time."

Sanji's cheerful expression didn't waver as he gave Naruto the middle finger and pirouetted off to the other side of the ship. Franky and Zoro gave him uncomfortable looks as he approached.

"Who would have thought I'd help save the life of the very first mermaid I've ever met!" exclaimed Sanji.

"Huh?" asked Franky, looking up from the tinkering he was doing in the deck. "Nah, that's not the first mermaid you've met. Old lady Kokoro from Water-7 was a mermaid."

Sanji slowly stopped spinning.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Kokoro. You know, you met her at the lodge that one day? Terrifying beyond all reason?"

Sanji turned to the cyborg, and his face settled into a dark glower. "I don't know who you're talking about, buddy. I never met her."

"Nah, you totally did. She was the conductor of the Sea-Train. You saw her loads of times. Sure she looks a bit like something outta your worst nightmares, but she's a genuine Icefish Mermaid."

Sanji moved so fast he appeared to teleport, stopping directly in front of Franky and grabbing the cyborg's chain necklace to pull his face close. Reflexes honed by a thousand street-brawls, Franky moved to punch Sanji, but froze when he saw his face. The chef had stepped one pace over the bounds of sanity, strength honed by blessed madness, and only willful disbelief was keeping him from murder.

" _I don't know who you're talking about. I never met the woman,"_ whispered Sanji.

Gulping, Franky did the unthinkable. He backed down.

"Yeah… yeah, my mistake... Guess you never met her... which makes this the first mermaid you woulda seen, huh?"

Slowly, blinking in a dazed sort of confusion, Sanji returned to sanity. He slapped Franky on the shoulder before spinning away to resume his earlier excitement. "Yeah… Yeah! That's right! Finally! A mermaid!"

Sanji's happiness was infectious, if only in how it made everyone nearby feel vaguely ill, but it wasn't long before Sakura and Chopper returned from below deck, leading a pair of worried sea people behind them.

The two were finally introduced, but shortly after that the source of their worries was revealed.

"Well, I'm afraid we've got bad news and we've got good news," said Sakura. "The good news is that Keimi here is alright. The bad news is that one of her friends is in trouble."

"Trouble?" asked Sanji, eager to jump into the fray.

"Yeah. So, what do you guys know about slavers?"


	55. Let's Get Ready to Parley

**-Thousand Sunny-**

 **-Infirmary-**

Keimi hadn't even awoken when the Den-Den Mushi in Pappug's hat began ringing. The familiar sound broke Sakura and Chopper out of their discussion and also woke the resting young woman from her sedated sleep. Sakura was halfway to the door so she could silence the starfish's noisy hallway ringing when the mermaid spoke up.

"Hacchin…?" she mumbled, sitting up groggily as she began to support herself with her fish-like lower torso. "Hacchin! The snail! Where is it?"

Sighing, Sakura opened the door, letting the starfish trundle inside at its maximum speed.

"Keimi!" he shouted. "Oh, thank goodness! You're alright!"

"Pappug! That's Hacchin's snail! He's trying to call us!"

The caller, however, hadn't been 'Hacchin' at all. From over the snail came the voices of several menacing men who claimed to have captured Keimi's friend and were planning to sell him into slavery unless she came to rescue him.

Predictably, the young lady was ready to jump in the water and head right there before Sakura stopped her.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," she said, blocking the doorway with a raised eyebrow. "I know we haven't really met properly yet, and I'm sorry to ask this, but can you even fight?"

"Umm... no?" asked the confused mermaid. "Why? Do you think that will be a problem?"

Sakura blinked.

"Yes. Yes, I think it will. Look... are mermaids especially valuable to a slave trader?"

"You bet they are," interrupted the starfish, sneering as if speaking down to an imbecile. "There's nothing in the entire world faster than a mermaid underwater, and that means it's really rare to catch one!"

Sakura looked between both of them for some measure of comprehension, but found none.

"So… in other words," she said, leading them along, "they're luring you into a trap so that they can capture you, and then the slavers will sell you both for lots of money…?"

Keimi's jaw dropped open wide, and her eyes bugged right out of her head.

"WHAAT?! ARE YOU PSYCHIC OR SOMETHING?!" she screamed.

"N-no, just… alright, look. Let's go upstairs and see what the others have to say. Maybe we can help you two."

* * *

There was no opposition to a rescue attempt, even though the mermaid's description of this so-called Hacchin as an octopus Fish-Man made Nami and Zoro in particular recall some unfortunate memories. His captors were known as the Flying-Fish Riders, and they had a floating ocean base five kilometers to the east of the Sabaody Archipelago. This normally useful information was nonetheless a problem, given that it was impossible for humans to tell east from west in this ocean and the Log Pose had decided to start pointing straight down all of a sudden.

Keimi, however, had a solution, calling out to the fish that inhabited the area and asking them to point the way there, and then they were off in pursuit. The sea was, for once, perfectly normal aside from one large wave that signaled a period of choppy water. The Thousand Sunny followed the fishy compass unerringly until their guides disappeared, which according to Keimi meant they were very close.

The only signs of human habitation in the area, however, were pieces of floating debris.

Keimi dashed underwater, swimming with an unbelievable speed as she scouted out the area where they had been led. When she returned without finding the base, she seemed distinctly puzzled.

"I… I thought it was around here, but all I'm seeing is broken pieces of wood. Did the fish get the wrong place?"

"Maybe it was destroyed before we even got here…" muttered Nami.

Keimi's mouth dropped open, eyes bugging out as she began screaming in surprise.

"EH? SOMEONE BLEW THEIR BASE UP?!"

"Shhh! Not so loud! If someone tore this place up in the last hour then they could still be nearby!"

"THEY'RE STILL NEARBY?!"

Nami winced, adding, "Quiet! Be quiet!"

"There's something in the water," interrupted Sasuke, focusing his red eyes beneath the waves. "It's coming this way… and it's not human."

Moments later, a head broke the surface of the water, looking somewhat uncertainly back and forth. Pink-skinned and with light-grey hair, he spun in place until he caught sight of Keimi, at which point his hugely-expressive trumpet-like mouth turned up in a grin. He rose slightly out of the water, and six sucker-covered arms waved excitedly in her direction, each one out of sync with the others.

"Nyuu! Keimi! You're safe! Good to see you!"

Keimi covered the distance in a blink of an eye, grabbing onto the octopus-man and crying with relief.

"Hacchin! I was so worried! I thought they'd got you for real this time!"

"Hacchin…?" muttered Zoro, recalling a life-or-death swordfight after his injuries at the hands of Mihawk. "No matter how you look at it, that's that damn octopus from Arlong Park, Hachi. What the hell's he doing here?"

"That's a damn good question," agreed Sanji. "More importantly, how the hell does he think he can get away with showing his face in front of us again after being a part of that shitty Fish-Man group… Want me to kick his head in, Nami?"

Nami was hanging back from the edge of the ship, looking a little annoyed at the situation. It hadn't even been a year since she'd been rescued from slavery at the hands of the Arlong Pirates, but…

She sighed.

"No, go easy on him for now. He wasn't bad to me. If any of those jerks could deserve a second chance, it was Hatchan. Don't tell him I'm here yet, though. I want to hear what he has to say."

"Does this have something to do with what you were telling Naruto and I the other week?" asked Sasuke, glancing sidelong at her. "About your home island?"

"...Yeah, yeah it does. I don't really want to talk about it, but he's part of the gang that made my life hell since I was a kid. Still, I mean, Hachi's not exactly…" struggling with the words, Nami made an indecipherable gesture with her arms before giving up. "Well, you'll see. He's the harmless one."

"If you say so…"

Hatchan and Keimi's tearful reunion was interrupted moments later when he finally turned to acknowledge the ship that had carried her here. His eyes passed over the people on deck and then the Straw-Hat flag before doing a double, triple, and then quadruple take with wide eyes and an astonished gaping mouth.

"S-Straw-Hats!" exclaimed Hatchan.

"Yeah, they helped rescue me from a sea serpent and then they came to get you free!" said Keimi. "They're wonderful people!"

"Nyuu! Nyuu! Oh no! No way! The Straw-Hats are here now?!"

"It's too late to run," growled Sanji, resting one foot on the railing as he glared down at the octopus. "I think you've got some apologizing to do, before I make you into takoyaki."

"Eh? Apologizing? Right… You're right. I have a lot to apologize for... But, uhhh… Roronoa, is that you? You look a lot blonder than I remember..."

" _That's me, you idiot-pus!"_ shouted Zoro.

"Oh! Roronoa, _there_ you are! See, I actually wanted to apologize to Nami, but if you insist then I guess I should tell you I'm sorry for cutting you to pieces the last time we fought..."

" _You didn't land a single hit on me, asshole!"_

"Nyuu? But, then why am I the one apologizing? Are you sure you aren't a bit confused?"

" _Yes!_ No! Damnit, I _am_ confused, alright?! Shut up and apologize to Nami already!"

From back beside Nami, Sasuke muttered, "Geez, I guess I can understand what you meant. This guy's a real piece of work."

Nami, saying nothing, was wincing painfully and rubbing her forehead as Hatchan continued to talk from the water below.

"Is… err… _is_ Nami up there?" he asked.

"That depends. Whaddayou wanna tell her?" growled Sanji.

Interrupting this before it could start a fight, Nami stepped forward, reaching the railing of the ship and looking over the edge. Seeing Hatchan again brought back painful memories, even if he had been relatively harmless. Still, she had changed since leaving her home, and she'd learned a few things about the way former enemies could become friends.

But he still had to earn it.

"Hello Hachi. I'm here. What did you want to say to me?"

"Nami! Oh, crap! It's, umm… It's good to see you! How are you feeling today? Eh? Me? How am I feeling? I'm feeling well, thank you very much for asking."

"I didn't ask you that, Hachi," said Nami, patiently aware of Hatchan's conversational difficulties.

"Nyuu… Oh, right… Well, I wanted to say that I'm really sorry about the horrible things I did to you. I spent all that time listening to Arlong and never really thought too much about what we were doing. I know everyone calls me kind of dumb, and I guess they're probably right. I don't really have any good excuse, 'cause I know what I did was wrong, and I know that nothing I could ever do could make it up to you, but…"

He paused.

"Oh! I could give you some takoyaki! Would that make it up to you?"

"Yes," interrupted Luffy, a hungry look in his eyes before Sanji kicked him in the face and dragged him back towards the center of the deck.

During all of this, Keimi looked positively puzzled, glancing worriedly between her friend and her new rescuers. It was at this point that Nami's harsh glare began to crack, and something like a smile broke through.

"It's alright, Hachi. I know you're an alright guy. We came here to rescue you anyway, and there'd hardly be any point to us turning around now. What happened here, by the way? Surely it wasn't _you_ who did all this, was it?"

Relieved, Hatchan shook his head and flailed his tentacle-like arms back and forth.

"Oh, no! The Flying-Fish Riders left back to the Sabaody Archipelago, 'cause their base was destroyed. It was incredible! But, uhh, it wasn't me who did all this, no… Look, I can tell you, but it's kind of a long story. Can I come up there?"

Before long, Hatchan and Keimi had been brought aboard, and the Straw-Hats who were interested listened to the octopus telling a rather unusual, but uncomfortably familiar, story.

* * *

 **-Thirty Minutes Earlier-**

Hatchan had been tied up and caged for nearly a day on the Flying-Fish Rider's floating ocean base when he began to realize something was very wrong. There had been no motions made to bring him back to the Sabaody Archipelago for sale. Though Fish-Men weren't nearly as valuable a catch as a mermaid, they were still worth quite a large reward. The Flying-Fish Riders weren't normally known for their patience, and the masked figure of Duval had chuckled wickedly when Hatchan had asked if they were taking him back to the Human Market.

It hadn't been long after that when he realized he was here as bait. With Hatchan's portable Den-Den-Mushi, Duval would be able to call up Keimi and lead her straight to them. Poor, sweet Keimi would come to try and rescue him, without a doubt. Even after the things he'd done to her, she had forgiven him enough to become something like a little sister, and he squirmed in his bindings as he thought of her being captured and sold into slavery.

It wasn't as if it hadn't been tried before, but normally Hatchan was there to save her. Now, however…

His thoughts were interrupted when he heard one of the Flying-Fish Riders complaining that the Macro Pirates hadn't arrived on schedule. The gang of three had made a serious name for themselves by capturing and selling high-value targets, especially other Fish-Men, and they had quite a few contacts on the Human Market as well. Their absence was apparently a serious annoyance for his jailers.

Still, the news hardly even seemed unusual until something else broke the agonising monotony of Hatchan's imprisonment. The random motions of the swarming goons that populated the base caused a period when his cage was unobserved. In a blink, a figure appeared in front of him, supporting himself on a pillar of raised water.

Hatchan was so surprised he nearly shouted out loud, but he managed to restrain himself. A blue-shark type Fish-Man watched him intently from directly in front of his cage. Adorned in black robes decorated with crimson clouds, the man had a massive thickly-wrapped weapon of some sort at his back. His beady eyes roamed across Hatchan's octopus body as if searching for something, and it wasn't clear if he had found it even when his gaze returned to meet Hatchan's own astonished stare.

"Nyuu! What are you doing here?!" whispered Hatchan. "They'll be back any second! Get away before they capture you, too!"

The man's brow furrowed as if disappointed by something. This made sense. Shark-type Fish-Men were notoriously disapproving of weakness in their brethren, but that really didn't matter right now. The world's Fish-Man population was fairly small, and Hatchan knew of most of the powerful fighters in it. This guy wasn't one of them.

When the man spoke, however, a chill ran down Hatchan's body. The stranger's rough voice was viciously cold, and brimming with a quiet fury in a way that reminded him of the revolutionaries he'd met on Fish-Man Island.

"I heard news there were slavers operating out of this area," he said. "Selling... our kind on the black market. From the looks of things, I'm guessing that's the truth, huh."

Hatchan boggled both at the man's complete dismissal of the warning as well as his unusual question.

"Nyuu! Everyone knows about the slavers around the Archipelago! It's outlawed in most of the world, but the Celestial Dragons love to buy slaves! It's not just merfolk- lots of humans get bought and sold, too."

"I don't give a damn about that," said the shark-man. "But there's an island of… merfolk down underneath the Red Line here, right? That's why so many of us get captured?"

Hatchan's confused stare increased in intensity. The newcomer wasn't making a lot of sense.

"Whaaat?! I mean, that's true, but you're telling me you don't know about Fish-Man Island?! Seriously?! Where are you from, anyway?"

The shark-man shook his head.

"Not important. I just have one question. Why don't you all fight back?"

"Fight back?" asked Hatchan.

"Against the humans. I've been stronger than them all my life, and surely I'm not… alone in this."

"We- we _do_ fight! And we _are_ strong, but there's just so _many_ of them! They have Devil Fruits too! Fighting has just made things worse!"

The man nodded, then stepped forward, grabbing the bars of Hatchan's cell and wrenching them apart. The thick steel bent under an unbelievably monstrous strength as if they had hardly been an obstacle at all. A moment later, the shark-man's hand passed over Hatchan's bindings and they too fell away as if cut. In less than a second he was free.

The noise had attracted some attention, and Hatchan looked around frantically to see guards scrambling out into the open. However, when he turned to look for the stranger, the shark-man had disappeared entirely.

There were guns pointed his way immediately, and Hatchan raised all six arms into the air, eyes wide. Honestly, he didn't even know what had just happened, but he couldn't imagine why the stranger would have gone out of his way to break him out when he was just going to disappear.

What kind of Fish-Man didn't know about Fish-Man Island, anyway?

The guards were in the process of herding him into a different cell when the screaming began. Hatchan looked up to see a tremendous wave, at least three-hundred feet tall, bearing down on them at terrifying speed. His captors abandoned him, grabbing their underwater gear and rushing to their steeds.

To Hachi, however, the wave was simply a godsend.

The wave struck the floating base like a mountain being dropped on their heads, and Hatchan disappeared peacefully into its embrace, easily dodging the debris that washed around him and diving down into the depths of the water. Now he was safe.

About ten minutes later he resurfaced some ways off, looking around at the devastation with a curious eye. He knew it was dangerous to stick around, but with the Macro Pirates gone the risk was minimal. The Flying-Fish Riders alone stood little chance of capturing him in the water, and they had more important things to worry about anyway. Off in the distance he could see them gathering their mounts and soaring off in the direction of the Sabaody Archipelago, Duval at their head.

Hatchan spun in place as he felt a disturbance in the water, and then he saw the stranger again, standing on the surface of the churning water as if it were solid ground.

Hurriedly, Hatchan swam over to meet him.

"Nyuuuu! That was _amazing!_ Was that you who did that?! I thought I'd heard of all the Fish-Man Karate grandmasters before, but I guess I missed one! What's your name? Eh? My name? Thanks for asking! My name's Hatchan. My friends call me Hachi, so you can too!"

Furrowing his brow, the shark-man bent down on the balls of his feet and decided to answer the question in the spirit in which it was asked.

"The name's Kisame, and I don't want you to tell anyone I was here. I've got to know, though… How does one get down to Fish-Man Island… Hachi? I've heard it's supposed to be ten kilometers below the surface…"

"Eh? You don't know? Where are you from, anyway?"

"A long way away. Answer the question."

"Well, that's the easiest part!" exclaimed Hatchan. "You just swim!"

Kisame watched intently as each of Hatchan's three pairs of arms began doing a different swimming motion independent of the others.

"Really. Just swim? Ten kilometers seems rather deep, don't you think? Even if I've always been good at it, the… humans I've met always seemed to have problems after just a few tens of meters…"

"Oh, yeah, sure, but that's humans! Merfolk like you and me can just swim, no problem! I mean, if you need to get a ship down there that's another question, but I know a guy who can help with that! Want me to ask him for you?"

Kisame paused, then shook his head before straightening up. "No… No, thank you. Maybe some other time. I'm afraid I've spent enough time out here, and I need to get back to the Archipelago."

"Sure thing! Lemme know when you get to Fish-Man Island and I'll buy you a drink! Just ask around for Hachi! Eh? Hachi? That's my name. Why'd you say my name?"

Casting one last bemused glance his way, the shark-man literally melted into the water, disappearing as if he had become one with the ocean itself. Even standing just feet away, Hatchan wasn't sure what he had just seen. He looked underneath the waves, but there was no one there.

"Nyuuuuuuu?" he asked.

That wasn't Fish-Man Karate… was it?

* * *

The assembled Straw-Hats listened to Hatchan's report with concern, occasionally glancing at each other as if to confirm shared suspicion.

"Akatsuki's made it to the next island, huh?" remarked Zoro.

"Yeah, and it looks like they're not afraid to make waves, either," said Usopp.

"Dude. Shitty pun, man," groaned Naruto.

"What pun? Oh, I get it!" said Keimi.

"I didn't realize the slave trade was that big of a deal out here," muttered Nami.

"I'm wondering why he didn't kill the slavers," mused Robin. "Perhaps there's more to this story than it seems…"

"What was that part in the middle?" asked Sasuke. "About… 'don't tell anyone I was here?'"

Everyone looked toward Hatchan, who grew increasingly puzzled by their stares. Finally, his confusion broke into an astonished shout.

"Nyuuu! Crap! I wasn't supposed to say all that!"

* * *

It took some time to calm things down before Hatchan was no longer distraught over his failure to keep his rescuer's secret. In the end, however, he began to focus on more immediate matters, such as what to do about Keimi and the Straw-Hats. Keimi herself made the matter quite clear.

"Hacchin, listen!" she pleaded, grabbing two of his hands in her excitement. "I have to repay Luffy and the others for what they did for me. Will you help me?"

"Sure thing! I've always been great friends with the Straw-Hats!" exclaimed Hatchan.

"While that's not… right at all," began Nami, "I'm not sure there's really anything you can do for us right now. Unless you… oh, hang on a second. Could you take a look at this?"

She raised her wrist to the pair of merfolk, showing them the delicate Log Pose. The spherical compass was now aimed almost directly downward. Hatchan and Keimi looked on quizzically.

"I'm assuming the Log Pose isn't telling us to go drown ourselves," said Nami, exposing her unrealistically naive hopes to the world, "-but I'm not completely sure what this is supposed to mean. I think the answer probably has something to do with this island that's supposedly nearby, but I'm wondering if you can clarify?"

Hatchan perked up.

"Oh, yes! That's pointing the way to Fish-Man Island! That's our home. Eh? My home? Fish-Man Island, yep. That's our home, alright. I take it you all are trying to get to the New World, huh?"

"I guess so," said Nami, steadfastly ignoring Sanji, who was in the background screaming about beautiful mermaids. "Is that what comes after Fish-Man Island?"

Hatchan blinked several times.

"Nyuu! You folk don't know where you are, do you?" he asked.

"Well… I'm sure Robin has a pretty good idea of where we are, but she likes 'preserving the mystery.'"

Off in the background, Robin waved a hand, not bothering to look up from her relaxation.

"Nyuu, well, you know what, it's easier to show you than tell you. Something like this a pirate has to see for themselves, you know? Why don't you follow me? It's not that far!"

"You're going to bring us somewhere?" asked Nami. "How will you know where to go without the Log Pose?"

Hatchan waved dismissively, which was quite the impressive gesture for the six-armed tentacled man.

"Oh, that? Whatever it is about the Grand Line that makes you need a Log Pose doesn't affect us merfolk as strongly as it does humans. Besides, this is the kind of thing you just can't miss!"

* * *

Hatchan led them away with Keimi swimming eagerly by his side. The Thousand Sunny proceeded onward into the ocean until the clouds began to gather and the sun began to set. It had seemed as though their journey was taking them longer than expected until someone thought to check a clock. It was barely three in the afternoon, and their journey had taken perhaps an hour. The reason for the dimming light became clear as their destination approached.

A mountain was starting to block out the sun.

The crew of the Thousand Sunny looked on in awe as the Red Line towered over them. A mountain range ten kilometers tall, it banded the entire world, cutting it into two equal halves, and now they sat at its foot, looking upwards with the reverence of pilgrims.

"Looks like we made it," said Zoro.

"Halfway around the world, and it didn't even take all that long," said Sanji.

"The Red Line," breathed Nami, looking up at the clouded mountain with anticipation. "This is the same mountain we crossed all those months ago."

"Yeah, we almost died then, too. I hope crossing this time isn't as harrowing…" muttered Usopp. "Crap, I shouldn't have said that."

"How did you cross that in the first place?" asked Chopper. "You didn't have to climb the whole thing did you?"

"Nope! We went up up and down on a big water ride before running into a giant whale!" exclaimed Luffy. "It was awesome!"

"Laboon…" muttered Brook. "I'm farther from you than I've ever been, but somehow you seem closer than ever before…"

"Heh… This is the kind of thing I know my brother would have loved to see," said Sasuke, staring up at the clouds. "This sure puts Hokage Mountain to shame."

"Hey, don't diss the mountain, man," said Naruto. "That place _means_ something. It brings everyone together."

"This place might really mean something, too," suggested Hinata. "Do you think people live on it?"

Sakura shrugged. "Maybe, but it sure sounds like this place doesn't bring people together. Frankly it's weird enough that the world's split into four pieces by a perfectly straight mountain and ocean."

"What, you got something against straight lines?" asked Franky. "You ask me, if you're gonna have a _super_ mountain then a straight line's the best shape there is. Unless you're suggesting something _made_ them this way."

"Perhaps they did," mused Robin. "Archaeological records suggest that once upon a time it was much easier to get from one sea to another. Ancient artifacts from civilizations on opposite sides of the Calm Belt are routinely found on each other's homelands, despite the fact that it's nearly impossible for people to cross it even now. It's a mystery that might never be solved."

Having given them time to see the greatest wonder of the world for themselves, Hatchan pulled himself up onto the deck.

"You see what I mean?" asked the grinning octopus. "There's two ways to get through the mountain. You either go up, or you go down. See, right now we're about fifty miles or so north of Sabaody Archipelago, which means we're right underneath the World Government Capital, Mariejois, which is where you'd go if you were a Marine. They've got a really crazy setup to get people over! But that's not how you or I would go."

"I really don't want to go that way," agreed Nami. "So how are we supposed to get across?"

"You go underneath! See, there's a hole deep under the ocean, and that's where Fish-Man Island is. You get down there and you can get right through."

"Ooh! I wanna see it!" exclaimed Luffy, interrupting Hatchan's explanation as well as Nami's confused questions about ships going under water.

That was when Franky stepped in.

"You wanna get a look underwater, I just so happen to know a guy," he said, grinning down at them as he jabbed his thumb at his own chest. "Just so we're on the same page here, that guy is me."

* * *

 **-Red Line - Paradise End-**

 **-Three Kilometers Underwater-**

 **-Shark Submerge III-**

"This is, uhhh, your captain speaking," began Usopp, as the Franky-built submarine descended further and further into the ocean. "We're cruising at an altitude of about minus ten-thousand feet, and we're about to be serving snacks. In the meantime if you look out the left side you can see some freaky-ass fish that are glow-in-the-dark. Out the right side is pure abyssal blackness, and we've still got a long way to go."

"Usopp!" exclaimed Luffy, "Stop being stupid! I'm the captain, remember?"

"Uhhh… the captain would like to take this opportunity to remind all passengers that that's only true _above_ water, and that everything's the opposite once you go _under_ water... That's science."

"EHH?! B-but! But I don't wanna go to Fish-Man Island if I can't be the captain!"

"Hey, it's too late, man," snickered Naruto, the last member of the group to have stuffed himself into the small submersible. "You already said we were going down there, and Usopp gave the same order just now. That's two captains agreeing on the same thing. It's a done deal, so just enjoy your snacks."

"What?! No! Om-nom-nom-nom… That's not right! Om-nom-nom-nom… Hey, but you're only the captain of the submarine, right? I'm still captain of the real ship!"

Usopp winced and looked over at Naruto, who shrugged. Sometimes Luffy could tap into inner reserves of cleverness when it was least expected.

"Alright, Luffy, alright. But… uhh…. but you realize that still makes me captain if the ship goes underwater, right?"

Luffy glared in consternation at Usopp before deciding that was probably never going to happen. You could see the exact moment he stopped paying attention.

"Hey, when are we gonna get to Fish-Man Island anyway?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," admitted Usopp. "We're getting pretty deep right now, but I still don't see anything."

"Wait, you guys thought we were going to Fish-Man Island with this thing?" asked Naruto. "Hachi said it was, like, way deeper than this thing could go, right?"

"I admit that I wasn't actually paying attention at the time," said Usopp.

Interrupting them, Franky's voice came in over the Den-Den Mushi linkup to the Sunny.

" _Hey, Luffy. Your brother, Ace, is back and he says he's looking for you about something."_

"ACE!" exclaimed Luffy, already grabbing the controls and commanding the ship to ascend.

"Wait… Ace? Is that Luffy's brother's name?" asked Naruto. "Luffy's brother is here? Since when was that a thing?"

Usopp screwed up his eyes, clenched his jaw, and slapped a hand over Naruto's mouth.

"Shhh…." he whispered. "I realize you were gone for all of that, but we're done with that joke. Never again."

 **CLOOOOOONG**

The submersible shook violently as they crashed into something on their ascent. All three of the passengers were tossed wildly around the tiny cabin before the wobbling vehicle figured out which way was up once more. There was a moment of groaning silence before Usopp raised one quivering hand to the control console and pressed a button with a single finger. Immediately, red light and the noise of a shrieking klaxon flooded the compartment.

"WE'RE HIT! WE'RE HIT! ABANDON SHIP!" shouted Usopp.

Naruto scrambled over Luffy to reach the console and shut off the alarms, cursing as he tried to get a look around outside the submersible.

"Shit, what the hell did we hit here? Sea-monster or something?"

As Luffy and Usopp screamed for entirely different reasons, the Den-Den Mushi responded.

" _Hey, you guys alright down there?"_ asked Franky.

"Yeah, but we hit something," said Naruto. "Can't quite tell what it is yet."

" _You're still more than two kilometers down, alright? Get up quick so I can take a look at her."_

Naruto spun the vessel in circles, trying to get a look above them from their front-mounted screen. Abruptly, the lights of two massive eyes spun into view from the side.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Luffy, pulling his head up from the floor with both hands so he could see properly. "It's a sea-monster!"

Usopp screamed, and the noise was actually deafening in the confined space. Naruto winced in pain and tried his best to get a good look at the creature that could very well spell their doom. If a sea-creature decided they were food, it would be impossible to fight them off before the vessel could ascend to a safe depth. The two lights in front of them were round, with an odd cross pattern that divided them into four equal parts. The lights hovered before them, staring unblinkingly at the ship as if trying to decide whether they were predator or prey.

"Shit… it sees us, alright," muttered Naruto.

" _Get back up here! I'll try to get your girlfriend and see if she can help see what you guys are up against, alright? Just gimme a second."_

"Alright, here's hoping she can help… It's not looking good unless… huh?"

The screaming stopped, and all three of them stared dumbfounded at the two lit-up eyes. From inside the rightmost one a white bear in an orange jumpsuit was staring at them suspiciously. They blinked slowly in surprise, and the bear blinked back. Finally, it turned to shout something to someone behind it. Moments later, more people clustered around the visible circles, shading their eyes to see out into the murky depths.

Usopp was the first to react.

"I-i-i-i-it's people!" he chattered. "It took a bunch of people and stuffed them into its eyeballs?! And a bear?!"

"No, shut up," growled Naruto. "It's not a monster. I think it's a ship!"

"A ship?!" exclaimed Luffy. "Like ours, only bigger!"

Across from them, the gathered people stepped out of the way, making way for one young man with black hair and a grim demeanor. He took one look at them and then shook his head, jerking his thumb upwards several times and then drawing it across his throat.

"H-h-h-he's saying we've gotta go up or he'll kill us?!" yelled Usopp.

Immediately after saying this, a bolt popped loose above them and a small jetof water sprayed in through the dented ceiling. Naruto blanched.

"Uhhh, I think he's saying we gotta go up or we're gonna _drown_. And I agree with him. We're going up!"

* * *

When the Sunny's sub surfaced it was already half-filled with seawater, which was a state of affairs that had rendered Luffy more or less useless on the way back up. Franky had watched in exasperation when the Shark Submerge III emerged showing clear damage on the top of the hull, but the evaluation was postponed once the other vessel arrived.

This ship was not like the tiny creation built by Franky. It was enormous, and it bulled the water out of the way, rocking both of the Straw-Hat vessels back and forth. On its side was visible a smiling emblem that was vaguely reminiscent of a Jolly Roger.

Five minutes later about a dozen of the unknown submariners emerged from the airlock, trying not to look too relieved about being out in the fresh air again. In the center of the pack stood a young man with a spotted white fur hat, yellow and black shirt, and carrying a long nodachi at his back. The fighting members of the Straw-Hat Pirates assembled on the deck, looking down at the new arrivals, and the opposing captain scanned their lineup with a discerning eye.

Until, that is, his gaze settled on Ace, who was leaning over the railing and looking somewhat bored as he greeted them with a wave. The captain's eyes widened somewhat at this unexpectedly notorious visitor, but he gave a respectful nod in return, apparently not willing to start a fight with Fire-Fist Ace in attendance. He seemed to be looking for someone else, and it soon became clear he wasn't going to find them.

"Hello," greeted the man, his voice low and carefully casual as he returned to looking vaguely in Zoro's direction. "Trafalgar Law, Captain of the Heart Pirates. I didn't expect to run into you lot out here, but perhaps we can make something of this after all... However, I don't see Straw-Hat Luffy."

Zoro gave him an odd look and pointed behind the assembled Heart Pirates.

"What, Luffy? He's over there."

Frowning, Law glanced over his shoulder to their submarine to see Luffy and Chopper being led into the open hatch by a large, two-legged polar bear.

"See, in here, this is the airlock," lectured the bear-man as they all disappeared inside. "It's how we get out of the ship. It's open right now so it doesn't look like much."

"Whoa, cool!" shouted Chopper.

"See, through there? That's a hallway, and-oh, I'm getting ahead of myself. We're not there yet."

"Hey, are you really a bear?" asked Luffy.

"I… um… no, not exactly… Well, I mean, I am kind of, but-"

"But you can talk! Why can you talk if you're a bear?! Are you like Chopper?"

There was a moment of tense silence before the not-quite-a-bear slumped in on himself, moaning, "I'm so sorry…"

"Luffy, stop bothering him. That's mean," said Chopper.

"But why is he sorry? Talking bears are cool!" exclaimed Luffy.

"Err, what? Have you ever met any other talking bears?" asked the sort-of-bear.

"Yeah, Chopper here!"

" _I'm not a bear, asshole! You know I'm not!"_

Law stared stone-faced back at the voices echoing from inside the open hatch. This was not going as planned.

"Bepo?" he asked, calmly restraining himself from raising his voice. "Why are you giving a pirate captain the guided tour of our ship?"

There was a clonk from inside the submarine as Bepo hit his head, and then he called back, "Uhhh… Because they asked nicely?"

Shaking his head, Law tossed a glance back towards Fire-Fire Ace before addressing Luffy directly.

"Straw-Hat Luffy! I'm not here to fight you, but I think you're taking all of this too lightly. You damaged my ship, and I _could_ have destroyed you at any moment down there. Instead, I'd like to talk to you, and I think you owe me at least that much. Will you _please_ leave my ship and come out to discuss matters?"

"Luffy, get out here right now or I'll make you pay!" yelled Nami. "I'm serious this time!"

Though it wasn't clear who it was in response to, Luffy poked his head back out of the submarine only moments after Chopper scrambled out of the hatch.

"Ehh? But it's cool in here!" he exclaimed.

From behind him came the growling of the not-bear as Bepo added his voice to the debate.

"Alright, you! You're on _our_ ship so that means you gotta follow the orders that the captain and I give you! Get out and start talking!"

Law watched them impassively as Luffy returned, sulking, to the Straw-Hat's lineup, at which point the discussion could continue as planned. Finally, things seemed a bit more fitting for a piratical parley.

"So, sorry for bumping into your ship or whatever," apologized Luffy. "Who the hell are you, anyway?"

Law frowned, but his displeasure was muted when Nami punched Luffy in the head. Sighing, Law restarted his introduction.

"Trafalgar Law. Captain of the Heart Pirates out of North Blue. We're already aware of most of your identities. Straw-Hat Luffy. One-Man Army Uzumaki Naruto. Pirate-Hunter Roronoa Zoro… Though I'm fairly unclear as to why Fire-Fist Ace is sitting up there with you…?"

"Ah, don't mind me," said Ace, waving lazily from up above. "This is just bad timing on everyone's part. I'm here to talk with my brother, Luffy, and I didn't expect him to bring friends. I don't want to get involved in his business, so please pretend that I'm not here."

Several sets of eyes bugged out at this casual information drop, but Law's posture relaxed slightly.

"I see. So Fire-Fist Ace has a brother, then… How surprising. So, Straw-Hat... I suppose from your underwater exploration that you're planning to enter the New World as soon as possible. That means we can expect to see you at the Sabaody Archipelago in the coming days?"

"Huh?" asked Luffy. "Shabomdee what? I'm not planning to go there."

"Nyuu!" called Hatchan, who had so far remained invisible from the rest of the confrontation. "That's what I was trying to tell you! You _have_ to go to the Sabaody Archipelago if you wanna get to Fish-Man Island! That's the only way to do it!"

"Oh, okay, got it," said Luffy, before turning back to the Heart Pirates. "Like I said, yes, we're going straight to the Kablammo Whatchamacallit."

Law winced, and many others shared his pained expression. Up on deck they could barely hear Sasuke turn to Sakura and mutter, "Do you ever feel like life's a story and you ended up in the wrong genre?"

Sakura elbowed him in the side, but several others snickered. Surprisingly, even Law's mouth twitched slightly upwards.

"Alright then…" he said. "I'm willing and even eager to forget this matter entirely, but I would request a small favor from you in return. I think it's actually in both of our interests if you're willing to hear me out."

When Luffy just looked confused in response, Law continued.

"The Sabaody Archipelago is the Paradise End- the place where pirate crews from every route through the Grand Line arrive. All those wishing to enter the New World must gather there before proceeding onward. Two days from now at high noon there will be a meeting for those gathered crews- a Rookie Summit, if you will- to lay down some ground rules about behavior on the island. Given the number of high-bounty fighters you possess, I want you to make sure to be there."

"Eh? Rules? Why do we need to agree on rules?" asked Luffy.

Law frowned. "Haven't you heard the news? Didn't you _just_ come through the Florian Triangle?"

"News?"

Law looked stunned. "Yes. Thriller Bark was destroyed with Geckoh Moria presumed dead. The Nobility are in an uproar after one of their own disappeared. An Admiral was dispatched to the scene, and it's already been leaked that he didn't come back. The Marines are mobilizing and all shore leave has been cancelled."

"So… what you're saying is a bunch of bad guys beat each other up?"

"...Are you _seriously_ this dense?"

"Allow me," interrupted Robin, looking a bit concerned by the news. "Luffy, what this means is that there are going to be Marines watching the Archipelago for even the slightest sign of trouble, and if we get into a fight with another pirate crew it may bring their wrath down on all of us."

"Oh, okay. I got it," nodded Luffy.

"Err, wait," began Sakura, raising her hand. "Could we maybe get the unabridged explanation designed for people who don't know how things work out here? Or even for those of us who aren't Luffy?"

"Yeah, I'll answer that," said Ace, straightening up and joining the conversation. Law watched him warily, hand twitching at his side.

"Alright, so here's the deal. The people who rule this world are known as the Celestial Dragons- they're a bunch of truly horrible people, and half of them couldn't find their own ass every morning without the help of an army of trained butlers. Thing is, they're rich, powerful, legally omnipotent, and they take protecting their own skins _very_ seriously. Because of that, any time one of them gets attacked, one of the three Marine Admirals is legally obligated to go in person to bring the pain. No exceptions, even if you're just defending yourself because some stuck-up asshole decided he wanted to shoot you to get you out of the way faster."

Those among the Straw-Hats who had not heard about the Nobility before listened silently as they tried to wrap their heads around this. Ace continued.

"Anyway, from the news it sounds like people are thinking one of the Shichibukai, Moria, did something to them that he shouldn't have which brought an Admiral down on him. Thing is, it sounds like the Admiral somehow bit off more than he could chew, which I'm not really buying."

"Do you think this is fake?" asked Sakura.

"Fake? Maybe… Most people hear 'Shichibukai' or 'Admiral' and they think they're both just really powerful people, but until you've seen them in action it's hard to realize just how wide the top levels of power really are. Moria wasn't strong at all compared to people like Mihawk or the Admirals. They're… well, monsters. There's really no other way to put it. The idea that Moria could take on an Admiral is the kind of thing we'd just laugh about. But there's two things that I don't doubt. First is that Moria's island sank, and the second is that there's a missing Admiral. Too hard to fake that kind of crap."

"Yeah, we got to experience an Admiral's power first-hand the other week," muttered Sasuke. "Not something I'd want to go through again. I wonder if this is the same one."

"Pardon me?" asked Ace. Law looked a bit confused as well.

"A little ways back we met one of the Admirals," clarified Sasuke. "An ice-man named Aokiji. We only managed to hurt him once before he captured us. That state of affairs didn't last long, though."

Ace glared around at all of them before he settled on Luffy.

"What the hell, little bro? That's _NOT_ the kind of guy you wanna piss off! Geez, if it was anyone besides Aokiji you'd have been dead right now, dumbass! How the hell did you even hurt him, anyway?"

Luffy stared back blankly as Naruto shifted uncomfortably in place.

"Uhh, yeah," said Naruto, rubbing the back of his head. "That was me. It's kind of a long story, but I can get a bit dangerous when I get really mad."

Law's crew looked warily in Naruto's direction. Though anyone who had seen the bounty posters knew that Naruto's bounty had somehow grown higher than Roronoa Zoro's, they had had no particular reason to fear him. Zoro had a _reputation_ , after all. Now, it seemed, Uzumaki Naruto was developing one, too.

Ace just laughed.

"Okay, for the record you almost got everyone there killed, but I like your guts. If you get those instincts under control you'd fit in just fine with our crew. Not that I'm trying to steal you or anything," added Ace, right after Luffy began to bristle.

"No offense," interrupted Law, "But this is exactly why we need the Rookie Summit. We can't afford the attention that will come down on us if posturing or aggression gets out of hand, and we're all going to have to stay on the island for a while."

He turned to Ace, adding, "Fire-Fist Ace. While I'm well aware you're not a Rookie, I think your presence would be invaluable for quelling unrest. Would you be willing to join the Summit?"

Ace frowned, looking like he'd rather do anything but that, but he sighed and nodded a moment later.

"Alright, personally I don't think this is any of my business, but I've got something to get done on the island as well and I'd rather not have the Marines breathing down my neck. But in return I want you to keep an ear out for a group called Akatsuki. Rumor has it they killed a traitor I've been hunting down and I want to know if I should be thanking them for it or not."

"That reminds me," said Sasuke. "It sounds like Akatsuki is somewhere on the island after all. They just took down some slavers and tried to pass it off as an accident."

Law nodded. "I'd heard they were in the area. Haven't had a chance to speak to them, though."

"Don't," warned Sasuke, shaking his head. "Stay out of their way. They're not Rookies either, no matter how new they may seem. Each one of them belongs on the world stage, but it's much easier for them to solve their problems by killing people. On the plus side, they aren't going to draw attention to themselves in this kind of atmosphere. If you see them, the best thing to do is back down so that you don't become their problem."

"Fair enough…"

"Hold on," began Nami. "So I get how you've heard some of this news, Captain Law, but you seem way more connected than any other pirate we've met out here. I honestly don't even know where to begin when it comes to catching up. How did you hear about this Rookie Summit business?"

"Oh, that? That's simple. I'm the one setting it all up. Don't be mistaken- the outcome of this meeting may determine who lives and who dies in the week ahead. Not just pirates, either, but many people on that island could be in danger if certain Rookie crews are forced to fight. Straw-Hat Luffy, I'll send information on the location later, but can I trust you and your first-mate to be there?"

Almost uncharacteristically solemn, Luffy nodded, glancing over to Zoro as he did so.

"Yeah. I'll be there. Two days at noon. Count on it."

Law smirked, turning his back on them all and heading to his submarine, his crew falling in behind him in unison. Then, all of a sudden, he seemed to pause, his crew pausing with him as he looked over his shoulder.

"Straw-Hats… I'm not sure I need to say this, but I'll say it anyway. The Marines here are at high readiness. They're looking for victories, even to the point of disturbing the status quo. You won't be able to get into the port looking like that."

That said, he left, walking inside the top hatch as his crew followed him. In moments they were gone below the surface of the water, and it was as if they had never been there at all.

"Okay, I'll admit it," said Sakura a minute later, her tone grudging, "He was pretty cool."

"You think so?" asked Luffy. "That Traffy guy seemed kinda stuffy to me."

Nami shook her head. "No way, definitely at _least_ a seven out of ten. I know a certain pirate captain who could stand to learn a few things from someone like him."

"Eh? Who's that?"

"You, dumbass."

"Do you think he was being honest about his motivations?" asked Sasuke, arms crossed in front of him.

"I think so," interrupted Robin. "I put a few ears inside his submarine and it sounds like they meant what they said back there."

"So, where does that leave us?" asked Sanji.

"I say we turn right around and wait for this all to blow over," insisted Usopp.

Luffy laughed. "No way! I already said I was gonna be there, so I'm gonna be there! You're gonna be there too, right, Ace?"

"Sure, little bro. I'll be there."

"Okay," said Sanji. "But how are we gonna get into the port and keep the ship safe? I mean, the Marines might not recognize the snazzy new ship, but…"

Everyone looked up at the Jolly Roger emblazoned on the sails with a thoughtful expression. Moments later Luffy started yelling.

"No way! We're not taking the flag down! Not gonna happen!"

This prompted another round of careful thought, which was interrupted by Naruto's gleeful snickering. Most of the crew looked uncertainly his way, not sure if they wanted to hear his idea. Eventually, though, he decided that for them.

"Hey… I think I know just how to get us and our ship accepted on the island, no problem."


	56. Hopes and Dreams

**-The Next Day-**

 **-Sabaody Archipelago-**

The Sabaody Archipelago was almost a paradox.

It was an island, but it wasn't really an island at all. The Yarukiman Mangroves that formed the island's 'ground' were just the roots of tremendous trees, and they didn't even generate a magnetic field for the Log Pose.

It was the end of Paradise, but it was also the entrance to the New World. It was the one place that Pirates entering the New World had to arrive at, but it was also situated at the foot of the greatest center of governmental power in the world.

Today, the Archipelago was abuzz with activity. During an average week, pirates and criminals could often make the streets dangerous to walk. Right now, however, the law was on high alert, which meant that the average citizens were living their lives with greater confidence than normal. Even the slave trade was less active than usual given that the majority of the Nobility had fled the island, returning to Mariejois in light of the murder of one of their number.

So in some ways things were peaceful. Sure there were stories about an Admiral's death, and hushed rumors of Revolutionary attacks in other parts of the world, but here it was safe. At least, for the normal person.

A cloaked figure wandered through the odd island, reminiscing about the last time he had been here, so many years ago. Before, no one had cared about him at all, but now _he_ was the wanted man.

"Granddad! You're too slow! We're gonna miss the circus!"

Rushing past him, a little girl called out excitedly to her dawdling elder as she zipped forward and back again, easily covering five steps back and forth for every one her grandfather took.

"Ohhh, don't you worry… They'll still be around when we get there…" said the old man, probably too quietly for the little girl to hear. Though, it wasn't like she was paying attention anyway.

Buggy, captain of the Buggy Pirates, watched them go with no small degree of puzzlement.

Somehow, even though it had felt as though he had been tap-dancing on firecrackers, his crew had made it all the way to the end of Paradise, but now he was regretting docking here at all. The fact was that this was the most dangerous place for him to be right now, but it was also where he had to go if he wanted to enter the New World.

This would be more relevant to Buggy if he had wanted to enter the New World at all, but frankly he just wanted to turn right back around and start doing some actual raiding for a change. Unfortunately, his crew had gotten it into their heads that since Buggy had spent a great deal of his life in the New World as a part of Roger's crew, he was ready to lead the Buggy Pirates to glory.

Maybe he shouldn't have overstated his own contribution quite so severely. He had just been a cabin boy. He really didn't want to go to the New World anytime soon.

So, now they were all waiting patiently as Buggy debated whether to go along with his crew's expectations or if he should come up with some extravagant reason to send them all back down another route looking for riches. In the meantime they were laying low, disguising their ship and their identities as he delayed the inevitable.

In short, no one should know that they were here. So _why_ were there excited townspeople rushing towards the docks shouting about the circus?

Curious, he trudged on, stepping carefully over the irregular wooden ground that could make travel in certain parts of the Archipelago treacherous.

He arrived at the seafront to the noise of a raucous celebration. Crowds were milling here and there, with lines for tickets stretching out in various directions. Children ran by carrying bags of snacks and string balloons made of the floating sap bubbles that were ubiquitous throughout the island. Suspiciously identical buff blond men ringed the area, glaring at anyone who looked like they were about to start trouble.

At the center of it all was a ring of colorful buildings, enticing shouts, and enchanting smells, presided over by a carnival ship with the figurehead of a mighty lion.

Or… maybe it was a sunflower, or just the sun? Honestly, it was a bit hard to tell.

Hung here and there over every one of the sails were tremendous banners proclaiming the circus to be a production of the Merry Sunshine Carnival, with others proudly proclaiming the words 'SPONSORED BY CRIMINAL BRAND DESIGNER CLOTHING' and topped off with a drawing of an orange cartoon starfish. Without even thinking, Buggy glanced up to the brim of his new hat which had the Criminal brand faintly embossed on the underside.

Still moving onward through the increasing throng, his thoughts halted as he collided with an outstretched arm. One of the beefy blond guards was sneering down at him.

"Hey, bub. You want in, you gotta get a ticket. That's the rules."

Before he even registered how enraged he was, he found himself thrusting outward with a pair of knives. The guard's hands flicked down and smashed his wrists away, the knives falling from his suddenly numb hands. He barely had a chance to react before the guard jerked a thumb over his shoulder and stepped aside.

"Times bein' as rough as they are, we do indeed have a policy of acceptin' knives as payment, especially from someone in costume. Welcome to the carnival, man. Enjoy the attractions. Watch yourself."

Buggy glared back at the guard but moved on nonetheless, wincing at the heavy blow he'd been dealt. He'd barely passed by when the guard called out again.

"Hey, man. Lemme give you a hand."

Buggy spun with teeth bared. "I don't need your help, gorilla, so keep your nose to yourself!"

The guard shook his head, hefting something in one hand. "No, your hand. You dropped it. We don't accept no limbs as payment except in special cases, you know?"

Shit. His arm had been so numb he hadn't even noticed he'd accidentally detached his arm using his Devil Fruit power, but the guard seemed to take it in stride, chucking the errant hand in his direction. It started floating the instant Buggy regained awareness of it, and he snatched it out of the air and reattached it, turning away and grumbling as the guard waved cheerfully in his direction.

Buggy would have fought harder, but he just didn't want to draw attention to himself before he found out what was going on in here… Yeah... that's it.

The noise of the festival grew in intensity as he drew closer to the colorful commotion. He had to hold himself back from buying some of the delicious-smelling festival food. A well-dressed blond man in a colorful mask was flipping vast quantities of food in massive skillets while an octopus Fish-Man served takoyaki beside him. Buggy's stomach rumbled, but he wasn't here to enjoy himself.

A sharp, wooden *THOCK* marked the noise of a knife impaling itself in a wooden surface- something that Buggy was quite familiar with- and he spun to see what was going on at the center stage. Two young ladies in colorful outfits were performing an acrobatic act with throwing knives, looking somewhat confusingly bewildered to be up on stage at all. The crowd ooh-ed and ahh-ed appreciatively as the ladies performed one trick after another, each one both death and gravity defying, but Buggy couldn't bring himself to be properly amazed. His fists clenched at his side.

Though the performers were wearing masks, that was clearly Sakura and Hinata up there on stage. He'd recognize their deadly skill anywhere. What the hell were those two doing _here_ of all places? Hadn't they planned on going home after finding their friends on Water-7? Well, it didn't matter anymore. That bitch Sakura had made his life a living hell any time he had tried to act as the captain. They'd humiliated him at every turn, and even seduced his crew out from under him!

They deserved a terrible and righteous vengeance, and their presence meant there was only one thing he could do.

"Shit…" he muttered, turning quickly away and sidling off into the crowd, "I've gotta get the hell away from those two before they see me..."

He left the central area as fast as he could, which, admittedly, wasn't very fast. Fighting the crowd to move backwards was almost useless unless he wanted to draw attention to himself, so he moved forward until a surge pushed him in the direction of a sideshow shack. Buggy smirked. If he knew anything at all it was how carnies thought, and you could tell a great deal about their capabilities from the things they stuck in the side-shows. Coming out the other end should also put him further away from the bulk of the crowd. He quickly detached his feet from the rest of his body, stepping nimbly through the gathered people as his body floated slightly above the rest of them.

"Step right up! Step right up!" shouted a long-nosed man wearing a mask that resembled a stylized sun. He stood before a building bedecked in red and yellow cloth, yelling through a metal cone loudspeaker so that he would be heard over the din. "Feast your senses inside the House of Mystery! Amazing wonders that are too horrible… or _dangerous_ to keep out in the open! Tours starting right this very moment!"

Soon he was inside.

* * *

 **-House of Mystery-**

Inside the shack a fiddling melody danced aimlessly up and down the scale as it filled the rooms with enchantment, though Buggy couldn't tell where it was originating. Aside from that, this was clearly a bog-standard sideshow shack. In other words, it was filled with lies.

The truth was that people came to places like a sideshow for the lies, and the sideshow caller was at the top of his game, deftly making up stories for everything inside. To Buggy's trained eye it was clear that his stories were wildly off-the-cuff. Especially when one child pointed to the masked green-haired man sleeping against the wall in the corner.

"Mommy, isn't that the guy who was arm-wrestling everyone outside earlier?"

The caller stepped in without hesitation.

"Ladies and gentlemen, that there is a terribly sad story. This man is indeed the twin of the man you may have seen outside, but _this_ twin has been asleep for _ten straight years!_ The both of them were cursed by an evil sea-witch, and now one of them can never sleep, and the other can never awaken! Our Carnival has been _desperately_ searching for a cure, but until we find that witch there's just nothing we can do… So children, when your mothers and fathers tell you to be careful around the docks at night, I _implore you_! Do not go out alone! For this fate could await you as well!"

As people watched the snoring man with visible pity, Buggy ignored the blatant lies. There _was_ something familiar about the man, though… Like he'd seen him somewhere before…

After a short, solemn pause, the caller added, "But, his twin brother will be taking on two challengers at a time in the main theater area after a fifteen minute break. I'll make sure of it. Moving on!"

The crowd shuffled forward, pulling Buggy along with them.

"Behold! The world's fattest man!"

Perhaps the rubes in the crowd were fooled by the appearance of the completely spherical young man who was even now stuffing into his mouth a chunk of bone-in meat that looked like it had been claimed from a dinosaur, but Buggy was not fooled. That was Straw-Hat Luffy, who was wobbling back and forth in the dirt right in front of him. He hadn't even removed his straw hat.

" _I- *BURP* I'm gonna be the Pirate King!"_ roared the bulging behemoth, causing numerous folk with gentle sensibilities to step back in horror.

The caller reacted instantly.

"Please calm yourselves! Unfortunately, his is a sad story as well. The immense amount of food he has had to ingest as a result of his condition has led him to contract, uhhh, cholestotoxicosis, which results in delusional hallucinations. Right now he is under the illusion that he is none other than the famous pirate Straw-Hat Luffy."

Buggy winced as several people nearby muttered about how terrible that was, and also how much sense it clearly made. Luffy looked back at the caller with betrayal.

" _But, I am Straw-Hat Luffy! See? I've got my hat and everything!"_

Struggling futilely, Straw-Hat tried and failed to reach the hat sitting on his head, achieving nothing more than rolling slowly yet inevitably forward onto his face. The caller shook his head as his captain's muffled shouts intensified, but made no move to help him.

"Sad, sad stories, each and every one of them. Please, donate upon exiting to raise awareness of cholestotoxicosis in your area. Anyway, moving on!"

The crowd shuffled forward, pulling Buggy along with them.

"Behold! Ladies and Gentlemen I give you a real, live, _mermaid!"_

The crowd stared in amazement at the young woman swimming upright inside the tank of water. She waved back at them cheerfully, exclaiming,"Hello, humans! My name is Keimi! It's very nice to meet you all!"

The excitement lasted just until someone noticed what Buggy had seen right away.

"It's just a costume," said a fat little child up front.

"What? No it's not," assured Keimi.

"You've got a zipper in your fin," pointed the kid. "You can see it right there."

"What? No way," laughed Keimi, looking down to where he was pointing. "I would have noticed if I had a zipper in my- HOLY CRAP! THERE'S A ZIPPER IN MY FIN! AM I JUST A HUMAN IN A SUIT AFTER ALL?!"

The caller was quick to restore order.

"Now, now, Keimi, remember what we _talked about?_ About the _zipper_ we put there?"

"Oh… oh, right. Sorry, I mean, uhhh, didn't you know, child? When a mermaid reaches a certain age their legs can split in two? And it, ummm… looks like a zipper? Anyway, it's rude to stare!"

No one was convinced. As this was one of the last exhibits to be shown, the crowd was very displeased by the obvious fakery.

The crowd shuffled toward the exit, pulling Buggy with them, until the caller's piercing voice demanded attention once more, standing before a final black-draped enclosure that seemed to be where the shack's pervasive music was coming from.

"Ladies and Gentlemen it wouldn't be right to leave without witnessing the _main_ attraction! Behold! The final mystery of our carnival!"

The black curtain fell away in a billowing heap, revealing a terribly thin man in tattered clothing, facing away from them as he fiddled away on his violin. Just before people's surprise turned to annoyance the man spun around to reveal a figure that was completely skeletal. It laughed and danced merrily as the onlookers stood paralyzed before it.

"Hello everyone!" exclaimed the dancing skeleton. "Good afternoon to you all, and I hope you've been well-entertained! If you enjoyed my performance there will be a live musical concert at five o' clock on the dot at the Main Stage, full of electrifying energy courtesy of yours truly! Until then, have a wonderful stay here at the carnival! Yo-hohohoho!"

The spell of paralysis broke immediately, and the crowd screamed in horror, carrying Buggy out of the shack in a wave of terrified carnival-goers. Desperate for freedom, he detached his head and floated about, looking around for a free path to the exit. As he flew above his body, he cursed viciously to himself.

"Straw-Hats think they can fool me, do they? Think they can take my theme, huh? I'll expose them to the entire island and then I'll show them what a _real_ circus is capable of! A _true_ Carnival of Pain!"

It was at that moment that Buggy noticed his body being tugged in an unusual direction. He looked down to see his headless torso being pulled out of the crowd by a chain of linked arms that seemed to be entirely without a body. Frantically separating his body into its component parts to escape the kidnapping attempt, he was stunned by a sudden and very worrying pain in his crotch that intensified until he cancelled the separation. Struck by a feeling of foreboding, he looked to his abductor's destination.

The House of Horrors.

Gulping, Buggy floated down after the rest of him, poking his head nervously into the dark building that seemed suddenly empty of all visitors.

"H-hello?" he called out, his head floating deeper into the darkness. "W-what do you want from me?"

Something brushed his ear, but nothing was around him. He turned his head left and was started by the sensation of his missing torso being spun right.

Then the wall was full of eyes and mouths.

" _Hello there, mystery visitor. I can't help but notice you've figured out our little secret. I'm afraid it doesn't matter anymore, however, as you've now become trapped in here. With me."_

The voices tittered, laughing out of sync in a way that made his spine crawl.

Or maybe that was this devil woman running a finger down his spine? It was hard to be sure.

" _This House of Horrors will be your personal hell until I become convinced you won't… 'spill the beans,' as I believe the phrase goes. Please do try to have fun. This is entertainment, after all."_

His blood curdling screams were seen as completely and totally normal by the Carnival-goers. One of the Naruto guards, however, turned to watch the attraction with no small degree of pity.

"Geez," said Naruto. "That lady runs a hell of a horror-show…"

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Buggy exploded from inside the shack a quivering mess.

" _Holy s-shit! She's everywhere! She can see everything! I can't escape! Gotta get out of here! Can't get safe!"_

Several nearby families watched the crying clown in horror, deeply disturbed by his wild hair and running makeup.

"M-mommy!" exclaimed a young girl. "Why is the clown with the big red nose screaming at us?"

" _WHO THE HELL HAS A BIG RED NOSE, HUH?!"_ screamed Buggy.

The incoming knife arrived one second later as Sakura reacted to the familiar scream and threw with murderous intent all the way from the stage area. Buggy watched in horror as a tiny divot appeared in his red clown nose.

He ran terrified from the Carnival grounds, all attempt at stealth forgotten along with all thoughts of vengeance.

* * *

 **-Later that Evening-**

As dusk began to fall, Naruto watched the Carnival's closing with satisfaction. Brook's show had really brought the house down, and he was even now talking excitedly about the attention he had earned.

Chopper had finished treating the last of the children who had managed to accrue scrapes and bruises, while Nami was eagerly counting their earnings, muttering to herself about the allure of doing this every time they entered port. The current tension on the Archipelago had made their impromptu carnival even more successful than Naruto had guessed, capturing crowds that might instead have gone to the Sabaody Amusement Park. Now the lights of the Park were flickering on in the distance, summoning those people who wanted yet more entertainment.

Naruto was letting his clones come back home one at a time, laughing as they did so. Normally he hated jobs that required him to do grunt work with a large number of clones, but this time had been different; at the start of the day he had told each of his clones to really 'get into the spirit' of life out here in the Grand Line and pretend to be completely bonkers. Now, every time one of his shadow clones evaporated it brought with it stories and experiences that made him grin.

"Naruto, I don't know whether to be impressed or pissed off, but we got through this alright," said Sasuke, coming up behind him.

"Hey, what's there to be pissed off about?" chuckled Naruto. "I already heard a bunch of would-be kidnappers spreading the word that our 'mermaid' is just a lady in a fin-suit, and some Marines are convinced we've got a really bad Straw-Hat Luffy impersonator. You just gotta think like these guys, you know?"

"What, you have to think like you're stupid beyond belief and half-mad to top it off? Yeah, I'm not surprised _you_ managed it. No, I'm pissed off because Nami stopped everything else I was doing when she realized my hypnosis act was bringing in so much more money."

Sasuke collapsed to the bench with an exhausted thump, rubbing his eyes and massaging his forehead. "Ugh… I'm wiped out."

Naruto laughed. "Oh, boo-hoo, look at me, all the ladies think I'm _so cool_ up on stage. It's just so damn _boring_."

As his friend glared at him from between his fingers, Naruto started speaking in a high falsetto and batting his eyes up to the sky.

" _Oh, that magic act was so_ wonderful! _I sure wish I knew what was under that mask! Maybe he looks just like the legendary copy ninja! Oh, I bet he's so dreamy! Unless he's got some stupid fish lips or something!"_

"Really Naruto?" asked Sasuke. "You're bringing Kakashi's mask into this? I thought we all agreed to never speak of that mess ever again."

"Hey, don't blame me. I'm not the one who started copying the guy. Oh, but hey, enough about that. Some of the others are planning to go see that guy that's supposed to be doing the coating for the ship. Someone named Rayleigh or something. I think Luffy, Usopp, and Robin were going along, but Sakura said she was going to stick with you."

Sasuke nodded, thinking it over for a moment. "Yeah, sure, whatever. I'll find her and we'll go out there to meet this guy. I'm kind of curious what the process is. You're not coming too, are you?"

"Hell yeah I'm coming. I don't see why- hold on, wait a second…"

Naruto paused as one of his last clone's memories flooded back to him, alerting him to a developing situation. Grinning, he turned back to Sasuke.

"Uhh, I'm gonna have to bail on that. A friend I met on Water-7 just showed up and I want to say hello."

"Alright, get the hell out of my face then," said Sasuke, waving as he turned away to find the others. "Later, man."

Naruto waved back and dashed off in the direction the clone had last been located. He found who he was looking for at the water's edge, gazing off at the lights of the distant Ferris Wheel with an awed reverence.

"Hey, Tobi!" called Naruto.

His friend Tobington turned around in surprise and Naruto snickered to see him. Once again, the man was dressed in a loud button-up shirt, khaki shorts, and a thick pair of sunglasses. When he saw Naruto take his mask off, his face brightened immediately.

"Naruto! Great to see you! Did you see the Carnival? They're awesome!"

"Yeah, I know, man. That was _us!_ I told everyone we should put on a circus show and they were all like, 'No, that's stupid,' but who's laughing now, huh?"

"I'm laughing now!" agreed an enthusiastic Tobi.

"Damn right you are. Sorry I didn't find you earlier- I guess I must have missed you when we were selling tickets."

"Oh, totally. I am super forgettable," agreed Tobi, apparently without any hint of sarcasm.

Naruto shook his head and looked out across the water at the distant amusement park. Standing here like this it would be pretty difficult for anyone to see anything more than two people talking, so he felt safe leaving his mask off, though Tobi continued to wear his thick sunglasses for whatever reason.

"So how's it going," asked Naruto. "I know you said you were gonna be in the news last time we talked, but I guess the front page is being hogged by all this Marine business, huh?"

"Uhhhh… yeah, that's right!" said Tobi, nodding rather energetically. "What a shame, huh? Ignoring all of that, how did that business with your friends go? I've been thinking about it since I left. Please tell me you got the girl in the end!"

A stupid grin washed over Naruto's face in response.

"Hell yeah I did. I just tried to be myself and it _worked_. She's at the circus right now, actually, but I'm sure she'd like to meet you!"

Chuckling, almost giggling, Tobi held up both hands. "Whoa, no thank you. I already said I'm not too good with people. Besides, I've got a lot I need to get done tonight if I'm going to be ready for tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? What's happening tomorrow?"

"Oh, a lot of things, I guess. 'The Big Day' and all that. Probably nothing you need to worry about. What about your best friend, though? Did you talk to him? Is he still leaving?"

Naruto shuffled uncomfortably, looking out over the waves that washed over the Yarukiman Mangrove root system.

"Well, yeah… kinda. I think he's still not sure about whether he'll stay with us or not, but at least he knows we're there for him and we'll have his back if he comes home. It's just that… well, what with this whole big mountain range we're gonna cross I keep thinking that I've gotta know whether he's staying or not before we get into the New World, or whatever. It sounds like it'll be pretty hard to go back home once we're on the other side…"

Sighing, Naruto shrugged.

"It sucks ass, but one way or another I think Fish-Man island is as far as I can go right now, you know?"

Tobi nodded solemnly, frowning a little more than would have seemed natural. Come to think of it, Tobi had seemed to be acting a little odd, and it wasn't until just then that he realized the man hadn't yet mentioned pooping even once. Naruto considered this as the older man added his own concerns.

"Yeah, I suppose I'm kind of in a similar predicament," said Tobi. "I've been having a whole lot of fun this last month, but this is pretty much the end of the line for me. On the one hand it's a shame, but on the other hand, wow! Like, something awesome is happening!"

"Something awesome?"

"Yeah… well… I guess you got me thinking. You know how sometimes... you have to leave home, and even though it makes you sad you still know it's the right thing to do?"

Naruto gave him an odd look. "Is that what you're dealing with? Leaving home?"

Tobi shook his head emphatically. "No, no, not at all. I don't have a home at all anymore, and I don't think I ever will again. It's just... kind of _like_ that."

"You don't sound very happy about this," observed Naruto. "Look, you helped me out last time, so I guess it's only fair to return the favor. What's bothering you?"

"M-me? Bothered? No, no way. That's not the right way to put it."

"Well what _is_ the right way, then?"

"I… I don't think…"

"Don't try and hide it, man. I can see something's been on your mind. Is this about one of those jerks you sail with who's been giving you trouble?"

"I… I, uhh… Well…"

"Come on. Spill it."

Tobi dropped his gaze to the ground, staying silent for several seconds. "No, it's not them. I'm… thinking about… well, I guess you'd call him my father."

Naruto blinked. That hadn't been what he had expected. "Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah… I know it's kind of ironic for me to say this, when I was actually the one who… uhh… that is, since you don't have any parents... but mine are dead too…"

Naruto sobered as Tobi continued to talk. "I… kind of never had a mother, but my... father was and is really important in my life. He died… when I was a little older than you are now? Well, it doesn't really matter when it was, but I guess I was really still just a kid in all the ways that were important."

"Yeah?" asked Naruto, trying to follow all of the other man's odd asides and self-edits.

Tobi looked up, watching the moon as it lurked in the evening sky. "Yeah. I did everything he told me to do and nothing else. He was everything important in my life. Actually, he… wasn't in very good health, and I spent all of my time caring for him."

Naruto furrowed his brow. "Sounds a bit overbearing to me, but caring for him sounds nice of you, I guess?"

Tobi shook his head emphatically.

"No… I didn't do it because I was a good person. It was just… 'what I did,' you know? He was all I knew." Tobi sighed. "He maybe wasn't even that good of a person himself, but he had such good dreams. And then he died. I didn't know what to do, so I just kept doing what I thought would make him happy. He had a dream, and eventually it became my dream, too. I'm working on making it come true right now, actually, and..."

The sentence stopped right there. When the pause lengthened to the point that Naruto realized he wasn't going to continue, the young man spoke up.

"Umm…" began Naruto. "I'm sorry, I actually really don't get all this dad stuff… But, I do know one thing for sure."

"Yeah?" asked Tobi.

The young ninja grinned. "No matter what you do, you can't have someone else's dream be your own. You just can't."

Tobi paused, staring back at his new buddy with a furrowed brow. Finally, he asked, "Why not? What if I really want to?"

Naruto mentally stumbled. Sometimes he had trouble picking the right words, but this had felt like the sort of line that was supposed to work.

"Umm, look," said Naruto. "So, this best friend of mine that I was talking to you about last time? His name's Sasuke, and he had an older brother who left him a lot of messages about the things he thought Sasuke should do with his life. So sometimes Sasuke gets these weird ideas about what he has to do to make his brother happy, you know? Even though his brother's been dead for a long time now. But his brother didn't _really_ know what would make Sasuke happy- he was just trying to give his best guess, even though Sasuke was just a little kid at the time. So now I think he's not really sure about whether he's leaving home because it's something that _he_ wants or if it's something his _brother_ wanted."

Listening to this, Tobi started scratching his head.

"Couldn't it be both?" he asked.

"Well... yeah it _could_ be… but… look, what's the thing you're trying to do, anyway, huh? What's your dream?"

Tobi shook his head. "Sorry. I can't tell you that. But I _can_ say it's super important. It could make the world a much better place for everyone."

Now Naruto was the one scratching his head in confusion.

"Hold on… so, it's something you _can_ do… something you _wanna_ do… and something that makes the world a better place? So… what's the problem?"

"Well… the problem is that my dream is…. going to get me killed."

"W-what?"

Tobi returned to staring up at the moon.

"My father… he had a dream that he gave his life for, and it's really amazing and really going to help a lot of people, but it's also really tough to make it come true. I'm just not good enough to handle it on my own. But he _was_ that good, and I can make sure he gets another shot at it. In order to do that though, I'll need to die. It's the only way to make it happen."

Naruto gaped open-mouthed at Tobi with bewildered disbelief until the older man stopped looking up at the moon and met his eyes.

"Whoa, hold on!" exclaimed Naruto. "What the _hell_ are you talking about?! You can give him another shot if you _die?!_ Didn't you say he was dead already? Is this some more Devil-Fruit bullshit?"

Tobi shrugged.

"Look, the details aren't really important. What's important is that this is something I've really wanted for my whole life. It's my dream!"

"That's not a dream that'll make you happy, though! What's the point? Come on, man, you don't wanna do this. It's written all over your face."

"Well... maybe the thought of it does make me a bit sad, but… I don't think all dreams have to make you happy, Naruto. I think there are sad dreams too. Things that you _know_ you have to do no matter what. This has always been the most amazing thing in my life, and I really, honestly, _truly_ do want to do it."

"But you're gonna die!" exclaimed Naruto, though his words should have been obvious.

"Lots of people have dreams where they know they're going to die if they succeed. It doesn't make it any less important to them. Sometimes there's something out there that's more important than your own life. This one is mine."

Naruto grabbed his head in both hands, running his fingers through his messy hair as he tried to find a way through this conversation. It _really_ shouldn't be this hard to stop a friend from getting himself killed, but...

"Auugh, man, this would _really_ be a lot easier if I knew what the hell this dream of yours was… You still can't tell me?"

"Nope. 'Fraid not. You know, it's kind of crazy, but you're the first person I've ever talked to like this in my life. Weird, huh?"

"Uughh… Okay, just… ignoring that really pathetic piece of information for now, just… look… just promise me one thing."

"Yeah?"

"You gotta have your own dreams too, you know? So... promise me you're gonna think about things that you wanna do that aren't something your dad chose for you. That's gotta happen! Don't you have anything like that already?"

Tobi chuckled.

"Well, I don't really see the point now. Assuming we can find the last thing we're missing, this could all happen as early as tomorrow. There's not really much time left for taking it easy and enjoying life."

Naruto's exasperated expression turned to wide-eyed horror.

" _T-Tomorrow?!_ You're planning on dying _tomorrow_ , and we're just sitting here talking about it?! Man, screw this, I'm not letting you kill yourself or whatever without even knowing what this is about!"

Naruto stepped up and grabbed the taller man by the collar of his colorful dress-shirt, pulling him down until they were face-to-face. When he spoke, his voice was a low, threatening growl.

"I'm not leaving till you tell me what's going on here, dude. Maybe I can't talk you outta this after all, but I can sure as hell _beat_ some sense into you…"

Tobi smiled again, but this time there wasn't any mirth in it at all. Just a sad and wistful sort of amusement.

"I'm sorry, Naruto. Sorry for… well... a lot of things that I did to you, I guess. You've really been more of a friend than I deserve, but you're also very, very wrong. There's nothing you can say to talk me out of this, and there's no way you can beat me, either. Please don't take this the wrong way, but... it's time to say goodbye. So… goodbye."

Tobi didn't move a single muscle, but everything changed. The sunglasses exploded off of Tobi's face, exposing the distinctive circular pattern of his eyes for the first time. In the space between one moment and the next, Naruto's body flew backwards, struck with a horrible sense of vertigo as several different flavors of sideways ganged up on him until each direction became both up and down. His grip on Tobi's collar slipped and he soared away like an arrow in flight, shooting up and above the treeline, off into the ocean, faster and faster. The wind rushed in his ears and Naruto screamed with surprise until the Sabaody Archipelago became little more than a glowing speck in the distance.

Then he hit the water, bouncing and skipping across the waves with painful impacts until he came to a splashing halt. He broke the surface a moment later, clawing and thrashing until he got his bearings.

"That son of a _bitch_!" roared Naruto, trying to pull himself onto the surface of the water with both hands and failing, splashing around and smacking the water in anger. "What the _fuck_ does he think he was doing?! _Tobington?! Seriously?!_ Agh, it was so damn obvious, too!"

It hurt. This was the silliest, stupidest, most ridiculous bullshit thing to happen to him in all his time out here, and _this_ was the thing that hurt him the most. Those eyes were unmistakable. The guy he'd been making friends with was none other than the leader of Akatsuki. The man who'd killed his parents.

"Who the hell does he think he is, anyway?! That asshole does all that to me and then expects me to _care_ about him?! Screw that!"

Eventually, Naruto stopped splashing, floating on his back in the gentle waves and trying to make sense of what had happened.

"God, I must look like such an idiot," muttered Naruto. "Hell, _he_ looks like a huge idiot from where I'm standing. Why the hell was he telling me all that stuff?!"

No one answered. The lights of the Sabaody Archipelago continued to flicker in the distance as the lights of the stars slowly came out overhead.

"Screw this," growled Naruto, standing up correctly this time and beginning his sprint back to the island. "That asshole can't die until I get a chance to kill him myself."

* * *

 **-Elsewhere-**

 **-Sabaody Archipelago-**

The night was finally settling into place as Trafalgar Law ran headlong through the alleys, scattering debris as he moved at his maximum speed. What had started as a terrifically successful mission to extend invitations to the Rookie Summit to several of the arriving Pirate crews had ended the moment he had realized he was being followed.

The stalking had started normally enough, as these things went. A shadowy figure lurking in the distance. Ominous hissing noises. Then his opponent had cornered him.

Though the bounty poster for the Undertaker, Orochimaru, was hilariously inaccurate, the pale man's black and red robes left no doubt as to who he was up against. It was just that Law wasn't used to being outclassed these days.

He stalled in place as he felt the murderous presence wrap itself around him again, and he extended his power.

 **[OPE-OPE NO MI: ROOM]**

The Ope-Ope Fruit possessed the power to designate wide areas around himself as his own personal operating theater, granting him great control over everything inside it. The dome-shaped field poured rapidly from his body, passing through several nearby buildings as his awareness filled the area.

There. The snake-bastard was on a nearby roof, leaping down into the alley in a barely visible blur. Law's nodachi flicked out with lightning speed and the blade's edge extended invisibly all the way to the end of his Room. It cut through Orochimaru's torso without spilling blood, also dividing the tops of the buildings in the same slice.

Law didn't wait to survey the damage. He simply resumed running, covering as much ground as he could as the rubble crashed to the ground behind him. Moments later snakes burst from the severed halves of Orochimaru's torso and twined themselves together like writhing vines, recombining the two halves until his flesh seemed completely undamaged once more.

"How impressive," hissed the pale man, resuming the pursuit. "This is simply making me want the Fruit more and more. Show me _everything_ it's capable of."

Shit. Law had already discovered that there was no point to fighting this guy, and he was far too out of breath to consider arguing about the infeasibility of trying to kill someone for their Fruit.

The problem was that it wasn't even clear to Law if he was fighting the real Orochimaru or not; he'd heard rumors about a ninja's ability to generate clones capable of battle. To stand a chance of defeating this man he'd have to go all in, but doing so would reveal all of his tricks with no guarantee he would kill anything except a clone. Far better to run, assuming that was an option.

He'd gladly take Sasuke's advice of avoiding Akatsuki after running into _this_ lunatic. Still, it would have been nice if _they_ had avoided _him_.

Soon he was approaching the areas at the fringe of the island, filled with warehouses and commercial buildings. Orochimaru was gaining on him, moving with an inhuman speed that seemed not even to tire the man.

Law took a deep, shuddering breath and then extended his Room once more. Glancing into a nearby window he saw a shelf of lumber set inside the warehouse.

Steeling himself for discomfort, he pushed his power to the limit and swapped the position of a piece of lumber for his own body. He appeared inside a warehouse that seemed also to serve as a factory floor, and he fought down the disorientation and nausea as he dropped immediately out of sight.

Ugh… Teleporting his own body was something he still wasn't used to.

Eyes adjusting to the dim light, he took stock of his surroundings. He had undergone years of training to see every battlefield not as it was, but as it could be, and as long as he remained inside the boundary of his Room he would have the advantage. There he waited, gathering himself and his information.

It was less than a minute before he felt Orochimaru step out of the shadows in front of him, practically hissing with pleasure. Law leapt backwards, landing on top of a stack of crates.

"Wonderful…" said Orochimaru. "The books said nothing of personal teleportation. Such a useful ability."

"Undertaker… What does Akatsuki want with me?" asked Law. "You must know that even if you do kill me the Fruit's next emergence will be highly unpredictable."

The snake-man laughed, stepping closer. "Oh, such _unimportant_ details. And this isn't Akatsuki's goal at all. Call it… a pet project of mine, and leave it at that."

Law kept his eyes on the man in front of him, but from the senses granted to him by his Room he could feel something creeping along the floor behind him, like a thin film sliding across the ground.

Was that film the real Orochimaru, with this figure in front of him just the clone, or was the new presence some form of attack that would strike when it got close?

Well, it didn't really matter right now, did it?

Smirking, Law raised his hand, middle finger proudly extended, and then everything happened in a single instant. Pieces of lumber moved here, a support beam moved there, a large chunk of machinery appeared in the air right in front of him. His scalpel flicked upwards with a surgeon's precision. Orochimaru saw what had been done, but was helpless to stop it. A giant makeshift lever and fulcrum along with associated supports formed a crude catapult with Law himself as its payload. The weight of the falling machinery launched him up into the air, and his blade flashed outwards- a thin line of silver in the dark- causing a smoothly-cut hole to appear in the ceiling.

He was through it in an instant, flying through the night air with dizzying speed, traveling up into the canopy of the forest city until his Room was established at the height of his jump. A sliced branch let him swap his own position, gasping as he collapsed onto the thick mangrove wood, fighting down nausea once more. In moments he had cut out a Law-shaped hole in the tree, swapping the excess material up into a higher branch as he ducked into hiding. If the assassin followed him again he might not be able to fight back.

Luckily he'd laid one more trap.

Below him, the warehouse collapsed with a tremendous clatter as the supports finally gave way, and the screams of the terrified populace were audible even from here. Soon, the Marine's fast response units would arrive.

They probably wouldn't fare too well against Orochimaru, assuming they found him at all, but it was the principle of the thing. Besides, he didn't get along well with the Marines anyway.

About half an hour later, he felt capable of descending and making his way back to their ship's scheduled meeting place. Akatsuki, he decided, was a menace, but leaving the island after personally arranging this meeting with so many other pirates would be fatal to his reputation. That was something he couldn't afford.

He would have to ensure that the rest of the Rookies banded together to keep Akatsuki from going wild. If not, the results could be catastrophic.


	57. Inherited Will

**-Sabaody Archipelago-**

 **-Early Evening-**

Perhaps the very best unintended benefit of the carnival strategy that Naruto had devised was the masks. Sure, any wanted man or woman could put on a colorful mask and hide their identity, but right now they had a legitimate reason to do so. The assortment of jolly, sun-themed masks were right now associated with the image of their carnival, which let them move around the island with impunity. Not that it helped when Luffy would take his off from time to time, but the Sabaody Archipelago would never be an iron-clad stronghold of law, no matter _how_ many Marines were moving through the area.

The team that had decided to venture into the unknown had eventually boiled down to Luffy, Robin, Sasuke, Sakura, Usopp, and Hatchan. Then Brook had decided to come along with them. He didn't have a mask, but that was alright. He didn't have a face, either.

Eventually they would move into the inland groves where law was almost nonexistent and they could take off their masks, but for now they had stopped in a shopping district, some taking advantage of the public bathrooms in the area while they waited for various errands to be completed. Sasuke, surprisingly, was taking the longest to return from the shops, so the rest of them talked to pass the time.

"So. Who is this Rayleigh guy, anyway?" asked Usopp. "That's the guy we're going to see, right?"

"Rayleigh?" asked Hachi. "Oh, he's the best coating mechanic on the island! Nobody knows the tricks he does. He just doesn't do a lot of work, that's all."

"But he'll help us?" asked Luffy.

"Oh, yeah, he and I go way back. Besides, he'll love you guys."

"What is 'coating' anyway?" asked Sakura. "I'm still not certain about how _anything_ is supposed to get a ship ten kilometers or whatever down into the ocean."

"Nyuu! That's what's so cool about this. You see those bubbles up there? Take a shot at one of them."

Hatchan pointed to a large, floating bubble that was very similar to many others they had seen since their arrival on the island. Shrugging his shoulders, Usopp lined up a shot and let a pellet loose. The pellet hit the bubble and deformed it, passing through the outer layer after it struck but then becoming stuck on the inside. Still intact, the bubble resumed its ascent, ignoring its new payload as it did so.

"That's a lot tougher than a normal bubble," remarked Sasuke, surprising Usopp from almost directly behind him.

"Agh! Geez! What the hell?" exclaimed the sniper. "Where were you anyway?"

"Shopping. See this?" Looking quite satisfied, Sasuke reached into a pouch and pulled out a small chunk of a bluish-green rock. "Seastone."

"Whoa, what?" asked Usopp, as the others looked on with curiosity. "You can just _buy_ that stuff?"

"Apparently. Pretty expensive too, but I can't imagine a more worthwhile purchase. I might have to get your help working this into a weapon later, Usopp. Before we leave here though… Luffy, catch."

Saying this, Sasuke tossed the tiny chunk of rock up into the air where Luffy was squirming his way into one of the floating bubbles they had seen earlier. Seeing the incoming object, Luffy snatched it out of the air and immediately slumped deeper into his bubble.

" _Uugggghh… So tired… Wanna eat something…"_ he moaned, his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

Usopp glared between the two of them as all the others laughed. "First off, Luffy, you _just_ finished eating most of a sea-king, so you're not getting any more food. Second, _what the hell,_ Sasuke?"

Sasuke smirked. "Had to know if I got ripped off or not. Sorry, Luffy. You can let go now."

" _Can't… too tired… Meat..."_

"Luffy, I'm telling you, you'll stop being tired when you let go of that rock."

" _Uuuuugh… Gimme some meat..._ "

"Hmmm, it seems you've broken our captain," remarked Brook.

Sasuke sighed, and together they worked to extricate their captain from the floating bubble before he drifted out of range. This was, surprisingly, much harder than it sounded.

"Okay, what the hell is that bubble stuff made out of?" asked Usopp, once they had returned Luffy to the ground and the party had resumed the walk to their destination.

"Sap," explained the octopus. "It's the sap of these big trees that makes the bubbles. They float upwards just because that's what they do when they're out in the air, but they're really tough."

"So how long do these things last?"

"Oh, pretty much forever, except you can't take them outta this area. The bubbles can go anywhere covered by this root system, but if they float above the island they'll go pop right away. Not even Rayleigh could fix that… Or, at least, I think so? Anyway, a coating mechanic wraps your entire ship in a bubble, and it'll let you ride the currents all the way down to Fish-Man Island. That's how that works!"

"I've been meaning to ask about that," said Sasuke. "It sounds like there's air down there or something? We're not going to be stuck in the ship the whole time are we?"

"Oh yeah, there's air alright," agreed Hatchan, stretching his arms wide open. "There's an air bubble big enough to fit an entire island inside it! Just 'cause we're merfolk doesn't mean we don't like living out in the open air too."

"Wait, where did the bubble come from?" asked Usopp, which turned out to be the first of a long stream of questions. The party talked for some time about merfolk and how they lived until they began nearing their destination. As they made their way inland the number of wild outlaws lurking about seemed to increase exponentially, even resulting in several ambushes that were beaten back without trouble.

The building they were looking for turned out to be a bar. Set almost conspicuously apart from any other signs of habitation whatsoever, there was also no foot traffic in the area to attract customers. To Sasuke's eyes it seemed like an almost painfully obvious front for something illegal, and the large sign that proclaimed its name to be the "Ripoff Saloon" didn't do anything to assuage these doubts.

"And yet, that's where we're going," remarked Usopp. "No matter what we do, life always finds a way to kick us straight in the brain."

"This does seem extremely suspicious," said Robin, though she appeared to be enjoying herself.

"I think it looks rather classy!" exclaimed Brook.

"Do you think they sell actual ripoffs there?" asked Luffy.

"Give me a break," moaned Sakura.

"Why are we even going to a bar to get the ship coated, anyway?" asked Sasuke.

"Nyuu… don't worry about it. That's just where the coating mechanic and his special lady friend live. They don't really need the money, but they just kind of ended up running a bar. These things happen."

"If you say so…"

Though the bar was nicely set at the top of one of the grassy tree-roots that formed the center of Grove 13, the building itself was built with stone and almost overgrown with rampant greenery. Despite the crew's concerns, Hachi assured them that Rayleigh and Shakuyaku were wonderful people, and could do no wrong.

When they stepped inside the door, a beautiful dark-haired woman of unknown age was standing in the center of a heap of brawny thugs, each one bleeding and beaten. The largest of the thugs was moaning in pain, quietly agreeing to pay whatever the woman wanted, up to and including his kidneys. The woman looked up in mild interest at the arriving customers, her cigarette tilting slightly upwards as she appraised them.

"Welcome, everyone. I'll be with you in a minute," she said, sounding almost bored to be abusing a man three times her size.

Then surprise finally registered on her face. A wide smile broke through her boredom as the cigarette and thug both fell heedlessly to the ground. Luckily, the thug put out the cigarette with his face before any damage could be done to the floor.

"Oh… oh? Hatchan?!" the woman exclaimed, rushing over to meet him. "Incredible! It's been almost ten years since we saw you here! I can't believe you're in the area! Please, take a seat, all of you. I'm just finishing up extorting an unreasonable amount of money from these suckers, and I'll be with you in a second!"

The Straw-Hats watched with various degrees of concern, but Hachi just grinned and nodded.

"Take your time," he said.

* * *

The riff-raff had been violently expelled from the premises before Shakuyaku, aka 'Shakky' finally sat down with them, crossing her legs in her leopard-printed pants as she helped them all get comfortable. Luffy and Brook immediately started rummaging through the refrigerator, but she didn't seem to mind at all.

"So… Hachi," she said, taking a long drag on her cigarette. "You finally quit being a pirate, hmm? I'm glad. I don't think that life was cut out for you."

"Nyuu, well, I'm certainly having a lot more fun since I stopped," agreed the octopus-man. "It also kept me away from home. I'm glad to be done with it."

"I'll bet. Quitting the pirate business was the best thing I've ever done with my life," she said, smirking. "Did wonders for my skin, too."

"Huh? You were... a pirate... lady?" asked Luffy, in between mouthfuls of whatever he could pull from the fridge.

"That's right, little Monkey. Just like all of you."

"Eh? You know about us?"

"Of course I do. You all are one of the most notorious groups of up-and-comers around, and I'd be remiss if I hadn't heard of you."

She turned a lazy eye towards Sakura, who was sitting next to Sasuke while looking like she didn't really belong, and Brook, who was carefully eating a bowl of beans with a pair of chopsticks, one at a time. "Well… I didn't know about _all_ of you. I certainly think I would have remembered hearing about a walking and talking skeleton…."

Brook took no notice of this. Luffy, however, had found her topic of discussion interesting and had turned to face the proprietress.

"I read in the papers about that Enies Lobby incident, by the way." she asked. "How much of that is true?"

"UGH. I don't wanna talk about it. Total pain in the ass," said Luffy, before biting off another slab of seemingly raw ham.

"Oh, not the boasting type, hmm?" she said as Usopp and Sasuke rolled their eyes. "You've even got the same name as that Marine hero, Garp…?"

"Yeah! He's my grandpa!"

She laughed. "I knew it. Garp's tried to hunt me down before, you know."

"Why?"

"Shakky used to be a pirate," interjected Hachi.

"That's right," said Shakky. "Though it's been more than forty years since I was at sea."

"Lady, how old are you, anyway?" asked Luffy, abandoning good grace and manners entirely as he accidentally stuffed a ham bone straight up his nose.

"Oh, that's not important. Anyway, I just love cheering on Rookies like you all. Reminds me of the bad old days. That reminds me, I suppose you all are getting involved with this big Rookie meeting being held tomorrow, aren't you?"

"How did you hear about that?" asked Sasuke.

"Oh, don't insult me," she said, though her smile took the bite from the words. "As if there's anything on this island I don't hear about. It's good that you're all meeting up. The Marines wouldn't want to start a fight with random pirates right now of all times, but they've got to look strong, and they'll lash out if some big-name Rookies start poking their heads out. Besides, I wouldn't be surprised if the bounties on the island are higher now than they've been in a decade. Especially with you and Akatsuki here."

"People are talking about Akatsuki, then?" asked Sakura, but Shakky just shook her head.

"No. No one's seen them yet, but they left Water-7 before you, didn't they? They'll be here... No doubt about it. Anyone smart pays close attention to the movements of the big bounties. And they all… come… _here…_ no matter what."

"What do you mean," asked Usopp. "Wait, we know about Law and-and Akatsuki, but… how many more are there?"

"Oh, quite a few. There were seven different routes you could have taken into the Grand Line, you know. Each one had its own perils, but they all end here, at the wall. Hundreds of young pirates enter the Grand Line, only to be eaten alive by the ocean. Only the most incredible make it this far, and it just so happens several very high-bounty Rookies arrived here at the same time. Not counting Akatsuki, you happen to be the highest bounty Rookie on the island, little Monkey. Congratulations, even though it's only by a little bit."

Luffy was unmoved by this statement, simply staring blankly in her direction. Usopp, however, looked bewildered.

"Oh, hell! Luffy, I just realized something! It's going to be just you and Zoro in that meeting tomorrow, isn't it?! I didn't even _think_ about it until just now, but who the hell is going to keep you two from pissing off everyone in the room?! Is it too late to tell everyone Sasuke's the first-mate?"

Sasuke snorted, but Luffy glared in Usopp's direction.

"Zoro's the Swordsman. That means he's the first-mate. Don't be dumb, Usopp."

"Yeah, see, this is the kind of thinking that worries me," moaned Usopp.

"We didn't come here to talk about other Pirates anyway," said Luffy. "We're trying to get to Fish-Man Island."

Shakky smiled. "Of course you are. I suppose Hachi here brought you to us to get Rayleigh's help, hmm?"

"Nyuu! That's right! You guessed right!"

"I'm sorry to say he's not here right now," she said, uncrossing and re-crossing her legs.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Hachi. "That's no good!"

"Sorry Hachi and Monkey. I got word that Rayleigh was back on the Archipelago a couple of weeks ago, but he hasn't stopped by yet." She shrugged. "He could always be off frequenting the bars or shacking up with women here and there. It's not that unusual for a former pirate."

This seemed to present a problem. They could always find another coating mechanic, but working with someone who understood the delicate situation a pirate found themselves in on the island had been ideal. Luffy, however, didn't seem deterred by her warning.

"So if we wait around for a bit then he'll show up?" he asked, completely ignoring the general thrust of the conversation.

"Hmmm? Well, I suppose he might, but you also might be waiting a while. He hasn't been back for six months, you know."

"EH?! Six months?! So it could be… _hours_ until he comes back?!"

Shakky raised an eyebrow in the same manner one might respond to a light jest during tea-time, but when she realized Luffy wasn't kidding her cigarette drooped slightly in her fingers. "Well, I suppose. For that matter, it could be months until he comes back."

"Nyuu, ah geez," moaned Hatchan. "I'm sorry guys… I was sure he'd be able to help us!"

"Well, at least you tried," said Usopp, leaning back against the door to the outside. "Guess we'll have to find someone less talented. I'm not a fan of waiting around in this Marine-infested place for a month or two."

The door burst violently open, casting Usopp to the floor in a single motion. He hit the ground with a squawk of pain, and the newcomer stepped in from the dark. Every eye in the room turned to him.

"Shakky!" exclaimed the grey-haired old man. "I'm back! Stop extorting the riff-raff for one damn second, and let's celebrate!"

Then he paused, his eye catching the straw-hat that adorned Luffy's head. His eyes widened in surprise.

Shakky was the first to recover, her lidded gaze topping a smile of mischievous satisfaction. "Rayleigh. Perfect timing. You've got guests," she said.

* * *

Even after six months away from home, when Rayleigh arrived he immediately sat down to speak with them all, not even bothering to drop off anything so mundane as luggage or any other sorts of belongings. All he carried with him was the rather run-down shirt, pants, and white hooded cloak that he was wearing at that moment. Despite all of that, the change in atmosphere from the old man's arrival was instantaneous. Though he had stepped through the door like a pauper, his aura filled the air like a king. It was hard for the visitors to keep their eyes off of him.

"Straw-Hat Luffy, huh?" mused Rayleigh, idly running a finger across the condensation on the cool drink Shakky had provided them all. "Figures you'd show up now. I've been looking forward to meeting you, you know?"

"You know me, old man?" asked Luffy.

"Yeah, you could say that. I've been keeping an eye on you after what I heard from Shanks."

"Shanks?!" exclaimed Luffy. "You know Shanks too?!"

"Well, I should hope so. I was his boss for quite a few years after all."

"You were Shanks' boss?!" exclaimed Luffy again, before pausing as he processed what he had said. "Wait, what?"

Rayleigh snorted, tossing back the rest of his drink in one go before he brought it back down to the table and looked back to Luffy.

"The name's Rayleigh. Silvers Rayleigh. Nice to meet you, young Luffy. I was first-mate on Roger's crew."

Around the room, every one of the visitors except Brook and Robin looked shocked by the revelation, but Luffy's surprise was like an explosion. His face contorted and his bones stretched in a way that only a rubber-man could replicate as he screamed.

"WHAAAT?! YOU WERE ON BOARD WITH THE PIRATE KING?!"

"Yeah, I was. Hachi, didn't you tell them that?"

"Nyuu, I didn't really see the point. They just wanted a coating done, after all."

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Usopp. "He's a real legend! I've heard your names all over the history books!"

"G-Gold Roger…?" asked Sasuke, looking deeply disturbed by this revelation.

"What the hell is someone like him doing as a mechanic?" asked Sakura.

"Are you all really telling me you didn't know it was him?" asked Robin.

As the others dealt differently with the surprise (or lack of it) of finding themselves face-to-face with a legend, Brook simply continued shovelling bar food into his face, though no one had offered him any in the first place.

"Mmm, come to think of it," he mused, "I _do_ seem to recall a Rookie by the name of Roger making some waves back then. Didn't think too much of him at the time..."

Usopp was on his feet in an instant as he realized the situation he was in.

"Well, then, Mister Rayleigh!" exclaimed Usopp. "If you're right here then I'm not gonna waste this chance! The greatest treasure in the world, One Piece! Is it true that it's really on the final island in-"

" **USOOOOOOOOPP!"**

Luffy's scream visibly shook the building, and was probably audible all across the local grove area. Before anyone could react he was standing atop the bar counter, shouting down at their ship's sniper.

"We are NOT asking him where the treasure's hidden! We're not even gonna ask him if there is a treasure or not! If you ask him one single question about that treasure then I'll quit being a pirate right here, right now! I'm not gonna waste my time on some boring adventure like that!"

His words echoed around the room. The silence was simply too deafening to interrupt, and Usopp looked like he'd just been shot. Finally, he managed to stammer a reply.

"I- I mean- I- I know. I know, you're right, I just… it just slipped out. I don't want to know that either! You got that, old man?! You'd better keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for me!"

Rayleigh was laughing now, his eyes glinting like jewels.

"Well, young Luffy. You think you can follow in our footsteps do you? The Grand Line is just going to keep stretching on into the distance. Like a rainbow, it may seem like it has no end, and it will do anything to elude your grasp. It surpasses everyone's wildest imaginations! The world itself may become your enemy. Can you truly conquer this ultimate ocean?!"

Luffy grinned.

"I don't wanna conquer anything," he said, no longer shouting. "I just think that the Pirate King is the man with the most freedom in the entire ocean!"

"Hmm… is that right…?" smirked Rayleigh.

"I think you might have just convinced me to root for you, you little Monkey," said Shakky, pouring another glass for Rayleigh.

"Well…" began Rayleigh, taking a drink before leaving the cup in place to cover his smile. "I suppose it's a bit late to begin the coating process tonight. Where is your ship, anyway?"

"Grove 41," said Sasuke.

"Oh, you're the 'carnival ship' that just came in, then? Clever."

"Well, I don't know about that," said Sasuke. "But I have a question to ask you that's unrelated to all of that. It's about a certain island near Jaya."

Rayleigh's expression grew distant for a moment, and his eyes flickered over Sasuke's face. He stared silently at the young Uchiha with an expression that grew more and more concerned as the seconds lengthened.

"…What?" asked Sasuke, distinctly uncomfortable.

"…That isn't you, is it? Little Itachi?"

Sasuke's heart dropped out from under him at the mention of his brother's name. He stared back at the older man barely comprehending what he had just heard.

"No… no, you're not him, are you...? But you're definitely one of those Uchiha folk... So, the rumors about the island are true, then? Someone finally broke you all out of that prison?"

"Itachi… was my brother," said Sasuke, intending to say more but not succeeding.

"'Was?'" asked Rayleigh, slumping backwards slightly as he took off his glasses and massaged his forehead. "Ah, hell. That's a damn shame. He was a good kid. I met a lot of people going around the world like we did, but he was one of those kids that just sort of stood out, you know? Even as little more than a toddler... I always wondered if I'd ever see him again…"

The rest of the Straw-Hats watched with concern as this exchange went on. This was a side of Gold Roger's crew that never made it into the stories.

Sasuke nodded. "Yeah, that was him alright. He died saving the lives of me and a number of people in my village… I don't... really…"

"Shit… Yeah, I get it, kid. What's your name, anyway?"

"Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke. He talked about Roger, you know? Itachi knew he was going to be killed, so he told me to come out here and meet the man that had inspired him. Was it... true that you asked him to join your crew?"

Rayleigh took a deep, deep breath, and for a moment he looked even older than his age suggested, bending over and resting his head in both hands. He didn't say anything for a while. Eventually, he straightened and stood from his seat, speaking to Sasuke without any of the breezy levity he had shown before.

"Well, that's both true and not true at the same time. And… I think you deserve to know a bit more than I might have otherwise said. Come on into the back and I'll get us something real to drink and tell you what I know. The rest of you are welcome to come along, but… well, let's just say that 'Gold Roger' might not look the same way afterwards."

Several of the others looked to Sasuke, who nodded his approval. Luffy, however, turned away.

"Sorry, old man… I don't need to know that," said Luffy. Then he walked straight out the door.

Rayleigh snorted, seeming strangely pleased by this refusal. Then Hachi raised his arms as well, adding, "Sorry Rayleigh! I'm really hungry and I don't care about all that talk. I'm gonna stay out here."

Shaking his head, Rayleigh moved the discussion into a deeper room of the bar. The others followed after him.

* * *

 **-Ten Minutes Later-**

"Yeah, Luffy really reminds me of Roger, alright," remarked Rayleigh, as several of the guests finished their drinks. "Sasuke, you could do a lot worse with your life than signing on with a kid like that. Assuming that's what you're doing, that is."

"That's what I'm trying to figure out right now," admitted Sasuke, uncomfortably aware of Sakura's eyes on him. "There are a lot of problems waiting for me at home, but I'd be giving up a lot coming out here, too. My brother's last wish was… well, for me to join up with all of you if I could, but…"

"But we don't really exist anymore," nodded Rayleigh. "Just a bunch of old ghosts haunting the ocean longer than we had any right to hang around. Well, I really wish we had a place for you, but the Jolly Roger Pirates disbanded even before Roger was taken."

".. _.Before_ Roger was taken?" asked Robin.

"Yeah… well, I'll get to that in a bit," he said cryptically avoiding the question.

"Pardon me, but why did you come to our island in the first place?" asked Sakura. "I've been trying to figure that out ever since I heard about this whole thing."

"Mmm… that's the really important question for this discussion, isn't it. Well… You see, Roger was on a quest to uncover the True History of the world, and to do that he just kept following those damn stones of his. One day he turns to me and says that there's an island out in the middle of Paradise that no one from the outside world has ever seen before, and we were going to go straight there."

"I'm sorry, but I must know," interrupted Robin. "How did Roger reach the sealed island of the ninjas in the first place? For that matter, how did he know how to decipher the Poneglyphs? I found his insignia on a Poneglyph from an island in the sky. Was he related to the scholars of Ohara?"

She seemed to have more questions, but stopped herself there. Rayleigh sighed.

"Ah, well… The answer's the same to all of your questions, but it's not a good one, really. Roger heard… well, let's call them voices. They let him… understand things about the world, even if it made him seem a little odd from time to time. According to him, he just looked at the stones and knew what they said, and that's all there was to it. That's how he knew where to find your island, too. He just… listened."

Robin didn't look pleased by this entirely unhelpful explanation, and Rayleigh could tell.

"But then you _did_ uncover the Rio Poneglyphs?" she asked. "You discovered the truth of the Void Century?"

The old man chuckled.

"Well… yes, we did. We know the whole truth. Or, at least, we think we do…"

Robin's breath froze in her chest as Rayleigh's silence lengthened.

"But… young lady… don't get worked up about it. You all… should just keep on going forward. Just take your steps one at a time. I'd say that we and the people of Ohara... may have been a bit hasty."

Rayleigh laughed, and for the first time his tone was deeply bitter. He spoke as if thinking of vicious wounds that had never healed.

"Yes… too hasty indeed. Even if I were to tell you all about the truth right here… well, as you are now, you wouldn't be able to do a _damn_ _thing_ about it. No… there have been plenty of times in the last two decades that I regret being born too early to make a real difference. You and your friends, however, may yet have some part to play in seeing the true history of the world reach its final conclusion… But to do that you must follow the same path and feel the same pains that we felt, each step of the way. Perhaps… perhaps you would even arrive at a different conclusion than we arrived at."

When he laughed again his joviality seemed to return in an instant.

"Well, here's hoping, anyway. Whatever, that's just my opinion. The only thing I really care about is that this information is not released until the proper time, but I suppose you of all people would understand the importance of that. If you truly want to hear the _truth..._ then just say the words. I'll tell you everything I know."

Robin closed her eyes, and her breathing slowly steadied. When she opened them again, her composure seemed once again intact.

"No," she said. "That is alright. I understand the importance of proper context. I will continue my journey."

Rayleigh nodded.

"I think that's for the best. But please… do continue to follow that truth. The time may come when you are all that stands in the way of that terrible history…"

No one said a word. Most of the crew were looking at Rayleigh with terribly odd expressions, which could be quite unusual indeed given the presence of a skeleton who had been eating bar food silently in the corner. Eventually, the old man laughed.

"Anyway, returning to the earlier topic, that's how we arrived on your island, Sasuke. There was the small matter of the horrible weather shielding the place, but we managed to get a friend of ours to help out with that."

"I see," said Sasuke. "So, Roger pointed you in the right direction and you followed his words to find this tablet."

"That's right. So, we arrived and started looking around. Roger led us to Konoha straight away. It wasn't long before we found out that this place was filled with a bunch of badasses, so we played it off like we were visitors. Then Roger just so happened to run into a guy who just so happened to need a favor done, and then before I knew it we _just so happened_ to be staying as honored guests at the Uchiha Clan compound. That's just how things were around Roger. No rhyme or reason, just blundering straight into fortune and misery in equal measure while the rest of us tried to tread water."

"That really does sound like Luffy," muttered Usopp.

"Yeah… if life were a play, Roger was the only one who had a copy of the script, but he rarely bothered to read it very closely. You see, we were looking for a Poneglyph," continued Rayleigh, "-and wouldn't you know it but when Roger started asking about creepy stone tablets that no one could read, your father got very upset, Sasuke. Turns out your family owns a few of those yourselves. There was a war brewing, you see, and us poking around didn't seem so innocent all of a sudden. Things nearly got violent, and we never did see that tablet, but we _did_ learn it wasn't the Poneglyph, and we did get some clues to find the real one."

Robin turned to Sasuke with a puzzled expression.

"Your family has a connection to such things? Why didn't you mention that?"

"It wasn't really the same thing," said Sasuke. "I can read our tablets with the Sharingan, but it didn't look anything like what you were describing. It's just history and information about our family, and honestly it's not very pretty. I suppose I could take a look at the next Poneglyph we find, but-"

"No, that's alright. If you could read the Poneglyph and someone learned of that fact then things would get very bad for you." Then she smiled, her eyes lidded. "Still, a trip to show me your family home one day might be appreciated."

He nodded awkwardly before looking back to Rayleigh who was glancing between them with an appraising eye. Rayleigh grinned and shook his head.

"Well, we also met a young lad who hid from us every time we entered your father's house. I think he was only three years old or so, but he had as much distrust in him as an old man. I still remember what Roger said at the time. 'Rayleigh, when's the last time someone straight out of diapers tried to give us the third degree?!'"

Sasuke smiled. "Yeah. He was always too old for his own good. It makes catching up to him hard to manage."

"Well, some people you just can't catch up to, no matter what you do," commiserated Rayleigh. "Anyway, long story short, the precocious little tyke had cornered us at a Konoha restaurant, and Roger… well, he told some stories… and he made some promises. Promises he knew he couldn't keep."

" _Couldn't_ keep?" asked Sakura, who had been hanging on every word.

"Yeah… well, I have no doubt that Roger felt like he was telling the truth when he invited your brother to join us one day… but he knew why it couldn't happen. You see, one of the big secrets of this world is that Roger didn't get captured by the Marines. He gave himself up."

"W-what?!" exclaimed Usopp. "He turned himself in?! Why?"

Rayleigh threw back another drink. It didn't seem to be affecting him at all.

"He had a disease," stated Rayleigh. "You see, Roger always lived his life with style, flair, and filled with a burning flame that set a spark to everyone around him. He knew he didn't have much time left in the world, and he wanted to go out with a bang, so he turned himself in. The Marines just weren't expecting him to say… well…"

 _My Fortune? If you truly wish it you can have it! Search it out! I left all of it in that place!_

Rayleigh's eyes were shining in the dimly-lit room. No one had stopped to switch on the lights, lest they interrupt the story.

"In the last moments of his life he turned his fading flames into a wildfire that enveloped the world! I've never laughed more than on that day! I've never cried more than on that day! I've never _drank_ more than on that day… He was our captain and he was a truly magnificent man!"

He let out a great heave of breath, tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

"That's… just who he was. He took the fire in his heart and he gave it to those around him. That's what he did to me. That's what he did to the world on the day of his death. And… it looks as though… that's what he did to your brother, too. And now you've come here, to me, asking after Roger in his place…! Has that fire passed on to you as well? The will of flame that changes you forever?"

Sasuke was transfixed. His eyes were wide and his mouth hung open. Beside him, Sakura watched her normally-composed friend as if she'd never seen him before.

"...What did you say?" asked Sasuke. "The 'Will of Flame?'"

"Oh… pay no attention to that," said Rayleigh, shaking his head to clear it. "Just prone to florid prose in my old age. I'm sorry. Of course you've probably barely heard anything personal about Roger at all."

The old man stood up as if, after all the secrets he had shared, _this_ had been the one that had made him too uncomfortable to go on.

"Well, it's getting late, don't you think? I'll start on the coating job tomorrow morning."

"Excuse me, sir," interrupted Robin. "There's one more thing I should mention before we go."

"Yes?"

"It's about a group from the Elemental Kingdoms that arrived on this island recently. Led by a man named Tobi, they are known as Akatsuki. It appears as though they too read the contents of the Poneglyph on that island, and they set sail barely days after its unsealing."

From the moment Rayleigh had entered the building, his mood had affected everything around him. When he was sad or happy it sloshed out from him in great waves that might have settled in the nooks and crannies of the wooden bar. Now he froze in place, and the room froze with him.

"...Tobi, you say?" he asked, sounding as if he recognized the name. "You say he's here, right now, on this island?"

The others looked on uncertainly.

"Yes," said Sakura. "They've probably been here for a couple of days -Fist Ace was hunting them down for some reason. For that matter, when Ace learned we were coming here to see you he decided to run off somewhere else instead. Any idea why that happened?"

Rayleigh shook his head. "That's for him to talk about, not me. But about Akatsuki… How certain are you that they read that stone?"

"They told us directly that they had read it," replied Robin. "For that matter, they seemed completely aware that their island would be opening up to the outside. They were well prepared, and it sounds like they were the only ones. Would that stone have had information regarding the seal that could be used to break it?"

"Yes…" admitted Rayleigh. "Though I believe you would have had to be quite powerful in their special magic to use it… Apparently the tablet read more like a message written for two specific people, too, though I don't know who those two would be. We also had to pass through a number of trials to test our characters before we reached the cavern. Wisdom, discernment, courage, meaning of friendship, and all that… You know… the basics."

Usopp grinned. "While that sounds pretty awesome, somehow I don't think Akatsuki passed those trials. Those psychos must have cheated."

"Interesting," mused Rayleigh. "And… this lot are ninjas, are they? Strong?"

Sakura nodded. "They're a group of five or six of some of the most powerful ninjas out there. The Bingo Book lists them as S-class, and that usually refers to those who can stand at the highest levels of combat. There are no higher classifications."

He sighed, taking off his glasses once more and massaging his forehead.

"Miss Robin. What did they say about the Poneglyphs? Or their objectives?"

"They found one more Poneglyph on an island in the sky, though it's difficult to say whether they went looking for it or simply happened to stumble upon it. About three weeks ago they asked me to join their number, saying that my knowledge might be useful to their goals, whatever they were. Their… willingness to kill me when I refused seems to suggest my participation is not necessary, however. I don't know any more than that."

He turned away, pausing for a moment before lifting his head, standing up, and beginning the task of closing up for the night.

"Alright. That's certainly good to know. Well, now it has _definitely_ been a long day. Don't be terribly surprised if I'm late tomorrow, but I hadn't planned on charging for a friend of Hachi's anyway. If you've got a bit of time to spare then I'll still have it done for you faster than anyone else here."

* * *

Before long they were escorted out into the night. There was almost no traffic in this area, so the island felt terribly silent in the dim glow of the yellow tree-mounted lights.

"Well he was sure desperate to get us out of there in a hurry," said Sakura.

No one responded. There was a lot to take in, after all, and no one spoke again until Usopp broke the silence.

"Hey, guys… if... Luffy was hearing voices, we'd have found that out by now, right?"

Sasuke winced, but he didn't get a chance to respond.

"If…" began Robin. Then she stopped. For someone who only ever spoke when she had a sentence already lined up, this was sufficiently odd behavior to make Usopp and Sasuke glance her way in concern. There was a long pause before she continued.

"If someone could produce a method to make the mangrove sap bubbles last for a significant length of time outside of the archipelago… that would be a rather valuable discovery, would it not?"

"Oh yeah," agreed Hatchan. "No doubt about it. But it isn't possible. If they're going to be used on other islands they'll have to last for a really long time to get there, and I heard even Doctor Vegapunk tried and failed to make that work."

She nodded, her face pulled down by a concern that bordered on anxious worry.

Sasuke found her unspoken concern contagious. "What's wrong? What does that have to do with what we talked about?"

Robin, however, seemed not to have heard him, simply continuing with her thoughts. "What if… you were only trying to make the bubbles last for, say… an hour or so? What could you do with that?"

Hatchan looked at her with the deep and unfathomable confusion that only an octopus-man can muster. "Nyuuuuu? Not… not much? Why? Why? Is this important? Should I be running?"

"If those bubbles lasted for an hour outside the grove," continued Sasuke, seeking to head off Hatchan's dead-end before it happened, "then they would… what? They'd fly upwards for about an hour?"

Looking up at one of the ever-present bubbles that reflected the glowing lights, Sakura added her opinion. "They move pretty slowly, but aren't affected as much as they should be by the wind… Didn't you say the World Government capital was up above here?"

Hatchan shook his head. "No, not quite. We're close, but it's actually a fair ways north."

"But it still looks like it might get you up that far," mused Sakura. "Especially with updrafts from the mountain. Why are you asking, Robin?"

Robin blinked, shaking off her thoughts. "He had a workshop underneath the building, and I'm afraid I poked around inside it while we were talking. Inside were numerous chemicals and journals that seemed to be detailing methods to do exactly what I was talking about… I simply can't figure out why he'd be focused on such a thing."

"Wh-what?" asked Sakura. "How did you even… oh, you did something with your magic hands, didn't you."

"You were sneaking around _while_ we were talking to Gold Roger's first-mate?" asked Sasuke. "Huh. I think you'd have fit in quite well in Konoha. That's pretty gutsy, even for a ninja."

"Thank you… I think…" she murmured, quite distracted. "I simply can't think of a reason for this. Getting people up to the top of the Red Line in secret…"

"Is he planning some attack on the capital?" asked Usopp. "Revolutionary sentiments, maybe?"

She blanched, glancing around to ensure no one was listening. The night was dead. "No. Or, rather, that wouldn't be a good plan. To attack the capital you would need a tremendous army, and this… isn't the way to get them up there…"

"Speaking of hiding things," asked Sasuke, "Why do you think he was so bothered about Akatsuki finding the Poneglyph on our island? It sounds as though he's afraid they found something."

The others looked somewhat surprised by this revelation, but Robin nodded along in frustrated agreement.

"Yes," she said. "I noticed that as well. I feel very certain that the Poneglyph on your homeland is crucially important somehow, and he was panicking at the thought that another group had discovered it... This would be so much easier if I knew what was on that stone…"

Usopp shivered, looking for all the world as though someone had not only just walked over his grave, but salted the earth as well. "Well, I for one want to get the hell off this island _right now_ ," he said. "If Akatsuki's about to freak out any moment and start doing something that makes a big-shot like Rayleigh get scared then that makes me want to be far, _far_ away!"

"Excuse me?" asked Robin, peering curiously in his direction. "Why do you think it's going to happen now? Akatsuki has only read two of the stones. What are the odds the stones led them to come to this island in particular?"

Sasuke winced again, and Usopp's finger speared out with a vengeful fury. "THERE! That's the kind of thing you DON'T SAY! Listen! I realize none of you have such a finely-tuned sense of impending doom as I do, but trust me. I can feel it in the wind. This island is _doomed_ , and we've got to get the hell away from here, pronto!"

The very moment that Usopp's crazed monologue finished, Naruto landed nearby, his face hardened with barely-controlled rage as he stood from the ground and turned to his gathered friends. Sakura and Sasuke looked to their teammate in concern.

"I just met with Tobi, the goddamn leader of Akatsuki," growled Naruto. "He might be doing something really really important tomorrow, but I can't figure out what it is."

Usopp crowed in celebration of his Pyrrhic victory.

"AH-HAH! CALLED IT!"

* * *

 **-Later-**

 **-Grove 8-**

Fire-Fist Ace didn't sneak around places. He never ran, and he never hid. That was why he walked boldly through the grove without any sign of concern.

He wasn't an idiot, though. He was paying very careful attention. Though it was the middle of the night, he'd finally gotten a lead and it was too interesting to ignore.

He'd been sitting at a bar when something had made his spine tingle. He'd looked behind him but saw only a large man's figure stepping out of sight of the doorway.

"Was someone looking in here?" he asked of the bartender.

The man nodded. A little prodding got him to describe the man as huge, obese, and possessing a black, scraggly beard. He'd poked his head in and then turned away.

Ace threw something that vaguely resembled money onto the counter and was off. The bartender watched him go without daring to speak up.

He tailed the guy for minutes before he got a good look. It wasn't hard to follow a man who was more than ten feet tall. Who would have thought it? Marshall D. Teach, alive and well. Though, honestly, the guy didn't look all that good. Still just as fat as ever, but his skin had an unhealthy grey pallor to it that was bad enough that people were shying away from him even in the dim streets.

Well, the guy didn't need to be healthy. He just needed to be dead. Looks like the rumors of his assassination weren't all that true after all.

Eventually, Teach realized he was in trouble and began to run to the abandoned lumber yard on Grove 8. This wasn't a problem. If Teach wanted to bring him into an ambush, that was perfectly fine with Ace. He'd just fight all of them at the same time. Ace moved into the center of the yards, past endless piles of useless, twisted wood. There, at the center of an open area, stood Teach. He was wreathed in darkness, but, then, that wasn't exactly surprising. He'd murdered a comrade to steal that Devil Fruit, and now he would finally pay the price.

Concentrating, Ace snapped his fingers, and the tops of several wooden posts sprang into flame. The circle of carefully-controlled lights cast a ring of shadows around both of them. Ace grinned, then was surprised to note that the darkness surrounding Teach's slumped figure was just ordinary shadow.

"Well… Teach. It's been a while, huh?" he asked. "What's going on here?"

There was no response.

"Got nothing to say to me? Where are your friends?" Ace turned in a circle, shouting. "You can come out now!"

There was only the sound of wind and insects in the night.

"Huh… funny, I expected a lot more bravado after what you did." Face set, Ace wound back his fist, lowering his stance.

"Kind of a disappointment, actually."

 **[HIKEN]**

 **[FIRE FIST]**

The night filled with light as his arm became a flamethrower, splashing hellfire all across Teach's location. The large man writhed and twisted as he burned, but made no cries of pain. Ace could feel when his fire had incinerated a fatal amount of flesh, and slowly the flames died down.

The light of the hellfire winked out entirely, and then a charred monster leapt forward through the darkness. Ace jumped back, covering the ground with flames, but Teach's body charged through them without hesitation. He leapt onto Ace just before his legs disintegrated to ash, his hands clawing fruitlessly for flesh but finding nothing as Ace transformed his body.

"What the hell's going on here?!" shouted Ace, reforming his body atop a pillar of fire. "How the hell did-"

He stopped, wide-eyed. Teach's flesh was reforming before his eyes, seeming to coalesce out of ash and dust. Now that he was closer he could see the man's dead, grey skin and black eyes. The walking corpse stood up without acknowledging the pain, and then the trap flickered into place.

Abruptly, a few of the flames at the edge of his range left his control. Ace flew away from the earth-bound corpse on a burning vortex to survey the field. Four walls and a ceiling of flickering indigo energy had crashed into being around the battlefield, trapping him and his opponent inside.

Not that that thing masquerading as Teach mattered right now. Whatever it was clearly didn't have Devil Fruit powers, which meant it was land-bound. Question was… who was ballsy enough to try and trap him inside a box? Flames washed out from his hands but dispersed harmlessly as they broke against the crackling shield.

Below, Teach continued to burn and regenerate without complaint.

"Alright, assholes, what's the problem here?" yelled Ace, "Is this Akatsuki? If you wanna talk, at least buy me a meal. This is just pissing me off."

There was no response. Ace was uncomfortably aware that one of his unadvertised weaknesses was enclosed spaces. Burn enough of the air and the oxygen would run out. At that point he'd have to remain transformed if he wanted to survive. No one was attacking though, unless you counted Teach's focused stare from below.

"Alright, fine. Have it your way," he growled. Then he dove.

 **[KAGUTSUCHI]**

 **[SHINING FORCE]**

Ace raised his personal temperature to its limits and hit the ground like a hammer, ignoring Teach's frantic attempts to attack him as he burrowed into the dirt. Wood and earth disintegrated beneath him as he sought a way underneath the field, and that's when his unknown jailers decided to make themselves known.

 **[SUITON: DAI BAKUSUI SHOUHA]**

 **[WATER RELEASE: GREAT EXPLODING WATER COLLIDING WAVE]**

Water crashed across the earth from a space at the opposite corner of the field. It looked as though the ocean was reclaiming the earth itself, washing outwards in a torrential wave and spreading lumber all around the yard. Rather than letting himself be drowned, Ace burst back up into the sky. Teach's newly-healed body was staring up at him calmly as the water rose rapidly above its chest, and Ace could finally see the source of the unending water. Akatsuki's Fish-Man, Kisame, was already half-submerged, grinned up at him with pointed teeth and beady eyes.

Asshole. Shit, that really was a lot of water. His fires might be hot, but superheated air didn't have a lot of capacity to store heat. He'd have to attack quickly.

Spinning in place, he gathered his flames.

 **[ENKAI]**

 **[FLAME COMMANDMENT]**

In seconds the night was alive with wild shadows as the light of the flames became like a sun in his hand, reflections dancing off of the rising water. Flying forward, he skimmed the surface of the waves until he could soar straight above his opponent.

 **[HIBASHIRA]**

 **[FLAME PILLAR]**

The sun in his hand struck beneath him like the hammer of a vengeful god, but a waterspout rose to meet it. The rising waterfall was obliterated by the attack, but when the steam cleared the Fish-Man was nowhere to be seen.

Shit… that should have pierced through all that water and then some. Something was wrong with this water. The shield was already half full and the waves were still rising. Ace swept his eyes across the battlefield until he saw what he was looking for above him. The captured steam was escaping through a small vent in the shimmering ceiling, only visible because of the vapor condensing in the cool outside air. He soared upward, obscuring his passage in a wide plume of fire. At the last moment, Kisame's head broke through the surface of the water, watching him intently.

It was barely large enough for him to fit through it, but Ace burst through the small hole at speed. He was ready for a second part to the ambush, and he wasn't disappointed. Another robed figure appeared as if he had melted out of nothing, but Ace was already exploding. The scorching fire was absorbed as if it had been less than nothing, and Ace was pulled close by an unknown force.

When the Akatsuki leader grabbed him, his body refused to become insubstantial. Ace's eyes widened in shock.

"Listen," Tobi said quietly. "I need you to get back in there."

Then Tobi pushed, and Ace shot back down into the hole like a falling star. He slammed into the surface of the water with an acceleration far faster than gravity, sending up gouts of steam as the water disappeared beneath him, but it wasn't enough. The water crashed over him and his strength faded with it.

The last thing he saw before darkness claimed him was Teach's body watching him with dead eyes from underneath the man-made ocean.

Then he fell unconscious.

* * *

Kisame retrieved the young Devil-Fruit user while keeping him imprisoned up to his neck in a floating pool of water. The shield crashed down, releasing a tidal wave across the grove. Orochimaru arrived shortly afterward to induce full unconsciousness and stabilize their captive. A set of captured seastone bindings finished the job.

Then, hearing the incoming commotion of the Marines, Akatsuki melted into the night.

They reconvened on board their ship, hidden in plain sight by the twin virtues of both not actually being recognizable as a pirate ship and not flying a Jolly Roger. Tobi took the opportunity to address his conspirators on this momentous occasion.

"Gentlemen!" shouted Tobi, stretching the definition of the term to its limits. "We stand now on the verge of greatness! Phase Four can finally begin!"

He paused for a moment as the gathered murderers glared at him. There were a number of muffled groaning noises from deeper inside the ship, but no one paid them any attention. They'd been used to hearing them for days now.

"That's right, isn't it?" asked Tobi. "We aren't missing anything now, right?"

"Correct," said Orochimaru, though he didn't look very happy about something. "I've verified the fire-user's chakra levels. Alongside the lightning fruit there should be more than enough power to fuel the ripening of the Divine Fruit, even assuming the worst."

"Make sure you don't lose this one," growled Kakuzu. "We've beaten four Logia Fruit users but only ended up with two in the end. Don't think I'm happy about giving up my new heart for this."

The snake-man's eyes narrowed. "I know that. He will remain in the seastone restraints. Keep him safe and there will be no problems."

Tobi smiled, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Well, then it's finally happening. Everyone knows what they need to do now, right?"

No one even bothered nodding. They had discussed the plan in detail for weeks. Danzou, Kakuzu, Kisame, Hidan, and Orochimaru stared back, but no one could deny the tense energy in the room. Even Tobi saw it clearly.

"Alright!" he exclaimed. "You all know where you need to go. You've all got a lot of ground to cover before tomorrow, but I know you can do it! Just make sure to hurry so you can be back here for the grand finale, because I want to see each and every one of you here. Oh, except you, Orochimaru. I know you'll be too busy to play around."

Orochimaru chuckled as the moaning from below them intensified. "Of course. That's why I prepared my special presents, after all."

"And don't think I don't appreciate it! Esteemed members of Akatsuki, the fourth and final part of our plan begins NOW!"

Sadistic smiles spread across the room. Tobi grinned.

"Let's give this island a day that they'll _never_ forget!"

 **-END OF PART THREE-**

* * *

A/N: I'm afraid it is happening after all. Akatsuki may be powerful individually, but they're even more powerful when they gang up on someone. That's the power of teamwork, and it works for the bad guys too. Akatsuki's plan is currently nebulous, which is how I like it.

Part Four will begin with 'The Summit.'

Speaking of which, I realized I made a terrible mistake last chapter and no one called me out on it. A missing middle-finger has been added to Law's escape.


	58. The Summit

**-Sabaody Archipelago-**

 **-Grove 37-**

 **-High Noon-**

Grove 37 of Sabaody Archipelago was well-placed for illicit business. It was close enough to the outside of the island that legitimate traffic could reach it, but far enough inward and far enough from the nearest Marine base on Grove 66 that the Marines could never quite dedicate the resources they needed to patrol here. Such was the nature of the Archipelago. On the Straw-Hats' earlier trip inward to meet with Rayleigh they had even encountered such flagrant displays of lawlessness as seeing a Marine's skeleton pinned to a bloody warning sign. That, however, had been near the very center, where the law was enforced only at the whims of the human traffickers and other cartels.

Even so, only the most foolhardy of ne'er-do-wells thought such a lawless state of affairs was inevitable. The island sat at the base of the most powerful government fortress in the world, and only the supreme poverty of the island's central areas (as well as the Nobility-approved slave trade) allowed its continued existence. The inner areas were composed of ninety-percent scum, and it was the opinion of many that that ratio only increased when the Celestial Dragons came to visit.

Grove 37 was different from all of that. You could see the lights of the amusement park reflecting off of the leaves of the trees at night. There was legitimate business up above. People 'lived' there rather than 'lurked'. Granted they weren't always the most _savory_ of people, but, hey, you can't have everything.

Grove 37 was special for one more reason. It was also the current host to a most unusual establishment that had existed on the island as long as anyone could remember. Right now it was nestled in the roots of the great mangrove that formed the body of this part of the island, and the Straw-Hat's Special Team to Keep Luffy and Zoro From Getting Someone Killed (so-named by Usopp) sat above, keeping watch while trying to remain unobtrusive.

"Well, they're in there," muttered Sasuke. "How long do you think we have until something goes wrong?"

"Five minutes, tops," stated Sanji, scowling as he knocked some ash off of his cigarette. "Cut that in half if there's another swordsman hanging around. That stupid mossball won't hesitate to pick a fight."

"He's that bad?" asked Hinata, turning to Naruto and Sasuke with a furrowed brow. "I haven't seen him get into any fights since I've known him."

"I dunno if it's as bad as that," said Naruto, "But yeah, those two being in there alone really worries me. We're probably gonna have to bust some heads before the day's out."

Sakura, meanwhile, had her eyes closed, sighing with exasperation. "You know, you guys aren't doing a very good job of selling these guys as competent people I can leave my friends with. We're even going out of our way to babysit the two of them."

"We're not 'babysitting' them," said Sasuke, tossing a glare at Sanji when it seemed he was about to heartily disagree. "They'd come out of this just fine if this were just about the Summit. You know why we're really here."

"Akatsuki," said Sakura, shaking her head. "Naruto, you're sure they're planning something today? It doesn't speak very well that you didn't know it was Tobi until it was too late."

"Argh! For the last time, he wasn't wearing a mask, his robes, or anything! He just sounded like a cheerful, friendly sort of guy! A real weirdo, but I didn't think that bastard was a murderer! And yeah, I don't know if they'll make it work, but he said he wanted to get whatever it is done as soon as possible, and today was the 'big day.'"

"And you think the Summit might have something to do with this?" asked Sakura.

"Yeah, alright?!" Naruto scowled and continued pacing back and forth. "I mean… I dunno. I just… I've just got this bad feeling. I know there's probably a lot of things happening on the island today, but… it just feels like if he wanted to cause problems then this is the place to do it. We should really be inside with the rest of them right now."

Beside them, the last member of their team, Robin, laughed, a far-off look in her eyes. She was even now listening in to the meeting below using several well-placed ears and eyes.

"Well, it can't be helped, can it?" she asked. "Like it or not, the Straw-Hats have the largest total bounties on the island, and no one would believe we came peacefully if we were all present for the meeting. Besides… Luffy and Zoro seem to have taken Nami's warning to heart and are behaving quite politely, as these things go."

"That's something, at least," said Sasuke. "I know this meeting was supposed to make everyone play nice, but somehow I get the feeling it's creating nearly as much danger as it's meant to prevent." Sighing, he shook his head. "Who's in there, anyway? What are we dealing with if things get messy?"

Robin smiled. "Well…"

* * *

 **-Earlier-**

 **-Underneath Grove 37-**

 **-Vagabond's Roost-**

When Luffy and Zoro stepped down from the rickety staircase onto the stained wooden boards of Vagabond's Roost, the deck beneath them shifted under their feet. The slight groaning noise echoed through the dim underbelly of Grove 37's mangrove tree, and slender fingers of light peeked through the surrounding roots that reached out into the ocean like a spidered palm.

"Whoa, is this a ship or something?" asked Luffy, looking around at the large, moss-covered building made of salt-stained and unfinished wood. As if in response, the deck shifted beneath them again in a way similar to, yet not quite the same as, the rocking of the waves.

"No…" said Zoro, scanning the dark and dingy hideout with a trained eye as they moved underneath the worn-down sign that proclaimed the place to be the 'V gab nd s Ro st.' "Not a ship. This thing's alive."

"Right you are," said a familiar voice from inside. They stepped inside and then looked up. Trafalgar Law was looking down at the entryway from a second-floor vantage-point, smirking from underneath his furry hat as the smiling emblem on his shirt added its own grin.

"It _is_ alive," he said. "At least, what's carrying us is. They're called the Yarukinai Mangrove Sloths, and they lurk around in the underbellies of the Yarukiman Mangroves. Right now this establishment is resting on the belly of one of them."

Luffy turned right around and looked out the door. Just barely visible in the darkness of the twisted roots was a tremendous fuzzy arm that was curling up into the thick tree roots.

"The owners of this place shuffle the location from time to time. Word of mouth is the only way to find it."

"Aw, cool!" exclaimed Luffy, grinning up at the titanic brown-and-algae-green arm. "I'm gonna call them mankies!"

"You're too late," replied Law. "People already call them that."

Luffy cursed in displeasure. Zoro hadn't shown any interest either way, scanning the area while keeping Captain Law in his sight.

"Is Fire-Fist not with you?" asked Law. "I haven't heard anything about him yet, but I assume he's still on the island..."

"Relax," said Luffy, coming back inside to join his first-mate. "If Ace said he'd be here then he'll be here."

"I hope so. Most of the others are already inside, and we're about ready to start."

"You aren't in there trying to stop them from causing trouble?" asked Zoro.

Law smirked, shrugging lazily. "What do I look like, their parent? If everyone's so worked up that they'll start a fight before the meeting even happens, then this whole thing was doomed from the beginning whether I was there or not. Besides, for what it's worth, I think most of them understand the situation we're in. Just remember, the purpose of this meeting isn't only to make sure no one causes trouble. It's also so we can put pressure on anyone hell-bent on fighting. Be ready to follow our lead if someone needs to be taught a lesson."

They entered the wide saloon doors and into the dim interior of the Roost. The room was enormous, and it had a central area that was open all the way to the ceiling. It looked as though someone had decided to build a three-level combination restaurant and burlesque stage out of unfinished timber, then spent two decades hiring various rowdy drunks to beat the shit out of it. When slabs of wood had been torn out of the building itself those slabs had been turned into tables. When the tables had been split into chunks those chunks had been turned into chairs. When the chairs had been ripped into splinters those splinters had been turned into toothpicks and cutlery. It was an unrepentant mausoleum of thuggery.

Luckily, the normal clientele was absent. Everyone inside was here on very specific business. And mostly everyone who was supposed to be present was there, too. Some were even eating food that had been presumably prepared by the completely unseen staff.

Luffy and Zoro took a seat near the center of the lower floor, and ten minutes later Ace still hadn't shown.

"He's not here," said Zoro.

Luffy said nothing.

"You thinking he ran into trouble?"

Luffy continued frowning out into the smoky air of the building. No one present was actually smoking at this time, but that hardly mattered. The nicotine-soaked walls had seen decades of vigorous plumes and needed no assistance in continuing the long tradition without help. It seeped from the walls, ascended to the murky heights of the ceiling, and was then reabsorbed, creating its own beautiful tobacco ecosystem. Zoro was right, though. Ace wasn't here. Off to the side, Law took the two Straw-Hats' pensive looks to mean that Fire-Fist wouldn't be coming, and called the meeting to order.

"Alright everyone, please shut the hell up! I know no one wants to be here, so let's get this over with quickly."

" **Surgeon of Death" TRAFALGAR D. LAW**

 **B200,000,000 - Captain - Heart Pirates**

The assembled Rookies gave this greeting a wildly mixed reaction.

"Who the hell do you think you are, telling me what to do, huh?" exclaimed a slim young woman who was shouting in between bites of an enormous pizza with well-practiced ease. "The only reason I'm here at all is to make sure you screwballs don't get your heads stuck up your own asses and start dictating terms to all the rest of us."

" **Big Eater" JEWELRY BONNEY**

 **B140,000,000 - Captain - Bonney Pirates**

"I'm not here to dictate terms to anyone," said Law, sounding distinctly bored. "I'm just laying out the facts. This should be simple as long as everyone can come to an understanding."

"Oh, I've got an understanding, alright. This is all _bullshit_ , that's my understanding. Are you guys Pirates or pansies? Besides, most of the Nobility is off the island now- that's no secret. No one in white and blue gives two shits about this place any more."

"That's where you're wrong." A regal-looking man in a rather revealing blue outfit and peculiar beaked hat spoke the words with absolute certainty.

" **Red Flag" X DRAKE**

 **B222,000,000 - Captain - Drake Pirates**

"You… and I think all of you... underestimate the sheer power the government can bring against us right now. What kept this island safe before now was apathy, pure and simple, but we stand at the very foot of the capital of the World."

"Yeah?" said Bonney, rolling her eyes as she tore off another bite. "The Marines don't have time for us! Everyone knows it's true! No way is some high-powered Marine gonna take the time to start brawling when they're all busy heading off to every part of the damn ocean."

"For those who may be unaware," stated Law, speaking to the others "Captain Drake there is a former Marine officer. _I'm_ very interested in his take on their capabilities."

Captain Drake slammed one fist into the table he sat at, growling as he swept the entire room with his gaze. "Damn it! This isn't about me, and this isn't about the Marines, either! This is about Mariejois, capital of the known world! Listen… there are two problems here. The first is that while the Marines certainly won't have time to stop everything and hunt us down, at this very moment there are _five times_ as many ships here as usual. Fleets are being formed out of nothing, and their leaders would _love_ the opportunity to blood their ragtag soldiers with a pirate-hunt. They could crush any individual pirate crew here! But that's not even the real problem."

He continued looking around the smoky, softly-swaying room, and it seemed as though he had their attention for just a little longer.

"The _real_ problem," he continued, "-is the World Government's special forces. I've seen enough to be frightened, and I've heard rumors of even worse. Secret armies outfitted by Doctor Vegapunk, legions of perfectly loyal assassins, prototype ship-technology that can outpace anything else in the world…" Finally, he held up both gloved hands, all fingers extended. "All of that could be dropped here in ten minutes. They're not about to leave the area around Mariejois, but the World Government is definitely not above sending those things out on a field trip since everyone else is busy. _That's_ what we're really dealing with."

When it was clear Drake had finished speaking, Bonney merely snorted in derision. But she didn't say anything, simply returning to her meal, gnashing and pulling at doughy crust and long strings of cheese with her trademark voracious appetite.

"Well," interrupted another voice, "I think only the idiots here failed to realize the nature of the situation."

The man who had spoken was dour-faced, glaring out from above a sharp, angular nose as he contrasted with the messy eater by delicately patting his lips with a custom-embroidered handkerchief. He was also the only one present who didn't appear to have arrived with a second-in-command.

 **CAPONE "Gang" BEGE**

 **B138,000,000 - Captain - Firetank Pirates**

"Make no mistake, fighting here would be bad for business, plain and simple. There's nothing for us to gain on this island and much to lose."

"What the hell did you call me, fatso?!" exclaimed Bonney, whipping a slice of pizza through the air on a straight trajectory for Capone's face. Time crystallized for a moment before a rubber fist shot out of the darkness, snatching the slice from mid-air and depositing it straight into Luffy's mouth, where it disappeared in an instant.

"Well I'm not an idiot, but I don't know what you're talking about either," said the rubber-man.

" **Straw-Hat" Monkey D. Luffy**

 **B350,000,000 - Captain - Straw-Hat Pirates**

"Hey, this pizza is pretty good. Think I could get some to go? But come on, I wanna get to Fish-Man Island, so everybody should just agree to not fight each other so we can get out of here quickly, okay?"

Bonney shot a disbelieving glare at the Straw-Hats' table, noting as she did so that a small cannon had emerged from underneath Capone's hat. With great effort the man refrained from pointing it directly at the young woman, tossing a dismissive sneer in Straw-Hat's direction.

Law tossed an appreciative nod Luffy's way and then spoke up again, his eyes lidded.

"While I appreciate the willingness to go along with this plan of ours, Captain Bege… it would work out better for us if you avoided antagonizing the others…"

Capone's sole concession to this request was the disappearance of the mysterious cannon, which seemed to melt back underneath his hat. The sour glare remained where it was. Having finished his meal, however, Capone pulled out a cigar and lit it before continuing.

"Let it not be said that I'm unreasonable… All I ask is a bit of thought from the rest of you. Think very carefully before you undertake anything other than perfectly legitimate business here on the island. Theft, arson, extortion, murder, forgery…" He paused to exhale a puff of cigar smoke that formed the image of a crude sailing ship, wafting away into the mysterious tobacco sea that filled the upper reaches of the ceiling. "Those kinds of things should be fine. Keep it low-key."

"Hah! Low-key, that's a real laugh!" exclaimed a nasal voice from one of the second-floor areas. A colorfully-dressed man with a wide piano-grin and long double-elbowed arms sat resting his head on both right-angled wrists.

" **Roar of the Sea" SCRATCHMEN APOO**

 **B198,000,000 - Captain - On-Air Pirates**

"I'll play it any key you want, you know? I've got no problem with keeping things smooth and easy for a change, but something tells me that's not the problem. Unless Straw-Hat here knocks down one of these goddamn trees and tries to go two for two on island-destruction, everyone who came here isn't gonna make too much of a fuss. You see, the _problem_ is the people who aren't even here in the first place!"

"The Longarm is correct," grumbled a smiling hulk of a man who had so far neglected to take a seat at all. "We're not all here, are we? I see no one from the Kid Pirates, and Captain Kid is the one we should be _most_ worried about."

" **Mad Monk" UROUGE**

 **B108,000,000 - Captain - Fallen Monk Pirates**

"Everyone here has heard of the bounty he's racked up from a career of indiscriminate violence. Marine, Pirate, civilian… it made no difference to him. I don't think he'll restrain himself if he thinks he can get away with it."

"I agree," said Law. "He refused the invitation outright, as I expected. And he's not the only one missing. 'Good-Boy' Tobi of Akatsuki is on the island as well, and-"

"Hah! Not those guys! I was talking about Fire-Fist Ace!" interrupted Apoo. "He's a walking invitation for Marine intervention, accept no imitation!"

"...Yes," agreed Law, casting a glance in Luffy's direction. "Straw-Hat and I met with Ace before arriving on the island. Originally he had agreed to come to this meeting, but it appears other matters have prevented him from joining. Still, he already agreed with the purpose of the meeting and said he would do his best to lay low and avoid trouble. Take that as you will. Actually, I'd like to discuss the issue of Akatsuki in more detail, but first..."

Law turned his head to regard a table half-hidden in the gloom near the exit to the front hall.

"Captain Hawkins, you're the only one who hasn't spoken," said Law, calling to the two figures cloaked in shadow. "Do you disagree with the aim of this meeting?"

The long-haired blond man leaned forward slightly, artfully catching the light as several others gave him their attention. Among those present, his was the highest bounty that didn't belong to Straw-Hat Luffy. His face was turned down into a particularly bored look of displeasure, as if he was being forced to watch a play that he had already seen once before and hadn't particularly liked the first time around.

"I disagree not with your aims, merely its outcome," said the man, spreading his arms to indicate the array of ornate cards laid on the table before him. As they watched, the cards danced into the air and shuffled about before slapping back down into different positions.

" **Magician" BASIL HAWKINS**

 **B249,000,000 - Captain - Hawkins Pirates**

"The cards tell the same story over and over again. This meeting will end in vicious strife, regardless of our agreed course of action. It is foretold."

A pause seemed to indicate that that was the end of Captain Hawkins' statement.

Law frowned. "You're saying we're going to fail? Sorry if I don't trust the accuracy of those predictions, fortune-teller, but if you think this was a waste of time then why come here at all?"

"Remaining absent made my predictions worse," stated Hawkins with complete certainty. "Dark times are coming, and my presence here seems to be necessary."

Law sighed. Sometimes it seemed to him as though everyone on the ocean had a shtick, and most people chose deliberately irritating ones.

"I don't suppose your cards told you anything about who was going to do this, did they?" he asked.

"You can rest assured. The threat is not from within."

"You see?" said Urouge, still smiling wide. "Just as we said. The problem will come from one of those three outsiders. Ace, Kid, or Tobi."

"Since when did we start making a habit of listening to pieces of paper, huh?" groused Bonney. "Fortune-telling's a racket."

"Well… I don't listen to fortune-telling myself," said Law, "-but in this case there may be some merit to it. I've already been attacked since I set foot on the island. By Akatsuki."

There was a slight commotion at this. Everyone aside from Luffy and Zoro registered some degree of surprise, even Captain Hawkins. As this was processed, Hawkins' first-mate put one hand to his ear, listening carefully for a moment, and then bent over to his superior, exchanging a few hushed words.

Apoo was the first one to actually address Law. "So when were you planning to tell us about that, huh? Seems pretty frickin' important for everyone here, yeah?"

"I told all of you that I'd speak about Akatsuki later, didn't I?" grinned Law. "Well, here's the problem. Orochimaru, the Undertaker, attacked me last night. He was alone, luckily, but he fought until the Marines came after him, and I believe that he'll try it again."

"So what the hell did you do to piss him off?" asked Bonney, rolling her eyes.

"Nothing. He claimed he was after my skills as a surgeon," said Law, smoothly replacing the truth with a lie. "But if he's willing to cause trouble here then I doubt the rest are going to keep quiet. According to Straw-Hat, one of the other Akatsuki members blew up the base of the Flying-Fish Riders and tried to make it look like an accident."

Some irritated expressions filled the hall from those who had spent time in the area. That gang was notoriously difficult to deal with.

"Wait," interrupted Apoo. "I talked to those fish riders not too long ago, and they had a different story. Well, by 'talked to' I mean 'they tried to capture me and I beat their skulls in,' but, hey, same difference, right? Their leader, Duval, wouldn't stop complaining about the Straw-Hats. Ring any bells?"

Now it was Luffy and Zoro's turn to be puzzled. They looked at each other with open confusion.

"What the hell are they talking about? Sure we were heading to beat them up, but we never actually met 'em," said Luffy.

"Dunno," said Zoro.

"Listen, I don't want to get off-topic," interrupted Law. "The point is, Akatsuki is testing the limits of what they think they can get away with, and it's going to bring trouble down on all of us. Moreover, I've just heard that the 'Good-Boy' himself, Tobi, may be aiming to pull something big today."

He looked around the room, making sure everyone was listening. "This is about more than just playing nice with each other here. We need to step in and put pressure on Kid and Tobi before this blows up in our faces."

"Bullshit," interrupted Bonney. "Awfully convenient you're trying to get us to take down the guys that are giving _you_ trouble. Look, if they're keeping a low profile then I really don't give a damn. I'll stop them if they show up, but I'm not about to go hunting them down. That sounds like the opposite of what we wanted, right?"

Law glared across the hall at her, but hardly a moment had passed before Basil Hawkins spoke up once more.

"This may be a moot point," said the magician. "Fire-Fist Ace was seen fighting last night by several witnesses. His flames brightened the darkness, but no one was able to get close."

As Luffy's eyes widened, Hawkins added, "Perhaps _that_ is why he isn't present, hmm?"

"Your cards tell you that?" asked Zoro, the first time he had addressed the group since the meeting had begun.

Hawkins returned his stare evenly. "No. I've been waiting for any news about the parties that might bring misfortune upon us, and word just now reached me. Fire-Fist was certainly involved in a fight during the dead of night, and that is all I have heard from mundane sources. Though, the cards _do_ tell me that his fate is dire."

"What did you say?!" yelled Luffy.

Zoro quickly leaned over to explain what 'his fate is dire' meant, at which point Luffy's temper rose further.

"You think someone here was able to beat up Ace?!" yelled Luffy. "Don't be stupid! He's stronger than everyone here except me!"

Zoro rolled his eyes, but thankfully the rest of the pirates here were well-used to bluster and boasting.

"Well, then why isn't he here," puffed Capone. "We should be concerning ourselves with finding out who might be capable of taking down one of Whitebeard's top lieutenants and going to appease them. This is the kind of situation where a little bit of bribery can go a long way."

"Fighting someone in secret means it wasn't the Marines," stated Drake. "They feel like they're in control of this island and they wouldn't play this quietly. But I doubt anyone else on this island could be a problem for him. It's possible that he was attacked by a rival from the Four Emperors…"

"Or Akatsuki," inserted Zoro.

"You don't really think that's likely, do you?" asked Drake, shaking his head. "Fire-Fist Ace is one of the most notorious pirates in the world. I don't think he's likely to be seriously threatened by a gang of newcomers, no matter how skilled they are."

"Tobi wounded an Admiral." Zoro stated this fact simply and without stressing any word. "He stabbed Aokiji in the abdomen. The ice-bastard was looking pretty bad when we saw him, too- not that it stopped him from giving us a hard time."

Several jaws dropped.

"Holy hell…" sighed Law. " _That's_ what you meant when you said to stay away from them. You really should have said that outright."

"And you want _us_ to take on a group that can do that?" asked Bonney. "Hell. No. I'm not sticking my neck out for something like that."

"There, at least, I can agree with you," growled Capone. "I don't want nothing to do with any such group."

"Akatsuki's not such a huge pain," admitted Zoro. "We already killed one of them and fought a few more here and there. Tough customers, but not unbeatable, which makes me think this Tobi guy got lucky somehow."

Capone chuckled, wisps of smoke escaping from his mouth. "I hope you'll excuse me when I say I don't see the profit in fighting a group that the Straw-Hats are calling 'tough customers.' I'm not gonna antagonize Akatsuki unless there's no other option, and right now I can't see any reason for them to bother me and mine."

"He's already here," stated Luffy, glaring up into the gloom.

"And that's only a problem for the people they have a grudge against," insisted Capone, tapping out his ashes and standing from the table in a gesture of finality. "Law, Straw-Hat, my crew and I will agree to lay low and keep the peace, and we'll even help put the hooks into Captain Kid if he needs to be taught a lesson, but you two are on your own with Akatsuki. You'd better hope the 'Good-Boy' is true to his namesake."

"Well, Tobi _is_ a good boy, I guess," stated a cheerful voice from the rafters.

They looked up just in time for a figure to pierce the smoke, landing from above with a thump on a table in the center of the room. Wearing a black robe adorned with crimson clouds, the black-haired man's face was covered by a sun-bleached driftwood mask, warped and twisted on one side. He looked up and around at the pirates gathered across the different levels, his strange eyes glinting in the dark.

"Hello," said Tobi pleasantly.

"Aw, horse-shit," cursed Apoo.

* * *

The uproar was immediate.

"Who the hell is this ass-hat?" exclaimed Bonney.

"You jerk!" yelled Luffy, putting one foot up on his table. "I said I'd beat the crap outta you after what you did to the Merry!"

"Akatsuki, hmm?" muttered Hawkins, flipping over one card after another in a hurried reading. "I certainly predicted a disturbance, but I did not think it would be caused by them…"

"Hello everyone!" exclaimed Tobi. "Wait, I already said that. Well, anyway, I think it's a bit rude to be talking about us without having us here to represent ourselves, but that's alright. I'm jumping in anyway!"

"Tobi," intoned Trafalgar Law, projecting his voice to be heard over the commotion. "I think the reason you weren't invited should be obvious. Your subordinate, Orochimaru, attacked me last night and nearly brought the Marines down on us."

"Oh, really?" asked Tobi, sounding genuinely surprised. "Wow, I didn't see _that_ coming. He didn't say anything about it, either. Good initiative on his part, though. Really putting in the extra effort."

"Hey!" exclaimed Apoo, both arms bending at wild angles as his body transformed slightly, valves and resonating chambers raising from his skin. "You don't have time to joke here, man! We've got you surrounded so many ways it's actually crazy! Dead to rights! Fat lady ready for her solo! You really don't want to cause trouble now."

There was a smattering of reluctant agreement around the room, with the loudest shouts coming from Luffy. The idea of working together was anathema to most of the assembled Rookies, but they could understand just how much trouble they'd all be in if the situation got out of hand.

Tobi, however, simply cocked his masked head to the side as if pondering something deeply confusing. He dropped lightly from the tabletop and walked out into the center of everything, speaking almost as if to himself as he moved. Eventually he seemed to reach enlightenment.

"Don't… want… to cause trouble…? Oh! Oh-hoh! _Right_ , right… you guys wouldn't know the plan, huh? Well, that makes sense," he said, nodding to himself. "We never really wanted to tell anyone about it, after all…"

"Get to the point, you half-wit!" shouted Bonney.

"Hey, don't be rude now. Okay, so… the reason I'm here isn't to prevent trouble at all. It's actually quite the opposite! In fact, we're aiming to cause a _lot_ of trouble. See, you guys are all going to be pretty busy fighting for your lives! Starting… uhh… probably right about now, actually!"

There was a tense moment as the assembled pirates prepared for combat, but nothing happened.

Several seconds later, someone coughed.

"Oh, I didn't mean _I_ was going to do it," said Tobi, waving his hands vaguely in front of his mask. "There's other stuff happening out there."

"What a farce," muttered Capone. "I'm supposed to be intimidated by _this?_ Bursting in here and making vague threats isn't fitting behavior for a pirate. If you've got anything specific then lay it out."

As the assembled Rookies continued arguing with the oddly-composed Tobi, a mouth sprouted from the table beside Luffy.

" _Luffy. Zoro,"_ said Robin, speaking through her Devil-Fruit link. " _A team of Marines are coming this way, and they're ready for trouble. Also, Shichibukai Gecko Moriah and his underlings are attacking some of the larger shopping and residential districts on Grove 48 near the Marine base. I don't know what to make of this, but that's much too close to the ship for my comfort. We'll hold the Marines up here, but please wrap this up quickly."_

Around the room the noise of assorted Den-Den Mushi seemed to indicate other crews were getting similar news. Luffy and Zoro caught Law's eye after he had been briefed by one of his underlings, and his expression was grim. Tobi, meanwhile, was bobbing up and down excitedly.

"You see? It was kind of hard to get him up and running since I took his soul and all, but I figured it out in the end! And Moria's not even the only surprise waiting for you all!"

This odd statement was difficult to parse for the assembled Rookies.

"You're saying you knew he was going to attack here?" asked Drake. "Even though the rumors said he may have died during the attack on Thriller Bark, Moria has already had his Shichibukai status revoked. What the hell is he doing attacking the Archipelago now of all times?"

"'Did I know he was going to attack here?!'" Tobi laughed. "Hah! He's doing this 'cause we told him to! And that's just the start!"

"You _told_ him to do this?! Why the hell would he listen to you?" asked Drake.

"'Cause now he's nothing more than a puppet on our strings," said Tobi, smiling behind his mask.

Drake twitched, grinding his teeth together as he scowled down at the robed Akatsuki leader. "You imbecile! Is this a _joke_ to you?! Do you really think you're going to get out of this unscathed?! The government has an immense amount of power in this area of the sea, and they can bring innumerable fighters to the island in under an hour. They're going to scour _everything!_ If you really go through with whatever this is, you'll be taken down with the rest of us!"

Bothering everyone present, Tobi giggled.

"I know something _you_ don't know…!" he called out in a sing-song voice, before waving a hand in Drake's direction. "Aw, don't you worry about me. We'll all be fine, no matter what happens. Hee-hee-hee… That's the beauty of this plan!"

"What purpose could you possibly have for doing this?" asked Urouge, the Mad Monk, still smiling even now. "Is this about wiping out challengers? No, I don't believe you care about us at all. You'll claim no bounty from this, either. Is this an action against a particular person? The Straw-Hats, or Trafalgar Law, perhaps?"

"No, I think not," interrupted Basil Hawkins. "My predictions say this is a distraction. More than a ninety-eight percent chance. A distraction for something very important. No more, no less."

"Screw your predictions! What the hell does Moria have to do with this?! Does he wanna die?!" shouted Bonney.

"No…" said Law, staring straight at Tobi with a horrified expression. "You've got some control over him somehow. He's _already_ dead… isn't he…? You've… turned his Fruit against him or something, and now only a zombie is left?"

Tobi smiled back.

"Wow, you're actually a lot closer than I thought you'd be," he said.

* * *

 **-Meanwhile-**

 **-Grove 48-**

A creature that spoke no words was running rampant throughout the island, and the Marines were finding it very difficult to stop him.

"Back! Get back! If you get too close to him he can steal your shadow! Engage from range only! Moria's Shichibukai status has been revoked and you are fully authorized to kill!"

Despite the warning, several Marines were not fast enough to avoid the rampaging warlord. Moria's long arms swung down and snagged three of them, pulling their shadows away from them and severing them with a wicked pair of shears. The three shadow-less bodies collapsed, completely unconscious, and Moria flung them violently into a second-story window where they'd remain out of the sunlight.

The shears lashed out again, stabbing two more of the Marines in the heart as his comrades fired uselessly into the monster-man's unflinching bulk. The two bodies collapsed lifelessly to the ground, but only lay still as long as it took for Moria to stuff two of the shadows into the corpses. The third was consumed by the monster himself a moment later, bolstering Moria's power.

Several volleys of rifle fire poured into the Shichibukai's body, but aside from a slight jerk from side to side they seemed to go unnoticed. He dashed away moments later, lunging through the streets as he sought to continue his rampage. Though the man was built like a fat shallot he was so tremendous that he rapidly outpaced most of the Marines following him.

"N- Nothing's working!" shouted one Marine who had abandoned rifle fire. "Why isn't he dying?!"

"You idiots!" roared his superior, an officer with a salt and pepper beard and two six-shot revolvers at his hip. "Are your eyes just empty holes?! Look at the wounds!"

Before their eyes a slight limp which had been caused by a bullet to the knee was corrected as the bloodless hole sealed itself shut.

"I don't know how, but he's regenerating!" The experienced veteran pointed to one of his communications retinue. "New plan! You there, get Captain Hina and the Black Cage Brigade on the snail right away. This is right up her alley and I know she's somewhere on the island. The rest of you… Squad A, hunt him down but focus on hitting his legs. If we can't kill him we can at least slow him down. Squad B, try to get those damn scissors off of him. C, communicate with the others and make damn sure you keep that fat bastard on this grove."

As he rattled off orders, several of the corpses of fallen Marines and civilians alike began rising from the ground, shuffling unsteadily as they got their feet under them. The veteran hardly blinked as he whipped out his revolver, putting a bullet in each of the zombies' heads. Smoke wafted from the barrel and his face was grim as the living corpses collapsed to the ground.

"Squad D, sorry, but you're on cleanup duty today. Get people evacuated and handle the zombies as you find 'em. And for god's sake, don't forget to double-tap."

Saying this, he stepped up to the twitching bodies and put another bullet into each of the moving corpses of his former subordinates. Unlike their shadow-master, these zombies didn't seem to be regenerating.

"The rest of you-" he began.

"Sir!" interrupted his communications officer. "We're getting reports that a number of special zombies have been seen in the nearby groves! And… wait… Perona's ghost army is attacking Grove 66! The Marine base there is being overwhelmed!"

"Well ain't that just dandy," growled the officer, spitting on the ground with distaste. There was a momentary pause before he seemed ready to amend his earlier orders, and then he was interrupted again by a different, yet familiar-seeming Marine. He turned to see an older-looking man from a different unit wearing an eyepatch and a crisp salute that shaded his grim face.

"Yes, Lieutenant?" he asked, reading the man's insignia.

"Message from Headquarters!" stated the one-eyed man, adjusting an official-looking Den-Den Mushi at his side. "We have information regarding Perona's location as well as Moria's objective here on the island. I'm sorry, but they say it's for your ears only!"

The officer sighed and followed the one-eyed man inside the nearest building.

Thirty seconds later, Danzou stepped back out of the door, sparing not even a single glance back to the corpse cooling inside or the devastation left by Moria's Edo Tensei. Adjusting his cap and eyepatch, Danzou hurried off to hunt down the next competent leader he could find.

* * *

 **-Meanwhile-**

 **-Grove 79-**

 **-Nobility District-**

"Bahahahah! Get out of my way or suffer my flames!" roared what appeared to be Fire-Fist Ace, bringing his hands together under the cover of the writhing hellfire. A few subtle hand-motions and the fires intensified, blasting outwards with the assistance of a sudden gale that washed incineration over the few guards that still stood in his way. Where the fires passed only ash remained, and teams were already abandoning the fight to try and prevent the mangrove itself from being consumed.

This was the final, outermost tree on the island, and also where the Celestial Dragons kept their temporary residences for when either a shopping trip went on too long or when they purchased more than they could carry back in whatever ship had brought them here. Very few of the Nobility had been so foolish as to stay outside the Capital during a time such as this, but very few was not equal to none. Now, the notorious figure of one of Whitebeard's Lieutenants was burning his way through the shopping districts, restaurants, and winter homes with reckless abandon, walking the devastation across the island. It wouldn't be long before he reached one of the Nobility themselves.

And until more powerful defenders arrived on the scene, no one would be able to stop him.

* * *

 **-Meanwhile-**

 **-Grove 1-**

 **-Human Auction-**

At the center of the island a merciless green-haired swordsman advanced on the largest of the Human Auction houses. Far from sneaking, the man advanced with two swords unsheathed. Bounty hunters immediately recognized this man as Roronoa Zoro.

So he killed them.

Then, the thugs that guarded the Auction House told the man that business was closed.

So he killed them, too.

When he entered the slave pens, he found the vicious men and women who trained and domesticated the merchandise.

They died most sweetly of all.

When the call went out to the dens of vice and power that held interests in the Auction Houses, the mob bosses, slave traders, kidnappers, and crooked officials were all in swift agreement. Swarms of powerful enforcers converged on Grove 1 from every single one of the lawless Groves, eager to teach a painful lesson to the outsider threatening their business.

Those people had not yet arrived, but the intruder waited patiently, sitting cross-legged at the center of the stage.

Roronoa Zoro closed his eyes and smiled, exposing two rows of sharply-pointed teeth as his twin blades dripped with the blood of his victims.

* * *

 **-Vagabond's Roost-**

Tobi laughed again, hardly able to contain his excitement as he saw the astonished and enraged looks on their faces.

"Yeah, it might be a while before you figure out everything that's going on, but that's part of the magic! Anyway, this has been super fun, but it's time for me to go now. I'll see you all later! Well, actually, no I won't, but…" Tobi paused. "Anyway, goodbye!"

With that, the Akatsuki leader melted into the floor. The transparent dome of Law's Room shot outwards and his scalpel flicked out from his pocket, the extending edge invisibly carving a large round hole in the floor. The instant the carved section separated from the surrounding wood, the circular chunk of lifted up into the air as if released from gravity's control. As it floated gently upwards, Tobi emerged from the underside of the floor-fragment looking distinctly puzzled by his upside-down predicament. Getting his bearings, Tobi dropped from his perch and fell towards the hole that exposed the frame of thick wooden support beams and straps that anchored the establishment to the enormous sloth's furry belly.

Without hesitation, Law tried to swap Tobi's position with one of the tables back up inside the room, but there was an odd pulling feeling and the transfer failed with a painful sensation that felt like a rubber band snapping inside his brain.

At the very same time, Captain Bege stood up with a furious glower and thrust out one hand. A wickedly-barbed harpoon speared out from beneath his pin-striped sleeve, rapidly growing to full-size as it left whatever field was controlling his power. It moved as though it had been fired out of a cannon, clipping Tobi as he fell and catching on his robes. Capone sneered as the hooks caught and the rope began reeling its prey back in.

Several of the Rookies closed in, but Tobi continued giggling as he hung on the end of the rope like the catch of the day.

"Wow, no one's ever shot me with a harpoon before!" he exclaimed, looking back towards Captain Bege and focusing. An instant later the gangster floated up off the ground, losing his purchase and getting pulled over the edge of his second-floor vantage point. That done, Tobi fell right back down through the opening and cut the rope.

Luffy was there barely an eyeblink later, screaming as he dashed through the opening and slamming bodily into the Akatsuki leader. Tobi jerked backwards in pain. Luffy raised his fist and struck, but his hand never reached the other man's face. Tobi's eyes pulsed again with power and the Rinnegan pushed Luffy away with extreme prejudice, sending the rubber-man shooting down through hole and into the mess of woodwork and structural supports until he collided with the sloth's algae-laden belly.

Tobi had just a split-second to realize something hadn't gone as expected. In the last moment, Luffy had grabbed onto his shoulder and robes, and he hadn't let go. They were now connected by Luffy's stretchy grip, and pushing back with the Rinnegan didn't seem to be helping matters.

Tobi screamed in surprise as the rubber-man's limbs snapped back against the tension, accelerating the AkatsukI leader to breakneck speed as the he slammed through a couple of the support struts before colliding with Luffy. The collision tore at Tobi's robes, sending him rolling off onto the sloth's belly.

Luffy recovered first, getting up and charging. His leg snapped forward to punt Tobi into the air and send him back towards the other Pirates, but the masked-man caught his foot, riding the momentum upwards into an artful aerial spin. Focusing again, Tobi's eyes sent Luffy's body soaring away off into the ocean, only to be foiled by his firm grip in the sloth's fur. Luffy snapped back to his original position with even more momentum than before, shooting at Tobi like a bullet. Tobi dodged, but the rubber-man rebounded off another beam and shot back into the combat without a single misstep, firing a storm of punches as he did so.

"Holy crap!" exclaimed Tobi, parrying the fierce attacks one after another. "That's awesome!"

He reached out with one glowing hand, but Luffy kicked out and knocked Tobi away, dodging the touch as if he somehow knew what was coming.

There was the sound of a bass-drum that rolled over the area, and Tobi spun in place to face the dancing figure of Apoo, who was perched on a distant strut. His chest had widened into the shape of a drum, and he slammed his fists into it one after another, each strike resounding through the air.

 **[FIGHTING MUSIC - BOOM]**

When Apoo struck his chest again, Tobi was engulfed in an explosion. Much to Apoo's surprise, he emerged from the blast completely unharmed, dashing away from the chaotic attack and leaping off of the sloth's belly into the ocean as Luffy charged after him.

"You're not getting away from me, jerk!" yelled Luffy, adding, "Whoa!"

Teeth. The ocean below the sloth exploded, and what leapt up through the crash of spray was an enormous shark, its body studded with metal and each tooth the size of a person. Luffy's eyes went wide and he instantly moved to attack position, only for him to be slapped out of the way by an enormous scaly foot.

Captain Drake had transformed into the form of an immense predatory dinosaur, and bull-rushed the oncoming dire-shark, halting its forward momentum and pushing it backwards before it could collide with the building's supports. The sloth beneath their feet began the very slow process of roaring in pain as the two titanic predators engaged in combat on its belly, and the supports for the entire structure began to shudder.

"Get that thing off of here!" shouted Law from up above.

Heaving with effort, Drake bit down on the sea-beast and grabbed on, swinging around and dropping the dire-shark back into the ocean. It disappeared beneath the waves and swam away without further complaint. Tobi caught up with the beast a moment later, landing on its back as they rode across the ocean's waves, now thoroughly beyond the reach of most of the Devil-Fruit users as it moved through the thickly-bunched mangrove roots.

Just before Tobi could finish his escape, Naruto appeared in front of him, flying straight at the Akatsuki leader while carrying a huge vortex of swirling chakra in his palm.

"TOBI!" he yelled, his face transformed by the distinctive marks of Sage Mode. "You're coming with me!"

The immense Rasengan struck Tobi dead on, but failed to do damage, instead being sucked away as if funneled off into some bottomless reservoir. Naruto barely had time to register his shock before he was sent flying away as well, coming to rest on the underside of one of the tree roots.

"Sorry, Naruto!" yelled Tobi. "I'll try to make sure nothing happens to you when this is all over, okay?!"

Spurred on by some unseen signal, the dire-shark accelerated through the water, disappearing between the mangrove's roots and into the light of day once more.

* * *

The assembled Rookies returned above cursing their luck. They didn't have long to lament the current state of affairs before things got worse. Several subordinates were waiting for them inside, Sasuke among them.

"What's going on out there?" asked Law, looking between the gathered individuals.

"We're under attack," said Sasuke, crossing his arms and looking out towards the entrance. "Tobi drew the Marines here somehow.

Several of the Rookie captains cursed and headed for the surface, ready to do battle. The only ones who stayed behind were Drake, Law, Luffy, and Sasuke.

"Where'd Zoro go?" asked Luffy. "He was right here a minute ago. Is he out fighting the Marines?"

Sasuke sighed, scratching his head in frustration. "No… not quite. The rest of us are still up there holding them off, and Naruto is probably coming back soon, but… we're hearing things about the rest of the island. Zoro left to deal with it before I could stop him."

"Is this about Moria?" asked Law, frowning deeply. "Tobi already told us about that."

"Nope… 'fraid not. Moria is still out there causing trouble, but that's not all there is to this. We heard three other pieces of news that I don't like. Some sort of fake Zoro is attacking the slave marketplace and wreaking all sorts of havoc. Zoro dashed off the instant he heard about it."

"Wait, who's got a fake Zoro?" asked Luffy.

"Well, I don't want to leap to conclusions, but Akatsuki could manage that kind of thing easily… Changing one's form is extremely simple for a ninja. That's not the only bad news, though… the Kid Pirates may or may not be attacking civilians in the hotel districts."

"'May or may not be?'" asked Law, wincing in irritation. "More fakes?"

"Maybe," said Sasuke. "News was uncertain. That's not the worst of it, though. They also say that Fire-Fist Ace was spotted burning his way through the defenders of the Nobility's quarters. I'd be shocked if that was the real Ace out there, but whoever it is is killing civilians and heading straight for the remaining Nobility on the island."

Luffy's jaw dropped, and Law and Drake's faces paled in horror.

"Son of a bitch…" muttered Law. "We've been played like a bunch of _chumps…_ "

"This is the worst possible situation," said Drake. "They're knocking down every hornet nest in town and sticking us with the clean-up. I don't know why they're causing trouble now, but we need to start thinking about getting off of the island."

"Maybe…" mused Law, before pausing. "No… on second thought, that's not going to work at all. There are too many ships nearby that can be recalled, and I doubt this is all the arrows they have in their quiver..."

"Why did Tobi come here in person to tell us this, anyway?" asked Drake.

"I don't know… If we take him at his word, they're trying to stir up trouble, and I suppose he thinks we'll be in a better shape to cause it if we know about it beforehand..."

"I can't say for certain why Akatsuki is doing this," interrupted Sasuke. "But I can say that the information we got on Tobi suggests it isn't his true objective to get us all killed. Maybe that's going to be a side-effect, but his real goal for today was something else entirely. Whatever it is, they don't seem to want the government figuring out this was caused by them until it's too late."

"So it _was_ a distraction after all...?" asked Drake, scratching at the scar on his chin.

"Yeah. I think it is," stated Sasuke. "But I don't know what it's for. Generally you don't put all your assets into a distraction, after all, but in this case it sounds like their entire team might be in on this. It doesn't make any damn sense, but I've got a feeling we might know someone who can shed some light on this. Either way, it sounds like retreating to the center of the island would be best for now, right?"

"Yes… At the very least it should cut down on the heat…" said Law. "What are you thinking?"

"There's a man by the name of Silvers Rayleigh who lives on Grove 6, and I think he may know what's going on."

"Rayleigh?" asked Drake. "As in, the 'Dark King' Rayleigh? He's _here_?! Wait, Straw-Hat, where are you going?"

Luffy, it seemed, had lost patience and was making a beeline directly for the entrance. He didn't turn around when they called out to him.

"I'm going after Ace," he said.

Sasuke was the only one who didn't look surprised.

"Fire-Fist?" asked Law. "You realize that this is a trap, right? There's no reason that someone like him would risk everything by angering the Nobility!"

"Yeah. I know. That's why I can't let this slide. If those jerks wanna drag Ace's name through the mud then I've got to teach them a lesson," said Luffy. "Sasuke, find out what's going on. I'm going out."

"Luffy," interrupted Sasuke. "Please let the others know where you're going. And… don't forget about the Vivre Card. If Ace is missing, that should show where he is, right?"

Luffy nodded, and then he was gone.

"Son of a bitch," muttered Law. "He'll be lucky if he only gets himself killed…"

"Aren't you going to stop him?" asked Drake, casting a displeased glance in Sasuke's direction, both arms crossed.

The young ninja shook his head. "No… I trust him. He'll see this through and then he'll come back. In the meantime, we have more important things to worry about."

"I'm not going to stick around for this," said Drake, following after Luffy as he headed to the exit. "I'm going to fight my way back to my crew, then we're going to try and make it clear of the island. Good luck to you, Law. You, at least, tried to be reasonable."

Then he was gone too.

Sasuke nodded. "Our team up above will likely split into groups to gather our crew back together. I'll be heading for Rayleigh. I don't care if you come with me or not."

"Wait…" said Law. He paused, then motioned to his subordinate.

"Get back to the ship and then wait under Grove 22. If I'm not back by sunset then leave as carefully as you can and come back in a week's time, same place."

Orders given, he turned back to Sasuke.

"I'm coming with you. You know things about Akatsuki, right?"

The ninja nodded, and Law smiled without mirth.

"Good. Tell me everything you know about the Undertaker… Orochimaru."

* * *

A/N: I'm guessing someone will figure out most of what's going on here before too long. This is also the first time the Straw-Hats have witnessed the powers of the Rinnegan, which may or may not come in handy later.

I was delayed these last weeks by buying a house, but am getting back into the swing of things. I've been dearly looking forward to this part of the story since before I even started this.


	59. Shell Game

It was generally understood that among the ranks of the Shichibukai each one of them possessed the power to rule over entire countries if they so wished. The Government was willing to accept such exceptions to their rule for a number of reasons. The first was that such warlords tended to be fiendishly territorial, occupying niches in the outlaw ecosystem that other pirates would normally fill. Second was that they were stable, known quantities. Third was that by allowing a warlord to 'put down roots,' as it were, the government gained leverage against those warlords that would normally have been impossible against more nomadic crews.

Others, such as Dracule Mihawk, had managed to fight and claw their way into the furthest depths of power, becoming something closer to a legend than a human. One such as he was best to avoid antagonizing, and if he was happy to be left alone in exchange for the occasional request then all the better.

Sometime it was just better to accept a bit of lawlessness if it kept the other pirates in line, and most government officials considered the Shichibukai system to be a plus in every way, so long as you ignored the citizens that were beaten and exploited in the process. This was not, in the minds of many officials, considered to be a great sacrifice when compared to the benefits the system offered.

The reanimated corpse of former Shichibukai Gecko Moria was now showing everyone on Sabaody Archipelago just how poorly things could go when the system failed.

Moria's silent corpse moved at high speed and without tiring across the island, refusing to be stopped by such unimportant things as sword and bullet wounds, leaving walking corpses in his wake. He alone had turned a large part of the island into a warzone, and with Perona and Danzou's assistance delaying Marine response to his rampage he became seemingly unstoppable. Zombies had now spread to multiple groves, sometimes acquiring other bodies to bring back to their master. Nearly a dozen groves were now reporting at least some trouble with roaming undead.

At the same time, a man who appeared to be Fire-Fist Ace was running amok on Grove 79, prompting desperate calls for aid to Government forces up in Mariejois. There was also some sort of slaughter being perpetrated by Pirate-Hunter Roronoa Zoro on Grove 1 at the slave market, and the Kid Pirates had apparently touched off a panic in the shipping yards, though the how and why of it was still unknown.

Complicating matters further was that all this had begun right after a division of Marines had been sent off to deal with a reported gathering of high-bounty pirates, and several sturdy Marine officers had already been found dead as they tried to regain control of the situation. In short, nowhere seemed to be safe, and the Marines had gone from feeling in complete control of the situation to being hopelessly overwhelmed in the space of a single hour.

But calls for aid and organization _were_ going out. Help was just a hop, skip, and a jump away.

* * *

 **-Grove 37-**

Only moments ago the proprietors of the dingy meeting area that had just hosted the aborted Rookie Summit cursed the remaining pirates straight out the door, up the stairs, and back onto land before rushing back inside to inject some unknown compound into the veins of the mighty sloth that carried the establishment. The sloth's roar was like a doppler effect but in reverse, the almost sub-sonic rumble rampaging up in pitch as the animal's metabolism increased, and soon the normally slothful creature was rapidly high-tailing it away from the fight. This, it seemed, was the establishment's final trump card in the game of staying one step ahead of the law. It swung away through the root system, disappearing towards the center of the island.

Up above, there was an area relative safety as the assembled Rookie captains proceeded to utterly obliterate the Marine squads that had attacked them, which gave the remaining Straw-Hats (plus Trafalgar Law) the freedom to discuss their plans.

Zoro had long since left to fight his doppelganger, and Luffy was rapidly running out of Marines to stomp, at which point he would be going after Ace. Sasuke thought the only proper choice was to seek information from Rayleigh.

The groups formed quickly. Robin and Law would go with Sasuke to meet with Rayleigh. Naruto and Hinata decided to find and assist Zoro. Sanji reluctantly agreed to pursue Luffy. Sakura, however, found herself in an odd position as she listened to the others.

"Hmm… Given the layout of the island, Grove 6 isn't actually all that far from Grove 42," mused Robin. "We won't lose too much time if we head to Rayleigh's straight away and then proceed to the ship afterwards..."

"You're coming with us, then?" asked Sasuke.

Robin nodded. "If something truly important is happening on this island, Sir Rayleigh is the only one who can illuminate it. I doubt he will be as reluctant to speak of Akatsuki's goals this time. We should go there as quickly as we can."

"Great. Sakura?" he asked, wasting no time.

Sakura opened her mouth to agree, and then paused, eyes closed, as she considered. She'd done her best to stay with Sasuke ever since they'd met up again, and her first instinct was to continue doing just that, but… really, she needed to be somewhere else, didn't she? She opened her eyes a second later.

"I'm going after Luffy," she said. "Stay safe, alright?"

Then, much to Sasuke's surprise, she turned to the disappearing figure of Sanji and ran after him.

Sakura knew this was the right decision. It was always so tempting to cling onto something you were losing with all of your might, fighting, biting, and crying to make the world give in. That, however, was a child's attitude, and she knew she could be better than that. Right now she didn't need to be with her friend; right now she needed to find out just who this Luffy really was when things came down to the wire. Who was the man that Sasuke was putting so much trust in?

She actually wasn't at all certain that Sasuke would change his mind based on her opinion of the man, but this way at least she would _know._ That had to be important, right?

She quickly caught up to Sanji, who was irrationally pleased by her presence, and the two of them continued on their quest.

The groups were set. Three groups of three.

* * *

 **-Grove 1-**

 **-Auction House Group-**

Naruto might have had a slightly more difficult time catching up with Zoro were it not for Hinata's help. A ninja's speed was almost unmatchable when it came to long-distance running, but Zoro had been advancing almost perpendicularly to his destination, hopelessly lost even though the number of each grove was painted in tremendous characters on the side of each mangrove tree. When they finally found him he was quick to deny he needed their help, and Naruto was just as quick to ignore him. For several moments Naruto also seriously considered asking Hinata to lie about their destination, directing the swordsman to the ship as they pretended to head for the impostor. The green-haired bone-head would never figure it out until it was too late, and it would mean the group would be much more unified.

He couldn't do it. Whoever this fake-Zoro was, they were definitely connected to Akatsuki, which means they had information. Naruto was feeling more powerful than ever, and with this team they should be able to make even one of Akatsuki pause. If going to the Auction House might lead him further on the path to Tobi then that was something he'd gladly do.

So, instead of retreating they headed onwards with Hinata directing them around likely trouble-spots before trouble could find them.

"I see him," said Hinata, as they were passing through Grove 3. "There's someone who looks just like you sitting in the largest building on Grove 1. He seems to have killed quite a lot of people, but it looks like he's just waiting for something now."

"Can you tell if he's Akatsuki or not?" asked Naruto.

Hinata nodded quite certainly, then paused, frowning slightly. "Umm… well… whoever it is, he's definitely a ninja. Chakra systems like ours look completely different from people out here. And… he's also definitely powerful."

"Yeah?"

She turned to look at Naruto, even though she didn't need to. "He has a _lot_ of chakra. Maybe even as much as you, Naruto."

The three of them continued running in silence for a second.

"Wait, what?" asked Naruto. "But that's, like, my _thing_. This guy doesn't have a demon inside him like I do, does he?"

She shook her head. "I don't think so… but… well…"

She paused.

"Yeah?" asked Naruto again.

"He might not be human," she admitted. "Even when someone transforms, their chakra system stays pretty much the same, and his doesn't feel like a human's… It's more like what I saw in Hachi, back at the ship."

"A merman, huh?" said Zoro. "That makes this guy on the bounty poster, right? 'Slicing Rain' Kisame?"

"You know him?" asked Naruto.

Zoro gave him a look. "I was a bounty hunter for several years. I pay attention to this stuff."

"Oh, right," said Hinata, pulling out a small handbook from a pouch and rifling through it. "When Sakura told Kakashi she might be following after Akatsuki, he slipped her his copy of the bingo book. And I, well… I made a copy of what I thought we'd need," She paused uncomfortably at the technically unapproved admission before reaching the correct page. "Oh, here he is… Kisame. Missing-nin from Hidden Mist… Former member of Mist's Seven Ninja Swordsmen… Uses a legendary greatsword that looks like layers of shark scales… Naruto, this man is an S-Rank ninja- the kind of fighter our _teachers_ would hesitate to go after. I think this is beyond us."

Naruto didn't get a chance to respond before Zoro chuckled.

"That doesn't mean a damn thing to me…" he growled, entirely truthfully, "Whether that fish-bastard knows it or not, he called me out. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't even try to fight him. Especially as a swordsman… So, tell me more about that sword of his."

"It… it says that Samehada doesn't use a cutting edge, instead shaving and tearing at its opponents. It's a living greatsword that devours the chakra of its opponents simply by clashing with them."

"Oh yeah?" asked Zoro, sounding interested for once. "Doesn't actually make him sound like much of a swordsman, though. You'd want a lot of weird techniques for something like that. Is that what he's using right now?"

As the group continued running onward, Hinata blinked and refocused her sight. A moment passed, then another.

"You okay, Hinata?" asked Naruto.

"Umm… yes. But… I don't see the sword anywhere. It's not on his person and none of the bodies around him were killed that way. He's carrying two normal katana."

"Thought so," said Zoro. "If he tried using something like that while looking like me it'd look all wrong, and these guys wanna pin the blame on someone else."

Naruto laughed. "Hey, good instincts, I guess. Kinda weird that he left his best weapon totally behind when everything's about to go to shit, though. I'd have hidden it somewhere nearby if it were me, you know?"

"Yeah…" muttered Zoro. "Weird…"

* * *

The impostor was waiting for them on the lit stage of the Auction House, bodies strung down from the ceiling as if they were just another set of merchandise on display. Blood spattered across the bright-yellow floor, and the fake Zoro looked quite at home amidst the carnage. He looked up at them, grinning, as they entered the multi-tiered seating area.

"Well, you sure took your time," said the impostor, spreading an arm wide to indicate the death and destruction above the stage. "I'd apologize for the damage this might do to your image, but now that I can see your eyes… I think you can take it."

"My image…?" said Zoro, slowly drawing his first sword. "Oh… that old thing… I've found it works itself out without needing my help. This? This is only gonna end up helping me, you fish-bastard."

Kisame's grin persisted. "Oh? So you _do_ know who I am. Well then, I'll give this one to you for free and ask the question you want me to. I can see in your eyes that you're a killer. If you wanted a reputation for needless slaughter then there's nothing stopping you. These animals were nothing but trash, anyway. So why would you say this helps your image?"

A second sword came out as Zoro's grin seemed to split the air. "People only remember the victors. Whoever dies here… the only thing anyone's gonna remember is that Roronoa Zoro won."

The impostor began to chuckle. It started off low and measured, but gradually worked itself into a full-blown belly-laugh that had Naruto and Hinata looking uncomfortably in Zoro's direction.

"Dude... so... how long were you thinking that one up?" asked Naruto.

"There aren't any other Akatsuki members here," interrupted Hinata. "I'm pretty sure of it now."

"Good," said Zoro, ignoring Naruto's question. "Stay back, you two. This guy's mine."

"Whoa-ho-ho, no way, pal," said Naruto, cracking his knuckles. "I'm a gang-beatdown specialist. Fighting just one-on-one hasn't _ever_ been my style, and I'm not changing that for you."

Hinata touched his shoulder. "Naruto, there are a lot of unpleasant-looking people coming this way. They look like natives, and a lot of them have guns."

As a look of uncertainty crossed the young man's face, Zoro kept his eyes glued to his laughing duplicate at the center of the room.

"See?" said Zoro. "You've got a lot of ass-kicking to do out there anyway. Give me this one."

"Wait a minute," interrupted the impostor, his laughter receding into the shadow of a grin as he stood up from the stage. "You're assuming I'm going to let any of you leave this room alive. I'm a greedy man, you see, and I might or might not feel like fighting all of you."

"Might or might not, huh?" asked Zoro, walking slowly through the seating area down towards the auction stage. "You wanna elaborate on that?"

The impostor disappeared, crossing the distance with a mighty leap. He stuck from above with both swords. Zoro blocked, and the explosion of noise that followed was one part ringing steel and two parts collapsing masonry as the ground sunk beneath the force of the blow. Zoro grit his teeth as his defence wavered, his arms shaking from the massive impact.

Kisame just smirked. "Well, that's fine," he said. "You'll do for now."

Naruto and Hinata stood back, and the young blond cursed as they backed away. "Alright, alright. Let's go," he said, carefully moving towards the exit. "That idiot swordsman gets a bit indiscriminate when he's fighting for real. I don't wanna get caught in another tornado, you know?"

" _Another_ one?" asked Hinata.

"I'll tell you later."

Together they stepped outside, leaving Zoro to an uncertain fate as they prepared to do battle with the entire criminal underworld of Sabaody Archipelago.

* * *

 **-Grove 29-**

 **-Ace Group-**

"Luffy!" shouted Sanji, starting helplessly up at the completely vertical mangrove tree. "Luffy, I swear, I will kick you so hard I'll _make_ you feel it! Luffy!"

It was useless. He and Sakura had been chasing Luffy for several groves now as he headed straight to wherever his brother had last been sighted. Then, all of a sudden, Luffy had pulled out the scrap of paper that responded to Ace's location and then zipped right up the nearest mangrove, disappearing into the canopy without a word. Eventually Sakura had got impatient and told Sanji to wait at ground level while she went after Luffy.

Now he was all alone. Even the lady had left him behind.

Sanji cursed. This was, as always, all Luffy's fault.

"That stupid son of a…" he began, staring up into the canopy that the pink-haired ninja had just strolled up into. "-is he even up there anymore?"

The tree had nothing to say to him.

There was only one option, and it was something he'd been itching to try for the last several weeks. The one thing that had been completely impossible for him to practice while Sasuke and Zoro had been around to laugh at him. Taking a deep breath, Sanji placed one foot on the trunk of the tree and focused.

Ever since the time he had practiced with that paper, he had been able to feel some sort of energy moving around inside of him when he concentrated, and that feeling had only intensified since he had begun practicing with fire. If the ninjas could do this, then so could he. And if he could do it then it would be one more thing to cross off the list. He pushed the energy out from the soles of his feet, and the tree bark immediately crunched into splintered fragments underneath his sole.

Sanji winced. Okay, well, it was a start.

Another minute passed as he varied the strength of his attempts, and he found that while it was very easy for him to cling to the tree so fiercely that he couldn't take a single step, it was much harder for him to release that grip on one foot without releasing the other. Eventually, after numerous slips, trips, and embarrassing falls he finally felt he had it. He stuck one foot onto the tree, then the other, and then he started his slow ascent.

It was exhilarating! He was walking straight up the side of a tree! Step by step he climbed higher and higher. This could have been a cliffside, or a building, or…

Man, come to think of it, he would've given up a finger or two to have this ability as a kid. Spying on second-story windows would've been _so_ much easier. Well, hey, maybe it wasn't too late to try after all? He grinned lasciviously. Now if only he could find that Devil Fruit that granted invisibility...

Boy, standing sideways on the side of a tree like this was a hell of a core workout, wasn't it?

He pushed onward. His anger and lust burned together inside him, leaving only the ashes of determination as they consumed themselves to fuel his ascent.

Still too far from the top. He was still only reaching as high as the lowest branches. Maybe he should have started practicing on a tree that _wasn't_ the size of a small island. He looked down and the height was dizzying.

"Sanji," said Luffy.

Sanji screamed in surprise and his feet let go of the tree trunk. His last sight was of Luffy stretched down from one of the higher branches, looking at him with no small confusion.

Sanji desperately ran down the tree trunk, trying unsuccessfully to grip on and slow himself down. Perhaps he even succeeded a bit. He still hit the ground like a falling anvil, kicking up a storm of dirt and wood splinters as he cratered on impact.

A minute later, he was wincing and rubbing down his legs as Luffy and Sakura landed next to him.

"Sanji, what were you doing on that tree?" asked Luffy.

"Pretty good attempt at chakra control, I thought," said Sakura, looking at him appraisingly.

"Goddammit, what the hell were you doing up there?" responded Sanji, completely ignoring the question. "Weren't we going after your dumb brother?"

"Apparently not," said Sakura, cryptically. "Why don't you show him?"

Luffy seemed to be moving more slowly than usual. If you squinted your eyes and really stretched your imagination you could almost believe he was thinking hard about something, but Sanji knew that _thati_ was impossible. Either way, a moment passed before Luffy held out his hand. Inside it was a tiny scrap of paper that was being tugged upwards, jumping into the air every second and then fluttering back to his hand like a wounded bird. It was also burning, already reduced in size from what it had once been.

"What… what does that mean?" asked Sanji.

"Dunno," said Luffy.

Sakura frowned. "If we take it at face value… then it means that Ace is above us and that the guy we're chasing isn't the real thing. I don't know how accurate these little pieces of paper are, though."

"Weren't you just up there? It kept pointing up even at the top of the trees?" Sanji asked, frowning. "Well damn, I dunno. That doesn't make a lot of sense. Is the burning thing supposed to mean he's in trouble?"

"Yeah," said Luffy, closing his fist and stuffing the scrap of paper into a pocket.

"We don't actually know that," admitted Sakura, "-but it's hard to imagine it being good if it's tied to his chakra signature somehow."

"Well, then what are we doing about it?" asked Sanji, straightening up and readying to move. "We don't have a way to get up any further than the tree-tops."

"The fake Ace knows where he is," stated Luffy. "We need to find Grove 79."

"Just like that?" asked Sakura, watching Luffy carefully.

"Just like that."

She furrowed her brow and looked towards Sanji, who shrugged.

"Captain's orders," he said, "Maybe if we take out this fake burning bastard then we can stop the island from getting torched along the way, huh?"

Sakura seemed willing to go along with that, and Luffy had already starting moving. They followed after him once more until he stopped in the middle of an open area, looking left and right. That was the only warning they got before a whistling noise from above sent Sanji and Sakura into a blind dive. A storm of harpoons rained from behind, and though Sakura darted out of the worst of it the weapon-storm seemed to be centered straight at Sanji's position, leaving him nowhere to dodge. He barely managed to avoid being impaled, but one of the spears caught him on the shoulder, cutting into his skin.

Wincing, he dashed into cover behind a nearby tree root and looked up as a swarm of fish-like creatures burst from behind the nearest mangrove, led by a man with bloodshot eyes and a horrifying mask who rode on some sort of a flying bison. The great multi-tipped mechanical weapon at his shoulder seemed to indicate he was the source of the sudden harpoon barrage.

"HAHAH! HAAAH-HAHAHAHA!" screamed the masked man at the top of his lungs. "I DID IT! YOU'RE DEAD NOW, BLACK-LEG!"

Sanji prodded his arm as something seemed strange to him. The wound didn't seem to be all that painful, but an odd cloying smell filled the air, causing Sanji to glance around at the weapons. From each one of the spears impacted into the ground, a smoking violet miasma was wafting menacingly into the air, and Sakura darted to his side in an instant.

"Hold still," she commanded, grabbing his wounded arm and holding it in place as her other hand passed over the exposed injury, glowing with a viridian aura as it did so. Suddenly the pain came to him in a stabbing wave and Sanji winced. The man above just kept laughing.

"Ah, shit, is this poison?" asked Sanji. "It didn't hurt until you started doing that."

"No, and that's not a good sign," Sakura stated as blood began flowing from the wound at a faster-than-normal rate. "Look, I've got no time to analyze this so I'm just isolating the arm and removing the contaminated blood before it can reach the rest of the body. Luffy, keep them off us! I need some time here!"

"It's no use!" exclaimed the flying man. Though he was wearing a full-faced metal mask, the sneer was quite audible in his voice. "Time's the one thing you don't have! That's Black Messenger Scorpion poison, and one cut'll kill you in three minutes!"

"Three minutes… no problem…" muttered Sakura, focusing hard on the task.

"Hey!" growled Luffy, stepping forward to face the aerial attack squad, "You got a problem with me, you take it up with me! No one messes with my crew and gets away with it!"

"A problem… with you…?!" growled the masked man. "No… not with _you…_ "

His hand speared downward, pointing unerringly to the place where Sanji and Sakura now sheltered.

" _YOU…!_ My problem's wi'd _you!_ My name's Duval, and you were da one dat ruined my life!"

The three besieged Straw-Hats looked uncertainly back and forth for a moment, and Sanji's face went blank. Above, the circling fish riders were muttering worriedly about their boss's sudden acquisition of an accent.

"W-what? _Me?"_ asked Sanji. "...Do I even know you?"

"No, dere's no way you'd know me, you sunnovabitch! But I know you, and you _ruined my life!_ "

Sakura didn't sound very impressed with her patient as she continued the process of extracting poison from his arm, staining his sleeve quite thoroughly crimson in the process.

"Oh, so this is a grudge, then, huh?" she asked. "So what did you do to him?"

"I… I don't know…!" he protested.

"Come on, you must have _some_ idea of who this is."

"No! I… I mean sure there were… probably several hundred people who wanted me dead after I beat their asses at the restaurant, but…" Sanji turned his gaze distant in recollection, counting carefully on his fingers. "Geez, who were the top ten or so…?"

Sakura snorted. "Great. You reap what you sow, then. Hold on, you're going to be fine in a minute and then it'll be your job to fix this mess."

This exchange only made Duval more angry.

"Nuh-uh…" intoned the flying madman, rumbling with anger. "'Dis ain't from some damn restaurant, you bastard… You and I ain't _never_ met before."

"What?" asked Luffy, staring up at the circling bison as it flew circles around him. "Sanji, how'd you ruin his life without even meeting him, huh?"

"Y-you think I know something like that?!" asked Sanji. "Give it up, man! You've got the wrong guy or something!"

Several of the man's flying henchmen winced visibly, and a bark of laughter echoed throughout the area. Duval's laughter was explosive and tinged with no small amount of madness.

" _W-wrong guy?! WRONG GUY?!"_

He charged down at them, spurring the flying bison on to its maximum speed with a roar of descending rage, but Luffy was ready for it. He leapt straight up into the air, grabbing on to both of the bison's horns and staring it in the eyes. Just as Duval was about to stab downwards, the bison freaked out, halting in midair and bucking wildly, desperate to get the rubber-man off of his face. When this failed to do anything other than make Duval struggle to hold on, the bison headed straight for the ground to scrape the hanger-on off.

"Stop it!" ordered Luffy, still staring the creature down.

For just a moment, everyone's eyes flickered over to Luffy, though they wouldn't have been able to say why. The bison did stop, though, pulling wildly backwards in fear and tumbling over itself in mid-air, sending both Luffy and Duval falling to the ground.

The other flying fish riders yelled in shock, and the first one to charge in after their boss spurred the others to action. Leaping to his feet, Luffy turned around for just long enough to see Sakura slapping Sanji on the back and pushing him towards the fight, then he glared up at the swarm of henchmen and launched himself up into the air on a storm of screaming fists.

Duval didn't care. When he pulled himself up from the ground he had eyes only for the cook in front of him.

"Alright 'den," he said, his eyes gravely serious even as fish rained from the sky in the background. "Just you an' me, huh? Yeah… Yeah, 'dat's how it should be…"

Sanji glared at him. "You freaky bison bastard, what the hell's your problem?! I've got a lot of high-grade scum who want my head, but I'm not about to accept a damn reservation from someone I can't even identify. Either tell me clearly what I supposedly did to you, or take off that damn mask!"

"Oh… Oh… I'll do better'n 'dat… I'll do both…"

Slowly, Duval reached up for his head and the straps holding the mask were undone, one by one. Perhaps in his mind this seemed to be quite the dramatic moment, but it was rather ruined by the sound of fish and thugs hitting the ground all across the grove as Luffy went on a rampage. Once again, Duval didn't seem to care.

"Look! Look at whad'ya friggin done ta me!"

The mask was removed.

A laugh escaped Sakura's lips as if it had been held there against its will. Sanji's face went blank before slowly twisting into a wild disbelief as Duval continued his tale of vengeance.

"I been waitin' so long! I swore 'ta send you 'ta hell, but I couldn' even find ya! I mean, how could I? Your fuggin' bounty poster don't even look anything like ya!"

" _No! No! I don't believe it!"_ cackled Sakura, collapsing to the ground as her laughter ran away with her, hands going to her sides. _"What are the odds?!"_

Ignoring her, Duval continued his desperate rant, sobbing his way through the words mangled by his thick accent.

"Dey'd come afta me with guns and swords, and dey'd say, 'We found ya, 'Black Leg' Sanji! Yer comin' wi'd us!'"

"I… I…" started Sanji, mouth opening and closing uselessly.

" _Oh man! He looks_ just _like your bounty poster!"_ laughed Sakura.

Having wiped the skies clean of thugs, Luffy returned and began glaring at the man with deep suspicion. "It's an exact copy of Sanji?! Akatsuki made a fake cook, too?!"

"No… No, this… this _can't_ be true," said Sanji, walking forward with one arm outstretched. "I don't even look anything like this guy… Right?"

Duval's thick and wiry blond hair only slightly obscured an astonishingly ugly face that was crying with rage, tears dripping from flat, dead eyes that were topped by a curly set of eyebrows, and snot pouring from a misshapen nose. His fat, fishy lips failed to hide the teeth he was grinding together. He roared his pain across at them.

" **AND I'D TELLEM, 'I AIN'T HIM! I DON'T EBEN KNOW'IM! I AIN'T EBEN A PIRATE! WHAT'D I DO TA DESERBE 'DIS, HUH?! GIMME BACK MY LIFE ALREADY!"**

Sanji's foot impacted the man's face.

Sakura was so shocked that she immediately twitched into combat position. The cook had moved faster than she could follow, covering the ground before she'd been able to react. When his foot came away from the man's face it was smoking from some unknown heat. Duval seemed even more surprised than she had been, stumbling backwards in shock and pain, but then Sanji was upon him again. He struck out again and again, a rapid staccato of kicks impacting all across the man's upper body. The cook called out the names of his attacks almost as fast as he could make them, using each impact to propel him into the air for another brutal strike, and the impacts were even louder than Luffy's wild rampage had been.

Sakura watched in horror. Duval was being killed right before her eyes. A fierce series of blows to the man's head like this was beyond the abilities of even her master to cure, and she wondered how she had so thoroughly misjudged Sanji. He truly hadn't seemed like a killer, but now it was too late to stop him. The cook landed back on the ground a moment later, both feet slightly smoking. He pulled out a cigarette from his bloodstained suit pocket, and it lit itself as he raised it to his lips.

"There," said Sanji, walking calmly away from the still-standing corpse. "Reconstructive surgery _du pied_ , free of charge. Never let me see that ugly mug ever again."

But the man wasn't dead. Duval stood wide-eyed and open-mouthed, but he seemed completely as healthy as normal, except for one thing. The man standing there now was _not_ the same one that had been there a moment earlier. The very bone structure of his face had been completely reworked, giving him an elegant, angular jaw, refined lips, and a sharp, handsome nose. Even his hair had suffered the punishment, somehow straightening and reshaping itself after the barrage of hot-footed attacks.

"No," breathed Sakura, mouth hanging open as she stared at the completely transformed face of their ambusher. "No... No. No! _No!_ _NO!_ No, I _don't_ believe it! It doesn't _work_ that way! You can't just… You can't… That doesn't…!"

She screamed in long-repressed frustration. "Goddammit, I _hate_ this place! Everything's absolutely _crazy!_ Let's just get out of here already and no one talk about this ever again!"

She turned on her heel and stomped away, kicking up splinters as she went, and Luffy and Sanji were quick to rush after her.

Meanwhile, one of Duval's limping goons brought him a mirror and he stared into it, his newly-defined eyes wide in shock as he probed the tender flesh and bone with his hands. Slowly, tears began to leak and drip down his face, though for an entirely different reason than before.

"Wait, don't go!" he called. "You've… you've done so much for me…! I… I'm so… so very, very…" Duval paused, looking uncertain, and his men tried out words such as 'angry,' or 'grateful,' or 'happy' before he found something that truly expressed his emotions. _"I'm so very 'Handsome' for what you've done for me!"_

Yes, that was definitely the right word for what he was feeling.

* * *

 **-Grove 14-**

 **-Rayleigh Group-**

The group of Law, Robin, and Sasuke had covered a lot of ground since they had stolen a pair of bubble-speeders, and they'd used that time as best they could. Sasuke shared every scrap of intelligence he could, especially regarding Orochimaru. Luckily, Orochimaru had been a former Konoha ninja, and one of the treasure troves Sakura had brought from Konoha was Kakashi's copy of the bingo book, but even still there wasn't as much information to share as Law would have liked. Sasuke's explanations of the various pros and cons of cloning techniques and some of the methods he might have used to hide in the stones were nonetheless very helpful.

He'd also confirmed Law's worst fears; this snake-man was a world-class fighter who was far above other powerful bounties on the island, and he had an apparent obsession with immortality.

"And this guy wants you dead for some reason?" asked Sasuke.

"Yeah. I think he thinks he can make me help him with the power of my Devil Fruit," said Law. "It has some... unusual functions."

"That's not good," said Sasuke, understating the matter severely as he shook his head. "There are entire fields of techniques designed for illusions and mental manipulation, and I bet he has delved deeply into as many of them as he can manage. Intelligence indicated he had numerous cult-like devotees."

"...Is there any good news?"

"Well, depends on your definition. Anything that will make you work for him willingly is probably something that'll take awhile to accomplish. Total and instantaneous mind-control is… well, not impossible, but even he shouldn't be able to duplicate that."

"And yet there's Moria," inserted Robin, returning her attention to the conversation as she cancelled the many eyes and ears she had been spreading throughout the nearby groves. Though she could normally multitask well enough to work with her power and still carry on a conversation, allowing Sasuke to be her chauffeur gave her more freedom to focus. "There's no doubt in my mind that he won't survive his stay on this island, but I'm hearing that he and his subordinate are showing constant and unceasing regeneration as well as a death-like pallor that would befit a corpse. This wouldn't be a ninja ability, would it?"

Sasuke blinked several times in confusion at the words of the woman gripping his waist from behind. "Oh, you were listening, then. Well… honestly I've never heard of such a thing until… wait… according to the bingo book, Orochimaru had a technique that could create mindless, undying copies of dead people from a sample of their flesh or blood. This could be something like that, but…"

"A copy?" asked Law. "Would a copy be able to use the original's Devil Fruit?"

"I don't know."

"More to the point, how certain are you that that book told the truth about the technique?" asked Robin.

Sasuke shook his head. "The bingo book is designed for our highest-ranking fighters so that they know the capabilities of rogue criminals. It would be worse than useless if it wasn't accurate."

"A technique that truly raised the dead would be the kind of thing wars were started over…" mused Robin. "Even if I were making such a book, I would obscure the details of such an art, perhaps by making it seem less useful than it actually was."

"Fair enough…" said Sasuke, sounding uncertain. "So this brings us back to my original problem. There are only six Akatsuki members, and right now we know of at least three of them who are out there on the island, possibly also including Orochimaru if he's the one raising these dead. There's still news of even more chaos being raised out there, so there are probably more of them working this mess…"

"So if this _is_ a distraction," continued Law, "-then what's the payoff? They've got overwhelming force for anything on the island, so why split up when they could just take whatever it is they're looking for?"

Sasuke nodded, thinking carefully. The problem was, there just wasn't enough information to figure this out. Robin interrupted his thoughts with a question.

"If… all one needed to create a working copy of a dead person was a bit of blood, then that would mean that it would be possible to revive historical figures as well, correct? From an old knife, bloodstained jacket, or a musket ball?"

"Well, yeah," said Sasuke. "As long as you had some dried blood, it might work out. People don't normally keep that stuff around though for just anyone though." He grinned, tossing a glance back her way. "Why? Looking to do some first-hand historical interviews?"

"Well, it's true that I can't deny the appeal…" she said, still focused on her thoughts, "-but it's just that on Water-7 there was a…"

Robin paused. Sasuke kept an eye on her, but she never finished her statement.

" _UP!"_ shouted Law. Sasuke whipped his head back around, hauling up on the speeder's controls to dodge whatever it was coming his way even before he saw it. A scythed blade on a long length of wire was arcing through the air on their left side, being pulled upwards almost as fast as they were ascending. The scythe struck the speeder underneath, slicing straight through the resin bubble that kept them afloat and narrowly missing Robin and Sasuke's feet. For a moment it seemed as though the bubble might survive even being cut in half, but then it collapsed, sending the both of them into free-fall.

Reacting instantly, Robin sprouted long chains of arms from the nearby tree branches, grabbing the both of them and swinging them down into a graceful landing well away from their ambusher. Sasuke dropped off early, landing lightly on his feet and spinning to see their opponent.

Tall, lean, and muscular, the man wore a black shirt with white polka-dots, tasseled blue jeans, and a full-faced white-and-blue mask from which a wild mane of knee-length blond hair emerged. Small blades of every sort seemed to protrude from every spare pocket and sleeve, including several that seemed to have been sewn in specially to carry them, and that wasn't even including the two curved scythes at his hip or the tremendous weapon he was even now bringing back into a spinning orbit over his head.

Law was by their side moments later, bringing his remaining speeder to a screeching halt.

"That's 'Massacre Soldier' Killer," he said, glaring at the rogue warrior. "Captain Eustass Kid's second-in-command."

"No," said both Sasuke and Robin at the same time. There was a momentary pause before Robin continued alone. "No, that's probably not one of Kid's subordinates at all. I feel pretty confident in saying that's Hidan, one of the members of Akatsuki. He's even using his personal weapon, which means as disguises go this one's pretty thin."

"Well it's fucking great that I don't have to spell it out for you!" shouted Hidan, his voice muffled by the mask he was wearing. "Really not used to the whole 'blame my massacres on someone else' deal, and it's really been grating on my nerves! But hey, this guy loves scythes anyway so I figured, 'what the hell,' right?"

"Shit," cursed Law. "Of all the times to run into trouble. What's this guy like? What are we dealing with?"

As Robin tried to explain the man's strengths and weaknesses as succinctly as possible, Sasuke engaged his Sharingan and began scanning. Something was off right away. The glow of the man's chakra was strongly muted, or perhaps it was just that he'd expected to see a much stronger presence than there actually was. Hidan wasn't lit up like a high-ranking jounin, and if Sasuke didn't know any better he would have automatically doubted the man's presence in Akatsuki. It was far stronger than any standard clone should be, but unfortunately he'd never seen the man before, so it was impossible to say if this was his normal power level or not.

"Be careful…" muttered Sasuke. "His chakra signature is weaker than I'd expect. This might be a decoy, or perhaps he split his chakra into multiple shadow-clones. It's hard to say. I don't see anyone else nearby, but just watch your backs."

Thankfully, Law didn't ask him any time-wasting questions about how Sasuke had known that, simply giving him an odd look and then nodding in acknowledgement. It was always nice to work with professionals.

Hidan watched them finish their conversation from a distance and then snorted.

"Well, alright, you guys and girls finished chatting? I want to get this done before trouble interrupts, so let's get this show on the road already."

He moved, leaping into a sprint even as he maintained his wire's spinning tension. As the fake-Killer ran across the ground it quickly became clear that he was faster than any of the rest of them, rapidly closing the distance as his war-scythe skimmed towards them. Robin reacted immediately, summoning a line of hands across the wire that gripped each other firmly, attempting to pull the wire up and away from the group. Something in Hidan's body language gave him away and she dismissed her summoned limbs as quickly as she had summoned them. An instant later the wire twisted, edges like razorblades erupting from the metal sheathing all along its length.

"Oh, no you don't!" shouted Hidan. "I'm ready for you this time, arm-bitch!"

Sasuke moved into place so fast he appeared to flicker, red eyes tracking the weapon as he slid underneath the oncoming blade and kicked it up into the air. It passed narrowly over their heads, and then Hidan was among them. Law extended a hand.

 **[ROOM]**

The transparent dome of Law's power extended from his body, but Hidan shifted backwards smoothly, riding the pull of his blade's momentum back away from them as he kicked off the ground and dodged out of the room's area of control. He landed far back, somersaulting away until the room stopped expanding, at which point he pulled his scythe blade in, caught it with one hand, and sat cross-legged on the ground with his chin resting on one hand.

The three defenders watched him warily, something that Hidan seemed to find amusing.

"Heh... hey, feel free to sit in there trying all your weird powers and shit. I've got all the time in the world, but it looks like you need to get somewhere in a hurry." He yawned, the noise resonating inside his mask. "So yeah, have some fucking fun with that."

The three defenders shared a glance. Sasuke looked to Robin.

"You can't get him locked down?" he asked.

"No… he's adorned his clothing with blades, which is something I think a non-regenerator would find a bit dangerous. I can't find a good spot to grab him that wouldn't let him wound me." She chuckled. "It's funny. Once, I was his natural enemy, but he seems to have turned that weakness around entirely. Ninjas can be quite frightening."

"I can get him in my room, but I need a moment to set it up when he's in range," said Law. "Once that happens, he's mine. Regeneration won't do a thing against my attacks."

"Don't be too confident," said Robin. "His power far exceeds the bounty he was given. We've seen enough from Akatsuki to be sure that they can always turn this around. Receiving even a single cut could be deadly against this man."

"I think it's the best plan we've got, though," said Sasuke, stretching his legs to warm up. "I stand the best chance of dodging the opening attacks, so I'll go in first and give Law time to set up. But I actually think it's rather convenient that he dodged before taking a single hit, so the clone thing is still a possibility. Robin, keep some eyes out for whatever trick he has planned."

She smiled. "Will do."

"Also, if we manage to disable him then I think that we should disengage and continue onward to Grove 6."

Law nodded. "Good to see some sensible people here. There's no point in getting stuck in a fight with a regenerator."

"Alright then," said Sasuke. "I'm going in."

"Wait!" interrupted Robin.

Sasuke had only just started to move when Robin's warning made him look around, ready for anything. A man with a shock of vibrant red hair and murder in his eyes jumped down from one of the lower branches of the great tree. However, he wasn't heading for them. The man fell from behind Hidan, his right arm wrapped in a house-sized and fist-shaped conglomeration of jagged metal and scrap. Hidan sensed his approach just in time, leaping away the moment before the junk-fist slammed into the ground where Hidan had just been standing. It tore ragged crevices in the wood of the tree as the newcomer yelled in anger, sweeping the fist towards Hidan as random pieces of scrap flew in all directions.

Hidan made a noise that seemed halfway between amused laughter and angry shouting, turning to face his new assailant.

"Oh, hell, I thought for sure I'd given you shitheads the slip back there," he said. "You guys are _way_ too persistent for your own good!"

"No! No, you don't get to run away from us again," growled the extravagantly-dressed man. "You wanted a piece of the Kid Pirates, and I'm gonna give you exactly what you wanted, asshole!"

More people began swarming over the nearby roots, coming in from the same direction Kid had arrived from. It seemed the Kid Pirates were all present, including a much less dangerously-dressed man who must be the real Killer.

Sasuke grinned to see reinforcements. "Well, it should be quick work to put this guy down now," he said, running straight for the boundary of Law's room to join in the fight.

"HEY, COPY-CAT!" growled Captain Kid, eyes still focused on the Akatsuki member. "Stay the _hell_ out of this, alright?! You wanna hide in that doctor's shitty bubble then go right ahead, but this fight is _ours!_ "

"Hell, it's your funerals," said Hidan, letting out some wire and resuming the process of spinning up his scythe.

Sasuke scowled, but Law just shook his head.

"Don't get involved," said Law. "Trust me. You can't work with this guy. We need to get going."

"And just trust that they'll take out this guy on their own?" asked Sasuke, eyebrow raised. "This is the best chance we'll have to cut down their numbers."

Law smirked, walking back to the single remaining speeder and throwing a leg over. "Well, I never said we can't give them a little bit of info before we leave. Also, sorry Robin, but you're going to have to ride with me this time. The ninja's lost his bike."

Having said this, he pitched his voice louder to be heard by the brawling fighters in the distance.

"Hey Kid! This guy can regenerate wounds, and you can't let him drink your blood! If he does, he's got some crazy masochistic ritual thing going on that lets him share any wound you give him!"

"Yeah, we already know all that, asswipes!" growled Kid, reforming an arm that had been cleaved in two and reaching out with a magnetic grip to claim all of Hidan's un-tethered weapons. "Get the hell outta here before we hurt you ourselves!"

That, as it seemed, was that. Robin tossed Sasuke an amused look and hopped up behind Law on the speeder, leaving Sasuke to make his way to Rayleigh's by foot.

"Well, not that it matters that much to me," he mused to himself, tossing one last glance back to the violent battleground in the distance, "-the speeder was only slowing me down anyway…"

* * *

 **-Grove 1-**

 **-Auction House Group-**

"What's wrong?" asked Zoro, his eyes tracking his opponent's blades.

Kisame said nothing. They had been fighting for a while now, but eventually the bloodlust had seemed to drain out of the impostor. Strikes lashed out, countered, deflected, and parried. The disguised merman's power was overwhelming, but gone was the murderous frenzy Zoro had seen at the start of the fight.

"You're not taking this seriously," growled Zoro.

"I'm not?" asked Kisame, exposing a shark-toothed grin that looked distinctly odd on Zoro's face.

Zoro's eye twitched, his teeth grinding into the hilt of the Wado Ichimonji. "You're not."

For a moment, the pace of the fight seemed to intensify as Zoro drove his opponent across the stage and back to the wall. A strong strike from Kisame sent him sliding backwards, and then everything returned to normal.

"God damn you," cursed Zoro. "Fight me for real!"

"I think I am fighting you for real," grinned Kisame, exploiting a gap in the fight to lash out with a foot. Zoro barely blocked the strike with his forearm, but the merman flexed and Zoro was sent up into the air, landing several feet away, barely ready for Kisame's advance.

"Don't you dare play games with me!"yelled Zoro, blocking the attacks and retaliating. "Stop holding back!"

"And just what am I holding back?"

Zoro was livid. "You goddamn well know what's going on here. I've seen Naruto and Sasuke fight and they talk about Akatsuki like you're a bunch of unbeatable monsters. I'm not seeing any of it!"

Zoro drove forward suddenly, each attack hitting far harder than before. "Where's your _strength_?!" he yelled, knocking the merman off-balance.

"Where's your _sword_?!" he yelled, breaking the merman's guard with a double-bladed spinning strike.

"Where are your _damn_ ninja tricks?!" he roared, stabbing forward at the man's unprotected chest.

The change between a man pushed to the brink of defeat and a man completely in control of the situation was nigh-instantaneous- barely an eye-blink. One moment Kisame was stumbling backwards, and the next Zoro's sword had been struck aside. The merman struck back, and Zoro barely blocked the attack with his third blade. Kisame just smiled his shark-toothed grin, and then combat resumed again, still at the same pace as before.

"Who knows?" said the merman. "Maybe I lost them?"

"You son of a bitch! Fight me! I _need_ this! It's been weeks since I grasped enlightenment in my hands! When I fought CP9 I reached a new tier of power! I need to find that place once more! Stop holding back!"

He pushed, slashing and spinning with increasing speed. The tip of one sword slipped inside Kisame's defenses and scored a shallow mark across his chest.

"There it is," said Kisame, still calm and still smiling as he fought off the successive strikes. "I've seen that desperation before, especially in swordsmen. I've felt it myself. It's my greatest regret from joining Akatsuki. Too many fights ended before their climax. Too many opponents murdered by expedience rather than by my blade. Too many retreats before backup arrives…"

Zoro got too close and the merman slid in, smashing out with an elbow that struck him in the solar plexus, driving the air from his lungs. Breathless and dazed, Zoro still managed to kick off the ground, soaring up into the air as he deflected the follow-up attacks that would have eviscerated him. He landed unsteadily, gasping for a gulp of air as he fixed Kisame with a vicious look. The impostor was still smiling.

"Let's just say I know how you feel and leave it at that," he said.

"Then… why…" began Zoro. "Why are you just playing around here?!"

"Because there's no reason for me to take this seriously," said Kisame, the smile dropping from his face. He dashed forward, smashing into Zoro's defense and driving him backwards. "I came out here expecting a challenge. A new world with new opponents to force me to improve, but instead all I've found is an endless series of these damn Devil Fruits!"

Zoro suddenly found himself pressed sorely as he struggled to defend himself from his doppelganger's overpowering strikes, and the disguised merman continued to rant. "Every one of them has either been completely worthless or an overpowered force of nature. There's no thrill to be had fighting a storm, a glacier, or a volcano! The back and forth pleasure of a real fight! The only thing I've learned out here is that I'll never find peace on the battlefield! You can't give it to me either, Roronoa Zoro. You're far too weak."

The sounds of steel on steel rang through the room, and a spatter of blood joined the puddles from the bodies overhead as a blade scored Zoro's side. The air around the two of them was finally coming alive with power.

" _Weak?!"_ exclaimed Zoro, bloodlust replacing his earlier frustration. "There's only one person who's called me that and lived, and you're not even close to him…!"

Kisame laughed and darted inwards, only to stop dead and back off. The energy around Zoro was changing, and the merman watched with eager eyes.

"Yes, _weak,_ " said the man wearing his image. "Of course you are. What does someone like you know of the weight of duty? Of loyalty to a mission? I've read about you. You've been nothing but a bounty-hunter. A low-life _thug!_ Killing as you wished- picking and choosing your battles."

" _Duty?! Loyalty?!_ You know _nothing_ about me!" said Zoro. "The dreams I've fought for! What I've done since we entered the Grand Line to become the greatest-"

Kisame stuck with bone-jarring force, interrupting the man mid-sentence.

"Oh, as just a lowly pirate?" he sneered, finally starting to sound angry. "A self-improving swordsman pursuing greatness?! How _carefree_! I slaughtered men, women, and children all for the sake of my duty and a mission that was destined to never end! Until you've lived under that weight, how can you dare to pursue greatness! I've borne the weight of that duty ever since childhood, and finally I will be rewarded with the truest of treasures! A duty I can choose for myself!"

A wave of wind washed out from Zoro's body, the pressure audibly resonating throughout the room. He attacked again with a force incomparable to his previous strikes, and this time one of Kisame's swords shattered. Zoro's blade continued onward through the storm of steel shards, cutting into the merman's skin, but the impostor seemed to pay it little heed, regrouping without delay to fend off further attacks as his shirt soaked with blood.

" _Weight?!"_ shoutedZoro. _"You're talking about weight?! You know_ nothing _of the weight I carry!"_

Zoro's attacks were coming faster and faster now, every fourth hit seeming to bypass the merman's single-bladed guard and splash blood onto the stage. Kisame showed no fear, and no anger, continuing to laugh as if this was just a game.

"You think your duty is equal to mine? Then why are you so _weak,_ Roronoa Zoro?!"

" _STOP LAUGHING!"_ screamed Zoro, his strikes biting deeper and deeper. _"I'm_ killing _you! I'm killing you right now!"_

The laughter continued even when Kisame slid backwards across the stage. Zoro gathered his power and all three swords, spinning them in front of himself as his eyes saw only the cackling man he was dedicated to killing. Piercing the impostor with his gaze, Zoro shot forward and time froze against its will.

 **[SANZEN SEKAI]**

 **[THREE THOUSAND WORLDS]**

The air itself parted for his advance. There was no attempt to block. The blades cut straight through his target, and Kisame's bloody form was trisected by a single strike that ended his laughter in an instant.

Time resumed.

A moment later, Zoro stood over the gore, panting from exertion before shaking the blood off his swords.

" _Shit!"_ he cursed, face contorted in frustration as he clenched the hilt of a blade until it seemed he might draw blood. "Not enough…"

It was barely a moment before Naruto stuck his head back in the door, though it was impossible to say if he was a clone or not. He looked down at the devastation with wide eyes.

"Whoa. Nice job, I guess. Sorry, but I didn't really expect you to just _win,_ you know? Uh, Hinata says there's something nasty coming this way and we should get outta here. You didn't happen to get the plan outta this guy did you?"

"No," said Zoro, scowling up at the younger man as if daring him to disagree.

Naruto sighed. "Son of a bitch… Wait, that isn't him down there, is it?"

"What are you talking about."

"The guy. You know, the Fish-Man. I thought he was disguised as you…?"

Zoro frowned, turning to face the gruesome body. "He did look like me, yeah. What? Is something…!"

His breath escaped him. He looked down at the bloody corpse that stared back up at him with unblinking eyes, still very much dead. It no longer looked like Zoro, but it didn't look like a Fish-Man either. The unfamiliar middle-aged man had a completely bald head with several unfamiliar symbols tattooed on it, and Zoro had never seen him before.

"What… the… hell…?" asked Zoro, deeply confused. _"What the hell is going on here?!"_


	60. Seeds of Chaos

**-Grove 46-**

If Moria had been conscious enough to register surprise then he certainly would have done so when a company of well-organized Marines poured into the area and began cutting down his bodyguards. Unlike the many others that had been sent his way, these soldiers weren't even trying to hinder his progress, which was an unusual shift in tactics.

However, he was no longer capable of that kind of thought. Reduced to a mindless killing machine faithfully executing his orders to cause as much havoc as possible, he finished regenerating his wounds and then stomped out of the area, hell-bent on continuing his rampage away from pursuit. He dashed down a nearby street, turned the corner onto a main road, and then stopped, staring blankly at the iron bars of a barricade that hadn't been there when he had passed this way just a few minutes earlier. Behind him, three figures stepped out of an alleyway. Three Marines. One strikingly beautiful woman in a plum-colored dress-suit, the white coat of a Marine officer draped across her shoulders, and two subordinates in standard uniform. One of the men gazed out at the monster from behind rose-tinted, heart-shaped sunglasses. The other sneered as he pounded both fists together, each strike making a clanging noise.

Silently, Moria observed this ambush and called his zombies to his side. There were several nearby who had been gathering victims, and soon they would be swarming in from every direction.

When Moria declined to speak, the female officer took the initiative.

"So, this is what a former Shichibukai is reduced to, hmm?" said the woman with long pink hair and a steely gaze. "Hina's quite disappointed."

Two zombies lunged from a second story window, barely able to restrain their gleeful cries as they fell upon her. Much to their surprise, they passed right through her body, hitting the ground with heavy thuds as their torsos were suddenly bound fast with iron restraints.

"Ugh, so clingy. Hina's creeped out," said the woman, tossing her hair back as she stepped over the bound minions.

"I-It's Captain Hina! The Black Cage!" shouted one of the two zombies. "Don't get near her, Lord- mmph!"

Hina interrupted his speech by kicking the zombie in the teeth. Instead of doing any damage, her foot passed right through him. When it was through, his mouth had been covered in a thick iron plate that was studded with rivets.

"Quiet," admonished Captain Hina. "Know your place, henchman."

More zombies began pouring into the street, and Hina's company of soldiers were falling back towards their Captain, trying to maintain a wall between them. With a wide-lipped grin, one of Hina's two associates stepped to the fore to help contain the situation.

"Oh, you guys wanna get freaky, huh?" shouted the man, adjusting his tinted heart-shaped spectacles. There was a blur, and a golden disc on a chain appeared in his hand. He dropped the disc, letting it hang down in front of his face like a pendulum. It swung left and then right; back and then forth, and despite themselves many of the zombies turned to watch. "See here? Watch my patented hypnosis in action! On the count of three, every damn one of you will fall asleep! ONE… TWO… JANGO!"

At least half of the zombie crowd immediately keeled over on the spot, helpless against the unbeatable mental onslaught of the man's mystical powers. Unfortunately, the Marine hypnotist followed suit a moment later, collapsing in a drowsy heap on the ground just as easily as the rest. More of the zombies rushed in to kill the vulnerable man, but the Marine with the iron knuckles stepped up to the plate.

"Dumbass!" shouted the man as he smashed several incoming zombies out of the way. "You looked at your own damn ring again, moron! You're making us look bad in front of Captain Hina!"

The Marine Captain seemed largely unaffected by this exchange, staring unblinkingly at the emotionless Moria towering over her. Moria had already been a large man even by the standards of people who could trace their ancestry back to a Giant in the last thousand years, but his corpse-like pallor and wicked grin were made to stand out all the more by the many shadows he had absorbed during his rampage. His muscles bulged, his veins throbbed against his skin, and his hairs stood on end. He was a nightmare given form.

Without warning, the former Shichibukai moved, his shears lashing out like a dragon's fangs, and Hina moved in to meet them.

 **[ORI-ORI NO MI: SAFETY LOCK]**

The blades passed through her body without cutting her, coming out the other side wrapped in bands that both sealed them shut and dulled the tip. Hina scoffed.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to run with scissors?" she asked, spinning in place as she performed a roundhouse kick that wrapped an iron ring around his wrist. Then the melee began for real.

Fighting proved fierce. Though Moria seemed to be engaging her without any of the cunning he would normally have displayed, he still seemed reluctant to touch her body directly and potentially end up ensnared. She pushed forward to get inside his range, occasionally adorning his long limbs with rings and hoops of iron restraints that only served to weigh him down. He, meanwhile, used his locked shears like a club, slamming them into the ground with a force that even she dodged away from. The shears grew more and more thickly wrapped with each one of her attacks until finally he brought the weapon down one last time and could not raise it up again. That was when Hina landed on top of the now-useless pair of shears.

"Hina wins," she declared, leaping forward for the final blow. She didn't quite make it.

Moria grasped the woman's shadow with an outstretched hand, peeling it off of the ground and stretching it back away from her. The woman jerked backwards in the air as if physically impeded and then Moria had her restrained by her shadow itself. With a sharp tug, he ripped it from her body.

The pink-haired woman jerked in shock as a scream started and then stopped in her throat. Then she smirked with satisfaction as the metallic sound of chains drawing taut reached her ears. Moria's eyes widened slightly to see a fan of ephemeral chains linking her shadow back to her physical form, the first sign of anything approaching emotion he had shown so far.

 **[ORI-ORI NO MI: SHADOW LOCK]**

"Sorry Moria…" she said, struggling to speak through what looked like intense pain, "-but once something... belongs to Hina... she never... _lets it go!"_

Growling with exertion, she pushed her Devil Fruit to its limit, slowly reeling the chains back towards her body, link by link. Finally, she screamed and the ghostly chains snapped her shadow back into its rightful position. Moria stumbled forward, off-balance, and Hina shook off her sudden exhaustion to dash in for the decisive blow. Dropping to the ground, she slid like a runner approaching home plate and passed straight through both of his legs. The clang of the iron restraining bar that locked the limbs together was a death knell for the Shichibukai.

After that, the rest was simply a formality. Though the man was too large for her to fully body-bind in a single attack, she kept striking the increasingly bound man, adding on weight until he literally couldn't move. Finally, Hina, panting from the exertion, stood over the tremendous bulk of the monster-man, looking at him in disgust.

"You made that way too easy, pirate trash… Hina doesn't know who's got a hold over you, Moria, but next time don't even _try_ fighting if you're not going to give it your all."

Moria said nothing, looking emotionlessly up at her with red eyes that glinted underneath the layers of chains and bars that bound him.

In the background, one of her subordinates squealed with admiration.

"You beat him!" shouted Lieutenant Fullbody, dispatching one of the last zombies with barely a glance. "Incredible! Taking down a former Shichibukai without help! I bet you'll get a promotion for this, and you don't deserve anything less, my beautiful, amazing-"

"Silence," snapped Hina, staring down at the creature bound at her feet and placing one foot on the side of his massive head. "Hina wasn't kidding when she said this was too easy. Isn't that right, Moria? Your decision to come here now was foolish, your tactics in our fight were so uninspired they made her want to fall asleep, and to top it off you didn't even try to retreat. So spit it out, scum. What were you _really_ doing here?"

Again, there was no response. Moria gave no indication he had even heard her, simply gazing blankly ahead and struggling against his bonds. Hina started grinding her heel into his temple.

"Attacking the Nobility… rampaging across the Archipelago… We both know you're not getting out of this alive, but tell us who put you up to this and maybe you'll get some measure of revenge. If not, well… what with that regeneration of yours keeping you from dying maybe her superiors will decide to stick you in a seawater tank and forget about you for a year or two, hmm?"

No response. Hina sighed.

"Very well," she said. "Hina's disappointed, but it is what it is." She turned to her subordinates. "You two. Fetch the seastone cuffs and- _What?!"_

She turned just in time to see a swarm of transparent white ghosts descend on her Marines in an ectoplasmic wave. Whoever it touched collapsed into depressed, useless wretches. Hina leapt backwards, dodging out of the way of the wave and backing hurriedly away from Moria as it swallowed him whole. Then a wave of brutal explosions wracked the pale man's body, shattering bars and chains alike.

Moria's subordinate had attacked her own master? No, something was definitely off here… But surely such fierce explosions would prove fatal even for him...

There in the distance stood Moria's right-hand woman, the unbeatable ghost-user, Perona. Her colorful striped outfit did nothing to liven her grey-skinned and red-eyed appearance. Slowly, the ghosts began to return to her side, spinning around her in perfect synchronization as she watched from afar. She was just as lifeless and silent as Moria had been.

Then, Moria stood up once more, wobbling slightly as his knees rebuilt themselves before her eyes.

Hina smirked, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

"Well… Hina's in quite a pickle, isn't she…?"

* * *

 **-Grove 78-**

 **-Ace Team-**

Having just overcome the presumably extremely deadly threat posed by Duval and his Flying Fish Riders, Luffy, Sanji, and Sakura advanced onwards towards Grove 79. Sanji and Sakura were quite fast runners, but even they had to push themselves to keep up with Luffy as he kept stretching ahead to latch onto obstacles, buildings, and tree branches that were hundreds of feet away.

They could clearly tell when they had reached the boundary to Grove 79. An immense gilded bridge linked it to the nearby Grove, and across it stood a tall and sturdy wall studded with defensive features. It was obviously a fortress designed to keep out any unwanted individuals. It was also deeply and terribly aflame, and completely worthless now that a huge hole had been blasted in the gate it was protecting. In the distance, smoke rose in billowing clouds from a grove that seemed to be largely aflame.

"I hate to ask this," started Sakura, "-but even if this Ace _is_ a fake, is this considered to be a... _reasonable_ level of destruction for him? Could the real Ace manage this kind of a rampage?"

"Don't ask me," said Sanji. "I knew he was a big deal, but I never had to see him fight for real. He's got one of those Logia fruits though, so I don't think this is out of the question. I'm more surprised one of those shitty Akatsuki fellows managed to make this happen."

They proceeded across the bridge unaccosted. It seemed as though any fighting had moved inwards. It wasn't long, however, before they met their first challenge.

"Looters," growled Sanji, watching the various flavors of thugs dart in and out of the opulent buildings. "Not that the Celestial Dragons don't deserve this kind of treatment, but we really don't have time to get slowed down now."

Sure enough, the cry went up from several lookouts and then the fight was on. The fight was off nearly as quickly. A swarm of villains charged into the three of them and melted like snow tossed on a bonfire. Sakura tried to avoid breaking bones, but only because it felt kind of dirty to outclass your opponents by this much. Shortly afterwards, someone finally recognized the rubber-man who was a living, breathing explosion of fists and feet.

"I-it's 'Straw-Hat Luffy!'" shouted the nameless thug. "-and some other people who happen to be with him!"

Sanji growled and launched himself forward, kicking the man in the face with a force that shot him backwards into the marble siding of a nearby luxury-goods store. Moaning, the thug shook himself off and limped off down the next side-street, screaming for salvation from the heavens.

He didn't find it. The thug turned the corner and ran straight into a massive white trunk that turned out to be someone's leg, breaking his nose on impact when the leg turned out to be as hard as steel. The thug looked up in surprise, and then up some more. Finally his eyes widened in horror. The burly owner of the steel leg had to be nearly thirty feet tall, clutching a tremendous and sturdily-bound Bible to his chest with one hand.

"If you were to take a trip…" said the enormous, bear-like man, his voice surprisingly soft and unassuming. "-where would you like to end up?"

The looter screamed in terror, grabbing two pistols from his belt and firing both of them. The shots rang out through the street, but they rebounded harmlessly from the man's metal body. Silently, the giant man swiped his paw-like hand down in front of him, and the looter disappeared with a popping noise. A moment later there was no trace that the thug had ever been there at all.

Though the Straw-Hats hadn't seen this confrontation, they did notice it when the massive man turned the corner, barely having been hidden behind the multi-storied buildings. A thirty-foot-tall man tends to warp the landscape for those unused to seeing them, and for a moment the nearby shops and richly-appointed houses seemed to look strangely unreal.

"Whoa," said Sakura. "That is officially the largest man I have ever seen, not counting Chouji on a rampage." She glanced in Sanji's direction, but the cook was staring in open-mouthed surprise. "Okay, that doesn't look good. Who is this guy? Should I be worried?"

"It's him… one of the Shichibukai," said Sanji, trying to remember what he knew about the man. "'Something something' Kuma, I think."

"Shichibukai?!" shouted Luffy, dispatching the last of the looters. "Come on, guys, let's go!"

"Run?" asked Sakura.

"Run," nodded Sanji, and both of them charged after Luffy as he took a different route through the streets towards the source of the devastation.

"I'm afraid I cannot let you pass," remarked Kuma as he placed his Bible reverently on a nearby roof, calmly regarding the Straw-Hats as they left him behind.

"Ignore him!" shouted Luffy. "He's not in the way! We're going straight for the fake Ace!"

This might have seemed like a reasonable plan until Kuma disappeared with a popping noise, reappearing several hundred feet in front of them without appearing to have moved. Stance lowered, he pushed outward with one palm.

 **[NIKYU-NIKYU NO MI: PAD CANNON]**

Though Sakura was entirely unfamiliar with whatever he was using as the source of his powers, she recognized an attack when she saw one.

" _Get down!"_ she shouted, clapping her hands together.

 **[DOTON: DORYU HEKI]**

 **[EARTH RELEASE: MUD RAMPART]**

A wide array of stone clawed its way from the cobblestones beneath her feet, forming a thick, curved wall that shielded them from view. Though she lacked the chakra reserves to make it very tall, forming a wall this thick this quickly was astounding for a Chuunin-ranked ninja.

It barely mattered.

The wave of force from Kuma's palm hit the wall like a tumbling mountain, and it held only long enough for Luffy and Sanji to throw themselves to the ground. Then, in a hail of dust and pebbles, the top half of the wall disintegrated, allowing the attack to continue onwards into the distance.

Sakura glanced upwards to see that a hole had been torn in her wall that was shaped like a cartoon paw-print. She looked back into the distance to see the same hole blasted through several buildings.

Luffy was up on his feet an instant later. He stamped his feet and began glowing, his skin reddening and steaming as he grit his teeth. Then he disappeared.

 **[GEAR SECOND: GOMU-GOMU NO JET RIFLE]**

Kuma raised his other hand, blocking Luffy's hypersonic fist and letting them get a look at the man's palm for the first time. With a *POOT* noise, Luffy's fist slid harmlessly from the raised pads of a palm that would have looked more appropriate on a dog, or some other manner of beast. Then Luffy was sent flying backwards from some unknown force.

Sanji and Sakura had not been idle, closing the distance behind Luffy's assault. Sakura used the distraction to her fullest ability. She punched the ground and distributed a short burst of her chakra, transforming a small portion of the stones of the street into a cloud of dust. Not to be outdone, Sanji lunged in through the smoke and Sakura followed after him. There was a moment of impaired visibility and then she was through the cloud. Sanji struck the man's leg like a divine blacksmith's hammer, heating and denting the metal that lay beneath the skin. Seeing his wince of pain, Sakura followed his attack with everything she had, darting under the man's grasping hand and slamming her fist into the same spot that Sanji had struck.

Chakra exploded from her hand, let loose in a single violent pulse that shredded the damaged steel and blew a hole in his armored leg. Beneath Kuma's steel shell, the glint of glistening machinery was now exposed.

Kuma reeled, nearly falling backwards, and that was when Luffy exploded back through the dust. Both hands stretched back behind him, he screamed and attacked.

 **[GOMU-GOMU NO JET BAZOOKA]**

Right before Luffy's double-palmed strike connected, Kuma disappeared. Sakura barely caught a blur of movement and spun to face behind her. She was too late. There was a confusing moment of pressure and speed, and then she was caught. Kuma lifted her into the air with one hand, his steel grip giving her no illusions that she could pry herself loose.

Wriggling in the man's grip, she caught sight of Sanji in the man's other hand, similarly trapped.

"Shit," cursed Sanji, twisting in place and delivering the occasional kick to the cyborg's side, lacking the leverage to do any harm. "What the hell, man. Just playing around, huh?! What the hell's a pirate even doing defending the Nobility's property? You some kind of pet dog or something?"

"Straw-Hat," said Kuma, completely ignoring Sanji's insult and instead focusing on the wary figure of Luffy who was standing barely out of his long reach. "The World Government... has ordered me to weaken your crew. As you can see, I am now in the position to do so. You now have a choice to make. Their lives, or yours. These two have no bounty that they would be recognized under, but I would kill them anyway if it fulfilled my orders. I would then hunt down the rest of your crew until I could justify that the mission was complete. Your death, however, would satisfy the government's wishes with no further quarrel."

Sakura continued twisting in the man's grip, finally managing to grasp his metal wrist in her hand. The thin layer of artificial skin that covered his arm felt odd beneath her fingers, but it was nothing compared to what she felt when her hand began glowing with the faint chakra of medical analysis techniques.

There was no flesh at all beneath his skin—the limb was entirely mechanical—but there _was_ something like a nerve wrapped deep inside layers of machinery. Master Tsunade had taught her how to disrupt a target's nervous system with a touch, and if this bundle of fibers was what was controlling his hand then she _might_ be able to manage an escape.

Given how easily they'd been captured the first time, she'd need a hell of a distraction to get away with it for more than a moment though.

Luffy continued glaring in the warlord's direction, but Kuma remained impassive as ever.

"Well?" asked Kuma, painfully tightening his grip. "Your answer?"

The pressure of his soft yet unyielding paws increased, and Sakura found herself struggling to breathe. It didn't really matter, though. If Kuma really wanted her dead, it seemed as though his Devil Fruit could crush her at a moment's notice.

Wait… now that Sakura thought about the situation a little more, something was very odd about this standoff. By grabbing both her and Sanji together, Kuma had occupied both of his hands, which appeared to be his both his primary offense and defense. If Luffy attacked right now, the giant would have to drop one of them to defend himself. That meant that since she could get herself free, then all she had to do was make sure that Kuma dropped Sanji instead of her before Luffy decided to attack.

"Alright," said Luffy, interrupting her thoughts. "I'll do it. If my life's the cost to save them, then so be it."

Wait, what?

"Dammit Luffy! Don't even think about it!" shouted Sanji. "This guy's a Shichibukai! Don't you dare forget Crocodile! If this guy's even one thousandth the crook that that croc-bastard was then there's no way he's gonna let us go once you're dead!"

Twisting her head around, Sakura managed to get a look at Luffy's distant figure. She'd known him only for a short time, but it was clear that he wasn't the kind of person who managed subtlety or deceit very well. Everything in his stance suggested he was determined and ready to surrender.

She blinked hard.

Shit. Sasuke had been right about him after all, hadn't he? That was both unfortunate and reassuring at the same time.

Alright then. New plan. She had to get Luffy to attack with everything he had instead of surrendering AND get Kuma to drop Sanji instead of her. She added her voice to Sanji's.

"No! Luffy! Don't give up! We can still win this! I've marked him with my chakra! Just let me touch the ground and I'll hit him with my… my super-move!"

As soon as the words left her mouth she felt like cringing. Damn. She'd never been very good at lying. Hopefully the fact that nobody out here had any damn clue how ninjas really worked would help sell the lie.

Sanji gave her a weird sort of look, but Luffy immediately took her at her word. Without any hesitation his surrender was turned on its head as he leapt into the air, eyes locked on the pirate warlord. Inhaling a super-sized breath, he bit into his thumb and blew, expanding his fist to the size of a house.

 **[GEAR THIRD: GOMU-GOMU NO GIGANT PISTOL]**

Moments later, Sakura's entire view became filled with an immense fist. She was so shocked by the display that she nearly lost her focus.

Not quite, though. She was a professional.

She felt it happening as if it were in slow motion. Kuma dropped Sanji and raised his hand, palm forward, and Sakura took her chance. With a finely-tuned pulse of chakra she briefly interrupted the signal that was controlling Kuma's hand, which immediately went slack. Let loose, she fell to the ground just an instant after Sanji did, and she was already forming hand seals as she landed.

 **[DOTON: SEKIHA JINYOU]**

 **[EARTH RELEASE: STONE SHATTER BATTLE ARRAY]**

Throughout the entire battle, Kuma had maintained a solid stance, never leaving contact with the ground except for whatever he had used to travel across the distances in a blink of an eye. Now, as two spires of rock shot up underneath the soles of his feet, that stability worked against him. Kuma was thrown off-balance, falling backwards with only one working hand.

That's when Sanji sprung off the ground with both hands and delivered a double-footed kick directly to the Shichibukai's crotch. With a horrible ringing noise, the nearly thirty-foot-tall cyborg toppled backwards.

Luffy struck with full force, and Kuma couldn't manage to block.

The air exploded with the sound of the two colossal objects colliding and Kuma actually went tumbling head over heels backwards across the ground, slamming into a nearby building that seemed to take the hit even worse than he had. Even still that massive strike didn't appear to have done anything other than cave in the chest of his steel body.

Sakura was more than a little shocked. She specialized in brute-strength melee attacks and that kind of hit was beyond her. Was _that_ what Luffy had done to blow up an island? What the _hell_ was that thing?

"Alright!" shouted Sanji, interrupting her thoughts. "Let's get out of here before this bastard gets up!"

"Come on!" yelled Sakura, pointing down a nearby alley. "This is the best place to lose him! Wait, where's Luffy?!"

As if in answer, something landed on her head with a cute plopping noise and she immediately swiped at it with her hand, coming away with a _very_ tiny version of Luffy. Even his clothes had shrunk to match him, becoming toddler-sized for no real reason that she could see.

She stared open-mouthed and wide-eyed at Luffy, and Luffy stared back accusingly.

" _Hey!"_ squeaked the tiny captain. " _I wanted to see the super-move! Were you lying about that? You were! It's not right to lie, you know!"_

She screamed, and Sanji came to the rescue, scooping her up quite against her will and dashing off down the nearby alley as Luffy flew up into the air.

"No time for jokes, shenanigans, or otherwise!" he yelled. "Let's get moving!"

Sakura jabbed him in the side and escaped from his bridal carry with an acrobatic twist. She hit the ground running, but her affronted glare was somewhat spoiled when tiny-Luffy landed on her head again.

"Agh! Get off me!" she shouted, trying in vain to dislodge her passenger without pulling her own hair out. When Sanji tried to help her she shooed him away.

" _I can't help it!"_ said Luffy. " _I get like this every time I try to use Gear Third. I don't know why it happens yet!"_

Sakura moaned. "Devil Fruits are so damn _dumb!_ Just, ugh, keep an eye out, alright? Is that guy following us?!"

" _Uhh, no! He's still down on the ground."_

She spared a glance backward. Sure enough, Kuma was very slowly rising to his feet, but he didn't appear to be in any particular hurry about it.

"Hah! Serves that jerk right!" exclaimed Sanji. "We must have hit him harder than we thought! If I didn't know better I'd think he was letting us go!"

"Y-yeah…" muttered Sakura. "You would think that, wouldn't you…"

She considered the matter for just a moment longer before shaking her head, causing Luffy to wobble precariously from his perch. Never mind. She had more important things to focus on right now. For now, they had escaped.

Later, after the Straw-Hats had left, Kuma finished dusting himself off, very carefully retrieving the Bible he had dropped at the beginning of the fight. In the corner of his vision a message from command and control was flashing for his attention, warning him that Fire-Fist Ace was beginning his assault on an occupied noblewoman's residence. He ignored it for just a little while longer.

"Dragon… I think your son has grown up well," mused the man. "He's found capable underlings as well."

Kuma considered the matter for a moment longer, and then decided. He'd give them another five minutes' head start.

* * *

" _Alright!"_ shouted Luffy from his perch on Sakura's head. " _Full speed ahead! You might wanna put your arms down though! You'll run easier if you pump them instead of just holding them back behind you like that!"_

Sakura steadfastly ignored the little man clutching her hair as he urged her onwards through the smoke and flames towards the increasing sounds of gunfire. Honestly, she had thought that she had become inured to most everything out here, but there _were_ limits to her dignity. Those limits were, apparently, being sorely tested by serving as personal mount to a tiny rubber-man who refused to see how stupid he was.

" _Here, I'll show you! Hup!"_ exclaimed Luffy, hopping off her head and expanding to full size as he hit the ground running. "See? Up and down, like this!"

Luffy moved his arms up and down in an exaggerated fashion as Sakura continued to run in the traditional Konoha style, arms held back behind her so she could freely access her weapons.

"Hey, you're not watching me! Look, just move them like this! Watch me! Hey! Come on!"

Sakura turned in his direction as he continued flapping his arms up and down at her. If Luffy noticed the hate dripping from her eyes then he didn't show it.

"Can't do it, huh? Ah well, don't worry. You'll figure it out eventually," consoled Luffy as a vein popped in her forehead. "Naruto and Sasuke figured it out too, but I had to tell them how to do it right a _lot_ of times before they got it. I guess ninjas can't be good at everything, huh. It's okay if you can't do it right now."

Sakura could feel her teeth grinding themselves into dust.

"Goddammit Luffy, stop bothering her," growled Sanji. "We're almost there, so what's the plan?"

"Plan? I'm gonna run in there and beat up the fake Ace, then I'm gonna make him tell me where the real one is."

"Wha—Luffy, listen to the noises! It sounds like a damn _war_ up ahead, and that means the Marines are there already. What if there are too many of them to fight off?"

Luffy didn't seem impressed by the man's reasoning.

"Sanji, if they're tough enough to be a problem then they woulda already beat the guy up. They aren't, which is why _I_ have to do it," he stated, reducing the problem to its most straightforward components.

" _Luffy, some of us aren't immune to bullets here!"_

"It's okay. Sakura's a doctor, right?"

"Hey, wait, what?!" exclaimed Sakura. "Hold on, if you think—"

Her words were interrupted when a section of the road behind them exploded, leaving behind a tremendous paw-imprint. Kuma, it seemed, had decided to follow them and was even now visible far in the distance, occasionally teleporting ahead.

"Shit!" cursed Sanji. "Change of plans! We gotta get out of here!"

"No way!" shouted Luffy. "I've got a better plan! All I gotta do is beat up this fake Ace really fast and make him tell us where the real one is!"

" _That's the same plan you had before except with the words 'really fast' stuck in it!"_

"Come on! He's right there!"

Sure enough, through the smoke and devastation they could finally see the figures of Marines desperately firing rifles at a roiling cloud of flames. Completely obscured from the bullet barrage by smoke and fire, The source of the hellstorm was advancing unchecked on a mansion that stood behind a palatial garden.

Finally they caught a glimpse of what they were looking for. The burning winds twisted through the area, revealing the black-haired figure of Ace towering over two helpless Nobles that were quivering and gibbering with fear. Ace smiled, and if there had been any doubt in Luffy's mind that this was a fake then it was dispelled in an instant as the cruel grin stole over his brother's face.

"Oh no," moaned Sanji. "If he kills those guys then we're all toast, right?"

"STOP IT!" shouted Luffy, dashing ahead through the scattered Marines and guardsmen. "IF YOU WANNA FIGHT, THEN FIGHT _ME!"_

Ace's vicious smile flicked towards Luffy for just a moment, lacking even the slightest glimmer of recognition. The acknowledgement was gone as quickly as it had started, and the impostor raised two burning hands in front of him.

He clapped his palms together and a wave of incineration washed over the defenseless Nobles.

Sanji's cigarette dropped out of his mouth. He and Sakura stopped running, staying behind as Luffy charged onward. All across the battlefield, people's breath seemed to escape them.

There was a crackling explosion and the gathered smoke was pulled inwards and then upward, forming itself into a rising tornado of black ash. The temperature dropped and where the Nobility had been before now stood a crystalline dome, glistening with reflected light. Inside the dome the confused Nobles could be seen quaking with relief.

Then a tall figure dressed in blue and white stepped out of the surface of the ice, exhaling a puff of fine crystalline dust as he straightened up to his full lanky height.

"Oh, my… guess I cut that one a bit close, didn't I…?" remarked Admiral Aokiji.

Sanji's eyes went wide. "Oh, _fuck_ this! Luffy, get out of there!"

"Who is that man?" asked Sakura, struggling to see through the remnants of the smoke.

"That's the Admiral that took us to pieces like it wasn't even a challenge about a month ago. He's an ice-man, and none of us stand a goddamn chance right now!"

Admiral Aokiji turned to survey the scene, taking in the dancing flames, the location of the Marine soldiers, and the confidently-grinning Ace in a single glance. Finally, his eyes stopped on Luffy, where they lingered for just a moment.

"You, Straw-Hat," he intoned, before turning to face Ace and carefully considering the burning pirate. "-are _very_ lucky that I have more important things to worry about right now…"

Luffy, much to his comrades' dismay, continued advancing into the flames, scattering Marine grunts like a child dancing through fallen leaves.

"Screw you! I'm not leaving till this guy tells me where Ace is!" shouted Luffy.

Aokiji sighed and shook his head. He raised one long arm and snapped his fingers. The noise rang out even through the din, crackling outward in the company of a wave of cold that clawed all the way to Sanji and Sakura's position. For nearly five hundred feet around the Admiral, all flames went out as if he had flicked a switch. There was a massive gust of air from the sudden pressure change, clearing some of the smoke from around the combat zone and revealing three enormous figures advancing from the coast.

Slowly entering the battleground were three identical copies of the Shichibukai that had chased them here. They turned their heads to view the newly-visible combatants, eyes locking on to Luffy and Ace with cold, mechanical precision. Sakura tossed a confused glance backward to the tiny, yet still-approaching, figure of Bartholomew Kuma. Yep. Still there. What the hell?

Even Luffy reacted to this, halting his headlong sprint as his eyes widened in surprise. Then the three massive invaders opened their mouths, a shining light sparkling inside each one's cavernous maw as a screeching keen rose in pitch.

Sanji screamed. "LUFFY! RUN!"

The whining screech reached its climax as three impossibly bright beams of light shot from their mouths, and then Luffy's position exploded. The beams dug deep trenches through the ground as the air screamed in protest. All across the battlefield everyone dove to the ground for cover, and when the light dimmed Luffy was nowhere to be seen. Sanji raked his gaze frantically across the area where his captain had just been standing, but Sakura looked elsewhere. She caught a glimpse of what she was searching for as a gigantic furry behind disappeared up into a cloud of smoke, gaining height rapidly.

Sakura grabbed Sanji's shoulder and yanked him to the side just as a rough voice called out from above.

"Come on!" shouted Sakura, and then she whipped him around, flinging him up into the air. He yelped in surprise and was caught by a burly man riding a flying fish who zipped in through the smoke and vanished a moment later. Sakura watched the sky carefully and then jumped up as well, grabbing onto another of the flying fish as they swooped down and away.

Then they were above the smoke and ascending into the trees, sliding back into formation around Duval's flying bison. Three lasers pierced the clouds from below and the Flying Fish Riders scattered to avoid the beams that clawed across the sky, tossing Sanji and Luffy back and forth on the flying mounts as they struggled awkwardly to get into their seats.. Moments later the blind laser barrage ceased and the riders returned to their formation, dashing away across the treetops. For the moment, it seemed, they were safe. Sakura called out to Duval when things had returned to normal.

"Thanks for the rescue!" shouted Sakura. "Why'd you come back for us, anyway?"

"...Why?" asked Duval, his voice seeming more smooth and cheerful than before. "Why would _I_ come back for _you?!"_

"Yeah, why _did_ you come after us," yelled Sanji. "I thought I said I didn't wanna see that ugly mug ever again!"

"Oh, but you did! And the best part is, I didn't wanna see it ever again either! And now I don't have to! I'd never pass up an opportunity to help my wonderful, beautiful, incredible saviours who did so much for me! Never forget that as long as I live, I, Duval, will be your grateful and _handsome_ ally!"

Duval turned his gaze on Sakura, fixing her with a reasonable facsimile of a winning smile, his freshly-combed blond hair whipping back and forth in the wind. Seeing her surprised expression, he winked.

She shouted in surprise, recoiling from the horrifying facial catastrophe. It looked very much like he was having a severe stroke. His facial distress was worsened when Luffy began pounding his fists into the man's head.

"Hey! Hey!" called Luffy. "I think Ace is way up in the sky! Can these fish take us up there? We're in a hurry!"

"Ow! What?! What do you mean, up in the sky?' This is as high as the trees go! The only thing above us is the Red Line, but I'm _handsomely_ afraid that our flying fish can't go higher than this! My bison, Motobaro here, can climb the mountain, but even she would take many breaks along the way. No good for a hurry."

"Never mind that," said Sanji. "We need to get back to the ship before we go after Ace! Can you lot get us to Grove 42?"

Duval turned back, leaned forward, and kicked his bison into overdrive.

"Good sir Black Leg, the only question that matters now is 'how _fast_ can we get you there?'"

* * *

Back below the smoke, the three Pacifista androids swept their lasers through the sky and then began stomping after the flying fishermen when they failed to land a blow. Aokiji called them back moments later.

"Leave them," he said. "Right now, Fire-Fist Ace is the number one priority. Reassign your targeting data, and spread out to contain him."

Beeping and chittering, the androids turned and began to follow the Admiral's orders. Aokiji had kept his eyes on the burning pirate the entire time.

"Well now… Fire-Fist… What a surprise," said Aokiji, almost managing to sound civil as he glared across at Ace. "You've been obligingly quiet while we worked that mess out… That _is_ really you there, isn't it? Not some impostor or something? I only ask because of how _cataclysmically_ foolish this act is."

"Don't know why you'd think otherwise at this point," grinned Ace, raising a hand wreathed in flame. "I'm the real deal alright. I don't suppose I can convince you to step aside and let me toast those blue-blood pieces of scum, huh?"

Aokiji narrowed his eyes.

"Not gonna happen, huh?" asked Ace, glancing behind the Admiral to eye the two Nobles cowering by the fountain. "Well, that's alright. I guess you lot got lucky and your knight in shining armor arrived in time. Congratulations. But it's not always going to go that way. Keep your eyes peeled, because I'll be back. Next time... you might not see me coming."

Something in Ace's stance made the Admiral react. Aokiji stamped his foot on the ground just as Ace exploded into flame.

"You're not getting away from me, boy!" shouted Aokiji.

 **[ICE PRISON]**

A dome of thick ice snapped into place around the bursting firestorm, trapping Ace's flame-form inside it. Silently, the Admiral readied himself for the pirate's breakout attempt, but none came. Just seconds after the flames had begun to burn they died out, leaving nothing at all inside the dome.

There was an awkward and off-balance moment of silence. It was like trying to bash down a door only to have someone open it for you right before you connected. Aokiji frowned and looked closer. Absolutely nothing and no one was inside. Extending the senses of his Haki didn't help either. Ace's life force had completely disappeared, despite all of the fire being trapped inside the dome with nowhere to go.

He glanced over to the three Pacifista androids that were watching over the battlefield. They didn't look like they had seen anything either. Puzzled, the Admiral walked over to the dome and stepped inside, passing through the ice as if it were an ephemeral curtain.

Nothing was left inside but an odd burning smell. There wasn't any oxygen left in here either. With a thought, he dispelled the ice prison and turned to the Pacifistas.

"Split up and find Fire-Fist," he commanded. "He's too flashy to have disappeared completely."

The androids beeped in acknowledgement and began to spread out. Aokiji simply stood in place, carefully scrutinizing the area. This wasn't right. Something was odd about that smell, and it tugged at something else in his memories. Scanning the ground, he barely even processed the screeching insults of the two Celestial Dragons he had saved who were now berating him for letting Fire-Fist escape.

He found a clue of sorts a moment later. Reaching down to the ground he grabbed a pinch of ash, grinding it thoughtfully between his fingertips.

Hmmmm...

Ah.

Now he remembered what that smell had been. Charred flesh. He looked carefully at the thin layer of ash that coated the ground.

So how does a flame-user escape from a solid ice prison without melting through? Well… they don't escape at all… do they?

As he stared at bits of the ash and finely-charred bone in his hand he felt vaguely as though another piece of the puzzle had fallen into place.

* * *

 **-Elsewhere-**

Tobi felt a distinct sense of satisfaction as he traveled through the earth. Something about his body's nature seemed to allow him to merge with anything that had an affinity for wood with barely a thought, and travelling inside the ground was often far faster even than running. There was just something truly relaxing about melding with the dirt, rocks, and tree roots and just taking a leisurely trip up a mountainside.

It was a good way to distract himself from his upcoming task.

He'd been traveling for nearly an hour now, occasionally popping up out of the side of the cliff to see where he was. The last time he had looked he had been above the clouds. Now, however, he didn't need to check at all. His borrowed nerves were coming alive with energy as he approached his destination, and the Divine Tree's roots sang with euphoric energy as he passed its lowest tendrils.

It was tempting, somehow, to merge with them. He knew he was capable of it. The Tree was something like a perfect, idealized form of wood- a thing that all other plants were simply imitating. Lord Madara had explained once, very long ago, that his body had been built to work with wood. Supposedly he was a clone of some big-shot and he had a natural affinity to the energy of all living things, which Tobi thought was pretty darn cool. Nevertheless, he resisted the allure of oblivion and dodged the web of perfect tree roots that anchored the tree to this immense mountain. Even if it did work, it would probably be really distracting, and being distracted was one thing he definitely couldn't afford right now.

There was a sharp pang of worry as he realized that he wouldn't be able to come back to try _anything_ after this. He'd be dead, after all.

Tobi returned his focus to his travel through comforting stone. At the end of the day he had already made up his mind. There was one task that he wanted to accomplish above all else, and that was the revival of Lord Madara. Madara would do such wonderful things with the Fruit of the Divine Tree.

And that was it, really. Most people never got to accomplish their greatest dreams in life. They had to settle instead. Tobi wasn't going to settle. He was so close to winning this. He just had one last task ahead of him.

Eventually he emerged from the rock at the northern face of the mountain shelter that housed the Divine Tree. In the distance he could see the Tree itself, growing out of the monstrous mountain range with the perfect, artful precision of a masterfully-tended bonsai. Around its trunk and in its branches was nestled a weathered and ancient structure that housed its guardians.

This was actually one of the farthest places from the tree itself, being the mountainside platform that visitors from Mariejois arrived at through hidden tunnels, but the only other path to the temple that housed the Divine Fruit was by climbing the trunk of the Divine Tree itself, and… well… he'd really rather not touch the Tree. Tobi actually wasn't sure what would happen to him if he tried, so he avoided it like a recovering dessert-addict forcing himself to not pass through the village bake sale on his way to business.

Exactly like that, actually, since Tobi had been in that situation more times than he'd care to remember. Having a tongue was an awesome but dangerous responsibility.

He stepped out onto the temple of stone and wood built upon the clouds and advanced onward. It was time. There was no turning back now.

Grasping his fate in his hands, Tobi set off across the Bridge of Soaring Clouds at a walk, his padded shoes echoing slightly on the stones. The bridge was perfectly straight, and it allowed the monks that guarded this place to fire arrows from the numerous fallback points along its treacherous length. No one was doing that right now, though, and Tobi took the chance to look out at the utterly terrifying emptiness over the bridge's railing. Fall off here and you'd be plummeting for so long it would get _boring_.

Well, until you hit the ocean, of course.

Everyone out here built things so _large_ , didn't they? Was it just to show off, or what? This bridge itself must have been a half a mile long. How did they even _do_ that without earth jutsu?

Thinking curiously about the work involved, Tobi continued onward.

Finally, he arrived at the Outer Temple, where the monks that guarded this place defended the mighty bronze gates. Here, the monks would send out their sturdiest members to fight as others rained bombs and arrows and exotic poisons down on the invaders from murder ports above. Tobi was pleased to see that the doors were already open, so he stepped inside.

Inside the hall it was quite dark, as the room possessed no windows or artificial sources of light. This was when a normal person would be at their most vulnerable, adjusting from the light of the cloudless sun to the depths of pitched shadow in a single instant. Tobi wasn't actually aware of that particular weakness of human eyesight, since he had never possessed eyes that were built that way. He simply noted that no one was present and moved on.

Then, passing into window-lit interior hallways that were so old that grooves had been worn in the stone by shuffling footsteps, Tobi stepped through an archway into the Stone Garden of Roaring Tranquility. Inside were the first people he had seen so far. Two of them were meditating, sitting upon flat rocks as a third watched over them.

Tobi smiled, and the third nodded to him as he approached.

"Everything went well?" asked Tobi.

Kisame smiled, indicating the still figures of Hidan and Kakuzu with a sweep of his hand. "You'll have to ask them. I got finished early."

"Ran into trouble?"

"Someone made me angry. I had to prove a point."

"Oh, well as long as you're happy," said Tobi. "Where's old man Danzou?"

Kisame shrugged. "He finished his work slightly after I did. Said he wanted to check on Orochimaru, so he left us to it."

"Did these monk guys give you any trouble? I know there was at least one of them left alive when I went back to the surface..." asked Tobi, looking around the tranquil garden. Looking more closely, it was possible to see several telltale bloodstains among the gravel and sand.

"Heh… no, no real trouble, though a few of them knew some pretty archaic forms of ninjutsu. Kind of surprising, actually. The old geezer's still lurking about in the Inner Sanctum, but he's trapped inside some room that we couldn't break down. I wouldn't worry about it. Orochimaru has him covered."

Tobi chuckled. "Wouldn't wanna be _that_ guy. But, hey, as long as he can't contact anyone it's fine."

"Everything went fine on your end?" asked Kisame.

"Yeah. Better than I had expected, actually. I'm kind of impressed with us. Way to go, team! No one down there is going to have any reason to expect that we're up here."

Kisame's beady eyes glinted. "None at all?"

Tobi smiled. "Not that I'm aware of. All I did was go down there, rile up all the pirates and then leave."

He moved over to the two meditating men on the rocks, examining them closely.

"Wow. Kakuzu _really_ burned up his double's chakra reserves. I mean, I know I only implanted like a fifth of your chakra in them, but he must have been on fire down there."

He paused, waiting expectantly for a couple seconds. Just as he was about to open his mouth, Kisame interrupted. "Yes, Tobi. On fire. I get the joke."

"Oh, okay," said Tobi, as he reached out to touch Kakuzu's tanned skin. "Just checking."

Kakuzu's hand shot up, grabbing Tobi's wrist just before it made contact.

" _Don't touch me, Tobi,"_ growled the man. "We've been over this already."

"Geez, somebody's grumpy," muttered Tobi, gingerly extricating his arm from Kakuzu's grip. "I was just gonna dispel the jutsu."

"Unnecessary, as you can see. But if you were going to take my _soul_ then now would be the time to do it, so as I've told you five times already… _don't touch me."_

"Alright, alright. Sheesh. Did everything go well?"

Kakuzu nodded. "The attack on the Nobility pulled Admiral Aokiji away from the capital, as well as a legion of mechanical enforcers. I incinerated my false body and left no evidence behind. They'll be down there looking for our little human sacrifice for quite a while, I think."

Kisame added his own information as well. "The criminal element is in an uproar, attacking anyone suspicious in the inner groves. As for up here, the only line of communication out has been cut. If what you told us is true then no one will suspect a thing until it's far too late."

"Even if they do come to realize what's happening here," said Kakuzu, "-climbing the mountain will take far longer than it took to descend it, even for Government operatives. It took us most of the night, after all. Anyone that left the capital will surely be completely irrelevant in any encounter here."

"Wonderful!" exclaimed Tobi. "And yes, it's true alright. According to the monks' memories, it will be at least another day until they expect a routine check-in. We're free and clear!"

"It still seems foolish to have only one line of contact out of here," noted Kakuzu, eyes narrowing. "You're absolutely certain you haven't missed anything?"

"Absolutely positively!"

That was, in fact, the best part of this plan. The World Government knew that it was impossible to pluck the Divine Fruit from the tree until it was ripe, which meant that even if some rogue pirate warlord _were_ to have invaded the Temple and killed all of its defenders, they _still_ would be stuck here for a few decades until it was ready. Long before then the Government would have noted the lack of routine check-ins, assembled a task force, and obliterated the invaders with extreme prejudice. The Tree was, in a way, it's own security detail, and until the time was right none of the Nobility trusted each other enough to allow their rivals to maintain a private guard force at the Temple itself. Until then, the best defense of the secret was total and complete information control.

Of course, that assumed that no one had the Knowledge of the Sage, the Rinnegan, and sufficient stealth to make it up here undetected.

The greatest danger in their plan had always been the possibility that the Celestial Dragons were aware of this potential flaw in security, but it seemed as though they weren't even aware that it was possible to accelerate the Fruit's ripening at all.

Which, of course, made some sense. If they _had_ known that little factoid then someone in the last millennium would have moved heaven and earth to find the Elemental Kingdoms and recruit someone capable of reproducing that process.

Tobi walked over to the last member of their distraction force.

"Hidan," Tobi called out. "Wake up. Everything went well? It's time to finish the job."

"Shut up," grumbled Hidan. "Almost done with these shitheads…"

"We don't want to give them too much info. I'm gonna cancel the jutsu, alright?"

"Five more minutes…"

"Oh, just kick him out of there," said Kakuzu. "He'll be at it all day if you let him."

Shrugging, Tobi brought both hands together to form a seal.

 **[SHOTEN NO JUTSU: KAI]**

 **[IMPERSONATION TECHNIQUE: RELEASE]**

Hidan fell forward, catching himself just before he hit the floor.

"What the hell, man…" he moaned, fighting off a bit of nausea from the sudden loss of connection. "After all that fighting my body's just gonna fall over dead like a pussy? Screw you."

"Uhh, he told me to do it," said Tobi, deflecting by pointing to Kakuzu.

"Typical," grunted Kakuzu. "And this is the man we trusted to get us this far. It's amazing we made it here with so few casualties."

"Thanks, I think," said Tobi, as Kisame began walking away. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Taking a walk," said Kisame. "Waiting around at this point wouldn't suit me. I'll be at the bridge until it's time."

"Oh, okay. Do you mind if I come with you?" asked Tobi, though he wasn't entirely sure why.

"I'd rather be alone, Tobi. Besides, you have work to do. Go check up on Orochimaru."

"Oh… right. But… hey, Kisame?"

This time something made the merman pause, looking over his shoulder with one eye. "Mmm?"

"So… we made it all the way here… What do you think? Was it worth it to you?"

"Yes," responded Kisame.

"That was quick. Just 'yes?' No doubts?"

"No doubts," said Kisame. "I've done far worse for far less. This is better."

"Better… than what?"

"Just… better."

Then Kisame left for good, disappearing through the gates as the soft pad of his shoes faded away into the distance.

Tobi smiled to himself. Kisame always knew how to put things in perspective. Though, honestly it felt a little weird to ask him about his thoughts when Tobi was just planning to betray them all and give the Fruit to Madara, but, well… it is what it is.

"Tobi…" interrupted Kakuzu, who was staring at him so intently that Tobi felt like he might catch fire. "I'll ask you one last time. You're not thinking of trying to betray us, are you?"

Tobi turned around, thankful again for the mask he wore. Kakuzu continued speaking.

"I don't care how powerful you are. You're no match for the other five of us together. You _should_ already know this, but if you're thinking of trying to take the Fruit for yourself then know that you will fail. We will unite and destroy you. Even still, I would rather not risk it. Far too many equitable business deals are ruined by excessive greed."

Hidan snorted. "Yeah, like you're one to talk, you money-grubbing heathen."

"Don't worry," said Tobi. "I'm not going to take the Fruit for myself."

Kakuzu watched him carefully.

"Good… Then we'll all end up happy at the end of this." He turned away. "We'll keep watch here. You can return to your business. Find Danzou. I trust that old snake less far than I can throw him."

"I think… Orochimaru's the snake, right?"

"I stand by what I said."

Tobi shrugged, nodded and then left in the other direction, footprints disturbing the delicately tended sand and gravel.

Meandering his way through the stone gardens took some time, but he soon made it to the cool and softly lit Hall of Reflection. Pools of water sat here and there, some tranquil and some set in artfully flowing tiered ponds, circulated by some unseen mechanism. Some of the pools were stained a bit red. Whoops.

Moving through the hall he passed three stone coffins that sat in three small pools of water. Funny. Last he had heard there were only supposed to be two of those things. He'd have to ask Orochimaru what had changed.

Later, he passed by the Pagoda of Eight Spirits, casting eerie shadows in the candlelight as he walked. Finally, he moved into the Inner Sanctum.

And there it was. The Divine Fruit, resting at the lowest point of the thickest branch. The Tree itself was far too large for even this tremendous room to house anything more than a portion of its trunk and a few of its branches, but the most important part was carefully enshrined here.

At the base of the branch that held the Fruit, the black form of Enel's Heart of Lightning was wrapped up next to the unconscious figure of Fire-Fist Ace.

Orochimaru and Danzou were examining the pair intently, but both turned when he entered.

"Tobi," said Danzou, acknowledging his presence.

"Hey," greeted Tobi. "So… how's it going?"

"Everything is working perfectly," said Orochimaru. "The Tree is re-absorbing the natural demonic chakra just as expected."

"We have enough, right?" asked Tobi. "Only, I saw one of the Jinchuuriki down below, and though I definitely want to keep him alive I'm sure I could convince him to spare a little bit of chakra if I asked."

Orochimaru visibly bit back a sigh and gave Tobi an odd look. "We already went over this. The Tailed Beasts are far too corrupted by their mingling with human chakra. Regardless, it doesn't matter. Our estimates were more conservative than needed, and we will have more than enough power from these two."

"So, we're good, then?"

The man nodded. "I estimate it will be only four more hours until the Fruit is ready to come free."

"Wow." smiled Tobi, staring enraptured at the glowing pod that protected the Divine Fruit. "So everything's going according to plan, then? Incredible. I kind of expected that something ridiculous would go wrong."

"That's why we planned so extensively," said Danzou. "I can definitely say that the ridiculous was far more common than we expected out here on the ocean, but we made it through. This wouldn't have been possible without your ability to take our opponents' memories."

"Oh, well, I'm, uhhh, happy to be of service!" exclaimed Tobi, inwardly adjusting his opinion of Danzou upward a bit. "I'm proud of everyone's efforts. Even Hidan!"

"Yes…" said Danzou. "The point is, don't let your guard down, but so far there's no indication we need to switch to a backup plan. We've done well."

"You're right," grinned Tobi. "I'm just being paranoid. I mean, now that we've come this far what could go wrong, huh?"

There was silence for a moment.

"I suppose I shouldn't have jinxed it," said Tobi.

Orochimaru chuckled. "We've no need for such superstitions…"

Tobi smiled and returned to gazing at the Divine Fruit before something tickled his memory.

"I feel like I wanted to ask you something, Orochimaru, but I can't remember what it was."

"Tell me if you remember, Tobi," said Orochimaru, sounding completely uninterested as he returned to his work, carefully readjusting the flow of chakra between the sacrifices and the Tree.

Oh well. Yeah, he was just being a big worry-wart.

Nothing could go wrong now.

* * *

 **-Rayleigh Group-**

 **-Grove 14-**

Law, Robin, and Sasuke were just a couple groves away from their destination when the hunt for Silvers Rayleigh was interrupted by a beam of brilliant crimson light that swept across the next grove over. Even from this distance the strange light was bright enough to be eye-watering, and they only had time to blink before the area touched by the beam erupted into a cloud of fire and splinters. They _had_ heard fighting from that direction as they passed by, but this was something completely different.

Sasuke quickly darted up the nearest tree, alighting on a branch that Law and Robin's speeder had taken cover behind. Currently hidden from sight, the three of them gazed off into the distance and took stock.

A shadow moved through the clouds of smoke, and a black-haired man was briefly visible, scanning the area with oddly mechanical motions before retreating back into the haze. To seem so large from this distance the man might have been almost thirty feet tall.

"What is that thing…?" asked Robin.

"It's pretty far away, but a giant like that is unmistakable," said Law, staring off into the distance as he rested his hands on the bubble-speeder's handlebars. "Bartholomew Kuma, member of the Shichibukai. Though, what he's doing firing beams of energy I'm not exactly sure…"

"Whatever it is," said Sasuke, staring at the monster in the distance with sharp red eyes, "-it's not human. It doesn't have a chakra signature, and its skin is completely artificial. I think it's meant to hide joints and other machinery. It's a puppet, or something like it."

"Wha-?" Law turned an eye in Sasuke's direction. "How are you seeing this? We're almost a couple miles away right now."

"Don't worry about it. Anyway, is this Kuma person a machine?"

"No," said Law, furrowing his brow as he filed the evasion away for future reference. "Not that I'm aware of."

"Then either this Kuma guy has always been a convincing fake or this _thing_ isn't really him," said Sasuke. "I still don't want to mess with anything that can do something like that."

"I don't think it's alone," interrupted Robin. "There were a number of people talking about Bartholomew Kuma when I was listening in across the groves earlier. I didn't know what to think of it at the time, but a series of machines that mimic his form makes some sense."

"I _knew_ you weren't telling us something," said Sasuke, looking at her with exasperation. "You really need to work on not hiding important information."

Robin smiled beatifically at Sasuke until he seemed to grow a bit uncomfortable.

"A series of powerful machine soldiers…" mused Law, ignoring his companions. "Then it's true… Captain Drake was talking about secret projects, battleship technology, and private armies… I certainly didn't disbelieve him, but… to think it was all referring to the same thing."

"The Government is here in force, then?" asked Sasuke. "Alright. Let's go ahead carefully. Robin, since these things don't have chakra signatures I'm going to need your help keeping an extra pair of eyes out."

She smiled back at him. "Anything you want from me, Sasuke."

The young ninja sent a somewhat confused glance backwards before leaping off the branches and disappearing into the distance. Law quickly revved up the speeder and brought them higher, hoping to obscure their passage among the thicker foliage. A moment passed as he found a safe path through the branches.

"You're a pretty dangerous woman, aren't you?" asked Law, not turning around to look at her.

"Hmm? Whatever could you mean by that?"

"I've seen your bounty. You're a lot older than that kid."

"Oh, how rude," she said, though if she was actually offended then it didn't show on her face. "Twenty-eight is hardly old."

"You know what I mean."

"I do."

Law sighed. "Never mind. I'm not interested enough to play games. You obviously have your reasons and I'll leave you to them."

There were basically two kinds of silences that could have been appropriate at that point. The first was the silence of a fisherman, leaving the lure in the water as he waited for something to take the bite. The second was the silence of a man who had legitimately lost interest in the situation. Robin evaluated the situation and then guessed incorrectly.

"It's not what you're thinking," said Robin, breaking the silence on her own. "This isn't romance. I admit that I always loved to tease men like him, but…"

"No, please," said Law, sounding intensely bored. "I honestly don't care anymore."

"He's… lost," said Robin, continuing as if she hadn't even heard her driver's protest. "When Sasuke came on this journey he abandoned everyone he ever loved, and found himself surprised when they simply refused to be abandoned. I should know, I suppose. It happened to me, too."

"...I'm not getting out of this, am I?" mumbled Law.

"Of course, whereas my path was set from the moment the Straw-Hats saved my life, he now has his own choice to make."

Law sighed, staring ahead at their tree-top flightpath with a resigned expression. "Uh-huh," he said.

"Should he leave for good and search for a greater horizon out here on the ocean, or should he decide that he was wrong to leave and return to a home that never truly accepted him?"

"I'm sensing some bias there," remarked Law, threading them through a close set of branches.

Robin shrugged. "Probably. Before joining the Straw-Hats I had long since grown numb to the experience of leaving friends behind. But, you see, he's become more and more serious as the time has come to make that choice. He's lost some of the humor he had before. Whereas being saved by my… new friends had lightened my heart, he seems to have been burdened by it. It would be easier if Naruto and Miss Sakura were less dedicated to their teammate, but... clearly they are not interested in staying out here with us. Regardless, Sasuke is one of my precious friends, and I'd rather he stayed with us in the long run, but I'd also rather he stayed happy, so… I've had to 'up my game,' so-to-speak."

Law rolled his eyes, barely even knowing what she was talking about. "…By shamelessly flirting with him almost every moment since leaving the summit?"

"I… admit that the more 'friendly' side of my social skills may need a bit of work, yes… In that aspect I'm younger than I should be, I suppose."

"Yeah, I've noticed. I also, as I've said, don't care about this shit right now."

"-But every time I poke at him he drops his guard for a moment… I don't think he's noticed it happening, but it's like having a reset button for a brooding teenager." She giggled at the thought. "He loses just a bit of that seriousness for a while."

Law groaned. "Oh, god... I _really_ shouldn't have to put up with this. Are you always this talkative?"

"-And I think that's worth it. It's just one way that I can help him find his path. Ulterior motive or not." For a moment Robin seemed to actually focus on Law. "I must say, it's nice to be able to talk about this with someone."

He shook his head. "Great. Glad to be of service. Anyway, now that that's over forever, we're getting close to the destination. Keep an eye out, please."

"Though, I also admit that I'm quite capable of long-term planning, and that looking ahead to the man he'll be several years from now he—"

" _Alright, fine!"_ interrupted Law, eye twitching as he continued staring ahead. "I _don't_ want to hear it! Focus on the task at hand, _please_."

"Oh… yes, of course."

They flew onwards, descending towards a single ramshackle building sitting alone in the distance.

* * *

 **-Grove 6-**

 **-Shakky's Ripoff Saloon-**

"There it is," said Sasuke, ducking behind somewhat to point out the location of Shakky's Ripoff Saloon to the others. They had soon parked their vehicle and stepped inside.

Shakuyaku was waiting for them when they arrived.

"Welcome," she said. "We were expecting you, though I'm definitely surprised to see Mister Trafalgar Law here. Come on in. Rayleigh's in the back."

Sasuke stepped into the same back room they had been in when Rayleigh had spoken with them, but no one was inside.

"No, not in there," said Shakuyaku, glancing at Robin with an indecipherable look. "In his workshop. Your friend knows the way, I believe."

For once, Robin looked slightly embarrassed.

"Don't worry about snooping around, honey," said the bartender. "We've all got more important things than that to worry about right now."

With Robin's guidance the three of them found the trap door that hid Rayleigh's workshop and stepped inside. This was a place that one of the most powerful people in the world had tried to keep secret, and he was now extending an invitation to them during a moment of crisis. What would he tell them? Could he help them? They were prepared for anything. They should have prepared harder.

Inside, Silvers Rayleigh was waist deep in the innards of a rusted mini-bus set on top of a large resin bubble that glowed with strange rainbow hues. Cursing quietly to himself, the man fiddled and pulled at various pieces of the engine block, causing the entire vehicle to shudder in its straps like a restrained beast. Most vicious beasts, however, weren't painted in faded canary yellow and didn't have the still-visible outlines of where the words ' **HELLO TOURS!'** had long since been removed from the side.

Law turned an eye in the direction of his two travelling companions as if to ask, 'Is this _really_ the guy we're looking for?' but the others were quick to nod.

"Don't just stand there," said Rayleigh, voice muffled from the inside of the vehicle, "Someone get over here and hold this light for me."

Sasuke moved, but Robin preempted him as an elegant arm sprouted from the underside of the hood, grabbing the man's flashlight and angling it down into the innards of the vehicle. Rayleigh actually straightened up somewhat, giving the phantom limb an odd sort of look before shrugging, adjusting her aim slightly, and returning to work. Before long he was giving further orders, asking for tools that Robin quickly provided without ceasing her slow exploration of the workshop.

"Are you Silvers Rayleigh?" asked Law, clearly growing impatient. "We have a—"

The silver-haired man's head popped out of the vehicle for just long enough to cast a withering glare in the pirate captain's direction before returning to work.

"Hold your horses for a minute," he said. "I do know what's going on, but talking to you all and fixing this thing up are both important enough that I can't split my attention."

Though he was clearly unaccustomed to taking orders, Law shut up and folded his arms with a scowl. It was, in fact, five minutes later before Rayleigh straightened up, back creaking, and pressed a button inside the vehicle. A moment later the dilapidated junker coughed and sputtered to life. The three observers expressed disbelief in their own fashions. Even those who were unfamiliar with automotive vehicles knew necromancy when they saw it. Rayleigh, however, smiled and turned to them.

"Sorry for the wait. I'm glad you could make it here, though I didn't expect a visit from the captain of the Heart Pirates as well. Still, that's even better. Your being here really raises the chances of success. Are the others outside?"

This provoked some confusion.

"Sorry, what are you talking about?" asked Sasuke. "It's just us three here. We're here to try and figure out what Akatsuki is doing out there. I assume you've heard about the state of things—"

Rayleigh waved a dismissive hand, shaking his head. "No, no, I know all about that. Luffy went after that Ace impostor, didn't he? No matter. We'll have to go pick them up, but that shouldn't be a problem."

"I think that all of us are perhaps confused about something," said Robin, peering curiously in his direction. "Just what, exactly, do you think we're doing here?"

Rayleigh snorted, stepping back around to the driver's seat of the puttering vehicle and slipping inside. Once the door was closed, he rolled down the window and leaned his head out.

"Well, it sounds to me like you don't know what's what yet, but _I_ certainly know why you're here. You all are going to help me save the _world_ , that's what."

If anything, this just made the three of them more perplexed, and Rayleigh laughed at their confusion.

"Look, don't worry about it! Miss Robin, do you remember all that stuff I said about discovering the truth for yourself and keeping an open mind as you travel through the world to see it without preconceptions?"

"…Yes… I believe I agreed not to pry too deeply into your knowledge…?"

Rayleigh grinned widely, far too pleased with himself considering the dire nature of the current situation.

"Well, I think that was an admirable choice. Yes, a fine choice indeed. But take that choice and throw it right in the damn garbage, because there's absolutely no time left for any of that shit now. We're riding the edge of hell, so forget everything I said about secrets and patience. All of you youngsters are the only help I'm going to get on such short notice so get in the van and I'll tell you everything I can guess about what Akatsuki's doing, the National Treasure of Mariejois, and our one and only chance to stop the end of the world as we know it."

Law's jaw dropped wide open.

" _The National Treasure of Mariejois?! Are you shitting me, old man?!"_

Rayleigh's eyes glinted.

"Like I said. Get in the van and find out. We're going on a goddamn adventure."

* * *

A/N: Finally things are clearing up with regards to my work and our move.

Poor Law. He tries to be professional, but no matter what it is he signs up for with the Straw-Hats, he always gets caught in their hijinx field. This is a constant in the One Piece universe. He really belongs in a different series.

Also, for those who may be unfamiliar with One Piece, at this point in the story they ran into a cyborg Bartholomew Kuma and a legion of androids that were modeled after him. Only the one carrying the bible is the real deal with the Devil Fruit, and the others are just extremely advanced war-machines. Similarly, though the Pacifista are loyal creations of the Government, Kuma is of much more questionable loyalty, which would be why he witnessed Akatsuki's involvement with Moria and said nothing to anyone in the Government.

Things were getting bad, but it looks like there's no need to worry now. Now that Rayleigh's with them everything's going to be A-OK. Right, guys and girls?

This is going to be _easy_.


	61. Children of the Sun

The sea was dark. From the clouded sky, slivers of moonlight cut their way through the surface of the water, illuminating thin tendrils of fine roots that waved lazily beneath. The horizon glowed a dull red, though night had long since fallen, and the dreams of those still brave enough to sleep were filled with thoughts of a warm and caring mother.

Hagoromo shivered. They were getting close to the island indeed.

" _What has Mother done to our home…?"_ thought Hagoromo, staring out into the darkness from the bow of the mighty ship. " _This looks nothing at all like the shores of our birth."_

The response came back immediately, the words nestling themselves in his heart like a handwritten letter.

" _It's worse than even you can see, brother,"_ thought Hamura. " _There's more over the horizon. Something has taken over the land, and Mother has let it happen."_

" _I can feel it too… The roots that wave beneath the water seem almost curious, and I can tell they're trying to report our presence. Keeping them pacified isn't too strenuous, but I can't understand why they're here at all."_

There was a flash of concern across their link. " _They are much thicker on the shore,"_ thought Hamura. " _They're everywhere."_

Neither brother said outright what they both knew. The mysterious roots were tinted with their mother's chakra.

" _I find it hard to imagine any good person living like this,"_ thought Hamura, " _-and I begin to doubt that there is anything we could do for her."_

" _I wish you wouldn't say it like that… There must be hope for these people, even Mother. They were good folk before, better than most. And now… to think that we will be spilling so much of their blood…"_

Hagoromo sighed, inside and out, gazing up at the clouded moon. " _Surely it pains your heart as much as mine."_

" _You know that it does,"_ thought Hamura. " _Our hearts are linked. I shouldn't have to remind you of that, given that using chakra this way was your invention."_

" _Yes,"_ agreed Hagoromo, focusing his thoughts until he could feel his brother's chakra several miles away. It was true. His brother felt the pain just as surely as he did. There was a warm pulse of energy, the spiritual equivalent of a firm squeeze on the shoulder, and he returned his brother's gesture with barely a thought.

 _This_ was what chakra should truly be used for, thought Hagoromo. No matter where he was or what he was doing he would never be without his greatest friend and ally.

" _Poseidon says 'Hello,' by the way,"_ added Hamura.

" _...Somehow I doubt she was so reserved as that…"_

There was a pulse of glee across the link.

" _You're right about that."_

There was a dizzying thought, and then Hagoromo could see the beautiful young mermaid as if she had intruded in his daydreams.

" _Can he hear me if I talk to him?"_ asked the girl. " _He can?! Joy Boy! Hello, Joy Boy! I know you're probably down in the dumps right now like always, but don't worry! We'll get through this, okay?! I'll make sure of it! Keep your chin up and I swear we'll throw a wonderful party for you at the palace when this is done! That's a promise!"_

The image cut out, leaving only his brother's smug satisfaction behind.

"I do wish she'd stop calling me that," grumbled Hagoromo, startling a few of the soldiers out on deck. He waved them down and mentally chastened himself as Hamura chuckled inside his heart.

" _Well, then maybe you should make it less fun for her to poke at you. Poseidon only does it because she thinks you deserve the treatment."_

"You _should stop calling her Poseidon,"_ chastised Hagoromo. " _That's the name that Mother gave her as a weapon. It's not right to lump her in with the other creations, especially not now."_

" _Hmm, well it's a hard habit to undo,"_ admitted Hamura. " _Besides, you know as well as I do that she doesn't mind. She takes pride in her power, just as we do. You're just changing the subject because you can't stand the fact that someone might want to throw you a party and cheer you up for once, 'Joy Boy.'"_

" _Oh, not you too. That's the last thing I need. Besides, I can't say I feel at all comfortable with her making promises to me when I failed her. Raising Noah from the sea-bed and successfully activating it would have ensured we kept at least some of-"_

" _Stop whining, brother. You know she doesn't blame you for that. If anything, I blame myself for not being there. I always do better with the heavy lifting, after all."_

" _Hush. Your ego is showing."_

Hamura laughed, and it felt like effervescent water in his soul. " _You're too easy. Besides, why stay so distant from her? She's as much Mother's child as either of us, and I think it would be nice to welcome a sister into our ranks, even if not through the bonds of blood or rearing."_

" _A sister...? Hmm… I'd rather not."_

" _Oh? Why wouldn't you…_ Ohhhhhh…"

Hagoromo shut his eyes, trying to keep as much of himself out of the link as possible. It didn't work.

" _Well, well,_ well _, brother finally admitted to having a crush."_

" _I admit to nothing."_

" _Of course not. Well, either way I can take a hint. The only relation she bears to us is sharing in Mother's phenomenal chakra, and as a life form who was created by Mother's will she is sister to no one. I gladly give my blessings. In fact, I'll even help set you up on a date."_

" _I need nothing you have to give me."_

" _Don't tell falsehoods, brother. They don't become you."_

Hagoromo sighed at his brother's temerity, and then he felt a flicker of some familiar affection through the link. Suddenly, things made a bit more sense.

" _You're just trying to keep my mind off of things, aren't you?"_

" _I admit to nothing,"_ copied his brother.

" _You, Hamura, should have far more important things to worry about. Did Great King Donquixote come around in the end?"_

There was an uncomfortable pause.

" _Yes. Lamancha agreed to commit every one of his ships, but… he is relying upon us to follow through. I'd rather not relay his words as spoken, as they were insulting at best, but suffice it to say that his doubts yet remain."_

" _Such a detestable man,"_ thought Hagoromo. " _And what a dreadful day this must be that our Alliance of Twenty Kingdoms must include a rapacious ass such as him."_

" _You need seek no stronger agreement than with me, brother…"_

"What do you see out there in the darkness, Child of the Sun?" asked a solid voice from behind him, interrupting his internal conversation.

" _Seems like you get the more pleasant task of the two of us,"_ thought Hamura. " _I'll leave you to it."_

Hagoromo turned to regard the man standing behind him, one he knew as a friend so true that he was almost family. Tall and darkly-tanned, the man already wore his gold-inlaid armor that evoked images of a shining star. The man was old enough to be his father, and though Hagoromo possessed power enough to smite armies, the sight of Nefertari Djoser's hawkish gaze and stern black beard still made him feel as though he were being judged.

Across his heart link he could feel Hamura chuckling, but he resolved to ignore it.

"Great King Nefertari, I see the ruins of my childhood," said Hagoromo, extending a hand to the ocean and the dull red glow in the distance. "When I was a young boy my world was full of love, but this foreboding I feel now is like a tarnish on silver or gold. I revisit a comforting dream and find a nightmare instead."

The king seemed to consider this.

"Truly a boy's journey to manhood requires that he cast away the thoughts and comforts of childhood," he mused, "-but still I wish that you might have been spared such a brutal awakening. And please… enough with the 'Great King' talk. Surely such things can be dispensed with among equals?"

Hagoromo shifted uncomfortably. "Abandoning the respect due a king in his regalia… Such things are not done."

"What, this old thing?" asked Djoser, thumping a hand on his inlaid plate mail as his mouth turned up at the corners. "If you must show respect to what I'm wearing, then wait at least until I don my helm. My armor has already been blessed by my greatest priestesses, and heaping more respect upon it will not help stop an arrow sent to kill me. What use have I of flattery from my friend?"

Hagoromo smiled.

"Friend, hmm…? In all honesty it seems odd to look at things that way. I think my brother and I came to see you as family in the years we spent in the palace. You're the closest thing I've had to a father."

Djoser's gaze gained a peculiar curiosity to it. "...Well, your version of 'in all honesty' is rather more honest than I'd expect from such a young man... Either way, I am honored to be considered father to someone like you."

The King looked away. "Just don't ask me to show deference to your mother."

"...I understand."

"What word from the others?" asked Djoser, changing the subject.

"Great King Donquixote has agreed to commit his full forces to the final assault. Every other fleet is fully prepared for what may come."

Djoser snorted. "It took that ass long enough to make up his mind. As if holding back strength would save his rule if we fail here. What a laugh."

"My brother and I had similar thoughts… You are determined, then?"

"How could I be anything less and still call myself King of Alabasta?" He turned to face the ocean spray, face lit by the moon as he carefully laid out his words. "We gathered Twenty Fleets from Twenty Kings of Twenty Kingdoms. We sailed together through the Grand Line. We fought and destroyed the Great Weapon, Neptune, burying many brave souls to do so. We rescued the Mermaid Princess from her bonds, thus denying Kaguya her precious Poseidon and bringing King Ryuuguu over to our cause. Your brother banished Uranus to the sky where her followers could never again find it. Now we sail, thirty thousand ships strong, to topple the Demon Queen of the Greatest Kingdom from her throne."

He sighed.

"I _am_ determined. Determined enough to know that only an eternity of servitude or worse awaits my people if we fail here. I am determined enough to die, if that is what fate desires."

" _And that may be what fate wishes from us,"_ thought Hamura. " _I truly admire this man."_

"If our efforts have been sufficient," said Hagoromo, responding to both of them. "Then that may not be necessary. Still, my brother and I are equally determined."

"I have no doubt of that," said Djoser, a steely hardness returning to his eyes as he turned to regard Hagoromo. "But that is not _enough_ from you two."

Both said nothing for a moment, eyes locking together.

"No… you two sons of Kaguya need even greater determination than I. For though I tell you what you already know, it is no less true that you must hear it. All of our efforts will be for naught if you cannot kill your mother."

"I know," said Hagoromo.

"We mere mortals cannot hope to challenge her. We are here for one reason and one reason only. To conquer the Greatest Kingdom and defeat her zealots on the field of battle through force of arms."

" _I know,"_ said Hagoromo.

"I have my doubts that we can even manage that. The Demon Queen gathered fanatical followers by the millions, all eager to serve her. And though our great Kings may be prideful, none here would challenge her country's claim to be the greatest in the world. If our armies fall before hers then you two will be overwhelmed by her followers, but if you two cannot kill Kaguya then she will slaughter all of us unchallenged. Or worse, we may become her willing slaves."

" _I KNOW,"_ growled Hagoromo, and Hamura's thoughts echoed his own, filling his heart with grief and frustration.

"NO!" shouted Djoser. He smashed his fist into the ship's railing, breaking the wood into splinters with a crash that caused both brothers to startle in surprise, even though Hamura was several miles away. When he spoke again he was calmer. "No, you don't. I do not blame you for it, but it is clear that you do _not_ understand. You still struggle with the pain of grief at the thought of harming your mother and I tell you that your determination is too weak.

The younger man averted his eyes. "Too weak? But…"

"Those of us with true determination know that we are _already_ dead," insisted Djoser. "We will _never_ see the people and places that we love ever again. That is as it should be. Here, at the end of the world, hope can become a disease that will fester into cowardice."

Hagoromo winced, struggling with the words he was hearing. "Surely it's not so bad as that," he said. "Hope has always been a strength in my life."

Djoser's voice softened further. "It is indeed that bad. And as much as I wish I could tell you otherwise, every one of us here has sacrificed one hope in order to preserve another. We sacrifice the hope that we will live through this night in order to preserve the hope that our families will continue on. That hope is the hope that you two can become the saviors of this world. You, and your brother who I know is listening, must sacrifice your hope that your mother can be saved in order to preserve the hope that humanity will live to see freedom."

The two brothers said nothing at all, emotions clouded as Hagoromo avoided the man's eyes. Eventually, Djoser continued.

"And so I tell you… you two young men must reach into your own hearts and _kill_ Kaguya before we even arrive at the island. You _must_ sacrifice that hope if we are to preserve the hopes of a future…. Everyone in Alabasta… everyone in the world… and _all_ those who come after us… are counting on that sacrifice."

It was just one of many times that the brothers were glad for the link that they shared. Each one drew strength from the other to avoid the disgrace of crying before the man who had been like a father to them.

"We understand," said both in unison as Hagoromo looked back up into his eyes. To the shock of both, tears were streaming down _his_ face instead of theirs.

"Good," he said. "I think that you do, now. I'm so very, very proud of you both. I would have loved to call you sons of my own. And... again, for what little it's worth... I am _truly_ sorry. No one should have to carry such a burden, especially at such a young age... and if I could shoulder that weight then I would gladly take it from you. I-"

He paused as a sense of foreboding cut through them, and all three men turned to face the dark continent in the distance. The dull red glow pulsed like fanning embers, and both of the brothers felt the power in the air.

" _Brother!"_ thought Hamura. " _I think she finally knows we're here!"_

The clouds parted unnaturally, revealing the moon as if a hand had pushed aside a curtain. Then the moon itself began to glow a deep red, and as it deepened the pattern of the Demon Queen's Third Eye faded into existence on its surface. Just as horror began to take root among the fleet, a brilliant light filled the air, so bright and pervasive that it seemed to claw its way into cracks in the deckboards, filling every ship in its entirety.

Hagoromo wasted no words, reaching out with the power of his Rinnegan. He pushed, fought, beckoned, and abjured, bending every power his eyes had to the task of dispelling the light that he felt groping against his mind, but to little effect. Finally, as the soldiers on deck stopped struggling and began staring up into the air, he felt a strange resistance as his power grasped something.

'Soul magic?' he thought, pushing out harder with the part of the Rinnegan he rarely used. It felt like his soul was a leaf being blown about in a hurricane, but he held on to that power with every fiber of his being as he struggled to avoid being subsumed.

There was no impact to the attack. All notions of force or swirling vertigo were entirely in his head, and he fought desperately to ground the rampant chakra back to the earth. What seemed like minutes later the light had dimmed, leaving him standing somewhat unsteadily on his feet and looking around in confusion as the moon faded slowly back into normalcy. He was the only one doing so.

All around him people stood transfixed, eyes blank and unblinking as they stared into the sky, muttering to themselves. Beside him, King Nefertari was in the same state.

"...My beloved… You've returned to me… I always knew you were still out there somewhere, my beautiful queen…" mumbled the King, before falling completely silent.

"What in the world?" asked Hagoromo, looking around in confusion. A voice entered his heart a moment later.

" _Brother…"_ thought Hamura.

" _Thank goodness you're still there,"_ thought Hagoromo. " _What happened?"_

" _I see Mother... she… says she's sorry for what she did to us. To the world. Brother… all of this was needless... All this time and all we had to do was come home…"_

Hagoromo cursed- a very rare occurrence- and dove deep into the link of chakra that bound him to his brother. Grasping the bonds in his heart he reached out to Hamura and probed cautiously at the foreign presence. The illusion he felt was of unprecedented strength, and part of him recoiled in horror to see it claiming his brother's soul, but now was hardly the time for squeamishness.

Strengthening the link between them, Hagoromo pulled and tore at the strands of soul magic, using his Rinnegan as a ground every time the unnatural energy tried to fight back. Confusing images and flashes of peace and contentment surged through their link as he fought, but it was the work of only a couple minutes before he had his brother free.

" _T-thank you, brother,"_ thought Hamura, steadying his heart once more.

" _Don't mention it,"_ thought Hagoromo, gazing out at the fleets of ships that were already beginning to drift listless in the waves. " _But I fear I'm at a loss. I've never seen anything like this before. Whatever Mother has done has affected everyone here."_

" _No, it's much, much worse than that,"_ thought Hamura. " _She fed her Divine Power into the illusion somehow, and I don't believe that light stopped at just the fleet."_

" _You don't mean…"_

" _I do. She has the strength to affect the entire world, and I fear that's just what she is doing. I think our invasion proved to be the final indignity she would tolerate, and now she has given up on humanity."_

Hagoromo took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and began pacing across the deck. There weren't a lot of options, especially with only the two of them conscious.

" _What do you think the High Priestess is doing right now?"_ he asked. " _She and the others shouldn't have been affected by this."_

A mental equivalent of a snort came over the link. " _What do you_ think _she's doing? She's waiting for us to fix this mess before coming out, then she'll blame us for being too slow when we finally manage it. I can't see her at all ever since she figured out a way to evade the Byakugan, so for all I know she's glaring at us right now. You're with the King. She's probably lurking right behind you."_

Hagoromo's skin crawled as he could almost feel the old woman's judging eyes on his back.

" _She's… well…"_

" _Can't argue with that, can you?"_

" _She may not want to come out until she's sure she won't be taken like the others."_

Another snort. " _Well I can't even blame her. I don't think we_ can _fix this."_

Hagoromo looked around them, glancing up into the sky to see the pale moon once more. " _Hmmm… Maybe…_ "

" _You have an idea?"_

" _...Perhaps. I felt what she did when that spell washed over us. If you join your Byakugan to our heart-link then I should be able to accurately link to the chakra systems of everyone in the fleet. With your help we may be able to dispel this illusion in everyone we can see."_

" _Not the whole world though?"_ asked Hamura.

" _...No, not the whole world. I'm not Mother. I have my limits."_

A comforting pulse of energy came across the link. " _We must try it anyway. We should be near each other for this. I'm coming to you."_

* * *

Hamura was true to his word. The forest of entranced sailors, including the beloved King Djoser, proved to be too much of a distraction for the two to work properly, so soon brother stood beside brother atop the highest point of the ship. There was no need for the shared words of a reunion. The two of them had never been apart in the first place.

Focusing their will, the two linked their hearts and minds together, joining hands to share energy freely. Hagoromo felt the lights of hundreds of thousands of people enter his awareness, each one locked in a trance that they could never escape. Scattered here and there were individuals who were still active and moving about, likely a quirk of some strange Devil-Fruit that allowed them to repel or otherwise avoid the unnatural light, but they were of no concern at the moment. The brothers focused on every one of the captured souls and began their task.

Working together, each heart came into crystal focus, and it wasn't long before he was able to attune the Rinnegan to the particular energy signal that was present in each of the entranced people. Just as before, he began grasping and pulling, destroying the illusion and grounding its energy away from its helpless victims. With Hamura's practiced eye aiding him, he soon identified the weak points in the technique, and with growing confidence he began linking to tens and then hundreds at a time. He staggered in place, feeling the Preta Path become overwhelmed by the chakra it was absorbing for the first time ever, but Hamura was there beside him, lending his energy and bolstering his will. Twenty minutes later he had reached a rhythm, and many of the ships were slowly regaining enough sailors to avoid crashing into each other.

This success couldn't last forever though.

"Something's happening," noted Hamura, trying to pin down some odd movement in the water without disturbing his brother's focus.

"Rather… busy right now…"

Off in the distance, one of their allied ships exploded. Hamura redirected his sight to focus on the disturbance, seeing a number of crazed humanoids with pure-white skin riding the hulk down into the waves. More of them darted through the water, ripping, tearing, and even biting at the hulls of nearby ships. A quick glance elsewhere saw hundreds of these creatures incoming from the shore.

"Well, that's not good," remarked Hamura.

"They'll have to deal with it on their own," grunted Hagoromo, returning his focus to the task of dispelling the illusion. "Every second we spend breaking this illusion is another hundred or more fighters returned to the field. We must continue."

Hamura frowned, upset that he agreed with his brother. Then an idea struck him and the image of a certain person flashed through their link. Hagoromo blinked in surprise.

" _Excellent idea, brother!"_

Redirecting his focus, Hagoromo grabbed the chains of illusion that bound the Mermaid Princess and tore them from her soul. It was barely half a minute later when the call went out.

Twenty human kingdoms had set sail to fight the Demon Queen, but with Poseidon's aid the brothers had found a twenty-first. Storming up from the black depths that even the cursed moonlight hadn't been able to reach through came the army of the merfolk along with a thousand sea beasts that answered to Poseidon's will. The ocean roared, and soon the white humanoids were being overwhelmed by the aquatic superiority of the merfolk.

Twenty minutes later, the fleet had been returned to consciousness, the white fiends had been driven back, and a much-exhausted Hagoromo began to rest his eyes. They shot back open again when he saw what was on the horizon.

The island was now in full view and the red glow had become brighter than ever, as if a crimson sun was even now lurking beyond sight. But that wasn't all.

"What is that thing?" asked Hagoromo.

Hamura sighed. "That, brother, is the source of this mess."

Climbing its way up the horizon was the trunk of an immense, twisted tree. Branchless, leafless, and covered in strange growths that looked almost like eyeballs, it was an offense to any living creature, and their stomachs turned from looking at it.

"That's…"

"The source of her power," agreed Hamura. "Or, at least, I think so. She's taken the Fruit's chakra… and planted it in the earth somehow."

"But… we've _seen_ the Divine Tree!" exclaimed Hagoromo, already somehow sure of the reason why this was happening. "It looks nothing like that horrible thing!"

"That's what her power became after spending twenty years inside of her."

"Then those white creatures…"

Neither of them wanted to say what their eyes were clearly telling them. The white creatures had been human once, but were now just as altered as the tree had been. Even now the monsters amassed themselves at the shoreline, abandoning the attack at sea in order to prepare for the beach landing.

There was a noise like a muffled explosion, and both brothers looked ahead. A tremendous flare had been launched from the deck to soar up into the sky and detonate in a fireworks display that rivaled the dormant sun. The message to the fleet was clear. The King was alive and well. Across the massive armada, other fleets gathered themselves similarly, messages passing between them all as they prepared for the final assault on an island that was still barely visible on the horizon.

The minutes piled on as the brothers returned to the deck, conferring with each other as they worked out a plan. A quick message to one of the flanking Fish-Men in the water and they had what they needed. By the time the lookouts had spotted the defending army, the shore had been covered by a wall of identical white-skinned monsters standing shoulder to shoulder. They numbered in the tens of thousands, eagerly awaiting their chance to eviscerate the invaders as they were at their most vulnerable. King Djoser turned to the two of them.

"You two must have already seen those things in the distance, but we can't possibly go to land against that kind of army. We'll die by the thousands with no safe area to form a beachhead. But you two don't seem worried. Why?"

Hagoromo nodded. "In this case, Mother has given us all the aid we need. Circumstances should be shifting in our favor shortly."

Sure enough, it was barely thirty seconds before a song swept across the fleet, sweet, clear, and pure, as if the woman who was singing it was standing right next to all of them. The Mermaid Princess' chakra imbued her song, extending it outward for hundreds of miles, and its range underwater was far greater even than that.

The King's eyes went wide as Hagoromo smiled, letting the melody wash over him. She really did have a beautiful voice.

"Now… we wait. The final assault should begin after she has done her work."

Muttering prayers of protection, Djoser turned and hurried away, gathering his messengers to relay commands throughout his fleet and others.

Five minutes later, the sea rumbled. The white monsters on the shore looked about uncertainly as the water before them began to swell upwards. The swell grew taller and taller until it completely obscured the horizon, still growing until it had become a literal mountain of ocean water that made the Twenty Kingdoms Armada look like toy boats floating on a bathtub.

Then, and only then, did a titanic eye break the surface of the water, looking about itself with glacial sluggishness.

All across the fleet, every living soul could only watch in terror as a sailor's worst nightmare passed its anemic gaze over them. Then, the noise of the creature's passage finally crossed the many miles between it and the fleet, roaring like an unending thunderstorm. Sailors and warriors alike cringed and covered their ears. Even the brothers watched in awe. They had never imagined something so mind-numbingly gargantuan had waited in the dark depths of the oceans, ready to answer Poseidon's call.

Shaking his head to clear it, Hagoromo clasped both hands together. "Hamura! We must suppress the waves! I need everything you've got!"

"Right!"

They channeled their powers into the ocean, barely stopping the series of tsunamis before they broke the fleets into splinters, and that was when the sweet song changed its tune. Slowly, painstakingly, the island-dwarfing behemoth turned its mighty head towards Kaguya's dark kingdom and creaked open its jaw.

Teeth like icebergs bit silently into the distant shore as tens of thousands of the white monsters disappeared into the titan's maw. It carved out a bite of rock and earth nearly five miles wide and a mile deep. Then, several seconds later, the noise of an island being ripped apart exploded over them. The brothers winced and covered their ears as the tremendous Sea-King pulled itself away and began the slow process of sinking leisurely back into the ocean.

Minutes later, after the brothers had finally finished quelling the waves, Hamura snickered in relief.

"So," he said. "Still feeling good about that date?"

"I… just… oh, be quiet, you."

"Everyone!" shouted the King, projecting his voice to be heard all across the ship full of slightly-deafened soldiers. "Though we sail against the Greatest Kingdom, the mightiest beasts of hell itself are at our side! Never before in the history of the world has so great an army been gathered together, and we are here for one purpose! To free the world from the clutches of a demon! Now is the time! Make ready for landfall, and by tomorrow the fate of the world will be decided by our strength and bravery! Show these fiends the blazing light of Alabasta!"

A roaring cheer exploded from the ship, and though the other ships could never have heard his words, they too spread that roar as it bolstered their spirits. Soon it had reached the entire fleet.

It was time to be ready, and all across the armada preparations were being made. Armor was donned. Weapons were readied. Here and there, Devil Fruit users of various types began their assault, though the brothers couldn't say whether they were following the orders of their Kings or whether they had simply grown impatient. One man in particular stood out, though he was several miles away, as he transformed into a bolt of lightning and crashed into the distant shore like a hammer. The more invincible warriors of various kingdoms flew, shot, bounced, ran, and teleported across the distance, beginning combat on land as soon as possible.

Alabasta did not participate. They had a different strategy to enact.

Just then, a cloud of white dots rose in the sky, eclipsing the unnatural red light from the island's center. Hagoromo saw them the instant they passed the horizon. A swarm of deadly bone spears, each one infused with Kaguya's chakra, soared directly towards the Alabasta fleet.

"Here it comes!" shouted Hagoromo. Together, the two brothers reached out to push the spears away, but the powerful chakra resisted them, making it a difficult task to repel even one at a time. They grunted in frustration just as a young woman in vestments of white and gold cloth appeared from empty air and dropped onto the deck beside them, eyes flicking left and right as she absorbed the situation.

It seemed that the High Priestess had decided to deploy one of her reserves.

"Lords Hagoromo and Hamura! Protect the lead ships!" exclaimed the young priestess, crossing her arms and fingers out in front of her. "I'll protect the rest of the fleet!"

 **[BARI-BARI NO MI: BARRIER]**

The brothers gratefully did as they were asked. As they refocused on the dense storm that was aimed at the head of the fleet, an array of bright green barriers sprang up around the edges.

A flicker of an idea passed between the two brothers and they put their new plan into action immediately. Hagoromo clapped both hands together, manifesting hundreds of floating rocks as if out of the ether itself. Hamura took in the location of each of the incoming spears and pushed. The rocks flew outward like a swarm of arrows and impaled themselves on the spears, incidentally allowing the brothers something natural to push upon. Soon the bone spears were falling out of the air and into the ocean, leaving the remainder to strike the priestess' barriers.

The spears crashed into the flanking shields like a devastating hailstorm, each hit causing the young woman to wince and cry out until she had fallen to her knees. Many of the bones, upon striking the defenses, hovered in place as if refusing to be denied, but the power of the Barrier Fruit held. Finally, the attack stopped, and though a few ships here and there had been struck by stray shots, the wide barrier-walls had held. The priestess collapsed to the deck, uncrossing her fingers as the shields dropped, and Hagoromo was at her side moments later.

"Are you alright?" asked Hagoromo, lending her a fraction of his chakra with barely a thought.

"Incredible…" groaned the young woman. "That was just _part_ of her power? I've never felt anything that even _strained_ the barriers before and already I feel like I've been beaten half to death…"

"You did well. Because you helped, few of us were hurt. We…"

Prompted by a pulse of his brother's confusion, Hagoromo looked up to see the ships that had been struck by the bone cloud begin to disintegrate, turning to ash before their eyes. The panicked sailors and soldiers who had had no choice but to don their armor looked to their neighbors for aid, but there was little to be done for them. Then a series of golden doors began appearing on each one of the ships, each door opening into blackness as a frail arm beckoned people inside. The men and women looked on with a desperate fear, as if uncertainly weighing the golden portals against certain death, but they all rushed inside just before the decks collapsed beneath their feet.

Minutes later, the harrowed evacuees emerged from another array of golden doors on other ships throughout the fleet, muttering nervous prayers as they did so.

Once the flow of rescued soldiers began to stop, another door appeared in front of the two brothers.

 **[DOOR-DOOR: GATES OF THE DEAD]**

Plated with gold and inlaid with lapis lazuli, the double doors swung slowly open and a withered old face peered through the opening. The young barrier priestess startled and leapt away from Hagoromo's concerned care as if bitten, and he straightened up quickly as well. The old crone in the golden doorway saw both brothers and glared, her sour expression making her displeasure perfectly clear.

"High Priestess," said Hagoromo, bowing in greeting. Hamura said nothing, attempting to stare the old woman down.

"You two. Get inside," she ordered, her voice strong despite her ancient years. "That demon is targeting the both of you and I can't be having with her killing Great King Nefertari before we even reach the shore. We're going to land directly and you're coming with me."

"But-"

"Hurry now! There's no time for your usual insolence."

Then she disappeared back inside. The two brothers shared an exasperated look and then turned to the King. Djoser was smiling as he watched them stand at the threshold.

"Hagoromo. Hamura. I believe in the two of you, Children of the Sun. Make me proud. You are the light of our hope."

He turned away, placing his helm atop his head and beginning the process of transforming into his Zoan form, a Scarab Beetle. Well aware that this could be the last time they saw him, the two brothers forced themselves to turn away and stepped through the door into deep blackness.

Inside, cool wisps of mist seemed to leech from the walls of the dark, torch-lit catacombs, coiling around their skin as they trudged down hallway after hallway. The old crone moved with surprising speed, and the two brothers chased after her hunched form as her staff of office clacked noisily against the ground. Once again Hagoromo was astounded by the changes one's personality could have on a Devil Fruit. He didn't think there was any aspect of the Door-Door Fruit that desired to look this way, but the High Priestess was so strongly insistent that the alternate dimension she accessed with the Door-Door Fruit's power was a gateway to the Spirit World that it came out looking like an infinite labyrinth of crypts.

Hagoromo, of course, knew this spirit world nonsense was ludicrous, given that he literally had dominion over the souls of the living and dead, but he'd had enough shouting matches with her over the years. It just wasn't worth it.

" _You certainly didn't stand up for yourself when you saw her,"_ thought Hamura. " _Oh, Great Priestess!"_

" _Oh, be quiet. Now is the last time for arguments. If she wants to believe in this then I'll let her. Speaking of…"_

"High Priestess," said Hagoromo. "I thought you said that only the priestly class were ever to be allowed inside these gates. That was an ironclad rule. Why change that now?"

"You do not feel it, Child of the Sun?" asked the woman, sounding quite vindicated. "How _surprising_ for one who claims to speak for the dead."

Hagoromo frowned. He felt anxious, but that was it. The woman continued.

"No matter. I do feel it. The spirits are restless today. They cry out for vengeance… and for victory. Consider yourselves blessed, for they will allow any transgression tonight as long as it aids in the Demon Queen's defeat. Our ancestors watch over us, and I believe that our hopes will rise with the dawn."

" _Well, at least the spirits are being useful for a change,"_ thought Hamura.

Despite the fact that there was no way that the old hag could have heard their thoughts, she shot a steel-melting glare back over her shoulder. They met her eyes with a difficulty that she answered with a small nod.

"You're determined, then. Good. I realize it will be difficult to go against your blood, but that blasphemous witch _must_ die tonight. The spirits bless you in your efforts, though I doubt that you care."

" _She's right about that…"_

" _Quiet."_

Her eyes narrowed, but she turned back and continued to walk for another minute.

"We're here," said the woman as they turned a corner and entered a large room. Inside, about three dozen people of various ages and genders stood at the ready. The two brothers recognized them instantly. These were the majority of the Devil-Fruit users of Alabasta.

"Yo," called a slim man who was already in the form of a were-jackal. "Nice of you to finally make it, huh?"

"Hey, we were busy doing _your_ job for you, 'Royal Guardian,'" joked Hamura, approaching his friend with a smile.

"Really? Seems kind of boring so far. Things must be going pretty well out there."

Hamura gave him a weird look.

"You didn't notice the giant fish, the white monsters, or the illusion that Kaguya cast over everyone?"

This seemed to get the attention of everyone in the room, especially the Royal Guardians.

"Uhh… We kind of heard about the big stuff, but not anything about any magic spell. Don't keep me in suspense, man. The King _is_ safe, right?"

The two brothers filed this information away for later.

" _She didn't tell them?"_ asked Hamura, noting the old woman's stoic gaze. " _Should we fill them in?"_

" _Hmmm… No, we don't really know whether it's true that her illusion affected the whole world or not, and these people are already more determined than most. If she decided they didn't need to hear it then I wouldn't argue."_

Hamura nodded.

"Yes, everyone's pretty much alright. The King was safe when we left him."

"Well good," said the Jackal, grinning wildly. "If you'd screwed this up I'd have to kill you, and lemme tell you that I don't fancy my odds. It really sucks being cooped up in here, man."

"Be thankful for the shelter of your ancestors," admonished the High Priestess. "The last thing we need is most of our Devil-Fruit users being sunk from an errant strike."

One of the other men nearby punched the Jackal in the shoulder.

"Ow. Yeah, fair enough. But I take it now that our star attractions are here we're just about ready to go?"

"We are, indeed," said the crone, as everyone in the room perked up. "Follow me. It is time."

Then she stepped out a different door and shuffled away. Soon, everyone was standing and following after her down a long hallway dotted with sputtering torches.

"Creepy digs," whispered the Jackal, who sidled up beside them. "If the spirits live somewhere like this it really motivates you to stay alive, huh?"

"Still your tongue, dog," snapped the High Priestess, from far ahead.

"Sheesh, well at least her hearing isn't going… know what I mean?"

Hamura grinned silently to his friend, and Hagoromo could empathize with them both. Both brothers hadn't exactly had good experiences with the old crone over the years.

They proceeded onward through tunnels for what seemed like ages, talking about all sorts of things with the people around them. For a little while the mood seemed to lighten, until the Jackal dropped a bomb.

"So you guys think you can kill that bitch, or what?" he asked.

Three separate people punched him in different places on his body.

"Ow-ow-Ow! Come on, we're all thinking it! I mean, it's do or die time either way, but we have to _know_ , right?"

"We are determined," said Hagoromo, eyes hard.

"We will do what is necessary," agreed Hamura. "Whatever that may be."

There was a palpable sense of relief around the traveling party.

"See?" said the Jackal. "I never doubted them, but don't tell me we didn't need to hear that. And, look, guys? I'm sorry about this. This is just way too shitty for words, but don't let it get you too down."

"We've reached the landing area," interrupted the High Priestess as they reached a section of the long hallway that was seemingly identical to every other part. "For those in the beachhead team this is the end of the line. You'll be fighting white humanoids of Kaguya's creation, so don't be surprised. Clear out a landing area for the fleet, and may the spirits' blessings be upon you. Everyone who is going in deeper should stay with me."

"Well, that's my cue," grinned the Jackal. With that, he slapped one clawed hand on Hamura's shoulder before slipping past them both. "Hey, we all believe in you. Pour out a drink for me when I'm gone, yeah?"

With those parting words, he disappeared, slinking away through the crowd to the front of the line and slipping out into a side door that creaked open to let in air that already smelled like fire and gunpowder. Howling and cackling, he leapt into combat and was gone.

Soon there were far fewer warriors with them. The crone continued onward unfazed, shuffling through the halls of the seemingly infinite crypt with complete confidence in her location. The journey was much more quiet now. Even Hamura and Hagoromo didn't share much in each other's thoughts. Behind them walked an armored woman they recognized from the Royal Guard, and in front of them walked a shadowy figure that they didn't recognize at all, wrapped in a tattered grey cowl that cloaked his or her face in a darkness that even the Rinnegan seemed reluctant to dig into.

They had walked for another five minutes when the worst happened. A buzzing noise heralded the appearance of a small iridescent hole that opened in the wall. The High Priestess spun in place with fiendish reflexes and slammed her staff into the stones by the opening, drawing a circle around it to seal the hole shut with a sturdy-looking steel door. Moments later, more holes began to appear in the hallway around them. The crone glared hatefully at these intruding presences.

"So the Demon Queen can reach even here, hmm? Of course she can. How else could her sacrilege be made complete…"

With a gesture from the old woman, portals opened all around the room. The priestess raised her voice. "All of you! Out! I can carry you no further. You're about a mile behind enemy lines. Go with the spirits' blessing!"

With deep bows of respect, the assembled Devil Fruit users departed. When Hagoromo and Hamura turned to leave, she shook her head and the door they were moving towards disappeared. Moments later, all the others slammed shut as well. "No, not you two simpletons. You stay here with me."

Hamura scowled. "Alright, old lady, we've had enough-"

" _Silence!"_

The High Priestess turned to the two of them, her expression unreadable as the halls continued to dissolve. With one hand she removed two golden beads from her staff and held them out before her. "Take these and then charge them with your chakra before returning them to me. I need everything you can give me. Listen to this if you hear nothing else from me."

Bemused, the brothers followed her orders, though they weren't pleased by it.

"High Priestess," began Hagoromo as he charged his bead with energy. "I know that you've never liked us, and I can only guess that it is because of our Mother. Right now there's no time left for these petty feuds. Our Mother is a master of dimensional manipulation, and we _cannot_ be trapped inside here when she finishes dismantling this place. Don't endanger the mission because of your hatred of our parent."

"Parent, hmm…?" mused the old woman, looking thoughtful as they handed back the beads. She grasped them in her dark, withered hand. "She wants you two, you know. She has lost all faith in humanity, but you two are the only ones left that she cares about... though she _should_ know better. In my long life I've seen any number of spoiled little princes with more power than was good for them, and let me tell you that I've never been more frightened than I was when you two arrived at the palace."

Hamura furrowed his brow. "Old lady-"

"But you've changed from the two terrifying creatures you were when she cast you out into the ocean. You've taken to our ideals like a swan to water, and I doubt she'd see eye-to-eye with you ever again. The Great King never told you why you are called the Children of the Sun, did he?"

"...No… why would that-"

"The Sun has always been the arbiter of life and death. It gives and it takes. But when the Demon Queen moved the earth, skies, and oceans, she bound our kingdom even more firmly to its fate. Now it beats down upon us without remorse, and these days it seems to take more than it gives…"

The brothers frowned at the implication, and were all the more surprised when the old hag smiled at them. "But the Sun is still our symbol. Still our protector. And when you were declared Children of the Sun you ceased to be the children of anyone else in the world. To our people you are now simply children of Alabasta. Pay no attention to me and my treatment of you. I lost five children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to Kaguya's whims, and I've been unfair to you both as a result. I've always known it, but in the end I'm merely human."

Just as the stunned young men were processing this revelation, a door opened beneath their feet, dropping them onto the cold ground of the real world. The grass was withered beneath them, and the sound of battle was audible in the distance. Inside, the pocket dimension continued to deteriorate as the crone gazed down at them.

"If the spirits' blessings are sufficient, then the chakra in these beads will make her think you are with me for just a little while longer. Use that opportunity to get closer to her and use it well, for you won't be getting help from anyone else thus far in. You won't be seeing me ever again, either."

"Wha- old Granny?!" exclaimed Hamura. "You're just gonna let her kill you in there?!"

"Hmph, hardly," snorted the ancient woman. "I'm more than a hundred years old and I've been working with this Fruit of mine for _twice_ as long as she's been alive. I'll give her a piece of my mind and make her _choke_ on it. You two. Listen to me. The people of Alabasta, the spirits of those who came before, and myself. We all believe in the both of you. Show her the blazing light that shines in the heart of all true Children of Alabasta, and push back this darkness once and for all."

Then the door in the air swung shut, fuzzing around the edges and then disintegrating into mist just a second later.

The two young men sat there for a moment, hearing the sounds of battle in the far-off distance as their emotions frayed around the edges. Eventually, Hamura stood up, looking ahead to the twisted monstrosity that towered over the land. The bastard child of the Divine Tree loomed in the distance with all the natural warmth of a gallows.

"Come on," said Hamura. "You heard the old hag. We must go. We both know what we need to do now."

It was a good thing, thought Hagoromo, that their hearts were bound together close enough that they could share their feelings. Words, at this point, would have been insufficient to describe their pain. Slowly, he stood back up.

"Are you ready?" asked Hamura.

"No."

"Yeah... neither am I."

They left anyway.

* * *

 **-The Present-**

Sasuke, Robin, and Law listened to his story with wide eyes, completely silent until Rayleigh's descriptions seemed to flag.

"Then… what happened?" asked Robin, voice taut.

Rayleigh simply shrugged breezily, piloting the rundown and slightly smelly vehicle across the gap to an adjacent grove. "Well, what do you think happened? They won."

"Wha- But- But you… No, you can't just…"

"They beat up Kaguya, and all the Kings became heroes and living deities that formed the World Government that we know and love today."

Robin's mouth opened and closed without a sound.

"Congratulations," said Law. "You've rendered her speechless, which is a feat that I certainly didn't manage."

"How much of that is true?" asked Sasuke. "Those are some suspiciously specific details."

Rayleigh shrugged again. "Hell if I know. Most? Some? It might _all_ be a load of horse crap, to tell the truth."

"Old man," growled Law, "-I swear to god-"

"Oh, don't look at me like that," insisted Rayleigh. " _This_ , young Robin, is why I said it was important to look at the matter for yourself. A _real_ historian has a logical mind that can hold facts without distorting them. What you all must realize is that I never read the Poneglyphs that told this story myself, I simply heard them secondhand from Roger. And Roger… well, he was a _real_ storyteller. So much so that it was sometimes tough to tell when a story of his moved from 'tales' to 'tall tales,' if you get my drift. Apparently the voices he heard filled in the details somewhat, but… people don't generally consider voices in your head to be trustworthy historical sources."

"No, they don't!" exclaimed Robin.

"I was _wondering_ about that," agreed Sasuke. "A worldwide Genjutsu cast on the moon? From either the Byakugan or some kind of super-Sharingan? Some of it made some sense, but frankly all that stuff about chakra seemed a bit fishy."

Law growled, his frustration mounting. "Alright, screw all that and your ninja mumbo-jumbo! What does any of this have to do with the National Treasure of Mariejois?!"

Rayleigh nodded. "Oh, right. You _would_ be especially interested in that, wouldn't you…"

Sasuke and Robin glanced at Law. The man looked like he was ready to explode at any second.

"Well-"

"You realize-" interrupted Law. "-that telling us this could be fatal, right? People _die_ because they know this. People can blackmail the _world_ because they know this. Islands could get slagged because they _think_ you know this. Are we going to get an Admiral sent after us because you're blabbing your mouth here?!"

"Well, I certainly don't think so," said Rayleigh. "I've known the truth for almost twenty years now and I'm still fine."

Law's jaw dropped. " _WHAT?!"_

"Relax," chided Rayleigh, redirecting the flying van around a low tree branch. "Truth be told, it's not going to matter for very long. One way or another, in a day's time I expect the truth about the National Treasure to become _much_ less valuable."

"What," said Law. "Are you talking about."

"Yes, I thought that would get your attention," grinned Rayleigh.

"What are _both_ of you talking about?" asked Sasuke. "We're clearly missing some information here."

Law looked like he was struggling to breathe, much less speak, but Rayleigh said nothing. Eventually, Law explained the situation.

"There's a man. A Shichibukai and former Noble. Donquixote Doflamingo. He's one hell of a bastard, and the reason he's gained so much power in the New World is that he has one hell of a piece of blackmail material over the World Government. That information is the identity of something called the 'National Treasure of Mariejois,' and _just knowing what it is_ is enough to make the Government play ball with him, no matter how far he goes."

"And you want him… gone?" asked Robin.

"Sure, you could put it like that."

"Well I can assure you," began Rayleigh, "-that if we succeed in beating Akatsuki at their own game then not _only_ will we save the world, but we'll also take the wind right out of Mister Flamingo's wings. Play our cards right and we could come out even better than that."

"Then I'm in," stated Law, folding his arms. "So let's get talking. What does that story have to do with the National Treasure? Is it those crazy weapons of war, something that belonged to that demon lady, or what?"

"Please," insisted Robin. "The facts. What are the _facts._ "

"Alright, alright. So… here's what we know for sure. As in, anything confirmed by the Poneglyphs in multiple places, or by other sources along our path. Now keep in mind, if Akatsuki only found the one stone on your island then they won't know more than a fifth of this."

He took a breath and then began.

"From ancient history, a great tree has always grown on our world. Every thousand years the tree grows a single fruit that is somehow the source of all Devil Fruits. Our best guess was that it drops from the Tree, hits the ocean, and dissolves into a bunch of different blobs of energy that fight for supremacy, splitting and merging and consuming each other until a couple hundred victorious spirits emerge from the process and enter the world's life force to grow and evolve alongside humanity. Some of them become more or less powerful than others. During the process each one tries to find a niche to work with by looking at the world around it, and in doing so it becomes a unique Devil Fruit."

"Honestly, that fits with what I saw," noted Sasuke. "I've connected with a Devil Fruit and it was definitely an intelligent entity. Though that may be because the one I looked at was the Human-Human Fruit…"

Rayleigh nodded. "It's not common knowledge, but every thousand years in history new Devil Fruits would appear that had never been seen before. The ones created more recently tend to be a good bit… weirder than the more ancient ones, probably because humans invented so many weird ideas for the demons to capitalize on. Anyway, that happened every thousand years without fail, except for one thousand years ago. _That_ was when a woman named Kaguya appeared."

Rayleigh glanced out the window as a squadron of flying fish zipped past them. "Oh, that appears to be young Luffy and some others who just passed by us."

"Yes," said Robin, unusually tense. "I just let them know we would meet them back at the ship."

"...You're not going to invite them inside? There's plenty of room in the van."

Robin's mouth ticked upward slightly. "I deeply admire the man, but if I had to listen to Luffy asking questions while you're telling us this, I might do something vicious that I later come to regret. Kaguya, from the story. Continue, please."

"Fair enough… Anyway, Kaguya. Roger said she came from another world, but I couldn't tell you the truth there. She possessed great power and knowledge, and used that power to find and take the Divine Fruit when it ripened. When she ate it she gained an absolutely absurd amount of strength. Every scrap of power that would have made a new set of Devil Fruits went to her for her to use as she saw fit."

"And... she saw fit to rule the world?" asked Sasuke.

Rayleigh shrugged.

"Well, according to the stones she tried to make the world a place where everyone could live in peaceful harmony. When that didn't work, she raised mountains and reshaped oceans, dividing the world into five seas so that war would be too difficult to wage. When _that_ didn't work, she tried to make a glorious eternal kingdom that would spread an example of a good and righteous way of life all across the world."

"And when _that_ didn't work-" interrupted Law, chuckling cynically to himself.

"Well… then she got a bit _testy_ ," admitted Rayleigh. "She built great weapons of war. Things that could destroy entire islands. Robin, you know what I'm talking about here."

"The Three Ancient Weapons," said Robin. "So that was the Greatest Kingdom? Kaguya's kingdom? I've heard about it from the Poneglyphs, but..."

"Yep. One and the same. Though her plan for world peace didn't work out, her kingdom was still the most powerful entity in history. She was beloved by her subjects, and any who basked in her light, it was said, were moved to tears."

"So what did she do to piss everyone else off?" asked Law. "All of a sudden they stop fighting each other and start fighting her, so something must have spooked them."

"I don't know. I do know that she was acting very strangely at the end of her reign and none of the records had any good explanations as to why. Nor the reasons why she went around leaving cryptic messages written in stone."

"Wait," interrupted Robin, before pausing and taking stock for a moment. "All my life I've understood the reasons that the Great Kingdom might have had for leaving messages to preserve their wisdom, but it was all under the assumption that this kingdom was afraid their history would be lost if the world turned its tyranny against them. I don't understand how this makes sense in the light of Kaguya's kingdom being the one in power…"

"Yes, well… That's one of the more insidious aspects of the World Government's information control. Any who dug deeper would find misinformation planted in certain areas. I _do_ know that many of the Poneglyphs weren't written by her at all, but by her children after the fact, but as to why she'd concern herself with preserving information about ancient weapons, I have no idea."

"Maybe she was afraid of something?" asked Sasuke.

"I'm not really sure what cause she'd have had to be afraid of anything at all, but it's as good a reason as any," said Rayleigh. "Anyway, her kingdom was the greatest on the earth, but it wasn't the only one out there."

Sasuke frowned. "So that's what I don't get. Why did she need super-weapons at all? Wasn't she some sort of omnipotent god who could sink islands on her own?"

"Well… _essentially_ , yes. But the thing is… the world is a very, very _large_ place." Rayleigh paused as the others gave him an odd look. "I realize that may sound a bit childish, but it's no less true. It's something you only begin to grasp when you've been all across the oceans, I suppose… You can reduce it to names and shapes on a map all you want, but the reality is that the world is just too damn big for us to comprehend. One person, no matter how powerful, couldn't possibly rule over it all. While it's true that no army could stand against her, in the end you have to rely on other people and systems to extend your reach."

"You need to delegate," said Law.

"And for that you need trust. I think she had some problems giving access to the Ancient Weapons to her followers, which may have been what lost her the war in the end. Eventually she even tried making living weapons that would obey only her, but that didn't work out either."

"And her family…" said Sasuke. "From the story it sounds like she didn't trust them either."

"They were the first to go," nodded Rayleigh. "It was implied that Kaguya was jealous and distrustful of her sons for inheriting some of her immense power. She cast them out, and they spent years of their youth living abroad where they gained the ideals of the rest of humanity."

"This is going back somewhat," said Robin, "-but why twenty-one kingdoms? Everything I have ever heard suggested there were only twenty."

"Oh, that's simple. Let's just say that several of the kings cemented their power by killing and enslaving non-humans on their islands. Ignoring the merfolk was all too easy for such people."

No one could argue with that.

"Anyway, so one day she kicks her kids out and they grow up with normal humans. Then the alliance brings a big armada down to kick her ass, and they win. Kaguya… dies, I guess, and the kids take her power for themselves. One of them, Hagoromo, becomes known as the Sage of Six Paths and goes on to colonize the home island of the ninjas. He brought all of Kaguya's power with him to seal it away behind a barrier and cast an illusion on the sun itself that made navigation in the Grand Line bloody impossible, all to make sure no one would ever find your kingdom or the ruins of Kaguya's kingdom ever again."

"Wait," said Sasuke. "Okay, I have a number of questions. Uh… first, we were taught that it was the Sage of Six Paths who brought chakra to human beings. Before him, nobody in the world had it."

Rayleigh raised an eyebrow. "Chakra's that weird energy you ninjas use, right?"

"W-well, actually it's what every human uses to surpass their limits. It's what lets people break boulders with their fists or jump fifty feet into the air, or-"

Rayleigh snorted. "Well I can tell you right now that that's a load of horse crap. People were just as strong two thousand years ago as they were today. There's lots of historical evidence that people performed similar feats throughout the millennia."

"I could have told you the same thing if you had asked," murmured Robin.

Not to be deterred, Sasuke pushed onward. "I can say for certain that it's chakra that lets you do all of that. I can _see_ it happening with my own two eyes."

Rayleigh shrugged. "Well maybe it's true that he gave people all that ninja stuff, then. Your people do have a very odd set of powers, after all."

Sasuke looked unconvinced, but moved on. "Second, you said he put Kaguya's power on our island, but what happened to it?"

"He split it into nine pieces," answered Rayleigh.

All of a sudden, Sasuke looked ill.

"The Tailed Beasts? Those things were supposed to become Devil Fruits?!"

"Oh, hell if I know! But I will say that each Divine Fruit didn't generate just nine demons. Try hundreds instead. There isn't a single Devil Fruit out there that was made with that much concentrated energy."

Robin turned to the young ninja. "Sasuke, didn't you tell me once that your special demons were very similar to the Devil Fruits?"

"Yes, but they weren't…" Sasuke paused. If the story had been true and not just a fanciful reimagining of historical events, then the power that had spawned the Devil Fruits had first been corrupted by Kaguya's influence, then split by the Sage rather than sinking into the ocean, and last but not least bound forcibly into a human's chakra system using arts of sealing rather than the symbiosis he had seen with Chopper. Small wonder they acted differently, and far more human-like, than the Devil Fruits.

He nodded. "Yeah, I suppose that could make sense."

Law, meanwhile had been growing increasingly impatient. "Alright, I've had enough of the runaround. What does this have to do with the National Treasure?"

"Oh?" asked Rayleigh. "I should have thought it was obvious by now. The Divine Tree is still on the planet and still bearing fruit."

There was a small moment of silence.

"And wouldn't you know it, but it's been just about a thousand years since the events in that story."

The silence grew a bit more worried.

"And the Tree sits even now directly above us, halfway up the Red Line and guarded by the forces of Mariejois, who seek to take the Fruit for themselves and rule the world as living gods."

Despite themselves, a shiver ran down their spines. Rayleigh had an aura about him, and none of them were immune to the way his fierce intensity drew them in.

"The Tree itself is the treasure…" breathed Robin.

"Yeah. Or the Fruit, I guess. It doesn't really matter, though."

"So Akatsuki," began Sasuke, "-is trying to steal the Fruit?"

"Basically, yes. That's the gist of it."

"Could we just tell the government what's going on?"

Of all the things they had talked about, _this_ was the first thing that seemed to unnerve the old pirate.

" _Tell the government?!_ Are you crazy?! I'm still not certain it wouldn't be better to let Akatsuki take it for themselves! They could hardly do a worse job than the Nobility!"

"But Akatsuki is composed entirely of psychopathic murderers," noted Sasuke.

Everyone else in the van gave Sasuke a pitying look, like one might use on a child that had asked a question they were too young to understand.

"The Nobility is that bad? Really?!"

"Yes, really," said Rayleigh, returning his attention to the drive. "But I suppose that answers my other question, which was how worried we should be about Akatsuki succeeding here. Really, we'll just have to take it for ourselves."

"So how did Akatsuki even know how to get all this done in the first place?" asked Sasuke.

"The Poneglyph on your island happened to include instructions for removing the seal that isolated you, information on when the Tree would bloom, as well as instructions on how to interface with the Tree if needed."

"Why?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Why was that written there?"

Rayleigh shrugged again. "Beats me. It wasn't written for Akatsuki, though, that's for sure."

"Wait, what?" asked Sasuke, thoroughly confused.

"Oh, ignore that. I'm really just guessing here. Anyway, here's the part of this story that I'm a little bit more certain about, because it's the part I was actually there for. Our role in the story began when Roger and I arrived on your island, and talking to your father down in Konoha led us on a ghost hunt. A ghost hunt for a man named Uchiha Madara."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes somewhat, but there wasn't much to say. When Rayleigh looked at him expectantly, Sasuke said, "I don't know who that is. One of my ancestors, I presume?"

"Really? You don't know him? He was apparently one of the founders of Konoha, and I sort of assumed… well, whatever. It doesn't really matter. The point is, Roger listened to the Voice of the Earth and it led him to an old hermit in an old cave. Uchiha Madara, alive in the flesh. Well, for a given definition of alive."

"But the founding of Konoha…? That would make him… _beyond_ ancient."

Rayleigh nodded.

"That he was. He was being kept alive by some sort of horrifying statue, plotting in secret to overturn the world." He chuckled. "Roger… got a bit personally offended by that. He seemed to think that Madara had lost his chance to change the world, and that hanging on like that was somehow 'cheating.' Unfortunately for Madara, Roger was inclined to do more than just complain about it. When Roger left that cave, Madara was dead."

"He just murdered a defenseless old guy on life support?" asked Law. "That's a side of Gold Roger I don't think I've ever heard before."

"Well, 'defenseless' is… a bit of a stretch. Madara also possessed a pair of eyes with incredible powers. I believe this is the same pair that the 'Good Boy,' Tobi, is using now."

"The Rinnegan…" mused Sasuke. "I wish we knew more about it, but if Madara possessed a copy of the Rinnegan then… what, that means it's related to the Sharingan somehow? If Tobi was born with a set of his own then does that mean Tobi's an Uchiha as well?"

"No, I mean I think Tobi _literally_ took Madara's eyeballs out of his skull after he was dead," said Rayleigh. "See, here's the thing. In life, Madara had with him three attendants, and though we only realized it much later once we had uncovered more of the True History, those attendants were _actually_ some of the same monsters that Kaguya had created by transforming her own followers. They appeared to be fanatically devoted to their new master, but the circumstances surrounding Uchiha Madara's death and Kaguya's divine power are not so unrelated as it might have seemed at the time."

Robin raised a delicate eyebrow. "Are these monsters still alive?"

"Well, yes and no. Roger killed two of them in that cave. The third... For the rest of our journey, we were stalked by a young boy. Maybe thirteen years old. He watched us from the darkness and fled from us during the day. Whenever we'd get a good look at him he'd disappear into the ground, or into the trunk of a tree, but the one thing all of our men and women agreed on was his eyes. Light grey with concentric circles."

"The Rinnegan," said Sasuke.

Rayleigh nodded. "One day we finally caught him. It was easy, actually. Even though we were trekking through the wilderness at the time, our chef took the opportunity to roast an entire boar on the spit, doling out our spices and seasonings until its smell was irresistible. The boy walked straight into the camp as if he hadn't even noticed we were there."

He chuckled again, lost in memory. "I've never seen anyone eat like that before. We might have taken the kid on as a crew member if he hadn't loathed us with every fiber of his being for killing his master. Anyway, our doctor examined the boy and discovered that his nervous system had been taken over by the third monster. Uchiha Madara's final caretaker was riding around in the brain-dead boy like a puppeteer. When we asked him his name, he said-"

"Tobi," breathed Robin, listening enraptured.

Rayleigh nodded to her. "Just so."

"So clearly you didn't kill Tobi," said Sasuke. "Not that I can't empathize with his situation, but it sounds like he wasn't really a child at all, was he? He was a monster running around in a child's stolen body. If he was all alone in the world and dedicated to hunting you down and killing you, some might have considered it a mercy to end his life."

"Oh no," said Rayleigh. "You see, it was mercy that stayed Roger's hand. And that mercy may yet come back to reward us. Besides, I think it was more appropriate than not to call Tobi a child."

"I almost hate to ask this, but if you thought Tobi might be able to fix the problem with the Tree, then why didn't you keep him with you?"

"We're not slavers, you know. He didn't want to come with us, and he was just a kid all on his own. Besides, we didn't even know that _was_ the Rinnegan until long after we had left your island, and it'd be pretty damn tough to imprison a guy who can just melt into the earth anyway."

"I have to say," said Law. "-this is not the kind of sentiment I expected to hear from the 'Dark King' himself. This talk about mercy and kids really goes against the image I had of you."

"Well I should think it would," said Rayleigh. "I was fully in favor of killing the little bastard and being done with it. It was Roger who insisted we let him go."

The assembled passengers blinked, somewhat taken aback by that statement.

"Oh, Captain Law, take the wheel for a second, will you?" asked Rayleigh, glancing to the man in the passenger's seat and motioning to the steering wheel.

"Uh," began Law. "Why? I haven't ever flown a-"

"Don't worry," interrupted Rayleigh, reaching to the side and unlocking the driver's side door. "Just don't crash it and you'll do fine."

Then, with a blast of air, he opened the door and dropped out the side, disappearing from sight as he fell towards the island far, far below.

There was a moment of terribly-stunned silence before the shouting began, and Law quickly lunged forward, grappling with the steering wheel as Robin sprouted legs to manage the pedals. The van careened wildly in all directions, until finally the two of them pulled the vehicle away from being smashed into the trunk of one of the mangroves. Circling with dizzying speed, Law grabbed his hat and furiously replaced it on his head.

"That shitty old geezer! What the _hell_ was that about?!"

* * *

 **-At That Very Moment-**

Naruto, Hinata, and Zoro had run like the wind itself, abandoning the Human Auction House once it became clear that they had been tricked. All the organized crime in the area was pouring in to fight them, but with Hinata's sight it wasn't that hard to evade the thugs. They weren't the problem.

The _problem_ was the horrifically huge creature that had seen them leave the Auction House. The Pacifista had followed them doggedly as they fled back to the ship, and though it never seemed to be moving very fast, it always seemed to start catching up to them the moment they started relaxing. Finally, Naruto and Zoro had decided enough was enough, and that they couldn't lead the armoured monstrosity back to the ship. The fact that Zoro was frustrated after his recent fight and Naruto wanted to show off in front of his girlfriend had nothing to do with it, of course.

Beeping and chittering, the android had begun the fight with an apocalyptic laser beam, and the Straw-Hats quickly began to reassess their odds.

Naruto distracted it with clones while striking with just about every jutsu he knew, Zoro bit deep into the thing's armor with successive strikes, and Hinata used the Byakugan to target vulnerable systems, letting loose against an opponent that wasn't actually alive in the first place. Every time they thought the android was about to go down it found a new set of redundancies and continued the fight. It was exhausting work.

Finally, Naruto had had enough.

"Alright, asshole. I haven't had a chance to use this in a real fight yet, so I guess you get to be the lucky guinea pig.

"Naruto," breathed Hinata, carefully watching the flow of his Sage chakra to ensure he didn't hurt himself. The Pacifista slowly stood up, reorienting on the target standing still in front of it. It beeped quizzically.

"Yeah that's right," said Naruto, beginning the transformation into his Sage Mode. "You'd better be afraid. When I'm like this, my power and speed shoot through the roof, so just sit back and watch as I blow a hole in that thick skull of yours."

"You really think you got this guy?" asked Zoro, panting as he gripped his swords.

"Oh yeah. I know it!"

"N-Naruto!" exclaimed Hinata, looking upwards in shock.

"Time to take you down to size, you creepy bear- wait, what?"

All four of them looked up to the sky just in time to see a shooting star strike from the heavens, landing fist-first upon the Pacifista's armoured skull. The monster's head exploded in a shower of fire, and the falling object continued downward, not stopping until it had embedded itself firmly in the twisted wreckage of the android's formerly mighty body. Then, an old man in cheap, oil-stained clothing stepped out from the broken heap of slag and waved to them.

"Hey," said the man.

The Pacifista chose that very moment to explode in an actinic blast of light and fire that made them cover their eyes. When the smoke cleared, the man remained, utterly invincible. Naruto, Hinata, and Zoro's jaws dropped.

"Hey," said the man again, ignoring the fact that he had just crushed a super weapon without seeming to break a sweat. "You're Roronoa Zoro, right?"

A small, guarded nod.

"Then I guess that makes you Naruto, doesn't it?" asked the man.

Another dumb nod.

"Wonderful! Listen, I've been talking with your friends, Robin and Sasuke, up in the van, but when I saw you I knew I had to drop in. We're heading back to your ship to meet up with the others."

Blank stares were the order of the day.

"Right. So I'll have them bring the van around and we'll get everyone together, alright with you?"

Nothing changed. Eventually, Rayleigh nodded and leapt back into the air as if he'd been shot out of a cannon. They followed his ascent to the lower branches of the mangrove hundreds of feet in the air with bamboozled expressions as he began flagging down a flying bubble-van.

Naruto, still stuck in Sage Mode, turned to the others.

"Who the crap was that guy?!"

* * *

It wasn't long before the five Straw-Hats plus Trafalgar Law were seated inside Silvers Rayleigh's spacious, suspiciously-scented van. Pretty much all of them exchanged uncomfortable glances with everyone else, though all of them seemed equally stunned by the situation.

"Now, where was I…?" asked Rayleigh, mumbling thoughtfully to himself as he put the van back into gear. "Oh, right, of course. So anyway, that's why Tobi is trying to steal the Divine Fruit right out from under the noses of the World Government and set up Akatsuki as a cabal of living gods that will rule over the world with an iron fist."

There was more silence.

" _What the fuck is going on here?!"_ shouted Naruto.

* * *

A/N:

One day I'll sit on my creaky rocking chair and tell my grandchildren in an equally creaky voice, " _Kids, did I ever tell you about the time I crudely duct-taped the lore of Naruto and One Piece together and lived to tell the tale?"_

And they'll be like, "Naruto? Wasn't that that show in the nineties about Uzumaki Dorito's great-grandfather?" and "I thought Eiichiro Oda forbade all mention of the lore after he became an immortal god-king and shifted One Piece to a monthly update schedule five years ago?"


	62. Gauntlet

**-Earlier that day-**

 **-Thousand Sunny-**

"Well, it's twelve o'clock," said Nami, looking nervously at the hands of the timepiece in the kitchen. "The Summit's starting right about now… How long do you think we'll have before things go wrong?"

"My money's on fifteen minutes," mumbled Usopp as he and Chopper poured various powders and substances into small boxes and canisters. "That's how long we've got until the world goes mad."

Brook chuckled to himself, sipping brandy as though it were the finest tea. "My goodness, but it sounds as though you're quite worried. You even sent the lovely mermaid back to her home! But, if you're so certain your friends will run into trouble then why didn't you stop them?"

Usopp grunted, uttering the words like a mantra. "No, no stopping them. Can't stop forces of nature. Can't stop Luffy and Zoro once they've set their minds on something." He raised one filled round ball to eye level and then screwed on a cap when he was satisfied. "All you can do is prepare for the end."

"Pretty dark, man!" laughed Franky as he continued his ongoing hammer-and-nails project to finish the insides of the ship. "You don't trust the away team to keep them outta trouble?"

"No… no I don't."

Beside Usopp, Chopper spoke nervously. "They're all really far away from us right now… How will we know if something goes wrong?"

Finally, Usopp took a pinch of powder from a small tin beside him and cast it against a metal sheet on the floor. It sparked into life on contact, producing a puff of flame and acrid smoke that reflected in his eyes.

"Oh, we'll know about it," promised Usopp. "We'll know about it very quickly. Fifteen minutes. That's a promise. Remember it."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, Usopp listened carefully as news of dangerous pirates causing chaos across the island began to spread across the docks. Nervous men and women gathered together on the streets and fled for safety, casting suspicious glances at the gaudy ships anchored at the shore.

"Oh no…" moaned Nami, watching the crowds mill about in the distance. "No! Why did we let them go out there at all? What the hell are we going to do about this?! If people start looking for pirates they're going to figure us out in no time!"

Usopp retrieved one of his two masks from his pouch, placing the cheery yellow thing on his face and over his nose with a grim determination.

"What are we going to do about this?" he asked, focusing his sniper's goggles and setting his jaw with a sharp click of his teeth. "There's only one thing we _can_ do now."

* * *

Thirty minutes after that, Usopp was dancing on the deck, juggling and laughing nervously for the few scattered and confused people below.

"H-hey, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome back to the carnival! We're just a bunch of circus performers here! Look at me juggling these balls! Certainly not pirates! Nothing at all to cause anyone the _slightest_ bit of concern!"

The thin gathering of observers didn't seem terribly impressed by this proclamation, but they didn't seem to be reporting them to the Marines either so some things at least were working the way they wanted them to.

Hearing something buzzing above them, Nami looked up from her embarrassing job of using her newly-rebuilt Clima-tact to perform party tricks for Usopp's ridiculous plan. A squadron of strange flying fish were swooping in for a landing on the deck of the Sunny. She was just about to cry out in surprise when she saw Luffy, Sanji, and Sakura dismount from the aerial animals, with all but Luffy seeming relieved to be back on solid ground. At the head of the group, a large man in black armor dismounted from a tremendous flying bison and immediately strode in Nami's direction.

He advanced like a dream, smooth and without hesitation. Light seemed to sparkle in the air as his smile flowed like candy syrup. The incredibly handsome man stepped up before her, knelt down and clasped her hand in his. He brought the back of her hand to his lips, and then she kicked him in the crotch with barely a thought. The man collapsed in a heap, just as handsomely as before.

Nami blinked at the handsomely groaning man, her body having moved entirely on instinct. Usopp was beside them in moments.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA!" he cried, dropping his juggling implements in a crashing cloud of forgotten entertainment. "Luffy! Sanji! What the hell's with all these thugs?! You're not wearing your masks, either! Get the hell inside before you blow our cover! No, wait, on second thought, start making that cow do tricks for the crowd!"

The bison huffed and narrowed its eyes, at least until Luffy glanced vaguely in her direction, at which point she launched into the air and began turning loops, much to the crowd's amusement.

Nami, not so easily distracted, rounded on the newly-arrived Straw-Hats like a snarling wolf.

"Alright, you two, what did you do out there?! Spit it out! Sanji, I thought for sure I ordered you to make sure Luffy didn't get into _any_ trouble!"

Sanji visibly wilted. "H-hey, hang on a second! I know how bad this looks but this honestly wasn't even our fault this time!"

"Yeah! Not our fault!" agreed Luffy. "We were just eating pizza and minding our own business!"

" _Bullshit_! Sakura, what really happened out there?"

Sakura sighed. "Long story very short, Akatsuki crashed the meeting. We had to split up to minimize the damage."

Nami winced. That was even worse than she had expected. "What about the others?"

"Robin and Sasuke found Silvers Rayleigh again and they're coming back to the ship, but I don't know where Naruto, Hinata, and Zoro are."

"Hey!" interrupted Luffy, "You forgot about Ace! Nami, Ace got taken up to the sky somehow!"

"Who did what now?"

Luffy held up the ever-shrinking scrap of paper that represented Ace's life. It continued fluttering uselessly up into the sky and falling back to his hand. No one had ever seen the Vivre Card behave in this manner, but the smoldering remnant seemed an ominous harbinger of doom. It was hard to imagine any other interpretation.

"That's… Ace? He's in trouble?" asked Nami.

Luffy nodded vigorously.

"If what Robin told us was true," began Sakura, "-then she already knows where Ace is being kept and how to get there, but we didn't learn anything besides that. Apparently Silvers Rayleigh is on-board with this expedition as well."

Discussion went quickly, if it could even be called that. Luffy pestered them relentlessly until their token resistance shattered. None of the Straw-Hats had _ever_ seen Luffy so worked up about a personal matter before, and none of them would dream of denying him their aid. Besides, if what it sounded like was true, Rayleigh had a way to get them all off of the island safely and away from Marine scrutiny.

"Alright," said Nami. "Whatever's going on here, if the Dark King himself is going to be with us then this can't be too dangerous, right? I'm in."

"My blade is yours," said Brook, cheerfully having gone along with the suggestion from the beginning.

" _L-Luffy's brother…"_ sniffled Chopper. " _He's gonna… he's gonna die!"_

"Not if I have anything to say about it," growled Luffy.

"I dunno what it is with you and getting us into shitty situations," said Sanji, "-but we're with you all the way."

Usopp glanced nervously between the rest of them. "Man, I've got a _really_ bad feeling about this, but for now I guess there's nothing for it."

Franky scoffed. "Psh, what the hell, we already blew up a damn island. I don't see how we can possibly get into any _more_ trouble."

"Okay," said Sakura. "Then for now we prepare for a fight and watch out for their arrival. Robin said they shouldn't be too long, so let's get to work."

* * *

 **-Grove 34-**

 **-Rayleigh Group-**

Naruto was having a problem. That problem was that he felt dangerously at home with the ridiculous old man who was busing them back to the Thousand Sunny. That's not to say he wasn't furious with Rayleigh, but it was a familiar sort of outrage that withstood a number of suspicious glares before he finally figured out the reason for his confusion. Well, _technically_ speaking it wasn't _him_ who figured it out.

"You're getting Jiraiya signals from him," insisted Sasuke. "That's what's freaking you out."

Yeah, upon reflection _that_ was the real problem.

"Ji-who-are-we-talking-about?" asked Rayleigh.

"Naruto's master," said Sasuke. "An old alcoholic womanizer who's super strong, was involved in just about every important thing in our recent history, seems to know way too much cryptic information for his own good, and has a wildly distorted view on the lines between normal, abnormal, and the absolutely ridiculous."

Rayleigh nodded. "Sounds like a lovely fellow. He's not here to join us, is he?"

Sasuke looked uncertainly to Naruto, who looked back at him in exasperation.

"What? That old pervert? No, he's not, but what does this Tobi business have to do with him?"

"Shit, I'm not about to tell you that whole story again unless everyone's here," admonished Rayleigh. " _Huge_ pain in the ass!"

Sasuke stepped in before Naruto could get up in arms. He looked somewhat uncertainly between Naruto, Hinata, and Zoro. "I, uh, I'll give you all the abbreviated version."

Even the abbreviated version raised every uninformed eyebrow in the vehicle. Naruto began pulling at his face with both hands.

"Holy shit! What the hell is- AGH! Tobi's trying to become a _god?! What?!_ What's going on here?!"

"He's the leader of Akatsuki," stated Zoro. "You're the one that told us that, aren't you? Trying to become a god isn't anything to be surprised about."

"Umm," began Hinata, eyes wide, "-no, no, I think surprise is totally allowed here."

Naruto continued groaning. "I don't freaking _get it_ , alright?! Sure he's a murderer _asshole_ from Akatsuki, but he's… he's…" He waved his hands about in the air, helplessly trying to put concepts to words. "He's just a goofy bastard! He's an idiot! He's- I dunno- _insane?!_ He killed my parents and then later helped me hook up with Hinata!"

"Wait, what?" asked Hinata. Naruto didn't seem to hear her.

"Yeah, he's a horrible person, but… wait, a _god?!_ No, hold on, that _really_ doesn't make sense!"

Sasuke frowned for a moment. "...Right. You told us he thought that if everything went well then he would be dying as a result of this. Doesn't sound like deification is in the cards for him. Was his death necessary to get the Fruit or something?"

"Hmm?" asked Rayleigh, still occasionally adjusting the controls. "I don't think so. Nothing written on the stones about killing yourself that I'm aware of."

"Could it be," interrupted Robin, who had been thinking very carefully over the last few minutes, "-that his death is required to make the Fruit ripen early?"

Rayleigh shook his head. "No, no, the stones just said the Rinnegan could be used to tap into the Tree's energy and that Devil Fruits used the same type of energy. You ask me, this is just your standard sacrificial ritual designed to gain incredible mind-bending power on the cheap. His death is something else entirely. "

"And you believe this why?" asked Law. "You can't just make wild guesses like that and expect it to stick."

Rayleigh scoffed. "Teach your grandmother to suck eggs why don't you. If you've seen one sacrificial ritual you've seen 'em all. Hell, he probably has a few fruits up there right now to drain them permanently of their power, which is what he's using to speed the whole process up. That's what I'd do."

Law frowned, possibly remembering his own run-in with Orochimaru. Before he said anything, Robin piped up.

"Luffy passed us by a little while back, and when I talked with him he said that Ace had gone missing. The Vivre Card we have showed him as being both in serious trouble and somehow located up above the highest mangroves."

"Aw, shit," cursed Rayleigh, gripping the wheel tightly. "Of all the… they got Ace? Well _that_ makes it personal. Maybe you want to tell us that kind of thing earlier next time?"

"Yeah, she does that sometimes," noted Sasuke. "That information really changes everything."

"Yeah, it does," agreed Naruto, suddenly overtaken by a fierce calm. "It means Luffy's gonna want to go after him. And I think I figured out what Tobi's trying to do."

There was a moment of silence as they all focused on him. Even Rayleigh turned away from the wheel.

"He didn't _just_ say he was gonna die," said Naruto. "He said he needed to die in order to give his 'father' another chance at life."

"Uchiha Madara," mused both Sasuke and Rayleigh.

"Yeah. I dunno how he plans to do it, but he thinks he can bring the guy back to life by killing himself."

There was silence for a moment as several of them looked to Sasuke.

"Sorry," he said. "I don't know who this Madara guy is."

"Bad news, that's who," said Rayleigh. "I only know what your father told us years back, but he sounded like the kind of guy you really don't want getting absolute power, or even just hanging around in the same country as you."

"So we've got to stop this Madara dude from being summoned..." said Naruto, an oddly unfocused expression on his face as if he was deeply considering something else.

Sasuke looked to his friend. "That means we can't let Tobi kill himself. We're going to have to kill him first."

"...Yeah…" said Naruto, still lost in his own thoughts.

"And for that we'll need information. Naruto, can you ask your toad buddies if they know anything at all about the Rinnegan or Uchiha Madara?"

"Sure," nodded Naruto. "I'll do that, yeah."

Sasuke frowned. "Naruto, I kind of feel stupid asking this considering who we're talking about, but you _are_ on board with killing this Tobi guy, right?"

As Naruto crossed his arms and scowled at the floor, Sasuke pressed further. "Tobi's killed a lot of people by keeping Akatsuki together, even beside your parents. He's got _monsters_ working for him, man. I can't even imagine what the world would become if someone like Danzou gained the power of a god. Are you going to be able to go through with this or not?"

"I'll do what I need to do, alright?!" growled Naruto. "Lay off of me for a second- I'm thinking!"

Zoro interrupted the conversation from his position in the very back of the van.

"So this is what we're doing then? Going up the mountain on a field trip to kill Akatsuki? I mean, I'm fine with that, but if you're talking about a fight to the death then you're probably trying to convince the wrong guys. Everyone here is already a killer one way or another, but the others might have some problems with this."

There were several slight nods from around the vehicle, and only Naruto and Hinata looked at all uncomfortable with that statement.

"Then the problem's Tobi," said Law. "If Akatsuki really has been manipulating events to this point, then they were probably the ones who took down Admiral Akainu last week. Akainu must have underestimated the 'Good-Boy' and paid the price for it, but even so killing an Admiral is no simple task. He's powerful, and they might even have taken his Devil Fruit to sacrifice at the tree."

Rayleigh nodded. "You kids let me worry about Tobi," he said. "I'll take any information you can give me on his powers, but let's be clear here. You all're my backup, and it'll be your job to keep his henchmen off of my back. I remember just how infuriating it could be to fight ninjas, so the last thing I need is to spend hours dealing with ambushes, clones, and illusions. If you can get me to their boss then _I'll_ take him down."

There was an air of both general agreement and unease in the compartment.

"Not that I mind the chance to fight that fish-face for real," said Zoro as he crossed his arms, "-but do you really think it'll go that easily? We've tangled with Akatsuki a number of times, but we've never been able to choose the way we fight them. They've pushed us into bad match-ups, fought us when we're hurting, and ambushed us at the worst possible times. If this is the end of the line for them then who's to say they won't pull out all their tricks and make it even worse for us than before?"

For the first time in a while, Hinata spoke up, her white eyes passing over everyone around her. "I can't make any promises, and I don't want to sound arrogant, but you haven't had me to help you before. I can see everything they're doing ahead of time, so we should be able to come up with a plan before they even see us coming."

That brought some confidence back to the van. Every one of the warriors present was the type to buckle down and solve problems when they ran into something impossible, and soon the air was filled with discussion, strategies, and counter-strategies. This continued all the way until they reached the Thousand Sunny.

* * *

The van touched down on the deck of the Thousand Sunny not long afterwards. Rayleigh maneuvered the vehicle to a smooth stop, and the rest of them stepped out onto the soft grass. Surprisingly, the Straw-Hats that had remained behind were already gathering their equipment, almost ready to go.

Usopp was frantically packing more and more materials into the large sack he was using to store his dangerous weaponry. If anyone had known the haphazard haste with which these traps and tricks had been crafted they would be standing a good deal farther from the blast zone. Brook was, for some reason, grabbing bottles of milk and stuffing them about his person, lamenting the fact that he had so few pockets. Nami had pulled out her new and improved Clima-Tact 2.0 to test it, since the old one had sank to the seafloor embedded in Deidara's heart. Sparks, heat, and gusts of cold wind were all blowing around her. Chopper was nervously fussing with the supplies in his medical bag as Franky looked on from his deck-chair and chuckled. Luffy was looking upwards with apprehension, as if he could pick out what he was searching for if he just stared hard enough into the sky..

When most of the van's occupants had disembarked, Sanji approached, scanning the crowd.

"Alright, that looks like every-wha?" asked Sanji just as he caught sight of Law and a scowl passed over his face. "Oh, it's _you_. We picked up a stray."

"Don't talk to me like that or you'll learn what it's like to live without a heart," said Law, calmly walking by with practiced dismissal.

Sanji looked like he was about to press the issue when Rayleigh stepped out of the vehicle. Sanji's eyes went wide. "Oh, uh… hey there. What… the hell are you doing here?"

"Better," acknowledged Rayleigh, clapping him on the shoulder as he passed around to the center to add some more chemicals to the sap bubble on the underside of the vehicle. "But you could work a bit on your delivery."

Soon, everyone was off the vehicle and the crew was united once more.

"Oh my," said Robin. "Everyone seems ready to go before we've even said anything."

"Yeah, we're ready," said Nami, her face set in displeasure as she held the burning scrap of Ace's Vivre Card in front of her. "-and Luffy's already told us what's happening. We need to go save Ace, right?"

The rest of the people who had stayed back at the ship stepped forward. Franky tilted his chin upward. Brook slightly unsheathed his sword to check the blade, his featureless skull seeming determined in some way that was hard to identify. Usopp swallowed nervously, looking like he'd rather be anywhere but here. Chopper looked as though he had been recently crying, but kept glancing in Luffy's direction.

Rayleigh raised an eyebrow in their direction, but Sasuke was the one who spoke.

"I'm surprised. I thought we'd have to work to talk you into this."

"We're not heartless," said Sanji, flicking ash off his cigarette. "If Luffy's family is in trouble then we'll do whatever we can to help. It's nothing less than what he'd do for us."

" _I don't want anything to happen to Luffy's brother,"_ choked out Chopper.

"Nothing's gonna happen to him," said Luffy, "-because we're gonna get there first."

Rayleigh clapped his hands and straightened up, cracking his back and stretching from side to side.

"Great!" he exclaimed. "Then let's get going! Everyone grab your gear and pile in the van!"

Later, as the flying van suspended upon an iridescent bubble took off into the sky with its belligerent collection of pirates and ninjas, Nami turned to Usopp.

"Hey, did you ever learn where exactly we're going?" she asked.

"No, but does it really matter?" he said, glancing back to the island receding in the distance. "Anywhere's better than this Marine-infested hellhole, right?"

* * *

 **-Grove 36-**

Captain Hina had led the charge against Moria and his ghostly lieutenant for nearly thirty minutes, but even as Marine reinforcements poured in from the rest of the island she knew she had been beaten. That instant of surrender came just as Perona's phantom finally struck her mid-torso during a last-ditch evasion. Her last and only hope that one of her subordinates would be able to make it through the wall of negative hollows to tag her with the seastone restraints died along with her will at that very moment. She collapsed to the ground, awash in a sea of utter despair that became worse the more she tried to fight it.

A shadow passed over her. She willed her eyes to turn upward to see Moria looming overhead, and the only thing that stood out to her was just how dead he looked. He reached down, ready to pluck her shadow from her body for real this time, and then stopped, straightening up and turning to the side. A rumbling sound was approaching, rattling the ground that her head was resting upon.

Perona refocused her ghostly attacks as she identified a new target incoming from the West. One of the experimental Pacifista androids was flying towards the battlefield, twin jets of flame and smoke rocketing from the soles of its feet. The emotionless combatants stared each other down as the android barreled inwards, scattering waves of zombies like bowling pins while the attacking ghosts passed through its soulless body without effect. Moria stepped up to the plate only to be obliterated when a high-energy laser erupted from the android's mouth, stripping away his flesh in a bright burst of smoke and flame. It dragged the beam across Perona's position, catching her in the devastating attack as well. The noise and heat washed over Hina without even managing to ignite her hopes.

"No!" cried Hina, hardly even sure why she was bothering. "You can't beat them! They'll just keep regenerating! Just give up!"

Indeed, as the android swung around for another flyby the two pirates were already reforming their flesh as if from nothing. The android beeped and chittered before adjusting its flight plan. Perona's eyes widened slightly just before the android collided with her at high speed. It grasped the ghost-mistress in one massive hand like a parcel from the shops before rocketing off into the distance. Then it was gone.

It wasn't going to do any good, thought Hina. Perona's range was known to be many kilometers in every direction, and there was no way…

It took Hina's abused mind a moment to register that the Pacifista's flightpath would carry the both of them out to the ocean. Though this was certainly good news, she couldn't quite seem to process it correctly in her current state.

Oh, Moria was still here and he had completed his regeneration. Now he was back to finish her off. That, at least, she could still understand.

The man stomped forward and then literally froze solid, never noticing the attack that had defeated him as he collapsed to the ground. Frost curled up around his prone body, and then a block of ice snapped into place around him. The Admiral had finally arrived, and moments later she felt the weight of her ghostly possession leave her as Perona was dumped into the sea.

"Nice work holding them here," said Admiral Aokiji.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Aokiji stood at the edge of one of the outermost groves, staring eagle-eyed off into the distance. Most major disturbances were still being dealt with or chased off, but he had found something bigger to worry about. He was approaching certainty that it was Akatsuki who were behind these recent attacks, and though he wasn't sure how they had managed it, or even what they were after, he had a lead that could possibly help him. The Straw Hats. The one group of people who not only knew the most about Akatsuki's capabilities, but also ran into them on a regular basis.

Though he wouldn't fault the Marines stationed here for not realizing Straw-Hat Luffy was on the island, it was a different matter entirely now that Aokiji had seen Luffy charge into his battle with… 'Ace'. Quickly acquired rumor had led him in the direction of Grove 42 and he had barely reached the general area when a deadly phantom brushed against his mind. Galvanized to battle readiness, the temperature around him dropped far below freezing in a split-second, and he whipped his head around to look to the sky to confirm what his Haki had hinted at. There, piloting a broken-down, canary-yellow tour-bus was the 'Dark King,' Silvers Rayleigh himself.

Rayleigh was on the island? What had he been doing here?

According to his Haki, the van had been carrying a complement of fifteen people, including one very unique energy signature that could only have belonged to Uzumaki Naruto.

Because of _course_ the Straw-Hats were involved with this mess.

No way was this a coincidence.

And so he had followed the flying vehicle as best as he could, dashing from grove to grove as he struggled to keep the thing in sight until he reached the edge of the island. There, departing the archipelago in the direction of the Red Line, was a flying van that shouldn't have even been operational. Any bubble vehicle burst whenever it left the protection of the Archipelago, but this one was still chugging confidently onward.

He stood there for some time, pondering this matter as his Den-Den Mushi began ringing in his jacket pocket. Eventually, nearly a minute later, he picked up the receiver that connected him to Fleet Admiral Sengoku.

"Yeah, hey…" he murmured, answering the other side. "Mm-hmm… Yep… They're safe… No… well, I'll have to get back to you on that one. Something's fishy here. I mean it stinks to high heaven."

His eyes flicked upwards. The impossible bubble van was starting to climb towards the endless sky, and it didn't look like it was planning to stop any time soon.

"Listen," said Aokiji, interrupting his superior. "I'm going to ask you this question one last time, so don't play any more games with me... _Is_ there another strategic target in this area that I should be made aware of?"

There was a pause that stretched on and on.

"Still evading me, huh?" asked Aokiji, utterly bored by the snail's response. "Well, that's fine. I'll report once I have something to report."

He hung up.

That had been it. The last straw.

Silently, he mentally reviewed the place he had stored his bicycle and strode off to retrieve it, his breath chilling the air. Orders be damned, a car chase would be just the thing to cheer him up. Because, hey, what was the point of being one of the most powerful people in the world if you couldn't go where you felt you were needed?

A minute later the gentle jingling of a bicycle bell signaled the beginning of his pursuit.

* * *

 **-The Sky-**

The atmosphere in the van was surprisingly serious, even considering they were heading off to save the world.

Luffy was uncharacteristically silent. He watched the shrinking bit of paper in his hand with a single-minded focus that lacked even his normal fidgeting or foot-tapping. Brook had insisted on wearing two thick coats in order to 'protect his skin from the cold high-altitude air,' but no one had felt like arguing the finer details of his assertion. In any case he had stuffed so much spare milk into his new pockets that he clinked occasionally as he shifted in place, humming quietly to himself. Zoro had turned inwards, meditating as peacefully as he could on a rumbling van flying up into the high reaches of the atmosphere. Occasionally, waves of anger would radiate off of him with such intensity that everyone present could feel it. Robin, Sasuke, and Law seemed to be continuing an earlier strategy discussion on the best way to arrange their forces in preparation for the rescue.

Naruto was still keeping mostly to himself, occasionally scratching his head or growling in frustration as Hinata cast worried glances in his direction before returning to her long-distance scan of the mountainside. It appeared as though there were several watch-posts about a mile up the cliffside that she was able to direct them around. Rayleigh said that the official explanation for these watch-posts was the infiltration of Fisher Tiger into Mariejois, many years previously.

" _What_ kind of Tiger?" asked Sanji.

"I think I've heard of him before," said Nami. "Arlong and the others would mention him from time to time as a sort of hero to the merfolk."

Rayleigh nodded, casting the occasional glance out the window to a mirror that let him view the condition of the specially-treated sap bubble that was the only thing keeping them afloat. "Yeah, he was a hero alright, but it doesn't really matter to us right now. His existence is just an excuse they used to beef up the security on the mountain." He snorted. "Heh, if Fisher Tiger hadn't come along they would have needed to start building stuff in the next few decades anyway!"

"If we're going after the government or something-" began Franky, who had been somewhat put out to find himself sharing a musty old van with a man who had sailed on the legendary Oro Jackson. "-then what the hell are you so cheerful about, old man? All those spare years finally rattle a few screws loose, huh?"

"Oh, I'm just happy to be useful again," said Rayleigh. "Before Tobi showed up I was expecting to perfect this bubble recipe, pass it down to an apprentice, and set things up so that the Revolutionary Army would be ready to invade when the Fruit ripened naturally. I myself would have been long dead by then. Who would have thought Roger's mercy would have come back to help us so soon?"

"That's why you told me to keep on studying the Poneglyphs, then?" asked Robin. "You expected me to find out about this history on my own and join the resistance when it was time?"

"Well, I wasn't wrong, was I?"

"...No, you were correct. I would certainly have done so had I known what I know now."

Suddenly, Usopp's quavering voice rose from the rear of the vehicle as he turned away from the windows. "Uhh, question. We're still going up. How high are we going, exactly?"

"Oh, a few miles or so," said Rayleigh.

"A- _a few- A FEW MILES?!"_ screamed Usopp, his eyes bugging out of his skull. "Wha- NO! Why?! Who the hell would take Ace a _few miles into the sky?!"_

Rayleigh frowned. "Didn't we go over this, like, a dozen times already? Tobi took Ace away and now all of Akatsuki is up there draining his life force. Well, technically they're probably draining his Devil Fruit, but he'll die all the same when it's over."

Usopp, Nami, and Chopper went deathly pale, a feat that was especially impressive in Chopper's case. Nami and Chopper began shrieking immediately, and Usopp whirled on Luffy.

"Luffy! What the hell, man?! You just left out the part about us going up into _space_ to fight the _entirety_ of _Akatsuki, huh?!"_

"Huh? I didn't know any of that," said Luffy.

Usopp immediately abandoned the conversation and spun around until he found someone who could be held properly responsible.

"Sasuke! What the hell, man?! You just left out the part about us going up into _space_ to fight the _entirety_ of _Akatsuki, huh?!"_

"Hey, it seemed like you guys knew more or less what was going on," said Sasuke, spinning a knife idly in one hand. "Not my fault you agreed without knowing what we were doing. Anyway, it's not like we have much of a choice here. Either we fight now or we die later when they turn into living gods and take revenge on us."

"W-what?!" asked Nami.

"Akatsuki is using Ace as a sacrifice to steal a fruit from a great tree that will let them become something like gods," clarified Sasuke, summing up a great deal of information in a very small package.

Usopp's head collapsed onto his hands, terrified eyes peeking out from between his fingers. "No, no, no-no-no. I- I can't go any higher, you see. Because of my… altitude sickness. Yes, that's it. If I go any higher than this my… my head will just explode from the pressure. That would be bad. Besides, trees are scary… never good news. Too many limbs and no eyes, but they're always _watching_ you..."

Franky laughed raucously. "I don't see what you're so scared of, my long-nosed friend. That jackass with the bombs wasn't all that tough, he just got the jump on us. We're ready for 'em this time!"

"Akatsuki? I don't even know who you're all talking about," noted Brook, clinking quietly as he shifted in place, "-but they can't be that tough if I've never even heard of them."

"Leaving all that aside," interrupted Law, as Usopp began wailing, "-what's the plan of attack here?

Rayleigh shrugged. "Don't know what the place looks like yet. Generally speaking I'll want you lot to take on as much as you can so that I don't get delayed on my way to the tree. They could finish the ritual any minute now so we'd better hurry, but if I can kill Tobi then this whole thing should be over with quickly enough."

Naruto grimaced at the mention of Tobi and fidgeted uneasily in his seat. Finally, apropos of nothing, he slapped both hands together.

 **[NINPO: KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU]**

 **[Ninja Art: Summoning Technique]**

Startling some of those who were less familiar with his techniques (or those who were simply on edge) there was a small explosive noise and a puff of smoke that heralded the arrival of a small, wizened toad sitting on the back of one of the seats. The little creature had a thin grey beard and cast a few annoyed glances around the vehicle before settling on Naruto.

"Alright, boy," said the codgerly elder toad. "I've seen enough mission briefings to know somethin' serious is goin' on. What's the matter?"

"Oh my, a talking frog," noted Brook.

"Okay, so, I'll be quick, gramps," said Naruto. "Akatsuki is trying to take some legendary thousand year fruit, so we have to stop ' em. We need to know about… uhh…" he ticked the next points off on his fingers, "-the Rinnegan, the Sage of Six Paths, and a guy named Uchiha Madara. And, I guess anything about a big tree that makes you a god."

The elder toad, Fukasaku, sputtered and fell off-balance, his eyes bulging out of their sockets, and then he exploded into a cloud of smoke without another word.

"Uhh…" said Naruto, glancing uncertainly around. "I didn't end the summon, he just disappeared."

It was five more minutes of various people grilling Naruto about his habits of talking to toads before Fukasaku reappeared.

"Boy, summon up Ma," grunted the toad. "We've gotta talk ta ya together."

Naruto did as he was asked, and a moment later Granny Shima had joined them. The two elderly toads stared back at their pupil with grave and warty faces.

"Naruto-boy," said Shima, "The next time yer planning to fulfill your prophecy for the world's salvation, try ta give us an hour's warnin' or something first, alright?"

"The what?" asked Naruto. "The prophecy?! _That's_ what this is about?"

"What's this about a prophecy?" asked Sakura.

Sasuke leaned over to explain. "Apparently Naruto was prophesied to save the world and bring about great peace and change. Something the toads told him had been foreseen for hundreds of years."

"W-what?!" gasped Hinata, turning on Naruto with open-mouthed shock.

"Wait, _our_ Naruto?!" exclaimed Sakura. "Like _Uzumaki_ Naruto?!"

"I'm just as perplexed as you two are," agreed Sasuke.

The toads cast a green glare in their direction before Fukasaku continued. "Why don't ya tell us what's goin' on, Naruto-boy. We wanna hear it from the beginnin', so don't you leave nothin' out, ya hear?"

Up in the driver's seat, Rayleigh moaned and dropped his head onto the controls with a honking noise. The two toads watched him warily, easily identifying the most dangerous man in the vehicle, but said nothing about his outburst. Eventually, Naruto and Sasuke did their best to explain the story for the umpteenth time, and Fukasaku heaved out a great sigh.

"A long, long time ago our Great Elder became friends with a man known as the Sage of Six Paths," he said. "That man possessed the Rinnegan, which gave him great power over every force in creation, and his bloodline would eventually result in what we know today as the Sharingan. The most powerful user of the Sharingan was a man named Madara."

Granny Shima gave her own input. "If yer wonderin' how savin' the world comes into all this, then I can tell ya that Madara is _bad news_. The absolute worst type of person to gain the power of a god. A bad man might be satisfied with takin' from others to enrich himself, but Madara was a desperate idealist. He'd break the world in half in pursuit of a better one, and it wouldn't matter to him what happened to everyone else who happened to be livin' in it at the time."

Naruto nodded, brow furrowed. "Right, I guess I figured as much. So we gotta stop Madara from being revived and then, what, put this fruit back or something? Throw it into the ocean? What do we do with it?"

The two toads looked sidelong at each other, then back to Naruto.

"What?" asked Naruto.

Fukasaku coughed. "I… I think the prophecy... means _yer_ supposed to take it, Naruto-boy."

Several people stared dumbfounded at this, Naruto most of all.

"Err… what?"

"The prophecy says yer supposed to prevent an age of destruction and instead usher in a great era of peace at a time when the world teeters on the edge, and I can't imagine anything else it could mean besides this," admitted Fukasaku. "I mean, how else would ya do it? Hard work, determination, and the help of yer friends? Pah!"

Nobody else even said anything. It must have been a joke. There was a loud and horrible slurping sound from behind them as Brook ruthlessly murdered a cup of tea.

"No, no way!" yelled Naruto. "What the- what the hell are you even talking about?! You want ME to become a… a god?! Just 'cause some- some old toad made a prophecy or something?!"

"The Great Elder is always right," insisted Granny Shima. "Things may not always turn out the way they look on the surface, but I think it's more or less clear in this case. You gotta take it."

"What's that about a prophecy?" asked Rayleigh from up front.

"They say Naruto's supposed to save the world and keep the peace so they want _him_ to get the fruit," said Sasuke, who looked deeply amused.

"Shit, why didn't you say so?" asked Rayleigh. "I was wondering what we were gonna do with the damn thing, and a prophecy's a hell of a lot better assurance than I usually get. Sure, we'll get him to take the fruit."

"Wha- _NO!_ " shouted Naruto, overriding several others who were in the process of raising their own objections. "Are you all _crazy?!"_ He shot an accusing glare at the toads. " _You_ said that Jiraiya was gonna teach the guy who'd save the world, right? What combination of 'taught by Jiraiya' and 'god-like power' sounds like a smart idea to you?!"

Several people, the toads included, shared uncomfortable glances at this.

"Besides," continued Naruto. "Where _is_ the old guy, huh? We should be getting his help for this!"

"Can't do it," said Shima. "Last time he came out here was only 'cause he made it all the way out to Mount Myoboku in person and waited for you to summon him. And even if he did make it here in time again, a human can't fight at full power while he's summoned. It'd be a waste of time. Just accept yer destiny already."

"I don't wanna hear it!" shouted Naruto.

"But-"

"No! Shut up about it, okay? If that prophecy's right or whatever then this peace is gonna happen whether I eat some damn fruit or not, so I'm doing this my way or not at all!"

"I don't think prophecy works that way…"

"Well figure it out already, 'cause I'm not doing it!"

The toads shared another glance, their matrimonial bonds communicating a great deal of information in just the barest moment. Fukasaku looked back to Naruto.

"Alright, boy, I won't argue no more. You'll be doin' what seems right at the time, I have no doubt. But you'll be callin' on us for help, you hear?"

Granny Shima nodded. "That's right. The whole clan's on high alert right now, so yer gettin' whatever help we can give ya. Call on us the instant you get into a pinch, and I won't hear ya talkin' back to me about _that_ so don't even try."

That appeared to be the end of the discussion. The toads divulged what little the Great Elder had known of the Rinnegan's basic power-set and soon afterwards they disappeared back to the mountain where they had come from, leaving the Divine Tree Assault Force alone to prepare themselves for the final approach. They were getting closer and closer now.

* * *

"I think I see them," said Hinata. She pointed in a slightly different direction than they had been heading, and Rayleigh adjusted their course accordingly.

Others who were less familiar with the Byakugan's abilities looked out the wide windows out of reflex. It didn't help them. The ocean was visible more than a mile below, but they had yet to pass through the perpetual cloud cover guarding the upper reaches of the mountain.

Thus, as they approached the tree, it was up to Hinata to describe the defenses.

The tree itself was bursting with an energy that made it difficult for her to see clearly, but she was already getting good information. Emerging from the rock wall of the mountain, it was surrounded by a temple that was built in, on, and among the branches. There seemed to be three rough areas of interest.

First, was the bridge that connected the temple to the mountain, where the merman Kisame was looking out over the abyss. Second was the outer temple that contained a rock garden where Hidan and Kakuzu were lurking about. Last of all, further inside the temple, was a room of still pools and falling water where three stone coffins contained three people, living yet unconscious.

"Three?" asked Sasuke. "Would those be the three missing members of Akatsuki?"

Unfortunately, Hinata shook her head. "No. Not Ace, either. They have chakra systems kind of like ninjas, but they're definitely not Akatsuki. Someone's tied them up, so they could be the defenders of the temple that were left alive."

"Then… where are Tobi and the others?"

"Sorry…" said Hinata. "There is a room further inside the temple that I can't see inside. Something in the stones of that room is blocking my sight."

"Then that's where the Fruit is kept," insisted Rayleigh. "Probably where Ace is being held as well."

Luffy tensed up, looking out and up into sky with singular focus, but said nothing. Beside Hinata, Sakura muttered her thanks and patted her on the shoulder as Naruto gave her a grin that brought warmth to her cheeks. Then Sasuke turned to address the others.

"Alright," he said. "Several of us spent a while discussing this already, but Hinata's forewarning gives us a priceless opportunity here. We won't get another chance to choose how to fight these bastards, so we have to pick our opponents carefully. So… this is what I'm thinking…"

* * *

 **-Fifteen Minutes Later-**

The wind was chilled up here, though not nearly as cold as you would have expected from being a few miles in the air. Kisame welcomed the cold. The tremendous arched bridge linking the temple to the mountainside had stone benches placed every so often where the monks could meditate before the open sky. Here, the sky was definitely below him. This far up the mountain, if one were to fall then you would keep falling for _quite_ some time before you even reached the clouds On both sides of the bridge wooden siding that had been painted a brilliant vermillion kept the unwary from falling to their long-delayed demise, but even that protection was absent at these places of meditation, leaving nothing at all to hide you from the biting winds and nearly endless drop.

Kisame wondered, as his legs dangled over the edge, whether someone who fell here would hit the ocean or be dashed against the unyielding mountainside first. Obviously the mountain widened as it descended to sea-level, but he'd felt the rising air currents on their climb, and he was half-tempted to believe he could catch the updraft and soar out into the ocean instead.

He was also half-tempted to try.

He was thinking about this kind of thing a lot, recently. There was a lot he had been uncertain about in his life, but finally he was sure about one _wonderful_ fact. The outside world suited him far more than that shut-in island ever had. One way or another, there was an entire ocean out there, just waiting for him. His fine scales itched to get started exploring right now, but of course that would be foolish. He was going to win his reward here at the Temple, and _then_ he'd see about exploring. First things first would be going down to Fish-Man island to see if the merfolk there were worth protecting, and if they were…

He grinned. Well, maybe he'd see how the slavers liked being on the receiving end of their trade.

A faint noise caught his attention. Upon further consideration he realized it had been there in the background for a while now, but he'd lost his focus and failed to notice it earlier. He looked out. There, far off in the distance, was a flying vehicle headed for the Tree. Kisame stood up, and he felt an unexpected thrill run down his spine. They'd been found, but this didn't feel like the World Government. Who in the world could it be? A moment passed before he realized the puttering vehicle was heading directly for the temple itself, deep inside the recessed mountain shelter that shielded the Tree from prying eyes.

"Trying to sneak past me in that piece of junk?" chuckled Kisame, bringing both hands together. "Now where's the fun in that?"

* * *

"He's seen us!" shouted Hinata, analyzing his chakra flow in real time. "He's preparing a water technique!"

"A water jutsu at this distance?" asked Sakura, staring out the window at the barely-visible figure. "Why waste the chakra? We can't possibly be in range this far out..."

An orb of water formed out of nothing before the man's hands, swirling faster and faster until it became a spherical floating whirlpool. Moments later, the whirlpool ball spun until the concave side was facing them. It shuddered slightly from several tiny adjustments and then fired. A lance of high-pressure water stabbed outward from its center, passing smoothly through nearly a quarter mile of air to scrape just underneath their van, and then Kisame began dragging the beam upwards like a scalpel.

"I was wrong!" shouted Sakura. "Right! Hard right!"

The van banked right as quickly as possible, and the beam barely missed. That, however, was only the start. The Akatsuki merman had phenomenal amounts of chakra to burn, and continued to slash through the sky with his water-sabre as if it cost him nothing at all. They broke into frantic evasive maneuvers, forcing the crew to grab desperately onto anything stable as Rayleigh bounced them through the sky.

Then, with a horrible screeching noise, a great rent appeared in the rear of the vehicle and a shower of ice-cold water splashed inside. A scrap of torn metal cut into Hinata's creek, and she suddenly found her hand-hold give way, but quickly latched onto the floor with her chakra to avoid being pulled out the nearby hole. Chopper was not so lucky, but a quick stretch by Luffy grabbed the screaming young boy before he could fly away into the great blue yonder.

* * *

 **-Stone Garden of Roaring Tranquility-**

Kakuzu looked up as the faint noise of abused metal reached his ears.

"Someone's here," he said, glancing in Hidan's direction. Hidan yawned and lazily pulled a nearby rope connected to a bell deep in the temple.

Soon, the alarm had been raised.

* * *

Wind was roaring through the torn vehicle, and the van shuddered in the air for a moment. With a speed that would have shocked anyone not familiar with him, Usopp transitioned from weeping openly in his seat to grasping his staff and lunging back towards the hole. Taking aim through the sucking void in the wildly shaking vehicle's chassis he pulled back the sling, took a deep breath, and then fired. The projectile soared through the open sky, dropping and rising as it hit multiple wild air currents, but it homed in unerringly nonetheless. It struck the floating whirlpool cannon with no visible effect, until a moment later when the water thickened and set. Rapidly absorbing the chemical gel weapon, the water-sabre flickered, sputtered, and then cut out entirely as the ball dropped away and out of Kisame's control.

"Nice shot!" yelled Naruto, punching Usopp on the shoulder. "Alright, let's get away from this guy before he fires again!"

"No way," said Rayleigh, as he glanced once more to the mirror beside him. "The van might be in alright enough shape, but he grazed the bubble during that last pass. I don't know how long this thing is going to last with the chemicals washed away, and when it goes-"

Rayleigh's words were lost as Usopp began screaming and gibbering to get them to land immediately. There really wasn't any choice. They angled down for the first piece of flat land they could reach, and the bubble popped just an instant after they passed overhead. Lacking any lift, the bubble-van dropped out of the air and crashed into the stones of the mountainside platform. It skidded across the ground, screeching and kicking up sparks until it reached a halt just meters from the edge.

"Out! Out!" yelled Rayleigh, though others were already evacuating through the doors and windows.

The crew found themselves outside the smoking ruins of the vehicle on a stone platform several hundred feet wide that was set into the side of the mountain. Ahead of them lay the great bridge guarded by their first opponent, and behind them sat a tremendous gate that sealed off the passage to Mariejois. Above and below them stretched the dizzying heights and depths of the Red Line.

"Oh hell," moaned Usopp. "How are we supposed to get back with our ride a burnt hunk of scrap, huh? Huh?! Tell me we're not stuck up here!"

"No time for that," said Rayleigh, hurrying off towards the bridge. "If we win then we'll have all the power we need to get out of here anyway. Focus only on victory! Now let's go!"

Something about his words or his aura spurred them into action, and soon the fifteen members of the assault force were charging down the bridge towards the temple. The Straw-Hats and others advanced across the solid stone bridge at a run, and before their first opponent had even come into view a dark aura washed over their spirits. It took a moment to realize that this sense of apprehension wasn't coming from Kisame at all. Zoro's footfalls echoed on the stones like drums of war, and the air around him seemed almost too thick to breathe.

Nami looked nervously to their scowling swordsman. Normally she'd knock him over the head if he seemed more uncomfortably murderous than usual, but even she was a bit reluctant to try that now.

"Zoro, what's wrong?" she asked.

He was silent for a moment, and then accelerated to the front of the pack, where Rayleigh was setting the pace.

"This one's mine," said Zoro.

Rayleigh gave him a sidelong glance. "No promises. You're welcome to it, but if I see a chance to take one of them out then I'll take it."

The murderous aura returned, but Rayleigh was unfazed.

"So, this guy uses water, right?" asked Usopp, sounding both nervous and relieved. "I would have thought he would have tried to fight in an enclosed room or something. What good is water on an open bridge?"

There was an explosive noise, and Usopp's question was immediately answered.

" _Sweet mother of mercy, no!"_ screamed Usopp, as a crashing wave of water blasted into view over the gentle curve of the bridge. It bulldozed down the path, not at all constrained by the siding as more and more water was pushed behind it, pouring over the sides in great gouts that tossed stones and debris out into the open sky.

Even Zoro and Rayleigh stopped for a moment, but Sakura kept running. She charged through to the front and brought both hands down.

 **[DOTON: DORYU HEKI]**

A thick wall of sharply-angled earth rose up from the flagstones, shielding them from the oncoming water. It hit the wall with a booming crash and blasted over the sides of the bridge. Rayleigh followed up her deflection by leaping over the wall, jumping nearly a hundred feet into the air as he rose and then descended upon Kisame's position like a vengeful falcon. The Fish-Man looked upwards in shock, and then Rayleigh put a fist straight through his chest and out the other side.

Kisame wavered for a moment and then exploded into a shower of ocean-spray.

"Shit!" cursed Rayleigh. "Yep! Ninjas are still a pain in the ass!"

"Behind!" called Hinata.

Kisame landed lightly a few hundred feet behind them, and his fingers flickered through the patterns of another water technique. Before anyone could stop him, another one of the floating whirlpool cannons appeared in front of him. Several eyes went to Usopp as they hoped for a repeat of his earlier trick with the gel, but the way the sniper screamed and tried desperately to scramble over Sakura's wall seemed to indicate he had no more of those left.

Then the cannon fired.

" _Over the side!"_ shouted Robin, putting her advice into action and leaping over the edge. " _Jump!"_

This was, perhaps, the most suspicious suggestion any of them had ever heard in their lives. Sasuke dashed out into the sky and began jumping off of the air, and Luffy stretched off into the distance, but everyone else besides Rayleigh hesitated and was yanked off their feet by chains of sprouting arms that pulled them screaming over the sides. The arm chains anchored themselves to the underside of the bridge, swinging everyone in a tremendous loop that sent them flying into the air above the unfathomable dip. Just when everyone thought their hearts would never start beating again they were dropped onto land, far further down the bridge and away from combat. Stumbling from the sudden acrobatic abuse, the assembled fighters charged onward toward the temple and away from the attacking Fish-Man.

Then, once everyone had regained their footing, only three people remained standing on the field of battle. 'Slicing Rain' Hoshigaki Kisame, 'Pirate-Hunter' Roronoa Zoro, and a very, _very_ confused 'Sniper Crow' Usopp.

Zoro stood between the Fish-Man and the temple, but it took a moment for Usopp to realize that he alone out of all the rest of them had been sent _backwards_ by Robin's throw _._ Now, he and Zoro had Kisame surrounded.

With excruciating care, Usopp began _quietly_ backing away towards the remains of the van. The two swordsman were staring across at each other, eyes locked as if nothing in the world mattered, but it never hurt to be careful.

" _Usopp,"_ whispered a voice right next to his left ear. He shrieked a little bit, but he kept it quiet.

"R-Robin?!" he answered back, catching a glimpse of a mouth and ear sprouting from his shoulder. "V-very funny, but you put me down on the wrong side of the bridge! Fix it!"

" _You and I are right where we need to be."_

He looked around in growing confusion, but didn't see even the slightest hint of Robin's presence. Focusing his goggles on the departing main body of their attack force failed to identify her either. She was just _gone_. "Wait, where even _are_ you? You left me here alone?!"

" _I'm still here with you,"_ she said. " _I'm staying hidden for now, but I'm more needed out here than with the others._ _Listen to me. Though I would never say this to Zoro's face, if this Fish-Man is as ruthless as I fear he is then I have my doubts that Zoro can win this fight. Kisame has no reason to fight fair here, and falling for one single trick in this ninja's arsenal could be fatal on this terrain."_

"Wha- wha- what are you saying? That means we run, right?"

Robin's next words froze his blood.

" _No, we can't possibly escape this man now,"_ said Robin's disembodied mouth, pronouncing their doom with an almost scholarly detachment. " _He has far too many ways to chase us down and kill us even if Zoro were willing to run from here in the first place. But it doesn't matter. With my help, Zoro should be able to fight."_

"You think the two of you together can win this?"

She chuckled. " _No, it won't be_ our _job to win this. We can only fight him. The task of_ winning _, oh ninja-in-training, belongs... to_ you _."_

* * *

A/N: I do actually have some buffer written this time. The next chapter will be out December 12.


	63. The Way Is Shut

**-Bridge of Soaring Clouds-**

The cold wind blew across the great bridge, and the two swordsmen stared across at each other, one smiling, the other furious. Kisame chuckled, and Zoro's fists clenched around his swords.

"Well this is a true surprise," said Kisame, his voice somewhat dampened by the rushing air and the nearly one hundred feet between them. "I'd have killed you right away but I'm honestly curious what you're doing here. It's been barely a few hours since I last saw you down at sea-level. How did you, of all people, end up being the only ones to find us?"

"So you _are_ the one I fought below?" asked Zoro, a sadistic smirk pulling his mouth upwards. "Funny, you look a hell of a lot different from your bounty poster."

Kisame's eye twitched in irritation, though it happened so fast that anyone else might have missed it. Zoro, however, felt his grin inch a bit wider.

"You mean that useless scribble the Marines called my likeness?" asked the Fish-man, thinking back to the cartoonish drawing of a vaguely bipedal shark with black scales. "It almost makes me feel sorry for the bounty hunters out here. Honestly it's a miracle they catch anyone at all, but you didn't answer the question."

"How'd we find you?" asked Zoro. "You picked the wrong guy to capture, that's all there is to it."

"The wrong guy…? Fire-Fist Ace?" He frowned and shook his head. "We left in the dead of night. We avoided all the guards, disguised our tracks, and ascended miles up the untracked cliffside to a place not located on any map only after completely erasing our presence. How did you know where to look for us when no one else did?"

"We had a piece of paper," said Zoro.

"...What?"

Zoro smirked. The wind howled. "Our captain had a magic piece of paper that points us in his direction. Your ninja tricks couldn't hide you from that, huh?"

All of a sudden, Kisame began running, kicking up a spray from the sodden stones as he charged down the bridge. Zoro joined him an instant later, and soon their swords clashed. The immense weight of Kisame's thickly-bandaged weapon bore down upon him as Zoro's muscles bulged with the strain of blocking the opening strike, but soon the two reached equilibrium.

"You gonna fight seriously this time?" asked Zoro, staring directly into the shark-man's beady eyes. "I'd hate to have to disembowel you again."

"Oh, I'll fight with everything I have," said Kisame. "After that, I'll head into the temple to see what's left of your friends. I doubt the others will leave much alive, but perhaps I can still catch up with them if I kill you quickly."

On some unspoken signal both men pushed, sliding back away from each other on the slick stones.

"Try me!" shouted Zoro. "No holding back!"

Kisame shrugged and brought both hands together. "Suit yourself."

 **[SUITON: KIRIGAKURE NO JUTSU]**

 **[Water Release: Hidden Mist Technique]**

The air thickened and set as an ice-cold mist rolled in to cover the battlefield. It solidified from the air itself with unnatural speed, leaving Zoro mere seconds to commit the terrain and his place in it to memory before visibility plunged to zero. Then he was alone in the mist.

He could still feel the cold mountain wind blowing against his skin. The fog hung motionless in the air regardless of the motion of its currents, stuck in place as if it were the calmest of spring mornings. He took an experimental sweep of his sword and a few steps here and there. Yeah. This wasn't just plain mist.

The bridge was only about twenty feet wide. One wrong step and he'd fall to his doom.

"This is it?" asked Zoro, warily eyeing the thick mists. "Trying to get me to trip to death? I expected more pride in your skills than this. This isn't swordsmanship, this is trickery."

Despite what Zoro had seen earlier of the man's position, Kisame's voice seemed to come from all around him, refusing to be pinned down as it danced here and there.

" _You told me you wanted everything I had, swordsman, but I never said I was limited to the way of the blade. You see, you want a fight, but all I want right now is to see you_ dead on the ground _."_

The last words came from directly behind him, and Zoro whirled around just before Robin's voice whispered to him from nearby. " _No. Left side."_

He froze for a moment before spinning again just an instant before a weapon swung down and out of the mist. Catching the strike on just one sword drove him off-balance as he brought his other blade to bear. The Fish-man's strength was absurd, and he could barely hold against the attack. His arms shuddered, and Zoro finally noticed what he hadn't seen earlier. Kisame's blade had been partially unwrapped to reveal a loathsome mass of quivering scales.

Taking advantage of Zoro's shaky stance, Kisame pushed harder, and the blade inched downward further still. Zoro grunted with exertion as the Fish-man himself finally became visible.

"My sword, Samehada," grinned Kisame. "Beautiful, isn't it? A legendary weapon that is as much a living thing as I am."

"That's… not a sword, you idiot…"

"Yeah, I figured you for a purist. That's the deal with 'pure swordsmen,' they've got no imagination. The thing is, it won't matter either way once this cute little guy tears you to pieces."

The weight increased sharply, driving Zoro to the ground, and Samehada bit into the skin of his shoulder. Kisame laughed and slowly pulled the blade back, the razor-sharp scales opening bloody wounds as Zoro gasped in pain. Then, all of a sudden, Kisame stumbled and the pressure let up. Zoro was on his feet in an eyeblink, deflecting the mighty sword to the side and slashing through the mist. All he caught was a bit of Kisame's robe before he was alone once again in the thick fog. Panting, Zoro corrected his stance and returned to readiness, focusing his awareness all around him as blood dripped down his chest.

Silence.

"...You there?" murmured Zoro.

There was a pause.

" _...Yes,"_ said Robin's disembodied voice.

"That was you who knocked him off-balance?"

" _...Yes, it was. Though I can't do it very well. Something about the man's sword is destroying my limbs whenever it passes by them."_

"Good," said Zoro. "Stay out of this. I said it before, and I meant it. This one's mine."

There was no response. Wherever Robin was hiding, she chose not to press the issue.

A minute later, the fight began again.

* * *

 **-Bridge of Soaring Clouds-**

 **-Temple Gates-**

It was not long afterwards that the rest of the motley crew stepped down from the absurd bridge and onto the somewhat wider stone courtyard that stood before the temple's great outer gates. The Divine Tree loomed over them, perfect and proud. Those who had heard the story that Rayleigh had told several hours precisely might have momentarily thought back to descriptions of the twisted monstrosity that had been its progeny, but it was hard to imagine anything more different when you looked upon this beautiful, slightly glowing creation. The Divine Tree itself was warm, inviting, and absolutely without flaw.

The same could not be said for their surroundings. The wind howled around them, and their shoes slapped against the ground as they ran between the gates and into the temple proper, where the artisanry of its builders was evident in the intricate masonry that had been marred by fierce fighting in the recent past. They didn't really have a lot of time to admire the scenery, however.

"Are they going to be alright?" asked Naruto, casting a glance back towards the three who had stayed behind.

"They'd better be," said Law, running near the head of the pack. "We don't have the time to go back for them. You all know the plan."

Nami raised her hand. "About this 'plan' that I never agreed to," she said, "I really don't see what business I have fighting these guys!"

"M-me either!" exclaimed Chopper, who was sticking very close to Luffy and Naruto.

"Nobody expects you to fight one of Akatsuki on your own," said Sasuke. "But we have to keep these guys out of Rayleigh's way, and that means everyone fights somehow. If you can't take the heat then feel free to stay out of close-combat, but we're relying on all of you to support those of us who will be fighting directly."

Naruto reached out and poked Chopper in the side of the head, causing the boy to jolt in surprise. "Don't worry, little dude. You're sticking with us till the end of the road, so you'll have me and Rayleigh to keep you safe. Just do what you do best, man!"

This seemed to calm him somewhat.

"Hinata! You still can't see Ace, right?" asked Luffy.

"Right. There's still that room in the center that I can't see the inside of."

"Don't need to see him to know he's there," said Rayleigh. "As long as that Vivre Card keeps pointing in that direction, that's the way we need to go."

Hinata nodded. "Everyone! The two Akatsuki members in the next room are waiting in hiding, so don't be surprised by them! Hidan is hidden under the sand directly at the center of the first tended spiral! Kakuzu is hiding inside the standing stone that is second to our left once we enter the stone garden!"

"You hear that?" said Sasuke. "Everyone remember the matchups and be ready for a fight from the moment we enter!"

They burst through the archway like a hurricane. This artfully-tended stone garden was built on top of one of the thicker branches of the Divine Tree, and as such it stretched on into the distance, far longer than it was wide. A thin slit of open sky was visible at the top that let sunlight in from above. Though a stone walkway ringed the circumference of the room, the majority of the central area was taken up by an immense stone garden where sand, pebbles, boulders, and wood were arranged with painstaking care. They trampled through the peaceful room anyway, and though no one was visible Sanji led the attack the instant he was through the door. He dashed straight towards the boulder Hinata had pointed out earlier and launched himself off the ground.

A burning foot like an iron spear stabbed out at the standing stone, making contact just an instant after a dark figure slid out from the surface like a drawing becoming reality. Sanji's foot pierced the boulder, and it split right down the middle before scattering rock shards into the air around it.

Nami and Luffy peeled off from the crowd to circle around the enraged man in black robes, though only Luffy seemed truly ready for a fight.

Barely a second later Franky's hand shot off of his arm like a chained rocket, plunging straight for the center of the sand spiral ahead of them. His inhumanly beefy palm dug into the sand in a manner more reminiscent of a backhoe, and he smirked behind his sunglasses as he grabbed flesh. He ripped Hidan from the ground with a cackling roar, swinging the swearing and screaming zealot in a vertical arc that brought him slamming into the ground hard enough to make an impact crater. Even before Hidan could stagger back to his feet, Brook skittered lightly across the sand to stab at him with a flurry of piercing blows that had him rolling away from the sudden offense.

"Ah, screw this!" shouted Hidan, deflecting and dodging blows as he retreated towards Kakuzu's position. "I remember you fuckers! Old man, don't let these assholes get through here!"

Trafalgar Law smoothly slid into position in Hidan's path, one hand held out in front of him.

 **[ROOM]**

"Aw, shitballs," cursed Hidan as the translucent dome washed over him.

"If you say so," said Law, and then he swapped Hidan's position with a stone that had previously been between himself, Franky, and Brook.

While the fights were beginning, Rayleigh, Chopper, and all four ninjas continued onward through the room, trusting their friends to stay safe and grasp victory. It had been debated whether it was better to leave a single ninja with each group of fighters to provide counsel on their enemy's possible abilities, but in the end it was decided that their talents, as well as their teamwork, were best reserved for dealing with the canniest remaining shinobi, Orochimaru and Danzou. As for their other companion…

"Hey little dude," said Naruto as he looked down at Chopper. "Can you feel this big tree yet?"

Chopper nodded, nervously agreeing before focusing his chakra outward. "Yes, I can. I still don't know what'll happen if I try to do anything to the wood of this tree, but I can definitely feel it. It's... warm somehow."

"Good," said Sasuke. "If all else fails, try and open the shell around the Divine Fruit yourself when we get there. It sounds as though Tobi might have some control over wood element chakra, and if he does then he probably already tried this, but we can't say for sure."

They moved through the slightly twisted room with no more challenges, passing through the archway on the other side and into a long, dim hallway lined on both sides with windows that had once held ornate wooden shutters. Some sort of battle had been fought in here recently enough that most of the shutters had been blasted off, leaving the hall open to the cold air.

"It's seeming more and more like Akatsuki murdered the original defenders of this place," noted Rayleigh.

Sasuke scanned the area, noting occasional scorch marks and spatters of blood that would probably have gone unnoticed by most.

"I'm not seeing any bodies," he said, "-which I suppose means they tossed them out the windows…"

From behind came a very familiar voice, shouting his battlecry as he charged after all of them. They didn't even need to look backwards to realize that Luffy had joined their ranks.

* * *

 **-Stone Garden of Roaring Tranquility-**

Law watched Hidan carefully, as Brook and Franky encircled the man. Frankly, this was overkill in Law's opinion. Given his ability to permanently hinder people without technically injuring them he wasn't particularly worried about the man's regeneration. In fact, he was somewhat confident in his ability to handle the man himself, without the help of these two Straw-Hat odd-balls. Nevertheless, the advantages to letting those two take the front-line were easy to see.

Hidan began fighting furiously from the very instant he realized they were trying to hem him in, spinning, ducking, and lashing out with his scythe. Every dodge was turned into momentum for the next attack without the slightest wasted movement. He moved, in fact, like this was just a well-choreographed fight-scene and he was the only one of them who had bothered to practice the routine beforehand.

Seeing this, Law slightly adjusted his opinion of his own chances in single combat.

Brook overextended himself and Hidan's wicked blade cut deep into the thick coats surrounding his torso. Brook screamed in pain and shock, staggering backward and leaking fluid. Hidan recovered his scythe in a fluid motion and ran his tongue along the blade as he spun aside, only to frown and spit a glob of something onto the floor. For the first time he seemed to lose his rhythm and jumped back away from melee range.

"The fuck?!" he exclaimed, appraising the white fluid on his scythe with suspicion. "Milk?! What the shit is this?!"

Brook, completely unharmed, shrieked in surprise as he realized he was leaking. "Ah! No! My vital fluids!" Grabbing the bottle in question, he slurped uselessly at it, the glass shards rattling harmlessly off of his dead bones. "Oh, oh dear. It's everywhere! Just one moment while I take off my coat here, this really won't do."

Hidan watched with disbelief as the man shrugged off his oppressive and milk-stained winter coat to reveal the stick-thin body underneath.

"What… the… hell…? That shit ain't a mask?! You're a fucking skeleton?!"

Franky smirked down at his opponent and stepped up to answer the question while Brook was busy. "Yeah. Our very own freakin' skeleton, just for you. See, we heard about your special talents, blood-licker, and we aren't gonna be playing that game with you." He stuck a thumb in Brook's direction. "This guy's a skeleton." He slammed a fist into his chest, producing a solid metal clang. "And me? I'm a cyborg. Not a drop of blood between us, jackass."

Law didn't even react to the lie. He'd already heard in planning that 'Cyborg' Franky was vulnerable from the rear, but people who wouldn't shed blood easily were rare enough that they had to use what they got.

Hidan turned to his partner. "HEY! Kakuzu! Switch with me, will ya? These guys suck!"

Law refused to take his eyes off of Hidan. No one could control the battlefield as well as he could, and he could prevent the two Akastuki fighters from being able to coordinate as long as Luffy kept Kakuzu occupied. All they had to do was follow the plan and this would be an easy battle. Speaking of...

"Straw-Hat!" shouted Law. "Make sure you keep your opponent under control!"

A moment passed.

"Straw-Hat?!" he called.

No response. He glanced to the side. Luffy was gone, and Kakuzu was in the process of… splitting in half?

 _What the hell is he doing?!_

* * *

 **-Inner Sanctum Assault Force-**

"Dude!" called Naruto, as Luffy slid alongside them. "What the hell? You were supposed to stay back there and help fight those guys!"

"Wha?!" shouted Luffy. "No way am I gonna just stay back while Ace is in trouble!"

"What about the plan, man?! You want the five of them to have to take on those two freaks? They need your help, too!"

Luffy gave him an oddly disappointed sort of look. "Kind of a dumb plan if you thought I was just gonna stay back there and wait!"

Sasuke winced. "Okay, yeah, admittedly I should have seen that coming."

"So this is what we're going with?" asked Sakura. She looked around. All of the ninjas, as well as Rayleigh, Chopper, and Luffy, were proceeding on to the final encounter. "The seven of us against three S-rank shinobi… I mean, the odds could be way better, but… Rayleigh, you _are_ going to be able to handle Tobi by yourself, right?"

"That's the plan," said the old man. "Me against the end of the world. Kind of nostalgic, I guess."

"Sure, right," agreed Sakura. "Hinata, we _are_ still heading in the right direction, aren't we?"

Hinata nodded, her eyes still seeing everything around them. "Yes, there's only one path further into the temple, and we're traveling that way right now. Just ahead of us there will be a room with pools of water, and then it won't be long before we reach the inner temple."

"That's the room you said had the three people tied up in the stone coffins, right?" asked Sasuke.

She nodded again. "They're still there, but unconscious. I can't say if they could help us or not."

"We have to help them if they're still alive, right?" asked Chopper.

Rayleigh shook his head. "It's a trap. I know you kids are good folk, but I'm going to tell you ahead of time that whatever you see in that room you should assume those people are already dead. The last thing we need is one of our doctors getting caught in an explosion or something."

No one seemed happy with that statement.

"It's just ahead," said Hinata, pointing to an archway a couple hundred feet before them.

They burst into the room at a run and saw what lay beyond.

Inside it was as if the hallway had simply expanded, becoming a wide, dark room that was that was speckled with light. Pools of water sat here and there in the cool chamber, some tranquil and some set in artfully flowing tiered ponds. It felt peaceful and quiet here; a place for reflection, though they all knew better. Hinata pointed out the location of the three coffins that were resting in the pools of water, and they angled to avoid them. If this was a trap then they intended not to spring it.

Naruto shivered when the cool air hit his skin. "Man, something doesn't feel right," he said. "I dunno what it is, but-"

Hinata and Sasuke noticed the change in the room at the exact same time.

"Wait!" they both called out, and the urgency in their voice brought the rest to a halt.

Sasuke dropped his stance and scanned the room. Chakra was shifting in tremendous streams, appearing from nowhere at all in amounts that beggared the imagination, and it took a moment for him to even realize where it was all flowing towards. Then, with the sound of crashing water and rattling clay, three of the reflecting pools exploded into a shower of spray as the coffins abruptly shot into an upright position. His eyes saw the life force of the three people inside them snuff out like candles only to be replaced just as quickly by the swirling torrents of chakra that poured in until each casket seemed packed to bursting. It was so bright in his eyes' sight that it took him a moment to notice the labeling painted on the lids.

Three characters, one on each lid and each written in painstaking formal calligraphy.

 **ONE - TWO - GOLD**

A sense of overwhelming fear swept through him, and it took just a moment longer than it should have to realize that _Luffy hadn't stopped running._ He charged straight into the room on a course directly through the three ominous coffins. That's when the first lid fell open, and the noise of clay shattering on stone was a crack of doom that shot through the room. The long-haired and gray-faced man who lurched out from inside the sarcophagus was visible for less than a second before he disappeared.

The Sharingan barely kept up with his movement as the walking corpse in lacquered red plate armor practically teleported to Luffy's position and smote him directly in the solar plexus. His torso caved inward from the brutal attack until the outline of the man's fist was clearly visible on the other side of Luffy's body. Then time unfroze. With a noise that sounded suspiciously like a sonic boom, the rubber-man simply disappeared, the air parting with great reluctance as he shot straight out the archway and back the way they had just come.

…

Back in the stone garden, the fight against Hidan and Kakuzu stopped for just a moment as Luffy made his violent return, shooting into the room like a bullet and slamming into a boulder so hard that it shattered into pieces. Perhaps it said something about the state of things that his comrades were merely happy to see him return.

…..

The only other person who had followed the strike was Rayleigh, and the others could only gawk dumbfounded at the place where Luffy had once stood. Then the second coffin lid crashed open, and a second man stepped out. His wild white hair framed a face that would have been pale even if it hadn't belonged to a corpse, and his blue-lacquered armor blended in with the faint reflections of rippling water in the dimly-lit room. Every one of the ninjas watched in horror as this man stepped down and scanned the room with dull eyes. There was no way that a Konoha shinobi could fail to recognize two of the founders of Konoha: the First and Second Hokage.

Sasuke swallowed back a nervous breath and stopped himself as he realized he had taken a step backwards out of reflex. Then he shook his head as he realized that this was _precisely the correct choice_ in this situation.

"Everyone," he murmured, as if being quiet would keep them unnoticed. "We need to head back the way we came. _Right now."_

"Holy shit," breathed Naruto.

"Bad news, I take it?" asked Rayleigh, eyes locked on the two fighters who were now turning in their direction.

"These are…" began Sakura, gulping nervously, "-the strongest shinobi that Konoha has ever produced. And we need to get the hell out of here right now."

"T-this is the only way forward," said Hinata, nervously eyeing the door in the distance that might as well have been guarded by Death itself.

"We'll go out the windows and run along the sides or something," said Sasuke, backing carefully away.

Rayleigh, however, stepped forward rather than backwards. "I doubt that they're gonna let you out of here. I'll admit that as traps go this is a pretty good one. You all have to go on without me. If you can't fight Akatsuki head on, then just give up on the extermination plan and focus on-"

The third coffin lid slammed open, and the last of the resurrected warriors stepped out from his confinement. This, finally, was someone that everyone recognized, and Rayleigh's sentence stopped dead as all the breath left him in one horrified exhalation. Gol D. Roger stepped out of the sarcophagus, his vibrant red coat contrasted by the lifeless and sullen expression on his face. Two cutlasses were sheathed at his side, and a brace of pistols was vaguely visible beneath his jacket. The man's dead eyes passed over all of them in turn, and there wasn't even a glimmer of recognition as it took in Rayleigh's presence.

Sasuke gasped, only to have the breath knocked out of him as an invisible force gripped his heart and squeezed the air from his lungs. He and all of the others stumbled away from Rayleigh in horror. The grey-haired man was staring wide-eyed at the resurrected pirate with an intensity that bordered on mania, and shock blossomed around him in waves that left Sasuke almost weak-kneed. Then the shock turned to a fury so bright it seemed to burn the air itself.

Rayleigh had always had an aura around him, and it was only now that Sasuke realized that this was no mere charisma. The Sharingan _saw_ the chaotic chakra washing off the old man's trembling body and sleeting through everyone around him like a wild genjutsu. Hinata and Sakura were even now reflexively defaulting to techniques to protect themselves, though they needn't have bothered. Those techniques weren't meant to protect them from something like this.

" _How dare you,"_ growled Rayleigh. " **HOW** _ **DARE**_ **YOU?!"**

Rayleigh disappeared, and his attack was followed shortly thereafter by the noise of air rushing in to fill his former position. Something over by the three dead gatekeepers exploded, but Sasuke couldn't even keep track of it. A body shot out of the melee, and then the center of the room exploded in impossible flames. There was the sound of gunshots, then hammer blows of fists striking flesh. The fighting had begun immediately at full intensity, and Sasuke quickly ushered the others back towards the doorway.

"Come on! We have to get out of here!"

"Shit!" cursed Naruto as he grabbed Chopper and burst into a run. "What the hell is this cheating shit?! What kind of made-up technique can bring back three monsters like that, huh?!"

Sasuke said nothing, gulping back his earlier fear. He had an uncomfortable idea of where, exactly, the material for at least one of the corpses had come from. Robin had mentioned a break-in at the Naval History Museum's exhibit on Gold Roger back when Akatsuki was still on Water-7. A bit of dried blood or hair on a musket-ball, coat, or knife and Orochimaru would have had all he needed. Come to think of it, Robin had even brought up the matter again earlier today, but she'd interrupted herself before finishing the thought.

Assuming they lived through this, he really needed to talk with her about that problem of hers.

"Will Rayleigh be alright without us?" asked Hinata, as they retreated towards the entrance.

Sakura clenched her fists. "It doesn't matter! We can't do a thing to help him! If we go back in there we'll just _die_ as collateral damage without even _touching_ those things!"

As if seeking to prove her point, a bullet grazed Naruto's arm, causing him to wince. He didn't dare slow down. Sasuke cast a glimpse over his shoulder and saw that Rayleigh had slammed Roger's arm to the side which was the only reason the bullet hadn't gone through his brain instead.

"The Bingo Book said that resurrected bodies are weaker than the real thing," said Sasuke, though he was aware he sounded worried. "-but I still don't see how Rayleigh can win here. Especially if these are undying copies of the original. We need to focus on getting out and finding another way-"

"Another way around?!" exclaimed Sakura. "There's five of us against Orochimaru, Danzou, and a guy who was strong enough to be their leader! I hate to say it, but we need to go back, help the others, then bring reinforcements!"

Before Sasuke could respond, there was an explosion behind them that slammed through their bodies. They stumbled forward from the solid impact of sound and pressure. When they looked up, Gold Roger appeared in front of them directly in between them and the safety of the doorway. One of his arms had been torn off during the fierce melee, but that didn't seem to be bothering him at all as he wordlessly charged forward, his cutlass raised for a decapitating strike. Sasuke raised his defenses, but the end result was clear.

So this was it. He was going to die.

Time seemed to slow down in the Sharingan's sight, and Sasuke idly noted that Rayleigh had charged in after Roger, aiming to knock the corpse away from his five young charges. It was going to be too late, however. Rayleigh's furious fist wouldn't arrive in time to save their lives. The last thing Sasuke noted before death came for him was Roger's dead eyes, made unnaturally red and black by the resurrection technique. They stared into his with neither malice nor pity.

Then, completely unexpectedly, he felt time slowing down further. Itachi's chakra shot through him like a jolt of adrenaline to the heart and the Sharingan transformed, swirling another pattern into place.

'Oh,' thought Sasuke, with a strange detachment, 'that's right.' He'd decided that the Amaterasu was probably set to activate when he faced an opponent he thought would kill him. He wasn't completely sure it would help here, and in either case the eyeball in question was unlikely to help him survive the next second.

It wasn't the Amaterasu.

 **[TSUKUYOMI]**

Time stopped.


	64. Tales From the Blue Sea

**-The Mind's Eye-**

When the world restarted, Sasuke was standing in the middle of a long-forgotten vista. The streets of his childhood had been recreated before him, even including buildings that had been destroyed the night that the Uchiha had been crushed. The fear that had gripped his heart receded and he spun in place, struck dumb with a wave of nostalgia.

In Konoha's present day the Uchiha Clan's compound was completely uninhabited, but here the alleys and streets were alive with a quiet energy. People whose faces Sasuke barely remembered passed by on their way to errands here and there. It was a long moment before he noticed how young those people seemed- they were even younger than he had remembered them as a child. Younger, perhaps, than he had ever seen them in his lifetime.

This was in the past in more ways than one, then. Was this a memory of Itachi's?

Sasuke flinched in surprise when he turned around one last time. Gol D. Roger's animated corpse stood in the middle of a dirt alleyway, completely unrestrained and less than fifty feet from him. The man wore the vibrant red coat and luxuriant mustache that his famous pictures had shown, but his face was grey and lifeless, his trademark grin completely missing. He stood without breathing or moving an inch in any direction, his eyes fixed on some nonexistent location exactly as if he were a mannequin. Though Sasuke was understandably nervous when confronted with the man who had turned the whole world against himself, Roger didn't move even when Sasuke walked here and there in front of him. There were no motions to his weapons. His eyes responded to nothing. He was just a lifeless puppet, still standing there even with his strings cut. Whatever Orochimaru had done to revive him, it appeared that his personality had been destroyed as a result. Whatever orders had led him to mindlessly attack them out in the real world, clearly they also didn't have any effect inside this illusory world.

So… what now?

"Well, this is useless…" muttered Sasuke, scratching his head in frustration as the tension of the situation began to drain away. "Brother, you idiot... did you want me to have a nice, quiet conversation with this guy? He's _dead_." He cursed under his breath, "I suppose you couldn't have known this would happen, but what a waste of the Tsukuyomi. What the hell am I supposed to do with him now?"

With a feeling similar to that of recalling a memory that had been on the tip of his tongue the scenery warped slightly, and then Itachi was standing beside him. Sasuke's eyes widened to see his brother again, and Itachi smiled warmly at him before turning to face Roger.

"Brother! What- I thought that you couldn't-" started Sasuke.

" _Greetings,"_ interrupted Itachi, his voice oddly hollow, " _It's been a long time._ "

Sasuke laughed, heart welling up with gladdened surprise. "You idiot. It's barely been two months since-"

" _I'm sorry for bringing you here on such short notice,"_ Itachi said, again interrupting Sasuke mid-sentence, " _In fact, I'm fairly sure that there would have been no warning at all for you."_

Annoyed, Sasuke shook his head. "You got that right. We should really talk about-"

" _Sasuke,"_ interrupted Itachi again, turning to face his brother, " _First of all... I wanted to say, 'I'm sorry.'"_

"You don't have to apologize, but you could quit interrupting-"

" _I'm sorry because I can't hear your words. If you're hearing this message, it's because I don't have enough chakra to appear before you as myself ever again. I recorded this message ahead of time, just in case."_

Sasuke's heart dropped out from under him as Itachi continued to speak.

" _Again… I'm sorry, little brother. I hope that you got to speak with me at least once before you're hearing this- it would be a tragedy if that part had gone wrong. If for whatever reason you didn't get that chance, then let me at least say... that I love you, and I wish the best for you, no matter what. Don't let hatred change you from the man that you deserve to become, and don't let the world destroy you before you can find your way. You may have thought you couldn't live up to what Father, Mother, and I would have hoped from you, but I am proud of you. I really am, and I know that they would say the same."_

Tears welled up in Sasuke's eyes as Itachi smiled back at him. He tried to speak, but nothing came out. It wouldn't matter, though, would it? There wasn't anything behind that image that was capable of listening to him. He had lost his brother a second time, and he hadn't even realized there had been anything left to lose. He'd lost him bit by bit each time Itachi had lent him his chakra. Would he still be around if Sasuke hadn't gone after Danzou on the ship, or if he had stopped Naruto before he transformed to fight the Admiral?

" _Of course, if I did speak to you, then I guess you can forget all of that-"_

"No… no… who could forget something like that, you idiot…" Sasuke choked out.

" _-After all, the fact that you're hearing this means that you made it out to sea, didn't you? Congratulations. You did what I never had the courage to try and do."_ Now, Itachi's image turned back to face the once and future Pirate King. " _Roger, I'm so sorry for the wait, and I have a feeling that was a bit unbearable for you, but I hope you can forgive me. I actually made this message for you, set to activate when Sasuke here saw you up and about. Going by the strength of your chakra, it seems as though you're still quite well."_

Sasuke clenched his fists as the words sparked a wave of anger that ran through him unchecked.

" _I'm glad. The man I remembered never seemed like he would be done in by a couple odd decades, but it was difficult to be sure. Regardless, it's been a long time since we met. I don't suppose you remember me…"_

Roger continued to stare off into space with his dead eyes as the image of a tiny child appeared between them all. Dark-haired and adorable, but with a fierce gaze, the child was three years old at most- Sasuke saw the resemblance right away. Itachi knelt down and patted the younger version of himself on the head, his warm smile contrasting the rather irritated look his counterpart wore.

" _My name is Itachi. You met me many years ago when you came to Konoha, and I never forgot it. I never found out just what you were looking for in our village,"_ he chuckled. " _-but not for any lack of trying…"_

The older Itachi disappeared as Sasuke breathed deeply to control himself, and the scenery shifted to several different memories. Roger laughing and pointing as the baby Itachi tried to conceal himself in a bush. Itachi watching from afar as Roger entered the Uchiha head household to meet with their father. Roger lifting up the lid of a barrel and picking up a squirming Itachi from inside his spying place… Finally, a much more vivid image arose. This memory was vibrantly painted, with every color and sound seeming larger than life. Roger and a much younger Rayleigh sat in a restaurant that Sasuke recognized from Konoha. Baby Itachi stood before their table, glaring at them with the deep suspicion of someone with a very active imagination.

" _Rayleigh!"_ shouted Roger's image, and Itachi's memory of his voice was filled with an indelible vitality that brought life to everything around him. " _The little squirt wants to know what we're after in the village! When's the last time someone right out of diapers tried to give us the third-degree, huh?!"_

Rayleigh calmly drank from the unfamiliar beverage in front of him. " _Can't say that's ever happened before."_

Young Itachi continued to glare up at them, silently judging.

" _You're damn right it's never happened before!" said Roger, "You know what else hasn't happened before? I've never met a baby this damn persistent before either! Not to mention one who stalks me to the bathroom at night."_ At this, Roger's image burst out into laughter as the real Roger continued to stare lifelessly off into space. " _Ba-hahahah! I like you, kid. I've liked you from the moment I saw you."_ He leaned down, bringing his face just a little closer. " _What do you say? Do you want to join our crew? Be a pirate? See the_ world _?"_

Still glaring at them, baby Itachi muttered something, but it failed to come across in the memory.

" _Ba-hahahah! Oh, look at your face! Nah, I'm just kidding, kiddo. You need to be a_ MAN _before you join our crew!"_

" _The deck-hands aren't men,"_ interrupted Rayleigh.

" _Oh come on, you're telling me you don't think Shanks is a real man?"_

" _Mmm… I can't help but notice you left out Buggy there."_

Again, Roger laughed. " _That's not the point! The point is that if this kid is a real man the next time I see him, I'll make him part of the crew. That's a promise!"_

" _Roger…"_ said Rayleigh, sadness suddenly weighing on his frame, " _You know that_ -"

" _Oh, shut up, Rayleigh- let me have this."_

Watching the scene, Sasuke's shoulders slumped. What even was the _point_ of it all? Itachi was wasting his final words on… on a _nothing_ … a zombie, even! When all this ended Roger's corpse would resume trying to kill him regardless of what happened here. It was a waste! It was all a waste! The peaceful scene from his brother's childhood continued relentlessly onward.

" _Listen, kiddo,"_ said Roger, and now the memory intensified even further, " _Sit down and let me tell you about the wide world and all the wonderful things in it. I've got a thousand fantastic stories of swashbuckling adventure for you! Tales straight from the blue sea and the real men and women who sail it!"_

Silently, baby Itachi turned and walked away toward the door, scowling petulantly. He wanted no part of this.

" _Yeah, I guess that's for the best, squirt,"_ said Roger, still grinning an impossibly wide grin as he leaned back and stuck his feet up on the table. " _Those stories can be pretty scary. I can't be cleaning up after a kid like you when you wet your pants, anyway."_

Itachi stopped walking and turned his head. In moments he had stomped his way back to the table, much to the approving laughter of the two great pirates. Suddenly, the memory stopped, frozen in place. The older Itachi stepped back into existence and turned once more to face Roger.

" _I hope you remember me now, at least,"_ he said. " _I really was a child, wasn't I? I can see why you didn't try to take me with you. But... I'm no longer a child, and as the years passed I became so much more. I fought. I killed. I tortured. I died a little bit year by year in defense of the village... and my family."_

Now he sighed. " _I also died for real in the end. I'm afraid I will have been dead for many years by the time you get this message. I'm certainly in no shape to join your crew, and I wonder if I even deserve it anymore. I'm not a particularly good person, and I couldn't even muster the courage to go out to sea and find you, even though I thought of it every single day."_

Itachi stepped back, extending a hand to indicate Sasuke. " _But part of me lives on. When I died, I died fighting to protect that which was important to me- my family. Unfortunately, I failed there as well. Sasuke is the only one who I managed to save."_

He smiled, and Sasuke choked back his tears.

" _But he's enough. You see, my little brother has inherited my will. I believe he'll have become everything I wanted to be myself. Better, even, for unlike me he has not only strength but the capacity for true kindness. And… courage as well. After all, he has gone to find you where I did not. So... now I hold you to your promise."_

Finally, Itachi knelt to the ground then bent over in supplication, bringing his head to the floor.

" _This illusion… this message… is my letter of introduction, and I apologize if it seems as though I'm coming on a bit strong, but I really have no choice. Please take my younger brother under your wing. Help protect him from the dangers of this world now that I cannot, and tell to him those one thousand tales from the blue sea. Please consider this the final request of a child who wished that his life had turned out oh so differently."_

Sasuke collapsed to his knees in tears. His gasps of horrified loss turned to shouts of rage, and he struck the floor in a desperate anger that had nowhere else to go. It was a waste! Itachi was humbling himself before a dead man! This was the last time he would see his brother, and the universe was so unspeakably cruel that it wouldn't even let him go out in grace.

He screamed, shaking the world inside his brother's eye in ripples and waves.

"NO! He's just DEAD! It doesn't MEAN anything! Stop it! STOP IT!"

Perhaps he had held out for some naive little hope that Itachi's desperate message could reach whatever tiny fragment of Roger's will that still existed to animate that corpse. If it were a story, things might have chosen that moment to change directions. If anyone's will could break through the binding of the Edo Tensei, surely it would be a man like Gold Roger.

Alas, Roger continued to gaze on into nothingness. He had no will to muster. He hadn't heard a single word of Itachi's heartfelt plea.

Eventually, Itachi raised his head from where it had touched the floorboards.

" _Well? What do you say? Will you accept Sasuke into your crew?"_

Roger said nothing. Sasuke kept crying, lost in his own misery. Time stretched on with relentless cruelty, and a full minute passed between the two long-dead men in silence.

" _...I see…"_ said Itachi, as he flickered, disappearing for a moment. When he reappeared, he was standing. " _I'm sorry if this projection has made an error of some sort. I'm really not used to this and I suppose it's possible I made a mistake. Since you have not agreed, I can only assume you have declined. This is… disappointing to me, to say the least. I hope that you haven't changed so much that you are no longer the Roger I remember."_

Something was changing inside the Tsukuyomi, and Sasuke could feel it even wrapped in his grief. There was a sense of power gathering, and then the image of Itachi's memories began to dissolve until the world inside the eye became just a blank, red void the color of the setting sun. The cawing of crows filled the air. They swirled into the redness from everywhere and nowhere, appearing from every part of the world that Sasuke wasn't currently watching. Soon, they wrapped themselves around Itachi like a cloak of living black feathers.

" _I realize you may have your own important reasons for this refusal. I'm sorry, but I have my own reasons as well. I've become very ruthless in my short time on this earth, and I'm afraid that I cannot take 'no' for an answer. I am certain that you have power, connections, and resources at your disposal that I must have access to. Right now, I am willing to do absolutely anything to ensure my brother's safety._ "

Gold Roger stared on impassively as the horizon itself blinked open, becoming the shape of an immense, red eye. The Sharingan of the Uchiha clan swirled into place, and then twisted its shape once more. What appeared written in the sky was a Mangekyou Sharingan, the Kotoamatsukami. Shisui's eye, which had been missing since the night of Itachi's death, stared down upon them both. As Sasuke watched in open-mouthed horror the crows began to cover him as well until everything around him became the darkness of black feathers.

"No!" he cried out, clawing uselessly through the darkness as he realized the significance of what was occurring.

Itachi's cold shade carried on regardless.

" _I will have you protect Sasuke... one way... or another."_

 **[KOTOAMATSUKAMI]**

For just a moment, the world ceased.


	65. True Freedom

"Guh!"

Roger awoke with a start back in the futon and blankets he had been granted during his brief stay in the Uchiha Clan compound. Sunlight filtered through the windows along with morning birdsong. Honestly, it was somewhat worrying that he even remembered this place at all, given how very many far more _exciting_ beds he had woken up in over the years. The room had all the personality and warmth of something that had been prepared for 'Guests,' with a capital 'G'.

So, he knew where he was. Still, after waking up in a confused daze some things were absolutely required by long-standing piratical tradition.

"Ugh…" he moaned, "My _head_ … Where the hell am I...? Am I dead?"

Wait…

Wait.

Hold on.

" _Wasn't_ I dead?" he muttered, brow furrowing as he prepared to deal with what could only be the aftermath of the weirdest bender he had ever survived. "I _definitely_ remember being dead. It felt like years and years… I was really starting to get the hang of it, too…"

The only answer was the chirping of birds in the late morning light.

A dream?

He raised his head then immediately regretted it, dropping it back down to the bed with a pained thump. Apparently the mantra about his head hurting hadn't just been for laughs after all. It felt as though someone had stuck a knife in the back of his skull and just left it in there. God, last night must have been a hell of a party to give him a hangover this bad. And to make him... remember... being dead.

Remembering being up on that execution platform, thousands of people looking on as the spears descended-

Roger gasped, sitting bolt upright in bed for real this time. He looked around in shock, hands going to his chest where he had been stabbed. Nothing. Pulling up his shirt showed no scars that hadn't been there previously. A moment later he realized something else was missing.

No pulse.

He grinned. Well, that was a relief. It was good to know _something_ was working the way it was supposed to.

Memories trickled back to him as his new brain resumed processing the muddled experiences he had had in the afterlife. Or... was _this_ the afterlife, and those decades spent dead had just been a dying dream? It felt… kind of like the way it did when you woke up in the morning with the vague impression that a lot of time had passed, but you didn't really remember anything about your dreams.

"Wait, but if this is the afterlife... You're tellin' me that heaven is spending eternity with a bunch of those stuffy old eyeball ninja freaks? No way, I was _good_ in life, I don't deserve that!"

He paused.

"Well, mostly good. At least sixty percent! Forty percent! Higher, if you leave out those parts on Pirate's Paradise!"

More silence.

"Why the hell am I talking to myself anyway," mumbled Roger.

He stood up uncertainly, a little unused to legs, and thought to dress himself. A quick check of the closets revealed the yukata provided for Guests, and he scowled in disappointment. Before he could complain, a copy of his old seagoing uniform appeared before his eyes, folded up on the shelves. He glared at it suspiciously.

"Huh… The whole afterlife thing is starting to sound a lot more likely."

He put on most of his uniform in silence, not bothering with the great red coat in this weather, then stopped as he looked at his captain's hat. It was red, flashy, and bigger than it had any right to be. His heart had never really been in that hat, but it had fit the image so damn well. The ladies loved it, too. Problem was, it was really 'Gold Roger's hat,' and after the execution he wasn't _exactly_ 'Gold Roger' any more. No sooner had he thought this than the hat changed shape, becoming his battered old straw-hat in between blinks. He grinned. _This_ had only ever been _his_ hat. Just plain Roger's hat.

Well, actually…

Eh. Shanks probably wouldn't mind, considering the circumstances. He placed the hat on his head, and everything was right again.

"Alright," he said. "Time to find out why I'm so much less corpsey than I oughta be."

* * *

Roger roamed the streets for half an hour, poking his head in here and there. There didn't seem to be anything interesting happening at all, and the people responded more like people you'd talk to in a dream than anything else. All of this was definitely a problem, since it both cast doubts on the whole afterlife thing as well as leaving him alone with his thoughts.

"You know, the more I think of it, the worse this gets," he said, venting his frustrations to a nameless Uchiha ninja who was walking in a set pattern up and down the streets. "I had just about as awesome a death as it was possible to get, and if anyone sees me walking around like it's no big deal then that's all gonna be completely ruined!"

" _I have a very important mission in the Land of Water,"_ said the phantom ninja, still plodding his way through the streets. " _I don't have time to talk!"_

Roger ignored the man completely. He was just a man-shaped piece of scenery. "The old generation is supposed to pass on their will to the new generation and then step outta the picture. That's how it works! I mean, if I turn up alive again what the hell are people gonna think? I'll tell you what they're gonna think- they're gonna _think_ I faked my death, took my treasure, and now there's nothing left for anyone to find!"

" _My Sharingan will find those Mist shinobi wherever they lurk!"_

"Shit, you're right," said Roger, pulling thoughtfully at his regal mustache. "Someone's probably found it already… I left enough clues, didn't I? Would it be weird if I hunted down whoever it was and congratulated them, or would we end up dueling with sabres atop the spars?"

" _I don't have time to spar with you right now! I must complete my mission!"_

"Yeah, probably the sabres…" mused Roger. "No, it really would be for the best if I stayed dead…"

" _Death is lighter than a feather! Duty is heavier than a mountain!"_ The phantom ninja turned around and began walking in the opposite direction, returning to his earlier looped path, and Roger didn't follow him.

There was a flash of something in his mind; a strange compulsion that had been tapping urgently at his thoughts ever since he had awoken. He just couldn't put it into words. Lacking anything else to do, he returned to the clan elder's house only to find that something had changed. A black-haired teenager was sitting at the base of a cherry tree that looked as though it were a hundred years old or more. The boy was silent, arms wrapped around his knees as he stared inward, eyes contemplating the air directly in front his face, but it was clear he had recently been crying. Some things were just obvious.

The strange compulsion from earlier hit him like a ton of bricks straight to the soul, telling him that above all else this boy must be kept safe. Luckily, things seemed pretty well in hand, so he could afford to play things low-key for now. The voices of the earth murmured in his ear that this young man was a real person unlike all the other unconvincing fakes. The boy looked up, and Roger felt something else tickle at his mind. A sense of… recognition.

"...Itachi?" he asked, somewhat uncertainly.

The boy flinched as though he'd been struck, and something told Roger he'd gotten it wrong.

"No, I'm… not Itachi," said the teen, standing up slowly from his seat. Sighing, he looked up into Roger's eyes. "I don't suppose you remember any of what just happened, do you?"

Roger snorted. "The last thing I remember is getting stabbed to death."

"Fair enough…"

The kid looked like he wanted to explain a bit further, but Roger stopped him. "What's your name, son?"

"Sasuke. Uchiha Sasuke." He paused. "Itachi was my brother."

"Was? Shit…"

"Yeah..."

"I thought you looked familiar. When'd it happen?"

"Several years ago," said Sasuke. "...and then again today, I guess."

A man who had seen less in his life might have expressed confusion at this paradoxical statement, but Roger took it at face value. "Sorry, kid. I doubt it got any easier the second time around." He paused, still feeling that strange protective urge that nagged at him to get involved. Not that it was all that worrisome. He was well-accustomed to listening to strange voices in his head.

"Hey," he said, waiting until the morose teenager met his eyes again. "Let's talk. You shouldn't be sober for this, and I need to know what's going on here. I know a place nearby that-"

Abruptly the landscape shifted, and they both appeared inside the restaurant he had been thinking of. They were, in fact, already seated at a table. Roger looked around and glared at Sasuke, who at least had the decency to look a little bit embarrassed.

"Er," began Sasuke. "Yeah, turns out I know the place."

"Uh-huh," said Roger. "So this IS your fault then?"

"Not... entirely? It's kind of a complicated story, but-"

"No, no explanations till you've got something in you," said Roger, giving a complicated gesture to a woman who looked like she worked there. The drinks came shortly thereafter.

* * *

"You know," said Sasuke, who had been pressured into a fair bit more booze than was probably good for him. "I wonder what sharing drinks with the Pirate King would do to my bounty if the government knew about it? How much is that worth on its own? Ten million? Twenty? A hundred?"

Roger laughed. "So I'm still a big deal almost twenty years later, huh? Shit, I don't know whether to laugh or cry! Nobody managed to surpass me in all this time?"

Sasuke drunkenly shook his head. "No, but everybody talks about it. Who's gonna become the next… _you_ , you know?" His eyes glinted. "But I know the guy… the guy who's gonna be the next Pirate King. I know him."

This seemed to get Roger's interest. "Oh yeah? Who is he?"

"Straw-Hat Luffy," said Sasuke. "And he's an idiot."

"Straw-Hat Luffy?" asked Roger. "Why do they call him that?"

Sasuke blinked. "'Cause of his straw-hat, man."

"What, like this one?" asked Roger, sticking a thumb up to indicate his own favorite hat.

Sasuke blinked again, glaring suspiciously up at the hat in question. He squinted, giving it a thorough look. Finally, he shook his head. "Probably a coincidence."

Roger snorted and quaffed another mug before speaking. There was foam on his moustache. "Sure thing, kid. Look, I'll be honest. You really have to work on your alcohol tolerance if you wanna be a pirate."

"I don't even understand," said Sasuke, before taking another gulp, "-how this is even happening. We're not even really drinking here. It's all in my head. In my eye… Itachi's…" he paused, finishing with, "It's in our heads."

"Look... beer is really more of a state of mind than anything else." Roger shifted in place. "Alright, so how does your brother fit into all of this? I've already figured I'm not really alive, so level with me."

"He was… the kind of guy that was good at everything," said Sasuke, drooping slightly in his seat as he leapt awkwardly into the new subject. "Just good at everything. I mean, I'm older than he was when he died, but I'm not even half of…"

Roger nodded when the young man trailed off. "Yeah, I thought he'd be a real force to be reckoned with one day."

"I couldn't be like… like him," said Sasuke.

"No use tryin' to be like someone else," said Roger. "There's no freedom in that. Head straight for your dreams and you'll find what kind of person you _really_ are soon enough."

Sasuke shook his head morosely. "No… you don't get it. I _couldn't_ be like him. I _know_. I _tried_. He…"

The silence lengthened, and Roger focused in on that statement. "Kid… what did you do?"

"...I never really thought about what it must have been like to be him… I thought it was just about being strong… and determined… and, well… other things like that. I guess I only now realized I was trying to be like him in other ways, too…" Sasuke looked up, focusing on Roger's eyes. "He believed in you, you know? He said he thought about your offer every day."

Roger sighed. "Yeah. I knew I wouldn't ever be seeing that kid again, but… sometimes you just see a chance to light a fire in someone's heart and you can't resist taking it."

Sasuke frowned. "No, that's just it. His heart… that will of fire… he extinguished it."

Roger said nothing and so Sasuke continued, staring off into the distance without focusing on anything.

"He killed effortlessly. He tortured people with his own hands. He ignored his feelings for the sake of his duties, and even though he said he wished he could have tried to leave and find freedom he never actually did it. He never reached his breaking point. Never _bothered_ him enough."

Everything around them had gone silent. The illusory villagers were still going about their business without making any noise.

"I guess some part of me thought I needed to do the same," admitted Sasuke. "Only I couldn't. I didn't have the stomach for killing. Couldn't manage torturing the one guy who really deserved it. Couldn't be dutiful. I abandoned my duties because I saw a chance to leave it all behind… Everything I know says that all that makes me weaker than Itachi, but..."

Sasuke looked back to Roger. "He left messages inside… well, inside the Sharingan, and he told me to try and find my way off the island to find you. He asked me to join your crew in his place."

Roger sighed. "I hate to tell you this, but that's-"

"Not going to happen," interrupted Sasuke. "Yeah, I know. But I didn't need it anyway. I had friends of my own already, and I didn't need to follow his plans. Except one of my enemies resurrected your mindless corpse and sent it after me, which is when… well, when Itachi made _this_ happen."

Something flashed in Roger's eyes. "They did _what_ to me?"

"Yeah, one of the guys we're dealing with is a real piece of work. He's resurrecting the dead and making them fight for him... You know, Rayleigh is with us right now, so we thought we'd have a pretty good shot at this whole saving the world thing, but then he runs into you and… well, you'd have killed me if it hadn't turned out Itachi planned for this."

Roger remained silent, and Sasuke snorted. "Typical of him, really. He plans things out so well that even when he's completely wrong in every single way it _still_ works out for him."

"So, Itachi's responsible for... waking me up, huh?"

"He didn't mean to. That's the point. He thought…"

Roger frowned. "What did he do?"

"...He trapped you in here with me, and left a message for you where he… he asked you to take me into your crew. But you were _dead_ and you couldn't even hear him, so he did something to rewrite your mind to force you to help me. Then he died for real. I can't believe it. You were his _idol_ and he just…" Now his voice began to raise, something like anger bubbling up from the depths. "He didn't even know I'd be in trouble! He thought I was going to just meet you someday and maybe you'd have been... retired or something and he couldn't have that! He'd just change who you were until you were who he needed you to be!"

Sasuke's head drooped. "How can you do something like that?! He didn't trust me to talk to you myself, or find my own way, he just went straight to ripping your mind apart! Would he have done that to me if he didn't like the way I grew up?! Given me an order and made me into someone else?! Was that just another contingency programmed into me too?! I just can't…"

The silence was deafening. Roger said nothing.

"I don't think I can be like him," said Sasuke. "I don't think I can live like he did."

Roger's silence lengthened. Eventually Sasuke looked up. The man's eyes were hard, staring straight into his own. It took longer than it should have to recognize the anger burning inside them, and then his blood froze.

The world inside the eye shuddered and rippled as a wave of power crashed out from Roger's body. The drunken malaise that had hung over Sasuke's spirit burned away like a matchstick as the Pirate King's indomitable will overrode anything else in the illusion. The village scene melted away into featureless nothingness and Sasuke began fighting to keep himself conscious. At the edge of his awareness he felt the Tsukuyomi being slowly torn apart, and he focused every ounce of his being into containing the rampaging power.

"What are you doing?!" he grit out, but it was no use.

" _I've heard enough!"_ roared the demi-god at the center of the vortex. " _Chain me down?! Bind my will?! I've killed for far less than this!"_

"Stop it!" exclaimed Sasuke. "I can't hold it together! If this illusion breaks, then-"

Abruptly, the overwhelming power ceased, and Sasuke collapsed to his knees in the now featureless void, feeling drained from the brief clash of wills. That had been ten times as powerful as what Rayleigh had done, and it was all the stranger since Roger shouldn't have been able to access his powers at all unless Sasuke allowed it. The Pirate King stood there nonetheless, human once more, glowering down at Sasuke with far less warmth than he had shown before.

"I'm going to be patient with you," declared Roger, "-because it's clear that you didn't mean for this to happen. But I am _not_ a happy man. Two people have taken my freedom from me, and right now they're both beyond my reach."

Sasuke opened his mouth, but nothing came out.

"I can feel what your brother did to me," continued Roger, "-and I'm pretty sure I could break it if I were to push hard enough."

"The Kotoamatsukami is unbreakable-"

"Not my first rodeo, kid. Not the first time someone's tried to take over my mind, either. All the others who've tried are dead. Let me tell you that there is _nothing_ in this world that _pisses me off_ more than knowing I'm dancing on somebody else's strings. If your brother were still alive then I'd kill him myself, promise or no!"

Sasuke said nothing, eyes wide and heart pounding. He felt as though if he tried to control the Tsukuyomi it might deny him access.

"But this geas might be the only thing keeping me conscious," growled Roger. "Whoever brought me back from the dead is still out there, right?"

"Yes, and if we don't stop them then the world-"

"I don't give a damn about the world right now!" shouted Roger. "I'm not about to sacrifice my freedom just because there's another damn quest waiting for me! I'm dead! My time's done! But if I break what your brother did to me then I might just keep on mindlessly fighting Rayleigh..."

The blackness shifted form again, returning them to the inside of the restaurant that had just been vacated. None of the people that had once been present were visible. At some point Roger had begun standing, and now he strode from the room, forcing Sasuke to follow after him into the sunlight.

"Alright. Here's what we're gonna do, you and I," said Roger. "I refuse to compromise on this... _but_ if you can show me that you've got what it takes to be part of my crew _on your own_ , then I'll let this spell keep going just long enough to finish all of this. If I don't think you're worth it then I'm gonna tear this whole thing to pieces and take my damn chances with whatever's left. How long have we got in here?"

"A little less than three days," said Sasuke, determined to avoid being steamrolled in this conversation, "-then time resumes and Tobi, the boy you spared on our island, continues trying to steal the fruit of the Divine Tree."

"Buh-wha?!" exclaimed Roger, stumbling over his own feet as he tripped down into the street. He whirled in place, advancing like a storm on the doorway he had just exited. "What's this about that damn fruit?!"

"We're fighting out there _right now_ because of the loose ends you left behind!" shouted Sasuke. "Madara's attendant, Tobi, gathered a gang of murderers and monsters, kidnapped a friend of ours, and snuck all the way up to the Divine Tree to make 'that damn fruit' ripen early! Then he's going to sacrifice his own life to bring Madara back from the grave! They're the ones that revived you, they're the ones who killed my family, and they're the ones who sent you to kill Rayleigh! Your very own first mate spent the last two decades preparing for this moment, and my friends and I were the only ones able to help him! _That's_ why we're in this mess, so stop whining about being asked to clean up after yourself!"

Roger's eye twitched violently under his straw hat. The rogue twitch seemed to scurry across his face for several seconds as he ground his teeth and glared at Sasuke. The young man didn't back down, becoming one of the very few people to have ever stared down Gold Roger.

"Careful, kid," growled Roger, eyes like diamonds. "Don't you dare tell me to give up my freedom in the same breath as you lament your brother's choices. You want to know how a good man becomes like Itachi? It's because there's always something out there that seems important enough to betray your values for."

Sasuke flinched. The Pirate King spun back around and resumed stomping his way out into the street.

"Take us somewhere where there's more open ground," he ordered. Sasuke furrowed his brow but did as he was asked, teleporting them to a wooded training area he had often used during his younger years. If anyone had earned the right to order people around it was Gold Roger.

"Good," growled the man. In an eyeblink a pair of cutlasses and pistols appeared in his hands, and he tossed one set to Sasuke. The young man looked back uncertainly, caught off-guard once again.

"What the hell are you looking at me like that for?" asked Roger, readying his own weapons. "Start talking and get ready for a fight."

"Uhh," began Sasuke, taking both unfamiliar weapons in hand as he cast an uncertain glance towards his katana that had appeared beside a nearby building. "What and why?"

Roger rolled his eyes. "Why do you think? Look, kid. I don't dislike you. In any normal circumstances I would have been happy to meet you, but I'm not about to take this shit lying down. If we've got three days in here then I want you to tell me everything about you, your adventures, and everything that's going on out there. In the meantime I need to fight something, and because I hate wasting time you're going to get to work copying me. No, don't look at me like that, I know you have those stupid ninja eyes. Until I get free of this curse I might as well make sure you're able to defend yourself out there, so shut up and do like I do."

"... _Copy_ you?! But we're _inside_ the… will that even _work_ in here?"

"Pah! I wasn't even in your village for more than a week or two and even I know your damn eyeballs do whatever the hell you want. By the end of these three days I want you copying my fighting style to the absolute limits that your body will allow, so man up already and show me what you got!"

Shortly afterwards he launched into combat and Sasuke learned first hand the true unyielding might of the Pirate King.

* * *

The day passed violently. Even though Roger was fighting with a fraction of his true strength the mustachioed madman often forgot to show mercy, relying on the Tsukuyomi's dream state to protect Sasuke from permanent harm and leaving the young ninja to absorb technique in the same way that a thirsty man drinks from a fire hose. In other words, it was messy, painful, and often humiliating. As it turned out, once he had gotten the hang of being more or less alive again Roger became far more raucous and gregarious than anyone Sasuke had ever met before, not to mention being stronger, faster, and far more skilled. It was difficult to keep up, and the young man could only take being on the rear foot for so long before he began to get prickly.

"Why the hell are you so set on making me use this damn pistol, anyway?" asked Sasuke, tracking Roger with a flick of his wrist and pulling the trigger. The deafening sound crashed out, but Roger somehow evaded the attack.

"What's wrong with guns?" queried Roger, sliding back in and resuming the thrust and parry of swordplay.

"They're just about the least appropriate weapon for a ninja in existence, that's what."

"Ba-hahah! Shows what some dumb ninjas know! Do you know how hard it is for a normal person to use the cursed things in melee combat? It's _damn_ tough! But _you_ see what everyone's doing before they even know they're doing it! I would have given somebody's right arm for those eyes of yours when I was alive! Just _focus_ for a change!"

By way of example, Sasuke saw the tendons in Roger's hand shift towards the trigger just in time to dodge the incoming gunfire. This didn't really make Sasuke feel any less irritated.

"You know," said Sasuke. "Speaking of arms, when this illusion ends Rayleigh is going to literally rip your last arm off. He already got one, and now I'm sure he's gunning for the other."

Roger grinned, dodging a blade that Sasuke had been sure would hit. "Psh. Nothing I haven't dealt with before. He'll have to catch me first."

"Catch you?" said Sasuke, deflecting an attack with his pistol before resuming his offensive. "From the start of this illusion to the end of it one whole second will have passed out there. You're going to wake up without any arms."

"Man, what is it about waking up from a stupor with someone about to rip your arms off, anyway?" asked Roger, sounding as though he was expecting commiseration. "Doesn't that get old after a while?"

"Uh," said Sasuke. "I can't say I've really shared that experience."

Roger darted around his defenses and then Sasuke was dead again. Luckily, the pain was optional. He reappeared fully healed and only slightly disoriented a moment later. Roger flashed him a wild smile.

"You'll get there one of these days. You either die young or live long enough to get sick of people trying to tear off your limbs. Not that I'd have it any other way."

"If you say so."

"Don't think I haven't noticed you trying to turn things around on me," said Roger. "Not gonna work. You owe me another story! Something that'll make me laugh this time."

"Well," mused Sasuke, thinking through the list carefully. He sincerely doubted there were many people his age who could match his experiences. "Was a place named Enies Lobby around when you were at sea?"

Roger scowled. "I said 'make me laugh,' not 'piss me off!' Choose a different story."

"How about the time we blew the entire island up and sank it into the ocean?"

There was a moment of silence before Roger began chuckling, slowly increasing in ferocity until it had become a cackling roar. Sasuke took that as permission to begin the story.

* * *

The evening of the second day saw the two of them back at the bar. It was beginning to seem to Sasuke as though they were stuck in an infinite loop comprised entirely of fighting, eating, and carousing. There would have been women in that list as well, but when Roger had popped the question of 'wenches' Sasuke had flatly denied his request, especially given that this was largely being generated by _his_ mind. He wasn't Naruto. There were limits to his dignity. All this refusal accomplished was tightening the beer-fight-eat loop to dangerously compact levels, since it seemed Roger was incapable of taking any downtime for any reason whatsoever. Sasuke thought that even Jiraiya would have had trouble keeping up. As it was he was being pushed to his limits, but found that it was impossible to escape the whirlwind that was the Pirate King. Luckily, at least, the mind-beer affected him less than it had before.

"So you guys are saving some kid named Ace, huh?" asked Roger, now that he had begun learning what was going on in the present. "Funny… I thought I might have left a kid behind myself before I died. Always thought I'd name him Ace, too. Gol D. Ace. Damn fine name." Roger took another drink.

"Sorry," said Sasuke. "Just another coincidence. He's Luffy's brother, son of Monkey D. Dragon and grandson of a guy named Garp."

Roger's drink was expelled in a violent blast that sprayed the entire rear wall of the restaurant, leaving only a Sasuke-shaped hole projected onto the wall like a shadow on a lit screen. Sasuke had seen Naruto do spit-takes before but never one that had lasted for seven full seconds. The Pirate King, it seemed, never did things in half measures. Sasuke winced, closed his eyes, and endured, waiting patiently for the alestorm to subside before invoking the Tsukuyomi's power to clean himself.

"Wonderful," he said. "That's just what I was missing in my life. What was all that about?"

"Uhhh, probably another coincidence," said Roger.

"Uh-huh."

"Wait, one of that stuffy Garp's grandsons is a guy who's planning to become the next Pirate King?! Are you serious?! That's hilarious!"

"Uh-huh," said Sasuke again, frowning as Roger changed the subject.

"Is this Ace kid as crazy as his brother?"

"I suppose. He's some bigshot with the Whitebeard Pirates. You're really not planning on telling me what's up with that reaction, are you?"

"No way in hell!" exclaimed Roger, taking another drink that leaked out around the edges of his satisfied grin. "Funny to think that old Whitebeard is still hanging around though. But enough about that. Tell me more about this Luffy guy. It sounds as though Rayleigh took quite a shine to him."

Sasuke nodded, chuckling as the atmosphere got to him. "Like I said, Luffy's a complete, pure, thoroughbred idiot, through and through. Dumbest guy I've ever met. Rayleigh said he reminded him a lot of you, actually."

"Ba-hahah! Yeah, that sounds about right!"

"Seriously, I wouldn't say he really acts all that much like you, but from time to time he gets this look in his eyes…" Sasuke shrugged. "He's kind of like the crew's engine, if only in how he relies on everybody else to steer and apply the brakes."

Roger took another drink before sticking a finger in his direction. "It's people like that that need good counsel. That includes me as well. I wouldn't have managed _half_ of what I did without Rayleigh, I can tell you that."

"Heh, well we're doing our best without a Rayleigh of our own."

"Really?" asked Roger. "'cause from my perspective right here you remind me a lot of him, you know."

Sasuke paused for a moment before chuckling. "Well, I don't know about that. I'm not the first mate or anything. I'm just… you know, _there_."

"Who says you have to be the first mate? And whaddayou mean, 'you're just _there?'_ Of course you're _there_. Where else would you be?"

To Roger's surprise, a sudden glumness returned to his partner's face. Sasuke waited for nearly ten seconds before looking back up.

"What would you do," began Sasuke, "-if you had to choose… between new friendship and freedom out on the ocean… or the place you called home and people who might as well have been family?"

The world seemed to intensify as Roger leaned forward, eyes hawk-like beneath his bushy eyebrows. "Is that even a choice at all?"

Sasuke exhaled softly. "Right. Of course. I shouldn't have even asked you that. You'd pick freedom every time."

Roger continued to stare for a moment, searching for something on Sasuke's face. Then, as swift as lightning, his fist lashed out and connected with the young man's jaw. Sasuke didn't see it coming in the slightest, and was lifted out of his chair to slam into the far wall. Though the pain he allowed himself in here was muted, he still groaned as he sat back up, propping himself up against the splintered wood as he adjusted his vision. Roger was there above him, smiling like a man who couldn't wait to share the good news.

"Freedom?" he chuckled. "You think _freedom_ lies in a choice like that?! I don't need that shitty kind of freedom in my life!"

Then he knelt down.

"Listen to me, young one," said Roger, his voice strangely subdued and nothing at all like his earlier boisterous shouting, "Within _true_ freedom there is no choice at all, for that so-called 'choice' is what binds you. When you become _truly_ free you'll have the power to go wherever you want whenever you want, and you'll laugh that you ever thought you needed to choose between the two of 'em. You'll sail the ocean like a true pirate until you return home like a king, and woe befall any who would stop you."

As Sasuke watched, dumbstruck, the Pirate King extended his hand.

"After all, what the hell's the point of being a pirate if you can't have that kind of freedom, huh? A man like you should never need to settle for anything less than the real deal anyway, so get back up on your feet, stop your moping, and we'll make something of you yet."

Sasuke stared at the outstretched hand, the pain in his jaw replaced by the burning feeling in his chest. So this was what it felt like. To have a flame lit inside of you. This is what Itachi had felt. He had felt this warm hope and then he had extinguished it.

Sasuke's flame burned brighter, and he reached out to clasp the hand in his own.

* * *

On the last day, Sasuke woke up and found a note on the side table in his room. Surprisingly, it wasn't written by Roger. He picked it up and began to read.

 _Sasuke,_

 _Sorry for dropping all this on you. I've said everything I needed to say already, except for this: The Kotoamatsukami is now yours, though it may not do you much good in its current state. I regret to say that when I sealed the eye inside of you I could not know what decisions you would make when you grew powerful enough to use it, and to use it even once at an improper juncture could prove fatal. All things considered, this was a fortunate outcome, despite Roger's initial reticence._

Sasuke snorted, but continued reading.

 _That eye can be recalled from your body at any time, though it will remain useless unless it is kept inside of you for perhaps another ten years. At that point you are free to use it as you wish. Personally, I hope you never require its aid again._

 _There is, perhaps, another way it could be of use to you, though you should never try to seek it out, for to do so would mean you had once again entered Danzou's domain. Nevertheless, there is the slight chance this knowledge could prove useful, so I will tell it to you. It is a little-known fact even among the Uchiha that a pair of Sharingan that come from the same owner are forever after linked in some ways that are difficult to classify even if they are separated from that owner. Danzou possesses the other half of the whole Kotoamatsukami, and he will not know about this link. Though I cannot possibly predict how the two eyes will interact, if you feel yours behaving strangely then keep Danzou in mind. He may have found you._

 _Remember that your eye is not dead- it merely rests._

 _Stay safe, and become the man you should be._

The note wasn't signed, but Sasuke smiled wryly to himself nonetheless. He couldn't help but feel as though Itachi was as right as it was possible to be while being wrong in every technical respect. He focused inwards for a moment and he realized he could in fact feel the Kotoamatsukami. It was there inside of him, and it made his skin crawl to think of it.

The Kotoamatsukami was monstrous.

Sasuke focused for a moment and the paper went up in flames, leaving behind only ash and memories. When he turned around, Roger was standing in the doorway.

"What's the good news?" he asked, but Sasuke merely shook his head.

"You know, Itachi sounded so certain about what he had to do to keep me safe, and yet this is the first time in my life I've been truly convinced that he was wrong. When I think about what he did... he just seems like a colossal idiot." He turned to fully face Roger. "It makes me wonder what else he was wrong about."

"Oh, lots and lots," said Roger, a conspiratorial smirk lifting the edge of his mouth. "That's the secret to living, after all. Everyone's absolutely wrong about everything in the entire world and there's nothing you can do about it except laugh." Then he turned and left the room. "Come on! We've got a lot to work on today."

The third day's training began in violence, as had all the others.

* * *

By some unspoken agreement Roger refused to say outright that Sasuke had shown himself worthy of the Pirate King's guardianship, and Sasuke never pressed him on the matter. Nevertheless, as the third day finally came to a close, they began to discuss the plans they would execute upon awakening, with Roger showing no signs of chafing at his requirement to protect his newest ward.

"I'm sorry to say this," said Sasuke, "-but if the two Hokages are allowed to run free then they'll kill us all. To keep me safe you're going to have to help Rayleigh. He can't fight this battle alone."

"Alone?" asked Roger. "And what will you and your friends be doing?"

Sasuke chuckled. "I've fought with you enough to be certain that we'd all die against any one of you fighting seriously. No, we'll just have to find some other way to busy ourselves."

Roger grinned. "Saving the goddamn world?"

Sasuke matched his huge grin with his own. "Hey, there's nothing better to do, right?"

"Well said!"

Sasuke turned to face the open sky. They had perhaps another half an hour remaining in the technique, but there was no better time to end it than now.

"Ready to find out how many limbs you've got left?"

"Sasuke, I've never been more ready in my life!"

Sasuke reached out with his chakra and tore the illusion to shreds. The village scene collapsed around them, gradually giving way to the stone and hallowed halls of the real world. Everything around them seemed to be frozen in time, locked away by the increased perception granted by the Tsukuyomi.

Then the world's time resumed its endless march and Rayleigh ripped Roger's other arm off.

"Bastard ape whoreson!" shouted the armless Roger, causing Rayleigh to recoil in surprise. "Rayleigh, did I or did I not _specifically_ tell you that I hated people trying to tear my limbs off?!"

Sasuke yelled at the top of his lungs to gather everyone's attention. "Rayleigh! Roger's spell is broken! He's on our side now!"

"W-what?!" exclaimed Rayleigh, eyes wide and without comprehension. At Sasuke's side, Naruto, Sakura, Hinata and Chopper seemed similarly confused. This made sense. For all of them only a second would have passed from the moment that the resurrected Pirate King was prepared to kill them all. Roger, for his part, continued swearing like the king of all sailors and hopping about uselessly in the stunned silence.

Then the Second Hokage appeared behind Rayleigh's shocked figure like a deathly phantom. Roger kicked off the ground and slammed his head straight into the attacker's chest, sending the ninja flying off to the far wall at high speed. The corpse-man landed nimbly on his feet, standing sideways on the stones as he fixed Roger with a dispassionate yet almost curious gaze. The First paused similarly in his mad dash towards combat, peering quizzically at their former ally with something that might have been confusion.

Roger laughed, his arms regenerating from ash as the dark magic of the resurrection recreated his flesh. "Don't just stand there with your damn mouth open, Rayleigh! You look like an idiot! Old age finally robbed you of your wits?"

Rayleigh barely even seemed to register the death he had narrowly avoided at the Second's hands. He shut his hanging jaw, then opened it once more. "...Roger…?"

Sasuke took just a moment to smile at the old man's confusion before slapping Naruto on the back, grabbing one of Roger's discarded cutlasses and pistols from the stones, and resuming his run for the doorway. As he did he shouted to his friends. "Everyone! Roger and Rayleigh will hold the two Hokage at bay! We're going to double back and run along the outside wall! We're continuing on to the inner temple as planned!"

"W-what?!" exclaimed Naruto, totally lost from the sudden double-whiplash of nearly being killed by resurrected superhumans and then suddenly being told they were safe again. Still, he grabbed the whimpering Chopper once more and started running after Sasuke towards the doorway. "Wait, why is Gold Roger helping us all of a sudden?!"

"What did you do to him?" asked Hinata. "I saw something strange happen in his chakra system for a second!"

Sakura joined in. "What about the _plan_?! How can we fight those three without Rayleigh's help?!"

Sasuke considered this for a second. A slight motion caught his eye and he snatched a small pouch out of the air that Roger tossed his way. Opening it revealed an assortment of bullets, and he smiled to see them. He tied the pouch to his belt and spun the cutlass around his fingers, then he responded to all of his comrades' questions at once.

"The Sharingan!" he said.

Regretfully, this answer was entirely sufficient.

After the five younger members had left the room, only the four titans were left behind. The First and Second Hokage stared across at their opponents, still seeming confused by their third member's sudden change in allegiance as Roger recovered his lost weapons. Rayleigh remained stunned.

"You're bleeding," observed Roger, and Rayleigh looked down to a thin red trickle slowly coating his arm. He shook his head in dismissal.

"Roger, what the hell's going on here? Is that really you in there?"

Roger grinned. "Let's find out." Another wave of power emanated from his body, the same power that Rayleigh had seen push legions of enemies into unconsciousness. It was unmistakable.

"That's… I haven't felt that in twenty years..." said Rayleigh. "You… it _is_ you...you look so _young_."

"You don't get to be surprised about that, you old coot. Where do you get off growing old on me anyway?"

"I was doing my damn _job_ , you son of a bitch! Roger, is this… this can't be permanent, can it?"

Roger chuckled. "Young Sasuke filled me in on the details. We've been hanging out together for the last three days courtesy of that bullshit eye of his. Kids these days, huh?" He stepped up and slapped his former first mate on the shoulder. "One way or another though, I'm not sticking around after this fight. Giants like us… and like those corpses in front of us… should step out of the playground when our time is up. All I'm here to do is make sure these things don't get in the way of those kids trying to save the world."

The two legendary ninjas lowered their stances and placed their hands together, and Roger picked up and adjusted his great red hat. "Old friend, you and I have one last battle to fight. Just let me take the lead so you don't break a hip or something."

" _Break a hip?! You-"_

The two dead ninjas disappeared, and the fight resumed in fire.

* * *

A/N: I hope everyone is having a lovely time of it! It's been almost exactly a year since I started posting this and I'd like to thank everyone who has read this far! If you get the chance sometime and some part of this story really made you laugh then feel free to leave me a review. I'm grateful for you all.


	66. Clash on the Big Bridge

**-Meanwhile-**

 **-Sabaody Archipelago-**

Though the Straw-Hats had long since escaped the island, Bartholomew Kuma watched the aftermath with desperate focus. Things had gone... wrong. First Moria, then the Straw-Hats, and then Fire-Fist Ace… all of them had acted in ways that boggled the mind, and all at the same time. The only people who had remained scrupulously absent during the entire encounter… were Akatsuki.

Akatsuki, who he had seen just last week invade Thriller Bark. Akatsuki, who had been the subject of an unprecedented number of emergency snail-calls in the last month. Akatsuki, who had almost certainly been the ones to kill Admiral Akainu.

Not that he was complaining about that last point. And he had no plans for outing their accomplishments to the World Government just because he had happened to witness what seemed to have been a perfectly-executed assassination.

But now Akatsuki had turned their eyes here, and he didn't know why. If anything, they had put even more effort into this operation than they had for their last one, and if the planned rewards were proportional to their effort then this was something the Revolutionary Army must be told about.

Not for the first time, Kuma considered that being a spy was incredibly difficult work, especially when you were a thirty-foot tall war-machine with spotted clothing.

He maneuvered through the devastated groves of the archipelago, monitoring everything around him with care as he approached the Marine command and control post. As stealthily as he could, he came within distance of his technologically enhanced hearing. It helped somewhat that the ten or so android Pacifista soldiers that had been deployed to the island looked exactly like him in every way.

Nearly half a mile away, an immense man with an equally immense broadaxe was making a ruckus, and he listened intently.

"You want us to do _what?!_ " exclaimed Sentoumaru, lead of the Government's Science Department and bodyguard of the genius Doctor Vegapunk. He was shouting into a snail with no small measure of disbelief. "But the Pacifistas are working perfectly! They've almost pinned down every single pirate on the island! Why are we pulling them away now?!"

There was a moment as Sentoumaru listened to the headset connected to the secure Den-Den Mushi in his hand. Theoretically, the installed listening device meant that someone could receive messages without having the snail shout out loud for the whole world to hear, though this wasn't very effective when the recipient chose to simply restate everything he was told at the top of his lungs.

"So what if old Admiral Aokiji's gone rogue?! He's practically the living definition of AWOL! What's he going to do in the next hour that means we can't clean up here first, huh?!"

Another moment of silence.

" _Classified?!_ Whaddayou mean, 'classified?' I'm head of the applied prototype division! I eat classified intelligence for breakfast! Look, I'm responsible for these Pacifistas, and I'm not sending them off the island if I don't know where we're going! Old man Vegapunk would kill me!"

The silence stretched on and on. When the man spoke again, his voice was low and threatening.

"Hey now… what the hell is this…? You want me to stay behind and send the Pacifistas up the Red Line _alone_?! Is this some kind of a joke?!"

Pause.

"Classified AGAIN?! Listen, I'll have you know that there's nobody out there that's better than keeping secrets than I am! Like that time we recorded that footage of when Garp accidentally sunk that battleship just outside Marineford! You know, that time when he got pissed at Central Intelligence and threw a fit?! I didn't tell a single soul about that!"

Another pause.

"No, I didn't just accidentally let that info leak, you idiot! I deliberately chose to tell you that just now! That was a favor! A _favor!_ Listen, I don't care what our orders are, I'm not allowed to give control of the Pacifistas over to anyone else unless you've got authorization from at least-"

A sudden interruption.

"Oh, wow, okay. All the way from the top, huh? Fine, see if I care. I won't be the one explaining this to Vegapunk, though. Send them on their secret mission. See if I care. Whatever. Sentoumaru out."

The call ended, and soon the Pacifista team leader sent out a command-and-control signal recalling all of the android units. Kuma felt the signal wash over him, uncomfortably aware that it wouldn't be all that much longer before his transformation would be completed, and he would begin obeying orders like that unquestioningly. Instead, he turned away and headed in the opposite direction, teleporting his body through high-speed Devil-Fruit-powered pushing.

He needed to hurry. Something big was happening, and his only clues were the Pacifistas.

The Pacifista program had not, in fact, been designed first and foremost to create powerful warriors. He'd seen enough of the design process to know that that had been a secondary concern. Long thought on the matter had led him to the conclusion that the primary objective of the program was to create a legion of soldiers that were perfectly loyal, and whose memories could be altered as required by the mission. The ultimate in independent superweapons that could never spill their masters' secrets. Not through betrayal, carelessness, or even drunken indiscretion. They had been designed from the ground up to defend the World Government's most vicious secrets.

In the end, that was why Kuma had volunteered his critical services as a guinea pig for developing the program. Whatever it was that the government wanted these soldiers for, it was clear that there was a secret that they were scared to death of coming to the surface, and so all of his effort had gone to the end of cultivating his persona as the perfect, self-sacrificing martyr to the world order. And now his usefulness as a prototype was rapidly reaching its end. Once the Pacifista Project had proved its worth, he himself would finally be 'decommissioned', and his martyrdom made official.

It didn't matter. Whatever it was, that forbidden secret was something that the Revolutionary Army absolutely needed to uncover, even if it meant Kuma had to die to obtain it. Was this sudden, off-the-books, Pacifista mission related to that secret? Was this just related to Akatsuki's unknown plan? At the moment, he had no way of knowing. But he did know that he would be long-dead before he got another shot at uncovering the truth.

So, it was time to gamble. It was now or never. Should he risk being uncovered as the Revolutionary spy that he was, all for a mission that might or might not even be related to what he was looking for?

He made his decision with disturbing speed.

He sent out a quick digital query and discovered a Pacifista android returning to the muster point from the eastern side of the island. Kuma departed to meet it at high-speed. He intersected with the returning Pacifista in the lawless area of Grove 17. None of the hooligans here had dared approach or interfere with the deadly creation, a fact that suited him just fine. At his approach, PX-7 sent a pulse of greeting, acknowledging Kuma as experimental unit PX-0 and accepting provisional orders from him just so long as they did not interfere with its primary objectives.

Looking at the thing was always disturbing. Officially, the reason that Doctor Vegapunk had made every single one of the Pacifistas identical in appearance to him was to allow the Government to disguise their prototype program tests as simply more unusual Shichibukai activity. Kuma had come to know the genius inventor well enough that he was sure that the _real_ reason was because Doctor Vegapunk was as odd as a fifty-two Belly bill.

Still, he was thankful. If it weren't for that resemblance, he wouldn't be able to do what he needed to do now.

There was no delay from the shock of betrayal as Kuma attacked. The machine switched smoothly into combat mode as Kuma thrust a palm forward, obliterating a section of its armored skull in a single strike and deftly removing the transponder held inside. The android reeled from the devastating blow, attempting to call for the help of its brethren with hardware that no longer existed. When this failed, its mouth began to glow with the telltale indication of its hull-shattering beam-cannon.

Kuma tapped the thing with one paw-printed hand and **pushed.** The Pacifista disappeared with a popping sound, gone as if it had never been there at all.

Kuma felt fairly certain that regardless of what he discovered here today, the Revolutionary Army would greatly appreciate the gift of one fully-functional Pacifista android delivered straight to his normal intelligence dead-drop on a far-off island. The thing would soar through the air for days until it landed safely at Monkey D. Dragon's Den.

A slight moment of guilt gripped him as he realized that perhaps he should have sent a warning of some sort _before_ teleporting an android superweapon onto their doorstep, but that feeling passed soon enough. They could handle it, and he had more important things to worry about.

A few minutes of savage self-modification later and he was ready. Kuma returned to the muster point to present himself to Sentoumaru.

"PX-7," growled the angry man. "You're late."

Kuma responded with a series of well-admonished chittering beeps.

"What's this? You've been hurt! Who the hell managed to do this?"

Some slightly more apologetic beeps.

"Whatever. We'll go over the footage later. Get in the lineup."

So disguised, the newly re-christened PX-7 entered the formation alongside his nine new siblings.

They would be ascending the Red Line at maximum speed, whereupon new orders would be made available. Then he would finally discover what was going on.

* * *

 **-Bridge of Soaring Clouds-**

Usopp skittered across the slick stones of the misty bridge, listening nervously to the sounds of swords clashing in the distance as he did so. The mist was thick enough to make him doubt his footing with every step, but he knew he had to hurry.

He had finally come up with a plan that was sure to win the day, and he was already halfway done with its preparations.

He gulped. Honestly, he wasn't used to the idea of having a plan he was confident would work. He didn't even want to think about it too hard, lest he jinx in the customary fashion. Besides, the hardest part of the plan was still ahead of him. Though his previously bulging backpack was now significantly lighter than it had been, his feet were gradually turning leaden. The reason was simple: before this point he had been running _away_ from the fighting, but now he was running _towards_ the fighting. The noise of battle was escalating as he approached, and from time to time surges of water buffeted his shins, threatening to send him toppling over. He was really getting close now.

A crash echoed out of the mist and he winced, ducking reflexively to the ground. Nothing else happened, and there were no other noises except for his quiet and solitary whimpering.

" _Usopp,"_ whispered Robin's mouth on his shoulder. " _You need to hurry."_

"I _know!_ " he hissed, directing a silent curse in Robin's direction, wherever she was hiding. "Hurrying won't get me anywhere if I get disemboweled before I get to the other side of the bridge!"

He reached blindly for where he thought one of the bridge's thick fence-posts would be and breathed a sigh of relief when he found it. Keep close to the wall and keep hidden. That's the ticket. He took a quick breather before scampering along the railing to the next hiding place. Every tenth post or so the builders had decided in their infinite wisdom to skip the safety railing for a few feet, which meant he was never quite sure when he would find himself skirting doom. This time, however, he was safe. When his heart quieted down he realized the sounds of battle had disappeared. He looked around in fear.

"What's going on? Where are they?"

" _I can't tell exactly,"_ said Robin. " _Every time I find Kisame I try to lure Zoro in his direction, and I think he's growing irritated with me. Kisame, that is. Though I think Zoro is finding me irksome as well. Either way, it's getting more and more difficult to sneak my creations near the fight. Kisame's sword disrupts them somehow and it almost feels as though it's getting more and more used to my presence."_

"He- he could be _anywhere?!_ " Usopp ducked behind a pole. "Oh man, oh man, oh man! Robin, I can't do this if you can't keep an eye on him!"

" _Yes, you can,"_ said Robin. " _This is a wide bridge and Kisame isn't focused on you. Just keep moving forward and you'll bypass both of them."_

He ducked his head and scurried on through the mist, hands grasping blindly until he reached the next pole.

"Yeah, says you! You get to stay hidden while I do the hard work! Can't you just fly me across like you did before?"

" _As a last resort, perhaps,"_ said Robin. " _The bridge is too long to do it in one go, and this Akatsuki fighter seems at least somewhat able to see through this mist. If he noticed me moving you then he might choose to come after you, or worse, destroy the limbs I was using to carry you."_

Usopp gulped nervously as he imagined the long, long drop below him. He scrambled to another pole. When he reached that one an idea struck him and he rummaged around in his much-lightened pack.

"Wait a sec, maybe I have something in here after all… Ah-hah!" He withdrew a set of large suction cups and elastic bands. "I've always wanted to try these. I can use these to sneak along the sides of the bridge and no one else will be the wiser."

" _...Why did you bring suction cups and rubber bands with you for this attack?"_

"I didn't 'bring them with me,'" grumbled Usopp, continuing onwards into the mist. "I just forgot to take them out of my pack from the last time."

" _...At what point have those ever proved useful at all to you?"_

"Well, they haven't _yet_ , but just you watch." He reached out and felt the wall beside him, noting its lack of easy egress. "Hmm… not here though… I'll have to go a bit further…"

There should be an open spot in the railings soon, if his memory served him right. He stuffed the suction cups into his pockets and scampered away, following the wooden guides while looking for an opportunity to exit it.

A frustrated roar that sounded like Zoro echoed in the distance, startling him slightly. Man, Zoro sounded _pissed._ Usopp dashed forward a little faster as he looked around in confusion only to bash his nose as he collided with the next post earlier than expected. Squeaking with surprised pain, he fell back on his rear.

"Ack! This damn fog! It's like trying to navigate through a goddamn marshmallow! Ugh, I think I cut myself on that thing..."

" _Usopp!"_

Usopp's blood froze when what he had thought was a pole reached down with one long arm and grabbed his leg, lifting him up off the ground and into the air. His vision slid up and up until he could see the fish-man's pale face grinning down at him, its sinister owner lounging against the railing. Usopp squawked in fear before trying to salvage the situation.

"Ummm… truce?" he asked, hope springing eternal.

Kisame's fist struck Usopp a hammerblow to the gut, expelling all the air in his lungs in a gasp of pain that was too quiet to be called a scream. The Akatsuki warrior dropped him to the cold stones in a heap, and the unfortunate sniper immediately began wriggling in agony.

" _Usopp! Usopp!"_ exclaimed Robin.

The man bent his knees and lowered himself to the ground, balancing on the balls of his feet as he smiled down at his prey with distinct malice. The scales on the sword at his back shivered, and the various hidden pieces of Robin decorating Usopp's body disappeared into puffs of blossoms until there was nothing of her remaining. He was all alone with a killer now.

"Sorry about this," said the man, watching the sniper's weapons and packs carefully with a practiced eye. "But you really don't belong in this fight, do you? I don't know what it is you've been running around doing, but that bitch is already being annoying enough as it is. She doesn't need any more help."

Usopp wheezed pathetically as the Akatsuki warrior seemed to consider his next words.

"Speaking of that… before I kill you, you wouldn't happen to know where that horrible arm-woman is hiding, would you? My sword here eats chakra from anything nearby, but it's been next to impossible to run any water clones with her disrupting them as soon as they leave my sight."

Kisame's hand blurred, grabbing his sword and sweeping it to the side, disintegrating a chain of grasping limbs that had been clawing out of the mist even though the blade never made contact. He smirked and returned the weapon to his back.

"The creepy bitch is really starting to annoy me, you see. Tell me anything you know and I'll make this quick for you."

A faint whimpering whisper emanated from the fallen lad. Kisame strained to hear, but had no success. Eventually he grabbed Usopp by his hair and pulled, lifting his head off the ground.

"What's that? You're going to have to speak up."

The murmuring grew slightly louder, though it was still still inaudible, so Kisame lifted the head a little higher. He looked down. There was an elastic band stretched taut between Usopp's fingers, and his eyes widened slightly for just a split-second. This turned out to be a mistake, since the rubber band snapped out and struck him dead in the eyeball.

 **[USOPP RUBBER BAND]**

Kisame shouted in pain, dropping his captive and clasping his sword just in time to see a second rubber band pull back and lock on to his one remaining good eye. He stepped backward and raised his free hand to block the incoming annoyance before it could completely blind him.

A second passed without incident as nothing happened. Usopp had abandoned the feint in favor of scrambling further away from the fight. Growling, Kisame recovered and swung his sword down like a great hammer that shattered stones and made the bridge itself shudder. It would surely have been fatal, but it did not make contact before a chain of linked arms snatched the sniper from certain death, dragging him away through the mist. Kisame clenched his jaw and dashed after the escapee.

Visibility in the mist was poor, even for him, but it was augmented somewhat by the fact that all of the supernatural water vapor was composed of his own chakra, letting him sense things that were near him as the result of a great deal of practice. Ahead of him, he could feel the mist move as Usopp staggered back to his feet, and Kisame leapt forward like a thrown dagger, cleaving the sniper in half with a single strike of Samehada. There was a tearing sound and a loud explosion of air.

He blinked in surprise, sight returning to his eye as he turned to inspect the corpse of his opponent. There, littering the ground, were the torn remains of an inflatable, Usopp-shaped decoy.

"Oh, that cheeky son of a bitch," he growled, dashing off after another noise in the mist. "Trying to pull the clone trick on a ninja, huh?" He brought his hands together, dispersing all of the fog in an area about forty feet around him just in time to see his long-nosed quarry get pulled violently over the edge of the bridge. The sniper disappeared from sight with a slithering squeak of terror.

Moments later, just as Kisame was contemplating the wisdom of going after the lad, the bloody form of Roronoa Zoro dashed into view, immediately attacking the fish-man with everything he had. Grunting, Kisame prepared for another round of skirmishing as he considered his options.

* * *

Usopp, meanwhile, was not finding his rescue very enjoyable. The very moment that Robin had pulled him over the edge of the bridge he had tried to scream in fear, an action that Robin had vetoed by slapping a hand over his mouth. This, compounded by the altitude and the recent gut punch he had taken was making it a bit difficult for him to breathe, but he didn't seem to have a choice in the matter. Robin continued ferrying him to his unknown destination without delay and entirely against his will. He was now traveling along the underside of the bridge being passed from one set of limbs to another like the water in a bucket chain, watching the mist stretch away underneath him, all the while knowing that that same mist was obscuring nothing except empty sky and horrible death by sharp, unyielding rocks.

Above, Kisame's voice was still audible. " _You evil bitch!"_ he shouted over the sounds of battle. " _I've had about enough of these games!"_

Robin's voice spoke quietly from beside him. " _Yes… I believe he's growing quite thoroughly upset."_

Usopp gulped. The guy sounded pretty angry. What had Robin been doing to him all this time to piss him off that badly?

There was no answer to his question, because he was unable to speak it. The hands continued to cart him upside-down on the underside of the bridge, his heart thundering as he was passed from limb to limb, each time wondering if this would be the time Robin accidentally dropped him into the abyss. Finally, after nearly two minutes of this treatment, he stopped. The mist was silent, and he looked about uncertainly.

" _Usopp,"_ said Robin, her voice coming from half a dozen places at once.

There was some other strange noise that he'd never heard before coming towards him. He looked up, or possibly down. Something upside-down and spider-like was crawling towards him in the mist. His eyes went wide when it came into view.

Quintuple-jointed legs bristled with fingers that clutched at each other in a twisting mass of flesh, shifting in unnatural ways as he watched. It was a nightmare made real, creeping forward in fits and starts as it carefully maneuvered itself in a dance that should not have been allowed to exist. Hands and arms sprouted from the stones as anchors as the creature advanced, a golem built from spare limbs. It took step after horrible step, and all the while Usopp was held in place against the stones, mouth gagged. His heart pounded alarm drums in his chest as the flesh-beast approached within a few feet of him, and then part of the creature's 'front' unfolded before his terrified eyes to reveal Robin's inverted face looking at his with distinct concern. Then, with a rustling noise, her face rotated smoothly around inside the spider-cocoon until it perfectly matched his orientation.

"Usopp, what's wrong?" she asked. "Did he hurt you somewhere?"

His eyes rolled up into his skull and he blacked out.

He awoke a few seconds later being shaken into consciousness by the spider-horror, took another look, and then blacked out again. The third time Robin seemed to get the message, and turned him around to face the wall as she retreated back into the mist. This only barely helped him.

"I have seen t-things that were not meant to be s-seen," gibbered Usopp. "The horrors of oblivion beyond the ken of mortal man..."

" _I'm sorry about that,"_ she said, speaking once again from a summoned mouth. " _But I do think you're overreacting."_

"The darkness comes for me," moaned Usopp. "It rests in my nightmares from now until forever!"

" _You do understand I'll have to silence you if you keep this up, correct? As you can see, I've been hiding down here. That will only last as long as it takes for our opponent to search the underside of the bridge, which is why I wanted to avoid bringing you underneath as long as possible."_

Usopp nodded shakily, still getting his bearings as he focused on the boring stones of the bridge's underside. Anything at all besides the horror he now knew was lurking just out of sight. Robin was, as always, the most terrifying of the Straw-Hats, but he'd never felt it so keenly as he did now.

" _I believe he's close to figuring me out, though. As soon as he manages to elude Zoro again he'll come down here to kill us, which means we need to be elsewhere."_

Usopp took a deep breath. He wasn't certain, but it was entirely possible that he'd never been more frightened in his life. But this, in the end, was his element. Though he would never admit it openly, he did his best work when terrified for his life. Maybe… just maybe… there was a way to use this horror for good.

"N-no," he stuttered. "We've still got our t-trump card, and we don't need to give that up. What you need to do is lie to him. S-so here's what you need to do…"

* * *

Up above, Kisame cursed as he felt his newest water clone explode. Zoro screamed in anger somewhere in the distance, not having noticed the exact moment when Kisame switched out, but it didn't matter. The Akatsuki killer wanted nothing to do with a swordfight until that meddling arm-witch had been dealt with permanently.

He grinned, though there was a bit too much tooth in it for it to be pleasant to look at. Honestly, hunting her down might turn out to be even more fun than killing Roronoa Zoro. Anyone who managed to be a wanted high-value bounty for twenty years wouldn't be easy to deal with no matter who you were. It was just too bad that there was so little information on her. Even her bounty poster showed a young girl of no more than ten years of age rather than her current mature beauty.

"Where are you…" he muttered, reviewing his encounters so far in his head. Most Devil Fruit users he'd seen would have had problems projecting their power over extreme range, and she seemed no different, which means she was likely to be close. But, he'd sensed no other movement in the mist during his fights, and he'd moved quite some distance as things had dragged on. She wasn't just hiding, then. She was _well-hidden._ There was a difference.

And, come to think of it, there were really very few options for being well-hidden on this bridge if you didn't have a ninja's skillset. One place in particular came to mind…

His thoughts were interrupted by a feminine laugh that chimed from nearby. Moments later it was duplicated in several other places all around him. The discordant noises were deeply disquieting, and if she was capable of synchronizing their speech then she wasn't trying very hard.

"Something funny?" he asked of the mist. "You don't have much time left, Nico Robin. I suggest you use it well."

" _Time? Me? Why would you say that?"_ asked the disturbing woman, feigning an artful surprise.

Slowly, Kisame walked to the nearest opening in the bridge's safety walls. He could feel the wind whistling around him, though it didn't disturb the enchanted fog in the slightest.

"I'm out of patience, Nico Robin. You've made this much harder than it had to be, and it's time for that to end."

" _Oh?"_ she tittered. " _Upset about my interference? I do so sincerely apologize."_

"Hmph," said Kisame, smirking as he stood at the edge of the foggy abyss. "As a ninja I'm the last person who gets to complain about a fair fight. But all that doesn't matter. Your real body's underneath this bridge, isn't it?"

There was silence for a moment.

"I thought so. Unfortunately for you, your green-haired friend won't be able to follow me underneath." His shark-toothed grin intensified. "That means there won't be anything to stop me from making your death slow."

There were a few choked sounds from mist behind him, and his smirk turned into a grin. It was always a good idea to knock your opponents off-balance before engaging them. That went double when dealing with a woman like Nico Robin, who would be all too easy to underestimate in a fight. If he didn't stay on his toes, literally in this case, then she could easily rip him off the underside of the bridge and toss him into the unforgiving sky in a single instant of distraction. Best to treat her with the caution she deserved, and that meant throwing her off-balance before she could throw him off-bridge.

His grin twisted somewhat when the choked sounds from the mist resolved into gentle laughter.

" _Oh, how_ cute _!"_ exclaimed the woman's many mouths. " _Of course, of course. I keep forgetting how_ new _you people are to the way things work out here. You're still thinking you can kill me, aren't you?"_

His eyes narrowed as the woman's creepy laughter echoed all around him. "Anything can be killed, and I've taken on a lot worse than you, lady."

She laughed. " _Oh, of course you have. You're quite the frightening killer, after all. And normally I'd be happy to let you give it your best shot, but this game of hide-and-seek is growing irksome for both of us. Continue avoiding Zoro all you like, but it's not going to help you stop me."_

"Oh?" he said, inching closer to the edge. "I think it's been working out for me well enough so far."

" _Has it? Has it really? Look, Mister… Hmm, I'm sorry, I've quite forgotten your last name, but it doesn't really matter. Haven't you ever heard of the properties of a Logia-type Devil Fruit?"_

His eyes narrowed, but he said nothing.

" _The owner of one such fruit dissolves their entire form, becoming their Fruit's power in entirety, body and soul. Though I can't say I'm much of a fighter myself, I've never had to be. My Devil-Fruit is one of the strongest out there, and I have no body for you to attack unless I want to."_

The fish-man waited for a moment before a chuckle burst forth from him. "No body to attack, huh? I know about how annoying Logia fruits can be, true enough, but I also know just how rare they are. Claiming you are one when you really aren't would be quite the convenient little lie… now wouldn't it?"

" _By all means,"_ said Robin, " _-feel free to test your hypothesis, my good man. But by now you don't really have a choice in the matter, do you? Though your vaunted… 'sword'-"_ a pair of limbs appeared beside him to provide the finger-quotes before a swift swipe of Samehada obliterated them. " _-has kept you safe so far, you've wandered unawares into the depths of my flower-garden, and I do so_ love _to entertain bold strangers…"_

Kisame's grin ticked upwards a notch. The lady certainly knew how to spin a story. "Good to know we're on the same page, then. We'll see where you're really hiding when I pull back the veil a bit."

He joined his hands together in a seal, chakra exploding from his body as he pushed back the mist technique for hundreds of feet all around him. Below him, the wooden supports of the bridge stretched downward, and he prepared to step off into vertigo. He froze when he saw what was now visible.

There were limbs blossoming from the stones every several feet in all directions around him. They covered the entire surface of the bridge, sometimes extending several arms high into the air to get different views of things. They seemed even thicker below. Adorning each and every one were eyes, ears, and mouths, twisting and wriggling on the end of their unearthly human stalks. Abruptly, a snapping noise echoed through the area as every single one of the arm-sensors reorientated to face him, thousands of eyes locking onto his position as they blinked in their unceasing watch. Breath hissed in or out from ten thousand mouths in ten thousand rhythms, and a low, discordant hum filled the air.

 _Oh… I see you now..._

Kisame paused for a moment with both hands still held in the seal that had pulled back the mist. He looked blankly around at the sighing garden of observant flesh for several seconds and then shrugged.

"You know what?" he said. "...Fuck that."

Then, with another pulse of chakra, the mist pulled back in, obscuring everything once more and hiding him from sight. Kisame took a deep breath and then let it out again.

"Lady," he proclaimed to the mist. "I killed my entire graduating class, drowned families because I was told to, and even slept in the same room as _Orochimaru,_ so please understand the full meaning of what I'm saying when I tell you you're _creeping me out."_

A faint skittering noise in the darkness was the only response.

"Yeah," agreed Kisame. "No offense, but I'm pretty glad you turned down our recruitment offer."

It was fifteen seconds of disturbing silence before a blast of wind cut through the solid mist like a theatre curtain being split by a knife. Roronoa Zoro stepped once more into the scene, three swords at the ready and looking for all the world as though he wished to take vengeance upon the universe itself by brutally murdering the very next person he saw, no matter who it was. Dark green ribbons of clawing wind lashed out from his body. He locked eyes with Kisame, who immediately sighed with something that might have been relief.

"Yeah," said Kisame, nodding resolutely. "Tell you what. I'm going to fight you instead of her."

"Finally someone's talking some sense here," growled Zoro.

* * *

The minutes passed as Zoro and Kisame began to fight for real. Robin watched over her friends, straining every ounce of her focus to do so. In truth, she was exhausted. Never before had she pushed the limits of her power to such an extent, and the real fight was barely even starting.

Not for the first time, she breathed a silent sigh of relief that Kisame hadn't immediately called her bluff. While her power seemed quite willing, almost eager, to coordinate the movement of many thousands of her limbs at a single time, it was clearly balking when it came to managing a similarly comprehensive sensor suite. Even now, though the thousand viewpoints and audio feeds trickling into her mind were dampened by the thick mist, she still felt overwhelmed to the point that she was basically just responding to any odd feeling in the mass and then narrowing down her focus from there. Making matters worse was that as Kisame began to fight seriously, the radius that his sword was draining from increased, leaving her no options to observe things at close-range. Like this she could only catch scraps of the fight.

A grinding crash of steel on scale. A blast of wind revealing a man with three heads and nine swords. A splash of blood on the stones. Then, nothing for a time, until she began to grow fearful of Zoro's defeat. A column of wind three meters wide blew the side off part of the bridge, and battle resumed.

She sighed in relief, though she had to remove even more of her limbs from the battleground. Zoro's fighting capability had exploded upwards in the last several minutes, but he had grown correspondingly indiscriminate with his wide area attacks. Regardless, she couldn't help him anymore. Instead, she changed her focus to where Usopp had finished his sprint down the bridge and had reached entrance to the great temple. Finally, they could put Usopp's plan into action.

Robin was well aware that her more idealistic friends would speak here of the need to trust in Zoro, but the concept of trust still meant something slightly different to her than it did to the others. Luffy, she was sure, would trust Zoro to win this fight no matter what. Most of the crew would agree with him, even Sanji, though she knew the cook could never admit it. She had a rather different perspective on things. She _trusted_ him to go beyond his limits and fight an unwinnable challenge even if it killed him, but she also knew that Zoro would fight this battle alone. And though he was fighting with all of his monstrous strength and skill, she didn't believe he would win alone.

When fighting this battle, the Akatsuki murderer drew upon his superior fish-man strength, his legendary sword, and what was probably an extra decade of brutal combat-experience to form an opponent that seemed to have no weaknesses. Every swipe of that sword stole from Zoro's vitality, even if it missed. Every hit made him bleed more surely than two similar strikes from a smooth blade. Kisame was, if anything, even more specialized for superior longevity in the face of a battle of attrition than Zoro was, which was saying something.

So no, she didn't trust Zoro to win alone. That's why he had friends to help him, even if his pride meant that they had to do it from the shadows. But together she trusted the Straw-Hats to defeat any opponent. _That_ is what that trust meant to her. And so, if their opponent was impossible to beat in a fight, then they wouldn't fight him at all.

They'd simply blow the bridge out from underneath the two fighters and save only Zoro when he fell.

Several of the Straw-Hats seemed to have some respect for the idea of a fair fight, but neither she nor Usopp were one of them. She smiled cheerfully at the thought as Usopp began to plant the last of the explosive charges at the other end of the bridge, mirroring the set he had positioned at the opposite side at the beginning of the fight. Slowly, her web of walking flesh began to carry her towards safety.

As she did so, she returned her focus over to Usopp's end, where he was clinging to the stones with his odd suction cups as he fiddled items from his pack into place at one of the critical support structures.

" _Usopp,"_ she said, startling him slightly. " _How do you plan to detonate the charges at the other end when you're done here?"_

He looked momentarily sheepish. "Err, well, you're going to have to help with that, because in all the excitement I kind of forgot to leave what we needed over there."

" _I see. Will any source of fire do the trick?"_

He shook his head. "Nope, 'fraid not. See this material here?" he asked, pointing to a rough blob of some clay-like substance sticking to the bridge. "I got inspired by some of that asshole bomber's weapons back from when we fought him and found out all about _this_ lovely stuff. Good explosive material, but it needs more than fire to set it off. In order to do its job it needs a short, sharp shock, like from an explosion or a jolt of lightning. Then Kaboom! But boy is it a _big_ kaboom!""

He held up an odd device that looked like a fat metal tuning fork plastered with wires and one of the paper charms the two ninjas sometimes worked with. She couldn't help but notice that he kept the device far away from the explosives he was working with.

"This here is the Usopp Remote-Detonator, and I only really had time to make up one of them so we have to make it count . You stick both ends in the bomb, roll out the wire, and then press the button when you're behind something sturdy and far away. You won't have that problem, but be careful nonetheless."

She reached out and carefully took the detonator from him, then began passing it from arm to arm down the length of the bridge. " _I can carry this to the other side. You can detonate this side without the detonator?"_

Usopp nodded, patting his ammo pouch with one hand. "Yep. An explosion in just the right place will do the job, too. Get that detonator over there and be ready for the signal."

That crucial exchange managed, they resumed their work, with Robin focusing mostly on the swift and careful passage of the detonator from one hand to the next, each handoff a rhythmic beat in a chain thousands of links long. Above her, the fight between Zoro and Kisame raged on with increasing intensity.

Half a minute into her work, the bridge shuddered, and for a moment she thought that one of the explosives had detonated early. But no, a quick check confirmed that both sets were still intact. She cast her sight around and her eyes in the sky quickly discovered the cause. Zoro and Kisame were visible again.

The two men clashed on the bridge at the center of a whirling green vortex of wind that had cut away the mist for hundreds of feet in every direction. For a moment, the fish-man and the three-headed demon stood apart, facing each other with grim determination, and then the winds exploded once more. When the chaos cleared, the two warriors had switched positions.

Zoro staggered in place, blood dripping from dozens of wounds. The winds stopped for just a moment, and then he sheathed his swords.

Kisame saw, or perhaps felt, the true attacks coming. Invisible blades of wind slashed at him in quick succession, and he twirled in place, blocking almost everything with his living weapon. Scales shredded off the blade, but it endured. When the last attack struck, Kisame had suffered only light damage.

Looking at them clearly, her worst fears were confirmed. Zoro was a mess. He was bleeding from every part of his body, skin shredded brutally by the fish-man's shark-skin sword. He panted, struggling for a breath that seemed to elude him, an exhaustion like none she had ever seen on him before filling his movement. Finally, with no warning at all, whatever vitality has kept him going failed and he collapsed to one knee, the three heads and six arms fading away like a daydream.

Kisame saw this and smiled, shouldering his great weapon. The man's shark-sword was more wounded than he was, scales torn and ripped from the fierce melee, but the weapon shivered with what seemed like pleasure. It had drank deep today. Kisame's own body was peppered with a collection of mostly superficial wounds here and there, robes cut open and dyed with dark blood, but the victor was clear.

Zoro had lost this fight.

" _Usopp!"_ exclaimed Robin, speaking to the sniper finishing his work on the bridge. " _Zoro has lost! Hurry! It has to happen now!"_

Off in the distance, Usopp began scrambling up the side of the bridge to get away from his prepared explosives. The detonator she was carrying was only halfway across the bridge at this point, but they'd have to start early. Robin returned her attention to the two swordsmen, summoning chains of limbs to try and delay the inevitable.

To her shock, all of her summoned constructs disappeared the moment they came within twenty feet of either of them. On Kisame's shoulder, Samehada continued quivering with barely-restrained pleasure.

"You gave me a hell of a show," acknowledged Kisame, ignoring Robin's futile attempt at a rescue. "What a world of difference this was between just now and what you showed me down at the archipelago. You're like a completely different fighter. I'd ask you again what the hell that three-headed technique of yours was, but I guess by now I know better than to expect a useful answer out of you. A pity. You have added something to the world of swordsmanship that may never be reproduced."

He shifted his own weapon again, staring across at Zoro with something far different from the disdain he had shown at the beginning of the fight.

"I'm sure it won't mean much coming from me," said Kisame. "-but I witnessed your skill. For a moment, you reached true greatness. But it's over now. There were too many years between us. You have lost, Roronoa Zoro."

Robin cast about her for options. Perhaps with a large enough set of hands she could hurl a chunk of rubble that would-

Back at the fight, Zoro chuckled, drawing his weapons again though the motions caused him visible pain. "I haven't lost yet. It's not over until I've dropped my swords."

Kisame grinned, raising Samehada for a killing strike. "Well said."

An explosion rocked the bridge, the noise oddly dampened by the pervasive mist. An instant later the ground shook, and she felt it through all of her summoned limbs. For one horrible moment she nearly let the detonator slip out of her hands, but she managed to regain control just in time to resume her ferrying chain.

Above, Kisame and Zoro looked stunned, caught unawares in the moment when death had seemed certain. The fish-man looked around in confusion and then disappeared into the mist at high speed, leaving Zoro on his own. Several seconds passed before a voice called out.

 **[SUITON: KIRIGAKURE NO JUTSU - KAI]**

The mist disappeared between one second and the next, revealing everything on the bridge as it was finally exposed to sunlight again. The artful wooden siding and railings had been ripped to pieces all across its length, and long furrows had been cut in the stone here and there. Also revealed at the same moment were a mess of clones, more so than she had seen any ninja use except for Naruto. Each one moved with its own purpose, eyes scanning the terrain as they spread out over the suddenly-unstable bridge. Abruptly, a swarm of them disappeared over the sides.

She realized what was happening with a sinking sensation. Kisame had switched his target, and she wasn't yet clear of the combat zone. At least a dozen reached the underside of the bridge at the same moment and saw her barreling away towards safety. Robin's eyes widened deep inside her flesh-armor just in time for the nearest ones to place their hands together and begin forming seals.

Quickly, she began blossoming arms and attacking the clones with savage ferocity. Though each one of them possessed a copy of Samehada, she didn't feel the same draining aura that the real one possessed, which meant they were fair game and her life depended on her stopping them now when they were at their most vulnerable. She ripped and tore, dragging the clones from their perch on the stones and hurling them off into the open sky. She wove back and forth as her spider-armor clawed its way out from underneath the bridge and up the side, dodging sudden and stone-shattering blasts of water as she moved.

She reached the top of the bridge and dispersed her armor, landing lightly on the stones as she prepared for battle. She looked for other copies of the water ninja and found several heading her way, though a quick scan revealed that none of them possessed Samehada's telltale energy drain aura, letting her breathe a sigh of relief. Clones she could handle, but the real Kisame could quickly deal her serious harm.

A check of the detonator's position showed her it was nearly three-quarters of the way to the end. Perhaps another two minutes and it would be in position. Once she blew the bridge she would win, so she just had to hold off against the powerful ninja until then.

Setting about her grim work, she began attacking the clones en masse. Each of them would disappear into blobs of water when they were harmed, so she immediately spawned arms and legs from their bodies, seeking to trip them up and lock their movements at the same time. Unlike the ones below, these clones had the leverage to fight for real, and they reacted with inhuman swiftness to her every attempt at attack or incapacitation, sometimes assisting each other by destroying a problematic limb before it could deal a fatal blow.

Nevertheless, the clones disappeared one after another as they raced towards her. Six, then five, then four, then three, then two… The last surviving clone was just thirty feet away when one of her summoned hands punched it in the kidney.

She realized the truth of what had happened the very moment it was finally too late to fix things. The real Kisame had discarded his sword and disguised himself as a clone. He shrugged off the rather weak strike and closed the final few feet between them in an instant, grasping her throat and lifting her off the ground.

"Agh!" she choked out, as Kisame raised her until she came face-to-face with the far larger man.

"Well, well, well," he said, beady eyes boring into hers from inches away. "If it isn't the storyteller in the flesh. Good to see you still alive. How convenient."

She looked around, desperate for something to help her regain the advantage, but Kisame's grip tightened until she felt her throat creak.

"Careful, Nico Robin. No games now. Try anything and you die immediately. I'm just holding you hostage until I'm sure your friends won't finish what they started with the bridge." He chuckled. "Oh, I can see it on your face. You thought you really had me, didn't you. The really funny part of this is that you seem to think nobody's tried dropping a bridge out from underneath me before."

His grip loosened just enough to let her take in a gasping breath of air. "Heh…" she choked out. "You really expect me… to know every little detail… of how you ninjas try to kill each other?"

Kisame smiled. Robin had just come to the realization that the attack on her real body had seriously distracted her from guarding the detonator when her distant limbs exploded. The last thing that her eyes in the area saw was one of Kisame's clones bringing the real Samehada down in a contemptuous swipe, and then the detonator disappeared into the open sky as it slipped from her fingers. Back at her real body, her eyes widened in horror, and Kisame saw the moment of her loss. He smiled, and squeezed just a little harder.

"No, you horrible, horrible woman. I expect you to die. And it sounds to me like your time is up."

Lacking any ability to respond, she shifted her focus over to where Usopp was waiting for the second explosion, a nervous expression on his face _. "Usopp,"_ she said, focusing on her final words. " _He stopped me from using the detonator. I'm sorry. Tell everyone that… I loved all of you. You were the family I never had."_

She didn't hear Usopp's response. Back at her real body, Kisame chuckled. "Goodbye, Nico Robin. If I see you in hell, I'm going to pretend I don't know you."

His grip tightened further around her throat, and then a blade of slicing wind impacted his arm like a throwing axe. Blood sprayed from the wound, and Kisame shouted in pain, dropping her to the stones in a coughing and gasping heap. The fish-man whirled to face the swaying figure of Zoro in the distance.

"You son of a bitch!" cursed Kisame, clutching the surprisingly shallow wound. "You just don't know when you're beaten!"

Despite looking as though he was barely remaining conscious, Zoro managed a weak grin. "I told you… our fight wasn't over… until you made me drop my swords…"

"That's a problem I can fix right now!" yelled Kisame.

Suddenly, Robin flicked her sight sideways, though she didn't immediately realize why. Far off in the distance one of her last remaining sets of eyes saw Usopp raise his slingstaff, take careful aim, and fire. She saw the pellet fly true, rocking up and down through the shifting air-currents. It darted downrange, finally reaching her location…

...and then passed them by. Kisame saw her head track the shot and then heard the whistling of its passage through the air. He watched it go with a blank expression. It seemed to be heading straight towards the other end of the bridge. The end where the explosives were still deployed.

"No…" said Kisame, watching the shot in confusion. "That's almost half a mile… Nobody could make a shot like that without…"

He glanced towards Robin and Zoro. Whatever he saw in their faces spurred him into action like the gunshot that starts the race.

Kisame spun towards the temple and started running full out.

Robin turned to Zoro. "Quick! To me!"

Extending her awareness, she began summoning limbs as quickly as she could. She strung arms out from herself, grabbed onto Zoro, and jumped off the bridge.

Then Usopp's shot hit its target. The other end of the bridge exploded. The noise crashed out through the air far louder than when the mist had been dampening it before. The stones at the center rumbled, twisted, and then began to collapse.

Robin swung rapidly through the air, chaining her swings one after another like a trapeze artist as she flew towards safety. As she and Zoro approached the temple, they passed Kisame sprinting at high-speed in a desperate yet futile attempt to outrun the stones as they fell out from underneath him. Finally, she and Zoro landed upon the platform before the temple's entrance, setting down next to Usopp who was crowing with victorious glee.

"YEAH!" shouted Usopp, sticking a finger in the running man's direction. "Eat it, sharky! Best damn sniper in the world?! This guy! Usopp the Great wins again! Let's see you ninja your way outta _this,_ asshole!"

Perhaps two-hundred feet in the distance Kisame roared in anger as the bridge fell away beneath his feet. Then something unusual happened. His feet stuck to a falling rock like glue until he kicked downward with all of his strength, pushing the rock down as if it had been shot from a cannon and sending him flying just a little bit further up into the air. Screaming with effort, Kisame used all four limbs in a similar manner, kicking and hurling the rocks underneath him with everything he had as he clawed his way closer and closer.

"HOLY CRAP!" screamed Usopp. "STOP IT! STOP NINJA-ING YOUR WAY OUTTA THIS! WE'RE IMPRESSED ALREADY! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP IT!"

Stunned almost into inaction, the Straw-Hats nonetheless prepared to attack the rampaging fish-man from range, but it turned out not to be necessary. Barely fifty feet from safety, Kisame finally fell, screaming, into the abyss.

They watched him dwindle away into the clouds below, panting from the adrenaline of the fight. Slowly, they shared a look.

Then Zoro fell over, unconscious.

* * *

 **-Inner Sanctum Group-**

Naruto, Sakura, and Hinata all had a great many very important questions for Sasuke after his enigmatic yet confident proclamation, but it all had to be put on hold. After running back out of the horrifying and increasingly fatal tag-team match between no less than four legend-class combatants, they found an accessible window and escaped to the outside of the temple, running sideways on the wall through the cold winds as if they were born to it.

Chopper, however, had not been born to it. In his opinion, running along the outside of a building when you were five kilometers above the clouds was something never to be done under any circumstances, saving the world included, and he expressed his displeasure by screaming at the top of his lungs as Naruto struggled to keep him still. The boy only quieted down once they had bypassed the ambush site completely and reentered the temple further down the path. This part of the temple corridors was lit by dim candles, illuminating the doors that had likely once housed the monks of this order. Hinata kept them on track. There was nothing for them off the beaten-path, so they moved onward. As the young reindeer recovered from his harrowing ordeal, the others finally had a chance to grill Sasuke about his thoughts.

"Okay, so what happened back there?" asked Sakura. "-and I don't want you to brush me off or say anything vague and unhelpful. We need to know that we're not running straight to our doom."

"Yeah," agreed Naruto. "-and what the hell did you do to Gold Roger?! Seriously, I'm freaking out here!"

Sasuke considered his words for just a second. "Well, long story short, Itachi had a jutsu buried inside the Tsukuyomi set to activate when I saw Roger. Itachi broke the spell controlling him, and I spent the last three days training under the Pirate King."

"Holy crap!" shouted Naruto.

"Wha-?!" exclaimed Sakura.

Hinata merely looked confused. "Itachi was… your brother, right? Somehow he _knew_ you were going to meet Gold Roger…?! Even though he died before we could even leave the island?! How could he possibly guess that?!"

"Uhh, not exactly," said Sasuke, suddenly aware he had spent far less time associating with the young Hyuuga woman than he might have in the recent weeks. "I think he had a lot of ideas that _might_ have happened, and this was coincidentally the first one that triggered. Anyway, he was a huge dick about it, but it doesn't really matter anymore because that was a one-time-only trick. I can't rely on his help ever again, and I don't want it either."

Naruto and Sakura blinked in surprise. It was an odd statement from their friend who had only ever had good words to say about his elder brother. Surprising all of them, Chopper stopped whimpering long enough to ask a question. "D-do you mean that was really the _real_ Gold Roger? It wasn't just a fake zombie?"

"Yep," confirmed Sasuke. "One-hundred percent the real deal. And before you ask I think it would be a _really_ bad idea to get him and Luffy together in the same place. But enough about all that. Because of Roger's training I'm a hell of a lot stronger than I was just a few minutes ago, but we still need a plan if we're going to get through this alive."

Sakura winced. "I thought you said you had a plan already."

"I have some ideas and the confidence that we have what we need to win this, but… okay, let me put it this way. We need to all agree on the _same_ plan if we want to win. First, I need to get some information. Naruto, how confident are you that Tobi will hold back if he's up against you?"

Naruto shrugged. "Dunno. The more I think of it the more I think he really is as weird as he seems, but I dunno for certain if he'll keep acting that way if everything's on the line. Pretty sure he won't go all out at least for a little while, I guess. You want me to try and keep him occupied?"

"You got it, man. Can you and your toads handle him?"

Naruto considered that carefully for a few moments as the hallway went on and on. Finally, he said, "I think so. I mean, I need to know if that whole goofy shtick he put on was just an act or the real thing, you know? I guess I'll find out pretty quickly one way or the other when we start fighting for real."

Sakura, Chopper, and Hinata looked deeply worried by this proclamation, but Sasuke just nodded. "Alright. You got this. But I have just one question for you, Naruto."

"Yeah," said Naruto, not really making it sound like a question at all.

"Are you going to kill Tobi if you have the chance?"

Naruto was silent for a moment longer. "...I dunno."

"You don't know?" asked Sakura. "Is there even a question here? I thought the idea was that this guy was going to kill _himself_ if we didn't do it first. He dies either way! The only difference is whether or not he summons a big bad from the past before it happens."

"Maybe," said Sasuke. "Maybe not. But hold on. I want to hear what Naruto has to say about it."

Time passed in silence before Hinata murmured Naruto's name. He started speaking a few seconds later.

"Yeah, I know the deal, alright? He's a killer, and what he's planning now sounds like it'll turn out even worse than anything he's done so far. And I'm still super angry with him. I know he probably deserves anything I can hit him with and more for what he did to me… and Konoha… and lots of other people besides. But when I think about it…"

"What's there to think about?" asked Sakura, glancing sideways at Sasuke in confusion when he failed to step in. "It wasn't just your parents- do you know how many people died when the Kyuubi went berserk that night? It was a lot!"

"I know, alright? I know!"

Chopper piped up. "You said Tobi said he was sorry about that, right? Do you think he really meant it?"

"It doesn't matter if he _said_ he was sorry," interrupted Sakura, alternating her glare between Naruto and Sasuke as the Uchiha continued to remain unexpectedly silent. "-or even if he really meant it or not! He's _still_ doing all this stuff that's getting people killed! No matter what morality system you subscribe to you still have to actually stop what you're doing before you can expect people to forgive you for doing it!"

Hinata reached out and touched his shoulder. " _Do_ you actually forgive him for it, Naruto?"

"No! Hell no!" exclaimed Naruto. "I don't forgive him for one little bit of it! That's not what this is about! But I feel like I might understand _why_ he did it, and that's making it all…"

"Yeah?" asked Sasuke, staring sidelong at Naruto as they continued their sprint down the hallways. "Continue. I want to know why you think he doesn't deserve your revenge."

"This isn't about him or whether he deserves it or not," insisted Naruto. "It's about _me_. I dunno how to put it, but if having terrible shit done to me as a kid means I have to hate him and kill him and be happy about doing it, then I just don't get the point, you know? I can't figure out why I'd wanna do all that. I mean, I wanna be the Hokage someday! A hero! What the hell kind of hero goes and kills a dumb dude who buys you drinks and dinner, helps you with your problems, and then calls you his only real friend and means it? More _importantly,_ what kind of hero kills him and then says 'yeah, I'm really glad I did that'? I dunno what kind of person I'd become after doing something like that, but I don't think I'd like that Naruto very much."

He sighed, mussing his own hair in frustration as the others listened. "I mean, I'll do what I have to if it looks like it's between that and losing everything here, but I don't wanna think I'll enjoy it. I don't think revenge was made for guys like Tobi."

There was silence for a time, with no sounds besides the air running past their ears and their feet hitting the stones. Eventually, Sasuke chuckled. "I don't think I could make that choice if I were in your shoes, but I guess that's why you're you, isn't it, dork?"

Sakura looked at him with an odd expression. "Sasuke…"

"Don't get me wrong," he said, hardness returning to his expression. "Danzou won't get that kind of mercy from me. I may not be as cold as my brother, but I won't shed one damn tear if that bastard dies in pain today."

There was a moment of silence, but Sasuke detected no disagreement from his friends.

The corridor ended, opening up into a dark room flickering with hundreds of candles set upon a multi-tiered stone pagoda. Behind the immense, glowing structure a massive door could be seen in the distance.

"Wait," interrupted Hinata, white eyes pulsing with chakra. "There it is. I think they must have left the door to the inner chambers slightly ajar, and I can finally see around whatever was blocking my sight."

"What's the deal in there?" asked Naruto.

"Is Ace okay?!" exclaimed Chopper.

The others listened intently. Eventually she nodded. "Ace seems physically fine. No obvious injuries or signs of poison. But, he looks… weaker than he used to, and all of his chakra is flowing into the tree. Looks like we were right about that ritual after all."

Chopper looked ecstatic, but Sasuke was quick to push for more information. He asked questions quickly, as if he had been preparing them for days, which, in fact, he had been. It was swiftly determined that there was a second non-human sacrifice besides Ace that was filled with lightning chakra. Both of the sacrifices had already been drained to a fraction of what was probably their original strength and suppressed with seastone. As for their guards, Orochimaru was using some special jutsu to hurry the chakra transfer along, Tobi was sticking close to the Divine Fruit, and Danzou was watching the door. They had clearly been warned and were expecting a fight.

"So, surprise is out," mused Sakura. "Still think we have a chance here? We'll have to get through Danzou first."

Sasuke scowled. "I can take on Danzou alone. With everything I learned from training under Roger I feel like I can finally challenge him on equal footing. I might not be able to kill him, but I can at least keep him occupied for long enough for all of you to get what we came for."

"...Okay," said Sakura, though she sounded skeptical. "But Tobi's _right by the fruit._ No offense to Naruto here, but even if he's keeping their leader busy, if the rest of us go after that fruit then Orochimaru and Tobi will probably both stop whatever they're doing and tear us into messy little pieces."

"That's why we don't go for the fruit," insisted Sasuke. "They'll be expecting us to try and steal it once it's ready, but they shouldn't expect us to go for Ace first."

Hinata was the next to speak up. "Okay, so... that is something I've been wondering about. It sounds to me as though nobody can decide whether or not we're trying to save Luffy's brother or trying to get the Fruit before Akatsuki or the World Government can get it."

"She's right," said Sakura. "I hate to say it, but those two things might be mutually exclusive. If we save Ace then we stop the ritual, which means sooner or later the World Government is going to get that fruit for themselves. In other words, we lose."

Naruto looked sick. "Shit... so our choices are save Ace or save the world? That's not good at all."

"What?!" shouted Chopper. "No! That's not right! We can't let Ace die! Luffy's trusting us to save him! There's gotta be a way to do both!"

"I don't see one," said Sakura, brow furrowed with intense thought. "But if that fruit is left to ripen naturally then that's game over no matter what we do. And we can't get access to it unless we let them finish what they're doing to Ace."

"There has to be a way!" insisted Chopper. "If Luffy were here then he'd save Ace and save the world!"

"Yeah, well Luffy _isn't_ here," said Sakura. "He got gut-punched back into the stone age by the First Hokage, and I'm telling you that I can't find a way to make this work! For that matter, without the power of that fruit, Akatsuki will probably kill all of us! As much as it sucks, we _know_ the decision we have to make here… and if Luffy can't make the right choice then-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" screamed Chopper, exploding from Naruto's grip as he transformed into his massive brute-form. Naruto suffered a total and complete loss of coordination from the instant transition between holding a tiny fuzzy kid and grappling with an eight foot tall reindeer-man, causing the both of them to topple to the floor in a heap. The rest of them stopped running, turning to face their two fallen friends with concern.

Chopper was the first one to struggle to his feet, an anguished grimace on his face. "Don't you dare say he wouldn't make the right choice! There's a way to do both and he'd find it! _That's_ the right choice, so shut up about it already!"

Sakura, for her part, looked increasingly uncomfortable arguing with the emotional boy. "Chopper, I get that you believe in him, and maybe Luffy _would_ be able to come up with some magical solution to this problem, but it's just us here now." She frowned, and tried another tactic. "Listen, you're a doctor. Hell, when it comes to the fundamentals you might be a better 'doctor' than I'll ever be. Surely I shouldn't have to tell you that sometimes you have to cut off an arm to save a patient."

"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?!" roared Chopper, tears beginning to soak his fur. "Of course I do! But my dream is to become a doctor that can fix anything, and how the heck am I supposed to do that if I just let my friend's brother die because it was a bit easier?!"

"Easier?! Show me how the alternative is possible at all before calling this 'easier!'"

"Of course it's possible! Anything's possible! I've seen medicine that can cure an entire country all at once! And I've seen Luffy do even bigger things than that! You think that what we need to do here is really obvious, but that's only 'cause you're thinking like a ninja instead of like a pirate!"

She boggled. "But- but I _am_ a ninja! Of course I'm thinking like one! And for that matter, the only 'pirates' out here that think like that are you people!" She turned to look around her. "Sasuke, back me up here!"

She froze. Sasuke was smiling. Smiling softly, as if he was remembering something that made him genuinely happy, rather than one of his normal smug smirks. She raised an eyebrow in surprise. "...Sasuke?"

"Luffy _isn't_ here," he said in response. "You're right... But I think I know what he'd say if he were." He glanced from face to face, each of his friends watching him in their own way. "He'd say that there's no point to thinking up some clever trick to save both Ace and the world at the same time. So we don't even bother. First we save Ace. Then, if the World Government wants to take the fruit in a few years time, we come right back here and make them regret it."

He spread his arms in front of him, his smile becoming a little more straightforward than it had been. "He'd say 'if we wanna do both then we just gotta do both.' That's all there is to it."

Naruto started guffawing. Chopper started bawling. Hinata stared wide-eyed.

Sakura's jaw dropped. "Holy hell... This idiocy _is_ contagious! I _knew_ it. When the hell did you become like these bozos?"

His grin progressed to shit-eating. "Let's just say that as of yesterday I'm in training as a pirate-ninja, and leave it at that."

"Dude, that's awesome," laughed Naruto. "Pirate-ninja? That's dumb enough to be something I'd say!"

"So you're fine with risking the fate of the world on this?" asked Sakura, looking more resigned to the decision than anything else.

"Don't get me wrong," said Sasuke. "I think our chances of getting this done the easy way are a little bit better than they might appear. I've had days to think about this, after all. See, this whole energy transfer thing looks like a gradual process, which tells me something very important. Clearly, Akatsuki decided that a single sacrifice wasn't enough power for them, so they grabbed two. But what are the odds that two was _exactly_ the right amount of chakra to get the job done?"

Hinata spoke. "You think that they captured more chakra than they need?"

"I am, in fact, pretty sure that they did. Now, I'm just... 'thinking like a ninja' here," he said, tossing a meaningful glance towards Sakura, "-but there's no way they would jump straight into this plan of theirs unless they were _sure_ they had more energy than they needed. I sure as hell wouldn't if it was my plan. And if I'm wrong and they didn't get enough energy to make the fruit ripen, then we never had a chance of stealing it anyway so we might as well go for broke."

"So, if we grab Ace..." began Naruto.

"Then there's at least a chance that they'll still have enough oomph left to finish the transfer with the other sacrifice. And if Ace is still in good health, then we have a path to victory." He clenched his fist in front of him. "Everything I've heard says he's the equivalent of an S-rank ninja all on his own. Even weakened, Ace might still be stronger than we are. We get Ace free and our chances of victory go up dramatically. Sakura, Hinata, Chopper, that means that while Orochimaru is distracted by his work you three should ignore the fruit and go after Ace. While that happens, Naruto and I will keep Danzou and Tobi busy. If either of you two fine doctors can get Ace free and back on his feet then we can still do this."

"I'm in," said Naruto.

Chopper fiercely nodded his agreement, and Hinata followed suit.

Sakura massaged her forehead for a while, lost in thought. Finally, she looked up. "Yeah, we've got a shot. I don't like the fact that we're splitting our forces so much, but hell, I never wanted to live forever anyway."

She turned to focus on Sasuke. "And Sasuke… for what it's worth… I don't dislike this new you. This ocean might be driving you crazy, but…" She tossed a rueful grin his way. "-at least I know you're in good company. Just don't go overboard fighting Danzou, okay? At the end of this fight I'd much rather have you alive than have him dead."

"Yeah…" said Sasuke. "You know what? Me too."

Five brave men and women, some more bold than others, readied themselves for the battle that might determine the fate of the world. When the moment came, they burst through the door at full combat readiness, taking in the ridiculously huge room inside the inner sanctum that hugged the trunk of the tree itself.

The first thing that grabbed their attention was a brilliant object that could only be the Divine Fruit at the very center of the room. It hung low from a branch that could be reached by climbing to the top of a high platform that was styled more like a grand altar than anything else, with wide stone steps that ascended nearly fifty feet into the air. The Fruit itself was a glowing ball perhaps half the size of one's head. It pulsed with energy, but it's true form was obscured by a thick skin that shone like shimmering steel.

The second thing they noticed were the guards. Standing before them like a watchdog, Danzou glared at them in supreme irritation. Tobi turned from his position atop the altar far off in the distance, though his mask made it difficult to tell how he felt about the matter. Orochimaru was lurking near a mess of arcane-looking equipment and seals near the tree's trunk, where his two captives were bound. One of the two was a mess of tangled black strings that occasionally sparked with electricity. The other was Ace, his limp body propped up against the trunk. Ace looked up in a stunned torpor as they entered the room.

"Alright, guys," said Naruto. "Everybody ready? We're probably gonna die here, but we're gonna be big damn heroes doing it."

"Ready," said Sakura. "The fate of the world's at stake, even if it is a lot weirder than I'd ever imagined it."

"I'm ready," said Sasuke, locking eyes with Danzou and then smirking as the man began studiously avoiding eye-contact. "Chopper, don't forget to try opening that fruit if you get a chance."

"I can try," said Chopper, "-but no promises."

"Hinata?" asked Naruto. "You ready?"

"I'll do my best," said Hinata. "Everyone's depending on us. We've got to make this count."

Naruto grinned. "Alright. We're going in on three. One… Two… Thr-"

There was a pulse of power from some unidentifiable location, and then time stopped. The Divine Fruit glowed with a warm energy in their sight, and then everything went black.


	67. Heart-to-Heart

Sasuke awoke in a dark void. There was nothing at all around him.

"Oh, _screw this,"_ he cursed, scowling as he spun around and took in the false dreamscape. "Not this shit again."

He was startled as Naruto spoke up from next to him. "A-again?!" asked the bewildered ninja. "Whaddayou mean 'again?!' And what the hell are you doing here?!"

Sasuke turned in shock. Naruto was now clearly visible beside him, looking at him with what was probably equal surprise. "Wha-? What am _I_ doing here?! What the hell are _you_ doing here?! How did you get inside the Sharingan?!"

"The Sharingan?! No way, man, I didn't even look at you! This is in with the Kyuubi, isn't it?"

"The Kyuubi? N-no! This can't be related to the Kyuubi if I'm here with you, can it? I didn't even try to link up with you or anything!"

"Well I don't know, man!" exclaimed Naruto, nervousness mounting. "He's a big scary demon, alright? What if he had some way to pull me inside and it got you too because you'd been in here before?!"

"No way! I don't care how powerful that demon is, there are limits to the kind of bullshit it can-"

 **Watch your tongues, fools.**

"GAAH!" shouted Naruto, as Sasuke stifled his own scream.

Slowly, they turned around. Behind them was nothing but impenetrable blackness. A moment passed, and Sasuke snapped his fingers, producing a small flame on the tip of his thumb that illuminated an orange muzzle and malignant eye gazing down upon them from barely forty feet away. There were no protective seals or bars between them. Another horrible, heart-stopping moment of terror passed and then the demon huffed a hot breath that extinguished the flame and plunged them all back into darkness.

Both of them gulped.

"Well," said Sasuke, oddly calm. "This had better not be real, or else we're dead. It's as simple as that."

Naruto was still staring back into the darkness with wide eyes. "What... the hell is going on here?"

A voice called out from the darkness, gruff, male, and starkly different from the demon's. "I shall tell you _exactly_ what is happening, do not fear. However, first, allow me to tell you just how very happy I am to see that you all made it this far. And just in time as well."

They looked to the side. An old man in white robes had joined them in the darkness, clearly visible despite the dim light. The man had alabaster skin, pure-white hair, and small horns protruding from his forehead. He looked at Naruto and Sasuke with no small measure of affection, and in his eyes were the concentric circles of the Rinnegan.

Sasuke and Naruto looked at the man... and then back at each other.

Naruto spoke first. "So, who is this guy?"

"Wha-?" asked Sasuke. "You think I know him?"

"This is a Sharingan thing, right? I mean, I've only got a crazy fox in my head, not any old weirdos with magic eyeballs, so this one's gotta be you."

"No! No, it's not a Sharingan thing, alright?!"

"You sure, man?"

"Yes!"

Naruto looked back to the old man. "Okay, so who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing here? What the hell are _we_ doing here? In fact, where the hell _is_ here, anyway?!"

When the man spoke again his words were precise and didactic, though he seemed somewhat dubious at being addressed in such a manner. "I… am Hagoromo. I am the one that you might know as the Sage of Six Paths. And I am very glad to see you all. Naruto... Sasuke... Kurama..."

Naruto boggled. "Sage of- but you- but we-"

He paused.

"...Kurama?" asked Sasuke.

There was a moment of silence before the two young men turned slowly around. Behind them, the menacing bulk of Kurama glimmered in the dark as his lips curled upward to reveal shining fangs.

 **You… I admit… I had not expected to see you again, Teacher…**

"Again?!" asked Naruto. "Holy shit, it really is the Sage!"

"Yes," agreed Hagoromo. "It is. I have put a great deal of effort into preparing for your prophesied arrival at the Divine Tree, and you have arrived with barely minutes to spare. Now that you are here, I-"

"Wait," interrupted Sasuke, holding up a hand. "Before you start with the cryptic proclamations, how about you explain where we are and what we're actually doing here?"

Hagoromo gave Sasuke an exasperated look, very much like a parent debating whether or not to chastise a child for misbehaving. Sasuke's irritation ticked upwards another notch as the sage began to speak.

"I was just about to explain that, and I would request that you remain civil. Though the precise answer to those questions is a little bit technical, suffice it to say that we are in a realm of souls, from which I have chiseled out a small place for us to have this meeting. And do not worry. While we are here, no time will pass in the outside world."

As Sasuke and Naruto watched him, the man gestured behind himself. "As for the why of it... I have been waiting for most of a millennium for you three to reach the Divine Tree."

In the infinite darkness a glowing light appeared that was at first too brilliant to look upon. As their eyes adjusted, it resolved into the image of a round fruit, glowing brightly inside a protective shell that was just beginning to open. Naruto and Sasuke gazed upon the fruit with no small amount of awe, but it was Kurama's reaction that shocked them more. After a moment of silence the fox let out a rumbling noise very different from his normal growls. His eyes were wide and focused, taking in the fruit's majestic light with something like reverence.

 **It… feels like…** _ **home.**_

Hagoromo nodded. "That does not surprise me. What you see there is as close as you might get to your mother's womb, if that were a concept that were relevant to you. Nevertheless, I am glad to be able to show it to you now."

The sage turned to the boys next, leaving Kurama to watch the fruit in amazement. "For that matter, I am also wonderfully pleased that you two are here together. I was afraid I would have to explain the situation to both of you separately, but it appears my fears were unfounded." He smiled. "It might have taken many centuries, but you were finally able to make amends. I'm proud of both of you."

Sasuke and Naruto shared another look. They got the feeling they would be doing that a lot in the near future. Naruto looked like he was worried about the old guy's mental health, and Sasuke simply looked annoyed in general. Sasuke broke first.

"What's the big deal about us showing up here together?" he asked.

"Why, the two of you are here together because your souls are connected! Your hearts have become... _intertwined_ in a deep and meaningful way."

Almost unconsciously, the two young men took an uncomfortable step away from each other.

"Oh, don't be like that," chastised the older man. "I swear some people get so _odd_ about that kind of thing. Trust me when I say that this is a very _good_ bond for two brothers to share."

"Uhh, what?" asked Naruto. "Sorry, I'm totally lost. Brothers? Centuries? What?"

"Wait," said Sasuke. "Before that, why is the… uh… 'Kurama' here? My heart isn't connected to his as well, is it?"

The sage gave him an exasperated look. "He's here because I called him here. Not everything in the world has to be about you, you know. Now, if you would stop so rudely interrupting everyone perhaps I can actually start explaining matters?"

Sasuke's mouth opened and shut without comment as Naruto snickered at his misfortune.

"I must admit," continued the Sage, pacing back and forth, "-after more than nine centuries of existence as a ghost I have no chakra left to influence events, and no real gifts to give the two of you, but I so very much desired to hang on until I could witness the moment you two fulfilled this prophecy. Perhaps even offer a few words of my wisdom, if I would be so bold. Even if you are both a bit more... _scruffy_ than I had expected, it was worth every moment of the wait. Why, to think my sons would have reconciled so thoroughly! It brings me no small measure of happiness."

The old man's eyes were slightly damp, a fact which made the both of them deeply uncomfortable.

"Sons?" asked Naruto. "Dude, I hate to tell you this but you're clearly going senile. We're not whoever you think we are."

"No, I am definitely correct in this matter," stated the sage, sweeping his hand once again to form out of the darkness a picture of two unfamiliar young men. "Nearly one thousand years ago I had two sons who seemed destined to contend in vicious strife no matter what I did. So strong was their destiny of conflict that they reincarnated again and again, each generation reliving the struggle that had defined them. But... _you_ two turned out to be special… you have broken that violent fate, a feat for which I am deeply thankful. And you have even brought me my old friend, Kurama, though he looks rather more cranky for the experience."

The demon rumbled softly in the darkness.

 **The centuries have not been pleasant for me, you understand.**

"I know. I knew that it would be this way, and I am so sorry." The alabaster man nodded his head to indicate Naruto, who was staring at them like a dead fish. "Rest assured that your troubles should be mostly over. This young man here is the one prophesied to save you from your long imprisonment."

Naruto blinked. "Uhhhh…. I am?"

 **Teacher, he does not exactly inspire confidence.**

"I admit that I expected a slightly different presentation from my son, yes," said Hagoromo, scratching thoughtfully at the base of one of his horns. "A bit more... respectable, perhaps…"

"You thought Naruto would be _respectable_?" asked Sasuke. "Clearly you haven't watched us at all."

"I… mostly ran out of chakra about two centuries ago," admitted the sage. "I decided to go into hibernation until it was time for the main event, so to speak."

"So you waited until _now_ to speak to us? How did you even know we'd both make it here alive?"

"Yeah," agreed Naruto. "Assuming I believe all this stuff, shouldn't you have been telling us important things earlier if you wanted to make sure we didn't bite the dust before getting here?"

Hagoromo looked dumbfounded. "Did you not hear me say the word 'prophecy' again and again? Of course you'd make it here alive! You'd hardly die to something as unimportant as random thugs and leave the prophecy unfulfilled!"

"We… uhh… some people said that prophecy didn't actually work that way…?"

The sage huffed. "Well, it sounds as though those people don't even understand basic divination. What's the point of prophecy at all if it could be undone so easily? You might as well call it a wild guess!"

Naruto and Sasuke shared a confused look.

"Oh, come on," said Hagoromo, his obvious frustration mounting. "Why is there such uncertainty from you two? All of this should have been clear as day! You read all about this on the Poneglyph I left for you!"

"The- the Pone-what?" asked Naruto, having avoided most matters of those odd stones entirely. "Those big message-boulder things?"

The sage rolled his eyes, a feat that looked very odd with the Rinnegan. "Yes! You know, the stone I left for you that told you when the Fruit would be ripening, and how to get to the Divine Tree, and…" Suddenly Hagoromo's eyes went wide with shock. "Goodness _gracious_ , what has happened to your Rinnegan?!"

The sage was looking in Sasuke's direction. The young man reflexively turned to look behind himself, as though the question might have been addressed to someone else in the background, though he was quite certain there was literally no way this could be the case. He turned back around, bewildered. If anything, the sage looked even more bewildered than he did.

"I… uhhh… I don't have one?" asked Sasuke, still uncertain as to why the question had been addressed to him.

"Well, why not?!"

"I'm… sorry?"

"You should be!"

"Was I supposed to steal a pair for myself or something? I wasn't aware there were some special optical guidelines for saving the world..."

The sage winced and waved his hands in apology before turning around and starting to speak to himself as he paced back and forth. "No, no, no, whatever is happening here? None of this makes sense! This is _all_ wrong! How did they even read the Poneglyph without the Rinnegan?!"

Naruto, meanwhile, had transitioned away from confusion into a state of irritation. "Dude, you've got like thirty seconds to start making some sense before I start beating the crap outta you, sage or not."

 **Silence, brat. Show some respect.**

The words spilled out of the darkness filled with sullen menace, and Sasuke could see the moment when Naruto considered plunging onward regardless of the demon's threat. The sage ignored all this completely, so Sasuke turned to interrupt his friend.

"Wait, Naruto, didn't Rayleigh talk about a Poneglyph on our island? The one that Tobi found?"

That got the sage's attention. "Tobi? Who would that be?"

"Well, he, uh... he's the one who _actually_ _has_ the Rinnegan, for starters."

The sage stared him down. "Look, I'm sorry to ask this, but are you _absolutely sure_ you're who I'm looking for? I mean, I know you two are incarnations of my sons, but if it's this Tobi fellow that gained the Rinnegan, passed my tests, and found the Poneglyph, then…"

There was a moment of awkward silence as the sage looked uncertainly in their direction. The two of them stared back, not sure how to answer the question. It would have been easy to say this conversation wasn't going the way that Naruto and Sasuke had expected it, except that they hadn't expected it at all.

"Passed your tests?" asked Naruto, completely lost again. "I don't think Tobi could pass a test with a cheat sheet, man. He's kind of dumb."

The sage seemed quite worked up now. "No, no, no! In order to gain access to the Poneglyph I set several tests in place to judge the character of the prophesied ones! Courage, Wisdom, Strength, and at the end you would come to understand the true meaning of friendship and brotherhood! I planned it all out so you two would make amends! And it worked! You two being here together is proof of that!"

He looked at Naruto and Sasuke with something like desperation in his eyes, but if he wanted reassurance then they were clearly fresh out.

"I don't think Tobi did any of that," said Naruto, scratching his head in confusion. "He didn't even know the meaning of friendship at all until I told him about it a few weeks ago. I'm serious. He thought friendship was some weird sort of truce people who wanted to kill each other had sometimes. He definitely didn't mention any tests either."

Sasuke nodded. "We heard about the stone, though we never saw it ourselves. A different guy, Gold Roger, went through a couple decades ago and passed the tests with his friend, but he didn't have the Rinnegan either. He read the thing by listening to… voices in his head or something, I dunno, it wasn't very clear. Besides, Tobi is just kind of a dumb murderer, not some saviour of the world. I'm thinking that Tobi either snuck in and peeked at the stone afterward or he just skipped all that stuff some other way."

" _He skipped my tests?!"_ exclaimed the sage. " _That scurrilous jackass!_ Is he out there right now?! Tell him he should be ashamed of himself!"

"He took the Rinnegan from some other dead guy who had it, and now he wants to bring that same guy back to life and give him his eyes back," elaborated Sasuke.

"That _fraud_ of a toad!" shouted Hagoromo, apoplectic with rage. "What the hell kind of prophecy is this?! Misplaced destiny, Rinnegan hot-potato, and no meaning of friendship at the end of it all?! I want to wring his warty little neck!"

"As for the prophecy," continued Sasuke, relentlessly crushing this man's dreams with meticulous glee. "-Naruto here is definitely the guy the toads say is the real deal, but they don't seem to have a clue what to do about all of it either. I don't know what else you want from us."

The sage seemed to actually notice them again, rather than just angrily reacting to whatever they were saying. "Why aren't you two older?"

The two boys blinked.

"Don't give me that look," ordered the sage, glaring at the flabbergasted expression on Naruto's face. "You're too young! The prophecy strongly implied that your experience and wisdom would lead you through the greatest challenges you-"

He stopped mid-sentence because Sasuke had burst into open laughter. Even Naruto looked dubious.

"Why are you laughing?!" cried the sage. "This isn't funny!"

"Experience and wisdom?!" exclaimed Sasuke. "Naruto?! He's just a dumb goofball!"

"You _both_ look like 'dumb goofballs' from where I'm standing!"

"Hey, I'm plenty wise, man!" argued Naruto. "Don't count me out!"

"Alright, hold on," said Sasuke, still chuckling. "So, why do you keep talking about me like I'm a part of this? Naruto's the 'Child of the Prophecy,' or whatever."

The sage's sigh was explosive. "No, not 'child!' 'Children!' Children of the prophecy! Both of you together! I was _sure_ of it! Didn't they talk to you?! Was nobody paying any attention at all?!"

"That is _not_ what the toads said," insisted Sasuke.

"That senile old wart-gathering swamp-gas huffer! What was he _thinking?!"_

"Wait," said Naruto. "They also said this prophecy guy or whatever would be taught by Jiraiya, and he's _my_ teacher, not Sasuke's."

Suddenly the sage looked uncertain. There was a moment of silence, during which a monumental sigh could be heard from behind them.

 **All of you are** _ **colossal**_ **fools.**

"Er," began Hagoromo, staunchly ignoring the massive demon. "...Look, I've been dead for nearly a thousand years. I don't remember anything about a 'Jiraiya,' but it's a little bit late for me to go back and check my notes. I think there was something in there about, 'they shall come with the aid of the thunder, bearing its power and flame in their hearts…'"

"...and 'Young Thunder' is one possible reading of 'Jiraiya'..." mused Sasuke. "Even if you call his teaching of Naruto passing the will of fire into his heart… that's still a pretty tenuous connection. And it also doesn't change the fact that he wasn't my teacher."

The sage looked stricken.

Sasuke coughed. "I mean… I guess Jiraiya taught me a _little_ bit when we were on Water-7, but that was just-"

"Make up your minds!" shouted Hagoromo.

"Alright, look," said Sasuke, shaking his head. "Let's start over. What are we actually doing here? We were just about to charge in to save the world or whatever and we get pulled into this… place. I've already spent three days inside the Sharingan _just_ _today_ , so honestly the end of the world is starting to seem less and less _immediate_ to me. It's starting to get _boring_. How long are we going to be in here? Should we start putting up curtains, or what?"

Hagoromo looked at him suspiciously. "You... make it sound as though there's some kind of emergency going on…?"

Naruto groaned and stabbed a finger in the direction of the glowing fruit. "Oh, for the love of- _Listen_! Tobi is _right now,_ as we speak, making this dumbass fruit ripen, and we're the only ones here to stop him! If we don't take the damn thing for ourselves then he's going to kill himself to bring some nasty freak from the past back to life and the world is gonna be in really bad shape! Not that it even matters because we're way outgunned and we're probably just gonna die without accomplishing anything anyway! That sound like an emergency to you, old fart?!"

The sage grabbed his forehead in both hands and massaged furiously. "Oh, no... I was worried about this. I wondered why the prophecy said it was so important that you both come here. You _can't_ take the Fruit for yourselves. That would be terrible."

"Terrible?" asked Sasuke.

Hagoromo nodded. "Look."

Abruptly, the darkness shifted around them into a diorama of the entire world. A blue planet of oceans and islands, with the occasional small continent here and there. The world was sectioned off into two hemispheres by an immense, perfectly straight mountain range. Immediately, Sasuke was struck with a single overpowering thought.

"This isn't natural," he said, looking at a world that disobeyed everything he knew about geology. "No way does an entire planet arrange itself this way naturally."

"Correct," said Hagoromo. "My mother, Kaguya, rearranged the world at the height of her power in an attempt to keep the many kingdoms from going to war. Much later I tried to undo some of her worst excesses, but I didn't have the same control of her strength."

"Yeah, we heard the story," said Sasuke.

Naruto nodded. "Is it true you had a super crush on a mermaid? Was she your wife or something? How does that even work?"

The sage smiled softly, but with pained eyes. "I'm afraid the mermaid princess perished during the assault. She was a wonderful woman, and her loss was sorely felt, especially by the merfolk. It was several decades before Poseidon's gift returned to her people, during which time they were stamped down to but a remnant of their former strength."

"Yikes, sorry man."

"Ancient history," said Hagoromo, waving a hand to dispel the memories. "I like to believe that her spirit lives on in her descendants… Nevertheless, this is not what I wanted to speak about, though I am curious about how you knew about that story if you didn't even read any Poneglyphs. The point is that the unbelievable power of the fruit can affect the planet on a massive scale, and that is because of one simple fact."

As he spoke, a gentle glow suffused the image of the massive globe, pulsating in tune with the rhythm of the Divine Fruit still visible in the darkness.

"Living things, as well as many natural forces, all produce and rely upon chakra. But that energy of life and growth does not spring forth from nothing. Though all life produces chakra, the chakra that produces life comes from the Divine Tree itself, or, perhaps more accurately, from the sun."

"The sun?" asked Naruto. "The sun is _alive_?"

Hagoromo shook his head. "No. Or, at least, I don't think so. That is what makes the Divine Tree so special. Just as a normal tree takes in sunlight for energy, the Divine Tree takes in the sunlight to produce the pure energy of life. Over a thousand years it produces a fruit that contains all the energy it has gathered, at which point it returns it to the ocean. This not only invigorates and refreshes the life-energy of the planet, but also creates life from nothing. The Devil Fruits are what happen as a side effect of this process; intelligences of pure life-force that are connected to the vast pool of the world's energies."

As Sasuke and Naruto processed this, the darkness rumbled from behind them.

 **And what of me?**

Hagoromo nodded. The image of the globe disappeared, leaving behind a shifting and swirling vortex of glowing golden energy. Gradually, tiny bumps began to appear on the surface of the vortex, each one gaining an almost animal-like form, but still remaining anchored to its surface.

"These are the Devil Fruits," said Hagoromo. "Each one of them is a more or less intelligent being that is connected to the limitless energy of the world but seeks union with a mortal. Humans are most appealing to them, though animals are often acceptable as well. They live vicariously through those they possess, but will always return to the great well of the earth's energy when their host dies. They are far more strongly connected to the planet than to their host, you see."

A gesture from the old man, and a massive clump of energy split off from the glowing fruit, becoming a smaller sphere that floated above the planet's surface, completely separate from the rest of it. Slowly, its color changed until it had become blood red.

"When the Divine Fruit was consumed by my mother, that energy never had a chance to connect with the planet's well. That energy is you, Kurama. You and your brothers and sisters. Souls combined with a nearly limitless energy that exist completely separated from the rest of the planet. Now, being separate means that unlike the others _you_ can assume a physical form on your own. It also means that…"

A massive, furry claw extended out from the darkness and encircled the crimson ball of energy, clutching it and pulling it away from the rest until it rested in his paw like a jewel.

 **It also means that I can be endlessly imprisoned by humans seeking to abuse my power each and every time I am reborn from a painful death.**

Hagoromo sighed. "Yes, that is indeed correct. Though a Devil Fruit will stay with its host for the duration of their lifetime, they can choose not to rejoin the world if it does not suit them. Though, as I have been led to understand by the several I have talked to, the overwhelming majority of those demons find their existences to be quite enjoyable. That is the true problem here. As a spiritual creature that is not connected to the planet you are very vulnerable to being sealed and coerced. You have no freedom, and are condemned to a hell you can never escape."

"Geez, that sucks ass," remarked Naruto. The demon clenched his claws, popping the ball of energy as he whirled upon Naruto.

 **What right have you to complain of this?! You and your kin have trapped me in this manner for ages untold!**

"Wha-? Look, man, I didn't want this either alright? I was just a baby when this happened! I'm trying to see it from your side here!"

 **Always the same with you people! Hundreds of years of being passed from person to person, and hundreds of years of excuses! Your lives flicker out in an eyeblink, leaving me as an inheritance to the next miserable creature who will assuredly come prepared with another fresh excuse!**

"Kurama!" snapped the sage. "Control yourself!"

Kurama roared, turning to all three of them as they covered their ears and recoiled from the blast of sound.

"Kurama!" shouted Hagoromo, barely audible at all inside the vortex of noise. "All of this ends here! If there's any truth to the prophecy at all, then _this_ is the boy that breaks the cycle!"

 **And with** _**what?!**_ **He is no legendary warrior and he is** _**certainly**_ **no great wit! The only thing he has is power! MY power!**

" _Shut! Up!"_ screamed Naruto. "I am so goddamn sick and tired of being tossed back and forth like destiny's plaything, alright?! So both of you quit telling me what I'm supposed to be doing already!"

 **You see?! The brat has no interest in-**

"SHUT UP!" shouted Naruto once more. "That means you too, man!"

The demon growled and roared, which Naruto responded to by screaming as loudly as he could straight into Kurama's face. To everyone's surprise, this actually seemed to cause the demon to pause, looking down at the young man as if he had gone completely mad.

"Enough of this shit!" yelled Naruto, turning to jab a finger in the sage's direction. "Every goddamn time I hear about this prophecy it's to tell me that I'm probably some super amazing guy who's gonna make all the right decisions like it wasn't ever even in doubt! I don't know what the hell I'm doing, alright?! And clearly you don't know either, or else you'd just _tell_ me what's what and stop being such a vague dick about it!"

"Well, I mean, I-" started Hagoromo, before Naruto interrupted him by switching his attention to the fox.

"And every time _you_ start talking you make me out like I'm one of the worst people you've ever met in your whole life! Like I'm just sitting around spending all of my time coming up with excuses to screw you over so I can take your power! Haven't you even been _watching_ me in my life?! I _hated_ being like this! Having you shoved inside me killed my parents! If I could undo this whole thing right now then I'd do it! Nobody deserves to be enslaved like that! Not me, and not you either!"

 **It costs you very little to say-**

"NO! I'm not goddamn finished yet! You want me to put up or shut up, huh?! Well _fine!_ Sage-man! You know all about this sealing crap, right?! Do your thing and get Kurama outta me and into the earth for real! Right here, right now!"

"...Naruto, I-"

"What the hell are you waiting for?! My written permission or something?! _Do it!"_

The sage was silent for a moment. Uncharacteristically, Kurama went silent as well. Sasuke simply watched from the sidelines, stunned by his best friend's sudden outburst. Moments passed, and just as Naruto started to growl in frustration he noticed tears slipping down Hagoromo's wrinkled face.

"Naruto…" said the sage. "I loved Kurama and the others as if they were my own children… I had hoped that the world might treat them more kindly than it has, but even when I was alive I knew that it was only that. A forlorn hope. I knew that they could be taken by strife and misery before even a century had passed."

The sage looked up, his tear-soaked gaze meeting Naruto's burning eyes. "Do you think I wouldn't have set them free in an instant if I had been capable of it? I prayed to the heavens for that power, but that wish was never granted. His chakra is far too much like a human's after spending so long as part of my mother. For that matter, permanently removing a being like Kurama from your body would be fatal for you, no matter how we did it."

"Wha-?" asked Naruto. "But if you can't do it… then how the hell am I supposed to…"

 **You never were supposed to do anything. The prophecy is a sham. All of this is just useless blathering.**

"Kurama," said the sage. "Be mindful of the boy's heart. Surely you can see the honest wish that desires to set things right. He's not like the others."

 **No, perhaps not, but his hopes and dreams help me little.**

The sage nodded. "No, but I assure you that there _is_ a way to reach a good outcome here, because this young man has access to a particular item that I never did. And that brings me to my next point."

Every image that had decorated the darkness disappeared, leaving only the glowing fruit in between them all.

"The millennial fruit _must_ return to the ocean," he said, stating this with absolute certainty. "The world relies on its cycle of rejuvenation to combat stagnation and decay, and in the thousand years since Mother took the fruit for herself it has already begun a slow downturn towards oblivion. If it happens a second time then that decay may become more severe than humanity can bear. It will be many millennia before the Earth recovers her former glory, if at all."

Despite the serious message, Naruto breathed a small sigh of relief. "Okay, I can get behind that. I never wanted to be a god anyway. So we get the fruit and toss it into the ocean. Can do."

Sasuke spoke up next. "That may make our task impossible. Getting the fruit and eating it was already going to be tough enough, but getting it away from our enemies without taking its power may be more than we can accomplish. I'm hoping you have a little more help for us than just words of wisdom."

The sage looked deeply weary. "I'm sorry... I have no power to give you two. Merely appearing before you is straining everything I have left…"

There was silence as the sage appeared to consider something. For once, nobody interrupted him.

"Actually… there may be something I can do for you after all. Three things, in fact. The first…"

There was a confused moment as copies of the sage appeared directly in front of each of them. His palm pressed against their chests at the same time, and then both of them felt a jolt of fire run through their systems. Before they could react, the sage had reappeared in his previous position.

The two young men looked down at themselves in surprise, feeling the odd sensation travel through them. Both Naruto and Sasuke felt… bigger somehow. Like… their hearts were wider? It was difficult to tell what had happened.

"What was that?" asked Sasuke, scanning himself and Naruto with the Sharingan, but finding little changed. "Was this 'unlocking our hidden potential' or something like that?"

"No, nothing like that," said Hagoromo, shaking his head. "Whoever puts these damnfool ideas into the heads of young men I'll never be sure. As I said already, I haven't the chakra to oppose your foes with my own power. I'm afraid that you two will have to face your greatest challenge yet with only the strength that you have cultivated within yourselves, rather than that I might have bestowed upon you." He smiled. "But that's not so bad, is it?"

' _I dunno,'_ thought Naruto. ' _Some godlike sage power would really come in handy right about now.'_

Sasuke turned his head. Huh, that had almost sounded like Naruto had said something.

Naruto looked in his direction. "Did you just say something, man?"

Sasuke blinked in surprise, opening his mouth to respond. Then he hesitated, a dark suspicion coming over him. ' _No… wait… he wouldn't have…'_

Naruto's eyes widened. The sage was smiling again. "Old man, what the hell did you do to us?!"

Hagoromo coughed. "I maintain to this day that the greatest wonder of chakra is its ability to connect one person's heart to that of another. It was, in fact, the main reason I spread the knowledge of the chakra arts at all, though fair few ever saw fit to use them the way I intended. It seems that most people are simply too frightened to expose their hearts, even to a trusted companion. When given the choice they'd much rather shoot lightning from their mouths or other such... _frivolities_."

He chuckled, as Naruto and Sasuke gawked in dawning horror, their faces poems written in stunned betrayal. "In your cases, however, I have made that choice for you. Trust me when I say it will be for the best."

The two of them exploded in protest, only to stumble when they caught themselves trying to speak over the other's vocal and mental indignation at the same time.

"Yes?" asked the sage.

Naruto broke first. "What did you do to us?! I can _\- shut up!_ I can hear, like, everything he's thinking!"

"How do we stop this?!" exclaimed Sasuke.

"Oh, you can't stop it. Not like you are now. Do not fret. The link will settle down shortly, and a few months of practice should be enough to completely avoid sending thoughts you don't wish shared. Actually breaking the link, however, would require the work of a master."

He raised a finger. "And before you ask, I will not do that for you, so you can forget it."

"A FEW MONTHS?!" shouted Sasuke.

"It's a gradual process. Like I said, the link will settle down very shortly, and then most of your complaints should be resolved."

"What the-" began Naruto, before he started smacking his own head. "-ah, damnit! Stop, stop, stop! What the hell does 'very shortly' mean?!"

Sasuke groaned and put a hand to his own head. "Old man, you don't know what you've done! You've linked my mind to Naruto! _Naruto! Naruto, stop thinking about that!"_

"Sorry, man... _trying_ …!"

Sasuke collapsed to his knees. "You've killed me," he moaned. "Months?! I'll be dead within a week…!"

"Yes," nodded the sage. "You always were the more dramatic of my sons."

"I'm not your son!" yelled Sasuke.

"Yes," nodded the sage. "He used to say things like that as well."

"Well maybe you should have learned something from it, asshole! You're a terrible father!"

"Yes," nodded the sage. "That too. Needlessly hurtful, I always thought."

"Screw you, you senile old coot!"

Hagoromo rolled his eyes. "Such a _whiner_ , this one. You should already notice the link stabilizing as we speak. By the time you leave this place it will transfer nothing more than surface thoughts, and you should find it no more onerous than talking. Use this to facilitate teamwork and you will have a weapon that no one else will see coming."

As Sasuke continued struggling to control his own mind, Naruto seemed to be thoughtful on a different topic. "Man, Sakura's gonna be _pissed_ when she finds out we've got a way to send messages without her knowing about it."

' _Yeah,'_ thought Sasuke. ' _Yeah she will.'_

The sage cleared his throat. "I've included instructions for reproducing the effect with another person, if that helps you two decide. You could bring her into the link as well."

"No!" exclaimed both of them, sudden realization hitting them like a lightning bolt as their protective instincts jumped on the consequences of unintentionally sharing certain… thoughts that the teenagers might have had over the years. The two of them looked at each other uncomfortably without quite sharing eye contact.

' _Man,'_ thought Naruto. ' _This is gonna be tough to get used to.'_

The sage frowned at them. "You're clearly being too worried about unimportant nonsense, but no matter. Regardless, now you will be able to connect with each other no matter the distance between you. Surely I don't have to explain the benefits of that."

Naruto nodded, a nasty grin already returning to his face. "Might come in handy when you're off sailing the ocean with your new buddies, Sasuke. Not that it'll be easy for me to come and pull your ass out of the fire when Luffy does something stupid. I'll be _way_ too busy making Konoha bow before me to take time off."

"Sure," said Sasuke, returning to his feet with a resigned expression. "I look forward to hearing all about how you're screwing everything up in real time, dork."

Naruto laughed, and Sasuke directed another glare in the sage's direction. "Old man, as much as I hate to remind you, you said that you had three things to give us. I hope the other two aren't as much of a double-edged sword as this one was."

"Ah, yes I did say that. True, true. Though you might call this second matter less of a gift and more of an… opportunity. Naruto, I have opened a safe channel of communication between you and Kurama. He will be able to speak with you through the seal, and vice-versa. It is up to the two of you to make the most of it."

"Huh?" asked Naruto. "Why?"

The fox grumbled his own assent in the background, and the sage held up a hand before continuing.

"I cannot order the two of you to do anything, and Kurama, I would not dream of compelling you to act according to my wishes after all you have suffered, but I will ask this of you, old friend. I _promise_ you that there is still a chance to gain your freedom at the end of this, but only if you three can win the day. This matter absolutely requires victory. Please consider lending Naruto what aid you can."

 **He could not possibly master even a tiny fragment of my power. Even less than a single tail of my energy would drive him to a murderous rage.**

"Y-yeah," admitted Naruto, rubbing his head in embarrassment. "It... never works out for me very well. And I don't think being really angry will help me now either. I think if it really turns into a knockout brawl between me and a guy that took down an Admiral then I'm just gonna lose, no matter how much extra chakra I have."

Hagoromo nodded. "Unlike a physical being, Kurama is a being of pure chakra. Channeling his power is the same as channeling Kurama himself, and he is clearly far too enraged for a young man like you to contain him. The only way you could possibly control more than a sliver of his energy would be to defeat him in a battle of wills, and I would be quite disappointed in you if you were to try. That's exactly what has been done to him for centuries, after all."

Then he tossed a glare in the demon's direction. "That said… Kurama, I know it's too much to ask for you to help him eagerly, but you could stand to cool your temper. This is the final battle. You will be fighting for the freedom of all of your siblings. Please do me proud out there."

It might have been Sasuke's imagination, but the demon looked somewhat chastised by Hagoromo's fatherly rebuke. Before any of them could respond, Hagoromo moved on. "This brings me straight to my third gift. We must hurry now, because we are running out of time. Our earlier confusion used up a great deal of time that would have been better spent preparing, and this frozen moment will soon be over. After this I will be mostly gone from this world. Are you all listening?"

Stunned, all three of those who were still alive focused their attention.

"Good. My last gift is the method by which Kurama and his siblings can be freed from this cycle and safely linked to the earth. Naruto, this may take years or even decades of dedication to hunt down every last one of them and see them set free, but I choose to believe in that earnest wish that you showed us earlier. If you truly believe that no one deserves enslavement then you have a chance to right a wrong that has been perpetrated for a thousand years. This is a task worthy of a legendary hero, one that I myself could not accomplish, but if you win this battle today then you will have everything you need. Do you understand what is at stake?"

Gulping, Naruto nodded, and the sage smiled in acknowledgement.

"Thank you. Truly, thank you. Then, here is what you must do..."

They listened.

* * *

 **-Inner Sanctum-**

Time resumed its normal flow several subjective minutes later. Sakura, Hinata, and Chopper stumbled as their preparation countdown was interrupted mid-sentence, but Sasuke picked up the thread that Naruto had dropped.

"Three! Go, go, go!"

They scattered.

Sakura, Hinata, and Chopper broke towards the Tree. Sasuke grabbed the tiny chunk of seastone from his pack and whipped it in Naruto's direction. Naruto grabbed the rock from midair, slipped it into a pocket, and began his dash for the fruit, clapping his hands together as he molded the chakra for a summoning technique. Finally, Sasuke charged straight at Danzou, eyes locked on the man who had killed his family. Danzou was scrupulously avoiding eye-contact, and Sasuke was pretty sure he knew why.

He chuckled to himself. The old man was still afraid of getting stuck in the Tsukuyomi with Itachi, and Sasuke had no intention of telling him that his brother wasn't watching over his shoulder any longer.

' _Hey,'_ thought Naruto. ' _We're not gonna tell the others about the sage?'_

' _Don't see the point,'_ thought Sasuke. ' _We don't want to pause to talk in front of these three monsters, and we didn't learn anything that changes the plan. You've got what you need, so let's focus on what's in front of us.'_

A feeling of agreement passed between them, and then there was no more time for chatter. Danzou glanced towards the group heading for the tree and brought his hands up to perform Ninjutsu. Sasuke's arm blurred as his engraved pistol slid into place and fired. The high-speed bullet surprised Danzou, grazing his arm as he lunged out of the way and completely interrupting the technique.

"You've got no free time to worry about anyone but me, old man!" grinned Sasuke, dashing forward with both weapons at the ready.

Off to the side, Naruto finished his summons, clapping both palms together with a thunderous noise that was far louder than it had any right to be.

 **[NINPO: KUCHIYOSE NO JUTSU]**

No tremendous toad came forth. Instead, as he burst through the cloud of smoke, the two elders of the clan, Fukasaku and Shima, appeared on his shoulders, already badgering him about a secret technique to help him absorb Sage chakra from the environment. A conversation that Sasuke seemed to hear all of due to the heart-link between them.

Honestly, Sasuke had expected bigger guns from Naruto than two tiny, elderly toads. Whatever, if Naruto thought the two old toads were a good start, then he'd believe it. Despite the teasing Sasuke normally dished out, Naruto usually knew what he was doing.

His final realization before battle was joined was that Naruto had certainly heard him think that rather embarrassing thought.

' _Yeah, man. Yeah, I did.'_

This really _was_ going to be difficult to get used to.

* * *

A/N:

Despite how it seems, next chapter we're ducking over to what's been happening with the rest of the crew before returning here. When I've been writing this I've always been thinking 'organize it like an episode or chapter of the source material.' That means often resolving things in a roughly chronological order, no matter how weird it may seem from time to time.

To be perfectly clear about what happened in this chapter, since it differs wildly from canon, Naruto and Sasuke received no explicit powerups whatsoever from their meeting with the sage. No Rinnegan or Super God Sage Super Saiyan chakra or anything like that. For that matter, any strength Naruto may gain from starting to work with Kurama right now is naturally inferior to what he might have gained from mastering Kurama's power through force in one fell swoop and then earning his trust afterwards. It's too late in this story for wild power-ups out of nowhere.

But that isn't so bad, is it?

Well, we'll see.

As such, the only benefits they have gained here are the words of… uhh... 'wisdom' that they have been offered and the heart-link formed from their friendship. I always thought it was odd that in canon Hagoromo brought chakra arts to the masses specifically to teach them how to bring peace and understanding to the world by connecting their hearts to others, but in practice this is never touched upon and barely brought up ever again.

In other words, as it stands currently the two of them are working with mostly their own strength.

But this is what I wanted. In this timeline Naruto and Sasuke were not driven to gain massive power at any cost, and it would be inappropriate to give them that power anyway. Instead, they have the anime superpower of being generally well-adjusted people. And, of course, the One Piece superpower of having kickass friends. We'd better hope that's enough to see them through.

Also, prophecies are bullshit. Seriously.


	68. Last Rites

**-Earlier-**

 **-Stone Garden of Roaring Tranquility-**

 **-Sanji, Nami, Brook, Franky, and Law-**

Sometimes it seemed as though the problem with Luffy was that his sense of timing was so perfectly balanced. For every time he appeared out of nowhere to save the day there seemed to be a corresponding time when he did the perfectly wrong thing at the perfectly wrong moment. In this case, he had screwed all of his companions by turning and running for the exit the very instant that Kakuzu had begun splitting himself into pieces.

Kakuzu discarded his red-cloud cloak with one grand motion and then promptly ripped his joints apart, thread bursting through the seams in wriggling clouds that coalesced into horrid black shapes. As Sanji and Nami watched in disbelief, there now stood before them two black monsters, one wearing a red mask and the other wearing a green one. Including Kakuzu and Hidan themselves, that brought the total number of Akatsuki fighters to four.

And then Luffy had up and disappeared, leaving Law, Sanji, Nami, Franky, and Brook behind to fight as they shouted after him in irate fury.

Law, in particular, had rarely been so confused in his entire life. What could have caused one of their most powerful fighters to just abandon the plan and chase after the others? The lone pirate surgeon grit his teeth as he reassessed the odds. They didn't look good.

Then Kakuzu made a quick series of hand gestures that seemed to fill the two masked beasts with energy.

"Kill them," ordered Kakuzu.

The two beasts slid to each side with inhuman motions to surround their prey. Twin blasts of wind and fire exploded forth, and Sanji countered with a spinning kick that summoned a wall of flame. The pirate's fire intercepted the blast of wind, dashing it to pieces and gaining strength in the process, but the fire-beast's flames bore down on them unaffected, nearly catching Nami in the fringes of the explosion as she fled for safety.

Seeing Sanji's incoming fire attack, Kakuzu himself slid into place in front of his wind-heart and summoned a wall of stone that burst from underneath the sand. When the fire hit the wall, its ferocity fused sand to the rock, but did not break through.

Another gesture from Kakuzu and the wind-heart dashed away, retreating towards where Law, Hidan, Franky, and Brook were fighting, and Law watched its approach with a calculating eye. Whatever rules their freakish ninja magic obeyed it seemed as though the green-masked beast was a poor opponent for Sanji. But, if any of Kakuzu's creations were able to team up with Hidan they would be able to launch high-powered area attacks with impunity, trusting in Hidan's regeneration to see him through. Clearly, that couldn't be allowed.

He glanced over to Franky and Brook, who were exchanging insults and injury in equal measure with the Akatsuki regenerator. "You two, keep this guy busy," he ordered. "I'll keep the rest of them in check."

Then he darted towards the incoming beast, tremendous nodachi held at the ready. He might as well not have said anything; the other fighters hadn't even been paying attention.

Roughly a hundred feet away from Kakuzu, dancing atop the stones and sand, Brook and Franky dueled with Hidan. For the most part, Brook was evasive, darting back and forth and doing his best to bait the Akatsuki zealot like a bullfighter while Franky attacked from long range, but Hidan was still frighteningly fast. He had already landed several hits on the skeleton and the only thing that was keeping Brook from being pinned down and overwhelmed was Franky's long-range support. This had, understandably, begun to piss Hidan off.

"You shitheads can't fight me one on one so you've gotta gang up on me, huh?" tried Hidan. "Got no blood either! What, no pride in your skills?"

"Pride?" laughed Franky, as he laid down a volley of suppressive fire from his weaponized arm. "Sure thing, man! I'm _proud_ of how badly we're kicking your freaky ass."

The regenerator spun his scythe to block a storm of the incoming bullets before turning to intercept a sword strike from Brook, shoving back at the skeleton with enough force to send the lighter man flying away. Hidan took several bullets to the chest from the momentary distraction. When they failed to do anything more than make him wince in pain, Hidan followed up with a smirk.

"Kick my ass?" said Hidan, patting his regenerating flesh that was even now extruding each bullet he'd been hit with. "You shits haven't done jack to me. My dedication and sacrifice to the Great God Jashin has made me immortal! I'll never die to wimps like you!"

Brook stood back up, brushing himself off as he did so. "Oh, I was _wondering_ what that healing was, but it was simply too awkward to ask you about it. You're a priest, then. I hope you're not trying to... _convert_ me…?"

Hidan gave the skeleton an odd look. "Huh? Convert… Why would I-"

"You see," elaborated Brook, staring at Hidan with empty eye-sockets, "-I'm already immortal."

Hidan blinked. "...You-"

"Yes, that's correct," nodded Brook, agreeing with words the man hadn't actually said. "I have died and been reborn!"

"But-"

"Indeed. We have more in common than you might think! My dedication and sacrifice saved me as well!"

Franky, who had been taking advantage of the pause in the fight to reload his heavier built-in weaponry, raised an eyebrow. "Dedication? Didn't you just eat a dumb Devil Fruit? What's so dedicated about that?"

Brook coughed. "Yes, well, it was quite the ill-tasting fruit, you understand."

Hidan's mouth opened and closed.

"And as for sacrifices," continued Brook, "-I had to give up so many of my biological functions. Oh, it's so _horrible_ living without them!"

"Uh-huh," said Franky. "Like what? Name one."

There was a pause in the conversation punctuated only by the sound of fire and battle from the other side of the room.

"...Farting?" asked Brook. Literally a second later, the skeleton broke wind with a force that ruffled his coattails. He continued onward regardless, a blush coloring his bones. "Look, I'm sorry! You put me on the spot and I just said the first thing that came to mind! It's just that I think that some of that milk might have gone just the slightest bit-"

Without warning, Hidan's scythe exploded into movement. The moment it left his hand it arced towards Brook in the space of a single breath. Brook hurried to raise his blade and blocked only part of the three-tiered scythe. Though he avoided the cutting edge, his thin body slipped between the blades which let the haft strike him like a flying hammer. A small crack on impact announced fracturing bone, but Brook let the weapon lift him off the ground with its weight. He flew through the air before dropping lightly to the ground, barely in time to duck underneath the next circling up, he charged, dashing straight towards Hidan while dancing nimbly above and below the spiraling scythe. With his fleshless body he skimmed atop the sand at speeds no other combatant could match.

He had just landed from a bone-light handspring when he noticed a flash of light at his feet. He looked down. A burning piece of paper peeked out from under the sand. Eye-sockets widening, Brook leapt off the ground again just an instant before the explosive tag detonated. The explosion sent him flying into the air in a blast of concussive force. Stunned and wounded, he recovered his senses just in time to see the scythe slicing towards him in a trajectory he couldn't possibly evade while airborne.

The sound of cannon fire signaled Franky's return to the fight as a blast of flak knocked the scythe off-course into a wild spiral. Hidan screamed with frustration as Brook landed in a roll, dashing away to tend to his wounds.

"Blasphemous perversions of nature!" shouted Hidan, struggling to regain control of his weapon. "You'll be punished for modifying your body, cyborg freak!"

"Hey, chill out, buddy!" Franky laughed. "At least skeleton-man didn't say he gave up 'boners,' am I right?"

Growling with rage, Hidan let loose his scythe once more, swinging its cord out in a large arc that Franky saw coming a mile away. Stepping inwards, the cyborg caught the braided metal cord in both hands, ignoring the sharp spikes that slid out of the metal as they sent sparks shooting off of his armored gauntlets. Franky continued his merciless taunting unabated as he anchored the flying weapon in place.

"You really need to relax! It's _super_ not good to freak out at your age, old man!"

Hidan grunted, pulling fruitlessly against the much heavier cyborg. "I'm like, barely past twenty, asshole!"

Franky clicked his tongue, shaking his head in pity. "Grey hair in your youth? Man, that makes it _way_ worse! 'Cause you know what comes next, right? _Male pattern baldness!"_

Something in the scythe's cord clicked and whirred as Hidan engaged a so-far unused mechanism. Franky jerked in surprise as the chain he was holding violently retracted without warning, sending Hidan flying towards the cyborg at high speed.

Franky resisted the urge to drop the chain leashing him to the madman, instead swinging it around in a two-handed throw that was intended to send Hidan flying off into the distance. Unfortunately, Hidan kicked off the ground in a last-second acrobatic maneuver that perfectly countered the intended throw. He soared through the air in a vertical semicircle that dropped him behind his target, then released the chain and sprinted forward, stabbing with his hand-spear that Franky barely dodged in time. Franky dropped the scythe's cable and moments later they were grappled onto each other, brute strength versus mechanical might.

" _You fucker!"_ screamed Hidan, bearing down on his opponent. In his rage, he had let Franky grab both of his arms, but somehow Hidan was still pushing forward. "You think you're _funny?!_ You think you're _safe_ from me just because you've got no blood in you?! You're nothing but a dickless piece of shit!"

"Dickless?!" guffawed Franky, thrusting his pelvis in a threatening manner. "Oh, man, you don't want _any_ of what I've got, holy man! If your so-called 'god' throws a fit about _arm-cannons_ then boy have I got a treat for him down here!"

Hidan's expression darkened, but Franky kept going.

"Why don't you bring this deity of yours down from on high so I can show him a _real_ miracle, huh?! I've never given a _god_ a heart attack before, but hey, there's a first time for everything!"

"DIE!" screamed the zealot, flecks of spittle shooting from his mouth and onto Franky's face. "DIE, DIE, DIE!"

His strength exploded, bearing down on the cyborg with crushing force. Franky winced in pain as the mechanisms in his arms began to groan from the effort. Already one of Hidan's hands was inching its way towards his throat.

"Geez, take a joke, will you?" growled Franky. "Like I have time in my schedule this week to start wrestling with sweaty cultists. Get… the hell… _off of me!"_

He shoved, dropping one of Hidan's arms to deliver a colossal right hook straight to the jaw. It connected with a sickening sound, steel hammer to cracking bone and teeth, but it didn't dislodge his opponent, who twisted in a way that was probably impossible for anyone who hadn't dislocated their joints hundreds of times before. Now Hidan had Franky's forearms in his grip, and the tables had turned entirely.

Hidan spat out an incisor and gave a nasty gap-toothed grin that was already regenerating. He cackled. "Aww, finally taking this seriously?! You're gonna need to hit me a lot harder than _that_ if you wanna make me feel it, big guy!"

"Funny," sneered Franky, "-that's just what your momma was saying to me last night!"

A vein popped in Hidan's forehead and his sneer turned to rage. "MY MOTHER WAS A SAINT!"

"Hah! Not after I was done with- Ow, ow, ow!"

Franky's arm buckled under the force of Hidan's grip. The sound of metal plating crumpling and giving way to superhuman finger strength was followed shortly thereafter by the cyborg's cry of pain.

"Holy crap," winced Franky, aware his opponent had finally snapped. "You're the real deal, aren't you?"

Abruptly, Hidan's other arm shot upward, clutching the large cyborg's throat and lifting the massive man off the ground. In the background, Brook, who had been preparing to resume the attack, froze. He watched helplessly as Franky struggled to regain his freedom. Franky punched and scrabbled with his free arm, to little effect.

"Ohhh yeah," sneered Hidan, shrugging off the frantic hits as if they barely bothered him. "You'd better believe I'm the real _fucking_ deal. And you know what time it is?"

The Akatsuki murderer slipped his free hand into his tattered sleeve and came out holding a slip of paper. Franky's defiant glare abruptly dropped from his face when he saw the explosive sigils inscribed upon it.

"It's time to find out just how tough that fucking armor of yours really is," hissed Hidan, staring directly into Franky's eyes as the seal began to burn.

Franky struggled to draw breath, trying desperately to claw himself loose from Hidan's deathless grip. It didn't seem to be working.

"A sinner always thinks they can avoid retribution," chuckled Hidan, "-but the truth comes to all unbelievers in the end."

All of a sudden, Franky's panicked expression turned into a toothy smirk.

Hidan narrowed his eyes and glanced downward. Franky's injured forearm was expanding rapidly, the buckled metal ballooning outward with popping noises as air pressure built catastrophically inside Franky's built-in blast chamber. Hidan's eyes went wide, and Franky grinned.

" _Adios…_ _dickhead,"_ gasped the cyborg.

 **[COUP DE-]**

Hidan dropped his grip and dashed backwards just as everything went wrong. Instead of blasting air out of the aperture in his palm, Franky's injured arm exploded from the rocketing air pressure. The shockwave hit them like a hammer, sending both fighters flying in opposite directions in a cloud of shrapnel. Franky, far heavier, flew low to the ground before hitting the sand and kicking up a huge furrow. Hidan soared up and away through the air, stunned by the impact.

Then, the explosive seal in Hidan's hand performed its intended function.

The blast wave washed over the room. Smoke billowed forth in an expansive cloud that quickly covered the ground. Debris that might or might not originally have been a part of Hidan showered down over the sand as they watched. Elsewhere, the fight against Kakuzu paused for a moment as everyone stood stunned by the sudden explosions.

"Shit," muttered Franky, spitting out sand as he examined the ragged wreckage of his arm. "That's gonna leave a mark… Gonna have to rebuild that… Didn't expect to catch him in his own blast, though."

"Do you think we killed him?" asked Brook. "I rather hope so. I think I'll go over and make sure, just to be safe."

"What, after an explosion like that? That would've put a hole in a battleship, man. The guy's done for."

"I think I would prefer it if we-"

The noise of Kakuzu roaring in anger brought him to silence.

" _Hidan, stop playing around and kill these clowns!"_

Their stomachs dropped out from under them, and then the smoke began to clear. Hidan, warped, burnt, and bloody, staggered out into view, cracking his neck as his flesh knitted back together. If anything, he looked calm, though it was difficult to say whether he had found the explosion therapeutic or if he had simply reached a new and transcendent plateau of rage.

"Ah man," remarked Hidan, as genially as if he were speaking about the weather, "I fucking hate it out on this ocean. I really do. Never before have two huge losers like you pissed me off this much."

Something about his expression made Brook and Franky go white as a sheet. Especially Brook. Hidan nodded quietly and then hefted the short spear he had used before in one hand.

"You know what?" he asked. "Everyone out here's always talking about the _wonder_ of exploration and adventure or some shit, but I've never really seen the point. Until right now. Now… I'm thinking… I'm thinking I'm gonna stab this thing right into each of your eyeballs and _explore_ how we both feel about it. That seems like a pretty _cool_ kind of adventure to me right about-"

Something caught Hidan's attention, interrupting his sentence. He looked down at the spear in his hand. There was a streak of blood smeared over the tip. He stared at it for a moment, eyes narrowed as if he wasn't sure of what he was seeing, and then raised his gaze to pierce the distant figure of Franky.

Franky's blood froze in his remaining veins. He patted himself down in confusion before reaching his back, where Hidan had first attacked him in the melee. A small score in his side dripped red fluid.

"Oh, give me a break," said Franky.

"Y-you're hurt," said Brook.

"Alright, so," began Franky, looking distinctly worried. "-remind me again how this blood thing works?"

"You're boned now, freak!" yelled Hidan, raising the bloody spear to his lips.

Just before it reached his mouth, Trafalgar Law landed nearby. The barrier of his operating room widened until it washed over Hidan's position. A swipe of Law's room-severing sword caught the distracted zealot off-guard, slicing one arm off before he could dodge to the side. Anticipating further attacks, Hidan somersaulted backwards, watching the doctor's movements carefully for any more sign of his invisible blades, but instead Law raised two fingers in an odd motion.

 **[ROOM: STERILIZE]**

There was a swift sharp noise that seemed to come from nowhere at all, and then the blood on Hidan's hand and spear simply disappeared. The man boggled, looking down at his suddenly clean weapon in shock.

"Sorry if this offends your religious sensibilities," stated Law, "-but I won't tolerate blood dirtying my operating theatre."

Hidan said nothing, trembling with rage. Brook and Franky quickly ran over towards Law's position.

"Thanks for the save, Doc," said Franky.

"Don't mention it," muttered Law, readying his sword.

In one mighty leap, Kakuzu slammed into the stones beside Hidan. There was barely a pause before innumerable black threads wormed their way from Kakuzu's body, grabbing Hidan's arm and sewing it back onto his stump. In seconds it was fully functional once more. Then, no longer blocked by Law's area denial, the two heart-beasts slid into place behind the two Akatsuki killers. Sanji and Nami rushed to follow after them, but it was too late. Their opponents had finally managed to join forces.

"Really," said Law, voice low as he surveyed the seemingly unharmed fighters arrayed against them, "-don't mention it..."

* * *

Kakuzu stared across at the three of them while his strings repaired his damaged partner. He seemed calmer than he had been before as well, contrasting nicely with Hidan's barely-controlled fury.

"Playtime is over," declared Kakuzu. "We've had enough of your frivolous sparring. You've done admirably to keep us separated, but now that we're fighting together you don't stand a chance."

"Oh yeah?" asked Franky, still nursing his broken arm.

"Indeed," said Kakuzu. "I may spit on the concept of teamwork, but if there's one thing I know for sure about my partner here it's that he can take whatever I throw at him."

Hidan cracked his knuckles, and Kakuzu continued.

"Let me assure you that your comedic antics won't carry you any further." He grinned, the motion subtly shifting the cloth mask covering the lower half of his face. "From here on out, things are about to get much… more… _serious."_

A sharp crack echoed through the room as the doors to the inner sanctum burst open, followed by the crash made by a screaming rubber-man colliding with a boulder so violently that it split in half. Stone shards rained down on the room, and then Luffy staggered from the dust cloud, coughing and heaving. The assembled fighters watched Luffy's unexpected arrival with a wide range of emotions.

Sanji chuckled, letting out a small sigh of relief before smirking at Kakuzu. "You maybe wanna rethink that last line?" he asked.

The wonderful thing about Luffy was that his sense of timing was so damn perfect.

"Luffy!" yelled Nami. "Thank god you're back! What happened?"

"Gack! Ptooie!" spat Luffy, coughing up gravel as he rose out of the cloud of rock dust. "Ugh, I just got punched by some weird ninja who came out of a coffin! I never even met the guy and he tried to kill me!"

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes, carefully appraising the new arrival. "One of Orochimaru's pet Hokage, then. Clearly you're more impervious to damage than I would have guessed..."

Sanji shook his head in annoyance. "Alright, Luffy. I dunno what possessed you to go running off like that, but now that you're here, you- _HEY! Where the hell do you think you're going again?!"_

Luffy dusted himself off, gave a friendly little wave, and then resumed running for the exit. "I gotta save Ace! I'll be back in a little bit!"

"You've gotta save us first!" cried Nami.

"Don't worry!" shouted Luffy. "I know you guys can win this! Just- _whoa!"_

Whatever Luffy was going to say was interrupted when both of Kakuzu's hearts twisted and writhed, exploding with energy as they fired twin blasts of fire and wind in Luffy's path. He dodged the mighty explosions, leaping all the way up to the ceiling and rebounding with a springy noise. When the smoke cleared, he had barely lost any speed at all on his path towards the exit.

Kakuzu scowled and motioned to the two heart-beasts. Refocusing their attacks, they widened their Ninjutsu into great streams that cut across the room in an effort to catch the wildly evading Luffy. The new attacks were just as ineffective as the previous efforts had been.

Kakuzu cursed before glaring at Hidan. "Kill this lot," he ordered. "I'll be back with their captain."

Then he disappeared, charging away after Luffy as he left Hidan behind with the heart-beasts.

Hidan shook his head, cursing under his breath. "That money-grubbing old sinner can't stop hunting bounties for even one damn second, can he?! We're gonna be as powerful as _gods_ at the end of this! We don't need to be chasing every fucking coin we see!"

He turned to the rest of them. The wind and fire hearts bracketed his position, practically glowing with energy.

"Ah well," mused Hidan. "So much to kill, so little time. Better get started quick before he finishes off your captain, huh?"

* * *

Kakuzu bounded across the battlefield with superhuman speed that surpassed anything they had seen so far. Every step he took seemed to launch him forward as the sand and stones themselves responded to his movements. He moved with the complete assurance of an earth element Ninjutsu master.

The world of high-level shinobi combat was a game of meticulous counter-play. As a result, there were few who could survive for long without a wide array of tricks, which forced anyone who wished to attain mastery to diversify, embracing techniques and elemental jutsu that they had less affinity to than they might like. The alternative was being caught out by a ninja who had thoroughly practiced all of the many ways to shut you down. Normally this kind of generalized training wouldn't be a problem, except that any shinobi had to train for years just to raise unfamiliar elements to the level that they were useful in combat.

Kakuzu had no such problem. His forbidden technique, Earth Grudge Fear, had transformed his very essence into that of dark strings controlled by his chakra. It allowed him to steal the organs and chakra system of other warriors and use them as his own, performing master-level Ninjutsu in every element without the brutal training that would have been normally required. Of course, the fact that he was more than ninety years old with a body composed of the hale and hearty pieces of his far younger victims didn't hurt matters either.

All-in-all, he would be surprised if there was any other ninja on earth with more experience than he had.

Kakuzu considered the distant rubber-man carefully as he prepared his attack. He clapped his hands together and landed hard on both feet, the impact sending strange shockwaves across the room. A second later, an earthen rampart shot out of the ground in front of Luffy. The pirate shouted in surprise, leaping into the air to avoid crashing. Then, the ground where Luffy would be landing transformed into a field of wicked spikes. Luffy's shocked surprise turned into terror before he contorted his body, reflexively folding in between the impromptu spears. It took him a moment, but he extricated himself unharmed and resumed fleeing the area.

It was too late. Kakuzu had used the time well and was now nearly caught up.

"Straw-Hat Luffy!" he roared.

Luffy looked backwards, dodging a pitfall that opened up beneath him with instinctive ease. "Huh?! Who the hell are you?! What's with that face-mask?"

"Running away from your team, are you?" he taunted, ignoring the question.

"What, them? They can handle themselves!"

"Oh, you don't know the trouble they're in! They were relying on you to save the day, and instead they're all going to die in pain!"

Kakuzu laughed, rumbling like a volcano as he surged forth like a lava flow. "I've heard about you. Straw-Hat. The 'fearsome' pirate. Always running off into danger and leaving your companions to clean up your mess. Hah! I'm surprised you didn't die the last time we saw each other."

"What are you talking about?! I've never seen you before in my life!"

The man's laughter exploded into full bloom. "Oh, but you have! You have! In fact, why don't I show you..."

There was an explosion of smoke as Kakuzu transformed. When Luffy looked over his shoulder again he saw the unmistakable form of his brother, Ace, sneering back at him.

"W-wha?!"

"You know," said Kakuzu, now speaking in Ace's voice, "-I still don't know what connection you have to this trash. None of the intel we collected on Fire-Fist indicated any sort of a connection to the Straw-Hats. But you just make it so _easy_ to figure out when you scream his name again and again!"

Bit by bit, Luffy slowed his headlong rush for the exit until they had both stopped completely. He turned to face the assassin with confusion written over his face. Kakuzu continued talking, stance lowering for battle.

"That's right. We hunted him down. Our plan wouldn't work unless we attacked the Nobility. We had to draw the truly powerful mobile forces away from the capital, you see. Any one of us could have wreaked enough havoc to make that happen, but we wouldn't want people blaming _us,_ right? That's the kind of thing that gets people after your head, after all."

Luffy's expression darkened. "You did this?! You attacked those people and then blamed it on Ace?!"

"Oh, I did much more than that. After we stole him away, I guarded him, watched him, studied him, all to make sure that my disguise would be perfect when it was time to pin the blame."

Back with the rest of the Straw-Hats, Kakuzu's hearts summoned a crawling bloom of flame that warmed the air even as far away as this. Kakuzu grinned, wearing Ace's face and tipping his hat. "So… how did you like my Fire-Fist Ace impression?" he said. " _I'm a wannabe wimp who's gonna die because he couldn't run with the big boys!"_

Luffy's fist shot out but failed to connect as Kakuzu dodged, laughing, to the side.

"Well at least you're not one of those trash that can't bring themselves to hit someone who looks like a friend," said Kakuzu, ceasing his transformation and returning to his normal form.

Luffy had completely abandoned his retreat into the temple now. He had frozen in place.

"So… it was you," said Luffy, lowering his stance. When he looked up, his eyes were cold, but his body had begun to steam. "You were right about one thing. Ace is my brother. But you're wrong if you think I was just worried about rescuing him..."

"Oh?" Kakuzu raised an eyebrow at the young man's glowing red skin. There had been a fair bit that he had heard about Straw-Hat's combat ability, but that hadn't been part of it. "Don't care whether he lives or dies, huh?"

Luffy shook his head. "I wanna see him alright, but it doesn't need to be me that makes it happen. I trust everyone else to save Ace. Naruto, Sasuke… I know they can handle it even if I'm not there… But what I really want to do myself is to beat the _crap_ _out of the people who took him here in the first place!"_

He disappeared in an explosion of sand. Kakuzu spun around, eyes crinkled with amusement as he blocked the first punch. Fist struck forearm with a resounding noise, but dealt no damage. Then Luffy was gone. Kakuzu glanced left and right, following Luffy's astonishing movements with only some difficulty. Slowly, he began to laugh.

"Well, you're quick, at least," he said, grinning with malice. "It was a pity I couldn't turn in Fire-Fist's immense bounty… but I think I can settle for yours instead."

Luffy dashed inward, and Kakuzu took the punch to the chest as if it hadn't bothered him, responding with a devastating gut blow that sent the rubber-man rocketing backwards.

"Tough, too," remarked Kakuzu. "Not that I expected anything less."

Luffy skidded to a halt in the sand, totally unharmed. "I'm just getting started!" he said. "If you think you're gonna hurt me with hits like that then you're out of luck!"

"Oh, I know," said Kakuzu. "Believe me, I know."

Abruptly, Kakuzu's body shuddered and the indentation that Luffy's fist had made disappeared as if it had never been there in the first place.

"Wha?" asked Luffy.

"You look surprised," remarked Kakuzu, rotating his arm and stretching the relevant chest muscles. "But not nearly as surprised as you'll be in a moment."

He exploded forward, instantly approaching Luffy's speed on the sand by the simple fact that the sand supported his weight as if it were solid stone. One moment his fist was raised for a strike to the head, and in the next moment he dropped low, sweeping Luffy's feet out from under him. Luffy fell, only narrowly avoiding a brutal slam attack that would have buried him beneath the ground. One rubber hand flickered away to grab a distant boulder, and with a pliant stretch, Luffy flew away.

Or he would have, if Kakuzu's arm hadn't separated at the elbow, stretched several feet in an instant, and grabbed onto Luffy's foot. Luffy gawked in surprise to see the man mimic his rubber nature. At the gap in the man's arm there was nothing at all except wriggling black strings.

"Get back here, trash," growled Kakuzu, wrenching Luffy and boulder both as he tried to pull the rubber-man back into the melee. "I've seen this kind of amateurish style a hundred times before. This overconfidence. This martial _arrogance_."

The boulder gave way first. It uprooted from the ground and flew towards Kakuzu like a pellet from a slingshot. He deftly avoided it at the very same time as he elbow-smashed Luffy into the sand.

"You've had this rubber ability of yours since before you learned to fight, haven't you? You've lost the ability to properly recognize your own weaknesses," he said. He slammed his foot down, summoning a sharp stalagmite from the ground below Luffy's heart that Luffy barely dodged in time. Luffy pushed off the ground, kicking Kakuzu with both feet, but all it did was push in his string-supported chest like he was making an indentation in a foam rubber ball. Kakuzu grabbed his feet and tossed him contemptuously away.

"Unable to even recognize…" he began. Again, the wound wriggled and twisted until it had regained its former, unharmed state. "-when you've run into a predator of a higher order!"

Kakuzu pressed his hands together, and a spire of stone appeared before him. Luffy, seeing an opportunity, whipped a leg across the distance between them to interrupt whatever attack the Akatsuki fighter had planned. It was, alas, too late. Kakuzu's palm struck the spire a single time, shattering it into a blasting cloud of stone needles, each one so perfect it couldn't have been anything other than magic. Eyes widening in shock, Luffy stopped his kick in an effort to jump out of the way, but the edge of the deadly stone cloud still caught him. Needles pierced his skin in several places over his body. Luffy grit his teeth in midair, all the while protecting his face from damage.

He uncovered his eyes, and Kakuzu wasn't there. Some animal instinct made him twist his body like an aerial limbo dancer just in time to avoid a slashing knife that cut through the air with barely a whisper. It didn't help him dodge the next kick that smote Luffy to the ground in a meteoric cratering strike.

Luffy rose from the ground coughing up sand. Kakuzu landed nearby.

"It makes a silly sort of sense," said the ninja. "You wouldn't believe the kind of worthless courage I've seen in my life from shinobi who possess something they'd call a true trump card. Any ability that lets them punch far above their weight class makes them feel truly invulnerable. It's even worse with those that have so-called 'perfect defenses.'"

Kakuzu was approaching, his entire body seeming to be held together by nothing more than those horrible black strings. He must have stood eight feet tall now, with correspondingly long limbs and torso, but he still advanced like a human, eyes fixed on his prey.

"But, as a result, trash like you never learn to properly assess just how much you're outclassed by your foes… So you keep fighting anything that moves, going after more and more powerful opponents, trusting in your Devil Fruit to protect you…"

Luffy was ready this time. Kakuzu disappeared, practically teleporting across the sand with fist raised. Luffy blocked the first strike, counter-punching immediately, but the hit was shrugged off as Kakuzu kept up the attack. Once again he slipped inside Luffy's defenses and began brutally pummeling him.

"-Until the moment-" *SLAM* "-you find an opponent that _just_ ," *SLAM* " _-doesn't-"_ *SLAM* " _-give a damn!"_

A vicious uppercut sent the rubber-man flying into the air just long enough for Kakuzu to snatch him with one thread-extended hand and pummel him to the ground in a calamitous strike. A knife appeared in his hand as if by magic, and he thrust it downwards, only narrowly missing due to Luffy's frantic evasion. Luffy shot out of the melee at high-speed, but Kakuzu was already chasing him.

"I'm stronger than you!" yelled Kakuzu. "I'm faster than you! I stretch like you! I control the very elements themselves! And if you think you can punch string hard enough to hurt me then feel free to waste your time!"

"Geez, you're annoying!" yelled Luffy, ripping the last of the stone needles from his skin as he evaded wildly. "Is everyone in Akatsuki as crazy as you?!

"You don't know the half of it!"

They clashed violently, strike after strike being exchanged as they danced across the room. Every hit Luffy landed was shrugged off, often with laughter, and in return Kakuzu would score bloody lines in Luffy's skin. The landscape was not doing Straw-Hat any favors, either; Kakuzu's mastery of Earth Ninjutsu would form boulders, walls, and sharp spires out of nothing at all, hemming in Luffy's movements as the battle progressed. The sand resisted his movement while helping his opponent.

Eventually, Luffy's strength began to waver. The telltale red glow of Gear Second started to dim, and Kakuzu caught up to him a second later.

Both arms shot forward, his forearms propelled upon a storm of black string, and they grabbed onto Luffy's torso. Immediately upon contact, more and more string poured forth from the gaps, clawing and wrapping itself around Luffy like grasping vines. Straw-Hat struggled onward until he tripped and fell, at which point Kakuzu fell upon him, a wolf feasting upon fallen prey.

"Pathetic," said Kakuzu, staring down at the string-bound Luffy with disdain as strings from all over his body continued to wrap him into submission. "You may be appropriately tough, but your technique leaves much to be desired." He chuckled, appearing to ponder the matter further. "Though that Devil Fruit of yours isn't half-bad… I wonder what would happen if I took pieces from your body. Your heart might be useless to me, but would your legs retain their properties if I cut them off and took them as my own?"

He chuckled. "Well, we can always try and see what happens, hmm? Your bounty never specified you needed to be intact, after all."

Luffy wasn't laughing. Slowly, he exhaled a deep breath, and a shudder ran through his overheated muscles. He opened his mouth, then inhaled.

 **[GOMU-GOMU: JET BALLOON]**

If each of Luffy's normal attacks had been enhanced to superhuman levels by his use of Gear Second, then this explosive inhalation was like a point-blank inverse-hurricane. His lungs pulled in air at a catastrophic rate, stretching him to a far larger size than normal in one fell swoop. At that moment, every single string that Kakuzu had wrapped around his trapped foe was stretched far beyond safe limits.

"GRAAAHHH!" screamed Kakuzu, roaring in pain as he suddenly found himself adorning the sides of Luffy's balloon-form like a ragged scarf stretched around a morbidly obese man. He had, in fact, been stretched to such absurd lengths that the stitching holding the many independent pieces of his body together tugged, tore, and in some places snapped. In one instant he had become a tortured soul laid upon the rack, his body stretched past the breaking point.

Then, nearly as quickly as it had begun, Luffy let out all his stored air in one fantastic breath. The two of them soared back and forth through the air, spraying up sand as they flew here and there. They collided with the ground and with the ceiling, Kakuzu's enraged yells being drowned out by the rocket-engine noise of Luffy's deflating balloon-form.

Finally, shrinking back to normal size, Luffy extricated himself from the strings as they both plummeted to the ground.

Luffy spent a moment coughing up sand and getting his bearings. Eventually he located his fallen foe.

Kakuzu unfolded from the ground, his motions temporarily too inhuman to be called standing up. Chunks of his body were torn and red at the edges; the black strings that stitched them together struggled to force everything back into place, revealing horrifying cracks in the skin that had previously kept him looking like a real human being. No longer, however. As Luffy got unsteadily back to his feet he saw Kakuzu's body reforming out of its component pieces. It put one in mind of a person reassembling a jigsaw puzzle. In all of this nightmarish horror, however, there was one thing that stood out.

Right before the last pieces of his torso slid back into the correct position, Luffy could see a large, black, wriggling mass of string encasing the area where his heart should be. Then it was pulled back out of sight as Kakuzu stood up, looking significantly worse for wear as he continued to repair as much damage as possible. He sighed.

"Of course it would be something as ridiculously stupid as a rubber party balloon that does me harm today. If there's one thing I'm in agreement with my partner on it's that I _truly_ despise this ocean. Let's just get this over with… oh?"

Kakuzu narrowed his eyes. Luffy was watching him like a hawk. His reddened and steaming skin had returned full force, and there was no trace of his earlier unfocused energy.

"Oh, you're actually paying attention now, are you? Finally sunk in just how much trouble you're in, I suppose…"

Luffy said nothing, his eyes roaming over the ninja's body.

Kakuzu shook his head. "Fine. If it keeps you from trying any more silly tricks then feel free to do your worst."

He stomped the ground, kicking up a wave of sand that obscured vision and tore towards Luffy before causing an eruption of stone. Luffy dodged to the right, narrowly avoiding jagged rock shrapnel as he regained sight of Kakuzu sprinting straight for him.

When Kakuzu was just approaching melee range once more, Luffy leapt into the air, one leg raised for a vicious rubber axe kick. Kakuzu raised his arms to defend himself, but Straw-Hat swiftly redirected his target to a featureless patch of sand dozens of feet away. Right before his heel struck the earth, the real Kakuzu dove out of the way of the attack, emerging from the sand he had taken the opportunity to hide underneath while Luffy's sight had been obscured. Once Luffy had landed, he tossed a scowl towards the true Kakuzu.

"I know you ninjas like to play around with copies…" he stated with unusual calm, "-but none of that is gonna work on me. If you really wanna stop playing around, then quit it."

The clone disappeared. Kakuzu finally looked properly angry. He stared back with simmering rage and then launched into an attack.

The two of them disappeared. Fighting resumed in earnest at high speed across the sand and stones. Luffy and Kakuzu exchanged hits every time they collided, and Kakuzu summoned murderous stones from the ground. Spikes, walls, abrading sand, and slicing guillotine stones erupted all over this side of the room. Though Luffy, rapidly accumulating cuts and bleeding wounds, landed many hits, nothing seemed to stick.

After nearly two minutes of this, Luffy jumped up into the air only to be spiked like a volleyball back to the ground. Straw-Hat landed in a stone reflecting pond with a watery explosion that scattered spray all around him. Kakuzu landed some distance away, dampened by the shower, and turned to face his opponent.

Luffy had gone to his hands and knees in the pool, breathing hard as the steam from Gear Second left him completely. He dunked his head beneath the surface and sucked. The sound of violent suction filled the air, and Kakuzu narrowed his eyes.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asked.

Luffy continued pulling in water until he had become completely spherical, balancing on his face inside the pool. The water level dropped lower and lower until all of it had disappeared into Luffy's greedy maw. Then Luffy rotated awkwardly around until he was facing in the right direction and blasted it forward.

 **[GOMU-GOMU: WATER GUN]**

If the intent of this action was to be an attack, it clearly wasn't very effective. Luffy sprayed the water at high intensity in Kakuzu's direction, but couldn't even keep his direction stable considering his wobbly, spherical shape. The Akatsuki warrior slid effortlessly out of the way, looking for all the world as though he wasn't sure if he should be offended or fascinated by the watery attempt on his life. By the time Luffy had expelled enough water to begin aiming properly, Kakuzu was already well prepared to dodge, which meant that Luffy hit absolutely everything in the area _except_ Kakuzu, thoroughly drenching the formerly well-tended sand.

When the water finally ran out, Luffy took a deep breath and staggered out onto the wet sand while Kakuzu looked increasingly offended.

"Is this your idea of a joke?" asked Kakuzu. "Some childish imitation of water Ninjutsu? What exactly did you hope to accomplish with that?"

If anything, Luffy ignored this question entirely. He stepped forward further, his expression completely calm as his breath settled.

"Well, I think I've got you pretty much figured out," said Luffy, dropping back down into a squat. Muscles pulsed and moved through both legs, and his body began to overheat once more. "You're not really a human at all anymore, are you…? You're just a big ball of string and stuff, like those other things over there..."

Kakuzu snorted. "That's your big revelation? That should have been obvious to anyone with a brain by now, but I suppose you're no analytical genius, are you. The flesh that I've taken from others is bound together by string that I can control at a thought." He shifted in place. "Enough of this. Let's get this charade over with quickly."

Luffy just nodded. "Yeah, I think I can manage that."

Off in the distance, the other Straw-Hats and Law continued to fight together against the two heart-beasts and Hidan. Heat shimmered over the battlefield, and the fierce fighting kicked up clouds of blackened sand, fused into chunks of warped glass as Sanji tested his flames against those of his foes. Kakuzu laughed.

"Oh-hoh! You think so, do you…? That's a hell of a boast. Maybe I'd pay your threats a bit more attention if you had managed to hurt me at all, but as it is…"

Kakuzu lunged forward, covering the distance between them with the same speed he had shown the entire fight. When he was barely twenty feet away, Luffy disappeared. The Akatsuki fighter's feet squelched in the wet sand as he reached the place where Luffy had been just moments earlier, but Straw-Hat was nowhere to be found. There was a blast of sound from the side and Luffy darted past him at high-speed. A quick dodge on Kakuzu's part ensured he was only struck lightly, but Luffy was already gone. Kakuzu spun around but lost track of Luffy shortly afterwards, just in time to take another swift hit-and-run strike from behind.

Kakuzu was suddenly flummoxed. What was happening here? The rubber-man still couldn't land a strong hit, but he'd gotten so much faster than he'd been just minutes ago. How? Kakuzu spun in place and saw two things that made him freeze in surprise.

The first was Luffy, kicking off of the newly wetted sand several times in a single moment and then disappearing in a burst of extreme speed and disturbed air. It appeared as though the wet sand's cohesion was significantly stronger than it had been dry, and the rubber-man was using every bit of that new advantage to even the odds.

The second thing he saw was the wide array of strands of black string that had been looped around several of the boulders in the room. Kakuzu's eyes flicked down to his body. Both of the times Luffy had struck he had grabbed a handful of string and _pulled_ , ripping them away from Kakuzu's body like the boldest of thieves.

His eyes narrowed, and he gathered his focus for the true fight. Luffy darted in for another bunch of string, and Kakuzu brought his arm around in a meteoric backhand that knocked the boy off into the distance.

A tugging sensation from Kakuzu's arm drew his attention. Luffy had snagged yet more string while being punched.

Straw-Hat suddenly shifted tactics, digging into the wet sand as if the superpowered strike hadn't even hurt him at all and disappearing to the side. He made his approach in fits and starts while darting back and forth between the many boulders and rock spires that now littered the room, each motion drawing out the strings further and further. Then, with no warning, Luffy sprung off of a rock and shot towards Kakuzu at sonic speed.

Kakuzu summoned a wall of rock in between him and the pirate-turned-projectile, but it wasn't any use; Luffy zipped past the obstruction and away without even attempting an attack.

Kakuzu glanced around himself. His body was tightening rapidly as Luffy spun his black strings around every obstacle in the area. Straw-Hat wasn't even attacking anymore, he was just dashing around at high speed to tangle the strings, turning the room into a veritable cat's cradle with Kakuzu at its center.

"You're a fool," said Kakuzu, eyeing the speeding lad carefully. "A resourceful fool, perhaps, but a fool nonetheless. You're not getting any more string from me, and what you've taken means nothing if I just cut it off!"

He raised a hand, filling it with his chakra, then brought it straight down towards the strings that were unraveling his arm. Before he could sever them, Luffy arrived feet first, blocking the chop with one hand at the same time as he drop-kicked Kakuzu in the chest. The Akatsuki warrior stood firm, at least until Luffy grabbed onto his mostly un-stitched hand and rebounded away from the kick at full speed. There was the hideous sound of strings snapping and Kakuzu suddenly found himself missing his left hand from the wrist up.

"RAAAAAAHHH!" screamed Kakuzu.

Luffy was already gone. Kakuzu staggered to the side, staring at the wriggling stump of his arm. He focused his chakra, summoning a wall of rock around himself, then quickly snapped the errant strings binding him to the landscape one after the other. Like this, Luffy wouldn't be able to easily approach, but neither would Kakuzu be able to hunt the pirate down.

He took stock of his situation.

He was now missing a hand, and his defenses were weakened as long as his stitching remained damaged, but Straw-Hat wasn't exactly in the best of shape either. Anyone with experience could recognize when a fighter had pushed themselves to the limits of their stamina, and Straw-Hat was clearly reaching that point.

On the other side of the coin, Kakuzu himself wasn't even in dire straits himself, despite the damage he had taken. For that matter, even with the speed-boost the young pirate still wasn't fast enough to overwhelm him now that he knew exactly what to expect.

So he had a choice to make. He could either try to finish this now while Luffy was vulnerable, or he could gather his strength, make quick repairs to his body, and overwhelm these filthy pirates after he was in better shape.

Kakuzu made his choice. He had always been a cautious, careful fighter, and now wasn't the time to take unnecessary risks. A quick mental command ordered his errant heart-beasts to abandon the fight against the pirates and return to him. Hidan would have to deal on his own.

Kakuzu gathered his earth chakra and pushed it out through the ground, shaking and infusing the sand that filled the area until it became a whirling sandstorm centered around his body that completely blocked visibility from the outside. Just like that, the wet sand that Straw-Hat had been relying upon was mostly gone. Next, he performed a swift set of hand-seals, summoning a set of four stone swords from the rocks beneath the sand. He grasped one in his remaining right hand, bound a second into the string-filled stump of his left, and left the others to sit, ready for later use.

If Straw-Hat wanted to flit around like a human bullet then he'd have to come inside the eye of the hurricane to aim his attacks, and Kakuzu would be well ready for it. This time he would make sure it would be Luffy who lost an arm. In the meantime, Kakuzu hunkered down and resumed repairing his stitching, carefully watching his surroundings as the curtains of sand shifted about him.

For nearly fifteen seconds there was nothing. Then… slowly, Kakuzu heard a noise like a cross between a stretching balloon and rumbling thunder.

Kakuzu grinned. Straw-Hat was readying an attack. Still smiling, he raised his swords, focusing his ancient, disciplined mind to the task of battle.

Then Luffy shot through the sand with one arm held behind him.

 **[GOMU GOMU: GIGANT RIFLE]**

Luffy's arm crested through the curtain of sand like a ship's prow cutting through the ocean. It grew larger and larger as more of a ridiculously titanic fist exploded forth, scattering sand in all directions as it spun rapidly inwards.

Kakuzu's jaw dropped open underneath his mask. This had _not_ been part of the plan.

Abandoning his planned offense, Kakuzu moved, but his torn legs responded too slowly. It soon became clear that it wouldn't have mattered either way; the fist that burst fully into view was gargantuan enough to cover the entire interior of the sand vortex in a single spinning punch.

Kakuzu screamed as he was struck, pinned to the front of the unstoppable drill that carried him forth out into the light once more.

* * *

 **-One Minute Earlier-**

The heart-beast's flame wave crashed into his Room, and Law countered by lifting a truckload of sand and rock into the air. The fire Ninjutsu was absorbed, and then Law dropped the resulting slag before returning his focus to Hidan.

"Why haven't you killed that crazy priest yet?!" shouted Nami, who had taken advantage of his Room's protection to fight from long-range.

"He's harder to hit than you'd expect," muttered Law, breathing heavily. He'd been drastically over-exerting his power over the course of the last twenty minutes or so, and it was definitely taking its toll. He couldn't keep this up for long. "Listen, I have a way to end this fight for good, but-"

"What are you waiting for then?! Do it!"

Law shook his head. "Against opponents this strong they're going to have to be distracted before this will work. I need to get a precise, direct hit on them, which means that whatever distracts them, it needs to be big."

It was about that moment when a sandstorm hundreds of feet wide engulfed the far side of the garden, totally obscuring the fight between Luffy and Kakuzu. There was a momentary pause in the battle, and then both hearts retreated from the fight, heading straight for their distant master.

Law watched in astonishment as a great rumbling filled the air and the sandstorm exploded. Luffy's tremendous fist pushed Kakuzu through the sand, both of them screaming for very different reasons.

Nami closed her mouth, which had been hanging open, then called out to Law. "Is that enough of a distraction for you?!"

Law gathered his remaining stamina and sprinted forward. "That'll do! Get your cook friend to drive the two of them together!"

He dashed away without waiting for her reply. Luffy might have been unpredictable, but his subordinates at least seemed focused on the task at hand. Either way, he had little choice but to trust them; if this fight continued any longer then the Straw-Hats would start suffering fatalities. Winning would happen now or not at all.

Law disappeared behind a boulder and took a deep breath, focusing on his own power.

The Ope-Ope Fruit was a Devil-Fruit with infinite possibilities. No other fruit that he had heard of gave you as many options for dealing with a problem inside your field of influence. The problem was making the right choices at the right time, which would spell the difference between brutal victory and pointless effort. Normally, the simplest solutions to his problems were to slice them into pieces, but these ninjas has proven to be unbelievably savvy fighters. Hidan and Kakuzu dodged his most careful, completely invisible, attacks as if they were telegraphed in neon lights. What was even worse was the way that Kakuzu had sewn together any severed body parts Law managed to separate. He needed something irreversible, and he might just have the right answer.

Kakuzu finally struggled to his feet, his heart-beasts stepping into formation around him. His mask had been torn away, exposing a bloodied mouth, and his long hair was now wild and unbound. He focused immediately on the distant figure of Luffy, who had shrunk to a fifth of his normal height as a rebound effect of using Gear Third.

" _Straw-Hat!"_ shouted Kakuzu. He seemed to wish to say more, but words eluded him in favor of an enraged roar. He jumped into the air and landed on all fours. The noise was like an explosion that sent a shockwave through the ground. It passed Tiny-Luffy by before erupting into walls that trapped him in place. Tiny-Luffy tried and failed to climb his way out.

Standing up, Kakuzu let out a raucous, grating laugh. His wind and fire hearts stepped up beside him, chakra building in their hands. If they both fired at the same time, Luffy would be engulfed in a hellfire capable of reducing him to ash. Law simply watched. Now still wasn't the right time to move.

"Die," ordered Kakuzu. The fire and wind continued to build.

That was the moment when Sanji delivered. Hidan flew in from the side, the skin on his torso blackened and burnt from the cook's burning leg. He landed in a heap barely thirty feet away from his partner.

There!

Law stepped out and extended his room. It washed over Hidan and Kakuzu before they could react, and Law stabbed outward with both hands. They reacted too slowly to stop the invisible stroke. He felt it connect as the wave of power filled their bodies. He smirked.

Then he grabbed both of their souls in his hand and ripped them from their bodies.

 **[OPE-OPE: PERSONALITY TRANSPLANT SURGERY]**

As he had said, the Ope-Ope Fruit was a power that granted unlimited possibility. It could even remove a person's soul, if only for a moment. But in that moment, that soul could be placed into another person's body. In that single unguarded moment, Law struck deep with his power, swapping Kakuzu's soul into Hidan's body, and vice versa.

Then the world split, people started screaming, and it took Law a moment to realize that his voice was part of the burgeoning chorus.

"AHHHHHHH!"

It felt as though someone had reached inside his chest and tried to pull out his heart, only failing by the slimmest of margins. His Room collapsed around him, and with it went some small portion of the agony. His Devil Fruit was suffering an overload, something he'd never felt before, and the throbbing, burning pain came from one source.

He looked in the direction of the disturbance. Kakuzu's body, currently inhabited by Hidan's soul, was writhing and shouting in what was presumably pain, black, frayed strings erupting in every direction. The heart-beasts were in similar disarray, silently and uselessly thrashing about in the sand. Though he couldn't actually see anything about the souls he affected with his power, Hidan's soul stood out like a red-hot jagged piece of barbed wire in his mind.

Normally, any soul transfer he performed was permanent until he deigned to undo it, but he had a feeling this one wouldn't last for very long.

"What… the… hell... did that guy… do to his _soul_?!" exclaimed Law. "This shouldn't _fucking_ hurt _me_!"

Off in the distance, Law could barely make out the Straw-Hats gearing up for battle.

"Sanji!" yelled Nami, pointing her loyal follower in for the kill.

"Don't know what the hell's going on," muttered Sanji, "-but I'll be glad to finally cook up these freaks once and for all!"

Sanji spun with one burning leg until the sand began to fuse into glass. Then he kicked off the ground. With a mighty vertical spin he brought his burning leg down in a crescent kick that shot a vivid line of hellfire and molten glass towards the struggling forms of Hidan, Kakuzu, and the two hearts.

 **[DIABLE JAMBE: COUTEAU BRÛLANT]**

 **[DEVIL LEG: BURNING KNIFE]**

The molten blade sliced downward, and whatever survival instincts the two Akatsuki shinobi still possessed kicked into high gear before it reached them. Hidan's body dove awkwardly out of the way of the blast, and Kakuzu's body practically crawled across the sand like a living slime of black string and chunks of flesh, all semblance of humanity gone. The two heart-beasts, however, did not recover in time.

The fires of Sanji's passion incinerated both beasts without even a scream.

Then, Law's power finally ran out. Like a rubber band snapping back into its normal configuration, both enemy souls returned to their normal bodies, and Law crumpled to the floor.

* * *

Hidan's hands went straight to his head as he shouted in unfathomable horror, and Kakuzu sluggishly morphed back into his original humanoid shape.

Kakuzu struggled to his feet as hurriedly as he could, stuffing organs and muscle groups into positions that were as close to their intended locations as was feasible in the short time he had. The moment his head stopped spinning, he summoned his chakra to raise another cloud of twisting sand that covered everything outside of his and Hidan's positions. As soon as his lower body was arranged properly he began moving. These damnable pirates would be on them in moments.

"Run, damn you!" he shouted to Hidan, putting his own words to action as he broke straight for the door leading further into the temple. "We can't fight them like this!"

Hidan shook his head with a groan and started running sluggishly after him. "What the fuck was _that?!_ I couldn't even feel what the hell I was doing! What I _was!_ What kind of nightmare Genjutsu was that shit?!"

Kakuzu considered his experience carefully. Though he spent most of his time looking like a human, the truth was that his self-awareness and motor control was more closely tied to his strings than his flesh body. By the power of his chakra and the Earth Grudge Fear technique he could discard all of his flesh except for his heart, brain included, and still function for some time. But though it had been several decades since he had had anything like a normal human body, at least he had enough memories of controlling normal arms and legs to recognize that he'd been shoved into Hidan's body. It stood to reason that Hidan might have been placed in his.

All told, it was surprising Hidan had managed to move the black strings at all.

"Not important," growled Kakuzu. "Keep moving. We've delayed the intruders long enough, but we have to fall back to the sanctum before the fruit is ready."

"We're not gonna kill these fuckers?! I'm still in perfect shape!"

"In case you hadn't noticed, they took advantage of the Genjutsu to destroy my hearts." He was quiet for one uncomfortable moment. "You're welcome to take them all on yourself if you have a death wish, but I won't be joining you. I have a better plan."

Off to the side they saw a shrunken Luffy appear through the twisting sand. The tiny captain called out their positions in a high-pitched voice, and Kakuzu had to restrain himself from going after his weakened foe personally. Soon, Luffy disappeared into invisibility behind them.

"Man, screw this kiddy bullshit," cursed Hidan, still running alongside. "What's your fucking plan?"

Kakuzu pointed ahead to where an archway had just become visible. They burst through it into the hallway beyond, and the light went on in Hidan's eyes. Kakuzu smiled.

"We lead them to the dead," said Kakuzu. "I think Orochimaru's pets will prove more than sufficient to deal with these pirates."

"Holy shit," laughed Hidan. "I'm so on-board with that! Just let me watch those shitheads get owned!"

One of said shitheads caught up to them, the skeleton-man skittering down the corridor at speeds they couldn't hope to match. Kakuzu dismissed him with a wall of stone that blocked the corridor entirely. The wall exploded ten seconds later, but it had bought them time.

Hidan and Kakuzu burst into the next room at high-speed, but stopped dead in their tracks.

"What?!" exclaimed Kakuzu, eyes wide.

A high-level Ninjutsu war had been fought here, and quite recently at that. The formerly peaceful chamber looked nothing like its original state. Small forests had grown, burned, and rejuvenated. Stone walls had been raised and shattered, waterfalls poured spontaneously from miniature mountaintops, and entire swathes of the room were now open to the sky. All-in-all, what had once been a fairly featureless room was now a multi-tiered natural wonder, and it had been done in just the last half hour.

An explosion somewhere off in the branches to the right of them alerted them that the war was still ongoing.

"Let's go," ordered Kakuzu. "Stay away from the fight if you can help it."

"How the hell did these chumps find someone able to duel two Hokages?" mused Hidan.

"Doesn't matter. If they haven't won yet then they're not going to win at all. You more than anyone should know that you can't beat an immortal in a battle of attrition. Keep your eyes peeled and stay quiet. Let the trash blunder their way in here and draw attention to themselves."

They moved through the room, keeping to the opposite side of where the fighting had been as much as they could.

It was odd, thought Kakuzu, that the Straw-Hats hadn't burst into the room yet. It was almost as though they knew just how dangerous it would be in here. No matter. If they chose not to follow them then that just meant Hidan and Kakuzu would make it through to the sanctum unchallenged.

Just as he thought that, Gold Roger appeared before them, using one hand to steady himself against a house-sized tree branch. There was no doubt about his identity, even to the non-pirates. There was nobody else it could have been. What was not immediately clear, however, was just what he was doing here and why he had the dead skin and red eyes of an Edo Tensei incarnation. Orochimaru had only said he was reviving two corpses, and Gold Roger was not one of them. Before Kakuzu could do anything other than ready himself for a fight, Roger spoke up.

"Oh? Who the hell are you two, and what the hell are you… No... wait, I know who you are!"

Roger grinned with recognition, which was doubly odd. The plan had been to resurrect the corpses without their personalities. They shouldn't have been able to talk.

A gruff voice from behind them made Kakuzu snap his head around. A grey-haired man bleeding from several small wounds was looking at them curiously. "Roger, I know why _I_ know these two, but how could _you_ have met them before?"

Suddenly surrounded, Kakuzu and Hidan leapt up into the air, alighting on the underside of a massive tree branch. Gold Roger continued talking up to them as if their abrupt departure hadn't bothered him at all.

"Of course I know these guys! Sasuke showed me their faces ahead of time so I'd know who I needed to kill on sight!"

The Akatsuki members scattered, disappearing into the wild vertical terrain with a skill that no one but a ninja could match. Unfortunately for them, the two newcomers matched them anyway, arriving on their heels in hot pursuit.

"What's the hurry, guys?" asked Roger, leaping through the tree branches with indefatigable stamina. "You've got us outnumbered, right? Where the hell are your friends?"

Hidan threw a kunai backwards, and Rayleigh snatched it out of the air.

"Kids these days and their manners," chuckled Rayleigh, tossing it over his shoulder. "If I didn't know better I'd think they weren't happy to see us."

"Of course they aren't happy to see us! They're looking for the _other_ two ancient corpses."

"I'm not a corpse yet, Roger. Don't count me among your number."

They emerged from the thick tangle of branches into a wider area, and Kakuzu breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the revived corpse of the First Hokage staring down at them from a high cliff. Moments later, the Second blurred into existence beside him.

Roger whistled as Hidan and Kakuzu scurried up the cliff-face and took positions behind the two Hokage. "Speak of the devil! You guys got lucky. that's for damn sure."

Hidan finally had a chance to speak. "What the hell is that guy doing here?" he asked.

"Doesn't matter," said Kakuzu, before turning to face the two resurrected thralls. "Don't let anyone past this room. Hmm… actually… on second thought, if a blond man in black clothing comes in here then leave him alive. I'll need a new heart to replace my losses…"

The First turned to look at Kakuzu, dead eyes piercing through him. Some deeply-honed instinct inside of him made him leap backwards, but at this range it was far too little, far too late. The dead Hokage covered the space between them like a zephyr, and before Kakuzu knew what had hit him the First's fist was embedded up to the elbow in his chest. Black strings exploded and wriggled from the wound as Kakuzu sighed a breathless scream.

" _O-Orochimaru…"_ he croaked, " _You…"_

The deadly punch erupted into flame, and the fires of the Hokage's execution blow turned Kakuzu into a living pyre. Seconds later only lumps of ash remained, falling lifelessly to the earth. The Hokage turned his gaze to Hidan, who had already started running.

"Aww, hell no! Fuck this, I'm outta here!"

His scythe shot out into the canopy like a grappling hook, and with a mighty swing he disappeared into the thicket of branches. Hidan climbed, crawled, jumped and slid through the mass of new-growth forest that was so thick it was more like running through a series of tunnels.

"Fuck fuck fuck!" shouted Hidan. "That snake betrayed us! He's planning to sic those fucking things on everyone and take the fruit for himself! Weren't those zombies supposed to be _weaker_ than the real things?!"

Hidan landed on a lower level. He turned left and right, looking in every direction but unable to discern his location in the thick forest.

"Fuck! Where the hell am I?! Where's the exit?! I gotta get the hell outta here!"

"Let me give you a hand," said Gold Roger. Before Hidan could react, two hands grabbed his arms from behind, and one foot had been pressed between his shoulder blades. The Pirate King wrenched both limbs with an irresistible force, and with a wet ripping noise both of Hidan's arms dislocated and then tore away from his body. He screamed in sudden pain, staggering away and spinning to face Roger, who was grinning wildly.

"Whoops," said Roger, tossing both severed limbs back over his shoulder. "Sorry about the arms. Old habits die hard, I guess. I hope you didn't need those."

Hidan cursed and ran. He didn't have a choice. Even if he could hurt this guy, a dead man didn't have any blood to fuel his curse-ritual, and he had no illusions about his chances without Jashin's dark magic to help him. So he scurried armlessly away, dragging his scythe behind him by its long cable now that he had no way to reach down and unwrap it or disengage the mechanisms. He didn't even have the ability to perform what limited Ninjutsu he possessed.

So he ran, tripping and spinning in place to let out more cord as he went. Just before Gold Roger could chase him down for the third time, the branches opened up and Hidan leapt off of the tree and down to the stones a hundred feet below. His cable unwound rapidly as he fell, spinning him like a yo-yo until the cord finally reached its end and disengaged from his body. He hit the ground with a sickening crack of snapping bone, but he was already on his feet and running for the door.

He didn't make it far before the Pirate King landed in front of him.

"Hey, hold up," said Roger, still grinning. "I said I'd help get you out of here, didn't I? Don't just run off like that!"

Snarling, Hidan charged the man who stood between him and freedom. Roger met him halfway, practically teleporting across the distance between them, and then he was past. Hidan staggered from the unexpected lack of resistance, and spun around to face Roger, who had appeared right behind him.

A moment of disorientation passed as Hidan's body turned in place but his head didn't. The Akatsuki zealot crumpled to the ground in two pieces, his head rolling away across the ground.

Roger walked casually into his field of vision, cutlass now unsheathed. He knelt down and picked up Hidan's head with one hand.

"Yeah, you're a hell of a lot more portable this way, let me tell you," remarked Roger. "Pity about your friends. Who would have guessed they'd stab you in the back like that?" He paused, before adding, "Besides anyone with a working brain, I mean. Even I saw it a mile away, and I'm technically dead."

Hidan's disembodied head began bitching and cursing the offspring and ancestry of every damn pirate in the world, a torrent of profanity that made Roger grin with nostalgia.

"Not bad," said Roger. "A little lacking in actual substance, but a bit more practice and we'd have you swearing like a real sailor before the year is out!" He shrugged. "Well, except for the whole 'you being dead' thing."

"Fuck you!"

Roger laughed. "Listen, I've got to get back to the fight, so let's make this quick. Any last words?"

Though Hidan had no lungs, he still somehow managed to gasp out a final scream.

" _I HATE THIS FUCKING OCEAN!"_

Roger considered this for a moment before shrugging expansively. "Eh, I've heard worse, but... this _is_ going to make what I do next a little more ironic than I had intended. Oh well."

That said, Roger stepped forward and launched Hidan's screaming head like a rock from a trebuchet. It flew out through a hole in the stone ceiling, disappearing into the distance before beginning the long, long, long plunge to the blue waters far, far below.

* * *

 _A/N: This fight took a lot longer to write than I had expected, but I didn't want to break it up. Thanks to everyone for your patience and hello to any new readers. I really do love writing this and I don't expect any of the remaining chapters to give me nearly as much trouble as this one did._


	69. Childhood's End

**-Inner Sanctum-**

 **-Naruto-**

As the team split up, Naruto made a beeline straight for the grand altar, where Tobi waited by the Divine Fruit. Sasuke had stayed behind to fight Danzou, while Sakura, Hinata, and Chopper charged off towards the distant tree's trunk, where Orochimaru was carefully tending to the two sacrifices that would power the Divine Fruit's return. Naruto's destination, however, was ahead of him. Tobi stood at the top of the altar underneath the glowing orb of the Divine Fruit, looking down upon him with an unreadable masked expression.

On Naruto's shoulder, the two elder toads from Mount Myoboku balanced perilously. They seemed determined, insofar as one could judge determination in a toad's expression, but they also seemed quite confused.

"Naruto-boy," said Granny Shima, "-this is it, right? The final battle?"

"I guess so," said Naruto, eyes locked on the figure in the distance.

"You've got a plan, I suppose," stated Grandpa Fukasaku. "We'll help how we can. What do you need from us?"

Naruto nodded firmly. "I want to try linking with you two again."

"You mean what we tried during your training? But-"

"Yeah. I'm gonna be fighting a guy who can beat me and anyone else here, but I'm pretty sure he won't try to kill me. So all I need to do is make sure I'm tough enough to keep fighting. That means I need to be in Sage Mode and I can't ever run out of chakra."

Unfortunately, Sage Mode's fatal weakness was that you couldn't gather the required energy when in motion. He doubted that Tobi would let him stop to recover his chakra any time he wanted.

He considered that thought a little further. Actually, Tobi might actually just agree to let him take a breather if he asked nicely, but it couldn't be wise to rely on that.

Ma and Pa shared a confused look before Ma spoke up. "The last time we tried that the Kyuubi stopped us. It might work for for Jiraiya, but…"

"No, I got this," insisted Naruto. "It's not gonna be a problem this time."

He directed a thought inward. " _Right, Kurama? I'm still no good at pulling in natural energy on the go. I need the toads to help pull it in for me. Is that gonna be a problem for you?"_

There was inner silence for a long moment.

" _Kurama?"_

 **I hear you. I make no promises, but I can attempt to restrain my chakra to avoid interfering with whatever link you make with them.**

Back in reality, Naruto gave the two toads a reassuring nod. "Yeah, Kura- er… the Kyuubi says it's alright. He'll let us try again."

The toads blinked in confusion. "Yer speaking to the demon?!" exclaimed Pa.

"Yeah, just, look, long story short, right before you got here we had a conversation with the ghost of the six-whatever sage. He said a lot of stuff about the prophecy, got freaked out because Sasuke didn't have a Rinnegan of his own, told you toads to go screw yourselves, and got me and Kurama here to work together for this one fight. So now I can speak to him when I need to."

The toads' eyes boggled. "T-that sounds like a hell of a long story told really darn short!"

" _Not telling them about the rest of it?"_ thought Sasuke, his voice intruding into his heart.

"No time for the rest right now," said Naruto, answering both questions at once. "Come on, let's try it."

Still off-balance from Naruto's worrying proclamations, Ma and Pa placed both webbed hands together.

 **[SAGE ART: AMPHIBIAN TECHNIQUE]**

Abruptly, the toads fused their bodies to his, each mounted on one shoulder as they began pumping a steady stream of natural energy into his chakra system. There was a momentary probe from Kurama's chakra, but it soon passed. In moments, Naruto was able to begin transforming that same energy into the chakra required to enter Sage Mode, his face subtly changing coloration as he became one with the natural world. At the same time, his speed, strength, and stamina increased immensely, and with it came a deeper awareness of the energies of nature.

The Divine Fruit blazed like a star in his mind, completely unlike anything he had ever felt before. Beneath it stood Tobi, guarding the fruit like a watchdog.

"Boy, what's wrong?" asked Pa. "Yer losing control of the energy!"

Naruto took a deep breath and readjusted the flow of chakra through his body. "Sorry. I just… got a bit angry."

Buoyed by his new vitality, Naruto charged to the grand altar, ascending its steps in leaps and bounds until he reached the top. Tobi watched him approach, his driftwood mask blank, though his hands twitched uncomfortably at his side. Finally, Naruto stopped nearly fifty feet away, staring at the masked man with a fierce expression.

"Tobi," said Naruto.

Tobi looked guiltily back and forth. "Uhh, who are you, young man who I don't know, and why do you know my name?"

"Cut the crap, Tobi. I know it's you. Take off that damn mask already."

Tobi raised a hand to his face, running a tentative finger over the rough driftwood. "I, uhhh… Yeah, well… I'm not really comfortable without the—"

"Just take off the mask!" shouted Naruto. "You already lied to me enough! I'm not talking to a piece of wood!"

Tobi pulled away the mask, revealing his scarred face to the world once more. He looked at Naruto and shrugged. "Dun dun dun…" he intoned, a sad series of descending notes. "Yeah, it's me."

"I know, Tobi."

"Sooooo…" said Tobi, feigning cheer. "You look great. There's something different about you, though. Gained some weight? Got a haircut? Are those shoulder-toads _new_ , or-"

"Stop fooling around! You know why I'm here."

Tobi winced. His expressions were greatly exaggerated, as always. "I know you're probably here to kill me, but, umm… Well, the good news is that I'm going to be dead anyway pretty soon so really you don't need to—"

"I'm not here to kill you, Tobi!" Naruto shouted, before returning to a low mumble, "-not that I don't feel like trying or anything."

Tobi blinked, his confusion evident on his face. "You're not?"

"No! I'm here to stop you before you get that far."

Tobi shuffled his feet. His eyes glanced off into the distance where Danzou was fighting Sasuke.

"Tobi!"

Tobi whipped his head back to focus on Naruto. "Oh, sorry… Is… is this because you think we're still friends?"

On his shoulder, Pa spoke up."Naruto, what in the nine hells is goin' on here? He thinks yer friends with him or something?"

"Umm," began Tobi. "Did that toad just talk, or was it just me?"

"No, it didn't," insisted Naruto, casting a pointed glance towards his own left shoulder. "-it'd be really weird if these toads started talking, you know? I know you're not all that good with new people, and it might freak you out or something."

Pa took the hint and shut up. Naruto continued talking. "Tobi, I don't know what the hell we are, man. You killed my family, hurt tons of people, then lied to me about it again and again. You've probably done worse things that I don't even know about, but one way or another I'm not gonna let you die until I know why!"

Tobi looked deeply confused. "Why... what?"

"Why…!" Naruto struggled to find his words. "Why _this_?! Why everything?! Are you crazy?! Was everything you told me all an act?"

"I… I don't follow."

"Who the hell even are you, Tobi?! Why are you so set on killing yourself?! You acted like the kind of friendly goofy guy that just has fun living no matter what he's doing, but was that all a lie?!"

Far off in the distance, Orochimaru shouted in their direction. " _Tobi! Now is not the time to play around! Kill these people!"  
_  
Tobi shifted uncomfortably. "I… I don't want to talk about all that right now," said Tobi, "-and that means no more questions. Naruto, you'd better get out of my way. I know they call me the 'Good Boy,' but I'm really not. Not good, I mean."

"Tobi, you're not running away from me!"

Tobi shook his head. "No. I can't run from here. This is where I have to be, after all. But I don't have to deal with you, either. I have helpers to do that for me."

As Naruto readied himself to fight, Tobi clapped his hands together. There was a vast explosion of smoke and a rapid-fire barrage of noise. Slowly, the clearing smoke revealed hints of four tremendous beasts that towered over Naruto and Tobi despite having been summoned at the base of the grand altar.

"Behold," declared Tobi, indicating his summoned monsters with an elaborate flourish. "Mister Crabby! Rhinodon! Ape-Ape! And last but not least, the Dreaded Long-Horse!"

Despite already having been briefed on the Rinnegan's ability to summon giant animals, the jaws of Naruto and his two toad friends dropped in utter shock as Naruto's eyes locked onto the tallest of the beasts. "That's… that's a giraffe," he stated.

Tobi blinked, and then turned to look at the long-necked yellow beast. It stared down at Naruto with murder in its bloodshot eyes. Despite the assurances he'd been given by the rest of the crew about a giraffe's supposedly herbivorous nature, this one had sharp, terrifying fangs. As he watched, it ran a long, purple tongue out of its mouth, licking its eyeballs one at a time in anticipation of a bloody battle.

"What? Long-Horse?" asked Tobi.

"No… no, man, it-it's called a giraffe."

"What, really? That's a stupid name! I thought he was just a mutant horse or something!"

"Y-yeah…" Naruto shook his head rapidly. "Shit, that's not important right now!"

That said, he bit down on his thumb, drawing blood in preparation for his own massive technique.

Tobi continued talking. "Anyway, enough about horses. You'll have to fight these guys until I get back from whatever Orochimaru is yelling about. And… Naruto? Sorry, but all that stuff I said before? Down on the island? It still holds true. You can't talk me out of… huh?"

There was another massive explosive barrage of smoke, this time from Naruto's side. When it cleared, several tremendous toads, loaded with weaponry, stared back at the array of Rinnegan beasts.

"Err," began Tobi, surveying the battletoads with disbelief. "Wait, what?"

"Tobi," said Naruto, "I don't give a shit about any big dumb giraffes! You're not getting rid of me, so you and I are gonna talk this out whether you like it or not!"

* * *

 **-Sasuke-**

Sasuke circled his opponent warily. Though his companions had dashed away to their respective encounters, his true fight lay directly ahead of him. Shimura Danzou, former shadow of Konoha, stood as gatekeeper, one eye hidden behind an ornate black eyepatch. The moment that Sasuke had fired his pistol and grazed the old man, Danzou had abandoned his attempt to chase down the rest of the team. Now he watched Sasuke with what seemed like equal wariness, his eyes downcast to avoid meeting his gaze.

"What's wrong, old man?" sneered Sasuke. "Can't look me in the eyes? Afraid of what you might see?"

Danzou's expression could have curdled milk, and Sasuke exulted in the feeling. Anyone who was preparing to fight an Uchiha did well to practice avoiding even incidental eye contact with the Sharingan, but even with such training it would be a brutal handicap for the old man. If Danzou was so afraid of being trapped in the Tsukuyomi with Itachi that he wouldn't even take that risk at long-range then that only spelled good things for this fight.

A brief pulse of anger rushed through him. In reality, Itachi was dead twice over, and it was this bastard old man who had killed him; it was right and just for him to live in terror of the ghost of his victim.. Though… it still wouldn't be a good idea to try and catch Danzou inside the Tsukuyomi again. After his last disastrous attempt at torturing the old man, he was pretty sure he didn't have what it took to become Itachi.

Off in the recesses of his mind, Sasuke could hear thoughts from Naruto breaking their way through the still-developing mental barrier between them, but he ignored them. Something about horrifying yellow beasts, but nothing was directed towards him, and this fight was too important for him to be distracted.

"Nothing to say?" asked Sasuke, continuing to slowly circle Danzou. "No snide, condescending remarks? You wouldn't be trying to figure out how to run away, would you?"

One of Danzou's facial muscles twitched. Apparently coming to a decision, he reached up and slowly removed his eyepatch, exposing the Sharingan underneath. Sasuke took the opportunity to examine it in detail, his improved visual acuity letting him see the chakra flows and physical microstructures inside the stolen Sharingan. One thing was immediately clear; the eye was nearly blind. Interesting.

"That's better," said Sasuke. "For a moment I was afraid you weren't going to take me seriously."

Abruptly, Danzou's hands flashed through several seals. A cloud of cutting wind blasted across the room. Sasuke dodged out of the path of the Ninjutsu, only to be intercepted as Danzou descended upon his location, black sword raised for the kill.

Sasuke smirked and then disappeared.

 **[SORU]**

Danzou's sword cleaved through the air where Sasuke had just been. Moments later, a torrent of flame Ninjutsu washed over the area, catching Danzou in the edge of the blast before he escaped. He hit the ground rolling and slightly smoking before leaping back to his feet.

Soon, they were back in their original positions, with Sasuke openly laughing at the old man's misfortune. "Hahahah! Okay, I take back what I said about taking me seriously. What, you thought you could just assassinate me and move on? _Please_."

Danzou said nothing, narrowing his eyes and watching Sasuke's feet carefully.

"Though, I am curious," said Sasuke, pointing his cutlass in Danzou's direction, "-about that sword. That looks like a real masterpiece you've got there. And since you've stolen everything you have, whose family did you have to murder to get it?"

Danzou exhaled an irritated breath. It looked as though the old man had finally accepted that he'd have to actually engage in real combat and conversation. He raised the sword before him. The black blade caught the light in odd ways, reflecting a brilliant crimson watermark. It looked as though someone had trapped a dark nebula beneath the surface. Despite himself, Sasuke was actually a little bit jealous.

"The legendary blade, Shusui," said Danzou, passing the sword in front of himself. "It is an unending demon forged into the form of curved steel. Neither fire, nor lightning, nor even burning magma can harm its edge. If god itself saw fit to test its strength then god itself would break first. It is inviolate."

Sasuke scoffed. "That's a little melodramatic."

"Adults can learn to appreciate the finer things in life in ways that a child cannot," remarked Danzou, turning the sword this way and that. "And this… this sword is truly one of those finer things. It makes me somewhat curious about the kingdom that forged this blade. Apparently they have their own shinobi tradition. Perhaps our own people emigrated at some point in the distant past, hmm?"

Sasuke was silent.

"Ah, but perhaps I'd better not look into it too closely," said Danzou. "This ocean has a peculiar way of… corrupting everything it touches. Seeing what such ninjas have become would surely only aggravate me further."

He nodded in Sasuke's direction, indicating the two weapons he held. "Far too late for you, it seems. A shinobi who relies on a firearm is one who has lost all confidence in his own capabilities."

"Worked well enough for me so far," snapped Sasuke, watching the blood drip from the cut on Danzou's cheek that his first shot had gouged out.

"Entirely my mistake," admitted Danzou. "It won't happen again, and it certainly won't save your pathetic life."

Sasuke and Danzou charged forward at same time, and the noise of steel clashing against steel echoed through the room. Their swords locked in ferocious combat from the very start, and Sasuke brought the full fury of Gold Roger's copied fighting technique to bear. He exulted in the expression of shock that came over his opponent as Danzou realized just how much Sasuke had improved. Danzou was definitely no slouch, but this was doable! He could actually take revenge! This was it. _This_ was what he had wanted to do for so many years. The first time he could fight someone not only with the willingness to kill, but the _desire_ to. A flick of his wrist, a flash of fire, then the smell of gunpowder, and he felt himself eagerly hoping the bullet would strike home, though the old man dodged the weapon's trajectory by the slimmest of margins.

" _Calm down, man,"_ thought Naruto, inside his soul. " _Don't go off the deep end on me now."_

" _I've got him!"_ thought Sasuke. " _He's mine!"_

" _Geez, be careful! I can't believe I'm the one telling you to stop and think. We're just trying to keep these guys busy right now. Feel free to go all out_ after _the others rescue Ace."_

Sasuke withdrew from the bloodlust, feeling somewhat chagrined. His attacks lessened in ferocity, recovering his practiced form. He half-expected Danzou to make a condescending remark about his resolve, but the old man still seemed shocked to be challenged as an equal.

"This isn't your power alone," said Danzou, thrusting and parrying with increasing ease as his surprise waned. "You're fighting me with another's strength."

Sasuke snorted. "Hah… Once upon a time a dig like that might have bothered me, but yeah. I've had help, alright. I've had help from people you wouldn't even believe."

"Oh? You really think you can beat _me_ with stolen power, boy?"

"Stolen power?!" growled Sasuke. "A man who ordered his lapdogs to slaughter a village for him and then ran away licking his own wounds wants to tell me all about honorable combat? What the hell do you call that eye of yours, huh?!"

Danzou shook his head. "Hmph. I don't know why I even bother trying to lecture a child throwing a tantrum. What a waste of time. You haven't made that strength your own yet, which means you're about to learn just how fragile stolen power can be."

Sasuke saw the chakra building behind Danzou's eye, and he was already leaping to the side when the three-pronged sigil of a Mangekyou Sharingan appeared.

 **[YATAGARASU]**

There it was. The unknown Mangekyou that Itachi had seen. Though it was impossible to guess what power it possessed, the safest bet for now was to dodge its sight entirely. Sasuke hit the ground running, disappearing with the speed of Soru. Blurring into a new position, he spun to face Danzou, but the old man was already running towards his new location, eyes still locked onto his lower body.

Well, apparently evading wasn't going to work, but he hadn't yet burst into flames either, so that was a plus. This Mangekyou must be of a type that doesn't kill you just by looking at you.

Sasuke repeated his earlier disappearing act, only to stumble halfway through his dash as a kunai nearly struck him in the neck. Then Danzou was upon him, and Sasuke turned to ready his stance. Danzou raised his black sword and attacked. Sasuke moved to parry the first strike, and then was overwhelmed by a burst of adrenaline as Danzou smoothly countered his defense as if it hadn't even mattered. Sasuke hurriedly swept his cutlass down, barely deflecting the hit after it had already cut into his side.

He cried out as a line of pain shot through his body. Stunned, he tried to regain his stance, only to find his defense obliterated once more. Another cut blazed a fiery trail across his arm and Sasuke immediately retreated. Danzou was on him in an instant.

The attacks came fast and furious. They drove him back with a merciless, unyielding precision that made him feel like a child learning to fight against a master. It felt just like the times he had gotten too cocky training under Kakashi, and his teacher had decided to drill into him exactly how low he still stood on the ladder of power. The only thing that let him keep his cool in the face of Danzou's onslaught were the last three days he had spent getting absolutely destroyed by Gold Roger. If the Pirate King couldn't break him then neither would this evil old man.

But inside the Tsukuyomi he had been immortal. Out here in the real world he couldn't keep taking hits. He had to run, but Danzou wasn't letting him get any room. Was there anything he could do to get some space?

Ah, yes. Yes, there was.

Danzou looked surprised before Sasuke had even done anything. Kicking hard off the ground, Sasuke leapt into the air, barely dodging a final swipe of Danzou's blade. Danzou immediately flicked his fingers through a quick series of hand seals and blew a barrage of wind chakra in his direction, but for once Sasuke saw it coming.

 **[GEPPOU]**

At the height of his jump he jumped again, dodging the Ninjutsu completely. Soon, he was kicking off of the air every couple of seconds, dancing in the sky. Danzou stopped fighting entirely, settling instead for glaring up at him in a way that reminded him of the legions of adults he and Naruto had pissed off back in the days of their youth.

Hmm, that was a little odd. Jumping this high should be no problem for a ninja like Danzou, but he was staying firmly earthbound. Attacking Sasuke in the air _would_ put the old man at a disadvantage, but considering how overwhelming he had been the sudden stop to the fight was somewhat jarring.

Eventually, Danzou grew impatient enough to ask a question. "What do you think you're doing?"

Well, time to make like the good old days and piss off a geezer.

"Uhh, _flying?"_ said Sasuke, as if he was talking to an idiot child. "What, you're telling me you've been out here longer than I have and you haven't even learned how to _fly_ yet?"

Inside his heart, Naruto snorted with amusement in between dodging hits from Tobi. Danzou looked briefly like he was about to blow a gasket, but then took a deep breath, shook his head, and sighed. "I despair of this world ever making sense again," he muttered. "If you're done showing off, you can come back down to earth."

"What if I don't feel like it?"

Danzou disengaged his Mangekyou, turned around, and began walking off towards the other fights.

"What a waste of time. Perhaps your earthbound friends will be more inclined to fight me."

Shit. Sasuke continued jumping in the air, following after the old man and thinking carefully. One thing was for certain; he couldn't go back to the ground until he knew just how Danzou's Mangekyou worked.

He'd have to review what he knew.

Danzou's eye was nearly blind, so he wouldn't keep it activated unless it was accomplishing something. He hadn't been trying to make eye contact even after activating it, which meant it was less likely to be a Genjutsu-type. Neither had he done anything overt, such as controlling living lightning or summoning endless black flame, which meant his power was probably something subtle and constant.

Which meant… what, exactly? That was the toughest kind to predict.

As quickly as possible, Sasuke reviewed his visual memory of every moment of the fight starting with the activation of the Mangekyou. The answer would be found there. The thing that had changed was Danzou's sudden burst of overwhelming skill; every move that Sasuke had made was suddenly countered effortlessly, and he'd had to scramble to react in time to save his own skin.

" _Dude,"_ thought Naruto. " _You're thinking too hard. I'm fighting for my life over here and you're_ still _putting me to sleep."_

Sasuke sighed. " _I didn't ask to be connected to you, jerk. I have to figure out the technique's weakness or I'll get killed."_

" _You're still alive, yeah? Focus on why he hasn't killed you yet!"_

" _If it were that easy, don't you think I would have-"_

He paused. Why _was_ he still alive? When a ninja as cold-blooded as Danzou gets the upper hand the fight should be over immediately, but he had survived multiple strikes. Not unscathed, admittedly, but he was still breathing. Every time Danzou had attacked, Sasuke had been overwhelmed and forced to react at a disadvantage, at which point he had deflected death by a narrow margin.

Wasn't that backwards? How could he have put up a better defense with no time to think than when he'd been focused and prepared? It went against everything he'd ever been taught. It was almost as though Danzou had known exactly what he was going to do, but couldn't follow through after Sasuke saw it coming. Except for the Ninjutsu Danzou had fired right before he had escaped to the air.

No, wait! There too! Danzou had started readying his attack before Sasuke had even known he was going to be jumping. He'd aimed it perfectly, and only the fact that Sasuke could redirect his course in midair had saved his life.

" _Mind-reading or something?"_ thought Naruto. " _I dunno how these stupid eyeballs work, so…"_

Sasuke's breath hitched at the terrifying thought, but he calmed down a moment later. " _I don't think so. If it was actually mind-reading then he would have known that Itachi isn't here to help me anymore. I think he might literally be able to see what I'm doing before I know I'm going to do it."_

" _What?! That's crazy!"_

" _Maybe… but not as crazy as you might think. Sharingan-users have always pretended to be able to see the future, but the fact is that we're just incredibly good at analyzing the tiny unconscious movements in a person's body. You'd be surprised just how much the Sharingan can read from the little things."_

" _Oh, shut up about your damn eyes for once, okay? I know you brag about 'em all the time out loud, but you do it in your head, too?"_

" _You're jealous,"_ chuckled Sasuke. " _I get it. But it's not uncommon for a new Mangekyou Sharingan to develop based on the specialties of the person who it comes to. Itachi specialized in flames and illusions, and he received eyes that reflected those interests perfectly. If whoever these eyes belonged to had focused their training on reading the future in every tiny clue then it wouldn't be out of the question for them to develop a more advanced version of that. Something that takes in everything it sees and makes predictions from there."_

He silently seethed. " _If that Mangekyou was formed on the night of the massacre then someone's family and friends died to make it. I doubt they would appreciate it being used by their murderer."_

Naruto was silent for a moment. " _Man, no offense, but that's bullshit. If he can see the future then why aren't you dead?"_

Sasuke paused again, still trailing behind Danzou. Again, why _wasn't_ he dead? A skill like that might not be the flashiest ability around, but it still should have made mincemeat out of him. What should he-

" _AGH!"_ exclaimed Naruto. " _Stop thinking and just do something already! I'm having enough trouble over here! I can't keep listening to you thinking yourself in circles and distracting me!"_

" _I don't see you coming up with any good ideas."_

" _You want a Naruto-style good idea? If he's predicting everything you do then you just need to be too unpredictable to predict!"_

" _Too… too unpredictable to… what?"_

" _You need to keep him guessing,"_ thought Naruto, " _-and I know just how to do it. I hope you've been paying attention to the rest of the crew, man."_

Sasuke drew a blank before realization hit him. " _You want me to copy the crew?"_

" _I dunno! Copy everything! Make it so he can't adapt to what you're doing even if he can see the future! Hit him with everything and keep changing it up!"  
_  
Sasuke frowned, thinking furiously. " _I don't think that'll work. As long as he can see me he'll still see what I'm planning long enough in advance to be prepared. The only way that'd work is if I was out of his sight when I made the decision to switch it up. I guess I could try a smoke bomb or something, but that might hurt me more than—"_

" _No!"_ interrupted Naruto. " _Listen to me! If he can't see_ me _and_ I'm _the one giving you orders then neither of you will know what you're doing until the last second, right?"_

"…" Sasuke drew another blank. " _What?! You want me to just go in there and start fighting him based on whatever you tell me to do next? That's crazy!"_

Sasuke watched Danzou nervously from above. The old man had picked up speed, now running directly towards where Sakura, Hinata, and Chopper were trying to rescue Ace. Giant monsters battled against each other in between, but he had no doubt that Danzou and Orochimaru working together would be an insurmountable challenge. He had to try _something_ soon.

" _Okay,"_ he thought. " _Crazy or not, we'll try it. But don't tell me what to do, just give me names, alright? Anyone I've seen fight or sparred with."_

That said, he took a deep breath and then dropped to the ground, landing lightly before stretching his legs after the aerial exertion. Danzou turned back immediately, his Sharingan swirling back into its advanced form. A smirk on his face, he approached at high speed to resume the battle.

"Alright," mumbled Sasuke, raising his weapons. "Guess it's this or nothing. Naruto, I need a name."

The first command came through just a second before Danzou arrived, his black blade raised for the kill.

" _Zoro!"_

Sasuke's hand blurred, swapping his pistol for his personal katana.

 **[NITOURYU]**

His grip on both swords firmed, and then he flickered forwards, stopping directly in front of his opponent with both katana and cutlass held to the side.

 **[NITOURYU: NIGIRI]**

Danzou's motions faltered, seeming momentarily shocked as Sasuke brought both swords straight up into the air.

 **[TOUROU]**

Sasuke cut upwards. One sword knocked Danzou's guard aside, and the other bit into his chest as Sasuke rose into the sky like an ascending eagle. Stunned by the pain, the old man cast his gaze upward, but couldn't see where his foe had gone.

 **[OOTOUROU]**

Sasuke descended from behind, pushing off the air to attack from a blind spot. The dual-swords smashed into Danzou's hurried defense, and Sasuke smirked victoriously as he followed with a storm of attacks.

" _It worked!"_ he thought.

Though it had indeed harmed Danzou, the old man quickly regained his footing, deflecting Sasuke's swords with a flurry of precise motions that swiftly turned the tides. His advantage hadn't lasted long.

" _Another one!"_

" _Sanji!"_

Sasuke didn't think; he just dropped to the ground and spun, snapping a kick at Danzou's legs. When the old man jumped into the air to dodge the attack, Sasuke kicked off the stones, one foot spearing upwards.

 **[POITRINE SHOOT]**

It struck Danzou unerringly in the chest, driving the air from his lungs. He flew back into the air, spinning wildly. Cursing, he landed from the brutal attack and skidded backwards across the stones, scanning the area for sign of Sasuke.

 **[CONCASSÉ]**

Sasuke dropped out of the sky spinning like a buzz-saw. Danzou dove out of the way to dodge the vicious axe-kick just in time to miss an impact that shattered the ground with its force, sending up a cloud of broken rock shards. Then Sasuke charged forward, and though his opponent's movements quickly began adjusting to his barrage of kicks, he took courage from Danzou's worried expression.

" _Another name!"_

" _Jiraiya!"_

He immediately switched to everything he had learned by copying Jiraiya's bombastic fighting-style, throwing wide-angled punches and kicks with reckless abandon, only switching out when Danzou adjusted. He kept at it, with Naruto sending more and more names his way.

" _Those CP9 guys!"_

" _Kakashi!"_

" _Gold Roger again!"_

" _Uh, Luffy!"_

Sasuke snorted at that one. If it weren't for the fact that he'd been ready for Naruto to say something like that then it might have confused him. Instead, he switched out for another name, sheathing his swords and grabbing two kunai to duplicate Commodore Flounders' dual-knife aerial fighting style. He also made a mental note to remind Naruto that the Sharingan wouldn't let him stretch his limbs, no matter how amazing it was.

His daggers licked out, deflecting Danzou's sword yet failing to harm the man. Whether it was because Danzou was getting used to his technique swapping or because the copied technique was weaker than the others he couldn't say. Either way, Danzou was recovering from every subsequent change in his fighting style faster and faster, which meant this wasn't tenable in the long run.

" _Any more ideas?"_ he asked, when Naruto's suggestions flagged.

" _Sorry,"_ thought Naruto. " _Busy trying not to die over here!"_

Sasuke frowned. Come to think of it, it didn't really matter any more. Danzou was getting so used to fighting him that even figuring out new surprises wouldn't help. It was time to back off and think of a new plan. He jumped into the air and kicked into flight, abandoning Danzou entirely.

The old man watched him go with rage burning in his eyes. "It seems you've forgotten something, _child!"_ he spat. "You're not the only one with a Sharingan!"

That said, the old man jumped into the air... and then jumped again.

 **[GEPPOU]**

Sasuke's eyes opened wide as Danzou shot towards him, sword raised for the kill. The fight began again in mid-air, and all he could think about was how screwed he was.

* * *

 **-Naruto-**

The battle against Tobi, if you could call it that, had been raging for several minutes now, but little progress had been made in either direction.

Tobi's Rinnegan exploded with power and Naruto flew away at high speed, soaring over the battleground below, where an army of toads fought the four hideous Rinnegan monsters. Grandpa Fukasaku's tongue sprung from his mouth, stretching out to ridiculous lengths and wrapping around a low-hanging branch of the Divine Tree. Before Tobi knew it, Naruto was being swung back towards the fight once again. Tobi grunted with frustration. This wasn't the first time, or even the fifth time this had happened.

"Ugh!" exclaimed Tobi. "Leave me alone already!

"Tobi! I'm not leaving until you answer me!"

"FINE! I'll answer you! Whatever, just leave me alone!"

Naruto landed back on top of the altar. "Look, I don't know exactly what I wanna ask you yet, but-"

"Then why are you still talking to me?!" screamed Tobi.

"Because you're my friend!" yelled Naruto, though he immediately looked like he regretted it.

Tobi was silent for a moment, but he didn't seem particularly moved by Naruto's confession. "Am I? Am I really? Because I asked people, you know? I asked them if you could be friends with someone if you killed their parents and they said 'no!' They called me stupid for asking! And you know what? After thinking it through, I agree with them!"

Naruto growled, not at all aware of what he was planning to say until he said it. "Okay, you want me to call you stupid? You're a stupid idiot, Tobi! I can't even believe all the boneheaded things you've been doing, and I'm saying that as someone who's pretty damn good at making boneheaded decisions! And maybe you're _not_ my friend! But you know what? You _should_ be! If your dad hadn't screwed you up then maybe you could've been!" He shook his head. " _That's_ who I'm talking to here. Not you, but some other Tobi inside of you who isn't trying to be a total piece of shit all the time!"

All of a sudden, Tobi looked deeply uncertain. "Some... other Tobi? But there's only me in here. I don't… I don't get it? My... dad? Why-"

"You think I wasn't paying attention to what you were saying down there?" interrupted Naruto. "You told me all about how your dad made you do all of this crazy stuff, but we found out who he really was! Uchiha Madara. We learned all about him before coming up here."

Tobi looked nervous. His expressive face made every emotion shine through without any filters. "Umm… but…"

"Tell me the truth, Tobi," said Naruto. "Was the rest of what you told me really true? You're really planning on killing yourself to bring Madara back to life?"

Tobi stilled for a moment, then slowly nodded. When he spoke again, he sounded sombre. "The Rinnegan has the power to bring back the dead in exchange for my own life. That was always his plan… to be revived so that he could bring peace to the world one day."

Naruto's jaw dropped. He looked back and forth to Ma and Pa, but they looked just as stumped as he did. Far off in the distance, several large snakes appeared in puffs of smoke as Orochimaru revved up the fight to protect his sacrifices. A second after that, a big chunk of what looked like a slug plopped mightily into existence, making the monster mash trinity complete.

" _Peace?!"_ exclaimed Naruto. " _That's_ what this is about? He wanted all this done for _peace_?!"

"Well, umm… nobody else is doing it, so…"

For a moment, Naruto stammered and stuttered. On one hand it was probably the best possible reason Tobi might have had for going to war with the world, but on the other hand it was literally the most ridiculous idea he'd ever heard. "You and the rest of your cronies have practically been a walking warzone! If you care about peace so much then why aren't you working towards that yourself?!"

Tobi looked aghast. "Oh, no! I couldn't _dream_ of bringing peace to the world _myself_ , Naruto. Lord Madara said it was _very_ hard, and you may not have noticed this, but I am not very smart."

"And Madara was?! There are lots of smart people in the world who want peace! Why can't you help one of them?! Why does it have to be a dead guy?!"

Tobi looked increasingly uncomfortable. "But… if I chose someone else… then Lord Madara would stay dead?"

"Yeah, he would! That's what happens when you're dead, Tobi! You're supposed to stay that way! Look, is this really about peace at all, or is it just about making him happy?"

"Ummm… both."

"Argh! What's Madara's plan, then? What's he going to do that anyone else couldn't?"

"I don't really know…"

"You don't even _know?!"_

"I wasn't the plan guy, to be completely honest."

"Tobi, what if his idea of peace was just killing everyone and then calling it quits?!"

Tobi finally seemed on firmer ground now. "I don't think that sounds likely. He's probably got a really cool idea."

"A cool idea?! That's what you're willing to die for?!"

"Well what's your idea, huh?!" shouted Tobi, now thoroughly agitated. "-and _don't_ say 'grab all the Tailed-Beasts and use them to trap everyone in the world inside a big monster tree-'" he smirked, "-because _we_ already thought of that."

"Damnit, Tobi!" Naruto snarled, provoking a pulse of concern from Sasuke and his two toad minders.

" _Naruto,"_ thought Sasuke. " _I'm only catching like half of this, but if you're not making progress then don't beat your head against the wall. Try a different angle."_

Sasuke was right. Tobi was either too dumb or too stubborn for this line of reasoning. He'd have to take a different approach.

"What about your dad?" he asked, grappling onto the one thing Tobi seemed to care about. "Was it his idea for you to kill yourself for him, or was this some stupid thing you came up with on your own?"

Tobi winced. "Uhh, actually it wasn't _supposed_ to be me… it's just that…"

"Then this wasn't the plan at all, was it?" Naruto pushed forward, drawing on all of the good things he had heard about dads in the past. "Look, you really love your dad, right? So that means he loved you too, right? So if your dad were here _right_ _now_ , would he _really_ want you to die for him, or would he want you to stay alive and live happily?"

Though everything Naruto had heard about the experience of having parents had led him to believe otherwise, this appeared to be the wrong question to ask. Tobi froze in place, clutched his head, and screamed. " _HE'D WANT ME TO DIE!"_ he shouted.

As Naruto reeled back from Tobi's sudden outburst, Tobi exploded into movement, charging at him with overwhelming speed. His fist connected with Naruto's face, knocking him off the altar and to the ground below. Shouting in pain, Naruto stood up only to see Tobi descending upon him. He dodged out of the way between the legs of various enormous beasts with all the speed he could muster in Sage Mode, but Tobi caught up quickly, his face contorted in anger.

" _Are you happy now?! I know! I know! He'd want me to die for him and it hurts to think about it! I know all of that already, so JUST SHUT UP AND STOP TALKING TO ME!"_

It looked as though what little hope he'd had to resolve this peacefully had gone right out the window. His last thought before the fight resumed was a desperate plea to Sasuke for ideas.

* * *

 **-Sakura, Hinata, Chopper-**

A viper fifteen feet wide uncoiled itself with massive force, smashing Sakura through the air. She recovered just in time to avoid breaking her back on the Divine Tree's trunk, turning the crushing impact into a horizontal three-point landing. She looked to the side. Chopper was barely fifty feet away, still carefully removing the invasive medical implements that had been implanted inside Ace to connect his chakra system to the tree.

Their defense line shattered, Orochimaru saw a chance to attack. He dove forward, slipping past Hinata in an attempt to drive the reindeer child away from his sacrifice once and for all. Two serpents abandoned the skirmish to follow him in formation, forming a deadly spear that would bring death to the distracted Chopper.

Before he could get very far, three tremendous blobs of wet, white pseudo-flesh dropped to the ground right in front of the snake-man's advance. Lady Katsuyu had gladly agreed to help Sakura fight this battle, though Sakura only had the chakra reserves to summon a small portion of the slug queen's immense bulk. It was still a tremendous boon. She had occasionally heard her master Tsunade mention just how effective her great slug ally was against Orochimaru's snakes, but it hadn't sunk in until right now. A brightly-ringed serpent sank its fangs into the slug, its ridiculously deadly poison accomplishing absolutely nothing as Katsuyu secreted a potent acid in return. In seconds the snake was thoroughly dead, and the slug fragment was free to move on to other targets.

Orochimaru, however, didn't seem to care. He dove straight through the center-most slug like a penetrating drill, and the flashy attack distracted Katsuyu from noticing the moment when he dissolved inside her body, the true Orochimaru diving out of the ground behind the defenders, continuing his charge towards Ace uncontested. Chopper was defenseless, Hinata was busy fighting off no less than half a dozen super-serpents, and that left Sakura alone to stop Orochimaru's assault. She winced, but couldn't let herself be paralyzed with indecision. There was really only one choice now.

"Hey asshole!" shouted Sakura. Orochimaru glanced to the side just in time to see her lift a chunk of masonry the size of her torso and chuck it overarm straight at the second sacrifice, Kakuzu's lightning heart. Orochimaru dove sideways so quickly he seemed to blur, leaping up and slicing the stone projectile out of the air.

She allowed herself a grim smile.

Orochimaru may have been an unbeatable monster, but he still had to defend his sacrifices at all costs or else lose the Fruit. By attacking the second sacrifice with everything she had, he was forced to defend it instead of killing them. Unfortunately, it also meant that every single time she attacked she was gambling with the fate of the world, but she had to trust that Orochimaru could handle anything she threw at him.

Wasn't that a laugh.

More thrown stones followed the first until one of the tremendous snakes charged at her from the side, fangs bared. Hinata rushed in, bringing both palms into its scaly side in a crashing blow that sent it flying out of the way, hissing in pain from its internal injuries.

Without warning, the black-stringed beast that was serving as the second human sacrifice began writhing and twisting in apparent pain, lightning exploding from its body in unregulated bursts. Orochimaru shot a surprised glare over his shoulder before leaping backwards and rushing to his sacrifice's aid. He shielded himself, grabbed the bound sacrifice, umbilical cable and all, and leapt up to a tree branch far above, giving them some degree of relief.

Hmm… if that thing really was one of Kakuzu's hearts then that meant the rest of the gang had managed to hurt him somehow.

"Hey!" shouted Chopper.

She glanced to the side. Chopper was waving in their direction.

"Ace is okay!" He shouted, relief, pride, and worry warring in his expression. "I've fixed him up, but I can't take off his handcuffs! They're made of seastone!"

"I've got it," said Hinata, immediately bursting into a run.

Above them, Orochimaru finished stabilizing the stringed monster, ripping its electrified heart from its body and inserting the umbilical cable into the pulsing flesh. His fingers glowed with blue flames as he jabbed the heart, each palpitation generating another arcane seal upon its surface. When he was done, the heart had returned to a normal rhythm. That done, Orochimaru put the sacrifice in a safe position and turned to look down at the fighters below him.

Chopper stepped up beside her, and Sakura nodded to the young reindeer. "Good to have you with me."

He nodded nervously. "Are we okay? Are we winning?"

"We're doing alright," she lied. She and Hinata had been burning chakra at absolutely unsustainable levels in order to survive against Orochimaru's onslaught, and things really weren't looking good for them. There was only one bright spot in this mess. The Hyuuga family, she had learned, were absolutely ridiculous at picking locks. One of the many benefits of being able to see through objects at will. "Hinata will get Ace free. Just hold on a little longer, okay?"

Her confident tone seemed to bolster his nerves, but from that moment on, the attacks came fast and furious. Ironically, now that Orochimaru had retreated from combat with his sacrifice he was far freer to attack them than he had been before. He began supporting the snakes fighting below him by rapidly bombarding the ground with wide varieties of Ninjutsu, gradually forcing them closer and closer to the place where Katsuyu was shielding Hinata and Ace.

Clouds of poison drifted down from above, forcing the two medical specialists to ready counter-agents. Sakura summoned a bulwark of stone to shield herself from a descending ball of fire that exploded like a bomb. When she recovered from the blast, another emerald serpent lunged directly at her, only to be devastated by a catastrophic hoof-strike from Chopper.

There was no relief from the unending assault, and it didn't take long before they were pushed to the point of collapse.

From far above, Orochimaru raised both hands a took a deep breath. His fingers moved from seal to seal, carefully forming a technique that they were helpless to interrupt. When he let out his breath, it erupted from his mouth in an explosive blast. Cutting wind dropped towards them, expanding wider and wider until it was large enough to cover everywhere they could possibly have run to. Sakura took stock of her chakra reserves, but she already knew she wouldn't be able to guard against this.

She watched as the killing wind came closer and closer, helpless to defend herself or Chopper. Then, moments before the end, a hand was placed on her shoulder. She jumped in surprise and struck out behind her only for the newcomer to catch her fist with one hand. She spun in place.

"Miss me?" asked Ace, a pained expression showing through his handsome grin. He looked gaunt, as if something had been permanently taken from him, but he stepped forward nonetheless. Looking up at the incoming wind, he raised both hands, flames tearing from his body as if they yearned to escape.

 **[MERA-MERA: HIBASHIRA]**

* * *

 **-Sasuke-**

Blood dripped from the sky as swords clashed. Sasuke had taken too many hits, and now he was running on empty. His breath burned in his lungs, and his legs were beginning to feel dull and heavy, an event that would spell his death in this aerial duel. Chakra loss was starting to become as much of an issue as blood loss.

Then, just as suddenly as it had rose, Danzou's luck faltered. The old man twitched, leg spasming, and he dropped from the sky like a stone, barely landing safely down below. Sasuke quickly reviewed what he had seen, and found something he hadn't noticed before; the chakra manipulation being used by Danzou to copy Geppou wasn't a perfect replica of his own technique. Whether it was because his eye was in bad shape or because Danzou wasn't a true Uchiha, the CP9 secret art had finally betrayed him.

Sasuke knew he should be exploiting this moment of weakness, but he simply didn't have the strength. He landed a moment later, quite some distance away, so that he could catch his breath.

He couldn't help but feel it was a bit silly that in the middle of this life and death battle, both of them had to stop to take a breather. Off in the distance, toads, snakes, slugs, and other random giant monsters were still fighting throughout the tremendous room. Compared to what was happening over there, this superpowered swordfight was practically mundane and boring.

Wait, that yellow monster in the distance. Was that a _giraffe?_

" _Yep,"_ thought Naruto, sounding distinctly harried. " _Cause my day couldn't get any worse, right? Listen, Tobi started kicking my ass all of a sudden. Can you see what Danzou knows about what's going on?"_

Gathering his breath, Sasuke straightened up, noticing that Danzou had done the same. He called out across the distance.

"So I have a question for you," asked Sasuke. "You know that Tobi's planning to betray you guys, right?"

Danzou actually scoffed, the noise erupting from some seemingly genuine source of disbelief. "Is that supposed to surprise me? Tobi isn't exactly a master of deceit, you know. We've all known he was planning something from the very beginning. The idea was that the rest of Akatsuki working together would prove to be a sufficient deterrent to prevent him from taking the fruit alone."

"Really," Sasuke said flatly. "All of you working together."

"Heh. Indeed."

"So it wouldn't surprise you," continued Sasuke, "-to learn that Tobi was planning to resurrect Uchiha Madara and give him the Divine Fruit?"

Danzou raised both eyebrows in an elegant gesture, though Sasuke's eyes caught the flickering moment of shock that had been hidden behind it.

"Yeah, I guessed you wouldn't have known that..."

Danzou sighed. "Ridiculous... What connection could Tobi possibly have to that man?"

"The Rinnegan are originally Madara's. Tobi was simply keeping them safe until the moment came to give them back."

Danzou's expression soured once more. "So… young Uchiha Obito met with Madara and became his pupil, hmm? Well, that would answer quite a few questions, wouldn't it? I'd always wondered how a third-tier Uchiha reject became this powerful, and if the Rinnegan weren't his originally then that would explain why he's so terrible at using them…"

"Uchiha… Obito?" asked Sasuke. The name was familiar somehow, as if he'd heard someone mention it before, though he couldn't place it at the moment. He glanced over in Tobi's direction, hawk-like vision piercing the great distance as if it were nothing. Sure enough, now that he was unmasked, the scarred face of an Uchiha was clearly visible.

"Oh, I see what you mean," said Sasuke. "No, Tobi isn't an Uchiha at all. His body was stolen by whatever's inside of him. One of Madara's creations."

"Hmm... interesting. And again, it answers some of my questions while providing more at the same time. Assuming you are telling the truth about all this, I can see why he would have hid this from us… speaking as someone who actually knew that rabid beast Madara, clearly Tobi is far more insane than I had thought."

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. "But you're not worried. You were planning to betray him first."

He smirked. "Why do you state obvious truths as if I should be impressed? Any shinobi worth his salt should have a plan to betray his fellows ready at a moment's notice."

" _This guy's a piece of crap,"_ thought Naruto.

Sasuke pressed further. "Betray him like you betrayed Konoha? How'd that work out for you, by the way?"

Danzou began laughing, a low chuckle that burst forth into hearty laughter.

"What's so funny?" asked Sasuke.

"I don't know what I find more hilarious; the fact that you can say such a thing when you've obviously been shirking your own duties, or the fact that you think that my exile was ever a setback for me. You think that I've been disgraced simply because they cast me out from the village? Exterminating the Uchiha clan was _necessary_ , and all of the village elders will recognize that! My exile was a political maneuver and nothing more."

Sasuke froze, heart hammering in his chest as his blood began pumping faster. Danzou continued to speak.

"This exile is just another mission to me. One way or another, some of Konoha's greatest enemies will be dealt with by my hand, and I will return victorious, having made us stronger. Strength through betrayal is just the final stage in the life of any truly successful shinobi, something that I had _thought_ your brother had understood. Instead, he died like a worm, leaving me to finish his work."

Sasuke's rage exploded inside him, and he gripped his sword hard enough to hurt himself. The instant before he could charge into the fight again, Naruto's spirit latched firmly onto his heart.

" _Don't you DARE just fly in there, man! Calm down and focus!"_

The rage he had felt slipped away like ash through his fingers, flowing through the link and leaving behind only the uncomfortable sense of shock upon realizing that Naruto was somehow better at controlling this heart-link than he was.

" _Yeah, apparently this is my thing,"_ thought Naruto. " _Sorry for messing with you, but you were about to get yourself killed."_

" _Yeah… sorry,"_ thought Sasuke, well-chastened. " _Won't happen again. Also, apparently Danzou is planning to betray Tobi. Might want to let him know that."_

There was a pulse of agreement through the link, and then Sasuke returned his focus to the fight. Danzou was glaring at him.

"Hmmm…" hummed Danzou, seeming disappointed that the young man hadn't taken the bait. Then he started running, reengaging his Mangekyou and raising his sword.

Sasuke had seen this inexorable advance several times before, but this time he didn't have any tricks left to deal with it. Every surprise he'd revealed had barely been sufficient to even the playing field, and he still didn't have a way to beat this Mangekyou. At this point, his only hope was that Danzou would either run out of chakra or go blind in that eye before he dealt a killing blow, but the chances of that seemed slim, even if he wasn't a real Uchiha.

All of a sudden a light went on in his mind.

That was it! Danzou may see the future, but he's no true Uchiha! His connection to the Sharingan is weaker than it would have been for the true owner, and to top it off his Sharingan was nearly blind. Finally, every time Danzou acted on his visions, he changed the future he saw, which meant that whatever Sasuke did in response was unknown to him until it was processed. All of those problems compounded upon each other to form a huge weakness in an otherwise unbeatable technique.

There was an answer in there. He could beat Danzou. He just had to exploit that weakness. He had to act the moment that Danzou's future-sight went blind. He had to… he had to...

Let go.

Danzou came at him, sword pointed at his heart, and Sasuke emptied his mind of a plan. He abandoned all thought, all attachment to a style or technique. He stood before a master of death, wielder of a legendary blade, and he was empty of skill. His sight sharpened further and further, one eye his; the other his brother's. He stood, focused on nothing but the moment and the movement of Danzou's body. Time slowed, solidified, and crystallized. Death came closer and closer.

Sasuke would react the instant Danzou committed to an attack and not one millisecond sooner.

Danzou's muscles twitched, preparing to change the stab into a diagonal slash. Sasuke reacted with the speed of the Sharingan, summoning the proper response out of pure muscle memory. His counterattack was written entirely in that instant.

Danzou's blade-hand faltered in surprise, and Sasuke's sword cut through the visions of the future, knocking the dark blade aside and scoring a red gash across Danzou's chest.

The old man shouted in surprised pain, but managed to bring his sword up to deflect Sasuke's follow up strike. Soon, they were returning to their former rhythm. The fight began again, but this time Sasuke held victory in his hand. If Danzou wanted to make this a battle over reaction times, then that was a fight he'd gladly accept! He was younger, he was faster, and he had a pair of Sharingan in perfect working condition!

Swords crashed out at the speed of thought. Soon Danzou was on the defensive, never completely sure if the future visions he saw would be accurate, or if he'd risk a bullet wound for his trouble. They danced around each other, and the old man was driven back step by step.

Then, abruptly, parity returned to the battle. No longer was Danzou losing ground, and soon it was Sasuke on the rear foot once more. He scanned the old man in confusion, trying to figure out what had changed, before he saw it: Danzou's Sharingan was in its base state again. Apparently, the old man had turned off his Mangekyou, and was now fighting without its help, which meant Sasuke's current disadvantage was because he was simply being outclassed.

This was _ridiculous!_ Was this the true difference between a young man and an experienced shinobi? His body was youthful, his reaction times faster, his connection to the Sharingan far more powerful, and yet every time he got the upper hand Danzou would adapt, completely countering Sasuke's technique. This was the power of the old snake who had been peer to the Third Hokage.

Victory was slipping through his fingers. Could he actually beat this man, or would he die in the attempt?

* * *

 **-Naruto-**

One way or another, the end was near. Naruto could feel the Divine Fruit's energy pressing down upon the room like a physical presence. Though he couldn't begin to guess exactly how much time they had left, it clearly wouldn't be long now. Not that it really mattered, since he was terribly busy getting ten kinds of crap kicked out of him.

"Tobi, seriously, stop it!" he shouted, blocking a hit that sent him sliding back across the ground. "If you really wanna make peace with the world then step one is not beating the crap outta me!"

Tobi no longer showed any trace of his previous happy and airheaded persona. His facial expressions seemed to be waffling back and forth between rage and extreme frustration. "What if I want to beat the crap out of you?! Maybe this isn't about peace at all, alright?! Maybe I don't care about any of that because _I'm not a good person!"_

"Then why?! Why are you so hung up on bringing him back if you don't even care about what he's doing?!"

" _Because he's my father!"_ screamed Tobi. " _Because I love him!"_

Tobi's unexpected statement left Naruto so surprised he took another hit. The furious punch sent him flying up into a tree branch, and the impact left him jarred and stunned in pain. He recovered with barely enough time to land safely. Beside him, Granny Shima muttered her admonishment. "Boy, keep your focus. You ain't tough enough to take hits from this man. If you need to calm him down then do what you gotta do."

"I can't calm him down," groaned Naruto, well aware of the state of his pained and creaking bones. "I'm finally getting something real out of him. Now that he's angry, he's finally stopped being such a doofus airhead and saying what he's really feeling."

Tobi shot straight for him like a screaming bullet, and Naruto barely dodged in time.

"Kurama," said Naruto, addressing his inner demon. "I'm gonna need some serious help here if I wanna avoid dying. Just give me-"

 **Don't you dare order me around, child. I know exactly how much you can handle. And for the record, diplomacy seems to be failing. The Tobi that I remember had no understanding of right or wrong. Give serious thought to finding a way to kill this man.**

Naruto didn't respond, though he could feel the toads' reluctant agreement from his shoulder. A second later, a bolt of adrenaline hit him straight in the heart as chakra flooded his system. His strength, speed, and durability shot upward as he struggled to contain his increasing aggression.

Tobi darted back into combat, throwing a wild haymaker that he barely dodged in time. A burst of unnatural rage filled his heart for a moment, but soon he reached equilibrium. He might not have been as powerful as the demon had made him in the past, but he was also only 'mildly peeved' rather than 'a ravenous pit of endless bloodlust.' Kurama, it seemed, had upheld his end of the bargain.

"Kill him? I dunno if you've noticed, guys," muttered Naruto, "-but he's just plain better than me. The only reason he hasn't killed _me_ yet is 'cause he's going kinda crazy. He's not even using his eye-magic anymore."

There was no response to that, and Naruto returned his attention to the fight. Tobi continued rushing in, throwing barely controlled punches and kicks that were delivered with ridiculous strength.

"I love him!" Tobi shouted again. "And I'm gonna bring him back to life! There isn't anything you can do to stop me! It doesn't matter what you say! So shut up! Shut up, shut up, _shut up!"_

Naruto took a grazing hit that sent him careening into the side of the grand altar. He recovered just in time to dodge the follow-up strike. "AGH! Shit! Damnit, Tobi, what kind of parent wants their kid to die for them so they can live, huh? Madara didn't love you in return! He just wanted to use you!"

Tobi actually snarled, the noise bestial. "You think I don't _know_ that?! He told us that to our faces! We were his tools! He called us an extension of his will, and that's it! Nobody loves a tool, they just _use_ them!"

"How can you love him so much if you know he doesn't even love you back?"

Tobi screamed and charged forward, his hands spread like talons. He continued attacking wildly, looking for all the world like he wanted to tear Naruto apart with his bare hands. "Maybe you would understand the way I feel if someone hadn't killed your parents, huh?!" shouted Tobi. His face was contorted in an almost obscene parody of pain. "Oh, wait! I _did_ kill your parents! I did it because I'M NOT A GOOD PERSON!"

Naruto winced, dodged an attempt to grab him, and connected with a roundhouse that knocked the air from Tobi's lungs and sent him flying back towards the grand altar.

Sasuke's voice entered his heart. " _Naruto, are you okay? Don't let him get to you."_

" _Yeah, fuck it. He can't piss me off anymore,"_ thought Naruto. " _I made him hurt inside so now he's trying to hurt me back without even knowing why he's doing it. He really is like a kid."_

" _Madara really messed this guy up, huh? The dead shouldn't meddle in the affairs of the living,"_ thought Sasuke. " _I think I learned that lesson the hard way."_

Tobi charged back into combat, and Naruto resumed dodging and blocking his wild attacks. "Tobi, listen to me! My best friend? The one I talked about all the time? His brother died a long time ago too, but he obeyed him for years like he was still hanging around!"

"What's your point?!"

"My point is that that it didn't work out for him! You can't live your life the way someone else wants you to! The only thing you can do is live the way you want to!"

"I can too live my life the way he wants me to!" shouted Tobi. "That's what I've been doing for the last twenty years! I grew up strong! I gathered all of Akatsuki! I came up with a plan! I killed so many people! And now we're going to win! It's working out for me, alright?!"

Naruto thought back to the information Sasuke had shared earlier. "You think those guys have your back? They're not your friends, Tobi! Danzou's even planning to betray you!"

"That doesn't matter! I know I don't have any friends, but I don't need them, either! When Lord Madara comes back to life he can kill _all of them!_ "

"But you'll be dead! _Argh!_ Why don't you get this, you dumbass?! Bringing back Madara won't make anything better for you!"

Naruto snapped a kick at Tobi's chest, but the man caught it and swung him into the air. Tobi ripped a chunk of stone from the ground and threw it at him, which Naruto only dodged thanks a swift redirect courtesy of his toad helpers' tongues.

"But I want him back anyway!" shouted Tobi, chasing after him. "It was the only time in my life things made sense! The only time I had a family! I had brothers that depended on me! When I bring Madara back, even if it's only for a moment I'll know that I finally did things right for a change!"

It felt like he was beating on a wall. Worse, even. He'd broken through his fair share of walls in his time. Tobi might as well have been immovable, but he had to keep trying. "You keep talking about family, but what's the point of a family if they're just a bunch of assholes?!"

"Oh, what would _you_ know about it?!" growled Tobi. "I'd love to have him take my place! He's better than me! He can do everything I can't! He'll make the world a paradise! I know it!"

Naruto cursed, but then an answer came to him in a burst of dubious epiphany. He finally saw a chance to change the pattern, and he took it, jumping forward through the conversation without even being sure of where it would lead him. "If Madara's so damn awesome, then why are you still here, huh?!"

Pa muttered in his ear. "Boy, I trust you, but are you sure you wanna go with that question?"

Tobi slowed in his headlong attack. "W-what? What do you…"

"You heard me," said Naruto, defending himself from Tobi's onslaught much more easily now. "I know you can bring him back whenever you want, so why didn't you resurrect him the first chance you got?"

Tobi stopped fighting entirely. "I… I don't understand the question."

"You've been putting this plan of yours together for decades, but if all you really cared about was bringing him back because you love him so much then why didn't you just do _that_ , like, twenty years ago?! Then Madara would've been alive and _he_ could've done all this in your place, right?"

"I… I don't..."

"You said it yourself! He'd have done a better job at all this than you did, right? So there was no reason for you to stick around! You risked everything that he wanted to accomplish because you waited until now to bring him back, and for what?! Nothing!"

"But," started Tobi, who was beginning to shake nervously, "-but I was just following the plan, and the only part of it I knew was that we had to wait to bring him back to life until everything was ready! It's not my fault! I was just-"

"Bullshit! Don't make dumb excuses! You're willing to go to war with the whole damn world, but you're not willing to change your dumb plan when it goes wrong?"

"No! I wouldn't-"

"I'll tell you why you did all of this," stated Naruto, stepping closer and glaring desperately at his opponent. "The only reason you waited this long was because _you didn't want to die!_ You didn't want to die, or else you would've brought him back ages ago."

" _No!_ " sobbed Tobi, tears streaming down his face. "That would be wrong! No!"

" _Yes!_ You wanna keep living, and running around, and eating stupid food, and…" he rummaged through his memory, "-and _pooping_ , so you ignored everything that Madara would have wanted just so you could spend your life living the way you want to."

"No, no, no! I didn't! I wouldn't! I was just following the plan! Tobi's a good boy! Tobi's a good boy!"

"You could've brought him back at any time, but you didn't! And you know what? You _still_ don't have to do it! You can give all this up and live life the way you want to! All you have to do is _stop being such a dick!"_

There was a time of muffled sobbing from Tobi's direction. Naruto watched him nervously.

The only warning he got was when the sobbing stopped, and then Tobi's hand shot up, lifting Naruto's body off the ground with the Rinnegan's telekinetic power.

"Gah! Tobi!" exclaimed Naruto.

"I'm done," said Tobi. His face was hard, and his sobbing had stopped. "And you're right. Bringing Madara back to life wasn't my only dream, but that's all over now. I've given up on that other dream, like I should have done a long time ago. The fruit is almost ready. It's time to finish this."

He clenched his hand and _pulled_ , sending Naruto flying towards Tobi at high-speed. The toads quickly tried to correct Naruto's course, though their efforts bore no fruit in the split-second before he was in Tobi's grip. Tobi pinned his hands behind his back in a single motion as the Rinnegan's chakra absorption field sprung up around both of them, and Naruto felt his energy being ripped violently from his body.

"Sorry, Naruto," said Tobi. "I really don't want to kill you, but I can't accept you getting in my way any longer. Once you run out of chakra, I'm sure you'll stop bothering me."

The chakra drain intensified further and further, and inside his heart Kurama chuckled.

 **And just like that, you've won. Who would have expected victory to be so anticlimactic.**

Though they didn't speak, Ma and Pa rapidly accelerated their collection of natural energy. Naruto nodded to each of them in turn, feeling the wild chakra flow in a raging torrent through the Rinnegan's absorption field and through Tobi's body.

This really could be the end. If an untrained human absorbed too much natural energy they would swiftly begin manifesting the traits of animals. Shortly after that, they would turn to stone and die. He had won the battle, and all he had to do was not say anything. His brief moment of uncertainty about whether or not to let Tobi die was interrupted when Tobi let him go and staggered backwards, both hands clutching his face as if in pain.

" _Aghh!"_ he cried. " _What- what's happening to me?!"_

Naruto could sense the natural energy running rampant through Tobi's body, and soon twisted white tentacles exploded from his ears, nose and mouth, wriggling wildly back and forth. They wrapped around his body, bending his limbs unnaturally in each direction.

"Whoa! What the hell?!" shouted Naruto.

"GAAAAAAAAHHH!" screamed two voices in unison, both of them Tobi's. His wriggling tendrils grasped at his face, struggling helplessly against the fatal wave of natural energy that ripped through his body.

Or so they thought. Shortly afterwards, Tobi stopped screaming and the tentacles retreated into his skull one after another. When Tobi removed his hands, his face was covered in the deep red markings of a perfect Sage Mode transformation. The lines around his eyes were especially pronounced, and a thick circular sigil adorned his forehead.

"Whoa!" exclaimed Tobi. Naruto and the others watched in shock as the man examined his limbs. "Wow, what… what _is_ this? Did you do this to me? This feels super cool!" He looked toward Naruto, who stared back dumbfounded. "Oh! This is what you're doing yourself, isn't it? Do I look as weird as you do?"

Before Naruto could speak, Pa broke his self-enforced silence. "Impossible! You can't just control natural energy like that without any training! You don't even have any animal traits showing on you! The only living thing who was that good at mastering sage chakra was the great Hashirama!"

"Hashi… rama?" muttered Tobi, before recognition lit up his newly-marked face. "Oh! I know that guy! I'm actually kind of a clone of him, can you believe that?" He laughed, suddenly cheerful once more. "Man, small world, huh?"

"Oh, shit," said Naruto, summing up a great many problems in very few words.

Tobi stretched in place and hopped up and down as he spun around. "Wow, this lets me sense all kinds of stuff all around me," he said. "It's like the whole world opened up for me!"

"It… uh…. it doesn't happen to make you want to give up and stay alive, does it?" asked Naruto.

Tobi shook his head. "Nope. Sorry. But it does tell me that the Divine Fruit is almost ready."

He disappeared, almost teleporting to the base of the grand altar and beginning his ascent.

"I have to thank you, Naruto," said Tobi. "You're right. Until now, I don't think I was ready for what I needed to do."

Naruto cursed, sprinting after Tobi and leaping into a flying punch. He blocked the hit without even looking and knocked Naruto away. Naruto rebounded from a tree branch and tried again, but had no more luck this time. Every attack was rebuffed with almost pitiful ease, and Tobi's Rinnegan meant all Ninjutsu would be completely useless as well.

"I'm sorry for everything I did to you," he said, ducking his head to the side to dodge a thrown kunai. "Really, I am. And… umm, I'd really suggest you run away as soon as you can. I'll leave Madara a note or something telling him you're cool, but I can't guarantee he won't try and hurt you."

In the end, Tobi returned to the top of the grand altar unharmed, where the Divine Fruit glowed more fiercely than ever. Tobi turned to face him, took a deep breath, and sighed.

"I just wanted to thank you. I know we couldn't really have been friends, but… but I think hanging out with you was the most fun I could have had… before the end."

"Tobi, you don't have to do this!" exclaimed Naruto.

"Yeah," he said, determination burning in his eyes. "Yeah I do."

He took another deep breath, and the world itself seemed to flex around him. "Alright. Time to do this."

"Shit," muttered Naruto. "Guys? Any ideas?"

* * *

 **-Sasuke-**

" _Sasuke!"_ thought Naruto. " _Don't you dare give up on me! I need your help here!"_

" _I'm not giving up!"_ thought Sasuke, defending against Danzou's vicious onslaught with all of his might. " _I just can't figure out what to do about this guy!"_

" _Look, if Tobi's telling the truth then we're like a minute or less away from the fruit being ready. Ace is back in action, but I don't think I can keep Tobi from summoning Madara any longer."_

" _...Do you think you can take the fruit from him if it comes to it?"_

" _Dude, he's turned into a Sage Mode clone of the First Hokage with the Rinnegan. So, no, we're pretty far past the point of me beating him, alright?!"_

Sasuke backed off, leaping into the air. One final idea came to him in a fit of sudden inspiration.

" _Naruto, I need to get Danzou to look me in the eyes."_

"… _You think you can do that illusion thing to him? I still don't think you should be torturing anyone, man!"_

" _No, I…"_ he paused, not used to having to give his thoughts until he'd had a chance to work out what he was going to say. " _I don't think I need to. I think… I think… I'm not sure what exactly it'll be, but... but I have a plan. Can you give me like ten seconds and then yell out that the fruit's opening up?"_

There was a pulse of agreement from Naruto.

It was time to go all in. The fight would end here, one way or another. Sasuke darted through the sky, each jump causing a sound blast of displaced air. He tore wide circles around Danzou, and the old man watched him warily as he went, still avoiding direct eye contact.

Then Naruto called out his distraction.

"SASUKE!" shouted Naruto. "GET BACK HERE! THE FRUIT'S READY!"

The noise echoed throughout the room, and Danzou's head whipped around in surprise, only to catch sight of the one thing he has been avoiding this whole fight. Sasuke had maneuvered directly into his line of sight, and in that single shocked and unguarded moment he and the old man finally locked eyes.

 **[TSUKUYOMI]**

Once again, time slowed to a crawl.


	70. Sympathy for the Devil

Danzou awoke to a cold that shocked him to his bones. The world he had appeared in was a frozen wasteland of ice and dust. Wind burned like cold flame as it ripped through his insufficient clothing and began the swift process of stripping the heat from his body, but as much as he wished he could have pretended otherwise, his nervous fear had little to do with the cold. He turned this way and that, already recalling all of his training on cold resistance. He looked ahead to the horizon, seeing a rising sun that was utterly failing to do more than merely illuminate the landscape. Behind him he saw a cliffside that offered no hope of shelter. To his right was snow. To his left was ice.

But he didn't see Itachi anywhere.

Neither did he see Sasuke, but that boy hardly mattered. The soft little brother didn't have the spine to make a torture stick. Careful to avoid showing emotion, Danzou retreated to the cliffside, scanning the landscape as he went. When he arrived, he sat down, huddling carefully to preserve his heat. A quick check proved that he had no access to his chakra, as expected, but it had been worth a shot. Fire Ninjutsu would have kept him quite warm until he learned what to expect from his fate.

So he waited.

It was an hour spent huddling in the freezing wind before he finally laughed, his mouth almost numb from the cold.

"Y-you fool! Itachi left you alone, didn't he?! You bared your fangs to frighten me and _this_ is what you have to show for it?! Leaving the _cold_ to do its worst?!" He laughed some more, his breath expelling in great hot clouds. "At least you've finally realized you're too soft to get your hands dirty yourself! Are you even watching this, or are you too weak to watch a man freeze?"

There was no response. The terrain remained unmoved, save for the blowing wind and ice. If Sasuke was listening then he didn't show it. Danzou cackled quietly to himself as he glanced to the sky, his energy exhausted from even that outburst. The sun had barely moved at all in its orbit, but it was something.

"Three days… three days… and then I'll have you."

It was another hour before Danzou died for the first time.

* * *

The night came for him with frosted daggers. Each time the illusion revived him he would be warm again for the briefest of periods before the cold grew intense enough to kill. The horrible, unrelenting frost was so severe that he found himself helplessly anticipating the dawning of the sun for the meager heat it would grant him. In some ways the least horrible parts were the times shortly before death when cold seemed to slip away, his nerves reporting odd and useless information instead of reality. In those moments he might almost convince himself he was warm, before reason slipped away again and he lost track of time.

The second day dawned and he realized that being warmer did little more than just prolong his misery.

* * *

By the second night Danzou had reached equilibrium. Every technique he had ever practiced to resist torture was now available to him. His mind was elsewhere now, and the worthless child was too weak to add the 'personal touch' required to push him off the edge of sanity. Itachi would have managed it, but this brat was no Itachi.

His imagination was focused on the actions he would take upon leaving the Tsukuyomi. Would he kill the boy slowly…? No, there was no need. Sasuke was barely even worth the effort. The boy would die in the first few seconds, right when he expected Danzou to be incapacitated by the aftermath of the cold. Then he would retrieve the Kotoamatsukami from the mask of flesh in his shoulder. The Kotoamatsukami would entrance Tobi, and then the idiot would give the fruit away freely. When he finally had the Divine Fruit he would slaughter absolutely everyone in the temple, former friend or foe alike, and then he would retreat to study its power in secret. Finally, he would return to Konoha, a place that made _sense_ , and begin building a nation that could bring true peace to the world.

The thought was almost enough to warm him, or it would have been if he hadn't killed his heart decades ago.

And so he waited, letting the hours drip by as his blood froze and thawed in savage rhythm, contemplating in all moments exactly how sweet would taste the fruit of victory.

As the third night drew to a close, the illusion came to a grinding... shuddering... halt.

* * *

Time started back up again slowly, and he saw Sasuke descending, his sword at the ready. Danzou willed his frozen limbs to move as they should. The numbness of cold had settled into his thought processes, making him want to move far too slowly for combat, but he pushed them along nonetheless. It was like puppeteering a limb that had fallen asleep, but for his whole body.

It didn't matter. The boy's face lit up with surprise, twisting from his arrogant smirk as Danzou dodged what should have been a killing blow. Sasuke's sword cut through the air but struck nothing. Then Danzou spun and stabbed, impaling the boy's chest with one stroke. Sasuke staggered, pulling his body away from the blade and then freezing as the shock of agony held him in place. Pain and disbelief crawled across the boy's face in slow-motion, and the old shinobi knew that this vengeful memory would hold a special place in his heart for many, many years to come.

The boy's sword came up to strike once more, but a single hand-chop to the wrist disarmed him. Still impaling the young Uchiha, Danzou grabbed his arm and pulled him closer, dragging him painfully along the blade as his blood seeped to the floor. Only when the child was close enough to hear a whisper did Danzou speak.

"I told you before," he murmured, staring the boy openly in the eyes. "You… lacked hatred. Because of that weakness, you failed, and so too did your worthless brother."

Danzou smiled softly as Sasuke's life-blood streamed from his heart. "Really… you should blame him, not yourself. A child like you could hardly be expected to win this fight without guidance. If Itachi had _truly_ loved you... he would have taught you how to _hate_ properly. He would have broken you and reforged you into something strong. Perhaps then you would have had strength enough to kill me. Strength enough... to live."

The boy's mouth opened, though nothing but blood dripped out. Danzou nodded, satisfied that a lesson had been learned. "Farewell, child."

He ripped the sword from Sasuke's heart, and then the boy's life was over.

He paid the body one last glance and then moved on. There would be time to retrieve the corpse's eyes later. Instead, he began the long dash towards the Divine Fruit, where Tobi was even now plucking it from its stem. Smoothly, he removed the Sharingan from his right eye, pulling back his tunic at the shoulder to reveal the mask of flesh underneath. A deft series of motions replaced one eye for another, and then chakra flowed through him as the stolen Kotoamatsukami connected to his optic nerve, a feat of unnatural biology that only a magical eye possessed.

Danzou ascended the tiered altar with a series of mighty leaps. There, standing before him, Tobi gazed at the fruit in his hands with genuine awe. The Kyuubi child lay dead on the floor, and Danzou paid him no heed. Tobi was barely seconds away from doing whatever it was he was planning to do with Madara, assuming Sasuke had been telling the truth.

Danzou smirked. He'd always known Tobi was planning to betray them all. This simply made his victory all the sweeter.

Tobi blinked, and turned his head to see what all the commotion was about, but it was too late. The Mangekyou Sharingan unfolded before him.

 **[ENSURE THAT THE DIVINE FRUIT GOES TO DANZOU]**

The power of the Sharingan hit Tobi like a freight train as it rewrote his mind. It was death and life. It was weaponized nirvana. It was the end of his world. Tobi looked back at Danzou, utterly stunned. He looked back down to the fruit nestled in his palms. He blinked.

Finally, Tobi spoke, a confused titter to his voice. "Okay?! I think this is yours, sir?!"

Tobi tossed the fruit away, and it flew through the air in a glowing arc. Danzou snatched it with one hand. He had won.

There would be no unnecessary gloating here. No wasted moments for victory to be turned into defeat. He ripped a chunk of the skin from the fruit and bit into the juicy interior in a single motion. A thousand tiny seeds, each one coated in a layer of bitter flesh. Each one the seed of a demon. He devoured its innards as quickly as he could, each bite another step towards godhood, filled with a power he could feel burning through him.

Everything changed between moments.

It was ashes in his mouth. He coughed, dust vomiting forth in a great cloud from his lips. He tried to swallow what he could, but it was simply too disgusting for words. The fruit lay in his palm unchanged, its golden radiance still promising an unearthly flavor, but what he tasted now gave lie to that promise. He stared in uncomprehending confusion until an answer revealed itself.

"So," said a voice from right by his ear, "-that was your plan all along, hmm?"

Danzou turned slowly in place, horror filling his heart. Standing right over his shoulder, Sasuke watched him with utter disdain.

Reflexively, his fingers went for his weapons, but he found he couldn't move. Dust and ash continued to pour in great streams from his frozen lips, his breath not coming when he willed it. Finally, his heart froze mid-beat, leaving him as little more than a statue trapped in time.

He was still inside the Tsukuyomi.

"I admit," began Sasuke, walking slowly around him as he carefully examined the scene, including Danzou's eyes and shoulder, "-I knew that you were a treacherous piece of shit, but I still can't help but be surprised that your plan was this audacious."

The old shinobi's eyes tracked Sasuke as he circled. The boy looked utterly unconcerned, as well he should be. Sasuke saw this and snorted. "Well, I guess _I_ expected such treachery from you, but it's just odd to me that anyone else would be fooled for even a second. I guess they don't know you like I do."

The boy chuckled, patting him amiably on the shoulder, and Danzou struggled for a breath that wouldn't come.

"As you've already figured out, I let you get this far so I could see what your plan was. Giving you the... cold shoulder... in there was just a ruse to lure you in… make sure you wouldn't take me seriously… and you fell for it, hook, line, and sinker."

He laughed, spreading his arms wide as he circled. "And _man_ , what a climax that would have been! Using the Kotoamatsukami like that would have been… well, I suppose I'd call it brilliant. Despicable, yes. But brilliant."

He walked back into view again, and smirked. The boy was acting with all the smug flair of the worst manner of showman. "Well, it _would_ have been brilliant if you were actually going to get a chance to use it back in the real world. Now that I know your plan, though… I bet I can do something about that."

Danzou struggled, but nothing happened. His lungs burned. He struggled again, but still nothing happened. Sasuke peered closely at the Kotoamatsukami, carefully examining it for flaws and imperfections. "Geez, you've really put this thing through the wringer, haven't you? It can't have more than one or two shots left in it. I bet you can't even see at all out of it."

He pulled back the cloth from Danzou's shirt, revealing the mask of flesh on his shoulder. The nearly-spent Yatagarasu had been placed inside for safekeeping.

"Hmmm… But it's not ready for use just yet. Once you get out of here you'll have to swap them out just like you did back there. Tough to do in combat…"

Finally, he stepped forward and plucked the Fruit from the old man's hands, examining it as well. He sniffed it, shrugged, and tossed it over his shoulder.

"So, you were planning to… what? Take the fruit and become a god? You may be a piece of shit, but ruling the world? You never really struck me as the flashy megalomaniacal type. What were you planning to do once you had it?"

Danzou struggled once more, but nothing happened. Sasuke snapped his fingers.

"Right, can't speak. I suppose I'll regret this, but…"

The oppressive force binding his body lessened, allowing him to take a great, shuddering breath. He heaved and coughed, ejecting ash from his lungs until he could speak once more.

"Do-" he coughed again, "-do you really think you can win this without your brother's help? We both know you don't have what it takes to-"

His chest froze once more, halting his words mid-sentence.

"Yeah, I thought as much," nodded Sasuke. "As you can see, you're not going to be talking unless I give you my approval, so you should get used to that."

He resumed circling the old man, airing out his thoughts as he went.

"As for your imprisonment… the only reason you weren't receiving my personal attentions was… well, I'm sure you'd call it hopelessly naive, but the fact is that I've decided I'm not going to bring myself down to your level. I've learned enough from my friends to know I'd never crawl out of that hole intact. To borrow an idea from a good friend of mine, the version of me that personally tears you apart piece by bloody piece until you're a screaming pile of pain isn't a Sasuke I'd like very much. I'd never go back to normal after that, and my friends would never forgive me for leaving them with a shadow of the real thing."

He smirked. "So, I'm experimenting with something a little bit different to get my point across. How's it working so far?"

Control returned to Danzou's mouth and lungs. He spat out more ash, taking a long overdue breath as he stared daggers at the young man. "Your _best_ isn't good enough, worm. Nothing you've done here will change your-"

His mouth locked up again and Sasuke nodded, continuing to walk circles around the older man.

"Yeah, you're not too wrong. I'm at a big disadvantage here, and I'm not cold enough to break you… but… well, we'll see. I've got a plan, but I don't want to spoil the surprise."

Danzou could hear the boy chuckling behind his frozen body. In the distance, Tobi had been time-stopped right in the middle of a cheerful wave. Despite his dire situation, Danzou couldn't help but feel a pulse of his customary irritation at the Akatsuki leader's maddening demeanor. When Sasuke spoke again he was by his ear once more.

"Don't worry," said Sasuke, again patting him almost affectionately on the shoulder. "We'll have plenty of time to figure it out. Just the two of us."

Understanding came in a flash at the same moment as the scenery changed. An instant later, Danzou was standing back in the frozen wasteland of howling wind, the cold biting all the way through him. The lying sun still shone above him, but this time it practically darted through the sky, showing just how much control Sasuke had had over its motion.

As Danzou carefully processed the implications of this, a voice spoke from nowhere and everywhere.

 _After all, they say that time flies when you're having fun… but no one really mentions how it passes when you're repeatedly dying from hypothermia. I'll give you a hint, though. It's not exactly 'zippy,' if you get my meaning. Though, I do have to congratulate you for reaching the half-way point of your just imprisonment. What are you, like, eighty? Good job, you old coot!_

Despite everything, his heart dropped ever so slightly at that pronouncement. Still, the boy could be lying about anything at this point, and there was no reason to believe he was only half-way done. If this was as bad as it got, there wouldn't be any trouble. He reined in that traitorous thought the moment he had it, but it was too late.

 _Tell you what. The whole cold thing was just to lure you into the trap, so… now that it's sprung we're free to try whatever I want! I'll try to make things a little bit more interesting for you this time around._

For the very first time, Danzou felt a whisper of fear crawl down his spine that was in no way connected to Itachi's shadow.

Then time once again lost any meaning.

* * *

Despite Sasuke's proclamation, nothing happened for a long while. Something that might have been between half-an-hour and an hour passed before the illusion broke down without any warning and Danzou was thrust back into the real world in total surprise. The battle restarted exactly where it had last time. Once again, he grabbed control of his sluggish limbs and forced himself to dodge and counter Sasuke's killing blow. This time, Sasuke was ready. He parried Danzou's strike, continuing the fight at a sudden advantage.

Though he was unable to kill the boy, one thing in particular had changed. He didn't need to worry much about avoiding eye-contact anymore, which meant his prior handicap was gone. He broke free from the encounter and dashed away, hurriedly replacing his Mangekyou with the Kotoamatsukami on his shoulder the instant he was able.

"What's this?" asked Sasuke, dashing through the air above him. "You actually think this is the real world? How absolutely adorable."

Danzou gritted his teeth and ignored him. It didn't matter if this was the real world or not; as long as he couldn't tell the difference between illusion and reality he _had_ to fight with everything he had. If he misjudged it then he could end up getting killed in the real world without even realizing what had happened.

He pushed his legs to their limit in his rush up the altar to reach Tobi. The Divine Fruit glowed in his sight, and he summoned the Mangekyou's power, rewriting Tobi's mind.

Then, suddenly, the illusion ended.

* * *

This time he didn't return to the frozen wasteland. He was shunted immediately, without any delay, into the cut and thrust of combat once more. He dodged Sasuke's strike, counterattacked unsuccessfully, and then disengaged, breaking into a run for the altar. Sasuke soared above him, laughing through the sky.

"Good! That's the spirit!" exclaimed Sasuke. "Keep your eyes on the prize! This one's the real thing, so do your best to get there before I do."

He was lying. When Danzou reached the top of the altar, the illusion restarted.

* * *

That was only the start of his nightmare. The illusions kept starting and stopping without mercy, each time with subtle changes that made him question his reality.

"We're still inside the Tsukuyomi," assured Sasuke, blocking a hit he had seen a dozen times already. "You can slack off and take a break if you really want to. Just pretend I'm not here."

It was, but he couldn't.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

Danzou broke away from the fight, reaching down to pull the Kotoamatsukami from his shoulder. It wasn't there. The mask was on his other shoulder. Was this still inside the Tsukuyomi, or had the boy landed a more straightforward Genjutsu to confuse him?

"Going senile, old man?" asked Sasuke.

Danzou reached Tobi while still desperately fumbling the Mangekyou into his eye.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

The ordeal went on and on with little variation for quite some time. He would adjust his behavior and then Sasuke would move to counter it. Next time things would happen just a little bit differently. The objective never changed. He had only about a minute or two to get to the Divine Tree and enthrall Tobi, during which he had to fend off Sasuke and switch his eye out for the Kotoamatsukami. Nothing else mattered.

He wasn't even aware of just how dull his thoughts had become in this endlessly repeating dream until the moment when Sasuke descended from on high, impaling him from behind when he was removing his eyeball. The heartstopping pain was almost welcome at this point. At least it was something different.

"Gotcha," said Sasuke.

Then the blade was ripped from his chest, his nerves overwhelmed by shock. His heart-blood spilled from his chest in great pulses. He hit the ground.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

His previous death was, if anything, a wake-up call, but if he had expected it to revitalize him then he was out of luck. From that point onward, Sasuke seemed to gain confidence, sometimes changing the pattern in wild ways. Each time, Danzou was forced to react as if it were the real event, and each time Sasuke watched, drinking greedily with the Sharingan as he absorbed his opponent's strategies.

This time, Orochimaru came to the rescue, fighting off the young Uchiha and helping Danzou in his charge towards Tobi. Together, the two of them beat back Sasuke and his idiot friends, reaching the altar intact. For a minute or two he almost felt a glimmer of hope that this was over.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

This time, Tobi was prepared, though whether it was because of the illusion or not he couldn't say. When Danzou reached the altar, his Kotoamatsukami was absorbed harmlessly by the field surrounding his target. Tobi turned to regard him with an unusual coldness before blasting him off the altar and returning his attention to Naruto and the Divine Fruit.

Danzou landed below, stunned, though it was hard to muster the proper outrage when he wasn't sure this was even real in the first place. If it _was_ real then he'd just lost.

All of a sudden, countless leaves began falling from the tree, some the size of flower petals and others the size of small houses. They refused to touch the ground, swirling about the altar in great gouts that obscured vision. Sasuke reached the altar a moment later, though instead of fighting he watched the deadly shield of unbreakable leaves with concern. His eyes shot wide open.

"NARUTO!" he screamed, before he leapt into the maelstrom, dodging the swirling leaves with the aid of his Sharingan-augmented aerial acrobatics.

There was a moment where nothing seemed to be happening. Then the leaves of the great tree froze in place and dropped lifelessly to the ground.

When vision cleared, Uchiha Madara stared down at him, a demi-god just as awe-inspiring as he remembered from his childhood. There was no one else alive on the platform.

He blinked, and then Madara was at his throat.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

It was at least thirty more restarts before he woke in darkness, a hand shaking his shoulder.

"Danzou! Danzou! Wake up!"

He shot up in bed, reflexively striking out in the same manner he'd done the last hundred restarts, but it failed to connect.

Tobi dodged out of the way of his sweeping hand anyway. "Whoa!"

He looked around the darkened room. He was back in his cabin on their ship, the sea rocking him back and forth. There was no sword in his hand, though it still sat in its customary place by the side of his bed. The scent of salt was strong, along with the vague hints of decay that had accompanied Orochimaru's stolen zombies.

"Are you okay?" asked Tobi, staring earnestly into his eyes. "You were screaming really loudly. Was it nightmares? You'd tell me if you were scared, right?"

Danzou frowned and shook his head. "Don't be insulting…" he murmured. "This is simple foolishness."

Tobi looked blankly back at him before he began giggling, the noise sliding up and down in pitch until it morphed into Sasuke's laughter. The portholes exploded inward, inundating the cabin with a torrential deluge of seawater that pulled him deeper and deeper into an endless abyss.

Just as Danzou finished drowning, the illusion restarted.

* * *

This time, when the fight resumed, the doors to the inner sanctum burst inward, flying off their hinges from a fierce blow. Luffy bowled through the doorway at speed, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"ACE!" he shouted. "ACE!"

On his heels, the rest of the Straw-Hats charged in after him, some clearly suffering from serious wounds even as they readied themselves for another battle. Sasuke glanced over his shoulder at the new arrivals, chuckled, and turned back to Danzou.

"Man, and you thought _that_ was foolish. Just wait till you get a load of these guys."

Seeing Ace's distant figure, Luffy immediately extended his arms and rocketed to the newly freed pirate's side, beginning the intricate process of grabbing the reluctant giant snakes that still littered the battlefield and tying them into knots. This freed up Sakura and Chopper to retreat and start healing those among the Straw-Hats who had suffered serious wounds.

Before Danzou could take this all in, hands blossomed from his body. His knife slashed out with inhuman reflexes, destroying Robin's summoned creations before they could impair him. It was, however, a distraction, one that Sasuke used to its fullest to sneak two cuts past his defenses.

Danzou cursed, fighting through the pain. This couldn't _possibly_ be the real world once more… could it? No one could expect him to believe that these ridiculous greenhorns had beaten the _entirety_ of Akatsuki's remaining guardians without fatalities.

He was almost relieved when his doubts were vindicated.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

The illusion restarted.

The illusion restarted.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

Tobi was in his sight. He activated the Kotoamatsukami, only to be interrupted when someone else hit the altar like a comet. Ice scattered in great chunks across the ground, and a cold, white wall flashed into being, blocking Danzou's line-of-sight. Sasuke reeled backwards, and he couldn't tell if the boy's surprise was the genuine article or merely an artful fakery.

A second passed, and then Admiral Aokiji emerged from the ice, foot by menacing foot. He took in everyone's presence with hard eyes, breath fogging in the warm air.

"Somebody," he began, "-is going to tell me what's going on here..."

This wasn't good at all. If Tobi was really about to sacrifice his own life to summon Uchiha Madara, then all that the Admiral had to do to ruin everything was just stand there, getting in the way. To make things worse, Danzou relied on the Yatagarasu to shut down whatever the Admiral used to sense the future, and he had just switched that eye out.

Sasuke and Naruto were already arguing with the man- useless words that would only prolong the encounter. He paid them no heed.

No. It was sub-optimal, but there was only one way to resolve this quickly. Chakra flowed into the Kotoamatsukami, and he cast his spell on the Admiral in front of him.

 **[ENSURE THAT THE DIVINE FRUIT-**

The illusion restarted.

* * *

The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted.

* * *

How many times had he gone through this? Even the longer loops usually took less than two minutes, which meant they could run through dozens in the space of an hour. Every hour, every minute, every second, he was giving his full effort, fighting as if his life was on the line only to discover time and time again that it was nothing more than a pointless ruse. Each time they did this, Sasuke would learn more of his skills, more of his tactics, more of his possible responses, and while he was also learning things in return the rate of exchange between them was deeply unequal. The boy had so many more things to learn from this endlessly repeating hell, and was clearly taking advantage of it.

He clenched his teeth hard enough to cause pain. This wasn't a battle; this was _training_. Forced to parade every single one of his techniques and contingencies in front of a carefully observing Uchiha again, and again, and _again_ … He was giving the boy an in-depth apprenticeship, and _there wasn't anything he could do about it!_

How many times had he fought this battle? Three hundred? Five hundred? More?

Abruptly, he realized that he had lost focus, completely losing track of several seconds. He spun in place and saw Sasuke, far away, making a beeline straight for the distant Divine Fruit. The child looked over his shoulder and smirked.

No!

He kicked himself back into gear, running after Sasuke with all the effort he could muster.

He hadn't trained for this! Resisting torture was one thing, but this was something completely different! The keys to that training were absence, distraction, and dissociation, all of which would be worse than useless here. The mental exhaustion of giving everything you had to survive was something no one could keep up for long, and he had been fighting without breaks for at least a full day now, all after another unclear amount of time spent dying of hypothermia. There was no downtime for him, no respite, just the final moments of a climactic battle over and over and over, and the worst part was that even though he knew he couldn't afford to see each loop as fake, his treacherous mind was doing just that. Every loop he was slowing down, losing seconds, and daydreaming. Every loop he was surrendering more and more. If he let that happen when reality resumed then he would lose everything.

He was still faster than the child! He _had_ to get there first! If the child warned Tobi of his plan in the real world, then Tobi might choose to activate the jutsu absorption field of the Rinnegan and become immune to the Kotoamatsukami.

He pushed himself to his absolute limits, blood pounding through his veins as he caught up with Sasuke and passed him.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

There just wasn't much point to this anymore.

Another twenty or so restarts had come and gone, but he had definitely passed his breaking point. He absolutely needed some downtime; a loop where he wasn't giving his all. He couldn't tell whether this decision was motivated by logic, necessity, or temptation, but this next trip through this fight he was determined to play low-key and focus on defending himself rather than grabbing the Fruit unless something happened that firmly convinced him that it was reality.

He'd died in two of the last five loops, killed once by Sasuke and once by a revived Uchiha Madara. When Madara had been ready to plunge his hand through his heart Danzou had _tried_ to be appropriately fearful, but it was growing tougher and tougher to react properly to his own impending death. That was a very, _very_ bad sign.

This loop restarted and he almost forgot to care. He forced his limbs to move anyway, parrying Sasuke's attack and riposting with a move the boy had probably seen a dozen times already.

Only it wasn't Sasuke at all. Ever since he had been hit with the Tsukuyomi he had stopped bothering to avoid eye-contact with the young Uchiha, but this time when he looked up he was looking directly at Itachi. Itachi's eyes flashed, and a Genjutsu washed down his spine, locking his limbs for a split-second, which was just long enough for Itachi to flicker forward and grab him by the throat.

"Danzou," said Itachi, hatred flowing like syrup through his voice. "It's been a while…" Danzou choked and gasped as the shade continued to speak. "I'm quite sure I remember warning you about what would happen if you fought my brother again."

No… it _couldn't_ be Itachi…

"Don't… _agh_... don't make me laugh…" he gasped out. "If you were alive… you would have-"

"Would have what?" interrupted Itachi. "Would have tortured you myself instead of letting my brother do it? I'm afraid that the dead have their limitations…" He tilted his head slightly, examining Danzou with a dispassionate gaze. "I can, however, still help my little brother provide the... personal touch."

Danzou laughed when Itachi's grip loosened, though he found he couldn't even struggle anymore. The scenery was dissolving around them, becoming a red mist that filled the horizon. "Silence! This isn't real! You don't seriously think you can fool me with-"

Itachi's face didn't change from its empty expression as he drew a finger across Danzou's lips, erasing his entire mouth as he went. When he was through, there was just a strip of empty flesh left behind.

"I warned him again and again to stay away from you," remarked Itachi. "He was far too kindhearted to live in your world, I agree. But considering that, it's enough to make a brother proud to think that he's survived encountering you twice already. You're losing your touch."

Danzou tried to speak, but nothing came out. Finally, Itachi bent closer until he could whisper into the old man's ear. " _You don't seriously think he thought all of this up without my help, do you?"_

Danzou's eyes went wide as adrenaline shot through his system.

The illusion restarted.

* * *

The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted. The illusion restarted.

* * *

Once again, the fight resumed as Sasuke descended from the sky. Danzou readied his sword along with what meagre motivation he could muster. It didn't matter. This time the boy didn't even attack him. He flew past without connecting, stumbled slightly, then dashed away without engaging in combat.

Heh. Not even the owner of this illusion was immune to the mounting mental numbness.

He took a deep breath and began running. His mind was dull, but he kept fighting onward, chasing after Sasuke. The boy turned and fired a shot that clipped his arm. He stumbled to the side, grimacing in pain, and Sasuke turned back and resumed his run for the altar.

This was pathetic. Was this _truly_ what he was reduced to? He had commanded a legion of brutal killers and now he was stumbling about, unable to beat a child.

He was getting way too old for this shit. He resumed running regardless.

By this point he was so incredibly unfocused that he completely missed the explosive seal that Sasuke had slipped underneath a piece of scattered rubble when he stumbled. The explosion went off just after Danzou had leapt away from it, knocking him through the air with bone-rattling force until he hit the ground in a rolling heap. His ears were ringing from the blast, and he looked up in a daze. The boy had turned back once more, summoning a great ball of hellfire from his lips that blasted across the gap between them. He staggered to his feet, but stumbled as his inner ear betrayed his balance. The flames burned towards him.

He _really_ had to stop dying like this.

That was when Orochimaru dropped from the upper branches, deflecting the incoming flames with a blast of water that kicked up great clouds of steam.

Danzou watched with disinterest. Pathetic. They must have done the 'Orochimaru saves the day' scenario two dozen times already. There really wasn't anything more to add to the formula. He struggled to his feet anyway, but barely even acknowledged his ally until Orochimaru spoke.

"Danzou!" shouted the snake-man. "What are you doing?! Focus!"

More flames came scouring towards their position as Fire-Fist Ace joined the fight, targeting Orochimaru with almost single-minded fervor. This too was not all that unusual for these loops.

Then Orochimaru said the unexpected. "There's no time to waste! Get the fruit! I'll keep them busy!"

Orochimaru, it seemed, was staying behind this time. Danzou stared in incomprehension for several seconds, noting the differences between this and the previous loops in which Orochimaru had stayed with him till the end. Orochimaru was giving him the fruit. Slowly, something unfamiliar dawned inside of him.

He turned towards the altar and ran.

* * *

 **-Sasuke-**

Leaving the Tsukuyomi and returning to the real world had gone just about as well as expected, which is to say just short of disastrous. His eye was bleeding, and his chakra drained. Even though he had put far less mental effort into administering the perfect nightmare created by the Tsukuyomi than Danzou had spent living in it, he was still exhausted, capping off a day where he had been in multiple life-or-death fights, flew in the air for far longer than he ever had before, and used the Tsukuyomi _twice_. He was practically too exhausted to fight, which is why he had to do this perfectly.

He had a plan: Kill Danzou one more time and take the Kotoamatsukami from his body. With its power he could conceivably force Tobi to abandon this fight and give them the Divine Fruit. It wasn't going to be easy with how drained he was, but it _was_ a possible path to victory.

That was when Orochimaru ruined everything.

The blast of flames that should have put Danzou down for the count was blocked by a wall of water from above. Rather than waste time trying to deal with Orochimaru, Sasuke turned and bolted away from his previous location. Just seconds later, a blob of mud landed in front of him, erupting into a wall of earth that blocked his path as someone landed lightly behind him. He whirled on his opponent, barely dodging a sword stroke from an Orochimaru that the Sharingan quickly identified as a clone. Unfortunately, even a clone of the master shinobi was too dangerous to completely ignore.

By the time he had destroyed the snake-clone, Danzou was already sprinting straight towards him. The old man attacked with a ferocity he hadn't been able to muster for at least half a day's time, driving him back away from the altar, but when Sasuke readied himself for combat Danzou broke away and ran for the fruit. Sasuke cursed and ran after him, feeling the burning numbness in his legs as he began the race to the finish.

He didn't know what it was, but _something_ about Orochimaru's sudden appearance had galvanized the old man into action. Why? This was hardly the first time he'd seen Orochimaru in this encounter, so what was so special about this?

He tossed a glance over his shoulder. The real Orochimaru was staying behind, fighting off Sakura, Hinata, Chopper and Ace with a ferocity worthy of a determined last stand. It didn't look like he was following after Danzou. No… it couldn't be... Orochimaru was _giving_ Danzou the Divine Fruit?! Why?! He wouldn't have guessed that would happen even given a hundred _years_ of running through that encounter, but Danzou seemed to think it wasn't unreasonable at all!

He had to warn Naruto.

" _Naruto! He's coming straight for you!"_

" _What? He's going after Tobi?! What the hell does he think he can do about it?"_

Sasuke grimaced. The plan to kill Danzou was completely ruined, but there had to be _something_ left for them. If they told Tobi about the incoming attack, then he could block the Kotoamatsukami and kill Danzou, but then they'd all get killed when Madara was revived. If they didn't stop Danzou before he used the Kotoamatsukami then he'd force Tobi to give him the Divine Fruit and they'd all get killed anyway. The only way they survived this fight for real was by foiling both plans at the same time. Everything else was just a distraction.

It's just that… there _was_ something he could try. He just had literally no idea if it would work or not. He had one and only one chance to stop this, and he'd have to bet everyone's lives on a wild guess based on the message that Itachi had left for him.

" _No,"_ thought Sasuke, heart hammering as his decision bore down on him. " _I've got an idea. Be… be ready for anything."_

He ignored his best friend's confused thoughts in response, focusing entirely on catching up to Danzou.

What Itachi had written was part of his final message, left only as a warning and nothing more: Shisui's two eyes were linked, just like any other set of Sharingan, which meant the Kotoamatsukami inside of him was linked forever to the one that Danzou possessed. The two eyes were meant to work together to channel and control that power, though they were still frighteningly effective even when separated. Could he bet on that connection?

Heat flashed through his nerves as a wave of energy seemed to burn the air inside the room. Everyone in the area froze for a moment. Elsewhere, Devil Fruit owners for thousands of miles around were filled with an anxious tension that none of them would be able to explain.

The Divine Fruit was ready.

Sasuke pushed himself faster. He had to catch up. The distance between him and Danzou was still too great, and the old man was already climbing the altar. Sasuke raised Roger's pistol and fired. The bullet grazed Danzou's leg, tripping him up and slowing him down, but he was soon enough on his feet once more. Then, finally, Danzou leapt high into the air, his eye gleaming with power as he crested the top of the altar.

Danzou laughed as the Kotoamatsukami spun into place. Tobi was now in sight.

 **[KOTOAMATSUKAMI]**

 **[ENSURE THAT THE DIVINE FRUIT GOES TO DANZOU]**

Sasuke arrived just an instant afterward, hitting the ground in a roll. His own Kotoamatsukami deep inside of him resonated with the one that had given the order. He could feel the spell rampaging through Tobi's brain, gathering information, overwriting what it found there.

There wasn't any time to think about the consequences of his actions. A mental command and a pulse of chakra called forth the Mangekyou from inside of him. Pain stabbed through his eyeball, and black feathers coalesced in front of his vision as if he'd summoned a dark crow into being simply by imagining it. It flapped twice, unfurling its wings before turning to gaze his way, the blood-red Kotoamatsukami looking back at him.

The bird was still connected to him. He could feel it just as strongly as if it was still in his body.

The eye was weak; fully spent as a result of its recent use against Gold Roger. Like flexing an overtaxed muscle, he could feel very clearly that it didn't have anywhere near the energy it needed to cast its spell a second time, but maybe, just _maybe_ , it didn't have to. Danzou was providing the power. All he'd have to do… was tamper with the control.

The crow took flight, jet black wings bearing it higher into the air until it gazed upon Tobi. Sasuke pushed open the link, pouring chakra through the spent eyeball until he could feel exactly what Danzou had done.

He was out of time. The spell was almost complete. In that last instant before Tobi's mind solidified, Sasuke reached into the Kotoamatsukami's form, grabbed onto the still-solidifying order, and _tore_. The fabric of the spell resisted for only a moment before it snapped.

 **[ENSURE THAT THE DIVINE FRUIT GOES TO * &-#+X!?]**

Then the spell was cast, for better or for worse.

Tobi staggered in place, falling to his knees, the Divine Fruit in his hands. He moaned and wailed like a man wracked by horrendous pain.

Danzou swiftly arrived by his side, reaching out his hand. "Quickly, Tobi! The fruit!"

Tobi looked up, utterly desolate. He looked like someone who had just lost a family member. "The… the fruit…?" He looked down, his breath coming in great heaving gasps. The glowing orb was nearly blinding, warping space around itself. He looked up again.

Abruptly, Danzou's feet left the ground. He flew up into the air, faster and faster as Tobi's Rinnegan pushed him back with unrelenting power. He screamed across the massive room until he hit the ceiling with enough force to break bones. Tobi stood up, hatred spreading across his face as he focused his power further and further, until the very stones began to crack. Then, finally Danzou fell unconscious, going limp as Tobi let him drop all the way to the ground far below. There was silence for a full five seconds before the noise of the old man hitting the floor reached them.

"No," said Tobi. "You… you can't have the fruit."

Naruto and Sasuke watched this, uncertain as to just how terrified they should be. Startling the both of them, the summoned crow that had kept the Mangekyou inside itself screeched and dove straight for Sasuke. It disappeared in a swirl of feathers, returning to whatever state that Itachi had carefully sealed it in. That, however, was far from the most important event to be happening at the moment.

"What the hell happened to him?" asked Naruto.

Sasuke watched the Akatsuki leader carefully as he collapsed to his knees once more. "That's… a good question. Danzou hit him with a Sharingan technique that rewrites your mind. He wanted to make Tobi give him the Divine Fruit so he could become a god… but I think I really screwed that up."

"Screwed it up how?"

"Sorry... I don't know exactly what happened," said Sasuke.

Ahead of them, Tobi was breathing heavily. The golden light of the fruit in his hands shone from around his body as he swayed from side to side, and Naruto looked on with concern. He stepped forward, reaching out tentatively to the man, but Ma and Pa were quick to jab him in the neck.

"Don't get near him without being ready for a fight, boy!" admonished Ma.

Naruto shook off the chastisement and stepped forward anyway. "Tobi, uhh, are you alright?"

"N… no…" mumbled Tobi. He looked despondently at the Divine Fruit in his hands, and then pressed one hand to his own face. His eyes wavered unsteadily back and forth. "I… I was supposed to… I was supposed to bring Lord Madara back to life, but… but if I do that… then he'll get the fruit… But, that would be… that wouldn't be right… I can't remember why..."

Naruto glanced in Sasuke's direction and started to speak, but Sasuke shook his head, interrupting him with a mental message.

" _Keep this quiet for now. I don't know what he'll do if he decides I'm just as responsible for this as Danzou was."_

Naruto murmured a quick explanation to the toads, and then responded to Sasuke. " _So if we try to take the fruit from him are we gonna end up plastered to the ceiling too?"_

Sasuke shrugged. " _I… don't know. The Kotoamatsukami gives someone an order that they must follow no matter what, and I think I broke the order somehow."_

" _What?! Shit, man, that's what happened?! So what's he gonna try to do with it?"_

" _Uhh…"_ he winced. " _I… I'm really not sure… I think that Tobi might be under strict orders to make sure that only a certain person gets the fruit, but the order wasn't finished, so that person was never properly defined. It's broken. He doesn't want to give it away_ or _get rid of it."_

" _Can you fix this?!"_

" _No… I don't think anyone can."_

Tobi moaned, lost in his own world of misery. "What… what am I supposed to do now…? I had a dream… didn't I? There's nothing left! I don't know what to do!"

" _Couldn't we have stopped this?!"_ thought Naruto. " _You could've warned me Danzou was gonna shoot him with that eyeball mojo, right?"_

" _I… I could have, yeah. But then Tobi would have summoned Madara and we'd have been killed."_

He could literally _feel_ Naruto's frustration. His friend had never made it hard to tell when he was angry, but actually feeling it in real time like it was part of his own heart was something else.

" _I didn't have any other options,"_ he thought, in self-defense. " _These bastards were just too strong to beat."_

" _I… look, I get it, alright?"_ Naruto sighed. " _It's just… I dunno, kinda sad. He was the bad guy here, but this was literally all he had left. Now it's just gone because of some dumb magic bullcrap."_ He shook his head. " _Goddamnit, I wish I was smarter. I could have stopped all of this."_

The toads on Naruto's shoulder shared some words with the lad that Sasuke didn't catch. He was too busy coming to grips with the uncomfortable conclusion that if he had wanted to avoid becoming like Itachi, then using the Sharingan to permanently break the mind of an opponent might not have been the best first step.

He still couldn't think of a way they could have survived without it though...

"Listen, Tobi…" began Naruto, speaking aloud to the utterly desolated man. "We need to make sure the Divine Fruit returns to the earth, okay?" He took a step forward, reaching out his hand. "Things are gonna get really crazy if we don't-"

" _Stay back!"_ screamed Tobi. He stumbled backwards, fleeing from Naruto's outstretched hand. His eyes were wide, the Rinnegan glowing as they absorbed sage chakra from his body.

Naruto raised a hand in a placating gesture. "Whoa, it's okay man! I'm not gonna try anything, alright? You're probably, like, the most powerful person on the planet right now, so I couldn't eat that damn fruit even if I wanted to!"

" _Don't forget about what the Sage of Six Paths said,"_ thought Sasuke.

" _I know,"_ thought Naruto. " _I know what I need to help Kurama and the others. I'm not gonna let them down."_

"You want to take it, though!" shouted Tobi, oblivious to their inner conversation. "Everyone does! I… I…"

"Tobi, look, man… You trust me, right? I've never lied to you. We're on a quest to make sure that fruit returns to the ocean, so I just need to take it for a moment, alright? I just need one thing from it, and then-"

Tobi backed away in a hurry before leaping up onto a tree branch far above them. The Divine Fruit glowed with such intensity that his jumping motion cast shifting shadows across the room.

"STAY BACK! I can't… I can't let anyone… _don't try and take it!_ None of you… none of you can have it!"

"We don't want it, man!" exclaimed Naruto. "Look, you can keep it the whole time and then throw it in the ocean yourself when we're done! You'll be saving the world! You'll be a hero! If you wanted to do the right thing then here's your chance!"

"NO!" He was laughing now; cackling through his tears on his knees far above them. "Ah-hahahah! I don't know what to do! I know I'm supposed to do _something_ , but I don't know what it is! The plan just wouldn't work anymore! I had a dream, but it's _gone!_ "

Orochimaru, looking rather harried, chose that moment to intercede once more. In his wild fight against the remaining Straw-Hat allies, he rebounded off the ceiling and descended upon Tobi. The sobbing man barely even reacted when Orochimaru buried his sword to the hilt in Tobi's chest, but he did turn slightly to look at the new assailant. Instead of defending himself, Tobi struck out with one crushing fist that launched the snake-man away to the tune of snapping bones before focusing his gaze and sending Orochimaru soaring off into the distance.

Tobi continued to laugh, tears pouring down his face.

"Heheheh… hehehe… nothing… nothing matters anymore. There's no reason for me to exist… no reason… at all..."

With those final words, Tobi collapsed to the ground and sank into the Divine Tree, his flesh slowly merging with that of the supernatural wood until he and the fruit had disappeared entirely. Elsewhere, all of the summoned Rinnegan beasts disappeared, returning to whatever horrible dimension they had been summoned from.

Then, finally, there was silence.

"I… um…" began Naruto. "Did we just _win_ , or…?"

"We need to get the Fruit," insisted Grandpa Fukasaku. "I don't have a clue what happened there, but this ain't over until the fruit is in our hands."

"Not really sure how we're supposed to do that," mused Sasuke, scanning the branches. "The tree itself seems practically invincible."

No one present had an answer ready. Eventually, Sakura, Hinata, Chopper and Ace returned from the battlefield, and each of them shared in the good feelings of their rather confusing victories as the two doctors dealt with the more life-threatening wounds everyone had gathered. Naruto dismissed the larger toads with his thanks, given that they seemed to have mostly run out of opponents. Unfortunately, answers to their missing fruit problem still were not forthcoming.

"Um," began Chopper, "-I could try and use what I've learned about wood chakra, but I'm not really very good at it yet…"

"I don't know if that's safe," mused Sakura. "I sort of feel that only a master should be experimenting with a tree like this. Something horrible could happen to you."

They considered this for a moment before Naruto made an excited noise. "Oh! Wait! A master! Sasuke, the Sage said he had a room filled with a bunch of old tools for working with the tree in here, didn't he? Maybe one of them can help!"

Ignoring the confused murmuring coming from the others, Sasuke nodded. "I guess it's worth a shot. The Sage told you to get something different from that room as part of fixing the whole Tailed-Beast thing, right? If there aren't any better ideas then we might as well see what else is in there. We need that fruit."

Before the rest of their companions could start asking questions like, "What Sage are we talking about here?" or "Tailed-Beast thing?" they were interrupted by a great rumbling and shifting of stones. Everything around them moved slightly as some unknown force disturbed the entire temple. Off in the distance, the sound of falling rocks rapidly became audible.

Then, a titanic voice resounded through the room, echoing from everywhere and everything.

" **I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!"** shouted the voice.

They turned this way and that, looking for the source but seeing nothing. The shaking and rumbling was increasing rapidly by the second.

" **I** _ **KNEW**_ **YOU WANTED THE FRUIT FOR YOURSELVES! WELL I WON'T LET YOU HAVE IT!"**

Finally, the shaking intensified enough for them to realize something horrible: it wasn't the temple itself that was moving, it was the tree that it was built upon. Branches both thin and thick were shifting lazily as some force began to exercise its control. Then, something entered Hinata's sight.

"Look!" she shouted, pointing to the far-off trunk. There, a wooden image had appeared, like a great face trapped inside the wooden surface. As they watched, its eyes opened wide, each one glowing with the same radiance displayed by the Divine Fruit. Even so, it was very clear who exactly they were looking at.

 **[YGGDRASIL TOBI]**

 **[DIRGE OF THE DREAMLESS]**

"Oh, no," said Naruto, jaw hanging open. "Tobi, not like this…"

"Guys," said Ace. "I'm really grateful for you saving my life and all, but… what the hell is going on here?"

When Tobi spoke again, one of the great threaded branches supporting the room tore itself free, sending chunks of the floor disappearing into the depths of sky below them. Tobi slowly opened his wooden mouth, shouting over the noise of the cacophonous rockslide.

" **THE FRUIT BELONGS TO NO ONE, AND I'LL DESTROY ANYONE WHO COULD TAKE IT FROM ME! GET OUT OF MY WAY OR YOU'LL BE THE FIRST TO DIE!"**

* * *

A/N: Now is when the ominous choral/orchestral Boss music would start up.


	71. Giants in the Playground

The Temple of the Celestial Dragon shook and creaked as Tobi began growling and grunting, struggling with all his might to move the ancient limbs of the Divine Tree. Despite being a genetic derivative of the First, as well as possessing the Rinnegan, actually controlling the source of life itself was beyond even his instincts, and at the moment all he could manage was twitching his branches. It wouldn't matter for long, however; his enraged attempts to control his new body were quickly becoming more and more successful. And more and more violent. Tobi's wooden face screamed, and although the sound was nearly deafening from where they stood, it was pretty clear they were safe for the moment.

Up upon the altar, Sasuke, Naruto plus toads, Ace, Sakura, Hinata, and Chopper shared uncertain looks. They needed no words to express that none of them had even the slightest idea about how to stop this. Each of them had already seen the branches of the Divine Tree take powerful attacks without even a scratch, and nobody had any illusions about their chances of stopping a kilometer-tall sentient tree made of invincible wood.

"Guys, we need to retreat," said Sakura. "Every one of us is hurt, and I can't do anything more than basic first aid until we're safe."

She was right, of course. Naruto and Sasuke, however, had something more important to accomplish.

"Everyone," began Sasuke. "I know we don't have a lot of time, but long story very short, Naruto and I were given a message from the Sage of Six Paths right before this fight began. I wish we could say he told us how to stop all this, but he didn't. We might have a clue, though." He pointed off to the rear wall of the great room. "There's a storeroom filled with relics created by the sage, and it'll open its doors for Naruto and me."

"Naruto and you?" asked Hinata, ignoring the many questions she almost certainly had. "Not anyone else?"

Naruto nodded and stepped forward to grab her hands. "Sorry Hinata. It's a long story, but I promise I'll tell you later. We gotta go, but we'll catch up to you, so make sure Luffy and the others are okay, yeah?"

She swallowed back her words, searching for something in Naruto's eyes, and then nodded.

"Yeah, that's great and all," interrupted Ace, sweat still covering his skin, "-but I'm gonna try figuring this one out on my own. I do my best work when I can't get anyone else caught in the crossfire, if you know what I mean."

"Ace!" exclaimed Chopper, reaching out one hoof as the man turned to leave. "No, wait! You nearly died! If you push yourself further you... you-!"

Ace paused only long enough to toss a rather tired-looking smile over his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. I could hardly call myself one of Whitebeard's sons if teetering on the brink of death bothered me. You kids keep yourselves safe, though. Whatever happens, I… and the Whitebeard Pirates… owe you a huge debt. You saved my life, and I can't pay it back if you go dying to some dumb tree."

Sakura looked like she wanted to add something, but the room shook and rumbled as Tobi made another grunting effort to take control of his branches. When the shaking calmed down, Sasuke spoke up.

"We're splitting up for now. Sakura, Hinata, get Chopper to the rest of the crew. We'll follow right behind you."

There really wasn't time to argue any further. They split, with Sakura and Hinata carrying Chopper out of the room as Naruto and Sasuke went in the opposite direction, the floor shaking and rumbling as they ran. For just a moment Sasuke stumbled as his legs lost power, but he regained his pace after his false-start. Naruto gave him a worried look, but he waved it off and they began running for the far wall.

They soon reached a great stone door flanked on both sides by two imposing statues. The one on the left was very clearly Hagoromo, the Sage of Six Paths, which presumably meant the other statue was of his brother, Hamura. At least, they certainly hoped so, or else there was a _third_ mystery super-ninja that was somehow relevant to all of this. Or possibly a fourth? At this point they couldn't rule out anything. They'd barely gotten close when a seal inscribed on the door glowed into existence, flashing brightly before burning away like paper set aflame. Just like that, the door separated in the center, groaning open as they watched. It seemed the sage's words had been true. This room responded to their chakra.

"Hmm," began Grandpa Fukasaku, from Naruto's shoulder. "I sure don't know what to make of this. What in blazes happened to you two? All that talk about the Sage was more'n just hogwash, then?"

"Yeah," said Naruto. "I just wish he actually had some help for us, instead of just dumping another quest in our laps. You'd think he'd have- whoa!"

As they stepped through the door and their eyes adjusted to the dim light, they all caught sight of a blood-chilling silhouette. An intricately detailed wooden statue emerged from the ceiling above them, reaching down with two twisted and knotted hands as if to rip them from the floor and rend their flesh. The great, warped beast gazed at them with a solitary crimson eye as it screamed silently in their direction with an open maw filled with more than a hundred needle-thin fangs, each one longer than should have fit in its closed mouth. Curling and crawling from behind its body were ten freakish tails.

Despite themselves, they gulped nervously, having taken a step backwards without realizing it.

"Shit, man," muttered Naruto. "Hate to run into that thing in a dark alley. What the hell is that thing?"

" **Don't ask,"** stated Kurama's thoughts, with the tone of someone who wasn't going to answer any further questions on the matter.

Sasuke grimaced. "Sure sounds like someone forgot to tell us an important piece of the plot, but whatever. It's just a statue. Let's split up and find what we're looking for."

Outside, the shaking and crashing of Tobi's struggles were growing louder and louder as he got used to controlling his new body, so they hurried onward. They passed underneath the statue, moving further into the storeroom. The musty reliquary was stuffed almost to bursting with knick-knacks, scrolls, and strange objects of all types, each and every one of which looked like it could have served as the seed of a mysterious adventure all on its own. Mostly, however, what they saw was mere dilapidated junk. However all of these things had been made, most of them clearly hadn't been meant to withstand a thousand years of sitting in storage, and had gradually disintegrated into the dust that covered every surface in here. The air was hazy and thick with its scent, which may have been why they didn't notice the room's other occupant until Naruto sensed his chakra.

" _Someone else is in here,"_ thought Naruto, spinning around in the dim room.

No sooner had he shown his suspicion than a bolt of lightning shot from a darkened corner, spearing through the intervening distance. Naruto dodged the attack with startling reflexes, but it was so poorly aimed it probably wouldn't have hit him anyway. Sasuke immediately engaged the Sharingan and lunged forward, only for Naruto to interrupt.

"Stop!" he shouted, adding mentally, " _The guy's so close to dead I could barely sense him. He's not a threat."_

Sure enough, when Sasuke's eyes pierced the darkness he could take in the bloodstains on the stone floor leading up to a man who seemed so old he could have been enshrined as one of the relics stored on these shelves. His uniform, however, was familiar. He was wearing the same robes that had clothed the bodies of the temple monks. The exertion of casting that Ninjutsu had reduced the elderly monk to a deep fit of bubbling coughing, and it was clear that he was straddling the edge of death regardless of what they did.

"Don't-" said the monk, before resuming coughing, "-don't you _dare_ touch anything, murderers!"

"Wha-? Murderers?!" exclaimed Naruto. "Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

Sasuke looked closer, his eyes cataloguing the the pallid color of the monk's skin, the terribly faint signature of his chakra system, and the almost vacant milky eyes. The old man was either so ancient or so close to death that he was almost blind, which could become either an unacceptable delay or a blessing in disguise, depending on how they handled this. The question was… what act should he put on? He took a chance, summoning arrogant condescension into his voice as he spoke.

"We're not part of the rabble that did this to you, monk," said Sasuke, his words cold, "-and we have no time to entertain your threats."

" _Dude, what?"_ thought Naruto.

" _Pretending I'm working for the nobility. Play along."_ That message communicated, he continued to speak. "An attack on us is an attack on the Celestial Dragons. I'll forgive one transgression due to your… condition, but lash out again and we will not be so forgiving."

The old monk's face did a number of contortions as Sasuke spoke, and he caught the barely imperceptible twitch of muscles at the words 'Celestial Dragons' as the monk's head reflexively bowed ever so slightly.

Yeah, this could work.

"The… the Celestial Dragons?" asked the monk. "But… who are you? How… how did you get in here? The door is sealed to anyone besides..."

"We're not just any random passersby," interrupted Sasuke, making sure his sneer was audible to the nearly blind man. "We're descendants of the Sage of Six Paths."

" _Wait, we are?!"_ thought Naruto, as the toads gawked in surprise. " _I thought that was just some weird spirit thing! I'm not literally descended from that kook am I?"_

" _I don't know whether it's literally true or not. Just go with it for now, alright?"_ Sasuke continued speaking without showing a hint of their mental conversation. "The nobility always had a plan in case you lot were to suffer a catastrophic loss. That backup plan was us."

"A… backup plan…?"

Sasuke nodded, then remembered the old man was blind. He took a step further into the room, scuffing his shoes to make a sound, and when the dying monk didn't move to attack he knew that doubt had taken root.

Naruto looked like he wanted to offer the old man aid of some sort, but Sasuke quietly resisted. The ruse would only work if the monk thought they were affiliated with the nobility, and that meant keeping their distance. Naruto spoke anyway.

"You're not looking too good, man. Save your strength and stop trying to shoot us. What's your name?"

The old monk looked briefly uncertain. "My name…?" He shook his head. "There's no time for the full thing right now. Call me Freddy, if you must."

The room rumbled and shifted, tilting almost thirty degrees to the side in a sudden motion that sent a gaggle of priceless and irreplaceable artifacts toppling from the shelves. Naruto dodged a globe of fine glass that exploded when it hit the ground, freeing a great cloud of roiling vapor that clawed outward like a living thing. He scrambled away before he could breathe any in, which was probably a good thing, as the gas abruptly solidified into a brilliant bouquet of flowering vines before wilting away in the next second.

"I'm afraid none of us have much time for chatting," agreed Sasuke. "The last remnants of Akatsuki have taken control of the tree, and we need to know the location of certain artifacts that will help us reclaim the temple."

With that, Sasuke described the artifact that the Sage had said was still locked away here, as well as inquiring as to the whereabouts of any item capable of damaging or otherwise impeding the tree. Abbot Freddy shook his head, and for a moment Sasuke feared their request had lost his cooperation.

"Damage the Divine Tree? It can't be done, or, at least, not by anything here. We simply… tend the thing… The tools here are for encouraging or limiting its growth... or gathering data on the fruit... not _pruning_ it. There might be something like that among the relics whose true purpose has been lost to time, but I…"

Sasuke saw the old man fading. Finding a silver bullet to deal with Tobi would have been a long-shot anyway, so he gave up on that and pressed on. "The vial then. Where is that?"

Freddy hesitated only a moment before extending a finger in the direction of a carved stone case about the size of a jewelry box. Since he was blind, it must have been from memory. Naruto stepped up and clasped the box while Freddy spoke.

"I couldn't possibly… guess why you need it… just a curiosity… nothing more…" he took a deep, shuddering breath. "Promise me that you'll… make them pay... for what they did…"

"That I can promise, monk," said Sasuke.

Seconds later, the light faded from the old man's chakra system, and he slumped slightly against the wall.

Another sharp tremor shook the room, rattling glass as the sound of the temple's collapse continued outside. This room was built of sturdier stuff, but it clearly wouldn't be long before the whole thing fell apart. Even now it was swaying violently back and forth.

"We need to get out of here," said Sasuke.

Naruto nodded and opened the case. Inside, nestled in a bed of decayed velvet, was a delicate-looking crystal vial banded with rings of smooth seastone. It caught the light in odd ways that suggested it was made from no ordinary glass, and according to the description the Sage had given this was what they were looking for. The Phial of Unfolding Waters.

"What in the world…?" asked Ma.

"We'll explain later," said Naruto. It seemed they'd been saying that a lot recently.

With no further ceremony, he reached into his pack and took the tiny chunk of seastone that Sasuke had purchased down at the archipelago's shops, placing it inside the vial. The instant the stone fell through the first ring of stone bands it began crackling and fizzing with a noise like falling sand as effervescent water poured from its disintegrating surface. Finally, the stone dissolved entirely, the vial now filled to the brim with a fluid that bubbled and foamed like the crests of beach waves. An indescribable scent made their heads spin.

According to the Sage, this was Mother Ocean Water. The one thing that, when swallowed with a fragment of the Divine Fruit, could reconnect a demon of Kurama's strength to the infinite sea of the Earth's chakra. If it worked, Kurama would give up a large portion of his power to the Earth, but in return he would gain the freedom to live in the manner that Devil Fruits did, roaming the spiritual plane freely and only binding to humans when it suited him. It would also mean that Naruto might effectively become an abnormally powerful mythical-creature-type Devil Fruit user, but that was a concern for another time. Naruto stoppered the vial and packed it away. He wouldn't be able to use this until he had a piece of the Divine Fruit, anyway.

The two boys turned to each other and nodded, sparing one last glance to the dead monk before leaving the way they had entered. They opened the door once more and dashed outside.

What awaited them was chaos. The temple barely deserved its title anymore; the walls and most of the floor had collapsed, opening the entire area to the mountain air. The only reason this reliquary had lasted so long was because it had been anchored to the tree with stone clasps so enormous that they could only have been made with ancient Earth Ninjutsu. It clearly wouldn't last for long, though. A veritable forest of branches both thick and thin were waving and swinging through the air, smashing into each other with distressing regularity. Sasuke and Naruto got their bearings as quickly as possible and then set off away from the trunk, hoping to find some hint to their comrades' location.

"Heh…" chuckled Naruto. "After all that we're back to jumping between huge tree branches again."

"Yeah… just like home..."

"Yer not out of danger yet," insisted Ma, from Naruto's shoulder, pointing a warty old finger into the distance. "That way. Focus on the journey. The Hyuuga girl left that way, and you best be sure she knew where she was goin'."

"How can you even tell that?" asked Naruto. "Everything's waving around all the time."

"Plenty of ways to sense your surroundings if you just pay attention to the natural energy around you, Naruto-boy. Above!"

The two boys dodged rapidly, narrowly avoiding being crushed to death by a flailing branch. In the distance, Tobi screamed at someone, but it didn't sound as though the maddened Akatsuki leader had tried to hit them on purpose. The fact that he had gotten so close to smashing them just from random attacks was bad enough.

Without warning, the branch they stood upon dipped in place, coincidentally affording them a better view of the battlefield.

"Holy shit," said Naruto.

The temple was basically non-existent now, with only a few patches of stone here and there that were at all intact, leaving everything else open to the air. Sasuke took in the view. Despite taking place on what was technically a single tree, their new battlefield was massive enough to cover almost a cubic mile in gnarled limbs and roots, with a phalanx of majestic branches to protect the trunk that was still anchored to the wall of the Red Line. The tree itself rocked and swayed its limbs in motions that were destroying every last piece of the temple, and wherever the branches struck the Red Line it gouged out great furrows of rocky debris that fell to the ocean far below.

A flash of some sort of violent explosion caught his eye, and he turned to look. The noise of the explosion followed a second later, just in time to take his breath away as the sky split in two. Flames wreathed in lightning stabbed forth like a sword into the trunk of the tree, and despite everything he'd seen of the Divine Tree's invulnerability the attack clearly left a charred furrow in the holy wood. As Tobi screamed and writhed in either pain or rage, the smoke cleared enough to make out the First and Second Hokage, suspended from a distant branch and preparing for another bombardment.

The tree groaned as Tobi pushed it into action, but just before the branches could smite either Hokage from the sky, the First sent a bloom of wood element chakra out into the aether that washed over the tree and drastically slowed its limbs, buying them time to dodge nimbly to another branch. A few seconds later, another explosion tore through the sky, but this time Tobi seemed ready. The Rinnegan absorbed at least half of its fury, dispersing the attack without much harm.

" **QUIT IT!"** screamed Tobi. " **NOT TAKING IT FROM ME!"**

Naruto and Sasuke had been so stunned they had forgotten to move.

"Oh man…" sighed Naruto, wowed into a sort of reverence. "I never got a chance to see a real Hokage go all out in a fight before, much less two of them. Do you think the old geezer was this powerful?"

"The Third? I… I don't know. But supposedly these revived bodies are weaker than the real First and Second would've been, so..."

"Shit…" muttered Naruto. "Man, we're really lucky we didn't get ourselves killed so far, aren't we?"

"Yeah… talk about a mission above our pay grade..." Sasuke scanned the area briefly. His Sharingan was having serious trouble taking in the battlefield due to the overwhelming chakra aura of each of the Divine Tree's leaves. "Speaking of… if the Hokages are fighting Tobi, then where are Roger and Rayleigh?"

As if he had been summoned, the Pirate King plummeted from the open sky at those words, crashing into the branch they were standing on with enough force to shake their teeth. He stood up and gave Sasuke a small nod.

"Told you everything was gonna go to shit," he declared without prelude. "This quest-line was waaay too important to end without some big damn monster causing a ruckus."

"And I told you life doesn't work like a storybook, you delusional zombie," retorted Sasuke.

"And yet… here we are!"

"Uhh, hey," interrupted Naruto, who hadn't actually met the revived man yet. "So, Gold Roger, huh? Nice to meet you, I guess. You look like a real badass."

"That's 'cause I am one."

Rayleigh's voice called out from atop a higher branch. "Don't encourage him, young man! He's like a dog! He'll eat any scrap of praise you give him and then crap all over the carpet!"

"Well, that's that image stuck in my head," muttered Naruto.

Sasuke coughed, exercising what little control he had over their link to avoid mental contamination. "So... what happened with the First and Second?"

Roger shrugged. "Eh, the other two zombies stopped fighting us when the snake-man ordered us all to recover the Fruit from your pal, Tobi. I declined to participate on account of that order being more useless than tits on a cactus."

"What on a what?" asked Naruto.

"Orochimaru's still alive?" asked Sasuke.

"He grabbed Danzou and disappeared among the branches somewhere before we could stop him," said Roger. "That sourpuss didn't look too healthy either, so good job beating up an old man, I guess."

Sasuke cursed. If Orochimaru had him, then Danzou could conceivably survive the injuries he suffered during his failed coup, but there wasn't even time to deal with all of that now. Up above, Tobi's screams of rage and loss continued to be interspersed with the explosive bursts of noise that accompanied the First and Second's cataclysmic Ninjutsu bombardment. The two former Hokage were deftly dancing from leaf to leaf, dodging Tobi's furious yet unpracticed attempts to swat them out of the sky, and although Tobi was rapidly gaining complete control over his new body it didn't look like the zombies were in danger of being struck down anytime soon.

Much farther from the trunk he saw what he was looking for. The Straw-Hats, every last one of them, were climbing, clambering, and being lifted by Robin's summoned hands, from branch to branch.

He smiled. " _Everyone made it out alive,"_ he thought.

" _Awesome,"_ thought Naruto.

When he turned back around, Roger had disappeared. A quick search revealed that the Pirate King had jumped back up to a higher branch to talk with Rayleigh. Sasuke turned back to his friend, who was exchanging a few words with the toads.

"Come on. We'd better meet up with the gang and come up with a plan."

"A plan for _what_?" asked Naruto, frustration stressing his voice. "That's what me and the old toads are trying to figure out. If talking and fighting didn't work on him _before_ then they're _definitely_ not gonna work on him now."

"Just… just a plan, alright? Someone has to have an idea, even if we don't."

Naruto gave him a funny look, but followed after him when he left, jumping up higher into the branches in pursuit of the distant figures of the Straw-Hats. As they passed, they caught a scrap of Roger and Rayleigh's conversation.

"So… why's that kid up there glaring at me like I owe him something?" asked Roger.

"That's… uhh…" mumbled Rayleigh. "-So, about that…"

At those uncharacteristically uncertain words Sasuke glanced upwards again and froze in place. Up among the distant branches, Ace was staring down at them with murder in his eyes. Though they were maybe a quarter of a mile away, Sasuke could very clearly read his lips.

" _Gold fucking Roger,"_ mouthed Ace. " _Well, if it isn't my lucky day."_

That said, he began jumping from leaf to branch, descending towards Roger as his flesh burned with an ever-increasing rage.

"Aww, six bats up a baboon's arsehole," muttered Roger. "That's Ace, isn't it?"

"Yep."

"Oh, come on! What the hell am I supposed to do about that, huh? Does the kid have a beef with me?"

"You could put it that way…" muttered Rayleigh.

Sasuke blinked, casting an uncertain glance between Roger and the distant figure of Ace. The Sharingan analyzed facial features with ease, prompting a double, triple, and then quadruple-take.

"Holy hell, he _is_ your son!" exclaimed Sasuke, bursting uninvited into their conversation.

"Wait, what?" asked Naruto.

Roger rolled his eyes. "Of course he's my son, try to keep up. Listen, you're friends with Ace, right? Acquaintances? Why's he looking at me like he's gonna try to tear out my spine and shove it straight up my-"

"I don't know, alright?!" interrupted Sasuke. "He's never mentioned you, not even once! I don't think the whole father-son thing is common knowledge, either, or else he'd be known as- as 'Gold Ace' or something, instead of 'Fire-Fist.'"

"Hah. Maybe that's the problem, then. If my dad had cast that large of a shadow then I wouldn't have made it through my teenage years without trying to push him off a cliff."

Rayleigh nodded soberly. "Yeah, it's... it's something like that. I've tried to keep away from the kid myself, but he knows he's your son and by all accounts he doesn't like it very much. Got himself adopted by old Whitebeard."

Roger raised a disbelieving eyebrow, but didn't say anything before the implications caught up to Sasuke. "Wait a damn second! I thought Luffy was Dragon's kid, but if Luffy's _his_ brother... then does that mean-"

Roger scoffed. "I don't know anything about no Luffy, and I didn't have much time to get two semi-official kids going neither." He paused, adding, "-unless they're twins. Oh, hell, not _twins..._ "

"No…" said Sasuke, analyzing his stored images of the two ridiculous pirates. "No, now that I think about it I don't think they're related at all. Luffy's _actually_ descended from Dragon and Garp, which means they're not really brothers."

Roger turned an almost disappointed glance in his direction. "You of all people should know that you don't need to share blood to be true brothers."

Sasuke winced at the implied rebuke, and automatically glanced over at Naruto, who looked awkwardly back at him. The reflexive urge to jab at each other to deflect those words was rather useless when their feelings were being communicated in real time.

Ace was getting close now, so Roger turned to his first mate. "Alright, so it doesn't matter what it is, but I need to do something good for him, 'cause a father's gotta bequeath something to his kid. I didn't manage it the first time I died, so it's doubly important I get it right this time round. Rayleigh, what's the one thing a bastard kid like that wants most of all from a bastard dad like me?"

"...Honestly?" asked Rayleigh, "The best thing you could give him is a clean break. Ace already has a father-figure, and as much as I hate to say it a walking corpse shouldn't be splitting people's loyalties. You need to give the kid up for good while you still have the chance."

Roger tugged his mustache. "So… you're saying I should…?"

"I'm _saying_ that you should be the worthless sack of shit I always knew you could be, Roger," he said, sounding oddly sincere as he placed one hand on his friend's shoulder. "Be the very worst you can be and prove he made the right decision to ditch you."

Naruto's jaw dropped to hear this, but Roger simply nodded before flashing a wide smile. "Now _that's_ something I can manage."

Ace arrived in a hellstorm, hitting the ground in a three point landing that burned the air around them. He stood up slowly, tongues of flame escaping from his mouth, and if he looked exhausted from his recent ordeal, he also looked pissed off in equal measure.

"Rayleigh," he said, and even through the flames his voice could have frozen nitrogen. That was all the acknowledgment he gave the old pirate before nodding to Sasuke and Naruto. "You two. So. What's the deal here? This is that ninja thing, isn't it? The one where they bring a guy back from the dead, yeah?" Ace spat on the ground, and there was a small explosion where it struck the wood. "Only… when Akatsuki did this to Teach, he came out like a mindless corpse… so why is this zombie freakshow eyeballing me like that?"

Naruto tried to say something, but Roger got there first. "Technically it's more 'giving you a funny look' than 'eyeballing you,' kid."

"Okay, so it talks," said Ace, redirecting his glare. "And it thinks it's funny, too."

Roger nodded, short and sharp. "Yeah, I'm a barrel of laughs. Listen, I didn't exactly get a lot of warning you'd be coming, but I've been working on my dad jokes for just such an occasion and I've got some good ones. Like... 'What did the zombie pirate give his kid for his birthday?'"

"Oh, is this what we're doing now?" asked Ace.

"Nothin'!" barked Roger. "'cause he wouldn't even know what fucking day the bastard was born on, would he?!"

Ace's stare hardened, and Roger started cackling. "Hey, come on! Laugh it up! What are you, dumb?! It's funny 'cause the joke's about _you_!"

In the past, Naruto and Sasuke had both suffered direct mental assault by enemy Genjutsu, but even so, nothing they'd experienced up to this point could ever compare to the sheer heart-stopping awkwardness of this moment. Sasuke looked over and Naruto was actually grimacing with teeth clenched and both eyes screwed shut.

Ace wasn't amused. He turned to fully face Roger and stepped forward, approaching the grinning king without a hint of weakness.

"Yeah… okay… so... 'son'? No. No way. You don't get to call me your 'son,' you shitstain on history's asshole... you don't even get to _think_ about me like that..." He stopped when they were less than a yard apart, the grinning king staring down at his enraged progeny. "I'm not your fucking son, and you're not my father!"

Roger chuckled, seemingly unfazed by the sizzling heat washing over him. "Son? Of course you're not my son. I'm the fucking king of all pirates, and you're just a nobody." Although the grin stayed fixed in place, his voice dropped to a threatening hum as he leaned in even closer. "If you were _really_ my son you would've surpassed me by now. You sure as hell wouldn't have settled for becoming a little nursemaid that minces about changing Newgate's catheter every day, you spineless slug of a-"

Ace's fist snapped out, only to be caught in one of Roger's palms, his undead skin taking the flames without pain. Roger just kept chuckling.

"Well, something in there sure pissed you off. Was it the daddy issues or are you just so in love with that white-mustachioed runner-up that you-"

"Don't you fucking finish that sentence," said Ace, "-or we're both gonna find out just how long a corpse like you can burn."

"Okay," interrupted Naruto, unable to stop himself from interfering. "Enough is enough! Do you two even know what's going on right now?! This isn't the time for fighting each other-"

A blast of solid charisma exploded from Roger's soul, striking Naruto an invisible gut punch that made him freeze in place for a moment before shaking off the effects of the Haki. "Sheesh, okay, whatever. Have it your way."

The two pirates resumed arguing, raising their voices to be heard over Tobi's distant screams when necessary. Rayleigh watched on with almost fatherly concern, but Naruto and Sasuke were just flummoxed. Frankly this entire setup was way weirder than they were equipped to handle.

" _I just don't get it, man,"_ thought Naruto _. "I mean, if I got to meet my dad for the first time, I sure as hell wouldn't waste my time in an argument with him, right? What the hell do they think they're doing?"_

Sasuke sighed. " _I have no idea at all. Maybe this makes more sense to pirates, because it sure doesn't mean anything to me."_

"Shut up," growled Ace, interrupting the smooth stream of insults rolling effortlessly from Roger. "Shut… the fuck… up…" He paused to exhale, and wisps of flame came out with his breath. "You know what? It's not something I ever wanted, but I'm _glad_ I got to meet you. I could have spent my whole life wondering if I was being disloyal to your memory or something. Could've wondered just how much of me came from you, but now…" He shook his head in disgust. "No… I'm _nothing_ like you. You're a foul, loathsome turd who should have had the decency to stay dead! Whitebeard is gonna become king of this ocean, and if you think that you _ever_ compared to him then you- you… you're _disintegrating!"_

" _I'm_ disintegrating?!" shouted Roger, stabbing out with a finger that was rapidly turning to dust, " _-you're_ the one who's falling apart over a bunch of pansy-ass…" He trailed off, glaring down at his crumbling hand. "Ah, shit, I'm actually disintegrating here. Hold on a sec."

As the legendary pirate continued deteriorating, the onlookers found themselves a little too surprised to do anything other than watch with their jaws hanging open.

"A little bit ago that snake-asshole figured out I'm not one of his loyal slaves anymore," elaborated Roger, "-and it looks like he finally stopped trying to uselessly order me around and skipped straight to ripping my soul outta my body."

"That... sounds pretty dire," remarked Rayleigh.

"Eh. I've had worse."

"Roger, I've been there for your worst, and I'm pretty sure you haven't."

"Remember that witch that was causing trouble back on Hollandberry? She was worse."

"What? Witch? You mean the 'Soul-flayer?!'" His eyes went wide. "We stopped in that city for _one night_ and you pissed her off without me hearing about it?!"

Roger rolled his one eye that was still intact. "Duh, _mom…_ you would've made a fuss."

"A fuss?! Roger, she _flayed_ people's _souls!"_ Rayleigh paused, angrily working his jaw for a moment as everyone looked on in shock. "Is that why the papers said she was found dead just after we left the port? You went and got your soul sliced up and then you killed her?!"

"Yeah, see, this is why I was keeping it a secret. You freak out about every little thing."

" _Every little-!"_

"Look, in fairness, she only flayed me a little bit, but I killed her _really_ hard in return. Hell, I even made it home on my own afterwards, even if I was a bit loopy at the time."

"You told me that was a hangover!"

"Yeah, and you believed me, so who's the-"

His words were cut off as his mouth dissolved. That said, he closed his remaining eye, shifting in some nigh-imperceptible way before another wave of power crashed out from his body. Unlike all the other pulses of Conqueror's Haki Sasuke had felt from Roger and Rayleigh, this one seemed much more restrained, as if he was somehow being excluded from its fury. When the moment passed, Roger's body immediately began reforming itself from dust in the customary fashion. If any negative effects lingered then they weren't immediately obvious.

He nodded. "Yeah, Snake-Man Joe can take his dark necromancy mumbo-jumbo and shove it straight up his hoo-ha, I'm not dyin' to this shit."

"H-hoo-ha?" asked Naruto.

Sasuke snorted. "Does that mind aura of yours fix literally every problem you run into?"

"What, this kind of stuff? Damn straight it will. Should keep me running long enough to deal with this tree business anyway." Satisfied, he whirled on Ace, who had been watching with a sort of bizarre fascination. "Anyway, disregard all that. We were talking about the problems with idolizing the dead."

"Were we?" asked Ace, sounding irritated beyond belief. "Pretty sure I was talking about Whitebeard."

"Yeah, I know. That's what I said."

Ace narrowed his eyes and shook his head in frustration as Roger started up again. It was clear that Ace, at least, was done with this conversation.

"You want to make Whitebeard the Pirate King? Do you really think that festering corpse of a captain has what it takes to be the Pirate King _now_?! He was tripping over his own saggy sack when _I_ knew him and he's had twenty years to wrinkle further!"

"He," said Ace, "-knows how to inspire loyalty. Even if he _were_ to die you can be damn sure his crew would carry his fucking coffin all the way to the end of the Grand Line. A hell of a lot better than a certain someone whose fleet disintegrated the instant he screwed off and surrendered to the government."

"Ouch!" exclaimed Roger. "Finally getting some actual spirit in these barbs. But here's where you're _really_ wrong, Ace! You can't just choose to make someone else a king, you dumb kid! The only thing that does is hold _you_ back! Follow after him? Make him the greatest? If he was really gonna be a true king then you wouldn't have had a damn choice in the matter. You'd have been pulled along in his wake whether you liked it or not!"

Without warning, a series of wooden, vine-like tentacles sliced out from the open sky and latched onto Roger, lifting him up into the air and holding him in place as they wrapped tighter and tighter around his limbs. Far in the distance, the First and Second appeared to have suffered similar fates, suspended helpless to react. Whatever had happened, Tobi seemed to finally be gaining control of his newfound strength.

"Don't think I'm done with you yet," hissed Roger, putting venom into his next words as he hung suspended in space, "-you second-in-command _loser_!"

"H-Hey!" yelled Rayleigh, and then the tendrils pulled Roger away into the sky. Suddenly missing the target of their ire, Ace and Rayleigh turned to the ninjas.

"Alright, what the hell's going on here?" asked Ace.

"It's one of those Akatsuki folk," stated Rayleigh, massaging his forehead in what was probably a very nostalgic manner for him. "They've got some way to resurrect the dead, but it backfired when they tried for Roger."

"Yeah, I figured that out, asshole. They already tried that shit on me before, which is why I'm stuck in this mess in the first place. What I _haven't_ figured out is why their leader turned into a big invincible tree and is tentacle-snatching zombies out of the sky. So let's keep it simple. What's Tobi doing with that lard-brained captain of yours?!"

Rayleigh winced, looking like he really wanted to speak up in Roger's defense, but it was the toads that answered instead. Pa spoke from Naruto's shoulder. "He's bein' sent back to the afterlife. Right now the souls of those three are unnaturally bound to an earthly sacrifice, which means they're only truly vulnerable to techniques that can sever that bond. Just so happens that wood element chakra's the best at that kind of thing, and Tobi possesses the Rinnegan which can alter the flow of souls between this world and the next. On top of all of that, the Divine Tree is the ultimate bridge between divinity and the mortal world, and its solar chakra could be capable of unbeatable purification."

Far off in the distance, Tobi's immense wooden face strained with effort as the holy wood finished entombing Roger and the two Hokage inside a cocoon of roots. Then, spears of braided wood rained from heavensward, each one piercing the glowing cocoons until all three Edo Tensei were pinned to the sky. Arcane seals that seemed forged from sunlight itself burned into existence in lines and rings that encircled each of the wooden prisons. Supple branches, each one massive beyond imagination, wound themselves back and forth in front of Tobi's face in a manner reminiscent of the hand seals that were used by shinobi. The chakra this tree was molding, however, was utterly alien to mere humans.

"What we're looking at are probably the most powerful sealing arts in existence," stated Ma. "Only the First could even hope to stop this, but nothing short of his full power and undominated will could manage it." She turned her head to regard Ace with a solemn stare. "I know you've got yer differences, but if you have any last words fer yer birth father, now's the time to swallow yer pride and get 'em out there. Roger won't be comin' back from this'n."

Ace looked stricken, though whether it was from even the thought of filial loyalty or just from having the object of his irritations suddenly snatched away forever Sasuke couldn't say. The young pirate didn't say a word, just clenching his fists and teeth as he watched the distant exorcism. Slowly, the root cocoons began to unwind, revealing the figures inside. The Second slumped against the spears piercing his body, his outer shell dissolving rapidly into a dust that left behind only the corpse of one of the former temple monks that had been used as a sacrifice. Seconds later, the First dissolved as well, emotionlessly following after his younger brother into the afterlife as the sacrificed bodies were discarded to fall to the clouds far below.

Then, just as the third cocoon began to unravel, the world tore itself apart. Sasuke flinched, bringing hands to his ears to muffle the unbearable sound, only to discover it wasn't a sound at all. It seemed as though the very air itself burned. No, not the air, it was their _minds_ that were burning away, thoughts shutting down as they were rendered down into ash. Had his heart stopped, or was it beating hard enough to escape his chest? He couldn't begin to tell. There wasn't any point in even trying to quantify the brilliant feeling of overwhelming power, or even to compare it to anything they had felt before from Luffy or Rayleigh; it was nothing less than absolute. It expanded in a great dome from the Pirate King's airborne coffin until it covered everything in sight. Every fighter on the field aside from Rayleigh, Ace, Naruto, and Luffy was borne to their knees by the immense pressure, and Chopper, Nami, and Usopp actually collapsed to the ground unconscious.

When Sasuke could finally think again, he realized he had expelled all of the air in his lungs screaming, and he took a deep, gasping breath. Over the mental link he could hear Naruto arguing with Kurama, who had taken the barrage of Conqueror's Haki as a direct mental assault.

One thing was now absolutely clear. Neither the Tsukuyomi nor the Kotoamatsukami could have truly bound Roger for long. Whatever this power was that he was wielding, it would cut through any will-affecting Genjutsu or Ninjutsu he wanted it to with ludicrous ease.

Tobi kept screaming as well, loud enough to shake the mountains, and the coffin of roots wriggled and twisted before exploding into splinters. Roger descended from his former prison, using his greatcloak to direct his fall to another branch and then kicking off like a rocket to rejoin the rest of arrived just as Tobi's screams settled down, zeroing in on Ace with manic determination, and for once, Ace actually looked somewhat intimidated as the zombie touched down on their branch.

"And another thing!" exclaimed the Pirate King, who seemed unfazed by the recent attack on his soul, "Doesn't friggin' matter where you losers carry Whitebeard's coffin if you can't find Raftel in the first place! And no offense, but that just ain't happening!"

No one else seemed interested in carrying on the previous conversation. They just stared in horror at the man who'd set the world on fire with his mind. Vaguely, Sasuke was aware of Pa grumbling from Naruto's shoulder.

"Okay, or maybe the most powerful sealing techniques in the world just don't mean squat anymore. Just go ahead and break outta it, see if I care."

"Holy cow," exclaimed Naruto. "Can _anything_ actually kill you?! I'm serious here!"

"Hey, shut up, junior! I'll die when I feel like it, okay?! And I was talking to my son, here, not you. I mean, ah fuck, I didn't mean my son-"

" **YOU!"** screamed Tobi, interrupting Roger's hurried corrections. " **I REMEMBER YOU!"**

"Aw, hell-shits," said Roger, redirecting to face the tree's trunk.

" **YOU'RE THE STRANGER IN THE RED CLOAK!"**

"Yeah, hi, what do you want?"

" **WHAT DO I** _ **WANT?!**_ **YOU KILLED MY FAMILY! AND I DON'T LIKE THAT KIND OF THING!"**

"Hey, I also spared your life and fed your scrawny ass dinner, so how about a- oh crap!"

A branch that was as thick as a house crashed through the air where Roger had just been standing, clipping his legs hard enough to break them off at the knees. Naruto and the others barely dove off their branch in time to dodge the hit. While they were recovering, the Pirate King regenerated his body and began fighting properly, jumping from branch to branch as Tobi frantically flailed tree limbs in his direction, each attack pushing Roger farther and farther away from the rest of them.

" **RRROOOOGER! EVERYTHING WENT WRONG AFTER YOU SHOWED UP! EVERYTHING WENT WRONG AFTER YOU KILLED THEM! STOP DODGING AND DIE!"**

If Gold Roger was worried about being Tobi's primary target then he hid it well. Instead, before he left their range entirely, he shouted, "Don't worry, guys! I've got a plan and you're gonna love it! Trust me!"

The horrified look that the three young men and two toads saw in Rayleigh's wrinkled face was proof enough that Roger's boast was perhaps somewhat less than perfectly trustworthy.

"Oh man," moaned Sasuke. "I can see it now. He really does act like Luffy."

Rayleigh nodded, sighing. "God, twenty years since he died and that kind of statement still chills my blood. It's precisely when he says something like that that you know you should be worrying." He turned to the rest of them. "Look, I hate to say this, but this fight is a little too high-level for most of you. Go to your friends. See to their wounds. If you can, get off the tree alive. Just because I can't see a way to beat this tree-man now doesn't mean one won't show up later, but I won't be able to keep you all safe while I'm doing it."

"You're gonna be okay, old dude?" asked Naruto.

Surprisingly, it was Pa who answered, after nudging him in the side of the head. "Don't you go and underestimate the toughness of an old hero, Naruto-boy. Stop insulting him and let's get going. We're not done here yet."

Ma nodded along with her husband. "I can't see any way this Tobi fellow brings about an era of positive change, which means the prophecy's still unfulfilled. There'll be a chance to make yer mark, don't you fret none."

"Yeaaahhh," started Sasuke, "-about that whole prophecy thing-"

" _No way, man,"_ interrupted Naruto's thoughts. " _Like he said, don't underestimate the stubbornness of an old toad. Let's not argue. Just go with it for now."_

"...Never mind. Let's go find the rest of them," finished Sasuke.

Ma and Pa muttered their agreement before addressing Naruto once more. "Boy, we're leaving for now. We're in for the long haul, but who knows what kind of help you might need before the day is done. Conserve yer energy but make sure you call us when things get tough again."

Naruto agreed, and soon the toads disappeared back into the aether.

The two boys set their sights on the Straw-Hat's location and then left as well, heading further and further up the branches. Tobi still seemed to be having trouble controlling more than a small part of the Divine Tree at a time, so everything settled down as Roger led his attention further afield. Ace, meanwhile, glared one last time off into the distance, then jumped off after the ninjas. He caught up fairly quickly, but didn't say a word.

"So-" began Naruto.

" _Don't ask him about Roger,"_ thought Sasuke. " _Seriously."_

"...weren't you going to fight alone, man?" he finished, changing his question despite his curiosity.

Ace shrugged. "Tried and failed. This friggin' wood is too damn tough. What the hell is going on here, anyway?"

Together, Naruto and Sasuke did their best to explain the truth of what was happening to Ace, leaving out a lot of the mystical crap that seemed to be determined to make their lives harder. Fighting a life or death battle over a fruit that granted godhood to one who consumed it was pretty much everything important.

"Oh, great, so I just got to play the part of the fainting sacrifice, huh?" asked Ace.

"Pretty much," said Naruto. "Sorry, but if it's any consolation if it wasn't you it would've been someone else. Those dudes were seriously strong."

"Whatever… just glad I survived."

Sasuke looked at the older man carefully. The Sharingan gave him the full picture when it came to his chakra system, and something seemed very strange. "You're not as fast as you were the last time I saw you. You alright?"

"Besides, couldn't you fly before, man?" asked Naruto. "You still loopy from the ritual or whatever?"

Ace was quiet for a moment, working his jaw before responding. "Yeah, something like that."

"Something like that?"

"... I don't know. I feel fine, all things considered. Certainly not like I just nearly avoided death or anything… But when I try to use my powers, it's like I'm stuck on low burn. I can't transform right, either."

"Shit, man. How long do you think it'll take to get back to full power?"

"...Dunno…"

In the silence that followed, Kurama's voice wormed its way into the link between the two boys. " **It won't get any better. Not in his short lifetime, at least. Although those demons can pull endless energy from the earth and ocean, it is not truly their own. The demon's energy itself simply makes up a shell composed of pure life chakra. It processes the energy it receives into its own flavor before passing it on to the mortal it lives inside. Growing the Divine Fruit requires the same energy used to create it in the first place, which means this ritual Akatsuki performed must steal chakra directly from the demon itself. This… cripples it."**

As Naruto processed this, Sasuke thought back. " _That fire fruit will be weaker forever?"_

" **Unknown. Perhaps if being connected to the earth really is as beneficial as the Sage made it out to be, then it could recover after leaving the mortal world for a while. Regardless, I doubt it can repair itself while hiding inside that boy's body."** He chuckled inside their minds. " **He'd better have some genuine skill to back up that reputation of his, because his life relying upon the demon's strength is over."**

They continued to leap from tree branch to tree branch as they considered this, dodging Tobi's semi-uncontrolled flailing as they did so. That gloomy and uncertain mood lasted until they reached the gang.

* * *

They found the Straw-Hats, plus Trafalgar Law and a couple of ninjas, resting on the back of a gigantic leaf further out from the trunk. Although the longer branches got a lot more momentum at the tips when Tobi swung them around, he so far seemed unable to control some of the thicker ones, which for the time being made this a suitable place for a base camp. The resident medical specialists had taken the chance to begin treating some of the worst wounds. The first thing he saw was Zoro being aggressively bullied into accepting a full complement of stitches from Captain Law, and it seemed as though the nearly unconscious swordsman had suffered the worst wounds out of any of them. Sasuke recognized the signs of skin regrown from medical Ninjutsu too, which meant Sakura had already helped out and moved on. Actually, looking closer, those wounds seemed ludicrous when you realized they'd all been gained in the same battle. Whatever had happened back on that bridge had been brutal, but the man had survived, which was a fact that spoke volumes about his vitality. As Sasuke watched, Zoro twitched.

"What the hell are you doing back there?! I could stitch myself up better than this!"

Trafalgar Law continued scowling into his work as he ignored their arrival. "If that arts-and-crafts project on your chest is your handiwork then no, you couldn't. Stop fidgeting or I will remove your arms before continuing."

Confident that was proceeding well, they moved on into the camp, where others shouted cheerfully to see them. Sakura was now working on treating their rubber captain, who seemed to have gotten himself cut up, abraded, and a little bit impaled here and there, but still had the animated energy to gesticulate wildly in Ace's direction. Sakura just sighed and waved as they approached. They waved back and went to say hello, before Chopper stopped them.

"No you don't," insisted the reindeer, who was finishing a splint that would fasten Brook's broken tibia until it could mend itself. "Stop right there until I get a look at you."

"Me?" asked Naruto. "I'm-"

"No, not you. You, Sasuke." As Sasuke blinked in slight confusion, the boy elaborated. "You're dead on your feet."

"I'm not-" he was interrupted when two arms pulled his legs out from under him, with another set cushioning his fall. His reflexes were so dulled by the near-week of subjective time spent fighting that he had been caught totally off-guard. He looked up to see Robin smiling at him in the distance, though she spoke to him right next to his ear.

" _Well done, hero. You fought well, but I think it's time for you to rest for a spell, don't you? Listen to the good doctor Chopper, or else I'll make sure you take your medicine the hard way."_

"Fought well?" he asked. "I don't know if you noticed, Robin, but we lost."

" _Did we?"_ she smirked from her distant position. " _We fought a crew of world-caliber warriors and survived. The others sometimes get over-inflated expectations when it comes to these matters, but I expect better from you. You're supposed to be more pragmatic than that."_

He snorted. "The fight's not over yet, you know. There's still time to get ourselves killed."

" _And time enough for victory as well. Give it some thought. I shall be disappointed in you if you don't."_

Her summoned constructs faded away in a fragrant puff of flower petals, and the conversation was over. He sighed. She really had missed her true calling as a kunoichi.

"Man, you've got it bad," remarked Naruto, who had overheard some of the conversation.

"Sorry, what?"

"Don't you 'what' me," said Naruto. "I'm in your head now, you know? You can't hide this crap from me anymore."

"Y-yeah? What are you…?"

"Wow, you don't even know?"

"...I think you're making this out to be more than it is."

"Sure, fine. I mean, what do I know, I can just read your mind, that's all."

Their conversation was thankfully interrupted as Chopper drew close, his expression drawn inward as the well-practiced professionalism of his duties overrode his natural fears as to their predicament. He looked like he was trying to avoid thinking about the fact that they were trapped on top of a colossal god-tree that probably wanted them dead. This wasn't made any easier by Usopp, who was following behind the reindeer boy with a terrified countenance.

Chopper quickly went to work stitching, cleaning, and bandaging Sasuke's numerous sword wounds, while Usopp did his best to gather information from them.

"Okay," he said, "-so I was asking Chopper what the hell happened with you guys, but he started telling me all about how some zombie super-ninjas came back from the dead and nearly killed all of you until undead Gold Roger appeared from out of nowhere and started shooting up the place, and then there were these giant snakes and poison and guys with flamethrower breath, and then Naruto, you got beat up by a giant carnivorous _giraffe_ , and then some weird inexplicable bullshit happened so now Tobi's an evil tree that's gonna kill us all." He took a deep breath before finishing with, "-so what really happened, please?"

Naruto shrugged. "Pretty much all of that, I guess."

"We don't know if the giraffe was carnivorous or not," added Sasuke, holding still through the stitching.

Naruto interrupted. "That monster took a big bite outta one of the toads. Don't know where Tobi pulled that hellbeast from, but it was super-carnivorous."

"Alright," said Usopp, nodding decisively. "Excuse me. I'm going to go throw up now."

Before he could do that, Usopp was roughly thrust aside as Luffy barreled up to them. Despite his numerous bandaged or half-bandaged wounds, his eyes were shining and alive. "You did it! Ace! You all saved him!"

"Yeah," said Sasuke, smiling as he got caught up in Luffy's cheer. "Well, thank Sakura, Hinata, and Chopper more than us. Naruto and I were really just the distractions."

"Shut up, you asshole," ordered Chopper, though he sounded quite thrilled by the praise. "Hold still, please."

Luffy laughed. "Man, I wanted to save him myself, but I got distracted by that stringy jerk. Did you get the other Akatsuki guys?"

Naruto shook his head. "No, we just tried to stay alive, really. They're still out there somewhere, which really sucks. What about you guys?"

"We got Stringy and Bloodman," said Luffy. "Really tough, but we got them in the end. I dunno about Sharky."

"Really?" asked Sasuke. "You killed Hidan? How? Isn't he basically undying?"

Luffy stared back blankly, and Sasuke made a mental note to follow up with someone else later.

"Well… Kisame then? Usopp, is he gone?"

Usopp's terror metamorphosed temporarily into bravado as he cleared his throat. "I'll have you know that I shot down the legendary ninja Kisame myself! There we were, face-to-fish with the towering figure of-"

Robin's voice interrupted from a nearby mouth. " _Zoro did all of the actual fighting, to be terribly honest. Kisame made the two of us pretty much useless right from the get-go, and it stayed that way until we dropped him into the ocean."_

Sasuke did some quick mental math based on his memory of the mountain's staggering ascent before nodding. Even if Kisame had survived he wouldn't be making it back up here for hours at least, so he moved on.

"Zoro fought him alone? That's pretty damn impressive."

" _Isn't it just? I'm simply glad for our glut of capable doctors."_

"Yeah… me too… so we did it, then… we all lived. Talk about beating the odds."

"So, I've been wondering," said Usopp. "These guys were some of the strongest ninjas on your island, right? And they even managed to take down big bounties out on the ocean, right? So… does that mean we're in the big leagues now? How does that work?"

Luffy rubbed his stomach uncomfortably. "I don't think the ones we fought were the strongest…"

Sasuke grimaced, recalling a memory of Luffy being gut-punched by the First Hokage and rocketing out of the room. "No, they aren't the strongest. But they were still world-class foes."

"So that makes us world-class now?" asked Usopp. "Makes me kind of nervous."

Sasuke shook his head. "No. I wouldn't say that either."

Luffy stared back at him with the expression that he had come to associate with intense focus. It seemed as though their captain was looking for the real answer here, so he started listing out facts.

"First off, we outnumbered them immensely, and we can't ignore that. But also… Akatsuki… was crippled. There's no other way to put it. Kakuzu was working with only half of his abilities, we countered Hidan's strongest techniques with a team built specifically to take him on, we brought Silvers Rayleigh along and somehow lucked into getting Gold Roger's help too, Orochimaru spent all his time playing defense for his sacrifices, Tobi didn't even want to fight Naruto, and as much as I hate to admit it, Danzou was nearly blind in one eye and I _still_ couldn't beat him, even with Roger's training. Then, right at the end, when things could have gotten really bad for us, most of Akatsuki betrayed each other. It sounds like the only one of them who was able to fight with everything he had was Kisame, and you guys had to drop him off a bridge to get rid of him. We had every possible advantage and we still only managed one confirmed kill..."

There was silence. It was clear that the others hadn't thought of it like that. He continued.

"In a fair fight we all would've lost. No, scratch that. In a fair fight it wouldn't have been a 'fight' _at all._ We'd have been annihilated. Even worse, if it weren't for our intel combined with the Byakugan then _they_ would've been the ones ambushing _us_. The fact that Zoro's still alive is amazing."

Luffy nodded. "Then if anything had gone wrong, Ace would've died."

"We _all_ would have died."

Sasuke glanced to the side. Ace had caught the gist of the conversation and meandered over, slapping Luffy on the shoulder when he arrived. "Hey, bro. Not that I needed the rescuing, but I appreciate it. Coming all the way up here to meet me? You're alright."

"Ehhh?! No way, you totally needed our help! We had a team ready to save you and everything!"

Ace spread his arms wide. "Yeah? Did you see me in trouble back there?"

"I didn't see you at all!"

"I rest my case," he finished, tossing a wink in their direction. "Anyway, I gotta figure out how I'm gonna hunt down all those Akatsuki bastards- the ones that aren't trees at least- so I'll be heading out shortly. Take care of yourself."

Luffy watched his adoptive elder brother go with a curious expression, one that Sasuke hadn't seen before.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

Luffy made a small grunt and waited a few seconds before saying, "These ninjas we beat really were a lot stronger than us, huh… But Ace…" He trailed off without saying anything more. If anything, he looked even more confused than before.

"Well, he's alive though," said Naruto. "Just… watch out for him, okay? He's lost a lot of his strength, and he might not ever get it back."

"Huh? What do you mean?"

"I mean when Akatsuki beat Ace they took a lot of his power away. He's a lot weaker now."

"Weaker… than who?"

Naruto blinked. "Weaker... than he used to be?"

"But… Ace _is_ strong," insisted Luffy, who looked uncharacteristically nervous.

"Alright, I can tell this is one of those conversations that ends with me totally freaked out and confused, so I'm just gonna end it here, okay?" asked Naruto. He gave Sasuke a bewildered expression, but received only a shrug in return.

It wasn't long before Chopper gave Sasuke the okay to move again, before slapping a compact ball of something into his hand. Nutrients and medicines that had clearly been inspired by conversations with Sakura. He did his best to eat the thing without tasting it, but, as was usual, he failed.

That done, he got to his feet against the protests of his abused muscles. A shudder in the leaves followed by a distant explosion proved that Roger and Rayleigh were still engaged in combat, so rather than letting himself wind down he pushed onward through the Straw-Hats' makeshift campsite. Everyone seemed to be handling things as if nothing dramatic was happening at all. He passed by Sakura, but decided not to interrupt, given that she seemed deeply busy on three fronts: repairing Brook's fractures, healing the burns on Nami's skin, and fending off Sanji's attentions.

Here they were, having just finished duels to the death with some of the greatest ninjas in the world, sitting atop an immense god-tree as it assaulted the Pirate-King, and everyone was acting…

Just about normal.

Honestly, it was enough to make you smile.

He turned as a presence approached him. Franky gave him a wave with his one good hand.

"Hey, buddy, I need to talk to you about that trick you did the first time we met. The one where you reshaped metal without a forge. You got a minute?"

Sasuke glanced down at the cyborg's busted arm. It looked as though the outer shell of the pressure chamber he used to prepare his attacks had crumpled outward before exploding, leaving a jagged wreck where there should have been smooth armor. He looked back up into Franky's eyes. "What happened there?"

"Blew up a bitch," stated Franky, before giving him a thumbs-up. "Fun times, but now I'm disarmed, and I kinda get the feeling I'm super gonna regret it before too long, ya know?"

"Yeah… this day might just get worse and worse. I can do something about that arm, no problem. You want me to help you fix it right now?"

Franky's grin slammed back into its rightful place. "Radical. Yeah, let's get this done right now. Lemme tell you, I built this bodacious figure of mine myself, but doing serious repairs in a tree up on a mountain was not in my friggin' plans at the time I designed it."

Sasuke chuckled before moving close to lay his hands on the scrapped arm, looking at the various tubes and components underneath. "Well, you're lucky it's just the plates that blew out or you might been in real trouble. I wouldn't want to try fixing any of this other crap in here." He took a breath and gathered his chakra. "This is gonna get a bit hot, so it might hurt… Wait, do you actually feel this, or-"

"Just get to the good stuff already," ordered Franky. "I installed this stuff in the first place, didn't I? I'm not some fainting whiner over here. Let's go!"

"Fair enough." That said, he made several hand seals and pressed both hands to the cyborg's arm. It seemed to reach cherry-red coloration in an instant, though in reality it wasn't nearly that hot. He pressed and bent the magically-pliant metal with Franky's supervision until, five minutes later, it was once again smooth and intact.

Franky flexed and hammered the repaired limb experimentally before giving him a thumbs-up. "You're super alright, amigo. You're super alright."

And that was that. Sasuke said his goodbyes and left soon afterwards.

Everybody was mostly treated and approaching good shape at this point, which meant it was time to start coming up with a plan. A plan to do… something… He still wasn't sure what, if anything, they could hope to accomplish. He made it over to where everyone was gathering just in time to feel the tree shudder again. This time it was more violent than anything they'd felt before, and a moment afterwards came the noise of something that sounded as though part of the mountain had just broken off. Several of the Straw-Hats stumbled or were tossed into the air, only to be caught by Robin or Luffy's ready arms. Far from interrupting whatever conversation had been going on beforehand, this event only seemed to spur Usopp on.

"No, look, it's simple," insisted Usopp, speaking desperately to the crowd, complete with enthusiastic pantomime. "We just climb down the tree and get the hell outta here! Sure it's a long way down, but we can figure it all out _after_ we're off of this exploding murder-tree! Let the experts handle it!"

Robin coughed, politely interjecting. "And… where exactly will we find a safe way down from the tree?"

"The roots! I checked earlier! They're hooked right into the mountain."

"No offense, Usopp," said Sanji, his face paling as he looked over the edge of the leaf, "-but you, uh… you might want to take another look before we go through with this plan of yours."

Struck with a certain dread, Sasuke dashed away towards the edge and peered over. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting, but it wasn't _this._

The last shuddering rumble had been more than just Tobi causing a ruckus; The reason it had sounded as though half of the mountain had been torn apart was because that was precisely what had happened. Totally uncaring of the devastation he was causing, Tobi was even now finishing the dirty work of ripping his root system from the mountain bedrock. The Sharingan saw Earth and Wood element chakra coercing, crushing, and blasting stone out of the way as every little tendril was pulled free, a feat that became even more frightening when he realized most of those things were as big around as a sailing ship.

"What?!" screamed Usopp. "He's uprooting himself?! Why?!"

" **YOU CAN'T ESCAPE FROM ME, GOLD ROGER! STOP RUNNING AND DIE ALREADY!"**

Barely audible in the distance, Roger's raucous laughter could be heard, and Usopp began pulling wildly at his own hair.

"Oh, right, sure, 'cause _that_ makes sense! The evil ninja tree god wants to kill the pirate king zombie! I want out of this crazy dream already!"

Alas, Tobi wasn't listening. With a lumbering, stumbling gait, Tobi began to climb the Red Line. His roots writhed and clawed at the rock face, finding purchase when available or creating it when it wasn't, all the while picking up speed as Tobi screamed and cursed. The wind picked up as their conveyance gathered speed, and all they could do about it was watch in mounting horror. They were climbing the Red Line whether they wanted to or not.

"Geez," remarked Naruto. "Sure hope Rayleigh knows what the hell this guy is doing and what we're supposed to do about this."

This ephemeral hope was broken just a couple minutes later when Rayleigh arrived among the rest of them and revealed that he had no idea what the hell Roger was doing or what any of them were supposed to do about this. So... so much for that.

" _Well,"_ thought Sasuke. " _Roger did say he had a plan… but one thing's for sure… I'm not feeling happy about it right now…"_

Just what in the world was Roger doing, and would they survive whatever the final result turned out to be?

* * *

Tobi climbed and climbed, ascending the miles of mountainside with a truly surprising speed that could never hope to be matched by merely human efforts. Roger, however, defied all attempts to classify him as merely human, scurrying up the mountainside as he forced Tobi to chase him, seemingly without any objective beyond drawing the great tree to the top of the mountain. The Straw-Hats and friends, meanwhile, did their level best to rest and recover, with Chopper, Sakura, and Law continuing to treat the numerous horrible wounds their companions had suffered during the fights against Akatsuki.

All said, it still took nearly ten more minutes to reach the top, and they were forced to listen to Tobi screaming curses all the while as Roge led him onto the wide plateau atop the Red Line.

" **I'LL DESTROY YOU!"**

Roger's response, whatever it was, was too distant to hear. A quick discussion with Robin, and she resolved to keep a distant ear on his actions.

" **STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! I'LL DO IT!"**

The world shook as the tree shuddered in place. Something seemed to be building in the air.

" **I'LL DESTROY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE! EVERYONE THAT CAN GET CLOSE! EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING THAT CAN SEE THE RED LINE! THEN NO ONE WILL TAKE IT FROM ME! NOT YOU OR ANYONE ELSE!"**

"Oh man, that sounds _really_ bad," said Sanji, still massaging his legs after submitting himself to Sakura's successful medical treatment. "I kinda think if this lunatic wants to blow up a city then he can probably make it happen."

Rayleigh nodded soberly. "I don't know about all of you, but I'd prefer it if Sabaody didn't get crushed by a giant tree today. That's where I keep a lot of my stuff."

"Well I don't know what his great plan is," mused Usopp, "-but if Roger's gonna do something then he'd better do it quick."

"I'm more worried of whatever he thinks sounds like a good plan, to be honest…" said Rayleigh. "Some of my very worst days weren't caused by an enemy at all, just whatever it was that struck his fancy at the time." He paused. "Some of my best days, too, come to think of it…"

Sasuke sighed. "Well, knowing our luck, hoping for a good one probably won't get us any… hmm?"

Sasuke interrupted himself as he saw Luffy twitch. Their captain stood somewhat further away from the rest of them, staring at Gold Roger's distant figure with an unreadable, almost blank expression, but jolted when Roger started laughing in the distance.

"Here it comes," muttered Rayleigh. "Miss Robin, what's he saying?"

Robin cleared her throat, repeating what she heard from her distant deployed ears. "Hey, Woody," she said, her matter-of-fact tone obviously not matching Roger's flamboyant delivery, "You really want to destroy something? I've got an idea I think you'll love. Why don't you start with a fantastic little city not too far from here. Name of... Marie-fucking-jois… That's M-A-R-I-E-fucking-"

" **I KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT! I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU!"**

"Robin, maybe you don't need to include the swearing," said Nami. "Just give us the gist of what he's saying."

Robin nodded in response. "Now he's making the case that the Nobility want the fruit more than anything else. He's saying that they must know by now that something's wrong with the Divine Tree and they'll be sending their strongest fighters to take it back. Now's the best chance Tobi will have to destroy them before they make it out of the city."

There was a moment in which Tobi didn't speak. It would've been wrong to call it silence, given the noises of wind and crumbling rock, but he was clearly considering it. The tree shifted and twisted atop the mountain as Tobi weighed his desire to assault the nearly uncatchable Roger against his supernatural compulsion to safeguard the Divine Fruit.

Finally, he made his choice. The sense of gathering power seemed to intensify.

" **THEY WANT TO TAKE IT FROM ME, HUH? THEN I'LL TAKE CARE OF THEM BEFORE I DESTROY YOU! AT LEAST THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO DODGE ME!"**

"Mariejois?" asked Sakura. "That's the capital city, right? Is he close enough to see it from here?"

"Roger's laughing quite hard now," added Robin. "Guffawing or chortling might be a better word for it."

"Heheheh…" chuckled Rayleigh, barely even seeming to register the rest of them as he laughed along with his distant and long-dead captain. "Oh, you _glorious_ bastard… you finally went and did it, didn't you…? You found a way to… oh, I can't believe this… even in death you surpass your own legacy…"

As the magnitude of what was happening began to sink in, the Straw-Hats began arguing, laughing, pondering, and quaking, depending on the individual. Tobi was about to attack the capital of the world, and it wasn't clear if they could do anything to stop it. Or if they'd even want to.

A sudden scream from Hinata stopped any response. "Everyone! Get off of the leaves! Hurry!"

Though several of them moved without delay, it was Robin who ensured everyone made like a tree before the leaves began glowing as if they were filled with a suddenly reawakening fire. Her hands snatched everyone who moved too slowly away, flipping them through the air to fall onto a lower branch.

"Run!" shouted Sasuke, putting actions to his words, "Get further in towards the trunk! He's doing something at the leaves, so don't stop running!"

The glowing fire was rapidly growing stronger and stronger, and everyone did the only thing they could do. They charged down the ever-thickening branch, feeling heat on their backs as they fled an uncertain demise. In every direction, leaves shone with golden light, and the only hope they had was fleeing inward to where they were less thick.

"What's he going to do?!" cried Chopper, easily keeping pace in his four-legged form. "He's going to destroy a city?! The capital?! Can we stop him?!"

"More like, ' _should_ we stop him,'" said Franky. "-and the answer's no!"

"But it's a whole city! Those people can't all be bad, can they?"

"Save the Nobility? Kid, if he manages to take out those pustules of humanity then he'd be doing the world a favor. Seriously."

Sanji snorted. "Not that I don't agree, but how's he gonna do it? It's a tree, not a battleship. What's he preparing with this glowy shit?"

"Gotta be a beam," said Luffy. "It's a beam! A beam!"

Law shook his head, scowling as he ran, still recovering from his overuse of his power. "How the hell is a tree going to fire a laser beam? Goddamnit, how did I get into this mess?"

"Umm," began Brook, "-it might be a bit presumptuous of me to say this, but I've come to the conclusion that the Straw-Hats have slightly different ideas about piracy than I was used to in my old life. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing, but-"

" _You're just realizing this now?!"_ screamed Nami.

"It's coming!" shouted Hinata.

The leaves of the great tree were shining, so overflowing with chakra that they were difficult to look at even to those without magic eyeballs. Everyone dove to the ground just before the world went white.

Motes of chakra emanated from every leaf, gathering in the sky in front of the tree. Energy drawn from a millennium of stored sunlight. It coalesced until it formed a golden ball that far outshone the slowly setting sun.

" **I'LL SHOW THEM,"** roared Tobi. " **I'LL SHOW THEM ALL JUST WHAT IT MEANS TO TRY AND TAKE MY STUFF!"**

The second sun erupted, forming the energy into a horrifying beam of power. The beam cut through the air like a golden needle, somehow managing to look almost unimpressive until one could remember that the attack had started more than a quarter of a mile away. Heat from the backwash burned against their skin, and only then did the sound of the pressure wave reach them.

* * *

 **-Mariejois-**

The golden beam shot across the many miles between the Divine Tree and its target. Just within a stone's throw of the city's outer walls it crashed into a shining barrier that formed out of nothing, the golden light crackling and spitting as weaponized sunlight crawled over an iridescent wall of transparent energy that had been completely invisible until the moment of impact. All throughout the capital city, people startled and cried out in fear to see and hear the massive, jolting impact.

This was nothing less than the greatest defensive mechanism created by Doctor Vegapunk himself; the final shield against the threat of a high-powered Logia opponent that might be capable of city-scale destruction without any warning. Generators whirred and sparked, spinning up and kicking into high gear as they struggled to repel this assault, but this was indeed the very threat that it had been built for. Even if Whitebeard himself were to scale the heights of the Red Line, the idea went, he would be unable to break the capital's defensive barrier and destroy the city before Admiral-class opponents could be mobilized against him.

And yet all told, the shield lasted only about three seconds before cracking like an eggshell. The golden light spilled through the cracks and fragmented into a prismatic spray of color that tore across the towers and mansions of the capital, incinerating everything its tendrils touched, blasting stone into dust that rushed into the air on a great cloud of rising heat.

Then the shield failed completely, and the golden spear of sunlight struck the furthest quadrant of the city, obliterating it from the map in a burning cataclysm. The beam pierced onwards, drilling through the mountain itself, continuing onward to strike the ocean somewhere far off in the distance.

* * *

Back at the Divine Tree there was very little indication that anything untoward had happened to the distant city. They had more immediate worries starting about five seconds after the beam began firing.

Faster than Sasuke could believe, a tremendous shimmering wall of ice rose from the Red Line. If it weren't for the Sharingan, he might not have even caught its crystalline appearance, or the way it distorted the light that shone through it. The solar ray smote the shining wall of ice, the beams refracting and deflecting in wild patterns as the icy mountain began exploding under the catastrophic heat. The light passed through the ice after splitting into a million separate rays, each one cutting into the rocks, melting and rending the cliffside like a great, clawing beast. Steam gusted forth in great clouds, and for a moment it even seemed as though the wall would hold.

Only for a moment, though. The solar cannon continued to fire mercilessly, drilling a hole through steam and ice alike before resuming its bombardment of distant Mariejois. Finally, fifteen seconds after it had started, the attack stopped.

Then the shockwave hit them; an unending explosion that tore the air apart and threatened to send them flying from the branches themselves. Robin quickly formed hands to anchor each of them to their perches. In the distance, gigantic steam clouds rolled towards them like the harbingers of apocalypse.

"Listen up everyone!" shouted Nami, her voice oddly muffled following such a cacophonous assault on their eardrums. "That steam is going to roll right through us! It'll roast us alive unless we stop it! Ace and all you ninjas, we need fire and water of our own to change the air pressure and redirect that cloud!"

It seemed as though even miles away the collateral damage from Tobi's solar beam might still prove fatal.

"I can change the air pressure, Nami!" yelled Naruto, summoning Ma and Pa to his side once more. "Just tell me what you need!"

"We need a wall of hot, rising wind to redirect the steam!"

"Got it!" yelled Naruto, as Ma and Pa whispered in his ears. Moments later he had summoned two tremendous toads that suspended themselves from the branches.

Speaking quickly, Nami began listing off orders, sending her elementally-infused teammates forward as the roiling steam came closer and closer. Finally, everyone was in position.

"Wait for it…" said Nami. The steam was at the outer branches now. "Wait for it…! Now! Go!"

As one, Zoro, Naruto, Sanji, Sasuke, Ace, and the toads united in summoning streams of wind, fire, and oil that met in front of the oncoming wall and exploded, forming a cauldron of rising air. Steam blasted upwards, coiling up into the air like a rising dragon. It didn't stop everything, but the boiling steam remnants that continued towards them were mitigated by a spray of summoned water and wind from Sakura and a gaggle of Naruto clones.

After all of it was said and done, they left the cloud hot and covered with dripping water, but bereft of any serious wounds. The tree itself was totally unharmed.

Mariejois… its fate was unknown.

* * *

A ways away, Admiral Aokiji stared through the remnants of his wall of ice, off into the distance in the direction of Mariejois.

"Oh, my…" He swallowed down a lump. "...sure hope no one blames me for this…"

* * *

AN: It's been a while, huh. Real life kept hitting me like a truck for a while, but writing is still happening.


End file.
